Desert Island Dicks - ELEANOR TIERNAN

Episode Date: January 10, 2019

My guest for this week's podcast is actor and comedian, Eleanor Tiernan. Be sure to follow the podcast @dickspod Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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or run a reproduced ad like this one across thousands of shows to reach your target audience with Lips and Ads. Go to lipsandads.com now. That's L-I-B-S-Y-N ads.com. Hi, I'm James Deacon and welcome to Desert Island Dicks, the show that sees you marooned on a desert island after a plane crash with the worst people and worst things imaginable. Who they are and why they're a dick is up to you.

And here to share their Desert Island Dicks with us today is comedian Eleanor Tiernan. Hello. Hey, James. Hey, how are you? I'm good. How are you? I'm fine, thanks for coming in. Yeah, thanks for asking me. I really appreciate it. Eleanor, who's going to be your first choice? First choice of person that I will

put in or have on the island with me is Paddy Power. Paddy Power? Yeah. Paddy Power? Yeah. Paddy Power, just like the Paddy Power? I guess, yeah, yeah. Paddy Power and everything he stands for.

And I'm kind of singling him out as the kind of the main name of, I guess, the head of, the face of, a name of gambling. Yeah, okay. Recreational gambling for people. William Hill could equally come on the island with me. I can't think of any others. It's like Ladbrokes, Coral.

They don't need any more airtight. Okay, Paddy Power. Yeah, I find the whole scene pretty sleazy and obnoxious. Yeah, I feel like they're really making a lot of money off people. They are. Yeah, I feel like they need to be got at and punished in some way. If this can be the way, yeah. But then this is the way way I'm taking them on the

island with me so I'm kind of taking a hit for everybody else I think by having them on the island so Oh that's very selfless of you. It is, yeah it is but I guess the thing that's in it for me would be I would really enjoy them not being able to do what they do that would give me quite a kick

That's good, that's really good I'd enjoy because then I wondered, would they try and set up like a bookies? Oh, they might do, yeah. On the island, and I would... What would you bet on? Like, imagine,

what could they make a game out of on the island? I imagine you could bet on anything, right? I guess, yeah. I mean, who's going to die first? Yeah. It could be fixed odds, that could be. Yeah.

Or what could it be? It could be like, which tree is going to have a coconut drop next? Yeah. Yeah, that's a good one, yeah. Put money on that or something, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, whether we get rescued. Yes.

Something like that. Yes, it's true, yeah. Yeah, I am behind you on this 100%. It's like, it's evil, isn't it? Yeah. Like, the street I live beside in Hackney, there's like, it's just a short pedestrianized street, but there's like five bookies on one stretch.

And beside the five bookies are like three pawnbrokers and it's come on guys just give people a chance they're just so like just go and steal yourself some goods and then take them to these pawnbrokers and sell them off and then go and

swindle it in the give the money to Paddy Power or waste or just sell all your goods in your house you don't have to steal they have this this new thing as well

in that scenario on the street in Hackney they've like the two most like prestigious buildings on the street like they're beautiful

architecture and they're bookies now and I've had such fights with myself over you know sometimes i wonder if i'm a bit of a snob about the whole thing i don't think so no good okay good yeah you want to take the buildings back for yourself and return them to former glory yeah i do yeah yeah but then i was like maybe you just don't want gamblers enjoying the the architecture maybe you should be allowed to gamble

in a room that has nice Victorian ceiling roses. Yeah, something like that, yeah. But yeah, no, I think, I did question myself, but no, I definitely think that, yeah, those, they shouldn't, yeah, they just shouldn't operate.

Yeah, and they should be taken. About the buildings, I hate it when you see as well that like a Weatherspoons will become, like some beautiful building will become a Weatherspoons. Yeah. Do you see that? Like they take a theatre and then there's like, it's like where the stage would have been,

there's just like a bar and then like everyone stood about. It's quite sad. Yeah, yeah. It's, yeah, it doesn't feel, it doesn't do your heart good. Taking down Paddy Power, I think is probably a pretty good start. I'm just taking him out of the game, you know. He's going to be on the island with me and yeah, hopefully it'll... Paddy Power.

What do you imagine Paddy Power would be like? Like the Paddy Power. The Paddy Power. He's got a lot of chains. He's got a lot of chains. He's got a lot of chains. Chains around his neck. Really slicky hair. Yeah, that he's taken from people who couldn't afford to pay their debt to him.

And he's got an open shirt with a medallion and a hairy chest. Definitely. He's got really high blood pressure. And he's got a leathery tan. A bad leathery tan. Yeah. Maybe like on holiday wears a Panama hat. Yeah, yeah.

Big wide. Linen trousers. Linen trousers, yeah. Okay, Paddy Power goes on as your first person on your island. Who's going to be your second person? Second person is, I've got one, a name, but it's a type as well. So it's Pierce Morgan. Oh, yeah.

And I'm sure he comes up a lot. But people who take a position just wanting to have the argument with you rather than. And another thing that I feel like he does is he's kind of just somebody who would always be on on the island and just kind of performing and kind of needling you and kind of want just saying a thing so that you would react. It's so frustrating. Yeah. Yeah. And somebody like him, I think he just kind of contrives his positions and his opinion out of views for, I guess his brand, his persona and he doesn't really believe a lot of the things. What's the point in that? Why are you doing

that? Yeah, I guess there's a certain kind of business to it but the problem with him was he did that that I really, he really annoyed me when he did the thing about the papoose and he said the thing about the papoose and he said the thing about the papoose recently

that men who wear them are kind of effeminate in some way. But that's really dangerous saying stuff like that because men's mental health is like, women get the blame

for an awful lot of men's mental health problems. That's not going to do any good, is it? No, yeah. I thought like, you know, that like male suicide is quite a, yeah. I thought like, you know, that like male suicide is quite a serious thing

and he shouldn't, you know, kind of be doing anything that shames looks for trying to, you know, just take care of themselves. I like the backlash that there was a lot of people that just posted pictures of themselves with their papooses.

Yeah, good. I think that is good, rally against him in some way. But yeah, you're right. It doesn't help, does it? It doesn't. And think that is good, rally against him in some way. But yeah, you're right. It doesn't help, does it? It doesn't. And one of the things, he kind of got away with that particular thing

because Harry Hill went on his show a little while later and in a bit of banter, he put a custard pie in Piers Morgan's face. And that was funny, but I kind of feel like sometimes that TV kind of lets people

if people kind of act like they're they're they're able to make fun of themselves that they're going to get away

with an awful lot of horrible stuff I would say that's counterintuitive yeah like I thought like I I think I'm a big fan of Harry Hill

but I thought in that situation I would have just let him stew in his comments. Because then you're making him into the sort of comedic character that he's like, okay, you play into his hands. He's like, you know, I'm a bit of a joke, so I can... Yeah, so he gets off the hook then

because that's kind of equally... He's done the bad thing, but he's, so he gets off the hook then because that's kind of equally... He's done the bad thing but he's, you know, paid the price by having a custard pie in his face. They're not equivalent things. It's dangerous. Yeah, yeah.

But it's just like, what's he doing just like seeking out this... It's just so... It just seems so stupid to me. It's like, why would you do that? Because like,

literally no one likes you. Yeah, yeah. Like you're... People are, like, literally no one likes you. Yeah, yeah. Like, people are talking about you, but no one likes you. And it's like, I would rather no one know who I am, but the few people that did think I'm okay, than, like, loads of people hate me. Well, yeah, I think he'd be horrible to be on an island with because he would, you know, be just a kind of a game player all the time.

Oh, God, it'd be hard work, wouldn't it? Yeah, yeah. Paddy Power would love a game player, though, wouldn't they? I guess, yeah. They'd play right into that hand. If the two of them were on the island together, they would, yeah. They'd probably be best mates. Yeah.

Yeah. Definitely. You're not putting yourself in a good position here but you are doing the world a massive favour by taking I'm taking out

two big big arses you are yeah okay Paddy Power Piers Morgard yeah

Eleanor who's going to be your third choice the third choice of person is a type of person and it's people who say

bless you. Anyone who says bless you in my book is I'll go into it. Go on, go on, go on. So I've got bad hay fever. So my allergies come on me often in the morning but also during the day when

I'm out and about and I'm in a shop and I'll be sneezing and I'll often hear somebody across the shop shout at me they go bless you but they're not doing it, I know they're not doing it for my benefit at all they're doing it to perform

being a good person to the rest of the shop and they're doing it because you know they people, you know they've changed the atmosphere in the shop and suddenly we're all because you know they people you know they've changed the atmosphere in the shop and suddenly we're all friends but I'm still sneezing it's the easiest win to be a nice person saying

bless you and I think if you want to help somebody give me a tissue you know buy me a packet of tissues you know it's just a useless get me some piritan or one of those yeah yeah help me um but bless you is is it's about you don't pretend it's anything to do with me yes i think you're so right and do you think it hangs in the air do you think if you sneeze

and then uh and then no one says bless you do you think there's like this weird air until someone says it or yeah some people kind of feel, feel like some people want to say it. But I know it's weird saying things in public as well sometimes. Yeah, it is. Yeah. But I prefer when people, when nobody says it. Yeah. I guess it depends on what kind of sneeze you have as well.

I try and keep it on the down low. Do you have a loud sneeze or a quiet sneeze? I think it's quite quiet, yeah. Do you? Are you one of these ones that just makes it? Yeah, yeah. How do you even manage that? I'm such a loud sneeze, I can't hold back. That's, yeah, I like

a good sneeze. They're quiet. I like hearing a good sneeze. Do you just always feel like you need to hold it back or is that just how you sneeze? I think it is how I sneeze. I've forgotten what the difference,

how I naturally sneeze, probably forgotten at this point and I just do it unconsciously. So you probably quite like this time of year because it's winter time now and so you're not getting any hay fever.

It's not as bad but I still get it. Yeah. I mean I'm calling it hay fever but it could be allergic to other kind of things as well.

You're quite allergic? Yeah. I am, yeah. What other things? You see, I don't know. Oh yeah. I had the tests

a while ago but they were inconclusive. Basically, yeah. I'm just... Cat? I had the tests a while ago but they were inconclusive basically yeah I'm just I know yeah I haven't been able to figure it out but I'm allergic to it okay people say bless you

I think you're onto something there because you know they're doing it so everyone else thinks that they're a better person for sure. Right. I'm going to reassess my use of bless you, I think. So, like, I'd say if I was across a shop, I definitely wouldn't do it. Maybe if like, you know, when you're on a tube and like and like you're in someone's armpit and they're kind of looking at you.

I think it's quite a British thing for them to like kind of sneeze on your face and then you say bless you because like if I'm that close to someone I feel like I have to say it I think in that case that what you're describing there sounds like you've been part of the sneeze yeah yeah yeah

you know I don't think that person would would if it was me I don't think I would mind. At that point, yeah. At that point. But it's the person who's kind of, you can tell when somebody is kind of, bless you. And you're like, you know. Yeah. Obvious.

Okay. Yeah. It's an easy win. And then there was a problem. It took off. Bless You took off sometime in the 90s. Did it? it took off bless you took off sometime in the 90s I think I feel it did because there was a movie

called Singles that came out that was starred Matt Dillon and Bridget Fonda set in Seattle and it was about

grunge music and told some stories about couples and this particular character played by Bridget Fonda she was a sneezer

and she used to say that she always wanted a guy who would say bless you to her. And this was her kind of, you know, her red line in dating. She wanted a guy that would do that. And the boyfriend she had played by Matt Dillon would never do it. And then by the end of the movie, said, she's sneezing, he said bless you and this was supposed to be the indication that he'd grown over the course of the movie and it was

just, but then everybody started doing it. Yeah, a lot of people were like okay, that's how you show you're a good person and you've grown as you say bless you to people. That's so funny that that was the crux I feel like it was yeah

what was it called it's called Singles Singles yeah okay I've never seen it it sounds like the music would be quite good

yeah it is it is a good movie yeah yeah but not so much the sneezing no I didn't use it for my movies

oh no okay fine no I wouldn't yeah that's fine that's more of a note for me to go and check out after. Yeah, it's definitely worth it's kind of it was very characteristic of

the 90s. Was it? Yeah. Yeah, okay. The fashion and the yeah. Thank you very much, Eleanor. Okay, so people who say bless you, you're going to be your last person on the island. Now, mercifully, among the wreckage of the plane, there was some food and drink left over. Unfortunately for you, it's your least favourite food and drink in the world.

What are they and why are they so bad? Yeah, the food I'm going to go with is olives. OK. Yeah, look, I know that olives are a thing that people seem to either love or hate. I've never liked them and I've tried to like them and they've not. I just can't. You're giving it a go.

Yeah, yeah. I can't get the taste and I just don't like the texture of them. And they just kind of slime around on your tongue. They kind of do, yeah. Yeah. And I think possibly, I think I kind of want to be the kind of person who likes olives as well. There's a certain kind of I don't know. It's like, you know, it's like one of those middle class hummus kind of foods.

And I feel like I'm excluded from the olives. Do you think you're missing out? Yeah, I do, yeah. So having them on the island would only remind me of my lack of social cachet. Oh, I mean, yeah, I'm going to be honest, I do like olives. But I didn't for most of my life. I don't think we ever had them in the house and it wasn't until I was like well into my 20s that i was just

like someone's like give them another go and i tried them when i was young and i was like that is horrible that's disgusting so salty and then someone told me and i don't know this is a myth and i can't remember the number so this is very loose but it was like if you eat like seven or 11 of them in a row then you're meant to olives. That's like the key amount in one sitting. Yeah. And then you tune your face right now. You're like, absolutely not. I'm trying to remember if I've ever given it that.

That's quite intense to sit down and eat 11 olives, 11 of anything you don't like. Yeah, it's true, yeah. I mean, I don't think I have the perseverance for that. The capacity, yeah, yeah, fair enough. Okay. I mean, I The capacity, yeah, yeah. Fair enough, okay. I mean, I get what you mean, though. They are definitely a quiet taste.

It's very weird. It's extremely salty. Yeah, it is, yeah, yeah. And just the kind of, the flesh of them, it's not like anything else. No, okay, yeah. Do you hate that?

Yeah, I do, yeah. It's like, they're like liver in texture. They're in that group of things for me. I don't like liver at all. Right. No way. OK, olives, yeah. I mean, I think, I'm not sure about this, but I think, like, the middle class-ness of the olives

has come down slightly, I hope, hope in some ways because in Tesco's you can get them like two packets for £3 which I'm feeling like when I do that I don't feel as much of a snob as I probably am when I'm buying it but I would say that actually like I, not that I'm addicted to

olives but once I eat one it's like crisps, I just keep eating them and I could go through a whole packet in like one sitting but this isn't about me this is about you what if it's an island just covered overrun with like beautiful olive groves and you just can't tuck in oh that would be torture i know wouldn't it yeah yeah okay olives is going to be your food choice probably sell them to tesco's but when you get found just be like by the way I've stated my claim on all of this

I own these yeah and I'm going to sell them off to you you need an olive you've got to go through me so Eleanor what's going to be

your drink choice the drink choice I'm going to put in is Red Bull Red Bull the drink yeah okay I think

Red Bull is the patty power of drinks it is the patty power of drinks it It is the patty power of drinks. It's just full. It's just sugar. I don't think it tastes. It's like, to me, it tastes like something that shouldn't be drunk.

Oh, for sure. Oh, my God, yeah. And I don't like all the marketing that goes with it either. No, yeah. I mean, you can just get vile variants of it and it costs so... It's like 29p for a can. I'm surprised you can even make a can

and fill it with a drink for that price. But that's not good. Yeah, I mean, it is just sugar sugar yeah you know oh so that's it yeah you're right yeah i'm pretty yeah i'm pretty sure sugar and water yeah that's it uh yeah it's uh it's so so gross one of the worst things you can experience on your commute is it's like eight in the morning and you get on your train and then someone next to you is drinking a can of red bull yeah oh my god i hate that. Yeah, it does. It permeates the area around it.

It really does. Yeah. You don't even need to be sat next to them. You could be stood nearby. But, yeah. Yeah. Guys, there are other beverages out there. Yeah.

Yeah. Like, yeah, sparkling water or a limonata, something like that an orange squash you could have a squash or a ribena absolutely yeah yeah 7up

anything with a flavour some kind of flavour to it yeah is better than Red Bull coffee how do you feel about coffee I really like coffee yeah

that would do you a trick and it wouldn't smell horrible and taste disgusting no it wouldn't smell horrible and taste disgusting. No, it wouldn't, yeah. I think as well, so say you crashed on this island, right, and you open the cargo hold of the plane and all you see is Red Bull, right, and there's no water on the island and it's hot.

How quickly are you going to, like, that is going to be very bad for you. Yeah, I'm going to have to... Yeah, and I'll break really quickly. You would, yeah. Imagine the headaches after a couple of days of that. That would be bad. And you would be jacked up on sugar. Yeah, and walking through the sand,

and that's hard on your feet, yeah. And I think, like, what that's doing to your insides, nah, that's bad. I know, feet, yeah. And I think like, what that's doing to your insides, nah, that's bad. I know, yeah, yeah. It'd be like that movie that the guy did where he ate McDonald's for a month. Oh, yeah. Yeah, what it did to his insides.

It could be some kind of experiment for sure. Yeah, big time. Well, one thing I think about it is, I kind of, there's something about all their advertising, which is like, we do crazy things. Yes. I kind of like, something about all their advertising which is like we do crazy things yes

that kind of I kind of like what why what what are you doing yeah yeah you're right I feel like it's just

like encouraging people to do bungee jumps which are fine but and there's a guy what's the point

Red Bull sponsored that guy that jumped from space, right? Oh, I didn't know that. No, no. So it was maybe about 10 years ago, roughly about 10 years ago, there was a guy, oh, God, his name might come to me in a minute, but he jumped from space.

And they took a balloon to just outside of our atmosphere and he wore a spacesuit with a parachute and he jumped jumped from space, and it was sponsored by Red Bull. OK. And he jumped to Earth from space. He could see the curve of the Earth from space, and he just jumped. And did he survive? No, he did survive, yeah.

Yeah. Oh, God, I can't remember his name. His name was Felix Baumgartner, and that was what his name was. I think his name was Felix or Sebastian Baumgartner. And that was what his name was. I think his name was Felix or Sebastian Baumgartner. How did you remember? I think, I don't know. I genuinely don't know.

But I think the more I thought of the event, because I remember they saw that they were going to do it. And I thought, this fucking guy is going to jump from Spain. Yeah, yeah. So I was trying to get it on my computer to watch it at home. But I think the internet was terrible at our house at the time and I didn't get to watch it. What an anti-climax to that story.

But yeah, so Red Bull sponsored that. Well, that's the kind of thing that I don't like about them. Yeah. No, I just like this whole kind of, I guess I feel like they're a gap year product or something. Like they're kind of for, like you've got to experience everything in the world before you, you know, it's just so kind of like, I'm so important. It's really important that I get to do everything before I die.

And that, I think that's just so. Yeah, I'm with you. You're right. Yeah. Okay. Red Bull. Specifically Red, I think that's just a show. I'm with you, you're right, yeah. Okay, Red Bull. Specifically Red Bull. All right, yeah, yeah. I think they are extreme. I mean, it's like, yeah, it's embarrassing.

Okay, Red Bull goes on. And we'll hear more from Eleanor after this. You're a podcast listener, and this is a podcast ad ad reach great listeners like yourself with podcast advertising from lips and ads choose from hundreds of top podcasts offering host endorsements or run a reproduced ad like this one across thousands of shows to reach your target audience with lips and ads go to lips and ads.com now that's l-i-b-s-y-n ads.com okay fortunately for you you won't be without entertainment on the island. The plane's entertainment system continues to work,

but just your luck, it only has two working settings. One is your least favourite film of all time, and the other is your least favourite song. What are they and why? So the movie I would least like to have to watch over and over again on the island is a movie called Midnight in Paris by Woody Allen. Ah!

Made by Woody Allen. Ah. Made by Woody Allen. And it's a movie that he made in 2011 starring Owen Wilson. Yes. And he plays a writer who is trying to, he's wrestling with his conscience and about what kind of life he wants for himself. And he goes to Paris with his American about what kind of life he wants for himself. And he goes to Paris with his American fiancé

and he goes through this crisis of whether or not he wants to pursue art or have his relationship. And it's the most infantile kind of insulting thing to people who kind of insulting thing to people who kind of spend a life

in the arts the journey takes him he goes to he meets F. Scott Fitzgerald and Salvador Dali and yeah I think I might have seen this

I'm just trying to remember as you're saying it yeah but he it's so weird that Woody Allen did it because well surely he does lots of weird things that I wouldn't understand. in the movie and that they were kind of really self-indulgent and just following their hearts

and their desires with no kind of care for the, you know, the people around them. And that's what, that's the choice Owen Wilson had to make.

Was he going to be that kind of guy or, you know, a kind of a sensible person? And it just, it just made the, anyone who is in the arts look like a selfish

asshole and I thought when I was watching Adrian Brody played Salvador Dali in it but he had all the artists they were they weren't

they were doing all of their art. So when Salvador Dali was in the movie, he was just saying mad things. Right. Rather than just being what Salvador Dali might be like with other artists and then look at his art. Right, okay, yeah. But then I remember when I was in the cinema watching the movie,

there was a guy sitting beside me who was seeing Salvador Dali and kind of going, oh my God, he's such a mad prick. What a new dickhead for, you know, you've just taught that guy

that Salvador Dali is not to be, you know, kind of respected in any way. And I thought, I don't know what like I've really

really enjoyed some of his movies so I was I was upset because when you know somebody has done so much

better you know that this was yes like why would somebody do something so bad did he write this as well then?

Yes. Yeah. And in that way that the main character seems to kind of embody the moral questions that he seems to struggle with all through his life. I know. It's so self-indulgent, isn't it? Yeah. And you just watch something like that and it's just like, and you just watch something like that, and it's just like,

what story of yourself are you telling here? It's quite like, you know, he's obviously picked some part of his life and is doing it, but the way that he's portrayed those artists sounds awful. You just think like... I didn't like it, yeah.

But people are going to come away from that and think, oh yeah, like you said, like Salvador Dali is some mad prick. And you just think, what, like... Yeah, that there was no kind of purpose behind what he was about. He was just a madman. Yeah. An opium or whatever.

Yeah, who just went to parties and interrupted people's conversations. With madness, yeah. Non sequiturs and lies. And then, yeah, I just... Like, yeah, I think Louis, or not Louis, Woody Allen is, like, I've just loved some of his earlier stuff, so it was really annoying that he did that.

Do you think, like, do you think Adrian Brody, say, or Ivan Wilson even, they're big-name actors. Do you think, like, they're reading the script and thinking this is quite bad but it's Woody Allen it's a Woody Allen film or do you think that they're like

actually this is alright and then they're doing it it's hard to say it might be it's the kind of thing that might be hard to judge from the script what the tone of it was

because you could very well not really the tone of that might have just been found in the edit afterwards or

on the set on the day they might have been the day the penny dropped with them and they're kind of oh this he's not

he's not elevating those artists he's he's undermining them here but how do you how do you bring that up on the day on set

with Woody Allen? Stopping it, yeah. Yeah, you know, those things can be hard. You have a good insight. It seems like you've had a good insight in the production process of film.

I've wrestled with such matters. Have you? I have, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I have now. Yeah, I've done, yeah, just working on shows and things. Yeah, you've got to make decisions about things sometimes quite close to the time that they're actually being filmed.

You're like, oh, I realised that that was what we were saying. It's different, like, because I think actors and comedians have a different decision to make when we're being acting in things, because actors, they're kind of generally let off the hook for the content of the material that they're doing. Yes. While comedians kind of like there's a set of values that you have, you know, with your comedy. Yeah, and I guess you built that up with your audience. So if you go and act in something that is totally opposite of your values that you've established, it undermines everything. So, yeah, you kind of, that's the kind of thing I would end up thinking about

yeah okay yeah no it's good yeah it makes perfect sense right yeah yeah oh interesting okay questions about Midnight in Paris

that I have for you sure so he said he travels through time yeah so he's in Paris and he's got this decision to make and he finds a kind of a way of travelling through time and meeting other artists in Paris and he's got this decision to make and he finds a kind of a way of travelling through time and meeting other artists in Paris.

Right. I'm happy. I'll go with that, no bother. Yeah, take that. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, you need these kind of leaps to tell the stories. It's an escapism film. It's fine.

Yeah. I think that's okay. Yeah. I mean, if you question that, question Star Wars. Do you know what I mean? Sure. Yeah. That's fine. Yeah. I think that's okay. Yeah. I mean, if you question that, question Star Wars. Do you know what I mean? Sure. Yeah. That's fine. Fantasy is good, yeah. So what I want to know really is what decision does he make in the end? So

in the end, the thing I haven't mentioned is that there's another crisis he's having, which is to do with his fiancée, and she's quite a pragmatic, no-nonsense American. Her parents are Republicans

and he's choosing between her and a woman he meets in the past. Oh! Which is... That's fun. So this is played by Marianne Cotillard, and she's kind of more sensitive, artistic type,

and he's wondering which is the right person for him to be with. In the end, he goes with neither of them and chooses a 22-year-old girl he met in a market. Oh, my God. He just meets this, yeah. That sounds very. Oh, my God. Just meets this... That sounds very Woody Allen, I think. There you go. There you go.

Yeah, it makes sense. Okay. Midnight in Paris. Yeah, yeah. All right. Anything else on Midnight in Paris before it goes on the island? Don't think so.

Okay. That's cool. Yeah, no worries. And I don't know, what's going to be your song choice? My song choice is called All I Want For Christmas

Is You by Mariah Carey okay yeah I'm not a fan of this no why song dare I ask

why not well viscerally I don't like it I don't like the melody I think it's kind of childish but I don't like it. I don't like the melody. I think it's kind of childish, but I don't think that's a reason to dismiss it. I think the reason is because I think it's like, it's too sexual for Christmas.

And I don't think Christmas and romance are, I don't think they're really that, people are pushing them together sometimes in songs. I don't think they're really supposed to be. No, it's true. Yeah. Christmas is kind of it's more family like. Yeah.

And then I think part of the way she sings the song is it's very kind of her voice is very kind of childlike as well. And that adds another layer of kind of kind of inappropriateness for me. Yeah. OK. Yeah. For like a romantic. Yeah, okay. Yeah, yeah. For like a romantic song. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that is.

You're right. Why would you play it that way? Why would you? Why would you put that? Yeah, it doesn't seem to... Because I was comparing it to Last Christmas as a song, which I don't have a difficulty with. And that's a song which I don't have a difficulty with and that's a

song about romance it is but yeah I think that was a bit more grown up so I was kind of I was sure

there were adults that were having the Christmas yes romantic difficulty while there was something

yeah just kind of really childish about the Mariah Carey one. I think it's like, it is, I think it's all right to say that it is great in the song. Yeah. I mean, like, I do think it's quite, I don't want to sound like a massive Scrooge, this is bad.

Like, I do think it's quite weird that we just wheel out these songs every year. Do you know what I mean? We like, I think we like, there's songs that are like okay songs. They're like, they're fine. Do you know what I mean? But it's like, do we have to listen to them every year for the rest of our lives? It's quite a scary thought.

It is, yeah. And that's like, it's not going away anytime soon, I don't think. That one isn't no no I mean there's only about 10 really aren't there 10 Christmas songs

yeah I don't know there is yeah I mean after that it does get it gets a bit loose do you know what I mean it's like

you're like ah okay yeah that one you know but yeah I think that song is, I'm sorry for anyone that is really into that, no. Yeah, it's hard to say.

Also, you're on a very hot island right now and it is like hotter than hell and it's in the middle of summertime. Yeah. And that's your only go-to, I feel like, song, yeah. Exactly, yeah feel like that's going to be evil. Exactly, yeah, because you're going to be,

it's going to suggest images of snow, isn't it, which is... And Mariah Carey dressed as a sexy Santa. Sexy Santa. Well, yeah, the sex in Christmas doesn't work for me at all. It's not my go-to, no. No. No.

All I Want for Christmas is You by Mariah Carey. Okay, cool. Thank you very much, Eleanor. And finally, the island is overrun by the biggest dick of all the animals. Which animal is it and why? The biggest dick is the snake. The snake. Yeah.

Okay, yeah. I like animals, like most animals but I just can't I just can't get over my visceral belief in the evil of snakes yeah

they're horrible aren't they yeah you can't warm to a snake no you can't I've been in I've been in two situations

where there's been snakes you made a face there I've been in two situations where there's been snakes in a you made a face there like I was going to say something really dangerous no it was just a zoo where I saw snakes and I was in the same

within a few metres of them and I can't you can't do it? No I can't and I tried I really looked at one snake I thought oh this is just yeah awful You can't do it. No, I can't. No. No, and I tried. I really looked at one today. I thought, oh, this is just, yeah, awful. Don't think this shit. Why are they?

Why are we? Why are we bothering? Yeah. They're not meant for your house. Do you know what I mean? They're not meant for your like. No. It's unnecessary.

Yeah. I guess, yeah, there's probably people who are responsible pet owners. Yeah, you're right. who are responsible pet owners. Yeah, you're right. Oh, yeah. No, I can't. I couldn't be. Yeah, I think I'd leave the island if there was a snake on it, actually.

I'd have to try. I'd make a run for it or something. We would do, yeah. I'd swim for it or something, yeah. Has it been a phobia all your life? Well, we don't have any in Ireland, so I never really gave it any thought. It's only the last few years of really, that those two things, those two situations happened.

Really? Yeah, yeah. I was surprised by how strongly I felt about snakes. Really? Yeah. You just couldn't be near? No, no, just... Well, if you were on I'm a Celebrity, get me out of here?

Well, yeah, I couldn't do it for that reason. Yeah, I would never... Never be able to do the snake pit? No, no way, no. I mean, I feel similarly about spiders. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. You're probably encountering spiders more often.

Yeah, yeah. I mean, I kind of have a whole criteria of why which kind of spiders are more hateful than others

is that bad well yeah I think spiders have thick kind of legs that makes me

kind of I'll project evil onto that scenario I guess it kind of gives them motive

and ability and strength while if they've got ten little legs I kind of you could overpower them yeah like the ones

you get in the corner of your room and that they're alright the ones with little legs I'll be okay with them yeah they'll be alright

but if they're like you know those big tarantulas yeah and if they once they start growing hair right, yeah. But if they're like, you know, those big tarantula. Yeah, and if they, like, once they start growing hair. Oh, no, yeah, yeah. That's scary, isn't it?

They're almost mammals then at that point. They're almost mammals. Oh, my God, yeah. I mean, yeah, I do watch that. I don't think I have a phobia of spiders. Like, in our house, I'm definitely the designated get rid of spider person but on i'm a celebrity that i've seen a few times recently i just think those massive ones on your

face i just don't think i could do it i know those people are pretty brave they are yeah i saw um noel edmunds put a whole one in his mouth oh my god a huge like wow spider and i just don't i think i'd be okay with my thing imagine that and its legs like oh you just wouldn't be able to do it i'm sorry am i this is bad for you sorry no i don't know because people talk about having arachnophobia uh and i guess um uh yeah i yeah i guess that because what because what I think about them is definitely irrational. It's not like, yeah, I think we do have a lot of social conditioning. We think that some animals are bad and, you know, out to get us. Yeah, I think you're right.

In some ways, which is probably not, it's not the case. No, OK. But snakes snakes so snakes an island overrun with snakes is going to be the worst yeah snakes yeah

who due to recent phobia recent realisations that may not be your thing yeah I went to a place an animal sanctuary in Australia and there was quite a big snake behind a barrier. And I just, I made eye contact with it for a little while.

And yeah, it scared, I had to, yeah, I walked away. Did you? Yeah, and I said, I gave you a chance. I saw. You saw evil in those eyes. I saw evil, yeah. Yeah, okay. Yeah, I couldn't, yeah.

Okay, snake's going to be your choice. Thank you so much, Eleanor. Thanks, okay. Yeah, I couldn't, yeah. Okay, Snake's going to be your choice. Thank you so much, Eleanor. Thanks, James. Thanks for coming in. Eleanor, if people want to find you, where can they find you? Yeah, so I'm doing, I have this social media account. It's called Twitter, at Eleanor Tiernan. And I have a Facebook page.

And yeah, I do gigs across the UK. And I have a website you can have a look. Find me there, eleartiernan.com. Yeah. Yeah. And then, so you just post up as and when you get a gig, you post them on Twitter?

I post them up there, yeah. And then, oh, I'm doing a tour in Ireland if anyone's listening over there. Yeah, we're doing a few dates in February and March of my show's success without a sex tape.

Okay, nice. Okay. Okay. All right, well, thank you very much, Eleanor. Thanks.