Desert Island Dicks - HELP I SEXTED MY BOSS

Episode Date: June 22, 2020

Radio 1's Jordan North and the UK's leading etiquette expert William Hanson, host the excellent 'Help I Sexted My Boss' podcast. They join Dan to share who and what they'd hate to be stuck with on a desert island. Be sure to follow the podcast @dickspod Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Or run a reproduced ad like this one across thousands of shows to reach your target audience with Lips and Ads. Go to Lipsandads.com now. That's L-I-B-S-Y-N-Ads.com. Hi, it's Dan from Desert Island Dicks. This episode features Jordan and William from the Help I Sexted My Boss podcast. During the recording we had torrential storms, internet malfunctions and an incessant car alarm all do their best to interrupt us. But we prevailed and I managed to edit out the bits with the car alarm at least, so that's something. If you enjoy this podcast, please subscribe and you'll get every episode delivered straight to your phone or whatever you listen on. Anyway, thank you. And now here's Desert Island Dicks with Help I Sexted My Boss.

Hi, I'm Dan Benedictus and welcome to Desert Island Dicks, the show that sees you marooned on a desert island after a plane crash with the worst people and worst things imaginable. Who they are and why they're a dick is up to our guests and here to share their Desert Island Dicks with us today, from the Help I Sexted My Boss podcast, etiquette expert William Hanson and radio DJ Jordan North. How are you doing? Hey!

Hello, Dan. We're very well, thank you. Thank you for joining me today. How are you both doing?! Hello Dan, we're very well, thank you. Thank you for joining me today. How are you both doing? I just asked you that. I'll start again. It's for the listeners. I've just had a very hectic changeover with my wife because I'm recording this in my kitchen. She's just done an online cooking class. What was she cooking? She's cooking sea bass with some polenta chips and in a nice sort of uh sauce i think well she won't be allowed on my desert or our desert island and we'll come on to that later okay as to why but it explains slightly why i'm a bit flustered because i've been sort of putting

my son to bed she's done a quick changeover and i'm recording in a very hot kitchen such are the unprecedented times dan such oh god if i hear that one more time i'm gonna scream i know i don't know when the uh cut off it for that phrase is i mean oh it was it was in march it was like two weeks into lockdown now um guys because obviously there's two of you we're going to change it up slightly so uh between you, you've got three people and then you've each got a choice for each of the other categories. And we'll see if, I don't know, maybe one of you will present it more eloquently than the other. We'll see if one beats the other. That'll be me.

Or I might just be generous and let you put everything in, but we'll see. I mean, William, as an etiquette expert, what's the etiquette about slagging people off on a podcast? Well, it's not really on. And I've had to really bring myself. I mean, all the other categories are fine because they are inanimate objects. But for the people thing, I really had to scrape the barrel of my loathing for people, which I genuinely actually I don't. It's very interesting exercise this because there's no there's not many people that I that really boil my blood.

There are a couple and we will get to them, but I could count them all on one hand. Yeah, I'd say I'd say the same. I'm that guy that is probably a bit too nice and you know when people say oh you're too nice and and that's a bit of a cliche but yeah there's not many people that boil my piss either so it was a struggle for me it was a really hard struggle for me it's like the the odd people that I come up with I was like oh I can't really say that like oh I still know them I still see them every day, so. And the thing for me is working on the radio.

This was another thing. I was like, oh, this could be awkward if you end up interviewing her one day or they end up on your show. So you've got to keep quiet. What's the word? What the BBC are? Impartial.

Impartial, that's the word. Yeah, got to be quite impartial. But I have got a good one and I've got a goal for it. So let's just dive straight in. Who's going to be our first choice for the island? Well, I'll go first. I'm going to put, and I won't say his name, but I will put my former PE teacher from school

on the podcast. Not being a media person, I thought it was unfair to say his name. And also, if I said it, it brings me out in convulsions. But this will not come as a surprise to you, Dan, but I'm not the most sporty. And it's a trait I've carried from childhood. And I felt that PE and games at school was a little bit of a waste of my time. And I managed, in fact, actually, that's why I started to teach etiquette. I wasn't doing sports and they needed to do something with me. So they asked me to teach the young years how to set a table. And from there, from that small acorn.

William was that kid in school who used to get a letter from his mum saying he can't do PE today because he's on his period I can remember forging a few letters, I didn't ever get my parents to write the letter but I was very good at forging letters But no, my PE teacher just wouldn't, he once, actually the worst incidents with this PE teacher happened not actually in PE it was when we were he was covering a lesson he was some tutor had dropped out last minute so he was covering it and I raised my hand and I must have been 13 and I needed to excuse myself to freshen up and I said please may I use the lavatory and And in front of the entire class, he laughed at me for saying lavatory and not toilet. And age, I mean, I've got no issue with that

and I will say lavatory to my dying day now, but the way it made me feel. And I thought as someone who is there going to exert, you're in charge of shaping our future lives, I thought it was a pretty nasty thing to do. So after that, all his sports notices he used to put up around the school were riddled with grammatical errors. So I developed this very passive aggressive technique of writing a little poem about his grammar, which I then stuck underneath each of the sports notices and I can't remember all of it but it went something like I hate to be impertinent it's really not my style your apostrophes are missing and have been for a while so soon you'll see that

grammar's really easy I can't remember the rest of it um I don't know if he ever knew it was me but I felt that I was getting my own back I mean a lot of PE teachers probably can't read that well so I mean you might have got away with it on that front yes and and I did actually I did another podcast at school um and this makes me sound like I'm about four but this is podcast when they first first started and uh we did little skits about the the teachers with some friends and uh I can remember we uh we did one about him and we'll call him mr smith for the benefit of this and we said uh something like you know uh the the p department has a has a reputation for uh being fairly illiterate but that's slightly unfair because actually mr smith

has just finished his first book and i can't quite remember the punchline, but the implication was that he had just finished reading it, not writing it. Yeah, they're a sort of a universally hated group, I think. I think most people, even the ones that like sport, had issues with PE teachers. Because it must have... I'm generalising here, but it does seem to attract a certain type of person, doesn't it?

Or not. Jordan. No, I would agree with that you see like you said i was very sporty i actually did gcse pe so i loved pe but i've still got my nickname now because of pe right my pe teacher so um i was in a class once and i went to a school in preston and long story cut short I'm a Burnley fan so Preston were doing really well and they were in the playoffs that year and there was a notice that went around saying in PE this week to support Preston North End you can wear your Preston kit

in PE and I turned up in my Burnley kit thinking it was a bit of a laugh this this PE teacher had a total sense of humour failure and he sent me out and I wouldn't go. I was like, no, I'm in my football kit. Everyone else is. He went, get out now, dingle. And that's what Preston fans call Burnley fans, dingles. And I'm still...

Why? Because they think, you know, like the dingles off Emmerdale. No. Well, they think we're a bit scruffy like them. So I think that's where it comes from. Anyway, I'm not too sure. Thank God you go against the grain. Shut up.

So even now at weddings and stuff, or when I go back home, I'll see someone at the shop. They'll be like, all right, Dingle, I've not seen you for ages. It's like, hi, Dingle. So yeah, I agree with you there.

They are a certain breed PE teachers. you like your pe teacher dan or not no i hated them i would think i mean i had a few over the years but um yeah i just remember the one in particular just being this really angry little terrier of a man yeah and um and he always just had like piercing eyes just he just looked furious at life, you know. And at our school, they always had to... They taught another subject as well, so they always had to have, like, an additional subject, which they were always really bad at.

And it was pretty much always maths or geography for some reason. I don't know why. They seem to be the easier one. I don't know. I don't want to, like, piss off any... Well, geography is just colouring in. I think maybe at that level, maybe those two are slightly easier for them. Or like if you're a maths teacher,

but you don't know about maths, you can look up the answers quite easily. So maybe that's good for them. Yes. But I remember one of them saying to me, I was mucking around once and he sort of said, do you know what, Benedictus? One day you're going to take something seriously

and you're going to really surprise yourself. I'm like, you're a PE teacher, mate. Come on. Tell me about taking life seriously. Did either of you have to do the bleep test? Oh, yeah. Yes. Yeah.

Do you know what, as well, with PE teachers, I think, you know, when you forgot your kit and you had to go in that scruffy, stinking box, you know, so you had to, like, the supply box, and you'd end up doing PE in, like, a crop top and the girl's shorts and a flipper. I think they secretly got a kick out of that because, if you think about it,

there was loads of people left PE kits. There was enough T-shirts or shorts in there to supply you. Did you ever have to do that william where you forgot your kit well we at my school we had a school shop so if you've forgotten the thing you just went into the shop and bought of course you did of course but we didn't at our school and i lost property box and we had a small concession of john lewis attached to our school i think with PE teachers, though, there's always the sense that they weren't even that good at their sports.

Like, if they challenged themselves, you know, against people their own level, they'd be quite bad. Like, I remember one sports day, they had a teacher's race, and the PE teachers weren't very good. You know, I mean, there's no reason a PE teacher should be faster than an English teacher, for example, but seemed to make make a lot of difference to how you saw them like you're just like unfit and out of shape as the rest of us yes and also as well if you imagine a pe teacher on a desert island they would be so annoying they'd be up at the crack of dawn

making you do stretches doing the bleep test classes yeah they'd have you up doing like making sure you got your 10 000 steps in and oh no we're on a desert island we've just had a plane crash let's just chill and they'd be really sweaty and red because of all the polyester they're wearing yeah exactly i think it's an excellent first choice so pe teacher should. Should we extend it out? Should we just put everyone's PE teachers on the island? Yes, that's fine. They can just be a big PE teacher conference. But especially yours.

Yours can be the head of the pack, William. So your PE teacher leads them onto the island. Sloppy punctuation. I was going to say no, but then I once seen my pe teacher a few years ago in uh wh smith and i said hi to him and he didn't recognize me and couldn't remember me from school so yeah let's put him jordan who will be your first choice uh like i said i've been thinking about this and it's like would i ever come across this person probably yeah I used to work at the same station that this person now works at. But I would have to say Robbie Savage.

Okay. Now, can you just, for the, I only know Robbie Savage from about 10 years ago when he was on Strictly Come Dancing. Who is he? Well, that's the same Robbie Savage. A very close second would be Chris Sutton. Now, they're both football pundits and they've both got one thing in common,

why I don't like them, is they're both ex-Blackburn Rovers players. And I would mention Chris Sutton, but to be fair to him, no one's ever heard of him, so they won't know who I'm on about. Whereas Robbie Savage, people know who he is.

Now, William, they are football pundits, like what I've said, but they are both equally very negative about Burnley when they're talking about us. Well, you can't hold that against... Loads of people will be on the island. It's not just that. He's not a great pundit either.

It's all about him. If you listen to 606, the show's all about him and he belittles callers he don't even let callers get the word in edgeways as soon as they come on he attacks them it's like hang on let them let them have their say and sometimes the callers speak more sense than him but he won't have it he has to play devil's advocate for playing sake a devil's advocate and just listening to me like oh shut up, oh, shut up, savage. Can I say, Jordan, you talking about this, obviously, Jordan and I are incredibly, even though on paper we don't sound

it, we are incredibly close friends. You've gone very, very blokey and even more northern when you talk about football and I've never really heard you. Now, me and William have been friends for how many years, William? 412. A very long time and we we just we've just never talked

football i don't know if you're into football dan i don't know if you should think not particularly although i because i grew up in leicester and my brother's a massive leicester fan so when he lived at home we used to go to matches together and that was in the era when robbie savage used to play for leicester well this is another thing as well He wasn't even that good of a player. He was alright. He played in the Premier League, but he was average at best. But for me as well,

he was a dirty player, which I never liked. And also, he used to go down too easy. And there's a very famous scene, and I forget the match. I think he was playing for Leicester. It might have been Blackburn. He pretended a player headbutted him

and he held his hands and went down to the floor. And that, for me, then, I never liked him. And I remember Burnley were playing Blackburn and I am not in any way, shape or form condoning this. Is that the right word? I'm not saying, yeah. I don't know, complete the sentence. Okay, so, and I'm not,

but Savage was giving it the big I am all game, right? And he was getting in players' ears, it's what he did. He was sticking his tongue out, winding other players up, and he was winding the fans up. Now, where I'm from in East Lancashire, a very working class town, if you do that, people are going to end up doing

something to you. So a fan actually jumped on the pitch and squared up to him and again I'm not condoning it I really am he absolutely shit himself he's been giving it the big I am all game and he shit it

I've never seen a man so scared in all my life again I'm not condoning it but I think there's something I mean if you're going to be a hard man on a pitch or just even a dirty player you can't also be sort of you know falling down at the faintest glimmer of a foul do you know i mean you can't have it both ways like if you're going to be a hard man and fight dirty you've got to take the knocks as well surely that seems fair exactly yeah i totally agree with you there and i another thing about football pundits is I feel very sorry for them. It's not an easy job because they get a lot of trolls on Twitter

because the worst sort of trolls are the football trolls. Those stupid idiot football lads that have a footballer as their picture. So if you're a football pundit i reckon it's one of the worst jobs to have for twitter trolls it's like magnified um i mean i get a bit of stick on twitter but so i get it's not an easy job but it's not hard it's not you know say what you see don't try and wind people up just to get just for crack i mean i had a soft spot for him for a very short period because when i was about 14 i played pool next to him in a pool hall and that was very

exciting because in leicester you never saw anyone famous except for maybe a leicester player so that was it but then years later i only ever heard bad things about him and also i mean not knowing anything about football i have to go to this area to criticise him terrible terrible dress sense like lime green jackets and like zebra print shoes and whatever

another thing is as well is if you was on an island with him this is his hair he obviously

spends a lot of time on his hair so you'd have to be perming it be bleaching it he'd be obsessed he'd be like Robbie

come on we're trying to build a hut here stop pissing about with your hair come on I think there'd be a lot of that as well

yeah and I think anyone who's been famous and pampered and not have to really do anything that hard since they were very young is going to be difficult

to spend time with and that's footballers isn't it so you know they've been looked after and led from place to place without any big decisions having to be made themselves now that's footballers, isn't it? So, you know, they've been looked after and led from place to place without any big decisions having to be made themselves.

Now, that is true, but I think that's kind of changing a bit, you know. I do think that and they have been pampered, but obviously everything that's come out was Rashford this week as well and with Jordan Henderson

getting all the players, the captain of Liverpool getting all the players to come of Liverpool getting all the players to come together and like donate money during the COVID crisis and I've been lucky enough to meet a couple of players

that play for Burnley now and I always had that image that they were like that but they're not they're all they're all been pretty sound but yeah I do think he was very much

from that era yeah that have been pampered definitely can I ask you what was he like when you met him William are you still with us, William?

He slips into a coma. To be honest, my anecdote is terrible. I literally just played Paul next to him. I didn't get to meet him. I met Neil Lennon once and he was very nice indeed, but I don't think we plucked up the courage to go and speak to Robbie Savage for some reason. For what it's worth, and this is not personal,

it's professional as a former player that played for a team that we don't like. For what it's worth, will and this is pure it's not personal it's professional as a former player that played for a team that we don't like for what it's worth i know a few people that have worked with him and they've all got nice things to say about him but do you know what robbie savage teaming up with a pe teacher on the island that's not a that's going to be awkward for everyone it's not a winning combination no it's it would i mean they're going to gang up on the rest of you and i mean jordan you said you're sporty, but, William, it's not looking good for you right now. No, it's not.

I mean, I will... In Robbie Savage's defence, he did do a nice Paso Doble on Strictly, so he could maybe re-enact that for a bit of sort of after-dinner entertainment. A nice what? Paso Doble. Isn't that a meal?

No, it's the one with the cape. Oh, underlay, underlay. Well, I mean, it's the one with the cape. Oh, underlay, underlay. I mean, it's the whole... Spanish. Yeah, it's there to represent the bullfight, but obviously just with two humans. Didn't he win Strictly? No.

No. I think off the top of my head he was voted out when they either did their Blackpool or Wembley, as they were doing that year, show. Okay. Right, so who's going to be our third choice then now? Well, this is a joint choice that we both have. And it's a type of person. And I suppose anyone who qualifies as maybe we can find the head of this type of person.

But both Jordan and I absolutely detest inverted snobs. Okay. I mean, detest is a strong word. Oh, no, we detest. We've had conversations about this inverted snob. You said to me today, you think our very first conversation that we ever had 10 years ago was about this topic.

I do. When we met, basically, we met, I was a tea boy at a radio station that william was even back then when we were 21 years old claiming to be the uk's leading etiquette expert so i showed him to the studio i made him a cup of tea he didn't drink it because it was in a mug um and we thought we'd never meet again and then during the 2012 olympics my mate was having my housemate at the time was having an olympic party and she said i've got a friend coming tonight um how many times have we told this story she said i've got a friend coming tonight he's uh he's very posh um you won't

get on but don't be rude i was like okay apparently she said to william my housemate's a bit rough around edges he's from burnley um you won't get on, but don't be rude. And we just hit it off straight away. And I thought he was one of the funniest people I've ever met. And I, hence why I love doing the podcast with him. And I think that was one of the first conversations we had, William, wasn't it? It's such a contradiction or it's such hypocrisy that you can, people are allowed to, oh, it's verboten for someone from a purportedly privileged, comfortable background to be snide

or to make a comedy reference about someone who has not come from that background. And that is called snobbery but but it's okay somehow in our society if someone who is not from a typically privileged background makes some jibe up at the privileged person because oh well they're privileged so they yeah but that's funny isn't it well it's not funny no you listen you've chosen this as well you don't like this either and it's it's like you either we either all are allowed to do it and we sort of develop a thicker skin or we don't do it. Here's my take on it, right?

This, my take on it is, and this is the conversation I have with Liam, I've never heard anyone say to me, and I'll be honest, I've never heard anyone go, oh, why'd you bother hanging around with him? He's right northern and working class however on the other hand a few friends have said to me why'd you bother with him he's all right posh ghetto he's all right stuck up know it all that kind of thing so i in in is that inverted snobbery william well that that's them uh not getting to to know me or whoever they were referencing

um and similarly them not and whoever said it or whoever they were referencing. And similarly, them not and whoever said it about you. And it's just in this sort of world where we're supposed to be fairly idealistic and equal, it is a startling, and maybe I am more susceptible to this because I supposedly come from a privileged background and people are. What do you mean supposedly? And I have. There's no supposing about it. back it goes back to the pe teacher you can laugh at someone for saying lavatory but if i fell about laughing because someone said toilet

that that i can't i couldn't know lou is fine but you i can't i can't laugh at someone saying toilet but you you can't all bog yes thank you very much or shitter yes thank you but you can it's absolutely fine to fall into hysterics if someone says lavatory which is the correct word for it anyway yeah we're in this sort of weird place isn't it where there's lots of

I don't know campaigns and things about you know trying to be better people and trying to sort of be accepting which is great but at the same time we have programs where it's like if you want to laugh at this group of people you've got this program but like you know let's say like um the only way is essex so you've got made in chelsea

if you want to laugh at this but so there's loads of things we're going let's all be tolerant and inclusive but oh do you want to laugh at the posh people or the less posh people do you want to laugh at them for like being vulgar or for being posh and vulgar you know it's like it's this kind of horrible thing and actually i think yeah it's not not healthy for any of us no so what describe an inverted snob for us william if they were on our desert sorry dan i'm doing your job sorry it's quite all right it's fine by me what would an inverted snob be? What sort of person would they be? Well, someone who does make jokes.

Okay, I'm going to say there are all sorts of inverted, types of inverted snobbery, but the one I'm particularly anti is those that will take the mick out of people that are posh in inverted commas. Yeah. See, for me, it's like I know people that probably wouldn't like William or make effort with William because he is, inverted commas, posh.

And I'm like, that's not very nice, just because he's from a well-picked... He would never turn round. I didn't choose what family I was born into, and neither did you, so I don't see why people choose to then use that to attack them. Things like clothes, that I would choose what family I was born into and neither did you. So I don't see why people choose to then use that to attack them. Things like clothes that I would choose what to wear, where you choose to live, what food you choose to eat.

Fine, all fair game because that is a conscious choice. But whose womb you popped out of, none of us had any say in that. some people see i'm getting very cross about this see the need to um in order to maybe to mask an insecurity of their own to take the mic i'm sure many people would disagree with that but okay well you don't choose whose womb you come out of and i think you know you get posh people who are nice and posh people who are dicks and the same the other way around don't you i mean it's sort of how you how you act within that so i think it i think it's a very fair choice but controversially here i would say you would get and maybe this is just a reflection of people i am friends with rather than posh people in general i think you would find more posh or privileged people who are nicer

downwards than people that are nicer upwards interesting that's my take feels like a hot potato i don't know if we've got time to to get to the bottom of it on this podcast but no it feels like quite a big statement but i don't know i mean i'm gonna say i'm fairly in the middle myself so uh i'm gonna sit on the fence quite comfortably here. I'll BBC. You and me both. Jordan's going to have to fill out a compliance form having done this. Probably will. You're a podcast listener, and this is a podcast ad.

Reach great listeners like yourself with podcast advertising from Lips and Ads. Choose from hundreds of top podcasts offering host endorsements, or run a reproduced ad like this one across thousands of shows to reach your target audience with Lipson Ads. Choose from hundreds of top podcasts offering host endorsements or run a reproduced ad like this one across thousands of shows to reach your target audience with Lipson Ads. Go to LipsonAds.com now. That's L-I-B-S-Y-N-Ads.com. Okay, well, we'll move on from your people. But I think actually, I mean, the idea of Robbie Savage, an inverted snob and a PE teacher is going to make for quite an interesting combination. So I think you've done very well there, both of you. All three of them would probably get on quite well, I reckon.

Yes, they've all got something in common. Yeah. Now, mercifully, amongst the wreckage of the plane, there was some food and drink left over. Unfortunately for you, it's your least favourite food and drink in the world. What are they and why are they so bad? And and for this we're going to have a choice each we'll see if we can decide if one is worse than the other but let's see how we go um jordan do you want to start for me it would be onion in particular raw onion i've only just in adult life got used to who eats raw

onion let me finish i've only just... And actually, someone did. Someone texted in to my show this weekend saying they ate raw onion like an apple. But onions, I used to hate it when my mum would make something and it'd have loads of onions in. She used to say... And she used to not put stuff in with onions. But as I've got older,

I've realised that you do need onions in a chilli or a curry. But it's, in particular, the raw onion that people put on salads, that put on sandwiches. Like, I just think it's the worst food. It makes your breath stink. Why would you... Raw onion. Now, if there was just loads of raw onions, I'd probably... I'd rather eat me own shite, to be honest.

It's a weird one, isn't it? Because it's basically the bedrock of most hot dinners isn't it but yes but at the same time and it's quite innocuous when it's in everything but at the same time like you know you go back to the sauce and roar it's yeah it's so overpowering it's weird that it can just disappear into a meal like that and like i said it's only over the past couple of years that i've started putting onions in my recipe so now if it'll say put two onions in i'll do half so hang on you can say you can have cooked onions but it's just the raw state of onion yeah and as long as and they have to be cut up really tiny so i can't see them and so like the

yeah i don't like i don't like onions i don't like onions on a burger i think it why would you put onions on a burger well here's someone gives you a barbecue and they put the cheese on, put gherkins on, and they put onions on, and lettuce, you're like, no, take your onions off. Tomato, a nice big slice of tomato, yes, but onion. Yeah, I mean, I used to have a flatmate who grew up in a house, his mum hated garlic and onions, so every time he cooked food, he was a decent cook, but everything was a little bit off and then you'd remember there was never any garlic or onion in anything.

See, that's how I make up for it, Dan. I put extra garlic in. Because they seem like quite close bedfellows in a way, you know. So to like one and not the other seems quite curious. Yeah, especially Jordan's just said one of his problems with onions is that it makes your breath smell, but then you double up on the garlic. Yeah, that's true. The thing is, sometimes when I've doubled up on garlic,

the worst thing people talk about, it makes your breath smell. If you're in a gym, it makes you sweat. You can smell garlic on your sweat. I probably reek of it. I think I have it in everything. No, you don't. You can't have it. There's no vampires coming near us, Dan.

Yeah, fair enough. And I think, yeah, obviously on a desert island, if you've only got raw onions for sustenance, you can have it there's no vampires coming there us dan yeah fair enough and i think yeah obviously on a desert island with if you've only got raw onions for sustenance that's going to be i mean that's horrendous isn't it basically and let's say it's like a big golden onion you know the really strong ones as well um william what's your pick well i was going to pick fish and that's why i turned my nose up at your wife's sea bass however i think probably i could i could find a way to to like fish and obviously being on a desert island there's probably going to be quite a lot of fish at our disposal um that we would be able to catch so

instead i have chosen the pudding eaten mess eaten mess which i cannot stand do you like it well i i think i mean i mean to be honest i like most i mean i could eat raw onions quite happily as well i'm not that fussy so this is always the bit of the podcast i have to play devil's advocate but i mean you know it's jam meringue cream fruit no it's the cream and the meringue it's not so much the strawberries or the raspberries or whatever you put in it and the jam that bit's fine and why i don't like it is because every year when we grew up it was my brother's and i think it still is favorite pudding and my mother would make it for him especially on his birthday so i would spend each year dreading the first of november because i have i have such

a sweet selfish no i have such a sweet tooth and I love a pudding. And each year I would try it thinking, no, I'll like it this year, this will be nice. And my mother's an exceptionally good cook, so there's nothing wrong with her recipe. It just is all that cream and all that meringue. Could you eat the components separately then? Could you have a meringue with cream in the middle?

No. You see, I'm not massively fond of meringues and i don't like cream-based puddings okay but and also do you think it's something to do with the sort of the sort of softness of the cream against the dryness of the meringue some people have a bit of a funny term and two things like that mix don't they yeah no i and also from a presentational point of view i mean it's it's a dropped pavlova, as we all know the story behind the eaten mess, supposedly. So would you have a pavlola? Pavlova, whatever it's called.

Spit it out. Pavlova. Would you have pavlova? Would you eat that? Or would that be a nightmare as well? Sorry, what pudding again? The line's just dropped. You stopped being a pavlova.

No, not really. I mean, obviously, look, if I came to someone's house and they put it in front of me, I would sit there politely and eat it and say, gosh, how delicious, it's lovely. But inside, I would be doing somersaults. I think, again, I mean, to me, it's a delicious pudding. But again, if you're on the island

and that's all you've got for sustenance, I mean, it's more palatable than a raw onion, but something that sweet and claggy for that amount of time over and over again. I presume, is this island in the Caribbean? Yeah, I always imagine, you know, your traditional hot palm tree, coconut sort of desert island rather than a kind of rugged, cold rock. Yeah, so I don't think you want to be eating heavy cream-based puddings. I think that's not conducive.

Actually, onions and things that are quite light and water-based are quite a good idea. And the sugar's going to attract the flies, of course. Yes, of course, actually. Oh, Jordan North is back. Yeah, for the listeners, Jordan had just cut out due to internet problems, presumably, but he's coming back in the room. Yeah, he's put some money in the meter and his Wi-Fi is back on. Almost. We hope. back in the room yeah he's put he's put some money in the meter and his wi-fi is back on almost we hope well sorry oh there you are sorry i'm here sorry i do feel like it's a slight symbol of um privilege in that other people if they dropped a pavlova would be in a lot of trouble

but the boy eating who dropped it they're like oh look well done you've invented a new dessert hurrah i totally agree if that was someone else at salford sunderland uni where i went they'd be like oh well you've cocked that up eaten yeah it's an eaten mess bloody chuck it on and we'll sell it and now that person's probably a millionaire and because they're clever they've got a trademark on it or something i don't know i no no no they have they haven't well i don't know because i think it was quite some time ago probably predating patient law oh was i thought it was like the 70s or something. No, no, it was very popular. I mean, meringue-based puddings were very popular in the 70s, but no, I think it predates that. Oh, OK, fair enough.

OK, well, I mean, I think you've both made very good cases. I think if I was to pick one thing to exclusively eat on a desert island, I'd say that onions are probably the worst choice. So I'm going to go with Jordan's on this occasion. But what would your drink be? What would you wash those down with? My least favourite drink to wash that down with would be

instant coffee Instant coffee and what is it about it that you hate so much? Well it's not coffee it's absolute slops and I really struggle and when I go around to people's houses It's absolute slops. And I really struggle. And when I go around to people's houses,

or I don't obviously at the moment, but in those heady days where we were allowed to go around to people's houses and they say, oh, do you want a tear of coffee? I'll always say coffee, but I never feel I can actually say coffee, but how are you preparing it? If it's instant coffee, grim, I'll sort of take one or two sips and then leave it. If it's an espresso, that's slightly better,

but it's still not great. But if it's done properly in a cafetiere, and then there are different degrees of how you do it in a cafetiere, or if it's V60, I'm all for it, lovely, marvellous, good cup of coffee. I always thought Jordan liked the coffee I serve, but then a few weeks ago on our podcast, you then announced actually, and I still haven't really picked you up on this, that you think that my coffee is weak.

See, again, I hate this is happening, but I have gone a bit, since I've moved to London, I have gone a bit London. Just a bit. I can't drink instant coffee now, I hate to say it I'm all about the proper filter coffee and oh can you hear that rain it's lashing it down in it um it's good you've not got me washing up um but yeah I I can't stand instant coffee however if I was on a desert island I probably wouldn't mind an instant coffee. I could cope with it. I'd cope without, I wouldn't, oh God, I'm such a London media type now.

I couldn't cope without coffee. Yeah. I think it's one of those things, isn't it? Like once it's got you in its clutches, that's it. I've read something that apparently the caffeine works in a way that if you've never drunk anything caffeinated, it will have less of an effect on you than it would to someone who drinks it every day. It's like once the addiction hits, that's when it really starts to make a difference.

People say to me to be worried about getting addicted to coffee. And, you know, I've heard my father sometimes had a couple of cups of coffee a few years ago per day and then got the shake. So he's cut it back to one cup of coffee a few years ago per day and then got the shake so he's cut it back to one cup of coffee a day i drink the stuff like it's going out of fashion and it has zero effect on me i am waiting for the day that i am holding the cup and saucer and it drops out my hand because i start i start shaking or having the coffee shakes but to the point i mean it's just delicious and i i don't really like tea very much which is a bit of an issue in my job. But I prefer coffee very much. And I think actually properly made coffee probably has less of an impact on your health than the cheap stuff.

I mean, I didn't know that you didn't like tea. But for me, I've done the thing where I've not done coffee. And if I don't have a coffee, I get headache in the morning. So I need to have a coffee, but... Yeah, I've... Tea, I try not to have it after three o'clock. That's my rule now. See, this is a thing I've been talking about recently with my mum

because she, for my entire life, has been drinking tea, like, basically non-stop throughout the day. But then she keeps complaining to me. She's like, oh, I didn't sleep again well last last night i was up till four in the morning i was like when do you drink your last cup of tea she's like well sometimes if i can't sleep i get up and i have a cup of tea and i was like do you think mate i mean i'm no doctor but do you think maybe drinking tea right up to bedtime is maybe you know if you've if you're an elderly lady and you've got sort of a weak constitution, maybe knock the caffeine on the head.

See, I always, I agree with your mum there. I always have a brew, a cup of tea before bed, a nice milky brew. But then again, I struggle sleeping. Do you think it could be that? I mean, genuinely, yes. Even if I've had a few drinks, even if I've been on a night out

and I'm, like, hammered, I'll still somehow manage to boil a kettle and take a brew up to bed. Yeah, I mean, I'm no Columbo, but I reckon it might be behind the problem. Are you joking? It actually could, couldn't it? I'm the worst sleeper. I'm a terrible sleeper. Give it a go. But, Jordan, what would your worst drink be um it's no secret that i love i drink my alcohol and i'll pretty much drink anything and if it's gonna be hot like it will be on this desert i assume um i would like there to be some sort of alcoholic drink but I just cannot drink cider

a pint of cider and I know it's very in at the moment I've tried the dark fruits the flavoured ciders but they get very sickly after a bit I don't know how people can drink them those things are basically melted ice lollies though aren't they exactly yeah they are but like a pint of proper cider after a bit. I don't know how people can drink them. Those things are basically melted ice lollies though, aren't they? Exactly.

Yeah, they are. But like a pint of proper cider, like Strongbow or proper cider, like that you get, I can't even sip the stuff. It's like, it's like,

you remember those really sweet and sour lollies that you had when you were younger? Yeah. It's like one of them. I think I'd have to go teetotal. I think with Strongbow, I remember a while ago, their advertising campaign, they had this sort of campaign about how refreshing cider was. And they had a group of lads on the beach,

just sort of like all bright red and sweating. And then they kind of rushed to the bar and get a cider and glug it down. And the other one in the series was like a guy eating as many cream crackers at once as he could and then glugging down a pint of soda. It's like, if your drink is only palatable when you're at that level of dehydration and thirst and desperation,

it's not a good drink. It rots your teeth as well. It's so acidic. I think it rots your teeth. I think there's sort of two poles, isn't it? Like one's the really overly sweet, sickly one and the other's like you go to the West Country on holiday and it takes the enamel off your teeth.

It's so dry. I remember going to Devon once and the lady in the local shop was like, saw us buying some ciders and she's like, oh, we've got some local stuff straight from the barrel. I'll just fill it up in an old jug for you. And we're like, oh, that's nice. That sounds good.

And it was like, oh God, you could barely speak afterwards. And she's like, do you like it we're like yeah it's good you know it's horrible yeah i just i couldn't imagine going in the pub of everything you could have in a pub right you could have a i mean my favorite pint of guinness lager you could even have a whiskey a gin and tonic everything why would you choose a pint of cider i mean i don't want to be like you you know one drink's acceptable and one isn't but i mean those really sweet syrupy ones are just it's like a melted calippo and i don't think it's acceptable yeah um right well i i mean the only thing is if i'm weighing it up between the two drinks i do think though on a desert island

a cider is probably i, that is probably the point when you're going to need that refreshment more than an instant coffee. So if I was to choose one, although I think they're very fine picks, I'd probably choose the instant coffee to go on the island with you, I think. I don't know if that's a good thing or not. I don't actually know if I want you to choose Jordan's drink because instant coffee I hate, or whether I'm like, OK, well, at least instant coffee, hate or whether I'm like, okay, well at least instant coffee

I know what I'm getting. I mean, at least is there a way we could ferment the coffee to get pissed? You know what, I'm going to put them both on. Let's put them both on. Okay. So we can have instant coffee in the morning

get real pissed on cider and it gives you the worst... I've never had a cider. You know I don't do beer, ale, cider, anything like that. So, we can... Then when we're rough as rats in the morning, we can get...

Well, don't say that. We can get instant coffee. It'll just be... Plus that and Robbie Savage doing his hair behind me. I'd go mad. Oh, man. Also, I seem to... I remember my pe teachers

always having really bad coffee breath as well so i mean you're gonna sort of imbue them with that quality as well which no one wants okay now uh fortunately you won't be without entertainment on the island the planes entertainment system continues to work but just your luck it only has two working settings one is your least favorite film of all time and the other is your least favorite song what are they and why and uh who should we go so william i have chosen as my film i have chosen i think it was 2011 maybe it came out the adaptation of the musical les miserables starring russell Crowe and Hugh Jackman. It's a decent film, that. It's not. I mean, The Barricade,

what a waste of antiques. I can remember sitting there, watching it, thinking, well, that's just a shame that that lovely dresser with cabriolet legs has been stuck up and someone's crawling on it, firing gunshots at the aristocracy. I mean, I don't like Les Mis Mis the stage show, to be perfectly honest,

but then seeing it in film, and the waste of money that that film was, was particularly gruelling, and I really struggled to watch it. I can remember watching it with my now neighbour. We went to the cinema together, and it was the slowest two and a half hours of my life because it is not a quick film. I suppose, actually, if you are stranded on a desert island,

you do want something, I suppose, maybe that does go on a bit to fill the void of time, but I would get rid of Les Mis. But also the songs are going to get stuck in your head all the time when you're going mad slowly on the island. Yes, you don't want to hear the people sing. Do you think it's because they're inverted. Yes, you don't want to hear the people sing. You want them to shut up. Do you think it's because they're inverted snobs,

they're Les Miserables? Well, they're a bunch of socialists, so, you know, already I don't like them. I thought we weren't doing politics. Look, they're French and dead, it's fine. I went to see it in the cinema, funnily enough, and it just reminded me, I fell asleep. We went with our mutual friend, Daryl.

I went to see it and I fell asleep, but i was on earlies at the time of course you went with daryl that's so on brand for you and him oh here we go uh here we go the gloves are off we also say is me and william uh agree agree on many things but disagree on many things as well uh politically being one of them. So that was a low blow for Mr Hanson there. But I've seen that film twice since and I've liked it. I think it's a good film. It's a good Sunday film.

Good Sunday film. Oh, no. I actually haven't seen it because I'm not keen on musicals or sad things or long films. So it's sort of ticking. Oh, it's not for you. Do you want to see this? It's really long and sad, but there's some good songs in it oh no yeah i tell you i will confess this because i don't think the person that i'm about to name will probably well i won't incriminate that but why i don't

like lame is is because my dear brother my younger brother was cast as andal ras which is one of the b characters in a school production. Your poor brother, you weren't allowed to have a birthday. Can't be your next musical. And anyway, I was going to go and watch the school. I had left school. I was going to go and watch the school production, but for whatever reason, at the last minute, I had to work.

So then the following Christmas, my mother made me sit and watch the very badly filmed and recorded school production of Les Mis. And school productions, even at the type of school I went to, were dire. And I was watching a dire performance of a dire show, badly recorded for two and a half hours for my brother's one song, which is right at the end on the barricade. And that was my introduction to Les Mis as as a piece of work whether that's a book a film or a stage show and ever since then I

I hate Les Mis with a passion and today on the day of recording there has been news out that Cameron McIntosh's theatres are closing until at least 2021. And he has Hamilton, Phantom, Mary Poppins, which is my favourite musical, and Les Mis. Les Mis, that can stay shut. OK, when things come back in 2021, that can stay shut. We don't need that back. The others, fine. Fair enough.

And I think if it goes on the island with you, you should have to have your brother's version to take with you. Yeah. I think that's got to be how it goes down. I agree. I'll think of him as an ancient mess. Jordan, what would be your choice? So I'm a film buff, if you could say.

Well, I mean, you watch films. It doesn't mean to say you're a film buff. I love my films. I've got one of those geeky... Before all this, I've got one of those geeky cinema cards. I used to go... I love going to the cinema on my own.

It's perfect escapism. Gets you off your phone for a few hours. So... And I like to think that I've seen all the big films, the greatest films of all time. Lawrence of Arabia, Godfather. Stuart Little. Gone With The Wind.

Gone With Wind, as my mum would say. Street Fighter. I've seen them all. But There Will Be Blood. I just... I just cannot cope with that film. Everybody's older movie geeks are like, oh, you've got to watch this

and start doing the impression of the straw. I drink with my straw, whatever it is. And I know it's Daniel Day-Lewis that's in it, isn't he? And I think he's great. I just cannot warm to this film and all the, just basically. What's it about? I've never heard of it. It's about a guy who goes digging for oil

and he makes loads of money making oil and then he turns into a bit of a bit of a dick but it's in the sort of what early 19th century people are making money quickly out of oil but it's like right at the beginning of it you know where sort of there's still lots of untapped

oil and he's the one who's kind of leading the pack and he's yeah ruthless isn't he yeah and that's the one who's kind of leading the pack and he's, yeah, ruthless, isn't he? Yeah. And that's the thing and he is, and you want to like it because all the big movie geeks like it

but I just, no, I can't warm to it. And it's very long. Very, very long. I think it's about three and a half hours, is it? It was one of those films where I remember

everyone going on about and then I watched it and I was like, I sort of thought there was going to be more. You know? And it is quite depressing. There's no sort of thought there was going to be more you know and it is quite depressing there's no sort of

winners in it you know it's just one man going mad out of greed isn't it really yeah spoiler alert well it's alright I don't think I'm going to watch it anytime soon well they're both fine choices I'm going to sit on the fence with this one although actually I mean if I was going to watch one for eternity

on a desert island I think watching Les les miserables by your brother's school performance would certainly be the worst choice there i think um what would be uh the worst song then for you william is this the way to amarillo no stop it stop it i'm having to take my headphones out I think to be fair even Peter Kay hates this song now I think he's come out and said he hates it There's something about it's

forced cheerfulness and also it's incredibly repetitive that grates and obviously Peter Kay popularised the stupid sort of it's incredibly repetitive, that greats. And obviously Peter Gay popularised the stupid sort of dance that a lot of people... I actually saw someone the other day, a group of people,

I can't remember what group of people they were, but they were obviously people that worked together, doing a socially distanced Amarillo-type parody. You'd think, that's 10 years ago people were doing that don't do that, find someone longer than that it's like when you still see variations of Keep Calm and Carry On and you're like

are we still doing this? come on have you seen anything else in popular culture you could have used in it's place? come on so before all this happened I'd do a few DJ gigs and you'd get a lot of unis, a lot of freshers. And someone told me, play Amarillo,

because 18-year-olds, when they were like six or seven, that song was on and there's like loads of videos of them dancing to it and the mums and dads used to play it for them. Played it at a freshers gig, kicked off the place were bouncing they bloody loved it they loved and i remember when it come out at the time and i love peter k and i like the song but it's like going through that stage where it's like no i'm a cool indie kid i don't like the music so i play it all the time now at my gigs and they love it it's weird it had a revival i never thought i'd see that song come back.

That's insane. And what would your choice be, Jordan? If, by the way, it sounds like I'm on a desert island, it's absolutely persisting it down here in London at the moment. So you might be able to hear the rain. I've had to come into the kitchen. Well, it's not in this part of London. Jordan doesn't actually...

When Jordan moved to... When he announced that he was moving down from the North West to London, he basically moved to, I think it's basically Stoke where Jordan lives. Because it takes him eons, so long to get into London. Because you are so far out. I live in Barnet. Where's that? Enfield.

Is that even London? Is that Northampton? Yes, it's North London. My name was well ill. Well, the rain was pissing down when I started recording this, so it's taken that long to get to you. Dan, where roughly are you? I'm in South East London. South East London.

Oh, so it's just got to me. Well, I'm in North, North, North London. My song would be Magic and Rude. I don't know if you've heard of this. If you're listening to this now, you probably in North, North, North London. My song would be Magic and Rude. I don't know if you've heard of this. If you're listening to this now, you probably can't remember it. But it's when I realised that working on the radio and certain songs can make you go mad. So I think this song came out around about 2014.

And it's, well, you've got to be so rude. Oh, my God. Yes, I know i know that it's a one-hit wonder it's a one-hit wonder it's called the guy's called magic or the band and the song's called rude and when i first started working in radio it was the summer of 2014 i think it was i got my first ever proper radio job it was drive time a radio station, and we hammered this song. And it's when I realised that commercial radio play... Like, not just commercial, radio playlists in general at the moment are too tight. There's too formatted.

And this song was played every other hour for a four-hour show for the whole of that summer, and I cannot physically even hear it now. It drives me crazy. And it's a shit song it's a shite song awful cod reggae isn't it it's terrible i mean i think um why are you gonna be so so yeah the premise is he's asking he's singing it to his girlfriend's dad and he's saying i'm gonna marry your daughter and he's saying why you've got to be so rude don't you know i'm human

too isn't it yeah i'm gonna marry her anyway and Don't you know I'm human too, isn't it? I'm going to marry her anyway. And you're like, well, that's kind of rude, isn't it? But yeah, it's like, it manages to try and be upbeat and chirpy, but also whiny at the same time, which is a very difficult thing to pull off. Like Jordan. It's probably why I hate it. It probably reminds me of me.

But I remember at the time never liking it and my boss at the time was like right this is a bit insular if you don't work in radio but you get like super a lists and basically they sit loads of people in a room and you play them a song and they go yeah i like that song so that means that then your radio boss comes back and says right we've sat six people in a room and they said they like this song so we're going to absolutely hammer it for the next six months i've been in radio meetings like that and my comeback has always been yeah but these are the only people that have volunteered to come and do research for you so there's not a fair you know

i mean what about all the taxi drivers and builders out there who just want normal music and like if you're that keen that you're going to turn up in the middle of the day to a radio like listening panel just because you think it's exciting you're not an average listener couldn't agree more and most like entrepreneurs i remember reading richard branson's books and people like that like say audience research is good take it with a pinch of salt but don't live by it within radio we live by it yeah well they'll do audience research every six months i'm ranting now do audience research every six months they'll be like don't say that do that it's like why oh because we sat 12 people in a room and they said that's what they like and in that song as well i mean he's complaining about not being allowed to marry the daughter i mean if that guy

came up to you with his band and his crap fake reggae you wouldn't let him anywhere near your pride and joy like sling your hook mate no way you're gonna make you're gonna be coming around my house for the rest of my life and then you're gonna say a moving speech at my funeral fuck that no way you're marrying my daughter no that's fair enough and i like the counterpoint as well you're going to have like on one side of the island a nice kind of jaunty but slow crap song and the other end of the island's going to be marching along to amarillo it's just i'm putting both these on because it's just a recipe for absolute insanity i know i feel like i want a drink just thinking about this island okay well we're coming to the end so soon you'll be free

and you can stop thinking about it finally the island is overrun by the biggest dick of all the animals which animal is it and why and i'm going to ask william this is this is the probably of all the things that i don't want on this island, it's this, and that would be rats. Or mice, to be fair. But if I had to pick between mice and rats, it would be rats. I mean, if you don't like one version, probably the bigger version is going to be a worse thing, isn't it? I mean, he is terrified of them,

so much so that when he's over halfs away, he thinks I haven't clicked on. He invites me round for breakfast or for brunch, and then he asks me to take the bin back down. Well, that was in the old flat. Because he's so scared of going into the bin area and seeing a rat. So it's like, usually when he's over halfs away, I get invited round for tea, and then I see a load of...

And because he's super clean, he's an etiquette expert, he thinks I haven't clicked on I have to go down and take his bin to him because he can't go into it. Can I just say Jordan at the start of this year as you know I moved and we now the bin store is literally it's one bin and it's

in broad daylight it takes me a second to get there from the door and I have taken the bins out solidly for three months oh i'm very proud of you but in my previous flat when it was a huge block of flats and there were many bins and they all overflowed it was a breeding ground for that sort of thing so and i have i'm so obviously the it's been actually lockdown's been lovely from this point of view because i haven't had to do the tube so i haven't seen any of my little friends at any point

and if I do see one I will scream and run away even if it is miles away from me I remember years, go on sorry and then I imagine them in my dream, I've had to have therapy about them because on many occasions I have dreamt that there is a mouse or a rat

on my bed but on two occasions I've put myself in hospital because I that yeah i've fallen into the nightstand because i woke up screaming and fell backwards and slashed open half my back i've fallen on a in the corner of the coffee table because i ran out the bedroom tripped over the stairs went into the corner of the coffee table dislodged half my face i mean i'm petrified of these things beyond most people most people go oh i don't like them i i can't do them yeah i mean i get a lot of sort of stories in this kind of section where people have had bad experiences with the animals but i mean that's yeah that i mean from a dream of them as well that's extraordinary yeah and i felt it

was in manchester at the time and i when i lived in Manchester, and I remember sitting in the MRI, the Manchester Royal Infirmary, on a bank holiday, so you can imagine what the MRI was like overnight in Manchester. And, you know, they come round finally after five hours to deal with me, and they go, you know, how did you do this, pointing to my back and my face. And I had to rather embarrass myself. It was an imaginary rat wow yeah and and they sort of looked at me and and thought that maybe i should be in a different ward that's extraordinary wow i mean that's i mean that's yeah proper no holds barred phobia territory isn't it i mean yes yes well i can totally understand why you

wouldn't want those on the island with you uh jordan thank you jordan what about you i mean mine's an obvious one but i just i can't stand snakes and i if yeah if i was in a house and knowing there was a snake there like people have pet snakes i would leave and if like william had to deal with the fact that he's seen rice and because you do see mice on the tube if there was snakes on the tube i wouldn't get on the tube i just can't be near him i just should have samuel l jackson running around going i'm supposed to be in this movie what's going on this is my sequel oh yeah yes snakes on the plane i'm scared of flying as well, so I'd also be, like, it's my biggest fear.

William knows. So the fact that we've crashed on an island and survived, I'd be like, told you we should never have got on a bloody plane. So...

I mean, William, from your point of view, they are going to eat the rats, though, so, I mean, that's quite useful. Yeah, that's a point. Yeah, but then we'd have

big, fat snakes that would be bigger than us and then they'd want to start eating us if they've got loads of rats. Yeah, but it's better than hungry snakes, I don't know. Yeah, no, that is fair. I mean, to be honest, I like

both animals. You like rats? Me and my flatmates at uni once had two pet rats. Oh, no, I'm done. I was anti the idea at first, but they look very different from the rat. They're little black and white ones.

I mean, if you don't like rats, you don't like rats. But they were much more attractive than the normal rat you see on a sewer or the tube train or something. On a tube train? Do they get on the trains? No, I don't know. I've never travelled by tube again. They don't. Calm down. They don't. No, no, no. I've never seen one on the trains no i don't know i just i've never traveled by tube again they don't

calm down they don't no no no i've never seen one on the actual train um you know and i quite like snakes as well but i've got to say that if i saw either of them in the wild i do jump a little bit like i don't i don't want them out of context you know i mean they are yeah anything wild in its own environment is especially like an urban environment whereas a rat you know it's lived on the streets it's tough do you know i mean it's not going to be scared of you you know it's had to fight for its livelihood yeah yeah asking you for money but um yeah i mean william i think on this one you've got to edge it really with your phobia there it's terrible no no but this is bad because this means you're going to put them on the island,

is it not? Well, I mean, it's not supposed to be a pleasant place. Honestly, when our producer asked us to do Desert Island Dicks, it was a totally different podcast in my head to what this has turned out to be. My Sean Mendez, Tom Holland, Zac Efron. Jobs are good. I'm very sorry to disappoint you.

But I mean, in terms of, you know, what you've put on the island and the purpose for this podcast, you've absolutely nailed the brief. I mean, you know, it's a really inhospitable environment. Can I take Sean Mendez with me just to cope? Just to get me through it? Can he be on the plane when it goes down as it were if he happens to also be a pe teacher how about that okay that's it but where he would be with his body he probably could be a teacher okay well there's a loophole for you um guys thank you so much for coming on today now obviously um you've got your podcast is that the best place that we can keep up to date with you guys

uh yes yes don't text jordan because as he posted a picture on twitter yesterday he has 74 unread whatsapp messages which is frankly a disgrace and i'll be pulling up on that on our next episode i think uh but yes on uh sectedmyboss.com for all the information on the podcast it's just basically us two we're the modern day

odd couple I suppose and people write in and they need modern day advice on cats eating condoms and how to cut

an avocado and is it okay to use your ex's Netflix password that kind of thing and we try and have a laugh along the way and and we love doing it. No, it's very good. It's very good.

I was shocked to find you've got a website. I felt very underprepared. I'm like, oh, God, man, I need a website for this now. Oh, crap, I haven't got that far. But, no, it's very good, and I recommend it, absolutely. So, good. But thank you again for coming on, and it's been a pleasure. Thank you very much, Dan. Cheers, guys. again for coming on and it's been a pleasure thank you very much cheers guys