Desert Island Dicks - COMPACT DICKS 30

Episode Date: February 10, 2023

Dan and James are back once again with the renegade master. And by renegade master I mean YOU, the listener, as we return to read out YOUR submissions for the desert island AND we even play a game sent in by a listener. It's all very exciting, you should listen to it. Submit your choices now at dickspod.com/contact Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Sierra, let's get moving. James. Dan. I am Dan, yes. And this is Compact Dicks. This is like the spin-off, the sister podcast to Desert Island Dicks. You know it by now, but if you don't know it, what it is is a small little compact episode where we feature only submissions from ourselves and of course you the good listeners so if anything's

getting on your tits uh people's things food drink song films animal you can contact us at dixpod on instagram and twitter and dixpod.com slash contact on the internet for an email. That was textbook. It really was. A little does everyone know it took us about two and a half minutes

of trying to start the podcast to get into that. But that was beautiful. There was a lot of false starts. Coincidentally, James and I both had really large noodle soups for lunch

and we're very full and tired and i think it's i think it's thrown it up thrown us off our game it has but don't worry dan i'm gonna suck it right back in because people can also get in touch with the podcast with choices outside of the usual arena and that's what i'm gonna do if you would allow me that because i need to get you're gonna go off piste going to go off piste. I'm going off piste. Okay, so this is neither a song, a film, an animal, a food, a drink, or a person. Okay. This is a watch. I am going to put a watch on the island.

So at the weekend, we did nothing exciting. Nothing exciting happened at the weekend. We tidied the house so our house is just over time we've got two small children it's just accumulated bags and boxes of stuff and we had a clear week and we were like we've got no plans let's sort this stuff out so we sorted all the stuff out and we're going through and we're being quite harsh we're like this goes in the bin that goes in the bin and there were a couple of things that i were like i undenialed over for a while and then for some reason i just thought i'm

gonna bin that and so one of these things was a watch and i looked at this watch and i was like i don't even recognize this watch i don't know where this watch has come from. It looked really unremarkable, this watch. And I looked at the face. I was just like, I don't recognise the name on it or anything. The strap's like a bit broken. Dashed it straight in a bin bag. And I took that out and dumped it in the wheelie bin. And this was fairly early on in the process of getting rid of stuff.

Remembering that all of the bin bags look exactly the same right so the whole weekend passed and we've cleared a lot of shit i'm like i don't know where i'm going to get rid of my general rubbish dan because my bin is full for the next two weeks at the end of the weekend we get the kids to bed and we're like oh god all i need is a cup of tea and a sit down antiques road shows on i was just like this is the mindless like this is perfect this couldn't be any better like i'm sat there it's brilliant not only that it's they're at the place where me and my wife got married and i'm like this is great oh god it's nostalgia it's feeling good so i'm watching and on the episode on the episode lo and behold they go to a little table

and what has the person brought with them a watch and so I'm sat there watching the episode and I'm like that watch looks familiar I wonder what's gonna happen here so the man's talking about the watch and he's just like, oh yeah, it's kind of like the basic model, you know, but there's something rare about this watch. It's like a, it's like a rare, it's a rare code on the back or whatever.

And they discontinued it because it wasn't popular at the time. But now, because there's only a few, people love them. And I'm sat there and I'm saying, Esther, I swear to God, that is the watch that i chucked in the bin and she was just like was it the watch that my granddad gave to you and i was like oh my god that's where the watch came from so i'm sat there watching the tv and i wait and wait and i'm like give the valuation give the valuation and at the end the guy's like, yeah,

and you might be surprised to find out that the watch is worth five grand. No. And I'm sat there watching the TV. I'm like, Esther, I think I've chucked that watch away. I think it's in the bin outside. She was like, you're going to have to go in to the bin and get the watch.

So I'm dragging all the bin bags out. I'm like cutting them open. There's literally just shit everywhere outside my house. I can't find the watch. Last bag right at the bottom of the bin. And I've gone through like, you know, loads of shit. I get to the last bag, open it up. And there she is, the watch.

I pick it up and I was just like the the watch on the uh on the tv the brand was omega right yeah i pick this watch up and look at the face and it says seconda it's not even the fucking watch dan and i've dragged everything out of the bin and like everything that we spent all weekend putting away it wasn't even the watch and i was like well maybe this watch is worth some money i looked up you can buy them new now for 44 pounds and so for that i'm putting that fucking watch i'm putting that watch on the island then you should put yourself on the island i think probably yeah that's amazing so yeah my cheeks are hurting a little bit from smiling too much that's great it hurts

it really hurts because i just thought our luck is in five grand and then dragging all the bin bags out i was just like it's worth it it's worth it there's thousands of pounds in the bottom of this and i was completely wrong it wasn't called omega at all it's called seconda oh dear oh i know uh you know the the evil part of my brain is happy um yeah i'm not jealous of you but i mean obviously i'm sad that you don't have five grand james thanks dan i appreciate that and you're right okay but what a way to start off this podcast, you know? So I'm just putting this out to everyone else. If there's something, it could be anything from your day-to-day life

that pisses you off enough to stick it on the island, just send it in, dixpod.com slash contact. It's that easy. Hey, someone else who has done that is Asya. Asya. Asya says, Hi, Dan and James. I've been thinking about this dick for a very long time now.

It's people who don't hold the door. If you can't do something as simple as holding a door, you'll be useless on an island. I can understand if the other person is far away, but not holding the door for someone directly behind you is inexcusable in my opinion. Love the podcast. Yeah, thanks, Asya, for that.

And quite right. Just basic etiquette and manners there isn't it just like what's wrong with people they don't not doing this anymore i think that i would hold the door right oh you would definitely hold the door james yeah okay you're holding the door yeah but i would hold the door but i think you you would hold the door even more than me I just think you're a better person no no no I seek more validation I think I'm desperate for people to like me well no same but I just remember you worked together you were the person who'd always make sure you talk to every person you know you'd always have a good chat with the receptionist and the security guard and I would always say hello to them but you'd always have a good chat with the receptionist and the security guard. And I would always say hello to them. But you'd always have a proper, you know, really inquire as to how their day was going and stuff.

Whereas I was like, all right, guys. And then I'd go. So that's why I think you're more of a door host. I just don't like sitting at my desk and doing work. That's true. Obviously, I would hold the door. Yeah, I think if they're not going to hold the door, then they're also not going to do all kinds of other things

like help you out when you're carrying something heavy or, you know, cheer you up when you're feeling down. Oh, thank you very much, Asya. This isn't the same as holding the door, but I had such a satisfying thing yesterday, like running for a train. You know when you sprint for a train and you Indiana Jones it right through the closing door.

Yeah. Oh, such a good feeling. Indiana Jones it right through the closing door. Such a good feeling. That's good. That's really good. That's beautiful. I felt like a gazelle leaping into the carriage. But you did it. You did it.

I did it. Yeah, that's it. I haven't got much going on in my life. That's like a highlight at the minute. Is it at this point that we go to my dad, John Deacon? I can think of nothing I would like more than to do that. So we've had a bit of a music themed week this week obviously we've had a top of the cocks episode on monday with some of the best music choices we had bona fide rock star skin from skunk and nancy and former britain nominee you know she performed at the brit

awards on there jay reyna aner, a bunch of other amazing music choices. And then on Wednesday, we had an actual Sex Pistol. Real Sex Pistol. Real Sex Pistol, so cool. And so here is my dad, John Deacon, with some other great musical choices from the back catalogue for you to get stuck into. Hi, James. Hi, Dan.

Well, what an episode this week. When you told me you was getting Glenn Matlock from the Sex Pistols on, I was really excited and the episode didn't disappoint. As a man that grew up in the 70s at the birth of the punk era, yeah, I was really excited with that. So, well done. Brilliant. And I might say also, it's probably a first for the pod, but I'm pretty sure I'm right in saying

he went through the whole episode without swearing. Now, sticking to the music theme this week, I'm going back into the archive. I'm going to recommend a fellow called Danny Tomin. Danny's a singer-songwriter, and he went to the great lengths of pulling out his school reports and reading those out for his episode. If you check him out on YouTube as well, his music's brilliant, like an early funk soul sort of vibe. My next recommendation from October 2018 is a comedian called Tom Holmes. There's a couple of things on there.

Firstly, one of his dicks, he chose Pete Doherty from the band The Libertines. And also, he chose his song Shaggy, It Wasn't Me, and his take on that is hilarious. Now next I'd like to recommend the host of The Place in the Sun, Dani Menzies, Dani Menzies actually, and our episode was from March 2019. She chose the song by Jess Glynn, Hold My Hand, and that is the theme to the Jet 2 Airways and Holidays thing, presenting The Place in the Sun, she has to fly a lot. Everywhere she to the Jet 2 Airways and Holidays thing, presenting the place in the sun.

She has to fly a lot. Everywhere she goes on Jet 2 flights, that is played on loop continuously. And she actually said she'd rather book a flight with another airline to have to listen to that again. So that's a great episode. So this week's recommendations are Danny Tyman from February 2018,

John Holmes from October 2018, and Danny Menges from March 2019. I hope you enjoy. Cheers. Bye. Wham, bam, thank you, John. His name doesn't rhyme with man. It's great, though.

I love that some seriously good choices i remember sitting down with danny toman and doing that episode and he literally just pulled out a wedge of files from when he was at school and he was just like i've been listening to the podcast he was a big fan and he was i've really thought about it the way that he dissects his choices it should be held up as an example to every guest that comes on because it is very good. I remember listening to that episode. Yeah, it was really, really good.

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And listeners who listen all the way to the end of every episode may recently remember me giving him a little shout out because he's just a little baby girl. So congratulations again, Chris. He's got a couple of things that he's sent in. Now, I find like the birth of a child is an especially fertile time for getting really angry with things and coming up with things that annoy you because you're running on about two hours sleep a day forever and you're exhausted and everything annoys you um i'll just read it as he's written it we've decided we'd put those people who say oh enjoy this early stage because they grow up so fast on the island. Fuck those people.

It's actually very shit and seldom enjoyable. It's more like survival. It's more like survival. It's true, though, I think. I think parents need to be able to say things like this. I think so much as a parent, when you start off, so many people go, no, it's such an amazing stage, isn't it? And you're sitting there going, I think it's really hard and difficult and I'm not sure I'm enjoying it that much. And am I a bad parent? Because I feel like that.

And I think it's really important for people to go, oh, you've had a little baby. It's quite difficult and shit, isn't it? But don't worry, it is better later on. So you'll be all right. And when you hear that, you go, oh, oh thank fuck i just thought it was an awful person i mean it's nice when they're sleeping on your chest and they're all little that's really nice like the little sleepy cuddles is good but yeah you've got to weigh that up against a lot of very difficult sleepless nights when they first start sleeping through i remember like it felt like the night had just

gone like that because i was so used to it felt like the night had just gone like that because I was so used to it being stretched out into chunks of waking up for a bit, going back to sleep, waking up. Anyway, Chris, you'll get through it, and I'm sure you're both doing a fantastic job, so don't worry about that. But look, hey, he has another suggestion.

He said that earlier on today when he sent this, he was listening to Radio 2 and they had a cover, like a live cover with the BBC Orchestra, a cover of Ain't No Sunshine by Bill Withers by a singer called Ray.

And he sent us a clip of it and his problem is warbly singers. They're singers who just carry on every note for a bit too long. I know a little bit of that is okay, but this mean she really does go off on one very warbly it's unreal actually i mean christina aguilera is a good example like she'll start warbling loads before she even starts singing it's not like at the end of a word you know i think chris finished it off by saying

joss stone get in the bin. It's great. I understand, right, if you've got a vocal range, you're going to want to use it. But at the same time, it's like, it just seems unnecessary. It's like you've forgotten the words or something, or you've just, I don't know. But it's like a guitar solo, isn't it?

You know, a great guitar solo is amazing, but you don't want it like every verse of the song. Maybe save it for a little bit. It just always makes me think, if it was your birthday and they were your mate, just what would that sound like as they sing you happy birthday? Everyone's eating the cake and they're still finishing off the song. So yeah, thank you for that, Chris, and for your just general support. Oh, that's lovely.

Just a lovely man. Useful, lovely man. Yeah. And that's how I like my men. Useful and lovely. That's the highest praise I can give to any man. Dan, I've got one here from Dylan, and Dylan is a regular contributor, if you've ever listened to this before,

and he's referencing last week's Compact Dicks, and Dylan is a regular contributor, if you've ever listened to this before. And he's referencing last week's Compact Dicks, and he says, greetings. By the way, the plural of octopus is octopuses. And then he goes on to say he's put together a quiz, and the reader of this quiz should quiz the other person, and the answers are at the end. What is the singular or plural of these? So should we do a little...

This is because, yeah, this is because last week we were talking about octopuses for some reason. I can't even remember why, but it's true. Okay, Dan, I'm going to do a little test on you now. I'm ready. Singular of confetti. I'm going to say... It sounds Italian, so I'm going to say confetto.

Oh, nailed it. One out of one. Here we go. Plural of radius. Radii. It is radii wow two for two singular of graffiti graffito because that's italian again isn't it's latin it is yeah i'm impressed okay plural of Is it just Sphinx again? No It's not Sphinxes

It is Sphinxes Is it? Yeah, that's alright I'll give you that In my book that's four for four And what it plural of cul-de-sac Oh my god Plural of cul-de-sac

Multiple cul-de-sac. Multiple cul-de-sac. Well, it's French. Would it just be cul-de-sac but with an S on the end? It's coles-de-sac. Ah. Multiple coles, I guess. Nice. I like a quiz.

Thank you, Dylan. Yeah, I know. That's all right. I'm hoping people played along at home and that's all I've got for this week hey look let's end on a high

let's end with the spring in our step that only trivia can bring a great week in podcasting well done Dan

thank you very much James and thank you to you the listeners remember you can get in touch with us dixpod.com slash contact

or you can contact us at dixpod on Twitter or Instagram just slide into those DMs baby we are wide open bye

bye Bye. Bye.