Desert Island Dicks - JOSH BERRY

Episode Date: January 31, 2019

My guest for this week's podcast is comedian and impersonator, Josh Berry. Be sure to follow the podcast @dickspod Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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or run a reproduced ad like this one across thousands of shows to reach your target audience with Lipson Ads. Go to lipsonads.com now. That's L-I-B-S-Y-N ads.com. Hi, I'm James Deacon and welcome to Desert Island Dicks, the show that sees you marooned on a desert island after a plane crash with the worst people and worst things imaginable. Who they are and why they were a dick is up to you.

And here to share their Desert Island Dicks with us today, I'm very excited because we've never had one of these before. It's Impressionist Josh Berry. Hello. Oh, Impressionist Josh Berry. That's nice. I prefer artist as a general sort of signifier. Oh, I should have checked with you before.

Do you want to start again? What is the term? What is the... Yeah, Impressionist Impersonator. Impersonator, okay. Comedian, performer, yeah, just everything. So you're not genuinely offended? Oh, my God.

No, absolutely not. Come on, whatever you want. Whatever floats your boat. Okay. All right, James. This is exciting. Okay. Good.

I mean, what normally happens is we dive straight in. So if you're happy to, let's... Yeah, this is great. This is like a sort of Room 101, except you're not Frank Skinner. Yes. I could be Frank Skin So if you're happy to, let's... Yeah, this is great. This is like a sort of Room 101, except you're not Frank Skinner. I could be Frank Skinner if you like. I'm not sure. I just... I don't know.

That's so good. I mean, for legal reasons, I might have to cut that out. No, I'm joking. I'm just going to screw the whole podcast if you're doing that. But alright. He wasn't very funny. It was just a man talking. Where were the voices?

Okay, Josh, let's dive in. Who's going to be your first person? Dive is a very appropriate word because my first person is Olympic diver Tom Daley. Tom Daley. Yeah, remember Tom Daley? Yes. Remember Tom Daley? He had that show.

He had that show called Splash on ITV1. Of course. And, you know, he sort of talks like that all the time. And he's like, yeah, wow. So great to be here. Yeah, diving. But I don't like him now. No, do not.

Sorry, Tom, if you're listening. You've had it. I just think he's become a sort of like millennial Ken doll type figure. And he's retreated into a sort of like millennial kendall type figure and he's retreated into that sort of um that vlogging thing that loads of people do you know just sort of like non-content you know where he'll be like hey guys i'm just woken up uh had a bit of a rough sleep you know i sort of the first two hours are fine then i wake up and then i went back to the no one cares man no one cares and it's just like all of these like really patronizing videos that people do about like,

you know, this is how you walk up the stairs. At first, I wasn't really sure how to do it. But basically, you put one foot in front of the other and then you go to the top and it's really great. And it's like millions of views. But it's just non-content. Non-content is so good because it really summarizes exactly what they are. There's nothing going on.

Well, that's it. That's it. And I just think Tom Daley is an example of someone who is good looking enough not to have a personality and not to need a personality. Imagine the kind of chat we'd be having. He'd be like, so, Josh, what's your favorite Instagram filter? You'd be like, mate, just jump in the sea. I can't.

It's true. I struggle with that. He would love to jump in the sea. Well,'t i can't i just i struggle with that jump in the sea well exactly that's his job so he would misinterpret that as a kind of like supportive comment right oh my god that's so good but i just i there's just something about him and it's just that general style of video that i'm just like oh yeah yeah I worked for for months on a show and no one came and millions of people watch this stuff on YouTube and it's like so I'm jealous basically that's the reason that will be the the persistent theme I think throughout just a bit of jealousy just jealousy yeah okay I think like I mean interesting that he's gone down that route because obviously that that is a way to engage an audience but you'd think someone of his maybe less so now but someone who had such a profile at the time

sure yeah just be doing loads of tv or whatever but youtube seems to be the way to go i just i just feel like it's the kind of the home of the sort of youtube celebrity you see like logan paul or those kind of people like ksi it's just it's not for me the kind of they celebrities you see, like Logan Paul or those kind of people, like KSI, it's just, it's not, for me, the kind of, they just don't have really any sort of talent. Yes. Or interesting opinions. They're just kind of like, yeah, I woke up at, you know, 11

and now I'm having Nutella on my porridge. Oh, right, yeah. So what, man? I don't care. I know. It's like people are almost really interested in, not interested, but really happy to just take the mundane. And it's just like, you know, it's very mediocre.

Exactly. But I watch that and think, don't, you know, you're worth more than that as a consumer, right? Don't settle for that. Don't settle for this, like, warm diarrhea content where people are just like, you know. Yeah. Oh, cool.

Walking up the stairs. This is how you make a vegan croissant. So I don't care. I'm learning loads. You're learning loads about my cynical. Non-content, warm diarrhea content. That's the takeaway from this. Okay, Tom.

Yeah, absolutely, why shouldn't it be? Tom Daley. Sorry, Tom. He's probably lovely. I mean, I'm sure he is a lovely i have to say that after all i know um you know he's he's chosen a path and and it doesn't you know it's not one that you you're that interested exactly or slash one that i have the um social media presence to execute that's also true yes um tom daly thinking of people celebrities i do give him

name tom tom allen perhaps i don't know if you've heard what tom sounds like he's got that sort of That's also true. Yes. Tom Daley, thinking of people, celebrities I do, give him the name Tom. Tom Allen, perhaps. I don't know if you've heard what Tom sounds like. He's got that sort of incredible voice like that. And then we'll sort of carry on up like this all the time. I don't know what's happening. I love it. I don't know what's happening.

I love it. He does say I love it. He sort of does that thing. He sort of talks about John Lewis. I love John Lewis or Zara. If you've got a scar from Zara, I love Zara. I love it so much. Yep, yep, gay, gay, gay, gay, gay, yep, yep, yep, yep.

Still gay. If anything, it's getting worse. I love Tom Allen so much. He's so good. I saw him perform. He's unbelievable off the cuff. He's such a talent. He's, I think, yeah, yeah he would be he's a dream guest

for the podcast well you've got him now haven't you what a pleasure I worked I worked well I'm working with him now that's it

absolutely yes you are I worked with him at one point for a few radio shows like two or three radio shows in a row and he bought me a lovely cookie one day

what a nice guy what a nice guy he does strike me as a nice guy I was at a Leicester so He does strike me as a nice man. I was at a Leicester, so I was performing in Leicester and we were all at the bar afterwards and he was quite close to me because obviously I do that impression I was like, I'd quite like to go

up to him and talk to him like that and see Tom, how's it going? It's two Toms, I don't know. I'm so lame around famous people, I can't do it. I'm really bad, even people who aren't actually do it. I'm awful. I'm really bad. Even people who aren't actually really famous, but just fame is such a weird illusion, right?

I had this when I met Andy Murray, and we did an impression of Andy Murray, so it sounds like this, if you're so losing the will to live, it's fantastic. And I met him, and he'd seen this impression that I do. Has he seen it?

It was crazy, and we were sort of like chatting as him. I was like, oh, hey, mate. Yeah, it's really nice to meet you. And he was like, yeah, this is fantastic. This is probably the most arousing sounding conversation that anyone's ever had. But I was so, I was lame.

In my brain, I was like, oh, my God, it's Andy Murray. Was he into it then? Did he quite enjoy it? Yeah, well, I think so. I sometimes get a little, I find it really weird as an impressionist understanding how other people experience having an impression done of them to them.

Oh, cool. But I had a friend of mine, Steph Todd, who's another really good impressionist, she did an impression of me at the Fringe, just like jokerly. And it's a weird experience. Is it? It's like, it's, it's, she got me because i always use the word interesting i always say oh interesting and

you'll probably see that over the course of this podcast and i'll be like oh jesus um but it's i found it hilarious but you also feel a bit annoyed because you're like oh am i that obvious yes okay because i guess if you're doing people all the time you're picking up on their you're thinking less about your exactly exactly stuff yeah but i always like to think that i'm fairly like colorless neutral in terms of that and like use don't use the same phrases or words but apparently i do yes there we go damn it it always gets you when people pull you up on it as well doesn't it gets you in the gut and you just think oh why i think? I think, yeah, I think it's different with comedians, though, because comedians often, someone like James Acaster, for example,

has such a, like, crafted, carefully crafted stage persona and it isn't actually how he is offstage. So I think I've done, like, an impression of, yeah, because, like, you know, like, offstage, James is sort of more like that, you know, pretty sort of normal. Whereas onstage, he's a bit more affected like that and it's all very high and shrill. Oh.

And he's, shrills. Fair play. Yeah. But I think, yeah, I think if your persona's more crafted like that

as a comedian, you probably appreciate an impression more because it's less taking the piss out of you and more just out of your kind of stage presence. Okay.

Yes. Interesting. Yeah. I think about these things. What an insight though. I'm loving it. I didn't know this. Okay. Right. So Tom Daley, first choice. Interesting. Yeah, I think about these things. What an insight, though. I'm loving it. I didn't know this. Okay.

Right, so Tom Daley, first choice. Yes. Thank you very much, Josh. And who is going to be your second choice? Who have I got? Russell Brand. Russell Brand. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The big one. Russell Brand. You know, in the mid-naughties, he sort of sounded like that, didn't he? And he was sort of, you know, phoning up Andrew Saxon, doing awful things with Jonathan Ross. And now he's like a podcaster as well, like you, isn't he? And he's sort of doing things about spirituality and creating systems which don't cause great economic disparity, mate.

So, yeah. Well, you don't really, I think, I never noticed that he'd changed that much. It is. It's weird, isn't it? I think it's just, I don't know, he's in a stable relationship now. Maybe that's the reason. Stable relationships make your voice go higher, mate. Everyone knows that.

Yeah. That's the thing. You get all breathy when you're single. It's the testosterone, mate. I don't know. Oh! Wow.

Oh, my God. That is so good. There are different grades, isn't there, of him? People's voices do change. I think John McEnroe is always a good example of that. When John McEnroe started commentating maybe in the 90s, his voice was a lot higher, so he sort of talked like that,

whereas now it's sort of got a little bit lower. And when John talks now on commentary, it's way lower. So you're like, whoa, come on. People change, people's accents change is there anyone else that has changed so dramatically that's a good question i guess there's there's there's people who have different voices in different scenarios so like ian you know ian sterling voiceover for love island that guy always sort of talking like that on love island but i don't think he speaks like that in real life he's probably just kind of like hello mate he probably just talks like me he's just like well thank god

that's over yeah yeah that's so good okay russell brand yeah yeah have you ever met russell brand i haven't okay um and i'm sure he's lovely repeat that repeat that phrase um I just, I just, there are various reasons why I dislike Russell Brand. I would say, I just, it irritates me a little bit because he seems to be, to me, from the school of like, listen, mate, if you just put a really long word on the end of a sentence, then whatever you say doesn't really matter. Thesaurus, theology, anthropology, dictionary. And it's like, I kind of listen to a lot of the stuff he says and Thesaurus, theology, anthropology, dictionary. And it's like, I kind of listen to a lot of the stuff he says and I'm like, none of it's making sense.

What is this? But the thing that irritates me is people are like, oh my God, he's so articulate. And they all sound like Tom Allen. He's so articulate and intelligent. How does he do it? I don't know. But yeah, I mean, his don't vote thing was particularly irritating, I thought.

Right, yes. I just think like, it's all very well for him as like a white male to say that. But like, you know, women got the vote quite recently. Black people got the vote quite recently. So. Yes. You know, he's quite unaware of himself, actually, despite advertising himself as this bloke who's really aware of himself. Right, okay, yeah.

I think you're right. It's dangerous territory that was yeah and i i just like i don't know especially the mid-naughties when he was like actively propositioning women like on couches on like you know it was quite some of his lines were quite funny i remember him being asked like uh they were like oh you're a sex addict russell is that right and he's like it's not right but it is fun is fun. I mean, it's clever off the cuff, but it's just like, oh, dude. I mean, it irritates me when he's sort of saying,

you know, I used to do loads of terrible things and I've done loads of drugs and I've done loads of sex and I regret that now because it's all about unity, isn't it? But it's like, yeah, cool, you've admitted that you did all those bad things, but that doesn't mean you get a hall pass given all the kind of stuff. I don't know.

It's true. It's like that sort of hiding in plain sight thing that jacob reese mogg does quite you know he'll be like you know i i don't really like poor people and that's the way it is you know and then that's that's if you like it or don't like it that's what it reminds me of this bit of political propaganda and satire that i saw um it's like loads of sheep in a field and there's a there's a billboard of a wolf. Right. And the wolf has a speech bubble coming out of his mouth saying, I'm going to eat you.

Right. And one sheep is saying to another sheep, well, he tells it like it is. And that to me is very Mog and that to me is also quite Russell Brand. It's like, oh, well, at least he's honest. Yeah, but he's a bit of a shithead as well. So what?

He's an honest shithead. Congratulations, Russell Brand. You dick. God. Josh. I like, okay, a few things here. Yeah. You're talking a lot of stuff.

Sorry, sorry, sorry. I'm just, I flipped the table for the podcast. I'm that angry. I'm so, so charged up, mate. All of this testosterone's floating through me body. I, uh, well, off the back of that, I mean, all of this testosterone floating through me body I er well off the back of that I mean

I've never had a podcast like this that's had such disparity from the humour and the impressions going into quite serious political

and then into the thank you this is nice that's what I that's what I tried that's what I tried to achieve part of my comedy thank you

and erm who was that? Was that you? That was, I don't know. That's kind of like, I'm kind of moving, branching out into sort of more voices as well,

just general characters and stuff. And that is sort of, I don't know. I think sometimes when I want to say something serious, if I can use, you know, like privileged white girl voice, then it's funnier.

I don't know. If you're like, I can't be with anyone at the moment because I have attachment issues. It's funnier than just me saying know. If you're like, I can't be with anyone in the moment because I have attachment issues. It's funnier than just me saying I have attachment issues. You know? I don't have attachment issues.

No. This is great. Josh, I was also going to say, you're making a lot of sense here. Thanks. That's kind. Thank you very much.

You absolutely are. I think you make such good points about Reece Mogg that equally make sense up against Russell Brand. So there you go. Yeah, yeah. Not coming on the desert island either with those two nasty men. No. I hate him.

No, it wouldn't be nice. Yeah. Anything else on Russell Brand before we put him on that island? Yeah, I think he does a lot of stuff on like spirituality now and yoga and meditation which i'm not i'm very on board with with mindfulness and all that kind of stuff but i just i this kind of harks back to what i was talking about earlier about the way that like um you can shroud a not very good point in very sophisticated language and people like oh that's so clever and he seems to do that with this,

he seems to believe from what I can discern in this sort of overall unifying spiritual consciousness that unites all of us. And as a cynical 22-year-old, I sort of think, really? I mean, I don't know. There are good arguments for religion and spirituality, but they're not given by Russell Brand. And I want someone to go the the sort of celebrity atheists like richard um richard

dawkins or ricky gervais who i have immense disdain for okay but i want someone to do that more credibly than russell brander so it frustrates me yes okay you you hope for someone better to come along exactly that point but i'm also frustrated because I know that if I was on a desert island with him, he would charm me in an instant. He'd be like, listen, mate, I've always admired you. Don't know where you are, but I think you're lovely. And I'd be like, well, you've won me over. That's it.

Despite all of the issues I had with your beliefs and actions, I love you now. That's it. That's my character. Wow. Okay. Russell Brand is going to be second choice. And? Yes.

Sorry. I'm just chewing a bit of ice. That's fine. From the flat white that I'm drinking like the millennial I am. You are. We all have to carry them. That and an avocado. That is on a millennial hand.

It's like you have a scout tin. You do. And if you don't have one, then Tom Daley will come and say, that is terrible. And he'll hit you. And yeah, that's... Everyone knows.

All millennials know this. We all... They'll find out. Exactly. Okay. Yeah, last one. Josh, who's going to be the third choice? I have chosen the fictional character,

Harry Potter. Okay. And I should clarify here i don't have any grievances with with dan ratcliffe uh not you know the actor um and i don't have any grievances with the book harry potter i i hear it's very entertaining her children love it um but it's it's the character harry potter i think he's just angsty and moody and he's like lifted up as this incredible guy everyone's like oh he was great he was the boy who lived uh right he's just he's just a bit of a a bit of a shit in my opinion why i just because he's always like in the books he's

always making these sarky comments and he's like oh god i'm so um i'm too i'm too tired oh i can't why does snape hate me? Well, maybe Snape hates you because you're a dick, mate. Like, he spends like half of the books, like really like in a mood with everyone. And like people say, oh, hi, Harry. How's it going? He's like, oh, piss off.

That's all, mate. You're in a, number one, right? His parents left him a lot of money in Gringotts. We all know this. There we go. Huge amounts of gold. His best friend, Ron, lives in Squalor. Is that friendship?

I'll leave that to the listeners to decide. Number two, right? He is, like, so entitled. I think, just, you know, he's like, oh, I'm so miserable. Oh, I'm so, oh, everything's so terrible. But, like, dude, you're in a magical school where, like, the squash pours itself in the Great Hall. And you have a wand. Happy yourself with a spell.

It's true. And also, anyone who's ever read those books knows that Voldemort only ever attacks Harry in the third term. So stop being so bloody miserable the whole time for the first two terms. You can have a party in the first two terms. You've got the money. Spend it on a great party. And then in the third term, all right, you can stress out a little bit

because Voldemort's going to come and fuck you up. It's like a normal uni life, I think. Exactly. First two years are easy, and then in the third year, Voldemort comes for you. But Harry was the guy who was just like bumming around in the kitchen at university, like, oh, guys, I'm just so miserable,

but also I want to be the centre of attention. You know, I've just got this massive student loan, and, you know you know i've got all this free time but it's so difficult being me it's like those like humble brags that like like uh chris chris delisle does a great bit about like drake having all these like humble brags in his songs and he's like uh he talks about how drake also like oh don't you hate it when you can't find your Rolex? Oh, no. How am I supposed to say hard in this beautiful girl's mouth? It's like, dude, no one feels sorry for you. No one feels sorry for you, Harry Potter.

And also, right, Harry Potter's success was in a very large part down to Hermione Granger, right? Harry Potter did very little. His owl results, his GCSEs, Wizarding Owls, were pretty poor, right? He got an O in whatever that was, like the highest grade in Defense Against the Dark Arts, but the rest of them

are rubbish and Emma Watson is just totally behind his success. So I hate him. The fictional character is not going to be there. All he does is just

sit around feeling sorry for himself and I hate him so much. Oh my God. Sorry. At least he's not real. It's fine. That's fine. That's fine.

That's it. You could take it. You could just say anything you want about a fictional character. Exactly. Exactly. It's fine. It's not libelous

and I don't have to edit it heavily. Good. Yeah, unlike the Russell Brand of Tom Daley stuff, which I don't know how much of that's going to get on the card. Dang. Okay.

The only thing we're lacking is how's your Harry Potter then? Yeah, you know, obviously sort of Dan Ratcliffe sort of sounds like that, doesn't he? Sort of really, you know, breathy. And I don't know, I do Dan Ratcliffe when he's sat in an interview, when he's really sort of uncomfortable and Graham Normal ask him a question. I'll be like, so what do you think, Dan? And he'll be like, oh God, I'm just pleased to be here, really.

Just this close to a woman. It's not normal. I've never really touched anyone else besides my mum or Emma Watson or that one time with Rupert Grint that we don't talk about. But, wow, yeah, I'm just pleased to be here. Texas inhaler. Oh, yeah, wow. Yeah, that's great.

I love it. Okay, brilliant. I guess that's it. Harry Potter, we've put him on the island. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Harry Potter, we've put him on the island. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Harry Potter. He's dreadful. He's dreadful.

Thank you so much, Josh. Our pleasure. Now, mercifully, among the wreckage of the plane, there was some food and drink left over. Unfortunately for you, it's your least favourite food and drink in the world. What are they and why are they so bad? That is a fair question.

I have an unpopular opinion go on uh and the opinion i just i just don't like nando's i a lot of people love nando's like oh let's go and get nando's yeah that'll be so fun and i just it for me just chicken just chicken isn't it yes it is in my opinion quite a dry meat um i'm also hot. Actually, no, I'm not going to lie. I'm not doing Veganuary. In principle, great idea, but I am weak of will. You don't have to do it. No, that's true, but I feel pressure.

You know, I feel pressure. Drink the flat white and you can't drink the flat white without doing Veganuary. You've got to do both. That's part of the handbook. Take that avocado out of your pocket now and start eating it. I just, yeah, for me, it's just everyone's like oh let's go to nando and i'm just kind of there like and normally everyone else in the group i'm in will want to want to go and i'm just kind of stood there like oh really are we doing this i don't want to do it

but okay and that's what do you get then what do you get i just i just sit there grumpily to be honest i just sit there like you are all of my friends just a bunch of dicks and i just sit in the corner of the table just like my arms crossed and just throwing a strop that's my that's my vibe where would you where would you go then you don't have long you're gonna go to somewhere where you have to be on time, a cinema or a show. Oh, man. It's got to be quick. Am I with someone?

Am I with like that? You're with those same friends. With a hot date? No, okay, with those same friends. It's got to be quick. They're letting you choose. Oh, okay. I mean, it depends which friends they are,

because maybe I would go for a Macca's. Maybe I would go for a Macca's, yeah. Or a GBK is a great shout. But I like to order, I i like to order i often like order food as different impressions because i find it funny and uh it's kind of lame but i like it no come on but i did actually i was getting off a bus the other day and i did kevin brit i was like in my head like come on mate you're a performer now you should be doing this no so i i was like i know i'll be kevin bridges and say thanks for the bus. And I was like, okay, thanks, pal. That was a great

bus journey. Aye, aye. And the guy's like, dude, just get off the bus. And I'm like, okay, pal. That's what I want to do. That was the segue into that part.

That was great, though. I love it. Just impressions. They're everywhere. Now I'm Jonathan Ross. It's Mr. Jonathan Ross, everybody. Right, right, right. I don't really know where this is going, to be honest. Let's just carry on with the drink.

Is it the drink now? It's the drink, isn't it? Yes, it is the drink. Right, right, right. Okay, okay. Mr. Jonathan Ross, you notice you've got two voices? There's the quiet voice, sort of like that. And then there's the much louder voice, everybody, where he sort of goes like that.

Yeah, the drink. It speeds up the loud voice, doesn't it? It does. Yeah, it's. It speeds up the loud voice, doesn't it? It does. Yeah, it's weird how some people have different voices. I know we're kind of talking about how voices change and age and stuff, but different people have like sort of different ones. Yeah, his is, he's definitely got sort of two.

Gordon Ramsay has something not dissimilar to that. Well, sort of at the start, you know, the start of his documentaries where he always sort of looks like he's just banged a line of cocaine and then he comes on, he's like, okay, wow like okay wow okay first this beautiful restaurant on the brink of collapse wow fuck me and then and then he sort of goes into he always says he was his restaurant as well the restaurant um you pronounce restaurant i say fuck me as well yeah he always is like wow

fuck me that's the thing you got to remember about gordon ramsay he's always two things he's always surprised wow and he's always aroused fuck me everything he does good wow, fuck me. That's the thing you've got to remember about Gordon Ramsay. He's always two things. He's always surprised. Wow. And he's always aroused. Fuck me. Everything he does. Good food. Wow. Fuck me. Bad food.

Wow. Fuck me. His wife comes in and some nice lingerie. Not tonight, darling. Gotcha. But what was I saying? Oh, yeah. Gordon Ramsay has two voices.

So he'll start, you know, with a sort of, yes, right. Okay. Okay. Okay. And then sometimes when he's really, really laying into a chef, he'll sort of go, wow, fuck me, you donkey. It looks like a dog's dick. And sort of this long, extended thing. Wow.

Like that. Why is it a dog's dick? I know, but what is it? He's got all these like Frankie Boyle-esque similes. He's like, this is like an Asian toddler was going for a run, and then he fell over, and then he was sick. And it's like, where are you going with this? I don't know.

I love a good simile. Frankie Boyle, some of his similes are so great. One of my favorite ones is his. He's talking about Nigel Farage, and he described Nigel Farage. He was like, I've always thought that Nigel Farage sort of looks like a bullfrog trying to escape a scrotum. I just thought that was absolutely amazing. We were on topic at one point in this, weren't we? And I've just gone off piece and now I'm Tom Allen again.

What is going on, listeners? You're probably bemused. You might have turned off by now. I don't know. The drink, isn't it? It's the drink. Sorry. It is.

Yeah. It's great, though. It's great. Drink. Champagne. Champagne is my choice. Yeah. Yeah.

Wow. I think champagne is a conspiracy. There you go. Bam. Interesting. I just don't really like it. I just think it tastes a bit sour. Yes.

And there's a lot of bubbles in it. And like, you know, if I'm on a desert island, I don't want to be like it's quite heartburn yeah it is and i just think i just think it's this really clever conspiracy that the government and people are in so like you know like when it gets to like a special occasion like your birthday or something i was like oh let's have champagne or at least they do in my house um the middle class roots coming through um But I think it's not actually delicious, is it? It's not like hot chocolate or orange squash. Something nice. Yeah, it's just the kind of thing that you're forced to drink

and everyone's like, oh, we'll have that then. It's like, why? Don't settle. That's the message that I'd like people to take from me. Don't settle for Tom Daley's warm diarrhea. Don't settle for... Russell Brand. For Russell Brand, for Nando's, for Harry Potter.

You're better than that. Don't settle for that classy drink champagne. Exactly. Just do everything that Josh Berry says. That's my show title for Edinburgh. Just do everything I say, you idiots. Josh.

Yes, James. If the government have been working on this propaganda to make champagne as popular as it is, do you think that they must be absolutely livid at the Prosecco market? Well. Undercutting them left, right and centre. I guess so. But I think on a more serious note, the government, you know, they do invest a lot of money in the alcohol industry, you know, and it's, there's a lot, you know, there's a lot, but that's not publicized, but there's a lot of like economic interest in them saying, drink booze, you know, marijuana, for example, is legal in America and there's more of an economic market for that, whereas over in the UK, you know, people

like the Conservative government are like, oh no, that's terrible, you can't do that. And it's, for me, seems very rooted in the economic interest they have rather than actually scientific research which has gone into the sort of negative effects of alcohol. But that was very serious so let's lighten things up with an

impression. Oh my god, no, it's fine. I lost, I was thinking, I'm just going through my showreel in my head. I mean, we're going through a lot. I've got through a lot of impressions today. I'll ask you a question about impressions.

So, I'm guessing you've seen the trip. Yes, I have. Which must be important for you. Yeah. There's a lot of very good impressions yeah sure and so michael kane at different ages yes that's an interesting one i think absolutely and the way that they like between rob bryden and steve coogan how how are they nailing that do you know i mean

you've got to work it so are they they concentrate... This is inner working, see it. But do they concentrate on like a young Michael Caine and then look at an old Michael Caine? Or is it easy to develop from the young to the old? Do you know what I mean? Yeah, no, I know. I think that's a really interesting question. Like, I'm on a side note as well.

Love the trip. I have a good anecdote with Rob Brydon, actually. Oh, yeah. So we did this event like for Andy Murray's charity a few years ago, and he does an Andy Murray. And so we got, you know, I was doing my Andy Murray, Rob was doing his Andy Murray, and we got Andy Murray on stage. There was three Andy Murrays.

That's amazing. Some sort of nightmare version of the Bee Gees just sort of stood up there like, oh, there was an acapella song in there somewhere, I think, that we didn't actualize. But Andy stood up there and he was like, oh there was an acapella song in there somewhere i think that we didn't actualize but andy andy andy stood up there and he's like oh what why has everyone started doing andy murray impressions no it's very funny um but i love the trip man i think they're brilliant i mean steve coogan started out on spitting image right like back in the back in the 80s because that was that's what

he was like that's what when he came on the scene he was like an impressionist and i kind of became a character actor and stuff but he's oh he's brilliant uh yeah it's i'll tell you what i find like learning an impression is it's kind of like a continuous process so it's never like you get the lots of people think you get the voice and that's it it's never that it's like a continual you keep listening you keep learning you keep adjusting and perfecting it and normally impressionists have a quite a weird personality type where you're quite perfectionist about these sort of things. And you're obsessed with the details of someone's voice. So I think what will have happened with them

is that they will have probably done a Michael Caine for lots of years and over time listened to him more and listened to how his voice changed. And it's only a subtle change from those things, I think. Right, okay. But it's weird. It's very weird. This is the moment to ask, how is your Michael Caine? Oh, my God. Not as good as my David Mitchell, he said, elegantly doing an impression he can't do.

Segwaying away from Michael Caine. How well done. Sure. No, I'm just about to do my David Mitchell, but I mean, who would even want to hear that? It wouldn't even be funny or clever. And I'll tell you what, another thing. Yeah, no, it's okay. Is it Michael Caine?

Actually, I thought Michael Caine was low-hanging fruit. I mean, yeah, but I sort of think as an impressionist that, yeah, I guess you've got to do the low-hanging fruit ones, but the sort of slightly arrogant side of me, which is basically all of me, is like, oh, yeah, but you've got to do niche ones. That was my first year at the Fringe. I was like, I'm just going to do niche comedians for an hour and you're

going to like it and people didn't always like it, but I'd just come up and do like Josh Whittakin, well Josh Whittakin is not niche but I'd just come out and be like oh bloody hell it's me Josh Whittakin the love child of a blonde hobbit and will from the in between us oh bloody hell

that's good thank you very much. Like a James Acaster, do you think he's always like that? Or is that his stage? Oh, that's interesting. I wonder whether, I feel like Josh is maybe a bit more like that. Because Acasters is so affected, right? And I guess we're on A-cast, aren't we?

Sorry, A-cast. Yeah, we are on A-cast. Fair play. Very nice. Yeah. But yeah, I guess his is. Yeah, I don't know. It's such a fascinating stage persona, James Acasters. fair play very nice yeah but it's yeah I guess his is

yeah I don't know it's such a fascinating stage persona James Acaster's it's such an interesting way that he conducts himself interesting

yeah Michael Caine is like hanging through but I yeah I should probably try and do him alright don't worry everyone sort of does

everyone does my lab is Michael Caine yeah and I just sort of think you've got to get the right don't settle don't settle don't settle that's the moral

that's the message okay thank you very much Josh you're very welcome you're a podcast listener and this is a podcast ad reach great listeners like yourself

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That's L-I-B-S-Y-N-Ads.com. Fortunately for you, you won't be without entertainment on the island. The Plains Entertainment System continues to work, but just your luck, it only has two working settings. One is your least favourite film of all time and the other is your least favourite song what are they and why this is I know this is all gone badly

hasn't it this is almost as if it was a podcast planned for entertainment purposes I know my least favourite film is that where

yeah I hate this film so much that when I was I watched it when I was 10 with my grandma and I sat cross-legged in front of her

with my arms crossed in a strop like earlier on, like in Nando's. We went to Nando's afterwards, actually. It was a bad day, a very bad day and drunk champagne in the evening.

But I sat in front of her with my arms crossed like this is so shit. It's Marley and Me and I know that's a controversial thing. Marley and Me. A lot of people like Marley and Me but it's like,

oh, boo-hoo, Jennifer Aniston and Owen Wilson with your good looking faces oh your dog died well buy a new dog you know you just made loads of money from a film buy a new dog i i basically uh hate dogs because when i was 12 one pushed me off a well i didn't push me off a rock i had a nervous disposition it went it barked at me pretty hard i fell off a rock and my 12 year old this is so ridiculous

12 year old me in my head was like fucking dog didn't even say sorry and that is that is that is the emotional

response I've taken now as a 22 year old man I'm like for fuck's sake what so clever why can't they talk

everyone's like oh they're so lovely yeah well they're not lovely enough to apologize or send me a you know a card for fuck's sake so sake so maybe that's the reason i hit marley at me not even a film

it's just dogs and do you still hate dogs um well i've i've grown to i sort of grow like a um we've got an animal to come should we save this oh yeah no it actually isn't dogs aren't my animal okay in which case go for it okay well no I think I

I've loved oh sorry my horse just flew all over this place in this very nice broom cupboard we're set in for recording the podcast

budget cuts no I befriended my ex-girlfriend's dog I befriended and sort of came learned to love. But yeah, he was a good tempered. He was a complicated character. That's what I liked about him.

It was like, you know, he's got all these different... He was quite emotional, quite sensitive. I sort of saw myself in him. He still didn't write me a card, which I was disappointed about, and he didn't talk to me. And he liked Nando's. But yeah, I sort of... I don't all dogs you know not all hashtag not all dogs you know

um not all dogs just most dogs all those dogs in the positions of power in westminster in the westminster bubble screwing over the guys never settle um cats can go to Westminster just a sorry if that metaphor can be taken in any way that's unfavourable about race I didn't mean it

it was just a loose metaphor triggered people of the internet sorry I've never seen Marley and Me never watched it

ever ever it might actually be good now do you ever watch something that you watched when you were younger and you were like, this was crap at the time,

and you watch it again and you're like, ah, it was really good. It's actually all right. Yeah. I think when I was younger, I was too quick to judge. You know, I was like, oh, this isn't cool. I'm not going to watch this because it's not cool to watch this. Exactly. Or whatever, and then I'll watch it now and I'll be like,

oh, God, actually, that is quite good. I have small children. They might want to watch Marley and me at some point maybe well i don't know i mean i i hope for your sake that your children aren't as cynical and sort of brooding as i was as a 10 year old um but how how old are they how old are they three and nine months okay okay i mean they they might it's got got to wait a while. I mean, I just feel like, wait, you know, wait for other kids' films

because other kids' films will come. Yeah. And Marley, don't hang out for Marley and me. It'll be old hat by then. Exactly. It's like waiting for someone

to come out of a relationship. Just have more respect for yourself and go find someone else, man. Don't settle, you know? I'll cut this out for them. Play it to them in the future

if they ask. Play it on their 18th birthday. That's what I want. I just want this podcast to be played and they're like, Dad, what the hell are you doing? It's like, this was so profound.

No, everyone, everyone, everyone. All you 16, 17 to 19 year olds, you know, put your drinks down for a minute. They'll be put for you. I just need to play you this. I like that. Clearly a lot of social mobility, your kids. They're friends with older and younger.

I don't know. You've bought the drinks It's going well I like that It's like this future life It's prosperous I know And you're playing clips on me

That's what In 15 years time I'm hoping for that to happen Yeah And what's going to be your song choice? Okay So the song is Love Story by Taylor Swift

And I I mean Taylor Swift For me She's, Taylor Swift, for me, she does this thing on the song and I feel like no one's ever held her accountable for it and it's about time someone did. Go on. So here I am.

Yeah. In the song, this is so funny, in the song Love Story, there's a bit at 142 in Love Story. Oh my, this is specific. Yeah, yeah, no, I really hate it for that reason. I mean, despite it's problematic, like, gender stereotype, like, you know, women need to be saved by men and blah, blah, blah.

And, you know, but lots of people have addressed that. And I'm just saying something banal by going in there. But, yeah, she makes this noise. She makes a noise and she goes like this. Actually, you know what? I've got it here. I'll play it. I'll play it.

No, no, do it. Will it come through? I will do it, but I want to play it. Yeah, no, do it. Will it come through? I will do it, but I'll also play it. Yeah, no, do play it. Will it come through on the thing? Okay, okay.

Right. I'm going to play it now. Right. Okay. Her, her. What is that? What the hell is... Her, her.

It's a good point. In what other medium or professional piece of work would it be acceptable to go, ha, ha. That's so weird. You can see the mitochondria. Ha, ha. What? Wow.

What is that? What is that? Did they have to fill a space? I don't know. I just think it's like musicians get to do whatever they like and people are like, oh, that's art. You're just making weird noises. Who would make a career out of making weird noises?

How did you pick up on that? Not me. How did you know? I listen to a lot of Taylor Swift, don't I? Which makes the choice fairly contradictory, I would say. But I listen, Taylor Swift has some good songs. I have the music choice of a sort of basic white girl. That is, I listen to a lot of Katy Perry.

Do you? Yeah, I do. And I'm not ashamed to admit that because, you know, it's 2019 now. Yeah, okay. No gender's a spectrum. Okay. Is this real?

Yeah, I do. Yeah, no, everything I say, everything I say is real. Everything I say is real everything is real no i do i do listen to it i mean it's like my music taste is kind of halfway between like it's basic white girl meets techno raver that's kind of my vibe yeah yeah but i feel like every techno raver just underneath is a basic white girl so they're all just trying to be something they're not i don't know where you've taken me. Yeah, where are we? We're still on the island. We're still on the island,

but mentally. Russell Brand's in the corner sort of masturbating to himself probably and Tom Daley's like, oh, this is an island. Hey, check it out. Look, here are some waves, lol. Harry Potter's being a dick. Tom Daley has basically become an emoji.

Yeah. Isn't he? Wow. That's great. I like that. That's really good. Yeah, he become an emoji. Ooh. Isn't he? Wow. That's great. I like that. That's really good. Yeah, he's an emoji, and the emoji is Millennial Ken doll. That is what the emoji is.

Is that or a gif? And on the gif, it's just got emojis pop up. Lol. Yeah. Smiley face. Hey, guys. Ruffle. Lol.

Dancing man back and forth, back and forth. It's like when people say those kind of things, like like ironically, like, lol, and it's not irony. So, you know, there's that thing like post-irony where you're like ironically listening to Taylor Swift. I'm not ironically, I choose to do it. But some people are like, I'm just going to ironically listen. It's like you're not being ironic. You're just doing the thing.

Okay, so love story, but just for that 142. Yep, just for that. I just think it's time someone held Taylor Swift accountable, to be honest, and I'm very glad that this forum is the place for that. And you know,

she's probably going to hear this. She probably is going to hear this and I hope she doesn't sleep. I hope it makes her sick with anxiety. I hope she is so upset about it, she retweets. She retweets the podcast, right? I hope she is so

upset that she like makes an apology video and then names her first child josh just to acknowledge the genius that i've come out exactly oh you're listening talia i hope she hates it so much she promotes both of us and our work i I hope that. I just hope that every celebrity does that, to be honest. I hope that she really lovingly supports us and helps us nurture a very good career path. That's what I want. Exactly. Right.

Taylor Swift and Love Story, thank you very much. A pleasure. And finally, the island is overrun by the biggest dick of all the animals. Which animal is it and why? Okay, so this is a slightly cheeky reading of what an animal is. But I am choosing spirit animals as my animal. Oh my God, that is good.

I know. Lateral thinking. How does he do it? I don't know. I just, if you started listening late to the podcast, that was Tom Allen. Okay.

Is Tom Allen your favorite at the minute? I don't know. Yeah, maybe. Maybe I just, yeah. I'm trying to think. Sometimes when you start doing one, podcast that was tom allen okay is tom allen your favorite i don't know yeah maybe maybe i just yeah i'm trying to think it's sometimes when you start doing one you sort of become a bit obsessed and and sort of do them continuously is he your newest relatively new yeah i'm trying to think of other like you know when i started doing prince harry i sort of spoke like him quite a lot you know sort of sounding like you really need a lot of strepsils on board really um but yeah i i don't

know i some of them i'm just some of them are just a bit more boring like trump is you know it's fine but you know everyone can come up and go so great let me just say china i know a lot a lot about podcasts i've done a lot of podcast folks they're so great so great and it's like fine fine but every impression says that so okay yeah um, yeah. Yeah, spirit animals. Spirit animals. And the reason I hate spirit animals is because you often hear people who talk about spirit animals

have issue with things being like cultural appropriation, right? Which, you know, like people taking other bits of cultures, the perceived dominant culture, taking a perceived lower cultures or submissive culture uh things and bits and bobs and i so people will say things like that like oh you can't wear this because it's cultural appropriation which is fine yeah this is a fair thing to say and i agree with

it but they will also then say oh my god this beaver is my spirit animal ha ha ha ha lol and the whole concept of a spirit animal comes from like tribal totemism which, where they have this idea of like an animal which like represents you in a tribe, in a religion.

So that itself is cultural appropriation. So I just think there's a hilarious unaware irony to that. Right, right. And so the spirit animals are all over this island

and I'm just kicking them and they're basically just basic white girls. That is, that is like my life. My life is like a sort of And they're basically just basic white girls. That is like my life. My life is like a sort of a dual battle with the basic white girls that I love because, you know, I find them attractive,

but I also hate them. I'm like, where do I stand? I hate it. I love it. Who am I? I hate it when people say like, if they watch something or like, it happens so much. I'm not going to call any names in particular but say an actor

or a musician or a person of note takes a particular political stance that is maybe a bit right on and then someone might tweet saying OMG dot dot dot is my spirit animal. Do you know what I mean? And it's like come on guys

but it's just like they're looking for like it's not a substitute for personality but these people there's so many vapid vacuous people with that personality they're just like oh let me latch on to something that gives me meaning it's like oh make your own yeah you know have some trauma in your life so you can make some jokes about it for god's sake make yourself likable by damaging yourself that's what that's what comedians do. Have an opinion. Don't say that someone with an opinion is your spirit animal. Right, right.

I mean, just Twitter is the home of just angry. People are just angry on there. Why? Why is that? I know, I know. It's bad. The irony is that Twitter is almost the only thing I use to promote this podcast. But Twitter comes up so much.

In which case, they're all lovely. Someone on this podcast once said, someone on this podcast once said, it's like screaming into a black hole, basically Twitter. And that's all it is. It's just like you just chuck this absolute nonsense shouting shite out there.

And then it's just out there in this weird galaxy of shit. Yes. Isn't it? I've warm diarrhea. Yeah, I've warm diarrhea. No, but I agree. But it's also just, you know. We've gone full circle.

It's quite beautiful. Yeah, this is lovely. This is like an A-caster show. It's like all come together in the end. Oh, yeah. But I think, yeah, for me, it's not, you know, these debates and these issues are important it's important that people discuss them but twitter is not the place for that you

can't fit nuance into 240 characters you know and i remember doing uh this was this is ridiculous i did like a little impressions video the other day on twitter and a lot of fans of this particular person were saying oh i can't believe i can't believe you said that man that's so awful and i was like guys you know aren't there aren't there more significant things in life to do than just squabble over like minutiae on twitter like who cares life's too short for that it's true yeah i know it's but it's also like um you know very like very often like very intensely left political opinions which which is fine you know but it But it's just not, for me, a good forum for political and interesting debate. I don't know.

You're right. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Don't settle, guys. He wasn't funny, but he was right. It reminds me of that bit about Stuart Lee, especially just where he makes a joke about Brexit.

And he was like, oh, yeah, just went to see Stuart Lee. Did you enjoy it? No, but I agreed the fuck out of it. Yeah. That i want people to leave this book i'm thinking don't settle don't just agree the fuck out of what he said so spirit animals are going to be your animal hate him nice yeah yeah not dogs i've let dogs off the hook yeah the spirit animal is good it's gonna be marley was the sacrificial lamb or dog and whatever metaphor we've got i know um so marley's done enough for me for the dog species and i always imagine spirit animals to be some kind of weird like pokemon-ish character for some reason

i don't know why yeah i don't know i don't understand what would yours be what would your pokemon be oh my god i have no idea i don't really i didn't really ever watch pokemon i have to be i don't know what's the really confused one that walks around like smacking itself on the head i think that one is that how you would describe yourself in a normal just smacking itself just continuously bang oh just walking around just smacking myself on the head very confused that is if that isn't a metaphor for life, I don't know what is. You know, it's beautiful. Mr. Bump. No, Mr. Bump is a Mr. Man.

I don't know. Whatever one it is. I love that. Let's just segue into that. Confusasaur. Oh, whatever it is. I want that to be a thing. Can we please petition that?

The Pokemon writers? I just, let's make that a thing. Confusasaur. Josh, it's been an absolute pleasure. Confuse us all. Josh, it's been an absolute pleasure. Yeah, thanks for having me on. I had a great time.

If people want to find, this is the point where I say, if people want to find you, where can they find you? Oh, yeah. So, he's sad with a prepared spiel

on his stuff. I'm JB Impressions on Twitter on that lovely place if you'd like to hurl abuse at me. Scream into the black hole. Yeah, scream into the black hole. Just make sure you follow me and come to my shows that's fine uh yeah i'm jb impressions on twitter josh berry impressions on facebook and instagram or all of my live dates

bits and bobs and various fun stuff is on joshberrycomedy.com so that's uh yeah and have you got any live shows lined up i do in in in london in fact i have one on the 27th of february i'm doing a little work in progress thing uh at Vaults Festival in Waterloo in the Lower Marsh Travelling Through Bookshop. He said confidently. And I'm just trying a few bits out ahead of my Edinburgh show, which is which is going to be fun. I need to sort of start probably writing it. But yeah, that's what everyone says to me. They do say that.

But I have a title for mine well I mean it may change but I want it to be called Who Does Josh Berry Think He Is which plays off you know doing impressions what the hell's going on

but also being a shade arrogant I will be playing a very arrogant character I think almost as if it wasn't a persona okay that's good

Josh thank you so much for coming on it's been an absolute pleasure thank you for having me it's been really fun to talk about other people I Josh thank you so much for coming on it's been an absolute pleasure thank you for having me it's been really fun to talk about other people I hate

thank you thank you very much thanks