Desert Island Dicks - EMMANUEL SONUBI

Episode Date: April 17, 2023

Fresh from 'Live at the Apollo' and 'ITV2's Stand-Up Sketch Show', comedian Emmanuel Sonubi joins Dan to share who and what he'd hate to be stuck with on a desert island. Be sure to follow the podcast @dickspod Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Choose from hundreds of top podcasts offering host endorsements, or run a reproduced ad like this one across thousands of shows to reach your target audience with Lipson Ads. Go to lipsonads.com now. That's L-I-B-S-Y-N ads.com. Hi, I'm Dan from Desert Island Dicks, and today's guest is comedian Emmanuel Sanubi. I really enjoyed chatting to him. He's really funny. He's got a lovely vibe about him, which I'm sure you'll hear. And in between talking about the people and things he'd hate to be stuck on an island with he even dropped some really good life advice which is a rare but welcome thing on this podcast so i hope you enjoy it as much as i did thanks to all of you for downloading this episode we

really appreciate all you listeners um and if you're new to this podcast then welcome along obviously if you subscribe you will this podcast then welcome along obviously if you subscribe you will never miss an episode so that's worth doing because we've got new ones dropping all the time and if you could just take five minutes of your time probably even less to leave us a quick review and a rating wherever you get your podcasts that would be really great thank you to those of you who've done it already it's brilliant um failing that just you know spread the word and tell your friends about us that would be very much appreciated as well but look that's enough for me for now let's have well some more of me but thankfully joined

by a wonderful guest it's desert island dicks with emmanuel sunubi Sanobi. Hi I'm Dan Benedictus and welcome to Desert Island Dicks, the show that sees you marooned on a desert island after a plane crash with the worst people and worst things imaginable. Who they are and why they're a dick is up to our guest and here to share their desert island dicks with us today is comedian Emmanuel Sanubi. How are you doing? How are you doing? I'm good. Thank you very much for having me. Oh, thanks for coming on. Yeah, it's a pleasure to have you here. I was watching a bit of your stand-up and you've got a vibe of someone who's quite calm and quite a chilled-out sort of guy. First of all, I guess, is that the real you?

And secondly, if so, does that make it hard to rant about people and things you dislike? Oh, absolutely not. So how I am on stage is how I am. I don't think I could try and do anything else. So a lot of the stage personas, literally, especially me talking about being a bouncer, I don't make, there's no stories that I talk about

that have been fabricated. Everything has happened. So that kind of lifestyle as a bouncer, you have to keep chill. You have to sort of be in command of the emotions that you might be having, even if you're annoyed annoyed so if i am having a rant about someone normally it will sound a lot more politer than i mean it to be just because i'm like right let's think about what words i'm actually saying and say and say them calmly okay so you're like you're like the nice face of bouncing. I try to be.

I try to be. I've actually found that people are more, that they respond better when you're calm. Because if I start shouting, they start shouting, and everyone starts shouting. But if they're really shouting and I just stay calm, eventually all that anger is just taken out of their voice because it's not doing anything. Yeah, fair enough.

Cool. Okay. And so you've got this naturally fairly easygoing disposition. Did you find it difficult then making a list of people and things that you disliked? Partly, yes. Because I was trying to think there's the generic ones that sort of came to mind first. But then I thought, let's have a proper think about it. And if I was stuck on a desert island, who would I really not want to be stuck with?

And yeah, once I sort of put it that way, it made it a lot easier to bring up a list. Cool. Okay, well, let's get going then. Who's going to be the first person joining you on the island? Right, so the first person I'd have on my island is going to be Marvel's Black Bolt. Black Bolt, okay. Yeah, so he was... I mean, he featured in the last Doctor Strange film. And out of all the Marvel characters, he just irritates me because he's got all this power and he can't talk.

And it's just one of those, I find, really useless powers that you can't use, really, because you destroy everything. So Black Bolt's got the power. His voice is so powerful that if he shouts, he could level a city. And I'm just like, so he would just sit there in silence and i'd be was sat with what i'd call the most useless superhero out of all of them yeah yeah it must be difficult is that sort of i suppose it's like an edward scissorhands kind of thing like you can't use

your hands without cutting shit up you know but i mean if it's your voice that's even more annoying and just being stuck with someone who's going to give you nothing back on a desert island, except occasionally like a cataclysmic force of destruction. Yeah. And even like finding out you had that power. Imagine like as a kid, he really liked to sing. Well, that's gone. There's so many things he now can't do.

And he just reminds me like every time if we, me and my friends ever go out for a drink, superhero powers will always come into the conversation because we're idiot boys and that's what we talk about. And one of the conversations we always have is what would be the most useless superpowers. And the one that I've always gone with is the power to teleport, but you've got no control on where you teleport to yeah and his power goes in that category i find it completely useless so i'd be want to sit there and i'd want to talk to him about all the marvel superhero world

and he wouldn't be able to tell me anything so it'd be pointless in being there yeah it's things like that just sort of make me feel more on edge just watching it going god that's a real double-edged sword you know it's like i just feel like awkward around them the whole time like like what if what if they like gathering wood for the fire and they stubbed their toe on something and then just shouted and then just smashed up half the island. Yeah. Or a sneeze. What happens with a sneeze? Because you still make noise with that. Yeah, yeah.

Just constantly get... Trying to hold it in, do that thing. And I like a prank. So if I see them not paying attention, I would make them jump. Because I'd forget. And you make someone jump and all of a sudden you've just destroyed half the island.

Yeah. You know, you're just on this desert island. What if he sees a passing ship we can't really tell you you know he goes hey guys oh fuck i just sank the ship killed everyone yeah you can't you can't do it it just there's there's just no real use for him on the island other than to irritate me because i haven't actually seen i've read about him but I haven't seen the film that he's in, or read the comics with him in. So is it, I mean, are there levels of it? Like even if he sort of whispers,

is he still destroying stuff? Yeah, a whisper could kill you. Right, so he's literally just... And annoying, yeah. And even in the, because he's in the, pretty much the mid part of the new or the latest dr strange film and they use him for about 30 seconds it's such a waste of a character and the only thing

you really see on there is that he can't talk and if he does he breaks stuff like kills everything yeah i mean that's that's kind of one step step below anything you look at explodes kind of thing, you know. Yeah. Like, you just can't open your eyes ever. Yeah, I think this guy would be an absolute nightmare for all kinds of reasons. Just so accidentally destructive and, yeah, just like one less person to have a chat with. I mean, even if, you know, the other two people you're stuck with are just awful people, or even if he turned out to be an awful person you'd never know and it's just a waste of a body really you know because you can't just have a

little fireside chat so yeah I think that could drive you mad and also accidentally kill you exactly that a strong first choice um who's going to be joining him then who's who's the next person the second person I had on my list was Andrew tate for the complete opposite reason that i find he just talks too much yeah that that that would be the one he just talks and that's the whatever you think of andrew tate my one thing is he just talks sometimes you don't have to say everything and even the way you say it just maybe have have a think about, is there a different way? Because that's the thing we find in comedy. Because people always ask,

how do you know where the line is when you're doing jokes? Because when it comes to jokes, every joke has got something that, or someone that's the butt of the joke. So every joke has the potential to offend someone or something. So you do have to be,

and it is a question of of let's be clever how we say stuff so when I write stuff I'm always thinking how can I say this in the way that I want it to be heard so it's taken the right way and with someone like him he just says absolutely everything zero filter just goes out and you just talk too much and i think on an island i don't think we could have a normal conversation without him going into a tirade of an explanation about everything even the coconuts and why the coconuts are bad and we shouldn't have and we should be able to dominate the coconuts it's just a. I think he would talk far too much. Yeah, I mean, it's weird,

because when I first heard about him over, I don't know, it must have been the last year or so I've become aware of him, there's been times I've kind of gone, oh, okay, so you read an article online and there's a clip of him, and I don't want to give him extra clicks, but you kind of think, okay, let's see who this guy is.

I can never get into it I find him so incredibly irritating apart from the fact that so much of what he says is absolutely abhorrent and disgusting things that he says I just can't like you're right he's just a really annoying

person before you even get started on the content and it's, I mean, he represents kind of, and not even just him. He kind of represents a lot of the things that I don't like about the internet.

So it's, it's both sides. It's the people that are sort of really for him and the people that are really against him. Cause you're, you're, if you were to ask like a random person, like, do you like Andrew Tate? Most people go, no, I hate him. He's an idiot. and the people that are really against him, because if you were to ask a random person,

do you like Andrew Tate? Most people go, no, I hate him, he's an idiot. But they don't know why, because they've never really watched. They just know it's cool within the zeitgeist to not like Andrew Tate. It's like you pick a side, and then that's it. So it becomes that online argument that no one really looks into anything they just pick a side and go this is my standpoint i don't like that and even with some of

the stuff that he says it's like you you want to try i want to try and be open-minded and think right what is he actually trying to say what is he trying to talk about but he says everything in such an extremist way that it makes it really hard to sift through the actual meaning of what he's trying to get to. So then you sort of just stop listening. And I think if you were trapped on a desert island for that, I'd probably go, do you know what? I'm not a great swimmer, but I'm going to give this a go

and see if I can get out of it. Yeah. Or go the other way and throw him in the sea you know because that you know save yourself he's an athlete i reckon he'd just swim back and tell me why my technique was wrong yeah maybe maybe i mean that that does raise another thing because so much of his stuff is like i mean i just find it like really pathetic that he's like he so has to go on about, you know, like, look at me. I'm a man.

I've got my top off. I'm smoking a cigar. These are man things. And you're like, oh, there's different ways of being a man. Like, shut up. It's just so boring and obvious and kind of designed to appeal to a certain kind of person. Yeah. But then, you know,

I wonder how he'd react to being stuck on an island with you because you're, like, if you don't mind me saying, you're quite a big guy. And I wonder if when he's no longer the biggest guy on the island, that might be quite intimidating for him. It might wind him up even more if he's not the alpha-ist person there. Do you know what I mean?

Well, we've seen it in nightclubs when people go out. And the one comment I've got got because you think i'm like 6'3 19 stone rugby player and one thing i always get people saying to me is i wouldn't like to come a come against you and those are rational for people because they think this they don't know anything about me but they just think the size this is not going to end well but then on the flip side of that you get a lot of the and it's it is majority in my experience it's been mostly guys who see it as a challenge to prove themselves to the people around them can i take on the guy that guy's much bigger than me can i take him on which puts you in a really difficult position because if I've got someone

who's two-thirds my size trying to prove himself to his friends I'm in a lose-lose situation now because if I that even if I defend myself I can still come across as as the bully because I'm bigger than him and that's one of the reasons why I am very calm. Because even if I'm in the right and I lose my temper, it's too easy for me to be seen as the aggressor. So I basically just kind of taught myself to hold my temper in check and just think some people are idiots. It's that simple. And don't waste your time with someone that is an idiot.

But that's the thing. And I think Andrew Tate is an idiot. You're stuck on the island with him. And I think it's just going to evolve to the point where you're just going to end up having to like, you know, the thing where you're like someone's smalling you and you like hold their head and they're trying to like windmilling their arms, trying to get, can't reach you,

you know, cause you're holding them at arm's length. I can imagine him kind of doing something like that with you. But, but that's the thing. Like you got to remember, like he, Andrew Tate is a, he's an athlete. Like he knows how to fight he's boxed he's done mma like he he knows he knows what

he's doing and there's a certain level of once you've i mean i think it can kind of go different ways like i remember some from from doing things like boxing from doing tire boxing and learning how to grapple and things like that from my perspective the more you learn how to do the less you wanted to do it because you know the damage it can act like you could really hurt someone yeah so even that's contributed for me being a lot calmer because i don't need i don't need to be that aggressive really ever yeah but then you get some people that will go the other way and again it's got they've got something to prove especially if they feel threatened yeah so if you're always fine if someone feels threatened just like any animal

you feel the animal feels threatened it lashes out yeah yeah yeah i just i yeah i think it's if you're painting yourself into a tricky corner on this island and I think it's not going to be pleasant but I mean look this is exactly what we're trying to do here is create the worst environment for you so I think it's a great choice and I think annoyingly I think a lot of the way to make the situation calm with Andrew Tate is just to sit and let him talk which is just unbearable so yeah it's going to be unlucky you know and the superhero he's sitting on the side he can't break you up or you know one day andrew tate might wind

him up so much that he starts shouting and that's all gone and i mean that then it might clear itself up and it'll just be me again oh that's a bit of silence that's much better yeah okay uh well who's the third person going to be so so the third one's quite it's very different so my third one's actually morgan freeman okay and that's that's because i would then be i think i would be his desert island dick i i really like morgan freeman and i want him to really like me and i think the only way we could do that is if we never meet because I think he's so great

I would talk his ears off and I've got so many questions over so many years that I'd want answers to and then I just want to listen to him talk so I'd keep getting to say stuff so I don't want him on there because I think within I reckon an hour

he would hate me and I don't want that yeah he because I think within, I reckon, an hour, he would hate me, and I don't want that. Yeah, he's, I mean, you're right, he's someone who would just be great to hear taught. He's like one of the great voices, isn't it? Yeah, about anything, absolutely anything. Yeah, I mean, I think most of the time you're going to listen to him arguing with Andrew Tate, which would be a shame as well to sort of have a hero

of yours to see him constantly riled up by someone do you know what though if there's if there's anyone that could probably have that conversation to make andrew tate change his mind i reckon it would be morgan freeman i reckon one monologue from morgan freeman and andrew tate could sit back and just think you know what I have made some decisions that haven't benefited me or anyone else I'm gonna change yeah maybe I'd like to think he has that power he does feel like someone who's like slightly a cut above the rest of us you know like and I know he's like played God in Bruce Almighty and stuff and it kind of it does sort of fit him a bit but it's almost like after that, you're kind of like,

yeah, yeah, no, I'm happy with God being Morgan Freeman, you know. I think that's exactly what God sounds like. Yeah, I'd be happy with that as God's voice. It wouldn't surprise me. I mean, if you turned up to the pearly gates and he was all screechy and weird. If he sounds like Joe Pasquale or someone like that yeah he's like I created all of you this is the voice I've chosen today you're like oh my god wow I wasn't expecting no you do you you know you

know best obviously yeah you you crack on you you created all of this you you do what you like yeah don't let me tell you how to sound but I mean Morgan Freeman does have a good voice yeah he's got a great voice yeah it must be I think it's hard, like, when you meet someone... Because I've met a couple of famous people, and, like, sometimes, you know, you have a conversation where you can be normal, but there's times where, like, it's very clear they're just not interested in having a conversation with you.

Yeah. And the worst thing I find is when they just sort of don't really say anything. So you sort of go, oh, I really enjoyed you in blah, blah, blah. Yeah. And they just go, oh, thanks a lot. And then the conversation stops.

Yeah. So I've had one great experience meeting a hero of mine, if you like, and one horrid experience of the same. And the great one was when I met Denzel Washington. And he was so nice like he actually stopped to have a proper conversation with me and it was just like we could be friends it was it was I got really excited over it and and he was lovely it was it was one it was a really really nice conversation and then on the other end of that spectrum i met chris rock and

i'm kind of hoping that he never sees this because i don't want him to remember any of this and it was at the comedy store and we were we were there performing and we get told chris rock is coming down to do a set he was doing a warm-up set for the palladium which was the next night and straight away my brain goes into fantasy mode where i'm like oh my god we're gonna meet we're gonna shake hands we're gonna become best friends he's gonna be like you should come and live out with hollywood with me and let's go on tour together you're the best thing that's ever happened we should be we should make films and life was gonna go on that trajectory that's what i thought was going to happen and then as i was walking back from the bar to the green room chris rock walks in through the through the

entrance and we kind of lock eyes smile and give each other a hello nod and i was like oh my god it's going to happen this is it we're gonna we're gonna become best friends right now and i put my hand out to shake his hand and as i went put my hand out he went to fist bump and we just stood there awkwardly for like it was like a second but it felt like an hour just there then it was just and then that was the last we we spoke of the evening evening. And I got a picture with him at the end. And if you look at the picture, it's really clear that he doesn't want to take it. Oh, man. The fist bump handshake thing,

I almost think there should be like a rule where it's like, look, if I come in with the right hand, we're going to do a shake. If I'm coming with the left hand, we're going to do a punch. Because nothing makes you feel more geeky than getting that wrong you know getting that wrong so i will try and um either preempt it and if i'm going to go say hello to someone i will get my hand up really quick just so we know clearly because it's when you're going last minute is when that confusion happens. So I try and get in there as early as I can with my hand outstretched to shake someone's hand.

Because the worst is when then you switch, you know, and they're switching. And it's like the hand equivalent of trying to walk past someone and you keep moving in each other's way. But it's like a micro level of that. It just makes me cringe. It's awful.

But yeah, I can understand why that would feel awkward, but especially with a hero. Yeah, I grew up watching him. So I was like looking forward to this moment and then it happened and it was the most awkward game of rock, paper, scissors that anyone had ever seen. Yeah.

I mean, if it makes you feel bad, he must be shaking hands and fist bumping a lot of people. So, you know, it's probably water off a duck's back i reckon so i think i just hope he doesn't remember it that's the main thing yeah yeah i reckon i reckon you're safe there but um yeah look sharing your island with with one of your heroes is going to be awkward so yeah morgan freeman joins you on the island as well so you've got like i think it's a good interplay of characters there i think there's a lot that could potentially happen and go wrong and make it awkward so i think it's a very solid choice you're a podcast listener and this is a podcast ad reach great listeners like yourself with podcast advertising from lips and ads choose from hundreds of top podcasts offering host

endorsements or run a reproduced ad like this one across thousands of shows to reach your target audience with Lipson Ads. Go to LipsonAds.com now. That's L-I-B-S-Y-N-Ads.com. Okay, now mercifully amongst the wreckage of the plane, there was some food and drink left over. Unfortunately for you, it's your least favourite food and drink in the world. What are they and why are they so bad so the first one's oysters and i tried it and i know we're meant to love oysters and they're meant to be posh and they're meant to be classy and delicious and a delicacy and it just felt like trying to swallow someone else's snot yeah i thought they were horrible i don't

care what juice you put it into i thought it's probably the most i'll try pretty much anything that was without a doubt the worst thing i've ever tried in my life yeah i i agree i i really want to like them because i think they're like they're quite rock and roll you know it's like doing a shot you know and it's quite sexy and like and I think because not everyone likes them it sort of makes it more intriguing to me you know it's like oh if you're in the club yeah and they're meant to be an aphrodisiac you're meant to eat them and get horny I've never been less aroused after eating one and trying to spit it back up yeah and i wouldn't really want to kiss someone who'd just been eating them either because no not even a little bit

you've got oyster breath no yeah horrid i tried one the most recent time i tried one um because i'm always like every few years i'll come back to it and i'll go i'll give it another go but it has to be somewhere where like i can't be like around lots of people in case i do have to spit it back up because it's like it's a real gag reflex thing isn't it and like if you if you don't swallow it you know if you don't you don't chew it at all you've got to swallow this big thing which makes me feel like i'm a drugs mule or something yeah and if you chew it it's like it's getting worse with every bite i think well last time i thought oh i can put loads of tabasco on it i like spicy foods this is good and i put loads of tabasco on it. I like spicy foods. This is good. And I put loads of Tabasco on, but the thing was still attached in the shell.

So I tipped it into my mouth and all the Tabasco just hit my throat. And then I just started spluttering and the thing's still there. And then I've got a burning throat and I've still got to eat this thing. Yeah. I'll tell you what I wonder.

Do you reckon that no one actually likes oysters we've just convinced ourself that they are nice like it's just become a social thing now like do you reckon that the first time they did oysters someone was like go and eat it and they were like yeah that tastes really nice and everyone had to because so many people said yeah it's really great we have to pretend that we like it and now it's a thing yeah i don't know i mean because i think i heard somewhere that they used to be they didn't used to be a posh thing. It's like things like snails.

Yeah. You know, it's like the people who were eating snails were desperate. That's why, you know, there's such a garlicky sauce that comes with it. It's like, because if you didn't have to eat something that's crawling in the garden, you'd eat like a delicious cut of beef or something, you know. And I think it's the same with oysters. It's like, I reckon probably the kings and the queens and everyone was just probably eating like whole big fish and lobsters and stuff they weren't like messing with like these these shells stuck to a rock somewhere yeah you know they are nasty i really yeah again i'm like you i want to like

them because i know that's the posh thing but i think they're absolutely hideous they really really are i think also like people don't look that nice when they eat them you know like they sort of slurp them down i just think it doesn't make a nice noise it's it's it's the worst than the end of a milkshake like that slurping noise it's worse than that and again you can't just it's it's not nice no no and people go you know it tastes like the sea but i don't think that's not a good thing. I don't think it's a nice... I like fish and I like seafood, but, like, there's a point at which I'm like...

You know when sometimes you turn up to the seaside and it's just a bit strong? You know, it's a bit... Yeah, I've never got a mouthful of seawater and thought, that's delicious. Yeah, yeah. Just no. Yeah. And I can imagine Andrew Tate's going to be all over those, telling you how great they are and how you know how it makes you strong and yeah well with this cigar on the other hand that's nothing cigars i tried a cigar once when i was a kid and it was i nearly died it was one

of the worst things yeah i don't like them at all you can sort of see why they're like a stupid male power move because they just absolutely like take over the room you know without being asked yeah so it sort of fits and there's the whole formality of you've got to cut it here and light it this way i'm like it's a very posh way to shorten your lifespan isn't it i'm just yeah i just don't it's never really had any sort of sway yeah no i agree yeah i think there's it's just another thing that it's like another thing for a man to explain to you a lot about why it's so good. You know, it's like, oh, but you don't understand.

Actually, this one was rolled and this, I don't care. Like, it stinks. Can you get out of the house? Yeah. It'd take like an hour to smoke. It's not like, at least if someone has a cigarette, it's five minutes gone. It's like an hour and a half later, you've still got this soggy thing in your mouth. Yes.

Yeah. Okay, then. Well, look, oysters are still got this soggy thing in your mouth. Yes. Okay, then. Well, look, oysters are on the island. I think it's a good choice. And what are you going to try and wash them down with? What's your drink choice? Rosé wine. Okay.

Bad memories of rosé wine. Bad drunken memories of rosé wine. Okay, because I'm a bit partial to a bit of rosé. I think it's quite a nice summer drink. But I haven't got any bad memories attached to it. And's always the killer with it with an alcoholic drink what are yours well mine was um i think we must have been maybe like about 19 it's when we you go out to get as drunk as you can for as little money as possible and we used to go into a weetherspoons before hitting our local club. And they used to do a bottle of rosé for £4.99,

which shows you how posh this rosé was. £4.99, £3.99, it was one of those two. And what we used to do was literally buy a bottle and a pint glass and have it like it was a cider. Fill it full of a bit of ice, and then you would just basically drink that and there's one night that i got out late and i was like right i'm playing catch up now and have you ever stropedoed like a simona feist or something like that yeah i think a long time ago yeah yeah so you can also do that with a bottle of rosé. Yeah, and I did it. I think I did it in about five or six seconds, full bottle, gone.

And he was one of those, oh, such a man, high-fiving. And I think I lasted about an hour, and then all of it came back up, and it tasted the same as it went in, that just put me off i know i've not had rose since i like i can't i can't have it now because that thought is so strong yeah it was yeah it was not nice so to anyone saying it's a girly drink i mean it took you down so oh yeah god yeah i mean is there such a thing as a girly drink no i think it's such bollocks you know when people are like oh it's pink so like you can drink white wine but that's pink wine so that's a girly color you can't it's like it's wine man come on yeah but i've had other

people say about wine generally yeah wine so i was like wine's nice depending what you're eating yeah exactly i i've got a memory of rose wine where like i was working at a festival and um i was working on the bar and at the end of the shift there's like you know you can take a free drink you know before you before you go off into the festival and it was really hot and i was like you know been drinking for a couple of days i was like oh what's something refreshing oh there's that little the bit of the bar selling wine i'll get a little bottle of rosé because that's nice in this really hot day.

And because I got it out the freezer and my hands were all like slippery and I was trying to open it and I couldn't open this little twist top bottle of rosé. And there's a really big guy standing next to me and I was like, sorry, mate, can you? Oh, nevermind, nevermind. And he was like, what?

And I was like, I just realised I was going to ask you if you could open my tiny bottle of rosé because you're much bigger than me. i just realized like how bad that sounded so i was like no no no it's fine man it's fine i've got this i've got i'll use my teeth or something it's all right that's it's quite fun of the conversations with like people have and what it means to be a man and i did an interview where that was the topic of the question and it's what it's weird because i was like i've never really thought of what does it mean to be a man and that's because i grew up with five older sisters right because that was never that is literally my mom five older sisters

so that was my role model for the whole of my childhood so that never came into it so the question that i'd always had was what does it mean to be an adult and so that's how i've always looked so anytime someone said to me was it me to be a man i'd answer the question but then it took me a while to realize i'm actually answering what does it mean to be an adult because you can't have that and even when it comes down to drinks and the things that we do as as as like the the putting in the box of being a man something as small as beer i don't know anyone that's ever tried beer and liked it for the first time we had to get too used to i hated it the first time i had a beer i thought this is disgusting

but everyone else was drinking it so then i started on shandy's i then had a beer and now i like a beer but it took a while yeah yeah to actually go this is nice definitely first taste was horrible and i think you know what i think it's probably a much healthier way to grow up is thinking what does it mean to be an adult rather than like pigeonholing yourself into like one supposed model of living you know based on whatever ideas are out there you know i think it's you know it's like how do you present yourself to the world you know it shouldn't really matter like one way or the other and but you know what my only rule when i try to teach this to my kids is don't be a dick yeah that's it that i think that that's about the best that you can do like both both my kids they both they they were very quite a sporty household so both of them

do rugby they both do judo they both do gymnastics and they both do swimming and we just came back from from rugby tonight and uh there's like a couple of lessons that i've always tried to instill in them and it seems to be working and one of them is never quit you can fail but don't quit like if you quit you don't know if you were going to fail so get it get it wrong rather than giving up i'd rather you get it wrong and then you'll be absolutely fine you could because at least then you'll learn from something and then the the other lesson this is the big one that i sort of had growing up is the hardest thing you'll ever do is get up after you've been knocked down. That's sometimes the hardest thing.

And I said to my little boy today, because he got quite a bad rugby tackle, and he was on the floor, he was crying. I was like, okay, you're going to be fine. I was like, but the hardest thing you can do is to get up after you've been knocked down. If you can do that, you can do anything to get up after you've been knocked down if you can do that you can do anything a lot of it is going to be mental and it's that's literally

my three sort of life goals don't be a dick keep going don't quit that's it yeah I think it makes perfect sense and yeah do you know what it's not often we get such good advice on this podcast so I'm very wise i am very wise you seem very wise no i appreciate it i mean because you know it's nice to have a bit of light and shade on here because otherwise i'm just sitting

here talking about people we hate and uh it's nice to me as well this is the hard thing like when i was looking through this i was like hating someone takes so much energy yeah yeah definitely like there's there's no one that i'd go i i hate that person there's like because it does it takes so much energy and i'm like just i just don't this i just like i'm gonna go i don't care yeah yeah i just just take it out of my out of my lane it doesn me. If that's what some people, things people want to do, you go and do that. It doesn't bother me. I don't judge

because I don't expect to be judged on anything that I want to do. So I don't think it's fair that I then go and judge someone else. I'm like, if I don't like something, then I just don't have anything to do with it. Very, very simple. Yeah, yeah.

No, it makes a lot of sense. And yeah, I mean, mean unfortunately i feel even worse now that i'm putting you in this situation where you know you're marooned on a desert island because you know he's yeah you know obviously you don't want to be stuck with all these things you hate but um you're making great arguments for all of it so you know even within this framework of saying positive you're doing a really good job um but fortunately you won't be without entertainment on the island the planes entertainment system continues to work but just your luck it only has two working settings one is your least favorite film of all time and the other is your least favorite song

what are they and why right this was this was an easy one okay so favorite worst film um is a film called sucker punch yes have you seen it i haven't i've seen the trailer for it and i'm aware of it the trailer is better than the film and that's saying something because the trailer i'm i watched this film i've never left the film that confused where i was like i don't know what's happened i'd like if you ever watch this film i'm trying to even think of how to explain it it's a grim it's a group of it looks like very japanese fetish kind of vibe to it where you've got a girl that's in a schoolgirl uniform that finds katana swords. And then when she gets into the altercations, she doesn't actually fight. She just starts weirdly dancing.

And then it goes into a very weird montage of another fight scene. And I watched it. And you watch the whole thing going, it's going to get better. Like, there's going to be a point to this. And then the film ends, and I was like, I don't know what's just happened.

And I was like, I don't even know how to feel about this. So I want you to watch it just because it's so bad, and I need you to share it. In fact, everyone watch it just so you can share in my disappointment. Okay. I mean, it looks confusing because it's sort of like i mean for a start it just looks like it's invented for teenage boys it's like a teenage boy fantasy because it's like these girls who aren't you know they're kicking ass in an alternate

reality but it's all quite sexy and it's kind of i don't know that many girls who like if they were playing like a superhero version of themselves would choose to wear a lot less. You know, that's more like a bloke's way of looking at it, I think. Yeah, because the way that it came out was very Sin City vibe. So I thought it's going to be based on another graphic novel. I like graphic novels. Let's see what this one is. And I was like, I don't get it.

I don't know what's just happened. This is all sorts of weird. I think, you know, because the premise is was like, I don't get it. I don't know what's just happened. This is all sorts of weird. I think, you know, because the premise is like she's in a, you know, sort of like a mental home, like a mental asylum or something like that and being treated badly. But in her head, she's got fantasies and she can do anything she wants. But it's like, I think even with the best imagination in the world, you're probably not having these huge,

full-blown anime-style battles in your mind. You can have a great imagination. I don't think it's going that far. But yeah, it just sort of feels like it was made for young boys to watch and enjoy. That is the politest way you've put that. But yeah, also, because it's by zach snyder and i because i don't watch a lot of superhero films and things like that but i one thing i realized looking up his his films

is because it was it one of the one of the films like what was it an avengers one he did or i don't i just know one of the titles was Zack Snyder's blah blah blah so that was it was DC that he did and he did the so it's actually called the Snyder's Cut of Justice League

and it's a four hour film oh man I mean I just think when people start adding their name you know it's like Mel Gibson did it with that film Apocalyptos

Mel Gibson's Apocalypto and I just think oh what reign it in mate come on like we're gonna find out you're the director like you don't need to like put your name right above the door like that and that's like alarm bells for me yeah yeah those are red flags when you go it's four hours long and i watched the four hour cut because i'd watched justice league which i didn't like actually um and even that was long enough so i thought what are these extra two hours gonna bring to the table so i had to watch it and i was still just as disappointed i think you know you get the director's cut i want the parents cut where it's just a lot shorter and to the point yeah so that you know because like after i got the kids in bed it's just a lot shorter and to the point yeah so that

you know because like after i've got the kids in bed i just want to say hour and a half max just trim it all down even an hour and a half if you get it 50 minutes 50 minutes just get just get to the point straight away and yeah then 50 minutes would do it. Yeah, definitely. I want to see that more in filmmaking. What would your song choice be? Baby Shark. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I think I can hear parents across the country right now just going, yes, God!

Yeah, Baby Shark. Yeah. That is... I mean, what can you say about that song? Not even just the song, the remixes, the kids singing it. That was an anthem in this house for a very long time.

Yeah. I mean, the other day, my elder son, who's six, put it on for the youngest, who's two. And I thought it was a really sweet thing because often I'm kind of going, look, try and find something that you can both enjoy, you know. Yes, that's the conversation. But he went and he found something and he said, oh, I thought he was a really sweet thing, because often I'm kind of going, look, try and find something that you can both enjoy, you know,

and it's like a real battle. Yes, that's the conversation. But he went and he found something, and he said, oh, I thought he would like that. And I thought, oh, that's really nice. But I am now listening to Baby Shark remixes, and the remixes, they're all the same. Like, they never vary.

There's never sort of... Sometimes the words change, but it's basically the same song. It was even down to the they did like there was an r&b remix i think it was a rock remix and i was like these even then it goes down to they've these all these people who have made such a profit from this one song just because people will listen to it when it goes viral. It's mad, isn't it? Because you can never predict these things going so big, and then they do.

You couldn't have seen it coming. Often with small kids, you go full circle, where it's like something annoys you, you hear it so much that after a while you can't even hear it, and then just when you think it washes over you without it bothering you, it'll come back again and start annoying you again. It just stays in your head it's that ptsd isn't it it's just you just hear you know what's happening and it's some baby shark is there now yeah and you'll be on your own in town running some errands being stressed and you've got baby shark going

through your head and it's like it nothing makes you feel more mad than that kind of song being stuck in your head on a loop so yeah it's an ideal song to be stuck on a desert island with. And do you know what? I also, I get, I mean, I think about it too much, but things that my kids watch, I get really annoyed when there's like, obviously not everything's real because you have talking animals and stuff like that. But occasionally something so far beyond the realms of reality, it really annoys me. So in this baby shark cartoon,

the shark's just flying in the air. Like there'll be like a little bear and a panda and a cat or something talking to the shark. And the shark's just there floating in midair. And you're like, I mean, sharks can't fly. Yeah. Come on. Yeah, stop it.

Like, yeah, definitely with you with that one yeah and it's all all of the actions it's just all of the words i mean it's going in my head now that i've said it and that that was probably the easiest question out of all of these when i looked at it i was like baby shark there is zero question about it that's the worst song yeah definitely definitely uh i think that's going to infuriate you and everyone on the island i mean probably that's going to be the one that's going to make black bolt just lose his shit shut up everyone's gone now yeah yeah okay well finally then the island is overrun by the biggest dick of all the animals. Which animal is it and why? Guinea pig.

And it could be baby shark, I was going to say. It's always guinea pig. I find them to be the most useless. I don't get them. They're the most useless pet. They don't do anything. It's like a hamster-rabbit hybrid that doesn't do anything. Ever.

And I don't get them they'll find them completely pointless have you ever had to own them with your kids or anything have they ever asked for them no i've been asked when i've seen other people that've got them and you go to centers where they've got them on little farms when they might have them and i'm like i don't i don't get what they do now i've never really researched into this. There might be something that they really bring to the ecosystem of the world, but I don't know what it is, and I don't like them. I think they're like,

they are just massive hamsters. Even hamsters, but at least they're tiny. But guinea pigs, I don't like them. They're sort of like little walking cushions aren't they they don't really like i think they occasionally like make little squeaking noises and and sort of run about a little bit but they don't even really run much do they just sort of like potter out like they don't they don't do they don't do anything um and so i even i even looked at the i googled

the worst things about guinea pigs and And we've got they can be messy. Most people underestimate how much guinea pigs poop. They can be expensive. So now I'm spending a lot of money that something that shits everywhere. They need large cages. You have to get them pet sitters. That for a dog, yes. But pet sitters? imagine asking your friend can you

look after my guinea pig no one wants that no one wants that at all they they like it can bed in your washing machine uh and there's also 20 reasons not to get a guinea pig um and they're yep there's low loads of these and they are oh they need so much care for no reason and the white ones with red eyes just look evil oh yeah yeah there's something a little bit odd about those yeah i mean in peru they're a delicacy they eat them in peru and it feels like that's you know it makes sense because they're probably quite easy to breed, don't need that much feeding and they're kind of manageable. They're not going to attack you or require lots of space. So I'm like, OK, as like a thing to eat on a budget, it kind of makes sense. See, I would try one. I would definitely if I ever go to Peru, I will try a guinea pig.

Well, I have actually tried one in Peru. How was it? It was a bit like, I mean, it's going to be the old it's a guinea pig well i have actually tried one in peru so how was it it was a bit like i mean it's going to be the old it's a bit like chicken kind of thing like i've tried rabbit once and it was the same as that but again rabbit is a bit like chicken so it's kind of like yeah like the dark meat on chicken but a bit tougher you know so not as good as chicken basically and you know when the way it's presented isn't very nice because it's just like on a little spit and you know it's got the head and the claws very nice because it's just like on a little spit. And, you know, it's got the head and the claws and everything.

So it's... What, as the guinea pig? Yeah. So it's just like the whole guinea pig. So they don't even cut the meat off. They just spit roast it and cook it. Yeah, just like a big sort of guinea pig kebab. So it looks horrendous. I shared one with my friend as a sort of,

well, let's say we've done it sort of thing, you know. But, yeah yeah they're like really popular and they have like a festival for them and they'll dress them up in little skirts and outfits and then eat loads of them it's quite it's quite full-on so um but yeah i mean it's something that if it's there you can try it and if you needed to eat them on the island it'd be useful but like i'm not ordering it off a menu yeah yeah fair yeah so uh so yeah i mean it's a good fitting way to end your island just hundreds of these things just running around everywhere just getting under your feet and stuff upsetting me yeah with

andrew tate telling me why we need them oh man yeah i think i like that you've put a lot of thought into this and i think it's going to annoy you in in many different ways you know because you know a superhero that could kill you all a man who's just going to be obsessed with his own ideas and then you know somebody put on this pedestal and all the while covered in guinea pigs and watching a crap house you've done very well so thank you so much for joining us today and uh where can people see more of your stuff so i'm on tour at the minute so i'm touring the uk so i've got about 30 30 or dates all over the country um so the easiest thing is probably just jump on my website and see where your closest city is and that's on uh emmanuel stand up.com lovely brilliant well thank you again for uh sharing your desert island dicks with us today it's been an brilliant well thank you again for uh sharing your desert island

dicks with us today it's been an absolute pleasure thank you for having me cheers there you go desert island dicksicks with Emmanuel Sanubi there. And as he mentioned, he's on tour at the minute, so try and get to see him. His stand-up's really good. Check it out online. A lot of comedians say he's one to watch, so look him up online and go and get a ticket to his shows.

Now, we've been a bit slow with Compact Dicks. If you're not familiar with that, it's our sister podcast where we ask you, the listener, for the people and things you'd hate to be stuck on an island with. But it is coming back soon, so send us your submissions for what person, food, drink, song, film or animal

you'd hate to be stuck with. You can even invent your own category if you want, and we will read them out on the next episode. You can email us at dixpod.com slash contact but that's it for now though desert island dicks was a sync clap production created and produced by james deacon produced and presented by me dan benedictus and as always a big shout out to chris attaway and a very very special thanks to John Deacon for their continued support as well.

Okay, that's it for me. Thank you very much. Bye-bye.