Desert Island Dicks - DANIEL FOXX

Episode Date: October 30, 2023

This week James is joined by comedian Daniel Foxx! It's such a good episode. Daniel joins us to share who and what he'd hate to be stuck with on a desert island. Follow us @dickspod Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, James here. Just a quick one to drop in before this excellent episode of the podcast with Daniel Fox. It's very funny. I've just finished editing it and he's brilliant. If you don't know his stuff, you need to go and check him out. But first of all, listen to this episode. We're at the Bedford Pub in Ballam with the amazing Jenny Eclair this Thursday. There's still tickets. That's Thursday, the 2nd of November. There's still tickets available for that and I think it's going to be a really good show. So make sure you get those. But in the meantime, enjoy this episode with Daniel Fox.

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Conditions apply to all benefits. Visit pcfinancial.ca for details. Hi, I'm James Deacon and welcome to Desert Island Dicks, the show that sees you marooned on a desert island after a plane crash with the worst people and worst things imaginable. Who they are and why they're a dick is up to our guest. And here to share their Desert Island Dicks with us today is stand-up comedian and writer Daniel Fox. Hello, Daniel. Hello. Nice to see you. Yeah, you too. So we spoke about this before we started, but how did you find compiling the people and things for your desert island? I genuinely struggled to refine it down to three dicks.

Like I think it sort of revealed to me how much rage is in my heart, I think. And all of the other things, I think I've got like three or four honourable mentions for each thing that's fine um very welcome and having quite a mad morning which I think helped so Daniel I think at this point we should probably get into first choice so um who is going to be your first choice for the desert island my first choice is a woman I used to work with okay who and and she's sort of more I think she's like emblematic of a certain type of person for me. She wasn't close in my,

it was like an office environment. She was just sort of on the floor. As in the floor on which we worked, not rolling around on the floor. She was this slug who we used to work with. And she would, she would shut down

any type of like gossip or bitching or any time you started to be like well you know they're a little bit she'd be like well she'd be like well i don't think we should go there oh she'd be like oh wait you know i think we should say things like i think we're better than that i don't think we are. I don't think I'm not. I'm not. Like, I just, I want to talk about people. Yeah. And say horrible things.

It's one of the best perks of working in an office. I genuinely think I could do it as an Olympic sport. I think, and people would go, gosh, it takes a lot of training to be that good at being cruel about others. But like, if I was on an island and someone, every time I started, if my one solace in the world was being like, do you remember Jill from The Office? Wasn't she a bit of a, and she went, I think we're better than that. I would, it would drive me to madness even quicker than a normal desert island situation. Honestly, who, like, what is, what is she like in the rest of her life? Like who, who is not in a group of three people? If one person leaves, the other two people immediately need to start talking about the other person that's left.

That's what happens. Yeah. Someone I was speaking to recently was talking about how they have a group. I was like, yeah, same. Their group chat. And then they have a separate group chat with everyone but one person of each one. And I know there'll be one without me in it. That makes perfect sense.

Yeah. And that's fine. It's healthy they all go oh god yeah and that's fine it's healthy it's good I think that's fine I was reading something about the science of gossiping the other day and it's like an evolutionary thing in fact have you read that book is it Sapiens?

I've heard an interview with noah uval harari i think isn't that sounds right yeah sure yeah um and it briefly goes into it in that as well about how it's actually like a thing that humans evolved to be able to do because it's for like social and safety reasons and it's like if we are able to go hey they uh will take your partner if you hang around that neanderthal or like but then that actually that group that is able to do that will last longer okay um yeah so it's actually useful it's useful it's useful yeah it's useful and natural and beautiful actually it's actually very beautiful poetry it's actually poetry

it's actually poetry i um i i we like i'm just trying to think if i've encountered this but i have been on your side many times. Like there's someone that I used to work with and he would, I would always give a look and he would go, give me the juicy, give me the juicy couture. He's just like, come on,

feed me that information. I'm just so ready to talk about it. But I don't know if I've encountered her and. Oh, well that's good. Yeah, I know. I know.

Yeah. But obviously I'm moving in the circles of people that would like to bitch about other people yeah yeah and me too in most of my life and I'm waiting for it at all times like a baby bird like waiting with my maw open for someone to like feed me a little nugget of vile info. Yeah. And I don't think there's any greater bonding experience. As comedians, you have to like do a lot of driving and it's often with someone you've never met before.

And that's like when you meet them for the first time for like a six hour drive to Liverpool or something. And there's always like an hour or two of polite conversation. But the moment that they turn to you with a glint in their eye and go do you know who pegged a vicar then you're like oh come on here we go this is what i've been waiting here we've wasted two hours here come on

at least you know the drive home is going to be fun right yeah exactly do we have a name for this person her name um i she feels like like a lucinda to me lucinda lucinda on the island as you've pointed out would be it would be painful you need to talk about the other people that are on the island right when they're not around and if she's shutting that down what else would we have to do? Literally nothing. That is it. Literally nothing. That's it. I can't collect coconuts that much. No, yeah, exactly.

She would listen to this podcast and go, we're better than that. We're better... Oh, yeah. I don't listen to that. We're better than that. Big time, big time. Okay, so Lucinda goes on the island.

Thank you very much, Daniel. Who's going to be your second choice? This is where it becomes, I'm going to name a celebrity. Great. His name is Lucien Laviscount, I believe is how it's pronounced. Could be Laviscount,

but I think it's Laviscount. He is, well, when I encountered him, let me just look, because I think it was like Waterloo Road. He's now, yeah, it was Waterloo Road. He's now kind of a star of Emily in Paris. Yeah. And his star has risen.

I met him during a gig in the break between the first and second lockdown, I think, when they were allowed to be like very socially distanced, very socially distanced gigs. And everyone had to be in a mask and everyone had to be like very socially distanced very socially distanced gigs and everyone had to be in a mask and everyone had to be sitting down and it was a sort of lgbt comedy showcase thing in soho or something um and i went to it and he was there i think supporting a friend who was performing okay so it was all very like this was when it was like max levels of being like social distance two meters away from whatever like the table the tables had

to be distance apart don't move around the room keep your mask on all of that sort of stuff he was the worst audience member i've ever encountered in my career. Wow. He was shouting, shouting at the comedians. He was standing up, running around the room. He kept saying, his friend was like fourth on the lineup and he was shouting at the first three comedians going, I want my friend on next. I don't want you on the stage. I want my friend on next.

No way. Yeah, yeah. And then like second or third, this girl goes to take the microphone. He runs up onto the stage to take the microphone he runs up onto the stage and takes the microphone off like before she can get to it to say that he wants his friend on next um wow bearing and is like very close to her at this point and like you know not not with an adhering to the rules, not adhering to the rules,

he was eventually dragged out by security. And while they dragged him out, he was shouting, get off me, I'm off the telly. Really? Really, really? Yeah. And someone from the show wrote into that gossip email chain, Pop Bitch.

Have you heard of that yeah you can find it on there it's on there like someone wrote in and so you can see all of this on there it was bonkers at this point he had he was only known for like waterloo rodent like celebrity big brother or something like that so it's been really galling to watch him watch him just rise like a yeah like a monumental celebrity that lots of people love. Heartthrob on Emily in Paris. Right, okay. Oh, wow. Wow.

Worst audience member I've ever seen. Just like so many factors there. First of all, whether it was COVID or not, know yourself, right? If it was a full room and you were doing that, maybe other people, maybe if there were more people there, other people, other audience members,

I'd like to imagine that were enjoying the show would have also maybe tried to shout at him and bring him down or whatever. Yeah. But just like the finale, the like the cream on the top where he says, get off me, I'm on the telly. That is... Which is

like a meme. That is a meme. Yeah. It's a joke. It's like it's a cliche that you would if it was written into something you would roll your eyes and be like oh no all right no one would say that i don't i really did not know where you were going to go with that but um when you've witnessed it in the flesh i have nothing else to say he was laying back in his chair uh with at some points with his back to the stage and his feet up on the table speaking at like shouting volume to his two friends that he was with um when he wasn't

shouting directly at the comedians or taking the microphone the like the levels to this are you couldn't write if you were writing like the worst version of that type of person, all of the elements are included. It's almost perfect. Again, it's poetry. I feel like. It's poetry.

And I thought, even as I was saying the last one of being like, I'm always waiting like a baby bird to be fed gossip. I thought James is going to like this. It's good. It's really good. This is great gossip. You know me so well.

But on the desert island, so let's put him on the desert island. What's that going to be like for you? It's nightmarish because he's so successful now, but he would need to still be the centre of attention. And I quite like being the center of attention but i also think um lucinda who we've put on there would not shut him down when he was like bragging about himself so she would probably be his sort of right hand woman should back him up yes you should be a little sycophant being like you you're wonderful, Lucien. I loved you in Emily in Paris.

And I would be like, Lucien, can you stop bragging about yourself? And she'd be like, ah! Not that energy, thank you. Yeah, that's great. No, leave Lucien alone. I wouldn't be able to talk about either of them to either of them. I think they'd probably end up in some bizarre relationship. I see it going that way. Yeah, I think they'd probably end up in some bizarre relationship. I see it going that way.

Yeah. I think so. Like an ego stroking. So far, hellish. I think hellish Ireland for yourself. Hellish? I think so. Okay.

So Lucien goes on the island. Who's going to be your third choice, then? My third choice is Jeremy Vine. I don't, I can't remember a time Jeremy Vine's been chosen for the island and I would love to know why. I think he is a great source of evil in the world. I think he's a real force for bad. Do you really? Yeah, I really do.

I think he used to be quite a nice, charming man. Didn't he used to present like eggheads or something like that? He still does. He still does. He still does.

Okay. Well, listen, that I think is his lane and it's the lane he should have stayed in. Yes. And I think, you know, like lovely

and I think he was good at that and I used to like him. Now, he's started doing this like whatever it is show yeah where he is like stirring hatred i know in like the thing and the whole point and then he's like playing devil's advocate a lot of the time yeah yeah and where he just like someone will say something quite salient and measured about like, well, I think junior doctors do work very hard and they are actually incredibly overworked and the NHS is sort of being really underfunded,

but they do deserve a small wage rise. He's like, okay, but isn't it the thing that actually junior doctors are con men, Marissa? And it just like comes out with stuff where you're like, what are you talking about? It's ridiculous. He like takes the devil stuff where you're like, what are you talking about? It's ridiculous.

He like takes the devil's advocate side of like the worst of humanity and the most ignorant opinions. And then invites all these people to get angry. I know. His whole business model is anger and hate. It's like they, I think they, you are right. He kind of, the aim is that he sits in the middle and they have two kind of guests that are not always,

but sort of opposing arguments, right? And then they'll bring up subjects and one's more left-leaning, one's more right-leaning and he kind of is meant to go between the two. But like in doing so, you facilitate like some opinion that is just ridiculous and crap and also they get the call like the producers obviously want callers that are going to stir the pot so they get people on who are going to say ridiculous things so the guests can go and then come out with something

but in doing so you're facilitating that again you know yeah and and very much like enabling it he and sometimes he comes out with his own there was something about junior doctors and one of my friends shared it who is a doctor where he had like this chart and was pointing to it and being like well actually doesn't it say here that they've if we look at this and this and this they've actually had an enormous amount of money over the years and it's it's factually wrong but that's not even him presenting someone else's opinion that is that will have that will have swayed thousands of people yeah yeah and and just generally like all of these i think he's stirring like

intergenerational interracial like all sorts of horrible inter like class system, I think is an evil menace. I think you're right. I agree that Jeremy Vine should have stayed in his lane. His lane is very much church going, father of seven who goes to church every weekend, is on the BBC, toes the line, maybe hosts a Christmas special of something, does eggheads, does, is on the BBC, toes the line, maybe hosts a Christmas special of something, does eggheads,

does his show on the BBC. In his head, he's like essentially doing what he does on the radio, but on TV. But what he does on the radio is just way better, way better, much better produced. It's like way more interesting.

The callers are way more measured. I'd love for you to get called up to go on as a guest what would what would you do if you got asked to do it would you do it yeah i think so yeah yeah and i'd say you're a force of evil in this world jeremy by go back to our kids maybe present like the chelsea flower show but like stop this stop this. Stop this. I will play a slight devil's advocate on Jeremy Vine, right? And, okay. All right, come on then.

You're right. The eyebrows are raised. And it's like, come on then. If I'm right in saying, I think he took up that show because I want to say Matthew Wright or Mark Wright or someone was presenting it before.

And then didn't Jeremy Vine take a pay cut to be more in line with what women were being paid in fairness at the BBC, which was quite a big pay cut. And then to make up the extra money he took on that show to go on. What? Didn't he actually take a pay cut to help women and then to make up the money he started

mugging people he's doing something horrible it's true I think he went into it thinking well I'm going to sort of just be a voice of balance in the middle and I'm just enabling debate and all of that stuff but i see the pound signs glinting in his eyes now yeah and the and

he's he's just dropped into like he's turned tv and radio into like a facebook comment section it's true it's true it's true actually and you can see that he's like pushing things to enable clips and people like listenership and he's not he's not there to enable that he's like pushing things to enable clips and people like listenership. And he's not, he's not there to enable debate. He's there to like spark division. I think he's wicked. I think it just goes to show that no one is above channel five.

That's what that, I heard that's what they're going to write on his grave. No one is above channel five. They'll get you. They'll get you. They'll get you in the end. Not even the Reaper. Not even the Reaper himself. We're not going to Jeremy Vine the Reaper.

Anything else on Jeremy Vine before we put him on the island? Really frustratingly, I would need to, and it would be one of these horrible situations where there'd be two people ganging up lucindor and and lucian um oh interesting that they have the same name pretty much yeah lucindor and lucian they are very it's it's them versus me i think i'm being relatively reasonable and then but annoyingly classic for him it's got a nice middle ground balanced person me evil from lucinda and lucian and then him playing devil's advocate in the middle of that and trying being like guys let's find a

space between the two and it's like but that's bad because i'm and so i'd be really you know we're all right here we're both both of you have valid points. It would drive me insane. That is a trio. The three deadly sins of humanity. It's perpetual pain. It just like, it goes in a, it's looping forever and you're never coming together to sort anything out. It's really,

really difficult. Okay. I couldn't be around any of them. For Halloween, you are creating a very hellish island i'd say yeah um yeah okay daniel now mercifully among the wreckage of the play i'm looking forward to this actually now mercifully among the wreckage of the plane there was some food and drink left over unfortunately for you it's your least favorite food and drink in the world what are they and why are they so bad oh goody okay my least favorite

drink which you were merrily sipping out of as we talked about insult to injury is costa coffee what have you got in that cup i've just got what is in there i've got a i've got a americano with milk okay and how is it for you? Kind of bitter. It's fine. But it's not, you know, it's not that nice. It's okay. It's just opposite my work. So I pass it on the way and it's convenience more than anything.

This is the thing. It's so convenient and it's a real plague. Like, I think it tastes like battery acid. It is very bitter. Yeah yeah and if you have like i would have an oat milk one they put too much in yeah always too much and yet and yet it's somehow still watery but also bitter it's just the most horrible combo and yet they are everywhere yeah they are and again talking of like driving the amount of service stations i would say two and three or three and four is a costa service station

and if there's a costa there will never be a starbucks there will never be a prep once in a blue moon there's a prep okay okay but never never a starbucks wonder if there's like a trade-off yeah do they do they have a monopoly on those ones and then no one else is allowed to come in i think they must do they must yeah yeah they've made the choice that i if anyone has ever been into one where there's both a starbucks and a costa please write it but i yeah yeah please yeah phone in now um i i've never and i have genuinely screamed while i've been driving because i am absolutely desperate to stop for a nice coffee maybe a little bite to eat and it you can hit like six costas in a row sometimes if you're very very unfortunate yeah um and you just

have to keep driving it's like next one is 23 miles you keep going it's another costa it's absolutely nightmarish oh yeah i know so um on at the weekend it's my sister's wedding soon so at the weekend i went to try on uh some suits and went to a very classy place called the hatfield galleria which is about 25 minutes from my house. There's loads of suit outlets in there. So I went in and I kid you not, there is, I should have, I should have done a little video because there is a Costa on one side of me and you turn the corner and like about 10 seconds away and there is another Costa. It is ridiculous that like you can see both at the same time. I don't like that. And like who asked for it?

No, no one asked. Who was like crying out for a double Costa scenario? What a nightmare. It was, yeah. They're so horrible. And also like none of the food is nice. I wouldn't, I was going to say I wouldn't wash my car with Costa, but obviously I would use water.

I genuinely like, I wouldn't throw it out, like out of the cup for fear of what it would do to the wildlife. I think it's so preposterously horrible. If they paid me to advertise them I would say no, I can't endorse what you do. You are the Jeremy Vine of coffees. A force of evil in the world oh that is good i don't know i can't top that i don't know where i go from there it's pink we get random adverts on this podcast and um it'd be hilarious if there's one for costa in the middle of my gosh it'd be brilliant I'll like send a cease and desist.

Okay. Well, I think you've made your point. You've driven it home. Yeah. Anything else on Costa Coffee before it goes on the island? No, I can't speak of it anymore. Okay. And what's going to be your food choice?

Oh, I have so many. Go on. I think it's... And I like a lot of food. Like I like most things. I'm going to say bacon and it's not that I I mean I'm a vegetarian but it's not that I don't necessarily even like it

I don't actively dislike it as a taste I don't think it's anything special I think it's overrated but I sort of't think it's anything special okay i think it's overrated but i sort of hate how it's like got this like cult around yeah i get it where you get people being like i could be a vegetarian apart from the bacon i could never give up my bacon and like all this i'm like it's not that nice little strips of like soles of shoes that have been heavily smoked and salted like it's not it's not wildly amazing is it yeah yeah you don't i also steak i would put on that

level as well yeah i was gonna bang on about steak yeah they're like oh i could do it but i have to have a steak yeah i know what you mean look i love i love steak i like both of those things i do i'll eat those i'll eat them but like i don't hold it it's just another element of a of a meal i wouldn't hold it in any regard and i think that's fine i i get what you mean about the bacon thing i don't know why it comes up so much i have so many stories of people being like i was a vegetarian but then i one day i saw a bacon sandwich and i just couldn't stop myself like I'm like, really? Like of all the things in the world, go and get a rotisserie chicken. Yeah, that would be up there.

There's so many delicious things that you could go and have. Bacon is so like, I really hope there's some people listening to this and like frothing at the mouth. But no, bacon. I think you don't get people saying, oh, I would be a vegetarian, but I can't do it because of rotisserie chicken. That doesn't come up. Yeah, but that would be my...

Oh, yeah, it's delicious. Yeah, it's nice. It's a good choice. Yeah, thank you. Yeah. And I would respect it more if someone did. If someone was like, I would love to be a vegetarian, but alas...

Alas, Chateaubriand do you know yeah salmon salmon on crew is too like something a bit like special and fun yeah miserable old bacon the cult of bacon is is a thing and also it's just such a cheap kind of throwaway kind of meat like you're not eating it all the time. You might have it like once a week or something. You're not going for a bacon sandwich every day. I mean, some people might,

but I doubt it. And I do think it's an odd choice to be held in such high regard. But also for you on the island, if you've only got bacon and Costa coffee to drink and eat for the rest of your life, you are ruined. You're in a lot of pain. So unhappy. unhappy yeah i can't tell if you're so unhappy i i i can't tell if you're emptying like a waterfall or clogged up for the rest of your life it's either or it's not going to be good you're going to be ill no you're like wired so dehydrated from coffee and cured meat. Like, oh, what an awful.

And then I'm also like so angry because of the people that are on there. Contenting. Yeah. Yeah. It's an awful situation. I also just think bacon is such a, it's like an annoying cliche sort of hack comedy bit. Like it's so overused. there's that meme of being like bacon is good for me and all of that shut up yeah yeah shut up how about that oh also like you look on

the back i'm becoming more and more conscious of it but like as like i've got two kids and so like what i'm becoming more conscious of what i'm feeding them you look on the back of a pack of bacon there is often far too many ingredients for something that should just contain a piece of meat. I'm like, why is there a lot of numbers and letters and nitrates and stuff? It's like, and it's also like a registered carcinogen. Yeah. Yeah. Like, like, oh, I could be I could be, I could be a vegetarian, but I just couldn't skip my polonium in the morning. It's such a nonsense.

Like, of all the things, it's like radioactive, leathery, horrible. Yeah, yeah. It's like having a 20-pack of Marlboro Lights in your fridge, ready to go. That's exactly what it's like. Saturday morning, I could be a vegetarian, but just got to get through these marble lights. Just got to get past this heroin. Okay, good food and drink choices.

Thank you very much. Thank you. Sorry I got quite worked up there. No, it's good. It's good. It's what it's for. You know, vent away, please. You either leave this feeling free or you leave it feeling angry often this case thank you daniel fortunately you won't be without entertainment on the island the planes entertainment

system continues to work but just your luck it only has two working settings one is your least favorite film of all time and the other is your least favorite song what are they and why so my least favorite film i've chosen ali g in the house this is such a good choice please thank you talk to me even saying the name of it coming out of my mouth feels so wildly off-brand that like like i know i would be in rags covered in like jet fuel and filth when i'm watching this and i'm like probably sitting in a pool of my own mess because all I've eaten is bacon and coffee, the worst coffee known to man.

But even then I would like to feel I had some dignity. And that would, the last dregs of my dignity would be leeched out of me by watching Ali G in the house over and over again. I have such strong memories of like boys quoting it in secondary school yeah i'm with you and like doing the voice and it's so boring and tedious and cringe to me i don't i i haven't seen it in a very long time but i don't imagine it's aged well no i can't imagine it's aged well that and things like bow selector and like all of those that is similar kind of i don't even know

what that was off was it called that yeah no bow selector yeah oh um yeah well ali g is not from oh yeah but it was no no but like similar kind of yeah yeah what boys would quote yes definitely i think it's again it's it's if you like that you've probably made jokes about bacon oh definitely that's kind of the it's within a venn diagram it's probably responsible for a lot of issues in lad culture. I would say probably a lot of sexism, probably a lot of homophobia, probably a lot of like, I think I'm not going to go and watch it. But like, off the top of my head, I think it probably would have caused a lot of issues for people. And yeah, spawned some quite awful conversation. It definitely rings true to me that... I'm sure bullying was done to me through the lens of quoting that film.

Maybe, yeah. I'm certain that I definitely experienced some of that in the voice of that character through these lads that liked it. So, yeah. I think it's quite telling because it's not become one of those cult films where people are like,

you've got to go and watch ali g in the house i think people i think i like to imagine that people general consensus is we can leave that in 2001 or whenever it came out right maybe and it's it's sasha baron cohen isn't it yeah it is yeah yeah yeah who i quite like oh yeah I know like I think he's done some good stuff and I think he's quite funny but it's such a like cheap oh lowest possible hanging fruit like the fruit is rotting on the ground levels of humor but I think it's like another level of it for me is being annoyed because I think it's beneath him and I want to be like Sasha. Yeah, yeah. You're better than that.

I wonder if he's distanced himself from it since. I'm not sure. Yeah, I don't know. Also, Martin Freeman is in that. That's funny, isn't it? Martin Freeman, like, of, you know, The Office and later Black Panther. Sherlock. Sherlock.

Like, that is wild to me that he is in that I wonder who else is in it Michael Michael Gambon are you joking Michael Gambon Michael Gambon was in it Charles Dance was in it no I was gonna say Charles Dance is a joke Yeah. Both of those people are like, well, were incredible. Yeah. How did they end up in that? That's so sad to me. What a blemish on the glittering career of Michael Gambon. I know.

No. Yeah. I'm going to selectively disremember that. Yeah. Yeah. I think it's for the best, probably. I remember this time, and actually it's funny because this happens quite often, I think, with films

that really break the zeitgeist, or into the zeitgeist, that Sacha Baron Cohen's character of Ali G was taking the piss out of people like boy racist type people that were around. But I think it also spawned like an entire cult of people who then wore that similar clothing style and acted in that way, but more in all seriousness. So I think it kind of had a full circle thing

all the people he was mocking are absolutely the key audience that loved that they did not think that was like it wasn't enough to make them stop it spurred them on to be worse i know they were like that's so funny love that and to revisit that on a daily basis on your island of hell is going to be literally yeah and who's doing the quotes like like jeremy would start quoting it that would be ridiculous hearing him do that oh it's the kind of it's the kind of fancy dress party character that jeremy vine might do though it would be like yeah people would be like, oh my God, it was ridiculous. Did you see Jeremy Vine did Ali G? Also, I think he's very quick, like too quickly become very comfortable

with being naked on the island, Jeremy. I think he's strolling around on the island. I think he's fully naked. I think he's got quite a nice tan now, but he's sort of striding around fully naked and being like, well, I think it's very natural and sort of doing and then he's doing allergy quotes.

Every time I try and get some space from him on this, I'm imagining quite a small island. I'm like going to the other side of the island to try and get some space. There he is appearing again. I don't know why you've done, why have you just made him naked? What have you done? Why have you done that? It came to my mind that he was. I think he is. Why have you done that? It just came to my mind that he was.

I think he is. Why have you done that? He is. He is. I haven't done it. He just is. And I would say like, can you please,

like there's some, you know, rags and stuff from the wreckage. Yeah. You can just go and get. And I was like, no, this is very natural.

Let's discuss it. I'm like, oh, I don't want to discuss it. I don't know what I'm talking about. There's some clothes off. Okay. I think that's all I'm like, oh, I don't want to discuss it. I'm talking about this. Put some clothes on. Okay. I think that's all I'm willing to hear about your film choice. So what is going to be your song choice?

My song choice is Kings of Leon, Sex is on Fire. Oh, it's just like chef's kiss. What a great choice. Thank you. There's lots of levels to why I hate the song. One, I think it's a bad song it's also massively been massively massively overplayed um it's not my vibe anyway no like i don't want to hear a sort of male would we call it rock vocal but sort of like faux mid-2000s rock vocal sort of bit of vocal fry in there and all that stuff oh yeah um i think it's quite meaningless but the cherry on the cake is that my dad

loves it on his running playlist and i can't like he's, my dad, my dad is like a brilliant like runner. He's done loads of races and like half marathons and marathons and stuff like that. And like, it's very good. But he once told me like, oh, it's got a really good like beat to run to. But I now can't think of anything else when I hear that song than my dad running along to sex. The lyrics, whoa, this sex is on fire. And thinking like, is he like, yeah, my, my sex with this sex is on fire and thinking like is he like yeah my my sex with your mum is on fire like i don't want to i don't need but even if he's not thinking about sex he's thinking like it's firing him up do you know i mean like your dad's like getting his fuel to run

that race and he's getting his like it's unleashing your dad's power animal. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. That's not what you want to hear. I don't want to think about my parents in that way at all. I want him to be running to like songs of praise or anything. Yeah. Anything. Oh, wow. So that has added like a whole extra level of horror. It's quite harrowing for me when I hear that song.

Yeah. I also like to think more specifically about the band and their music, right? It's like I remember when Kings of Leon came out, I'm thinking, oh, my God, they're so cool. I was like cool hair and they had flares on and tight tops with like band thing and like i remember being at school and all the girls being like swooning and all of a sudden they're wearing like 70s looking hair and clothes and i was like whoa there's a whole cult around them their their songs were like jagged and fun and i was like whoa these are a cool band and it just all of a sudden just became anthemic stadium rock to play to like 50 000 people and

said to my wife the other day one of their early songs came on and i was like they were so what happened to them they totally sold out and she was like yeah they got offered loads of money and so of course they just started making that and i was like they didn't have to people like their music before they could just like still make cool music but isn't it crazy that they are dead now? there was that big accident and they all died not really but isn't it

funny how irrelevant they are that that's believable if someone told me like all of Kings of Leon is dead i'd be like oh yeah i guess so that makes sense when you said it then i thought oh what have i forgotten that i i panicked and thought how am i gonna have to edit the next 10 minutes to make it yeah but there's no part of you that goes no they're not because they came out with that amazing song last year that's true it's true like

but what have they done who are they like they did sex is on fire they ruined my life and then they disappeared it's true do they have another song not recently no i don't think so do you know the weird science fact thing about how given enough time everything evolves to become a crab have you heard that no it's some weird thing where like the sort of like i think it's maybe like the perfect form of evolution or something given enough time everything grows to look like a crab and there's like hundreds if not thousands of creatures that all look like crabs but they're all completely different they're not on the same tree of like evolution okay so it's like everything evolves to be a crab yeah i'm sure this is a thing

so oh yeah everything evolves to crap that's the first thing that comes up i think no matter what song Kings of Leon write, it just becomes Sex is on Fire. Yes, I know. I think they've probably released dozens of songs, but we're all just like, that's Sex is on Fire. But it's just the same thing. Yeah.

I thought you were going to say, give enough monkeys enough typewriters and they will write Shakespeare. It's give enough monkeys enough typewriters and they will write shakespeare is give enough monkeys enough bass and electric and bass guitars and they will write sex they will create sex is on fire yeah that's the ultimate form of entropy everything eventually becomes Sex is on Fire. And Jeremy Vine swinging naked around the beach, singing it. I can't. I need this podcast to end so you can stop saying Jeremy Vine.

Yeah, okay. Daniel, finally, the island is overrun by the biggest dick of all the animals. Which animal is it and why? I think I'm picking saltwater crocodiles yeah okay what what why specifically is saltwater crocodile talking through this they're the biggest crocodile okay and they're the most dangerous i mean it's one of the most logical choices i think i've ever heard for the island yeah the. The other choice was oysters. Not because I actually hate them, but because I don't really like the taste.

And it really galls me because I do think I should. Yeah, but also if that's the only thing you've got to eat, they're just like, after a while, that's not going to, you know. That and a Costa coffee. And a bacon. Anyway, saltwater crocodiles. I think they are so frightening so prehistoric looking they're really aggressive there's deaths from them every year they're huge

they're like the biggest and most aggressive form of like crocodilian um and i i think about them every time i swim in the sea but they can also be in a river they could be anywhere they are terrifying and they would murder you in such a horrible way and whereas with sharks there's at least a bit of you when you're swimming in open seawater anywhere you are that can go sort of repeat yourself they don't actually want to eat humans attacks happen by mistake blah blah blah blah i don't think i don't believe that it doesn't help me but whereas a crocodile will see a human being and be like yeah i'm gonna have that oh wow yeah and imagine swimming on my little

island i've gone out into the water because i'm like I'm gonna get away from these ghastly people and sort of being under the water and then just seeing looming out of nowhere that giant prehistoric face it is it is terrible I'm looking at pictures they're monstrous I mean I guess the only protection would be that if you'd eaten enough bacon and Costa coffee they might not be interested in you. Yeah, I think you're probably right. They would be more interested in beautifully tanned, wiry Jeremy who's running around the side. Yeah.

Oh, don't do this to me. I thought it would be nice to end on that image. Just looking like a pepperami. But he's so proud. He's like, yeah, I'm really, it's just so natural. It's great to be touched by the sun. Well, Daniel, if you disagree, let's talk about it. I run five miles every morning.

I have absolutely loved this. Thank you so much. this has been so much thank you for having me it's been actually incredibly cathartic well that's what i was hoping that you'd say so that's brilliant i would love to come and watch you do your comedy live and if other people would like to come and see you like where where are you appearing are you appearing anywhere anytime soon that people i am so i'm on tour this very moment actually um with my new show villain okay uh which i'm sorry to have kept you i'm actually on stage right now james so could you um yeah i'm on tour with my show villain

which is a sort of stand-up comedy show about part just as sort of jokes about growing up in the 90s, 2000s, but also about how every villain in every film and show and book and play is the gayest person in the world. Just so camp, all of them, from like Jafar to every Bond villain with their cat and their cocktail and their architecturally progressive homes.

They are, aren't they? And their little witty comebacks. They're all off RuPaul. Anyway, so I'm not told about that. You can find that at danielfox.co.uk, two X's. I also have a musical that I wrote called Ursula no, Unfortunate, the untold story of

Ursula the Sea Witch which is going into, in London the Southwark Playhouse in December for like two months and then it's touring the UK next year so either of those you've been busy

I've been very busy yeah yeah that's great okay having a lovely time it's all fun yeah and I believe aren't you

are you in Soho in the next few weeks or months I'm doing some shows at Soho Square no in Soho Theatre those are sold out

but we're adding actually possibly by the time this goes out I'm doing some London, another London show next year which I believe will be at the Bloomsbury Theatre but unless plans

drastically change in the next three days but that will be next year and that will also be available on my website and I'm also going to be in New York with the same show in november november the 7th to the 11th great 8th to the 11th so if you have a new york listener that's where they can find me and you're very funny on social media oh thank you um instagram and tick tock so if people want to find you what are your handles DNL

Fox with two X's but if you just search Daniel Fox with two X's it should come up on most things that's great thank you very much thank you so much Bye.