Desert Island Dicks - HARRY TREVALDWYN

Episode Date: July 19, 2022

We're back for a new series and Dan is joined by the utterly wonderful Harry Trevaldwyn to discuss all the worst people and things to be stuck on an island with.  We've also been nominated for an award at the British Podcast Awards in the Best Entertainment category. It won't make any difference to your listening experience, we just wanted to brag a little. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

At Sierra, discover top workout gear at incredible prices, which might lead to another discovery. Your headphones haven't been connected this whole time. Awkward. Discover top brands at unexpectedly low prices. Sierra, let's get moving. You're a podcast listener, and this is a podcast ad. Reach great listeners like yourself with podcast advertising from Lipson Ads. Choose from hundreds of top podcasts offering host endorsements.

Or run a reproduced ad like this one across thousands of shows to reach your target audience with Lips and Ads. Go to Lipsandads.com now. That's L-I-B-S-Y-N-ads.com. Hello, it's Dan from Des Island Dicks. I'm a bit croaky because I've managed to catch some kind of cough or cold on one of the hottest days in recorded history of this country. But anyway, look, we're back for a new series and I'm really happy about it. I know we've been away for a little while. I've had quite a lot going on. Both of my kids have had chicken pox. My wife has torn a ligament in her knee. She's had an

operation now, but she had the first operation cancelled because we all got COVID. My youngest has been teething. We've all been ill. It's been a lot of not exciting things going on, which has left me kind of a bit shaky myself. But look, we are back and I'm excited that we're back because, well one exciting thing that's happened in in the past couple of months is that we've been nominated at the british podcast awards in the best entertainment category for being the best at entertaining people that's what they're saying um and then there's only a few days to go until we find out what happens so i'm recording this on monday night the awards is on saturday oh it's uh nail

biting and um we're against some like really big people that you know from like the bbc and big radio stations and people who have money and people that are famous and people that get loads of help to do all this shit but i mean we're just here punching above our weight so it feels very exciting indeed and um a special thank you to all of you whatever happens at the awards because you know you're the listeners and uh you know it means a lot that you download us all the time so thank you for listening and um well look let's get on with it look today's guest is harry trevoldwin who is brilliant he's everywhere at the minute um if you're not immediately familiar with his name just just google it and you'll go oh yeah i know you you do really funny videos on twitter um he's

also been in movies he's uh in 10 which is the remake of the french uh comedy call my agent which is also really good and loads more besides i'm not going to list them all now because i've gone on quite a long time already in this bit and we do talk about all the things that he's up to in the podcast. So I'll let Harry tell you. But Harry was great and I think he is great and he was a lovely guest. And I think it's a perfect way to kick off this new series. So get comfortable and prepare your ears to receive some brand new dicks with Harry Trevoldwin. Hi I'm Dan Benedictus and welcome to Desert Island Dicks, the show that sees you marooned

on a desert island after a plane crash with the worst people and worst things imaginable. Who they are and why they're a dick is up to our guest. And here to share their Desert Island Dicks with us today is actor and writer from the film The Bubble and new series 10% as well as a new comedy black Billy and soon to star in film Sweet Sue, it's Harry Trevoldwin. How are you doing? I'm doing very well, thank you. How are you? I'm all right. I'm not too bad. I'm not too bad. We've got a lovely sunny day that we're recording on. We do. Which doesn't help, like, as in I can see blue sky, which is very, very nice.

Yeah. So, I mean, I don't know if it puts us in the right frame of mind to be kind of bitter and ranty about things. I guess desert. I mean, I hope that it's sunny there at the very least. It helps with the method acting I suppose of our surroundings. Yeah I've been actually preparing this for many many months just getting into the right zone. Yeah do you find you're someone because you know it's hard obviously we've not met before so it's hard to kind of from your from your online persona you seem like quite an upbeat kind of person do you find it easy to rant about people and things that you hate so not i'm so i'm i really really i really i think i'm i've i'm a very lenient judge of character i think so like i've mentioned this before but like my friends

make fun of me because i every single person i I meet, I'll be like, oh, they had, they were lovely. And I don't know whether this is just like, I just like miss red flags everywhere or I'm just like, but it's the same. And I'm also like, if I finished a book, I normally like it. If I finished a film, I normally like it. So I struggled so much to pick things that I didn't like. I was like, oh, well, I do kind of, I was like trying to like, as soon as I like picked something I didn't like I was like immediately felt guilty for them okay well it'd be interesting to see who made your shortlist then yeah let's go straight into it who's going to be the first person joining you on the island okay so this is like a theoretical one that I know I would hate so much would be someone who looked basically just like me,

but was slightly better looking. And I just think that would be a very unfun energy to have on the island, just to know that there's a very limited number of people here, but one of them is just like the slightly better looking version of me. Yeah, yeah, I can imagine that. I used to work with someone who looked so like me

that even I could see that he looked like me. The same with like siblings or something like that. You're like, oh, well, apparently I look like my brother, but I don't really see it. But if you could actually see it, that is... Yeah, someone at work said, who's the guy on our floor that looks like you? And I was saying, well, obviously I have no idea.

And I came down and I was like, oh my God, I'm standing over there. But he was like a bigger, healthier looking version of me. I think facially, I'm going to say I took the edge. Okay, amazing. But the rest of it, I think like, you know, he was physically fit, you know, he was stronger, he was a bit, you know, had a bit more muscle about him. So I feel that could be aspirational potentially, if it was just like, okay, this is what I would look like if I ran every day but if it's like just facial as there's nothing you can change about it and I was just like face to face with

this like just yeah better looking version of me that would just be so horrid but that's what your colleague had with you if you facially took the edge we're pretty much on a par I think I'm just trying to give myself something because he was he was fit and healthy he's gonna live longer i'm just telling myself that at least i had that if i go back and examine the pictures i think there's probably like there's a cigarette paper in it you know it's very very fine you can have that like live fast and die young energy and that's that's fun but i i get what you mean because it is it's frustrating because you're sort of like, well, you know, I would like to be like that little bit, you know,

healthier looking and a bit bigger, and that's what it is. But it's, you know, he had a genetic edge, you know. Yeah. I'm never going to be as tall as him or, you know, as broad-shouldered as him. Yeah, exactly. And just like, I just know that this fictitious, better version of me would get like a perfect scattering of freckles like over their nose and their hair would just like go like this lovely like golden blonde whereas I would go

like a little bit blotchy sunburn and I'd just constantly be envious of it and then what if there's like very limited people there what if I start fancying that better looking version of me and then that's like a whole other horrible personality thing to contend with but i don't want to open up so i don't want him there yeah absolutely yeah it'd be a nightmare wouldn't it and then occasionally your other your other sort of stable mates on the island might mistake you for him and go oh no i forgot you're not him yeah yeah and i'm like i, you're not him. Yeah, yeah, and I'm like, I know I'm not him, okay? And then I run off down the island into the stream, cool off. Or they can say, oh, can you help us lifting this heavy thing?

Oh, no, no, no, it's you. No, I'm not going to ask you to do that, yeah. That, though, that would be the benefit of it. I'd be like, well, actually, get this guy to do it because he's clearly, you know, in better shape. And I would, I'd have like a coconut water. Because the thing is is when you see someone who's like that you kind of think well yeah maybe I could sort of morph it maybe that's the template

that I need to follow but it's not as simple as it's not just you know you just can't change you can only change it yourself so much yeah there are sort of genetic parameters in which in which you can change and I'm guessing that one of the people there won't be like an incredibly sophisticated cosmetic surgeon and so but yeah it's like I remember seeing this like there was like this Instagram filter or something like that which like it mapped out your face and it showed what your face would look like if it was the perfect face which is an incredibly healthy exercise um yeah and I remember I just feel like oh okay okay that's what it but actually i think that was like a very a very weird one i was i was happy with my my non-perfect face in that instance yeah i think you're gonna have so much to think about on the island anyway yeah

you're stuck with these people that you don't like adding in the sort of mind games that you're going to play with yourself with someone like this you know who you see as a better version of you and in if you imagine that they also think they're a better version yeah that it's like it's not like a two-way street they're like yeah no i know yeah yeah i mean you could be a bit like this but i mean no i could see why you'd be angry but you know yeah and then they'd just be like hot and apologetic and i'd just be like angry and burnt well I think it's a good a good one to start off with just because of the psychological yeah I think that's the thing that I really delved into what would be psychologically torturous and it would just be like that that mildly better looking version okay so we're off to a good start and who's going to be joining

the two of you um number two is a real person i don't know who they are i don't know what they're doing now but they are etched in my memory as not a nice person i think or at least at least they were thoughtless and i will it was basically i was it was when it was like towards the end of school and we were trying to pick out universities and we were meant to like kind of go visit. And I didn't, I'd kind of decided pretty early on that I wanted to go to Bristol. And I still wanted to like, you know, take a day off, go have a look around university. And one of my best friends, Gabby, she had a friend whose brother, oh no, a friend whose sister was at Manchester. And so we had this plan that we were going to go stay with them for one night,

go out in Manchester, even though neither of us really wanted to go or had like other places we wanted to go more. But we were so excited to go when we're going to go on a proper night out. We had our fake IDs, all that. And I remember like, like meticulously planning what we're going to go on a proper night out we had our fake ids all that and um i remember like like meticulously planning what i was going to wear to give off the perfect combination of like i'm here for fun but i'm also nonchalant um which is a tough a tough category but ultimately top man provided um and yeah i remember getting there it was like quite awkward and i remember thinking they were so so old but they must have only been like 1920 um and just like constantly just trying to impress them so so much um and then like when we were getting ready to go i remember getting

upstairs and getting changed into my so it was a long sleeve white t-shirt with a kind of graphic on the front of like it was kind of like a print of someone's headshot like as in as if they'd committed a crime like what are they called police headshots oh like a mugshot yeah mugshot I was thinking the actor way I was like this is a mugshot and I remember just thinking like that's. It was like something that I would never wear. And therefore I was like, well, that must be right. And I remember like coming down, like kind of feeling myself, like being like, this is kind of great, kind of great choice from me here. And then one of the housemates of this girl that was at university at Manchester came up to me and she was like oh like weird choice

and I was like immediately just like so upset and I was like oh what do you mean he's like it's just weird that you'd pick a shirt with a person on it that's better looking than you and I just how me and then I obviously had to be like yeah I know it's so

so silly so silly Alan just was like the most mortified I could be I'm now realizing that my two kind of link that it's like this is like a like a chain of events I don't like people that are better looking than me which is doesn't work well um but yeah but can you and anyway it then turned into the like the worst night of my life so that's an exaggeration but still it was like then the fake id didn't work because it was like an international driving license which doesn't exist and so they all went to the club and i was like no no guys go on without me but i think i insisted a bit too hard

so they sent me home and they were like just watch a film that's in the like you know this is how the DVD player works but I got finally got back to their house and the DVD player didn't work so I had to watch Marley and Me which is just the most depressing end to like my first like night out at a university um and I I partially blame that girl that insulted my long sleeve t-shirt from top man oh man i mean that's rude enough anyway to comment on someone especially you know if they are your flatmate you can maybe give a bit of a critique yeah but even then i'd be like that's incredibly rude yeah but then to sort of point out the face on it yeah and be like that person is better

looking than than you are and they're a criminal as well yeah and i was like it was honestly i remember it so i remember that like it was honestly i remember it so i remember that like it was such an intense embarrassment that i remember so clearly um and i could never wear the t-shirt again because i was like that's what everyone's thinking when i wear it that's extraordinary yeah so that made also you know that made me really deep dive into fast fashion i wore it once dreadful if you if you extend that sort of frame of mind to everything it's like oh that's a nice painting on your wall weird to have a have a picture that's better than one that you could have done yourself though yeah you know what she i think yeah i think there's

there's a lot to be said about her and her state of mind at that point to to insult this poor 17 year old um but yeah it seems like uh it seems that wasn't well in that case like can i not have any like any pictures where like they might be compared it feels yeah it feels like a rogue direction to go in wow yeah imagine being stuck on the island with someone like that who just they start off saying something rude and then it gets rude and then it gets and then they explain specifically why they said the thing that was so rude and it makes you feel even worse. Oh, my goodness, yeah. So what would happen if I wore the picture of that better-looking version of me?

That would just be a worse day of my life. I know, yeah. God, I mean, I wonder if it's just some sort of weird snobbery where you're sort of, oh, I'm at uni and these two kids are coming along or something that some people get. Yeah. But I don't think there's any excuse for that kind of behaviour. I actually, I think her behaviour was inexcusable.

I won't try and find an excuse. But, you know, I hope she's well. I hope she's well. I hope she got over her distaste of graphic tees. I certainly did. And I'm stronger because of it. Harry, I hope she's not well i hope she's having a really bad time because i think you seem too nice to to wish ill on her i'm gonna do it

can you do it for me thank god because i yeah i would like that i wish ill of her and uh you know and now look i mean you're on telly and stuff so i mean you know she's probably maybe because of her maybe that was you should get a t-shirt with her face on somehow. Yeah, but then what if, like, then what if she shoots to, you know, shoots to stardom and then I'm like, oh, God. Yeah, I haven't thought the plan through. You haven't thought the plan through, but I like the process that we're going in. She sounds like one of those people where you always meet these people in life and then you sort of say, oh, that person's a bit of a knob or whatever.

And then you get people defending, going, oh, no, they're all right. They've just got a bit of a manner, you know, they've just got a bit of a knob or whatever and and then you get them people defending oh no they're all right they've just got a sort of a bit of a a manner you know they've just got a bit of a blunt yeah like that no bullshit personality thing and you're like no that's just rude yeah actually if i could add if i could put her under yeah the umbrella term of someone it would be the no bullshit personality which is just like yeah i'm just like no bullshit like i just you know i say it as it is and I'm like that's just rude like as in you can call it no bullshit but you're being incredibly mean and rude yeah

I just say it you know say it how I find it if we all did that the world would be awful I mean it's not great at the minute anyway yeah it's never going to be worse yeah so I don't have any time for that i often say to people like you know i'm approaching 40 now i've got lots of friends that i don't get to

see enough so like why am i wasting my time with this dick when there's loads of nice people i like that i don't see as much as i would wish to you know so oh this person i i really don't like them harry it's funny isn't it the the weird like the weird insults like and it always happens to be insults that really stick in your head like they're it's just that like people can do like so many nice things and someone will say something slightly offish and you're like well that's a memory forever yeah definitely especially at that age where you know you're 17 you're sort of it's still that awkward stage where you're sort of a bit worried about you know you're really aware of what you're doing if you're going out with older

people and you're just so self-conscious about you know am i am i drinking this right am i holding this the right way am i standing like a normal person would am i do i look like i don't give a shit about being here you know it's yeah when you're overthinking standing that's when you realize you're like ah i'm i'm i'm not in my comfort zone you're like is this how i normally stand this is how i lean and then for them to do that on top of that oh i mean what uh and i'm sure also you've come back from that trip and be like how was manchester i love it it's such a great city did you love it where did you go and then yeah it was okay oh Yeah, so them and the better-looking version of yourself,

I think, is very good. Who's going to finish off this trio of dicks then for you? Well, I feel this was also, like, perhaps someone that was, like, kind of in uni. And again, it's like it's a collective person. And it's kind of... I picked hockey specifically because it feels like a type. I don't know.

But, like, a hockey boy is what I said. And by that, I mean very heterosexual, did, like, did sports clubs and, like, loved hazing and, like, calls everyone mate and stuff like that. And that would be the worst person because I just would have no idea how to talk to them. I just would, we would have, I feel like we would have no shared conversation.

I just, every time I'm in a setting with, and that I imagine like comes partly from me, but like, I just have no idea. I have no idea what to say. I'm just like, ha. Because I can't start talking sports, because that would be, you know, just, like, an absolute non-negotiable.

And, yeah, so I just, I think that would be, that would be the next person. I would just, it would just be lots of uncomfortable silences where I would, like, drop the register of my voice in order to be accepted by them. So I'm like, oh yeah, no, yeah, yeah, it's cool, it's cool. Which would make me not happy with myself

and therefore not happy on the island. Yeah, I think that these moments as a man where like I had to assemble something in my garden. We got this like kids playhouse thing and it had been sort of sat flat packed for about six months because my wife got a free cycle and i never built it and eventually got someone around to help me with it and it was like oh i'm doing a couple of hours of man things with a man and it's just i'm so self-conscious of it like i'm really aware of like yeah like oh i'm actually a bit cold i

might get a jumper should i get a jumper i mean how many layers has he got? Who cares? I know. But it's so it's so it's the thing. I'm just like, I don't care about this anymore. Like as an in theory, I care not at all about like masculinity, what it is to be like a man, all that stuff. I'm just like, so bored with it. Don't care. And then as soon as I'm face to face with a hockey boy all that like crumbles away like I remember so clearly being at uni and like one of my guy housemates had like invited some people around to watch football and I kind of like wandered in at one point and they were all watching football just like yeah obviously staring at the screen and I just I was trying to think of, like, something that was, like, cool and, like, manly and, like, I don't know, just, like, appropriate to say. And what I chose was things sure have changed here on the prairie because the score had changed.

And my house, and everyone else just ignored me. And my housemate just kind of looked at me with, like, sad eyes as if, like, that's what you went for. And, yeah, I just, I don't want to come out with more stuff like that's that's what you went for um and yeah i just i i and i just i don't want to come out with more stuff like that at the island no thank you yeah no i totally agree i've been in those situations or i used to do those of like temping jobs before i had my current career and there was lots of sort of manual work and stuff in factories and things like that and i'd often go with a friend my my flatmate, who was also temping. And he liked football, so he was fine.

So he'd be talking to someone, working away on some production line or something, stacking stuff. Someone would be like, oh, did you see the match last night? And I'd just go, no. And then my friend would go, oh, yeah, blah, blah, blah. Let's have a normal men's conversation about this. And they were just fine for the next hour. Whereas I'd just get sat with someone just being like,'s this weirdo yeah but it's like it's that shared conversation isn't it and like that's why i remember being really really loving when like

when there's like a big like as in when like x factor was on and like everyone was watching it like every night that i loved because it was like shared conversation because everyone would have watched x factor and i guess it was a similar thing with Love Island. And like, I feel so jealous of like that shared surface level conversation where if you're like trapped with like, and this is obviously like, you know, generalising, but if you're talking to like, you know, a straight bloke, generally you can talk to them about football. And I don't know it at all. And when I was younger, I'd, like, try and learn how to be interested by it,

but just wasn't. And, yeah, it's just, like, such good, easy conversation to have. Yeah, I can't do it. But at least if it's your friends who are, you know, I've got friends who are into football and stuff, and if they're talking, I'm bored, I can just start making stuff up until they get the you know oh yeah sorry dan doesn't know about football it's fine let's talk about something else yeah yeah when it's that sort of oh i don't quite know this person but you're better at saying no see i remember getting my

haircut before and like the barber was like desperately trying to find like shared conversation he was like do you watch football no um do you watch like, do you watch football? No. Do you watch rugby? No. Do you watch hockey? No. And he was like, do you watch Peep Show? And I was like, honestly, you're trying so hard. And I hadn't watched it at that point, but I was just like, yeah. And then what proceeded was like a half an hour haircut, where I had to pretend to know which episodes he was talking about, rather than just saying, no, I don't, I haven't watched Peep Show. a show and he was like oh what about like when mark like did that and i was like that was so mark wasn't it but it also wasn't was it really and it was just like the longest haircut of my life yeah yeah my brother-in-law is stag do i i've never met i mean they're all really nice guys but i've never met a group of people who knew more

about more sports like every sport they would know something about. And by the end, I was like, I don't even know what sport you're talking about anymore. How do you have the time? Because it seems to me, from someone who doesn't like football, there seems to be a lot of football and a lot of play. I don't know how you remember all the names for each team across the whole league

and sometimes foreign leagues as well. And then they knew about like, it got to the point where like, they knew about like different skiers and stuff. I'm like, how do you know about skiers? I mean, you say that and then it took me like all of a day to learn every single line

to every Olivia Rodrigo song. And so I'm like, I do understand. But it's just, yeah, the breadth of knowledge there is, it is impressive, but it is something that I would not be able to converse with but I remember actually now you mentioned like temping I remember one time I was temping though I was I found out it was like a day temping at ITV and I don't know why I thought it was going to be like in the office so I like dressed like what I thought it was going to be, like, in the office. So I, like, dressed, like, what I thought was very chic and was, like, sure I was going to be spotted and then going to be, like, write a script for us.

And so I dressed in, like, just, like, I think it was, like, a polo neck and, like, fitted shirt or something like that. I can't remember exactly what it was. But I didn't realise that I was then working in the mailroom with, like, a lot of, like, real, like, blokey blokes and I just was so embarrassed by what I was wearing and just, like, so clearly stuck out like a lot of like real like blokey blokes and i just was so embarrassed by what i was wearing and just like so clearly stuck out like a sore thumb yeah i think the thing is with

people like this it's like it's as much their duty to change and sort of meld into a middle ground with you as it is for you to sort of find a middle ground for them you know but it always feels like all right they've got this sort of the blokey yeah i've got to sort of move towards that and it's like well no like let's meet in the middle yeah find something that we all enjoy like whatever it is but i think yeah it's just like you say i'm not cared about being blokey or like how i'm perceived like that but it's i mean obviously at some level i am because yeah i think it's all school stuff It just like suddenly resurfaces and you're like, oh God. Yeah, yeah, definitely.

So yeah, that. And so the combination of that person that you basically can't talk to, then you've got the rude person who when you do talk to, you wish you hadn't. Yeah. And then you sort of wander off and then you find a better looking version of yourself. I mean... Horrible time. This is a really good, bad time.

I'd feel so homesick. I'd feel dreadful. I'd want to be home immediately. Okay, well, we're going to move on to a slightly different topic now because mercifully amongst the wreckage of the plane, there was some food and drink left over. Unfortunately for you, it's your least favourite food and drink in the world. What are they and why are they so bad?

So I struggle with this again because I'm a pretty unfussy eater, like I said, and I enjoy most things. So the one that I went for, just because if it arrives, it's slightly disappointing. But it's just it's also just like, ah, I was so excited. And now there's an added element. And it's when you get like, you you know like a prawn linguine or a prawn pasta prawn based meal prawns which I love and they've got all the shell and stuff on and you're and if especially if it's in a pasta you're like I just I'm so ready for this to just be here and I now have to go through the rigmarole of unpeeling and like de-heading and just all that stuff and I it's just it's not something I

need nor want in my life yeah I'm not I'm not squeamish about it no I'm not either like it's just a faff isn't it and the little bits of shell kind of stick to your fingers and it's just like yeah and also like isn't I want it like isn't by whatever level of hungry i'm at when i see the waiter walking towards me i'm the hungriest i've ever ever ever ever been and so i immediately want to like have all of it so quickly and so then to have like and then also i feel if they've got like their whole outfits by outfits i mean their skin cells um they've got their whole like look together um but then there won't be enough because they take up so much space on the plate and there won't be enough prawns i think yeah i wonder if that's why they do it it's just lazy and throw them in it

looks really magnificent it's lazy like oh it looks posh and special it's almost like oh i've got lots of tiny lobsters on my plate you know but maybe that is it actually because realistically like it is lazy because i guess it looks more rustic but i don't really need my my pasta to look rustic i want it to look delicious oh yeah jamie weirdly one of the best prawn and greenies i've ever had which is is jamie's italy it was so good and i remember they didn't have prawns on it well i think like other things like a muscle or a clam that's all right because it's you know it's just done out it's so quick and then it's also more fun because you've got the like the maraca style um element of it and that i understand again

and also because it takes no time prawns does take time yeah i agree and yeah sometimes sometimes when you pull the head off like stuff comes out yeah and you're like i didn't want that in the sauce no yeah yeah i agree and i mean obviously being on the island you know this is something that you're probably going to have to deal with quite a lot i mean you're going to have the leftover prawns from the plane so they're going to be they're going to be crap ones as well and then i mean you're going to have to deal with this a lot i mean you're gonna have the leftover prawns from the plane so they're gonna be they're gonna be crap ones as well and then i mean you're gonna have to deal with this sort of thing anyway because you're on a desert island so it's like oh well at least i'll see what's on the plane i'll get away from this fucking shellfish oh no right it's shellfish

there it is and i have to i have to do everything when i'm already so exhausted with these people that i'm trapped with yeah and okay so and what would you try and wash that down with what was your drink choice this i um so a fish bowl oh yeah do you are you familiar with them they're like it's like the big goblet of a mixture of like every kind of alcoholic drink as well as every kind of mixer and then like quite a lot of syrups yeah there's some big cocktails in these big bowls aren't they and and then you sip them down like isn't you have like multiple straws around them and i enjoy the camaraderie of a fishbowl but they don't feel chic i like wouldn't order one like if i was having like a fancy meal and i'd be like oh yeah can i just get um can we actually just get like a fishbowl for the table um so for that reason

also i i get like they also normally have like quite a lot of like energy drink in it and i hate energy drinks um and yeah they just they just remind me of a time where it was imperative to get as drunk as possible, as quickly as possible. And also, I don't want to share a drink. I enjoy, even with tequila or something like that, I enjoy the ritual of it, even if I don't like tequila. But I'm okay with never having the ritual of ordering a fish bowl. Yeah, because I get what you mean about the camaraderie, but, I mean, for me, there's enough camaraderie just going out for a drink with your friends.

Yeah. I don't need a layer on top of that. You don't need the actual sipping to be a joint activity. And then also the competitiveness, because I'm just like, in the same way with sharing food, I'm just constantly terrified that I haven't had enough or that it's not fair that i so i will normally like it's also that competitive of everyone's like sipping

as aggressively as possible just that whole thing i could do without at least if you've got a jug of cocktails together then that's all right but i mean having it in the same glass it's like where do you draw the line because if are we going to eat off the same plate i mean i need to get like a charcuterie board or something that's slightly different but it's like i don't want just one long plate that we all just sit there eating off at the same time it's like a trough it's like like a horse's trough yeah and like yeah it is it is i would say it is it is worlds worlds away from a charcuterie board i think years and years ago when i was young i went with some friends on holiday and we went to this like amazingly tacky bar that was sort of like a tiki bar gorgeous everything's bamboo and the waitresses had uh roller skates on and you know everything had sparklers in and that my god they

were really playing with like sort of every theme they weren't sticking with a single one yeah it was just like the most kitsch place imaginable it's fantastic and that that feels like the one place where i might think about a sharing uh what do you have a fishbowl but even then i'd still rather have my own cocktail yeah you know and that's even even in that sort of las vegas even in the chicest possible tiki bar even in that gorgeous place where that where i could be skated over to me even then i still wouldn't want one yeah exactly and i mean and also you're going to share it with these three people that you hate you know that woman's going to make some bitchy comment i've been like oh did you order this

that's sophisticated and i'd be like that was the only thing that was available thank you very much yeah and you've got the hockey guy he's obviously going to be chugging it so you're chanting yeah yeah yeah puts the big glass on his head afterwards for some reason um yeah i think this is a good thing because you're gonna have to you're gonna be so busy peeling all the prawns and you've got to so that takes you a long time but then the drink's gone too quickly i think uh and then what if like and then i don't want to like put my prawny fingers around the straw but i have to if they're like chugging away even if i don't want it i still want to put my brawny fingers around the straw, but I have to if they're chugging away. Even if I don't want it, I still want to have my fair share.

It's the sort of thing where you kind of go, oh, that's what they use that blue drink from behind the bar for. It's like the antifreeze colour. Is it blue carousel, that sort of weird colour thing? Yeah, I think these are very good choices. Thanks so much. You're a podcast listener, and this is a podcast ad. Reach great listeners like yourself with podcast advertising from Lipson Ads. Choose from hundreds of top podcasts offering host endorsements,

or run a reproduced ad like this one across thousands of shows to reach your target audience with Lipson Ads. Go to LipsonAds.com now. That's L-I-B-S-Y-N-Ads.com. Now, Harry, fortunately, you won't be without entertainment on the island. The Plains Entertainment System continues to work, but just your luck, it only has two working settings. One is your least favourite film of all time, and the other is your least favourite song. What are they and why?

Okay, so least favourite song is, it used to be my favourite song. It's Dancing in the Moonlight by Top Loader, which is, it used to be my favourite song. It's Dancing in the Moonlight by Toploader, which is, it is a great song. However, when I was like 17, like 18 again, I think, you know, when you're just, you're so keen to have a personality that you kind of like, just like, oh, this is my favourite thing. Oh, like oh I love this I love this so one of my things was that I was like oh Dancing in the Moonlight by Top Loader is my absolute favorite song and I really like kind of hammered that home with my friends and now I don't I think it's a fine song but if it comes on in a group setting I've now like kind of orchestrated it so everyone has to turn to me and they're like this is Harry's favourite song and it's exhausting

and I don't like it enough I don't have the energy to like be to you know have that enthusiasm and so I'm trying to phase it out of my life currently. Okay so well this is quite a good way of publicly sort of you know coming out you know with it this is the real coming out that I've done in my life

is saying that I don't love Dancing in the Moonlight by Toploader as much as I said and uh this is the real coming out that i've done in my life is saying that i don't i don't love dancing in the moonlight by top loader as much as i said that i did i still like it as a song but it's now it's now lost its charm on me okay i suppose that sort of that's the equivalent of when you tell your mum you like something and then that's all she buys for you for like the next 10 years you know but it's but with the song equivalent isn't it i think that that song i've got terrible memories of because i remember again in a temping job it was like doing these 12 hour shifts in this office and it was huge at the time and they were playing like a commercial radio station that played it eight times a day and there was also an

advert that sort of did a pastiche of it as well. Because it was like non-stop. Yeah, so pretty much every song was some kind of dancing in the moonlight sort of thing. And I think because it's got that sort of little, you know, that little bit at the beginning, the bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, and you can sort of hear it. It's almost like they shoot up a little flare going, it's coming!

And that was when everyone would be like, Harry, it's your song! And I'd be like, oh, fuck. Yeah, okay. I i mean i think it has been chosen as a least favorite song before has it okay oh good okay well so i mean there's there's a good head of steam behind this song of people that will you know hate it with you i mean you don't hate it but i think if you know if you do want to cross over to that side if i do we are i'm sure it will support network for you thank you so much

something about being maroon on a desert island with like quite an upbeat chirpy song just adds to a bit of the madness doesn't it yeah totally it really i just and also like i would just still feel that like need to be like i love this song and i'd be like uh here we go and then you know it's any song even if i like it by the time like at like a you know wedding or like party setting i want it to finish at like a minute and a half and i'm done with it by a minute and a half yeah i mean it's it's it's entirely natural to not have a favorite song forever i mean it's a bit suspicious of someone who's like the same yeah i used to think like how to save a life by the fray would be the only song that i listened to forever and i still think it's a great song but i did grow up yeah exactly that's fair enough um what would your film choice be my film choice would be the film piranha because i remember watching it when i was

very very young and like like way too young to watch it. Like, I shouldn't have been watching a horror film. And I'm just, ever since then, I am so much more aware of piranhas in my everyday, like, adventures than I ever should be. And, like, so many of those scenes just are so vividly etched in my head like it's just I remember it so clearly I remember watching it and as I was watching it being like I shouldn't be watching this because this is gonna stick with me forever but obviously being like I didn't want to be the one to be like

to go to my brother and like my brother's friend like we should turn this off um and so instead i was traumatized and like every time i go into a body of water every time i'm every time i think about it it ruins like a swimming experience for me and yeah i just i wish i wish i didn't know as much about piranhas and or also because i don't think they're quite like they are in the film i'm sure they're not quite like they are in the film but they're harrow're not quite like they are in the film, but they're harrowing in the film. There are some really dark scenes in there. The idea of being eaten by any animal isn't pleasant, but, I mean, if you were to be eaten by something,

you'd kind of want, you know, great white shark, bam. Yeah, dinosaur. Like, I know that they're not here anymore. It's just, you know, so the listeners know I'm aware. Dinosaurs aren't still roaming. But, yeah, you want something quick but to be and also like that mob mentality of them i think is so horrid yeah just feeling like you're some kind of human satay stick but yeah there are some predators that look meaner than other you know like a tiger obviously is lethal but it looks quite nice

you can tell it's gonna fuck you up you know piranhas are one of those they just sort of maybe it's just the fish ones they just they look so angry all the time so like prehistoric like they look like dinosaurs like in the same way that i think chickens look quite like prehistoric so do piranhas i'm actually i'm kind of curious as to what a piranha looks like and because i've only got them in my head. In my head, they sort of look like a fish version of a bulldog. There's something kind of bulldoggy about them. Okay, you know what?

They are still horrible. Like, a fish shouldn't have teeth. But they're not as... No, you know what? They're still horrible. But in the film, they're even worse. Oh, they're so horrible in the film. There's a scene where, like,

someone's like dangling their legs behind them in a boat and it yeah they start it's so it's so so horrid i don't want to i don't want to get into it i think what their habitat is probably it's like south america i think isn't it but i don't know if they're in other places as well but i mean at least if you're watching this film and you're in a flat in l or something you're like okay these are horrible but you know I'm pretty far away from piranhas on a desert island you're gonna have to go into the sea now and again so even if it's you know you know for sure there's no piranhas in there it's gonna freak you out it's gonna make you a bit wary of the sea and you have to be in the sea because you have to that's like one one of the only activities there

and I love swimming in the sea but the issue Dan, with the piranhas in the film was that they were kind of like accidentally siphoned off into a place that you wouldn't expect them. So they were in like a leisurely beach place that you just wouldn't expect there to be piranhas. But lo and behold, there were. So there's no place that you can fully relax from them. And I imagine Hockey guy is going to be

quite into it he's like yeah come on it's just a film about fish let's watch it what's your problem mate you know stick it on again you have to watch piranha or you have to go oh no you know you don't want to show him that you're weak and you don't like the film about the fish you know so you're gonna have to sort of go for a walk or something every single time he puts it on i don't want to do that i'll get bored of walking. Exactly. Fair enough. All right. Now, I mean, this might tie into the previous one because I was going to say,

finally, the island is overrun by the biggest dick of all the animals. Which animal is it and why? I mean, obviously, we can... Piranhas are there in spirit anyway, aren't they? We know that I'm not a fan of them, but I would also say that I don't think it's fair to purely judge you know

the piranhas on off this film because i think you know they're they're shown in a worse light than they perhaps would have been um so the the ones that i just don't like are moths because they sound i think that's like i think that's a fairly common dislike. And like in theory, like as in visually, I think they're fine. But like whenever you're in bed, they sound so loud, like incredibly loud. And they thud and they're heavy. And if you've got a light on, they'll just go for your face. And it's just such a tense environment. I think whenever there's a moth in the room it's an incredibly tense environment yeah and i just think they're idiots because the whole thing about going for

the light people say oh it's because they're attracted to the moon because you know before artificial lights that would have been the only light grow up moths you're never gonna make it yeah it's a pipe dream yeah like grow like honestly yeah like really you know pull your socks up moths because also i'm sorry but like the moon is still there like do that like and also electricity and lights have been around for ages and i think they should evolve past that absolutely and the other thing when i was young you know you hear about moths eating clothes and stuff i never happened to me in my adult life it's it's happened you know and it's so annoying my wedding suit which admittedly i don't quite fit into anymore it's fucking been eaten up by moths

it's always the best thing because it which feels weirdly malicious yeah it's like you know i'm not going to wear that suit but i'd quite like it to not be completely fucked you know so it's got like a taste for sentimental value yeah what are you getting from wool yeah there's nothing in there i don't i mean at least if you were eating you know if there was a sheep that was infested by moths like okay there's probably other living oh god that is a horrid image it's a really horrid image yeah but but you know there's probably other things you're getting from it but this is just it's just a wall jump or whatever you pricks it's so annoying i hadn't even thought about the like the clotheating element i'd

merely like thought about that as i'm trying to get to sleep they're going and kind of landing everywhere yeah they are just a bit crap and pathetic but sort of crap and pathetic but malicious yeah my housemate called them the poor man's butterfly which i thought was an accurate description yeah they're really the outcast because you know butterfly they're lovely they're on a flower you know they're only making the flower more picturesque you know as a moth just yeah butting a light bulb eating your nice jumpers and just and just being a prick and if you squash them on the wall then you've got a mark on your wall yeah i bought some moth traps and now i've just got this bloody thing hanging up people go what's that it's like oh it's a moth trap oh yeah i can see there's dead

moths in it it's like i don't want to be having this yeah like this is this isn't the decor that i had when i made my pinterest board of this house yeah so yeah moths can absolutely get fucked yeah and i just feel like they would be there at the island like i can believe that yeah and then yeah just that you've enjoyed the sunset, you've got a fire going, then the moths bite you. Then... Horrible. Yeah, I agree.

Okay. Well, look, Harry, I think you've done a superb job putting together a really shitty environment for yourself today. Thank you so much. So thank you so much for sharing your choices with us today. And, you know, you're up to loads at the minute. what are some of the things we can look forward to seeing you in soon um yeah so you can watch 10 on amazon prime now um and then oh and my so the first thing that i've ever written and uh performed in for tv is out at the moment it's called billy um you can find it

on youtube or all four um And that's basically about like an incredible, I wouldn't like to be trapped with him either. It's about an incredibly like narcissistic, like kind of like 25 year old post teen who, you know, it's his way or the highway. And then I've got a film coming out. I don't know exactly when because it's kind of doing the festival thing, but it's called Sweet Sue. And I did some ADR for it today and I think it looks very fun. So I'm excited about that. And yeah, just some other writing, writing things in the pipeline and bits and bobs. Am I just being so vague? I'm just, I'm doing stuff. I'm just doing stuff. No doing stuff no there's lots going on so i'm gonna get my hair cut soon so that's something as well

great so we can look out because i mean that's the look out for that medium i mean it's looking good at the minute i can tell the listeners that it is looking it's guys it's looking amazing but it could look better well so well i mean the future is exciting yeah yes for sure lovely okay well thanks so much for uh for sharing your choice with us today on desert I mean, the future is exciting. Yeah, for sure. Lovely. Okay, well, thanks so much for sharing your choice with us today on Desert Island Dicks. It's been a pleasure. Thank you so much.

That was Harry Trevoldwin on Desert Island Dicks. And Desert Island Dicks is a Sink Clap production created by James Deacon, produced and presented by me, Dan Benedictus. And normally these days, it's Chris Attaway who edits the things. But for reasons I can't even remember now, I did this one. And I think if you've got a trained ear, you can notice it's not as well edited as when Chris does it.

So we're going to give the others to him to do from now on as usual. Social media support comes from Jason Leitch and sporadically from Chinsey Clinton. And a special thanks as always to John Deacon for his unwavering support and Paul Grand-Mamster-Flash who has been our spreadsheet wizard. He set up a spreadsheet and compiled all of the choices from every guest on every podcast for us. We didn't even ask him, he just did it and sadly now he's had to move on to other things which is fair because he just did it out of the goodness

of his own heart. If though you're listening and you think i like spreadsheets and data in your podcast and you think you'd like to carry on his work and um take on the big spreadsheet then you know by all means get in touch um give us a shout on twitter or instagram at dixpod talking of which do give us a follow and please give us a rating subscribe um all these things are really useful for us that's why you hear every podcast person talk about it but it is a big help uh and you know just tell your friends about how much better their lives would be if they listen to desert island dicks and um you know we'll be back next week we've got loads of great guests coming up that i think you're going to really enjoy so

bye