Desert Island Dicks - DAN SKINNER

Episode Date: March 10, 2023

Dan Skinner, the genius behind Angelos Epithemiou, joins Dan to share who and what he'd hate to be stuck with on a desert island. Be sure to follow the podcast @dickspod Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Choose from hundreds of top podcasts offering host endorsements, or run a reproduced ad like this one across thousands of shows to reach your target audience with Lips and Ads. Go to LipsonAds.com now. That's L-I-B-S-Y-N-Ads.com. Hi, I'm Dan, and this is Desert Island Dicks. And today it features comedian, actor, creator of Angelos Epithemio Dan Skinner it was a pleasure to have him on, I'm a big fan of Angelos Epithemio and also lots of other stuff that he's done, he's in a play

at the minute called The Woolworth Farce so if you're in London you can go and check that out, I think it ends quite soon so you better be quick but go and have a look, we talk a bit about that in the podcast as well so I think that's all I need to tell you about right now except to say that thank you for downloading this and listening

and if you could leave us a rating and a review that would be lovely we'd also love you to get in touch with who and what you think is a dick so we can include them in our spin-off episode compact dicks which is where you get to say who and what you think is a dick, so we can include them in our spin-off episode, Compact Dicks, which is where you get to say who and what you think is a dick. We haven't put one out the last couple of weeks because we've been putting out extra episodes instead, but we will get back to it very soon. So get in touch with us, dickspod.com slash contact, or you can give us a shout on Twitter or Instagram at Dickspod.

So that's that. But right now, here is Desert Island Dicks with Dan Skinner. Hi, I'm Dan Benedictus and welcome to Desert Island Dicks, the show that sees you marooned on a desert island after a plane crash with the worst people and worst things imaginable. Who they are and why they're a dick is up to our guest. And here to share their Desert Island Dicks with us today is comedian, actor, the man behind Angelus Epithymu and currently performing a new play,

The Woolworth Farce at the Southwark Playhouse Elephant. It's Dan Skinner. How are you doing? Hello. I am very good, thank you. I will just correct you there. The Walworth Farce is not a new play. It was written in about 2006. It's a new space they're opening down at the Southwark Playhouse.

So they've already got the Southwark Playhouse in Southwark itself and this one is at the Elephant and Castle. It's called Southwark Playhouse. So they've already got the Southwark Playhouse in Southwark itself. And this one is at the Elephant and Castle. It's called Southwark Playhouse Elephant. So that's the new bit about it. But this is obviously a new production of that play. So there you go. Just to update you.

Other than that, brilliant intro. Thank you. Thank you. And thank you for joining us today because we've been going back and forth for a little while trying to get you on but obviously the trouble is when you're doing a play and i'm not used to it is that you rehearse this play and you rehearse like it's it's really intense so for a month all you're doing is just going to the play and coming home and going to the rehearsal day and coming home um and I've got two young kids, so it's, you know,

all my spare time is taken up with child stuff and then work is work. So that's why it's been a bit of a problem. So thanks for your patience. No, no, it's good to have you on. And I'm similarly occupied with two small children most of the time. So that's why I'm sort of very out of the loop

on so many things these days i was saying to someone else i was recording with recently i just feel like the more time goes on the less i know what's happening in the world i mean just that's the thing they they tend to uh if you're not careful they you can just get isolated you know you can just sort of culturally you can just go i don't know what's going on in the world you know because you just got your your head in the children all the time yeah oh anyway i wouldn't have it any other way well look today we're gonna sort of get a few things off our chests so maybe that'll make you feel better about things and i mean are you someone who finds it easy to have a little

rant or a moan about stuff you don't like uh i'm not i'm not used to doing that i must say so maybe this will be a good thing i'm used to sort of just quiet suppression you know just keeping it all in and then coming out in a rage and then going back in again so this will be interesting to see what comes out yeah and how it comes out maybe something i'll take to yeah well hopefully i mean i don't want to sort of break or change your personality too drastically so hopefully it'll just be a nice little a nice release valve and then uh you know yeah we'll carry on there's no close it up again yeah all right uh dan who's going to be the first dick joining you on the island um well dick is not the right word right so it's this is the thing

i don't think this bloke is a dick but i just can't imagine being on a desert island with him because it would just do my head in and and that is bear grills um because if i'm sat on a desert island i just want to sit down i want to sit. And if a coconut happens to drop down next to me and it's full of, you know, milk and, and it's ready to go, I'll just, I'll just eat that.

But I think if he was there, he'd be like, no, no, we got to get up and we've got to make fire and we've got to go and find water. And, you know,

we've got to be motivated. And I just think bear, if I'm here and i'm stuck it's a plane crash i'm just going to take my chances by sitting on the beach and doing nothing and if he's in my ear like all day like that just going now we're going to go and do this now i think i'd end up probably killing him i mean although it would be tricky because i know he was like special forces so he's probably better at that sort of thing than me but um so I just probably have to wait at night and and do it then when he when he gets a couple of hours sleep yeah I'm sure he's lovely I know he's quite religious and he's um he's the head

of the scouts so he's got things going for him you know but I think to be stuck on a desert island with him would be ah just be really hard work, really hard work. Has someone said Bear Grylls before? Yeah, he's actually been quite a popular choice over the years. Of course he has. Yeah. And it's weird, before starting this podcast, I had never had any idea that he was so disliked by people,

but I think he gets people's back up in a way that's so, like, Ray Mears or Bruce Parry doesn't, and those people are quite sort of fondly looked upon. he was so disliked by people but i think he gets people people's backup in a way that's so like ray mears or bruce parry doesn't and those people are quite sort of fondly looked upon there's something about bear that i mean i don't know if it's because he's called bear or he's just a little bit annoying or he's preachy he's preaching preachy i saw him on a video recently and like i think it was like gq or some men's magazines they were doing one of those interviews where it's like bear grills 10 things i can. They were doing one of those interviews where it's like Bear Grylls, 10 things I can't live without, you know,

and they ask actors and musicians and usually it's like these nice shoes or like some expensive hand cream or like this luggage or whatever, like crap that it might be. And with Bear Grylls, like one of his was maggots and it's like, look, we've all seen you eating that stuff to survive, but let's not pretend that's like one of the things i bet he puts it on his wounds and things like that you know yeah there'll be uses he's got for them that we don't know anything about and can't be bothered to google

because we wouldn't ever need them no no got the chemist but i just think with him it's a bit like oh just let it go you're being interviewed like just like drop the pretense a little like obviously you'd rather just have a nice steak or something than the maggots it's like you know you could just say a good protein source i think ray mears was accused of that quite a few times wasn't he like you know taking people on wild hunts and all the rest of it and sticking them in tents and then him up the road in the hotel. But, you know, Ray Mears, here's one for you. Ray Mears helped to track down Raoul Moat. That's right. Did you know that?

Yeah, yeah. Because he's probably been on this as well. I think Raoul Moat hasn't actually been picked. No, not Raoul Moat, but Ray Mears. I don't think anyone wants to be stuck on an island with raul mo yeah for obviously reason he's not alive but ray mears must have made an appearance i'm trying to think now i think he often gets pushed aside in favor of bear who's like the slightly more untagged i think bear is bear is like you know i think it's his sort of very positive

like go let's do this man let's make this happen all that sort of stuff and i think some people you know they find they find it a bit like i'll give it a rest bear you know but obviously secretly if you were on a desert island and bear grills was with you you'd be like fucking great man bear grills but you know you go off and do the work and i'd be i'd be right he said to me right you make the tent i'll be like yeah don't you worry about that mate and then when he comes back i won't have made it and i'll just say bear you know how to do it it's just easier if you do it and you know he would he would do it but i'd probably get a mouthful or i'd i get a you know i'll get a telling off and stuff and i think it's that stuff that people don't want to put up with.

It's the tellings off. It's the idea of you're failing all the time. I think around Bear, you'd feel like you were failing all the time. Yeah. You know when you're young and you ask your parents for help with your homework and you basically just want them to give you the answers but they're like, no, no, no, you have to learn how to do it. I'll sit with you and help you work it out.

And you're like, just tell me the answers so I can watch telly i feel like it'd be like that with bear you know you go can you can you just build the shelter you can do that now because of google you know you're like if you want the answers or anything you can literally just google it and get anything you need you don't need to work things out maybe it's different in the wild but i sort of imagine him sort of teaching you lots of lessons like you go bear like i got completely drenched last night the roof had holes in it like you must have seen you saw me make that you must have known that wasn't going to work you're like yeah but now you won't make the same mistake again twice oh come on bear bear i wouldn't have made it the first time if you'd just told me to plug the whole roof with the holes with moss you know if i'd have known that then

you know yeah yeah so it's a problem i think uh having bears knocking around bear knocking around because he would be he'd have his eye on you the whole time just helicoptering you and sort of looking at you and you would feel like you were being judged and failing and nobody wants that when you know potentially your life is threatened and you you might be playing out the last days of your life you don't want someone standing over you going well i told you to do this and you didn't do it you just want to be able to just go oh fuck it think about roast dinners and stuff fair enough okay well it's a strong opening uh person to have on the island with you who's going to be next to join you well again not a dick and i'm a i'm a huge fan i'm a huge huge fan of

boxing i like boxing i'm really into boxing this this might be quite niche this one um but there's a there's a guy that works for the BBC and his name is Steve Bunce and he's a boxing commentator and boxing promoter and he's not a promoter but he's a boxing journalist actually but he has got the most high-pitched when he gets into rants

and he starts like, it's very hard to do an impression of Steve Bunce, but he gets very excited about stuff. And he's really into hyping things up. And he'll go like this. And he'll really talk about it. And he'll go on a diatribe like that. And they look very, very good.

Like that. And I couldn't, I mean, it's great to listen to in bite-sized chunks on a podcast, like Steve Bunce getting worked up about stuff. But to sit next to him and you're just, again, you're just sort of trying to work out how you're going to play out your last days. And he's giving you very impassioned talks about how Joe Kawasaki got on

in 2006 in the Cardiff Arena, you know, an extended diatribe, I think would be very, very difficult to sit with for a period of time. I can't imagine someone like that who gets so hyped up, doesn't have periods of time where he's synced quite low. He doesn't seem like a very balanced chap. And I think when you're on the island, you want to be with someone thatced quite low. He doesn't seem like a very balanced chap. And I think when you're on the island, you want to be with someone that's quite balanced. And I don't think Buncey's, I don't think he's balanced.

Again, not a dick, not a dick, but just it'd be too much. It'd just be too much. Yeah, I agree. And I think there's also with that the problem of if there's someone that shares a passion with you but they're so annoying you don't really want to get into it with them, it would be a real shame because you think, oh, I'd love to have a chat about boxing with someone right now,

but I don't really want to open that can of worms with him. No, I think there's a chat about boxing and then there's giving someone else the floor. And, of course, he knows everything about boxing and I know a little bit about boxing. So it's like my opinion would be trumped every time by his insight. And it wouldn't be a fair sort of in the pub discussion. It would be me going,

I thought, um, I thought, um, I thought those fights between, um, Wilder and Fury were pretty good. And he would tell me why they were good or why they were much better than good

and analyze every bit of it. And that's, again, it's fine, you know, if you're down the pub with someone. But if you're living with someone on an island, I think it would become too much, too intense. Definitely. I can sort of imagine bear grill sidling over and like you know when like a teacher's trying to be cool i was like hey kids what are you talking about oh boxing yeah i used to i used to love that frank bruno

and just be a little bit out of touch and annoying well out of date or he would say yeah yeah i was uh i was a marine champion uh in 2005 you know and uh, and he would probably be trying to outdo Steve Bunce with his knowledge. Or maybe he'd be very reasonable. I don't know. That's the thing about Bear. I think he'd be quite reasonable, and that would sort of begin to wind you up as well, you know.

There wouldn't be enough tension with Bear Grylls. I think with Buncey, you could probably just say, I'll give it a rest now, mate. That's enough maybe all right all right but um with bear it'd be like he he you know he i don't know anyway there you go number two good one and i think yeah the interplay between them is already quite interesting so who who's going to be the final dick joining you or not dick? Mate, I've got so many. And I didn't want to go obvious, but I had gone obvious because the current climate we're in, any one of these,

Elon Musk, Alan Sugar, Trump, Farage, Gillian McKeith, Marcus Tandy, and most serial killers. Any one of those would be a trouble. But I think the top of the list, and it's a very strong list, would probably be Alan Sugar. I don't think I'd want to be stuck on a desert island with him. Him talking about what he did as a young person. Well, how we got out of this as a young person,

I got a load of clothes together and went down the market and I sold them and that's how I got myself together. You say, well, you can't do this here, Alan, on Desert Island. There's nothing to sell. There's no one to exploit in that way. I think I would just clash with him the whole time well i think we just have different values and i think it would be very very difficult to spend any more than about 20 minutes with alan sugar because once you get past small talk of like him going yeah

well i've got a very big property portfolio and i go, I'm doing a play at the Southwark Playhouse. And I don't suppose he'd care much about that. I think he'd probably say something like, that sounds like my idea of hell. That's what he'd probably say about my play. So, yeah, I think we'd probably clash, you know. Yeah. I think it's that thing of him kind of constantly telling you

how he's a self-made that thing of him kind of constantly telling you how he's a self-made man but also kind of i just don't think he ever has to prove himself that much these days it's like you probably make my he probably makes most of his money from the apprentice and then occasionally someone says oh look i've sorted out this deal for this new product do you want to have a piece of this and he goes yeah all right i think it's property where he's made his money now i'd like to sort of have him in a room and say, what about your Amstrad computers and your plastic fax machines and all that shite you made, plastic tat you made for pensioners?

I reckon he'd probably go, yeah, you're right, it was all rubbish. It was all rubbish. But I'm a billionaire, so, you know, it'd be very difficult to sort of find any chink in Alan Sugar's armour I think I think there's such a self important thing about him though isn't there like

Richard Herring always goes on about how Alan Sugar always tweets the latest Spurs score as if the way that you'd choose to find out is like I wonder what's happening in the Spurs match I'll just check Alan Sugar's Twitter. But to him, he's like, thinks that's what, you know, that he's doing you a service.

And I just think that is such a glimpse into his kind of personality, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. Very, very self-important indeed. You haven't heard it from me. You haven't heard it. That sort of thing, isn't it?

Yeah. So you can imagine why I'd stick him on the list of dick's not wanting to spend you know not someone not wanting to spend time on an island with him with your collection of people i think there's just a lot of like mansplaining and kind of very sort of people being the authority on things and just talking down to you all the time between them. That's the perception certainly of these sort of characters. And it's, you know, it's not, it's not, maybe I just don't know enough about stuff. So that's, maybe that's why that winds me up in other people.

Yeah. They'll sit you down and they're, they know, they know a lot. And it also, it's like people like that, if they don't know, they'll just fill in the blanks with sort of made-up stuff. And that's when you don't know whether you're getting the truth or not. That's what would wind me up as well. But I don't know if it's just that you don't know enough about stuff. It's probably that you're a vaguely self-aware individual.

Well, I suppose there's a bit of that, isn't there? You go, I'm boring these people to tears. Maybe I stop talking you know and some people don't have that do they yeah it's like with gordon ramsay in the kitchen or like you know when you see like fashion shows when people like hey this business is tough you better harden up if you're going to survive this and it's like you're in charge of a lot of it so why don't you why don't you help me out yeah yeah exactly you know and stop just going business is tough and i just think like i used to know a guy who was you know very sort of apprentice candidate-y sort of person you know and he'd just use the phrase business

or like it's business as just like a way of having no morals at all like he's like yeah but in business you've got to be tough it's like i think you don't have to be a dick let's not use business as this like exemption from like normal morality yeah jail card but it's business it's business that's what that's what uh mafia people say it's business it's not personal after they've just shot someone in the head you know yeah well that is quite personal because you've taken someone's life and that they can't answer back now but that is basically the watered down perception of that in business is to go well i'm going to rip you off but it's not personal it's business yeah but i'm destitute now but it's business it's business you might as well just say i'm going to do all

this but it's because i want this money more than i care about the outcome for you exactly business is the shorthand for that greed greed well i'm sorry but i'm just greedy yeah i'm like okay well at least he's honest all right all needs are greater than mine are they i suppose yeah survival of the fittest isn't it you know i bet he'd be shit on a desert island anyway sugar because he'd be like he's used to Finally, I suppose, yeah. Survival of the fittest, isn't it? You know. I bet he'd be shit on a desert island anyway, sugar, because he'd be like, he's used to having people do everything for him. Yeah. He'd just be sitting on his ass all day while people are gathering coconuts.

Well, I wouldn't do that for him. I wouldn't do it. I think it's a good end to your people choices, though, Dan. Now, mercifully, amongst the wreckage of the plane there was some food and drink left over unfortunately for you is your least favorite food and drink in the world what are they and why are they so bad well mushrooms are the worst food basically because they're just it's mold essentially it's mold i mean i know they're not mold but it to me it feels it tastes I can't get that idea out my head when I'm eating it and I just can't stand the taste the texture anything about mushrooms so

I mean I mean I you know as you grow up you go I don't like this and I don't like that and it's true at the time but as you get older you sort of you know you you go oh no i do like that that's okay that's okay but mushrooms i still won't go near i won't i don't like them if they're in the casserole i pick them out like a 10 year old shove them to one side if i was left with a bunch of mushrooms on a on an island i would i'll be really depressed apart from anything else i'll be very down in the dumps about that and drink i don't think of late like you can go to these juice bars now and you can ask for a juice like if you're not going to go to one of these organic juice shops or anything and they give you a green juice yeah and it's it's like spinach and broccoli and they put powder in it and stuff like that and they are absolutely disgusting and i'm not sure that they have any i don't think they do

any good for you i don't know why they would i mean you can eat vegetables and like you know you don't have to drink them eating them is infinitely more tasty than than drinking like spinach and they're this sour muck and if you leave these drinks hanging around on the on the uh on the table you see them all start to separate it looks like the bottom of a pond and that to me is how it tastes and i so if if i was if i crashed with an organic plane delivery company uh and i was left with mushrooms and those drinks i'd yeah i'd be in trouble be in real trouble it's it's a weird thing isn't it with it with the green juice thing like i don't know why people can't also put in nice fruit as well it's like can't you have all the green stuff and also have like a banana and

some cherry like you know strawberries or whatever in it to make it sort of a bit nicer it's like can't you have all the green stuff and also have like a banana and some cherry like you know strawberries or whatever in it to make it sort of a bit nicer it's sort of i don't know it seems to be like wheat grass and things yeah but this spirulina powder and it and i think there is a perverse idea that the worse it tastes the better it is for you but i don't think there's any evidence for that whatsoever i know people don't like drinking sugar and stuff but a little it's all right just to take the taste of that horrible horrible stuff away and again if you leave them on the table for a couple of days and then just take the lid off and stick your nose in it's disgusting oh my god i imagine you'll have

bear grills giving you a lot of benefits as well while it's there, and you're sort of pushing it away. And he's like, come on, guys. Look, this is so, so important. Let's all do it together, okay? We'll turn it into a fun game. It'd be me and Duncy going, no way, we're not doing that. No way, no way. And Sugar would go for it because you can tell that he's trying

to prolong his life indefinitely, you know. I bet he's got one of those oxygen tanks, little tents and the cryogenic freezing thing and all that. I bet he's got all of that. I can imagine him having a terrible diet, though, you know, just sort of like, this is what I ate when we were younger. It was good enough for me then. But, like, spending lots of money on the oxygen tank and stuff,

but not actually ever eating any vegetables or drinking any water. A lot of meat, I'd have thought. Yeah, a lot of meat. Just chops all the time. Chops. Oh, chops. Maybe not, but lamb chops, definitely. And so mushrooms, I mean, I am partial to mushrooms.

I am a fan of them, but they're one of those things that they look very alien, you know, and apart from the sort of regular kind of the traditional shaped mushroom, like there's so because my wife's half Chinese and stuff. And it even just is even called a fungus on it. And it's like, that's quite off putting when you see that on the packet and it was, you know, I've had to build up to them over, over the years, but,

um, you know, I'm quite fond of it, but it's just like, yeah. Can we just pretend it's not called fungus just on the packet? I don't know. That would do it for me.

I couldn't put anything in my food that just said fungus on the package. And I know it's my problem. There's nothing wrong with it. But it just does something to my brain. And food is all about the brain and all the senses, isn't it? Not just the taste. You're a podcast listener, and this is a podcast ad. Reach great listeners like yourself with podcast advertising from Lipson Ads.

Choose from hundreds of top podcasts offering host endorsements, or run a reproduced ad like this one across thousands of shows to reach your target audience with Lipson Ads. Go to LipsonAds.com now. That's L-I-B-S-Y-N-Ads.com. Okay, Dan, fortunately, you won't be without entertainment on the island. The plane's entertainment system continues to work, but just your luck, it only has two working settings. One is your least favorite film of all time and the other is your least favorite song.

What are they and why? My least favorite film is the only film I've ever walked out on in the cinema. And I got about, I got about an hour into it where I thought I am absolutely wasting my time here. Um, and that was,

uh, Miami vice by Michael Mann starring Colin Farrell and Jamie Foxx. Uh, it's quite niche, you know, um, but it's a terrible film. It's a dreadful film.

And it's one of those films where you go, how is this past all the relevant checks and got through the studio and got through all the people that have said, yeah, yeah, we need to, this is fine. We can put this out. They made no sense whatsoever. I didn't know what was going on. I'm, I'm, you know, fairly intelligent person. I'm good at letting movies wait to unravel and you

know like like you're reading a book and you go okay i don't know what's going on yet but i'm happy to wait and let it reveal itself but there was no sense that this was going to reveal itself because things kept happening where you go well i don't know what that is now and i don't and i've no idea what these people are actually talking about i've got no idea whatsoever so i was like no no i'm voting with my feet with this one and i am going to leave the cinema and i've never done that before so if i yeah so there you go that's what i would uh i'd probably unfortunately be stuck with on the island would be miami vice michael mann but maybe i could watch

it again and go oh no maybe it is all right you know yeah but i think if it had been all right because it's such an iconic name if it had gone down well they would have been knocking out the sequels by now wouldn't they i mean because that seems like let's bring this back and hopefully we'll just have a real run on our hands where we can just keep churning them out. Because I like the TV show. Good TV show, Miami Vice. But the film was like, no, mate, this doesn't make any sense whatsoever. It's very moody. And I like Heat, Michael Mann's other film.

I like Heat. But no, rubbish. It's weird, isn't it? Because Miami Vice wasn't, I'm trying to remember now, but I mean, it was sort of a bit tongue-in-cheek, I suppose. Yes, and that's the thing. It was tongue-in-cheek and it was very 80s and they were all wearing Armani suits and it was set in Miami, obviously Florida,

very hot and glamorous and lots of sexy ladies and big fast cars. And this was just a moody, noir- i do like i love that genre but when it's when it's a moody noirish thing it doesn't make any sense then it's uh rubbish yeah when you're so uninvested in the characters it's like i don't care if the bad guys catch you i don't care if you catch them i mean i don't care that there's vice in miami it's you know careless couldn't care if you catch them. I mean, I don't care that there's vice in Miami. It's, you know. Couldn't care less. Couldn't care less.

Let them carry on vicing over there. Don't care. Yeah, I think like bad action films, because action films can be sort of, it's sort of stuff where you can disengage your brain a little bit and just enjoy it. So when it's shit and it's a real, really hard work. Well, they try and make it cerebral, you know,

because it was an action film with very little action in. There's a lot of standing around chatting and stuff. Okay. And what would your song choice be? My song would be Nothing's Going to Change My Love For You by Glenn Medeiros. Oh, yeah. Good choice.

Do you remember that song? Yeah. I can't remember what year it was when that came out, but I think I was i think i was going through a bit of a hard time and it was one of those songs that was on being played on the radio all the time and it just you know you just go oh christ not this bloody song again and it goes on it's just droney and i think i just i just relate it to the hard time i was going through at that time and this awful song i mean it's it's it's neither here nor there song is it is it's

perfectly fine reasonable i mean i don't like that sort of music but it's but it just had it was just it's burned in my head it's like this terrible terrible song it's like the worst lift music in the world you know it does very much sound like it's theme tune music rather than a song in its own right like it should have been on like a bad sitcom yeah it's just it's just like oh so wishy-washy and pointless. And it's like one of those songs that's just made to make money. That's all, that's all it's for. It's not,

and it's done by numbers and poor old Glenn Medeiros. I'm sure he wrote the song and he's very talented and all the rest of it. But that's how it seems to me. And I just thought, no. And when something gets in your head that you don't like, it's very hard to turn it around for you, you know? It's very hard for one day to go, actually, no, I do like that song.

Once it's gone, it's gone. Yeah, I don't think there's much that you can do to sort of bring that one back. But there's lots of layers that you can discover and stuff. I think it is a good one to, you know, certain songs just feel better to go mad to on a desert island. Like if someone kind of came by and picked you up and you were all sitting there listening to that in various states of like dehydration and stuff,

it sort of fits, it's quite weird, you know, a nice juxtaposition. So I think from that point of view, it fits the bill very nicely because, yeah, it would just be really annoying and it's not like a fun cheesy 80s song it's like not a power ballad that you could sort of get drunk and belt out or anything like that that's what i mean it's like neither here nor there it's very wishy-washy and it doesn't doesn't really go anywhere it's literally designed to be on in the background and it's like like kenny g or someone like that you know no good no good okay now dan finally the island is overrun by the biggest dick of all the animals which animal is it and why i think it might be

the cat you know they don't want anything to do with you i like animals that um need you you know want to form some sort of relationship with you but cats from what i can tell uh are all about them and it's very very take take take they're quite narcissistic the cats and they'll just sit on your mat and when you come to stroke i've never owned a cat but next door neighbors their cat comes and sits on our mat sometimes and it's you can stroke it and he'll just he'll go like that and then when he doesn't want to know he's gone you give him a bit of food and he'll take it and then there's no thanks there's no nothing there's no recognition at all that you are even existing you know and

bang they're off they're very selfish people they're very selfish selfish animals and um i think it'd be boring to uh to to be on a desert island with a cat and also if the island's overrun with them they just it's weird like they're one animal that really screech and have claws and all that you know yeah it's like i think apart from humans are the animal that seems to hate its own species the most it's like yeah they don't get on do they yeah i see it because i've got a cat and i see you know all the different battles going on in the back gardens of like the neighbors and staff and then they're very territorial yeah but they just hate each other it's weird they're such sort of death machines like you know i'll see my cat and he'll be so peacefully fast asleep

and content and warm and cuddly, you know, like curled up somewhere nice. And then we hear like a moth or something, you know, on the light shade and just straight away it's like, death, I must kill that thing. And he won't rest until something's happened. You see, they're very weak and they're threatened they um they're threatened by everything that's the problem they can't take anything in their stride whatsoever they've got to go for it go for this and go for that and you know they don't want anyone anywhere near them so yeah it's an insular bunch the cats are very very selfish and and i get nothing from them i feel like with my cat i often

just forget he's there and i like walk into a room and he's asleep on the bed. I'm like, oh, yeah, we have a cat. I haven't seen you for a while. Do you get anything from, like, picking up the cat and giving it a stroke? Yeah, I mean, obviously, I've always had cats, and so I like them, and I quite like their moodiness because that's about the level of interaction I want.

I feel like a dog is very needy. They are needy. I like that. Yeah. I think I suppose I get that cats are dicks, so that's fine. I think, I suppose I think they're a bit more human because it's like they have obvious moods and they don't really, they're not always in the mood for you.

They always get moody. They're always like, oh, their mood is always like oh fuck you know you know i was gonna go sit over here for a bit leave me alone that's how they that's that seems to be their mood you know i mean i think yeah they would make hateful people you know like their personalities are very off and uh yeah you know i think fundamentally they are dicks i like them but i mean i've got friends that i think are dicks so you know we all know people who are dicks i bet sugar's got loads of cats i can't imagine what animal he'd have i don't know like i bet he's got a cat i bet he's got a big old i bet he's got like a siamese cat with loads of diamonds

around his neck i bet you that's what he's got like a little coat it wears with all like as on the side of it a little brocade waistcoat with a little chain isn't it probably some trousers on it i do like the idea of alan sugar with just a really ornate cat like a sort of like a pound shop blowfeld yeah exactly yeah that's what he's on his spinning chair he's amstrad spinning chair. His Amstrad spinning chair. Fair enough. Well, look, Dan, I think you've done a really good job putting together the worst people and things you could be stuck with on your island, so bravo.

And I'm sorry we have to send you there, but them's the rules, I'm afraid. One of those things. Yeah, but we talked briefly about the play at the beginning, so that's on now. Yeah, until March the 17th or March the 18th, I think it is. And it's a roller coaster. Been well reviewed. So come down and see it.

Cool. Well, thank you so much for coming on Desert Island Dix. I'm glad we finally made it happen. And yeah, it was great hearing your choices today. Thanks for having me. there you go Dan Skinner there and I hope you enjoyed that it was nice to chat to him

we've been trying to get it sorted for ages actually but he's been very busy with this play so do go and check it out I was just looking it up and it's getting good reviews so uh yeah have a look if you're in london desert island dicks was a sync clap production it was dreamt up and originally hosted and produced by james deacon and it's hosted and produced by me dan benedictus now we get a lot of support from john deacon. So thank you, John, for all

your help. And a special thanks to Chris Attaway for editing this. Um, cause it certainly made my week a lot easier. Um, so Chris, you're a legend. Thank you very much indeed. I think that's it. Um, yeah, don't forget to rate and subscribe and all that kind of stuff. I'm so hung over. I don't even know what I'm saying anymore, so I'm just going to go. Okay. Bye bye.