Desert Island Dicks - ANDY DAWSON: END OF YEAR SPECIAL 2018
Episode Date: December 29, 2018FINAL DICKS OF THE YEAR! My guest for this end of year special is broadcaster and podcaster, Andy Dawson. Be sure to follow the podcast @dickspod Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more inform...ation. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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That's L-I-B-S-Y-N ads.com. Hi, I'm James Deacon and welcome to the final Desert Island Dicks of 2018.
The show that sees you marooned on a desert island after a plane crash with the worst people and worst things imaginable.
Who they are and why they're a dick is up to you.
And here to share their Desert island dicks with us today
is writer, podcaster and broadcaster,
you might know him as Ronnie Hot Dogs,
but his real name is Andy Dawson,
and he's joining me today.
Hello, Andy.
Hello, James.
Thanks for inviting me along.
No, thanks for coming in to do the podcast.
So I've invited Andy along to do the final podcast of the year,
and we're summarising 2018 in dicks, right?
Yeah.
Well, yeah. I mean, I listened to a few of the back catalogue we're summarising 2018 in dicks, right? Yeah, well, yeah.
I mean, I listened to a few of the back catalogue episodes
to get a feel for the podcast,
and everyone else that's done this
has had kind of their entire life to draw upon
and all of their experiences they've had,
and then you've got me in just to do 2018,
and I thought, why does James hate me?
Why am I restricted to just 12 months of a calendar year
when everyone else just gets so much else to choose from?
I mean, there's been a lot of dicks this year.
There has.
There has.
I've done my best.
I've seen some of your choices, and I think you've done very well.
I think I've done all right.
It's exciting, yeah.
Yeah.
I'm really looking forward to it.
I think you're the right guy to do this.
I might well be.
I've got previous in sort of like righteous anger. You have, yes. I did that get in the sea thing. I think you're the right guy to do this. I might well be. I've got previous in sort of like righteous anger.
You have, yes. I did that get in the sea
thing. I know you did, yeah.
It was great. You made a book, right?
I got a book out of it, yeah. I got a little bit too into it.
It got a little bit
addictive, kind of picking out people
and things that deserved to be chucked into the sea.
And in the end, I just
had to step back from it and try and
be a better person
be a more balanced well-rounded person because it was just becoming too much um you are me probably
in a year's time looking back at this podcast right I think like I'm probably in a year's time
I'm going to say actually no I need to do something a bit more wholesome yeah yeah uh
Pete Donaldson was on this podcast a little while ago and he said, soon, James, you're going to turn around and do Desert Island Dudes.
Yeah, that would be nice people.
Yeah, I mean, it was quite weird trying to pick people because it took me back into that get in the sea sort of mode.
Okay.
And I realised that I'm not as angry as I was sort of three or four years ago.
Okay.
Life's not so bad these days.
Yeah.
But I soon got back into it.
Right, yeah.
As you'll find out.
I'm going to force your hand here
40 minutes or so yeah okay uh auntie so let's dive in who's gonna be the first person first one i've
picked is nigel farage nigel farage and i mean you could you could have applied this to any year
for the past decade really but nigel farage is the perpetual fly in the ointment
of um of the political scene and you know as know, as Brexit, you know,
sort of creaks towards its inevitable conclusion,
whatever's going to happen, I don't know,
it could be Theresa May's deal, it could be no deal,
it could be no Brexit, we don't know.
But Farage is always there.
He's a fly in the ointment.
And he's literally got nothing of value to say.
He's just this irritant.
He's kind of been, I mean,
this will be damning him with praise, really, which he'd probably like, but he's kind of been I mean this will be damning him with praise
really
which he'd probably like
but he's been the architect
of the whole Brexit thing
over the years
and
but he's got nothing
to offer
he appears regularly
on all the news outlets
oh he does
yeah
because he's got
fuck all else to do
and he'll just
at the drop of a hat
I think there's a certain
breed of
media commentators
who kind of circle around
the centre of London
they might be on bikes
or tandems
I don't know
they might be in those
those things
that you sit in
and someone's like
the rickshaw
yeah
they might be in one of them
and as soon as a call
comes in from
fucking Sky News
or Five Live
they're there
they're there within
ten minutes
ready to go
yeah and they're in the studio
talking shit
for fifty quid
because they've got nothing else to do
and just contribute nothing to the greater good.
I mean, Farage, he's a chancer.
He's a weasel, a slippery bullshitter.
Yeah.
I mean, he's basically, what he is, he's a fucking spiv.
If this was the Second World War, and God knows we're not far off,
if this was the Second World War,
he's the kind of fella who would have
almost certainly evaded being called up to fight
and actually be involved.
And what he'd be doing,
he'd have some dubious excuse about some medical shit,
like Trump's got with his bone spurs
when he had to go to Vietnam and end up not going.
Farage would come up with something,
probably his lungs, because of the amount he smokes.
Yeah, yeah.
And instead, he'd be going around pubs in London
selling nylons and bananas.
Yes.
He'd be one of those fuckers.
Exactly, yeah.
Slippery chancer.
Yeah.
And it's always been there.
You know, there's stuff from his past
where his teachers at school were worried about his far right,
let's say fascist leanings.
He was caught once striding along the street singing
Tomorrow Belongs to Me, the Nazi anthem from Cabaret.
Really?
And there's a letter in existence written by one of his teachers
which says that I'm very worried about Nigel and his far right tendencies.
Yes, I think I've seen that actually.
Yeah, I mean, let's not beat around the bush.
Farage is a fascist. Oh, yeah what he is totally he's a fascist in sheep's clothing
but he's a fascist yeah um and what he's done in sort of bringing about brexit and and the stuff
that he did that helped you know leave to win the vote i mean he's tied up with all of the dodgy
shenanigans involved in the electoral spending and all the Facebook ads and all that,
which actually led to them winning anyway.
And the fact that it's still going through
when it was clearly a crooked enterprise
is something that fucking angers me
on an hourly basis almost.
But the thing that he's done,
it's the leave win has emboldened racists in this country.
Totally.
It's brought them out of the fucking,
out from the bushes where they were hiding.
They were always there.
Racism never went away,
but we gradually kind of chipped away at it
through, for want of a better phrase,
political correctness,
which kind of pervaded society over the last 25, 30 years.
And political correctness, at the end of the day,
it's just being nice.
It's good manners.
Political correctness isn't,
it's made to sound like it's a bad thing, but it's not.
No, it's nothing to be ashamed of.
Exactly.
Yeah, it's a good thing.
It's being tolerant and fair.
Yeah.
But these racists, they were still there all the time.
They were always there, quietly seething,
having their opinions that they weren't,
they knew they weren't allowed to express,
but they still had them,
and they probably expressed them quietly amongst themselves,
you know, in far dark corners in pubs and among their families
and all this kind of thing.
But Brexit's just kicked the lid off it all.
And they're all out again and they're all emboldened and proud.
They think they're in the right, they've been given that.
Yeah, if they think that the Leave win equals racism is back
and it's all right to shout at black people on buses
and Asian people
in the street
and then you get
these videos on Twitter
where people have filmed
these racist outbursts
and they're becoming
more and more prevalent
and
you know
the race hate figures
are up
ridiculously
since 2016
and it's just
normalised racism
yeah
it really is
and Farage
is at the actual
absolute centrepiece of all of that.
I think you put it so well by saying he's in sheep's clothing
because he wants to portray this image.
He's like, I'm one of you.
I'm the man of the people.
Look, here I am with a pint in my hand in a pub.
But he's not at all.
He's a dangerous, dangerous character.
He reels against the establishment.
He's the fucking establishment. He used a dangerous, dangerous character. And he rails against the establishment. He's the fucking establishment.
He used to be a city trader.
He's been an MEP for God knows how long,
going over there, not contributing,
not turning up to the European Parliament,
collecting the money, racking up his pension.
He's going to be all right once we leave the EU
because he'll still get his MEP pension.
He's the establishment but he gives
off this impression that he's not.
And I was originally going to
choose Piers Morgan.
And then I got thinking about it and I thought,
Piers Morgan, for everything that
he is, you know,
I don't know,
I don't want to use the word cancer.
Is he a cancer on the
media and society? He's just a byproduct of all this.
Yeah.
Because this whole thing,
and social media has led to all of this as well.
Oh, totally, yeah.
It's amplified it completely.
So everyone is now just desperate to get attention
and Piers Morgan is all part of that
and it's all part of this binary politics
that we've got now.
Are you this side or are you that side?
And both sides are just going
rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah to each other constantly. politics that we've got now. Are you this side or are you that side? And both sides are just going...
to each other constantly.
And Nigel Farage just seems to be, as I've said,
at the absolute centre of all of this.
He's always part of it and he's like...
It seems like he's at the helm,
but who is allowing this to happen?
It's just like stations like LBC
that give him airtime on a weekly basis.
Guys, come on.
Those media organisations that I spoke about.
The problem is, another problem that we've got,
here we go, another problem that we've got
is that there's too much fucking news.
There's too much rolling news.
We don't need 24-hour news stations.
When I was a kid, we had the 6 o'clock, the 9 o'clock,
and you got 10 minutes of dinner time.
And that's all you need.
You don't need to know everything
because nothing's happening most of the time.
And all you get is is you get these dickheads
like Farage
and on the other side
dickheads like Owen Jones
constantly leeching off the media
and just amplifying
their own personas
by constantly doing these things
and talking
and filling this
this bag of hot air
that is rolling news
that doesn't need to be there
and doesn't need to be filled.
No, yeah.
Absolutely not, yeah. And it's gotten to this point now that they just need to fill it and doesn't need to be filled. No, yeah, absolutely not, yeah.
And it's gotten to this point now that they just need to fill it
so they'll just give them a chart.
They're like, okay, we'll get them on because they're a name.
Do you know what I mean?
It's because they're good value.
Yeah, because they're good value.
Yeah, and because they're local and they'll pop in and do it.
But the problem is it's everywhere.
It's like, so I've got the rolling news on at home, right,
and I think, oh, I'm sick of this, right?
So I switch it over, put a countdown on,
and then I look at my phone, and then I'm on Twitter,
and it's just constant rolling news again.
Yeah, exactly.
Of just hate, loads of hate, hate, hate, hate, constant hate.
And we're all addicted to it.
We all just feed into it constantly.
I was on it before you got it,
and as soon as you leave on the train, I'll be on it again.
Exactly, exactly. The number of books I've read the train, I'll be on it again. Exactly.
The number of books I've read in the last few years has just dropped dramatically.
Oh, yeah. Because I spend so much time looking at Twitter.
But getting back to Nigel Farage.
Yes.
Do you remember that plane crash in 2010?
Yeah.
During the election campaign.
Imagine if he died in that.
Yeah.
Imagine how different the whole British political scene would be today if Nigel Farage had died in that plane Yeah. Imagine how different the whole British political scene would be today if
Nigel Farage had died in that political scene. Now I'm
not saying, I'm not wishing
him dead or anything. That would be
awful. Yeah. But just imagine
if the fucker was dead.
I'm not wishing it. No. I don't want
Nigel Farage dead but imagine if he was.
Yeah. Can you imagine it? It wouldn't be
like it is now, would it? A different place. If he died
in that crash.
Not that he should have done,
because that would be a terrible thing to say.
I'm imagining you as like a really sinister Marty McFly.
You go back to 2010.
Yeah, you're picturing if I had a time machine,
I'd go back and kill Hitler.
No, I wouldn't go that far back.
Actually, I can imagine you go back to 2008, right,
and get your pilot's license
do it all
yeah
take one for the team
yeah
right
that's it
yes
but as I say
I'm not wishing he was dead
no of course
just imagine if he fucking was
oh my god
I don't know
if a sentence
as cutting
has been said
on this podcast
it's a pretty hateful podcast
okay it's been a rough year it has I can see it in your face with a sentence as cutting as has been said on this podcast. It's a pretty hateful podcast.
Okay.
It's been a rough year.
It has.
I can see it in your face in moments there.
Andy, need I ask,
is there any more on Nigel Farage before we put him on the island? That's pretty much all I've got.
I mean, there probably is.
I could probably do two hours on him,
but let's just leave it at that.
Take that, 2018.
Let's leave it at the air crash,
and let's just think about that.
Think about how it could have been.
That's true in your mind.
Okay, Andy, thank you very much.
Now, who's going to be your second choice?
The second choice, it's not an individual,
it's a group of people
that have become increasingly prevalent
and I don't get to go out much.
I'm 46 and I've got two kids.
I don't have much of a social life,
but if I'm going to go out, I'll go to a gig.
Yeah.
And I'll go watch a band.
And I don't really go and watch new bands.
I'm not ashamed of that.
I'm 46.
Yeah.
I tend to watch the bands I've loved for the last 30 years.
I'm wearing a Steely Dan T-shirt.
They were around before I was listening to music,
but I've got a ticket to see Steely Dan in Glasgow
in a couple of months.
Nice.
I've got to see Steely Dan.
I went to see Paul McCartney the other night.
Nice.
That was one of the things I felt I should do
because I love the Beatles
and I've never seen McCartney,
so I went to see Paul McCartney.
This year, I've been to see,
who have I been to see?
I've been to see Pixies.
Oh, yes.
I've been to see New Order.
Yes.
I've been to see some really good, big gigs.
Yeah, yeah.
And they've all been ruined.
Every single gig I've been to has been ruined.
Why is that?
Gig talkers.
Gig talkers.
Gig talkers.
When did this become a thing?
These fuckers.
Yeah.
These fuckers who think,
and gig tickets aren't cheap these days, James.
No, no.
When I was a lad,
I'm going to keep saying this,
I'm going to keep saying when I was a lad
and back in the day and all this,
and I'm sorry,
but back in the day,
I used to go and see bands like, I used to go and see pixies in 1989 and the ticket will have been about seven pound fifty oh
yeah and now it's it's the thick end of 50 quid oh yeah and if you're gonna spend 50 quid for a
night out each and there's a few here and you're gonna spend some of that time when the band you've
paid that 50 quid to see are on stage and you're going to have a fucking conversation with your pals while they're playing
that music that you've paid to see.
You should be
removed from
that space
at the very least.
You should possibly be tasered.
You should possibly be
put in maybe
chains
and tied to a radiator for a couple of months.
I don't know.
There's lots of things I can think.
But it's now, it's at the stage where,
and you can't say, kind of say to them,
shut up because they take it fucking badly.
And it could get violent.
No, yeah.
There was a fight with Paul McCartney the other night.
I saw a fight at a Paul McCartney gig.
And I was right at the back in the cheap seats, level three,
right at the back upstairs.
There was a fight between two young lads.
It might have been about gig talking.
I don't know what it was about.
But it kicked off.
It might just be a Glasgow thing.
I don't know.
I love Glasgow.
It's my favourite city.
But there was a fight at a Paul McCartney concert.
Oh, wow.
And I didn't think that's something I'd ever see or seen.
That's crazy.
I wonder what it was about, gig talking.
I'd like to think it was, yeah.
Who was their favourite Beatle?
I'd like to think it was about gig talking.
Somebody was talking and was told to shut up.
But it's tricky because a lot of the time
these people who talk at gigs
have probably had a bit too much to drink
and that's why they feel a bit loose-lipped
and they feel as though they're entitled
to talk with their mates.
Particularly if it's a new song from the band and they don't know it,
they're like, I'll just talk through this one.
Right, yeah.
Fuck you.
I've paid 50 quid to come and see Pixies or New Order or whatever.
I want to listen to them.
Their name's on the ticket.
Whoever you are, fuck face, your name's not on the ticket.
Yeah, yeah.
There's always someone in your vicinity.
Do you know what I mean?
It's not like there's always someone in your vicinity do you know what I mean it's not like
there's always someone
there is always someone
that feels like
it's absolutely fine
to do that
you find yourself positioned
where you're going to stand
and you think right
I wonder where they are
is it going to be him there
at 7 o'clock
will it be him
at 3 o'clock
is it going to be someone
behind me
at 12 o'clock
is it that person
that looks like they're on their own
but is their mate going to come back
with a beer in a minute and then start?
And then the conversation will ensue.
Oh, man, it just does me, Eddie.
It winds me up as well, yeah.
I mean, like, I love a good gig.
And especially, you know, if I understand right,
you get to the new songs and people are like,
okay, this is my moment to go to the toilet,
if they're not bothered.
Yeah, that's fine.
Yeah, that's fine.
I'll go to the bar, whatever.
People might think the same thing about, like, gig talking. They're like, okay, oh, that's fine. I'll go to the bar, whatever. People might think the same thing about gig talking.
They're like, okay, it's a new song, no one's going to care.
But I've paid the ticket, right,
and this is the band's chance for you to discover their new stuff.
Yeah.
And you're like, actually, no, yeah, I do want to hear this.
Yeah, exactly.
And it's not up to you whether this is the moment to do whatever.
Go to the toilet is fine.
Yeah, that's all right.
But that doesn't give you free reign
to start having a chat.
Even if the new song that they're doing
isn't very good and you don't like it,
I still want to hear it
because I'm paid to hear it.
I don't want to listen to you, you prick.
Especially if it's like a 50 quid ticket.
Yeah.
Fucking hell.
I mean, another gig I beat recently,
last weekend, I went to see Madness.
Oh, yeah.
A Madness gig is one of the most joyous experiences
you'll ever go to.
Everyone comes out of a Madness gig
with a massive smile on their face. Everyone's beaming. It's brilliant. Mad madness gig is one of the most joyous experiences you'll ever go to. Everyone comes out of a madness gig with a massive smile on their face.
Everyone's beaming.
It's brilliant.
Madness gigs, fantastic.
And I went with a bunch of mates.
There was like seven of us.
And I'm the only one that regularly goes to see madness.
And the others were almost kind of like,
ah, let's just stay in the pub.
We're not bothered.
I'm like, no, come on.
We're going.
We're all going to see madness.
So we went.
And in the end, they were all bouncing up and down.
They loved it
but during the first song
a couple of them
started talking
and I took the chance
and I turned around
and I said
shut the fuck up
right shut up
don't be that person
who talks at a gig
and I could do that
because they were my mates
and they took it in the spirit
it was intended
and they did shut up
but it was very cathartic
getting to do that
the release
yeah
I felt like I was saying it to every other fucker that's ruined a gig for me throughout this year it was very cathartic. Yeah, that's nice. Getting to do that. The release, yeah. Yeah. I felt like I was saying it to every other fucker
that's ruined a gig for me throughout this year.
Yeah.
I was very, very forceful with them.
Oh, it's nice.
Yeah.
But yeah, gig talking needs to be, I don't know, criminalised.
I've got some questions for you.
Go on.
What about phone using?
Like if someone's taking pictures, videos,
are you taking pictures and videos?
Yeah.
That's a different category. That a similar offense yeah um that that generally doesn't seem to happen
quite as much someone will take a picture and then they'll put the phone down yes and there's
only so long you can stand and hold your phone and do a video for yes okay that that doesn't
annoy me quite as much as the talking does no because it's just i don't know whether i think
if you're excited right and you're capturing the moment and it's like right this is this is amazing right now what i'm witnessing
is like exactly what i paid my money for and you want to capture in a picture i think that's
absolutely fine at a moment uh it was a few years ago now it must have been about four or five years
ago i was at a gig at the roundhouse and i was watching elbow yeah elbow playing and i was loving it it was such a
good gig and uh they played the song mirror ball and out of nowhere this huge mirror ball comes
down right from above the stage and the whole place is lit up yeah amazing right and uh so i
was like right i'm gonna get a quick video here i'm with my girlfriend and everyone is like phones
out and they're like this this is like, an unexpected,
beautiful moment.
So I start doing a video,
and the lady next to me was like,
are you not going to start,
are you not going to put your phone away
and start watching the gig?
And I was just like,
in a split second,
she must have been about,
she could only have been
about 10 years older than me,
maybe like 15 years.
But in a split second,
I said,
I said,
oh, sorry, mum.
And she just like,
immediately,
woof. She just stopped, and she just like, looked at sorry, Mum. And she just, like, immediately, woof.
She just stopped and she just, like, looked at me in fear.
And then she turned to her husband and then she told him, obviously,
what about what I just said?
And he just started pissing himself.
It was perfect.
And I just felt really, like, you know.
Yeah, that's an exception, something like that. When something happens that you want to, I mean,
at the McCartney gig the other night, he did Live and Let Die, and there were explosions and fireworks
and all sorts of shit going on.
And if I hadn't been right at the very back,
kind of next to where a fight was going on,
I might have videoed it.
But there's no point because I was too far away.
No, yeah, yeah, yeah.
But, yeah, I mean, that is a crime in itself,
the phone use in gigs.
But it doesn't bug me as much as talking does.
And that's been something that's been something
at every gig I've been to this year.
It's just irritated me.
And do I stop?
What do I do?
You know what they should do?
I was thinking this the other night in McCartney.
I was thinking they should have a thing
where people can connect by Bluetooth
to the sound desk output through their earphones.
If they've got Bluetooth earphones, put your earphones in,
connect to the sound desk through Bluetooth,
then you can hear the direct output from the sound.
Your eyes are widening here.
It's a genius idea, isn't it?
It's a brilliant idea.
And it right-cats all the gig talk,
and you can only hear what's coming out of the PA system,
and that's got to happen
hasn't it if Andy honestly like I might say do you want me to remove this from the podcast that
is such a good idea you should try and do it as a business yeah because someone listening to this
might say oh actually I know someone that could maybe you know I'm a sound engineer and maybe
that's the thing that could because then you could have it at your own volume I'm sure someone's done
it already I mean silent discos are that similar sort of thing.
That silent disco technology has to be applied to gigs
where there's a Bluetooth connection you can connect to
and you can just hear the gig.
If you were visually impaired,
you could have someone on it
that sort of helps to describe what's going on on stage as well.
That audio description thing you can get on TV shows as well.
There you go.
Andy, you're onto something
yeah
someone else
I'm sure somebody else
is already doing this
it has to be
I don't know
okay gig talkers
because they've really
affected your 2018
yeah they have
have you always gone
to a lot of gigs
I always have yeah
I don't go to so many now
because
I don't know
it's a lot of money
these days
sounds like you're
almost one a month there
yeah I get more than I used to I think but it's it's really expensive yeah money these days. Sounds like you're almost one a month there. Yeah, I get more than I used to, I think,
but it's really expensive.
Yeah, it is.
And as I say, I'm irritated by the gig talkers.
Yeah, yeah.
And I should go to more new bands,
but I generally tend to just go to bands
I've been into since 1987.
Yeah, I think that's fine.
Okay, gig talkers is going to be your second choice,
thank you very much.
And who's going to be your third choice?
Third choice, this man beggars belief, as's going to be your third choice? Third choice.
This man beggars belief, as far as I'm concerned.
Yeah, yeah.
He's the, I don't know if he's a billionaire or just someone with lots of millions.
Elon Musk.
Elon Musk.
Elon Musk.
What has that mad bastard done now?
Well, there was one incident this year
that just epitomised what Elon Musk is is about and it was when there was those 11
kids that were trapped in the cave in thailand yeah yeah and uh you know there were the rescue
attempt was underway and some some divers were going in through the caves and diving down
through the water and out again to the to the bit where the kids were and taking them out one by one
and it was something it took them like three days to plan it
because the tide was going to come in.
It was like, we've got to do this in a certain period of time
and we've got to do it right
because if we just get this wrong by any kind of degree,
these poor kids are going to drown or starve to death or whatever.
Yeah, absolutely, yeah.
And it was, you know, the world was on the edge of its seat
waiting for this rescue attempt.
And along comes Elon Musk with...
I should paint a picture of who Elon Musk is.
He's a millionaire who...
He's a space explorer.
He's pioneered electric cars.
He originally started off, he invented PayPal.
That's where he made his money from.
Did he?
Yeah, that's where he got his money from.
He invented something I think was called X.com
and it then mutated into PayPal
and then he sold PayPal to... I think it was called x.com and it then mutated into PayPal and then he sold PayPal to, I think it was eBay,
bought PayPal and then he made,
he's then kind of used his millions
to kind of piss about basically.
And he's also, he's developing the Hyperloop thing,
which is that's the high speed tunnels
like on the ground that can get you from Edinburgh
to London in like 30 minutes or whatever
this is the future apparently really it sounds a little bit shady to me but anyway getting back to
thailand elon musk with his brain working the way it was he um he set his geniuses about to devise
some kind of rescue vehicle that could get these kids out and he delivered it to the rescue scene
um by which time eight of the kids had
already been rescued there was only three of them left and the rescue team said thanks for your
efforts elon that's great unfortunately uh the vehicle the vehicle won't be suitable because
it won't go around corners down in the cave system it's just too big to get into where the kids are
and everything but you know thanks for your efforts and all that musk then responded by describing one of the rescuers as a pedo
oh i remember that he did and i think legal action has ensued since then quite rightly i hope so yeah
i remember that pretty sure the fella isn't a pedo yeah um and it's just it's just that kind of toxic male entitlement that Musk has
got. He's
got more money than sense
he's trying to develop
all kinds of batshit ideas
that are supposedly going to make life better
but it kind of feels like he's just
this twat with a toy box
and he's just trying to
piss about
in his spare time.
I was doing a bit of reading about him,
and apparently, this tells you what kind of a man he is.
During his wedding dance to his wife,
who I believe he's no longer married to,
this could be indicative of why.
During the wedding dance, he leaned into his wife
and he whispered in her ear,
I'm the alpha in this relationship.
Oh!
What?
Oh, my God. The ring is on your finger i'm the alpha in this relationship
mrs musk oh my god and you know that's crazy there's another thing that he's done as well
he set up a company he's really into tunnels like hyperloop things a big tunnel and he set up a
company called the boring company which isn't what you think it would. He's really into tunnels. Like the Hyperloop thing's a big tunnel. And he set up a company called the Boring Company,
which isn't what you'd think it would be.
It's about boring tunnels everywhere.
So he started digging tunnels everywhere
for this underground tunnel network he wants to build up.
Now, to me, a psychologist could have a field day with that
in psychosexual terms.
You've got this man with these massive drills
and he's drilling holes into the planet.
Yeah.
Humans are not enough for him.
He wants to fuck the world. Yeah, I think you're probably holes into the planet. Yeah. Humans are not enough for him. He wants to fuck the world.
Yeah, I think you're probably right.
Elon Musk.
Yeah.
He's the alpha on this planet and he's going to fuck you.
I think so, yeah.
I'm the alpha in this relationship with the world.
So that's Elon Musk.
He's the kind of guy you expect.
He's just one or two steps away from flipping and becoming a movie villain.
Oh, totally.
Do you know what I mean?
Yeah, yeah.
Have you seen the episode of The Simpsons with Hank Scorpio?
Yes.
Yes.
Where Homer Simpson gets this new job and he moves to a new town
and his boss is Hank Scorpio and everything's brilliant.
And it turns out Scorpio is a dastardly villain.
That's it.
And I think that Elon Musk, it sounds like the name of a dastardly villain,
doesn't it?
You couldn't write it.
It's unbelievable.
It's all set up. To think
that he could just be like, right, okay,
I'm going to wade in here because I've got all
the money and save these kids.
And then just not look into that, but then
be so upset
by the fact that they didn't use this thing,
that he didn't do enough research into how
it would work because he'd never been to the place
and checked out how it was going to work.
And then just be like, pedo.
It's all about him.
Never mind about the kids that need to be rescued
and the fact that it'll get done
the best way possible just because
his little fucking boat's been knocked back.
The way they've had success with eight
already.
Elon Musk.
I mean, surely it's
going to get more ridiculous right
it can only get more
ridiculous
yeah
he's one to watch
put it that way
he's on my 2018 list
but he's one to watch
as well for 2018
yeah
okay yeah
one to watch for the future
yeah
definitely
he's only going to grow
in dick size
he's already built
the biggest dick
to fuck the world
yeah
he's only going to get
more dickish
okay so Elon Musk
is going to be your
first choice
you're a podcast listener and this is a podcast ad reach great listeners to fuck the world. Yeah. It's only going to get more dickish. Okay, so Elon Musk is going to be your bird choice.
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now mercifully among the records of the plane there was some food and drink left over unfortunately
for you it's your least favorite food and drink in the world what are they and why they said about
2018 again it's narrowed down james because you hate me um it's worst for i mean i'm a huge fan
of food and drink um it's very hard to choose this
But I was on holiday in Cyprus
In the summer
Just me and my two kids
In Paphos in Cyprus
And there was a restaurant there
I did the TripAdvisor thing
Where I looked online to see what's the most popular restaurants
And one of the most popular ones was a French restaurant
I thought I've never been to a French restaurant before
Let's give it a try, let's go along And looked at the restaurant. I thought, I've never been to a French restaurant before. Let's give it a try.
Let's go along.
And looked at the menu and I thought, oh, frog's legs.
I've never had frog's legs before.
Did you?
Yeah.
And I thought, well, why not?
Life is there to be enjoyed.
You know, things are there to be tried.
Let's give frog's legs a try.
And to my surprise, my son, who's only 10,
he was quite happy to try the frog's legs as well.
Yeah.
So we got the frog's legs.
And I remember people always say frog's legs
tastes a lot like chicken right yes yeah i've heard that yeah so i thought all right fair enough
and so the frog's legs came and uh they look like frog's legs you know they look they look it's what
you what it says on the tin that's what you'd expect. And I tasted them, and they were nice. Oh, nice.
They were in like a kind of a little bit of garlic oil.
Oh, nice.
They were nice.
They did taste like chicken.
Oh, good.
And then I thought,
this is a bit like chicken wings, really,
but at three times the price.
Right.
So what am I getting out of this?
Yes.
I thought, I'm eating chicken wings here, basically.
I'm getting the same taste of chicken wings,
but I'm paying through the nose for the fact that they're from frogs.
Why can't frogs taste like frogs?
I want frogs to have a different flavour to chickens.
How disappointing, then.
It kind of was.
I thought, while I'm doing this, I'm trying it for the first time
because I want to try as many new things in life as I can before I die.
So why not try frog's legs?
And they tasted like chicken.
And I just thought I could have just had chicken wings.
That's disappointing.
It's kind of like, you know,
when people say that human flesh tastes like pork.
Right, okay.
I just think,
why can't human flesh taste as something different?
If I'm going to go that extra mile
and get into cannibalism,
which I'm not planning to do,
not anytime soon,
but if I am going to do that
surely humans could taste like something
have a unique flavour
so you know you're getting something a bit different
yes you're right
what would you like it to taste like
it would have to be it's own thing
it would have to be it's own thing
you can't have a comparison
it's got to taste like human flesh
and frogs legs have got to taste like frogs
so frogs need to book their ideas and come up with a new flavour comparison it's got a taste like human flesh and frog's legs have got a taste like frogs yes so
frogs need to book their ideas and come up with a new flavor that's exclusive to their to themselves
yeah i mean that is disappointing because you're like you you want you want to experience something
new yeah fresh right yeah so i'd have five out of ten for frog's legs i think and that was the
most disappointing culinary experience i had Until a couple of days later
when my kids went,
can we just have pizza tonight?
You know, we're in sight wrestling,
all these lovely restaurants
doing home-cooked food.
Beautiful kebabs on skewers
and all this kind of thing.
Lots of different meats.
Mezze kind of like,
all that sort of stuff.
All that sauces and dips.
All the flavours and all of that.
And they were like,
can we just have pizza root?
Did you have it? We did. We did. all the flavours and all of that and they were like can we just have Pizza Hut so we did
and it was like 10 times worse
than UK Pizza Hut
because obviously Pizza Hut's a franchise across the
globe, they also have different standards
in different countries and
Cyprus Pizza Hut, I'm sorry
if you're listening and you're a Cyprus
Pizza Hut franchisee
fucking book your ideas up because it's not good enough.
No.
So your worst food experience of 2018,
frog legs in Cyprus.
Yeah.
Andy, what's going to be your drink choice?
This is a quite recent one as well.
Yeah.
Sainsbury's have done, for the festive season,
they've launched pigs in blankets tea.
You're shaking your head. This is not good. They've also launched sprouts in Blankets tea. You're shaking your head.
This is not good.
They've also launched Sprouts tea,
Brussels Sprouts tea.
Come on.
And I'm a massive fan of Pigs in Blankets.
Yeah.
If you look at me physically, you can see
that's the kind of man who enjoys Pigs in Blankets.
Yes.
And not just at Christmas all year round.
That's the kind of man who's got a deep freeze in his garage
and he puts Pigs in Blankets a year deep freeze in his garage and he puts pigs in blankets
a year's worth in at christmas and he just picks his way through them as the year goes are they
doing them down the asda yeah yeah so um i thought i have to try this and uh i looked at the
ingredients and i thought well this is gonna be like bovril surely it'll be what are the ingredients
well i thought it would be like pork extract in the same way the bovron is beef extract
and you know
water
yeah yeah
but it's a little tea bag
and it's
it's Lapsang Souchong
okay
which is one of them
one of them fancy teas
nice okay
and it had
a bit of rosemary
in it as well I think
right
the ingredients
you'd get in stuffing
yeah yeah yeah
okay
not that there's any stuffing
in pigs in blankets
because it's just sausage and bacon.
And it tasted like shit, James.
Not literally like shit, but it was awful.
It was minging.
Why have they bothered?
I don't know.
They've done it.
It's a hit and run.
They're getting some sales from it.
People are going to go, oh, mugs like me are going to go,
I'll pay a quid for a box of pigs in blanket tea.
Yeah.
And then you try it and you go,
fuck that.
It goes in the bin
and you never drink it again.
So they've lost out,
they've lost some goodwill.
But they've made a short term gain.
Short term gain.
It's a hit and run tea scenario.
It's kind of like,
right,
I want to try that
and while I'm in here,
I might as well do my shop.
So you get like,
you know,
50 quid's worth of stuff
because you just go around
and you're just like
right actually
I need milk
I need bread
I need butter
and you just like
fill up a basket
and you're like
oh actually yeah
I'll do that.
All for that
and then you come away
and you're like
that fucking tea.
I mean if someone
had given me
frog's legs
and then I had to
wash it down
with pigs in blankets tea
I'd be murderous.
I really would.
Yeah.
I mean, so they're doing sprouts tea as well.
Sprouts tea, I've not tried that.
No, it's rubbish.
I tried the pigs in blankets first,
and I thought I'm not going to go back and indulge them further.
I don't like sprouts anyway, so.
No, okay, yeah.
Why would you have it in a tea?
Exactly.
So, fuck that.
Do you enjoy a lot of sang-su-shong?
First time I've had it, to be honest, James.
First and last.
Yeah.
Pigs in blankets tea.
I mean, what would be better as a tea?
What would you like to see as a tea?
Anything.
Is that bad?
In theory, pigs in blankets tea sounds nice.
Yeah.
Because, you know, I was applying that Bovril logic to it.
Right, yeah.
I went to watch Sunderland play last Saturday and I got myself a Bovril logic to it I went to watch
Sunderland play
last Saturday
and I got myself
a Bovril before the kick off
because it was a
freezing cold day
and it's what you do
at the football
you have a Bovril
when it's freezing
because it warms you up
and Bovril's lovely
yeah it's nice
and I thought
it would be kind of
down the Bovril road
and it wasn't
it was just
shite
oh man
and never again.
Okay.
So that's my choice for...
Pigs in Blankets T, 2018.
Worst trick of 2018, yeah.
Thank you very much, Andy.
And we'll have some more after this.
Andy, fortunately for you,
you won't be without entertainment on the island.
The plane's entertainment system continues to work,
but just your luck, it only has two working settings.
It has your least favourite film of 2018
and your least
favorite song what are they and why okay well again this has been tricky because you've just
narrowed me down i know i'm sorry you haven't given me my entire life to choose from and i
haven't seen that many films this year um especially not in the cinema but the one that
stands out i think was probably um hotel transylvania 3 hotel transylvania 3 Hotel Transylvania 3
Hotel Transylvania it's
it's are you familiar with
the franchise? I am yeah but I've got
kids and I think
my daughter has a cup
I think there's cups
this is the third one
just by the title itself
you feel as though this is beginning to become a tired
series of films.
Three.
This was the third one.
The second one was all right,
but the third one just left me empty.
Yeah.
Listless.
Nothing in it.
Well, the main plot was kind of centered around a romance
between the main character and a human figure.
Okay.
Because obviously there's the
vampire thing going on. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And they were on a cruise ship.
I'm struggling to remember it, to be honest.
Okay, yeah. And
I just thought, this is aimed at
kind of like 8 to 12 year olds, let's say
roughly. Do they want to see
a romance in a film? Nah.
Is that what they really want? Nah. It was what I would
have described as, when I was a kid, it's what I would have described as when I was a kid.
It's what I would have
described as soppy.
Right, yeah.
And there's too much
of that going on.
The jokes in it
were fucking awful.
The good thing about
so many kids films now
is that the writing
is so good and so sharp
and there's so many gags
that are in there
that the adults get.
I love that.
And they go over the kids'
heads a lot of the time
but the adults get them.
I love it. I mean, the Lego movie and the Lego Batman movie are up there with some adults get. I love that. They go over the kids' heads a lot of the time but the adults get them. I love it.
I mean,
the Lego movie
and the Lego Batman movie
are up there
with some of the best films
ever made.
Never mind best kids' films.
Yes.
They are so good
because the writing is so good.
The gags are brilliant.
Hotel Transylvania.
Oh,
it stank.
Really?
Oh,
so bad.
So bad.
Was Hotel Transylvania 1,
was that good?
I enjoyed the first one.
Did that have good gags in it?
Some.
I don't, probably better than 3.
3 really stood out as a stinker.
It really stood out.
2 was alright.
I hope they don't make 4.
There's no reason to make 4.
It's the kind of thing that they just like,
because at any given time, right,
adults take kids to the cinema, right and you know there can't always
be a good film every week no no so they i've slept through quite a few yeah that way so like
they find like a little gap and they're like right okay we'll release it here because it doesn't look
like anything else is going to be released yeah and people will go and see it because they've got
to take their kids to some give the kids something to turn up at the cinema yeah they need a scenario where their kids are going to shut up for an hour and a half.
Yeah.
Somewhere.
And it needs to be in a cinema.
Yeah.
Yeah.
In the dark.
Yeah.
That's where it needs to be.
Forcing sweets into their mouth.
Somewhere where I can force sweets into my own mouth.
Yeah, exactly.
In the dark.
And have a nap.
And have a nap if I want.
Which is what I can do.
I mean, any other year you would have got the Angry Birds movie out of me.
Yes.
You would have got the Emoji movie out of me.
Oh, yes.
This, thank you as well.
What was that other one?
The Moshi Monsters movie.
Oh, God.
I never heard of that.
I get flashbacks of the Moshi Monsters movie.
Moshi Monsters was an online thing a few years ago.
It was like an online community.
Right.
And it came and went within about two years.
It was wildly popular at the time,
and there was a £35 a year subscription
for the parents to pay to access this thing.
And I think it was a company quite neat
where we are now in Wall Street
and they cleaned up.
They did, didn't they?
And then it died.
It might still be going, I'm not sure.
I've never heard of it.
Moshi Monsters, yeah,
and they made a film as well.
And I had a big old nap during that one.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Had a right sleep.
Yeah.
You pay extra for the big seats if they've got them
so you can have a nice sleep.
Take a pillow in with you.
You know that thing of smuggling sweets into the cinema?
Which you don't have to do because they don't care.
You can bracelet them up with your sweets.
Smuggle a pillow in up your jumper or something like that.
Nice, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Or a cushion.
Hotel Transylvania 3.
Yeah.
Thank you for the heads up.
I will steer clear.
Avoid.
Okay, thank you very much, 2018, for Hotel Transylvania 3. And what for the heads up I will steer clear avoid okay thank you very much
2018 for Hotel Transylvania 3
and what's going to be
your song choice
song choice is
a compilation album
that came out last month
oh yeah
and it's called
80s Symphonic
yeah
talk to me about
80s Symphonic
yeah
what it is
I'm looking at the blurb here
it's basically
they've taken 15
classic 80s hits
they've used the classic 80s hits.
They've used the word in the blurb iconic, which is the most fucking overused word
around at the minute. If you want to put
a word in for 2018, iconic
is the word.
And there's songs in there like Let's Dance by
David Bowie,
Take On Me by A-Ha,
Vienna, Ravox, Small Town Boy,
Bronski Beach, some 80s classics.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And I grew up as a pop fan in the 80s, and some of these songs are not sacrosanct, but
very dig it to me heart.
Small Town Boy, it's a great song.
Yeah, and what they've done, they've just slathered some strings over them and tried
to, I don't know what the word is, sophisticate them up or legitimise them by adding classical
music to them.
Yeah. And it's dog shit. Okay. Itise them by adding classical music to them. Yeah.
And it's dog shit.
It's absolute dog shit.
Why would you bother?
Why would you bother?
Exactly.
You've got some great songs there on that list.
It Must Have Been Loved by Roxette.
I'm not a fan of that, but I'm sure a lot of people are.
But why put strings on it?
I Want To Know What Love Is by Foreigner.
Lovely song.
Yeah.
Don't put strings all over it.
No, yeah.
Just need them.
What was it?
I don't see the point, right?
I'd rather just get a compilation album of the songs
put together and someone's like,
here's some iconic songs in inverted commas.
Here's a playlist of iconic songs.
Great.
Thank you very much.
Job done.
Yeah, they sound great.
I'll stick them on in the car.
But it's the conclusion of a genre that's kind of infested
culture over the last few years this classification of modern music yeah i think it started with
hacienda classics yes where people will go and sit in fields in the summer and watch these string
quartets or whatever playing along to eight to eight state tracks yeah
and all that kind of thing loads of acid house classics classificated while sitting down and
eating their john lewis hamper yeah because they're all in their 40s now and they don't go
raving anymore but it gives them a memory of when they used to and but it makes them feel like
they've grown up and they've matured because there's some prick with a cello playing it instead.
Yes.
No.
No.
No, I say.
No.
And I think that started it,
and there's more and more of that kind of thing happening now
where there's a Beach Boys album has come out
which has been fucked about with strings
and a Roy Orbison one.
And it's everywhere, and it's a fad.
It'll pass.
But right now it's boiling me piss and it needs to stop.
I've got no problem, right, of a songs with strings in.
That's fine.
Songs with strings in, fine.
A band playing their songs currently with strings also, I think, is okay.
Yeah, as long as the original song has been designed
and written and recorded with strings in.
Lovely.
Exactly.
Sounds great.
Yes, beautiful.
But this seems unnecessary to me.
They've just basically slapped some strings
over the top of the original songs
and they don't need them.
It says in the blurb,
blah, blah, blah,
recorded over three days
by the 50-piece London Studio Orchestra
in the legendary Studio 2 at Abbey Road.
Now, what they've done there is they've done it in Abbey Road
to kind of legitimise it and give it some kind of kudos.
Yes.
Because, oh, well, it was done in Abbey Road,
so therefore it must be a worthwhile artistic endeavour.
No, I'm sorry, you could, you know,
slaughter cattle in the Abbey Road 2 studios.
That wouldn't make it right, just because you've done it the Abbey Road 2 studios that wouldn't make it right
just because you've done it
in Abbey Road
yeah
you know
you could commit
all kinds of crimes in there
and you couldn't say
oh I've done it
in the Abbey Road studio
so I think you see
that it is legitimised
and it is sophisticated
and therefore valid
no
music
in the second studio
yeah
I mean
this isn't
I mean
cashing in.
Exactly.
It's just like, don't cash in on someone else's work.
You know, it's just...
I'm sure that the bands involved have all consented to it.
Perhaps they haven't.
Perhaps the company own the rights and they've just done it anyway.
But it's...
I listened to a bit of it earlier on and it is grim.
What is it like? Is the original version in there at all? Yeah, it's I listened to a bit of it earlier on and it is grim what is it is it like
is the original version
in there at all
yeah
oh it is
it's just the original version
there's been a bit of tweaking
but they've just slapped
some strings on the top
at various points
within the songs
I don't think
you need to be doing that
it's not
I mean
go and listen to it
on Spotify
I will
I'll give it a blast
do not fork out money for it
really
don't encourage these fuckers.
I'll find it somewhere for free and have a look-see.
Oh, right.
Okay.
80s Symphonic.
80s Symphonic.
I mean, just get the original.
Yeah.
Okay.
Pay it the respect it deserves.
Thank you very much, Andy.
80s Symphonic.
It's going to be your song choice of 2018.
And finally, the island is overrun by the biggest dick of the animal
from the year.
Which animal is it and why?
It's me, dog.
Why is it your dog?
I feel awful doing this.
Why?
It's me, dog.
Well, again, I'm restricted to 2018.
You are.
There aren't evil animals of history that I could choose and put in.
It's got to be an animal that's affected me directly in the last 12 months. oscar the dog is the one that affects me directly on a daily basis is a is a cross
between a shih tzu and a chihuahua right now shih tzus are quite nice friendly they're quite
energetic dogs nice okay they're lively but they're not too annoying. But if you imagine a Shih Tzu, but inside that Shih Tzu is a Chihuahua working the levers.
Okay.
Right?
Now, we know what Chihuahuas are like.
They're shivery.
They're yappy.
Yeah.
They're irritating.
They cling to their owners like a limpet.
They're not my kind of dog.
Let's just say that.
And I've got this Shih Tzu, and inside the Shih Tzu,
there's a Chihuahua working the levers
and controlling the thing.
He's needy.
He follows me around everywhere I go.
I mean, he's a rescue dog.
So he was a year old when we got him.
He might well have had issues
from his first year of life.
I don't know what kind of home he came from.
And he is a bit nervy and a bit jumpy,
but that could be the Chihuahua in him but he follows me around everywhere i go if i if i get up to go and
get something from the kitchen he'll come and follow me to see what i'm doing and he um he's
got no spatial awareness if i sit down on the sofa he needs to be sat right next to me cuddling into
me oh no you need some space i need some space i I need some space. I'm like, come on, mate.
It's got to the point now,
if I want to sit on the end of the sofa,
I'll start off sitting in the middle
and then he'll take up his position to my left.
Nice.
And then I gradually move along into the space
where I originally wanted to sit.
So I create some space between us
and he doesn't know.
It's mind games.
I'm playing sofa mind games
with this chihuahua shih tzu thing.
Like I say, no spiritual awareness.
He seems to know innately exactly which point I'm intending to walk into
in the room and he'll put himself in there.
Yeah.
So that he's just always in the way.
Does he get in front of your feet all the time?
Yeah, all the time.
I mean, he's lovely.
He means well.
He's a bit of an arsehole.
But he's generally, you know, he wants to please.
And he's a lovely dog.
I feel bad choosing him, but dear God.
What's he like with other dogs?
Oh, he's either terrified of them or he'll bark at them.
And he thinks he can fight them.
But he wouldn't be able to fight anything.
He sees a plastic bag in the street and he'll bark at that
because he thinks it's an imagined enemy.
He's really struggling at the minute because we go out on a walk
of an evening and all the houses have now got Christmas lights up
and things in their porches and on their outside walls
and he's struggling to deal with all of that because it's like,
what are these new things?
And he's just a bag of nerves.
Oh, really? Yeah. But it's like, what are these new things? And he's just a bag of nerves. Oh, really?
Yeah.
But it's hard work.
And if I was going to be on a desert island.
You don't need that.
I don't want Oscar with me.
No, yeah.
I like to come to London for work because I get a bit of respite from him.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, Oscar.
I feel badly for you.
Sorry, Oscar, if you're listening.
Does it come with some guilt? Yeah. Does it? Yeah, there is some guilt. I will admit that, Oscar. I feel badly for your dog. Sorry, Oscar, if you're listening. Does it come with some guilt?
Yeah.
Does it?
Yeah, there is some guilt.
I will admit that, yeah.
Oh, he sounds like quite a nice dog.
As well when you said he's a rescue dog.
Yeah, he looks lovely as well.
You know the Ewoks in Return of the Jedi?
Oh, yeah.
He looks like an Ewok.
Does he?
And my daughter buys little costumes for him to wear.
Like he's got a Santa Claus costume for Christmas and an elf one
and he looks lovely
but he's just a prick
I mean you'd be able
to get to a few more
gigs as well
if you didn't have to
shell out for all his
food all the time
and look an afternoon
the freedom I would have
if I didn't know Oscar
I know yeah
but it's a love hit
relationship it's like one of them sitcoms where you've got two people that are trapped in a room. The freedom I would have if I didn't know Oscar. I know, yeah. But it's a love-hate relationship.
It's like one of them sitcoms
where you've got two people
that are trapped in a relationship
where neither of them
really want to be in it.
I'm like,
I'm seeing the opening titles
in my head of you and him.
Andy and Oscar.
Shuffling down the sofa and stuff.
Yeah, that's so good.
So Andy,
your dog Oscar
is going to be your animal choice.
Of 2018.
Of 2018.
I'm sorry, I feel like I've put you
through quite a lot of pain
having to do this
no it's been quite cathartic
I've enjoyed it
oh that's great
alright
I feel good now
alright nice
well thank you so much
for coming in Andy
thanks for having me
it's been a pleasure
I say this quite a lot
but I imagine
the reason that people
are here
is because they've seen
your name
and they know
what else you do
but should they not
where else can people
find you
I do a podcast with Bob Mortimer.
Yes.
I do a podcast called Athletic or Mince with Bob Mortimer.
It's an excellent podcast.
Thank you very much.
I've been to see you live.
Have you?
And it was very good.
It was in London at King's Place.
Yeah, that was the very first live show we did.
Oh, it was so good.
We did other ones that were much better than that one.
Did we?
I'll have to come to another.
We didn't have a clue what we were doing there.
So we might do some more in 2019.
But yeah, we did some live shows.
So we just did this podcast.
It was going to be a football podcast.
And then we realized quite quickly that our football opinions
had no weight whatsoever.
They were pointless and futile.
And it just became this collection of silliness.
Oh, it's brilliant.
Different characters and sketches.
Oh, yeah.
And it kind of still is rooted in football,
but the thing that people say the most,
that we like the most,
is they'll say,
I don't like football,
or I hate football,
but I love the podcast.
Right, yeah.
Because you don't have to be a football fan to enjoy it.
Do you get that a lot, then?
We do.
That's probably the one bit of feedback we get most.
Really?
That's amazing.
Yeah.
Because I think, like, for me, personally,
it's like knowing the characters that you talk about,
then just hearing you guys do your versions,
like your impressions, like Harry Kane,
it just gets me every time.
Yeah, well, the thing is that a lot of people
still love those impressions,
but they don't really know who the characters are.
They'll look them up on Google and stuff
and see what they look like and things, but you don't have to kind of be are they'll look them up on Google and stuff and see what they look like
and things
but you don't have to
kind of be steeped
in football
I'm kind of jealous
I'm kind of jealous
that they get to do it
that way around
because it's like
hearing you guys
and then going on
and seeing them
like
if you heard
Steve McCarron
like
Air Island
and then you go
and have a look
it's so good
do you know what i mean just like
yeah and um daish disappeared sean daish oh my god yeah i'm giving away i'm giving away a lot
but there you go it's a it is a fantastic podcast and you have a podcast the other one i do uh yeah
is uh called top flight time machine i do that with the writer and broadcaster sam delaney again
it was going to be a football podcast and it's quite quickly slipped its moorings.
And we just kind of waffle on about anything really.
The minute we've got a regular feature
where people tell us bullshit stories
that they've heard from people they've worked with
or gone to school with, you know, Billy bullshit stories.
Everyone knows someone who's a bullshitter.
So we've got lots of them going on.
So it's just me and him
just having a laugh
with a little bit of football in there
and it's doing well
people seem to like it
The retaining factor is that
you're in both of these podcasts
that's moved away from football
Yeah
It's obviously your comedy
It might be
I think it's that thing where
football fans don't
don't talk in the way that
the football media thinks they do. They don't all
sit around talking about tactics and transfer speculation
and shit like that. They'll talk
about other stuff and they'll have a laugh.
The funny bits, yeah. And the funny side of it.
It's only vaguely related to football. Yes.
And there's plenty of that in Top Flight Time Machine
and then Athletic Omens has just got all
the characters from football just
sent up.
It's brilliant, yeah.
Hilarious.
It's a lot of fun to do.
Oh, I love it.
I do love it.
Andy, and if people want to find you on social media,
where can they find you? I am at Profanity Swan.
Yeah.
Where did that name come from?
Well, the first thing I did before I became a writer
was I did my own fanzine,
which was kind of like a comedy fanzine sort of thing
and it was just called The Profanity Swan.
It was a nonsensical title that i gave it and i just used that one it came to just going on twitter yeah well there you go that's what it is okay well if people want to find it they can find
it at profanity swan on twitter they can thank you so much andy thanks very much Bye.