Desert Island Dicks - JAKE FARRELL

Episode Date: July 29, 2019

Comedian Jake Farrell joins me to share who and what he'd hate to be stuck with on a desert island. Be sure to check out Jake's show 'Limits' at this year's Edinburgh Fringe Festival AND be sure to follow the podcast @dickspod Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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or run a reproduced ad like this one across thousands of shows to reach your target audience with Lipson Ads. Go to lipsonads.com now. That's L-I-B-S-Y-N ads.com. Hi, I'm James Deacon and welcome to Desert Island Dicks, the show that sees you marooned on a desert island after a plane crash with the worst people and worst things imaginable. Who they are and why they're a dick is up to you.

And here to share their Desert Island Dicks with us today is comedian Jake Far farrell hello thanks very much for having me no thanks for thanks for this this is just so listen no this has been a long time in the making it has yeah we've talked about this for a while but it just hasn't happened until this is the thing because i'm a i'm a dick's head as well yeah i'm a fan yeah this is amazing so i've been this is a long-held dream for me really i mean yeah you're blowing smoke up my arse. My mate Jacob came on here ages ago. And I started listening to it because he put it on his Twitter feed. And I was like, oh, this is sick.

So there's been a long time coming because it's from that moment. Oh, my God. This is music to my ears. Because I love it when someone knows the podcast. And then you've really thought about what you're going to say next. Your selections are going to be... Exactly. Really? Okay. And also it's like negativity is a big part of my personal brand. Is it?

Is it? Oh, I'm going to learn this then, I guess. Yeah, so it's like Desert Island Discs would be, obviously, if the producers are listening, one day be flattered. I'd love to come on. Yeah, yeah. Big fan of your work.

But ultimately, there's something much more appealing to me about deciding the worst yeah okay the best this is great okay um i know we're leading on to this but again i should let the listeners know um we're outside the studio yeah and this has only happened over the past couple weeks but um we're outside the studio so do you want to describe where we are well we're in what i can only describe as something like the set of a Wes Anderson film. It is. Gone slightly wrong. Yeah. Well, I think it's like a co-working space in Aldgate.

We're in Aldgate. And it's, I mean, it's very nice. The people are unbelievably friendly to the point where I'm somewhat suspicious of them. But yeah, it's really nice. But it's like a kind of very tastefully 70s furniture everywhere, isn't it? Yes, yeah. But it's nice. I mean, it's perfect for us, right?

It's perfect. I mean, not perfect to eat here. The pastries were £4.50. Really? Did you have one? No. No way. No.

That's old pastries as well. That's afternoon pastries. Yeah, you're right. It's not fresh. No. I mean, we're really selling it. Thanks very much for the room, guys. Cheers, guys.

Thank you. By the way, we're not paying them very much for the room guys cheers guys thank you uh by the way we're not paying them any money um uh jake so okay that's it let's dive in uh who's gonna be your first choice my first choice is uh joe rogan joe rogan yeah well-known podcaster and personality is he well enough known for me not to contextualize who he is um no i think let's let's give a little bit for the listeners i think weerry reagan initially started as a comedian i think that's his kind of trade and then he's been on the telly and stuff and then he was in podcasts early on and he's now just a kind of figurehead for i guess like kind of semi right wing lunatic thinking i think yes brands itself as kind of free thinking left leaning yeah and and and so yeah and i think the problem

with him most of all this i mean he's a dreadful man from start to finish he's an awful uh an awful human being in so many ways but i think the worst thing about him is that he is he is the dumbest smart guy of all time right okay he he clearly thinks that he's in the kind of top 10 greatest thinkers of his generation but he is without a doubt, one of the dumbest men I've ever listened to. Is it? Yeah. So go on,

what do you mean? Well, the other day, I mean, this is the thing I kind of hate watching on YouTube a lot. I'm a bit worried. I'm being like red pilled into the kind of incel movement with all of his, with all of his mouth breathing fans.

But yeah, I was watching the other day and he was on with Wiz Khalifa, the rapper. Yeah. I know. And they were talking about mental health problems and um at one point joe rogan just went well that's the thing with mental health just some martial arts and some weed and that will sort you out that's the message guys that's not how it works i do not have a degree in psychiatry but that is not how it works and that's his whole thing it's just like weed martial arts he's really into ufc which i'm not a big fan of yeah it's such a bizarre mix yeah isn't it it's like it's like everyone

should smoke weed for these reasons plus go and punch each other in the head exactly yeah i'm i'm a completely chilled out weed guy but also i love wreaking physical violence on people and it's just like i don't really and it's like you say he is a complete mix i think it's kind of hard to ideologically disagree with someone where there's no substance to his ideology whatsoever he's just like i don't really and it's like you say he is a complete mix i think it's kind of hard to ideologically disagree with someone where there's no substance to his ideology whatsoever he's just all over the place on everything no that's true um and he's big into hunting as well is he yeah he's a big hunter i didn't know this yeah there's a particularly excruciating segment where russell brand in the last three months where russell brand lifelong vegan i think kind of

just because he was there started agreeing with joe rogan that actually hunting might be spiritually beneficial no really bizarre very bizarre that's that's rubbish is a strange thing i mean i guess if he's in his room you have no idea what it's like when you turn up how big the production actually is because you know with a podcast we're sat here in a room with a little recorder but you imagine with that they've got cameras yeah loads of stuff going on they've got flame they've got a flamethrower they make all the guests pose with after the show oh my god jerrogan is 52 years old and he's just like it's like i think there's this there's a whole generation of people now i think usually men disaffected men they're looking to people like him

for some kind of guidance right or mentorship or kind of leadership okay and his whole thing is just like everything that everyone is telling you is a lie i'm the only one that's telling the truth hold this fucking flamethrower that's his thing that's his whole thing at the end of each episode hold a flamethrower yeah and they have these funny they have these these kind of people that would describe themselves as philosophers and stuff on there and they still make them hold the flamethrower that's what i like about it and they're all fine about it yeah and then some of them just stand there kind of forlornly holding this flamethrower um and and i think that the people go in there i don't really know what to expect and then they end up getting this guy who, like you say, is talking about seeing orbs in the DMT realm and hunting.

It's just so bizarre. He looks like a big old thumb. He does. He does. He looks like one of Mitchell brothers. He does, doesn't he? I think in this country, he would be treated with that level of respect. You know what I mean?

True. Just like, look, oh, there's a 50-year-old man there who's wearing and a quicksilver t-shirt yeah and he's got sleeves yeah and he wants everyone to hold his flamethrower we're not gonna pay attention to him yeah it's just an adult of the equivalent of getting them to hold your super soaker when they come around your house on the weekend i mean it's so weird it's the thing where he markets himself as kind of it's like shaman from another universe, but at the same time is really into that kind of like dude stuff. Like, kind of like he's into cars and stuff. I saw that he went on Be Real from Cypress Hill.

He went on his podcast. Right, right. His podcast is just sitting in a car smoking loads of weed. And that is all that happens. And everyone is normally so stoned yeah but they can't talk they can't form a coherent sentence anyway yeah just like oh great joe rogan is with be real well that's what it basically devolves into on his thing in the end but with this high-minded pretense philosophy but actually it's just joe rogan

going to wiz khalifa you know i'll sort you out martial arts that's what that's awesome um and he does yeah just doesn't really have any backing he's kind of the thing is as well and going to Wiz Khalifa, you know, I'll sort you out. Martial arts. That's what I'm saying. And he just doesn't really have any backing. He's kind of, the thing is as well, he knows enough to say, like to say he doesn't believe in conspiracy theories, but he does. You can see behind his eyes, he is Alex Jones level of like,

they're breeding gay frogs in labs and stuff. He knows enough kind of from a career point of view to be like i want to be near those people but i don't want to be like those people do you know what i mean okay but secretly he's just as bad yeah but he'd happily have them on the podcast 100 yeah oh yeah he platforms those people all the time yeah yeah and he's like he's always kind of saying i don't agree with what they're saying but i've just given them three hours to say it on my multi-million listener podcast yeah and it's like it's always top of the charts bizarre isn't it it's always like number one it's always in the top five and i like i could be wrong here but it just goes to

show you know a little bit of a soapbox from being a celebrity yeah and then persisting because he's like in the thousands of episodes right yeah if you just keep doing that stuff eventually i think so i think that's it you just need a bit of momentum you just need to get the ball rolling down the hill and then eventually no one goes on and goes joe you're 50 you're wearing skeletons what's going on yeah oh my god everyone goes in and treats him with the reverence they would treat like a kind of priest or something. And actually he's just this bizarre 50 year old man. Who's like, do you know what's good? Weed brother,

man. All right, Joe, do you remember him? He was on, it was called fear factor. Yeah. This is what I mean.

Yeah. It's just a kind of run of the mill celebrity. He was somehow marketed himself. Fear factor. And they used to make them eat testicles and stuff. Yeah. Yeah. It's like early doors.

I'm a celebrity kind of stuff, but non-celebr yeah yeah and it's the thing it's like there's so many of these people now that were in that bracket people like russell brand is the same in that he would he's gone from the kind of sun shagger of the year to this kind of dali lama vibe in the space of a decade and he's just like yeah it's a messiah complex and no one says anything just lets him do it and then he's's getting philosophers and probably Joe Rogan when he comes here on the podcast. Yeah, exactly. And it's just, it's a bizarre thing. Also, like the hunting thing, in terms of actually being on the island.

Yeah. I know there is no way in real life he can hunt. Right. Okay. He gets taken out in Wyoming or wherever he goes. And he pays thousands of dollars for some probably local man to take him in a jet ski or something yeah and shoot the deer yeah with like a rocket launcher yeah but then i'd be sat on the desert island with him going joe mate i've seen the podcast you're always banging

on about hunting yeah i'm starving let's go step it up and then he'd be going oh well i was actually where's i haven't got a jet ski or a rocket launch yeah there's not some guy called randy that's going to take me around on a safari oh yeah I will go when Randy gets here when's Randy getting here

he's not Joe we're on a desert island yeah we've got no money with you okay I feel like we've said enough about Joe Rogan

right yeah I could go I could talk about him for days is there any final points before we put him on the island

no I think I'm really keen to emphasise the flamethrower thing yeah he's a 50 year old man he will give them people flames i didn't realize that that's mental yeah does anyone fire it does anyone do no they just stand there looking forlorn um but look them up on instagram it's an amazing thing it's a really amazing thing i think he records for like two hours or more they're stoned out their heads they've ingested so much marijuana yeah secondhand smoke and now there's a 50 year old

man looks like a thumb going can you hold this flamethrower for me while my assistant takes a picture of me they're so stern they're just like i just want to leave yeah yeah what's going on what did i say in there any career enders yeah okay uh joe rogan first choice and who's going to be a second choice my second second choice is John Cleese. John Cleese? Yeah. I don't know. Okay, right.

So please, I'm really interested to hear why. I think, I mean, to me, I've never got Monty Python. Right. So to start there, I've never understood that. It's not your style of comedy. No, not really. And I just don't like it. The thing is, I kind of like some,

I say that would fall in the bracket of surrealist but the thing is i kind of like some i say that would fall on the bracket of surrealist a little bit but i do like some surrealist i really like vick and bob and yeah and other stuff like that there's something about it i've just always found unfunny i don't know if it's one of those things where it's like you get told from a young age by everyone yes this is the best this is the best comedy and then you watch it and it's like this is just a load of middle-aged men prancing around in hats yeah it is yeah just doing a silly it's uh i think um i grew up and my dad just wasn't interested in it right i think yeah he might tell me different but i don't remember i imagine he watched Life of Brian once and thought it was fine.

But I think if you grow up and one of your parents or both of your parents are sat there laughing at it, like barely laughing at it, then maybe you fall sort of into it. I don't know. I think there has to be something like that. Or you rebel against it, right? So my mum and dad were not into it. I don't even remember them watching it, talking about it.

But I do remember, I think that was my attitude to society as a whole talking about monty python i just never really understood it okay and cleese was the worst in all of that and and it's now he's having a late stage he must be like he's at 80 and he's having a late stage real uh embarrassing decline where he's gone a bit mad what's he doing so he recently started tweeting about how he called netflix and said can i have a special and they said no what on what was the special yeah no i don't god no idea okay maybe he's discovered some more silly walks i've no idea i thought he'd done all of them but But yeah, so he called them up and they said no. Fair enough.

He's 80 years old. He's kind of so out of touch and irrelevant. It's beyond a joke. And then he just started going off for all these other comedians saying, they're on Netflix. They got a special. And there's one thing he said was like,

there was a jolly young woman on there who was talking about how she couldn't see her own vagina because she was so fat. And it's just like the condescension, the dripping condescension of it is like so gross. Like you can imagine that after he'd been rejected scathingly, just like flicking through Netflix, just being like, oh, they can get a special work on high. Yeah, exactly. Also just the entitlement, right? He hasn't really done anything meaningful.

He did this thing where he got rinsed in one of his divorces. I think he's had numerous divor he had to he got rinsed in one of his divorces i think he's had numerous divorces right um and he got rinsed in one of his divorces and he had to go on tour to pay and he called he called the tour something about like i need to pay for the divorce tour or something but he's done nothing relevant since that right he's done nothing relevant in 25 years the audacity to then go do you know what i fancy a netflix special and then just think you could just get it yeah yeah and then to slag off other people when you don't it's so bizarre who was he talking about do you know uh yeah i don't he was talking about an american comedian american female comedian and um and it's just like yeah it's so bizarre and i just

think it just really gets on my nerves um it's just like it's just like you said the sense of entitlement there yeah it's crazy which again is the thing he's definitely one of those people that talks about our generation in terms of snowflake or like overly sensitive or whatever yeah and he's been refused not refused health care or a job or or a house he's been refused the chance at 80 to make a multi-million pound special for netflix and he's like this is outrageous oh my god yeah yeah it's really crazy so maybe he's got another divorce to pay for i think that must be it there's probably one imminently yeah if not if you are listening and you're john pleases other half now divorce him immediately right okay yes him again

yes oh my god i'm just sat here saying yes just condoning this oh yeah that's no that's not the podcast saying that's me saying right okay yeah great i believe that if you're ever married to john cleese at any point you should immediately divorce just try and get more money yeah just find something and that's the thing i just thought i've if you were a monty python fan i think you could forgive him if you think there's any kind of redeeming features about that but that comedy to me is just ridiculous I'm just thinking what about 40 Towers yeah now that was like I'm sure that was funny I can't remember I can't remember ever watching it that's what I'm saying though like people say that people go like I think we might have something we're going the similar way with Gervais in the office now right okay people are going to start

saying well Gervais is such a lunatic in public and he's so obsessed with transgender people. Like, was he ever funny? And we'll have to be like, no, The Office was really, really good. But he's just a lunatic. Right, okay. What's he been saying? He's been saying all sorts.

God, I need to look at the news. This is what I'm saying. It's just that I get this filtration system. The internet is our filtration system. This kind of insane sentiment from 50-year-old plus men just gets piped directly into my head. Why are you getting this stuff? I don't know.

I think that, like I say, I think that I'm probably six months away from wearing a Joe Rogan T-shirt and carrying around my own flamethrower. You're really on this T-cell right now. Yeah, definitely. At the moment, it's hate watching and hate listening. But we could tip over into the other thing.

You're only one acid trip away from being his biggest fan. Exactly. Maybe. That's the thing. Yeah. I'm willing to accept that I might be wrong. Yes. Okay.

Which, as Joe Rogan would say, is the most important part of a debate. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. But yeah, I don't know. Is 40 Towers good? I genuinely can't remember anything that happened in any of the episodes. I can only remember the bit where he's like, I think I got away with it, but I don't think I mentioned it.

They've got German guests at the hotel. Where is this going to go? But the thing is, it's just like him and Manuel is not good vibes either. I think the only thing I remember about Forty Towers isn't part of it at all. It's when Jonathan Ross and Russell Brand called... Called, yeah, called Andrew Sachs. Yeah.

Yeah. That's the only thing I remember about Forty Towers. That's our generation's interaction with Forty Towers. Isn't it? Yeah. Shamefully, I guess. But like, this is the thing, I've watched some episodes of it again when I was younger

and just been like, what is all the fuss about this. Yeah. Why am I being made to watch? Why is everyone banging on about this? Yeah. And I imagine if you rewatch it, it's like the stuff that just doesn't stand up now. Yeah, definitely.

I think it's really hard to maintain anything that kind of can transcend decades like that and have some relevance. And that's the thing. It's just I just don't think he I don't think Cleese is. No. Yeah. He seems to have this image in his mind of like no not many people have 60 year careers in comedy like it's fine yeah just go and make adverts or whatever yeah yes he does he loves an advert yeah and that's fine that's fine right yeah but we don't need we don't need a netflix special no uh and i realize that must be quite galling for him because he sees himself as the probably the center of the comedic universe but like get over it mate i've got a flat tire on my

bike the other day do you know i mean it happens just like yeah just do another advert yeah all right okay uh anything else on john cleese i feel like yeah i think that felt like that was more genuinely negative than rogan there's some part of me that admires rogan and finds him funny like a cuddly taste well please i'm just like nah it's just a mug yeah okay there he goes he's on the island thank you very much and who's gonna be your third choice my third choice is um is a man called andy puddicombe yeah i don't know andy puddicombe so please so andy pudicam is the creator of the meditation app headspace okay and he's also the voice of headspace so he does the guided meditations on headspace okay which i am a frequent user right okay um and he's a very he's a very calming voice so just so the listeners are aware what does headspace do what's that so Headspace is an app that tries to encourage you

to do like 10 minutes of meditation a day for 10 days to kind of encourage you to use mindfulness to ease anxiety or kind of mental health issues. Relax you.

Yeah, relaxation, help you with your sleep, whatever. But then it tries to kind of pipeline you into a paid model to alleviate your mental health issues. And andy pudicum is the

the centerpiece of this um and he's uh he's this bald guy with a really soft voice and he does so he'll do the whole like just imagine your thoughts okay passing you on a road or whatever right okay but he's so he's a genuine buddhist monk oh wow from back in the day right i think he went traveling and like we all went a bit far and so his thing is yeah the first line of his wikipedia is andy pudicum is a buddhist monk and trained circus performer wow okay that's the kind of guy we're dealing with um only owns harem pants i just can totally you know yeah only got one type of trouser yeah um and they are ethically sourced harem pants yeah but yeah and so he he set up this headspace thing and the reason i really so initially i assumed he was just an actor okay like the character of andy puddick just a hired voiceover exactly

because he had such a calming voice what was his name's andy puddickham which sounds a bit like mrs tiggy winkle ish doesn't it sounds like andy puddickham and mrs tiggy winkle yeah are stealing mr mcgregor's cabbages yeah um but he's a real man who's a buddhist monk and circus performer and it turns out right he's worth 40 million quid. Wow. Yeah. And that's just from this app? Just from the back of Headspace.

So it's extremely popular. Extremely popular, yeah. Okay. But it's extremely popular because there has been a recent exponential rise in human misery. Yes, okay, okay. So it's like his profit is inextricably, so all of that money is kind of venture capitalists investing in his app because they see it as a commercial growth opportunity.

Because there's so much misery. Because there's so much misery. Oh my God. Which probably stems from the way that we use our phones and the internet and comparing ourselves. Well, this is the thing, right? Right. It seems strange to use the very thing

that's making us all sad to try and cure the sadness as well, right? Isn't it? It's like if you were trying to escape from a burning building, you wouldn't go back in because it's the last place the fire would expect you, would you? It's not going to realise I'm here. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And that's what it kind of feels like. And also it's just like, I feel like it's a bit dodgy in it. £40 million off the back of this. And Pudicombe's there raking it all in in his hurry pants. Wow. But he still insists that he does the voiceover. That's an interesting, so interesting you said that. Because that's interesting to me as well, right?

Because yes, anyone could do the voiceover. An actor would arguably do it better. But there's something about him that is clearly like no it has to be me and he wants to be the front man as well exactly get the glory exactly which is not very buddhist no you're right 40 million quid not very buddhist no being the front man not very buddhist either and also with that kind of money you could go through a massive selection process to find the best possible voice exactly for that yeah but maybe he is i don't know what's his voice like well he's kind of like it's very calming

to be fair he's quite good at it but i've noticed the longer i use it he interjects these little fake conversational aspects to it to try and make it sound like it's not scripted right so he'll be like just scan down through your body and then he'll do like a little laugh where he'll go like that do you know i mean just something like that and just imagine you're on a boat or something like that but it's kind of like he's just like he's just like laughing at the fact that he's just said that yeah that's what he's trying to suggest to you that he's he's so in the moment and it's very bizarre and i just like i saw him interviewed by a journalist. This is the realm that this thing is operating in, right? Like how much money can we raise for shareholders, et cetera. And I saw him interviewed by a financial journalist.

And the financial journalist literally went like, Andy, you've seen a lot of attraction from investors and there's a due to the rise in kind of anxiety and more people needing meditation apps. And they cut to Andy and he just had the biggest grin on his face ever like i'm raking it in yeah oh my god exactly yeah he's just in the business of human misery and business is booming yeah yeah keep making them sad people yeah exactly so he's just sat there and he's just like she's talking to him

and there's obviously blankness in his eyes while he just thinks about how much money he's going to have. I think there's an element to him and there is an element of where I'm scared of him in that respect. I don't doubt that initially it came from some kind of place of altruism, but ultimately you could run, you could run at cost, you know, you could be a social enterprise, whatever. It's not, as far as I'm aware, it's very much a profit making enterprise and that profit is all going into the pockets of Andy's her herring pants yeah just a cupboard full yeah each herring pants silkier than the last god can you imagine what his house looks like oh it's yeah it'd be incredible

but also mental terrifying yeah terrifying in its simplicity actually it should be it should be really minimal right presumably it should have nearly nothing that would be hilarious they went around andy puddickham's house and it was like donald trump's apartment just gold everywhere candelabras everywhere and stuff look like liberace stage set or something i'd love to see what his house looks like maybe we should yeah we should like man i don't know maybe he's got instagram maybe people can go and check him out you can have a little look what's his um i didn't ask where's he from he's english he's british right he's got a kind of slight tinge to northern tinge to his accent i don't know exactly where in the country he's from

okay um but yeah he's he's a very calming voice to be fair but it's just a weird the kind of cult of personality that he's building through the headspace app okay if i started seeing big pictures of andy pudicum popping up on street corners i'd start buying tin food and head for the hills really yeah it's dangerous like a cult leader yeah um no only two out of three i was gonna say have all your choices been kind of cult leaderish but i wouldn't say john cleese was yeah john cleese not so much but definitely puddickham and rogan you're right actually and we've mentioned russell Brand a bit as well. Yeah. They're kind of like people that would like to, you know, there's the, for want of a better phrase,

I think I said it earlier, like a messiah complex almost. I think that's actually a very astute point. I hadn't even clocked that really, but you're right. Yeah. I think as well, I just, I'm very suspicious of people like that. And also I think I find those people frustrating or annoying because there's an there is an element and rogan has this as well despite being a comedian there's an element of earnestness at his core right about like come on brother we're all in this together right like

up a doobie let's do this like yeah that that is that his his the energy that he gives off do you know what i mean i think i find that ludicrous. Yes. And embarrassing. And so that may, I think these are not necessarily people even I hate or despise. I just think I'd really struggle to be around them for any length of time. Yes. But there's also like,

they're unbelievably sure of what they're saying. 100%, yeah. They just completely believe that what's coming out of their mouth is the right thing. That's also fascinating as well because like, why is there no introspection from cleese yeah it's true that is what really frustrates me i guess because i probably doubt myself five times before i've even left the house oh my god yeah i'm doubting myself right now we're making

this podcast yeah yeah but it's like and so for them all to be so kind of like what's the word like locked in yeah just be like yeah i'm right about this no worries yeah netflix should give me that special yeah it should give me that you should smoke a joint and then go and beat someone up all children should do dmt yeah oh my god okay andy pudicom andy pudicom wow i'm really i'm definitely gonna look him up and i wouldn't be surprised whether there was listeners right now on their phones yeah yeah i think yeah it's worth worth checking out maybe people respond in the same way i don't know okay interesting wow thank you very much jake cheers now mercifully among the wreckage of the plane there was some food and drink left over unfortunately for you it's your least favorite food and drink in the world what are they and why are they so bad yeah this was a

hard one i started with i'll start with drink i think yeah okay um my the the worst thing to find on a desert island would be strongbow dark fruits okay yeah why is that because it's effectively it's alcohol for children yeah that is like when you watch the the adverts they're basically showing what children do with that alcohol but they put adult actors into it do you know what i mean is it oh my god i never noticed it's like people at festivals with their mates drinking these kind of warm cans of just birking about yeah exactly yeah but in the adverts they're all kind of 30 year old management consultants but in real life obviously they're 14 year olds from peter brad so like reading festivals yeah exactly yeah burning each other's tents down

from the inside and stuff so i think that there's part of it where i i don't i don't like that no yeah but also just on a purely taste level just me imagine me clawing through the sand going lad i think i've joe john get over i think i've found they think they've found some drinks and it's just lukewarm cans of sugary strong bow it's just like tastes like really bitter rubicon or something it doesn't taste like cider at all it's so horrible yeah i've never really been a cider fan in general no i've never and also i think that's another thing the british summer and cider being synonymous yeah where yeah who i don't understand i've been to pubs yeah in the summer there's not everyone sat around clinking glasses of strong bags it's actually rare isn't it you you go out and if you're buying drinks and someone says i'll have a

cider it's a bit like exactly exactly if you do around you go what are you having and one person goes i'll have a strong bow you're like sorry, sorry, what was that? Why? Why? If someone said to me, our age-ish, like, I'll have a Strongbow Darkfruits, I'd be like, hang on a minute.

Sorry, I've got to go. I'm going home. Firstly, I'm in the wrong establishment. Yeah. First off. Yeah,

exactly. It's just like, I don't, I think, yeah, on a taste level, for a desert island, would not be ideal. Having said that,

right, if I was like, 15, I'd drink it. It's that, right, if I was like 15, I'd drink it. It's perfect. Yeah, it's fine. Because it just tastes like juice. Pop.

Yeah, yeah, it is, isn't it? It's exactly what you want. Yeah. I'm not admonishing the young, I'm not being Mary Whitehouse. No, no. Like, if anything, drink more of it.

Again, that's not the view of the podcast. Go for it. It's a gateway for you guys. Yeah. We're like the Joe Rogan, but just for shit cider. Do you know what I mean?

Go to your nearest park, everyone, and buy some dark fruits. What you really want to do to see the orbs, to see through to the next dimension, is to have seven cans of strong white dark fruits. Yeah, but make sure you don't try and buy it yourself. Stand outside and wait for an adult. Yeah. And then what you'll do, once the adult's bought for you and you get take off them you'll drink it and you'll start throwing up

this kind of dark black bile and then oh my god that's when you really know you've gone through into the shamanic layer yeah yeah yeah um but no it's just i it would be it would be the worst oh no okay strong wear diet fruits from where dark fruits completely justified had he said lager this would have been a different conversation people have picked lager on this really I really struggle yeah because I just think that'd be the dream do you think you'd want

alcohol on a desert island I just think like at that stage oblivion I'm gonna yeah drink myself to oblivion yeah

yeah there we go there we go very matter of fact yeah no I think you're right but it's just like I have an ideal world

just warm alcohol it's not gonna work I mean, okay. You're a podcast listener, and this is a podcast ad. Reach great listeners like yourself with podcast advertising from Lips and Ads. Choose from hundreds of top podcasts offering host endorsements, or run a reproduced ad like this one across thousands of shows to reach your target audience with Lips and Ads.

Go to lipsandads.com now. That's L-I-B-s-y-n ads.com um strong by dark fruits is going to be a drink choice what's going to be your food choice my food choice is going to be um tinned hot dogs oh my god this is good yeah so like i'm so i'm a i'm a non-meat eater okay um i very rarely eat meat and the main reason i do that is i get a bit queasy about the quality of meat do you know i mean like if i go somewhere i know the meat's gonna be i'm not i don't have enough empathy to be a vegetarian on uh empathetic grounds towards the animals i'm

not that good a person but it's more about me do you know i mean yeah yeah and i think for me tinned hot dogs are the lowest rung on that ladder yeah you do not want to be reading the ingredients list for tinned hot dogs i don't think um no at no point on that can does it claim to be meat no right because it can't yeah because there's so little actual meat in it yeah they probably call them like cylindrical meat sticks right or something like that yeah and i think that i actually looked at once my mate had them at uni and it turned out so they were called hot dogs but the predominant meat in it was chicken oh my god and it was just like it was like 24 chicken and then the rest is load of other old sorts of stuff all sorts of um there's other like i know you're saying about tin hot dogs but um

at places you can buy frozen like in a bag right sausages but they're not allowed to be called sausages because there's not enough meat content they have to be called bangers i know i know i know it has to be 43 i think for them to say it's a sausage they call them bangers because there's like 20 that's amazing i know that's very scary i probably will look look at that and think, oh, that's kind of a clever branding decision, getting down with the kids. And it's actually because of legal reasons.

There's no meat. Yeah. It's like human beings like us sat around in a room and said, OK, guys, what's the lowest we can push this and get around it? Yeah. What can we call them? Let's call them bangers. Great idea.

Great idea. Well done, John. Nice one, John. Yeah, nice one, Steve. We're off we're off home see you later let's go drink some strong all the kids are gonna be yeah all the kids are gonna be eating these now yeah um i think also like for the tinned hot dogs for me it was one of the things when i was a youngster that i used to kind of guzzle with bruce bogtrotter-esque um like glee do you know what i mean yeah and now i look back on that and i just think that's quite scary in terms of how they were portrayed to me as an impressionable young person right something kind of cool look like uh i mean i don't want to seem like a loser but like i was like oh it's kind of american this mate that's exactly what i was just

gonna say yeah it is definitely that we are definitely marketing stuff like that a hot dog with mustard i don't even like mustard with mustard and ketchup on it in a bun and it's like oh i'm like a bottle game but really just in the kitchen in stevenage right yeah i might be watching the new york mets i'm not i'm at hampson park watching my brother play football yeah yeah and i think but like the really charming thing about central europe actually is that they still have that vibe about American stuff over there. So, like, I went to Poland a couple of years ago, and everything there was, like, super cool American. Yes.

And it was really, like, still a thing. I've seen that, yeah. And I think that's quite charming, actually, but I just don't want any part of the hot dogs. No, okay, yeah. Tinned hot dogs. Yeah. Right, okay.

So that's going to be your food choice. Great. Jake, now, fortunately for you, you won't be without entertainment on the island the planes entertainment system continues to work but just your luck it only has two working settings one is your least favorite film of all time and the other is your least favorite song what are they and why this one this one is actually quite hard as well i'd never thought about this but i did have opinions about this kind of already but i just had to unearth them okay it was in there yeah when i started listening to the podcast and so my film the lead my least

favorite film is avatar is the film wow okay huge commercial success yeah massive production exactly yeah i think i might still be the highest grossing film of all time it could be yeah maybe one of the recent superhero ones maybe yeah but like uh and the thing is i have no idea why have you ever met anyone who's been like do you know what i really love the film avatar i haven't it's amazing isn't it it's so true and if you try to describe that now you could be like yeah all the superhero ones they're really successful because everyone read them as kids or whatever and then it's like, it kind of had a history with those things. But then in 2011 or whatever it was,

the bloke who did Titanic just came out with these mad visions of all these blue cats with big tails. It's true. And everyone was like, this is the best thing that has ever happened to us. I mean, yeah. Maybe it was just incredible marketing. I think it was yeah i look back on it now and i think people were tricked into believing they had to watch the film avatar

because everyone else was watching and then everyone watched it and is it's nonsensical gibberish yes okay yeah but isn't it like didn't i'm sure i could have this wrong but at the time someone was saying it's identical story to Pocahontas. Yeah. Isn't it right? It is basically, yeah. It has this basically very weak colonialism influence story, which obviously is influenced by the Iraq War as well.

But it's like, it's so dumb, it's like Joe Rogan wrote a parable about the Iraq War. Like that's what it is. And so the cats live on an island what are they called I can't remember this is the thing I just remember

the big blue things I can't remember what they're called did you go watch it at the cinema yeah I went and watched it at the cinema because everyone went

I thought everyone was going it's meant to be the best film of all time yeah so they got there three and a half hours later it came out it's a film where

the bloke that plays Phoebe's stupid brother from Friends is the main villain is that who it was yeah giovanni rabisi wow crazy and so the the basic storyline is the cats live on an island or a planet or something yeah and um they've got a load of minerals that the the other people want but it's buried under a big tree and um the mineral is this is not a joke the mineral is called unobtainium which is insane that is insane yeah oh and they have to go and get it

big war i think the cats win in the end uh i can't actually remember i did go and see it i mean no one wins in war no yeah but if anyone was a winner i think, yeah. But if anyone was a winner, I think it's the cats. If anyone's a winner, I think it's James Cameron. James Cameron is a winner, yeah. 100%. Also, there's something about they're making like four more of them. Of Avatar. They're making four more Avatars. If they make anything else into a universe.

It's mad, isn't it? Everything's just becoming a fucking universe. I don't know why I was entering myself there. I swear lot on this it's completely mad i i completely agree and it's like the i let's be honest though i did say someone the other day i was like they're making four more avatars like who wants that and that person did say well it was the highest grossing film of all time so in theory loads of people yeah but i think if they brought that back now they'd be like oh hey avatar 2's here and it's like who's that for yeah we can't remember who died in the end yeah we listened to

the podcast the other day the bloke talked about giovanni rubisi and the cats on the island what do i need to know what do i need to watch it again for um so yeah i just that it particularly troubles me how forgettable it was how stupid it was yeah and how long it was yeah and that is the most i don't understand how it was so popular neither neither can i because i can't remember anything that happened in it exactly um do you know what i remember coming away from it saying um oh the colors were really good just because i think immediately i've forgotten yeah yeah what had happened in the film. I think that is about it, right?

That image is relatively indelible of the big blue cat. Yeah, and it was like, yeah. Yeah, and the colours. But beyond that, to me, I remember being in the cinema and going, oh, that's Phoebe's brother from Friends. And it's like, if a world is so poorly constructed, you can be pulled out of it by the sight of phoebe's brother from friends true then it's just like this is not a world i want to be in poor yeah another four films but wasn't there like a kind

of a bit like a how to train your dragon style thing where they would like plugging into the horse they like rode around there's a horse or a there's a flying horse yeah oh yeah it's a pterodactyl it's got it's got wings oh my god i can't remember what happens in this film and there's definitely something about that yeah yeah i mean the other great thing about it is that it was nominated for an oscar but it didn't win because the hurt locker won that year right which was directed by james cameron's ex-wife oh wow from bigelow so that was that was the that's the only bit of joy that i get out of that is that he had to pretend to be all magnanimous afterwards and be like no catherine's a great filmmaker i'm really pleased

to see her and he'd spent like seven years creating these cats and and everyone was like actually the film about the bombs in ir was way better than your film. Yes. Because, yeah, I can't remember what happened. I don't know if I mentioned it, but I can't remember what happened. The great thing is, as we've been talking, we've both kind of been looking into the middle distance. I've just been like trying to desperately remember what happened in Avatar. And then he's sat there being like. I guarantee anyone listening to this, I would imagine, is having exactly the same experience.

Because they saw it, if they were of an age where they could, because everyone saw it. Because it made like $5 billion. But no one can remember what happened, and they're making four more of them. After that, who has the last laugh, though? James Cameron. Jimmy C does, for sure.

For sure. Who's funding the rest of his life. We're in a Wes Anderson set in Old Game. I'm looking around at this room in he's probably in his infinity pool in LA but yeah but yeah he did make a film with the word unobtainium in it so I mean come on that's the real quiz you could have put a bit more after unobtainium but then what about when they get it yeah exactly what do you call it then it's so mad and I just remember I mean like it's just at the time thinking how has this happened?

It's a real, as a young person, I think you still have the vestiges of the kind of magic of the movies, right? And then it was kind of at the age, I must have been about 14, 15, I think. I was kind of at the age where I was like, you begin to see how the sausage gets made a bit. You see the seams of stuff. And that's really dispiriting as well. Yes, it is. So I don't know if I'm associating that vibe with avatar and which makes me start picking it all apart exactly yeah the older i get the less i can watch anything and not ruin it for myself i know

everything everything just like watching a tv program a film uh uh going to what going to a gig yeah festival i'm just ruining it for myself all the time. I think there was an element with that. I'm not a big Game of Thrones fan, but I think there was an element of that with Game of Thrones. I've not read the books, only kind of started watching it halfway through. But the last series, everyone was furious, right?

Incandescent about it because it didn't hold up to some mad standard. And it's like they made an hour-long movie about a big fight in the dark yeah to do it for like 12 weeks in belfast people were getting frostbite and stuff like let's all just chill out yeah yeah it's true um but yeah so that's that's the difference though when things actually half decent just let it be well we we do it to ourselves because we're so desperate to find you know um the spoiler the the the thing what the bit where they leave a cup on the table and people are like oh my god that's more important than what happened in the episode that you've been looking forward to seeing and also it's like i think some

things are just all right you know what i mean that's the thing the game of thrones in the end it's like it's all right okay it's fine to be okay. It's fine. That's fine. Yeah. It doesn't have to, it's not the best TV show ever. It's not the worst. Oh, I'm running on six out of 10 all the time in my life. It's fine. Do you know what I mean?

Yeah. It's not like my commute, six out of 10. Oh my God. At best. Yeah. Okay. Avatar. Avatar's on there.

I think that's completely justified in what's going to be your song choice. My song choice is Freaky Friday by Lil by lil dicky featuring chris brown yes okay a song that i know uh just from the radio i've never put it on in my yeah exactly okay it was kind of everywhere for a minute i think so little dicky would people know who he is i think yeah he's gone a little explanation yeah so little dicky is kind of like a comedy rapper effectively who's somehow assembled the kind of cachet that an actual rapper would have it's bizarre seemingly he's in like the xxl freshman class of the year along with like lil uzi vert and genuinely good artists yeah he makes these silly comedy songs um and so this song freaky

friday went like mega viral and it was all over the internet and it's the basic premise of the song is the freaky friday scenario of a body swap right but little dicky has swapped bodies with chris brown chris brown never explained why yeah you dropped in in that premise and that's it you've got to swallow that you just got to get on with it and then the song goes on to be hideous in so many ways um obviously chris brown's in it yeah first thing chris brown's in it isn't it this is not an original comment or point at all it is unbelievable to me how famous he still is after what he did absolutely yeah like i literally can't get my head around it how he manages to still make music and radio plays it and rate and radio one like like it's not just i think there's

loads of people that have got unsavory past lives and all there's a whole debate about art and artist or whatever but i think it's fine if you want to go and watch louis ck at like the minnesota chuckle club that's fine do your thing do your thing if you're into that i should have said whatever yeah but like you don't have to play chris brown on the radio and also all of the other artists on earth don't have to be mates with chris brown anymore it's true yeah don't condone that exactly all of the people with really successful careers who haven't done the horrible things that chris brown is like don't have to say chris do you want to come and jump on this this like drake just did a song with chris brown and it's so it's so weird and it's like i don't need to say, Chris, do you want to come and jump on this? Drake just did a song with Chris Brown.

And it's so weird. Come on. And it's like, I don't need people to be like complete pariahs or whatever. It's like I say, if you're into Chris Brown, just do that over there. Yeah. But Chris Brown doesn't need to be making comedy songs

with Canadian rappers. Yeah. My God. It's like there are certain things you can't do in your career anymore, Chris Brown. Yeah. That's one of them. Yeah.

My God. And this song itself is double bad because Lil Dicky's not funny. He's not a funny comedian at all. So part of the song is him realising that he's Chris Brown. And then a whole verse of the song is saying, well, if I'm Chris Brown, I can therefore use the N word. Interesting. Wow. So it is actually Chris Brown saying the n-word in the song but if you believe the premise of the song it's not Chris Brown it's Lil Dicky

and he's just been like cool I can just do that now yeah I can just do that that's pretty offensive isn't it that is that is it was really weird and again, it's just like, this is a mainstream... This was on the radio all the time. Yeah, for sure. Millions of Spotify plays. And we just didn't need it. It didn't need to happen at all. But also, I mean, we go there sometimes,

but if it's going to go on the island, right, and you're stuck listening to this for the rest of your life, you have, like, the lowest rung level of rap music to listen to for the rest of your life. Yeah. It's like and also the thing about it as well is that because it's awful it's an awful song right but it's clearly been written or designed by some kind of swedish pop factory do you know what i mean so it's like

it's perfect in so many ways it's like it's like a dorito it's perfectly filling but unsatisfying at the same time. Like you can't get out of your head once it's in there. So it would be the most torturous thing ever to have it on a desert island as my only thing. Because it's really bad, but it's not incompetent. Do you know what I mean? Yes, okay. It's like almost really well put together.

Because so many people have worked on it. Yeah, exactly. It's easily done in a pop factory like you said exactly it's been made by some guy with like long hair and a beard who doesn't wear shoes and lives in stockholm and it's written and like no one would recognize him if you talk to him he'd be like yeah the music that i've written has only sold 48 billion copies it turns out it's written like every single katie perry banger for the last 10 years yeah yeah um and so he clearly gave them this beat in this melody and then they just put all

these offensive horrid lyrics oh my god that is awful yeah um okay anything else on freaky friday no that's it okay i would say i don't go and listen to it no okay yeah don't add to this don't add to the horror just leave it in your imagination. Okay. Oh, dear. Well, I imagine most people have heard it. It was just everywhere at one point, wasn't it? I've picked a song with like two billion YouTube players and Avatar,

and I'm like, don't know if you've heard of these ones, guys. Should I just give you a bit of background? Yeah. Like, everyone knows Avatar. Thank you very much Jake And finally The island is overrun By the biggest dick

Of all the animals Which animal is it and why? I think this might be My most controversial choice Yeah I've picked deer Deer? Deer yeah

What have you got against deer? I went to this place In Japan Called Nara Which is like A city just outside Tokyo And They've basically

just let the whole place become overrun by deer so they've just they're just everywhere wow like pigeons

ah and they are I went to visit the city and I it's kind of a feature of going to the city and I thought

this would be interesting or fun or whatever but I got there and they were the most rude over familiar animals I've ever met really yeah oh no unbelievable and they clearly have been overfed everyone and they constantly want food off you and it's very hard to appreciate the architecture of a japanese city when you've got a deer nibbling on your fingers all the time constantly they're so they're everywhere everywhere there's like a bit in the city

center where they're allowed to do whatever they want i'm butchering this japanese law here i'm sure yeah it's always phrased differently to that the japanese law makes it's a bit in the middle they do whatever they want there um and then yeah they're just wandering around there everywhere there's a high density of them as well okay and obviously it's a very singular tourist thing i think they're trying to use to differentiate themselves from other cities so they've kind of let them they've let them run amok oh really yeah but then where are they all living i don't know maybe they've got flats or something. I think they're like, yeah, maybe property prices are sky high because there's just deer everywhere. They just commute in.

Yeah, it's just like, you know, in India, I've never been to India, but in India, you can't, cows are sacred, right? So if they're like, a cow is on the road and it doesn't want to move, traffic just stops. There's nothing really you can do to it. There's a similar vibe with the deer over there. Oh, you've got to leave them. They're just doing whatever they want.

People are just going about their day. The deer are running amok, left and right. Do you feel like the deer know locals and tourists? So they will only bother the tourists? Yeah, that's true. Do you think? I think they definitely have got that thing where they're like, the locals are so cowed by the deer,

that the deer are wandering around like kind of bullies from Grange Hill. Do you know what I mean? Just like, yeah. What are you going to do about it? That's my sandwich now. Yeah. Give me that bit of chicken katsu or whatever. Yeah.

That's mine. They did have that kind of chest puffed out aspect to them. Right. Okay. Which again, I think is why I reacted to them so negatively. I imagine they get fed loads of shit. Just like...

Yeah, this is the thing it can't be good sweets and rubbish and fags fag ends yeah i don't know i i think that they looked they looked quite healthy they weren't fat deer but they were over preoccupied with eating and they just wouldn't leave you alone so like an island overrun by these really annoying deers would be awful i think that's the thing They would have to be Nara deer. Right. Do you know what I mean? Okay.

Because other deer, they run the other way when you see them, right? Yeah. But these ones, they come towards you. So you'd just be trying to have a bit of peace and quiet. And then I'd try and leave Rogan and Cleese and Pudicombe to argue about transgender people or whatever. And then I'd be under the palm tree. And then a deer would come up to me and go, give us bit of that sandwich mate and i'm like yeah yeah just take it because they're just so familiar yeah um they want to take a trip to like somewhere like nebworth do you know

i mean where the deers are scared of us and um learn a lesson or two exactly they need to they need we need to do some kind of cultural exchange program between the nara deer and the nebworth deer yeah and they can just learn each other's ways a little bit um yes okay i think that's i also think like nara deer are probably like like northern comedians or whatever do gags about like when you come down to london no one looks at you when you're on the tube like nara deer are those deer yeah right okay they're so used to everyone chatting and sharing food and stuff but they must go to other cities and be like, what are you guys like?

Why don't you talk to me? I said hello. So I think, yeah, but not for me. Okay, Nara deers are going to be your animal choice. Oh, it's so specific. It's very specific. I don't think I've ever had deer, let alone Nara deer.

Jake, this has been great. Thank you so much for coming on not at all thank you so much for having me and so as of this week yeah

you're going to be in Edinburgh yeah I'm doing a show called Limits in Edinburgh it's my first show at the festival it's on at 7.20 every night at the Grassmarket Centre

so come along yeah I'm a bit scared are you I'm also really excited yeah I think it'll be really fun yeah yeah

it's quite a stressful thing to put together well to put together and then it's be really fun. Yeah, yeah. It's quite a stressful thing. To put together. Well, to put together, and then it's just like, it's a bizarre situation where it's like, you're just going to do this show every day for a month. And you've got to keep it sounding fresh. Exactly, yeah. And you've got this thing of,

you're going to be in a different city at the same time. Yes, yeah. So it's just kind of, it's a bit of a perfect storm. It's a bit of a strange thing for the comedy industry to do to itself, I think. What can people expect from the show uh it's kind of about where i grew up in stevenage a bit um and it's about like i think it's kind of about working class being working class and um and kind of that interaction with comedy as well and also just about it's kind of about when do you stop doing something you've always wanted to do do you know i mean when do

what are the what are the the extremes to which you will go to doing something you've always wanted to do? Do you know what I mean? When do, what are the, what are the extremes to which you will go to follow something you've always wanted to do? Interesting. Yeah. Okay. It sounds exciting. I hope so.

Yeah. All right. Well, I look forward to seeing it. And if people want to find you, where can they find you? I'm on Twitter and Instagram. Um,

my handle for both of those is at J underscore ache. Farrell. It's the only permutation of my name I could get. So J underscore, then the rest of my name. Ake Farrell, nice. Easy to find. Thank you so much, Jake. No, thanks very much for having me, mate. Bye.