Desert Island Dicks - GBEMI OLADIPO

Episode Date: September 4, 2023

Comedian Gbemi Oladipo joins Dan to share who and what he'd hate to be stuck with on a desert island. Be sure to followthe podcast @dickspod Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, my name is Dan. This podcast is Desert Island Dicks, which I reckon you've already worked out because you're a smart bunch. Flattery aside, let's get into things. This episode features comedian Bemi Oladipo. And I feel bad that I haven't put this out yet because we recorded it ages ago. But we went through a phase of just recording so many each week that, you know, you're going to get a bit of a backlog. So anyway, I'm addressing that now. Here is an episode with Bemi Oladipo. He's a very funny up and coming comedian.

I reckon you should go and check him out. I'm certainly going to because my new, not New Year's resolution, but just general life resolution is to get out and see more comedy. So I'll be sharing any recommendations from my lifetime outside of the podcast with you and hopefully getting comics on the podcast as well that I like that I've seen. Oh, talking about going out to things in real life. How about you come and see this podcast in real life? Because we're taking part once again in the very brilliant cheerful earful podcast festival and we're going to be doing a live desert island dicks on thursday the 2nd of november in ballam in southeast london at the bedford pub and we will be joined by the

frankly brilliant jenny eclair uh i think she's going to be so great with the Desert Islandics format, to use a sort of wanky phrase, but I think she's going to be really funny. She's a very no-holds-barred, no-nonsense kind of person, and I think she's going to have fun with it. I'm certainly looking forward to it, and I hope you are too. Go to cheerfulearful.co.uk and get a ticket now. They're eight quid plus like a booking fee, which I think means it's still under a tenner. So that's, I mean, that's pretty good. That's less than two pints, isn't it?

Or three coffees. I don't know, it depends where you live, but most things are pretty expensive, aren't they? So you pick a unit of your choice. It's still cheap though, I reckon, for evenings entertainment. And there's another two podcasts on that night as well that you can go to, but I think you do have to buy tickets for those separately as well. But hey, I would love to see you there. I had such a laugh doing it last

year with John Robbins. Jenny Eclair is going to be great. I feel confident saying that now, and it would be lovely to see you in person. So yeah, 2nd of November, Bedford Pub in Balham, cheerfulearful.co.uk to get yourself a ticket. Why not do it now? And whilst you're doing it, here's a podcast to listen to. It's the brilliant Bemi Olad and welcome to Desert Island Dicks, the show that sees you marooned on a desert island after a plane crash with the worst people and worst things imaginable. Who they are and why they're a dick is up to our guest. And here to share their Desert Island Dicks with us today is comedian Bemi Oladipo.

How are you doing? I'm good, man. Ready to talk about things I don't like. I mean, you know, you're a sort of upbeat guy. Do you find it easy to rant about the things you hate? I mean, there's a lot of choice in the world these days. I don't generally tend to hate people, but I hate aspects of people. Does that make sense okay well i'm

fascinated now to see see who you've chosen so let's get straight into it then who's going to be the first person joining you on the island it's an easy one nowadays you know i don't like this person no one likes this person uh but i don't like the person for a very particular reason you know it's it's pierce morgan right pierce morgan yes i don't like journalists a lot of journalists sounds very random have you ever watched cnn fox news or whatever where you know where they have the talking heads and whatever and you know when you're sitting there you're like ask the right question and you don't do it i don't i don't there's a level of insincerity right and people especially when i used to watch a lot i don't know don't there's a level of insincerity right and people especially when i

used to watch a lot i don't know why when he was on what was it was a good morning wasn't good morning britain yeah i used to watch that a lot so they've got like a limited amount of time to ask their questions and get out of there blah blah blah and it almost felt like every time someone was about to get caught in a lie right they had to go to a commercial break or something, blah, blah, blah, blah. So I like the idea of being on an island with him because you can't go anywhere. You can't run. Now we've got to face forever and, you know, we'll suffer together.

So I kind of want him there because I don't like him, but also it would be good to see what you can get out of someone like that if you were with them forever. Yeah. I mean, I think the thing is, like, on the one hand, you could pin him down a bit and try and sort of, like, break him down a bit. And, like, when he's got no one else to impress and he can't make any money off having someone.

Ooh, that's a good point because those people, they do it because they've got an audience in it. And what does he do when he doesn't have one? That's a good point. Yeah, because it's like, can you just stop objecting with everything just to be contrary you know what i mean just to sort of but then but then i just think it's so embedded in his character now he would just like you know you'd like catch a pig and you'd eat it and you go god we're so lucky to find that pig now we've got something to eat for a few days and be like oh but are we though like you know just like any little thing i just think he's so like he's just one of those people he just loves

winding you up and he's like oh it's just healthy debate it's like no pierce we're stuck on island you're being a bellend yeah yeah yeah see i can never know that's what i always that's what i want to find out though what you just said i want to know if that's actually is that you is that the real you i always wonder with those people is that the real you but you if that's actually, is that you? Is that the real you? I always wonder with those people, is that the real you? But you think that's just him. And even on an island, he ain't changing. It's hard to know, isn't it? Because it's like, I think it's like when people go undercover,

you know, you see a film when someone goes deep undercover and sometimes they can just keep up the pretense that they're like this other character and they survive and they're all right. And then sometimes they go too deep and they can't come back out again. You know what I mean? I think with people like him, the Katie Hopkins is those sort of people.

It's like, do you believe it or not? You're kind of fucked. You're sort of painted into a corner. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I don't know. It'd be interesting. It is a good point. I always, yeah, I always wonder with those people.

Have you ever seen, going off the record, have you ever seen Atlanta? I haven't, no. You've got to watch it. It's phenomenal. There's a great, there's a great episode here which sums up my thoughts on, it's the most mind-blowing thing right, you've got, you've got like a moderator person, journalist in the middle, then you've got a rapper and you've got someone else who is there to talk about LGBTQ issues and stuff like that. And she is accusing the rapper of being misogynistic. Right. And there's this phenomenal moment where the rapper responds to something she says after she's accused him of being misogynistic.

And it makes a lot of sense as to why he's not. And she goes, actually, you're right. I actually agree. You're not misogynistic. But there's like so much time left in the program the guy in the middle starts panicking right and he tries to accuse the rapper or something to rile her up and it doesn't work and there's no show so when i think of all these like the pierce morgans and stuff i'm like that's if if people don't they've got nothing right so my mind if you're on an island and it's impossible to create that sort of friction part of me like what does he does his mind explode or does the real him come out i don't know it's sad that that's where

i sort of tell he's got to these days because Cause like, I'd be happy watching people agreeing on a sofa or like, thank you. And I think a lot of people would, it's like, Oh, do you know what? Like, you know,

it's like, okay, so you're a white man. You're saying that all these people are snowflakes and blah, blah, blah. And then someone goes, Oh,

well I'm a person of color. This is how it affects me. And you're like, shit. I never thought about it from your point of view. That must be really hard actually. Do you know? Cause I don't have any black friends. I've never thought about it from your point of view. That never happens. That must be really hard, actually. Do you know, because I don't have any black friends.

I've never thought to ask someone. Yeah. You know what I mean? It's mind-blowing. I don't know if you've ever been in that situation, because I'm a very, like, I'm a very, I like to say, I'm a very changeable guy, right? I hate, I've never understood the need to hold on to your opinions,

if that makes sense. So I don't know if, I've always been in this situation sometimes well i'm in a very heated argument with someone like it's quite heated but then they say something that makes sense and a lot of the time i can instantly just be like actually yeah you're right people's brains they're like but but you were just angry yeah but you made sense yeah and it's we're allowed to change size when a good viewpoint is given to us yeah it's mental but it never happens on tv it never happens and i always want to talk to these people in real life that are in these and be like why just why well maybe you could be the person to change piers morgan and if you got rescued he'd be like you know like thanks

to my good friend who's a person of color i've really you know i've really like embraced this whole new i was wrong everybody i'm gonna go you know on my gb news channel i'm gonna call it gb europe no no no daniel daniel the second we get rescued and he's there's an audience again it's flipping back maybe i'll take that deep down knowing what you've got you've got all got to get money somehow, man. Do you? I'll never begrudge a man for getting break. I don't know. I still begrudge the way he goes about it.

Get your money, man. Get your money, Peter. Get your money. All right. Who's going to be the second person joining you? I think I would really not like to have my mum. I know that sounds weird because I love my mum, but I've thought about this long and hard,

and I think it would be torturous. Because you don't want to see people you love on an island. Does that make sense? Yeah, because you wouldn't want to see them wasting away or struggling. Yeah, it's just like, oh. You know? So that would almost be worse than being smoked. Yeah, definitely.

At least I could get some glee. But this, it's like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah, I think it's difficult because, like, on the one hand, you're like, you don't want to see him wasting away and getting ill. And then also, like, our mums can wind us up quicker than anyone else in the world, do you know what I mean? So in that stressful thing, you're like, like oh now i'm really snapped at my mum now i feel bad or like or she's snapping at you for something going you're not you know you didn't cook that fish right or something you're like oh give me a caught the fish for fuck's sake come on

yeah yeah i don't know i don't know yeah that would that would depress me i mean you'd also have to see your mum dealing with piers morgan mean, how do you think they'd get on? To be honest, it's just a weird thing to say, but she's such a like, not in an offensive way, but it's quite nice. She's quite simple in a lot of ways,

right? So, you know how nowadays everyone's in the Twitter wars and this, and they get in the weeds and, you know,

my mum's the kind of person, the ultimate conclusion is, I just think everyone should get along. Like's just it would be nice so he would maybe go off on it and it wouldn't even penetrate does that make sense like she doesn't get angry she doesn't get i think it would frustrate him actually which might be nice because she just won't grab onto anything she's like i love jesus and that's it she won't get too deep into the weeds and the politics. And, you know, I bet my mom doesn't even know what identity politics means.

I genuinely don't think she does. So I think it would be fine. I can imagine, like, maybe if, I don't know, if push came to shove and he really annoyed your mom, maybe like Piers Morgan getting a proper mom style telling off. Like saying, I'm disappointed in you. I'm disappointed in you. That could be it. That's the key. I think you've cracked it.

Someone needs to say that on TV. I'm just disappointed with you, Piers. I'll just leave it like that. Yeah. I mean, to be honest, like, I can see how for you, you know, obviously it's incredibly complicated, like being stuck with your mum on a desert island with Piers Morgan.

I mean, from what you've said to me, she seems like a lovely person to be stuck with on an island. Like, I think I'd quite like to get stuck with your mum on a desert island with Piers Morgan. I mean, from what you've said to me, she seems like a lovely person to be stuck with on an island. Like, I think I'd quite like to get stuck with your mum on a desert island. You know, it seems like it'd just be really nice. She's so lovely, but I just hate to see it. No, I can understand that. All right. Well, I think, you know,

it's going to be really interesting to see who the third person is and how everything hinges on that. The third one, yeah. I thought about this, right. It's more a type of person. You know, people,

I've ever spoke to people that are like fake deep. Does that make sense? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This is actually my hat.

Cause it's fresh. I won't say, I don't want to say a name because it's actually like, it was off to a gig I did last week. I did a gig at solo house. And then one of the audience members was talking to me this girl right afterwards and i wanted to kill myself i'm not i wanted to kill myself um if she hears this you know she but she she kind of just like everything

is so like you know like we were talking and she goes so this comedy thing you do like it's like a spiritual experience isn't it you know with like you know she started talking about dimensions and just fake depth and it drives me mad it drives me mad it's like do you know who erica bardo is yeah yeah yeah erica bardo is actually quite spiritual right but it's like some people don't understand how that's meant to work. And they just say things. There was a few comedians and she was there and we were chatting and she was a bit absent minded. And I was like, oh, you're OK.

What are you? You're good. And she genuinely said to me, sorry, I was just like, you know, in the other realm. What does that mean? It's called daydreaming. What does that mean? It's called daydreaming. What does that mean? So imagine being on an island with someone. I would kill myself.

I would kill myself. I would kill myself. Genuinely, I would kill myself. Yeah, no, I totally agree. I think, like, it's such a fine line, isn't it? Because there's aspects of spirituality or being able to see the good in the world that's so helpful and useful,

or, like, being able to appreciate little details that you might otherwise, you know, I get that that can really help our well-being, especially when the world is basically a bin fire, you know, like. But then there's a point where like, I might have said this before on the podcast, once I was in India and I went and I did a yoga class. And before the yoga class, like everyone there was real like hippies kind of thing. And before the class, like we had some tea in these little cups and one of the girls who was staying there, she collected up all her cups and I gave her my cup that just had hot tea in it.

It's 38 degrees outside. And she took the cup and she's like, oh, it's still warm. And I was like, yeah, cause it's had hot tea in it and it's 38 fucking degrees like there's nothing

there's no lesson in this it's like the lesson is just things heat up when you put hot things in them like I'm not like

I've said that to some people and they're like oh but you know she's just trying to like find the good in stuff I'm like yeah look don't make me the bad guy here

like I was at a yoga class in India I'm trying to improve but it's a hot fucking cup like there's no there's no depth to that yeah yep that is it in fact there is there is a you've just said something that reminded me of someone and it's and i can't oh my god her name it's gonna come back to me she's like a life coach coach stormy okay so she did this life coach, Coach Stormy. Okay. So she did this

life coach thing where she's got loads of her, you know, she's taken loads of her people to this place, loads of people to this place and she's one of those, she inspires you,

teaches you how to be rich, whatever. So there's a part, yeah, where she's eating off a plastic plate, right, with a bunch of women. And one woman has, she's got like more food on her plate than she does and she looks at that woman's plate and she starts saying the way they've served your

food is it's not fit for a queen you're a queen all right the way they served your food means they don't respect you all right look at mine it's elegant look at yours your queens don't move like that all right that is beneath you all right right. And the woman, instead of going, that's bullshit. She's like, I know exactly what you mean. I know exactly what you mean. Yeah, this is, you know, and she's like, yeah, you know, before before you said I didn't think of it like that. But now that you're saying this coach to me, you know, it's true. Like this isn't this play isn't fit for a queen you know there's like there's too much chicken and this and that you know i'm a queen i need to move like a queen i said you're

hungry yeah you're hungry what do you mean fake deep it drives me nuts i've been on a desert island with someone like that oh man yeah and that's such a weird example as well because it's like you're not creating queens. You're just creating a nightmare for the service industry right there. Do you know what I mean? Because there's loads of people who are like, sorry, you've put the food on my plate, but it's not really fit for a queen.

You're like, I don't know what you think. This is Nando's. This is Nando's. Relax. I don't know where you think you are right now. Like, you asked for two sides, right? They're there you know what do you want coach stormy that's in fact that's the name that's her that's the person okay

her and anyone like her and her like affiliates yeah fake deep finding a lesson and everything when there's no lessons to be learned yeah relax i'm trying to eat chicken what do you mean like i said it like it's such an important thing in life to find like nice things and enjoy like the goodness and remind yourself what you're grateful for but like there's a point where you just go oh fuck off man like come on like like just you have to live a real life as well like yeah you know i'm gonna walk into the ocean guys it's fine nice okay well we've got a good selection of people there all right now mercifully amongst the wreckage of the plane there was some food and drink left over unfortunately for you it's your least favorite food and drink in the world what are they and

why are they so bad this is a controversial one i don't understand it i don't get it it's just weird I don't I'm going to say Bemi Oladipo does not understand steak there you go steak okay

I don't get it I don't listen yeah I don't understand it no one can people have tried and I don't understand it I've been to

someone for my birthday took me to Nobu because they knew just to get the most they're like if you don't understand it i've been to someone for my birthday took me to nobu because they knew i'd just to get the most they're like if you don't like this this is it and i was like it's whatever i don't get steak steak is the most bland tasteless do you know the problem with steak yeah the flavors anytime anyone i eat steak with someone and they're raving about it it's like they taste i don't need subtle flavors i don't like steak don't get it no i think okay and if i was on an island with steak i would it's just nothing it's like it's like eating wet wood i don't get steak i don't like steak never give me steak people

i don't get it not a fan i mean like i i do like a good steak what What's a good steak, Daniel? Tell me. What's a good steak? It's just a slab of meat with nothing. What's a good steak? Tell me. This is it. Well, yeah, for me, it would be like, you know, nice soft texture, you know, so it's like you're not chewing away for ages. It's nicely cooked, not overcooked, and it's sort of, you know, just. But I know what you mean because I would say that as I

get older I do realize like you know because I like most I'm not very fussy eater right so I like most of the meats and stuff but I do realize often it's like it is more bland than a lot of things you could cook you know like if you get like a stew or something you have to cook for a long time like oxtail or something like that you know like there's there's more of a flavor to it and i watched this program recently there's like it's this famous italian butcher right and he said he grew up in this butcher shop he had quite a poor family and all his life he was eating all like the leftover bits because his family wouldn't give him like the good cuts but they knew how to make nice stuff from all the cheap stuff that was left over he said when he was like 18 his father took him aside and he was like look i'm gonna give you like the best steak in the shop and he cooked it and he was like this is

amazing but it's not that interesting he was like i've never had meat so soft and and you know melts in your mouth and whatever but actually like where's the flavor compared to all the other stuff what you just said is it there's nothing interesting about steak anytime hear people talk about steak, I feel like it sounds like you're coach storming. You're making stuff up. You're making stuff up. Oh, it's the texture and it's just right. And it's, it don't taste to nothing.

I'm sorry. It's so, it's so boring. Steak is so boring. And I've had all kinds because people have tried, man. What is it? Wag boring steak is so boring and I've had all kinds because people have tried man was it Wagyu steak yeah that's probably what you had they were like this is it Bemi

Wagyu steak I was like what the hell is Wagyu and then the thing about steak you know steak the only food where you've got to tell a back story to justify what it is chicken is chicken but wagyu wagyu steak it's from yeah you know there's these cows in china and they they sing songs to them and their cows meditate and the meat is a certain way and this and that so when you eat it it goes through your system no it's a cow relax relax it's steak and it's there's nothing to it steak

is boring i know what you mean like i mean like i say i do enjoy a good steak but i think that like it's one of those things like like i like wine but there's a lot of bullshit to wade through you know i mean like you know like or like i like pretentious beers but like i don't want to have a conversation about them for an hour you know i mean and i think it's something like you know like or like i like pretentious beers but like i don't want to have a conversation about them for an hour you know and i think it's something like you know real bros latch on to it's like you know like there's like this real like thing about dudes cooking with fire and like and it's oh my god yeah yeah you're right you're right and it's like i don't want it to become this like gendered thing where like oh yeah boy boys let's go out and get a steak it's like we're men let's get the most masculine thing we can get and it, boys, let's go out and get a steak. It's like,

we're men, let's get the most masculine thing we can get. And it's like, can we just go out for some food? Like, I don't like all this stuff that's attached to it, you know? You're right. I feel like that's,

look, I'm not trying to say you don't actually like steak, but I feel like you've all been tricked. You've all been tricked. And it's the story around it. And it's what steak, people like what steak represents more than steak that's my take i don't i don't get it you've got a fair point and i think

it's more about texture than flavor a lot of times i think you're getting more flavor from some like cheaper cuts and stuff i reckon so yeah i think you've you've put forward some strong arguments plus also you're gonna have to like coach stormy is probably vegan she's probably not gonna have a great time with it. You know, you're going to have to go into all that. Every time you eat it, she's going to tell you how bad it is for you and stuff like that. Piers Morgan's going to be, oh, shut up, such a load of nonsense.

This is what men, the woke liberals trying to get rid of steak. All right. Well, look, you've got a mouthful of steak. How are you going to wash it down? What's your drink choice going to be? This is more a fear because I've never done it okay i've never drank alcohol before okay so what i mean help me out here because i you gotta help me out daniel because this is i was thinking about this you gotta help me out what i couldn't figure out is if it would be the worst

drink to have because i've never done it or the best because i've never done it does that make sense yeah i mean either way it's going to be pretty dehydrating so like in terms of like a functional point of view you know just having alcohol isn't great it's not good for you okay and i think that if you've never drunk it's probably going to knock you sideways the first few times. And it will be much easier to have a bit too much and be sick and then you feel hungover in the heat. See, that's the thing, yeah, because I've never done it. And also, back to the steak, when pretentious people eat steak, they're always like, oh, you're going to have a good wine.

What is it, good red wine? Fun story about me, though, actually. I've never drank alcohol. this is true for for a short period very short period of my life i was a sommelier i'm not making this up i'm not making this up how did you swing that this little restaurant basically there were just loads of roles and because i know how to talk in it i'm like they were like yo yo you'd be this i was like what's the sommelier they were like oh it's a wine expert i said but i never drank wine they're like that's all right here's this little book just read this will be confident when you're when you're recommending things and i was so mad i wasn't so many i used to give wine recommendations but i've never drank wine and one guy caught me out

once he just kept asking questions and i just had to tell him i said look i don't know just why are you trying to catch me out go away i don't have enough money for you to do this it's not a competition man yeah yeah oh so which one would you recommend oh i recommend this because of this then he asked a deeper question yeah recommend this because of this then he asked a deeper question yeah but the texture of this yeah then have this yeah but this i'm like look dude just i don't i don't know it's wet man drink it yeah there you go but yeah i was just a million wow that's impressive that's i mean that's ballsy like i come black come black yeah nice nice i mean i think you're one good thing about because you're on

the island after a plane crash so one good thing about alcohol for you as someone who's teetotal is that like on a plane it all comes in quite small measures you know you have little bottles so it's probably quite appropriate you know so you won't like just have a big bottle of whiskey and chug it you know so so maybe it's a good way to start but yeah i just think there's two you know the feelings and emotions are running high. I think there's too much going on and like, you know, you could easily like, yeah, it could all go wrong too easily.

So I think for you probably, actually for most people, I think alcohol is probably a bad idea on a desert island. If I am going to start though, Daniel, what are you recommending first drink? Well, probably just want something like not too strong. So like a beer or just like a cocktail, you know, so you could, or like something with juice, you know want something like not too strong so like a beer or just like a cocktail you know

or like something with juice you know something fruity I do like I love a fruity drink I love I'm the guy that orders a fruit mocktail

every while I go yeah so you get some fruity cocktails and I think although they've got a sting in the tail do you know what I mean because that's the thing you think oh I can just knock these back

and they're like you know don't taste of the booze yeah but you know don't worry. We can work through it together. Like maybe I'll be your guide. Thank you.

Thank you. Okay. Now, Bemi, fortunately, you won't be without entertainment on the island. The Plains Entertainment System continues to work, but just your luck, it only has two working settings. One is your least favourite film of all time, and the other is your least favourite song what are they and why song i hate stuff that's too joyous but also doesn't sound genuine okay okay the song i hate and i hate i really hate this song i have such disdain for

this song it's unreal black eyas, I got a feeling. Oh, man. Yeah. Kill me, bro. Yeah. Kill me. Kill me. Just kill me.

It's okay. Don't play this song anymore. Just kill me. In fact, they've got two songs I hate. Two of my most hated, two of my most free hated songs are Black Eyed Peas. I got a feeling

and in fact I'm going to give you three songs because I don't I have one of these I got a feeling then what's that people killing people I hate that shit I hate that shit it's corny I hate it

and then what's that I sound like such a dickhead for not liking that this last one what's that? This, I sound like such a dickhead for not liking this one. This last one is, what's that? See you again. It's been a long day. Oh, I hate you all.

I don't know which, any of those three. Yeah, man. So who's the last one? Is the last one Black Eyed Peas? No, is it?

No, no. The last one is Wiz Khalifa, which is another thing. Cause I'm a big rap i'm a big hip-hop fan so when rappers that i know are like a bit more hardcore they get that pop gene in them it's a bit yeah yeah yeah then you've got those aren't lyrics yeah what do you mean what's that yeah i don't like that it upsets me no i get i definitely get you i mean okay let's go through this and so black eyed peas i mean that i got a feeling is just for me is you know i feel like i really like dancing but i hate dancing to

music i don't like do you know i mean some people? Some people are like, I'll dance to anything. You know, if it's got a good beat, I'll just dance to anything. And I'm not that person. I'm like, I will leave the dance floor as soon as I don't like this music because I hate that feeling. And for me, that I've got a feeling song is the feeling of sitting there at like maybe someone's like anniversary or birthday and people going, come on, Dan, come and dance. And you're like, no, no, no.

And you don't want to say, no, no, no, trust trust me i fucking hate this song because you're trying to be polite but you're like no it's okay i don't want to you know and if you say you hate it you look like a dick because how can you hate joy i got a feeling oh my gosh it's so horrible it's like an alarm though that first bit you hear it it's like and you're like oh god it's that i've got a feeling klaxon i've got to get off this dance floor it's a horrible it's a horrible song and also when you're all just losing your mind on that island and it's just relentlessly upbeat and it's yeah it sounds like the kind of song that would play in like like you know in some sort of weird black mirror thing where they're trying to torture you

in some isolated place where like everything that's going on is really dark. But then they've got this really like happy song. You know, it's like what made Thingy disturbing?

What's that? Squid Games. What made it disturbing? Isn't that it was just dark is that actually it was quite aesthetically bright quite colorful you know you had the doll the big doll but then that would kill you you know all the colors made it darker somehow you know so if you're suffering and then you're hearing this awful nursery rhyme sounding thing constantly, it would make you want to suffer.

Yeah, yeah. Songs like that, I can really imagine, like, I've got a feeling, playing, you know, like if you're outside a club and someone's upset or they're throwing up or there's a fight and you just hear that but muffled in the background. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's the perfect backdrop for some chaos. Yeah, do you know what I mean? Okay, so that's a's a good so what's the next one what we got next we got um people

killing people that's it i don't like that i don't like that it's where is the love not here you know when songs try to make you feel something i don't want to feel it now yeah i think every now and again it's like a pop formula like maybe every five years a band will go like hey guys why are we all arguing hey wouldn't it be better if we just loved each other and you're like and we all got along yeah i i get it it's kind of complicated though and they're like you know what i mean but i think it started with like the beatles you know, again, all you need is love. And it's like, yeah, I get that. Like, I get that.

You know what I mean? But like every few years, there's like a different version of it. You're right. There's something about it that removes the, what's it called? The nuance of what it actually means to create world peace or whatever. Right. And it's like, just love each other, man. Yeah.

Just love each other, yeah just love each other man it's like some hippie and i think like the sugar babes or atomic kit and someone like that they did one it's like hey guys we're all just the same like don't judge me like we're all the same and you're like i know like but but you know i mean you can't you sound like a prick if you're sort of cynical about it and it's like no you're the ones who fucking wrote the song knowing that you're going to make money. Yeah, yeah. And sometimes you can let them go, you know, black or white, Michael Jackson, right?

It's cinema, cinema. But you know what? It's Michael Jackson. But this, Father, father, father, help us. And then the rapping, you know, Hysteria by the media it's like oh my god honestly it's hot it's horrible it's horrible i'm a big rap fan so when i hear a rap like that

it's like you didn't write that your kid wrote that like what do you mean that's that's like a child you know hey little tinny you know do a little rhyme for us you know hey apples you know i don't know just lame lame i hate that song i hate it yeah all these choices are perfect because they were like it's like you said it's like upbeat but it's not really it's cynically upbeat you know i mean it's like it's designed to make money you know you're very good at enunciating how i feel cynically upbeat i'm gonna be using that from now on i love that it's almost it's focus groups that's what it is isn't it yeah yeah exactly it's like you know like an ed sheeran album you're like you can go through it and go this is one they'll play on the

rock station yes this is the one that goes on like kiss this is the one that'll go on magic and radio too this is the one you know i mean it's like someone sat there and be like how do we make this album play on as many stations as possible you know it's like there's yeah i just it does my head in the where is the love is the perfect for that like you said it's like this is the song where we all get in a circle and hold hands and sway from... Where is the love? Not here. Not here. Not here for you.

It's not here. I agree. Yeah, all right. Cool, all right. Strong choices there. What's your film choice going to be? There's a thing that's been with me since I was a kid. I don't know what's wrong with me,

but I have a strong hate for musicals. So it's got to be The Sound of Music, man. It's got to be The Sound of Music. I hate that. I'm not saying this to be controversial. When I was a kid, yeah, I didn't even like the Disney films. That's not true. I kind of liked them.

But I mean, I'm a five-year-old watching The Lion King, right? I mean, I'm engrossed in the story. I'm liking it. The second they start singing, it takes me out every time. I'm like, why are they doing that? I complain to my mum. She's like, that's what they're... I don't like it.

So the sound of music. I've never made it all the way through that because I'm just like, I don't know, maybe... I'm not a big musicals fan either and i think maybe i don't know because i was young and it looks a bit old you know sometimes when you're young it's like so same with my kids if you go oh well you might like watching he-man from when i was little and it's straight away he goes this this looks wrong i don't know what it is but yeah i know the thing about musicals it's weird isn't it it's's like, and it's, you know, I'm someone who loves music, but it's like, and there are some films that have good songs in,

but I think it's generally like a musical style of music. You're right. And actually, I don't, I generally don't like musicals. There's only one musical that I actually like to be fair and i think it's like because it doesn't always fit that style and it's a lot darker um and it's older and also because when i was younger and a school play i actually did it and i learned all the songs um little shop of horrors that's the only musical i could okay yeah yeah i can stand but that's just because there's there's death and there's two there yeah yeah i can stand but that's just because there's

there's death and there's two there's two alternative endings to it there's one where the world ends and everyone dies and i'm like i like that yeah fair enough manufactured joy everyone does that's my watch i watched the blues brothers the other day and uh and i was like all right yeah this is a musical but it's good because it's Ray Charles and Aretha Franklin and James Brown. You're like, yeah, these are heavyweights. You know, it's not just sort of like, you know, it's them writing amazing songs.

It's not just sort of musical songs. It's just a film that has loads of good songs in it. And because they're so good, I don't mind that everyone in the world just suddenly starts dancing spontaneously because I think that's what would happen if you saw James Brown in church or like Aretha Franklin in a dino. Like, I'm going to go with that. You know what I mean? But the rest of the time, it's like we're all in a factory sweeping up. But now we're doing it in time. I've worked in factories. Nobody in there is going to do a spontaneous dance.

I agree with you because I think what you just said as well, once again, you're good at enunciating the whole Aretha Franklin, because I'm pretty in the Little Shop of Horrors, the main Audrey Tudor plant, the evil plant, is voiced by, I think, a Motown singer, actually. I like that already,

so I can handle that. But all the other stuff, all the other, you know, I am the understand going on. No, no, no. I don't like musicals. Don't like that. Fair enough. And also like,

you've already got a load of songs that you hate on the island. So now you've got a film that you hate with a load of other songs that you hate. So you're like really packing in. I've got to listen to, I've got a feeling, all that. No.

Yeah. I'm going to say actually for the music, I'm going to have to, to make it work, we're going to have to, I got a feeling, all that. No. Yeah. I'm going to say actually for the, for the music, I'm going to have to, to make it work, we're going to have to give you like a compilation, you know, like now that's what I call dance,

early noughties or whatever, you know, so we'll, we'll give you like a compilation and the sound of music as well. So, please don't. Get me off this island, please.

Yeah. I mean, I can tell like from the look on your face, it's taken its toll, but like we're almost at the end and you will be granted your freedom because finally the island is overrun by the biggest dick of all the animals. Which animal is it and why?

Might be an obvious one, but it's the truth. I'm really scared of snakes. Okay. I'm really, really, really... I've got a snake, a huge snake phobia. When I was in primary school, there was like a pet day. So I'm brought the snake. They just bought a box and it didn't even I think that was the first time I ever saw a snake in person. It's been like mine. Just put a box, opened it and the snake just started coming out

and I froze and she got the snake. I remember she was my friend and she put it on my neck and you know it was moving it was like kind of in front of my face I was looking at it and i was just like mate i can't i can't i can't any and it's any you don't have to be poisonous i don't know i'm not i'm not comfortable around them they they really oh man no yeah see do you know what when i was young i had a real fascination with snakes and i always asked my mom if i could have a snake but she's my mom's australian so she's like has a bit of a fear of them like she sort of grew up like obviously not trusting them and um and now that's sort of faded away a bit but i can absolutely understand why people have an issue with them because like they are fucking weird and basically i dislike most things that are like us now like anything that's like long and straight and wiggly i'm not

a big fan of but i don't know what it is with snakes but even though i like them like if one just appeared on me or like i was sitting under a tree and one came on my shoulder or something like i wouldn't just go oh great it's a snake i love them you know i mean it would still freak me out it's like i think it's just something so hardwired into us that like i you know i've seen them in the wild before and it's freaked me out and i've jumped a mile you know i mean i think it's just we're built to be scared of them i think you know yeah and i'm one of those i see a snake and i'm asking myself questions but how is that moving? I still don't understand it. I might be stupid.

How does that move? You ain't got legs. What are you doing? How do you move that quick? Yeah, because some of them can swim as well. And you're like, how? Climb trees and stuff. How? It's like the colours and shit.

And they can Blending with stuff And Some of them are huge And then they're like I read a story on In Indonesia It was on the BBC Like last week

Some Some woman went missing In some village And then they found a snake And the snake was looking fat Killed it Opened up And this woman was dead Inside this snake and then they found a snake, and the snake was looking fat. Killed it, opened it up, and this woman was dead inside this snake. This old woman.

And your mouth, how is your jaw disconnected like that and swallowing a whole human being? And it's not even that you ate it, you swallowed her, bro. And now you're just chilling there for months, digesting a whole person. No. Yeah. That whole thing of just like eating the thing wholly, like,

are you, are you enjoying that? Like there's no, there's no joy there. And then you just sort of, you know, it's just a thin head and then this huge antelope lump in it. And then like the tail's thin again.

Yeah. The fuck is going on with you? What's wrong with you? How hungry were you, bro? What's wrong with you? Yeah. It's weird.

And it's like, they just... Ah, man. They wrap around you and this and that. I don't... I'm not a snake guy, man. They freak me out a lot. I'm sure people have said snakes on this podcast before, but... Yeah, but, you know, like I say,

I think it's a reasonable thing. Like, I mean, you know, I'm sitting in a room here. I've got a picture of me like on the back shelf there, which is like me when I was nine years old in Australia, holding a snake at a zoo. And it's like one of my favorite memories. I've got a snake tattoo, but I still think they're freaky motherfuckers.

You know, like I still think they're weird. And I think I can begrudge anyone for being scared of snakes. Really. I think it just sort of makes a lot of sense, you know? Yeah. Unlike with other animals, right. I don't just sort of makes a lot of sense, you know? Yeah. And like with other animals, right?

I don't like every, like, even dogs, right? Certain type of dogs I don't like. I don't like them dogs that look like they lift weights. You know, them dogs. But there's also cute dogs. I ain't never seen a kind of snake where I'm like, I like that. There's no size, no species, nothing. A snake is a snake.

It could be the smallest snake. I'll be upset. No, I think that's very fair. It's hard to put an argument against them, to be honest, even as somebody who likes them. So I think it's fair. And it's a fitting way to round off your island of crappy people and things. So you've done a fine job today, Bemi.

So well done. Now, listen, where can people see or hear more from you? What are you up to at the minute that people should know about? Me? I'm up to a lot, actually. So at the moment, obviously, doing a lot of stand-up, but I'm also writing a lot of stuff. I write on the, if you're any football fans out there, the Fantasy Football League show on sky with matt lucas ellis james

i do mensa um i write jokes on that which is which is great because i love i love football and i love comedy so it's like what else could you ask for really um yeah doing i'm always i'm always out there performing all over london all over the country as well. That's me, man. Yeah. And we can keep up to date. You're on Twitter and Instagram and stuff? Yeah, Instagram, Instagram. I need to be better on my socials.

I need to be... The agents always tell me off that my social media is a bit poor, but it's about to step up, don't worry. Yeah, ours is too. We're always saying it here. Yeah, it needs to step up. But yeah, social media, first name. So G-B-E-M-I underscore hi. You yeah, social media, first name,

so G-B-E-M-I underscore high. You know, good Bemi, as you will, underscore high. Nice. Listen, Bemi, thank you so much for coming on today. It's been a real pleasure. And yeah, can't wait to see you live as well. No problem. Thank you so much, Daniel.

Cheers, man. Take care. take care