Desert Island Dicks - JAYDE ADAMS

Episode Date: June 1, 2020

We've hit 100 episodes of the podcast! Joining us to share their Desert Island Dicks and mark the occasion is comedian Jayde Adams. Be sure to follow the podcast @dickspod and thank you for listening! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You're a podcast listener, and this is a podcast ad. Reach great listeners like yourself with podcast advertising from Lips and Ads. Choose from hundreds of top podcasts offering host endorsements, or run a reproduced ad like this one across thousands of shows to reach your target audience with Lips and Ads. Go to Lipsandads.com now. That's L-I-B-S-Y-N-ads.com. Hi, I'm Dan from Desert Island Dicks. Today is a special one as it's our 100th episode.

And to mark the occasion, we're joined by the brilliant comedian Jade Adams. And to make it even specialer, this episode is sponsored by Beer 52. Right now, you can get a case of eight craft beers for free from the best breweries on the planet. And all you have to do is go to beer52.com slash dicks and pay £5.95 postage and you'll get delicious, delicious, free, free beer. Or if you want to just go to our Twitter or Instagram at Dickspod, you can find all the information there as well, but it's beer52.com slash dicks. Now on with the show, here's Desert Island Dicks with Jade Adams. Hi, I'm Dan Benedictus and welcome to Desert Island Dicks, the show that sees you marooned

on a desert island after a plane crash with the worst people and worst things imaginable. Who they are and why they're a dick is up to our guest. And here to share their Desert Island Dicks with us today is comedian, actress, writer and singer Jade Adams. Hello. Hello. How are you doing? I'm very well, thank you. In lockdown, as I'm imagining you are as well. Yep, yep. Sat in my kitchen as we record my backdrop is i mean you're the view you get of me oh do you know what that was that was my alarm telling me that i should be on this podcast okay well it's worked because here we are here we are um yes i can see

your background you've got a nice tupperware pot there yeah um a combination boiler which is always needed a good combination boiler is um it's something to be marveled at actually it's a nice bowl there yellow one with the stripe but i mean your backdrop is much more fabulous you've got some feathers and tinsel not tinsel but there's do you realize that this these glitter curtains are double layered so underneath there's pink and on top there's gold see See, that's what marks you above the others, you know, above imitators. That's when you know you're the real deal. I should say, I've had Davina DeCampo on in full drag on a video call.

But I mean, you're sort of battling it out for most fabulous video. Davina did it in full drag? It's quite a surprise when I saw her on FaceTime like that. I wasn't expecting it at all. But I mean, yours is equally as fabulous. So, you know. Well, I mean, I've just got a simple feathered gown to my left and then I've just got a glitter curtain behind me.

I'd say this was just a really casual Sunday afternoon sort of look. Good. Well, I mean, as most people won't be able to see this, I should probably get on with the business in hand. Jade, how did you find choosing your dicks today? I found it really difficult and actually this is our second attempt at doing it and the reason I found it really difficult is because uh when I'm thinking about someone that I don't want to be in a desert island with I I'm too real I start thinking about genuine people in my life that I couldn't be on a desert island with and then I'm like I can't be saying that on a podcast like that could cause like issues and interruptions

and then I was um thinking about um uh sort of people in the media that I couldn't be on a desert island with and then I was like I don't really want to start like unofficial twitter beef I don't like I don't want their fans to come at me and i don't want my like five to like you know form a link um i was being really humble then i've got more than that i don't know why i was being that humble um so i've actually decided that um it's who i'd not like to be on a desert island with has actually changed in recent times because i am actually in fact stuck on a desert island as we speak. Essentially. I mean, the desert island is full of all of my stuff.

But this desert island is shared with two other people. And I would say I wouldn't... My first person I'm going to say who I'd not like to be stuck on a desert island with is going to be Paul Sweeney, who I'm currently staying with. He'll be the first. Okay.

And what is so bad about Paul that would... Would cause such a remark? Well, to be honest with you, I've already spent eight weeks with him. So if we're talking about this desert island happening like in a couple of days' time, having spent seven weeks confined into... Like, normally, I love love these two i love these guys

they're fantastic normally i love paul he's a really good barber he's cut my hair very very useful i mean that's very handy to be stuck with for a lot of us we dream of being stuck with a barber or hairdresser i'm stuck with my hairdresser which has been um you know a source of frustration for i think quite a lot of people that follow me on the internet. I'm not really doing myself any favours when it comes to being a social media influencer when I'm just upsetting people with the hair. But I've already spent seven weeks with this guy and he doesn't want it either.

He wouldn't want to be stuck on a desert island with me. Imagine, we get out of this, then something happens where I'm on a boat somewhere and I sink, I'm in the boat, I'm sinking. It's a bit like Titanic, I imagine, except for he'd get on the raft too. Actually, no, he wouldn't because I'd have to go to the desert island on my own.

Excuse me, sorry about that. I rock up to this island thinking, oh God, you know, this could be worse. I could be just stuck in a flat in Essex. And then the next thing that happens is Paul Sweeney drifts over after the eight weeks that he's just spent with me. And we look at each other and realise that for the rest of time, we're not going to be able to do anything new for each other. Yeah, it's all been done. We've done everything.

We've done all the stuff. We've spent eight weeks together, which is eight. Yeah, it's all been done we've done everything we've done all the stuff we've spent eight weeks together which is it eight yeah it's eight weeks isn't it babe it's eight yeah that's rich that's the other one paul's in the toilet at the moment listening to me slag him off i mean i yeah i mean you're not making your confinement that much easier by sort of uh putting paul in but i mean i salute you for you know your confinement that much easier by sort of putting Paul in. But I mean, I salute you for your no-holds-barred approach to this podcast. And I think really as well,

I can really get away with slagging him off at the moment because we have just taken him in. I think I could get away with that. And I don't know how many celebrities there are that I could get away with saying I wouldn't want to be stuck on a desert island without incurring the wrath of their fans because i've had that before i once upset little mix fans and they came for me yeah i upset a load of justin bieber fans once i was doing social

what happened well i was doing social media for a radio show that i worked on years ago and um now and again they of group up and go, you know, just tweet at you madly saying, please play the new Justin Bieber track, blah, blah, blah. And it wasn't the sort of music the radio station played. So I just replied, no. And then I went to make a cup of tea for everyone. And I came back, it was like 50 or 60 replies,

just really rude. You know, think, have some fucking respect, you piece of shit. You know, that's not very respectful. Oh my God, really? god yeah like rabid so i you know i can see why you'd be wary of upsetting people have you ever had that with this podcast though where someone has said someone and then they've they've had any backlash from it um not that i know of no one's let us know i mean it might just be that they didn't bother including us in that but i don't know i think most people that listen to it are kind of into the vibe into the spirit of the thing because i would also go with your classics i think that i like i know you've already said like you've had a lot of piers morgans but i've got another reason why it wouldn't be piers morgan

it's not for the normal reasons okay normally it would be because he says what he says and he's and he's he's irritating and all of that i just couldn't stand being with someone that needed the last word as much as him yeah like just just that that that aspect of everything else i can handle but that aspect of his personality never allowing anyone else to have the last word would just drive me mad and i would say that anyone who's like that you can't come on my desert island. Yeah. I think with Piers Morgan, you can imagine it, if it got to the point where you were so fed up of him having the last word and you picked up a rock and just killed him with the rock.

Are you telling me that I'm going to murder him? No, I just could imagine it might come up with anyone. I stuck on an island with Piers Morgan. But I imagine you'd club him to death with a big rock or a stick or something. Coconut. And then as the spirit left his body, he'd be like, he'd get the last word in and then float off somewhere as a spirit

and he'd still manage it. Oh my God, that's like, you've just, you've literally just described many people's worst nightmare, specifically mine, with getting the last word in. Yeah. I can imagine it happening with him not that i believe he has a soul but you know the other reason i found it hard choosing people for this that i'm not currently living with and thinking about like literally if i was in a desert island next week

what would be the worst scenario but the other reason is is i always feel like if i don't like someone i and they and they wouldn't and i think they wouldn't like me i think i could be convincing enough on that desert island to make them like me i think i i would have the skill to be able to take someone that i found obtuse and find some way to be you know reasonable with them i think i could do that yeah um i would absolutely hate it if a um person could would come on and normally i would say girl but i would put this down to guys as well um and anyone in between but if anyone came onto the island that didn't pull their weight and um found stuff too frightening that would be an absolute no-no for me they'd have to go yeah i mean i'd be getting that i'll get i'd get that rock yeah wipe it clean and put it to good use

make do and mend yeah yeah okay so are we saying so paul is obviously your first choice are we then putting this put this type of person in as your second choice on the island yeah i think that we'll go with this type of person to sort of uh save any um any sort of beef that i might get on the internet um i already get beef about my weight i don't really want to add to that okay um so yeah so people who don't pull their weight because i imagine like on an island you're all doing your bit and then if someone's a bit too tired i mean that's how it always works in these sort of shipwreck programs isn't it there's always someone who's like don't want to break a nail or yeah they're scared of whatever i'm allergic to fish oh i blow up and my throat closes over

come on man up have a fucking god and then do you reckon you'd be pretty hardy on the island i mean what's what's your skill set i'd be absolutely amazing on the island um i think what i'm best at what i'm not very good at is running i couldn't do any of the running and the the sort of heavy lifting side of things but when it came to cooking like i and cooking and making fires are really my thing like i could go and forage for wood and stuff to make a fire with and cooking i would be very very useful i know how to cook for large portion like large amounts of food that will last um uh i know how to sort of i think i've got a good grasp of what goes together nowadays as well i've spent a lot of time with chefs so they sort of end up you end up picking little bits up from them and it it's good that you can cook and also make the fire

because if you had to rely on someone else for that, there could be a real power struggle, couldn't there? It could get someone that just... You know, that whiny person I was talking about, the phobic person who wouldn't do anything, they'd say they were going to make the fire and then would spend hours waiting to do it. Like, oh, I'll do it in a minute oh i'll do it in a minute or i do it

in a minute scared of the challenge in case they might get it wrong because they were so confident to put themselves forward to make it in the first place and then they just take ages to do it that would drive me mad yeah i think um there's no place for that kind of person on the island but it is every i mean every reality tv show i mean they know that that type of person will work on there that's why there there's always someone like whether it's Big Brother or a shipwrecked kind of thing. It's just sort of, it's just the worst sort of person you could ever get stuck with. Yeah, absolute worst. I think that's for a lot of people as well.

Like when you get onto an island, you kind of, you know, those people in the survival programs that act like that, they don't end up surviving on the program. They get kicked off by someone.'t end up surviving on the program they get kicked off by someone essentially they die on the program and i say that whilst i'm doing finger quotation marks but they get kicked off by the public and that's because they're whiny useless people that uh that aren't pulling their weight just going back to paul do you think he would pull his weight despite i mean you've been living with him for eight weeks now how do you think he would sort of get on um uh yeah he he as long as it was something that um he was excellent at doing you've got paul's absolute attention okay but if yeah if it's not his cup of tea then forget about it i think yeah and i think we're all like that though yeah if something's not his cup of tea, then forget about it. I think, yeah, and I think we're all like that, though. If Sammert's not my cup of tea, I wouldn't want to do it. Like, I already said, like, I'm on this island alone,

and I'm saying I'm not running. Like, I might not have a choice, but I'm telling you now, if the choice was death or running, well, goodbye. Goodbye. Fair enough. And who would be your third choice? Rich wilson without a shadow of a doubt okay so again so another person that you live with yes so i've now spent uh this i it's not i only live

with him he's my lover he's my he's my one he's my one true love um but uh i know what my limitations are. So when I tell you that I wouldn't run, which is the total opposite of me in any form of survival, like he will just go and do anything. Like he'll just throw him, like when he went skiing, he'd never been before and he went along, he just threw himself down mountains without any fear. He's got low centre of gravity as well,

which really helps because he's, you know, five foot seven and three quarters medically proven. That's babe isn't it yeah yeah um but he was he's just a doer and he doesn't like he would be really infuriating when it came to trying to make me get up and do running and and walking and foraging i'd want to stay back and like put it all together but we'd really fall out and that that's been very apparent during the pandemic. The one we're having right now. We have definitely come across what our differences are.

But also, we've just spent a solid eight weeks together, which isn't natural for any relationship, I don't think. No. Some people. Spending that long together is okay, but really spending all that time together i mean like being together for that long is fine but it's like being intensively with each other is is the tough bit it's difficult yeah and i've spoken to a lot of different relationships and they've all said the same thing like you go wildly from uh oh my god this is the end of our relationship to oh my god they're the most

beautiful thing i've ever seen what a cute little button muffin or something like that my little button muffin look at him so in order to save face with um internet fans i'm just going to go with rich wilson because my fans is are his fans and his fans are my fans. Well, I mean, they might not be anymore. I mean, after you've put him on the island with you. I mean, because, of course, Rich was a previous guest on this very podcast. Oh, he was, yeah. With our previous host, James. So I bet he's kicking himself now over in the corner,

just like, why didn't I pick Jade? Yeah, what did he pick? Do you remember? The cast of Coupling. Oh, the cast of Coupling. That's right. Except Jeff. Yeah.

Rich told me to actually choose a character and I did speak when we did our first attempt. I did speak about this, but I'll do it again. But I will say, and it kind of links to this, that type of person, I wouldn't want on the island, but Buffy's little sister dawn is definitely not anyone that i would want to spend any time on an island with now if you don't watch buffy the vampire slayer here's a little 411 buffy she's a slayer right she's the chosen one it's like a birthright mystical thing she fights vampires

and demons and sometimes gods and then they they shove this little sister in series five. She's never had a sister before. Shove her in in series five. She's really irritating. She's really annoying. Buffy's got a lot of shit on her mind. And all this one does is she's nags. And then you find out that actually

they sort of implanted all her memories and stuff into Buffy and her friends to hide a mystical key that opens the door to dimensions across all dimensions so if someone had that key they could make hell and heaven in you know theory sort of blend together which would be disaster yeah and she they put her into a little sister so buffy would defend her with her life but she oh my god she tests everyone's patience and i actually got to say this in front of joss whedon um once And how did that go down? I didn't say it.

I don't think I said it as eloquently. I would say that was quite a good monologue of mine there. Yeah, absolutely. There was barely any ums. I was trying not to um. But I think that I didn't say it just like that, but it was asked of him why. Presumably, I would have thought that Joss would be used to it

because it seems like such a jumping the shark moment of introducing a sister that is also another kind of being in the fifth series as well. I know. I mean, to be honest with you, the storyline worked and all of that stuff. It was just the actual acting of her sister. She was just an annoying little sister.

And I'm a little sister, so I am that person to someone else. But I'm not, like, I don't have a little sister. And it was horrific because we were all enjoying Buffy so much. And then this whiny little thing turns up and you're meant to, like, care about her, but it's hard.

And actually, it's very good writing. So, Joss Whedon, I do apologise for the outburst when i met you thank you i'm sorry but i know that um originally you know this dawn had been on the on the short list for you but i mean being a sort of grumpy moody teen would probably fall quite easily into the category already of people who aren't going to pull their weight yeah from what you've told, I mean, we can include her in the larger group if you want. All right. If that would make the island truly hateful for you. I think so, yeah.

Let's stick her in that big group. Yeah. Yeah. So, Dawn, Buffy the Vampire Slayer's sister. Yeah. Okay. Dawn Summers. Okay.

Now, Jade, mercifully, amongst the wreckage of the plane, there was some food and drink left over. Unfortunately for you, it's your least favourite food and drink left over. Unfortunately for you, it's your least favourite food and drink in the world. What are they and why are they so bad? Right, OK. Food, raisins, currants and sultanas. Right, OK.

So dried fruit is off. Dried fruit. Dried fruit, 100%. I do not like fruitcake. I don't like saurine. I don't like malt loaf. I don't like anything with any of those dried grapes in. I don't like any dried fruit, but I want to be very specific about the grape.

So that's the worst. Yeah, of all the dried fruits, that's the worst. Horrific. And it doesn't, like, I'm okay with others, but i do not eat those three things dried it's a shame because in a survival situation i imagine that's quite a useful a useful thing to be able to dry fruit and eat it i'm sure and i'm sure there's an abundance of grapes but um i yeah they would have to be smushed into wine and fermented which i'm actually getting very good at because i've done a lot of fermenting

have you during lockdown yeah i've um i made some kombucha which needs to be topped up again actually um but it's in its starter fluid right now um also made a sourdough starter and made my first sourdough batch which wasn't terrible it needs to be better but it wasn't awful well congratulations thank you very much rich is doing an impression of me at the moment where he's smiling and putting his hands under his uh under his chin and then rolling his eyes back in his head well you know you put someone on the island with the worst things and people imaginable you know they are going to make fun of you in some way i imagine exactly yeah exactly the sourdough boom is a strange thing isn't it at the minute during lockdown

because i'll go for my like once weekly shop and like no flour whatsoever but aisles like full aisle of bread and i just think it seems like everyone just had this one idea and there were no other options they go i want to get crafty and creative but that was the one like it's all just gone straight to sourdough it seems it's i don't know, it's just sort of funny. It's because sourdough's like six or seven pounds a loaf, isn't it? And now we're all making our own for nothing. Oh man, it's really going to flood the market.

It's going to see the sourdough shares are going to be dropping, plummeting. Well, especially as everyone's had enough time to be able to get good at it as well, because it is a skill that you've got, I'm not amazing at it,

but it's a skill that you have to get better at. Yeah, definitely. Shall I tell you something else that I wouldn't have food-wise on the island? Yeah. Crumpets. Really? British crumpets can go fuck a duck.

That's surprising to me. I mean, they seem fairly innocuous. I absolutely detest them. What is it about a crumpet that you don't like? I don't like the holes. I don't like the weird texture of it being quite rubbery and then it's got a crispy edge. I don't like how salty it is.

I just don't like that consistency inside of it that looks like one of those natural sponges you can get from Body Shop. Yeah, it does have a bit of that. I don't like that. There's something about that. Maybe I've got trypophobia or whatever that phobia is where you're scared of holes.

I'm talking about... I'm phobic. Oh, God, I'm one of those people. Shit. But, yeah, crumpets, man, they've got to go. OK, so maybe if we could combine the thing and have some kind of posh raisined crumpet, like a hot cross bun mixed with a crumpet.

Ooh, what are you doing to me? I'm just sort of weaving my magic for the terrible you that what an awful thing you just did i'm gonna turn off now um do you know a strange thing i found out raisins can cause kidney failure in dogs really seems weird doesn't it and people don't know why but raisins yeah isn't that a weird thing i mean i know that you're not supposed to give dogs chocolate and that sort of makes sense because it's really processed and sweet and it's not natural for a dog, but a raisin, kidney failure. Wow.

Yeah. So, like, I'm guessing a Cadbury's fruit and nut will really fuck up a dog. Yeah, yeah. So, I mean... What a sentence. There's the promo clip. Please make that the promo clip. Please. Just out of context.

Yeah, we will. Good. Okay, so raisins and crumpets. Yeah, mate. Interesting. Yeah, and you said you're all right with other dried fruits, but... Yeah, I'm fine with them. Okay.

And what would your drink be? Red wine. Red wine. Red wine. Oh, I've got three. Red wine, tequila and sambuca. Oh, yes. Oh, actually. Red wine. Red wine. Oh, I've got three. Red wine, tequila and sambuca. Oh, yes. Strong choice.

Oh, actually, red wine, I'm going to name drop, but Heston Blumenthal taught me how to enjoy red wine. Right. Go to his restaurant and have a really expensive bottle. Close, no. He did this test when I was spending most nights having dinner with him. He did this test on us where he did like a psychology test where a negative influence, external influence,

can actually affect your taste buds. And it's true, it can. Sorry, there's 17 motorcycles going past right now. Just two. I was over-egging that. Might be my friend's John and Mandy, actually. But, yeah, sorry, what was I saying? Get me back there. Heston Blumenthal and negative associations.

So, yeah, if you have external negative, any influence, an external negative influence, it can affect the way that you taste food. So he was, like, basically making, because I always go, ooh, I hate red wine. So when I drink red like basically make because i always go oh i hate red wine so when i drink red wine i'm going oh i hate red wine but he did something with me where i drank it and i had to think good things when i was drinking it and it made it taste amazing but there are two the two spirits that cannot do that there's no fucking way anyone's ever after the way

that i abused it in my early like when i was 18 years old but tequila and sambuca is no go for me you know when people are at bars and you walk up to a new a bunch of people at a bar and you know some of them and you've just got there and they go oh we're doing shots and they and you're like it'd be rude to say no i will always say no yeah i will too i've done exactly the same thing i as i get older i've got you know you get older and you get a better tolerance for spirits neat you know so but things like sambuca and tequila i will never be able to there was a time i could drink tequila but yeah i can't it just even the smell and sambuca as well it sort of stays with you so it's like

that film you get on your mouth it's like it's forever that aniseed flavor just doesn't go away like i barely handle it in fennel but it's so potent that and it ruins every other drink for the rest of the night and come on who hasn't ruined themselves on it yeah except for people that don't drink alcohol but like my mother hasn't touched a drop of alcohol since she was 18 and she got really smashed on tequila once and she hasn't touched alcohol since wow we've tried to get her into bailey's in fact i was drinking at bailey's when we um it's gone now um but uh yeah she we can't even get her to like like sweet liqueur she just doesn't like anything and it's been ruined by those flavors that tequila and

sambuca flavor so she's the one person who woke up hungover, said, oh, I'll never drink again, and actually did. And actually did. Yeah. We're probably going to have that written on a gravestone one day. Yeah, or at least some kind of blue plaque or something. She needs a blue plaque. The only woman who ever.

Yeah. Yeah, actually, I mean, second time I mentioned it, we were talking about this with davina decampo about tequila and just how it seems like it it's almost like it makes sense if you're sort of a mexican cowboy and you're really tough and grizzled you know that you're like i'm gonna drink a spirit made out of a cactus because that's how tough i am i'm gonna drink a bullet with a shot you know it's that sort of but you know you know in central london there's just no need for it i don't think there's so many nice so many nice t-shirts central london there's just

no need for it is there yeah keep it out of my metropolitan elite liberal bubble please yes please thank you very much okay so tequila i mean i do find the um the red wine thing harder to harder to sort of put put on i mean obviously it's your choice but i mean i find it uh slightly less offensive i mean i would also claim that with heston blumenthal he's never going to serve you shit wine so that's kind of his thought experiment actually this was just standard hope because we were in the hotel that they were putting us up in when we were filming Crazy Delicious, which is available on Channel 4 and seems to be Netflix. But they put us up in a hotel. So one of my favourite things that happened during this,

the filming, is watching a hotel kitchen panic when Heston Blumenthal rocks up. Oh, God, yeah, Beth. I watched it every night. It was fantastic and it never got easier for them it wouldn't though because i mean he's just so beyond the level of ever you know it's like three michelin stars right i mean that's i mean even a one michelin star would be scary in your kitchen but three of them i told him when um i said to him i said one day i'll cook you some

scrambled eggs mate and i'll do it really confidently then after i said it i i was like i'm not doing that why did i fucking say that i bet he gets it's probably like being a boxer loads of people go yeah but seriously mate if these people i could i could do you mate you know yeah yeah people are nuts okay so red wine tequila and sambuca and maybe i don't know i'm tempted to put them into one cocktail as well, just to really make it hellish. Oh, with a side of wasp. Do you remember, right? I don't know if it was just where I grew up in Leicester. Around the sort of late 90s, shots became a really big thing in pubs and you used to get shot menus. And they used to have like really weird ones called like brain hemorrhage and stuff

that would be like something red and then some Baileys or sort of curd. Do you remember that phase of drinking? Yep. And sort of Sambuca and tequila and red wine would probably be on one of those menus and it'd be called something like, I don't know, I can't even think about it. Head fuck. Head fuck, yeah. But that was a strange time, wasn't it?

I used to, it i used to so i used to work in a place called the bristol beer keller and they had um on friday nights they had a evening called fucked spelt p-h-u-c-h-t or something of course and they would play like stuff like nothing by a and marilyn manson and loads of scar and uh loads of like uh just music you you jump to or you look like you're gonna kill someone to basically that sort of place but we used to do cocktails there and they don't exist anymore this venue doesn't exist so i can i can slag it off but we used to have cocktails and they would make it in these giant bins like just a bin of cocktail and it would and i'd stand there with like tesco value vodka just pour just pouring

it into where i've been told to measure it up to and that stuff just fueled the entire evening and then you would just have loads of people like collapsed up and down the NCP car park outside and then going up the side of the street and it was absolutely horrific and this stuff, it was just sex on the beach it said but it wasn't a sex on the beach. Like I've had a proper sex on the beach and they're not great but they're not my favourite cocktail

but I've had a proper one. This shit was, I think it was poison. Yeah, I think generally was poison. Yeah. I think generally if something's got a sort of rude name, it's generally not being crafted that, you know. I remember shots called like a cock-sucking cowboy and like slippery nipples and all these. Slippery nipples?

So that's Baileys and vodka and they curdle and then you're meant to like scoop it out with your tongue and swallow it and it's horrific. Yeah. See, I just think no classy drink has a name like that. You know, if imagine the original martini was called a sort of shag in an alley or something. Yeah, cunt bucket. I said cunt bucket, but fine. Oh, cunt bucket.

Well, either. It doesn't make for a classy tipple, does it? Not at all. Okay. You're a podcast listener and this is a podcast ad. Reach great listeners like yourself with podcast advertising from Lipson Ads. Choose from hundreds of top podcasts offering host endorsements, or run a reproduced ad like this one across thousands of shows

to reach your target audience with Lipson Ads. Go to LipsonAds.com now. That's L-I-B-S-Y-N ads.com. Hello, Dan here. Sorry to interrupt, but it's our 100th episode. And I just wanted to tell you quickly about the sponsor we've got today, which is Beer 52. And to join me, here's former host of Desert Island Dicks, James Deacon. That's me. Hi, Dan. How are you doing?

I'm fine. How are you? I'm not that interested. We have to talk about Beer 52, me. Hi, Dan. How are you doing? I'm fine. How are you? I'm not that interested. We have to talk about Beer 52, James. We can catch up at the end. These people want to hear the rest of Jade Adams. Yes. Look, here's the thing. You've probably heard of Beer 52. They send you delicious beers straight to your door, which if, like me, currently you don't leave your house very much, is a godsend. Yes. What do you think of that i think that's great i'm actually subscribed to beer 52 and i get some delicious beers i'm having a delicious beer right now it's an ipa from beer 52 and it is tasty right now you can get a case of eight beers for free delivered to your house all you've got to do is pay 5.95 for postage just go to beer52.com slash dicks and it'll come right to your door. And they are delicious.

They are delicious. And they change every month. They've got a different theme. And each case comes with an award-winning beer magazine, ferment and a tasty, delicious snack. Do you know what's really good, Dan? What? I'm not massively into dark beers, but on their website,

you can click an option to get only light beers. It's a win-win kind of deal here. I think it is yeah so all you've got to do go to beer52.com slash dicks get your first case of eight beers for just £5.95 postage that's it beer52.com slash dicks beer james this has been fun should we catch up at the end and let people listen to the rest of jade adams dan I would love to catch up at the end with you. OK, here you go. Back to Jade Adams. Now, fortunately, you won't be without entertainment on the island. The Plains Entertainment System continues to work,

but just your luck, it only has two working settings. One's your least favourite film of all time and the other is your least favourite song. What are they and why? So, my least favourite song is Kings of Leon, Sex is on Fire. Okay, that sounds like another shot,

doesn't it? Sex on Fire. Yeah, Sex on Fire which would be like chilly. One of those, do you remember those? They'd have like a green one which would be apple sour and then another one would be like some fiery chilly shit. No, no, no a green one which would be apple sour and then another one would be like some fiery chili shit no no the blue one would be cooler but it would be still be hot and intense and then the other one would be like chili intense what were they called oh aftershock

aftershock that was it because one was sort of fiery like cinnamon but one of the other was sort of like really menthol-y wasn't it oh it was both quite intense i remember at university mixing them together and you'd have purple aftershocks you'd have a red and a blue and you'd have to do them oh i'm having flashbacks and it's making me gag i'm feeling quite ill actually after this what are we doing to ourselves holy shit but kings of leon sex is on fire can go uh i i absolutely 100 hate that song i mean yeah it's and also it's been around for so long and so popular for such a long time you know it's never going away now yeah it's forever that's always there it's like mr bright side all of those it's never going away i'm not a huge fan of music that's like loads of

lead guitar and no sexy bass like i don't like it in bands when they leave the bassist out like i want i like in every band i believe the bassist should be key to the to the structure of the song in a band format that is um but like i hate heavy lead guitar i just it's annoying i want to hear every other instrument i think as yeah often it just sort of they it's like a crap version of the lead, isn't it? And they just kind of put it sort of, it's basically what the lead guitarist is playing, but with fewer notes and it sort of blends in and you can't really hear it.

It's not enough. I want to hear like... I want, I mean, that was a terrible bass, but that's the sort of shit I want. I want a sexy, girthy bass line. Good. Sexy, girthy baseline. Good. Sexy, girthy baseline. I feel like, as well, Kings of Leon,

I mean, they started off quite cool and sort of alternative, didn't they? They were like hillbillies, almost. Like Avril Lavigne started off cool and alternative. And then they just kind of, in the end, I don't know, a few years went by and Sex on Fire came out and suddenly all these good-lookinglooking shaved men in leather jackets. That's what happens with all cool stuff.

Eventually it becomes mainstream. Eventually it puts on a leather jacket. It's happened with, like, gay nightclubs as well. They used to be, like, the most alternative. Like, if you go to a sort of LGBT queer nightclub, they used to be fucking cool as fuck. I've been doing it for many, many years. But now, like, you go to like the biggest

ones and it's just it's full of everyone it's full of everyone just like rocking up in a sparkly top with a rainbow on it with some stuff stuck to their face but like it used to be like wickedly cool and alternative and shocking and all of that but the mainstream man it comes for everything it's like body positivity body positivity has gone mainstream it used to be cool and it was fat acceptance in the 60s or 70s i think it was and now it's like mainstream like skinny girls are getting involved i think the last time i was in a gay club i as i was leaving they were playing the venga boys really loud and i don't know if that is almost gone that song but i wonder if it's gone so mainstream, it's almost become alternative again. I feel that about...

It's come out the other side. I feel that about Vengaboys as well. Definitely, that has come back full circle. It's gone vintage. Yeah, it felt very strange. I thought of all the sort of, like, cool, edgy underground dance music over the years that, you know, the gay scene has contributed to.

I don't know how we got to the Vengaboys, but there you go. Vintage, mate. OK, so Kings of Leon, Sex on Fire. Yeah, it's sort of... One thing about it is it's so kind of ubiquitous that we sort of forget that it's kind of a bit rude as well. You know, you hear, like, school kids singing it in a park or something

and it's like, oh, this is a bit weird, you know, or like a mum singing it and it just feels a bit awkward. It's also one of those songs that everyone like really you get loads of people that are not they don't sing all the time but they know that they can sing and it's that song that they always like it comes on and they sort of do this no and look at you and you you're in your head and you're like oh fucking hell i know what's coming and it's them belting sex is on fire at you until the song's over and you've got a nod and politely go oh yeah yeah yeah like you like the song that's happened quite a few times to me with kings of leon sex is on fire i think that i didn't just make that story up i think that's happened to me quite a few times

it feels like the sort of person who's really into it is kind of going oh yeah no i love music love music i love the stereophonics love kings of leon i love oasis yeah oasis yeah really into my rock and it's like oh i don't know you know and not to disparage any of those bands i mean you know you just gotta have you just gotta like a lot of stuff like i like all different genres including like classical music is my favorite type of music but then i've got like i love certain i love certain periods in the 90s like there's some really sort of cracking moments in there like i i don't just like all of one thing i like bits of everything yeah i think it's the lack of imagination isn't it really yeah i think that's basically a standard thing for all of these things that i wouldn't have on

my desert island so sex on fire is your song choice and that's what you're going to be stuck with forever and uh what would what would your film choice be i find this really hard uh this this question what is the worst film i've ever oh i've got it Zombievers. Zombievers. Zombievers. So zombies and beavers? Zombie, take the bees off. And then beavers, zombievers. Right. I mean, that's sort of what I was thinking,

but I was just trying to get my head around what that could be. Are they beavers that are zombies? It's zombie beavers yeah okay so the undead burrowing digging animals it's your classic american uh sort of teen horror movie three hot girls are all there running around in their bikinis and they get into the water someone's probably split up with someone i don't know some other sort of fucking anti-feminist bullshit and um don't want to sound just like that but this this this sets feminism back like my boyfriend said this sets feminism back quite a long time it was horrific and we watched it because there's like some connection with bill burr right what's the connection with bill burr he's in it isn't he babe in what

zombievers yes yeah so bill burr's in it and we and i well i say we but we do i absolutely love bill burr i think he's a fantastic stand-up comedian so i was like oh bill burr's in zombievers wicked i'm gonna watch it what a mistake he must be friends with someone in it he must there must be a fam a familial or like some connection with someone who's made it or who's in it that he owes a favor to and so it's not one of those sort of um spoof ones it is like a genuine horror film it's a genuine horror film um i think it was 2014 um and it's got no one in it that you'd really recognize except for bill burr like you i i don't recognize any of the other actors in it at all.

I haven't seen them in anything. The synopsis is, college friends find their weekend of sex and adultery ruined when deadly zombie beavers swarm their riverside cabin. Classic. And they're all like, the girls are more naked than the boys. And they're, you know, like, there's just bikinis and just hot girls swimming i mean do you think it's just incredibly cynical that they were fishing for an animal that could be

the zombie and they thought well there's been a lot of sharks we've seen a film about alligators and stuff uh beavers no that's a stupid no one finds them scary and then they thought but if we put attractive women in bikinis and have something to do with beavers a lot of people will just look at it or they'll just think oh beaver right that's it's going to be like a bit rude they'll just look at the tits and then that'll be it i think they're what they're gearing us up towards uh because they're going to go beavers and what they're gearing us up towards is someone somewhere must be making a horror movie about the honey badger i think that's what i think we're leading up to a honey badger movie franchise vampire raccoons you know what was that film

like this is something that now because um james corden's the toast of america but everyone forgets about lesbian vampire zombie killers or whatever it's called yeah him and was it was it with matt um uh the other one matt horn and james corden i always get lesbian vampire killers yeah everyone forgets that guys if you know about james corden and you didn't know about this film that he did with matt horn go go and go and watch it just uh lesbian vampire killers with james corden and matt horne just watch it i'm not going to give you any opinions on it but you just go watch it yeah i haven't yet but you know maybe after this i'll kick back and i think you should put your baby into bed when you watch it i don't think it's probably appropriate for for like family time no

but if you and your missus want to um if you and your missus want to have a i'm going to show you on the camera okay the the poster for it and then i'll just hear your reaction right okay there it is yeah yeah it's the um it's the the the low energy response of exhaustion. Well, it's more just imagining. I mean, if I'm going to watch something with James Corden in, it's got to be a bit more enticing than that. What about Cats? I haven't seen that, no.

I had an audition for it. Did you? Yeah. And how do you feel to not have been in it now? I think it was a lucky escape, that. Yeah, I think you're right. I auditioned for the same role that rebel wilson ended up playing oh really yeah and i rocked up in um i didn't want to go dress as a cat because that could have been an option and i thought about it i really did i was going to go dressed i've got some great outfits that are cat

based but i was like no i'll go dress as a human but like imagine a human dress is like like imagine a cat as a human what would it wear so I chose dungarees all in one something like that and I kept I you know like dungarees have pockets all over them so they got me to sing the song it was great and then after I sang the song they said oh we need you to sort of roll around on the floor and be a cat now so I'm rolling around on the floor being a cat and then I hadn't done up my top pocket on my dungarees and all my stuff just fell out all over the floor as I'm rolling around on the floor being a cat and then I hadn't done up my top pocket on my dungarees and all of my stuff just fell out all over the floor as I was rolling around

singing a song and I feel like that was probably one of the luckiest escapes of my entire life yeah definitely although didn't Red Bull Wilson and James Corden then turn up and sort of the awards do and kind of like trying to distance themselves from it by taking the piss out of it of course they did they're comedians well sort of um they're not

stand-ups but uh um of course they did yeah uh that's that's that's what anyone who has any knowledge of uh trying to get over terrible things that you've done is you go on stage holding it and then you own it okay that's what a lot of people have done with breakup um shows yeah yeah that's true um okay but we're not putting cats on we're putting zombievers yeah i think zombievers sort of slightly uh cinches cinches the deal cinches it is that the right i don't know i say stuff i say some sentences sometimes that don't that what is it clinch clinches it clinches it. Clinch is the deal. Clinch is the deal.

I say stuff sometimes. I put words together wrong. It's a Bristolian thing. But these two... Thanks so much, but these two laugh constantly. Hence why they're not coming on my fucking island. Pump it up, Chris. Pump it up, Chris, is something...

So I was singing along to the Jazzy Jess, Jeff. And Will Smith song. Jazzy Jess. Jazzy Jeff. And the Will Smith song. And I, instead of saying pump it up, Jeff. No. What is it? Oh, pump it up, Prince. I saying pump it up Jeff, what is it? Oh pump it up Prince.

I said pump it up Chris. Well Chris was probably there. There was probably a Chris there. Yeah. I imagine he recorded that while he still had a big entourage. Chris and Jeff are mates. Thank you very much. These two can go get fucked. See why I'm not putting them on my island.

You know what? Every time I try and move on, I just think of the word zombievers. That's going to be one of the... You know when you just get a word stuck in your head for days and it just keeps going around, you can't stop thinking about it. I even Googled it just to see the poster and it doesn't make it any less weird seeing it in print. Yeah, it's something else.

Yeah. Now, Jade, finally, the island is overrun by the biggest dick of all the animals. Which animal is it and why? Well, so this is a tricky one for me because, as they all are, as they all have been because I wanted to make each one dramatic for you but this is a dramatic thing for me because i am actually allergic to all animals right okay specifically to horses and dogs by significantly and i love dogs i um haven't had a an emotional attachment to many there are a couple there's vinny, who is at ELP Barbershop. Paul Sweeney, the guy staying with us at the moment,

is also a barber as well as a comedian. And they've got a dog in the shop. The owner owns it. He's called Vinny. He featured in my Amazon Prime special in a serious black jumper. I love him. He's fantastic.

But because I haven't had that emotional connection, if I was going to choose animals not to be on the island, it would first be a dog or a horse, both. Okay. Fair enough. Cows are bad as well. Pigs. I don't know about sheep, but I think so.

What, in terms of allergies? Just allergies. I mean, just any animal. I mean, I'd like a pig on there because I'd have to eat it at some point because I would really miss pork belly if I didn't have it on the island. So I'll have a little pig running around, but I wouldn't be able to name it. Yeah, no. The good thing, I suppose, about having dogs on the island

is that now we know that your least favourite food is raisins and given that you could give it kidney failure if you did want to get rid of the dogs you know you're set there you don't even have to pick up a rock you just feed it some raisins and let nature take its course there you go so in a way it's quite a neat little package you've got there it's a very neat that's like the perfect show that is where they the end and the beginning come together in beautiful harmony. Yeah, lovely. What's wrong with the dog? And then Jade's in the background with one of those little red boxes of raisins.

Little boxes of sun maids. Yeah. I always used to judge the kids at school that came in with a sun maid. It's weird, isn't it? Because it's one of those things like kids love them and then no one eats them. Because I think it's like a sweet substitute when you've got really young kids. Yeah. Well, here's something that's sweet. But then after a while, they realize that they're shit.

And then you don't eat them until like maybe this. Grandma goes and gives them a fizzy cola bottle. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. And then they pop up in your cereal later in life and you kind of go, well, I'm eating muesli. And this is about the most interesting thing in there. So I guess I like raisins again. But no one's eaten handfuls of them.

I've never done that. I didn't didn't i didn't even have like mum i'd go mum i'm hungry when i was a kid and she never offered me dried like sultanas currants or raisins because she knew she knew fair enough i've just got an image of you holding the box now with a dead dog and you sort of saying something like sleep tight fido that's a great idea for a poster well you're welcome give us a credit on it um because you're doing better than we are and we're happy okay um well that's it i mean you've you've put together i was gonna say normally i say it's know, I judge people on their sort of the island, the collective island experience. I feel bad doing that, knowing that two of the people you've picked are sort of in the same room as you. But I mean, the rest of it, I think you've done your own personal help pretty well there, Jade. So, you know.

Thanks very much. And I'm sorry it's been difficult for you. But, you know, you've done. These have been some of the hardest questions I've ever been asked on a podcast well you know we do what we can thanks very much uh well thank you very much for coming on and of course you know all this lockdown and this pesky pandemic has sort of turned everything on its head so where can people see or hear more about you amazon prime i am on there right now with a show called serious black jumper and uh you can watch that jade adams on amazon prime and also coming soon is uh crazy delicious on netflix

but i don't have a release date for that but i think it's sometime in june or july wonderful lovely all right jade adams thank you very much for doing your desert island dicks today my pleasure thanks for having me thank you very much for doing your Desert Island Dicks today. My pleasure. Thanks for having me. Thank you. So that was Desert Island Dicks with comedian Jade Adams. And I thought I would catch up with former host of Desert Island Dicks as it's our 100th episode. Here is James Deacon. How are you doing? I'm fine, Dan.

It's so nice to be speaking with you. It's nice to be speaking with you. Although we speak every day. Well, we're on a video call now. We don't always see each other's faces. No, you're right. It is a real treat, yeah. Jade Adams is hilarious. She's brilliant. And I'm so glad she could be the guest for the 100th episode i can't

believe it's reached 100 episodes i know and uh i can't believe i get to host it now thanks no dan you uh you i messaged you the other day you've done maybe nearly 20 episodes i know it's time flies right that's amazing isn't it the good thing about a pandemic meaning that you're being furloughed from work means you have a lot more time to rack up a load of podcasts yeah yeah it's true there's a lot more still to come i think if you've done like you know best part of 20 episodes how fucking how long have we been locked down i know it's weird isn't it well i think we i stuck i took over in march yeah it's june now so fuck that is a long time okay yeah um dan how are you finding hosting desert island dicks i'm very very fond of it indeed i like it very much yeah you're doing a great job dan oh i'm so proud of you i feel like

sometimes i can hear myself channeling you i kind kind of think, I think I react this way because that's how James did. Do you know what, Dan? If I can give you one bit of advice, step away from that. You don't want me in there. I want it to be all you, baby. But we still have some plans for when we're finally allowed back into society again. I mean, things are easing up a bit now as we record this at the beginning of june but obviously we have no idea what will happen but we still want to do some live shows

together and that'll be the two of us hopefully hosting together what is getting me through this is uh the fact that we might be able to take this on tour and do the lives live some live episodes up and down the country next year, maybe sometime that'd be amazing. And, uh, and meet some funny people that we, um, I think what's great about this,

um, situation that we've been in is we've been able to get some amazing guests from outside of London that ordinarily maybe we wouldn't be able to get or people that we wouldn't be able to go and see, uh, and a tour to go and see those people would be amazing. Yeah, exactly.

And obviously we'll keep you informed here and on our Twitter at Dickspod and on Instagram at Dickspod. Twitter's a bit more regular. Yeah, Twitter's definitely more regular. If you enjoy more than one post a week, Twitter's your place to go. Dan, do you know what

i don't want to get soppy but i'm gonna for a moment uh can i thank the listeners is that is that an awful is that sad thing to do because i want to thank them too yeah we've had so many amazing listeners uh and a lot of people messaging. I've had some great messages, Instagram and Twitter, over the past couple of years. And definitely now people messaging about how much they love you doing the podcast. And it's great to hear from people. So do follow Desert Island Dicks on Twitter, at Dickspod. Same, at Dickspod on Instagram.

And message us. We communicate. We'd love to hear from you. And thanks for accepting me into your listening bosom, listeners, because I know that it's like when Pippa was replaced on Home and Away. Suddenly this new guy turns up and, you know, but thanks. I didn't know how to finish that up. I love that I'm Pippa from Home and Away.

Well, so am I. That's the thing. Oh, yes, of course. You're a few years younger, so you might not remember this thing. No, I have no idea. Okay, if no one knows what this is, Pippa on Home and Away used to be a different person,

and then overnight they replaced her, and no one mentioned it, obviously, because you can't say, oh, Pippa, you look entirely different now. Have you had some work done? Yeah. So they just changed her. Once in Neighbours, they replaced someone for a bit

and then brought the original back again a couple of months later. She must have had a better acting job or been ill or something. Yeah, that's great. And it didn't work out, so then they had to come back. Yeah, but I can't remember anyone's name. I think it was the guy Lou who was the barman. Oh, yeah, I remember him. His wife. Was it Cheryl or something? Maybe, yeah. I can't remember anyone's name. I think it was the guy Lou who was like the... Oh, yeah, I remember him. His wife.

Was it Cheryl or something? Maybe, yeah. I can't remember. One of the listeners will message us. Yeah. Anyway, that's like us. Yeah, that's like how we are. Oh, my God, Dan.

It's great to be talking with you and it's great to be back and I can't wait to do some more podcasts together. Yeah, me too. And so that's the plan. James, congratulations. We made it to 100 episodes. Congratulations. Mostly your work.

Oh, come on. Our work. And we should probably stop before people stop listening. Thanks, everyone. Keep listening. Love you. Bye. Thank you.

Bye. Oh, wait. No, hang on. Also, please do like and rate and subscribe to us because I don't even know if you can like but just rate us if you can give us a review go on there and just hit that five star button can i tell you why because everyone's always saying it but it really helps us get further up the charts and that gets us access to better guests and you know what we're out here

independently we're not you know yeah we're doing it on our own yeah punk punk yeah we're punk we're so do we're so we're not famous people no got no one supporting us yeah it's just us so it really helps us punch above our weight we're not famous people but we want famous people and you listeners can help us to get those famous people by rating the podcast and shooting us up the charts into stardom and obtaining those amazing guests that you want to hear their Desert Island Dicks. Exactly. So thank you for listening, and we are really going this time. Okay, this time.

Thank you. Love you. Bye. Bye-bye.