Desert Island Dicks - ALEXANDRA HADDOW

Episode Date: December 10, 2024

Comedian Alexandra Haddow joins Harriet this week! Alexandra returns to the podcast with a whole load of new choices for the desert island! If you haven't already, subscribe to us on Patreon for bonus episodes, ad-free listening and early access to episodes. Get it here: https://www.patreon.com/c/user?u=24332430 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello and welcome to Desert Island Dicks. Today we're joined by comedian Alexandra Haddo. Lots of very funny choices for the island, mostly based on personal experiences, mostly people you might encounter on a night out. Make sure you follow us on Instagram at Dickspod and you can also follow me at Harriet Kemsley and you can get in touch with the podcast if you email desertislanddickspodcast at gmail.com. I'm currently on tour so you can come see me places like Manchester, Farnham, Oxford and Sydney. Some of these places are not like the others. In 2025. We are also now on Patreon. You might have tried to find us on Patreon and then not found us. And that is because of a slight

error that we had where we made it adults only. But you are an adult and you will now be able to find it. We are currently offering an early bird price for the first 150 members. And so for as little as $4, you will get early access to episodes, completely ad-free listening, plus bonus episodes that you won't find anywhere else, where James and I will be discussing our dicks of the week and reading out your suggestions for the desert island. Here is Desert Island Dicks, the show that sees you marooned on a desert island after a plane crash with the worst people and things imaginable.

Who they are and why they're a dick is up to our guest. And here to share their Desert Island Dicks with us today is Alexandra Haddo. Hello, Alex. Hello. How are you doing? I'm good. Thank you so much for allowing me the chance to vent. Yes, I think it's very healthy.

We've got to get it out. Yeah, I found myself becoming more angry, which I think is healthy, you know, generally. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think you grow up and you feel like you have to repress it. Yeah. And it turns into sadness. Yes, exactly. So I think anger is actually better.

So this is actually very healthy for me, very sort of therapeutic, very cathartic. Great, well, I'm really glad that we can help. Yeah, thank you for having me on. Who was the first person? I've got types of people today. I've did this podcast once before and I picked on some national treasure,

which has come back to haunt me through various DMs. But I've got types of people this time. The first one for me being people who request a song from a DJ and get annoyed that it's not the next song played as if it's their personal night out. I've been that person. Have you? I've been that person.

I think the problem is that you can't trust them and you're a bit drunk and you don't quite trust they're going to play it. Yeah. So I wouldn't say I was a DJ. I would say I was an accidental DJ. So I DJ at Indie Night with my boyfriend who is a DJ. But I would say it's people that don't observe DJ etiquette.

Okay. I don't think that people know about DJ etiquette. I think this is your opportunity to let people know. Yeah. This is my platform to tell white women, mostly. Yes. Which of which I'm guilty of being one. It's sort of like, you know,

so when we DJ together, it's like indie Britpop stuff. And, you know, it's nothing wrong with making a request. Go for it. But usually you're... Does the DJ not like the request, though? Some people hate it. Like, absolutely hate it. Yeah, because I guess they're like, we've curated the night. Yeah, yeah. Whereas people Does the DJ not like the request though? Some people hate it, like absolutely hate it.

Yeah, because I guess they're like, we've curated the night. Yeah, yeah. Whereas people in the audience are like, I guess it is like an audience, it's like a comic and an audience, whatever, where it's like you going up to the comic and being like, can you do a bit about Helen's birthday? Yes.

And they're like, that's so annoying, no one cares about Helen's birthday. That does sometimes happen, doesn't it? They're like, oh, can you do a shout out to my mate? She's 7.30 and I'm like, no. No one cares. No one cares,

but I don't mind a request because I'm not like a DJ that's like mixing tracks. I'm just playing tracks, right? Okay. And if someone's like, oh, you know, can you play Arctic Monkey

such and such? I'm like, yeah, I'll play it. But if you're doing a bit where it's like, it's all a bit ravey at the moment, you can't just then

plonk that in next. You can't stop immediately what you're doing. You can't be like, oh, hang on. And then so people, I see it with my boyfriend, he's got the patience of a saint, like, with people requesting stuff to him. And he does vinyl, right? And it's interesting being, like, seeing the younger generation, like, request something.

And he's like, oh, sorry, I haven't got it. Like, I've got my vinyls here. I haven't got it. And they're like, what do you mean you haven't got it? And he's like oh sorry I haven't I haven't got it like I've got my vinyls here I haven't got it and they're like what do you mean you haven't got it and he's like well I'm playing vinyl

so if I don't have the vinyl they've never not been able to get something immediately at the touch of their fingerprints fingertips not fingerprints but even like we even like the DJ programme

we use when we're doing just playing indie tracks it has to be loaded into you have to buy the song and load it into the programme so that you can play it. We do sometimes have Spotify on like an extra thing if it's a massive gig so you can try and get anything. But sometimes you're like, oh, sorry, we haven't got it

and they can't compute that. And I'm like, just enjoy your night. Like we're playing such similar stuff to what you're asking. This has actually blown my mind though because I think people don't understand it. The problem is you get drunk. It's not just a guy on Spotify in the corner. Yeah, that's what it feels like. And then actually blowing my mind though because I think people don't understand it and the problem is you get drunk. It's not just a guy

on Spotify in the corner. Yeah, that's what it feels like and then you get drunk and then you like, it suddenly feels so urgent. Like the drunkenness makes it so urgent that Susan has her

favourite song on her birthday because she's been through a hard time and it's really important that you have to make it happen. And I get that and especially my boyfriend

is like, I'm so sorry, have a great night but I haven't got it or whatever. But people get so rude. Honestly. I don't think they're lying.

Unbelievable. I think that's what it is. Sometimes they might be lying if, say, you're going to, say, you're playing, you know, all indie stuff and you, like, not you, one. One comes up and asks for, like, David Guetta or something. Yeah. And you'd be like, oh, I haven't got it. Because you're like, well, this isn't, it's an indie night.

Like we're not going to play him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or something that's completely out of sync. It's just easier to say, oh, sorry, we haven't got it. You know, depending on their level of drunkenness. Sometimes it's like, oh, it's actually more of an indie night, mate. Like, sorry, you know, we're not going to play that. But, you know, if you want to go to such and such down the road,

I'm sure they'd play it for you. You want to go to Ibiza? Yeah, yeah that kind of thing so yeah I would say I would say people that don't observe people that don't treat the DJ as a human being I think this is my first people on the desert island that type person I think that's actually blown my mind though I think people how are you going to get the word out there of how people need to behave because I think there's a lot of things that people don't understand about DJs. Yeah, I know. But also I think like there's nothing wrong with requesting a song. Like often someone will come up and you'll be like, that's a great shout. Do you know what I mean? It's not always bad. It's only the people who, and sometimes you'll go, oh, we haven't

got that. And they'll be like, oh, no worries. And they'll go and. But sometimes they get cross. Sometimes they get cross. The other thing that really annoys me, and again, my boyfriend doesn't seem to be bothered about it, but really annoys me and again my boyfriend doesn't seem to be bothered about it but it annoys me so much is when someone goes have you got such and such

and he goes oh no sorry I'm playing vinyl so you know I haven't got it or whatever and they'll go right and they'll wait next to and be like

right what else can I and it's like just go and enjoy if you can't think of one you don't want it that much do you know what I mean yeah yeah yeah and it's like

they have to like beat the DJ it's so weird it's like they have to beat the DJ. It's so weird. It's a specific personality that needs some kind of control over the evening. A hundred percent, yeah. Yeah, they can go on the island. And I would say white women, my tribe, we're very guilty of it. Posh people, very entitled to thinking they can tell somebody what to play.

Suggest what to play suggest what to play sure but you can't yeah you can't control the entire night especially as usually like people have booked him specifically because they like what he plays they like his style he's very like performative rather than you know just sitting right and then they'll be like no actually I want the exact night just just do it yourself then yeah yeah just enjoy what's happening this is a thing that's happening then yeah yeah just enjoy what's happening this is a thing that's happening

yeah yeah yeah okay I'm sorry I feel like I have been very negative there no I think that's really good it's not all punters it's only some

because sometimes it feels like from a punter's point of view like if you feel like you like it just feels like you have to get a track for your friend's birthday or something where it's like so important

but then it feels like the DJ is being a dick to you yeah yeah but actually you're being a dick to the DJ I'm sure some DJs are dicks yeah I think don't get me wrong that's probably you know it's not that I know some that are but like I know some that won't take requests at all and stuff like that I'm not I'm not suggesting that is a good or bad thing you do you but if if he is being nice or she just just and they haven't got your track. Yeah. Just go with it. Just live your life.

But you're drunk, you're on a loop. Yeah, you are. It feels like a mission. Yeah. You know, like. You say it right. Who's the second person going on this island? Second person going on this island.

Again, it's the type of person that I feel is growing rapidly. Okay. And we must put a stop to it. It's people that took a lot of drugs in their 20s and now are getting into spirituality in a violent way and don't understand that you might like to have a hamburger or drink a drink that is maybe not very good for you. Despite the fact that in their 20s, they were the people that went missing for five days

and were completely chaotic and you still had to look after them. The phrase off the pills and on the hills sort of describes these people. I don't know if you've heard that. And I don't mind the people that are off the pills and on the hills,

but it's now they over... What's the word I used last night? My friend said, you've got to do that on Desert Island Dicks. They over-terminologise normal living now. They're all about not having labels.

You've seen these people on Instagram. It's all about not having labels, but they label everything in their life. They're like, I'm going to an ecstatic dance night. Do you know what I call that? Dancing. Just go for it. Just dance.

Why does it have to be ecstatic dance and adult play? Can you listen to yourselves? Yeah, horrible. That's really horrible. Fuck off. And you've all done ayahuasca and now you think you know everything about everyone. And I'm honestly happy for you with your ayahuasca.

I think it really helps a lot of people. Yeah, you vomit in that bucket. You vomit. Yes. You go for it. But stop now preaching to us. They're the people that need therapy most and they go to therapy like eight times a week

and they're like, they look at you and they're like, do the work. And you're like, you are the most fucked up person I've ever met in my entire life. And they all change their names to like, you know, Sparkle and stuff. And they're all called, you know, Neil.

And that's fine. Your name's Neil and you're into that. But just like, oh, they do my absolute head in. It's the putting it on you. That's the thing that you feel like attacked by it. 100%. Are these people in your life or are these people online? There are some people in my life.

You've got a Neil in your life. There's a Neil in my life, yeah. And I'm happy for Neil. But just like, you're deeply irritating now. I would say I'd rather you were chaotic again. Well, you're chaotic now, but you're putting a label on it of like self-discovery. And, you know, you're going to all these conferences that are like, oh, this is actually how we tap into, you know, our inner warrior and all this bullshit.

And you're like, just go to therapy. I just, you know. The conferences make me mad as well because they make so much money. These people running these conferences. So much money. So much money. So much money. And a lot of them are scams. Yeah, 100%.

100%. And they're, like, sort of taking advantage of people that are maybe a little bit lost, which is not a crime. And they're sort of just chatting so much bullshit around the issue of, like, you know, oh, you feel abandoned by your dad. But actually it's all these seven classes of, like, get like, you know, oh, you feel abandoned by your dad. But actually, it's all these seven classes of like, get it, you know, finding your ancestral path through dance. And it's like, no, you actually just need to think

about what happened with your dad and maybe try and sort of break it down and talk about it with your friends and talk about it with your therapist and maybe assess why you've gone for such things in your relationships. That is absolutely legit. And go and do all the dance thing if it's helping but it doesn't seem like it's helping it's actually making you weirder yeah it's the extremities i guess of

the the the being chaotic and then the extreme clean living is the it's hypocritical yes maybe or maybe it's people that can't exist in the in-between. Like I like a bit of chaos and occasionally I'll be sober. So I'm doing it all. Lovely. You wouldn't be on this island with these awful people. Great, great. And neither would I because we're just, nobody's perfect.

Everyone's got their stuff. But yeah, it's the people that I think pretend like they've mastered their stuff when actually they've gone fully the opposite way. And like all their friends are worried about them and then you sort of confront them once. But they're so emboldened by this kind of no, I've, you know, by this sort of umbrella term of spirituality that they're not actually thinking about anything they're doing. And it's just bonkers. So have you felt attacked personally by these people um yeah I would say so yeah I would say when when I'm speaking to them uh in a social situation which is you know increasingly rare because they're all living in a

commune in like Totnes or whatever um and you know and they've all like secretly got a job as like a management consultant that they now do three days a week do you know and they've all like secretly got a job as like a management consultant that they now do three days a week do you know what I mean like in they work from home and then the other four days a week

they're you know they're dancing on the beach in scarves and posting it to Instagram and hashtagging it 18 times being like hashtag live in the moment you're not in the moment

you're filming yourself dancing on a beach everyone hates you or just me it feels like there's a couple of very specific people yes this might be a play too I hope they don't listen to this dancing on a beach. Everyone hates you. Or just me. It feels like there's a couple of very specific people. Yes. This might be a play to. I hope they don't listen to this.

Actually, I hope they do. We're worried about you. Come home. Come home. Come home. Have a cup of tea and a sit down. Come home and come out to a normal place to us and have a dance and don't request your own song

and do half a pill and have a lovely time. Who is the third person? I feel like I'm really rattling through my hatred here. This other one is actually sort of music-based as well, but it's not completely. Again, it's a type of person, which this is really my sort of bugbear at the moment. It's people who move next to a venue of any sort

and then complain about the noise in that venue when the venue has been there. I feel like these are three specific people in your life. It's so specific. It is so, so unbelievably specific. But I've got a solution to this. It's not all negative. God, I feel...

Any of your friends that live in Wembley. I feel... Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a very specific answer. in wembley i feel if you're listening john no john doesn't exist um because he's moved no um it's uh i've got a solution to this so i'm not like extremely negative i think if you move to next to you know a pub that's got live music or late music or whatever, and you're within like three houses in either direction, so three floors up, basement flat, three houses to the left or to the right, if it already exists and you move in there, you get a slight reduction in your council tax as a sort of,

this is a sort of little concession to... Wait, is that true? No, no, no, this is my idea. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When I run for local MP. That's amazing. when i run for local mp and it's basically like but that stopped you can't complain yes you know the deal going in yes and the little gift is a bit of money off bit of saving for you and if you really don't like it when you're there well move and pay more yeah i think this is going to be a good solution know that the venue is there

they always know but then they're surprised by it. Yeah, because hundreds of venues are closing down all over the country every week. You never hear like, oh, a new venue popped up that's got a late licence because that's closing the other way around. It's never like, oh, I've lived here for 10 years and now they've opened a pub with a great live music sort of scene. It's never that. It's always like, oh, we moved in and actually we don't really like it.

Die. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? You knew oh, we moved in and actually we don't really like it. Die. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? You knew that when you moved in. Yeah. So either you don't like it, move, or put up with it. I'm just sick of Tories, essentially. That's essentially what I'm saying.

Buy earplugs. There's noise-cancelling headphones now. If you really like where you live, go for it. I think what we're learning from this is that you just want to have a fun time and not have to deal with everybody's bullshit yeah that is exactly that is exactly it because I was gonna I was gonna do people that conversely people that listen to music out loud on the train or the bus on their phone or watch videos but I would say that that was I would imagine you've had that before a million times on this podcast yeah yeah exactly that's why that's why I didn't choose it but I just want to say that I sometimes am the killjoy in that scenario but I've chosen the three where I'm the

fun one have you told people to stop okay I'm building up to this it's quite a big moment in my life where I'm just gonna be like assertive and light but I'm just gonna say sorry mate have you got any headphones? Yeah. Because I'm fantasizing about killing you. Yeah. And then you'll get stabbed and you won't have to worry about it anymore. Exactly.

Yeah. And I'll, you know, I'll be a martyr. People will remember me fondly as the woman that started the revolution. The law will pass. Yeah. No. Yeah. You have to wear headphones.

A hundred percent. So, yeah, sorry. I do sound like I'm an absolute caner. I'm not. It's just that if people are having fun, just please stop, you know, please stop trying to stop them. I think you're trying to have a good time

and everybody is trying to ruin your good time. That's what it sounds like. Yeah, I'm trying to have a good time and then the spacey people are trying to have too much of a good time and everyone else is just trying to have a normal good time and they're trying to shout about

how much of a good time they're having and everyone's like it doesn't sound like you're having a good time it sounds like you're having an awful time like yeah yeah essentially that's it okay now mercifully amongst the wreckage of the plane there was some food and drink left over unfortunately for you it's your least favorite food and drinks in the world what are they and why are they so bad i feel like my food choice is going to be quite controversial because i feel like this is something that people really love and i think is the devil is peanut butter yeah well i'm allergic to nuts are you you are yeah you've you've found an alliance yeah do you see the relief in my shoulder i thought i was gonna get

really vilified here i feel like if people do like peanut butter, they are obsessed with it. It's a curried nut, essentially. It's a spread. It's just sugar, basically. It's sugar. It tastes disgusting. It gives me the ick. It looks like cat sick.

Sorry for peanut butter enthusiasts out there. Like crunchy, smooth. They both make me feel sick. I just think it's an absolutely horrible product. I think it should be banned as a matter of urgency. I agree with you. I think we should get on that. Yes, my ex-husband, who we both know,

is a big fan of peanut butter, and he would eat it with a spoon. But yeah. Which, to watch a grown adult do that it's not it's not pleasant i agree it's like watching a baby baby food but it's peanut butter and it's adults yeah yeah i agree i think it's wrong it's kind of they've tried to make it like a kind of healthy thing now as well it's like you like almond butter are you still yeah almond butter and cashew butter i can actually have cashews. I think they're still horrible,

but I think peanut butter's the OG, the don. And you're right, those people always want to preach to you about how it's actually good fats. Yes. And then you look it up and it's like, oh, this will kill you in two years if you had it every day. It's so bad for you. Not that I'm saying you shouldn't have things that are bad for you,

but the consistency, the idea of it. You're right, how people eat it. it's the yeah it's it i i get it i see it and what is you are you like anti like a lot of spreads or is it particularly peanut butter no i think i think just no i love marmite yeah um not with a spoon no not with a spoon with a spoon no way i'm gonna start the marmite challenge now actually just everybody have a spoon of Marmite. God, I bet that would do some horrible things to your body. Yeah, no, not anti-spreads at all. Love Nutella.

Interesting, because I would say that's quite similar. It's a bit nutty, isn't it? I don't really like the taste of nuts, but Nutella is just about overpowered by the chocolate. Will you eat a nut if it's not in a spread? No, I don't like a nut. Okay. Yeah, I don't like the taste of nuts but Nutella is just about overpowered by the chocolate will you eat a nut if it's not in a spread no I don't like okay yeah I don't like that's what I mean I don't like the taste of nuts but peanut butter I think is the culture around it you're so right the methods you know and we're in England in the UK like yeah in America it's a whole it's like yeah Reese's Pieces and peanut butter chocolate have a look at yourselves you know know, of all the things that America is guilty of,

I think we can agree in 2024 that peanut butter enthusiasts is the worst thing about America currently. Okay, and what about drink? Drink is Earl Grey tea. Interesting. I think it tastes like a bouquet of flowers has been dunked in some water

if people offer me it I I judge them that's because you seem like a tea because you're drinking a tea right now oh I love tea

you didn't have a coffee you had a tea don't like coffee interesting yeah I do like an espresso martini though don't like nuts

do like Nutella don't like coffee do like an espresso martini essentially the best the best version of anything. Yeah. The thing that's worth for you

of that particular product, I'm a fan of. Yeah, no, Earl Grey, I think it's horrible and it feels like it shouldn't be with milk but people do have it with milk,

I think. It just, it tastes like potpourri, you know, potpourri. Yeah. That your mum used to have in a bowl.

Yeah. It tastes like that in a tea. What if it was to be like in an, it seems like you like it if it's in alcoholic form. Like what if it was like, I think there's like an Earl Grey gin drink. Maybe. Do you know what?

Maybe I would like that. What if it was a peanut butter milkshake with some kind of vodka in it? That honestly sounds like my nightmare. Okay. Okay. So it's not just the alcohol that helps. No.

I do appreciate it. I can't believe how sort of violent I've been about all my choices. I feel like I could wait. That's good. I think it's good to have strong opinions about things. Okay. People are too wishy-washy. I'm a very positive person.

I think it's just if I don't like something, it's very extreme. Yeah, I think it feels like Earl Grey doesn't come up that much in life these days. I know. I think it's because I got offered it recently by Adam Flood. Wow. Adam, if you're listening, I was offended. I know it was in your own house, so sorry. It feels like such a decadent thing to drink every day.

Like, are people drinking it every day? I don't know. I think I'm having an Earl day. Like, are people drinking it every day? I don't know. I feel like I'm having an Earl Grey. Like, that seems crazy. Yeah, I know. And I wonder what the sort of story, I wonder who is Earl Grey? Probably a coloniser.

Yeah. So don't be drinking that. Do you know what I mean? If you're drinking that, you know, you're a white supremacist. You should have a look at yourself. Have a take a long hard look at yourself in the mirror. All right?

She says drinking, drinking tea. Okay. Fortunately, Alex, you won't be without entertainment on the island. The plane's entertainment system continues to work, but just your luck. It only has two working settings. One has your least favourite film of all time and the other your least favourite song. What are they and why? I'm going to go for my least favourite song first

because I think I'm still debating over a couple of films, but a song immediately jumped out to me. It is Starships by Nicki Minaj. I have to leave... It's an explosion of a song. I have to leave a venue if that comes on. I don't even class it as a song. It's like a cry for help,

I would say. It's like the beat got stuck and she's putting on a stupid voice and it's just like, it's like four songs in one as well. Yeah. There's a lot, there's a lot, there's a lot happening.

Do you know what I mean? I feel like the pace changes. It's sort of like honking in your face. Yeah. It's just, it's just. But I kind of like, I kind of like that.

I like that kind of chaos like energy like what is happening I like a chaotic song yeah but that is just I feel like it taps into I feel like the beat

goes into my bone marrow and upsets me to my very core and I just have to just go outside and take I don't smoke but just like go out

take up smoking just take up smoking just to be outside of that venue. But it comes on and it's like... Oh, God, it's horrible. And everybody's like, hey, hey, hey, write a lyric, OK? Just go away. It's horrible.

What would you do if somebody requested Starships by Nicki Minaj? I would ask them to leave. Do you know what I would do, actually? I would say to them, I would say, yeah, do you know what? I've got it, but I'm going to play it right at the end. And then I wouldn't play it right at the end. And I'd be like, oh, we're closed now.

But thanks for staying the whole night. I feel like someone has done that to me. I feel like a DJ has done that to me at some point in my life. I've never actually done that, to be very clear. I feel like that's happened to me, though, where DJs be like, yeah, no, it's coming up. You just wait. Yeah, it's coming.

Okay, just to have a lovely point on that. I went to, my boyfriend was playing some vinyl last night at the Dublin Castle in Camden, if you guys know it. And there was a girl that was there. She looked so cool and she was on her own all night. She's having a lovely dance. It was lovely to see. I was like, oh, she's come out on her own.

How cool. And she requested a song that my boyfriend was like, like oh I don't think I've got it on vinyl and then he was like oh I've got my CDs with me because he's 108 he's actually my age but and he was like actually I'll play and she was so sweet and he played it on the CD for her got the CD decks out or whatever

and played it for her at the end and she was so happy and it wasn't even quite the sort of stuff that he was playing but she was so sweet and everyone loved it and you know i mean that's a good that's a nice thing that is lovely it's just that you know you know but if that had been nikki minaj starship so i'd have been like she's not cool she's been sent here as a spy to annoy me do you like other nikki minaj songs like um anaconda i don't i'm not a huge fan but I don't hate anything as much as I hate that song yeah

no who sang WAP was that Nicki Minaj and Megan Thee Stallion that's Cardi B Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion

yeah okay yeah no that's good then yeah I like WAP a lot yeah

WAP I do like WAP I don't enjoy WAP It's wonderful Wonderful Wonderful I don't hate any of her other songs I feel like you come for this

With a lot of experience about music So I think you're allowed to have stuff that you hate Because you have stuff that you love And as you said you DJ So you can really hate a song Because I feel like you know what's bad about it I really I mean I loveasis, but I hate Wonderwall. I hate, one of my most hated songs ever.

Are you going to go see them? I am, yeah. What are you going to do when they play Wonderwall? I'm going to just go and listen to Nicki Minaj's Starship. And have a peanut butter and coke. To the bar, please. Okay, and what is your least favourite film? Least favourite film?

I think that's the hardest one, this whole choice. Because the only film I've ever left in the cinema was Domino with Keira Knightley in it. But I feel like that was so shit that I don't think anyone would even remember that. She was playing a hit woman, a hit man, assassin person and it just made absolutely

no sense whatsoever. But I think the film that I sort of can't understand and hate the most and yet I watch it every year that it's on and so there must be like a secret love-hate relationship like a toxic ex is The Holiday. Do you get that on here a lot yeah yeah I am there's a weird thing in that film

where I feel like there must be subliminal messaging that drags us all in because it's it's truly awful but I watch it all the time it's so cozy it's so cozy and it's so comforting and I think the idea that you can just switch up your life and just suddenly fall in love with Jude Law in the countryside in a cottage like it's perfect it's like an AI wank isn't it yeah it's like you've it's like you know you put all the elements in of what you need and and they've been like that that's it um yeah and but it's such a strange film because it's four incredible actors doing, almost like they've had a bet about like, how can we actually be shit?

Do you know what I mean? Like Kate Winslet, Oscar-winning actress. Awful. Awful. Jack Black, not too bad in it. Jude Law, bad. Cameron Diaz, bad. But all together.

The sweaters. The sweaters. And it's a confusing film because it's basically two different films are happening in two completely different places. Yeah. And they overlap a little bit, but there's not many films that that happens for the whole film. The whole film.

They're in completely different countries. That's what I mean. I feel like the few studios just got together and were like, look, put all the AI wank terms in. We've got a lot of actors here. They need another film in their contract by the end of the year. We've got two, we've got a lot of actors here. They need another film in their contract by the end of the year.

We've got two ideas. And it's all that escapism that we sort of all think we can do like, you know, home swap for a month. Yes. Find this new life.

And it works, both are appealing. You've got the LA kind of life. Yeah, yeah. And then you've got the cottage. Yeah. And both, yeah, seem incredible.

I mean, even like the little weekly shop that Cameron Diaz does, like the little village shop, you're like, oh, I hate super the little weekly shop that Cameron Diaz does, like the little village shop, you're like, oh, I hate supermarkets or anything like that, but that looks dreamy. But then sometimes that film makes me physically cringe when I watch it.

So I think it is a love-hate. It's like a sort of BDSM film, really. You're like torturing yourself, aren't you, when you watch it, because it's so bad but I watch it every year, sometimes twice. I watch it as well. There's something

really comforting about it. that's, it's so, because even when she's like, she's like, I think at one point she's kind of like crying in the house

and she's kind of like wailing and like there's like a lot of things happening. It's still, you're still like, oh, that would be fabulous, wouldn't it?

That would be what I love. Like, it just seems, it seems like, you're still like, oh, that would be fabulous, wouldn't it? That would be what I love. Like, it just seems, it seems like you want to be there. Yeah. Hmm. Dreamy. But also,

can't wait to watch it this year. The season's coming. It's one of those ones that I'm always, you know, you're flicking through ITV2 at like 11pm on a random Thursday and you're like,

oh no, the holidays just started, I'm going to be up till half one. So I can bitch about it. Yeah, I'll take that on the desert island and sort of love to hate it, I think. Yeah, you'll be watching it over and over again. I think we're all just sort of analysing how it came to be. Yeah.

It's a mystery, the holiday. Yeah. Yeah, we can't work it out. Yeah. Would you say you feel like that about it as well? I do, yeah. Like, it's awful. I want to watch it. Yeah. Yeah. We can't work it out. Yeah. Would you say you feel like that about it as well? I do. It's awful.

I want to watch it. Yeah. Yeah, next month when the clock's going back. We'll be there. We'll be there. 100%. Okay, finally.

The island is overrun by the biggest dick of all the animals. Which animal is it? This is going to be so unpopular. A dog. Oh my God.

Alex. Oh, my God. I am not a dog person. Oh. This is it. Yeah, sorry. I'm reassessing everything I know about you. People are going to be like, oh, maybe I will follow her.

She's got some good points. What? This island has been curveball after curveball I will say I will say big dogs okay I don't mind

a small dog yeah I have a small dog genuinely don't mind them I would I would sub

subclause big dogs really to be honest it's sub dog owners that annoy me but I would

say big dogs really annoy me because they you walk into someone's house when they've got a big dog and even if the dog isn't there you're like okay they've got a dog

why? dog food it smells it's horrible it's not that that's not their fault but I mean they are sort of

you know they're the reason I just think they're just annoying they're very needy. But I do like small fluffy ones. Have you ever had a dog? No.

I had two cats when I was younger. Colin, great lad. Very chilled. Have you ever had a bad experience with a dog? Again, I think I'm probably projecting onto the dogs, but really it's the owners. I hate when a dog owner assumes that you're going to change your life because they've brought their dog to something. And I don't like the sort of anthropomorphisation of dogs.

Yeah. In sort of current society where, like, people think having a dog is sort of the best thing in the world. And I'm not shitting on them having the dog. I've got friends that have got dogs that are, like, really chilled about it and they'll bring their dog along and I'm like, great. But then I know some people that sort of think their dog

has saved the world. And when people don't act like their dog has saved the world, you can see them getting irritated and I'm like, enjoy your dog. I don't need to enjoy your dog and yes people sort of treat their dogs as if yeah as if they're as if they're a person i don't like big like slobbery dog like big slobbery ones i think they're awful i think they're pointless and they smell that you have to pick up its poo sorry if i just brought that idea into society now i would you know I'd be ridiculed.

I think, yeah, because I think when someone has a dog, you know the dog so well and you just fall in love with it. And so all of its faults that everybody else can see if they don't know the dog, it is just disgusting. Yeah. But I definitely, like when I was pregnant with my daughter, I just got a puppy like a few months before yeah so as I got more and more pregnant I started to treat um my dog more and more like a baby and I'd like carry him around like he was my baby what type of dog is your dog he's a cabapoo so lovely yeah fine but then I had the baby and I was like see ya um because he's not a baby and that's I think that's the thing like and then people are like you know like I just can't imagine loving something as much as and you just have to go along with it and you have to listen to it and then people are like you know I just can't imagine loving something as much as

and you just have to go along with it and you have to listen to it and then you're like you wait yeah I think I sort of have diverted dog owners

but actually big slobbery dogs can absolutely get in the bin or on the island in the bin on the island on the bin island

on the bin island but yeah my friend has a Jack Russell which I love yeah Sylve shout out to Sylve are you a bit scared

do you think not do you know what I don't love I don't like a big a big like you know I mean no

I feel like no one likes a big aggressive dog but then some people do have them yeah but it's more like it is those bigger ones that

that I think get to me because they're always in your space and I just feel like I've come around to have a cup of tea with you not Earl Grey uh and now this dog is like jumping on me and it's when the dog owner then doesn't say like when they giggle and they go they're like oh what's he like and he's like he's like annoying is how he is like do you know what I mean whereas you know when it's a

small one and it's just sort of curled up next to you. Lovely. Yes. Yeah. No, I completely get that because they just find everything the dog does. It's really funny. But you're like, the dog is humping my leg. Like, can you stop? And they're like, oh, knock it off. Yeah.

But they don't actually stop it from doing it. Yeah, exactly. Like my friend recently got a dog and he was he was very unsure about it. But his girlfriend really, really wanted a dog. And he was a bit like, because the other thing is, my friends that have got dogs, they like they have to leave a night out early. God, I sound like such a caler again, don't I? What's crucial here is that the dogs are ruining the party.

I'm playing the songs that you've requested and now you're leaving to look after the dog. Yeah, it's when people are like, oh, we can't leave the dog alone for a couple of hours. It's a dog. Yes, I know. It is an animal. I do feel a bit like that, yeah.

I'm not saying neglect the dog. Genuine, I'm not for animal neglect. That's what I'm saying. Go away for the weekend.. I'm not saying neglect the dog. Genuine, I'm not for animal neglect. That's what I'm saying. Go away for the weekend. Have a nice time. Leave the dog. You're fine. But yeah, it's more like when they have to leave the night out early

because they're like, oh, I've got to get home for the dog. And it's like, the dog wouldn't give a fuck if you died. Do you know what I mean? Like, it really wouldn't. Like, it would care for like 12 hours. It'd be like, where's that man? And then after that, you'd put it in a new house. It'd be fine.

Do you know what I mean? Like, it'd be absolutely fine. And then they're like, oh'd put in a new house it'd be fine do you know what I mean like yeah it'd be absolutely fine um but and then they have to sort of they're like oh gotta get home for the dog no you don't you gotta get home for a baby yeah yeah I've been like that though when I've had like the dog camera on my phone and then you're just like sat like watching the dog you're like oh the dog needs me the dog's sad but I think often it's something happening in in yourself internally like the dog's fine I'm fine I don't mind that but I would still caveat big dogs

I don't mind a small one my friend Matt had a very lovely like dog that was literally like a teddy bear I like that dog yeah

it was a lovely you don't like them too doggy essentially yeah I sort of like cat like dogs yes they're like

quite low maintenance chilled out lads, bobbing around in the gang. Lovely. You know, you can pop them on a chair and just live your life. And it's nice. Therapeutic, but big, boundy, smelly. People that have to wear wellies to walk it, fuck off.

Do you know what I mean? You've invited a small horse into your house. Again, like what's missing in your life? Alex, thank you so much for coming on. What are you up to at the minute and how can people find you? I am starting a kennels. No. I feel like people are really going to hate me after this episode.

I am nice. I'm going, I'm gigging everywhere. You can follow me at Alexandra Haddo. I'm doing my indie night as well, Indie Amnesty. Well, you can request stuff, I promise. You can request indie, Britpop, new rave, rock and roll. No David Guetta. No David Guetta or Nicki Minaj.

Absolutely not. And I'm going on tour next year with my show, Third Party. It's a bit about sex, a bit about politics, which is famously a laugh a minute at the moment I heard great things about it you were up at the fringe with it yeah I was up at the fringe yeah that was that was that was an experience no it was great actually it was fun yeah it was nice um amazing so um so yeah and follow Alex online and on tour oh yeah please please come I'm doing one night at Leicester Square Theatre and there's so many seats

amazing there's so many I can't express how many seats there are it's like 400 seats it's 400 seats that's crazy and I'm not you know

I'm not going to say how many I've sold but if 383 mates want to come that would be incredible when is it? 28th of March so you've got a while

amazing well thank you so much for coming on thanks for having me