Desert Island Dicks - CARL DONNELLY

Episode Date: February 21, 2022

Hello, who is this wonderful chat on Desert Island Dicks today, popping by to tell us all about the worst people and things he could be stuck with on a desert island? It's only Carl Donnelly, and he's marvellous, so dip your ears into this and have a lovely time. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You're a podcast listener, and this is a podcast ad. Reach great listeners like yourself with podcast advertising from Lips and Ads. Choose from hundreds of top podcasts offering host endorsements, or run a reproduced ad like this one across thousands of shows to reach your target audience with Lips and Ads. Go to Lipsandads.com now. That's L-I-B-S-Y-N-ads.com. Hi, I'm Dan from Desert Island Dicks. This episode features comedian Carl Donnelly, who's a very nice man.

I mean, at least on the basis of our chat. I'm not going to give a whole character reference, but from my dealings with him, he's a very nice man. And he's also funny. And that's what we like here on Desert Island Dicks. We recorded this in the run-up to Christmas last year, so 2021. I don't think it makes a huge amount of difference, except we refer to a couple of Christmassy things. You're familiar with the concepts of time, I believe, so you understand that people have conversations in the past, and then sometimes we listen back to them in the future, or the present day. So there you go,

that's my concise intro. Just to add, if you could subscribe and give us a rating and a review, that would be lovely. We'd always appreciate that. So just do that wherever you get your podcasts and we'd appreciate it very much indeed. Here's Carl Donnelly to Desert Island Dicks, the show that sees you marooned on a desert island after a plane crash with the worst people and worst things imaginable. Who they are and why they're a dick is up to our guest. And here to share their Desert Island Dicks with us today is comedian Carl Donnelly.

How are you doing? I'm good, thank you. How are you? I'm alright. Yeah, not too bad, not too bad. What's your mood like on this sort of fairly average grey Monday morning that we're recording on? Well, in quite a bleak thing, my mood is actually quite good, but for a degenerate reason. My wife bought me a booze advent calendar. Well, she didn't buy it, she curated it.

And it's a thing, I did it last year, she bought me a coffee advent calendar. And I, basically every day I woke up and I'd open my new beans and I made a coffee and I filmed myself doing it

and put it on Instagram and it ended up, people really liked it. It was sort of, it became quite a funny little tradition so this year everyone was like you're doing it again and she has curated 24 different little bottles of spirits that i had to get up in the morning open and then drink and film it and put it on my instagram so i've yeah this is currently it's basically so it's

11 a.m and i've had a cocktail so my mood's great but my life is crumbling that's quite quite a loose way to spend your days isn't it so cocktails i mean some people do have a cocktail at 11 o'clock you know on their yacht or something so i know but not in your kitchen when your wife's had to take your toddler into another room so you can film it it's quite there's a real it there's a lot going on. It all feels bad but when you finish it, it turns out it's quite pleasant.

But it's only, it's just for this month and it is for a bit of fun. I'm not going to continue it in the new year. It's kind of like when you get on a plane or something,

it doesn't matter what time it is. It's like on a plane or in your kitchen, it's sort of the rules of, you know, time doesn't count. Yeah,

it's very drink dependent as well. Like the first day, she hit me time doesn't count. Yeah, it's very drink dependent as well. Like the first day she hit me with tequila and that's my least favourite spirit. I hate it. And so I was like, well, this is going to be a tough month. And I ended up looking, I quickly just Googled like cocktails you can make with tequila.

And I made a thing called a tequila sunrise that's just full of orange juice and grenadine and it's really sweet. And it ended up being delicious. And actually, because there's a lot of orange juice in it, you could And it's really sweet. And it ended up being delicious. And actually, because there's a lot of orange juice in it, you could sort of convince yourself it's sort of a breakfast drink. Yeah. So that didn't feel as bad as like I had rum on day three

and I made like a rum cocktail. And that just felt like it felt really degenerate to be drinking a rum cocktail at 10 a.m. So, yeah, it's very much each day is very different. Today I made a coffee martini which was very strong but because of the coffee it did feel quite um okay and i saw this bad i'm sort of regretting starting it now but i feel like once i've started i've got to finish you're only on day six but um well you know i don't know i'm to be honest i'm sort of in the mood where you know i wouldn't mind a little drink you know. My son woke me up quite in the middle of the night,

so I was sort of up for a bit in the night and then went back to sleep. But even though I slept till a normal time in the end, I feel a bit mad and I could probably just have a cocktail anyway. Just treat yourself. Yeah. Well, it's Monday. But let's distract ourselves from the booze because, you know, you're here, you're going to be marooned on a desert island with the worst people

and worst things imaginable. And how did you find the process of compiling your list of dicks? I found the food, drink, films, all that very easy, quite quick, actually. But the people, I found it quite hard. And I think that does come from the fact i'm not i don't dislike people i find it very hard to dislike people unless they've wronged me personally do you know what i mean so even politicians and things i'm no matter how crap they are i can sort of in an abstract sense i can be like yeah they're obviously some sort of div but i don't actually have any genuine dislike for them in i can't there's

nowhere in me i'm like i hate that person so i found that tricky and in the end i had to sort of pick people that i have slight issues with rather than people that i genuinely dislike okay oh i'm curious to see who's made the shortlist then who's going to be the first person joining you um i mean what i don't know what order to do them. And there's basically a theme to it. I've basically picked people that I think sell a certain type of, you know, positivity that I don't believe is actually as helpful as they make out.

So for some reason I've gone for Paul McKenna, which is a bit of a nostalgic choice. But, you know, it's that, and people will see, the people i've picked it it's you know it's that idea and the reason i think it'd be quite interesting putting them on a desert island it's because they portray this idea that you can basically be whatever you want to be just with a bit of positive thought do you know what i mean just change how you think you'll be happy and it's like all right that's that's all well and good when you're a you know you live in a first world country and you're wealthy and you you know you're a well a sort of well-paid author and all that but let's see it in action in when

you get into the shit do you know what i mean that's what i want i want to see i want to see these people um try and keep selling that idea when they're genuinely starving in the boiling heat of a tropical island yeah also the people that um make a lot of money from this sort of thing of like you know you can be anything like you know i just wanted to be a millionaire and now look you know you're all here watching me and i'm a millionaire and it's like yeah but that's because you've got an audience of 4 000 people that have spent 500 quid each to be here. Who's watching that and thinking, yeah, I just need to do it? It's like, you're not going to have 5,000 people spending all that money.

And they sell the idea that you can reach the level they've reached just with using their tips. But they don't realise that the amount of factors, it wasn't just hard work that got them to that place. It happens a lot in comedy, actually. You know, stand-up, there's a lot of people that, like, get upset sometimes that they can't make it to, you know, your John Bishop levels because they've sort of bought into the idea

that comedy is a meritocracy. And it's like, comedy is like any industry. It's a meritocracy up to a certain point. You still need a lot of factors. And it's like, comedy is like any industry. It's a meritocracy up to a certain point. You still need a lot of factors. And it's like people like Paul McKenna's probably, you know, he didn't grow up in a skip, did he?

Do you know what I mean? He's not somebody who was like, he grew up in a crack den. He somehow has just pulled himself up by his bootstraps. Ultimately, he had a probably decent education. There's loads of things that gave him at least a good start. And then he's managed to find a niche. There's's not that niche isn't open to every person on earth is

it there's only a limited number of spots to sit like to book a theater exactly and like no matter what you think of you know he's probably like quite you know he's got a good style of presentation you know he can be like confident on camera and like there There's probably comedians who are just really bad at doing media. Absolutely. So not comedians. I mean, like hypnotists, I guess. Just not that media savvy and stuff. Totally.

Or don't look that great. Yeah, there's loads of factors. It could be for him, for every one of him telling you you can be whatever you want to be, there's 10,000 people who tried to be what he said and the options weren't open for them. So I'd love to see somebody who, their whole shtick is sort of positivity and believing in yourself. I'd love to see how they would react

when you're literally scrabbling around for food on an island. So that's why I've, it's weird. I've sort of picked them in a sense that I would quite like the novelty of seeing them in those places, but also at the same time, they're the sort of people I don't tend to like being around. Yeah.

It would be interesting, wouldn't it? Because you sort of go, okay, we're all starving now. I mean, Paul, I really want to not be starving. I don't know how how does this work like i really wanted this this trap to kill the wild pig to work and it hasn't like what where do we go from here yeah yeah i mean because you know if you were obviously look positive mental attitude can be really useful and can be a really helpful thing but there's you know there are limits to it like anything like we've said watching him come up against a

wall of just like there's nothing you can do to get out of this would be that's it at which point you say like look we've tried three weeks of positive mental attitude you know and uh and so far it hasn't actualized any sausages so you know we now need to change that it would be that moment where they realise that their whole career's idea is actually sort of based on a falsehood. That would be the moment I'd want. It'd be like watching a priest become an atheist or something, wouldn't it? Just like someone losing faith in God or something. They're like, oh shit, wait, it can't cover everything. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A priest having a meeting, like having been abducted by aliens

and realizing that, oh, we're not God's chosen people, it turns out. But yeah, I think that it's, I just don't yet, I don't know how you've, I've never liked people that are overtly positive all the time. I don't trust it as a setting. I'm quite a positive, happy guy,

but I don't sort of pretend that I'm that all the time. I also am willing to admit that life is not always rainbows. Sometimes you cannot just be like, just believe in yourself. Some days you want to actually wallow in self-pity and get down in the dirt with yourself yeah well i think it's really important to be positive but i also think it's important to like acknowledge when you're not feeling like that yeah you know but i mean there's people because i think paul mckenna practices that sort of neuro-linguistic

programming yeah yeah so it's like i'm in a bad mood i'll just tell yourself that you're not and it's like well that's healthy isn't it and i'll just tell yourself that you're not. And it's like, what? That's healthy, isn't it? And I've known people who've done this. And you're like, are you okay, mate? And they are like saying, yeah, I'm fine, like through gritted teeth. And you're like, that can't be healthy. Like you need like a little, you know, like maybe don't go around ranting all day, mate.

And don't do a podcast about people that you hate. But, you know, don't go mad. But, you know, like just let a little bit of steam out now and again because they're terrifying. And obviously the flip side is equally as annoying. People are just constantly down. You know what I mean? And I'm not having a go at people that have mental health problems.

I'm talking about people that just are miserable all the time, even though they're not actually that depressed. So I think it's almost that. I don't like the extreme ends of the spectrum, I suppose. I like people that just float around the sort of middle ground of your emotional spectrum. Some days I'm up, some days I'm down. I don't want to be on a desert island with somebody who's constantly like,

guys, we're going to be fine. We're going to be rescued today. It's like, shut up. We're not. For six months, no one's even gone near us with a with a boat just accept that we are gonna die here one day i agree i agree and i think yeah just watching someone just relentlessly try and manage like a equilibrium when you know that everything is bullshit around them i think that's yeah yeah that's gonna push you as well because there'll be times you're like just fucking show some emotions you know yeah yeah that's it but these three names i've

picked would all annoy me for that reason i think oh i don't know i actually think they'd probably break down at different times i think mckenna might be quite hardy actually i think he would take a bit of breaking you know i mean i reckon it'd be a good month or so until the chips are really down that he might go all right i get it nlp cannot help us find berries okay it's a strong opener let's find out who the other two are joining you who's your next choice um the other i mean it's weird that i've just picked two american talk show hosts but one is oprah winfrey okay which is weird because she is very popular and she seems very nice. But she's another one who I think sells, you know, she's always got guests.

I don't watch the show. I mean, we're in the UK. Why would I watch an American chat show? But you see, I always see clips online when she, it's like Oprah talking to Deepak Chopra about how you can just, you know, sort of get rid of all your anxieties. And it's this sort of new age spirituality, which I should love. I'm a vegan who's into meditation stuff. So it should be right up my street.

But I think it's such a, a lot of it is very empty and is more about book sales than anything else. And I think Oprah is a real purveyor of that. Similar stuff to Paul McKenna, but at least Paul McKckenna is coming at it from a relatively scientific point of view that nlp is essentially like cognitive behavioral therapy in it is you trying to convince yourself to get out of a bad mood whereas i think um she would be a purveyor of a much more um not dangerous is the wrong word because i'm into half of it but like that thing of saying that you can just let go of all your problems just if you just decide is a sort of i think that would be an interesting thing to see how that works on a desert island when you're stranded yeah there's there's a whiff of a lot of oprah's stuff that i see it's a whiff of kind of inspirational poster

about it totally which i mean come and carry on and drink gin that sort of shitty posters also you're going to be on a desert island you know so your constant backdrop will look like an inspirational poster so she's probably gonna feel really at home there just like her words wafting over the sunset you know it's also she's that she's the perfect example of somebody of course it's easy for you to let your problems go when you're almost a billionaire do you know what i mean you are so rich and uh i find it funny when i think the richer you get and the more successful you get as a celebrity the more you should keep your mouth shut about other people's lives and their problems. Do you know what I mean? It becomes more and more rude, I think, to try and give people advice

on how they should live their lives. It's like, because you get further and further removed from any of the problems that affect most people on earth. Do you know what I mean? It feels like, I find that really, like, annoying, I think. So, again, I would like to see, and this, I'm not, obviously really i wouldn't really like to see i'd actually prefer if none of us end up on a desert island let's be honest but somebody who they're genuinely i don't think realizes that their circumstances are

probably the basis of most of their happiness i'd like to see them put into a tricky situation to see if they can then live this lie they've convinced themselves of yeah i saw oprah once sort of talking about the importance of finding your happy place and she was sort of talking about how like your fucking bank balance is your happy place love well yeah she was in her enormous house going like this spot in my garden you know i come out here every day for like half an hour and i just sit for a while and it's like you've got a massive garden like you've got a really really big garden and you have time to sit for half an hour like a lot of people don't have either of those things and it's it's like you know it's like madonna in her bath of rose petals saying that we're all equal now you know it's like in the pandemic and it's like come, come on, guys, come on. Let's read the room.

I know, but it's not because, again, they just get further and further away from being able to read the room. Reality gets further and further away, doesn't it? So I think, yeah, that's why I'd love to see, you know, Oprah bust out a bloody, you know, The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle when we're on the beach starving. All right, let's see how being power of now. Yeah. By Eckhart Tolle when we're on the beach starving. All right, let's see how being present helps now, mate.

I mean, behind all that calm, I bet she also can potentially swing into being a bit of a diva quite quickly. 100%. You know what I mean? Yeah, she's not. If she gets to a hotel room and it's a crappy little travel lodge sort of thing, she ain't going to be, oh, this is right. You know, just be present and be like, I can sleep here. It a bed it's like no shut up mate i um yeah i just don't i don't really buy it yeah i think her her philosophies clashing with paul mckenna's will be quite

interesting i think at the beginning they'll have a little discourse and then quite quickly yes butting heads over things definitely because i do I do, and this isn't, you know, Paul McKenna at least does believe you can, it's sort of actually a scientific mental bit of trickery you have to sort of play on yourself rather than the sort of new age spiritual one of just like, just let go, man. Just sit and just be present and it all goes away. That takes years.

Monks take their lifetime to get to that point telling somebody watching your chat show that all it takes is like 10 minutes a day of meditation you'll be all right it's like no it's that is that will help but let's not pretend that you're suddenly going to get enlightened by taking 10 minutes out of a really stressful tough day just to sort of sit yeah do it because there'll be benefits but let's not sell a lie that it's going to fix all their problems okay so we've got the first two and there's already like a nice like a nice tension going on which i'm enjoying um who's going to be the the third in this uh triumvirate of dicks it's another american talk show host do you know what i'm trying to think

of names i genuinely struggle to think of and then I thought of Paul McKenna because I just... I don't know why. I think it's actually because I recently downloaded one of his books out of curiosity. I downloaded it on Kindle and then it said at the end of each chapter listen to the CD. And I was like, I've downloaded it on Kindle, mate. It didn't come with the CD.

And I hadn't enjoyed the first chapter anyway. But... I tried to think of other British people. It turns out, actually, this made me quite happy to be British and live in this country. We don't really have that sort of person on telly. We don't have this overwhelming positivity. I do think we keep it a bit real. And then I thought of Oprah.

And then I just, then I just remembered Ellen DeGeneres, who I think is the sort of apex predator of positivity. You know, she's almost reached a point of faux positivity that is so extreme that I would find her so hard to be on a desert island with. Yeah. The dancing, the dancing, all that. Everything has to be positive and exciting. And I just would be like, some days you just like, we are literally dying on an island.

Can you just let me wallow in it, please, Ellen? But she, I mean, like we said about Oprah, you know, like behind the scenes,

you know, that there's probably quite a tough, savvy lady kind of not taking any shit. But with Ellen, I mean, you can really, like there's a very thin veil between on and off screen and when you heard all that came out about um how she treated her staff and everything there's

loads of horrible stories about the moment the cameras are off she is rough as guts to people so again it's she's a yeah she's the perfect example of somebody who sells an idea but actually it's sort of a character isn't it to yeah to to keep their position so yeah to see just to see somebody who's does i'd say out of all the most extreme like you know sells herself as this super positive happy-go-lucky everything's great person all right come on let's do this let's do this ellen i mean she might be quite useful on an island because she has that fiery drive i mean all three very ambitious people so maybe that'll be useful but i mean i guess it's like you need ambition to work together rather than just sort of like being like you say like the apex predator and sort of throwing

everyone else under the bus because something's been done wrong so i think in that respect it's not probably not going to work together that well. Yes. I reckon there's rivalry between those two as well. Oh, I'm sure. Ella and Oprah. Yeah, definitely. I've never been so appreciative of British talk show hosts.

When you look at our talk show hosts, oh, crap, but in a sort of good way, aren't they? We let Piers Morgan host the chat show. That's unbelievable. That's how we celebrate misery in this country. Because I remember there was a period where, like, when I was at school, those programs got quite popular for a while. Like, Ellen was on.

Yeah, I remember. Was it Montel Williams? Yep. Ricky Lake. Ricky Lake was on, Joey Springer obviously. Yeah. At least those ones

had a bit of bite to them. Joey Springer and Ricky Lakes were about people getting arguments sorted. It was the opposite almost. It was quite nice to see Americans not be positive. But yeah,

I think it just doesn't really translate into our culture very well. It's like, oh, let's just sit and have translate into our culture very well it's like oh let's just sit and have a chat i mean it's basically in question time isn't it it's like you know question time is our kind of panel show in a way i know i just i can't imagine it working i mean maybe the next generation will be a bit more open to it because that sort of americanization of our culture but i don't know i just don't think it would wash having somebody like having a talk

show has come out and dance and make the whole audience starts dancing i think we would be like just instantly turn that shit off and also with ellen like quite a lot of it's like look at this cute four-year-old like he's learned to play the drums yeah you know and like we've got instagram and stuff so it's like there's not really really. If you want to see, like, you know, a lot of kittens being cute or, like, a sheep that's friends with a duck, like, you know, we can find that quite easily. We don't need to, like, wait half an hour for Ellen and, like, you know, and then see her again.

Oh, and look at this cute little story from Missouri. So, yeah, I think Ellen is going to be a tough one to live with, definitely. It's going to be horrible. I mean, yeah, I do think I would definitely be sitting back yeah i think ellen is is going to be a tough one to to live with definitely horrible i mean yeah i do think i would definitely be sitting back and watching these three try and vie for control essentially i reckon this would be a real power struggle between three you know people who think they understand the human mind and what we need more than anyone else it's really going to be a disaster but it's going to start off as such a sort of like passive aggressive war of attrition before that really gets super nice just saying guys that will

be fine let's just say let's just sit and just work things out i reckon give it two days and it'll be carnage yeah i think a very good people choices carl so very well done okay it genuinely was hard so i don't i genuinely don't dislike these people i just i dislike the sort of the products they are selling to us yeah and i think what it's going to create is going to just be hell to live with so i think it's it's solid yes yeah you're a podcast listener and this is a podcast ad reach great listeners like yourself with podcast advertising from lips and ads choose from hundreds of top podcasts offering host endorsements or run a reproduced ad like this one

across thousands of shows to reach your target audience with Lips and Ads. Go to lipsandads.com now. That's L-I-B-S-Y-N ads.com. Okay, now mercifully amongst the wreckage of the plane, there was some food and drink left over. Unfortunately for you, it's your least favorite food and drink in the world what are they and why are they so bad um i've gone for

well i'm vegan i've been vegan for years so obviously i've had to go for some form of meat and like i've you know i do often people ask you if you're on a desert island would you eat me and i think probably it's the truth you know i mean i think you know there is a point of starvation when your moral sort of compass does go out the window but so if i was thinking what meat would i have like there's meats i miss you know the flavor of not the what it is um so you know sort of obviously a steak and bacon always are sort of the top ones but i remember meats i hated when i was a meat eater and it was always meats that had that big chunky bit of fat on the edge so like a sort of you know lamb

chop or like a yeah pork chop those sorts of things that just were gross when i ate meat so the thought of eating them now after 10 years of not going near meat gives me heart palpitations that wobbly fat that used to get on the edge of it makes me feel sick just thinking about it. So that would be a chop of some cut of meat. Even the word chop makes me feel uncomfortable. Yeah, I mean, you know, I've got to hold my hands up here. I really like lamb chops, but, like, the word chop is kind of disgusting.

I don't know why. Maybe it's because it's the verb as well. You know, it's like the word chop is kind of disgusting i don't know why because it maybe it's because it's like the you know is the verb as well you know it's like just chop it up i suppose it's quite nice it's actually used you know often the words used for meat is very you know it couldn't be further from what it is you know i mean it almost protects you from what it is so it's quite nice that they've just gone no it's a chop you know where you know how this came to be yeah sort of own it so yeah i think that it would be any piece of meat that has a wobbly bit of fat on it that was i know it's a quite a broad description but that's i just couldn't go near it it'd make me feel sick i wonder now i'm thinking like you know sort of calling something a chop and it's a

bit like you know when you have like pan fried fish or whatever, but then they can have like knife chopped meat, you know, like abattoir killed meat served with pan fried vegetables or whatever. Like, you know, just toughen, edge it up a little bit, you know. You're a brutally slaughtered cow. Yeah, I, yeah.

To be honest, I think, you you know i do miss the flavors of most meats you know i used to love i used to love awful weirdly talking about lamb chops and all that i used to love a bit of uh like um kid like kidneys and um chicken livers were my favorite bit of meat so i wasn't averse to like a a slightly challenging cut of meat, but it was just that fat. It was the fat. I couldn't hack it at no point in my life. My parents are like working class Irish people. So that was, you know, their favorite bit of meat,

just that wobbly bit at the top. But I think it just gave me like a proper phobia of it from a young age. Yeah, fair enough. I think, yeah, the things that sort of get you when you're young are so hard to get rid of. Like recently I went to my mum's house and she was like i always had this real thing against liver like it was the first time i got in proper trouble at school was because i'd like we had liver at school and i was just like i can't handle this and threw some on the floor and hope they didn't notice and i got caught and that's my first time getting a real talking to from the

teacher when i was like six or something yeah and um my mum was like, she's got a few health problems. So she's trying to like, she needs to sort of more iron in her diet. So she started eating liver quite a lot. And I was like, I'm a grown up now. So I'll give it a go because I don't mind things like pate and whatever. And it's so weird because I can taste that it tastes the same as pate. But I could barely swallow it. It's all I could do to not spit it up.

I think how they're cooked is so crucial if you go to like a french restaurant and they do it like loads of butter even now i'm vegan i can i can be like this would be so nice to eat but um you know it's that thing of english people cook liver like it is you know i'm trying to feel like something they overcook it to the point of being gray almost yeah you get that sort of stringy yeah even that makes me feel sick the thought of eating but it's so weird yeah like but i mean the taste of it wasn't too bad i was just but it was something just knowing it just took me sort of straight back to school and i was like oh my god like fuck this even though like i could sort of tolerate the taste of something in my memory just went no no no no yeah so yeah so

like you haven't and especially you know you haven't eaten any meat for years so that's gonna fuck you over as well and you know and the guts would be in it would be chaos yeah i reckon yeah and you know the chops have come from a plane so they're gonna be plain chops you know they're not gonna be good so plain chops is a real that's a description of some food isn't it yeah what are you going to wash it down with whiskey i hate whiskey with like a vend not a vengeance but you know i i whiskey to me is like i think of them like cigars and i genuinely don't believe anyone likes them i think it's all a lie i think it's i think it's people pretending do you know what i mean anyone who just and by that i don't mean a whiskey and coke whatever that's what

you're drinking there is coke with a tiny bit of a different flavor at the end and it's it's got alcohol in it so it makes you feel nice but anyone who sips whiskey and acts like they genuinely like it i just genuinely i always just think you are a liar and you're just doing this because you think it makes you look cool i hate it like it may and it almost takes you back to being a kid you know them times like being a kid where you'd nick a bit of booze out of like the cupboard and you try a bit of whiskey and it'd make you go like i don't like it that's what i thought i still have that experience with whiskey about once a year i'll be with friends and we'll be out and somebody's like guys should we get a

lafregue and they'll get like a little whiskey on one just have one block of ice and i'll be like all right maybe i've hit that age you know sometimes your palate sort of changes happen with wine i hated wine and then i remember being in australia and having a somebody got a bottle of like really nice white wine and i was like it was really cold and crisp it was a lovely warm evening and i drank it i was like oh this mate in this context it tastes good but i've just and so every year i think oh maybe this is the moment that whiskey is unlocked for me yeah and it just never it's never happened i hate it i think it's disgusting and i don't believe anyone likes it okay well so i i am someone who likes whiskey... I should have asked before I went into that. No, no, no, because a lot of people say it,

and I used to hate it as well, but I think there is something really contextual about it. You're right, because the other year, I like quite normal whiskeys that aren't just all crazy and smoky, like a taste of antiseptic and just bonkers, like someone drinking them and you can smell it from five feet away. But then my brother-in-law bought me a bottle of that like this really mad whiskey for my birthday and i started i drank it i was like this is fucking crazy like it tastes like like it actually tasted like a bonfire you know like when you're close you've been next to

a bottle it tasted like that and i was like this is fucking nuts then i was watching a film where two people were really cozy next to a fire drinking this scotch that looked quite similar to the one that i had like the color of it was really dark and i was like maybe i'll have another go and as i was watching them enjoy it next to a fire i drank it again i was like oh i get it now it tastes all right so i'm like probably the whole thing is bullshit do you know what i mean like it's all psychosomatic yeah because i was like i just like you know like paul mckenna bullshit. Do you know what I mean? It's all psychosomatic. Yeah, because I was like, I just like, you know, like Paul McKenna would love it.

You know, I just completely programmed myself into liking this other whiskey. You did CBT on yourself. Yeah. And then after that, all the other whiskeys just taste like I can just down them really easily.

And you just have it just neat on its own. Yeah. I find that so fascinating. I don't, I cannot understand how that works. I've never tasted one that I felt any positive taste notes on it. It's mad. But I suppose the same, I'd say the same for brandy as well.

But brandy, I don't have as visceral a response to it. I've had brandy a couple of times, for some reason always at funerals that's where somebody always gets a round of brandies at the end and um and it's horrible but it's it's more manageable for me than whiskey yeah I mean the whole thing of neat spirits is like it's such a weird thing like I wish I couldn't drink neat spirits as easily because like something I'll sit at home and I'm like oh I'll just pour myself a whiskey and then i go and get a whiskey in a pub and i'm like shit what i'm drinking at home is what i think is a measure is like four times yeah yeah and then if i drink even like a normal mixer and spirits now it's just it just it's so easy to drink it so quickly yeah i'm like this is just

dangerous now i'm just ruining booze for myself whilst ruining myself like i need to step back a while and just sort of get less grown up about it because it's myself like i need to step back a while and just get less grown up about it because it's too like my palate's fucked now i wish i could drink it nate because like just the quantity of liquid is so much better like you know if you had a night out and you just drank if everyone was drinking pints and you were drinking just a little single whiskey over the course of the night you would drink what maybe half a pint of liquid whereas if you drink i like i i'm i'm finding as i've aged and become a parent i uh my my beer intake i'm starting to lower that because i genuinely think it's a quantity thing

now i used to go out and have 12 pints and you and you at the time it doesn't matter because it's a long evening or like a day goes into an evening but now I genuinely the thing that puts me off more than anything is the quantity of liquid yeah that is that's like a it's like that three buckets of liquid you've just drank in a night it's your body shouldn't be doing it whereas so that actually I like the idea of drinking a neat spirits because I just think that feels much more, it feels not healthy is the wrong word, but it feels like your body can cope with that much better than pouring a pint down at every 15 minutes or something.

Yeah. It's like, you know, when you first try smoking when you're a kid and you're like, this is fucking disgusting, and you sort of persevere because you want to be cool. And it's like, well, we've all sort of done that with booze, haven't we, really? No one's liked their first taste of booze unless it was like incredibly if it's like bailey's maybe you know yes i mean no one has a white russian as their first ever drink it's always a stolen bit of like sherry from your mum's cupboard so maybe none of

it is nice and we're all just idiots just sort of plowing through that is true but also the thought of drinking neat whiskey in a tropical island is pretty gross as well yeah burning the sun just necking it yeah and just oh god the hangovers just be horrendous oh there's a good choice okay well carl fortunately you won't be without entertainment on the island the planes entertainment system continues to work but just your, it only has two working settings. One is your least favourite film of all time and the other is your least favourite song. What are they and why? I mean, I've got a couple of options film-wise.

One could be a series of films and the other could be... I mean, there's a couple of other ones. Okay. But I reckon the series of films I would probably least like is the marvel films right okay yeah weirdly they actually probably wouldn't be that bad to have in the sense of you can put them on in the background and it's just a bit of silliness to take your mind off it but i

just i've never really got the appeal of it especially with grown-ups do you know what i mean i find when you see a grown-up who loves Marvel films I think about them in the same sense of grown-ups who like like you know just kids like gamers or something that's again that's I said that with a tone that was quite judgmental but like I've never understood grown-ups who are too into kids things and I think of the Marvel films as kids films and so I don't understand how they've become something that adults are confident to tell people they enjoy like i've never watched one and not come away thinking that was too long there's too many characters and there's too much noise and explosions it used to be that if you

fancied something like iron man or something it was because you just wanted something that was like you know hour and a half quite easy not gonna use up your brain too much, just sort of like a few explosions. And now they're like three hours long. Like you say, they've got loads of plots going on and references to other things and little like Easter eggs hidden in them that reference something else. And all the action and effects, it's like, you know, when you're young and it was like, oh, Terminator 2's come out, the effects are amazing because effects weren't always that good. Exactly they've all they've just been great for years

you know maybe if you go back to something like the matrix it's not quite as good as it used to be but it's still like it's fine yeah but at the time it was so ahead of its time that that it was like oh the effects whereas now you're just numb to it it's just yeah of course that's a flying person yeah exactly and it's like well of course you know obviously it looks good now it's like 2021 we're in the future like you can't impress me anymore it's like you know when james bond gadgets were just getting to the point you're like you've got an invisible car now fucking hell and then they had to dial it all back again and be like you've got a gun and a radio we'll see how you get on with that but you can't dial it back with them because they're fucking fictional superheroes so it's like

you can't make it simple anymore and i don't and i but i i genuinely wouldn't mind if people just think about them as like people like don't pretend that they're great cinema do you know i mean like people go off like i mean martin scorsese criticized them didn't he a year ago well he said it's not cinema it's sort of like it's you know he actually said it's not a cinema which is apparently it turns out that is one of the most controversial things you can say nowadays because he just got like people just went crazy and said like basically talked about him like he's out of an out-of-date movie maker which don't get me wrong I've not loved a lot of his more recent films but I wouldn't even compare them to Marvel films in terms of the scope

and what one's trying to do compared to the other. I think he's in a different league to any of the Marvel films that were ever made. So when people talk about them as if they're good, I remember people saying, I don't know which one it is, maybe the last one or the second to last Marvel film when they're all together.

Some people were saying they could like they were shocked it didn't get an oscar nomination i was like what are you talking about it's it's crap for kids it's like doctor who don't tell me you know like you can like doctor who for a nostalgia reason but don't tell me it's a good bit of television for grown-ups you're liars or if you're not lying then that's even more embarrassing i had a friend who um on his birthday like he was just alone on the day like you know he's gonna meet up with people in the evening but he had a bit of time just mooching about on his own in the day he was like i'm just gonna have a really nice lazy day go to the cinema on my own he went to see one of those avengers things and he quite likes them but not in like an obsessive way but he just went in and after like

what two and a half hours he's like oh i kind of want to go out for a cigarette and i'm kind of happy with the ending at this point. You know, like, I know there's going to be, like, eight more twists, but I'm happy with this ending now. So I'm just going to leave. And I'm fine with that. Because it's like, before I have to go through, like, all these other, like, oh, but actually, this happened.

It's like, no, that'll do me. I've had enough of this now. It's like a choose your own adventure game. Just leave at a certain point, you know. And the last 45 minutes of it, normally it's just a city getting destroyed repeatedly, like buildings getting blown up. And it's like that, you could have done that in a minute.

That could have been a minute of carnage and it would have had more impact. You'd be like, oh my God, that was quite intense. Instead of, you shouldn't, after five minutes of watching buildings come down, stop giving a shit about the fact there's probably about 3,000 people in each one. You just watch it. It's like, oh, that's another city block

destroyed by an alien ship or something. Yeah, it's like in The Incredibles 2, they sort of point out with The Incredibles, like, if you did nothing and didn't try and save anyone, less damage would have been done, you know? Like, the money was ensured that the guy was trying to steal. You've, like, trashed the city, you know? And it's like the same with them it's like yeah a whole city and you you don't think about all the buildings and yeah and you know all the roadworks afterwards trying

to clean it all up again they never show that you know they never they're not fixing those bridges with their superpowers after the act they just sit back and take all the plaudits. It's just irresponsible. Yeah. But it's because it's weird. I feel like, you know, I'm a child of the 80s, and I feel like action cinema had like a real heyday in that late 80s, early 90s. But none of us thought it was great cinema.

We sort of knew what it was. We were watching it, watching Arnold Schwarzenegger kill 400 baddies in one go. There was no, none of us thought this is great. We were like this is fun isn't it what a laugh and I feel and it's weird I feel like that that's if the Marvel films were made more like that and were sold as that I'd probably enjoy them more it's the fact that they do try and take themselves a bit too seriously and they are too long and they do try and have more pathos than the rest of the film probably deserves and i just so i end up finding any time i've watched one on a plane

just like thinking this is just crap it's just not yes it's not for me you know and i know that's this is totally personal and there'll be people listening probably love them and think they're great films and you know it sounds snobbish to say what i'm saying but that is ultimately what your own tastes allow you to be in it you're allowed to be a snob when you're talking about what you like and what you don't like yeah i don't know i think you've argued it well i think it's a fine choice um and uh what's it what's your um song choice gonna be um i picked a song that i've never heard before which is well i've heard about five seconds of it um and it's ed sheeran's galway girl good choice because i i love i love the original song of galway girl and i thought it was him doing a cover which i already

hated the idea of and then i heard five or ten seconds of it and it's not it's a it's him doing a new song good galway girl that the 10 seconds i heard was so crap that i was like i mean this is i hate everything about this. You've taken the name of a song I love and made a crap new song about it. So it's, so I just, I mean, I'm not,

and this is, he's not, he's not for me. He's another person, you know, I've heard a couple of his songs and I did not like them and I'm sure he's great, whatever,

or what people are into. And, you know, maybe I'd never, but it's not for me. And that song, the bits I heard made me go i'll never ever listen to the rest of this song oh man you know what so i just i mean listeners

to this podcast will be familiar with my my feelings towards ed sheeran but is it all right cool but one of the things about him is like he's so commercially canny but in such a transparent way so it's like he'll kind of go, right, here's my album. And these are the tracks that will go on like Radio 1 and Kiss. And then this is the one that will get played on Magic and Radio 2. And then this is the one that's more rocky or whatever. And you're like, stop being so fucking successful. And then this one, it's just like, oh, this is the one that like

Nans will love. And it's kind of like, but it's the like oh this is the one that like nans will love and like and it's kind of like but it's the thing with like ed sheeran he's got this like weird faux nostalgia that he sort of trades on where he's always like you know our times were simpler then we were just kids like and it's like you're you are just a kid basically when you're to late 20s and you're like ah but you know i met this irish girl and and there we were smoking cigarettes and drinking wine and you're like, fuck off, no one cares. It's also that thing of like,

and you know, his songs, the ones I've heard, they sound so derivative of other songs. You know, I gather a few times he's been sued for copyright infringement. And I totally understand that because i remember hearing one that's i heard it and instantly the chord progression was exactly the same the timing everything was the same i can't remember which which song of his it is but the first time i heard it come on somewhere i was listening to the music like if you take the words off this this is and it was a motown song i can't remember which one it was but and then i look apparently i looked

into it ages later i thought i thought of it again and i think that they sued him for copyright infringement and i think and it turns out it's like he's had a couple of those where his songs have been had literally been taken to court for stealing the the music so there's some you know that suggests if you're even if it's not stolen if you keep getting taken to court for that that suggests your songwriting process needs a little bit of yeah step back mate ever think because you know maybe your songs are a bit derivative i looked up uh the lyrics to galway girl oh god she played the fiddle in an irish band but she fell in love with an english man of course she played the fiddle in an Irish band but she fell in love with an

English man of course she played the fiddle in an Irish band what do Irish people do that's what they do I've read about these people they play the fiddle as a second generation Irish person I am offended by what he said already I think that's what it was I think I might have heard that opening bit and turned it off it's like so sort of painted by numbers it's surprising he hasn't mentioned guinness yet but like but then he goes kissed her on the neck and then i took her by the hand said baby i just want to dance now that you don't just kiss someone on the neck before you take them for i mean that's that's definitely got the order wrong there isn't he asked to dance

first if she consents then the hand and then the kiss on the neck comes later on that's what what he's done there is essentially assaulted somebody in an irish pub and he just does loads of things of like to sort of i don't know like it's like a sort of throwaway cool thing you know like when someone says i'll have a jack and coke yeah jack jang and it's like because i'm a bit cool and he does that he goes she took jamie as a chaser jack for the fun she got arthur on the table with johnny riding a shotgun and then talks about putting van on the jukebox it's like just van morrison like what's oh oh because he's irish as well and then talks about her like getting up on the table and like doing an irish song using her feet as percussion

yeah see i don't know any i've not even heard this or i can i can feel it i can i can almost hear him singing it it's crap yeah did you just watch an advert for some stout and just go oh that's a good idea well that's what it sounds like it sounds like somebody doing a spoof of a guinness ad you know what i mean it's and that is should not be your song shouldn't sound like somebody taking the piss out of an advert it is i agree that whole nostalgia thing that he sort of trades on from what i like and i've seen there's a fun i saw somebody do a funny thing online because he's got some song where he talks about like we were smoking cigarettes and stealing or something like when he was a kid and it just somebody took like a screenshot of the lyrics and put a screenshot of him when he was 15 like he says when we were 15 we were doing this and it's literally him as this little nerd playing a piano.

And you're like, you were not doing any of these things, mate. Yeah, that's the same song where he's sort of like, oh, times are different now. And like, you know, one of my friends is divorced. And like, one of my friends sells clothes. And you're like, that's allowed. Like, what? He's like, what?

And you're still friends with them? Oh, you fucking saint. That's also, what did he expect? You're not 15 anymore obviously like time does tend to move chronologically forwards i mean you stupid idiot oh yeah it's good choice yeah as you can see it doesn't take much for me to get very angry when talking about ed sheeran um well it's a fine choice It's going to drive you mad because, I mean, you're just going to notice more and more from it. And you're like, wait, did he just fucking say what I think he did?

That's my fear. It's almost that thing of like, it was quite nice to hear a couple of lines and turn it off and then make a conscious decision. I will never listen to that song. You know what I mean? It's almost like it's a lifelong version of that Whamageddon that people do that I'm trying to do with that song. You know what I mean? It's almost like, it's a lifelong version of that Whamageddon that people do,

that I'm trying to do with that song. So the thought of having it be the only song available, that I ultimately would hear at some point, because I'm sure Ellen would love it. So I know that would kill me. Yeah, I have heard it in the past, and I haven't heard it for long enough that it doesn't instantly spring to mind.

So I was going to look it up, and I thought, I'll just look up the lyrics. And then part of my brain, I can feel it trying to piece it back together with the melody. And I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no. You're not getting there. Not today. Okay, Carl. Finally, the island is overrun by the biggest dick of all the animals. Which animal is it and why?

I wrote two down. and actually one is more just because it's current i wrote mice because i've currently got two mice that i'm trying to catch okay humanely which is the downside to being vegan you cannot just kill these things but actually i've gone for flies i think flies are my least favorite creature on the planet they are one that I will swatterfly away, I'm not a bloody I'm not sort of an apex sort of vegan in that

sense, you're sort of Jane Hindu vegans who won't even walk at night in case they step on an ant that's sort of the extreme top tier vegans but I will not kill an animal. I will not. I'm very careful about my impact and what I purchase.

I don't wear leather. I don't wear any animal products. I use cruelty-free stuff. But flies, if one flies in front of me, I will fucking hit it. But I've got, it's almost like I've got a blind spot for them because I don't actively try and kill them. If there's one on the wall, I'm not going to get a rolled up newspaper and hit it. But if one

flies near my face they are dead I don't know why I find them so annoying I know they're only small little creatures and they haven't got brains the size to work it out but it's the irrational nature of their movements that I just find

constantly annoying, I get so annoyed watching one come in an open doorway and then spend an hour not being able to get out. So it's that. It's annoying. I would get annoyed with them around me all the time. I mean, the good thing about them, I guess, is they help think. I'm trying to think of their place in the bigger picture of nature

is like they help decomposition. But that does happen. Because I don't even know what they do. I don't know. I've never even looked into it. just i just i've just made my decision on them and i've never actually thought because obviously i suppose if the yeah i should think about that but do they because then they prefer decompose stuff that's already decomposing so maybe they i don't know what purpose i don't know but then also you know like most baby versions of animals are quite cute. What's the baby fly?

Maggot. Yeah. Oh, God. Do you know what I mean? I have such a phobia about maggots. And like, I know they just can't, they can't even do anything. But like, you know, you get those food bins, like now with the bins and you put your food in the food recycling bin. Like for basically from like springtime to autumn, I live in fear that I'm going to open that and there'll be maggots in it somehow.

It reminds me of my uncle used to fish in Ireland. Every summer, I'd have to spend my time over in Ireland. The thought of maggots, I just remember having to open the bait thing. It was just literally a Tupperware thing full of maggots. He'd make me just give him one to put on the thing. It makes me feel sick thinking about it man oh god you know when you hear about them like they use maggots now to treat like sort of people who've got gangrene in their legs like i would have my leg chopped off before they put 100 on an open wound yeah my body there have been some great advances in prosthetics i'll take my chances like no maggots'd rather kill myself. I'd rather be dead than have that happen.

I'd just be there sitting with flies on my face listening to Ed Sheeran. I'm just going for a walk. Where are you going? Just into the sea forever. Do not try and save me. Yeah, it'd be horrible. I hate them. I think, Carl,

this is a really good cherry on top of a very shitty cake that you've got. You've done a phenomenal job here today. And so thank you so much for coming. And I feel like I feel that you look a little bit more sad than when you joined me. And for that, I'm sorry. It's weird. Because I always think how much more I always think I'm super laid back and nothing bothers me, man.

And then actually, when you are are when you i i wrote the list quite laissez-faire like okay i couldn't hear that all that and actually when you start talking about it i'm like oh no these do i really hate these things they're in a deep part of me well the opposite of one of those podcasts that sort of like lifts you up and sort of makes you feel better and so i apologize i should have given you a warning before but look i mean fine the rest of your day can be spent without any of these things so you can feel good about that you know it's like I'll have a cocktail I'll have a follow-up cocktail exactly so will I just get on it mate it's my what is it Tuesday um okay Carl um let's distract what was where's the best place to keep up to date with what you're

doing what you're up to at the minute um I mean my main thing uh would be my podcast i do with julian dean it's called tvi or it used to be called two vegan idiots but we just abbreviated it to make it easier but um that is we do that weekly it's good fun we get guests we just chat sometimes it's just us and it isn't it's i mean it's pretty rude at times julian tends to drag it into the gutter every episode. But it's good fun, so people can find that. It's on all the platforms. And we've recently started putting the footage of it on YouTube, which is new.

So if some people are watching podcasts, the weirdos. So that's probably the best place for regular updates. But I'm on all the social media, like Twitter and Instagram, and I've just recently downloaded TikTok, and it scares the life out of me. Have you been on there? No, I occasionally see videos that are shared from TikTok, but it's too noisy and loud.

I don't know what's happening on it. It feels like it's designed to ruin brains, like genuinely. Obviously, no social media is good for you, but I do sort of, I don't really like social media. I do it as a, it serves a purpose. But TikTok's the first one I've got. I've actually gone like, nope, deleted it off my phone about like half an hour after I downloaded it because it is gross.

Yeah. I feel like with TikTok, the good stuff gets shared anyway, so I don't need to sit through all the rest of it. Somebody would put it on Twitter, wouldn't gross. Yeah. I feel like with TikTok, the good stuff gets shared anyway, so I don't need to sit through all the rest of it. Somebody would put it on Twitter, wouldn't they? Yeah. Okay. Well, Carl, thank you again for sharing your Desert Island Express.

It's been a real pleasure. Cheers for having me. Cheers for having me. that was carl donnelly on desert island dicks and you know you know that by now because you've listened this far so um it shouldn't be a surprise anymore if it is a surprise well i don't know what to suggest really maybe you need to sort of wonder why your timeline is all fractured um i don't know what to suggest, really. Maybe you need to sort of wonder why your timeline is all fractured. I don't know what else to say here. So I'm just going to do my usual outro, which is where I remind you that Desert Island Dicks is a Sync Clap production created by James Deacon, produced and presented by me, Dan Benedictus, edited by Chris Attaway, the editing powerhouse. We get social media support from Jason Leitch and Chinsey Clinton,

which is a made-up name but not a made-up person. And as always, a special mention to Grandmaster Flash and John Deacon. Thank you, you lovely people, for listening, and even the non-lovely people for listening. I don't care. Thank you for listening too. We'll be back soon, but who will we be back with? It's a surprise. So see you next time. Bye-bye.