Desert Island Dicks - COMPACT DICKS 32

Episode Date: February 24, 2023

In this episode of Compact Dicks, Dan does the best impression of Steve Lamacq I've ever heard. It's top tier. Plus some other stuff happens. Submit your suggestions for the desert island dickspod.com/contact Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Like cozy slippers, ski gear, fishing poles, bikes, large kayaks, even larger canoes. Which might lead to another discovery. Robbing gifts is the only sport you need to stay fit this season. Tis the season to discover great gifts at unexpectedly low prices. Sierra, let's get moving. Why? Who's that? Peeping out from my computer screen. Tis little James Deacon. And who am I? My name is Daniel Benedictusus and we're here for this episode of Compact Dicks. It's a bit like Desert Island Dicks.

The difference is you. For this is the podcast that gives you, the listener, the chance to respond. And tell us who and what you think is a dick. That was so good. Honestly, I was watching the clock and I was thinking

how long can he do this for I quite like speaking in that kindly voice why don't you tell the listeners how they can get in touch in that voice listeners you can get in touch in three ways

email us dixpod.com slash contact or of course you can contact us on social media that's Instagram and Twitter, dixpod.com slash contact. Or, of course, you can contact us on social media. That's Instagram and Twitter, at DixPod. Dan, I'm glad we're doing this podcast at this very moment because I have something I need to talk about. Okay, hit me. I very rarely have a definitive choice for the island. But today it struck me that there's someone that I'd really not like to be stuck with on

the island because I find them frustrating and I don't know why I do it to myself almost every day when I get into work would like cause of habit I switch everything on and then I switch the radio on and I go straight to six music right and I'm not sure why because I find Marianne Hobbs so painful I just I I don't enjoy the show and almost every day I moan about it and today I had a revelation that I need to stop listening to it because it makes me angry in the mornings. And so I thought, I was like, what's wrong with me today? Is it that I haven't had a coffee? Is it that I haven't had enough to eat? And then I realized it was because Marianne Hobbs was on.

And look, I don't dislike Marianne Hobbs I just think on a desert island it'd be so frustrating to be on the island with someone that moves and talks so slowly can you imagine you're trying to get anything done and you're like Marianne can you can you come and help me do whatever can you come and help me get some wood she's like yeah James actually yeah do know what? There's some niche wood at the back of the forest. Should we have a really slow walk there to go and get it? And I'm like, no, I need wood now. We're losing light, Marianne. So that is my choice.

I feel like that's my choice for today. That's a good choice. Or she'd sort of say, oh, here's something that I think is really good, but it would just be unusable because, you know. Yeah. Like, you know, she'll get really excited about a new song and you're like seriously what the fuck is this she gets so excited that song hey guys look at this thing i found over here it's an abandoned rusty bucket there's a hole in it you're like

some of the stuff that she plays i'm like i, I've got a headache. And then I realised that she's just playing the sounds of an oil drum being chucked down some stairs repeatedly. And you're like, oh, no. I think I've said this before on the podcast at one point. I'm convinced that she's basically a gas that people keep in a jar. You know, one of those jars with, like, the orange seal that you can reseal. People put lentils and rice in them and they keep her in that and then they just open the studio door and just like release her slowly and gather her up at the end of the show like come on mary back in your jar yeah this is

transparent now but when she's been there a few hours you can sort of make out the shape of her um that's really good i i had i do i do have one mary ann hobbs story actually so like i used to produce a show on six music with tom robinson every sunday and one time i got the opportunity to go to the six music festival and do the show from there very cool right and this year it was in belfast and so we like flew over to belfast and it was really cool i was like this is great and weirdly enough belfast was getting the hottest weather that it recorded in like 35 years it was so hot it was like 30 degrees everyone there was just like oh my god i'm so glad you get to see belfast like this because like it's never like this it's normally always raining and we were just like loving it and so i am i was meeting people i was like wow that's oh

my god there's mark riley over there i'm gonna go talk to mark riley and just like stuff like that let's get really excited and so one day tom was like i'm gonna go and watch young fathers on the main stage i was like that's cool they're cool man they just like won the mercury prize or whatever at the time and so he walks up and i'm walking with him he's like oh there's marianne over there should we go and stand with marianne i was like yeah let's go stand with marianne of course and i'm like buzzing i'm meeting all these famous people it is like 30 degrees she stood there in a black trench coat with the collar up in the middle of the crowd and staring at the young fathers. And I was like, I literally could barely wear shorts.

It was so hot. And so, yeah. So that was the one time I met Mary. Amazing. Amazing. Maybe just to stop her floating away. She just needed like the heavy coat on or something. Yeah.

Yeah. I find basically six music is a weird thing. Like at the minute, i think huey is doing a lot of pre-records and if you because we've both worked in radio you can just hear it a mile off like he is recording his links so quickly and often like presenters as soon as they have to pre-record just they'll just shit them out so quickly and you can just if if he's doing it again this weekend just listen to how fast his links are because he's in the studio trying to get it done in half an hour oh he's in there he's just like yeah that was uh this and this is there

and yeah just really fast um my similar thing with marion hobbs is often in the evening because obviously having kids we eat dinner at a stupidly early time and uh um what's his name is on steve lemac is always on when we eat dinner and he does my head in it's just always just talking for ages to someone that you've never heard like just a member of the public talking about their gig and then he'll just carry on and it's like i don't know this gig i don't know who this person is you've been talking for 15 minutes i know and it's like, I don't know this gig. I don't know who this person is. You've been talking for 15 minutes. I know, I know. And it's always just like, oh, yeah, I remember that band.

And they were playing with Teenage Fan Club at the Peterborough Corn Exchange. And I was like, shut up. That is spot on, though. That is so good. I love it. You got the sound in the back of your front it was perfect it was well because uh you know as a broadcaster you can go quite low but he can actually go quite high as well that's why steve lamac when steve lamac comes on i that it sets fear inside of me

that i haven't done enough work that day and i'm going to be leaving work next hour and a half so i start to panic but um the other week he had a a week-long feature where they were doing songs that related to running running for a bus and i was like how how in the living and here we've got dave on i can't do your impression but here we've got dave on line one he's got a story about running for a bus dave tell us about the time you were on for a bus great okay this is new order and it's like what yeah like he did one recently it was all about band t-shirts like oh tell us about your band t-shirts i don't care that like some guy called mick in huddersfield has like a fucking velvet underground t-shirt I don't care, why should I care about that

this is like, I mean it's true of lots of stuff in our world like social media, but this is like social media without any pictures, it's just like you're just telling me that someone owns a t-shirt somewhere that's right. With Amex Platinum, you can really be in the now. Access to Resi Priority Notify. Yes!

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Card member entrance access not limited to Amex Platinum Card. You're a podcast listener, and this is a podcast ad. Reach great listeners like yourself with podcast advertising from Lips and Ads. Choose from hundreds of top podcasts offering host endorsements. Or run a reproduced ad like this one across thousands of shows to reach your target audience with Lipson ads. Go to lipsonads.com now. That's L-I-B-S-Y-N ads.com. But enough about us, Dan. I've got a email here from one of our listeners. And that's what it's all about, James. It's all about you, the listeners. This comes in from Zoe. And Zoe says,

Hi, I'd like to submit a miscellaneous item to the island. I'm always encouraging people to do that because I'm just interested to see just outside, you know, we've got 200 episodes. Give me some different stuff. You know, give me something. Yeah, let's think outside of the Dick's box. Okay. And so Zoe says, think outside of the dicks box okay and so zoe says pip personal independence payment forms or

whoever designed them the level of functioning and motivation required to fill one in and thus be awarded the benefit is paradoxically incompatible with the majority of people from who they are applicable to they're also clearly designed by someone who doesn't have belief in parity of physical and mental health questions geared towards whether you are physically able to do rather than whether you will actually reliably do it the process of filling one out is hugely disempowering in fact rather than going on the desert island i wish the person who designed them was put in the situation they were needed to fill one in and then try to go through the process perhaps then it would be designed more sympathetically thanks for letting me rant

good one yeah i like that that was good well done zoe i'm sorry that you have to go through that situation that's very annoying yeah definitely i mean i would say given the government for the last 12 years it's entirely likely that they did design it like that on purpose because they assumed that there's so much... You know, benefits are needed by certain people for real reasons, but it's like just the narrative is always like, oh, well, they should be able to... What? You can't see them limping?

Well, they should be on a bike getting to work then. And, you know know fuck it is there's a vast complicated world of problems out there for lots of people so yeah last thing you need is like to make it really hard to access the help you need yeah make it easy for for people it just is yeah it just makes sense come on guys for fuck's sake i had to fill out some forms like that for my mum once. And, like, yeah, it was sort of like doing a job application. You know when you go, oh, fuck, I'll just have to do this and come back to it later. And it's like you're just trying to get help for someone.

And it's, aye, aye, aye, aye. Aye, aye, aye. Come on, guys. Sort it out. Dan, I feel like we've been talking for a while and it's just happened out of nowhere but it's at this midway point in the podcast that i feel like we should get some insight from my elder from my father john deacon who has some suggestions for the podcast this week hi james hi dan great episode this week dan with comedian michael akadiri with his choice of Dwayne the Rock

Johnson and it being BAFTA's week I've chosen my recommendations around film and television my first recommendation is Omid Jalili's episode Omid chose Brad Pitt when he worked with him on the film Spy Game. He told a brilliant anecdote about when Brad told him a story about when he was married to Jennifer Aniston and he relayed the story to a journalist who took it out of context and the magazine actually printed the fact that Omid was the reason why Brad and Jennifer split up. So that is a brilliant episode. My next recommendation is a Lucy Porter's episode. Lucy Porter had a great story about Faye Dunaway and the fact that when she used to work in television production,

she had to babysit Faye Dunaway. She told a story how Faye was an absolute bloody nightmare. That is also a brilliant episode. Next I'd like to recommend comedian Sanjeev Kohli's episode. Sanjeev shows the actor Lawrence Fox and told him anecdotal stories and the fact that he thought that Lawrence Fox was an entitled prick. But on a personal note, I've actually worked on the series Lewis, which all starred Lawrence Fox, and I can confirm the fact that he is an entitled prick. And he gave off the impression that he didn't really want to be there,

like somebody that was forced to do a job that they didn't really want to do so that's on a personal note so my recommendations for this week are Omid Jalili's episode from April 2022 Lucy Porter's episode from May 2019 and Sanjeev Kohli's episode from January 2022. I hope you enjoy. Cheers. Bye. Thank you, John.

What about those, eh? Lawrence Fox. I forgot about Lawrence Fox. He just kind of disappeared into the nothingness. A bit of personal insight from John as well. Golden. I wonder if he can give us some more insight. He spent a short period of time

doing extra work in TV and films. Thank you very much, Dad. Excellent suggestions, as always. And listen to The Man. That's why he says it. Go back and listen to those episodes. Yeah, I forgot about Omer Jalili and the Brad Pitt story.

That's great. Maybe we'll republish that one. I mean, obviously you can just go and find it yourself but maybe we'll put it front and center soon so that people can people can be drawn to it because yeah he says some quite salacious things and he does actually yeah it's great yeah um james i've got a email here from sophie and she says hi dick chicks I'd like to nominate a food choice for the island, and that is crackers, as in the ones you'd have with cheese. Cream cracker, water biscuit.

They're the least creamy or watery food product ever made. Why name the world's driest food after a liquid? It makes no sense. I love cheese, but I don't see why I need to make that less pleasurable by putting the delicious cheese on something dry, tasteless and so crumbly I get so covered in tiny particles I might as well be eating in a sandpit. Also, the idea of being stuck on an island with only crackers to eat makes me gag at the thought of how dry my mouth would be.

Thanks for the dicks, Sophie. Oh, Sophie, that is top draw i like mate i'd love to know why they were named after like water and cream you know i mean so weird do you think this person that tried it was just like i tell you what people are idiots i'm going to trick them into believing that this is more moist than it is did you know the country greenland was named greenland to encourage settlers because it's like a very cold place. And they deliberately named it as like a marketing exercise to encourage people.

But it's pretty cold. Wouldn't you love to have been there, that moment where someone went, ah, I know what we'll do. And a whole room of people clapped and lit a cigar and poured something nice to drink. We'll call it the Big Tasty. Yeah. cigar and poured something nice to drink we'll call it the big tasty yeah we'll call it the water biscuit

but it's so dry shut up Clarence thank you very much Sophie that was so good yeah I enjoyed that and yeah thank you to everyone who gets in touch regularly as I say you can get us on Instagram and Twitter at DixPod or you can get us on Instagram and Twitter at Dickspod. Or you can email us dickspod.com slash contact.

Yeah, and I mean, even just message us. If it's easy, just message us to say hello and we'll read a few out next week. Yeah, just tell us what you're up to. That's fine. We're not proud. Why not? We're not picky, yeah. Dan, this has been great.

Should we do this again sometime? I would fucking love that james i'd just love to see you in person one day yeah well you know we'll keep hoping but until then we can meet face to face over the internet and talk about dicks how about that oh i would like nothing more. Bye. Bye.