Desert Island Dicks - BRODI SNOOK

Episode Date: July 1, 2019

Comedian Brodi Snook joins me to share who she'd hate to be stuck with on a desert island. Be sure to follow the podcast @dickspod Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You're a podcast listener, and this is a podcast ad. Reach great listeners like yourself with podcast advertising from Lips and Ads. Choose from hundreds of top podcasts offering host endorsements, or run a reproduced ad like this one across thousands of shows to reach your target audience with Lips and Ads. Go to Lipsandads.com now. That's L-I-B-S-Y-Nynads.com. Hi, I'm James Deacon and welcome to Desert Island Dicks, the show that sees you marooned on a desert island after a plane crash with the worst people and worst things imaginable.

Who they are and why they're a dick is up to you. And here to share their desert island dicks with us today is Brodie Snook. Hi. Is that right? Yeah. Yeah, sweet. Okay. I could tell you were like, am I getting this right the entire time you were reading the intro. Could you tell?

Yeah, I would give that a solid eight and a half out of ten. For obviousness? Yeah, but also I would only take one and a half points off because of your nerves. Okay. Yeah. Interesting. Yeah. Did I seem that nervous?

You did. I just knew that you were like, snook, snook, snook, snook, snook, snook. What did she say? Snook or snook? I know. Yeah. It's obvious now, but to the listeners, we had this debate. Well, not debate.

We had this chat before and I got the name wrong. And then I explained that I'm not even really sure how to say it because it's a real dumb word. Okay. What have you had growing up? What have people... I've had a lot. I mean, I think Brodie Snook, it's kind of two unique names put together

and I think if I was like Kate Snook or Brodie Smith or something like that, it would be a little bit easier for people. But I do often get asked if it's a pseudonym and I'm like, yeah, I would not choose this one that has to be asked about before every MC introduces me on stage yeah but yeah no it's good what would you have what would be your pseudonym I don't know I mean I love the idea of like a porn kind of sounding name I think yeah like we're doing that in my house at the moment we think um someone said something about a sandy mound the other day and i was like

that is the best porn name we're talking about the beach and such and someone was like oh yeah sandy mound and i was like porn name that's it that's it maybe i'll be sandy mound okay so sandy mound welcome to the stage as always uh let's in. Who's going to be your first choice? My first choice for a dick would be, and this is the first thing that sprung to mind, and I think it's quite cliche, but I thought I'll go with it anyway, is anyone who thinks it's appropriate to talk to the stranger next to them on a flight.

Oh, yes. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Is that a real basic thing to say? No, it's really good, yeah. Because obviously with the idea that we've crashed, you know, and we're marooned on this desert island, I think we've all had flights where someone next to us

has started a bit of a chit-chat and you've gone, oh, we're on here for 11 hours. Yeah. How long is this going to go? And, like, I definitely don't mind a bit of chit-chat up've gone oh we're on here for 11 hours yeah how long is this gonna go and like i don't mind definitely don't mind a bit of chit chat up top you know you know i was gonna say where you're going obviously we fucking know where you're going we're on the same flight um so where are you off to oh oh dubai that's funny me too um interesting that but no just sort of you know where are you going on holiday all that sort of stuff i don't mind a bit of that if it's like a nice old lady that's fine i think if it's like okay a scary old

man less nice um so but yeah chatty kathy on a plane right so there's this little bit of chat you first get on and it's a politeness and someone started doing it and then you think right it's 11 hour flight so 20 minutes of chat where you from oh call you australian 20 minutes or something i don't know you're nicer than me, cool, you're Australian. 20 minutes. Or something. I don't know. You're nicer than me, mate. Okay, really? What do you do then? How do you get out of it? I'd give a solid two and a half minutes before I'd be like, cool,

and then start to put my headphones on and be like. And then 11 hours of blanking them. Not blanking them. I mean, it depends where you're sitting. Because I always like to go the ILC because I would rather get up for people than have people get up for me. Oh, that's nice of you. Because I'm a saint like that, even though I hate to talk to strangers.

Yeah, no, I would rather people inconvenience me than me inconvenience them. Because have you ever tried to do the 2D shimmy over someone when you've had to get out for a week? Yeah, yeah, that's the worst. It is the worst. The 2D shimmy. The 2D shimmy. The 2D shimmy is what I call it. Suck it in, suck it in.

Exactly. Or just some people go bold and they'll just like stand on their chair and then climb over. No way. Do the kind of straddle thing. I've never seen that. Have you never flown easy jet? Or someone just like gets astride you and then over.

Oh, yeah. Really? Yeah, yeah, especially if you're asleep. Yeah. Oh, mate. I've done a lot of travel and I just, observing what people get up to on planes, I think it's the worst and sometimes the best of humanity. Do you think so? I do.

Yeah. Especially long haul flights. So you see the politeness in someone, but how rude someone can be. Exactly. One time there was a it was so strange i was on a long-haul flight to australia because obviously it's a long-haul flight and um a woman just without a word sort of i wouldn't say through but very vigorously handed me her baby what without a word like literally without a word i think she was just like hold this

and but without even saying hold this or hi, can you hold my baby? Which I just, yeah, it was very kind of like, oh. What did you do? I mean, you can't not hold the baby, can you? Yeah. I think that was probably the first baby I've ever had as well. Just this like 18-year-old kid like, alrighty. What did you say afterwards?

I mean, we had a very limited exchange you're a very polite person she kind of i think she was a flustered mum on a long flight so i was kind of like well i'm not i'm not going to be a chatty kathy and struggle conversation with this flustered mum but yeah she was just kind of like here you go and then i think she obviously needed two hands to do something and then uh and then kind of took her baby back and vanished down the aisles have you got any tips for listeners going on a flight to avoid that uh conversation the person that talks to you i think um it's very important not to come across as an arsehole which i've been very mindful of when uh even bringing up this topic because it's not a nice thing to say.

But I just think the idea of a stranger just starting conversation with you when you know you're stuck in that seat for a long time, even if it's not a long flight, I mean. Yeah. It's actually rude of them, isn't it? Do you know what? Exactly. It's inconsiderate.

I'm not the rude one. Maybe I've had a bad day and I don't want a fucking conversation about holidays, you know? Yeah, yeah. So I think I'm a quiet person in general, really. I like to keep myself to myself. So I think it's very important to not be obviously not up for it, but sort of have a nice kind of polite face on but also one that says okay stop that now you put those into your ears just ignore i think so yeah okay have you ever had someone try and strike up conversation with you in public when you've got headphones in

no no way ah to be a man. Oh, no. Oh, mate. It happens so often. Like, you know, even if you're just walking down the street or like on a bus or something and you'll get a little sort of hand in your peripheral vision. Hi. And you think, what could possibly be more important than me listening to Desert Island Dicks right now on the bus? Yeah, exactly.

Thank you very much. Better promo. No big deal. Cheers, mate. I mean, they are listening to this bus. Yeah, exactly. Thank you very much. Better promo, no big deal. Cheers, mate. I mean, they are listening to this already. Yeah, of course. But thank you. It's good.

Of course. Very considerate. Check your surroundings, everyone. Make sure there's no strange people to talk to. Tell someone next to you to listen to it too. Exactly. Okay, yeah. I mean, that must be annoying as a woman.

I think. And then to be marooned on a desert island with a chatty Cathy is, yeah. Or to be marooned with that person that you've been ignoring. You spoke to at the beginning. You got to know each other for like two and a half minutes. And now you rely on each other for survival. That's it. Exactly.

Oh, you didn't want to talk to me for 11 and a half hours on that flight. And now you want to get on my raft? You can fuck yourself. That is so good. Okay. We all know that person, that annoying person that speaks to you on a flight, that inconsiderate person that speaks to you on fuck yourself. That is so good. Okay, we all know that person, that annoying person that speaks to you on a flight, that inconsiderate person that speaks to you on that flight.

Thank you very much, Brody. And who's going to be your second choice? My second choice, and I know this is going to immediately sound controversial or depressing, but it's going to be my dad. Your own dad? My own father. Okay, wow.

Do you need me to quantify this really well yeah um maybe not but um okay it's not in a not in a depressing um a strange kind of way not at all me and my dad are very good friends right we're good buddies we love each other a lot but we are too similar and my dad lives in australia i see, if I'm lucky, once a year, which is fantastic. Which is enough. Exactly. Thank you. Just a hemisphere apart.

But I think it takes us probably about two and a half seconds to go into some kind of, not a fallout, but definitely some kind of bickering situation. Really? So I feel like if we were on a desert island together obviously the aim i don't want to die on that island the aim is to get off yeah the aim is to escape the island and i think immediately we would both have very different ideas about how to do that okay and different ideas about you know the logistics of things

and blah blah blah and i can just see us turning on each other on the island. Okay. Yeah. And you don't want to do that. Yeah, exactly. And I don't, I just feel like it would go straight to gender politics and I'd be like giving him a lecture about toxic masculinity while he's trying to explain to me how to like build a raft or whatever. Okay. Yeah. And I do, I feel like we'd really turn on each other on the island. So you're going to be at odds, but you're really similar.

How does that work? Exactly. It's a very interesting question, that, and one that I probably need therapy for. Really? Okay. No, it's, you know when you're, have you got a family member that you're too similar to?

Yeah, I'd say so, yeah. Would you want to be on a desert island with them? Probably not, no. Yeah. I feel like, you know, what you need is teamwork. And I kind of feel like we would both want to be the team leader too much. Okay. Even if we were like dying of sunburn on an island. Right, okay.

It would be most important about who's going to take the lead, take the initiative and get us off the island. When you get rescued, who was the person that made the right decision? Whoever's still alive. Okay, yeah. I think it's probably to do with he's an ex-cop and I think there's a lot of qualities within that. Interesting. That can make for, you know, a lot of butting heads.

Okay. Yeah, we're both very stubborn people. You didn't fancy following in his footsteps then? Oh, I really did. Did you? I was going to be a cop for, you know, it was a dream that lasted well into my adulthood, to be honest. Really?

And then I kind of realised that I wouldn't pass the bleep or the drug test. Okay, right. Is that when the dream died? Pretty much, yeah. Yeah, okay. I sort of started getting into slightly more fun habits and went, yeah, do you know what? It's either crime or being a cop. What are we going to go for?

Probably not for me. Exactly. Exactly, okay, wow. And then we settled on comedy okay yeah somewhere in between but no i did i really wanted to be a cop so did you do any of the tests did you do any of that stuff i didn't i was gonna um there was a a scheme in australia um at the time of when i was finishing high school um kind of like a campaign to get kids in that gap year to get into the Army and the Navy. Oh, right. Okay.

And I was going to do that because I think they were paying out about like 35 grand or something like that. What? Exactly. And you sort of basically had to do the training and be in a program for like nine months offshore. Yeah, but after that you were in, that's it. Exactly.

Or you could take your 30K and run. Afterwards? Yeah, it was pretty much like just the training program with the idea that you would then be recruited. But just stick it out and then go. Exactly. And that was basically what they were paying out for the training program. And then you found out they had to do a urine test and you're like,

I'm out. Oh, mate, I was outie. I was outie. I was like, I'm moving countries. Wow. And here we are. Here we are. So, yeah, I did not follow my childhood ambition.

No, okay. So you and your dad, right. So your dad is going to be a second choice at loggerheads on the island. Yeah, I just feel like it would happen. Okay. Yeah. Bodhi, who's going to be your third choice? My third choice started off a little bit too vague, which was,

so I moved over here from Australia when I was 18. And obviously, because I love to smash a stereotype, I went straight into bar work. Nice. Great. So I have or had worked in bars for like eight years before I became very, very famous, which you'll be aware of. Yeah.

Of course. That's why I'm here. Yeah. That's it. Yeah. That's why you knew how to pronounce my surname. Yep. And I...

I tried. So my third one was going to be basically anyone that I've ever had to throw out of a bar. Okay. But then I thought that is so many people and for so many reasons that I, you know, there's only a few good ones that stand out at this point because that has been a long time of bar managing.

But there is one in particular that I had two years ago when I had to actually bar this man from the place. Please, what happened? So I don't give a fuck about protecting his identity. So we're going to call him what we call him, which is Scouse Tony. Scouse Tony. Yeah, because of course he's called scouse tony um basically scouse tony was a regular in this bar so i took over the bar and

it had a sort of you know when they take like an old kind of boozer and they really just they stick some neon they get some craft beers they get some djs that look fucking too stupid to yeah be there. You've got like the skull of something with some antlers. You don't even, oh my God, you came there. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it was just one of those where it was, you know,

there was a big upside down cross on the wall. And yeah, mate, honestly, it was just, it didn't know what it was, to be honest. So we took it over and it did used to be this kind of like crusty old man boozer. And the thing about when you take over a place and you try and rebrand it and stuff like that is that it takes a long time to shake off that old clientele, which it really did. And Scouse Tony belonged to the locals that drank at the pub before it had its refurb. And no matter how much you hike up the prices, those motherfuckers will keep coming back in until you just.

Really? Yeah, exactly. Until you really have to do something to phase them out. So, yeah, he was one of those. So he'd been going there a long time. A long time. Yeah, absolutely. He's deep in the history of this place.

Huge. You guys have come along and changed it. Exactly. I mean, let's be honest. We're probably the arseholes. I wasn't going to say anything, but right, okay. But it's also not like you can't get exactly what you want at Wetherspoons, which is about 100 metres down the road.

Yeah, exactly. Exactly. For £3.40. For cheaper. Exactly. It doesn't make any sense. So Scouse Tony is one of those guys. And I have a huge problem with, and this might make me sound like a bad guy,

but people who sit at the bar. Yeah. I don't. Yeah, as a bartender. As a bartender. I mean, I'm sure I've done it. But as a bartender, you just think, because, you know, they'll take up a lot of space and then they'll be, you know,

usually noisy and drunk and, you know, they'll take up a lot of space and then they'll be, you know, usually noisy and drunk and, you know, as they are. I can't believe I'm complaining about just all the normal stuff that happens when you work in a bar. You can tell I was really made for the job. Yeah, yeah. But, yeah, they kind of make it their own space and then, you know, you get things like change thrown at you

and they want another pint instead of actually asking. Yeah, all that sort of stuff where you just think that is unnecessary that's rude so he was one of these kind of guys but he's developed a kind of i don't know what you'd want to call it maybe an infatuation or a crush or a whatever um and all and he started to really focus his attention on me and it was kind of at the beginning you know you put up with a lot of this I've been working with us for such a long time as like a young Australian girl you know so you have to deal with quite a bit of shit which is you know part and parcel of the job but it grew to be more and more you know insane where you know he'd start doing things like bringing flowers in and he

bought me this really crazy um like vintage pen and stuff like that. He's like, oh, it's for you to write your skits. Did you steal it? Yeah, probably. He's like, it's for you to write your skits. I'm like, you've got no fucking idea what I do, but thank you. Thanks for this vintage pen. How's your skits going?

Yeah, real good. Thank you. Been using my vintage pen. But yeah, so it became really quiet. I wouldn't say like to the point that it was threatening, but it was certainly menacing. Because of it. Yeah.

And the thing was as well is that I lived in the flat above the pub. Oh, no. Yeah, because I really love a stereotype. Yeah. And basically, obviously, that was known to him as well. So he, even on my days off, like, because it was one of those, I've lived in many flats above the many pubs I've worked in, but this was one where it didn't actually have its own entrance.

So you had to go in and out of the actual bar when you wanted to leave the house. So it was to the point where like, even on my days off, I was seeing this guy. The front door is in the pub. Yeah. No. Horrible. I know. My God.

I literally did, I did this job for like two and a half years as well. I don't know how I didn't do it. Should have got famous way sooner. But basically, yeah, it was getting – and he was one of those people, and I definitely don't want to put this on Scouse people at all because some of my best friends are Scouses. But he just could fucking talk for England. Really?

And it's that kind of thing where you're on your way out on your day off, you get cornered by the half-pissed-up Scouse Tony. He wants to tell you about everything. He wants to ask you, oh, my God, this was the other thing as well. He kept asking me to go and do water sports with him. Like what? And I quote, it wouldn't be weird because we'd be wearing wetsuits. What?

What? I'm like, sorry, I can't think of something stranger than doing water sports in a wetsuit with the guy I serve cider blacks to. Yeah.

The guy who I've literally only ever seen in this room. Exactly. And I don't like. Come do water sports. It won't be weird. We'll be wearing wetsuits. You'd have to, like, travel there.

I struggle to think of something stranger, to be honest. Yeah. Scouse Tony, but thank you. Thanks for the pen. So, yeah, it became. That is so weird. It became just far, far too much. Was he into water sports?

I don't think he'd ever seen water before, to be honest with you. I think he was just kind of like, she's Australian. She probably likes outdoorsy things. Oh, right. He was trying to get onto your... Yeah, trying to get on my level. And I need to point out as well, not that age is a thing, I mean, but it was in this instance.

This guy was like my dad's age, you know. Yeah, yeah. Which, I don't know about you, but is not my thing. No, yeah. And so, yeah, it become just worse and worse as it went on and, you know, I would, you know, I'd be in the flat and, you know, I'd have to text my staff being like, is the coast clear sort of thing?

Oh, my God, yeah. And, you know, can I come out? And he'd just come in and sit there for hours and ask where I was and all that sort of stuff. Oh, no, yeah. And to the point where I and I felt bad about doing it but at the same time it was just like no this is too much um so I did I had to bar him and he um has been barred from many a pub before so he took it quite well so when did

it come to a head when was the moment where you were like when he tried to give me a washing machine right okay did he have the washing machine there he didn't but i just he was like i so believe that if i was like can you go get it and bring it in right right this second he would have been like well it's in the car i'll just go get it along with all my bin bags and masking tape my god do you want to just come out to the car and have a look exactly i've read the collector mate no way. No way. No, thank you. So, yeah, no, he was, and this was the thing, it did actually become a little bit aggressive because I just, I was like, look, I don't,

A, I don't fucking need a washing machine. Yeah. B, I don't want one. And why are we talking about this? Yeah. I'm trying to serve customers right now. Oh, my God. And he's just sort of hanging off the end of the bar, you know.

Yeah. Talking to me about a frigging washing machine. Now, the last thing you need is to crash on an island, right? And you're like, who are the survivors? Look up. Scouse Tony. Oh, mate, the biggest of chatty Cathy's. Oh, my, really?

Like, he was just impossible to get away from. Yeah. And sort of with a very, very thick accent, and once he'd had about five or six pints, like, I just... Oh, nightmare. There was a lot of smiling and nodding, which I think is probably what got me into this situation he would have said do you want a washing machine at some point

and i would have been like i don't know what he said but i'm gonna smile and nod oh my god that's cut to the next day i got you that washing machine oh you're sober now i don't know wait what when did we talk about this now i can understand you when did I say I wanted a washing machine? Yeah. Come out to my car and it's just like a shovel and rope. Oh, of course. Really? Okay. And so, yeah, it got to that point where he got quite aggressive about this washing machine. Wow.

And was very upset that I didn't. You're done with this. Yeah. I was like, all right, this is too much. Stop bringing me random gifts. Do you have door people that are going to chuck him out or you just said, right, you're not allowed back in there? I mean, on a Friday, Saturday we did, but at this point the bar was still quite quiet

as we were sort of trying to get custom. But this would be like the minute you've opened the door at 12 o'clock on a Tuesday. Oh, no. Yeah. Ta-da. He's parked around the corner. I saw you walk up. Yeah, no. Yeah. Ta-da. He's parked around the corner. Yeah. I saw you walk up.

Yeah, exactly. Oh, no, I've been behind these bins since 6am. And then basically, so I basically said, look, this is too much. I'm going to have to bar you. And he's been barred from many places before. So he did take it quite well. Has he told you that? Oh, yeah. Okay. Very, very open man. I don't know if you've got that so far. So he did take it quite well. Has he told you that? Oh, yeah. Okay. Very, very open man. Okay, yeah. I don't know if you've got that so far. I've got that, yeah. So he kind of went, oh, yeah, okay, six-month ban. And I went...

He said six-month ban. Yeah, and I went, no, no, like as in bars and like you can't come in here anymore. You know, I don't want you in here. You just, you know, and also things alongside that as well is he would just get way too pissed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A nightmare. Exactly. And bring other, you know, real things alongside that as well as he would just get way too pissed yeah yeah you know a nightmare exactly and bring other you know real scumbags in and stuff like that and uh so he imposed sort of he could sort of then just danced off into the sunset thinking that he could come back in six months and i kid you not to the fucking day six

months later because i figured it out i thought how long ago was that and it was like whatever six months to the day was it was like the very beginning of December and I thought nah he would have forgotten because I saw him a few times on the street in that six months and just sort of obviously did the old crossover and went oh but yeah literally to the day he just trotted back in did he with a bunch of flowers. Yeah. Is that when you left? That's when I was like, why am I still working here?

Why do I work here? I'm not meant to work at a pub for this long. Yeah, my God. So yeah, but that was just crazy. Because I was like, God, you've obviously been like, you've noted the day. You've been thinking about this. You still want to do water sports. I want to know where else he's been drinking for six months.

I know. Yeah, I know. Yeah, I know. And how many bodies are in his van. Oh, my God. Okay. So, yeah, I would not want Scouse Tony on the island at all. He needs to be voted off the island, that guy.

That is completely justified. So Scouse Tony is going to be a third choice. Really, really is. You're a podcast listener, and this is a podcast ad. Reach great listeners like yourself with podcast advertising from Lipson Ads. Choose from hundreds of top podcasts offering host endorsements or run a reproduced ad like this one across thousands of shows to reach your target audience with Lipson Ads. Go to LipsonAds.com now. That's L-I-B-S-Y-N-Ads.com. Thank you very much, Brady. Now, mercifully, among the wreckage of the plane, there was some food and drink left That's L-I-B-S-Y-N ads.com. Marzipan. The marzipan. Why marzipan? I mean... I can guess why, but go for it.

Can you? Okay, so I feel like marzipan is like nails on a blackboard for your mouth. Like it's horrible. I don't actually know what it is. So you know how licorice is like aniseed? I don't actually know what marzipan is. Do you know what it is? No, I've got no idea.

Or is marzipan the actual thing? I'm not too sure. It's like evil icing. Oh my God,an is. Do you know what it is? No, I've got no idea. Or is marzipan the actual thing? I'm not too sure. It's like evil icing. Oh, my God. It is. It's horrible, isn't it? It's better than nails on a blackboard for your mouth. It's the best way I can describe it.

And I find it's like, have you ever bitten into a pastry and been like, oh, God. Oh, yeah. Marzipan. Why do they put it in some pastries? Is it almond? I think it might be almond. It is yeah. Marzipan. Why do they put it in some pastries? Is it almond? I think it might be almond. It is almond.

It is almond. You're right. It's like almond pastries. Yeah. And you think, God, that looks real nice. And then it's marzipan. And then you wish you were dead. It's almond.

It is almond. So almond is the thing. Okay, but if you just were to eat a handful of almonds. Love it. It doesn't taste like marzipan. Not at all. So how do they make it taste so bad i don't know but they need to stop it's it is just horrible yeah sugar should make it taste

sugar should make it taste nicer it it really should you know you should work for marzipan did i i'm just telling you i just said it was icing's evil oh god it's just it's so such an accurate description how often are you having to eat marzipan? Look, I don't actually know. I do remember the last time I had marzipan. Every time I've had marzipan, it's always been an accident or a tragedy as I like to think of it, right? The last time I had marzipan was a couple of years ago. I was in a very posh, and I'm not a posh person at all, so I already felt really out of place, really posh Christmas pop-up exhibition gallery thing. Okay, nice, yeah.

You know some- Cool. Yeah, I mean, I'm not cool at all. I think I got dragged along there by a friend who had some art there that was by someone that she knew. Okay. You really painted a picture of yourself in the bar that you worked in and the places you'd go. I'm this gal, trust me. And you know how those spaces, like gallery spaces and stuff,

especially public ones, they can be really tight and obviously just expensive art in every corner and stuff. I was probably a seven and a half out of ten hungover. Right, okay, yeah. And obviously around Christmas time time i don't have a problem all right and we were walking around and we were kind of we were going to go for lunch and we were like she was like i want to go to this gallery first so we did a bit of a wander around the gallery and there was a guy in the gallery who i think it was his pop-up or some

of his art and he was kind of hosting and he was walking around with a platter of like what looked like amazing homemade treats nice okay so he was kind of going around like that and offering them to everyone and i'm hungover starving and i'm like holy shit they look really good so i've got grabbed the biggest one naturally yeah yeah and just gone in and just put the whole thing in my mouth before like my eyes just like just like streamed as I realised it was marzipan. And my best mate, she's with me, she knows about the marzipan thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And she has just naturally started wetting herself laughing.

So in this really posh, tight kind of like pop-up thing with all this nice shit just being really loud and obvious that I'm having a breakdown in the corner with a mouthful of marzipan she's doubled over laughing really trying not to make a fuss i've got my back to the whole thing because i'm literally just like how do i get through this in the corner gagging on fucking a big lump of homemade marzipan and i managed to just like because i'm like i've got no intention of eating this okay yeah this is like a bite to the death exactly you know when you got your mouth full of something and

obviously just don't you don't want it to be apparent that it's in your cheeks right so i did that thing where you just your whole mouth is over it and you're kind of yeah exactly this is really not a good podcast content but you But you've just made the perfect face for that, basically. So I kind of did that and I'm doing the kind of, okay, all I have to do is just go to art and I can get out into the street and just scream into the wind because I've accidentally eaten marzipan. So we kind of controlled ourselves and we've got a turn to leave. I'm making our way out of this teeny tiny little gallery

and the guy doubles back with the platter and goes, one for the road. Oh no! James, what do you think I did at that point? Do you think I grabbed another piece of marzipan out of politeness and put the whole fucking thing in my mouth again? Look, now we know each other,

I know that's exactly what you did. You were a polite person, you put a second one in your mouth. Exactly. Oh my God. This is the part of me that will sit in the aisle of the fucking plane because i want other people to inconvenience me than me to inconvenience other people and she was just like what on earth and i reckon i'd gone a strange shade of blue at this point i was just having the worst man yeah you know when you're hungover as well, everything is just so exaggerated.

And then basically, yeah, we got out, we ran out into the street and I just spat it all on the side of the gallery. Did you? Yeah. And then we went for lunch. Nice. That's great. So marzipan is not allowed on the island.

Okay. Yeah. I mean, people have written Edinburgh shows on this. It's a good story. Yeah. I mean, that's an idea for 2020. Isn't it? Yeah. I mean, people have written Edinburgh shows on less. It's a good story. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's an idea for 2020. Isn't it?

Yeah. You think about rewriting yours for this year based on that. Yeah. Okay. Marzipan. Disgusting. Totally justified choice. Can't do.

What's going to be your drink choice? My drink choice is rosé. Yeah. Rosé. Yeah. Okay. I mean, I get it. Do you? Yeah. Do you get it? Yeah. I think so. I think a lot of people have a thing about rosé yeah okay i mean i get it do you get it yeah i think so i think a lot of people have a thing

about rosé i think basically because what i've obviously assumed uh on a desert island the rosé is going to be warm isn't it oh my god so i have like a proper ptsd for warm rosé because like my first two years living in this country i genuinely think think my diet was like Blossom Hill Rose and just cheap tequila. Oh, God. I know. I was like 18 to 20 in a new country. Playing to stereotypes. Really playing to stereotypes.

Drunk Australian bartender wearing flip flops in January. Okay. Yeah. And I just think, you know, when you have enough bad experiences with uh with a certain beverage it just it kind of goes on the no list yeah yeah warm as well warm as well god i know and i think i was trying to think about this last night what the appeal is um you know obviously this is a real generalization but it was for me. As a young girl, like, what is it about rosé? Is it because it's pink? Is it that basic?

Is it that easy? I don't know, because it doesn't taste nice. It doesn't taste like it looks. I think, right? It should taste like rose lemonade. Well, if you get something like Blossom Hill or Black Tower, Echo Falls, they're like, it's like the Alcopop of wine. Yeah, yeah.

So maybe that's the easy in. I don't know. You know, that sort of stuff's cheap as well. You feel like when you're like 18, you're like, oh, look at me. I'm really cool. I'm having a glass of wine. I'm so grown up now. But your taste buds aren't.

So I think like it's that kind of happy medium between it being a red, which is a bit of a grown up drink, and a white, which is a, I don't know, a mum drink or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, island full of warm rosé. Disgusting. Okay, thank you very much, Brodie. Fortunately for you, you won't be without entertainment on the island.

The plane's entertainment system continues to work, but just your luck, it only has two working settings. One is your least favourite film of all time, and the other is your least favourite song. What are they and why? So I think what I did when I knew that these were going to be the questions, I thought about it in the wrong way. Okay.

Or maybe not the wrong way, maybe just a different way. Okay. So hear me out. I'm interested. What I have done is I've picked my favourite film. Okay. Because with this in mind, that for the rest of my days on this island, I don't know how long I'm going to be there.

I'm quite a resilient young woman. I might be there for like 10 years. I mean, between you and your dad, you probably, you know. Exactly. We might even make it off if we don't kill each other. My thinking is I don't want something that I love because then I'm going to have to re-watch it and re-watch it and re-watch it to the point that I don't love it anymore. True, true. So what I've picked, because my favourite film is Muriel's Wedding.

Yeah, okay. And that's a film that you really can't do more than once a year. Yeah, yeah, for sure. It's a bit like, same as Priscilla, Queen of the Desert. You can't smash that movie. That's not like a hungover Sunday, I'll just watch something familiar and kind of zone out to it. You need to give it enough time to forget a bit to then go back exactly because there's music and there's just there's a lot of chaos and all that sort of stuff so that i've picked that in the kind of um i would rather

have the memory of muriel's wedding than watch it every day till i die okay is that a strange answer no it's really good answer i don't think i've ever had anyone look at it like that have you not yeah that was good i feel like yeah sometimes i get a question and i go this is the first thing that springs to mind and i feel like it it's wrong yeah but if i had to pick a film that i never ever ever wanted to watch again hereditary hereditary yeah did you see it i mean also has t Toni Collette in it. This is nothing against her because she's incredible. So have you got the hype around it or anything? It came out last year.

I have no idea. New horror film. No, no idea. Oh, mate, honestly. I've got two very small children. I never do anything. No, but I mean, like, the hype around it was massive. It was allegedly, like, the new scariest film in the world kind of thing.

I swear they do that every year, though, don't't know okay see i'm not like a huge horror fan but i feel like a horror movie that's done well sure i feel like and i'm not a film buff at all and i think loads of people would disagree with this this horror film was done too well to the point that it shit me up so badly yeah oh my god i have never been more scared in my life and for a like the the period of time afterward that i was so scared oh my god really is that bad 100 i i genuinely don't think i i could ever sit through it again and then i don't know if that makes me just like a little bitch or if that makes me like not know much about films because I have heard people be like oh that was a pathetic film but oh my god it scared me so bad and I would not want to be on a dark desert island with the memory of

half the shit that happens in that film really oh my god yeah I kind of want to see it I'm not into horror films at all but I feel like like uh whatever they tried to do they were successful yeah oh yeah I felt like it was very successful. I think because traditionally horror kind of lacks a good storyline and also the acting in it is meant to be a little bit sub. But obviously, Tony Collette is the lead in it. Right. So it's already good.

Yeah. Yeah. And I just think like between that and I mean the storyline, it's kind of horror movie-esque, but there's twists and stuff. you know it's actually got a plot and it's yeah i've got goosebumps and i went with my um my flatmates at the time i live with my two best friends who are a couple and they're um they're terrible human beings so we went to see it together we were all got the night off we were all so excited blah blah i watched the whole thing with my knees up around my ears at the cinema like i couldn't even put my feet on the floor um and then obviously they were less scared than me because they're grown-ups and they get to sleep in a bed with

each other at night i was in like a bed by myself in the next room exactly and they just um yeah yeah sort of took the liberty of scaring the shit out of me for the next three weeks yeah just by like i'd walk into a room and just all of a sudden all the lights would go off oh no i know like real bad people hiding under beds stuff like that it just makes you really regress to being a scared child like i had the worst trust issues in this share house so i couldn't deal with that again i don't think okay so um mirror's wedding because you couldn't bear to hate it exactly and then hereditary possibly the worst film yeah i just i couldn't i don't think i could be that scared again okay tony collette is just

too good in it okay she's so good right it's so scary i'm gonna put on the list yeah you should when my kids are like 10 exactly yeah exactly okay sweet um thank you very much brady what's going to be your song choice okay so i feel like i i've chosen the music of bon Iver yeah i saw this okay yeah go again i don't know if this is a controversial thing or not it's just music that reminds me only of like real sadness real sadness and i'm not saying it's not like amazing music because obviously he's very very talented um and i do love some of those songs but i think like to have that all the time to be the only thing that you could listen to it reminds me of like high school breakups and that album.

I just remember being like just a sentimental, brokenhearted teenager and having that album on all the time and being like, I will never smile again. Yeah, yeah. It was just so sad. I think like I don't have the emotional stability to go through it. Why would I just make myself that sad? Exactly.

Oh, my God, I know. i don't think i could do it and i think you know one song on a playlist sure sure yeah if i have the option to skip it exactly if you're not in the mood for it but if that's all you've got to listen to while you're potentially alone on an island after you've killed your dad oh my god for years i think it would just be too depressing. I was the kid in high school that made, like, I burnt CDs for everyone. Oh, cool. And there was a lot of Bon Iver because there was a lot

of breakups in high school. Oh, God, yeah. Yeah. And I had a friend who she was the first one out of all of us to get her driver's license. And this was our last year of high school. And she had a really bad, like, dum-dum-dum kind of breakup. Right.

And it was the same time that Bleeding Love by Leona Lewis had come out and that was her breakup song. No. And she would, there was no parking at our school, at our high school, probably because they didn't think that anyone would be smart enough to get their license. So the house that I grew up in was just near the school, so she used to drive to mine in the morning, park up there,

and then we'd walk to school together. And I swear to God, I could hear Leona Lewis about two minutes before she even rolled in. She just had it up so loud, on repeat, just scream singing into the windshield. And I was like, right, I'm making you a depression session CD, which is what I called them. Thank you. i should really market that depression session cd and it just had so much bonnie ver on it i did it and yeah i would do like little cover art with broken

hearts like little emo hearts on it oh no yeah i was a very good terrible friend yeah yeah i think like um no slight on bonnie ver right right? Because obviously he's very talented. Very talented. Yeah. I just don't think if I'm really putting myself in that position on an island where I would be very sad in the first place, I wouldn't need any music to bring that out in me. No. I saw that he headlined at a festival recently, right? And I saw the posters for the festival and it said Bon Iver is headlining.

And like all the other acts were like, I can't remember any, but they were quite like fun bands and fun DJs. And the poster was kind of like really colourful. And I was like, that is the most misleading poster. People are going to go and say they go and get on it like in the day. And then he comes on as the headliner. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God.

That is crash and burn, isn't it? I think so. And if you've, oh, I think as well, if you've like kind of changed the day drinks and you've like sort of already peaked in that kind of sense and then you kind of, you know, like at the end of the night when you're like on the tube home and that's when you have your headphones in

and listen to some kind of solemn music or something. If he then comes on at that point in your kind of drunken decline as well, that's when you get real existential and you like sway in the crowd and you have a little glistening tear on your cheek thinking about all the shit that's gone wrong in your very young life probably. I kind of feel like, yeah, it's not a good close-up. Was he headlining? He headlining, yeah.

Wow. Deep, yeah. Okay. Bonneva. Yeah. Great choice. Yeah, I stand by it. Thank youneva. Yeah. Great choice. Yeah, I stand by it. Thank you very much.

Finally, Brodie. The island is overrun by the biggest dick of all the animals. Which animal is it and why? Frog. Frog. Why frog? Every day, frog. Every day, frog.

I do not think I have a genuine phobia of anything, but if I did, it's frogs. Really? Genuine phobia. What? Yep, those goosebump hereditary are back, yeah. So how did this happen? So basically, I don't know.

I mean, I suppose I can guess where it came from. So that house that I grew up in was in amongst like very dense kind of bushland. Okay. And in Australia in the winter, it can rain quite a lot. So they would form like creeks and stuff like that. So what we would do as kids would go take our little ice cream containers and go tadpolling. Catch loads and loads of tadpoles,

great little very wholesome pastime that we did when I was young. We had a fish pond outside the front of our house so we'd come back and empty our tadpoles into the fish pond and be like, cute, it's nice, what a great childhood. Good bounty for the day, everyone. Something to do. Let's go, you know, have a Vegemite sandwich because I did not have a stereotypical upbringing at all.

But, yeah, so we would do that. And then basically, I suppose I was too young to really understand the life cycle of this sort of stuff. Okay. So all of a sudden, the of tatties that we've gone to catch aren't tadpoles anymore james oh my god what the fuck are they shit loads of frogs exactly and it was just like it was terrifying because obviously you know they're no longer in the pond are they they're jumping around everywhere you know we used to leave our school shoes outside

you'd put your fucking school shoes on in the morning and about 17 frogs would jump out yeah so i think it's their unpredictability and it's their kind of sliminess as well yeah i feel like growing up and they were just everywhere and you'd think that that would kind of make you get used to it but it was yeah i just can't and an island that just has loads of frogs like yeah you ever had a frog land on you? Oh, it's disgusting. We had a dog when we grew up as well. Oh, I bet that dog had a field day.

Absolute field day. She was a sheep dog as well, so very liked catching stuff. And she used to sort of play with them, but she would sort of get them with her paw, like paw on the frog, and the noise they make. It sounds like someone's letting tiny bits of air out of a balloon. Oh, my God, yeah. Like just a scream kind of almost.

And I remember as a child just falling asleep to that so many nights. You just hear that going on in the backyard, just a frog massacre. But secretly I was like, ha-ha. Get them. Get them, those frogs. That's why I left you outside. Yeah, exactly. Less frogs for me.

I'd have to dodge on the way to school. Okay, Ireland overrun with frogs would be horrible. Horrible. Don't want to go there. Brodie, thank you so much for coming in. I've loved this. This is such a good concept for a podcast. Thank you, mate.

I really appreciate it. So, Brodie, what are you up to at the minute? I am previewing for my Edinburgh Fringe Festival show. I've got some shows in London coming up, which I shall tell you about now. I am at the Bill Murray, which is on Sunday the 7th of July. That is an afternoon show at 4pm. So let's hope it's not sunny because no one will come. And finally, I have a preview in Stratford on the 20th of July.

And then from August, I shall be at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival doing my debut show. It is called Handful and it will be at the Gilded Balloon in the Wee Room at 8.15 every night. Apart from the 13th when I will be napping hard and or having a sort of mid-month meltdown. Oh my God, yes, exactly. Not drinking anything, no rosé. So yeah, that's exciting. That's the big thing that I'm doing. Can you give us any insight into what handful?

I've named it Handful, which is sort of inspired by the time that I went on a first date with someone and I was called a handful within like the first five minutes of the date. Okay. Which I sort of think the story is good, but the concept to kind of explore is also really fantastic there's a lot of comedy gold in there there's a lot of secrets a lot of stuff that you'll probably will wonder why i would ever say

that out loud to strangers wow okay but i truly believe that is comedy in itself yeah in exchange secrets in exchange for cash so yeah yeah, if that sounds like... Dignity and cash at the door, please. Oh yeah, 100%. No dignity whatsoever. Brodie, and if people want to get you on social media, where can they get you? So as we discussed before, what a dumb name. So Brodie...

Was it hard to get your own name as a... Do you know what? Funnily enough, it was a breeze. Yeah, no one had this name. So yeah, so it's Brodie, B-R-O-D-I, Snook, S-N-O-O-K. Pretty much on everything, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook. Yeah, easy. Easy as.

No one else has got that. I didn't have to put comedy on the end of it or anything. Yeah, I know. That's for you to decide when you come to my show. Well, thank you very much, Brodie. Thanks for coming in. Thanks, James. you very much brady thanks for coming in thanks james