Desert Island Dicks - KAE KURD

Episode Date: June 16, 2020

Comedian Kae Kurd joins Dan to share who and what he'd hate to be stuck with on a desert island. Be sure to follow the podcast @dickspod Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Choose from hundreds of top podcasts offering host endorsements, or run a reproduced ad like this one across thousands of shows to reach your target audience with Lipson Ads. Go to lipsonads.com now. That's L-I-B-S-Y-N ads.com. Hi, I'm Dan from Desert Island Dicks. This episode features comedian Kay Curd, and we recorded it a few weeks ago, just as we were really setting into lockdown, and we were getting to the point where we realized it was going to be on for quite a while. I just wanted to pop up here and ask that if you enjoy this podcast, please subscribe, because not only will you get every episode freshly delivered to your phone or device,

but it's really helpful in getting us up the charts, which means more people take notice of us and we can bring you really good guests. So it's mutually beneficial. So I will ask again, please subscribe to this podcast. Thanks. And now here's Desert Island Dicks with Kay Curd. Hi, I'm Dan Benedictus, and welcome to Desert Island Dicks, the show that sees you marooned on a desert island after a plane crash with the worst people and worst things imaginable. Who they are and why they're a dick is up to our guest. And here to share their Desert Island Dicks with us today is comedian Kay Curd.

How are you doing? I'm good, man. Thanks for having me. No, thanks for... Well, I was going to say thanks for coming in, thanks for me see i anticipated what you were gonna say immediately bro and i've worked out how this works yeah thanks for meeting with me in a virtual space nice this is how we're going to be doing meetings from now on man i think this is it yeah and how are you finding your uh confinement so far do you know what um i think now it's been going on for so long um sort of got used to it um that which is not to say i'm preferring it but it's just yeah this is it this is the new normal now isn't it and i think we're going to be like

this for a long long time um but i'd made provisions for this sort of stuff beforehand not like in an i Am Legend kind of way, just in more like a, I need to be au fait with the online world kind of way. So I've got equipment to create things with essentially. So I'm all right. Your setup looks more professional than a lot of the ones I'm confronted with when I record this.

So it looks like a good start. And how did you find choosing the dicks today? Well, you're going to find out. Fair enough. Okay, well, let's just dive right into it then. Who's going to be your first choice for the island? I reckon Piers Morgan, man. Piers Morgan.

Yeah, yeah. It's a popular choice. Is it? Well, I mean, with good reason, I think. But you talked me through it. I just think, think like he wouldn't he wouldn't even bother trying to find a solution he'd try and find somebody to blame it on when you're on there and it would just be you just get into a slinging match with him man and it

would just be like like what skills does he have that are worthwhile on a desert island anyway like what's he what's he really going to help you out with the guy doesn't look like he can do a pull-up or anything and also he's kind of big in it so i suppose when we all turn into cannibalism he'll be the first to go in it so like there's a bit of meat on him so you can that might potentially be useful potentially in it like you've got to think about these things man like at some stage you might have to go there and um who are you not going to miss yeah yeah because i think sort of the only sort of advantage he's really got in life is his kind of privilege and you can't really use that on a desert island scenario no exactly no one cares what what where what your background is on there it's just can you i don't know can you build things

yeah and i don't think he can apart from no i know he it's not it's no use pissing people off on um on a desert island is it no no i think as well with him it's it's sort of always for sport isn't it so that even if one day he was arguing with you about one thing even if you came around to the idea the next day and went you know what peers maybe you're right he'd just go oh so i'm right now am i and he'd just switch sides straight away just to keep it going yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah absolutely it's um you're quite right i do think sometimes he does flip-flop between the ideas that he has just to sort of make it a spectacle um and the soap opera that is morning television that now uh that now we have to deal with um and yeah man like there's there was one time uh no recently my uh do you know a comedian called

ishan akbar he did a video about um taking a mick out of him and he quote tweeted it and all these fans just started piling in on him and it was just sort of like you know when somebody quote tweets something you know they're doing it because they want people to pile up on you and gang up on you and bully you yeah um and it felt a bit like that as well so yeah i don't like bullies man i mean what sort of person is a fan of pierce morgan it's you think it was either you dislike him or you're sort of just indifferent. But to actually actively be like, yeah. He's got six million followers, man.

He's a popular man. I mean, the kind of people that would fanboy for somebody like that. You're right. They're like incel-y. Yeah. Very incel-y. Like that kind of, oh my God, it's everybody's fault but mine that I'm not allowed to do things um yeah i mean i wouldn't want to hang around with those people but you see their pictures sometimes on twitter and you're like jesus christ i didn't they still make you yeah i thought you

lot had gone out of fashion you still existed yeah well it's just because they've been silenced by the by the liberal media that's why you don't see them isn't it absolutely it's just because they've been silenced by the liberal media. That's why you don't see them, isn't it? Absolutely. It's political quickness gone mad, mate. You know what I mean? It's political quickness gone mad. That's what it is. Yeah, I just can't understand.

I mean, things with Piers Morgan as well is he's on in the morning and I'm not a morning person, but how could you have all the times of day to watch that kind of thing in the morning? I know. It's like what when i when i wake up the last thing i want to hear is um a middle-aged man arguing uh with a transgender person do you know i mean like that that isn't my but do you know like we went from the big breakfast

to that in a generation like we used to go from like gunging people on a on a on a in the mornings and like having like live music and stuff to to arguments about uh gender and it's just extraordinary isn't it i mean i think that's quite a good metaphor for everything in the last couple of generations you know light-hearted fun to just yeah yeah exactly an informed debate the 90s were amazing everyone was having a good time no one cared about any of this stuff it was like oh cool that's that's barry he's got pink hair whatever like do you know i mean now it's like what why has he got pink hair and then there's like a 30 minute thesis about um do you know i mean somebody has to have a 30 minute thesis on on tv on in the morning about why that's

a bad thing that barry's got pink hair now so yeah the whole palaver really annoys me and i i hate that whole circus around it and i think the second person i chose was roy keen bro okay i'm a man united fan right and i think he's great however i haven't seen him as a pundit, I'm like, I could not get along with that man. I would hate that man. He just looks like a dictator with no nation. Yeah, so the last thing you want to do is put him on an island with three other people

and it's going to be pretty uncomfortable. He'd want everything that is his way. He'd want everything to be like, don't get me wrong. He'd probably find a way to get you out of that island. But he'd piss all of you off doing it. He'd probably get in a fight with one of you. Somebody would get their nose broken and he would feel no remorse. He's the worst type of person to be.

Because he's the kind of person as well that doesn't say sorry, innit? And, oh my gosh, I can't be around people like that, man. Like, just own your mistakes. Let me just hear you say sorry. He won't even say sorry. He'll probably just bring you like a raven that he's killed and just be like, this is my peace offering

without actually saying it. And you're like, why have you brought me a raven? Just take it, lad. Take it. It's certainly an image. I think as well, I mean, already you've got Piers, so he's also not the sort of person to say sorry easily. So, I mean, you're really getting two big alpha males in there. I guess Roy Keane is quite likely to...

Hold on, would you say Piers is an alpha male? I mean, he is in that he likes to sort of be, you know, feel like the biggest, most authoritative person in the room. Do you know what I mean? I don't think he's like a useful alpha male. But he cowers when he sees the real alpha male coming. That is true. Yeah, yeah. It's like that old line where it's like, everybody's a baller until the real ball male coming. That is true. Yeah. Yeah. It's like, it's like,

it's like that old language. Like everybody's a baller until the real ballers show up. Like, do you know what I mean? Like when you, when you're at a nightclub or something,

people like throw money about until like a footballer or someone comes around and they've got like real money. yeah, he always sort of cowers. I think when he, when he sees like,

so I think he'd probably be like, no, I'll do what Roy's doing no I'll follow I think he'll probably try because he's a smart man as well and I think he'll be quite strategic so what he would do is

he'd build an alliance with Roy Keane and he'd be on his side because he knows that's where that's who's got the power in it yeah that's

so he'd stick with it he's he would sort of be like Dominic Cummings. Yeah. That's the kind of figure I imagine. He'd probably be good at holding Roy Keane's coat while you got a kicking from him.

Yeah, exactly. That kind of thing. Yeah, man, I really like the way you kicked him. He might be quite useful in terms of knocking down trees for shelter. I can imagine he's one of those kind of you set him up and he just keeps going sort of Terminator style. Who, Roy? Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He'll get the job done. You'll say to him, I bet you can't get this done in 10 minutes. No, I can do it. I can definitely do it. 10 minutes? No problem.

And he'll do it. He'll do it in 10 minutes. Although maybe if you were like, can you get some coconuts? And then you just turn around and every coconut on the island is piled up. And you're like, that was supposed to last us for the next year.

And now they're all just rotting in the sun, Roy, like there's no off switch. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah. He's sort of got,

I think, I think he must be, um, he, he must be the kind of person that doesn't like unwind. Like what would, what does he do to unwind? I can't imagine him like just sitting down and chilling. Do you know you know what i mean like like he has to be having a go at someone

or and i i've never seen a guy sort of like just like can you imagine him with a child you can't do that i mean he's just like i can imagine disciplining the child but i can't imagine him having like a gentle moment. Yeah, just looking blankly at his son going, what do you want from me? I don't know. Yeah, exactly. Why can't you speak? I can imagine him sort of like unwinding by just going into a room and turning the light off,

but not like sitting down and just standing in the dark. And that's his sort of unwinding, you know, until someone says, do you want a seat? And he's like, what? Oh, yeah. OK. Yeah, you're right. He probably just has this dark room in his house where he goes to like i'm just gonna chill out and then he just walks in there and yeah just light off yes doesn't take his shoes off or anything just yeah yeah exactly someone someone suggests another operation yeah yeah he's just looking at um the blinds that's it like that's just that's his chill out time

it's a bit like in terminator 2 and uh you know you just see him standing guard and gradually it just gets light and he's never moved all day you know it's that sort of that's kind of how i picture him yeah that kind of thing yeah absolutely yeah he does seem very like robotic in certain aspects because you do you do often think it's i hope he's not on a spectrum or something, because we sound like a bunch of dicks if he is. Well, we don't know that he is, so hopefully it's okay. Yeah, but it does feel like he can't talk to people normally. He has to either be shouting or berating them

or telling them how shit they were, and they're not as good as him. I feel like he'd be good if he was on your on your side you know then he'd be invaluable but given that this is sort of the nightmarish scenario that we're conjuring up he's definitely not on your side for this no he's not he's going to be on his own side he's like what the fuck are you doing that for um so yeah okay i don't yeah roy keen and pier Roy Keane and Piers Morgan so far. Okay. And so who would be your third choice for the island? Tayo Cruz. Tayo Cruz.

Okay. Do you remember? I've just, you know what? I'm just, I'm sort of thrashing around in my memory. He was a singer. He was a singer. He had those, he had some awful songs, bro. Always Warshades. And his music was just awful man like honestly he's probably

really rich because he got a shit ton of number ones or whatever but the music was awful he's that kind of do you ever go to the gym yeah he's the he makes the kind of music that gets played in commercial gyms okay yeah gotcha i get it like that kind of like and you're like oh god this is so annoying man like what the fuck are you and like i remember remember that song like like a star is that like a star like us and it was just repetitive like it's that kind of do you know there's some torture techniques where they'll play one song for like 24 hours i think they play his songs man it's sort of like that um i don't know if you've ever seen that meme of that guy from love island where everything where there's a serious situation going on it's like do you want me to rap for a bit

like the mood a little and everyone's like no no and that's the kind of like skills i reckon he'd have like do you want me to sing for you guys like Like, no, no, bro. I think you summed it up well with gym music. I mean, there is like definitely a genre of gym music to the point where like, there's times where if I have, if I forget my headphones, I'm just not exercising that day. Like it can't,

I can't listen to that music. Sometimes I wonder why they even have music. Everybody's got their headphones on anyway. Yeah. Yeah. And they always have it a bit too loud. So you can hear it over your headphones. Yeah. Well, I've got good headphones on anyway yeah yeah and they always have it a bit too loud so you can you know hear it over your headphones yeah well i've got good headphones in it so but noise cancelling but um no i completely get what you're saying man you can't have a

conversation with anybody in there like it's always way too loud and it's always the worst kind of music known to mankind it's just you're like who buys these singles yeah i somehow think like that some of those songs just chart because they get played in those places so like it somehow counts their chart position yeah it's just like fitness firsts and virgin actives across the country just keeping like a shit ton of artists alive but this kind of sort of smooth r&b and hip-hop is it just seems quite weird when you look around and everyone is just like bright red, sweaty, you know, and on the TV screens around, everyone's like smooth, sipping champagne by a pool in a short dress or something.

It's just the opposite. Do you know what? If it was the good stuff, I wouldn't mind, but they always play like the entry-level crap that no one sort of goes... Like, no one's got it in their collections, innit? It's that kind of thing but i suppose the videos probably serve a purpose as well because you're watching those videos and

you're like that's where i will be if my hard work here pays off if i spend two more hours on this treadmill right now we'll end up there sipping champagne without regretting my mind maybe maybe and um so teo cruz i know do you know much about his personal life or anything no i know he had a shit hairline like his hairline was at the back of his head but that was fine i didn't do much research into his life man i just i was like i just i don't want to spend my this island uh i don't want to spend my time on this island with this guy and no absolutely i mean that wasn't that wasn't a like, tell me more. Have you done your homework on this gentleman?

That wasn't a prerequisite at all. I just wondered if there's anything behind him. But I mean, I get the type, definitely. And I think that, you know, presumably he'd be working out quite a lot, but not sort of usefully active. Mate, look, here it is. I've got it on Wikipedia for you. Just so you're aware. a lot but but not sort of usefully uh active mate look here here it is i've gone on wikipedia for you just just so just so you're aware now he was he was no what's his actual name is jacob

but he was known professionally as tayo cruz uh and his debut album was released in 2008 come on man you must know he had such hits as uh hangover yep no do you know do you remember that yeah uh break your heart yeah i know this guy i'm looking him up as well come on girl um yeah this is it yeah all sorts of awful stuff i do you know what if you image search i can only find you have to go to like the sixth or seventh row of google images before you can find one of him without sunglasses on dude the guy the guy stayed having sunglasses on bro like this was a this was everywhere like every video do you like do you know the other guy that's probably like do you ever remember flow rider yeah flow rider try and find an image of

flow rider without glasses bro go and try and find one it's it's very hard you're just like engrossed in looking at his life i know i know i think do you know what those because i think these sunglasses cover quite a lot he's actually quite an average looking guy without his sunnies on like when you do get to the sixth row of images he's just quite an average looking guy um but when you see him with his glasses on he looks a bit more glam so it's obviously sort of worked for him quite well it works bro that's it man that's why you wear sunglasses indoors it means you can't see shit but when people look at you they see a boss bro i think with him as well i can sort of imagine you're like busy trying to sort of you know get firewood or something like that and he's just like oh no my glasses have fell off and that kind

of thing yeah he's looking for his glasses for the whole time while you're while you're trapped and you're like bro like you'll find glasses elsewhere no i need them man um it it's kind of like one of the x-men in it which which x-men was it that had to keep having his glasses on otherwise like cyclops that fire come yeah it might be him cyclops i think yeah you you never know like there might be a superpower behind there bro when he takes off his glasses oh it's the opposite it's like you get you just get a lot more average when you take your glasses off like the glasses are the superpower like that's what so like when he takes them off like gradually he starts putting on weight and yeah he just just gets a dad bod for

yeah well that's what it looks like on here it looks like he just gets about 20 more average when when the glasses come off yeah i just can see him sort of the other thing is just sort of singing a bit too much you know like you're just trying to get stuff done he's sort of just crooning a bit too much when it's not really the right it's not even that like campfire songs in it yeah you can't get on board with it yeah yeah it's like there's not going to be any sort of like sing-along songs by the fire it's just going to be like can somebody give me a beat you don't want to hear that sort of stuff yeah and also sort of maybe if you did start singing and he'd sing along, he'd sort of extend every note, you know,

like R and B singers do just sort of warble all over the place. So you can't even join in. It's just, you know, even if it's like happy birthday and be like, happy birthday. Like that. I wouldn't mind it if it was,

if it was in tune. Well, that obviously that wasn't. Yeah. What you did there. I wouldn't want to hear that either. That's fair enough. Fair enough.

You're a podcast listener, and this is a podcast ad. Reach great listeners like yourself with podcast advertising from Lips and Ads. Choose from hundreds of top podcasts offering host endorsements, or run a reproduced ad like this one across thousands of shows to reach your target audience with Lipson ads. Go to lipsonads.com now. That's L-I-B-S-Y-N ads.com. Okay. Now, mercifully amongst the wreckage of the plane, there was some food and drink left over. Unfortunately for you, it's your least favorite food and drink in the world. What are they and why are they so bad?

Least favourite food? Do you know what? I went vegan in November. So there's not a lot I can have now. But let's suppose... Do you know what? I'll be very honest with you. There was not a lot i wouldn't eat

i never ate pork in my life though that was always one thing but um there's not a lot i wouldn't eat there wasn't something do you know what i actually used to hate though ah cauliflower and cheese okay so like i like cauliflower in other things in it like okay you better cauliflower whatever boom bash nice whatever but when cauliflower is now trying to imitate something else i'm not on it bro like when mac and cheese was a perfect dish who felt the need to start remixing it with something else and furthermore whose bright idea was it to go nah let's put cauliflower with the cheese that's when that's when this is going to go another level yeah that's what really confused me so yeah cauliflower cheese is

probably going to be the one bro it's one of those things that's quite sort of yeah two fairly plain elements but put them together it does become something like more than the sum of its parts you know it's it's it definitely takes on something different doesn't it a lot of people have it with roast dinners which i find quite weird like what cauliflower and cheese with roast dinner yeah i've gone to a couple of pubs for a roast and cauliflower cheese is a thing and i've raised that as being weird and everyone's going no that's normal you know cauliflower cheese and roast but that feels like like, because you've got gravy, and gravy and cheese, that's not right, is it? I mean, poutine.

Ah, yes, touche. Touche. See, this is why I'm a podcast host and not a stand-up, you see. You've got the smarts. Yeah, I think up north they have a lot of like gravy with cheesy things i i just can't have cheese in it i'm um i'm lactose intolerant anyway so yeah if i have cheese i'm done i'm finished so basically putting cheese on anything's gonna screw you over like i'd die from dysentery so morally and you know and biologically yeah yeah yeah i'd die from dysentery on the side

of the beach somewhere like um just infected with cholera because i can't i can't clean up properly on the desert island roy keen strikes me as someone who loves cauliflower cheese it's like just because this thing about it like there's not much imagination it's fairly old school it just feels like i have him down as someone that does something like you i reckon i reckon roy keen listens to the joe rogan podcast yeah yeah and and like he he sticks to a carnivore diet yeah do you i mean you know those kind of fads where it's like no like you know just meat what else you have no no no just meat yeah no veg no no no carbs nothing i reckon he just eats like a leg of lamb or like ham just yeah like he'll have he'll have a ham sandwich but with

two bits of ham two bits bits of ham and two bits of ham in the middle. He uses the ham either side to surround the ham. That's the kind of diet I have him down. Just find a cow, punches it in the face. But I reckon I reckon Piers Morgan would have cauliflower and cheese, but he'd try and mask it as something very middle class by having a glass of wine with it. Yeah. Do you know what I mean?

No, it's wonderful. I love it. I love it. It depends on what cheese you use with it. Use brie and a little bit of Parmesan. Cauliflower's quite bad for making you quite windy as well? So having Piers Morgan farting away next to you as well whilst you're trying to... Yeah, man, that's awful.

Don't even bring those thoughts into my head, man. I found out somewhere recently that cauliflower and broccoli don't exist in nature and we just made them ourselves. Really? I read that somewhere that humans made them. We cross-bred different things to create them wow i could be wrong someone's probably going to tweet you like that was absolutely incorrect information that he was spouting on that podcast it's ridiculous um but i read i read i think i

read somewhere i heard somewhere that they're just fake like we just made them very bizarre well you know you never know i mean i can't there's not that many things that look like them in nature are they i mean they're sort of like little where have you seen a broccoli just growing bro what forest have you ever been in or allotment where you've just seen broccoli exactly that's what i mean like you know you can go for a walk and other things you know like beans and stuff like that you can sort of imagine those growing off a pod and whatever but yeah you're right there's little brains growing all over the place like yeah yeah it's like tomatoes grapes all of that sort of stuff you could picture it right because you see like berries and stuff but yeah yeah i've never once thought that's a good point and um what drink would you wash this down with what would i what do i hate oh my god what do i hate it will have to be like

oh my god you know like the do you did you ever go to like after school clubs and stuff at school and you remember that like really bad quality squash that they used to have there all the time that was like diluted with like nothing else like it just tasted like water but with food coloring in it like you didn't even taste the sugar anymore it's like they diluted it before they poured it out the bottle they didn't just put too much water in it's like they'd already diluted it and then poured it and then mixed it yeah exactly so you thought you were having squash when you were just having red water it was the worst kind of thing yeah um it's quite like those um you know those plastic you get those drinks and it's like a

straw it's like a plastic cup and you pierce the lid oh calypso yeah they were always really bland weren't they no calypso were good but i think they got rid of them because that the sugar content was like immense maybe i was just having knockoff ones or something the ones that my local news agent used to be like just that sort of water and they always look really bright and inviting when you're a kid but i was always i was always very disappointed with capri sun because you'd like because first of all it didn't it wasn't a carton you were like hold on what is this like what is this new found contraption it was like a bit of foil that you stick a straw in yeah and it was like in a sort of pyramid structure well sort of like a loosely based pyramid like it was like that

whereas like you're like hold on you're used to like cans and yeah cartons whereas this truck and then you'd suck it once and all the juice was gone. Yeah, they did go down really quickly, didn't they? It's almost like they designed that packaging to disguise that there was basically nothing in there. They're made for kids, man. I've realised that really... As an adult man, don't ever try buying one of those, man.

You have no business having one of those. If I see a grown man walking down the street with a Capri Sun in his hand, I immediately think he must have left. He must have just left his wife and kids. Or he's trying to entice little children. It's quite a loaded drink. Oh, mate. Yeah, don't start drinking one

of those men in the street if you want to be taken seriously okay then so we can put i tell you what i'm gonna i'm feeling generous i'm gonna give you capri sun and weak squash to go on the island yeah oh you're you're you're such a star mate um now okay uh fortunately you won't be without entertainment on the island the planes entertainment system continues to work but just your luck it only has two working settings one is your least favorite film of all time and the other is your least favorite song what are they and why oh my god least favorite film there are so many shit films oh my Do you know what? I think this is the worst thing that I could ever choose because if a film is shit, I just don't watch it. But I suppose it'd have to be like The Scorpion King.

Okay, with The Rock, isn't it? Yeah, with The Rock. I mean, don't get me wrong. I fucking love The Rock. I think The Rock is amazing, right? And I love most things that he's ever done. But the one thing I hate about The Rock, actually, that or The Mummy Returns, you know, all that whole score making was part of that whole series. And the reason why is ITV2 had a period where they would play that every single living week known to man and it would just jar the living hell out of me and i think at one point it made channel five and once the film makes channel five man it's it's on its last legs it's like really nobody wanted to buy the rights from it for you really channel five like wow right

so yeah probably that broke i mean that was quite sort of i mean now it's just accepted that dwayne johnson is an actor you know this that's where he is and we've kind of got our heads around it but back then i think one of the highest grossing actors in yeah he's always brings it in doesn't he but i think it's like that was maybe at the beginning we're still getting used to it again really well he was like still dipping his toes into wrestling and coming out and and he still had that weird hair yeah yeah like it was before he'd shaved it all and he was sort of like trying to hang on to it so because he couldn't like really decide what he wanted to do with his hair we sort of were like you don't really know what you want to do with your career either do you bro like there was a lot of indecision during that

time it was like are you wrestling are you acting are you gonna shave this are you not it was like come on bro pick a side and then finally he shaved he said and he was like i'm going for acting and we were like you know what we respect you you're a man you're doing things um yeah and i love that but and he made a few really shit films man he made one where he was dressed as the Tooth Fairy for a while. That was awful. Do you know what I mean? I think that will pass me by, but that sounds incredible. Yeah, like there was a few stinkers he had. Before he was the megastar he is today, man,

there was a few stinkers in there, man. Wow. Yeah, so... Although that would be funny, though, seeing, like, Piers Morgan and Roy Keane sitting down to watch The Rock dressed as a fairy. That's really funny. Yeah.

The thing is though as well, I think, you know, Piers Morgan's just going to be commenting on it the whole time and going on about The Rock. But, you know, even if you do try and sort of really squint your eyes and enjoy the film, you've got him sort of on your side just slagging everything off anyway but i mean it

does sound like it's a pretty weak point of uh cinematic history isn't it yeah yeah massively weak point a massively weak point this was it was very much his wilderness years yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah absolutely but i mean do you know what i reckon it made him the mad he is today but it was one of those one of those films as well where you were like what who cares who cares

what's going on in this film like no one gives a shit and what was your what did you say favourite what's it least favourite song

do you ever remember that Christmas number one and I can't for the life of me understand why it went number one it was like all around me are familiar faces. Yes.

Mad world. Bro, that can go in a bin now, bro. I hate that song. And it's by, hang on, because I always, for a long time. Yeah, so Tears for Fears, isn't it? Of course. Of course. Yeah.

That was the name I was looking for. Yes, tears for fears, isn't it? Of course. Of course. Yeah. That was the name I was looking for. Bro, I can't for the life of me still to this day understand how that got to Christmas number one. It's one of those that's just instantly like, if it comes on the radio, everything just stops and you kind of go, you know, it's like, you could be having the best, you know, it could be your wedding day and you're

like oh this is great put the radio on you just go it's just it's i can imagine it playing in a film it's one of those songs in it i can imagine it playing in a film like where the guy's just lost his wife and or or like you know he's had a mad breakup and then it's just like all around me and he's just like dealing with this inner turmoil and there's like this, you know what I mean? Like there's this bunch of emotions in him that he's trying to toy with. And then it comes on there.

But in terms of like people going, oh yeah, do you know what you should listen to? Mad World. Like, I can't't imagine no one's ever gone hey listen to this bro and send it on to you like no one in the history of music has ever sent you that song going bro have a listen to this this is this is sick and to be number one at christmas i mean that's like that's like i think it was a christ Christmas number one but I remember it being proper shit in it and like it getting to number one or number two or something somewhere and I was like

go and actually we need to google that mad world song mad world song it's the equivalent of like you know how EastEnders is always extra depressing at Christmas oh yeah there's always like a death

or someone's cheated on someone or someone's died but hey I'm not even talking about the Tears for Fears version, bro. There was another version. Not the 1983 version. I'm talking about the updated version. Oh my God, so that was a cover.

Bloody hell. Gary Jules. Yeah. What? Really? Is that what his name was? 2001. God, there's been a few.

You know, Adam Lambert's done them in 2009. Jasmine Thompson in 2013 holy crap like this song isn't that good for everybody do you know what i think it is it's probably that thing of like when you get a couple of like you know if you get sort of like young x-factor sort of level stars yeah and they think what we need to do is get a remix of like a a popular song from the 80s that people know but do it in a breathy sort of cover version and it's got to be a bit serious so they can show how heartfelt you are it's sort of ticking boxes for that sort of thing isn't it you can imagine like people kind of going yeah but we're going to cover mad world and it's going to be amazing but you can do it in like an r&b style this time it's um yeah i i mean i suppose you're right it is probably one of those things but

i just can't i can't see why it's it's so popular like i can imagine other songs but i just don't get why this one's so popular bro like just please sing it to yourself after this is done and and tell me how you. It is a fast track to depression. It's like, it sort of makes me think of like, you know, a man getting in a car, you know, maybe something's, you know, he's lost his job, he's lost his family, but he's still upbeat. He reckons he's going to fix it and everything's going okay

until he turns on the radio and this comes on and that's when he just, everything is crushed, you know. He admits to himself that he's never going to make it out of here. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, you're right. Oh, yeah, it it was the gary jules version bro that i didn't like oh yeah it was in that film donnie darko apparently that's what see i told you i could imagine it in a film i just can't i can't see it as a number one i think it might have been on a video game trailer as well for something you know when there's like you know battle battlefield scenarios but there's this sort of playing in the background or something and they put everything in slow motion yeah exactly that was a that was a drama drama degree gone wrong somewhere and god i mean if you're stuck

with this on the island that is absolutely horrendous yeah good choice good choice now finally the island is overrun by the biggest dick of all the animals. Which animal is it and why? Ah, biggest dick of all animals. I would say, see, this is a process of elimination. I really like animals and it's a newfound love. I've got a dog, so I i absolutely love my dog well i would say um cats man okay yeah cats cats are dickheads bro it's true i mean i even have a cat right next

to me on the bed now but i still agree with you yeah i do you know what like i could have gone for something outrageous like kangaroos or oddardvarks do you know what I mean but realistically how many of us are do you know who are even bigger pricks than cats but we can't pick them because they're in the water dolphins

we can pick them no because they're not going to be actually on the island they're in the sea so they're surrounding it but i'll give you i mean i'll let you have i'll let you have dolphins i mean because i mean let's imagining you know like they're eating all the fish so there's no fish to eat and you've only got the cauliflower so and they're just sort of sticking their heads up mocking you it's worse than that bro do you know that dolphins rape for fun really dolphins rape uh they gang rape they they kidnap female dolphins and they because they're the only they're the only other animals like us i think they're one of the only other animals that have sex for yeah i've heard that yeah so they they

gang rape other so they'll kidnap a uh a female um dolphin and they'll gang rape her and whatnot. And they'll also kill a female dolphin's offspring in order for them to be able to mate with her. Wow. They are pricks, bro. They are selfish. And there's all sorts of reports. If you go and Google the darker side of dolphins or something, trust me, bro, there's like all sorts of reports if you go into like go and google like the darker side of dolphins or something like trust me bro there's all these facts dolphins are pricks like at least

with cats yeah they're not pretending are they yeah with cats cats are like listen man give me my food whatever cool i deserve this i'm great here stroke me once piss off i'm the queen dolphins will trick you like hey look at me i'm so nice and whatever deep down it's all just a front road they're plotting for your downfall i think like it's that kind of like over compensation for something when you're like you're hiding something bro like what is it that you're hiding because they're always smiling aren't they dolphins they've just got that face that looks very sort of happy all the time exactly but yeah so that's that's why they're masking all this disgusting behavior if you don't believe me bro just search dolphins rape and like it rings a

bell i have heard something about this i'm just uh i'm just taking it all in i mean to be honest i really like when someone chooses someone a bit controversial. And I know there'll be loads of people out there going, dolphins? But I want to swim with them before I die. So that's, to me, I'm just quite enjoying the contentiousness. Listen, if you swim with a dolphin, yeah, more for you, bro. Because these things are killers, man.

They are killers. And do you remember, there was a Simpsons episode about it, how the dolphins were trying to take over the world. And people thought, oh, that's great entertainment. No, bro, they're telling you what's in dolphins' minds, man. The Simpsons have predicted things happening in the world time and time again, and this is just another one of those things, bro, trust me. Nice.

Okay, so dolphins join you, maybe not on the island but around the island yeah around the island good well i think you've uh you've done a very good job there choosing the worst things and people to be stuck with so thank you thank you very much and where can people see and hear more from you at the minute um catch me on all sorts of social media i'm mainly active on twitter and instagram uh which is k a e k u r d and my youtube channel as well k a e k u r d so uh there's always like lots of great things to watch on there i've got my full hour special my youtube uh channel as well um yeah there's there's loads of shit tons of videos and stuff on my Instagram. Go and go and enjoy all of that.

Wicked. Nice one. Well, thank you for joining us today. Thank you very much for having me. Cheers.