Desert Island Dicks - ANNA MORRIS

Episode Date: March 15, 2018

For this week's podcast, I'm joined by writer, actor and comedian, Anna Morris. Be sure to follow the podcast @dickspod Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Talk to a State Farm agent today to learn how you can bundle and save with the personal price plan. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Prices are based on rating plans that vary by state. Coverage options are selected by the customer. Availability, amount of discounts and savings, and eligibility vary by state. Hi, I'm James Deacon and welcome to Desert Island Dicks, the show that sees you marooned on a desert island after a plane crash with the worst people and worst things imaginable. Who they are and why they're a dick is up to you.

And here to share their Desert Island Dicks with us today is actor, writer and comedian Anna Morris. Hello. Hi, Anna. Thanks for coming in. Thank you for having me. How are you? I'm very well. How are you? I'm absolutely fine, thank you.

Yeah, all good. Shall we dive in? Who's going to be your first choice? Oh, we're diving straight in. I'm going to say A Kardashian. I don't know which one. All right, OK. I feel like they're all the same i might there

might be kardashian fans listening getting quite angry with me now saying they're not the same okay um i'm saying kardashian i don't really know what they are or what the point of them is that's my first you i don't know no no i genuinely have no idea i mean um yeah but everyone seems to be talking about them all the time the reason i bring them up is because i was doing a um an office job a while ago and the girls in the office were all talking about them all the time. Well, the reason I bring them up is because I was doing an office job a while ago and the girls in the office were all talking about the Kardashians. And I got very confused because they've all got, I think it's Kim, Kylie, they've all got the same name.

I sort of like caught on to that quite quickly. I don't think there's a Kevin. I think it's just all Kylie, Kendall. It could be a Kevin Kardashian. It might be. It probably is. And I obviously, I knew who they is. And obviously I knew of them. I knew sort of who they were.

But I still wasn't clear on what I call the concept of them. I wasn't sure why they were famous or what they were. And around that time, I don't know if you saw the trial of OJ Simpson that was on Netflix. I didn't watch it, no, but I heard good things. So I watched a couple of episodes of that, and I knew that they had something to do with OJ Simpson and I was really confused about

the link. I was like, you know, these women are on really big on Instagram. The girls in the office were talking about the makeup and the inflated lips and the style and like, but admiring them, sort of saying how amazing they were and I was like, what? But when I watched the OJ Simpson trial, I realised that their

father, in case anyone listening doesn't know, their father represented OJ Simpson, I believe, if I'm correct, if I'm wrong, in the trial of OJ Simpson. Yeah, yeah. So I went into work the next day and they were talking about the Kardashians. Again, one of them had put Kevin or whatever its name is,

had put a post up that had some kind of lip implant. I don't know what it was. And they were all saying how amazing it was and how amazing the contouring was. And I was like, guys, I'm really confused. These women are famous because someone was killed. I know. If you look at it in a really dark...

And I was like, that is why they're famous, because someone was brutally killed. Oh, no, it's not even that. And that's why they're famous, and that was what was freaking me out. And they got really angry with me. They were like, no, but no, they're not, because they're really famous

because they're amazing women and I was like I'm sure they are but that's why they've... No, no, no. I mean, if you go back to the roots of it why are they a thing? They definitely wouldn't be a thing if that hadn't happened, right? Because their dad their dad was really famous because

that was such a famous court case and he was on TV an awful lot. Exactly. Which must move you, bizarrely, into those circles. And I think that's part of the reason. Also the other part of the reason I wouldn't want to be on a desert island with any of the Kardashians is

because when I've seen the images and the pictures of them, they look so perfect with their amazing, you know, the pouty mouth and the contouring and all i tried contouring once myself at home i tried to put stripes on my face and tried to look as if i had when i have got cheekbones i don't know why i'm trying to no no more cheekbones you know what i mean that's apparently the idea of it and i just basically looked ridiculous and like a smeared brown mud on my face i mean yeah. I'm just a bit concerned if I was on a desert island

with any of the Kardashians, I would feel like I should have more makeup on, I should be contouring, my bum should be a certain shape. Should be, yes. I think I just feel quite insecure and paranoid that I wasn't looking great. Maybe in a much wider sense.

Wide reasons. Yeah, but that's maybe what they're doing to a lot of society. You know, by you worrying that that's what they might do to you in a small way on the island to one person, maybe they're doing that to everyone. I feel like these girls in the office were kind of saying how amazing they were, but then also discussing what products they would buy to look that way. Or what they would do if they had the money to have their lips kind of pumped up or their...

So, yeah. And I was starting to get a bit freaked out about how influential they are. So I don't... I feel like I don't take issue with people... Like, someone might think, oh, that person, like, dresses cool or whatever and they're like, maybe I'm going to buy some clothes

and, like, look kind of like that person. That's cool. But then when it's like, I feel like I need to change the way I look, like, by putting things in my face and stuff like that person that's cool but then when it's like i feel like i need to change the way i look like by putting things in my face and stuff like that that that's it enters a an area for me that i feel uncomfortable with and i don't know if you try to take a selfie um i don't get the i try to take selfies i have tried i've got instagram and i'm not great i don't use it a lot right i've tried to take've tried to take a selfie where I try and look attractive on it

and I try and have it at a certain angle. But I just look really odd. It's so fake. And these girls look at these pictures of the Kardashians and go, and they have these perfect, the filters are on, the angle's right, the contouring's right. Like, it's all really staged.

But when I do it, I just sort of look a bit lopsided and a bit sort of like a double chin chin i can't get the angle right but their whole career is based on constantly doing stuff like that right it must be exhausting it must be exhausting but like i mean what else have you got going on you know yeah i don't really have the time to be doing that i don't really have the time to be getting the angle right and the and all that stuff and the content i just don't have the time to do the shading on the face to make it look like what you've done. It didn't work out for you? It's not something that you're going to return to?

No, so I think it's just a lot to do with selfies and insecurity and pouting, and I just don't... If I'm on a desert island, I'm assuming I've not got my make-up with me and I'm not going to look great. OK. I don't really need anyone with me that's going to make me question my...

Appearance. My appearance. Yeah, OK, all right. I feel like, wholly justified, a Kardashian... I'm just saying a Kardashian. We, okay, all right. I feel like wholly justified, a Kardashian. I'm just saying a Kardashian. We don't know which one. You know, just generally any of them.

I'd rather not. Any and all of the Kardashians. Okay, cool. Kardashians can be your first choice. That's great. They go on the island. Who's going to be your second choice? Well, the second choice, now I don't know whether this counts as two people

or one person, but I... I'm very open to it being two. Well, it's a couple. Okay. Now, I don't know whether this counts as two people or one person, but I... I'm very open to it being two. Well, it's a couple. Okay. Now, it's not... I don't know if you've ever had people on this show that haven't maybe not talked about celebrities, but talked about people they know or they've met. I feel like the kind...

With celebrities, you can sort of say, oh, that person would annoy me or, you know, whatever. But when you've actually met people who've given you quite a strong emotional reaction in life in real life yeah that this is what i'm where i'm going here and it came up straight away when i when i knew i was doing this and it's a couple i met very recently when i was i was in australia doing my show and i a week before i went i went earlier and did a bit of travel for a week and it was lovely met loads of really interesting people um especially because i was on my own i got chatting to people and i stayed in this gorgeous little bed and breakfast for three nights and every morning you'd had a communal breakfast table which is lovely nice you know have breakfast with everyone that's staying there get to know them a bit lovely and everyone was lovely really really

friendly apart from this couple and the voices like it's the voices i cannot get their voices out of my head okay and i do do feel if I was stuck on a desert island with them, I would have to drown myself. So can you remember exactly what they're like? They were an American couple. They were really, really sweet, but it was first of all the voices and the fact that every time I saw them,

they would complain about what they'd been doing that day or what they'd been doing the day before. Nothing was satisfying. So she kind of talked like that, like right out of the nose. And she really talked like that. She'd go, so she'd be like,

so hey guys, how was your day yesterday? Well, you know, like we were really disappointed weren't we with the trip. Like we really felt that like we didn't get our money's worth in the wine. We didn't really like the wine. like it was a wine tasting region so obviously that's all it was to do we you know we we didn't really like the wine we felt there was like the the um the portions of the wine were too big like how can there be too much wine it's ridiculous

that's ridiculous there's too much wine we didn't really enjoy the food we got the food was really like and she just talked like that i mean you can't see my face right now, but she had no, her face didn't really move and everything was bad. Oh, no. Nothing was good. Then he chipped it. He didn't really speak a lot. When he did, he kind of talked like this.

Oh, no. And his voice was kind of up there. It was like, it was kind of that droning voice. You're looking really sleepy now. No, no. He kind of joined in and was like, yeah, we were really unhappy with the trip. He really didn't enjoy it. I can just imagine he's so disengaging. It's just like, yeah, we were really unhappy with the trip. We really didn't enjoy it. I can just imagine, he's so disengaging.

It's just like, what are you doing? And I know my voice, I'm aware, is not the best. I mean, I come across as slightly sarcastic. It's not the most soothing voice. But the two of them combined, you could see the other guests around the table just wanting to smash their heads on the page. But it was the fact that every day you go,

hey guys, how are you? Hoping they'd say, do you know what? We had a really lovely day yesterday. We were travelling in Australia. It's beautiful sunshine. We went to the beach. But always it was like, well, it was really windy on the beach. It was really disappointing because the sun was blowing.

Such a downer every time. Yeah, the sun was blowing. It was really difficult. You don't want to be around. I just feel like as I'm talking, my heart rate's increased slightly. It's just like you want to be there enjoying yourself and they're just putting a downer on everything. Yeah.

And I know on this island, you won't be enjoying yourself because you're stuck there and you're trapped. And they wouldn't like anything on it. Even if you had a really lovely day on the island, which you might. You might have been stranded there, but you might have a really lovely day. It's those people that you meet that still find fault yes and Brits do that a lot abroad

quite like complaining oh absolutely and often I don't know if you've been in a queue for EasyJet going to Spain or something like that and the people in front of you will be like well do you know what we came last year right and it was just like we were delayed for an hour they love talking about it

we were delayed for like two hours three hours. They love talking about we were delayed. We were delayed, weren't we Pete? Yeah, we were. Delayed for like two hours, three hours at worst. They didn't have the sandwiches we wanted. It was awful. Nothing positive.

Yeah. And it could be the rest of it. The food could be amazing and the weather could be the best weather and you know, something incredible

could have happened but they really always talk about that down in point. I remember there was a couple in front of me I think the flight was delayed so we were there for ages. They were literally talking like that.

And she was going to the couple next to me. She was like, well, we come back every year. Last year. I don't know if you know the Chinese place down the road. They were like, yeah, because they obviously knew each other. Well, it's gone downhill, hasn't it, Pete? Yeah, it's gone downhill. It's awful.

It's not what it was. It's awful. They just love to complain, don't they? Not say how good it was. Yeah, yeah. That would be awful on the island no optimism as well with that couple is there a chance that you'll get off

just nothing from them no I don't want them there on the holiday when you were in Australia did you have an opportunity to speak with anyone else that was around that table to say what about these guys not really because it was that polite thing where you're all sat around the

table at the same time and there's a bit of a look you might give to someone across the table that like oh god these guys but you kind of don't want to say because you want to sort of be really friendly and not be the kind of the bitch that kind of goes oh these guys are a bit. I know. You don't know what anyone else is thinking. So you don't know anyone else well

enough to be able to be like what about this sort of. Yeah but I think I could see in other people's faces they were just thinking for goodness sake please just a knowing look and that's it yeah yeah just say you had a nice time that's all you need to say um so that couple and i feel like everyone knows that couple right we've all we've all been there we've all been on holiday or sat next to that couple or you you might have been on a flight and sat behind that couple and you can feel that you get the vibe you start to feel really you pick up that vibe i think and then start to feel really negative about i know yeah and at least it puts a negative slant on it because you're feeling negatively towards them yeah you want them to stop but you

don't want that to be a part of your and it's the voices voices stick in your heads that because i i do characters because i create characters for my shows and stuff that's how i come up with characters because a voice will stick in my head and i can't get out my head so that woman that talks like that that could be a character oh for sure i do but i think if i i think the audience would probably be driven mad if i did a character like that but that could be a new character for me it could be yeah you could build an entire show out of those two a two three hour show yeah? Yeah. I don't think anyone would last three hours. Okay, yeah, fair enough. It would have to be a long show as well, right?

To draw out the pain. Yeah, a full story of the holiday from hell, I think. Okay, so that couple on holiday, right. And who's going to be your third choice? Well, I don't know if I've got a third now because I had those two. Okay. Anna, now, mercifully, among the wreckage of the plane

there was some food and drink left over but unfortunately for you it's your least favorite food and drink in the world what are they and why are they so bad the drink thing um drink first would definitely be um malibu malibu what was it always arches now no it's malibu that's the that's the peachy coconut one isn't it uh malibu is a coconut one um peachy is archers so i've got they're quite similar aren't they yeah yeah yeah so the reason it would be archers is just so when i was i think everyone remembers the first time they were sick on alcohol i'm sure you've had this before in this podcast yeah um and it's i just it's that peach taste and the coconut it's quite tropical isn't it and i just basically it's a very boring story i was 15 um i hadn't really ever drunk that much and i was at a friend's birthday

thing um and maybe i had a couple of drinks i was i'd never really drank i think hooch was the thing back then yeah i do like lemony and i maybe had a couple of those and then there was someone who bought some arches like a big i say a big it must have, it can't have been that much, but for no reason at all, I decided to down it thinking I was quite cool. I don't know why, because it was, what's really pathetic about the story is it's not like I was at a really cool event

or a festival or a gig. You know, I was actually in someone's back garden in the suburbs, which makes it a bit sad. I don't know who I was trying to impress. There was no boys there I was trying to impress. And I downed this um bottle of orange and i just remember about an hour later just collapsed they were all singing happy birthday i just remember collapsing in a garden it's so oh no okay it's so embarrassing yeah yeah and then i just remember waking up in her bedroom her mum put me to like put me in her room and put me and they had to phone my mum and

say anna's not coming obviously my mum was like was like, oh, guess, that I've been drinking. And I just, what was the most menacing thing I remember is I was so drunk that I woke up and my friend had a Jon Bon Jovi poster on the wall, as you did back then. And I remember looking at the Jon Bon Jovi poster and there were four Jon Bon Jovis, which is quite terrifying.

But I mean, I did quite fancy Jon Bon Jovi because I was 15, you you know I loved Bon Jovi but there were four of him and he had red eyes I could just see it and I just it was really menacing and my friend came in

and she went are you okay and I just kept saying four Jon Bon Jovis I kept saying it over and over again which was very odd and then I just remember oh it's just the throwing up when you can taste that really strong smell

of whatever it is you've drunk the peach and the coconut. And my mum picked me up the next day, and she didn't really have to say anything. She kind of gave me a look as if to say, I don't have to say anything, you've learnt your lesson, you're never going to do that again. And then I think I was still sick the next day.

But I've not drunk that since. I don't even know whether you can still get that. I assume you can. But anything peach and coconutty since then reminds me of that. I just think you always remember those moments of sickness. I'm quite lucky I'm not sick a lot with alcohol, but I do distinctly remember the times I was. Oh, yeah, for sure.

Whatever I've drunk, I don't think I can drink it again. Okay, so Arch, this is your drink choice. What's going to be your food choice? The food choice is a really smelly fish. Like a haddock, maybe. With a creamy sauce. There's two reasons for this. First of all,

if my sister listens to this, she's going to really laugh. My mum cooks amazing food. She's an amazing cook. And when we were younger, she had her staple dishes that she used to make. And me and my sister always go, oh, do you remember that amazing pasta mum used to make? And we kind of remember it. But there was one dish that maybe we admitted quite recently to my mum.

We went, do you remember that dish she used to make? And we hated it. She was like, really, she was really upset. She was like, I didn't know you hated it. And it was some kind of haddock or cod in parsley sauce. Oh, right, yeah. And it was really creamy. And the parsley, I don't like parsley.

I don't see the point of it. I think it's just like weeds. It's pointless. I love you. And I remember the smell of it. I remember the disappointment on me and my sister's face when she brought that out. And we kind of smile and go, oh, thanks.

But we used to discuss how much we hated it. And she thought we liked it. And it was a really strong smell. It didn't taste of anything. And she, oh she i feel really bad saying that but the other reason for the fish thing was um to do with someone i lived with so i lived somewhere i lived in north london um a flat i lived and i shared a flat with this this girl for sort of eight months or so and it was a really lovely flat but it was very it was right near a

train station okay so you couldn't the train station was so loud you couldn't really open the windows because you would just hear the train station it was really loud so it and it was right near a train station. Okay. So you couldn't, the train station was so loud you couldn't really open the windows because you would just hear the train station. It was really loud. So, and it was over summer that I lived then.

It was really, really stuffy and really, really hot in there. Okay. And it was an open plan lounge and kitchen. Right. And then the bedrooms were next door so it was really, you know,

really quite small. And I'd get home much later than her and she would nearly every night make fish but really smelly, really, really smelly fish with the cream sauce. Every night? Nearly every night but she would nearly every night make fish but really smelly really really smelly fish with the cream sauce every night nearly every night but she would never open the windows when she was

cooking and the heat as well so i would remember getting home from work and coming out of the lift because it's quite a top floor flat like five floors up and smelling the fish and then being just just that feeling of disappointment and going through the door and just this overpowering stench of just hot stinky fish stinky fish and she'd leave it out she'd like half eat it then leave it out why and then my bedroom would smell and then why why um the bedroom would smell and then the whole flat would smell basically this the whole flat smelt of it i basically had to move out because I lived somewhere that just smelled of fish. It was horrible. And I do quite like fish,

but after that, I was like, no, just, I don't want to... Honestly, because you couldn't open the windows and it was really hot, so it was just horrible. That's horrific. Like a fish crematorium. It was horrible.

And just to leave half of it out, just stinking the place out. Just put it in a bin or just open a window, for goodness sake. Yeah. Just give up. It doesn't matter about the train. Just open a window. bin or just open a window for goodness sake. Yeah. It doesn't matter about the change. Just open a window.

It's just quite a specific smell, isn't it? It's quite a strong smell. I'm quite sensitive to smell, I think, so that wasn't nice. But that's so annoying as well because someone else lives there.

You live there as well. That's the thing with sharing flats or sharing houses. I mean, it's difficult in London to live somewhere and share with people

and get on and it's all perfect but you live somewhere and share with people and get on and it's all perfect. But you've got to consider other people. A certain level of consideration comes with living with other people. Even if they're like a best friend or a partner or whatever, you have to think about them a little bit. Yeah, so the fish is, I'm going to say, smelly fish. Cool. So fish, specifically stinky fish, and specifically with a thick parsley sauce. Oh, yeah.

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One is your least favourite film of all time and the other your least favourite song. What are they and why are they so bad? I'll talk about films quickly, briefly. OK. The film one was tricky. My memory's not great. I'm just going to pick a film that I saw very recently. It was called Geostorm. Geostorm no never heard of it um it's got gerald butler in okay it's kind of like a film i don't i don't even really know what it's about which is how bad it is

okay but the storyline was basically it's a film i watched with my sister and me and my sister love watching films that are the trailers are so bad we know that we're going to watch it and it's going to be really bad we quite enjoy watching it and kind of going, this is... trying to predict it and going, this is absolutely horrific. So you went in knowing it was going to be terrible? We knew it was going to be terrible because we'd seen the trailers and it was worse than what we thought it would be.

OK. So it was a kind of disaster film where there's... I don't even understand the plot as I'm talking. It was something to do with satellites that some terrorists had hacked into satellites which changing the weather okay and i can see that there's confusion on your face as to yes how that's the storyline it was a storyline it was a genuine storyline of there was like a big opening thing of some storm happening and lots of people being killed and weird weather things going on and then gerald butler was the sort of typical,

in a disaster movie, scientist character who is an outcast because he didn't agree with someone on something because he's got an arrogant attitude. Science maverick. The science maverick. He's, I've been saying retired, using my fingers, doing inverted commas, having a few beers at a beach house. You know, someone turns up in a car,

the government, and we really need you. You know, that kind of... You're just doing bullet points of the typical thing that you might find. It's the typical thing. He's like, oh, no. And then, now, what I really loved about it is the typical child.

And again, it's like that kind of voice that the child's like, Dad, I believe in you. If it's not for you, we're all going to... The human race is going to die. You know, the child is like nine going on 25. Yeah. Who says things that a nine going on 25. Yeah. Who says things that a child wouldn't say.

Yeah. And it was that moment where she was like, Dad, you've got to do this. Yeah. And there was something about, I think the mum might have been dead. There's usually like... Oh, you're just ticking boxes here.

There was kind of like, Mum really wanted you to do this. Yeah. What disturbed us most about the film was Gerard Butler's face. And his mouth, he kind of from the mouth upwards didn't move okay and it it's annoying that this is you can't see my face we're not filming this but he

was sort of like a puppet like his mouth was a bit like a puppet i think he'd had fillers in his face or the botox at the top so when he was trying to talk pretty passionately it was kind of coming out like that like his you know like really he was really struggling to speak like that. And I don't really, I mean, I don't really know what to say about it. Apart from there was just lots of scenes where Gerald Butler was in front of a huge screen that was like a giant FaceTime screen. Like he was just talking to different scientists around the world. My sister was a bit like, well, why is the screen?

I don't understand why the screen's so big. Why can't he just talk on a phone a normal face on a phone but he just kept talking to different people on different giant screens around the world he was saying that they were having problems

in Japan or I'm really struggling to understand this film I don't understand the film at all and I've talked about it for far too long oh my god

it's basically just a load of storms he say America saves the world obviously yeah okay he stops the satellites I don't really remember how he did it saves the world obviously yeah okay he stops the satellites I don't really remember

how he did it and then he obviously went back at the end the daughter said he was a hero and that was I think he may have got together with

one of the female scientists who he had a bit of banter with who was like a strong kind of scientist woman who was quite sarcastic to him

it's just the usual type of film I'm really making you want to watch it no no I'm just so confused and also just thinking the people that created this film it's like they almost sat down together and they were like what what type of film should we make hmm you know the sciencey one and then they were just like okay so they just drew up the list of stuff that happens and then just made that and i think they had a few scenes where there was like somewhere really

hot but there were hailstones it was supposed to be like oh look it's really oh it's supposed to of stuff that happened and then just made that. And I think they had a few scenes where there was like somewhere really hot but there were hailstones. It was supposed to be like, oh, look, it's really, oh, it's supposed to be really hot here but look, there's giant hailstones smashing people. Okay.

I think they sort of said, what film can we make with amazing special effects? Ah. Let's make this film about the weather. Okay. And then I think they went, oh, what's the plot?

And then someone went, oh, no one's going to, like, let's not go into detail. It'll just be something about some satellite. Someone's hacked into them and it's changed the weather. Genuinely, that was the plot. So you're not going to recommend anyone sees this any time soon? I think we should all see it.

Oh, right, OK, cool. Maybe someone can see it and tell me what actually happened. OK, yeah. I think you should just see it just to see Gerald Butler's face. I don't know what's happened to it. I don't know why he's suddenly doing these films. He did a similar one about... I think he did one where he was trying to protect the president or something.

He did a similar kind of saving the day type thing. Has Gerald Butler just become kind of like a B-movie type guy? I think he has. That's quite disappointing, but not surprising. I've given that film far too much airtime, I feel. Okay, Geostorm. Yeah. Watch it.

It's two hours of your life you'll never get back. Soon I'm going to have a lot of time on my hands, perhaps. Maybe put it on. I'll watch it and I'll message you to let you know how it goes. I've given away the fact that he saves the... I'm in it for the special effects. Yeah. Basically.

He saves the day. Okay, cool. Geostorm. All right, and what's going to be your song choice? The song choice is going to be I Believe I Can Fly by R. Kelly. I believe I can fly. I believe I can touch the sky.

Wow, okay. You've gone in big here. For a particular reason, when I was at university, I was in halls of residence and I was very lucky. The people either side of me in halls, they have thin walls.

You can be unlucky with your neighbours. I had two great neighbours, a girl and a guy, either side, very, very quiet. Fine. The guy did two terms and then left. He quit.

I don't know why. We didn't really know each other and this girl moved in and remember the first day she kind of moved in and i said sort of hi she didn't seem that friendly she kind of went into the room and i thought oh fair enough um anyway didn't see her for the first day second day i was doing an essay i think the essay had to be in the next day and i was sort of cramming like i always did yeah and she put i believe i can fly on by r kelly and it was it was really loud it was coming through the walls and i was like oh god is she gonna you know she's obviously got a

a hi-fi thing on really loud that's a bit annoying i thought well that's fair enough she's you know i don't want to go and say anything she's only just moved in but it finished and i bit of a pause and thought i'll carry on you know doing my essay then came on again. By the fourth time, I was getting really concerned and also going slightly mad. Like something might have happened to her? I thought, well, I thought she's obviously obsessed with this song. What is it about this song that she's constantly playing? I thought maybe she's had a breakup

or maybe she's not feeling confident. I was trying to think of why you would have I Believe I Can Fly On. And I'm not, this is no exaggeration, by the ninth time. What? And I'm not joking, I was counting by then. It got, and the bit that was really doing my head in

was you'd have the pause and you think, surely it's going to stop now. And then it would start. I'm going to be. No. I can't remember the words. And you'd start going off, for God's sake. But what was worse is the way the song builds.

And the end, the last few bars of the film, he does this thing where he goes, Flair, Flair, Flair. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And it goes on and on and on. By then, I was literally wanting, I was losing the will to live. So at the 10th time, I thought, I can't bear this.

This is just ridiculous. She's obviously had a breakdown. Knocked on the door. She wasn't there. She'd basically put this, you know you can press repeat on a thing. She'd obviously pressed repeat and just put the song on.

And I never found out why. She'd gone out. She'd basically gone out and it went on and on and on. I think I went to the kitchen, basically got to the 15th time and I thought I was just going to kill, I was nearly throwing myself out the window, it was third floor so I could have. Went into the kitchen, she came back, saw I could have. What? Went into the kitchen. She came back.

Saw her come back and she just went into the room and then turned it off. What? Very odd. And did anything like that ever happen again? No. Was it like... No, it never happened again.

What? I don't know to this day what, why, whether it was a mistake, whether she... That is incredible....scar to scare me i don't but that song if that is it's not a great song anyway but if that song comes on it just gives me sort of flashbacks of listening to it 15 times that is while trying to do an essay so i'm trying to think why i'm and like a few reasons perhaps are going through my head one could be it was an accident right she had her shuffle she was doing it for something else she pressed play by accident and And, like, a few reasons perhaps are going through my head. One could be it was an accident, right?

She had her shuffle, she was doing it for something else. She pressed play by accident and walked out. And then she got back and she was like, oh, no. How embarrassing, I've left it. But it was very loud as well. But she never referenced? No, she never, I mean, I just, she came, I saw her very calmly walk back into the room

and then it went off. What? And so the other thing I'm thinking, do you think it was some kind of game she was playing, some kind of like weird... I don't know. I'll never know to this day. I mean, if she's listening now,

which she's probably, you know, very unlikely she would be listening. Yeah. Sure, she won't remember that. I would love to know why that happened, but I just... That is incredible. I just, I mean,

I honestly thought she was just, she loved the song and she was like, maybe she, maybe that was it. She's in there just loving it. Because of the fact that she'd gone out. That is so weird. But you don't go out and you leave... Anyway, so traumatised by R. Kelly's I Believe I Can Fly.

That's amazing. Can I ask you about your relationship beyond that moment in time? Like, how were you and her together? Well, I never... What, the girl with the I Believe I Can Fly song? I never spoke to... She never spoke to me. She was really... She was just either in her room or she'd can fly song. She never spoke to me.

She was just either in her room or she'd go out and I never really spoke to her. So I can never address the R. Kelly issue with her. That's so weird. It was never addressed. It's been left hanging and I don't know if I'll ever get over it. Okay, I believe I can fly by R. Kelly. And finally, the island is overrun by the biggest dick of all the animals. Which animal is it and why?

Well, I found this quite difficult because I really love animals. Okay. So this was quite hard, but I don't know if anyone's ever picked a specific animal that they've actually met. Oh, right. Okay, this is great. Yeah. And this one would be, and I love horses, and don't get me wrong, I love them, but this is a specific horse called Toffee.

Toffee the horse? Which sounds really innocent. Who lives on an island in Australia. I can't remember the name of the island. When I was travelling about 10 years ago, I was travelling on my own. I got a bit bored one day. I was on this little island

and I decided someone at the hostel said, oh, there's all these things to do. There's horse riding. I said, oh, I've never really, I don't think I've ever been horse riding. And she said, yeah, they do it from beginners. Anyway, I got there and I said, oh, I'm a beginner, not done this before.

Everyone else that was there seemed very experienced. I a bit intimidated and this woman went oh you know that's fine we have beginners we'll put you on toffee and i was like oh okay toffee sounds nice i'm a bit scared but you know go on so we all start so i get on this little very innocent looking horse as horses are um and we start trotting along and i'm thinking oh this is quite nice but toffee turned out to be absolutely mental. Oh, no. So Toffee just going along. Everyone else was going in a straight line normally following the instructor.

And Toffee kept running off, wildly run off into some woods and just tried to throw me off about three times. But every time they found me, they'd go, where's Anna gone? And I'd go, oh, she just tried to throw me off. And they would look at me as if to say, come on, you're obviously just saying that. Because she'd stopped doing it as soon as they came over. So I think she basically hated me and decided to just try and kill me when people weren't looking. How old were you at the time?

I was like 27 or something like that. And this horse was just like... This horse... Had it out for you. Hated me. And then we carried on going and she kept going off and I was getting really scared because the horses are quite high

and I hadn't ridden a horse before so I was like, this is terrifying. And I said to this woman, sorry, every time she runs off she keeps trying to throw me off. Oh no, she's a bit odd. She's a bit...

And I said, well... What, the horse? Yeah, I said, could you not have given me a horse that was not odd, basically? And then to cut a long story short, and I said, well. What, the horse? Yeah, I said, well, could you not have given me a horse that was not odd, basically? And then to cut a long story short, this is the best bit. We went, got to the beach and they said, right, we're going to do this lovely thing now where we're going to,

everyone's going to get on their horses and walk into the sea and the horses love it. The horses are going to walk along the beach through the sea. Give us your phones, we'll take photos. Give us your cameras. Nice. Lovely moment. It looks, the sun was coming down and I was like this is well i thought this is nice you know we

can lovely photos to send back fine so of course everyone else on their horses start going very slowly through the sea it looks beautiful toffee my horse plot doesn't want to go in first of all they're like eventually goes in and i'm thinking, am I giving them my camera going, great, take a picture. And all the others go off walking through the beach. Look, it looks beautiful. Tuffy just sits down in the middle of the sea. With you on the... Fully sat down.

Didn't want to do it. So sat down, so the water sort of came up to my shoulders. She just sat down and I just sat there for 10 minutes. She wouldn't move in the middle of the sea. And everyone else had gone. They'd all gone. So you just sat there on this horrible gone the woman took a picture of me then walked off then everyone else had no one noticed for about 10 minutes that i was sat in the middle of the sea on a horse what that sounds like a horrific experience and i was just sat by then i was just sat there going

talking to this i was actually talking to the horse going i don't know what your problem is with me but i just wanted a nice picture and a nice experience and then they realized they obviously turned around one of them went realized that i i hadn't moved and came back and basically i was just by then i was just like i'm not doing this anymore and i just walked alongside that was my experience of horse riding and i just don't want i wouldn't want toffee the horse i'm sure no toffee had issues yeah sure it wasn't to do with me. But it was just pretty terrifying. And it really put me off horses. Toffee sounds like a horrible horse.

And that sounds like such a terrifying experience to be sat in the sea on this beast of a horse that just hates you. I mean, after a while, it was quite relaxing. I just at one point thought... It was quite relaxing. I was shouting to people going, Hi, guys, I'm stuck, guys. But they didn't... And it was quite frightening. I was shouting to people going, guys, I'm stuck, guys. But they didn't...

And I was... It was quite frightening. I thought, what if they all just go back and they just take some ages to realise? And I thought, what if Toffee just takes me off right into the sea and just drowns me? Maybe it was just... She was just kind of suicide-packed with a horse.

Oh, my God. And if we were on a desert island, that could happen. The horse just kind of looks back like, this is the end. Anna, it's been an absolute pleasure to have you on the podcast. I've really enjoyed it. Thank you so much for having me. Thank you so much. Anna, if people want to see you, where can they see you?

They can see me at the Soho Theatre 19th to 21st March. I'm doing a show called Bitchelers, which is a multi-character show. And if people want to find you, where can they find you? My website is annamorris.co.uk And on Twitter? annamorriscomic. Well, thank you so much, Anna. Thank you. My website is annamorris.co.uk. And on Twitter? Anna Morris Comic. Anna Morris Comic.

Lovely. Well, thank you so much, Anna. Thank you. Thank you.