Desert Island Dicks - CHEF TOM KERRIDGE

Episode Date: February 15, 2023

OLD DICKS - To celebrate our old friend Tom Kerridge returning to the Great British Menu, we're rebroadcasting his excellent episode of the podcast for you to enjoy. This really is a top tier episode full of brilliant choices - hope you enjoy! Be sure to follow the podcast @dickspod Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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host endorsements or run a reproduced ad like this one across thousands of shows to reach your target audience with Lipson Ads. Go to LipsonAds.com now. That's L-I-B-S-Y-N-Ads.com. Hi, I'm Dan from Desert Island Dicks. This show features Michelin starred chef Tom Kerridge. This is a retro episode, an old dick, if you will. We put this out a while back now, but there's a new series of Great British Menu, and Tom is one of the judges, so we thought we'd just put this episode out there again, as it's been one of our most popular episodes. So in case you'd missed it the first time around, we wanted to share it again.

Tom is also our only guest who has been on both desert island dicks and desert island discs so uh that was a rare honor that i mean only he he holds so uh you know well done tom and um thanks for coming along i guess anyway that's it from me enjoy this episode of the wonderful tom Kerridge on Desert Island Dicks. Hi I'm Dan Benedictus and welcome to Desert Island Dicks, the show that sees you marooned on a desert island after a plane crash with the worst people and worst things imaginable. Who they are and why they're a dick is up to our guest. And here to share their Desert Island Dicks with us today is chef, restaurateur, and he's also got a new book out, Tom Kerridge. How are you doing?

I'm very well, thank you, my friend. I'm looking forward to being marooned on an island, or maybe I'm not. I'm not quite sure which one. Well, I mean, I guess how bad sure which one well I mean I guess the how bad it is sort of depends on uh on your choices that we're going to find out so uh yeah it's up to you I guess but um it might be quite ropey then it may be quite ropey yeah yeah exactly what sort of mood are you in today that what how do we find you today I'm I'm good I've got to be honest I'm normally pretty pretty, I'm normally, it doesn't fluctuate too much. It's fairly, it's fairly standardly. I would say pretty much sits around 85% positivity.

Okay. Yeah. Because I mean, obviously we've not met before. The sort of the vibe we get from you, you know, I've seen you on telly and things like that. You seem a very upbeat person. so was it difficult choosing a list of people and things that you hate no quite simply no I mean I'm always quite good at being up um yeah I have I genuinely wake up in normally a good space pretty much every day um but yeah no I don't really dislike too many people I like people like people, but there are certain people that, or there are certain traits about people. That's more like where I was looking with this, is traits about people that I'm not always big as fans of. So it's, and then you've got to find someone that fits into that. And that was, some of them were easier than others.

Okay. Well, I'm very interested to hear what we're going to get. So let's get straight into it. Who's going to be the first person joining you on the island today? Well, to be honest, it was politicians, right? And it's not that they're not important. And it's not that politics aren't important. I just get so fed up of talking and listening to sentences

that go round and round in circles that have never answered a question and it drives me absolutely nuts and this isn't a political statement it could be from any party and it could be because they're all they're all guilty of it however the one that I think is probably the worst and it was a toss-up between Matt Hancock and Gavin Williamson. But I'm going to go with Gavin Williamson because he's just I just I mean, it's almost toe cringingly, curlingly, embarrassingly the way that politicians behave or talk on. And it's been quite a weird thing during this pandemic and the whole because all of our lives comedians chefs restauranteurs musicians actors and like just like everybody's life has suddenly become run by politicians so all of a sudden people whose jobs were kind of existing to how you run your life and how you make your life but you're still making those decisions you get get on with it. And the decisions that politicians might make

kind of half affect your life and they do. And you vote for a particular reason in a particular way. But then all of a sudden this pandemic has put politicians at the forefront of everybody's decision-making about everybody's life. And it's kind of exposed them for how, I mean, how ultra pathetic a load of them are how not straight talking how not honest they are how all over the place they are and why they won't ever answer a straight question drives me

absolutely nuts yeah yeah because I guess as you say like you know in a lot of life when things are kind of just sort of ticking along you know there's always some kind of crisis but you know not on this scale so it's quite easy to generally sort of bluff your way through stuff a lot of the time and it's like well that'll just you know get it'll get sorted out later whereas now it's like you haven't got answers and and this is unprecedented and you know you now you do need to give a concrete answer and not just sit on the fence about stuff 100 you know it's like in a war or something well that's it exactly and i think politicians have been just massively exposed because quite often you could go to sit on the fence about stuff. 100%. You know, it's like in a war or something. Well, I see, exactly. And I think politicians have been just massively exposed

because quite often you could go with, you know, we are looking for answers and honesty and we're looking for straight-talking decision-making and quite often it never happens. And I do get, I don't envy any of them. Like, you know, I don't envy this government in any way in terms of what they've had to face this year like you know in terms of their decision making but and you hear it said so many times that yeah but you know you know it's been very very difficult for this

government everyone around yeah but that still doesn't excuse them being rubbish at their job does it do i mean you could still be i know it's a really difficult thing but if you're rubbish at your job but now we've just found rubbish people in charge of things where we need really good people we need solid decision makers and you know to oversee and i've picked on gavin williamson just solely because you know the way that i think the education system is being dealt with it it's it's not the health thing because you could always pick on that and matt hancock has had a very difficult he's talking about people's lives you know we're talking about you know health we're talking about life and death right and decision making he's making gavin williamson is talking about he's having to deal with um students gcses he's talking

about you know kids education and he and it just seems that he's got so much of it wrong and then there's never been a straight talking answer to getting it right or admitting that they've got it wrong. Those are the things that drive me absolutely nuts. So it could be a generalisation of any politician that doesn't answer questions in a straight and honest manner. Or I've just I've just picked on Gavin Williams because I just find him. I think he's probably the worst. Yeah, I mean, as you say, stiff competition. It's a weird thing with politicians, isn't it?

Because most things it's like, right, you want to do this job. You need to do training for it. Like, you know, you want to work in a restaurant, you know, whether front of house or cooking or whatever, you know, you need to do the appropriate training. So you have the skills whereas being a politician it's like you sort of want to be a politician and then they'll put you in charge of something massive that you've got no expertise in it's like all right uh gavin well now you're going to be in charge of education i know it was something else before but this year you're going to be in charge of this huge thing with massive consequences that you've got no idea about you know and why should you because

you were doing something else last year and you never trained for this it's just such a crazy way of living isn't it it's absolutely bizarre isn't it i find the whole thing ludicrous and ridiculous that i know we then rely on the civil service to get it all right and for them to direct the politicians in the in the correct manner in the right way and with the with the helping them with their decision making but it is it does sound like you say it's absolutely ridiculous you know gavin williamson has not been a head teacher or a university uh a lecturer or or principal you know but all of a sudden he's found himself in charge of them all it's quite it is absolutely bonkers it's like saying to me right you're now in charge of heathrow airport this year it's like what is that i mean how would that ever happen but it does yeah well i mean the food

quality's obviously gone up but the planes are very late yeah exactly yeah yeah they're taking off in the wrong direction no one knows where they're going is it yeah but everyone's having a lovely meal yeah yeah um yeah so i mean you know you said you're quite an upbeat person how would you feel about being stuck on an island then with gavin williamson i mean do you think would you are you the sort of person that would snap when he's just going around in circles or sort of bigging himself up for things that he didn't really achieve yeah there would come a point where i go look mate you just got you just have to be on it the one do you know what the one thing and this is what makes hospitality such a beautiful industry to work in and it's brilliant because it's you

can't blag your way you can't pretend you know you're either you get you learn your trade and you get better at it and the same as you know customers and guests that come in the restaurant they're they're now educated they understand food people know what they want they watch cookery programs they read magazines they do whatever they cook themselves loads at home. So people have an understanding of how to get to a process. And people like good service, and you can't pretend to be something else. And there's no excuse, there's nowhere to hide. And there's no, you know, so you've got the one thing about the hospitality industry, it's always full of like, really straight talking, honest doers, people that get things done.

And so in the end, if you weren't honest and straight, and this is the biggest thing, right? I don't think many people in this country would mind if politicians went, yeah, I proper got this wrong here. Like, I'm really sorry. This is what we've learned from this and we're going to move on from it. Do you know what I mean? But they don't they never they never admit they're wrong what they constantly do is just try and swerve it and try and blame something else or do

something but that but that doesn't wash anymore i don't think we with us we kind of like we like honesty we like direct we don't like it because you can always forgive somebody if they go do you know what i really got this wrong we learned from it and next time we're going to do this or we're going to move on and that that's where i think that that's where i think the difference between hospitality industry and politicians are maybe maybe that's the difference between not just everybody and politicians yeah i mean it definitely seems to be quite a quite a standout trait and i suppose yeah obviously it isn't an easy job but i think if you just suspected that they cared a bit either way you know and just went you know yeah i dropped the ball i'm really sorry but just sort of going

oh no i don't agree at all that it was a failure you know and it's like well you know i know the media spin things a bit but we've got a rough idea of how this went down you know yeah yeah we can see it with our own eyes i mean yeah you may not be calling it a vaccine passport changing the word passport to certificate still we can see through this we're not that stupid yeah exactly exactly fair enough okay so that's uh that's one person you're stuck with on the island and and uh who who's going to be the next person joining you? So I'm not. So I've always I went to a school where it was full of like naughty boys and I liked hanging around with the naughty boys and it was a good laugh. And I like people that are a little bit extreme and don't really live by the rules and just do kind of what they want. Their moral compass is in the correct place, but don't always conform to society

and they get on doing their own route, going their own way, dressing how they want, saying what they want, doing what they want, as long as it's not harming anybody else. So I like people to break the rules and stretch the boundaries and do stuff.

I like hanging around with that. So somebody who is the complete opposite of that, I couldn't think of anybody worse to spend time with. So you're probably, you might be able to, you know He-Man, like the cartoon. So like Prince Adam, before he's He-Man, has to be the dullest, most square, most boring person to spend any time with. That man is a fun sponge like everything about him is that i couldn't think of anything more dull than hanging out with prince adam from he-man

that's definitely the first time he's been chosen on here so i think that's a very good choice yeah i can't even really remember him that much and I loved him when I was young I love watching He-Man and stuff but he's just a kind of a very normal do-goody prince isn't he oh mate he's just so dull he's just the most like you know stay between the lines do the right thing always be nice never like you know never have a cigarette never have a drink never do like never do anything that's any fun ever and you'll never ever get told off and it's just like i mean he's so mind normally but like the idea of spend like you know all right two minutes with him and you walk away going yeah he's a really lovely pleasant bloke i wouldn't want to be stuck on an island with him how that and that's the first thing that'd be in my wouldn't want to be stuck on an island with him. And that's the first thing that would be in my head.

So now I'm stuck on an island with him. Like Prince Adam from He-Man. Now, He-Man would be a different thing. Maybe if we could create chaos and mayhem somewhere that he'd have to turn into He-Man. Like, I don't know if you follow Grumpy Skeletor on Twitter, right? Oh, yeah. If you don't you should because it's

see grumpy skeletor i would want to spend time with and he is the complete opposite of he-man so maybe if you created something like chaos and mayhem he-man turned up then it might be a little bit better but when he goes back to being prince adam not for me dull dull dull dull fair enough yeah and i guess it's the same with his cat as well because Battle Cat before is Cranger, who's like a sort of cowering tiger and everything. So it's like, that's a weird thing as well. And it's not like they, I mean, I suppose, how does he,

he gets the power of Grayskull, doesn't he? So I suppose he has a sort of spell that transforms him. So I suppose that's the kind of, because I was like like how can you suddenly be so different you know but um i guess it's just witchcraft isn't it i was thinking actually like the other day that um because i remember and i think they maybe did this on a couple of cartoons back in the 80s but i remember on he-man at the end there was always like a separate little bit that was like give you a little lesson yeah like a

little moralistic story yeah and remember kids yeah yeah do you remember when she was running without looking where she was going she tripped over that rock and almost fell into the jaws of that giant spider well remember look when you're running and it's like i'm four yeah of course i'm not gonna look when i'm running exactly that see i would not want to spend the whole like however long i'm trapped on this island with someone constantly moralistically pointing out to me that i should have been looking which way i was going before i was running and be very careful when i'm setting fire to something of the campfire to like i mean i honestly it would just be so dull like i'm already i'm in a little bit of cold sweats

about the thought of hanging out with gavin williamson and adam from hema it's like that for me is it's it's it's it's pretty poor it's bad it's bad it's a bad that's a bad that's a bad couple of people yeah because at least with he-man he'd be going now listen tom remember be careful when you're gathering uh coconuts over there because you know if they fall i remember once i had to do this and he was like oh yeah tell me the story about how something bad happened then you saved everyone whereas you're only getting the first part of that story yeah it's just the vanilla version of everything yeah and if he man was there like at least you could like mess around with his massive like his great big sword smashing up stuff cutting things down doing stuff you could

have a ride on battle cat you could do you know all of it you could have a bit more fun but if you were with prince adam and cringy like this dull cat that was just asleep by the fire and some bloke telling you some really uninteresting story about how to look left and right before you cross the road i mean it's just not that's it that, it's just not... That's not a space I'd want to be. I'd try swimming, I'm fairly certain. I would just leave, swim and keep going. And then I'd get into trouble and then He-Man would come and rescue me.

But I wonder if maybe he couldn't. I mean, because I guess, does he have to be at Greyskull to get the power of Greyskull? Can he just get it anywhere or does he have to be in the right area? I don't know if he needs to be at Greyskull to get the power of Greyskull? Can he just get it anywhere? Or does he have to be sort of in the right sort of area? Yeah. As if he needs to be in the right postcode.

Yeah. Or it doesn't quite work. Yeah, he has to be like in zones one and two in London. Otherwise, it doesn't reach that far. Yeah. Yeah, like a bad Wi-Fi signal or something. Yeah. Yeah, because I think often on this podcast, like, what I find is quite often it's like

things that can sometimes be the worst thing are something that's very close to being brilliant, but just not quite there, you know. And that's a perfect example of that, I think. Yeah, yeah. I mean, because I don't necessarily, I don't think Gavin Williamson is a bad person and I don't think Prince Adam, definitely not a bad person. Just dull. Yeah. Just dull. Yeah, yeah, definitely. williamson is a bad person and i don't think prince adam definitely not a bad person just

dull yeah just dull yeah yeah definitely i mean i think in this in the setting of a desert island you know you could forgive a lot of people's past lives just to sort of concentrate on the here and now but they've got to come with some chat you know yeah they've got to have a bit of banter they've got to have some form of personality i think that's a really good choice and who's going to be the third person rounding off your selection for the island so last one is it is it is a character um annie wilkes i don't know if that rings a bell or not so annie wilkes is the character played by kathy bates in misery have you ever seen misery so misery is the movie where um there's an author um a very famous author who has a car crash in the finds that he's badly injured and he's beginning to heal.

But she's actually like a mentally crazed super fan that is hugely obsessed, that would have a massive amount of restraining orders out on him and all sorts. And so she then is obsessed by him and the books that he writes and does not let him escape or leave the room or the house that they're in. To the point where there's a bit where she puts a big block between his legs and snaps his ankles with a mallet where he tries again. Like it's properly like full on psycho lunacy and so someone who's um a slightly obsessive or massively over obsessive crazed um super fan that would be prepared to smash your ankles with uh with with sledgehammers is someone who i would not want to be uh trapped on an island with unless of course she was a massive super fan of prince adam that's a very wise choice yeah it's you know what i'd forgotten that's the character's name but as soon as he as soon as he said misery i was like hobbling that the word hobbling when she does the

thing to the ankles it's just i think i can't remember much of the film but that bit will stay with me forever yeah i mean to be honest not much else happens in the film or like the bloke tries to escape and he not he's not allowed to leave she doesn't let him leave and he knocks uh she's got all these like weird little trinkets in the house and he knocks i think it's like a little porcelain penguin figure over and then he picks it up and he puts it back but his face in the wrong way so then you go oh no she's gonna know that he's facing the other way and then he gets back in his room and you know that's the point that you think she knows and that's the point where she goes to smash his legs so that she knows he can't escape she just doesn't want him to escape or leave ever and apart from that

i don't really know i can't think what else happens in the movie apart from it's quite psychologically full-on like pretty horrible fan obsessive and it's a bit yeah so that's it yeah but you do think of the hobbling bit it's horrible it's horrible movie but i think as someone like that with that kind of personality on the island i mean obviously it's not a good person to have on the island but i think they'd really lull you into a false sense of security as well because it's start off and you'll be like do you know what she's all right maybe she's got better like i think you know she seems quite kind actually and then one day she'll be like now tom don't go over to that side of the island again because uh and she'll give you a reason you're like okay and then the next day she's like where'd you get that coconut i think i told you not to go over to that site and you're

like oh no you know so it's kind of built know, at least if she was just crazy from the beginning, you're like, right, I know what I'm dealing with now. But you'd kind of be lulled into that sort of sense of like, oh, maybe it's OK. I don't know. Yeah. Do you know what the worst thing about it is? I don't think we'd ever be able to escape either. That'd be the problem because she's obviously a super fan. She's a super fan obsessive of prince adam

gavin williamson and myself right that's that's that all three of us she's a super fan of all three of us that then when you see the ship that's coming that's perhaps coming to rescue us she would make it go away she was able to make it no no they're all we're all fine we're all just staying here because it would ruin her her plan of us being able to escape and get on with our normal real lives so yeah i think if she was on there i don't think there would ever be any escape ever yeah i just like the idea of like someone with that that personality and then someone like gavin williamson just having a conversation it's just it's just such a odd combination of people I think it's brilliant yeah and then Prince Adam explaining to her that

smashing people's uh ankles in with sledgehammers is moralistically unjust and you know the moral of the story is you must always let people make their own decisions and walk away if they want to or something really boring yeah and then even when she gets bad he can't help you because he's not he-man you know he's almost he-man yeah it's just the pathetic shell of he-man a husk of he-man oh that's a really good trio of people i think that's a very good awkward choice for the island okay you're a podcast listener and this is a podcast ad reach great listeners like yourself with podcast advertising from lips and ads choose from hundreds of top podcasts offering host endorsements or run a reproduced ad like this one across thousands

of shows to reach your target audience with lips and ads go to lips and ads.com now that's l-i-b-s-y-n ads.com well tom mercifully amongst the wreckage of the plane there was some food and drink left over unfortunately for you is your least favorite food and drink in the world what are they and why are they so bad well it's gonna be i mean it's gonna be two things that probably people really love and first it's gonna be lobster all right so obviously there there's loads of people would be loving that thing it's the best thing ever how could you not have a lobster on it i mean lobster is amazing it's it's almost like the king of the sea it's this crustacea that's been around for years and years and years and it lives for such a long time and it cooks beautifully you could cook it on open fires you can poach it you can do all sorts

of it it takes on wonderful flavors it's an amazing thing except i've got a shellfish allergy so i would have to spend the whole time obviously being the chef cooking it so i would be smelling this lobster cooking the lobster obviously for gavin uh prince adam and and uh annie wilkes uh but never ever being able to eat it so it would be it would be it would be yeah lobster is the food that I would is is my yeah my worst nightmare for her to have there because I mean as a chef for you even though you know it's basically poison for you is it also still impossible for you to see people cook it badly would you have to step in and go look come on you can't treat that ingredient like that I've got let me do it exactly even if you hated these people yeah

exactly that i can't bear watching other people cook things badly like you know you're around at friends houses or or the in-laws or my mum's house or something you know and they go to cook lunch or something you've got i've just got to do it because it's just it's less fuss it's a lot easier it's what i do i know i know i'm doing it's going to be the end result's going to be better i just can't bear to sit back and watch somebody else do it even if it's something that i can't eat so i would i would spend my days constantly cooking lobster for free people that i don't want to be with it sounds like this is the this is this has turned into the worst nightmare ever yeah watching people you hate eat incredible food that you you have cooked and can't eat yeah exactly that yeah so lobster would be there and then the drink would be something that is

incredibly trendy and everybody well i don't know everybody kind of kind of i think they pretend they like it or that they want to drink it because it's so it's healthy and it's trendy and it's great it's kombucha so for me i i am not a kombucha fan like something that's fermented and bubbly that is like that is supposed to be good for your stomach i think it just gives you wind or the shits it's just not i'm i am not i am not a kombucha fan i gotta be honest it's just it's i i it's it's not diatonic or see i haven't i'm not a drinker i'm a non-drinker now i haven't drunk for nearly um nearly eight years so it's kind of like you know it's it's not canistella either is it if you want something that's got bubbles and fermented a little bit why aren't you drinking lager yeah it's a weird thing isn't it because it's like

if i want something i'd rather just have an overall healthy diet than have to add that into my diet do you know i mean i think there's other things that are good for my gut health that i can enjoy you know like kimchi or something then like, but having like these sort of drinks, I'm like, can I not just be healthy in other ways? Do you know what I mean? Because if I want like a, if I'm going to go to the shop and buy a drink, it feels annoying to then not have something nice come out of that, you know?

It's like when people go, oh, like these berries, like goji berries are really good for you. They're like better than like this many of an equivalent fruit. And you're like, I'd rather have more of the other fruit that tastes nicer yeah exactly yeah i mean i do get the power of superfoods and i do get how it helps and boosts and all this sort of stuff but do you know i mean can't we just have extra orange juice in the morning you know what can't we you know what about just some yogurt what about some you know things that it's just not for me so

kombucha and and lobster is not however i'm pretty certain that prince adam lives off that do i mean i'm fairly certain like i mean he's a fine specimen of human being i mean he's he's got shoulders like adam pt the swimmer and a six-pack like you wouldn't believe like i mean he's super fit isn't he so he's definitely all about gut health he's definitely drinking loads and loads of kombucha and you know he's a prince so he's he's got to be caning lobster breakfast lunch and dinner so you know it turns i would end up just being prince adam's um personal food and beverage manager um by the looks of it i love the idea of prince adam's all about gut health that's a great quote it's a really good quote but yeah i mean i just like that i just think it's so cruel to have to cook something delicious that you can't eat for people that you hate i just

think it's such a perfectly nightmarish scenario i think i think you nailed that tom so fair enough yeah this desert island is getting worse by the minute. The more we talk about it, it's getting, it's horrible. Okay. Well, I'm going to distract you,

but again, uh, with something unpleasant because fortunately you won't be without entertainment on the Island. The planes entertainment system continues to work, but just your luck. It only has two working settings. One is your least favorite film of all time.

And the other is your least favourite song. What are they and why? It's got to be... And there's so many songs, right? You could have picked Barbie Girl. You could have picked... I mean, there's just so many. Anything by Mr Blobby.

Anything by Jive Bunny. All these awful, awful... However, I've got to pick Mustang Sally. by jive bunny and like all these like awful awful however i i gotta pick mustang sally like i i just cannot bear it so i was born in the 70s and grew up in the 80s in the early 90s was probably the point of going out out proper for the first time like being and that's kind of when karaoke was kind of becoming quite a thing. And it's also when the commitments, the movie,

now the commitments movie is all right. Like in terms of the kind of movie, it's all right. Like it's an all right film about musicians. And it's quite, so it's quite a little, it tries to be edgy, but it's not that edgy,

but it's, but the Mustang Sally bit that people just sing like pub singers like blokes that think they're really good singers that whole i mean what's even about mustang sally i mean what are we talking about here i mean we're we're in northern europe we're free why are we singing about american car it's just i just cannot bear that track at all in fact it just everything about it makes me it makes me curl crin like i i can't i can't but i just imagine really poor bad karaoke from the 90s with people singing mustang sally and that's that i couldn't i mean i it would drive me more i'd rather eat the lobster and die than listen to mustang sally more than twice on repeat you make a good case for it

definitely i think yeah it's that sort of thing like as you say like someone at a karaoke doing it badly and you know outside they've got like a bit of a ropey muscle car that they've imported and they won't stop going on about even though they live somewhere with really small roads and it doesn't make any sense yeah you go and they probably still live at their mum's yeah but in their bedroom they've got like some like you know cow horns hung up or something you know yeah and cb radio yeah yeah with a nice call sign oh you know call me text like no yeah yeah called jonathan yeah exactly that yeah exactly that that kind of that false pretend heard of it all like i can't bet and it's just that that track is just i just find it i i can't bear it like i just can't bear it because there's some other good songs in that sort of soundtrack aren't they like it's quite

sort of you know it's good like some good soul and stuff like that but yeah that that really sort of snuck in there it is yeah no there is some brilliant kind of soul music it's good, like some good soul and stuff like that. But yeah, that really sort of snuck in there, didn't it? It did. Yeah, no, there is some brilliant kind of soul music. It's like, it is not a bad film with some good tracks. There's just something about that track, everything about it, I just cannot, I can't, I can't bear it. I can't bear it. I think it's in the same sort of camp as like that Black Betty song, you know, the Ram Jam. Yeah, exactly the same. And people as like um that black betty song you know yeah exactly the same yeah

and people do that karaoke as well it's like what what is this song yeah why are we playing this yeah it's so bad isn't it and there's a lot of them that sit in that camp that karaoke everyone kind of half knows the words they want to be involved in it it makes them all of a sudden feel that they're really cool musicians and they're singers because they know a few of the words it's just i hate it i can't bear it at all i think this might be the one that i've seen you like get the most angry about i think so yeah it drives me nuts that yeah i definitely it definitely conjures up a certain kind of person who i think in their own right could just be on the island as an annoying person do you know what would be the worst about it is if it was Gavin Williams favorite song Williamson's favorite song and he loves to sing it at karaoke you could imagine that though he's

the sort of person that you're like oh look people might might think I'm this uh straight list politician but uh I've actually got a collection of over five pairs of cowboy boots you know that's his thing yeah well no that is a vision that i'm not sure i'd want to see i've got to be honest and and i do a really mean mustang sally sing-along right yeah now this is getting this is getting a lot worse this is getting this is getting a lot worse okay what would your film choice be then it's a genre right so i mean i mean you could pick any one of them and and it's musicals i mean yeah now i get i get movies and i love them i love watching films they're brilliant and i i quite like going to the theater i I never quite 100% get into it. Weirdly, I find theatre just a little bit... Everything's a bit over-acted.

It's a bit over because you've got to reach the back of the auditorium and you've got to... I get it, but I like being in theatres. I like going to watch stand-up comedy or I like going to watch live music and I love all of that sort of stuff. But I don't like... I mean, huge support of the arts.

But musicals, I just don't get, i'm a huge supporter of the arts and but musicals i just don't get right because there is that bit between you're telling a story right so act the story tell the story be the film do where why are you singing me a story like i'm i'm 47 i don't need a lullaby i just why why why are you why are you singing this i don't i don't i i just don't need a lullaby. I just, why are you singing this? I don't, I just don't get it. So the movie could be, it could be Grease. It could be Les Mis. This isn't my world. This isn't one that I,

I appreciate that these guys have trained very hard. They're incredible singers. It's amazing. But you're singing me a story. I'm out. Sorry, I'm out. Yeah, because it's sort of theatre for people who don't like theatre

and music for people who probably don't like music that much. I don't know, because it's like there's a real style of musical singing that is different to... It's like, technically, I get that you've got a strong voice and you're in tune, but there's something about it that I can't put my finger on. It's really like... You could sing any song in that style and it's just like,

oh, I just don't like... It's like a bit too loud and a bit too sort of... Something a bit brash about it. And, yeah, it's just like any song that I love sung by somebody who does musical theatre is just like, oh. It's weird, isn't it? See, you could say that when you see things like... Not that I'm its biggest fan or anything,

but I have seen it a few times, like the voice or um britain's got talent or whatever it's when someone sings a song and they're really good like the voice is a prime example you've got people that sing songs and they're great and then you have someone from musical theater who comes on there and sings what is essentially a well-known rock or pop song or something like that and it suddenly takes it into this weird space doesn't it it makes it become a performance i mean yeah i don't it doesn't feel real anymore i think that's what it is i like real i like realness and the moment you're singing me a story you're now out of character you're not the actor or something you know no one in real life i

don't sing to my friends that i'm going to the petrol station to fill my car up. And whilst I'm there, I'll buy some pork scratchings. Do you know what I mean? Like no one sings that in their life, do they? So you come out of character and you become this something else. And that, yeah, so I'm not really into musical theatre. Yeah. I'll tell you what's funny. Like, because see, like opera is, you know, like the sort of high end of these things.

And I've been to a couple of operas. uh like it went with my mom on her birthday once and what i thought is funny is because it's all sort of generally in like a foreign language they get away with loads but then like you know they have like the subtitles sometimes they have like a little screen above and like there's this man just belting out this incredible voice and it's really powerful but there's loads of stuff that you don't realize until you like read it that it's just setting the scene and he's like belting out and he's like here in the square it's a lovely day woman selling flowers over there there's the baker hello to everyone and it's just like mundane shit but it's delivered in this like incredible huge voice and you're like oh right it's just he's just talking about it's a nice day and it's not

even got to the bit about like there is the woman who i love and i must you know must defy all others for her heart and all this is essentially reading a child's book in a foreign language but singing it that's essentially what's happening it's like a child's reading book being sung at the best as he can in italian i mean what is that about i think it's a very good summary of it. Yeah, definitely. Yeah. That's my heathen example of what opera is. Yeah, my understanding of opera is that someone essentially sings a child's reading book in a foreign language as loud as they can. Fair enough. Nice. Okay, so musicals are going on with you then fair play now uh tom finally the

island is overrun by the biggest dick of all the animals which animal is it and why yeah i think it's probably gotta be i mean of all the ones that you don't want to be on an island with now i i'm not normally into animals but i've got a five-year-old son who absolutely he's mad about him he loves him so i'm learning more about animals and like you know ever you know like i ever paid any interest in it when i was at school however he's mad into anything carnivores he's mad into anything that kills and eats he like he's just all over it he loves him he loves watching that not like cartoons of it like the real stuff like on youtube like animals eating stuff like i'm like okay all right what is it i mean it's real life is it but the of the more the one that's like the most crate a hungry polar bear i mean that is someone who you

do not want to spend time with that is like that is somebody who's i mean irrespective i mean they are they just you know your time on that island is not going to be there very long if you are sharing it with a hungry polar bear. So I'm going for the animal that I really don't want to spend any time with is a hungry polar bear. Fair enough. Yeah. And I mean, do you know what? I think bears are one of those things that they sort of can look quite cuddly and nice, but then also terrifying. And especially like to think about the proportions of a polar bear they they sort of look a bit less scary than like a grizzly bear you know because their head's slightly smaller something's a bit proportionally there's something a bit more cuddly about them well they're also the sort of thing that kids toys they're white and they're fluffy

and they sit and they're lovely and people associate them with winter and they're on christmas cards and they're all of those sort of things you go oh polar bears they're lovely. And people associate them with winter. And they're on Christmas cards. And all of those sort of things. You go, oh, polar bears. They're amazing. But they're like twice the size of a grizzly bear. Aren't they the biggest bears? Or something like that. And then if you actually watch proper wildlife programs with polar bears in them,

they're not actually white. Most of them are a little bit grey. And then when they've eaten something, they are red. They're covered in dripping blood and bits of animals. There is nothing cuddly or Christmassy about them. They're like vicious animals, predators that will tear you limb from limb. Yeah, and I heard this thing about, I don't know if it's all bears, but I heard this thing about bears that like most animals,

like a tiger or something will kill you and then eat you. A bear doesn't bother, it just starts eating. See, that makes it even worse. Yeah, they just okay i mean they'll just stand on you and then just keep eating and that's like i don't know if it's all bears as i say in case you know in case any sort of in case you offend a koala yeah i don't yeah i don't want someone to write and go you got that wrong about bears i mean i would say our audience is fairly tolerant about me just mouthing off about all kinds of shit but yeah that is like just such a chilling thing to know about them so yeah that makes it loads worse that you you could be pinned watching him eat your arm like i mean you could you could have at least have the respect of like chewing through my throat first so that i

died and then eat my arm but no you're like you know what what happens if he likes feet first what happens if he looks like what happens if he likes white trainers and toes first and then like you're proper done and you're eating from the bottom up i mean that's even where you take ages well i suppose maybe because you know people like the dark meat or the white meat on chicken there's no reason that polar bear doesn't have the same thing yeah i gotta be honest though of all the delicacies that you're gonna eat off my my feet and the but they're not my strongest point i gotta be honest if you were gonna eat anything first i'd have gone for the arse that's the one with the most meat on it and also plenty of fat and padding so if you're any polar bears out there that's

gonna get stuck on an island with me and you want to eat me just eat me from the arse first because that's that that would be that's the best meat well tom i think that's that with that that's probably a fitting place to draw this to a close that's great thank you so much for coming on desert island dicks today now um what have you got going on at the minute because Because obviously it's been a tough period for chefs and people in hospitality. But what's going on with you at the minute? So we've got the new book coming out, which is great. It's all about outdoor cookery, which would probably work brilliantly on a desert island. So, you know, it's not just barbecues.

It's all sorts of bits and bobs for cooking outside. And it kind of features loads of recipes and dishes from around the world. So that comes out very soon. And it's got loads of lovely flavours in it. And it's most definitely the sort of thing that you should pack with you to take to your desert island. It also is quite thick. So you could use it if you had enough copies of them, you could build them together as a life raft and use it to escape from Gavin Williamson,

Prince, Adam and Annie Wilkes. Perfect. Brilliant. Well, if we didn't need any more encouragement to buy it, that's a, you've sold it beautifully. That's great. Well, thank you once again for coming on Desert Odin Dicks. It's been an absolute pleasure mate thank you

Dan it's a pleasure Chief thank you very much mate there you go that was our retro episode that was Tom Kerridge there on Desert Island Dicks lovely man it was great to speak to him There you go. That was our retro episode. That was Tom Kerridge there on Desert Island Dicks. Lovely man. It was great to speak to him. As ever, I'd like to take this opportunity to invite you to be a part of Desert Island Dicks.

Our spin-off podcast, Compact Dicks, awaits you. We want your submissions for who and what you think is a dick and would hate to be stuck with on an island. Get in touch with us, dickspod.com slash contact, and you can fill out a form and let us know who and what you'd hate to be stuck on an island with, or you can get in touch with us, slide into our DMs on Twitter and Instagram, at dickspod.

That's it for now. I'm going to keep it short and sweet, and we'll be back with another episode of Desert Island Dicks very soon. Bye.