Desert Island Dicks - COMPACT DICKS 25

Episode Date: November 19, 2021

Guess who's back, back again, James is back, tell a friend. Guess who's back, guess who's back, guess who's back awwwwayawaywayawayawayawaya. Come and see the podcast live at 21 Soho with guests Fern Brady and Stephen K Amos! Get your tickets now here: https://www.21-soho.com/desert-island-dicks-live Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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or run a reproduced ad like this one across thousands of shows to reach your target audience with Lipson Ads. Go to lipsonads.com now. That's L-I-B-S-Y-N ads.com. yeah boy god this room is so fucking echoey i've got so so is mine i'm in a really echoey room but dan can i just tell you something? Yeah. It's good to be back, baby.

Because this whole thing was just part of the intro, us talking about echoey rooms. I don't know how we start. We've never been good at starting or ending. No, that's fine. But here we are. James, you're back. You're back. It's Compact Dicks with Dan and James. That's what the people call it and it's happening right now yeah i don't know how i feel i feel nervous i feel like i've forgotten what i do on this and i'm like you've been doing so well carrying this on your own i feel like i'm just gonna bog you down dan i'm just gonna weigh you down well james you're right to be nervous because that's the weight of expectation on your shoulders. And there is a big expectation here because the people demand dicks from listener source dicks at least once a week. And we're going to give it to them.

So let's fucking give them some compact dicks. Before we do, though, you know, if you listen to this or the other podcast or the main podcast of uh desert island dicks and you want to get on here and have your say then you can you just email us um dickspod.com contact yeah and you can contact dicks there uh dan i just before we get started i want to say you've been putting out some good episodes of the podcast recently thanks man there's been some great episodes i've been been enjoying it. Like Paul Sinner's episode this week, his dicks were so well thought out. It was flawless, wasn't it? The choices were excellent.

Yeah, I didn't have much to add. As a host, I was kind of like, I can't really say anything that makes it any better than you've said. To evaluate slightly, it's like sometimes you you've said like to evaluate slightly it's like sometimes sometimes you don't need to sometimes you just need to like do as some other well very famous presenter from a podcast that might be similarly named to us does and you know if they're bringing all the juice you don't have to add anything but sometimes you know there's something to add but when it's when paul sinner turns up with that kind of research i haven't seen research like that since danny toman and that is going back

into the archive danny toman bought a box of his old school reports to read out on the podcast it was actually unbelievable and paul sinner brought that energy i mean paul sinner knew what i'd picked when you did me as the first guest of when you first started Desert Island Dicks. Is that what he... I don't remember him saying that. And then we had a long chat about how much we hated Love Actually after we finished recording for about 20 minutes. That's great. Wow.

Yeah, it was very fun. Love that, love that. So well done, Dan. Some great episodes. Thank you very much. And hey, listen, like there's some more good episodes to come, not because of me,

but because of these guests that we're going to have, which are very exciting. Not least of all, the live shows with Fern Brady and Stephen K. Amos on the 1st and 2nd of December. I'm so excited. I mean, obviously I was there I was part of that show when we had Tom Allen on a couple of years ago

you were the man, you were the host and you did wonderfully, it was a great show thank you Dan, I tried to listen to some of it back and I just say yeah yeah, I'm going yeah yeah all the time that's not how I remember it now the weight of expectation is on my shoulders, James,

because I have to live up to... No, I think it'll be fine. I think because the guests are so strong, like Fern Brady, her comedy is brilliant and her dry wit is going to be ideal

for Desert Islander Dicks. And Stephen Kamos, yeah, with his years of experience on stage, I think he'll be able to sort of. And Stephen Kamos, yeah, with his years of experience on stage, I think he'll be able to sort of command quite well. So, yeah. Yeah. Well, listen, guys, tickets are available from the link in this podcast

or in the podcast description, that is, or you can also get it on our socials at Instagram and Twitter at Dickspod. Now, James, let's roll up our sleeves and pull a dick out. Oh, yeah, I can't wait. I've got a dick here. Can I pull a dick out? Yeah, show us your dick. Dan, this dick comes in from Sean, and he says,

Really great to have you guys back. Hey, thanks, Sean. Thank you. Recently, I've been annoyed with the news of these Insulate Britain protesters. Now, I completely understand that they want to protest. And without taking a side, I just don't understand why they would superglue themselves to a motorway to get homes insulated. Surely they would target their councils or housing association. Also, they're putting not only their own lives at risk but motorists and potentially

blocking roads for emergency services sorry for the rant but they are total cocks interesting well you know we've just finished the um or not us but the climate summit in glasgow has just finished so this is timely isn't it it's tricky because i feel like i want the world to not go up in flames but i also you know people like this can be quite annoying so i saw a video of one of these insulate britain people being tied to a railing using their own insulate britain um banner and initially i looked at the video and i laughed to myself and I thought that's funny someone's taken the banner and tied one of the people to the railing with their own banner like an absolute Neanderthal that I am and I was with a friend and he was like actually I kind of like

what they're doing and I was like all right yeah tell me more and he explained that you know they they're trying to get a message across and doing something is better than doing nothing and so i kind of sit on the fence of agreeing with that but also maybe there is another way to voice it that doesn't stop you know ambulances getting through i don't know it's a it's a difficult one i think i think if they're stopping actual ambulances getting through then you can call them dicks but I think the broader stance they're taking is good but maybe

it needs a little finessing also what fucking glue are they using I hear this about people gluing themselves I'm like what glue are you using I had some work done recently in my house and they had to like stick huge big panels of like plasterboard on the walls,

and they were using this contact adhesive. And I was like, that's very impressive, because these are heavy panels. I don't know if it's a kind of a contact adhesive. I don't know why, because it doesn't matter. I don't need any strong adhesive, but I'm just interested. I just want to know what kind of adhesive they're using. Because it's like in Roger Rabbit like a in like roger rabbit or something it's like or you know like roadrunner and he like pours glue all over the road just trying to get the roadrunner yeah it makes me just think of that and i feel

like a big barrel that says acme across it yeah what the fuck if you know what kind of glue that they're using let us know um dixpod.com slash contact, because I need me some of that. Yeah. But yeah, broadly, I don't want, you know, I approve of their actions, but I don't know. We've made it clear.

Yeah. Sort of. Right, next. Next. This one is actually a follow-up, because last time I did a compact dix, we had one from Pauline, and she did like a good selection. Sheine, and she did a good selection.

She gave us a whole selection. It was like Tony Blair, My Ex's Mum, The Evil Woman Headteacher from Harry Potter, Watermelon, Amaretto, Theme from Friends, and Independence Day and Mosquitoes. So she gave us the whole list. But she didn't give us much detail about her ex's mum, and I didn't really know what the problem was.

So she followed up afterwards afterwards and I think this is quite good she says my ex's mum is like the robot from Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy she could always find something to be blue about always no matter what anyone would chat about on the island she'd find a way to see the miserable side to it it was like a gift if you told her a story about the best party you ever went to her response would be i've never been invited to a party it's such a shame if you told her about the best holiday you went on she'd tell you about the time she was mugged on a beach if you told her about your cousin's new house she'd moan that her mum was an only child an absolute gift not her personally but the weird everything is shit vibe that comes with it oh my lord i know

people like that and it's just exhausting it's almost a talent sometimes it's like it's almost a gift like when you can sort of go how did you get from that to that it's like yeah it's um oh we we all encounter these kinds of people and it's just like you just can't get any joy out of them it's such a challenge and it's just like they just can't get any joy out of them it's such a challenge and it's just like they've always got a response to just like bring the mood down just i don't know if they're really self-aware or completely not self-aware enough that they don't know that they're doing it i don't know i mean what's wrong with getting your feelings and pushing them deep down inside and never letting anyone see them i mean come on dan that's what got us into this mess dan i haven't done this in a while but i

believe it's time to speak to my dad i absolutely welcome the chance to hear from him let's hear it from john deacon hi james hi dan well it's great to have the pod back firing on all cylinders the last couple of weeks brilliant episodes firstly with ahir shah and this week's episode with paul sinhar what i highly recommend with a lot of these comedians on the pod would be to actually look them up online and watch them watch their live performances quite a few of them have been on live at the apollo and um yeah just check them up online and watch their live performances. Quite a few of them have been on live at the Apollo. And yeah, just check them out online. Absolutely brilliant.

Now, Paul Sinha chose one of his choices was Lawrence Fox. And on a personal note, I've actually met Lawrence Fox because I did some work on the drama series Lewis. I had a few days on that. And Paul's right. Lawrence Fox comes across as being a bit of an entitled prick i listened to him on jeff norcott's podcast actually and uh what he needs to do is uh think before he opens his mouth but there you go okay now this week is quite a simple one

my recommendation for this week is um another chaser and that is jenny ryan's episode now she's got some good little stories there but one in particular is when she was on um celebrity master chef with joey essex and her choice was joey essex so that episode is well worth a re-listen yeah my recommendations for this week is another chaser and that's jenny ryan's episode but i highly recommend listening to back episodes and then just checking these comedians out online because uh they are brilliant okay cheers then bye and that was good i like the extra insight into lawrence fox yeah he's given us not just like insights into his own life and listening habits we're getting like you know extra extra detail on on a previous dick so this is wonderful thank you john and the stuff he said about the jenny

ryan episode all true well worth checking that out if you um if you if you get the time that episode made it into the newspapers you're a podcast listener and this is a podcast ad reach great listeners like yourself with podcast advertising from Lipson Ads. Choose from hundreds of top podcasts offering host endorsements or run a reproduced ad like this one across thousands of shows to reach your target audience with Lipson Ads. Go to LipsonAds.com now. That's L-I-B-S-Y-N-Ads.com. It actually did. Google that. Jenny Ryan, Joe Essex, and it's all-ads.com. Yeah, she did. I don't know. Google that. Google Jenny Ryan, Joe Essex, and it's all over it.

And on it, they call it Dan the Man's Desert Island Dicks podcast. Which is so weird, isn't it? You know, that's like one of those things where, like, they wrote to us on Twitter and said, Hi, I work for this newspaper. Do you mind us using the story? And I checked, and they already had. And I was like, well, you already had,

so can you at least put the web put a link to the podcast and then never heard back from them like why did you ask and then you hear about celebrities going newspapers just make stuff up and you're like yeah at no point has there ever been in print down the man's desert island dicks podcast so like where did you you really do just make shit up right another dick now this one is from dylan and he says hello i have three dicks for you today um he says numero uno i like it a little bit special there numero uno he's uh talking french he says my first dick today is those teachers that say to the kids who did bad on their tests well done you did much better than last time but when they come to me a grade a set one for all classes they're like do better next time when i got 98 on a test i know that this is for support

but it really pisses me off so dylan by the way is is one of our younger listeners because of you know this is his sort of current experience at school um number two i really hate those people that always start a sentence with basically you can't start a sentence with an adverb i know wrong grammar doesn't piss normal people off but it really peeves me up number three what really kills me on the inside is people who say abbreviations like brb or gtg in speech they are not an abbreviation machine you can use half a second saying the full phrase why would you abbreviate b right back which is three syllables into brb which is three syllables as it takes the same amount of time to say. I have the same problem with GTG.

Is that got to go? What's GTG? Yeah, it is. Okay. Thanks for letting me dish out my dicks. Bye. Have a nice day. Dylan, these are good likes.

And I like the insight of like, I forgot how annoying it is being at school all the time. There's so many things to wind you up about being at school agree yeah yeah i fucking hate it being at school it's challenging i just couldn't be arsed every day yeah it's just an onslaught of having to concentrate which i'm not great at you know when you're young and you think oh god it looks so rubbish being grown up and having to work all the time and then you're growing up you're like i get paid for this and i never have to do homework it's fucking great that's true that's true but i do look back at school and like you know after school and i just like you know sat on my head ate 12 bags of christmas watch

the disney channel all the time you know so yeah i need to unpack his dicks a little bit okay so um teachers that sort of yeah so i get that kids are like you know if they did bad if they didn't do well then fair enough give them a little boost and say i think that's fair but i think if you've done well and you're always doing well then it's fair to say well you did well again let's see if we can bump it up and get those extra two percent next time but you don't have to say do better next time you still say well done dylan you're a very high achiever yeah you know i hate teachers that are really i had a lot of teachers that were very um unsupportive like that so it's a real pet peeve of mine and then he goes he was going to say people who start sentences with basically i do that all the time but i agree it's fucking annoying

oh there's things there's things that i say like what do i say oh do you know what i mean do you know i mean i say and it's like i don't you don't have to say that all the time kills me I say it a lot my oldest my four year old the other day from school just came home started saying like

all the time and me and my wife do it so much and we were like oh we've got to try it so I just did it then we thought oh we'll have to try

nip it in the bud and it was just impossible I just couldn't physically couldn't stop saying it for the whole day. And then luckily, it just wore out of him. He just stopped doing it naturally.

So I didn't have to worry about it. But I couldn't stop. It was just, yeah, it was awful. But once you notice that, that you're doing it, it just kills you. It just cuts through you, doesn't it? It's horrendous. If you heard the unedited version of the podcast you'd realize how much and i do it a lot already as someone in the comments once mentioned and then people using abbreviations in real life like saying lol is because those things are

fucking annoying he's right the thing takes the isn't there a thing where like world wide web is quicker to say than WWW. Really? World Wide Web, WWW. Yeah, all just the same. Yeah. But also, if you're saying BRB, you're just a dick. I think that's fucking annoying. And people who say LOL, because LOL, when people write LOL,

they're generally not laughing out loud. And when they're saying it, they're extra not laughing. You know, they're going, lol. They're just saying lol. That doesn't count. You can't just say, I am laughing now. I respond to your joke with laughter. You might as well say that.

Fucking dicks. There's so many of those, though, and it just cuts you to the core when you hear someone say it. It's so cringe-inducing. It's nice when you find out that young people have the same, like, petty dislikes as us grown-ups, isn't it? It's sort of reassuring in a way.

I like Dylan's things. All these things piss me off as well. It's like, ah, we're not so different, you and I. I'd love it if we met Dylan one day and Dylan was actually just a mate of ours that had been pretending to be Dylan this whole time. Yeah. This is like...

I mean, if that did happen, that'd be fucking strange. It would. Oh, Lord. Damn, this is fun. I don't know why I haven't done this in a while. Oh, yeah, I had COVID. Yeah, right. But you're better. Oh yeah, I had Covid. Yeah, but you're better now.

And now you don't have to isolate from podcasts anymore. No, it's true. It's lucky. James, it's been a pleasure. We should go. We're going to be back next week with, oh, sneak preview. Our guest next week is the wonderful comedian, Sean Walsh.

Yes, it's going to be good I'm really excited to hear that episode I'm getting some other really exciting guests booked in Dan I know we can't even tell people about them but let's just say you know we're just mixing with the sort of people that you see on telly now but yeah it's exciting and I hope you

listeners like it as well but listen just one more final time before we go do go and buy some tickets they're going quickly so i want you to be there i mean obviously if they're going quickly it means that other people are there and i want those people to be there but you know what i mean just go and get them before they're gone it's almost christmas yeah fun time to be out in soho get a couple of tickets get yourself an early christmas present yeah use it as an excuse to meet up with some friends and at firm brady on the 1st of december steven k and us on the 2nd they will both be magnificent in different ways and i'm talking to you listener hey dear listener

you listening there go and buy yourself some tickets to see desert island dicks live that's right okay right we'll be back very soon. Remember, if you want to get in touch, you can, dickspod.com slash contact. And that's it. Bye. Bye. Bye. Thank you.