Desert Island Dicks - JENNY RYAN

Episode Date: September 1, 2020

The Chase's very own Vixen, Jenny Ryan joins Dan today to share her feelings about who and what would be the worst people and things to be stuck with on a desert island. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram @Dickspod Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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or run a reproduced ad like this one across thousands of shows to reach your target audience with Lips and Ads. Go to lipsandads.com now. That's L-I-B-S-Y-N-ads.com. Hi, I'm Dan from Desert Island Dicks. This episode features quizzer Jenny Ryan, who you'll know from being one of the chasers on the quiz show The Chase, though she's also done loads of other things like being on Celebrity Masterchef, which we talk about, and also X Factor Celebrity 2.

Anyway, she's really funny and nice to talk to, but in one section we're talking about Tony Stark, you know, the guy that invented Iron Man in the Marvel sagas, and I realised later that I'd been calling him Tony Starks the whole time. And I only mention it because I think this is the sort of thing that would really annoy hardcore fans of the genre so I don't want any complaints or threats about that okay. Jenny didn't pick me up on it because she's nice so I said it a lot but what can I say sometimes I'm a dick as well. I think my confusion might be due to the fact that one of Ghostface Killer's pseudonyms is Tony Starks, with an S at the end, but who knows. Anyway, look, if you can get over that huge error, then I'm sure you'll enjoy this episode, so why not go and subscribe and give us a rating.

And don't forget you can follow us on Twitter and Instagram at DixPod. Okay, on with the show. Here's Desert Island Dicks with Jenny Ryan. Hi I'm Dan Benedictus and welcome to Desert Island Dicks, the show that sees you marooned on a desert island after a plane crash with the worst people and worst things imaginable. Who they are and why they're a dick is up to our guest and here to share their desert island dicks with us today is quizzer Jenny Ryan. Hello. Hello. Oh it's lovely to be here sunning myself on my desert island enjoying the beautiful weather. It's no doubt raining obviously. Well it's probably nice there because we haven't added any dicks to the island yet but uh we'll find out those in due course um how are you doing this week has this been an easy task for you or has it been a struggle it's been a struggle because the more i the more i look into my own

psyche the more i realize i'm not i'm it's not that I'm I'm a lover not a hater I'm I'm not a hateful person and there's people that I will take a dislike to and then I start to ameliorate that so I think I'm an ameliorator not a hater so I'll always be trying to think oh well but oh we see we're just seeing the screen persona oh um are they probably really nice in real life or oh they did this they did that so i will always try and look at the the nice things about somebody so it's actually really difficult also i don't want to get into a real life beef with anybody yeah particularly well i think that's the thing i think that's what people who listen so i've got a nice police car driving past at the minute um i think that's what people don't realize sometimes about

when you're a guest on the podcast is you obviously it's hard for people with a high profile to be rude about people in the public eye you know whereas people don't want to burn any bridges that's that's the thing yeah it's it's um. It's hard to work it out. Yeah. But I mean, in the end, I've got some no-brainers. Okay. Because I've been doing this for long enough now that I've started to get a little bit paranoid that one day I might meet people and people are just going to become an awful person.

So I'm staying locked down forever now for the duration. For as long as I do this podcast, I'm staying in Covid rules it's the best way to avoid a street fight really yeah yeah okay great well let's get stuck right into it then who's going to be your first choice for the island um my first choice now I've I've I kind of have wimped out a little bit on the other ones, but this is a real-life person. It is someone I work with. Now, before I started on The Chase, I asked my then partner to describe or to name the person on television who was the direct opposite of me.

And within a second, he said, Joey Essex. Now, nothing against the TOWIE the the uh the the reality tv that scripted reality stuff because it's not for me but I know it is entertainment for other people and you know I've met people who have been on those shows and they're absolutely lovely um however uh going back to that thing of, of me usually going, oh, they're probably really nice in real life. I, uh, I was on Celebrity MasterChef last year, which is still feels like a weird, a weird thing for me to be able to say.

I wouldn't have believed it a few years ago. Um, and I was thrown in at the deep end, um um as the captain of a task where we had to cook for i think 60 people in a tent on a cliff at dover and my team um included mr essex and i'd kind of assumed that it was a bit of a persona and when when you get into that situation you you you know the the nice cooperative side of you tends to come out. I've watched that show for many years and I thought, you know, everybody just knuckles down. Everybody gets the nose to the grindstone,

gets stuff done that needs doing because you don't want to mess up the other people. It's the teamwork vibe. And that was true of everybody except for the man who's... I describe him as my nemesis. He's no idea he's my nemesis, but he is my nemesis. So I spent much of the time allocated to us to cook these 60 portions, cajoling, bossing Joey about about trying to find things for him to do

then trying to explain to him how to do them then watching him make a half-hearted attempt to do them before making an excuse as to why you couldn't do that task and then having to find another task so he took up he took up half my time yeah and it was so exasperating and it was excuse after excuse after excuse and i just thought it's not a put on this this he just he's just lazy and he's not he's thankfully the the other two guys on my team were absolute i would you know two of the hardest men who've existed in sport. We had Razor Ruddock and Dillian White, the heavyweight boxer. And those two lads were taking orders from me.

Yeah. I was trying to get them to do stuff and they knuckled down. And at one point, Razor had to step in and very carefully explained to Joey how to fillet a fish but he was wielding the knife in a rather

intimidatory manner and Joey actually did it even though he complained that he was scared of fish and he hated fish and he hated the smell of fish and he wouldn't touch a fish, he wouldn't touch garlic he wouldn't touch onions there was so much he wouldn't do it was it was the most frustrating i've got ptsd about it and i had no i had no preconception about the guy before taking up this challenge i thought i take people as i find them and i want to give him a chance

and the fact that he put this additional workload onto everybody else just showed that it just doesn't seem to be a very nice person yeah so i'm just extrapolating that to being on this desert island right we need to build a shelter joe oh i'm scared of sand um i once uh i once got a splinter so i can't go and pick wood um there's this point on the challenge where he asked him to peel some potatoes and he peeled two potatoes and dropped them both in the bin and then said he couldn't do it without dropping them in the bin oh man yeah because it it's not like you didn't know when you went on celebrity master chef that there would be some cooking involved it's not like

you went on mastermind and then they said oh by the way could you knock us off you know a lovely chocolate ganache you know it's like it's kind of the answers in the question it's celebrity master chef so you're going to be expected to to touch some food and to work with other people that's those are the two things that are guaranteed to happen if you're on that show and onion is in everything you can't be scared of onion that's like the basis of most savory dishes is like start with an onion we just didn't want we didn't want to touch it and get smelly hands i think was the thing um i don't want to smell joey essexy hands. I think that was the thing. Well, I don't want to smell Joey Essex's hands. I mean, it's like, it wouldn't matter.

You know, just pick it up. Exactly. So I think for me, it was the disappointment of, it was such a letdown. He wasn't supportive. He didn't see that everyone else was sweating. Literally, we were sweating away in this tent trying to cook all these meals and that he was adding to the burden. I think someone who will always try and find a reason to not do something and to get somebody else to do it is the last person that I would want on that desert island I want I want team players every day of the week that's what I'm after yeah and I think actually that's a theme

with the three three dicks I've picked okay is they're not team players yeah yeah no exactly I mean that would just be horrendous if you're sort of when there's someone like a grown-up when you have to actually treat them like a child it's one of the most frustrating things in the world. Because I think often everyone thinks as a child your life is better. But I think as a grown-up, most of the time, I think it's easier. You know, there's a lot fewer confrontations to get into and day-to-day squabbles because you've learned how to coexist a bit better. And, you know, it's not as frustrating.

And then you get someone like that and you're like, oh my God, I feel like I'm in kindergarten again. Yeah. How do you get someone like that and you're like oh my god i feel like i'm in kindergarten again yeah how how do you get through life and i think the answer is probably money yeah without you know that you wouldn't really get along like that if you didn't have the money to pay other people to do stuff um it's there's just zero work ethic and it's ignorance is no excuse i don't know how to do that you can get away with that when you're four yeah yeah well even now i'd say to my son i was like no no no now you're old enough to learn how to do this let's do it together and then i can sit down for longer and you can just do something on your own but yeah it's that sort of um because sometimes with like celebrities you

kind of think well like maybe you've just got lazy over time and but as long as you can do something else a bit better you know maybe we can overlook that but if you're just famous for being yourself and saying silly things and you're also like that there's not a lot to sort of fall back on and and kind of defend you with, is there? No. You know, this is your public persona and you can't do anything in real life. So what is the point of you? Famous for your incompetence is, I mean, it gets you into politics these days.

I was just going to say, yeah. I mean, that's possibly the next step for old Joe, is running for public office. But, yeah, imagine your whole reason for being in the public eye is for being yourself, and that's you. It's reality. That is you. And then it turns out that you are an arse, really. It's just a selfishness of thinking you can get through life like that. Exactly.

And I find that, you know, despite hosting this podcast, you know, it's nice to be surprised about sometimes you meet someone. In my work, I've met people that I've previously disliked or whatever, musicians that I can't stand. And when you meet them, it's always better if they're nice because you're like, all right, OK, I hate your music but actually you know you're just doing your thing it's not for me but you're all right as you're a decent person so that makes me hate you less and when that when your song comes on next I'll hate it a bit less you know so

generally I want to like everyone in the world I want to be a positive person but yeah when they just prove you right it like doubles the amount you dislike them because then you've got like factual evidence to back it up with absolutely you you know you know that 99 of your irrational hatreds are irrational you see someone on the screen you're oh you switch them off because you you're just so annoyed by their existence and you're not really sure why. And you know that is probably, if you went for a beer with them or they came round and had a cup of tea, you're a human being. Yeah. Your product is not for me,

but it doesn't mean to say we can't coexist on a human level. I always tend to think of people like that. And 99% of the the time you're absolutely right there's that one percent when you you actually you double down on it yeah yeah i was absolutely right to dislike you in the first place yeah and now i've got empirical evidence and i can actually give you you know bullet points of why you're a complete dick well that's good i like it when there's like actual you know concrete rationale behind these things so that's good and he's on the island with you

winding everyone up being useless. I mean maybe you could use him for firewood eventually I don't know I mean I don't know if that's too violent. Food. Yeah food yeah yeah he'd probably be probably quite bland given his tastes. You know, oh, I don't like anything interesting. So he'd need a lot of seasoning. But, you know, in a pinch, it's flesh on the barbecue. So fair enough. Absolutely.

You've got to see the best in people. And, you know, grilled Joey might be the best we can get out of him. Not advocating cannibalism unless it's extreme circumstances. Well, these are extreme circumstances, Jenny. It's fine. I mean, if I found you eating Jerry Essex tomorrow, I imagine, you know, the media would have a field day. But, you know, in a pinch, as I say, any port in a storm.

So I think it's fine. Okay, well, let's find out who's going to be joining him. Who's your next choice for the island? My next choice this could be a bit divisive but also it is a wimp out because it's a fictional character my choice is Tony Stark

from the Marvel Cinematic Universe OK yeah why have you picked him? Because it's all his fault he's just so arrogant Yeah, why have you picked him? Because it's all his fault. He's just so arrogant and he doesn't take responsibility. He's got that sort of entitled state of mind from Dick number one that he can do what he wants and if he wants to carry on and do what he likes or not do something just

because he doesn't want to do it it must go for for everybody um there's a lot of moments i've re-watched the the marvel cinematic universe during the lockdown with my mum because she asked to watch all the films we've watched them all in sequence um with occasional input from my stepdad, who's not really an action adventure comic book film kind of guy. But every time he came in, he would get furious when Tony Stark was on. He's like, that arsehole. Why does anybody like him? And I know that some people hero worship him and think iron man is the best best of the heroes when he's you know he's this really arrogant deeply unpleasant playboy

millionaire philanthropist or billionaire um i think he is uh that's that's how he self-describes um not much of the philanthropy when he's creating ultron who uh ends up trying to destroy the planet and kills thousands of people in sokovia and yeah i've got quite into it um but he he's he's got this pure arrogance of being brought up incredibly rich incredibly incredibly white, incredibly American patriot. And even when he has his worldview challenged, the point of his story arc in the Iron Man films is that he's made, well, his dad made the family money out of arms dealing.

Wholesome. And he finds out quite quickly in the first film how morally reprehensible quite quickly in the first film how how morally reprehensible it is in the modern era to be still profiteering out of out of people's lives so he has that story out but it doesn't make him a nicer person it just means that he slightly changes the direction of his company and and by doing so he creates situations that put the entire universe in peril and he's caused the death of tens of thousands of people directly yeah and it's not like you just went oh god weapons are bad here's all my money unicef go and do something good you know

let's end poverty you just went i'm going to build a different kind of weapon um it's a defense system yeah i mean you can say that about like every kind of weapon yeah see i've only seen the uh iron man films i haven't seen the marvel universe films um but yeah it's that sort of total arrogance that you talk about it's completely right and that sort of you know it's that it's that kind of history is written by the victors it's like you're still just a white man blowing loads of stuff up like it doesn't there's no sort of moral compass here it's just that you're not dead so it's okay it's not there's no sort of uh you know figuring out the balance of the rest of the morals it's just you're okay so it must be fine and then at one point the army are going we want this suit and

you're like no no it's my suit i'm in charge and it's like well just don't build the suit or like you know or like say put all your wealth into you know learning how to sort of uh make crops grow in africa like there you go do that don't just build a different weapon he's an absolute genius he could have cured cancer. Yeah. He could have done it. He had the money and the brains and the resources to immediately... It's like, I hate Batman as well. Yeah, same deal, isn't it? Yeah, it's that single-minded, psychopathic arrogance

of not really just seeing the numbers of things. And at least, if you're looking at the marvel films that a lot of the other heroes do have a significant moral journey or they have they they really grapple with the moral dilemmas of you know it upsets a lot of them that one person dies let alone thousands yeah like really they will get quite emotional about it and then see it as a reason for changing themselves you know the Hulk doesn't even want to, Bruce Banner doesn't want

to become the Hulk because of the lack of control whereas Tony Stark's making all this technology and just flinging it out there I'm just going to whiz around the world in this suit with lasers that can melt things you insane human being

but you know I would recommend watching the rest of the Marvel films because all the other characters are better and more interesting than Tony Stark and people absolutely look up to him and they brought out Captain America Civil War

and it was like are you on team ironman or team captain america i'm like uh no dilemma there whatsoever i don't even i don't even know what the situation's gonna be but i'm team cap because he actually you know he weighs things up in a kind of moral moral compass way in which tony doesn. I wonder if people like Iron Man just because the rest of them you're like okay if I want to think in a sort of playground kind of scenario if I want to think who I'm going to be well the Hulk I don't I'd like his power but I don't really want to turn into a big green thing where whereas Tony Stark's you're like well he's got a suit that I can change into and it's quite fun you know it's a fun toy so maybe people identify with that

but I think it's like this sort of you know you sit in politics a lot it's quite fun, you know, it's a fun toy. So maybe people identify with that. But I think it's like this sort of, you know, you see it in politics a lot. It's like someone who's immensely privileged with not that much experience in world affairs thinks, well, I can just sort this out. I don't know what's going on here. I've got no experience in running the transport or the healthcare system of this country, but it can't be that difficult.

Move aside now. Oh, I've gone and ballsed everything up. Don't worry. Someone else will take care of that. What's the next big thing? You know, it's that you've been in power for too long that you haven't seen the real world and you just think that by dint of your privilege,

everything is easy to sort out. And it is now. We're seeing it in US and UK politics. We're getting into it now guys um it's it's that the pure arrogance of making a mistake but not admitting a mistake was made definitely not by you let's just move on to the next without putting your hands up to anything. And that is 100% Tony Stark. He doesn't even acknowledge that really the events after the age of Ultron,

he's responsible for this huge artificial intelligence that thinks the best thing for the world. Whenever an evil thing is created by human intelligence it always goes to logical conclusion that well best thing for the planet wipe out all the humans they're evil that's you know that actually makes perfect sense because uh the the planet's in a terrible state because of us um which they could be fixing things but yeah so um and it and. And he never admits that that was his fault or anything after that resulted from that was his fault. And you do see that.

It's like, I don't see a problem with that. Someone else came up with the original idea and just because I implemented it doesn't mean that I've made any mistake anywhere ever. So I'm not resigning. I want to see more resignations that's why i miss resignation resignations do you remember do you remember oh i loved them yeah like oh wait there's a cat oh he's got his wife with him he's going down yeah i put the put the um i put the

decimal point in the wrong place in the report so i must resign in shame you know great yeah or there was a headline in the papers about you know my uh extramarital whatever's i must resign in disgrace those were the days nobody resigns now it's funny cling on for dear life it's like at school when you know they go okay well uh you know we've got this chart if you do something bad you get a black mark on this side you would get a gold star and then there's always the kid that just found out it was totally meaningless and then once they found out that that actually you know you didn't have to do anything because of this meaningless sticker you're impervious and the system broke down it's like that politics they just go are you going to resign no well but we're

all angry and the papers are angry and everyone's angry like yeah but you can't fire me. Can't do anything. And you go, oh, but, oh, we've got nothing. Fuck. Oh, you're still in power. Damn it. And they just pulled the curtain away. And you went, I didn't realise so much of it was based on being a nice human being at some point. Yeah.

Accountability. Where has it gone? Yeah. And on a practical level, Tony Stark's on the island. I mean, most of the time he's going to be sodding off in a cave somewhere you know working on his next machine which you know might get you saved but he might just fuck off on his own and fly out with his rocket boots at some point using up all the resources you're going to wake up one day look out go where's the sea gone and

he's just used all of the water he's. Yeah, he's boiled it for some cooling mechanism in his suit. And he's sold all the salt. Yeah, yeah. So actually, we're probably building up a nice economy on our island. Yeah, but you can't leave then because you're so integral to the economy. Yeah. Yeah, I think that's a very, very fine choice. Yeah, he's a dick

tony starks he's an absolute arsehole and and don't get me started why is pepper having anything to do with him like he signs over some of the company to her he didn't you don't have to marry him after that you've got it in rain you don't have to have anything to do with him just walk away just just do the ceo thing uh if it's about the money you can't you know the heart's a funny thing but crikey he's hard to like yeah i thought some people like him and i yeah that i think that's probably it's it's it's something i should ask people when i first meet them who's your favorite marvel superhero? And if they say Iron Man I'm out, I'm done.

I think they just like the stuff though, they see he's got a load of cars, loads of watches, a big house, he's got a big fiery flying suit, you know people just like the gadgets, it's like I don't think they, I don't know I don't know, as I say I haven't watched the films I've only seen Iron Man but

If you don't say that you want to be Captain Marvel, then you're a maniac because she's the most powerful thing in the universe. She's got all the superpowers. She's amazing. That sounds like a slightly jump the shark moment when they went, what's the new one going to have? Everything.

Well, they call that OP when you talk about superhero powers or gaming powers overpowered and i think that's why they brought her and dr strange in quite late in the sequence because they're they're just what's the point of anyone else so i just come along and sort it all out between them one's got magic one can fly and basically have anyone in a fight. There you go. Done. Nice. I like that when they're dishing out the superpowers. What's yours? I want to have anyone in a fight.

There you go. What's your name? Fight man. Outside now, that's what he's called. Fair enough. Okay. Also, I love the idea of you sitting between Joey Essex, someone as thick as Joey Essex and someone as bright but malevolent as Tony Stark. Just you're sitting in the middle trying to sort of negotiate and peacekeep. Just, oh man, can you imagine the conversations?

Yeah. Okay, well, let's find out who's going to join those two then. Who's your third choice? It's not only a fictional character. It's not even a human. Okay. um it's not only a fictional character it's not even a human okay um my final choice is uh it's another of my televisual nemeses it's bing yes ah bing bing god who i could tell you're a parent of a small child because every parent listening to this is cheering right now honestly this there are such great shows available for

preschoolers and the fact that bing is being churned out with the most miserable whiny little main character who's supposed to be your hero being this little rabbit who can't do anything for itself yeah it's just oh just the most incompetent and surrounded by enablers this is it this it's this my choices are writ large it's people who are surrounded by enablers who allow them to continue incompetence rather than learning anything or doing anything for themselves becoming self-sufficient and not not only that, Bing has got Flop. Flop's his carer, who seems to be a toy, which is a bit weird.

Mark Rylance and David Threlfall have got themselves involved in this shenanigans, right? I'm shamed for them. They're fine actors. Why have they got themselves into this trap? Get yourself on Hey Dougie. Now that's a quality television programme for children and adults alike.

Yeah, exactly. I was so, you know, when I first had my son and I kind of just thought that's what kids TV was like. I just thought it's all going to be shit. So you might as well just bed in and learn to accept it. And then I found things like Hey Dougie. There's one called Sarah and Duck I'm a big fan of and he went oh these are funny they're interesting they're like slightly surreal you know and then bing comes along you're like fuck it what are you doing bing

and everything he says is like even if he says something good it sounds like a moan he'll be like we went to the park today and I kicked my football. You think, God, what is wrong with this rabbit? It's a retrograde step in terms of children's programmes. It's infantilising our infants, is what it is. Expect more. Absolutely. And for something that's on the BBC as well, very bad grammar and language.

He always sort of uses the wrong past tense. He's like, I picked it up or something like that. He's like, I can't think of any good examples now. Anyway, he can't use the past tense properly. That's not educational. No. And also,

there's never sort of a lesson, like on sesame street or something it might be that you know a kid threw something and it broke and then he was upset and then they go well listen you know this is what happens when you throw something you know so you've got to be careful with stuff because you know maybe we can fix it but you know you've got to and this everything happens to bing he goes oh i threw a phone in the toilet and they're like don't worry bing we all do stupid things you know no yeah i've got to get a new phone now i'm working from And this, everything happens to Bing. He goes, oh, I threw a phone in the toilet. And they're like, don't worry, Bing. We all do stupid things.

You're like, no. I've got to get a new phone now. I'm working from home. It's not as hard enough as it is. And now I've lost all my contacts. I didn't back it up to the cloud recently. What am I going to do, Bing? Sort it out.

You're not going to buy a new one. Your actions have consequences. Yeah. And that's a useful lesson for children. It's not always easy. But, like, I don't mean,'t mean really rub it in the whole time. Yeah, it doesn't mean to be hard. Tell them off, give them a biscuit afterwards.

But yeah, he's just awful. Yeah. I've had this rage for a few, I think it's at least four years since I had a few days helping my best best friend whose daughter i am godmother to uh out with a bit of child care i had a couple of days free so i was i was in the house with her for the half day she wasn't in nursery and she likes a bit of tv so we watched a nice bit of hey doggie every day bit of pepper pig i do still like a bit of Peppa Pig. I still like Peppa Pig. I think it's a classic of its genre.

And she was, oh, I want to watch Bing, I want to watch Bing, and watch this episode where Bing wets himself. It might be Pando who wets himself. They're the same. And again, there was no consequence to it. It was just like, oh, that happens. Yeah.

Yeah, but I thought the lesson would be about tell a grown-up when you think that you need the toilet yeah exactly or they needed to be some it was just and it was and the tone of it is just so bing is so whingy and then flop comes in and goes oh it's all right we'll just sort it out because we're in charge yeah that's how joey essex's are formed yeah exactly i wouldn't be surprised if it turns out that bing was like 27 or something and he's just in this suspended state of animation because he's been so mollycoddled i got this shock the other day because normally they you know like cbb's it's you know very routine because you know it's always the same every day and that's what you want.

And so things coincide at different points and you get used to sort of the stuff that's on earlier, obviously, is more babyish because you're up earlier with the babies. Nowadays, Bing's one of the earliest on. So we tend to miss it now. My son's a bit older. But the other day it was about half nine or something in the morning on a Saturday. Turn on the telly. Sodding Bing is on.

They must have moved him in the schedule. So I thought, now we always escape Bing. And he's fucking there still. He's following you around. Yeah. I'm glad to have your backing on Bing because it does feel, it felt a little bit, you know, cold-hearted going for a children's rabbit.

But he is the worst one. He has been picked before and with good reason. He's a popular choice and as I say, as we record this, a very kind listener who's working out a spreadsheet for us has volunteered to compile a spreadsheet of everyone and everything

picked on this island and at some point I'll be able to give you the stats, but he's not far behind Piers Morgan, I think, is Bing. So, I mean, the hatred is real. And it's one of those where I kind of think, anyone listening who hasn't seen him, sometimes you go, oh, you've got to watch this just to get a sense of it.

Just don't. You'll see it one day. Just don't. Yeah, yeah. I mean, it was close for me. If I was picking fictional cartoon animals, I could have picked Jerry from Tom and Jerry. Okay.

Yeah, fair enough. Yeah. Arse. Absolute arse. Sets Tom up to fail every time. Tom's just doing his job. Come on. But Bing's just that ineffectual sort of,

oh, someone else will deal with this someone else will clean up my mess I'm a politician if you met a child like Bing if your friend had a kid that was like Bing you'd come away just going oh my god disappointed in you as a parent

I don't even have kids and it still sticks with me that four years ago basically three days of watching bing and and it's a ptsd situation for me yeah i can i can visualize every moment of it i just love the thought of like iron man and and bing and and uh joey essex on the island together it's such a great iron. No, don't let him near the suit. What are you doing? I broke the suit.

And then Tony Stark's going, is this all right? No, it's not all right, Bing. And killing Bing. So it might be okay in the end. Roast rabbit. I mean, that's not cannibalism. No, that's true.

Even if it's an anthropomorphic rabbit. I think that's fine. You're a podcast listener and this is a podcast ad. Reach great listeners like yourself with podcast advertising from Lipson Ads. Choose from hundreds of top podcasts offering host endorsements, or run a reproduced ad like this one across thousands of shows to reach your target audience with Lipson Ads. Go to LipsonAds.com now.

That's L-I-B-S-s-y-n ads.com okay now jenny mercifully amongst the wreckage of the plane there was some food and drink left over unfortunately for you it's your least favorite food and drink in the world what are they and why are they so bad i'm terrible with food because i pretty much like everything um the the the food I don't like is liver. But if you had liver there, you know what I'd do? I'd make it into pate. I like pate. I like the flavour of liver.

It's just the texture of the product itself. So I would do something with it. So this was the hardest thing to choose. Because I will make the best of a bad job but i'm i'm traumatized still from childhood by carob carob yes now i haven't had this but i know friends who have talked about it from their childhood for those who aren't familiar with it give us a little uh description so carob is an alleged chocolate replacement. Alleged.

Carob is actually, if you have those chocolate treats for dogs, because dogs can't have chocolate because it's the theobromide or whatever that they're intolerant of and it probably killed them. So this is what you would give a dog. And there was a strong period during, I think the 70s and 80s, where parents would try to fob their children off with a bag of carob buttons rather than a bag of chocolate buttons. And every time, they'd get me every time.

I think it's a strong incentive for me as a very small child to learn to read. So I could read when I was three and I think it was mostly because i wanted to be able to to tell tell when they were trying to fob me off with carob from the health food shop just it was supposed to be some healthy alternative and to stop you getting hooked on sugar or whatever and it just made you adore chocolate even more because it was it's this paper not powdery dry brown stuff that's got a very vague idea of chocolate about it but it really is not and i don't think there's anything worse in food than total disappointment like that when you think you're biting into a chip and it's actually some badly cooked parsnip in a roast yeah yeah yeah i

think sort of getting very close to something that you really like and finding out it's not it's just it's such a disappointment isn't it and like yeah yeah it's a good choice i think i think yeah all these things it's like if you're gonna just be healthy about it just give them the bad thing less and let them enjoy it it's like you know just have have smaller amounts of the bad thing you know it's like yeah and also with kids I always think like with chocolate and stuff you know I don't want to give give them chocolate all the time but it's like I drink too much you know I go you know I'll go to the pub if I can kids don't have the pub so all they've got is chocolate so occasionally they need a bit of that you know same as daddy needs a drink now and again yeah go to the pub if i can kids don't have the pub so all they've got is chocolate so occasionally they need a bit of that you know same as daddy needs a drink now and again yeah and at least

give them something high quality so they know to appreciate yeah you know you'll get the most out of you know a nice a nice bit of high quality chocolate just a little square of that is better than a million carobs yeah yeah and it's just the sort of weird deceitful nature of it or like because also i don't think there's anyone it's not like i don't know like dark you know some people like very very dark chocolate and i don't find that particularly enjoyable so if that's all that's on offer i'm like well that won't scratch the chocolate itch so i'm happy to not have that no one's saying they like carob so it's failed it's not like not like, oh, I like a bit of chocolate. Oh, I don't.

You know, who likes carob? Nobody fucking likes it. So just give up. You've lost. It's not the same. Pick a new thing. It doesn't work as a chocolate replacement. It doesn't work as a chocolate alternative.

Because if you don't like chocolate, why are you going to touch carob? Yeah. And it just doesn't work except for dogs yeah so just stay save it for the dogs yeah and dogs eat all kinds of shit anyway so it's not like it's not like they're you know just because they eat it doesn't mean it's nice i mean they they do eat shit sometimes you know so what do they know idiots it was it was always super disappointing because we'd go to there was a health food stall in the market hall in bolton and there was some great i knew there were some really nice things there they did

dried banana chips and they made sarsaparilla like from the cordial there and you had a little they gave you a little glass and you drank it there and then um they they had brilliant brilliant things best of all they had panda licorice. Oh, I remember those, yeah. Lovely stuff. It was like a proto-Holland and Barrett, this place, but with sarsaparilla. And of all the things you could get me from there,

a bag of carob buttons was... I'd rather have, you know, some multivitamins. Yeah. Just chew on them. Definitely. That'd be better. Definitely. Yeah, health food shops. I mean, Holland and Barrett still exist, obviously, have you know some multivitamins yeah just chew on them definitely better definitely yeah health food shops i mean holland and barrett still exist obviously but i think there used to be a like a very different type of one because holland about mainly it's like supplements and stuff isn't it

but yeah i remember health food shops when i was young and it was like there was a really distinct smell almost like you'd go in there and it was like unmistakable and yeah there's always the jar of things on the like the pretend sweets on the counter maybe like you know i could sort of get into the aniseed balls they were right and then there were these weird twig things and i was like i don't know what that is tried that once because it looked interesting never again and then after a while you just stop, yeah, and that on an island. Yeah, bring back those kind of, yeah, those kind of, there was always something interesting, at least.

You know, it was experimental. And now you go in and it is all, you know, protein powders and... Those huge tubs of dust and things like that, yeah. Yeah, none of that. I mean, that could be on there just a tubs of protein powder yeah yeah rather than food no thanks none of the fun like all of one particular ingredient but nothing actually fun or nothing for the soul you know everything for the body nothing for the soul yeah you're gonna have all your you're gonna have all your nutrients and you're not gonna die and you're're going to feel full, but at what cost?

Yeah, yeah. I feel the same about jogging. It keeps you alive, but at what cost? Fair enough. And so what will you be washing down the carob with? What's your drink choice? It's on a very, very similar vein. I really don't like the taste of sweeteners in general.

Yes. And I don't like the fact that nowadays even full-fat drinks are being watered down with sweeteners. San Pellegrino's gone now. I can't drink that anymore because I can just taste the sweetener in it. Just put less sugar in it or give us a smaller can. That's i say so the worst of them all for me is a diet cola and that for me is only vaguely tolerable if it is ice cold yeah so the worst thing for me would be a lot of room temperature diet coke because what's the point yeah again it you know it gives you a slight

cola flavor and it's healthier for you but at what cost at zero joy yeah i'd some people like i don't get it why do some people like it what's wrong with them i don't even know if it is better for you though is it because like those sweet i mean sugar at least it is better for you, though, is it? Because, like, those sweet, I mean, sugar, at least, it is, like, a natural thing once, you know. I mean, it is sort of refined and processed, and obviously it is bad and addictive in lots of ways. But I don't think those, like, aspartame and things like that, I don't think they're good for you either. It's like, and I've said this on the podcast before,

at my workplace, we used to have, like, free fizzy drinks in these fridges and most people sort of take them or leave them but the people who drank diet coke were like hooked on the diet coke and if if it had run out or hadn't been restocked overnight or whatever they would be clucking they were like smack heads basically waiting for a fix it was unbelievable like more than people miss coffee and i just thought what is what is in there because people were just like you could see them like scratching themselves waiting for the diet coke it's nuts it's absolutely true and and i i've i've led to believe from from the reading i've done that actually having those kind of sweeteners increases your sweet tooth it increases your

craving for sweet things so you're having to continually try to replace it whereas if you have something that's real sugar that completely satiates the craving and it's gone away for the the normal amount of time if you as long as you're not just you know having ridiculous amounts of sugar so one can of coke will probably mean if you if you just have that you know a couple of times a week you probably won't want any more than that you think it's too sweet for you but if you're having a diet coke you think oh it's good for me i'll have another one that means you're three times the craving yeah for sugar and you're not still not having the sugar so you're just you're just upping the ante it is like a drug addiction yeah so you

you are better off in many cases like having a sugar-free chocolate alternative you're better off having a small amount of the real stuff than lots and lots of the horrible replacement so yeah it's it it is weird that you're you're absolutely right i've seen those people who drink nothing but diet coke yeah and they've always got one on the go and like at times when no one else would drink i mean now and again if you're really hung over you might have a coke quite early in the day but i mean they're drinking on a daily basis like a diet coke at nine in the morning or something and you think this is i don't know man yeah you'd have a word with them if it was red bull yeah exactly yeah and it's the same sort of principle of are you all right mate yeah you're not having you're not having a you know a glass

of whiskey at that time in the morning no so i mean hardly ever at least you know um yeah but yeah i just think if you're gonna do it bings on yeah you're completely entitled to have a glass of whiskey at nine i think it's okay if you're going to do it... Bings on. You're completely entitled to have a glass of whiskey at 9am. I think it's okay if you're still up from the night before, then it's okay. So that's why I make sure to do all my morning drinking. But, you know, as I always say, if you're going to do something wrong, do it right. And Diet Coke and Carabao are a perfect example of doing wrong wrong, you know. Yeah.

I'd rather have nothing. Yeah, quite right. Now, Jenny, fortunately fortunately you won't be without entertainment on the island the planes entertainment system continues to work but just your luck it only has two working settings one is your least favorite film of all time and the other is your least favorite song what are they and why again i'm i'm terrible for ameliorating things so i will i will find the redeeming features in films and I like a lot of terrible films that other people hate

because they are bad. I like them for the kitsch factor and just in an ironic kind of way. It's tough. This has been brutal trying to find out a film that I hate that much and that I've actually watched because I've got to the point now where I just switch them off if I'm not enjoying them.

But I've worked out that the films I like the least are the ones that I've been made to watch. You're like, oh, you'll love this film. Let me put it on for you. And they sit there the whole time watching you watching it. Oh, yeah, I hate the pressure. Oh, my God, this is dreadful. And, you know, I had an ex-boyfriend years and years and years ago

who was obsessed with Jean-Claude Van Damme. So I've seen all of Jean-Claude Van Damme's films up till about 2002. Wow, that's way more than you need to have seen, I think. Yeah, those are up there um and i think the probably the worst experience though which is burning to my mind was sitting around with three friends who all said you must watch this film it's great you'll love it it it's sort of a an action shooty crime thriller romp set in the boston irish american community and there's just a lot of willful shooting about weird plot no one knows really what's happening and the only light relief is when

Willem Dafoe just comes in and chews the scenery for three minutes and then goes away for twenty minutes come back you're the only thing that's making this a redeeming feature so I'm watching this the reason one of my friends really liked it is she's obsessed with Norman Reedus

who's in The Walking Dead so she thinks it's a wonderful Norman Reedus who's in The Walking Dead so she thinks it's a wonderful film just because he's in it and it's at best it's a B movie with very little plot and a lot of shooting which is kind of not that's out with

my taste arena as politely as possible but I gave it a chance and but the whole way through all three of them were kind of just looking at me like she enjoying this she's enjoying this she's enjoying that i'm really not enjoying this it's just a lot of willful violence for no real ends i mean it's why i stopped watching the the walking dead because there was just a lot of violence with no reason and they killed off two of my favourite characters. I'm out now.

There was too much violence. It became like violence porn. I did one. I literally walked out of the room and it was with the same three people I was watching The Walking Dead. I'm out now. We've sat through this for six series and I'm gone. I'm done. I've invested all this time. Bye.

I watched the trailer for this. I haven't seen the whole film but I watched the trailer and it's pretty extraordinary. It it looks like it was made at some time in the 80s i've just looked it up and it was 1999 so it looks way too recent for it to to be like it looks basically i mean in the trailer even like the trailer that you know they've got the silly voiceover and it's all it almost looks like a spoof because it's so kind of ridiculous I mean in the trailer there were two scenes where a guy just stands there looking moody

lighting a cigarette and nothing else happens in that clip it's just there's a lot of smoking for no reason in it and like it's like a really it's sort of like a 14 year old's idea of what was cool but a 14 year old inold's idea of what was cool, but a 14-year-old in the mid-90s or something. I can't believe it's only 20 years old.

And the weird thing is, looking it up now, on IMDb it's got 7.8 out of 10. So that's sort of not bad. Rotten Tomatoes, 25%. That's more realistic, I think, as a measure when you're looking at rotten tomatoes but then google uses 91 like this film so i mean it's very divisive um which i mean i don't know if that's a good thing or bad it probably is a bad thing if you're trying to make an entertaining film um it just looks like it's like one huge. And Willem Dafoe's acting,

there's a lot of points where I don't know why someone's got their top off, but there's a lot of men with their top off. But that links in with Marvel Cinematic Universe. That's part of the drinking game. Every time there's a needless, shirt-off, hunky man situation. So there probably is a great drinking game to do

with boondocks ain't yeah every time they shoot a gun do a shot i mean oh you're dead sorry alcohol poisoning immediately yeah it looks terrible and also just something that i don't know it's just you're i think if it starts off looking that bad you're only going to find more flaws in it as as you watch it for eternity on the island yeah although i probably would just get really into it and become my my bible and cult classic and i would learn every line of dialogue and uh and i probably i would get tony stark to invent me a video camera and then i could do a fan remake of it shot by shot, me and Bing as fraternal twins I bet Joey Essex would love it though

he'd just be sitting there, oh yeah look watch this bit where he's going to smack him right in the face and rewinding it constantly for you to see it again in slow-mo or something like that yeah, it is probably one of his favourite films I did quite want to watch it now, having seen the trailer it looks so bad, it's it's it is probably one of his favorite films i did quite

want to watch it now having seen the trailer it looks like one is so bad it's good sort of things but also i haven't got that much time in my in my personal life to watch things that are shit so you know i'm just gonna not bother yeah i mean if if you did if you did have time to spare i would say watch it but don't expect an awful lot from a film that has Ron Jeremy in the cast. Oh, God, that's not good. It feels like they did a focus group of men at a pub and said, what do you want in a film? And this is what came out.

Put Ron Jeremy in it, he's a legend. Yeah, I'm looking at the cast list and there's no main female character in it. No. So Alice in Bechdel, she's not dead, but she'd be turning in a grave if she was dead. Because not only there's no female characters to talk about other men, there are just no female characters. Wow.

Okay. Marvellous. And to distract yourself from that what what would your song choice be um i bet joey essex loves this um awesome along by kid rock i bet that's not the first time that's been chosen i don't think because i think there's there's a special place in hell for needless and and disrespectful versions, and this is a double. It's a doubler. Yeah, so it's half Sweet Home Alabama

and half Werewolves of London, isn't it? Yeah, which is an interesting mix anyway. I mean, I get it musically, but thematically they're different songs. Yeah, yeah. But it's like someone went, oh, let's do a cover of Sweet Home Alabama, and then someone in the studio went,

do you know what? I've always thought that the riff from Sweet Home Alabama sounds quite like Werewolves of London, and they thought, yeah, it does. Let's put them both in. Why would you... It's like a weird mash-up cover version. And then add in Kid Rock,

who would be on my long list of dicks for the island because he's just a dick yeah um i mean i've never met him i've never worked with him but i've seen enough of his um personality to know that he ain't putting that on he is just generally um an arsehole uh so yeah it's it's one of those that despite yourself you'd be dancing along to if it was on the radio and then you'd be like oh crap it's that one it's not it's not my fave it's my least fave

and it's that's you've just betrayed by it it's carob yeah yeah it's carob you're like oh yeah we will oh no it's not we will how dare you kid rock two positives very much make a negative in this in this uh example don't they i mean it's like you took two yeah it's completely bastardized and just ruined it yeah also it's i've always

thought this so there's some really clunky bits in it when you're sort of going we didn't have no internet but man i never will forget blah blah blah and i know the words because i work at a commercial music station so i've heard it quite a lot and um but and then there's a bit where he's just talking about making love by the lake all summer long and that sounds nice in a song but if i'm going for a nice stroll by the lake with my family and i see kid rock humping away on the banks it's just not appropriate it's like you kind of there's this nice sort of like trying to give this idea of like a sort of i don't know i'll remember summers when we were young carefree no internet just

having sex outdoors you know yeah but it's not it's not when you were young kid rock stop shagging that woman now because like my kids seen that now and i've got to explain all sorts of things all the bing in the world won't distract him from that also midges yeah yeah exactly yeah yeah and it's i don't know i just it's yeah it's a shit song yeah it's it's it's everything and nothing all at once and it doesn't tell it it's yeah it's just it's just the worst it is just the worst because i'd spent quite a long time thinking trying to because when you look at lists of what's been voted the worst number one and all that sort of stuff i've been looking at going banger banger banger banger love that one know the lyrics to that one, even if it's in an ironic karaoke way. But this is just, this song's just disrespectful.

It feels like, you know, when you're on holiday and you don't quite know your way around yet and someone recommends somewhere and you walk in and they've seen you before there's time to walk out and it's like a Western themed bar. And, you know, I'm not even in america but i'm in this weird sort of saloon in gran canaria or something and they're making me do really bright colored shots and i'm like it's only two in the afternoon and that's playing isn't it

on a loop it's that sort of like coyote ugly aesthetic of just sort of like fake cowboy redneck kind of vibes which nobody asked for but for some reason we have to put up with yeah i mean i've never been to gran canaria but i i know that bar yeah i feel like i i feel like i know i feel like there's one everywhere yeah like everything is sticky you know like why is everything sticky yeah i think i went to that bar in barnett yeah yeah i think it's there too there is one there's one um it was really weird and there's nobody in there because it was two in the afternoon um but they were they were still going for that aesthetic and i'm pretty sure there was

some kid rock going on yeah it's always two in the afternoon in kid rock land um okay and finally the island is overrun by the biggest dick of all the animals which animal is it and why this i have i i had no qualms about there was no debate for me on this okay what's it going to be sloths a sloth sloths are the worst i hate i i want to do a whole podcast series about just i could talk for hours about how i hate sloths right what is it particularly because i feel like they've had quite a resurgence recently you know like every now and again there's like a little emoji or like stuffed toy that becomes popular and you see them on like instagram stickers and stuff i think i feel like sloths have become quite cute these

days in people's minds yeah yeah i said bring back llamas because, yeah, sloths are... They're disgusting because they're covered in lichen and moss and disgustingness. And I have this really sneaking suspicion that they're all evil

and they're fooling us. They're playing a very, very long game. They're not that slow. Those claws that they've got Oh yeah, they're disgusting. They could eviscerate a human very easily if they could be arsed. Now I think they're just biding

the time. They've got those evil beady little eyes. I think I was traumatised as a child. I had a book of animals and i'd never heard of a sloth before never seen a sloth and i opened it at this page with this just those staring creepy little eyes and that weird flat face and i've never liked them ever since i am actually phobic about them yeah is it i i will hate it when someone posts a picture of a sloth even a toy sloth they're just disgusting went to chest zoo with my family and to get to the jaguars you had

to pass underneath the sloth area oh like literally there were sloths overhead because i love jaguars so much i went through but i had to go with my eyes closed and my little nephew had to lead me by the hand so I didn't trip over anything. It was very, very embarrassing. But I got to see the jaguars but I was not comfortable in the knowledge that they were nearby. I do have this real fear that they've got on so long pretending to be gentle and cute and all that sort of stuff and then given half a chance

if they got close enough to me because they hate me so much they will kill me they will rip me to shreds they will tear out my innards and torture me because they're just they're just evil look at their little faces and also yeah if you if you can't be asked to get out of the the tree to even move so you get mossy and moldy that's just disgusting yeah i mean they're so stupid that they will um i think once a week they'll get out of the tree to defecate and that's like why just poo from up there you're already gross yeah and that's when they get that's when predators get them that's just really stupid don't do it man it's so weird yeah i think because they sort of they're one of those animals that look a bit like they're smiling they're sort of resting face can they kind of look yeah they've got a sort of little like goofy

face haven't they but yeah the claws are disgusting if you sort of look at the coat where it's all just yeah full of moss and crap i mean that's not pleasant you think of us of a human equivalent i mean it's pretty nasty they look a bit like because they move so slowly and deliberately they always look a little bit like they're sort of being controlled by someone so if i can imagine them just all being models and it turns out that you know as soon as you walk past them their eyes go red and they're actually cameras you know i mean they look very animatronic because they move you know like pandas all look like a human in a suit that it's really hard to believe they're their own thing and someone isn't controlling them yeah absolutely i'm absolutely with you on this they look like

they they were invented by somebody fairly recently and they're all out there and we're now in the stage where their lulling is into a false sense of security and we all just think they're adorable and we you know they're getting more popular and they're going to be in every country in every zoo and then someone flicks the switch back at the evil lair yeah and uh yeah we're all dead and also on the island i mean even if it's overrun with them and it's a food source, it can't be nice to eat when it's... No. I mean, they've just sat around and there's all that crap all over them

and they probably stink. Yeah, they're just rancid. They'd be absolutely disgusting. I hate snakes and I hate spiders. I do have phobias of them them but they are vital to an ecosystem. I can see their place in the world. What good is a sloth? It's not contributing anything

and I probably wouldn't eat them anyway because I'd be too scared to hunt them down. Unless Joey Essex ain't doing it. No, no. It might give Tony Stark something to occupy himself with he can shoot them with lasers but he'd probably like more of a challenge he'd probably like some really big game

so he wouldn't go for the sloths because they'd be too easy so he'd be weaponising them which is even worse I think there would be some sort of rift on our island and it would be a civil war situation it'd be me and bing versus those lot joey to have on your team yeah yeah i'd drown him fair enough we're on an island

there'd be an accident well i think it's a fine final addition to your horrendous looking island. So you've done a very good job today. Thank you very much for coming on, Jenny. And where's the best place to sort of catch up with what you're up to at the minute? We have got new episodes of The Chase at 5 p.m. on ITV and STV every weekday. And my podcast, which I host with Lucy Porter and which you've guested on, Fingers on Buzzers, all about quizzing and quiz shows and nostalgia and learning lovely new facts and having a bit of a laugh. It's Fingers on Buzzers and it's available wherever you're listening to this. Lovely. Well, thank you very much again for coming on that was superb so thank you

again cheers