Desert Island Dicks - COMPACT DICKS 28

Episode Date: January 27, 2023

What do Red Hot Chilli Peppers, a dominatrix and bitter melon all have in common? They all feature in this week's Compact Dicks, that's what. How and why? You'll have to listen to find out. Would you like to feature on an episode of Compact Dicks? Yes? Great! Send us your suggestions to dickspod.com/contact Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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That was good, yeah, I really liked that. I was desperately trying to think of something, but as far as I got was, good morning Dan, I'm the Minister of Circus. That's all I got got in my head i had nothing and so i'm glad that you came out with that the minister of circus yeah and i don't know where i was going to go with it so is that what you think mc stands for is it not no I'm joking. It's the microphone controller, isn't it? It's the master of ceremonies. I know, I'm only playing.

It's messing about, isn't it? That's what it's all about, Dan. It's not about being serious. It's about doing a funny podcast. Just about having a bit of fun with your mates, isn't it? With all this doom and gloom in the world, it's nice to just pass the time and have a few lols, isn't it? With all this doom and gloom in the world it's nice to just pass the time and have a few lols, isn't it?

As the kids say. Oh, lovely. Because if you can't lark... Dan, this is Compact Dicks and we don't mess about on this podcast. No. This is Compact Dicks and this is the listeners' opportunity to send in

their choices for who or what they would choose for the desert island and you can get in contact by going to dixpod.com contact and sending us your choices for the desert island but we always like to start this with a few choices of our own so who have you chosen this week dan who or what oh i've got uh this is i think this is a good one right glenn kitson ah interesting he's big on social media i think his his real job is like uh i think he makes adverts he's like an advert director or something ah interesting because i've seen pictures of him on his social media with a lot of famous people. And I always wondered what he did. And he's sort of got into doing lots of memes on social media. So he's really funny to follow because he does lots of things where, you know,

if you're not familiar with him, he'll post a picture of, like, Mick Hucknall. And he'll say something like, Ed Sheeran is a British singer-songwriter, blah, blah, blah. So he'll do, like, pretend bios of people. And it's very funny. And then he posts a lot of memes and stuff. And, like, he posted a picture of a cat that looked very, like, Phil Foden. You know, this sort of stuff. Yes.

I saw a good one. He posted a picture of Nigel Planer, who's Neil in The Young Ones, who we've also had on this podcast. Previous guest, yeah. I'll throw to that previous guest. And saying Alanis Morissette is a singer-songwriter. Yeah. That made me chuckle.le yeah so he's really good but recently he posted something that got a lot of attention on instagram and it was a tweet and it's a picture of a young

nadim zahawi um and he's sort of leaning on a desk uh with like a little sort of muff tickler beard thing and he's like looking a bit rude boy and it says the caption says late 90s nadim zaawi looks like a garage artist called something like mc fantasia right it's because that is very funny it got lots of likes but that's that wasn't written by him that That was our friend Brian who actually did the tweet. Yes. And he's taken it with no credit and he's just posted it like it's his own thing. Oh, that's not good.

It's not good, right? That's very bad etiquette, right? And so I and another friend of ours, Brendan, we wrote to him in his comments saying, you should probably credit Brian. And all he did was reply to me and go congrats brian great stuff or like oh it's really funny and it's like that's not really a oh yeah credit there and i just thought you know what mate come on and it's been shared loads and yeah that's annoying that is really and i just think it's slightly dickish behavior

credit where credit is due yeah like he it's not even in his stories though it's in like the post so it's like an official one yeah so i felt a bit angry about that i wonder how much other content he's stolen well that makes me think yeah exactly that who does he think he is the archbishop of banterbury because they're always stealing stuff did I have to explain that anyway so there you go, he's my nomination for today that's a fantastic choice, thank you. Have you got one James? I currently share

an office in the town where I live with a friend of mine and lovely little office, a little space where we can come and work, I think the whole office block emptied out during COVID and so we got it on the cheap and they've never put the rent up so hopefully they never listen to this and twig there were some empty offices and the office next to ours became occupied by some people who i don't like very much they're really rude and they don't like very much. They're really rude and they don't really, you know, they don't acknowledge our existence, which is fine.

You know, I'm not bothered too much whether you say hello to me or not. But my main issue, Dan, is their toilet etiquette. Oh, dear, what's going on? So there's just, it's a small office. There's just two stalls in the toilet. And they just piss everywhere. It's fucking insane. And they always, I don't know what they're eating or drinking,

but they always manage to block the toilet down there. The bog at the minute is absolutely desecrated. And I know that it's them. And it just makes coming to work very annoying. Oh, man, that's awful. And especially if it was just you guys and you know that it was fine. And it's sort of because what's the next thing?

You have an awkward conversation or you leave a passive-aggressive note. I know. Well, they've been here a little while and I wish I'd said something the first time that I noticed it and i wish i'd said something the first time that i noticed it because if i'd said something the first time i'd noticed it then it'd be like hey guys look i know that you're new here or whatever but what we do is we don't piss everywhere and if you do clean up after yourself if you can't manage to just piss but now it's been a few months and i'm not saying anything oh man that's awful I worked in a factory

once and I went into the cubicle and I was sitting on the toilet and I looked to each side of me and the walls of the cubicle were covered in bogeys like like covered like it wasn't just one or two it was like like it was it had been going on for weeks it must have been a thing like it wasn't just one or two it was like like it was it had been going on for weeks and it must have been a thing like it couldn't have just been one person it must have been the thing that they all bought into or only one person ever took a shit there and it was like and it felt like the walls were closing in on me because i just i was like oh my god don't touch anything like it was fucking unbelievable that's disgusting yeah well that's what i'm living in and so that's my choice for this week good choice a good choice managing to vent thank you for listening everybody thank

you for sharing it's an open safe forum okay and i feel like because we've managed to talk for quite a while at the start of this podcast let's go in at this point to suggestions from my dad john deacon regular contributor to compact dicks hi james hi dan well great episode this week dan with the lads from jack mate's happy hour totally agree with their choice of film, or all the films by Will Ferrell. Sprung to mind a time when me and my boys, one Christmas, went to watch the latest Star Wars movie. It was sold out.

So we ended up watching Anchorman 2, The Legend of Ron Burgundy, which still makes me angry now. Load of shit. But, of course, their choice of Sir Geoff Hurst, I don't know, that's a treasonable offence. So, anyway, I was listening to Radio 4's comedy show, The News Quiz, on Friday night,

and three of the four contestants were three people we've had on the pod, Shappi Korsandi, Geoff Norcott, and the comedian Ian Smith. All great comedians. Now, Ian Smith's episode of Dick's Pod popped to mind. In his episode he shows his school motivational speaker Kev. That is hilarious. It's likened to David Brent style. And on the theme of motivational speakers, I'd like to draw the next recommendation, and that is Skin from the pop band Skunk and Nancy. Now, Skin chose the motivational speaker Tony Robbins.

She was quite angry, actually. She said he comes out with terms like, if you can't, you must, and if you must, you can. Yeah, and your past does not equal your future. Anyway, but another episode that sprung to mind is Nikki Hodgson's episode. Now, she also chose Tony Robbins, but she also chose an anti-feminist called Mike Buchanan. She had a spat with him on Sky News, and the clip went viral because she actually mentioned the fact that she used to be a dominatrix. Now, funnily enough, I listened to her.

She was on Jeremy Vine's show. Just as the clocks turned back and winter started, the theme of the episode was having a phobia about darkness and the nights in the winter. It made me chuckle, really, because I couldn't imagine a dominatrix, but only in the summer when it's sunny. But anyway, those are my recommendations for this week. That's comedian Ian Smith's episode.

Now, Ian Smith's episode came out in February 2019. Skin from Skunk and Antsy, her episode came out in february 2019 um skin from skunk and nancy her episode came out in december 2020 and we've got nikki hodgson's episode which came out in september 2018 so hope you enjoy cheers bye there you go thank you john for your your wise words as ever good recommendations there and um yeah go and check out those episodes yeah recording the skin was brilliant she was so nice and um hey bona fide rock star on the podcast it's excellent she's excellent great choices really well thought out answers as well it's like some people i feel like they make their choices and there's not always as much detail but she'd really taken the

format and worked on what she was going to choose which was excellent i do feel like jack makes happy hour podcast this week picking sir jeff hurst maybe was a step too far i do think that that was sacrilege and so actually, no. I thought his reasoning was good, though. I liked his reasoning. It was good, yeah. I don't know. I mean, I like a bit of controversy on it.

I do actually think it's quite good, but yeah. I've got to back up my own dad, do you know what I mean? Oh, of course. You've got to back up your dad. You're a podcast listener, and this is a podcast ad. Reach great listeners like yourself with podcast advertising from Lips and Ads. Choose from hundreds of top podcasts offering host endorsements, or run a reproduced ad like this one across thousands of shows to reach your target audience with Lips and Ads.

Go to lipsandads.com now. That's L-I-B-S-Y-N ads.com. But look, we're not just here for us we're here for you the listeners and uh let's hear from the listeners who have you got an email from a listener james i've got one here from scott and scott has messaged in to say my choice for the desert island would be the red hot chili peppers oh nice this was good I thought this was good. Yeah. And he said, it is for many, many reasons, but for most of all, that they suck. Which I thought was hilarious.

And I don't know if I could deal with the four of them walking around topless, beating their chests on the island. I feel like red hot chili peppers when they were sort of young and sort of a bit edgy and never like edgy but you know they'd obviously had like quite mad like lives growing up and stuff yeah and you know when they were sort of naked and sort of doing this sleazy funk kind of stuff it was like made a bit more sense but now when it's like you're you know you're in your 50s and you're knocking out no probably older some of them right knocking out kind of quite beige music sometimes or quite sort of

samey music but then you're on Jules Holland you've still got your tops off and it's like doesn't it's like doesn't work anymore guys just let it go like yeah I think so and I mean look each their own but I think that they're probably case in point would be the lyrics lyricism it's an overplayed song but under the bridge downtown is where i drew some blood it's kind of like you could be like they're they're under a bridge somewhere in california shooting up you know these guys have been through it and then it kind of graduates to like danny california she is wearing a dress she's in town she's come to la to have a nice time and it's like oh well i feel like maybe it's a step down

yeah like that that's what i think like we all have fond memories of them from certain points in our lives but you know if you met a grown-up and you said what's your favorite band they said red hot chili peppers you'd be like hmm i don't know but maybe i'm just a snob hey i think we've mentioned it on this podcast before but the very same brian friend of ours who you mentioned at the start of the episode he said a band should have 10 years or five albums yeah i think he's right i think that i spot on that's the max you know yeah i think say that you know we've run our course because i don't think it gets any better after that. No, no, very, very rarely, I think. I think it's a fair rule.

James, this comes from Steve. He says, hi, dick boys. I'd like to nominate a food item. It's bitter melon. If you've not experienced it, it looks like a small spiky cucumber and is popular in Asia. Have you tried it, James? No, no, I've not tried that. Bitter melon. Yeah so yeah looks like a small spiky cucumber. It's

often stir-fried and true to its name has an incredibly bitter flavour to the point of being close to inedible. I can't understand why there are so many delicious vegetables to eat, why people insist on eating it. It's absolutely rank. Being stuck on an island with only bitter melon to eat while people insist on eating it is absolutely rank being stuck on an island with only bitter melon to eat would be my worst nightmare keep your cocks up steve um it's like i've had it before and i just it's true i agree with steve i just can't understand it's one of those things you eat it and you go why why are you eating this thing it's, it's true. I agree with Steve. I just can't understand. It's one of those things you eat it and you go, why, why are you eating this thing?

It's like, it's not nice. It's really, it's just incredibly bitter. That's it. It just, I don't see, it's sort of like, imagine a courgette, but just incredibly bitter. Yeah, that makes no sense. I don't know why. Also, I'm looking at this thing

and it just looks so unappealing. It's actually making the crevices on my face hurt because of all the kind of lumps and bumps on there. It's really affecting me in a bad way. I think sometimes, like, I might be wrong about this. I think in certain parts of Asia, people think if stuff's really bitter, it's good for you, so it might be that. And I think it's rumoured to have health properties.

But you just think, yeah, like if that's on the table, I mean, I'm giving it a fucking wide berth. So I think he's very right. If that was your only thing on the island, it'd be very, it'd be like, you know, the BFG and he eats snozzcumbers and that's all he can eat because he won't, it's kind of that kind of deal, I reckon, is the thing. Thank you very much, Steve, for choosing the snozzcumber.

Dan, that's it for today. That's it, we're done. It's compact. That's the whole deal. We get in, we get out, we smash and grab. We take the compact dicks by the balls and give it a good shake and get out of there. That's right.

And we clean up after ourselves. That's very important. Hey, look, if you would like to have your say and have your dick read out, then please do contact us. As James said at the beginning, you can email us, dickspod.com slash contact. And you can get in touch as well on twitter or instagram also at dixpod it's that simple and we could be choosing yours next okay bye bye I'll see you next time.