Desert Island Dicks - DENIM: GLAMROU & CRYSTAL

Episode Date: January 10, 2018

For this week's Desert Island Dicks, I'm joined by the fabulous Glamrou and Crystal, from drag-pop supergroup, Denim. Follow us on twitter and facebook @dickspod Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Choose from hundreds of top podcasts offering host endorsements, or run a reproduced ad like this one across thousands of shows to reach your target audience with Lipson Ads. Go to lipsonads.com now. That's L-I-B-S-Y-N ads.com. Hi, I'm James Deacon and welcome to Desert Island Dicks, the show that sees you marooned on a desert island after a plane crash with the worst people and the worst things imaginable. Who they are and why they are a dick is up to you. And here to share their Desert Island Dicks with us today is Glamroux and Chris Stahl from drag pop supergroup Denim.

Hiya! Hi! Hi, dya! Hi! Hi, Dix. Hi! We're just so excited we managed to find time where the private jet is refuelling to come and see you. I really appreciate it. It's fine, you know, and your charity is really beautiful and we're happy to support you.

Thank you so much. I really appreciate that. Should we dive in with your first choice? Who's going to be your first choice for you, Desire and Dix? Splash! That was a dive. Let's dive in with your first choice? Who's going to be your first choice for your desert island dick? Splash! The person. That was a dive. Let's dive on in. The person. The first person we chose is actually Jesus Christ.

Just because, you know, he's super self-involved. I dated him like a while ago now. Bit of a god complex. Yeah, completely. And, you know, it would just be so annoying to spend time with Jesus on the island just constantly talking about himself. I know. complex yeah completely and you know it would just be so annoying to spend time with with jesus on the island just constantly talking about himself i know it's like who hasn't been pinned to a to a wall with nails stop going on about it do you know what i mean yeah so like it's not that big a deal

that happens literally every third date for me yeah yeah every weekend in vauxhall we're up on a cross you know what i mean what was it like to what was it like to date jesus um it started off good you know he really um he really inspired me in many ways but you know it just ended up being really really complicated you know he got sort of big-headed and um and um you know bigger than me quite you know and i need to date someone who you know who's going to support me not you know i'm going to be supporting them he also did get quite arrogant after the resurrection okay right yeah you know i got back from the dead look at me and it was like you know what i'm going to be supporting them. He also did get quite arrogant after the resurrection. Okay, right, yeah. You know, I got back from the dead, look at me, and it was like, you know what,

you were just a real person trying to get through your stuff. Totally. And the water into wine thing, it was like every time, I just, you know, by the end, I just wanted a fucking glass of water. Right. And actually, I think there was a lot of actual controlling abuse there with the water into wine.

Sometimes you just needed to dehydrate. You were dehydrated. Yeah, I was dehydrated for a long time that's it and you know what about having having jesus though if you had jesus on the island he could like i don't know walk out on water and like catch your fish and then make up millions of fish yeah i don't know though i just well i mean the fact of the matter is like you know i can do all that stuff anyway. I taught him to do all that. So it was annoying to have a man take credit for the work of a drag queen. But men so often do things like that. So, no.

No. No. No. And I think it's underreported in the media, you know, how much of a dick Jesus Christ was. And he also, also, his wounds, he never really cleaned them. Oh, right, okay. So they're not quite smelly.

And just sometimes it's like, Jesus, use a Dettol wipe. Completely. Do you know what I'm saying? I think that's actually what's missing from the Bible, is a chapter on sanitization. Antibacteria. Yeah, and actually penicillin. Completely.

Yeah. Important. So Jesus was our first. We swear by penicillin. I mean, look how good we look. Also, as Christal says, we're deities in ourself and we don't need those sort of miracles. Sure. Right.

Got it. Okay. All right. Cool. We're a miracle in ourselves. I know it might be painful to talk about it a little bit more, but anything else on Jesus before? He's also just, you know.

Well, you never got on, did you? You know, it's like that thing where you have a boyfriend. I'm with Allah. Yeah. Yeah. You know, Allah is, you know, a really beautiful non-binary genderqueer being who who just wants to you know feed me halal cows and you know bathe me in purity and there's jesus you know freaking talking about himself talking about himself and allah's just like word up no yeah

and and i you know my allah's my boo and the end of the day, that's really what tore us apart. We had a bit of a rock in our relationship. Oh, really? Yeah, well, just our partners didn't get on with each other, which is always a blow. Yeah, you know, my partner didn't really have time for my friends. You know, he thought they were super sinful. And, you know, and I said, respect my friends

and love me for them and love them. And if this is ever going to work, you have to integrate yourself into my life. And he didn't. He never wanted to hear that. But when I'd be with his friends, when I'd be with the disciples, I would work hard to get on with them, to entertain them, to break bread with them. And he just wouldn't break bread with my friends.

And also, when you told him Judas was going to turn his back on him, and then when he did, he played the victim as if it was this new thing. And I was like, you were sucking Judas off ages ago. You told him. I know. Judas gave me all the intel. It's just like, you know what? I think we should stop talking about him.

No, I know. And not writing about him. Completely. Okay, so Jesus is there. Jesus is your first choice. Who's going to be your second choice? We chose Ed Sheeran, James. Yeah, okay. Yeah, Ed Sheeran.

Not the first time Ed Sheeran's been mentioned on this, but I'm interested to see. Well, I mean, I actually think Ed Sheeran's quite profound in the fact that he's so profoundly sort of inconsequential. He's so astoundingly mediocre. It's actually, I think, in itself quite a historical moment for Britain and the world in the way that there's this huge cultural conversation

about someone with so little credibility. I mean, I actually find how average he is to be almost remarkable. In itself, it's a feat. Yeah. He offers so little. I mean, I actually find how average he is to be almost remarkable in itself. It's a feat. Yeah. He offers so little. I think he was like the top five, one, two, three, four and five of like the most streamed person of last year. I think it literally when we talk about the dearth of the 21st century, the collapse, the sort of rising xenophobia of Brexit, the kind of birth of neo-fascism with Trump.

I think within that historical textbook, we'll also talk about the masses appreciating Ed Sheeran as a kind of another symptom of a really failing global climate. It's worse than global warming, really. And in fact, I would say, let's put that on... You know, where's the Paris Agreement on that? How to limit the number of... The Sheer's the Paris agreement on that how to limit the sheer agreement I mean

how to limit the number of streams how to limit the number of discussions how to limit the number of number ones this is like a global this is going to need every nation to really limit his reach as I say it's worse than carbon commissions

and all we can do is try and reduce the damage that's already there. Also, he looks like what you'd imagine an imaginary friend to look like. You know, like when you're young and you have an imaginary friend just like Ed Sheeran looks like that. I mean, I've got this friend and he's drawn all over his arms.

Literally. Yeah. You know, and he looks kind of like a whoopee cushion in the face. Although I look a little bit, I know, but not to, you can't see me right now, that sounds like really harsh. I, the worst thing about Ed Sheeran for me is that a lot of people have told me that I look like him when I'm,

you know, when I don't have any makeup on. Um, so I, there's a real sore spot there. But I'm, you know, I'm reading myself and reading Ed Sheeran. Have you been, have people said that you look like Ed Sheeran a lot? I've had Ed Sheeran, I've had Keith Lemon, I've had genuinely Donald Trump. One time I was on a French Have I Got News For You thing

and they were like, oh my God, we met Donald Trump's son and it was me and it was super not funny. But it's literally okay. I made peace with the way I look a long time ago and then had a lot of surgery. But you don't want to be, you know, you don't want to be compared to Ed Sheeran. I mean, you know, I do want that level of fame,

if I'm honest. But I do think, going back to Glamour's far more salient point, that, you know, I think genuinely this global adoration of Ed Sheeran is quite symptomatic of like... A dying society. Yeah, like where things are now. I just don't get it it's just not good

I've really tried like I've tried to listen and it's not good We were at Glastonbury when he performed and it was really funny James because we were supposed to do the Pyramid that night. Okay And it was just like a little funny thing like we just went up with the energy of the field, the trees weren't talking to me and I just said you know what I'm not doing

this gig and we actually had a lot of fun just playing a budge a little stage in the greenpeace area which we're much happier they're actually really pleased with that decision yeah but when i went and saw ed sheeran performing and saw the audience it was like a like 150 000 vegetables sort of just kind of receiving just utter monotony, like monotonous, inconsequential music. And it kind of felt like a sort of a huge lobotomy had been performed on Glastonbury. Oh, wow.

That is amazing. So really, I think why we don't want him on the island is because we want our brains to keep going. We play Sudoku, James. Do you know what I'm our brains to keep going. We play Sudoku James. We play cryptic puzzles. We're not fucking kidding around with our brain speed. And Ed Sheeran, I think, would just stop us

being able to get off the island because of the rate at which he would reduce our brain function because he's so limited. He's bringing you down. Although, if you are an Ed Sheeran fan because there are a lot of them, come to the show and we will show you real entertainment. Yeah, okay. Oh my god, Ed Sheeran

stans are literally going to be coming to our house, aren't they? They're going to come to the mosque. And also we love the fans, but we just wake up fans, you know? It's like everyone thinks Mariah Carey can still sing and she just can't sing. It's like that same thing. We just have to be honest about these things in order to, you know, be better people.

In order to fight climate change, really. It's the same thing. Be honest about Ed Sheeran, reduce your cob. The Sheeran agreement. Yeah. I'm calling on all the leaders

of all nations. I do like that one song by him, though, The Shape of You. Yeah, I know. That's good. I hate to say it, but one time it came on

when I was at my house and I lost it. I love that one. But didn't he borrow that from somebody? He wrote it and he was going to give it to someone else, right? The story goes it was in song purgatory. So he wrote it and it waits.

And then it was going to go to Rihanna but then he was like, I'm just going to have it for myself. So funny. A song I've written has been in song purgatory a long time. It's under embargo too. I know that well, that song program. And we gave Te Amo to Rihanna. And we gave the Beatles...

Yellow Submarine. Yellow Submarine. Yeah. We gave the Beatles that, yeah. That was you guys? That was, oh yeah, us girls, yeah. Us girls, yeah, of course. That was you girls?

Yeah, that was us, yeah. And don't want to spill the tea, but Nessun Dormer. Oh, right. Okay. Oh, fair play. All right. Yeah, well, if you want a fair play, it's quite an achievement, I would say. But anyway.

And Oh, Little Town of Bethlehem is an original by the other three girls, Shirley, Aphrodite and Elektra. And Green Sleeves. Okay. Yeah, yeah. Sweet. We really loved it. We had a good time in their renaissance. I didn't realize what I was dealing with here. No, no, no. We go wayves. Okay. Yeah, yeah. Sweet. We really loved it. We had a good time

with their renaissance. I didn't realise what I was dealing with here. No, no, no. We go way back. Okay. All right. You should have read

the Wikipedia. I know. Yeah, sorry. Do you like Ed Sheeran question? No. Oh, thank God for you. Yeah. And to put that to bed,

Ed Sheeran, you know what though, honey? You do you. You know what you can do? Yeah. And we're going to bench you for now. Okay.

See ya. And we'll probably have sex with him. I'm not going to lie. I just probably would. He's got to be doing something right somewhere to get where he, I don't know, whatever. Moving on. Okay. No, you're fine.

Who's going to be your third choice for your island? Well, we said any straight white male stand-up comedy, comic. And I have a theory about straight white male stand up comics as opposed to queer comics people of colour comics or women comics is that they think that they have earned their place on the stage just by their birthright and they give you loads

of gags which they and it's almost like they're telling you that they're funny because everything has such a such a like a knowing punchline I describe white male stand up comedies as straight sort of like telling you that they're funny because everything has such a, such a, like a knowing punchline. Like the, I described males, white male standup comedies who are straight, sort of like men who come on your face without telling you beforehand. It's like,

boom, boom, boom. Like I'm going to put, and it's actually like, no, this is not what I, this is,

you know, whereas the comics I like are like character comedians or people who actually would get into the emotion of the situation. And they're funny just as people and you kind of just laugh at where you know where it's like it's like I'm a god of comedy and it's like

you are so basic and desperate for my laugh yeah also like every single you know like gag has just been made now like there are no new ones and like also I don't want to hear a straight white male comic making a joke about donald trump i want to hear you know some you know someone who desiree birch desiree birch comedian yeah you know any may martin martin lucy pierman lucy pierman

lucy mccormick lucy mccormick canna gadsby yeah but like you know it's more like i i just want to i want to hear a perspective that you know kind of this actually affects. Yeah. But like, you know, it's more like I, I just want to, I want to hear a perspective that, you know, kind of this actually affects in some way. Okay. Yeah. Maybe that's,

I don't know. But it's the, what I find is like some of the comedians that have made me laugh, it's like they're not doing gags. Like even my favorite comedy on TV,

like the comeback from Lisa Kudrow. It's like the situation and the character is so funny that you feel for them so much that you're just laughing the whole time.

Whereas sometimes I've gone to these comedy shows and it's like, you know that if you don't laugh at the end of that gag, they're going to be upset. Right. You're really reckoning with the male ego. Okay, yeah.

Because it's like, okay, well, you've just done the ba-dum-bum and I guess I have to give you a laugh. But to be honest, you know. Yeah, no, I know the feeling when you're watching something and it's kind of like, you're giving them a laugh but to be honest you know yeah no i i know i know the feeling and you're watching something and it's kind of like you're giving them laugh because you feel like they need that you have to do it for them and like it's quite bad because they're expecting that laugh as well

they're like here's a joke about trump but um and also this comes from a place as well not to get like super emotional but like it's not really that emotional but this comes from a place of like having a lot of people give us a lot of these kind of comics give us really fucking patronizing advice like you know you'll say something that's just funny not for the sake of saying it with your friends

or whatever and then they'll go oh my god that was funny and you're like you don't have to fucking tell me or give me permission to be funny like I'm fucking funnier than you like oh my god you know so it's that thing of like it's patronizing advice it's like taking a look you know it's it's not on stage it's also off stage it's also online and in bed you know in all those places i'll tell you what you want to be doing yeah yeah yeah we've had i because i used to do like the stand-up circuit in london and like denim is full of stand-up and like i feel quite good at it and even when a show would go well like the white guy would be like some good

gags there yeah did you know that was a gag and it's like yes i wrote it yeah right okay like you know and it's patronizing and also i think for me comedy actually needs to be about emotion i think that's when you're really laughing and you really care and it's awkward and too much of the gag led stuff has it's all just about like almost like riddles it's like you're just showing off your brain and like men showing off their brain has been the entire of civilization and look where we're at yeah yeah okay do you think of anyone you like sorry i'm asking the questions now. Because I love Peter Kay, for example, but when I was growing up, it was amazing for me. This is not my real voice.

It's just because I moved to America. But I actually grew up in the north of England, and when I was there, it was amazing for me to see one voice that sounded like mine making jokes about things that I knew on stage. But then there you have it. Peter Kay is from a super working class family. There's a lot of emotion there.

There's a lot of emotion tied up with the things that he was talking about. So, you know, I'm not sure what he's like anymore, but of course there's I'm sure examples of but basically everyone. Simon Amstel is good, but he's coming from a queer Jewish perspective. Yeah. Spencer Jones, but he's like a

clown. I guess we're talking specifically of someone on the desert island who would be like here's a gag but yes I know exactly yeah without saying naming any names I know exactly who you know and I feel like it's really saturated I mean there's just a ton of them you know uh you can go out and watch almost the same show from a different person every night of the week. Right, and in Edinburgh, apparently, as soon as Brexit, all the stand-up comedians are like, let me tell you about Brexit. And it's like, do you know what?

I don't need you to tell me about Brexit. I'm a person of colour who will be affected by Brexit. Let me tell you. Yeah, exactly. Okay. All right, hard hit. The claws are out. Sorry, my God, I know.

It's just you've just stirred us. Ignited something. I mean, the title of the show does, you know, call for us to be reedy. Yeah. Oh, no. I think you're absolutely fine. It's great. You weren't.

Were you? Is it called Desert Island Dicks? Dicks. I thought you were just mispronouncing it. No, it's Desert Island Dicks. Oh, wow. I feel way less awkward about your intro now. Do you think I missed it out?

I was just like, oh, bless her. She's just giving it her best and don't want to read her on... Desert Island Dicks. Did you think this was Desert Island Discs and I was Kirsty Young? No, I thought it was Desert Island Discs. We're not on that? Can you call my people?

We're supposed to be on the house. Are we not on an island? So this is Dis Island Dis. Again. Cool. Thank you. Now, mercifully among the wreckage of the plane, there was some food and drink left over. Unfortunately for you two,

it's your least favourite food and drink in the world. What are they and why are they so bad? Well, I've got one real quick one. I have different ones on this. Can we have a different one? You can have a few. I want to hear them yeah so mine i i'm quite a big girl um oh you agreed with that you were supposed to say oh honey you're not no i was just taking it all in i was just taking it whatever you know i'm no no it's fine i'm i've i love it i love my body i'm i'm kind of a big girl

and i love most foods but i fucking hate goat's cheese. I hate it. Oh, really? But this is because before I became the queen that I am now, I actually studied veterinary medicine. There's a bit of a story here. And I spent a lot of my teen years on a goat farm. Genuinely, this is a true story. Is this true story? I promise you. On a goat farm, fingering goats in the butthole.

Why were you fingering goats in the butthole? Because it's about palpating, you know, like the newborns or whatever. Like, it's a really good health check to basically finger a goat in the asshole. Like you would fist a cow, which I've done a lot of too. So what are you looking for in there? You're looking for, like, everything to be in order. You sort of, you kind of get, like, wrist deep or whatever. If it's, like, ailing or pregnant.

Does it hurt them? No, I mean, they're pretty, I mean, they're, you're you know goats eat like shoes it's like they can take a fist in the ass you know what i mean are they quite loose no no not necessarily i mean they're not huge a cow's fairly loose i got shoulder deep in a cow once and are they like pleasured no but they're they're fine with it like it's actually an genuinely if you listen honeys if you ever get the chance to fist a cow just try it because if you go elbow deep into it shoulder deep honestly nothing has ever

felt like going back into the womb more it's like so like I really want to do this it is warming it like you know like peristalsis from the you know sigmoid colon happens around your arm it's pushing you can feel it and it's literally like oh my god mama I'm back feel it and it's literally like oh my god, mama, I'm back in the womb. It's beautiful.

But I spend a lot of time fingering goats. A lot of time. And the thing about goats that I don't... that is true is that the way that goats in life smell is the same way that goats cheese tastes. That is not the same for cows. The way

cows smell is not the same way that goat's cheese tastes. That is not the same for cows. The way cows smell is not the same as cow's cheese or milk smells in life. But goats have a very distinctive smell, and that smell is how goat's cheese tastes. So it just brings back all these weird memories for me. I'm eating a cracker with some cheese, thinking about fingering a goat, and I don't want to do that over a business lunch

or lunch with my third husband. I just don't want to be thinking about that how does it smell like it tastes i'm trying to like they smell like and taste like a barber wax jacket yeah okay for the country bumpkins among us that's like overpowering room take off the fucking jacket it smells like goats and you know what it's so interesting i'm really really fascinated by those jackets because a lot of straight men wear them and it's like not only do you have to dominate my world with you know your politics and being in every film it's like you then walk into this room and you literally alter the olfactory situation and we now have to know that you're here by a multi-sensory oppressive experience. And you know, I've been charting this. When straight men are in a room

and they breathe louder than everybody else. Honestly, I've noticed them take up space even with their breath. I'm very conscious of my breath now. But you're allowed to because you're queer and therefore you're actually just using the breath that was denied of you from systemic oppression.

It's interesting, though. I think the barber jacket was a sort of Trumpism of clothes. Okay. Okay. From goat's cheese to Trumpism of clothes. Thank you for sharing your goat's cheese fingering story. I'm so proud of you. Thank you.

You're a podcast listener, and this is a podcast ad reach great listeners like yourself with podcast advertising from lips and ads choose from hundreds of top podcasts offering host endorsements or run a reproduced ad like this one across thousands of shows to reach your target audience with lips and ads go to lips and ads.com now that's l-i-b-S-Y-N ads.com. And what about your drink choice? What's going to be your drink choice? So we have to say not a drink.

Mmm. Interesting. What would be the worst possible drink that you could have for the rest of your life? You know what it is, actually? For me, non-alcoholic beers, which were, like, all around me in my childhood, because I was brought up Muslim. Okay. And I think it would just, you know, remind me ofah's fiery finger yeah god i mean precisely yeah no honestly like all my dad and his friends

with their like mafia cigars playing like poker and dubai like okay on that non-alcoholic beer as if they were like from oceans 11 so like the thing is uh if you're not getting the the alcohol from the beer surely there's like much nicer drinks that you could just be enjoying you're getting the aesthetic signifier okay of status and actually this is very much like dubai which is about what are the symbols telling you, but functions pointless. So for instance, you know Snog, the frozen yogurt place? It's like around the corner. Yeah. Dubai has loads

of them, and they've brought over all the slogans as well. So like there's this huge one in Dubai Mall, which says the hottest place to snog is Dubai. Right, okay. All these women in hijabs eating the snog. Now it's actually illegal to snog anyone in public in Dubai. You can okay. And there are all these women in hijabs eating the stock. Now, it's actually illegal to snog anyone in public in Dubai.

You can actually go to prison. And... But it's fine to have that slogan, like... Well, because it's basically missed the point. And, like, I was trying to explain this when I was there with my parents. We went to Ping Pong, you know, the dim sum place. And you know how the slogan is like,

dim sum, teas, cocktails. Right? So the Dubai had the exact same one. I was like, oh my God,

a cocktail bar. I was like, can I have a cocktail? They're like, we don't do cocktails. It's alcoholic. But it says it on there. Yeah,

because it's, but that's, so that's kind of related to the beer. It's like, this is the kind of person that I am, but the function's

kind of pointless. Okay, right. So more for like, similar with me and Ghost, she's more for like what it brings up for you. Yeah. Like from you know, like the signature. Right, yeah, yeah. It's not necessarily the drink itself. The drink itself is a signifier, once again. It's a signifier

completely, I see what you're saying. Right. You know, because one of our girls drinks non-alcoholic beer the whole time. Oh, right, okay. And every time she lights her flame to smoke a cigarette, there's Allah punishing me on a bed, you know, in hell. One of those things, you know. Fortunately for you both,

you won't be able to have entertainment on an island. The plane's entertainment system continues to work, but just your luck, it only has two working settings. One is your least favourite film of all time and the other is your least favourite song. What are they and why? Well, my least favourite film of all time is La La Land. Yeah, why La La Land?

Firstly, it's not a musical. Like, it was not a musical. That first scene, that bizarre sort of on the roof of the car kind of medley tap dance was probably the most unfollowed through sequence I've ever seen in a film it was like this odd kind of you know what it reminded me of that Gaviscon advert

like what a feeling oh yeah where she's like yeah just like that so it was like that and then the rest of this film happened

which wasn't really a musical because there was like three songs which was kind of interesting and also I just felt that it was Hollywood sort of giving itself a prostate orgasm i just felt that it was hollywood sort of giving

itself a prostate orgasm okay as a film it was literally a film celebrating the glory of hollywood and i don't think it's coincidental that you know trumpism and make america great again came similar to like the rise of like basically a re-whitewashing of Hollywood cinema. Right, okay. And where black people were the villains of jazz. Do we remember that? Right, okay. And white man Ryan Gosling, is that his name? Ryan Gosling saves jazz from the black man.

Like, come on. And explains it to them. And also, Emma Stone's part of basically being like, I just want to be an actor and you're so incredible and complicated and it's like he's actually quite brain dead and I just also felt like

Moonlight had just come out and that was such like what the point of cinema was and I've been asked I wrote an article actually for the Independent which went quite viral about La La Land

about always being asked to play terrorists and I was just fed up. And everyone was like, this is the most interesting film ever, but it was basically, I think, a fable about Hollywood, which erased minorities.

You mentioned Moonlight there. It was in the Oscars, wasn't it, where they were announced, and then it was Moonlight actually won. Fabulous. Yeah, it must have been a beautiful moment for you. It was just watching the white cast get edged out by the black one. So good.

I mean, I can't comment on La La Land because I literally fell asleep like three minutes in, the whole way through. And I woke up and was like, I woke up, I kept waking up being like, what the fuck is going on? And then falling asleep. I just, I mean, I'm with Amory, but I just don't want to watch it again. But you also, you wanted that, well, you

got that part. I got the part, but I couldn't. Oh yeah? Yeah. What part wanted that well you got that part I got the part but I couldn't oh yeah what part sorry what part both parts but I couldn't I couldn't take either

yeah because you were doing human centipede yeah human centipede yeah I remember using that actually

yeah yeah I thought you were the middle one the one that consumes and also excretes well it's a super long line this time so I was like the third from the back so I had like 50 people's shit

I was like the 50 51st person's shit so you know La La Land is a touchy topic for me anyone that actually likes musicals didn't like La La Land because it was not a musical. Yeah.

I think if you're going to say, well, look, it was an homage to whole Hollywood, then it was a really bad homage because it actually was not a musical. Although, interesting, is it a bad homage to Hollywood? Not to film, but to Hollywood? Because Hollywood is, as we all know, just super white. Super old like until recently

but like super like you know like brushing over any issues like it's just this like gleaming quite like super is it I don't know well I mean if it was an homage to old Hollywood musicals like Singing in the Rain and stuff it failed because it just wasn't yeah it wasn't a musical yeah

but there are loads of great filmmakers who look at old Hollywood, like Todd Haynes or Carol or Far From Heaven, and they put queer people into it. I feel like, I always think, this is why I have a real problem with period dramas. It's like, why are we trying to remember a past that was actually founded on colonialism?

Yes, yeah. Look at us in Downton, like, enjoying tea while we just genocided 10 million people in India. And I feel like La La Land is, again, like, kind of rosy. I think nostalgia is really dangerous, and I actually think nostalgia is responsible for, like, a bit of Brexit, you know, take back control. Yeah, for sure.

Make America great again, which is what? Slavery? Like, what is making it again? Jim Crow? Would La La Land have been better if it wasn't billed as a musical? I think it would have been better if everyone who was in it

didn't have a career in the film industry. La La Land. No, but I mean, like, it just, as with so many films, I think it needs to be like, I just, it was just deeply unurgent. It's like, why am I wasting two hours of my life watching this when I could be watching

something that's actually going to tell a story? I would rather watch a 28-hour live stream black and white documentary about a man-farm than La La Land for four minutes. So there is this song, which I used to listen to when I was a child back in the north of England, that my dad used to love. My dad's a really good man and has learned a lot about, you know, being more politically engaged.

But my dad used to love this song by Jack Jones, you know, an old sort of Burt Bacharach era, you know, muse, singer. That's right, right? Yeah. And there's a song called Wives and Lovers. Yes, I know the song. And it is the most, and I remember literally like listening to it and being like, oh my God, I love this song. And if you listen to the lyrics, it's unbelievable.

Yeah. Don't think because there's a ring on your finger you need try anymore. For wives should always be lovers too. In a way, maybe I would take that song because it's a real hoot. Literally, the verse starts like, hey little girl, do your hair, brush your hair, do your makeup.

Soon he'll come home through the door. And it's all about how, like, you know, if you don't make an effort with your appearance and the cooking and the cleaning, your man is going to be... It's unbelievable. It is horrific. It is really bad. It's in a lot of country music.

It's not really country. It's, like, huge, commercial, global, like, what is it? Like, jazz? Is it that but it's not really country it's like huge commercial global like what is it like jazz is it jazz it's not jazz it's like crooner kind of crooner music

is it like down the old working men's clubs no no no it's like it's like it's kind of like a like yeah

like a crooner style like Frank Sinatra style kind of thing world yeah sort of like what came sadly after that you know yeah you know yeah and the crazy thing world yeah sort of like what came sadly after that you know yeah

you know yeah and the crazy thing is so many of the songs that were like that he wrote Bird Backrack etc were so good and then there was this

dog pile of steaming shit yeah anyway but maybe I you know it's so offensive I guess what are some lyrics

do your hair basically do your hair do your makeup you need to make yourself look beautiful for when he comes home otherwise he might go and like find someone else so day after day there are girls at the office and it's like how just you're you're ugly unless you try like don't let him go to work with your hair and curlers you may never see him again like literally

it's kind of like that it's like jesus mary joseph unreal and then it was covered fairly recently by like no but by like by like a really sincere like i have this real guilty pleasure which is like really sincere youtube acoustic okay female not male i don't like any of them but like you know these like amazing really amazing talented singers who take these songs and really earnestly cover them you know and i everything about my life is to like avoid you know being too earnest because god it's so boring i don't know i need to think about why but um the i love this like really truly love these like super earnest singers who like really feel the

emotion of a song and there's this one that i really like called alice something and she did jack jones wives and lovers and like really like felt it like had tears in her eyes and i was like not in a bad way she was like god this song is just so good and i was quite like no come on what's happening yeah oh my god fourth wave like come on think of the lyrics it's horrific and the lyric yeah so there's that it was a big song right it was like huge

huge commercial success it was on it's Bagger X Greatest Hits there's like 10 of them on the one on the ultimate and that was one of them

and he wrote like fucking why do birds suddenly appear whatever that song is called that I love but do you think people are just like were just ignoring the lyrics or anyone sort of went

no definitely not hang on a second. But when would that have been? Late 60s. Feminism was just starting in the 60s. Yeah, but like, exactly. So like, late 60s, it's still, you would still have a huge, like,

a huge, you know, part of the population that wasn't necessarily talking, you know, or listening to feminism. You know who are really culturally quite peculiar as people who produce songs and shouldn't? Bastille. Bastille. I'm really interested in this, go on.

It's that kind of tortured male, you know, when he's like, I was left in your own diva, I said. And it's just like, try Dubastil singing other songs and you'll just realise how absurdly odd it is. Like Teenage Dream, which is like, you think I'm funny without any make-up on. You think I'm funny when I say the punchline wrong.

Right, okay. And it's like, why are you singing as you've got pain in your voice when you're actually saying something that's so emotionally inept? It's so weird, this one, because one time i saw them live and i like wept when they did pompeo i was like oh my god this is so good your eyes literally yeah right do you remember when bastille and rudimental did a thing at the brits and it was it was wow i went to a thing the other day and bastille and craig david did a song wow and itits and it was it was wow I went to a thing the other day and Bastille and Craig David

did a song wow and it was terrible it was so bad it was just like bland there was no content and then it was like

oh yeah they were talking about it beforehand but you were surprised and they were like oh no but beforehand they were saying

oh it's got this amazing twist and like it's got this huge like drop and it just had none of that. Right, and the only time you want to be between Bastille and Craig David is as bit rose. Yeah, exactly. Although Craig David's a huge Tory.

Is he? Yeah, oh my God, huge apparently, yeah, yeah. I actually don't know if I genuinely can talk about that. No, you can't talk about that. And that's just there. A cliffhanger. Google it in your own time. Do you know what cliffhanger means in the drag world?

No, what does it mean? When your toes are too big for the heels and they kind of just hang off. Is that bad? It's hilarious. It's very funny. It's very me. Not anymore, but there was a time

when you had this one pair of shoes where her feet wouldn't drop over the edge. But that's because you're brave enough to wear an open toe. I would never wear an open toe. I'm brave enough to wear an open toe. You're brave, you know, you live it. I'd like you to all come to my Just Giving page and save the open toe. Yeah, okay.

It's currently got three dollars, it's doing so well. Halfway to the target. Okay, great. So Jack Jones, jones wives and lovers goes in there and finally the island is overrun by the biggest dick of all the animals which animal is it and why we actually had a really long conversation about this and it's really hard like you know goats no i'm kidding um it's hard to do an animal because you know animals are kind of great and also like you say an animal on the island, but then you can just eat it or get it to catch stuff for you

or domesticate it. You know what? A skunk would be quite annoying. Yeah, just like stinking the place up all the time. But you could kill it. And I'm not pro fur. I'm not pro fur at all, genuinely. But if you killed it,

you could use it as a blanket. So that's the thing about the animal question there's this weird loophole that i think you need to organize for your next you know what i would don't get it yeah actually because i'm a this is not actually a joke i'm like a fish activist okay yeah like i really was i'm not laughing yeah no well we'll talk about that after okay but um just a quick word if you don't mind um but um when i was a kid like i used to have a marine aquarium oh nice and actually like it saves my life because the ocean is so woke it's like yeah every fish is swapping gender everything's so fluid it's so colorful it really saved me but when i was working in an aquarium

shop where i worked for four years every summer It's like a parallel universe for queer people Honestly, it saved my life We petitioned for banning glass fish What's that? They're these clear fish Really beautiful species That because they're clear

People inject dye into them So that they can sell like pink And it's not really good for them James No yeah I'll bet yeah And then parrotfish I'm actually emotional thinking about it It's really sensitive to me Are these like hybrid fish

Which is essentially like a cross between like a cichlid Obviously and this other kind of cichlid I have no idea what a cichlid is You don't? Neither do I don't worry But I've seen one I have not. It was a clinic. You don't? You don't? No. Neither do I, don't worry. But I've seen one. They've shown me one. Well, yeah.

And they're like these sort of creatures that don't have any reason to exist and just are pissed off in the tank at their existence. They can't breed. They can't do anything. And they're actually just genetically deformed. Oh.

Not that there's anything wrong with that. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but health-wise for that. Health-wise. thing and they're actually like just genetically deformed oh and like they look great not that there's anything wrong with that but health-wise for that health-wise are they are they do they look good yeah that's why they want them so i think i would definitely ban well yeah i would i would bring them all actually to the island okay to save them from being died and bred. Yes, okay. That's really good. I love that. Well, it's like you could bring Donald Trump to the island so the rest of the world wouldn't have to deal with him. So it's like

you're taking that hit for humanity. In a way, if you choose smartly, you could really change the world for the better. Oh, please. By living on the desert island with these awful people. So we're going to go animal choices, Donald Trump and cichlids. Glassfish, actually. Glassfish, sorry.

You know what? They need me more at this point. You can't fix all the world's wrongs, can you? Okay, glassfish. Thank you so much. Thank you, lovely James. I really appreciate it. Thank you.

If people want to hear more from you, where can they hear you? We are actually good human beings. Yeah. We are very critical about the world. But our show, Denim, which just was sold out in Edinburgh last summer after also doing a world tour. Wembley was really beautiful, especially.

The O2, Milton Keynes Bowl, that sort of thing. Yeah, okay, yeah. Our show, which is continuing on Wednesday, basically is about five drag queens who so believe in their world that you will be coming to the Soho Theatre but leaving thinking that you literally just watched a Wembley arena show. Not even arena, basic. Wembley Stadium show.

Yeah. It's about the power of pop, the power of friendship, the power of being queer. And just delusionally happy. Our shows are terminally happy. It's almost like, how are these queer people, including a queer Muslim and all these misfits, so happy given the world right now? But that's kind of what we want

people to take away, like, just the joy of being queer. And so that's at the Soho Theatre for I believe... Wednesday through Sunday from now until... Wednesday through Saturday. Wednesday through Saturday from now until Wednesday through Saturday Wednesday through Saturday from now until sorry

the Sunday nights the Wembley show until the 3rd of February yeah okay excellent 12 dates actually one week we're off

because charity work and also you know it's while we say come there's a huge queue already right yeah

of course before the run was announced actually just people predicted it. So the likelihood of getting a ticket is tiny. But, you know, maybe if you're lucky, just go online. Try. You know, go to any, select any.

No, no, no, I'm kidding. Come. Denim Girl Band on Instagram. We need more followers, but please do follow us. And on Twitter? Are you on Twitter? We are. At denim underscore UK. I don't know, I think sort of cyberspace followers but please do follow us um and on twitter are you on twitter um we are at denim underscore uk i don't know i think sort of cyberspace keeps crashing because of the traffic but okay yeah try and get on that and individually are you on twitter or i'm glam roue glam roue g a

g l a m r o u yeah and i'm tom glitter and that's on twitter facebook instagram and red tube okay well thank you so much thank you this has actually been so much fun oh i really i really appreciate you coming thank you thank you