Desert Island Dicks - BABATUNDE ALESHE

Episode Date: July 27, 2020

Celebrity Gogglebox's Babatunde Aleshe joins Dan to share who and what he'd hate to be stuck with on a desert island. Be sure to follow the podcast @dickspod Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Choose from hundreds of top podcasts offering host endorsements, or run a reproduced ad like this one across thousands of shows to reach your target audience with Lipson Ads. Go to lipsonads.com now. That's L-I-B-S-Y-N ads.com. Hi, I'm Dan from Desert Island Dicks, and I'm standing in my kitchen to tell you that this episode I'm joined by comedian Babatunde Aleche,

who you may have seen most recently on Celebrity Gogglebox alongside Mo Gilligan. And if you haven't seen that, then you may have seen most recently on Celebrity Gogglebox alongside Mo Gilligan. And if you haven't seen that, then you might want to after listening to this, because he's a very funny man who is a pleasure to chat to about the worst people and worst things imaginable. It's uncommon that somebody can be more angry about Bruno Mars than Tommy Robinson, but that's something that happened in this episode, so it's worth checking out. If you enjoy this episode or any of the other podcasts in our not inconsiderable back catalogue then please subscribe and give us a rating. I'm not going to go into the reasons why it's helpful for us but it really does help us

and you can blame Apple for the fact that their weird algorithms make us beg you for approval so we can get higher up the charts. They're also the reason that your house is probably full of different adapters and chargers that no longer work on your current phone or laptop. Thanks a lot, Apple. But thank you for listening and subscribing because it is appreciated. And as a mark of my appreciation, I will leave you alone now to enjoy this episode of Desert Island Dicks with Babatunde Eleşe. Hi I'm Dan Benedictus and welcome to Desert Island Dicks, the show that sees you

marooned on a desert island after a plane crash with the worst people and worst things imaginable. Who they are and why they're a dick is up to our guest and here to share their Desert Island dicks with us today is comedian, actor and writer Babatunde Aleche. How you doing? How you doing man? I feel like there should be a round of applause for me Rob. I'm only joking, I'm only messing with you man. I could put one in, how about that, I'll edit one in just for you. Well we're still hoping one day when things get back to normal, we can take the show on the road. But for now, as you can see, I'm sat in my kitchen.

You get a nice view of my boiler, you know, so we're keeping it back to basics. Cool, man. That's cool. So how did you find the process of choosing your uh your dicks for the island today kind of easy i'm not gonna lie i just thought of uh people that upset me whenever they appear on my tv screen or whenever they appear in the news and uh yeah i just had my three picks straight away man nice nice cool well i'm looking forward to hearing them. Let's go straight in then. Who's your first choice? First choice would have to be Simon Cowell.

Simon Cowell. Yeah. You know, I think that this was pretty, well, kind of self-explanatory. Like, you know, Simon Cowell, as great as a music mogul and a businessman that he is, I just feel like everyone kind of knows that he is just a dickhead like you know what i'm saying like even if it's what would be hilarious if he turned out to be a nice person i'd still be like yeah he's nice but he's a dick in it you know what i'm saying that's why i chose him man he was my number one pick as well yeah it's weird like these sort of people who kind of thrive off being known as dicks do you know i mean i feel like you know he really like these sort of people who kind of thrive off being known as dicks

do you know i mean i feel like you know he really likes the pantomime villain kind of thing but i just think if i was really well known i'd rather just think people thought i was safe you know i was like a cool guy like wouldn't that just be better that would be better but you can only go off with him you can only go off of what you see on TV. And like, you know, sometimes he just, he just has the look of a dickhead. Like, that's the thing. Like, especially nowadays that he's done like all the surgery and his eyebrows and cheekbones look hilariously weird. It's just like, not only are you a dick within your personality, but now you actually look like one. So that's why I chose him.

But yeah, you would expect someone with that kind of status to want to be known as the nice guy. And as truthful as he is, you can tell that he has to have that kind of dickhead side to him, you know what I'm saying, in a business like that. It's funny as well, I sort of think that he's one of those people who's obviously got millions and millions of pounds, but always kind of looks like he could be trying a bit harder on his look.

Do you know what I mean? It's something about rich, multi-millionaire men who just go this is my look now stick into it one color t-shirt you know that's right open open collar like you know showing the little bit of the chest hair no one wants to see that like and he's sort of like his hair is kind of it's sort of spiked up but it's also got that sort of weird center parting it's like two brillo pads yes pick pick a side you know yeah he's had that look that hairstyle for a long time i feel like whoever he's uh he's he's hairstylist is they did that and he was just like yeah i like what you did there we're gonna roll with this forever yeah onto the day i die this is me right here yeah something clicked yeah it's weird the outfit thing i think it's just like i wonder if all the millionaires get

together and discuss it because steve jobs obviously always had the same outfit i think mark zuckerberg only wears gray t-shirts or something and i saw something like an article about mark zuckerberg and he said something like oh you know I think the whole act of like going to your wardrobe in the morning and picking an outfit is a bit frivolous you know so you take that choice away and I was like you don't talk about frivolous you run a website for people to post pictures of their breakfasts don't tell me we can't look good now exactly exactly you know everyone has their one look. As soon as you said that, Bill Gates came into mind. He's another one who has like a very standard look. He doesn't try to like, he doesn't experiment at all.

I guess when you're that rich, it doesn't matter how you dress, whether it's Gucci or Primark or anything. The fact that I have billions in my bank account, I can buy these companies if i wanted to so i think that's where that mentality like if i was a billionaire tomorrow best believe i don't care about nike or adidas or gucci or louis vuitton i'll just i'll wear primark all day because i can you know so that would be my choice you know yeah yeah i think it's a weird thing though with simon cowell it's like he's someone who just you can tell that he loves the power more than you know because

he's obviously you know music is his thing he's been very successful but i always think like he doesn't really care about music at all he just cares about being able to shatter dreams i think he's like almost like a like a some kind Like, you know, he sucks the energy from like teenagers who sort of, you know, hopefully it's just the energy, but, um, you know,

just as every time he crushes a dream, he gets a little bit stronger, more powerful. Oh, you think you can sing? Well, guess what? You can't burn.

Like, you know what I'm saying? Like next, like, you know what I mean? So yeah, that is Simon Cowell. That is definitely,

uh, how he rolls and for that reason i don't like him and obviously he's so used to judging people if you stuck on the desert island with him he's going to be constantly judging everything you do and say exactly why i chose him because it's just like i could if there's one person well obviously i've got two more but i think one of the people i would not want to be stuck on a desert island is is definitely with someone who is judgmental you know especially if you're trying like we're stuck on an island yeah we're trying our best here and you've got this guy just judging you left right and so everything that you do I would I would hate that man definitely it's gonna be a tricky one okay and

who would be your second choice second one was gordon ramsey okay yeah gordon ramsey i mean for the cooking i'd like to be stuck on an island with him because you know he'd make the food taste great but other than that him swearing all the time and shouting at you like that would just like we would fight i think between me simon and uh gordon me and gordon would clash the most yeah we'd fight because i wouldn't take none of that from him you know i mean already i mean it's a very sort of opinionated island isn't it with those two heavy hitters heavy hitters yeah yeah I just I don't like the way Gordon Ramsay's

forehead is permanently wrinkled every time I see it every time I see it I'm just like

oh my god what the hell and he's another one with some weird cheekbones like he looks like an old baby.

Yeah. I mean, between his forehead and Simon Cowell's hair, I mean, you're just constantly going to be looking up and get a sore neck from just staring up at them the whole time. Yeah, man. Oh, God. I think I picked a crazy bunch, a very angry bunch of people to be stuck in the eye.

Yeah. Fireworks are definitely going to... Well, sparks are reckon with this 100 i think both of those choices they've got something in common where like they both do that thing that you get it in the apprentice a lot where people kind of go listen if you want to make it in this business you know it's a tough industry you've got you know you have a thick skin skin you just think you're in charge of the industry just be nice like you don't have to keep being a twat exactly you know I mean like you could make the change you could be the catalyst for this you just enjoy it too much that's where you got into this industry you don't love food and music you love shutting people down yeah yeah

I love as much as I can't stand gordon ramsay i have to admit i do love watching his shows just to see him shout at people and crush and crush dreams like you yeah you think that this is a nice egg well guess what you know this sucks so yeah that's why as much as yeah as much as i hate him there is a a soft spot only because he makes me laugh that's about it I wonder if it's just something that like for decent people like you or I you know who sort of try not to sort of scream and shout at people right the idea of being that sort of like having no safety valve and just being free to be as rude and like abusive as possible maybe there's a certain sort of you're like wow you can just do that. What must that

feel like? Yeah, exactly. Especially, because where I grew up, I grew up in Tottenham, and yeah, if you started just randomly shouting at people, it could end pretty badly. So you've got to watch your tone, the way you talk to people.

Gordon Ramsay is just one of those guys where yeah, he would have had a hard time growing up where i grew up but to say that i don't know where the hell he broke you know where he where he grew up so he might be tougher than i than i know i read this thing about gordon ramsay recently that's just made me so angry that oh yeah because he's like a he's a real big car fan and he's like collects ferraris so he's got a few quid obviously now like they're all these special edition ferraris which you have to to be allowed to buy them by ferrari you have to have so many ferraris that you have to be like on their approved list to allow you to spend like wow like upwards of a million quid on one of these limited edition cars and i saw an article about

how when he gets it he doesn't even bother to spec it himself he just lets the dealer choose he's like i've got a good relationship with the dealer you you spec this one out for me you choose the color and everything and you're like how can you you're sort of be so interested that you're going to spend that much money but also so bored of the idea that you're just like oh yeah just bring it to me those are rich people problems you know what i'm saying like i wish i had that but for taking the bus you know what i mean like you check out which bus i'm gonna take out this today you know what i mean like yeah that's rich people problems right there man i wish i had that kind of money though but i wouldn't i don't think i'd be going that far as to you know have a ferrari

collection yeah i mean listen you got you can do whatever you want with your own money. I can't tell anybody how to spend their money. But I think, you know what's so funny? Like, I don't know, like Britain's a bit different. Like in America, if you said that you had a Ferrari collection, people would be like, oh my God, you're the greatest. Like they'd celebrate you. But over here, it's kind of frowned upon to

enjoy your money yeah you understand to a certain extent so yeah yeah that

that doesn't surprise me but at the same time I can't judge him on that I can just say yeah just spend your money bro just don't come to us well Mick Fleetwood from Fleetwood Mac said that So yeah, just spend your money, bro. Just don't come to us. Well, Mick Fleetwood from Fleetwood Mac said that cocaine is God's way of telling you you've got too much money.

I reckon beyond that, having a Ferrari collection that you don't even spec yourself is God really banging on your door going, dude, you've definitely got too much money now. Well, I know a lot of uh coke heads uh from back in the day and they were broke so i don't know about that fair enough misquoting him then but i think yeah gordon ramsay and simon cowell that's uh i mean you're just gonna struggle to get anything i mean they're either gonna be i imagine they'd get on well and just shout at you. Yes,

they would. They wouldn't sort of cancel each other out. They'd just like direct it all at someone else because they'd sort of see each other in, in themselves, you know, see themselves in each other. The only thing that's coming good out of that, that combination of people is good food and hopefully a good selection of,

well, a good playlist. That's about it. That is it. Okay. so we've got those two who's going to be joining him who's your third choice on the island third choice is is a bit of a no-brainer but still a bit of a surprise it's Tommy Robinson what could you possibly have against Tommy where can I start maybe the clothes he wears no um no i mean that's a no-brainer i think the dudes are twat so that goes without saying he's an absolute idiot um but you know what's so funny i feel like he's the type of guy who if he sees a black person he will try and suck up to them to be like hey it's me

tell me i'm not i'm not racist we're cool right you know and that is what would rub me up the wrong way it's like if you are gonna be totally sold out to your views be you know don't try and don't don't try and act like you're not that kind of guy you know i'm saying yeah be that 100 i'd rather respect you if i know where i stand with you but if i don't know where act like you're not that kind of guy. You know what I'm saying? Be that 100%. I'd rather respect you if I know where I stand with you. But if I don't know where I stand with you because you're kind of like trying to suck up to me because, hey, you see I'm the only black guy in the room or the only black guy on the island,

then that's where the problems are going to arise because you can't insult my intelligence. You know what I'm saying? Like, we're going to have a big, big, big issue because I know behind my back, you're going to be chatting a whole bunch of rubbish about me so that's where that comes i would not want to be on an island with someone who i can't trust so that's what that's where that comes from you know yeah yeah i think it's just yes that's sort of weird thing of going i'm not a racist no i'm not

a racist i just think that england should only be full of white people and no one else. And, you know, if that makes me racist, well, you know, I don't know. Yeah, that's exactly what makes me racist. Yeah, yeah. That's, yeah. That's exactly it in a nutshell, man. That's exactly it.

And that's why I don't like him. You know what I mean? Yeah. But even the fact that he's not even, it's not even his real name, is it? He's called like Stephen Yaxley Lennon. Yeah, he's got some next name. That makes him sound foreign as well. So it's just like, dude, where are you going?

Yeah, so he's been hiding behind a more British name. Yeah, where's this energy coming from? And he lives in Luton, which is very multicultural. Because I live in Stevenage now, and Luton's literally down the road for me. Luton has a lot of different ethnicities there. Maybe back in the day it didn't in his time, when he was coming up.

He's not that old though, is he? No, he's not true. I think it's one of those things, normally it's like fear of the other comes from having not met other people of different ethnicities and stuff. But when you're surrounded by them, you're generally like, oh, yeah, everything's fine. Oh, Ahmed from down the road, he's cool. You know what I'm saying?

Like, oh, this person or that. But I could never get into the mind of a racist. I don't know where that kind of energy stems from I don't know what goes through their head that you see another person of another colour or ethnicity or race or whatever and you immediately don't like them and that's probably because I face racism in my life that maybe that's probably where that stems from maybe if I I was, you know, living where my mum and dad grew up and back home in Nigeria and like suddenly a whole bunch of white people

just came in, maybe I would have those kind of, you know, views. God forbid I do, but maybe that would, you know, but I'm glad I don't. I'm glad I don't ever see myself in that kind of superiority way. But I think so much of it is obviously so delusional.

Like, you know, they're always kind of banging on about like, oh, you know, like the white man's under threat. And you're like, look, I don't want to, you know, obviously you have a certain amount of stuff in common with Tommy Robinson. And, you know, I'm a white heterosexual male. Already that's like, you've got such an easy hand dealt to you in life. Yeah. You know, you can't

complain about that you're like what you're under threat you're not you're like the least under threat exactly in the world it's like dude i can walk down a white neighborhood as a black guy get attacked i can even go to a black neighborhood yeah and i'll still get attacked like you know what i'm saying like if anyone's under threat, it's me. I'm like, you know what I'm saying? I'm definitely under threat. I can't, again, you know, dismiss any struggles that any other race goes through. But, yeah, I don't think that white people in England are under threat.

In no way. No. Yeah, you don't get stopped by the police uh like five times in an hour so yeah yeah it's funny isn't it because for someone who's sort of meant to be like you know in his mind he's like forwarding the advancement of the white race you're like there's no one makes me more ashamed to be like English do you know what I mean you're like oh god I wish I wish there You're like, Oh God, I wish, I wish there was even like French or something.

Just some, just some bit removed from him right now would be nice. Yeah, absolutely man. And so add him to the island. I mean, obviously you and him are going to have issues. I mean,

he, as you said, like he might quite, you might be right that he'd do that weird thing of kind of being like, no, no, I'm not racist and trying to get along and stuff. But I you've got such feisty i can't think of we get a lot of different people picked on this island i mean on this podcast but i mean you've got probably the

three feistiest i've heard i don't know why i picked those three sometimes it's just like oh this guy's a dick or this woman just annoys me or whatever. But these are like, yeah, like grade A kind of weapons grade alpha males. I should have picked my wife. That would be the worst person. She'd be telling me what to do all the time. You know what I mean? I reckon these other people would be telling you what to do quite a lot of the time as well.

Yeah, they won't get far. Stubborn as I am, they definitely won't get far. I definitely ain't one to um back down from a from an argument or a fight so yeah they won't get far with that okay now mercifully amongst the wreckage of the plane there was some food and drink left over unfortunately for you it's your least favorite food and drink in the world what are they and why are they so bad? Right, first one, it has to be cheese. I am a cheese hater. Cheese hater? I am a cheese hater. I think it is revolting. And what's so funny is everyone else in my

family absolutely loves cheese. From my sister, my wife like all types of cheeses you know my sister comes home with the stinkiest of cheeses and she's just like oh my god this and i'm i can never wrap my head around how people can eat something that stinks like do like do you eat cheese yeah i do yeah yeah do you and and i'm guessing you kind of like you you love it to an extent yeah i mean i was thinking about this the other day because we've got some cheese in the fridge we've got a camembert in the fridge right and that's pretty punchy and i remember going to france on holiday once and like my mum and a relative eating some of this and just and trying a bit and just being like you know having to spit it out and i can't how can anyone this just tastes bad i don't understand it

and as i got older i wonder if it's just like your taste buds just get bored it's like if you keep eating stuff it's like there's some weird sort of pusher part of your taste buds going oh yeah you like that here I've got some strong stuff it's like weed I don't know how it works otherwise because it doesn't make any sense because I don't know how it works i you know what happened to me when i was in france i went into a supermarket and i'm wandering around and i'm like oh my god someone must have farted and i'm really like ah like how could someone fart in the supermarket i turn around and there's a whole aisle of cheeses and so i was just like okay that explains it i wandered into that aisle but i can't wrap my head around it. You taste something that smells of fart. And you're like, yeah, this is nice.

How? How does that work? And I'm glad I don't like it because of that fact. There are a lot of weird things about it. I totally get why it's weird because there can be cheeses that you like to eat, but I still don't really want to smell it. Like smelling it, I wouldn't go, you know, like if I had a blindfold on, I'm like,

that's not something I want to eat, you know. But to eat it is different. And sometimes you see them all laid out there on a board and you're just like, they just look like these things you'd collect in a forest or something. You know, just sort of like weird little things that would be stuck to the side of a tree. And you're like, is that a mushroom?

What is that? I don't even know what you're saying. You just wear it around your neck like a gemstone or a crystal or something. They just, oh, ah. But again, like I said, my sister and my wife, they are cheese fanatics.

Like my sister, she throws cheese and wine parties for her and her friends. I'm just like, you're from Tottenham. What the flip are you doing throwing cheese and wine parties? That's not what we do do but that's what she's on you know I mean and just yeah so that would be um if there was any food that I would be so upset at seeing on a desert island it would be cheese 100% and then and with your wife then have it being a cheese

lover and you hating it I mean does it cause any friction in the house? Do you have to like get her to keep it in a special section of the fridge or anything or like seal it up or? I mean, yeah, just don't keep it like, you know, the little sections by the door, like, you know, the little sections there. I'm like, don't keep it right at the front

because that's the first thing you open and that's the first thing that hits your nose. So keep it, just keep it far back within the fridge um in terms of like eating and stuff it doesn't cause friction because i just she knows not to put any cheese on my stuff so if we're doing like let's say a lasagna she knows my half that i'm gonna have just no no cheese on my half just cover it with the white sauce and any cheese that kind of spills over you take that bit you know what I mean

but one thing I'm glad is that my son eats cheese and I'm like I'm glad you like it if anyone's going to suffer out of me and you I'll let you suffer so yeah my son he's a big cheese yeah but yeah it doesn't cause friction because she knows because i had two friends who used to live together and one of them was a

vegetarian so at christmas he was like there's not much special food for me as a vegetarian compared to the rest of the year so he'd like treat himself and buying loads of cheeses and one year he went all out and he bought like a giant stilton for himself and my other friend hated it so much he made him keep it in the shed so every time he wanted some cheese it's like go out to the shed and then you know which is quite an extreme version so i wondered if something similar was happening but i do get it i i think it is a it's like the most common device of food do you know i mean there's lots of things that people don't like like i don't know oysters or whatever but they're not like an everyday thing that you'd all have around you know but cheese is like everywhere yeah on a desert island as well i mean you know when it gets all sweaty oh have you even have you ever had blue cheese yeah yeah

oh my god i accidentally ate that once so i thought it was um garlic like garlic and herb dip right so i had i had wings in it i had buffalo wings i'm thinking oh yeah like oh yeah the garlic and herb did i've dipped i've like literally covered the wing in that and i've tasted it and i immediately spat it out was just like what like this garlic sauce has gone off and then the person was just like no that's blue cheese i'm like blue cheese blue cheese is blue now like so yeah that doesn't make sense as well because i mean it looks like something that you should throw in a bin and that's again like something i hated when i was little and now i'm like oh i'm just i need

excitement in my life here we go are you one of those people that can actually like bite a whole piece of cheese i say one of those people that's terrible but yeah can you literally bite a whole i wouldn't buy a huge junk i'd probably i'd just have a little you know a little bit on a cracker or whatever but um yeah i wouldn't go crazy so yeah french people go crazy over cheese but they'll bite the shit out of it yeah you have a cheese course in fr France and it's like whoa this is I mean you guys are serious this is a lot

I mean I probably would have ordered something sweet if I knew I mean I like this but I mean this is a whole big plate yeah

that's nasty okay fair enough and what would you wash it down with what would your drink choice be to be honest I'm not a big

fizzy drink drinker so like any fizzy drink but I'd say the worst of the worst is Coke. Okay. I think that would be a controversial choice because, I mean, obviously it's a world's favourite beverage probably, isn't it? Yeah. Lately, especially from like my 20s till now, yeah i've just kind of i don't drink coke unless i'm using it as a as a chaser with like a um like hennessy or something if i'm saying all right let me

chill out and have like a cognac let me drink it with that let me chase it with that that's the only time i'll do it because of the flavor but to just drink hell no that is horrible i know there's people probably listening now like what's wrong with this guy you know he doesn't like cheese he doesn't like coke yeah man fizzy drinks i just nah man i can't do it it's one of those things that it's good if you don't like them because i mean like it's got so much bad stuff in it like isn't it like you can clean coins with it if you just leave you can clean your toilet with it yeah like you can make your toilet look brand new from time it can make your toilet look brand new and I've

seen some nasty toilets in people's houses yeah from time it can make your toilet look spanking brand new it's not supposed to be inside your belly trust me it's very weird isn't it and it's and it's made of vegetables somehow isn't it it's like a vegetable drink if you read the label it's like oh yeah it's like i don't know i didn't know that apparently it's like vegetable based i don't know how you get from like oh the vegans are gonna go crazy yeah no not for me man yeah not for me yeah i think I think that drink is, out of all the fizzy drinks, that's the worst. I used to, I went through a phase of drinking rum and coke, and I just got the worst hangovers ever.

And I think part of it was because of all the sugar and caffeine in the... And the rum. Yeah, the rum as well. But I mean, I could drink rum on its own and not be too bad. If I drink it with coke, it's like the next day I'm just laying in bed shivering just going oh god I've got to re-evaluate some things you know it's probably the caffeine making you giving you a buzz and the rum like slowing you down yeah because we used to do that I used to drink rum and red bull and that's a terrible combination because like i said the other one is trying to speed your heart

race up and that and the rubbish trying to slow you down so yeah yeah that would mess people up back in the day yeah so much exactly at my workplace we used to uh because i work in a radio station and they used to have like three cans of coke in reception and stuff and like not that many people would actually drink it all the time but the people who drank diet coke they were like addicted properly addicted so like those people make me sick but carry on carry on i mean i mean you're not stopping your phone but it was like watching like someone have withdrawal symptoms if say like whoever was responsible for filling up if like the delivery hadn't arrived there'd be people at their desk being like is there any diet coke yet it's an entire coke yet yeah and like i've seen people who are like really into for filling up if like the delivery hadn't arrived there'd be people at their desk being like is there any Diet Coke yet

is there any Diet Coke yet and like I've seen people who are like really into coffee not get that bad and maybe it's like a Diet Coke specifically

but they were clucking just like waiting for their hit it's crazy and this is at like 9.30 in the morning where even thinking of a fizzy drink

makes me kind of like you know makes my teeth itch you know dude where I used to well where I work I've seen people like 8 a.m crack open a can of coke and i'm like do you you have no morals like you just you're just the worst of the worst like at this time of the morning you're

cracking open a can of coke yeah you just don't care about life. You know what I mean? But yeah. What would your parents say if they saw this? Oh, my mum would go crazy. My mum would lose her mind. But even now, my wife, like, because my wife's Jamaican, they're really big on their juices. So they make a lot of fresh juice and stuff like that.

And so I've gotten into the habit, because of my wife, I've actually gotten into the a lot of fresh juice and stuff like that and so i've gotten into the habit because of my wife i've actually got into the habit of making fresh juice like even before um you know you know coming there to talk to you i made like fresh pineapple and ginger juice you know i'm saying just because but that's that's what i'm on more now don't get twisted i'm not healthy or anything like i will cane a whole bottle of Hennessy you know what I'm saying and eat like 500 chicken wings but in terms of drinks

yeah man the coke thing the diet coke thing just like you said before I've seen that same thing where people lose their mind over that I don't know what it is I don't know what that's got in it

but I ain't trying to I ain't trying to taste that also given the personalities on your island the last thing you want to give them is loads of caffeine and sugar

you know what I'm saying get them all hyped up you know what I'm saying so they can start swearing and attacking me hell no man I'd give them cheese if that's what they like

I'd be like yeah kill yourself on the cheese but the coke no you know what I mean fair enough though man i'll give them cheese if that's what they like yeah kill yourself on the cheese but the coke no fair enough you're a podcast listener and this is a podcast ad reach great listeners like yourself with podcast advertising from lips and ads choose from hundreds of top podcasts offering host endorsements or run a reproduced ad like this one across thousands of shows to reach your target audience with Lipson ads. Go to lipsonads.com now. That's L-I-B-S-Y-N ads.com. Now, fortunately, you won't be without entertainment on the island. The Plains entertainment system continues to work, but just your luck, it only has two working settings. One's your least favorite film of

all time and the other is your least favorite song what are they and why are they so bad um least favorite film has to be i hate horrors yeah and it would have to be the exorcist i think that is the worst film ever made it's like the poster boy for horror films really isn't it i cannot and you know what's so funny is like my sister introduced me to that film she was just like okay like you've got to watch this film she was like i'm only gonna let you watch this once because it's really scary then i watched it and i probably got through like it obviously the you know the most iconic scene like the bedroom scene. I, I,

I got through like five minutes of that and I was just like, yeah, I can't watch this. So to this day, I've not watched the film in its entirety. No, it's because it's that scary. It's so,

oh God, I hate it. It's, there's sort of, it feels like, I mean, I never watch any horror films cause I'm the same. I'm like,

why would I want to feel like that I mean like fear and terror is something that your body does when it really has to when something bad is happening I don't want to invite

that into my house I want laughter and like fun nice things you know that doesn't make me a baby I'm just like

I just want I want good feelings in my home who goes out their house going you know what happened to me today I want to be scared out my life you know what I'm saying no one does that it's so weird you're like to experience that feeling maybe it's just because doesn't you can you know you can experience that feeling

safely but like i don't know i'd just not be able to you know like i watch something horrible on the news i can't stop thinking about it you know exactly and especially after you have kids you get even more like funny about stuff don't you like yeah yeah it's weird there's definitely like a certain kind of horror fan isn't it and it seems to be more than ever now like loads and loads of horror films coming out and and at least i think in the old days maybe they were like more creepy you know like the shining is quite a good film it's like eerie but it's not like going to stay with you forever whereas like now like i hear people who like horror films they'll tell me about ones they watch i'm like Shining is quite a good film. It's like eerie, but it's not like going to stay with you forever. Whereas like now, like I hear people who like horror films,

they'll tell me about ones they watch. I'm like, this is mental. Why did you watch that? What, in your own time? Out of choice? Like, okay. So we did,

we did Gogglebox, Celebrity Gogglebox. I was with Mo. And so we, they made us watch it the the second part now i've not watched the first part uh the whole like the whole film but they made us watch the second part and there is a scene i couldn't watch on the day of filming but judging from mo's reaction it was messed up. It was really messed up. Because just the suspense of the scene,

like he was inviting one girl to come closer to him so that she can see his face. And as soon as she got really, really close, apparently he ate her. I say apparently because I did not look at the screen. I was a baby. I turned away. But judging from Mo's reaction

it was really bad because he was just like screaming his head off that's why I don't watch horrors I just don't get why you would want to have that reaction, willingly there's so many things to be scared of in the world right now, I don't need to

add a weird little clown who lives in a drain to my list of things to be scared of in the world right now i don't need to like add like a weird little clown who lives in a drain to my list of like things to be scared about exactly and and just like you said even though i didn't watch the scene i couldn't get that clown's image out of my head and it was bad because when i was putting my son to sleep i could just picture that clown so i was just like oh my god i really had to like really had to like concentrate and be like all right son good night you know give him a kiss and stuff like that and just walk out of his room and like i must have put like three nightlights on just so the room was well lit you know las vegas in there yeah man i don't yeah horror films i don't. Fans that are like, of horrors, they're a weird bunch of people.

I'm glad I'm not one of them. I mean, I just wish I was like, maybe they just, you know, have that kind of mentality that they can just brush it all off and it doesn't affect them.

And I, you know, I'd love to be like that, but like, no. It just sticks with us. Yeah. I'm neurotic

and I internalise it all, you know. Yeah. I'm always like, what does it say on the label of this food? Oh, there's a lot, too much salt in this, you know. I'm likeotic and I internalise it all, you know. Yeah. I'm always worried. I'm just like, what does it say on the label of this food? Oh, there's a lot too much salt in this, you know. I'm like worrying like that. Yeah, yeah.

Same. Yeah, we're the same, bro. We're the same, man. Some people will call us babies, but we're not, bro. We're strong, man. We're strong. Good, good. Thanks for the reassurance, man.

Okay, what would your song choice be? Any song from Bruno Mars. interesting okay i i just don't i don't like him i mean there's a there's a fine line between me like with with me whereas if you make songs that are a bit too happy i just can't get with man. I need a little bit of gangster rap in there somewhere, you know what I mean? Bruno Mars, to me, he just gets on my nerves, man. I can't stand him. I feel like he's sort of like

a human action figure, isn't he? He's so sort of like shiny and wipe clean, you know? There's something too... It's not right. I don't know. Too clean? Yeah, it looks like he's sort of made of rubber or something. Yes! I feel like he's made...

No stubble. No. Like he's made in a lab or something somewhere. Like, Simon Cowell probably got a big lab underground. Yeah, most likely. Underground laboratory. And his hair's always so shiny. And he's always having the best time, isn't he?

Just skipping along. Just not a care in the world. Little Bruno Mars. Just having a lovely time, isn't he? Just skipping along, just not caring the world, little Bruno Mars. Just having a lovely time. Who's that happy? Yeah. Kind of looks like something you'd hang on your key ring. You know, just like a little mascot or something.

I think that's the best one I've heard. Yes. Something that you would hang on your key ring, 100%. Yeah, man, he's way too shiny for me I thought we left the shiny suits back in the P. Diddy era remember when P. Diddy used to have all the shiny suits and the shiny videos

and stuff like that just having Bruno Mars, especially when he wears those big ass aviators I just get someone else I can't stand him I think it's like um you know i think a while ago you could be in a charts and have like a poppy song that would still have a bit of edge to it do you know what i mean but that's right there's a lot of i know it's like people have

got to make so much money that they're taking out any risk factor anywhere and he seems to kind of be the end result you get to bruno mars and no one's offended you know and even like your auntie's like well you know i like a tune i can whistle along to you know he seems like a nice young man you know yeah that's it really you know yeah there's bubble gum he is literally but he is pop pop like old school pop yeah yeah especially that 24 what's that 24 24, Carrot Magic, or whatever that dumb song is, that song, that's the song I really hate.

I hate that song. The 24, Magic, or whatever that song is. Yeah. I hate that song. Yeah. Like,

if I, I'd go to a concert of his, just to boo him. That's how much I don't like Bruno Mars. And I'm sure he's a nice guy. I'm pretty sure he's a cool guy. But I don't trust any guy, at his age, that a nice guy I'm pretty sure he's a cool guy but I don't trust any guy at his age

that doesn't have a little bit of stubble like he's just clean shaven bro like he waxes his face I can't trust him you know what I mean I sort of imagine

like he sort of goes home and instead of going to sleep in a bed he has like you know like when you get an action man and they come in they sort of plastic

you know attached to the cardboard he just like stands against the wall and the sort of plastic you know attached to the cardboard he just like stands against the wall and they're sort of plastic he just goes back into the plastic and the next day

he comes out yeah he's all smooth down there you know and he comes out and like a load of assistants just like stick his clothes onto him

yeah he ain't got no chest hair you can tell he ain't got no chest hair no chest hair no armpit hair no pubes no nothing he's just clean shit

he's just got hair on his head he doesn't have any odours or anything he smells of raspberries I can't stand him man I cannot stand him it's funny that after the list of people that you've picked, he's the one that you're getting really worked up about

not even Tommymmy robinson annoyed you as much as yeah but you know what i think it's because when um bruno mars came up with whatever album he came out with recently that album i couldn't like you couldn't escape it yeah and so that's why i can't stand it plus my wife loves him so any anything that my wife loves him so anything that my wife loves I'm just against you know you know how it is in marriage at the beginning it's all wonderful then like you know after a while it's like get the hell out of my face

even though you still love him so yeah I think that's why I cannot stand Bruno Mars for the life of me Fair enough and you know Simon Cowell's going to tell you oh yeah but you know actually behind the music he's this and tell you all the stories and go, oh yeah, he's actually very clever the way he's done this. And you're like, shut up Simon.

Yeah, shut up your mouth Simon. No one wants to hear that. Just go back to looking weird. Alright, we'll move on from Bruno Mars then. Finally, the island is overrun by the biggest dick of all the animals. Which animal is it and why?

Has to be mice slash rats. Okay. Has to be. I mean, if there's one animal that doesn't know when it's overstayed its welcome, it's rats and mice. I'm probably not, and let me not say rats because it's rare that you see an actual rat but mice they are the most annoying and thank God I don't actually have any mice in my house right now but when I because I grew up in obviously I like I told you before I grew up in Tottenham and so that whole

area was just overrun with mice like everybody every single person had mice um but my mum was so stubborn because she doesn't she doesn't like animals at all so instead of getting like a cat like a normal person would so that you know they can catch these mice and you know either keep them out of your house my mum was just like we ain't getting nothing you know she's my mum's typical strong Nigerian mom was just like we ain't getting nothing you know she's my mom's typical strong nigerian woman she was like we are not getting any animals in this house and so we had i was just like so you're not gonna get a cat but you're cool with like meisters running in and out of this house whenever they please and my mom was just like well you know

the mice back home in nigeria we would just step on them i was just like, well, you know, the mice back home in Nigeria, we would just step on them. I was just like, then why don't you kill these mice then? Like, you know what I'm saying? But she would not do anything. So, yeah, I hate mice. I absolutely hate mice because of that. Although, do you know what? I mean, I don't have mice in my house until my cat brings the fucking things into my house. So, like, to be honest, you know, he brought one in the other night and i was just and

he's so useless he's like he'll bring it in and he's just like i'm just toying with this thing and then he'll look he'll put it on the floor and he just walks off for a bit and then he's surprised that it's run away somewhere and i've got to then catch it and i'm like dude and then i've got to hide it somewhere in the garden i've got to lock him in hide it outside somewhere and like hope my neighbors don't think i'm weird just walking around with a tupperware like in the garden at like 10 o'clock at night like hiding this little mouse like quick run run and you know get out of here yeah and then the rest of the night my cat's just like what's going on hey is it under did you have it what is it's you know it's so weird yeah

actually i was gonna pick cats i was gonna pick cats i was gonna say cats are the biggest dicks but i have a personal vendetta against mice so that's why and i've never had a cat so i don't know firsthand how bad it is but yeah no i mean i love cats but they're dicks as well you know i saw this thing my son was watching this uh pixar film about rats and it was like um and it said in it like oh yeah like dogs look up to humans cats look down on humans and rats see themselves as equals and i was like it made a lot of sense i had a little like yeah you nailed it pixar that sounds right you know that's actually so true yeah that is so damn true also they're clever as well like rice and mice and rats are you know they're really like intelligent for what they are so like yeah it's hard to that's why they kind of get to places that should be

mice and rat proof you know because they can sort of work out a way around it so and dude like if if you lay a trap for them and you get them the first time but they escape they learn they learn from it like because we must have stuck like sticky mats down back back in the day we stuck the sticky mats down and um one of the mice got caught but i was so scared that i couldn't bring myself to like you know pick up the sticky mat and throw it outside or throw it in the bin or whatever. So I had to wait until my mum got home. But by the time my mum got home, it had escaped. So then the second time we put the fresh mats down,

we started learning that they've been jumping over them. Yeah, because we had like two mice, and they'd be jumping over them so they learn now they've got sticky feet and they can climb the walls as well that's what i'm trying to say like they evolve bro you know saying like so that's why i hate them and um funny enough when we moved into this house in stevenage uh i went into my attic and then i saw one and i nearly fell out my eye that's how bad i hate them but then it had made its way downstairs into my attic and then I saw one and I nearly fell out my that's how bad I hate them but then it had made its way downstairs into my office and so it was in my office one day I'm like doing work

and I just see something run across my desk I screamed the whole house down and I'm such I'm such a pussy my wife had to like my wife had to like put the sticky mat down get it and then i'll just i refuse to go in the living room i mean sorry into my office to get it yeah so i'm just a big wuss man i think what this all says about me next time you go in it's going to be it's going to be typing at your desk we're like ah i've been expecting you sit down what this shows about me is that i i'm a wuss there's nothing wrong with that well Babu Tunde

thank you so much for sharing your dicks with us today it's been a pleasure having you on now obviously things are loosening up a bit with lockdown etc but I mean it's still a bit weird I mean where's the best place to sort of see and hear more from you well at the moment like I said you know Gogle boxes is celebrity

goggle box on channel 4 9 p.m is um that's where i'm at at the moment um but social media please uh you know follow me on instagram babaton day comedian and on twitter it's babaton day comedy on twitter because my name's too damn long. I couldn't even fit comedian in there. So yeah, on Twitter, it's Bubbaton Day Comedy. On Instagram, it's Bubbaton Day Comedian. So yeah, follow me on social media. Brilliant. Nice one.

Thank you for coming on and sharing your choices with us today, mate. Yeah, man. It's been a pleasure, man. I've enjoyed it. Thank you. Cheers. thank you cheers