Desert Island Dicks - GRACE CAMPBELL

Episode Date: December 30, 2019

End of year special! Comedian Grace Campbell joins me to share who and what she'd hate to be stuck with on a desert island from 2019. Be sure to follow the podcast @dickspod Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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or run a reproduced ad like this one across thousands of shows to reach your target audience with Lips and Ads. Go to lipsandads.com now. That's L-I-B-S-Y-N ads.com. Hi, I'm James Deacon and welcome to Desert Island Dicks, the show that sees you marooned on a desert island after a plane crash with the worst people and worst things imaginable. Who they are and why they were a dick is up to you.

And here to share their Desert Island Dicks with us today is comedian grace campbell hello hello how are you yeah good um thank you for coming in and doing this not at all so excited yes well yes when i first got asked i was like oh it's gonna be about sex yes did you think it was gonna be about sex i think people often do right up my street yeah sorry to disappoint to disappoint. No, it's fine. There was actually another podcast that came out, I shouldn't promote it, but called Desert Island Dicks and it was choosing the best people you've ever slept with. Oh, wow.

I think that was the premise. Wow. They only did like two episodes and then it disappeared to my benefit. Yes. But yeah, interesting, right? Yeah. I saw it and I was just like,

yeah, well, fair enough. Yeah. I understand why you would have thought that. But this is better for the Desert Island premise. Absolutely. I understand why you would have thought that. But this is better for the desert island premise. Absolutely. Yeah, thank you. I appreciate that. No worries.

And so we're going to round up the year, right? Yeah. What of dicks? In dicks. Yes. Okay. So how did you find choosing your people to your island? I was thinking of all the different people who have been like in terrible media moments

this year and things that like have been just like everyone's talking about on social media this is good um but then i was thinking about actually because then i i was thinking about some women and then i was like no it's just not very feminist of me so i've decided to only go with the middle class white men. Yes. Okay. For my dick. Nice. This is good. But yeah, I mean, there were like a lot,

but then there's just one that anyone listening who knows me will absolutely know I'm going to say. Okay. Yeah. All right. Just the first, I mean, he's been like my nemesis. I've only met him twice, but he's, you know, currently our prime minister. Okay, yeah.

To give the game away. Just to give a little bit of a spoiler. Yeah, okay. But he's just the first. This year's been defined by a dick, in my opinion. Okay, let's do this then. So who's going to be first choice? Boris Johnson.

Boris Johnson, yes. Okay. Mr. Landslide Victory, Boris Johnson. Interesting. Because we talk just after that. Four days after the election. I mean, he's always been a bit of a dick, I would say. When he was Mayor of London, it was less obvious and people didn't care as much.

And then when, you know, the referendum happened, he was just always kind of angling to get into downing street and it's just been really plain like it's so obvious what he's been trying to do it's so obvious that he's a liar it's so obvious that he's kind of offensively misogynistic and racist and homophobic it's all just very obvious he's not hiding no no like it's all there yes and people voted for him i know it's just it's it's it's so blatant and it's just so confusing it is very confusing i mean but also like on thursday night i was uh ill i was ill i knew it wasn't going to be good but i didn't think it was going to be that bad it was yeah and then the exit poll came in and i bought myself two bottles of wine

to myself yeah and just got like i mean i was so hung over the next day which was even worse because then i was like this is such a bleak day like but when so what happened i the exit poll came in on thursday night and i was getting on the tube i was going to back to brixton and i was on the tube and the tube was packed the victoria line was packed i was looking at everyone on this train and i was like no one here looks like they know what's just happened right yes like the exit bar had just come in i just got the notification on my phone. And no one looked, like, disturbed. Or like they knew. Or like they'd been waiting to find out.

People were just happily getting on with their Thursday night. So was that sort of like this one moment where people just were sort of oblivious to what was about to happen? Yeah, but also I was like do you care oh do you think i was like do these people care okay maybe they don't like maybe they just haven't been that engaged with it it's just interesting because like obviously uh well not obviously but like my social media was just full of it like i just i'm just seeing it all the time but maybe that's because of what i google and what i look at and the people that I talk to.

It's a bubble. Totally. And if you looked at the bubble that I live in, it wouldn't have been an overriding majority as it was. Well, also the like stats on how if it was 16 to 24 year olds had just voted, it would have been Labour every seat. Which is so depressing. 18 to 24, sorry, 16 year olds don't have the vote, unfortunately. Yes. Fact.

We've got to get the facts right. Okay. So, yeah. So it was difficult for me because for the first time, I felt like I couldn't vote Labour, which was, it was hard. I was looking at everything.

I was looking at the tactical vote. I was trying to be measured, practical in what I was about to do. But, and I knew that, you know, by voting for Lib Dem, it was probably a wasted vote. But where I live is a pretty safe labor seat right and it's still labor uh but from other things family things um I just didn't feel like I could vote Jeremy Corbyn because of him or because of anti-semitism or because of Brexit what was it it was anti-semitism yeah and it's just, I don't think I'd be able to go back and look my family in the eye

if I was to do it. And that was difficult for me because I've always voted Labour and always been a Labour supporter. But now, it was hard. And my, actually, my father-in-law, for only the second time in his life, voted Conservative.

And I knew it was difficult for him to do it. But is he the usual Labour voter? His whole life, apart from one other time in the 80s. It's kind of mad to me that people would be like, I can't vote Labour because of anti-Semitism, but I can vote Tory. I mean, Boris Johnson, again, has legitimised Islamophobia,

different forms of racism, particularly towards black people. Yeah. It's like... But obviously it's not like a... There's not really a way that you can measure them up. But I just think people, by saying you can't vote Labour because of that, but I can vote Tory. Yeah, I know. It's difficult.

It sort of makes me... It doesn't sit well with me. The whole debate has been scary. I almost can't talk about it at home because like i want to be able to live at home and it'd be fine do you know what i mean and so uh for like the first time i felt like i just couldn't really voice my opinions and i was a little bit i just thought for an easier life i just can't do it yeah so there we go yeah i mean I definitely

had the same thing well my dad which you know come on to like he did vote Labour my mum was just really couldn't because of anti-semitism yeah um and I think she was quite angry with me that I did ultimately vote Labour it's tough it what which is mad because I grew up in a family like when I was a child it was like like anything but Labour is evil and scum. Like if people vote Tory, they're scum. Like that's what I was taught when I was a kid. I used to like spout that on the street. I can imagine.

Yeah. But yeah, it was just a really weird election. Oh my, what a weird time we're living in. I'm very interested in like this whole, sorry, this isn't a political political podcast but it is four days after the election but i'm so like i've been on twitter all weekend like looking at these labor people just like attacking each other it's your fault it's this this is the problem this is and it's like they can't just accept that it was a kind of myriad of things that came that led to them having the worst the worst election since the 30 20 yeah unbelievable i mean it was unbelievable nearly 100 years yeah yeah no and they can't just be like yeah corbyn is

partly the problem that's what fucking pisses me off they're all like protecting their granddad i know it feels like it's like all like protecting their granddad all the time. It's like, just accept that he was actually a huge part of the problem. Yeah, definitely. It's funny, do you remember a couple of years ago, there was like Grime for Corbin and stuff like that. And then all of a sudden, it seems like they've all distanced themselves from that. And it's just interesting to see how things move.

Like you can be a cult-like figure at one, for one moment, and then all of that falls away. But also, the other thing I will say is, like, that kind of grassroots activism behind him and also that, like, you know, the day before, like, Little Mix came out and said vote Labour.

Like, all of these big people. I saw that. That does not translate into winning seats across this country. No. The people you want to vote for you are not on Instagram. No. They don't know who little mix are yeah like really and truly so it's like you feel like that's going to have some sort of impact it never does no and that's why i guess this was the first

election that i was like really prepared for like labor to do badly okay yeah even though everyone i followed has been like vote labor say the nhs NHS. I was like, nah, I know this country. It's a bubble. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, yeah, you move out of here. And like, I went to, for example, I did a podcast in Yorkshire. So I stayed with a friend up there. And like, quite quickly, the conversation moved on to like, who are you voting for and that kind of stuff. And he just, like, my friend just said, look, everyone around here is voting Conservative.

And like, then that was the moment I was just like i live in a bubble yeah you know the other thing i am very interested in is there are a lot of secret conservative voters interesting there are a lot of people who you probably know that would who wouldn't say that they voted tory but actually do i really believe that because on the election night my friend told me about these three people i know who i so wouldn't have thought really voted tory that voted tory yeah because like slightly rich people just want to keep their money yeah yeah yeah that's the bottom line right so boris johnson uh need i ask why um i just loathe him i really like yeah i think all of the things that we know but then i just think he's like a representation of something that i thought we should have expired by now you You know, like that... That Bullington club.

Bullington, Estonian, like scruffy. He gets away with things because he's got the amount of privilege that he has. And in my show, which I'm taking on tour, I do this bit on like, you know, because basically I've met Boris Johnson a few times. Yeah, you mentioned it. I'm interested in this.

Yeah. Well, just for the listener, my dad's Alistair Campbell, for those who don't know so i always have to contextualize that because otherwise people are like how did you meet boris johnson but i went to a miley cyrus concert yeah boris johnson was in our box okay like my a okay and then we all got asked if we wanted to go down and meet miley cyrus before she went on stage of course so we go down and meet Miley Cyrus before she went on stage of course so we go down and meet Miley like me my dad Boris Johnson and his daughters and then when we meet Miley um Boris who was quite funny and so he was mayor of London at the time it was

in 2009 oh yeah and he was just like this silly kind of like jovial whatever and then he met Miley and he said he said he pointed at my dad and he was like and this is my deputy mayor and then Miley goes hello deputy mayor it was so weird oh my god um and then I met him at a Rolling Stones concert those are the two times I've met him this is so weird yeah this is great though this was before, like, this was just when he was mayor. Yeah. He had way less sort of... Now I kind of, I fear how much I can imagine when people are with him, they're like, oh, he's just so funny and silly and...

Best part of two years ago, I had Jackie Smith came on this podcast. And her first choice was Boris Johnson. And she said, let me unravel a few things for you. And she was like, I used to work with him. And he would turn up to ason and she said let me unravel a few things for you and she was like i used to work with him and he would turn up to a meeting and she she once mentioned to him she said oh boris you're looking smart today or something like that because he hadn't ridden in she hadn't seen him for 10 minutes they turn up in the meeting he's gone he's messed up his hair his tie is all undone and like he's undone a button to keep the persona going and that was like a moment for

me i was like oh my god clever but also that is a persona and a look that only really posh people can afford yeah like i had this theory like i was at university with this guy who was so posh like really really posh lovely guy i was friends with him but he used to dress like so scruffy like his shoes would have holes in them his shirts would all be like ripped up and like covered in dirt yeah and i always say like i i would never feel comfortable doing that because i'm like constantly like in places where i'm like oh i have to like act as though like i'm supposed to be here basically yeah but uber uber posh people who have come from like like obviously i'm i'm posh i guess i'm middle class but these like uber posh people are like we it's a big fuck you to everyone else basically i can walk around with my scruffy shoes on yeah my undone hair because i know that i'm like meant to be here

i don't care yeah it could turn up in whatever you want yeah and that's kind of what he that's what he does it's a game that he plays i think to like sort of unarm people when he like meets them i think he's definitely clever oh but he's just all about himself that's what everyone says boris johnson is just always always just cared about himself yeah i mean well yeah that is one i always think that with people that are massively successful in any way you kind of have to be you have to have that selfishness about you to like to get anywhere i think because you have to concentrate all of those efforts on getting to wherever you want to be which you know isn't always the case but um quite often when i look at like even like a very successful musician they're like they're not doing much for anyone else at the start. They're sitting in their room and they're doing.

But their job is to just be them. Whereas a politician's job is to care about other people. Yes. So like you can't be a narcissist and then be a good sort of compassionate politician. Yeah. Okay. You can be Dua Lipa because it's all about Dua Lipa. Yes.

Like that's the brand. Yes. Yeah. yes yeah okay okay i went to school with her oh did you yeah oh that's great yeah my claim to fame she seems great yeah is she nice i mean she she was relatively nice yeah okay i was quite mean at school yeah in what. In what way? Just really full of myself. Really? Are you surprised? No. In what way were you full of yourself? I just, like, I don't know.

I just had big dick energy. Did you? Very much, like. And also, I was pretty ugly at school, which is even more big dick energy, that I still thought, like, I'm the best. Yeah. I had a wart on my nose, and I was still bossing everyone around yeah that's great though go you right

do it was in the year below and like she you know she just kept herself and then she started singing and i remember like we were all like oh she's like started singing kind of like, you know, it's like a hobby. And then a year later, she was literally mega. I mean, she's so cool. Yeah. So cool. And I just think like her whole vibe is cool. Like she just seems like a well-rounded like artist. Okay.

Yeah. Yeah. All right. Great. My goal is to get her to come and see one of my shows. Oh, right. Okay. Yeah.

There is a show in itself about that. I know. Right. Okay. Oh, yeah. You're looking at me like... Jack Whitehall does this bit about how he went to school with Robert Pattinson and he's always competing with Robert Pattinson and Dua Lipa is my Robert Pattinson.

This is great. She's always going to be in my muse. Okay. I've written loads of poems to her. This is great. Yeah. All right. I look forward to seeing that show.

Yeah. Okay. Right. So Boris Johnson's going to be your first choice not Dua Lipa no love Dua yeah Boris Johnson

goes on the island thank you very much Grace who's going to be your second choice Justin Trudeau yes okay I saw that you'd

chosen him please fill me in okay so before the whole blackface thing I was still found him pretty jarring Please, fill me in. Okay, so before the whole blackface thing, I still found him pretty jarring. He once said that it was Joseph Gordon-Levitt who made him learn about feminism.

Right. So he gave a speech, because he's always been like this woke feminist, and everyone's like, Justin Trudeau, king of art. And it's like, actually, I think his feminism has been quite like just to make peopleau like king of art and it's like actually i think his feminism has been quite like just to make people like him and i'm not sure and then for him to say that it was joseph gordon levitt a male actor who turned him on to feminism is like mad to me yeah um and then you know the blackface yeah and then i was thinking about this year because i basically always thought

justin trudeau king of our hearts you know like he was for a minute the king of my heart well actually really wasn't but like you know one of them but then i was like this is just a bit kind of i hate when we put men on pedestals and this is what they have to say about women like why haven't we just got a woman there yeah yeah we're listening to a woman talk about yeah it's like it's all well and good he's standing up and being like an advocate for women's issues but he i just find that he was kind of like taking up too much space yeah it seems a little bit like it is yeah a bit arse about face is that the right way of saying it it's sort of like

it's just why yeah it's a bit gross yeah yeah I think so yeah so that's Justin that's all I really have to say about him

okay wow I'm kind of getting the sense that he let you down well he's not my he's not my

prime minister is he prime minister or president yeah prime minister he's not my prime minister so he didn't let me down um but i feel like he was the king of your heart at one point so i'm writing this short book at the moment called the future of men and it's like about the future it's like me like predicting

where i think men are going basically and i'm actually going to talk about justin trudeau because he's a good example of like a man who everyone thought was like an amazing like female ally but actually was he just doing it to like look good? Okay. Was he actually helping in that space? I see, didn't I see, isn't he trying to do something to ban LGBTQ plus conversion? Right, okay. Are you trying to ban that in Canada?

Right, okay. Is he doing some good stuff? Maybe. Okay, yeah. He might be. What was the blackface thing? He did up blackface multiple times. Did he?

I didn't know this. Yeah. How did I miss this? How did you miss this? I don't know. Head in the sand. miss it how did i miss this i don't know head in the sand because then lenny henry did this amazing bit he was presenting something like the day it came out lenny henry went on stage and he was like hello i'm justin trudeau okay this is great all right i mean i don't know i miss a lot some pictures came out of him doing up blackface

i've got like and this is no excuse i've got two small children and i feel like since i've had kids there's like month gaps and people will say things to me and i'm just like what the fuck how do i miss that my friends who have kids are like that i hope that i'm never like that yeah okay well no i should be better but i'm probably too self-obsessed you should just get notifications on your phone i do i got a thing i do now justin trudeau did up blackface and then that's it i was like right now i know about that yeah it's cancelled okay yeah yeah okay justin trudeau's gonna be your second choice and then yeah who's gonna be your third choice please so this is one which like i my boyfriend always laughs at me because whenever i'm angry i just

shout fuck jeff bezos yeah so it's's Jeff Bezos yeah why um because I just think right and actually I have this argument with my boyfriend sometimes because he doesn't quite agree with me but I think when you are the richest man in the world even after giving half of his wealth to his ex-wife yeah he's had a divorce yeah Given half. Now she's the richest woman in the world, I'm pretty sure. Right. Of course. And he's still the richest man in the world.

Yeah. He's never given to charity. Never? No. Really? He's got his own foundation, which is like minute. He barely does anything.

And he doesn't think it's his responsibility to give back. Okay. And so when the Amazon was burning all of the big silicon valley like rich people like put together a fund to send it to the amazon yeah the man who owns amazon like the online retail shop does not fucking donate anything oh my god that is embarrassing yeah nothing no that is embarrassing and he he's he's really interesting and like you know he's he's an incredibly innovative person and what he's done

is really clever and i think amazon prime is like you know it's a success in itself yeah um but i just think like there's a special place hell for people who are that fucking rich and don't think... I mean, if he gave 1% of his... I read this thing. It's a really small amount of his wealth. He could end homelessness all over the world. Oh, it's so...

It makes you feel sick. It's like... Because obviously you get that much money by being like that, I guess, right? Yes. In a way, you have to... To an extent. Yeah, to an extent. And then you get...

Bill Gates... Yeah, sure. He's given most of his money away. Yeah, which is... And he's still rich. Yeah, of course. Do you know what I mean? Yeah.

It's funny because you kind of think like, this thing goes through my mind or like every now and again, me and my wife might have a conversation that's like, oh yeah, what would you do if you... Like, what would you do if you won a million pounds and we're like straight away it's just like give 200 000 pounds to cherry and it's like that's always like give as much as you possibly can away and still in in this day and age a million pounds even where i live like you can get an okay house for half of that and then the rest of it you're like actually it would go pretty quick right yeah uh but that's like even when i'm i mean this is not sort of to show off because but whenever i have a bit of money and i'm making a bit of money i always just like give any money

i have to homeless people yeah great because and then when i'm like oh i'm a bit stressed about money and it's really on my mind then i'm less likely to do that when you're the richest man in the world like you could literally drop a million pounds from the sky on one of your drones yeah and it would help people so much but you could in the time that you've dropped it you probably earn it back yeah like you could just do that also i mean not to even start on this but like the way he treats the amazon staff is mad oh it's yeah it is mad have you seen the adverts? So there's adverts and it's like in the UK and they're talking to the staff. And it's just...

There's like a gun outside of the camera. Say that you love working here. They look like they haven't slept for like 25 days. Yeah. It kind of beats around the bush in a way because it's like they talk about like how jan makes some amazing cakes and brings them in but it doesn't talk about how they have to grind out like a 25 hour day yeah it's just like ridiculous no it's mad also at one point they do kind of say the hours are long but the camaraderie is great or something do you

mean it's something like that i'm gonna be misquoted there's a gun yeah there's a gun right out of the camera so Jeff Bezos yeah I just like I'll probably never be able to work with Amazon Prime because I

literally like sometimes when I'm doing a gig I'm and I don't know where I'm going I just go fuck Jeff Bezos do you yeah wow you're never getting

a special on Amazon yeah no um not likely uh all right well thank you very much you're a podcast listener and this is a podcast ad reach great listeners like No, not likely. All right. Well, thank you very much. You're a podcast listener, and this is a podcast ad. Reach great listeners like yourself with podcast advertising from Lipson Ads.

Choose from hundreds of top podcasts offering host endorsements, or run a reproduced ad like this one across thousands of shows to reach your target audience with Lipson Ads. Go to lipsonads.com now. That's L-I-B-s-y-n ads.com now mercifully among the wreckage of the plane there was some food and drink left over unfortunately for you it's your least favorite food and drink in the world what are they and why are they so bad right food food first yep tuna sandwiches okay yeah go on please especially on public transport okay definitely yeah like absolutely get away from me and some people very close to me in my life

will choose to eat a tuna sandwich on the train okay it sickens me yeah yeah i actually hate people eating in like public places quite a lot like i do do it if i'm hung over but like i hate like being on the tube especially and like smelling like like someone like hot pizza yeah it just makes me feel really sick yeah if you're like drunk or something all the germs like coming like into the fart particles uh from the tube because there are many because that air has not been changed for hundreds of years I love what you think about

on the tube yeah yeah yeah literally I would just think about farts so tuna sandwiches also basically like I didn't eat tuna ever like never ate

tinned tuna and then I went on my gap year I went to the Caribbean, and I was in Jamaica for two months. I love it. I love who you are. Okay, great, yeah. And I was in Jamaica for two months, and, like,

because I was moving around loads because I don't eat meat, it was hard to, like, eat on the go. So I ended up, my staple meal was getting a bread roll and a tin of tuna and literally going like that bang yeah and then closing it with no butter nothing i know so i didn't even want it but i was like i need to eat and then when i got back i was like i'm never eating tuna again and my flatmate has to text me in advance being like, I'm having tuna, by the way. Is that okay? In case you get home. Put a candle on.

Yeah. In case I smell it. I have a mad thing about smells. I can't change my bin. Other people have to do it for me. I have such a phobia of bins. Is that because you're so used to other people doing it for you? For all your life.

Okay. All right, fine. No, this is... Okay. I'm only joking obviously it's my smell like this morning i had basically my gag reflex if i smell something i don't like i just gag so if i smell a tuna sandwich on the train i'm like right okay i can't control it i've got a real i don't that never happens to me but i've got a really strong sense of smell i think like i uh so i always pick up on something and my wife is just like no no no and i'm just like yeah once there she'd left an orange in her bag right a whole orange and chucked it in the cupboard and like i was just like we've got mold in that i like i was just like i couldn't for like ages i couldn't pick it up and uh she was like no no not at all and i went and we found the bag and it'd been in there for ages and this orange like was no longer

is it making you feel horrible i can't yeah i'm i'm the worst it was just like a it's gone beyond green it was just like a white ball i can't i can't even open my fridge most of the time because there'll be a smell that i don't want like someone's left half an onion in there or something and it's just like yeah okay i don't know how i'm gonna look like the listeners you can't see this but you look physically sick right now yeah i get really like especially that mold thing you're just talking about my mum thinks i have a serious problem because if some this is so bad this is gonna sound really bad but if something is going to sound really bad, but if something is going off today, I won't eat it. Right, okay. I have such a phobia of food that's gone off.

Even though it's bullshit and they just market so that you then buy more. Yeah. But I, like, convince myself it's going to make me sick. You just chuck it away? No, someone else will eat it. Someone else will eat it, okay.

But I'm convinced it's going to make me ill. Really? Yeah. My hypochondriac. But it's going to make me ill. Really? Yeah. My hypochondriac. But it's fine. Yeah. Okay. Look, I understand phobia.

So if that's your phobia, that's fine. I mean, there are many more phobias. But yeah, that is my escalators. You've got many more, you mean? Yeah. Okay. Escalators are my big ones. Really?

What do you do then? Basically, it's only when i'm anxious because i have anxiety uh so when i when i'm scared on escalator i just hold on to the black thing on the side and just put my head down do you pretend i'm not there yeah so people probably see me you'll know that crazy girl who's like looking after they see you on your Amazon Prime special, everyone's recognising you on the tube. Just holding on to the side. Okay, great. That will be my entrance into my Amazon Prime special, is me on an escalator, looking down. Showing fucktards down.

Okay, this is great. Okay, tuna sandwich. Look, don't judge me, I like a tuna sandwich. But I understand the smell thing like you know i think if i was going to get on the train i'm on a train journey i'm going to try and be considerate and pick something kind of neutral smelling cheese sandwich yeah like a cheese sandwich yeah exactly yeah um okay tuna sandwich is going to be your food choice thank you very much and what's going to be your drink choice so i had to deliberate this a lot um because obviously i love all alcohol um

at a certain point in the night you know like my preferred alcohols are like wine and gin and tequila nice um but the thing that i've really gone off in the last few years is cider. Yeah. I used to love cider, right? I used to drink it over beer. And now I, again, cannot. It's just piss to me. Yeah.

It tastes so much like piss. And I don't know how I used to drink it. I used to love it. Did you? I used to love cider. You'd drink it all the time? I'd get it. If we were in a pub, I'd always get a pint of cider.

And now it's, like, absolutely grim to me. It's disgusting. Do you drink more beer? Yeah, I've gotten really into beer this year. Yeah. IPA. Yeah, it's great, isn't it? I love, like, a really sort of fruity IPA.

Oh, it's nice. Yeah. So many options. Yeah, exactly. And delicious flavours. And also, actually, I started drinking beer. I'd never drunk beer, really. Then I was in New York and I was broke.

So cocktails in America are like $15. The only thing I could afford was beer. Oh, yeah. So I just started drinking Blue Moon. Oh, great. It's lovely, yeah. I love Blue Moon. Yeah, it's tasty.

Great. I'm with you on cider. So cider. Why would you get a cider when there's delicious beers available? Yeah, I know. And cider, they're trying to do craft ciders but they're just like they're just like leave your mouth feeling so dry and bitty it's too sweet yeah and it's too you're right it leaves you it's like a raw flavor it's horrible yeah yeah i'm with you yeah only time a cider for me is passable and i think it's more of like a like rather than

enjoying the taste like a feeling is like at a festival and it's like icy cold and it's yeah the cider's icy cold and the festival's hot cider's icy cold and that for me that's fine i can have one and then get me straight back on the shit beer. What is like Recorder League? Is that a side of that? Yeah, yeah. So you're quite like them. Yeah. At a festival. The apple one is kind of buttery and nice. Right. Yeah.

I like the like fruity, like the like raspberry Recorder League. But could live without it as well. I'll tell you a story about Recorder League. It's just the one stupid thing. Go on. I used to work in a cinema like before. So like I didn't get into university the first time around, sort of. And it's a longer story that you don't need to hear.

But then I was just working in my hometown and everyone else had left. And it was like summertime was rolling around. It was starting to get hot. And it was the first time I'd ever seen record league in a shop. And I don't know why, but I'd convinced myself that what was going to bring me joy that week was to take like a you know the largest cup from the cinema yeah fill it with ice and go and buy this record league cider so i did it i filled it with ice took it to uh morrison's with this cup of ice bought this record league cider and filled it and sat on my lunch break and it was like one of the best moments that entire year and it's just such a small stupid thing but i always when the sun's out yeah exactly

yeah it was fine so yes uh that's fine but overall cider can go fuck itself yeah exactly okay thank you very much grace now fortunately you won't be without entertainment on the island the planes entertainment system continues to work but just luck, it only has two working settings. One is your least favourite film of all time and the other is your least favourite song. What are they and why? The film is hard because it's like, I've never really watched a film.

Well, I probably have, but I have quite a bad memory. I expected that to go, film that, dot, dot, dot. Oh, no, I've never really watched a film that I hated because I only watch films that I know I'm gonna love if that makes sense right okay I'm quite like

I don't expose myself but you must have gone in and been disappointed I'm trying to think of like I'm sure I have gone to the cinema and been really disappointed and I'm sure I have this year

and I'm trying to think I'm sure me and my mum went to see something and we thought it was I mean my dad's really good because my dad hates everything yeah but he's like

I've listened to your podcast my dad's favourite line is we walk out of the cinema and he's like that's 90 minutes of my life I'll never get back how many times have you heard your dad

say that though I've been there every time every time we watch something that is an hour of my life I'll never get back it's mad straight after the the nothing impresses

him most weeks yeah literally after the after burnley play yeah um i could maybe say star wars oh yeah okay right really not into them all star wars i've actually never watched any great this is even better yeah what turns you off about star wars it's just so not my vibe yeah that sci-fi that kind of sci-fi it's just so not my vibe and i also just think i missed the boat people are like what you've never seen so or they're like have you yeah i've seen it okay okay so so for me like i like them and i've enjoyed the films first time i watched them i definitely didn't get it at all and normally sci-fi fantasy stuff isn't my thing. Not really your vibe.

I've never watched Lord of the Rings. No, same. But people kind of like, what the fuck? Yeah. So Star Wars, that'll be that because there's a new one coming out, isn't there, this year? And I'll go and watch it and I'll probably enjoy it. Yeah. It's coming out this week, I swear.

This week, yeah. It's on Friday. Just in time for everyone to go at Christmas. Here I am promoting the Star Wars film. Yeah, yeah. But it's the last one, isn't it? No. Oh, did they just say that?

Disney own it now. Oh, okay. Yeah, that's it. And then music. Okay, yeah, that's it. Star Wars, done. Yeah, Star Wars, done. Music.

Yeah. I was thinking, again, because i don't listen to much music that i don't like but i know what music i like and i listen to that yeah um but dubstep oh my god this is good would be for me but i would never because apparently it's trying to make a comeback oh guys please come on that's what i've heard I know and dubstep so like sums up my teenage years like that's just what we would go to

like makes me cringe underage raves in like London Bridge and just get fucked and listen to dubstep

and pretend that like we were enjoying dancing to dubstep I mean how can you even dance the dance to dubstep the dancing is awful

the look on your face is embarrassing yeah it's just tragic like just thinking about i mean to be fair like i think some of my friends were more embarrassing than me oh i had some friends that dj'd it and like i they've distanced themselves from it i'm sure i've got a friend actually that uh uh how do i put this recently i kind of came out to him that i was emo when i was younger right and i'm fine about this it's fine did you know each other then no we didn't we didn't but like um uh i just i felt like i met him at work and like he's one of my best friends now and uh he didn't know you he didn't know and i felt like when I was really drunk one time...

You had to tell him? I had to tell him. How could he not know? I've never brought this up, right? But he DJs techno and stuff. And I have this sneaking suspicion that he used to DJ dubstep, but doesn't want to tell me. So he needs to...

He needs to tell me. Yeah, he needs to come clean. I mean, if that's not the case that's fine but even if that is the case that's also fine i just want him to tell me yeah and feel like he can tell me there's a real taboo around it now yeah that people want to distance themselves people don't want to they want you to know that they're used to like dubstep yeah so that is like my it's the worst to me the dance is awful but also can i just say something i don't think i can look you in the eye when i say it that like do you it's the worst to me. The dance is awful. But also, can I just say something? I don't think I can look you in the eye when I say it.

Like, do you remember when everyone used to say bass face? All the fucking time. Did you ever get that? No. Oh, God. But what is it? It's like when people listen to dubstep, they do like a face. Oh, God, please stop it.

It's like, it's like, it's so embarrassing. So uncool. Yeah. It's so uncool i know honestly yeah tragic that is yeah for me that's like you've gone slightly red unforgivable yeah because i just remembering like we were like we used to like really just love to pretend we loved it. Me and my friends. Like, we definitely were like... You're doing it now. The bass bass. Yeah. I imagine most of this podcast is going to be inaudible.

Just like us doing basses about things. Okay, dubstep is going to be your song choice. Thank you very much. Grace, and finally, the island is overrun by the biggest dick of all the animals. Which animal is it and why? Cats. Cats. Fucking loads of cats and dogs.

One time I'm going to have to add it up on here. Who's picked the most? It's because we are kind of like taught to think you're either a cat or a dog person. And therefore the rivalry is always kind of like going on in your head. I mean, some people are both. I'm allergic to cats. So I've never been a fan of them. But also I think if I wasn't allergic to them, they still kind of like bug me out a bit.

Like when I'm with them, I'm like not really sure whether you're coming or going, to be honest. I'm not really sure whether you want me here, whether you want to kill me. Whereas my dog is the most loving, like, unconditional thing in the world. Like, all she wants to do is make you happy. Right, okay, yeah.

I mean, she's thick as shit, but... Yeah. And cats are definitely smarter, but I think cats are really selfish. They play hot and cold, and they know how to play the game, cats. Yeah, they're manipulative. Yeah, yeah.

They're really manipulative. And they're just, like They're really manipulative. And they're just like walking around showing you their arsehole the entire time. Oh my God, just to come back to the tuna. Yeah. My flatmate in the summer, this cat came into our garden and she was like,

oh, it looks really hungry. So she gave it some tuna. Yeah. The cat is in our garden all the time now. Yeah. And then in the summer i came home one day and the garden door had been open because my flatmate was in there and i get into my bedroom and the cat was asleep under my bed oh that's so annoying so annoying that is annoying always outside our house we've got a neighbor's cat uh they might listen to this i think it's fine we've

got a neighbor's cat that comes into our house quite a lot and i think the cat's fine it's a nice cat but it always makes its way into a place that is really hard to get it out under one of my kids beds which is low yeah and it's just like hard for me to get out that's why they do it i'm in a rush out the door yeah but there's what's good there's nothing good about my house there's no food left out there's like have you got a dog no yeah that's probably a good thing i guess uh for the cat i mean yeah yeah okay cats yeah i get that uh my wife as soon as we move to a place that can accommodate a cat i know we're gonna have a cat because she's to have a cat. Oh, no. Because she's going to want a cat. Oh. Yeah.

I, yeah. Lots of my friends are cat people, but I just think, can't trust them. You can't trust them? The friends I'm in. Yeah. Because they love cats. Because they love cats.

Okay. Okay, cats are going to be your animal choice. Thank you very much, Grace. I really appreciate that. Thanks for coming in. Not at all. Grace, you're going on tour, right? Yeah. When are you going on tour

starts the end and it starts the middle of Feb 17th of Feb yep and I'm touring a show that I just did at the Edinburgh Fringe yeah

but you're rewriting it yeah I'm rewriting it because of the sort of shit so the show is called Why I'm Never Going Into Politics obviously performed in August 2019 Feb 2020

already the political landscapes changed, I've been given more material to kind of like use and put in the show so I want the show to feel really fresh so it's about me growing up in politics, my dad was he's alive, my dad is Alice Campbell, so I grew up

around the Labour Party but actually the show is just kind of about me just turning around and being like, fuck politics. Like, fuck all of these hoes. I hate them all. Boris Johnson being the biggest hoe of them all. But I am going to sort of, it will be fresh in Feb. So I would say even to people who've already seen it,

come again. Okay. Because it will be different. New show. Yeah. And where is it going? Where are you doing it? So I start Soho Theatre in London and then I'm going around all around the country like

Brighton, Bristol, York, Salford Quays, Leicester, Leeds, Newcastle, Dublin, Belfast. Oh, you're going everywhere. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. All right. So just... And where's the best place to find out where you're...

My Instagram. Yeah. What's your Instagram? Disgrace Campbell. Great. yeah yeah okay all right so just yeah and where's the best place to find out where you're um my instagram yeah what's your disgrace campbell great this is also my website as well okay disgrace campbell oh great okay and you've got a great podcast with your dad yeah yeah yeah that's great yeah it's good and what's the future of the podcast so it was it was on we were talking about this before it's in the list of like best podcasts. Yeah, Apple's top 10. Oh, nice. Because we actually brought two seasons out this year. I forgot that. I'm not sure how long we'll do it for.

Okay. It's... Why is that? Because... You don't want to hang out with your dad anymore. It's just... I kind of think... Well, I think we should work out...

I think we should do live shows. Yeah, you definitely should. Because it's a great way to do that. To make money. Exactly. 100 100 that's all i care about um but also our dynamic is what people like really respond to because i think there are very few kind of father daughter like duos um so people really respond to that so you know we'll keep doing that but the podcast until we sort of work out in a different way like i've been doing all of the sort of heavy lifting for this season and it's just been like way too much on my load yes okay yeah yeah he's not he's not pulling his weight

but i bet he loves doing it he loves it yeah i've had my dad on this once have you and it was a lot of fun but he loved it i bet your dad loves it he does love it but he sort of he thinks i take the piss out of him too much which you probably do yeah which i do it's the point yeah but i think that's fun it's fun yeah no it is it is fun you should keep doing it i think we will i think it's just been like a bit too i basically just got way too many components going on in my life right now yeah yeah cast is like i'll wake up to like 20 messages from my dad like why the fuck haven't you done this oh god and it's like working with family members and a whole nother thing yeah you're

doing a podcast together but then you're like that he thinks he's my boss yeah does he yeah yeah he really thinks he's my boss isn't it funny how like you have an idea and before you start doing a podcast you're like oh i've got an idea for a podcast this is going to be great and then once you're in the thick of it yeah you're like fuck i don't know if i can keep doing this i don't know if i can keep it up that's the sort of i want to write a sitcom about it eventually oh this is that's what that's one reason to keep doing it yeah that is true yeah okay joe barton episode the one coming up this week, because it's two parts, it's fascinating.

Yeah. Well, yeah, I've listened to the first part and it's very good. I can't wait to hear you come into your own in the second part. Which is what happens. I'd like to hear you challenge him a bit. I do. On Ted Evans, I do. Do you?

Interesting. Because the first one is football. Which was really interesting. It is interesting if you're into football. Yeah, yeah. Then the second one is kind of like the rest, everything else. Oh, wow. Okay.

Yeah. I look forward to that. Yeah. That'll be out by the time this comes out. Yeah. So go and listen to them both now. Exactly. Okay.

Thank you very much, Grace. Thank you. Cheers.