Desert Island Dicks - DIVINA DE CAMPO

Episode Date: April 27, 2020

Ru Paul's Drag Race UK star, Divina de Campo joins Dan to share who and would hate to be stuck with on a desert island! Be sure to follow the podcast @dickspod Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Tis the season to discover great gifts at unexpectedly low prices. Sierra, let's get moving. Hi, I'm Dan from Desert Island Dicks. In this episode, we have the very wonderful Davina DeCampo. And you know you're dealing with someone special when they dress up in full drag costume for a FaceTime recording. I think that's the sort of commitment I doubt I'll ever have. Anyway, if you enjoy it, please like and subscribe.

And if you're feeling really kind, please rate and give us a review. And now, here's Desert Island Dicks, the show that sees you marooned on a desert island after a plane crash with the worst people and worst things imaginable. Who they are and why they're a dick is up to our guest and here to share their Desert Island Dicks with us today is drag queen and singer Davina DeCampo. Hello.

Hello! How are you doing? Really good. I'm very excited to be marooned on an island very shortly with possibly the worst things in the entire world. And you're looking incredible today, as always, of course. Well, I mean, I know that not everybody can see how beautiful I look um but obviously I'm stunning and uh yeah well the effort is uh I mean you look as I say look amazing um and how did you find it uh whittling down your choices

today um number three was more difficult than the rest I I think, just because there's, you know, certain characters on the international stage who are particularly foul and you would rather gouge your own jugular out than sit with them for more than about four and a half minutes. And then the other bits, well, actually, one of them I haven't come up with quite yet. OK. But, you know, maybe that's going to pop into my head while we chat.

And, I mean, I was going to say that, obviously, in the drag world, I mean, it seems like it would be quite fiercely competitive. Did any sort of names from that world make it on there? No, but maybe people who talk about things within the drag world okay okay interesting interesting all right then well let's get straight into it who's going to be your first choice for the island well i feel like this person will have been named more than once on this show um so it would be piers morgan you would be right in your assumption poor piers i just i partly because he's so um opinionated about so many things of

which he has very little understanding um and then partly because I'm pretty sure he'd be almost useless in any off-terrain situation. So he'd just spend the entire time arguing with you, telling you that you're doing it wrong and having no idea what the right way to do it is in the first place. Yeah, I feel like he's the sort of poster boy for mansplaining and patronizing yeah and and actually just not being that well um equipped with knowledge you know he's very good at shouting over people about why they're wrong about something but very rarely is he actually capable of explaining what the right way is or, you know, why.

And I feel like for him, just sort of arguing would just be like, it's his kind of weird, perverse sport, isn't it? So even if, you know, you were, you did somehow find yourself getting along OK, he'd probably just want to just needle away at you just for his own pleasure. Yeah, absolutely. That's what it sort of comes across to me. A lot of it with him is it feels like a character. You know, he's playing a caricature of himself. But still, I just couldn't be arsed with that, dear.

I'd drown him. But I think, you know, you're right about the sort of pantomime villain character thing, but it's not a sort of, I don't know, you know, you get villains in films who kind of at least have a bit of charm or panache or sort of something about them, whereas there's no grace or elegance or anything to him. He's just a dick. Yeah, yeah. He's not, you know, with all the panto villains, it's very nudge, nudge, wink, wink.

I'm actually a nice person. And those are always the people who with all the panto villains it's very nudge nudge wink wink i'm actually a nice person and those are always the people who make the best panto villains because you you know you know that they're not actually like that but for that moment in time you can buy into it whereas because his entire persona revolves around being this um overcooked pork substitute sausage, then it's very difficult to find what is likeable in there. Yeah, and I think any decisions that you make he's going to take against or sort of try and... I can imagine him trying to corral the others against you and you just want to group up and find water or something.

He'd just make it really hard work, wouldn't he? Yeah, yeah. That's the fact of it. group up and find water or something he'd just make it really hard work wouldn't he yeah yeah that's the fact of it and i mean have you have you ever had any dealings with him or i mean obviously he's very vocal on social media and things like that yeah no not personally i've never i've never you know had anything personally with him um it's just i i think that he like you say he's the poster poster boy for the mansplainer and the ignorant boomer. But he also has a tendency to dismiss a lot of things

which actually are really important. And he's just a bit of a dick. I'm always meaning to sort of go through every episode that we've done and and sort of get a big spreadsheet of who's been on it the most and i haven't managed to do that yet but i do think he might be in the lead yeah and and with good reason yeah i'd be shocked if he wasn't yeah and so yeah just useless uh i imagine if nothing else he's probably quite fatty so like if you needed to eat someone he's probably quite soft yeah you know he's not not sinewy and hard he hasn't worked out you know just imagine carrying all of that around in your body that's not going to do you know your musculature and tissues any good it? It's going to be like eating a piece of shoe leather. A fatty, fatty shoe.

How did you get to be fatty and tough at the same time? Yeah, well, very good choice. And any more on Piers Morgan before we move on? No, I think, you know, probably myself and everybody else has covered him in exactly what what he deserves which is bile you know which is fair enough um okay uh davina who would be your second dick this is like piers morgan but um in a dress it's katie hopkins okay yes yes She's now like before

Before all of this If you looked at any of her output On social media She's become a real Not alt-right Because I don't think that's a thing I think that's a lie There is no alt-right

There's no alternative It's still just far-right We're not talking about neoliberalism. We're talking about Nazis. That's what we're talking about, isn't it? Yeah. In fact, it's the old right. Yeah, exactly. So she's very much that now. And like in the 80s, we had shock jocks, didn't we? They were like a real big thing in the 80s. These people whocks didn't we they were like a real big thing in the in the 80s these people who'd go on the radio and just say things to be outrageous and um and i think

piers morgan operates in that way but i think katie hopkins believes a lot of what she spews and i think that's what makes her much more insidious. It's not just about spewing rubbish out, you know, things to shock people and make conversation. Actually, it's become more of an ingrained point of view in her. a panto villain and playing that role. I don't feel like Katie Hopkins is playing that at all anymore. At the beginning I did. I thought she was just, you know, saying these things to get attention. But now actually I feel differently. Partly because, did you see the little YouTube video that was done where they took her out for the awards ceremony? Yes.

It wasn't really an award. Yeah. Yes. With that particular slogan behind her. Well, she is, she doesn't know that she's being filmed at that point. She's unaware that there are any cameras.

And then some of the more disgusting things that she could have said, that's when she says that. Right. When she isn't aware that the cameras are on which make is what makes me think that actually she is just a despicable human being because it's sort of weird isn't it because you kind of think what's worse is it if you if you actually believe these things or if you're just saying them for effect and i kind of think they're sort of both as actually believe these things or if you're just saying them for effect. And I kind of think they're sort of both as bad as each other. I mean, you're getting to the same point via a different route, isn't it? Yes.

I mean, at least if you were sort of born and raised one way, you'd maybe have an excuse that you knew no better. I mean, that's a pretty flimsy excuse. Yeah, I'm only down with that excuse up to the age of about 24. I think I'm not even that. I mean, yeah. But if you've got to 24 and you haven't grown out of that stuff, you're never going to. It's not about the people that you're around or who you grew up with. It's about you. Yeah. At that stage, you are a fully realised human being.

There's no one else to blame at that point. You are exactly what you are. Yeah. And you have to take you have to take the onus for that and again just like Piers she would be busy telling you that you're doing it wrong while doing jack all herself because her experience

is in management, managerial roles and we all know that managers sit around and do fuck all themselves while telling everybody else how to do shit yeah because I mean god she you know she became famous from the apprentice i mean having anyone from the apprentice on the island would you be bad enough but like having a racist apprentice contestant yeah i think you're right though like it felt like for a while she was just playing a pantomime villain and then just sort of got lost in it somewhere like you know like when you sort

of see those films but there's an undercover cop and they sort of get too immersed in things you know yeah she's actually been turned she's been flipped you know because she went from sitting on the sofa talking about children's names to then spewing bile about people's religion about their race about their ethnicity about their sexuality about their gender you know the list just goes on and on and on and on about who she's vilifying and how did you get there from going well you know people who name their children after places are ridiculous and then of course got pointed out her own child is called india stupid cow also i mean it feels weird that someone who hates anyone who's non-white would name their child after a nation of brown people well you know probably because you know it's one of the good old colonies we owned all of india ransacked it

destroyed their economy yeah so that's that's probably why and i mean she would be making piers morgan look like the moderate on the island wouldn't she i mean you'd you'd go to piers for a break from her i think which is a very very sad state yeah absolutely uh and there's no way there would be nowhere to go from there that's the thing You'd be stuck with the pair of them. And what are you going to do from there? Apart from kill them. Yeah, someone's got to die. Either you or them, but someone's going down.

Someone here has got to die. And it's not going to be me. I mean, you've got some pretty long nails, I imagine. So, I mean, that's going to come in handy on the island. Yeah, but I'm also one of seven. So, you know, you grow up learning how to handle yourself. I'm in no doubt about that. Okay, and for your third choice.

So, this would be somebody who probably would talk about drag race stuff. Perez Hilton. Okay, right. He was also on Celebrity Big Brother. I don't think, it wasn't the same year as Hopkins, I don't think. But also an equally dreadful human being, somebody who has caused innumerable problems

for various people by spreading malicious gossip and tittle-tattle, most of it which had no basis, in fact. And he's just... What you saw on Celebrity Big Brother was that he was just an out-and-out awful human. Basically horrible. Yeah.

And so, I mean, i'm giving me shivers just the amount of these people that you've put together i mean you're doing a really good job no but i mean so they're they're just all sort of stirring each other up aren't they i mean i can just imagine and also just the the level of one-upmanship and it would just be terrible yeah and it would i mean it would be a sort of battle royale of the far right yeah i'd just have to go and hide and leave them to kill each other yeah and then i'd just have to get rid of the last one because just like in highlander there can be only one the trouble is i think with these three it's sort of, I think because they're all so much bluster and talk. I don't think anyone would ever get round to that. I think they enjoy the oxygen of it so much that they wouldn't.

They'd never sort of draw the knife first. You know, they just go round and round and round, getting worse and worse. I think you're going gonna have to do it yeah i mean that is quite possible um because actually you know most of them when they're in a a solo situation can be quite um charming and uh amenable you know they can come across as quite decent people and then you actually look at what the the other bits that make them up and how they behave and you realize actually no they're foul um so yeah you're probably right it it would be left to me for the for the good of humanity obviously yeah of course to have rid of them a public service and so Perez Hilton I mean is there any specific standout things

that you can think of that have been beyond the pale? No, he's just foul, just really awful. And there isn't any one thing that is worse than any other. He's just dreadful. And that's what it is when there is no standout thing where you can go, God, that was really bad what they did there. Actually, every single thing that they do is just hideous. You know, I think probably, like I said, I'd be doing a public service. And do you think around these people, I i mean before we got to the sort of homicide

level do you think i mean would you be able to sort of would would you be able to hold back or yeah well i mean it would depend on how they behave that's the thing you know maybe it would be an opportunity for um teaching them how how best to behave rather than rather than anything else you know i mean so it would be about teaching them where they've where they've gone wrong and what they should be doing instead of vilifying various other people they should actually be um you know trying to use their platform for good um but of course then we're stuck on a desert island so they don't have a platform except yeah to me really and each other but i think though however far you got with them if you were ever rescued they'd just revert back straight back to type i think yeah i think

you're probably right they would so you know for the good of humanity i I will do it. Back to plan A. Ha ha ha! Awkward, isn't it? Most vapes contain seriously addictive levels of nicotine and disappointment. Know the real cost of vapes. Brought to you by the FDA. You're a podcast listener, and this is a podcast ad. Reach great listeners like yourself with podcast advertising from Lipson Ads. Choose from hundreds of top podcasts offering host endorsements. Or run a reproduced ad like this one across thousands of shows to reach your target audience with Lipson Ads.

Go to LipsonAds.com now. That's L-I-B-S-Y-N-Ads.com. Okay, now mercifully amongst the wreckage of the plane, there was some food and drink left over. Unfortunately for you, it's your least favourite food and drink in the world. What are they and why are they so bad? Well, so my absolute least favourite food is broad beans. OK, yeah, broad beans. Yeah. They're one of those things, I don't know if they're anyone's favourite, are they?

I wonder why they still exist. Yeah, well, I don't know if they're anyone's favourite, are they? I wonder why they still exist. Yeah, well, I don't know. My mum absolutely loves a broad bean. Really? Used to put it in stews and on your, oh, gosh, they're just hideous. They're, like, sour. They're hard. The skin on them is, like, tough. It doesn't, you can't chew them properly. They're just disgusting. Everything about them is like tough it doesn't you can't chew them probably they're just disgusting everything

about them is disgusting and like when they're cooked you know they go from a sort of normal green color to a sort of green pustular shape instead of being like a normal bean or pea or you know they just they end up looking really insipid and ill they look like they're just filled full of puss and then they taste like sour old toenails they're just absolutely disgusting everything about them is foul they're one of those i remember seeing a cooking show and it was one of something like hugh fernley whittingstall or something you know that cooking shows they always do that thing where they go oh you've told me that you don't like this food well let's see if we can change your mind so i'm going to put loads of other shit with it

and then you're going to try it and you're going to go oh yeah actually that's all right and you just think well all right if you've put everything else with it then maybe that's not as bad as it was but it's still not nice you haven't really sold it to me. And maybe just pick another bean, you know. There's enough beans, aren't there? Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. There is a whole world full of beans. Choose from them.

Let's just leave the broad beans in the past. I can imagine a spin-off for Davina's World of Beans. It's actually a new funfair attraction. Dare you enter. Yeah. And does your mum still serve them up if you go round for tea? No, thankfully not. Although I don't think it would stop her if the mood came upon her.

But I feel like the mood has not come upon my mother to cook broad beans for a while, which I'm glad of. And of this awful food, is there an absolute worst type? I mean, tinned or fresh? Is there a worst of the worst? No, I think broad beans just generally are pretty disgusting, however they are. The dried ones, the fresh ones, tinned ones, they're all just gross, aren't they? And why anybody would still be farming them, I have no idea. Yeah. It's strange how you can get that sort of bitterness into them.

It's like, who bred that in and thought... Yeah. Who thought, yeah, that really bitter flavour, flavor that's it that's what i want that's what i'd like next to my sunday roast come on bit abroad bit absolutely sick no way so i've got an image of old farmers in the olden days you know farming their beans and one comes up and he's like lads try this one i've got a new i've got a new kid on the block here and everyone's like oh john i don't know mate and he's like why you plow your own furrow literally but they'd be all going yeah really good john that's it that's a great bean

idiot what an idiot wouldn't they john broad that was One less competitor in the market. Well, probably. That was probably who it was, wasn't it? John Broad. He's got a lot to answer for. He can get in the bin with the rest of them. And what drink would you be washing this down with? So this might be a bit contentious for lots of people,

but tequila. Yeah. I hate the taste of tequila i absolutely hate it if if it was a color it would be brown that's what it would be yeah and not the kind of you know nice loamy earthy brown it would be that sick when you've got a really poorly stomach brown it would be that gravy train brown the the chicken soup of explosive diarrhea brown that would be the color it would be it's just so disgusting and the stuff that it's made out of also is horrible agave we've got some in the garden i didn't know what it was i thought it was um i thought it was aloe vera because they look quite similar yeah

um it's not aloe vera and if you do ever have to cut down any agave in your garden make sure you're wearing gloves i didn't and it has these tiny spores in the sap, which are like fiberglass that get inside your skin. Oh, man. And they cause dermatitis. So I had dermatitis on my hands for a full month, itchy as hell. And then for a full year afterwards, it can just happen at any point. Just reoccur. Ding, there you are.

You've got your dermatitis back. Awful. The flavor of tequila is disgusting. And the plant that it's made out of is foul. Absolutely horrible. That's incredible. I didn't know that much about the agave plant. Every day is a school day.

No wonder it's sort of like invented by like tough Mexican cowboys. It was probably like a bet, wasn't it? It's like, do you dare drink the thing? I've got the most vicious plant out there and I've made booze from it. Who wants some? And you went, yeah, come on. Absolutely.

And it's got these massive spines on it as well that properly rip into your skin as well. They're hooked and so they claw into your skin when you're handling the leaves of it. Oh, man. It's awful. It's a horrible thing. I think that tequila is one of those love it or hate it.

It's very Marmite like that, isn't it? I mean, I think there was a time I really enjoyed it. But if you've been sick of it once, that's it. There's no coming back ever, I think. Yeah, which was, you know, very much the same for me with various other spirits but not tequila tequila is the one which i've never ever enjoyed ever i don't really tend to do shots that much because i'm a grown-up and um like every every few years on my birthday someone will go oh do you want to you know do you want a shot and i'm like no just get me just get me a normal drink and then someone

will go here's a tequila and i'll put in my hand i'll go well it's been three or four years maybe it's okay now and i'll throw it back and it's like my body rejects it it's not even like i can't even physically get it down my throat just closes up it's like oh no you don't get out of here exactly and you know and it's all it's okay if you're outside in a pub garden or something you can spit it into a flower pot but like there's been times i've been around a big table and i'm like because i can't i can't do anything with this i'm gonna die now this is how i this is how it ends on my birthday in a pub garden because of a shot of tequila yeah yeah yeah quite the gravestone the epitaph readeth. Yeah.

And on a desert island as well, when it's really hot, and, like, just to have that to drink, I mean, Christ. Yeah. Well, that's the thing, you die quite quickly from dehydration as well. Yeah. Also, people say it's quite a feisty drink, don't they? It's like people get quite riled up on it. It's like one of those drinks like Stella like Stella that seems to make people go mad. And the three people that you've already picked,

sending them mental on tequila. Yeah, probably not a great plan. Probably what I would have to do is I would have to feed them the broad beans, then leave and leave them a crate of tequila. And I'd have to run away and hide while they kill each other yeah yeah that sounds like a sound plan yeah i think you've got to be suspicious of a drink where like eating raw lemon afterwards is a relief yeah and salt yeah how did this happen where you're going to go oh thank god lemon And you just bite into a chunk of lemon for relief. You know, when normally that would be a practical joke. If you of it and then you would eat that dead worm

because that would be so full of it absolutely not this is just what makes me think it's like it was just invented as like who's got the biggest dick sort of mexican drinking game for cowboys but it doesn't translate to the real world like it's all good when you're in the desert and you're lonely and you want to see who's tough enough but you know i just want to go for a drink exactly i don't want to fight with the drink itself or any i don't really want to fight with anybody around me to be honest i just want to have a nice time oh man yeah okay so tequila and broad beans very good yeahquila, the drink of brown. Now, Davina, fortunately, you won't be without entertainment on the island.

The Plains Entertainment System continues to work, but just your luck, it only has two working settings. One is your least favourite film of all time, and the other is your least favourite song. What are they and why? Well, I've been really struggling with what my least favourite film of all time is um because um you know even when they're terrible there's usually something to find in a film that is joyous um so that's the the thing that I've struggled with most.

I think probably it would be one of the Saw films run to the toilet, actually be sick, and then have those flushes of sickness afterwards where you have to lie down on a cold floor, which of course is the men's toilets. So I'm lying on the men's toilets, tiled, piss-covered floor because I feel so sick. So probably one of the Saw films from the beginning would be my choice. I mean, I'm just curious how you saw all of them in the cinema, if you had that reaction.

I mean, I'm almost impressed. Well, my husband is particularly sardonic and really does enjoy tormenting me. So I was forced under duress to go and watch these films. And he's just going, you're so weak, you're so weak. And I'm like, horrible.

I mean, I've never made it past the trailer for these films. So, I mean, you know, you've got a stronger stomach than me. Well, the thing is, after three, they seem to be less bad. OK. You know, less traumatic. Less of a...

Because there's about 700 of them, I think. So, and we've been to see nearly all of them at the cinema. Wow. Why? Who knows? I don't know. That makes you a very good partner if you're standing by your husband you know you're still going to accompany him i mean that's dutiful yeah well i mean we're still early in the relationship i was still trying to please now not so much so you know whether i would i would go and do it again i'm not sure probably not but only time

will tell i guess yeah is there a particular one of the the first three or we're just going to bundle them all up and give you a box set to take with you oh my goodness if it was a box set that really would be the absolute worst um i think it was in two i think it was in so two where she jumps in she has to jump in a sort of pool uh full of needles um and she's told that they're they're all infected right with various things and that one was pretty bad yeah that does sound pretty all all the first three are really a lot they're a lot is it weird of me that i just when i hear things like this i mean i feel disgusted and repulsed but i also think this killer how much time would it take to fill up a pool full of i mean like where are you getting your resources i mean obviously now

it's locked down and everyone's struggling to find face masks and rubber gloves but like where'd you get them all because i mean amazon are going to be asking questions after the first couple of palettes aren't they yeah you'd think couldn't you unless you were running a diabetics clinic or something yeah yeah hey nice that could do it. Yeah, you've done the workings out. It's impressive. And what would be your song? Okay, so again, lots of people won't like that I've chosen this. But I just, I hate it. Cardi B's Bodak Yellow. I just cannot stand it. Cardi B's Bodak Yellow. I just cannot stand it.

Just the words, the fact there's no proper tune. It doesn't feel... I just, everything about it, I hate it. I hate it. It feels like a Year 10 rap project to me. You know, that's what it feels like. That's the level of artistry in there for me um it's just the same cliches and um phrases and rhymes that everybody has used a million times before in the past and somehow somehow she's been peddled to, you know, superstardom. She's amazingly successful.

But from what feels like really poor quality, dumbed down music to me. I feel like whenever I talk about modern hip hop, it makes me feel like a really old man. Because I used to love hip hop when I was up to my mid-twenties. and i still like what i used to like then but when i don't understand new hip-hop and i'll be talking to someone i'm like but they just say the same word over and over again there's no style anymore what's happened to the what's happened to the lyricism and like nothing makes me sound like a boring old sort of like you know hip-hop snob then the sort of new stuff i just

don't really get it yeah i mean i'm i've never ever i hands are straight up in the air here i am not and never have been a massive fan of hip-hop it's just not what works for me at all i find it really misogynistic i find it really homophobic it's transphobic There's so much racial stereotyping in it. I feel like a lot of it is driven by white men in grey suits. You know, put more of that in there because it'll sell better rather than actually, you know... But there is lots of hip-hop artists out there

who make amazing work that is good and I do enjoy, but there's just certain elements of it that I just find really problematic. And that, to me, encapsulates all of those problems in that it's just really base. It's really base intelligence. I've got loads of money. I've got great stuff.

Look at my wig. It costs a lot of money. You better know it costs a lot of money. It costs a lot of money. better know it cost a lot of money it costs a lot of money lots of money lots of money and i just think well you know there's there's it's boring yeah it's boring yeah i kind of get it when there's sort of like a bit of bragging when it's sort of early on in the career because it's like right i've just made a bit of money i'm feeling quite good and after a while when it's like jay-z and it's like, right, I've just made a bit of money. I'm feeling quite good. And after a while, it's like Jay-Z and it's basically a shopping list every time. It's like, you've been in this shopping list for 20 years now.

I don't need it. You know, I know you're richer than me. That's the point. Stop rubbing it. It's just rude. Yeah. But at this point, she wasn't richer than anybody else. You know, it's that fake it till you make it thing, which is great that she's made it.

And I'm really happy for her that she's, you know, where she is now. That's great. But I just, it just, it plays into all of those really obvious stereotypes of hip hop music that I think can just be better. You know, it's the same with pop music. It's the same with anything. You don't have to play right

at the bottom it can just be better yeah but i mean on the other side surely you can sympathize with someone spending a lot of money on a wig um no you're sitting here looking at it you can tell i haven't spent a lot of money on a wig i think you look fantastic i don't know well you see i did this one myself okay and that's the thing that's you know i feel uh as an artist i have a responsibility to also make some of my own art okay fair enough so yeah so bodak yellow is absolutely the one for me that i just i that would be the thing that would make me kill myself i could cope with all the rest of it but if i was forced to what listen to to that for the rest of my life i would kill myself because it's not it's it's that base thing you know there's not enough in it for me to even sit there and go there's new stuff for me to appreciate yeah you know

there's stuff that you miss there isn't it's all there that's it used to sort of be based on old funk samples and soul jams and and now it's just it feels like there's no music there it's just all so stripped down and this is the point where i've become a really boring old man about it so you can hear it happening can't you like yeah yeah well i mean and lots of this stuff that i listened to as a 15, 16, 17 year old was dreadful you know I absolutely adored Steps I'm going to put my hands up

and say yes Vanessa Amorosi I am your biggest fan but this stuff there's no I want something with a melody and there's no melody at all for three and a half minutes I want something with a melody and there's no melody at all. Dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong. For three and a half minutes. No, that is not it.

I am absolutely not down with that at all. That's the kind of, you know, it's that thing you'd be dreaming about. It'd be creeping in your sleep going, Dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong. You'd be like, ah, my brain! You know, absolutely mental by the time you... You'd had even a day full of that would make me insane. It sounds quite sinister as well.

I can imagine you about to kill the three people you've put on the island with that as the backdrop. With Saw on a TV screen going somewhere. I mean, it's like... I mean, visually, you know, like you're really setting it up there. Killed by a tin of broad beans. That's what would happen.

Yeah, yeah. And finally, the island is overrun by the biggest dick of all the animals. Which animal is it and why? Which animal is the biggest dick of all the animals which animal is it and why which animal is the biggest dick of all the animals well i think probably the worst animal that there is is um you know i think it's flies flies yeah of all, it's flies. They don't really serve any purpose apart from to spread disease and shit and sick on your food. You don't do anything.

And also the baby version of most animals is quite cute, but the baby version of them is maggots, and that's, I mean, that's horrendous. Just gross. Absolutely minging. Just gross. Yeah. Absolutely minging. And they're annoying. They buzz all around your head,

get, like, slammed on your face with their hairy little legs and then they stick on your face to try and eat you and leave all kinds of crud all over. Like, no, I'm not into it at all. Absolutely not. And it doesn't matter whether they're big or they're small just flies in general are gross like the little black flies that you know you've left

your mop for a couple of days and it's a bit wet and then the black flies come out of it minging blue bottles absolutely gross absolutely disgusting Not into it. Flies. Get rid. They feel like they're designed by, you know, they were designed by a higher power to be a real dick. You know, it's like, what do you eat? Shit. You know, what are your young maggots?

It's like, you couldn't design it worse. Like, how would you make, you couldn't tweak it to make it any worse. It is already pretty bad. No. And what's your main role in, what's your main role in what's your main function in the world i don't know no something to do with decay don't know just symbol of death who needs who needs a role i don't need a reason to be here. I just am. Let me remind you that I am by tickling your face, sticking on you and shitting on your food. Perfect. Oh, horrendous. I mean, you've done a good job here today.

I mean, I feel sorry for you because the world you've created is horrendous, Davina. But, you know, you've taken the ball and firmly run with it. Yeah. So thank you very much. Now, Davina, obviously, you know, we're in lockdown at the minute, but where can we see and hear more from you? Well, I'm all over the place. You can find me on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, all of those places.

It's all Davina De Campo, which is D-I-V-I-N-A Di Campo and I'm also doing I'm doing various bits and pieces which I'm excited about but if you go and have a look on social media it's all on there and you'll be able to see what's going on and when

I don't like to tell too many secrets so yeah I'm doing a couple of online shows which is it's going to be good fun and and then there's some other little projects in the pipeline as well lovely well it's all very exciting thank you so much for being our guest today it's been wonderful and uh yeah thank you very much thank you love