Desert Island Dicks - BELLA HULL

Episode Date: January 14, 2025

The hilariously funny Bella Hull joins Harriet to share who and what she'd hate to be stuck with on a desert island... We’re on Patreon! For as little as £3.50 you will be supporting us to create more episodes of the podcast and as a reward you shall receive early access to episodes and completely ad-free listening. Get it here: https://www.patreon.com/c/user?u=24332430 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello and welcome to Desert Island Dicks. Today we're joined by comedian Bella Hull. Bella is one of my favourite people and comedians. She opened for me on my last tour and now I'm giving her the hard-hitting Desert Island Dicks questions. I'm going to be on tour again in the new year. They can't stop me. I'm going to Bath, Oxford, Manchester again after I got stuck on a train. So come see me. There's tickets at HarrietKemsley.com. If you're enjoying Desert Island Dicks, which I really hope you are, otherwise, why are you listening to this? You're crazy. You're just hurting yourself. You can support the podcast on Patreon. In return, you shall receive early access to episodes and

completely ad-free listening, as well as bonus episodes that are not available anywhere else. They're literally bonuses for you the link for that is in the show notes and make sure you follow us on instagram at dixpod and me at harriet kemsley and you can get in touch with the podcast if you email desert island dicks podcast at gmail.com now it's time for desert island Dicks with Bella Hull. Hi, I'm Harriet Kemsley and welcome to Desert Island Dicks, the show that sees you marooned on a desert island after a plane crash with the worst people and things imaginable. Who they are and why they're a dick is up to our guest. And here to share their Desert Island Dicks with us today is Bella Hull. Hi, Bella.

Hi. How are you doing? I'm okay. How are you doing? I'm all right, thank you. Yeah, we were just all talking about therapy before we started. We're like, we're doing great. Yeah, everything is really good. It's like, kind of, this is kind of like therapy. Because all I do in my therapy sessions is sort of sit down and talk about all of the people that I resent and feel contempt towards. So I'm actually really well practiced at the moment.

Great. Use this to get it out. If you need to cry, we're here. It's a safe space, Bella. Yeah. I do cry from anger quite a lot. Do you cry from anger? Yeah, I think it's a it's a real um woman thing yeah

you can't actually be angry with anybody um because that's so not ladylike yeah so you have to cry you have to cry at them with kind of a venom underneath it yes yeah yeah really a lot of venom a lot of vitriol but the tears are flowing yeah so you look feminine yeah it's hot but it's uh yeah yeah it's a wild time um Bella who is the first person you're gonna put on your island um okay the first person I'm gonna put on my island I have thought about this person a lot um Ed Sheeran I feel the feel an irrational deep hatred towards Ed Sheeran I always have since the A team came out when I was at school

and everybody would sing at a school and I would think this guy is a schmuck this guy is not a real artist he's not as talented the people that love him I judge them, I judge them. I judge people, which I know my therapist tells me,

don't jump to judgment so quickly, you know? It's not fair. But I do judge him. I don't like that he's ginger. I don't think that he seems that... I think also what annoys me is people that seem really nice. Because I'm like, you're obviously not nice. You're so famous.

Yeah. Nobody that famous is actually that nice it's obviously a facade isn't he still like friends with all his friends like yeah oh give me a break that's so annoying that's so just something to say and actually that's really toxic because what he's done is taken all of his childhood friends and made them dependent on him financially so that if he can behave however he wants and there's sort of no consequence because he's too big to fail. Like nobody could actually leave him because probably they're making way more money with him

than they would be on their own. Wow. Fuck him. And I actually would be really worried if I were to get stuck on a desert island with him that he would try and play music to lift the mood. And actually it would... Someone breaking into song is one of my worst fears. Somebody's trying to sing to me is one of my worst fears.

When they're looking you in the eye and they're doing it, there's no escape. How are you supposed to react? Are you just supposed to sort of smile and appreciate? That's what you're meant to do, but it's so hard because everything in your body wants to tell them to stop. To leave. My fight or flight would kick in, I think, if somebody tried to serenade me

with music. But then sometimes if I come up with a new joke, I'll sit down with my flatmates and tell them my new joke and maybe they feel the same way. They do. You have to stop doing that.

Yeah, they do. That's actually worse because then they have to laugh. There's a pressure for a reaction. Oh, damn. You absolutely shouldn't do that. Okay, the call is coming from inside the house yeah this is this is helping your therapy might say that maybe your your therapist might say that maybe you're um uh you see a lot of yourself in

it yeah i think maybe i do yeah i i've identified myself in him i just don't think that he deserves um the success that he's had. Would you cut off all your friends then? They couldn't work for you. If I became really famous, no, I don't think that they would work for me. And it might be weird if I'm in a massive mansion and they're just still living in the flat that I used to live in with them. Maybe I'd invite them to live with me. I don't know.

Or to work with me. So it seems like you would do what Ed Sheeran has done. Maybe I'd invite them to live with me. I don't know. Or to work with me. So it seems like you would do what Ed Sheeran has done. Maybe I would. Maybe all of his life decisions actually make a lot of sense when you think about it. And maybe actually being famous

is really hard because nobody, you don't know if anyone's really real or really likes you. So maybe his school friends actually, I don't know.

You went in so hard on Ed Sheeran. And now I'm thinking that I'm the problem yes it seems like it's just gonna be you on the island but he really annoys me yeah and people that like him I'm not into the people that are into him that's what I would say yeah yeah yeah I get that I'm also not into um this is an extra not one of my main answers I don't like people that like Hosier and like publicly say that I don't like people that like Hosier.

And publicly say that they don't like Hosier. Because I'm like, just shut up. What do you mean? I'm thinking of Hoser. Who's Hoser? I don't know. Hosier is the guy who's like, Oh, me, the summer and the wine and the dandelions.

Oh, but it's pronounced Hosier. I don't know how it's pronounced. Like the types. I haven't researched it enough to know how it's pronounced. Yeah. Hosier. Yeah, like Hosier. He's like, I think he's Irish singer.

Yeah. And he sings about like cherry wine and I don't know. I just, it annoys me when people are. Yeah. I think sincere songs are really hard to get behind. Yeah. It's like comics or whatever where you are cynical about things and you're like, oh, stop being so sincere

about people you went to school with and you want to be friends and you want to be back in that period. Be full of hate like me. Come down here to this mood level. So maybe I just feel, maybe it comes from a deep place of jealousy. People that have a genuine enthusiasm

for a thing. That would be nice. But also, I guess, I don't know. I don't go to many live concerts. I don't really understand it because all of my my I work in the evenings as a stand-up comedian so I don't and when I have a night off I just want to be at home so I don't go to live music and I don't really understand people that love going to live music I guess who's the second person you're putting on the island the second person I am putting on the island okay I've

okay this is a person that is... I'm allowed to do people from my personal life? You can do whoever you like. Okay, so obviously the general public won't know who this person is, but I'm going to describe him in detail. I live in a rented flat and my landlord has a man. He's called Jose. So Jose, Jose, kind of, I guess, there's a theme.

And he is used as the handyman for all of the things that go wrong in the flat. And Jose is the most toxic, manipulative person I have ever dealt with in my life. Is his genuine name Jose? His genuine name is Jose. And he comes into your flat. He comes into my flat. And you're speaking about him on this show. I'm speaking about him on the show. wanted to clarify all that I want to say to you Jose that

I think that your behavior is really manipulative I think that you have a very problematic anxious attachment style towards the tenants of the flat that you have to work in sometimes he literally so we our toilet seat was broken and we arranged for him to come on Monday morning. He said he was going to come on Monday morning, 9am. He sent a text saying, hi girls, I'm going to come today if that's okay. 904, nobody had replied to him because we were all working or showering or whatever. He replies, I guess nobody wants to reply to me then. He's a 58 year old man and he acts like a teenage girl

towards her first boyfriend. It's crazy. He's so nasty. And then he arrives and he's like, I can't find any parking actually. So there are times where I have to leave for a meeting and he's like, oh, so you have to leave, do you? I'm like, yes, I have to leave, Jose.

Yeah, because you have a job as well. This is his job. He acts like his job. He's got center of the universe. He's got real main character disorder. I would call it a disorder. And it's so unusual to see behavior that is like so classic inside a 16-year-old woman inside the body of like a genuinely 58-year man with white hair because he's so mean and

toxic and moody he's incredibly moody and once he like broke our toilet uh not our toilet he broke our toilet it's always broken i have literally no idea why um our bathroom light like it was just broken after he left and we were like oh, Jose, I've seen you've been here for a while. And now the toilet light doesn't work. He was like, what are you trying to say? Just get it out. Just spit it out. What are you trying to say?

And we're like, we're not trying to accuse you or anything. We're just saying that our bathroom light no longer works since you exclusively were in it for two hours. And he's in such denial. He's really toxic. And I do not want to be with him on a desert island because I feel like something would go wrong. And then he'd be like, I guess I'll have to fix it because I'm the handyman. Yeah, and then he'd break something else. Yeah, he's just rolling

his eyes at everything and I'm like, this is your job. Did he break the light? He definitely broke the light. The light doesn't work now and we can't tell him. But he won't come back and fix it? He won't come back and fix it because he's so offended that we accused, that we insinuated that it could have been him, even though none of us could have done it.

So, not him. Do the other girls have the same problem with him? Yes, he's kind of like an inside joke amongst us because he's so toxic, but it's kind of sometimes it's quite good to see really like toxic behaviour in someone else, you're like, oh I think I do that sometimes, and I

need to not do that because it's really embarrassing when he does it. So again, you again you see yourself yeah again I see myself so maybe this is like I don't want to be on the desert island with myself has anyone said that before yeah I think that has that has been said yeah so maybe that's the discovery that's the journey I'm on that's what you're discovering yeah that's kind of beautiful actually yeah um who's the third person the third person kind of similar vein to Ed Sheeran okay so i've recently been re-watching the first season of glee because i'm doing excellently mentally and um mr schuster is death to mr schuster he's so annoying and do you remember there's a real smugness do you

remember that episode where he does the thong song for emma i don't know if i know like i don't know if i know like episodes okay so you like i've maybe seen i've maybe seen it like at some point like that he like really enthusiastically gets like a sort of ad hoc acapella group together and it's like the janitor a supply teacher whatever and he does the thong song for um this like woman with like really crippling OCD and it is skin crawling it's skin crawlingly bad to watch and the reason that it affects me is because those people do exist in real life the misjustices it's kind of I would actually call it toxic positivity is what I don't enjoy about him. And a lot of other people where they're just like, everything's really great.

What do you mean? And it's actually very avoidant. Yeah, it's really difficult when you, like I always just want to kind of go in deep and be real with somebody. Yes, immediately. Like us chatting for like two minutes and talking about therapy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Immediately. That's what I want. I don't want somebody being like, yeah, no, everything's actually great. Yeah, life's great. Because you're like, there's like, you feel like immediately, that's what I want. I don't want somebody being like, yeah, no, everything's actually great. Yeah. Life's great because you're like, there's like, you feel like you're bouncing off it. Exactly.

And it's not actually real because it's like, that isn't surely how anyone actually feels. It's just, and in a way, I feel like they're trying to make me feel bad by being like, oh, I don't know about that. It's kind of being like, you're crazy and depressed and I don't understand that because I'm better than you. You know? Yeah. You know what I hate?

Someone said the other day, I said something that was like one tenth diluted version of something that we could easily say very casually in a conversation and he went oh so I guess you're like a bit intense I was like if you call me intense again I'll slit my fucking wrists like I don't care I'm that makes so annoyed. Do not call me intense. That just means you're afraid. You're afraid of my depth. You're afraid of my depth and my ability to... You're too deep, Bella. Yeah, and they can't handle it.

Yeah, they can't. That's on them. Obviously, they can't handle it. Yeah. And that's why they're in a sort of Dickies boiler suit at a house party in Mile End, and they call me intense. That's very rude.

I actually think it's kind of misogynistic when men call women intense i completely agree and i would also really like to know what you did that made him call you intense i can't even remember because i i was so shocked because it to me it wasn't even one of my most intense sentences like to you it was a tuesday to me it was a tuesday to him it was like whoa dude what yeah so mr schuster and the positive the positivity and the yeah yeah did it cure the girl with ocd this janitor singing the acapella no but they did then embark spoilers for anyone who the show has literally been out for like 10 to 15 years um they do then embark on a relationship i think because she mr schuster and the girl with OCD, Emma.

Oh. But it's like, I think it's like extramarital. I think that is her, it's his way of expressing his sexual desire for her. Wow. Yeah. Wow. What does the OCD have to do with it?

Just her character, I guess. She's just OCD. She's just like, it just makes it kind of funnier that she's like watching him like, I don't know, I don't even know what the dance moves are that he's doing,

like body boarding? No, that's a sport. Thrust, like a thrust. Thrust. He's doing a lot of thrusting and she's like, yeah, and it's great. No, it's great.

It's terrible. It's really bad. I don't enjoy it. But you will keep watching it. Yeah, of course. Yeah. Of course. Those,

how many people have I done? You've got three. You've got all three. Oh, cool. I've done it. You've done three. You've got all three. Oh, cool. I've done it. You've done it. You've achieved it. And so now, mercifully, amongst the wreckage of the plane, there was some food and drink

left over. Unfortunately for you, it's your least favorite food and drinks in the world. What are they and why are they so bad? Okay, should we start with food or drink? Because they're both really controversial. Let's start with food. It's not that I think that this food is actively the worst food in the world but I think that the hysteria around this food being really good

is hysteria. It's not real. I don't like or care about burgers in any form a burger is always disappointing it's more a dream it's a burger is more a fantasy than it is actually good the bread is always dry the meat is always like weird and not quite right and it's never quite hot enough I don't really care about the relishes they're difficult to eat they're messy and people that um love and idolize burgers are tasteless and annoying. I'm vegetarian, so I don't know enough about burgers, but I do get it. People are like the GBKs of the world. Yeah, there's like so much burger, big burger exists.

It all seems quite boring. It's so boring. Let's go out for a burger. And it's always like the kind of stereotype of the cool girl in the movie. She weighs like 13 grams and she's like, oh my God, I just love burgers. And it's like, that's because your eating disorder means that you actually don't know what a good food is. So you're just lying of what seems to be a food that you should eat and it's a burger. What do you think of veggie burgers i don't like they normally taste sort of like sawdust and dog food mixed up together in like a sort of bullet textured patty um they upset me

i actually don't love meat substitutes because i kind of just think like why are you trying to just just eat the lentils as they are I feel the same I think don't I don't need it to look like something that died exactly why are we trying to achieve that yeah you don't need it it's like people that like break up with someone and then they go out with someone that looks like them it's like just go out with someone else yeah because you're not going to find the same thing in that person just go out with someone completely new yeah we need to invent like vegetarian food that's like nothing like it yeah exactly the the vegetarian burger compared to the normal burger is like you know that like reverse ever like the evolution thing but it's like going slowly into

a more hunched over person that's what like a vegetable burger is just like soppy and bendy and it's like wet vegetable burgers always kind of like like wet. Yes, crumbling but also wet. Yeah, they're like kind of, they sort of like that stuff that you find in an attic. What do you think about the brioche though? If it's like a bun, like a brioche kind of thing. Again, I don't care. I don't care about a burger.

If I'm like driving back from a gig or being driven, because obviously I can't drive and I've been told that I look like I can't drive, which I think is true. You look like you should be in a passenger seat. Yeah, I'm a passenger seat looking person. I have a passenger seat face and I understand that. But if we are ever driving back and the only thing open is McDonald's,

I'm disappointed. I'd rather have a KFC. I'd rather have any kind of chicken. But a burger formation is I just don't care we had Andrew Maxwell on and he said he hates burgers that they're making them tall

they're making the burgers so tall but you can't get your mouth around them and he's saying why aren't we making the burgers wide like yeah exactly that's a really good point they should be like sort of a CD disc they should be thin. And I really like those sandwiches from Joe and the Juice that are like really thin bread.

That's good. That's a good thing. Yeah. But a burger, I don't care. It's always like, you know, have you ever had a burger at Nando's? And they're like in that leaf shape. The bread is in a leaf shape.

And then there's like a little teardrop, like a point, like a sort of teat at the end. And that always just hurts. Why does the inside of my mouth hurt right now? Why is it sharp? Yes, why are we making it sharp? Yeah, you're right. Why is this bread a knife?

You know? Yeah. And I'm supposed to what, smile away and eat it like a good girl? I don't want to. It's not nice. I ordered food, not a weapon, you know? I think it's really important you're talking about it thank you yeah I don't like burgers and um food kind of goes along with this I do not care

about beer I don't like beer I don't think it's nice I actually think beer is yucky and everyone is in denial about beer being yucky because of the because of masculinity yeah it is yucky it tastes like halitosis cold that's what it tastes like and I've tried so many times to be yeah I guess I'll have a beer this time I guess I'll try and then I try it and it's like oh no it's still vile yeah yeah why why do they like it so much I don't know I don't know why you like it so much i don't know it's i guess it's just like they're one thing they can do yeah it's like that's it makes you feel disgusting though yes but i think men are used to feeling disgusting yeah maybe it is generally a man's drink and they generally feel disgusting so they don't notice if they're

bloated because they're always bloated because they just ate a burger. They just ate a burger. Yeah. So in a way, it's like, yeah, to me, to eat a burger and then wash it down with beer, shoot me in the face. I would rather go hungry. Yeah. I'd rather go hungry. That's awful. I hate the insistence on it being really cold.

Cold is better than warm, though, surely. The warm is the problem. Okay, another thing about me, I hate ice. I hate ice. Are you serious? Yeah, I hate cold drinks. I do not put an ice cube in there. Are you serious?

Do you like a lukewarm drink? I love a lukewarm drink. I actually, because I have a hashtag Stanley Cup because I'm an uncultured miscreant and I put a little bit of boiling water in it

so it's warm no yeah it's actually really good apparently it's way better for your digestion yeah I just think

how dare you try and make my insides chilly is life not hard enough but don't you find it like it cooling like it's going down and it's cooling I don't need to be cooled

I'm a freezing cold person though. What's inside that Stanley cup? Just warm squash. Warm squash. Which I understand would be someone else's idea of hell. I'm not trying to, but guess what? I'm not trying to make a big restaurant out of it. I'm not trying to say everyone should drink my warm squash.

I know that it's an idiosyncrasy to me. Have you ever had like a slush puppy? Yeah, they're okay, but they just make my head. Of course. This doesn't make sense. You can't hate ice and then have a slush puppy. But I've done it. I'm not saying that I've not tried to fit in, you know?

Yeah. But you didn't hate it. I've had 26 years of just desperately trying to belong and that kind of sluss puppy behaviour also I hate how you suck it all out and then there's just

ice left you suck out all the colour yeah all the deliciousness and then there's just a translucent block and you're still trying to get it and there's nothing there

and it's just solidified and then all the solidified like colourless ice gets stuck in your straw and then it's like still halfway through the movie and you haven't even got anything left

and you just have to wait for it to defrost so that you can drink what's like still halfway through the movie and you haven't even got anything left and you just have to wait for it to defrost so that you can drink what's like a cold puddle of like slightly flavoured liquid that's horrible that is horrible

do you like ice cream? I don't like it as much as I like I wouldn't ever go for an ice cream and I never crave it but I do crave like similarly creamy things like I love custard

famously warm famously warm I'm really into custard I have actually made my own custard before that's interesting because it's like ice cream is like such a big thing but you've never seen like a custard bar no you'd never see a custard bar I think a custard bar would only ever be run by a paedophile and that's just my instinct which is why I'd never open one if I do ever open one you need to check my hard drive because something's gone really wrong that is a promise that I make to you if you do that then I will check your hard drive I will prepare myself for what I'm gonna find loads of pictures of custard the worst category sexy pigs

yeah custard so this is yeah the beer thing I do really get I just think that men

like because it's women drink beer when I say women don't drink beer but it's predominantly like a thing that's been pushed

on men yeah but is it just because that's all they have like they can't have a cocktail or they historically

have not like it's been they're not allowed they can't have anything delicious yeah and I think that's actually really sad because i'm like why don't you even like vodka orange juice yeah it's so much nicer than a beer and it's fun but i guess women are allowed to be like fun and fruity and feminine yeah and guys just have to be oh you know what i hate the word brew dog so annoying it's a really bad word and it's a really

the atmosphere is and isn't it like it's really and it's like oh let's have some wings oh go away go read go to the library

what do you think about what do you think about like a sour a sour beer because I do actually quite like those have you ever had one of those I've never had it

what do you mean a sour beer so it's really good like tankastics but beer yeah it's like I don't know how you I don't know how they make it or what they do but it's like it's like sour you can have like a like a pineapple beer and it's really nice i think i've had like a cherry beer before like i went to a weird place that was like um they had all of these different types of beer i guess what they're doing is they're putting something delicious in the beer.

Yeah, I think maybe I'm just... So it's not really beer. Yeah, and it's also just like, is this just worse? Is this just better than what it normally is, but it's still bad? And I'm idolising it because it's slightly better than the other thing, you know? There's so much to think about.

Like that phrase that's like, if you're not fed love on a silver spoon, you'll learn to lick it off of a knife. That's how I feel when I drink cherry beer. I'm like, this is great. And it's like, no, I'm just licking love off of a knife. You know? Like a Nando's.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what it is. That's my experience. The person wrote that actually after eating like a chicken burger from Nando's and having their throat and esophagus lacerated beyond repair. So Bella, fortunately you won't be without entertainment on the island of the plains.

Entertainment system continues to work, but just your luck, it only has two working settings. One has your least favourite film of all time and the other your least favourite song. What are they and why? My least, again, controversial, again, I'm just taking a massively popular thing that everybody really likes. And I'm saying taking a massively popular thing that everybody really likes and I'm saying that I personally uh have no business with it I um it's it's less that I can't possibly think of a world in which I might enjoy it and more that I dislike the mass hysteria and culture around it i have zero time for harry potter or anything related to harry potter i think it's silly i think it's dumb i think um hermione granger is the most annoying

character that has ever existed in real life or fiction, other than maybe actually Emma Watson. And I find it deeply irritating when people are adults and they make a joke about Slytherin. I think, what's going on here? Hang on. Where's that frontal lobe? You know, let's just have a quick MRI because what's going on with you?

Yeah, yeah. Did you enjoy it as a child? I never really watched it as a child. Where's that frontal lobe? You know, let's just have a quick MRI because what's going on with you? Yeah. Yeah. Did you enjoy it as a child? I never really watched it as a child. It maybe comes out of the fact that like, they weren't like, makes it sound like my house was a cinema, but it wasn't shown in my house.

Like there was no Harry Potter in my house. Yeah. There were no showings of Harry Potter in my house. And there, it was like really cool at school. And I just didn't know what it was. And I probably felt left out. But then that feeling of being left out has like sat in my body and like turned from wood to stone. And now it's like just looks like resentment.

That's why I don't like Harry Potter. Did you ever read it? Never read it. But I don't like fantasy in general. I don't like wands. I don't care about like dune. I don't like fantasy in general. Yeah. I don't like wands. I don't care about like dune. I don't care about sand or big wands. There's sand.

Yeah. I don't care about bionic eyes. I don't care about magic spells. I just want to watch a film of like a woman cutting her hair off in the mirror. Like this. That's what I want to watch. And then like nothing happens and she sort of like screams into the wind on a hill and then it like kind of vaguely ends like that's the kind of film

I think there is screaming in the wind um in Harry Potter though but it would be like I don't know I just don't think yeah it probably yeah you're probably right maybe I just the atmosphere of it but it's the it's the wizard's journey I guess guess. That's not going to appeal to you, I think. I don't care about... When are they screaming in the wind? I think it's like Voldemort. Maybe I think he is wind at one point. Is that right?

Voldemort is wind. No? You're saying... No, I think he's in the wind. Screaming. I feel like he's in the wind. What, because he's really frustrated that he couldn't kill Harry Potter or something yes

yeah I mean that I kind of understand maybe I relate yeah again maybe it's like a deep association with

the characters and maybe it's because you relate so much to Voldemort yeah exactly so it's not from your viewpoint

yeah I always feel like really pale and like I look really weird so maybe like I understand that Voldemort that's why he feels that way i don't know i also yeah i just um i can't i can't get into it and i i feel like people i feel like you know the phrase like you can lead a horse to water i feel like a horse whose head has been pushed so forcefully into

the water of harry potter and i refuse to drink and I would rather die of thirst. Yeah, in Edinburgh, I was there a couple of weeks ago and there's a snaking queue out of the Harry Potter memorabilia shop and it's all adults. Yeah, concerning. I'm concerned it's yeah that's you know what's also so concerning quidditch that's really um a problem that's a real problem i don't i don't know i can't really verbalize why exactly it makes me feel so upset i think it's because like normal sport is hard it is it's hard enough for me that

normal sport exists no I I literally bunked off PE for about seven years and got in so much trouble and just kept on bunking because I couldn't participate yeah I'm not like a fan of moving my body which I understand is like you know not a general is a problem I've got to work on because actually exercise does make you feel better I just don't I just didn't want like a person to shout at me that to pivot imagine if you start exercising and you just become like the most joyous I know it's like so such a pleasure to be around can you imagine people at parties just say to you wow she's so delightful wow you used to be such a horrible cow and now you're actually like pleasant and positive and like not horrible and judgmental um Quidditch upsets me because I can't I can barely

remember the rules to like a normal sport the up and down the up and down it's too many levels I can't cope with the 3d-ness of it issticks? Yeah. So they're going up and down on broomsticks trying to do what exactly? Hit a ball, what's it called? It's like a gold ball with wings. That's grim. Whatever I say, I feel like you'd be like,

that's disgusting. That's really icky. Okay, and what about song? Okay, do you know the song Dance Monkey? Dance Monkey? I hate that song. It was massive with like project managers in their 30s, like maybe six years ago.

And I remember I had a really, this was like, I don't know, five years ago. And I was working as a receptionist. I had a really shit day of like, I had this boss and she was just not like, she was just nasty. And it was just like, I was a doormat. And then I got into my then boyfriend's older brother's car because he was like driving us to some place. And he blasted Dance Monkey. And I was like, this is the straw this is the straw

that's going to break the camel's back because this song is is like proof that like god isn't real because it's so bad and the fact that everybody likes it is yeah nothing could be worse than that than this i need i need i need to hear this um you will let me It's interesting how you seem to hate everything that everyone else loves. I know. What's that all about? What is that about? Do you think it's like some abandonment wound thing? Or like a sort of like, I can't be like other people?

Yes. You have to be different to everyone else. But why do I have to be different to everyone? I don't know. Is it because I sort of feel... Oh God, this is something to bring up with Sharon. Write a note. Oh, I hate this song.

Sorry, you can't even hear it after all my groans. I don't even understand it as a song. Oh, yeah. Ew. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Who's singing it? I don't know. It sounds like Sia if she was in Zone 5.

Yeah, I did. It's horrible. I didn't know it was called Dance Monkey. Is that what it's called? Yeah. Hate it. Okay, yeah, that's fair. And I feel like there's a kind of emotional beat to the song

that's like such a deep song about stuff. And people that think that are um lower than me intellectually that's what I believe god I've come across so badly on this podcast I'm so full of hate I think it's really good to have um strong opinions I think I think that's good yeah you don't want to just like love everything everyone else loves you know what easy, simple, nice life. Yeah, exactly. Have other people picked really specific,

really genuinely hateable things? Yeah. No, no, no. Everyone picks at least one thing that everybody loves. Okay, cool. Okay, great. You're not alone. It's just that every single one of my answers

has been the thing that everybody loves. Finally, Bella, the island is overrun by the biggest dick of all the animals. Which animal is it? Dogs. You're not the only one to say dogs and I'm always so surprised by it.

But of course you hate dogs. Of course you hate dogs of course you hate dogs I hate my dog no no I love your dog oh Bella I love your dog your dog is a very sweet dog big smelly slobbering obedient like dog I whatever man do you think they smell like big dogs maybe can remind us a bit of men? Yes. Do you think that's what it is? I actually think...

We've had some women that have hated big dogs, specifically big dogs. And also people that are like, oh, my dog is so big. It's like, so? So what? Yeah, you didn't grow it. You didn't grow it. You're not responsible for how big it is. I really love cats.

And I think that people that really hate cats because they've had like one bad cat experience. I think I don't know what it is exactly and I don't have enough brain capacity to like work out what the link is. But like there's a little bit of misogyny there when people really can't. They're like, oh, cats. Because what it is, is that cats actually have boundaries and they can make their own decisions. And men really prefer dogs because they are there's always come back they can treat them how they want and dogs will always return to the owner whereas cats you have to earn their trust and they are independent when they do what they want and also they don't

stink wet dog that is a phrase it's a bad it's a bad smell. You know? It's bad. But not all dogs. Just kind of... Is there a breed specifically that you're against? I don't like... What breeds don't I like? Like really... I don't mind a Chihuahua or a Pomeranian or a Poodle.

But they're very small. They're very small. I don't like a Staffy. Yeah. Mm-mm. I always, I just instinctively, if I see a big dog knock on a lead, I pick up Mabel. You become a woman that everyone hates.

People will be like, oh, he's fine. What are you worried about I'm not going to take the risk I don't know him my baby's not going near your dog yeah exactly and they always get offended because they're like oh actually and it's people that are like don't judge a book by it's cover well how else am I meant to

fucking pick up the book do you know what I mean of course I'm going to do it the cover is the only thing I have to go on I can't read the whole book before I look at the cover that doesn't make any sense you've got to use the statistical knowledge you have of the world to navigate it

and just because you know and love your dog doesn't mean your dog doesn't have a bad day I'm not taking your word as well that you're vouching for your dog and there's something about I don't mind a Spaniel-y dog as well but there are some dogs okay this is the most beloved breed of all time, but there's something about the thin film of grease that is on your hand after you have stroked a golden retriever for a long time that upsets me.

Because cats never give you that like gross dirty do you know what i mean i'm allergic to dogs so i can't i do get near them like my parents always get dogs even though every time i'm like you could get a hypoallergenic one and they're like we will take it into consideration and then they just don't know we didn't um so i just stand outside sometimes um but um but yeah so i i don't i don't get too up close I guess with long-haired dogs I've never experienced yeah that's so also long hair just sounds that sounds like a nightmare because they're every day they're bathing in mud yeah you're actually giving the dog the life that it wants um I actually sleep in bed now with my dog and my dog sleeps with his head on the pillow

and we I we spoon each other his body is under the um the covers bobby says i've um he's taken his place and he has um it's it's wonderful yeah it's wonderful would you ever get a dog i um i can see with a little chihuahua a little sausage dog i can see but apparently they get quite nasty sausage dogs at the end of their life they are fucking had it. One of my friends had a sausage dog and it was like 18

and it was the nastiest dog ever. It would just, all it did was bite people. Because people have just like really loved it. Like its whole life. I think it's probably like, it's quite like a Napoleon complex

a sausage dog because they want to be bigger than they are. Like they've got the brain of a wolf but the body of a sausage. It's just a ridiculous body with little legs. What are you going to do? Although i do like the idea of um you know those afghan hounds yeah that are

so haunting yes um i like the idea of sort of living in the woods with a ponytail or like little bunches or something and they're like that kind of really ethereal ghostly white and like sort of walking it mysteriously in the woods yeah that's nothing and then like finding a dead body like I don't mind the idea of that kind of lifestyle um but also I just um I think I associate because you have to walk a dog every day and I wouldn't be able to do that I don't think because then you'd be joyful because then I'd be joyful maybe I resent the people that love dogs because they love walking it every day. And I'm like, why do you like going on a walk? It's boring.

Yeah, I do. Like there's certain places I don't want to walk. Like I only want to walk places where I can get a coffee. Yeah. Where there's like nice trees. Where there's a few things happening. Yeah. Like today, gorgeous day.

Sun is shining. Crunchy autumn leaves. It's really nice. I'd love to go for a walk today. But when it's kind of raining. Januaryuary you're not walking that dog no that dog is getting depression you can't get a dog yeah i can't get a dog it can't live like you yeah i'm sorry that i picked dogs as my animal um beer is your drink beer is my drink ed sheeran burgers i've really got i've really gone for everything today yeah everything people

love and hold dear well Bella thank you so much for coming what are you up to at the minute that people can come and see you at

not a lot well no I'm I just did the fringe so I'm kind of just gigging a lot so I guess follow me on Instagram

and I'm doing lots of gigs are you going to do your show again because it was really brilliant I might do my show again but I don't have anything penciled in I was thinking about going on a tour again but I don't have anything penciled in. I was thinking about going on a tour. Oh yes! I don't know. Yes, do a little tour.

That's a great idea. I don't know. Definitely. I'm umming and ahhing about it. Because I just, um, I don't I don't like the idea of no one coming. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, it's stressful. But the first one, you know, like you just do it and then you do it again and it just, yeah. Yeah. Well, I think

it's um it's a fair thing when I'm like I probably should do one but I'm like what have I got um but I don't have any I don't have anything to plug but just follow me on Instagram yeah that's where I am it's at Bella Bella Hull and you can see similarly hateful content on there thanks so much Bella thanks so much for having me bye