Desert Island Dicks - KATE BARRON

Episode Date: February 27, 2023

Comedian Kate Barron joins Dan to share who and what she'd hate to be stuck with on a desert island. Kate is busy touring extensively and brings her 'Losing Myself' live show to the Soho Theatre in April - so go see her! And be sure to follow the podcast @dickspod Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

At Sierra, discover top workout gear at incredible prices, which might lead to another discovery. Your headphones haven't been connected this whole time. Awkward. Discover top brands at unexpectedly low prices. Sierra, let's get moving. You're a podcast listener, and this is a podcast ad. Reach great listeners like yourself with podcast advertising from Lipson Ads. Choose from hundreds of top podcasts offering

host endorsements or run a reproduced ad like this one across thousands of shows to reach your target audience with Lipson Ads. Go to LipsonAds.com now. That's L-I-B-S-Y-N-Ads.com. Hi, I'm Dan and this is Desert Island Dicks today featuring comedian Kate Barron, who is very funny. She's got a run of shows at the Soho Theatre, go and check her out there and she's got lots of other shows as well so go and find out where she's playing and go and have a look if you're a new listener to this then please do consider giving us a rating and a review because it's really helpful for us and it's just nice to see as well so that would be great and also just to remind you that you can get involved in the podcast as well if you listen and you're thinking oh i really want to tell them

who and what i hate or hate to be stuck on an island with well you can because every week we put out a tiny little episode called compact dicks where we read your submissions and we would love to have an email or suggestion from you so to email us you can go to dixpod.com contact or you can contact us on social media on instagram and twitter at dixpod and you could be part of the next episode uh i think that's about it so i will go now and leave you with well with me again but also with comedian Kate Barron. Hi, I'm Dan Benedictus and welcome to Desert Island Dicks, the show that sees you marooned on a desert island after a plane crash with the worst people and worst things imaginable. Who they are and why they're a dick is up to our guest and here to share their Desert Island Dicks with us today is comedian Kate Barron. How you

doing? Good, how are you? I'm all right, I'm all right. We were just discussing that I'm a bit tired before we started recording but now I've said that I don't think anyone really needs to hear that. It's not an interesting start to a podcast so let's just scrap that okay um kate thank you for coming on today of course we're about to maroon you on a desert island with with your worst people and things imaginable uh how are you feeling about that well already being marooned on a desert island like is just not my ideal i'm a very pasty woman and i don't do well in nature i've only been camping like a couple of times and i think both times i went i ended up sleeping in the car because i just couldn't handle it so like i think just being on there in the first place is my worst

nightmare let alone being with all of the worst things and worst people in the world and that would just make me want to just walk into the ocean with rocks in my pocket and do you find that i mean was it was it an easy process kind of compiling your list of dicks today do you find it easy to kind of vent at people you dislike or yeah it's too easy this is the problem like i'm trying to narrow it down because there's like too many people over things that i would include in this i feel like i'm somebody somebody I try to be generally like an optimist um but I struggle with it and then I am the person who like if you if you are bothering me or you can't get something I just like kind of step in and take over I'm like it just I just cannot help myself my sister reminded me of a story the other day where I was in an airport and there was a

woman who couldn't figure out how to work a USB, put her USB into the wall to charge her phone. There was a USB outlet and she just kept putting it in upside down and then be like, trying to put it in the out socket part. And then I was like, and I was just staring at her for five minutes. I was getting so angry. I didn't say anything to her. I didn't know her. I walked up up to her i took her phone out of her hand and her charger i plugged it in and i was like there and then i walked away and my sister was like do you know how psychotic that was like you didn't even say let me help you were like oh you're doing you just went up silently ripped it out of her hand like she thought she was getting her phone

stolen and i just like that that's my problem i cannot help myself which is maybe psycho is that weird or is that would you no i was just thinking how annoying that would be i think it's uh yeah just watching people it's like just fucking do it properly it's so easy um yeah so i get i mean i don't think like you i try and be optimistic but i don't think being optimistic and liking a rant have to be sort of inexclusive You know, I feel like if I, yeah, if I rant about all the shit that I hate a lot, it gives me more time to be upbeat about other stuff. Yes, yes, absolutely. Then you freeze your mind up because then I have just these little outbursts all the time. So I'm not somebody who holds it in and then has like big

explosion. I just have small outbursts all the time exactly well let's let's start the healing process shall we yes who's going to be the first person joining you on the island i think the first person would be now i have somebody in mind but i'm not i don't think i can say their their name someone who's like a new to therapy person do you know someone who's like had a like so much fucked up stuff like they clearly need therapy and they're very toxic and whatever and then when they find therapy they act like they're all of a sudden like healed and like they know everything and they want to pathologize everyone around them and i just feel like i have people in my life like this so i've known people

who are like this they'll be in therapy for two months and be like i think you need to talk to somebody about that because I think that actually says a lot about your relationship with your father and I'm like because I added extra ice to my latte like what the fuck are you talking about and they're just so set on wanting to like become a little therapist themselves have you ever met anyone like that yeah Yeah, I mean, I know people like that. And I think probably their poster boy would be someone like Russell Brand or someone, you know? Yes, yes, yes, yes. Yeah, we had Sindhu V on this podcast ages ago. And she said there's this Indian phrase, which translates as something like, the cat has killed 1000 rats. And now he wants to go and be a monk and

tell everyone about it and it's like oh my god it feels like there's this ancient hindu phrase specifically for russell brand it's perfect that is literally what because yeah wasn't he like i mean it's great he's clean now and stuff but he was like he's had a really hard life and he was like a an addict and stuff like that and he's gone through a lot of shit but now he tries to be some like holier than thou kind of person i'm like that's all good good for you sort your shit out get it done but it's then when they start putting it all on you and i've had therapy myself and i feel like maybe at the start i did this a little bit but then i was like what am i doing like if someone doesn't want to help themselves or do their own thing, then that's fucking, that's them, not me.

But people just cannot help it. And like, I know this one girl and she, she did a therapy journey and now she, she acts as though she has a PhD and she can heal everyone. So it's, you can't have like a conversation with her without, she like wants to make everything so deep and so involved. And you're just like,

shut the fuck up. Can we just like have brunch together or can we just go for a drink together and you don't have to get so deep all the time yeah i do know people like this and it's almost like you'll be sort of passing the time of day with them and then you might mention something bad has happened in your life and you can see them sort of switch on like yeah oh now you're interested now i'm having a bad time you're interested in this and it's like i know that you're sort of coming from a place of trying to help and heal and be nice like that but it's also like you're definitely more interested in me now than when like yeah i was telling you about just my general life now i'm telling you that parts of my life are really hard you're like oh this is great like you're enjoying this but that is the

whole thing it's like trauma porn right like they like like I heard about this phrase recently it's called emotional masturbation where people like get off on like weird like sometimes it'll be like if if you're if you start seeing somebody in a relationship and you're you're picturing your life together and like your future and all these things you're like oh that's like emotional masturbation but it's the same kind of thing for people who are like trauma bonding or like love people who have issues because they're like oh it's my time to shine like let me really get in there and they don't almost don't want to see you thrive or do well because they want exactly what you're saying like they want the moment you say oh this has gone bad they're like yes i can come in here and i can insert all my like non-fucking

wisdom with my three months of therapy and act like i'm some fucking expert on this yeah oh my god it is just like but then it's like i feel like it also can be like i know people also who've been in therapy for 8 10 12 years and i'm like i think it's not i think there's a point where it's just not doing anything anymore or you need to switch therapists or whatever because they sort of i don't know just like people who over therapize things i did therapy it was great i did it for like two years i don't think i like one therapy and like checked it off and i was done forever um But I think I did what it needed to do. And then I just tried not to be that fucking dickhead.

I just trying to be like, maybe I'll be like, maybe you should see a therapist, but I'm not going to go, oh, here, let me analyze you and do all of this shit. I like, I cannot fucking stand it. No, I think it's very true. I think it's like the same with, you like any sort of health pursuit like you know if it's like oh it's really good if we all exercise or go to the gym or have therapy like i have i like to go to the gym i have had therapy but like i don't want to go into it that much more than that with everyone it's like do you know what i found that i was getting like a backache quite a lot but

i found since going to the gym it's helped that so maybe that's something and I'm ending it there I'm not going to tell you every single exercise to do yeah like have a big long conversation because it's fucking boring you know and I'm not a personal trainer it's the same with therapy like do you know what like sometimes just talking to someone that's not me is really useful I found it useful here's a number but like I don't want to become a motivational poster here no like i had a friend once offered me like weird exercises to do and like journaling exercises to do and said like oh you can send this back to me and i can look over them because my therapist did this with me i'm like what are you gonna do with my journal what the fuck like yeah my friend's a cunt here's

my journal why don't you take a look at that what do you have to say about that like what the fuck like yeah my friend's a cunt here's my journal why don't you take a look at that what do you have to say about that like what the fuck i was just like it's shit like that or like going over all your exercises like oh my god no one cares like and people want to know they will ask you like i've had friends before be like i'll ask their opinions but like wait till they ask you yeah i just find that people are so wanting to chime in and like a friend of mine who is one of these therapy people who does it sort of like an acquaintance of mine her issue is that she's always so keen to give relationship advice based on everything she's learned in therapy but she's never had a relationship oh man yeah and i was like that is like taking savings

advice from the guy who lives on the corner of your block you just the guy who is like living on the street i don't think i mean i'm sure he's a good person i'm not gonna take his advice on investments it's just it's all self-awareness right the reason all these people are dickheads and the reason none of us want to be with them is because of fucking lack of self-awareness. Yeah, definitely. And I mean, putting this kind of mentality onto a desert island with you is just going to be torture, you know? Could you imagine how awful that would be? Like I would be hanging from a palm tree.

I could not do it. Oh, it's a good start. I think this person would wind me up so much i mean because even if you were still in therapy you couldn't go yeah yeah i know i've got a therapist like we're cool so yeah yeah so um but one thing my therapist said though like i don't i don't shut up oh my god yes just when you're trying to find your own space and it does just terrible terrible first person but brilliant choice um who's gonna be joining them who's the next person i think i mean this one is so broad and i'm sure you've had this but just bad travelers okay people who just

don't fucking get it like obviously there's like people who can't handle security lines they can't they don't understand about the liquids how many decades do we need to not be able to carry big liquids onto the flight before you just fucking get it through your skull like i just think there should be an iq test and that determines who goes into which lines of the security i like people just in bad travels that people who try to talk to you on a flight nope it's not happening i'm not talking to you i don't care if the plane is going down look forward shut the fuck up i don't want to hear it like i hate because they'll try to talk to you at the start of the flight to like gauge if you're friendly and want in and that's when you can't do it you can't fall for the trap you can't talk to

them if i see like an older lady or something sitting beside me i'm like kill me like i cannot do this and i just put in my headphones right away and i'm always make it very obvious when i pull them up be like sorry what oh and i put it in and i just like really this is my fear if i ever become famous that i'm too much of a bitch when i'm out in the world and people will be like oh she's actually really rude and it's just the truth but like people who just can't fucking travel right who just don't get like if you have a big suitcase and shit move off to the side stand onto the side of an escalator when you're traveling in a new city don't stand at the top of an escalator and just look around with your jaw dropping going where should we go next

move off to the fucking side like i'm always like i'll help you and i'll push them to the side like i just anyone just traveling bad all over the place it's just because obviously i'm a comedian i'm sure you've heard this a lot i travel a lot as because obviously i'm a comedian i'm sure you've heard this a lot i travel a lot as well so i fly a lot i'm on loads of trains and everything and it's just like you see the worst of humanity and like people just being pigs people grooming themselves during travel like i put a face mask on on a flight i'm sure a lot of us have and gets very drying up there you know i'll do some that, but I'm not clipping my toenails. That is disgusting.

Like that should get you on a no-fly list. Oh, yeah, definitely, definitely. I'm really with you about this sort of IQ testing for like the check-in bit of the, you know, the security checks. Because I find, so there's a secret check-in place for parents that I didn't know about. What? Yeah. Like often airports, you go up with all your kids and all your crap and the pram and stuff. And they go, no, no, no, just down there.

If you just go, there's another place for you. And quite a lot of airports, there's one. And that's where all the parents, if you think about it, often when you're going through security, you don't see that many parents with like buggies. True. often when you're going through security you don't see that many parents with like buggies because we're all down there and they're really good at just sort of dealing with like useless tired parents and they're like okay no fold that up right that one over there okay you come over here yeah no don't worry about that it's fine and they just fucking get you through so quickly and it's amazing you get through and you're like oh that was the bit i was most scared about doing with

all these kids that i've got now and like and all these millions of bags and pouches and fucking toys and stuff yeah so like they can do it for us useless bastards i reckon they can do it for just like the general herd of slow people you know it's like it's doable oh totally and the best thing ever is like i haven't formed business that much but when i have and i've been able to get upgrades or whatever flying business to be able to go through that shortcut line oh because it just is like most people who fly business travel often that's why they do it because they're traveling all the time so it's like a comfort thing and they just get it they just get how their shit is they it laptops out ready to go bags up belt off whatever they're not just going oh what

like wandering through that's actually good though that they take parents off i have seen parents on the regular line who i guess don't get pulled out because when i i will even if they're like oh security will be like go to line number four i'm like fuck look at that family they're a disaster they'll be in this line for five hours there's no fucking way i'm going behind them yeah i just go to another one and i pretend i'm like sorry what like what i can't hear you i don't know i'm not from here i'm sorry the other good thing i had once was like i was in an airport and they just said oh if you pay 15 quid you can go to join this lounge thing and yeah you get the check-in i only happened once

and it's like i mean the lounge was terrible but it was like i will pay to be out of this situation right now for sure but that's always the way even with traveling like i always would pay when you're booking travel you go i want the cheapest i want whatever is gonna be the least expensive and that's fine when you're going somewhere because you're like excited to go when you're on your way back i'm always like i would pay five thousand dollars not have to sit in economy with with like a stop i i not like i have to do non-stop flights if i have to do a connection which i have to do when i fly back to canada to visit my family i always have to connect but the connection isn't so bad if you have like multiple connections or anything i'm like it's just a fucking so just traveling and i'm somebody who i like to travel alone i don't mind

it at all because i do travel alone a lot i find when i travel with other people i'm like come on let's go like get to step in come the fuck on like we go we move we do this and i'm like oh my god just sort out and people who are like too like uh like lazy daisy or too like intense about it as soon as they like look like they're starting to bore they're like we gotta get a line we gotta get the line to board and i'm like oh relax we're sitting four feet away it's not going anywhere like calm yourself down yeah yeah i wish there could be sort of little uh you know like in first class you see like i've seen videos of like you know they have like a little cabin now yeah i would be happy with like a cabin over an economy seat just to like shut everything just a tiny little cubicle like a tent that just yeah just like a cabin over an economy seat just to like shut everything just a tiny little cubicle

like a tent yeah just like a tent just like a big privacy screen you can go and just slide it up and be like there you go fuck off like you know but imagine going to the bathroom with that people are already i do like a window seat if i'm going a long distance right like closing into the window window seat obviously we all know is the worst but the fucking that would be so difficult to climb out of there if there were those private screens because already the other worst people when they travel the ones who like sit if they're on the aisle or middle and you're like okay i need to get past you and they just turn to the side and like turn their legs inside and you're like bitch my ass is gonna be in your face get the fuck up out of your seat like if you're trying to get in and someone doesn't stand up for you no no no that's not happening that is not happening i will

not allow that but that's the thing i will i will call it out and i will say stuff and then i'm like this is why i could never be famous because people will just be like she's a huge bitch oh no but you'll just have to reframe it as diva that's and then you're okay people love mariah carey and you know it's like that's true oh god did you hear about this a really difficult thing she demanded like people think that's fucking great and no one's good and then everyone just thinks she's a fucking icon yeah like i don't know where where the line stops like i. I think it's just money. If you have millions of dollars, you're a diva. If you don't have millions of dollars, you're just a fucking annoying Karen.

That's it. Like the line at Karen to Mariah is blurred by money. That's all it is. That's true. So right now I'm a Karen, I guess. I try really hard not to be a Karen, even though people call me Karen all the time. But but they don't the reason they call me Karen is because my name is Kate Barron and people always mush those together and like comedians I know have been like Karen I mean fuck Kate Barron like they introduced me as that I'm like this is gonna turn me into a Karen

right now this is gaslighting me into becoming a Karen absolutely okay well I think it's another very strong choice and I just think the idea of like someone who's just a bit annoying and dithering i can imagine them sitting there getting kind of expert advice from the person who's in therapy yeah and sort of going oh okay and then coming back the next day because they couldn't follow the instructions and getting confused so yeah it's good um who's going to be the third person joining you i started because honestly i have so many like i was actually like do i go with like the joe rogan andrew tate loving mma gym bros but i think the one that's actually more annoying to me than that and maybe we give them a route it more and this is gonna sound really rude but brand new first time mother yeah fair

enough because they just go oh my god the world revolves around me entirely everyone needs to come to me everyone needs to bow down to me and anytime you say anything or go like actually this is how they go i'm a mother i am a mother now do you understand i am a mother and i'm like fuck we all fucking know you're a mother or anytime you're like oh like if you were just you know if you're like're like, oh, I'm kind of tired. You want to know tired? Try being a mother. Try having a baby. Then you'll know tired. You don't know tired until you're a mother. And it's like, I remember being as well once in, I was in Paris and I was going, like getting on a train and I was in line for tickets and the trains were like crazy and

there was something happening. And we were all in this huge queue and everyone was getting mad and this woman who was like she was a new mom she comes to me she's like move i'm a mother get out of my way and everyone was like what the fuck and she pushed past everyone and everyone was kind of like didn't really know how to react to it and she's just going like i'm a mother you need to let me through and i was like bitch no we don't like but people just let her through and i'm like it's that entitlement of like move out of my way on the sidewalk move out of my way i get this i get this and yes it is fucking hard being a mom i get it i see how difficult it is and everything but it cannot be your get out of jail free card for being an absolute fucking cow of a person and just be

like so rude to everyone and be like well i don't care my mother that is like my do you i mean you have a kid i've got two kids yeah and i've definitely i mean i've probably i'm sure i've definitely played the tiredness guy i mean even speaking to you already i've mentioned that i'm tired now but but you're not devaluing my tired by going like you don't know tire bitch like you don't know i'm not gonna say i've never done that to people i'm sure i have but i mean yeah i think it's something that is so just absorbing and tough but i think within that there are levels of dealing with it you know like you can say sorry i'm a complete fucking mess today this one's been a real pain in the ass can you do you mind if i sit there or do

you mind if i just squeeze through because he shat himself or something like that you know rather than sort of demand it's like i suppose it comes down to it's like the baby on board sign it's like i would obviously protect my children over my own life of course but all life is basically equal you know i mean and it's like when i driving, I'm trying to never crash my car. Like, that's my default position is never crash into, don't kill anybody. It's like, oh, but they've got a baby. I better be even more careful not to, like, horrifically crash into that car. And it's that sort of, like, of course they want to protect their baby more than they want to protect themselves.

But it's like, just fucking perspective. Come on. But even everyone does like if i saw two people in a burning building and i can only save one of them and one's a kid and one's like an adult i'm saving the kid yeah i'm obviously you know what everyone is going to save the kid first but it's just it is the entitlement of just going like everything has to revolve around me and being the mother and everything and i'm just like and because i have so many friends who become moms a lot of them chill out as they have more kids or the kids get a bit older or whatever but it's when they first they go oh you have no idea and i think it's so funny as well to see because i have so many friends with kids to see some of my

friends who go like i'm a mother you don't know what it's like and my other friends like bitch we're all moms too or we're all have kids too like we a mother. You don't know what it's like. And my other friends like, bitch, we're all moms too. Or we're all have kids too. Like we fucking, we know you don't have to be such like so brutal about this. And I just like, when you go above and beyond all the time, you'd be like the world needs to cater on me or this shouldn't happen because I'm a parent. So all of a sudden you see the world through parent lens and you think like everything needs to focus on you and the kids. Which yes, we need to focus on kids and do all that stuff and take care of them and like everything needs to focus on you and the kids which yes we need to focus on

kids and do all that stuff and take care of them and like love them to bits i'm obsessed with my niece she's the best little person ever i would literally murder people to save her from anything or just to get her ice cream that she wanted um but like there is a line there is a line and it's like i've seen people like i said push people out of ways like just screaming other people and you're like what the fuck or huge like if a kid needs to go to the bathroom i'm like yeah go in front of me whenever i let the parent take their kid in the bathroom ahead of me because like it's a little kid you don't want them to have an accident that's a whole other thing but you can just tell sometimes when it's a mom be like uh let me through i'm a

mother i'm like your kid is over there like this is for you this isn't the fuck out of here or like i was at a resort once checking out and there's a huge line of people checking out and um there was a woman screaming that she was a mother and she shouldn't have to wait in the line to check out and she should get first priority over everyone and other people were like we're parents too but our kids aren't with us doesn't really fucking matter and their kid was just like playing the side having a fine time that's the entitlement i cannot handle yeah yeah we went uh a friend of mine last year uh for her birthday we all went camping and it was this nice little campsite and all our kids went to bed and uh then we were all just sitting up around the fire just talking shit and someone from like the next little group of tents like 100 meters away was like excuse me do

you mind we've got kids trying to sleep here and so we've we've got like eight kids asleep all around us so yeah so fuck off i think probably we're annoying you but you can't play the kids because we're literally surrounded by more kids than you have over there so you know just if you just want us to quieten down like don't don't make it about children just like we're probably just being loud and obnoxious but our kids are used to that i guess yeah i've had the same thing in a restaurant where they're like excuse me we have kids over here oh it's 10 p.m in a restaurant you're a bad parent your kid should be in bed like what are you doing here this is not a child-friendly i also think like you need to be aware if you're going to non-child friendly places that's what you're gonna get you can't take a kid to like a fucking drake concert

and they go everyone like can we just keep it down a bit like oh my god uh less of the cuss words please less of the cuss words everyone just gentle i have a child here so that is it if i was stuck on a desert island with somebody like who wanted to therapize everything, a fucking new mom who was screaming about everything. And then people who just like, or a person who just didn't even know how to travel or function was overwhelmed by everything.

No, I'm done. I'm done. I could not deal with that. Yeah. I think, um, I mean,

you've articulated your issues with these people so beautifully that I have no doubt imagining that this would be a fucking awful place for you to be so yeah yeah you're a podcast listener and this is a podcast ad reach great listeners like yourself with podcast advertising from lips and ads choose from hundreds of top podcasts offering host endorsements or run a reproduced ad like this one across thousands of shows to reach your target audience with Lipson ads. Go to lipsonads.com now. That's L-I-B-S-Y-N ads.com. Okay, well, look, we've got the people out of the way. We're going to move on now because mercifully amongst the wreckage of the plane, there was some food and drink left over. Unfortunately for you,

it's your least favorite food and drink in the world what are they and why are they so bad for drink i'm gonna have to go with kombucha right okay i think it tastes like putrid like piss water and i think the only reason people talk i don't think anyone actually likes it anyone who's told me they actually enjoy the taste of it there's you need to go to the doctor you need to get yourself checked out you cannot enjoy the fermented bitter sour gross taste of kombucha have you had it before yeah my wife likes it and i just occasionally i try it and i'm like i've had i've drunk worse things but i don't know in this world where we could drink so many things i don't know why this is you know yeah there's fruit flavors and it's slightly fizzy but you can get nice fruity fizzy drinks you know and if you

want to be fermented then like the world of booze awaits you yeah i just don't really know what they're always good for your guts and it's like yeah but but so is a lot of other stuff that doesn't taste like that and yes have we all tasted worse things sure anyone who's into kombucha or really likes it i'm like that's somebody who wants to drink pee that's somebody who's into like piss play and they don't want to admit it and this is the gateway drug into doing pee porn or something like that like that is i'm convinced of that so this is a new kink of your wife's yeah and that's if you didn't know that that's i think what she's probably into but i just i just know you cannot

like it it is disgusting and i also i'm not good with carbonated beverages so it's the fact that it's carbonated and it tastes like that no no it's disgusting i can't i can't get on board and it's expensive as well isn't it it's like you might as well just have a drink a proper drink but this is like it tastes like shit it's exactly what you're saying have a proper drink like there's so many other better alternatives out there what are you doing what are you trying to i feel like it is this like oh but it's actually really good for you and like people try to be like i'm actually like better than you because i can drink this and it's like really expensive too and you're just like you're just a fucking loser and maybe also because like that kind of

like there's you know people are pretentious about the drink in general and i grew up really poor and like so even stuff like that i have a really hard time with stuff like that too where i'm just like to justify really expensive things that also taste bad i'm like no like what are you doing like i'd rather have kool-aid you dumb fuck like it's just i i can't do that and food wise i really really i mean i don't know if this like anchovies and olives were sort of the two that i would just be again i know a lot of people who love them and anchovies are supposed to be amazing for you amazing for your skin like they have really good healthy oils in them but it's that fermented, tinning, like my dad loves them. I'm just seeing them in the whole little fish form. I love a Caesar salad.

One of my favorite things in the world. But I always have to be like, if there's anchovies like laid across, I'm like, I just, no. Yeah. Well, I think because you said olives as well, I think you can get olives with anchovies stuffed in them. So something like that. Okay. Anchovy stuffed olives would be my worst nightmare.

Or a little, well, we can give it a little platter. So you've got some olives on their own, some anchovies, and then the two combined. Just like a nice little sharing plate or something. Yeah. The only good thing about this island is that I would be so skinny because I wouldn't eat anything. And i wouldn't be drinking kombucha i would just drink seawater until i killed myself because of all of these awful people of things to drink but like olives i know people

like them and i think i always grew up thinking like it's very like sophisticated food like people who ate olives were like cool and it's just a very sophisticated thing to like but i genuinely i've tried because i've also heard like if you eat something like 20 times or whatever, 25 times, you sort of start conditioning yourself to like it. I've tried to like olives because I want to like, want to like them. I've gone to like really swanky like cocktail bars where they just put like a little bowl of olives in front of you. And I want to be that person, but I'm like, bleh. Like I just, I cannot handle it. They're just, do you just do you are you an olive fan yeah but not until I was 35 and oh wow okay so I mean anything that takes you 35 years to do like was it worth it I don't know and I think it's I think

the only reason I did keep trying them is because yeah it's like you're having a drink you want something to eat often that's what there is and just over time you're like oh there's something salty you know I mean it did just sort of happen over a while or like i used to go to this salad place near work and they'd always put loads of olives and after a while i was like i just can't be bothered picking them all out i'll eat them yeah it's like oh these are all right really they're just so strong too the taste like permeates everything like there's my favorite salad at prep that i get has black olives all over it. And I sit there and pick them all off because, and I tried to be like, I just, do I have to be this much of a child where I literally can't be like, nah, I can't eat them.

But I just, I just can't do it. I just cannot do it. There's other things that I'm like, I don't like love mushrooms, but if it's on like a pizza or if it's in like a pasta or something, fine, I can eat it. Or if it's in like a dish, that's cool. I can eat mushrooms. When olives are in there, it's ruined the whole fucking thing yeah that's the thing what used to really annoy me that i didn't like them because i like everything on that sort of deli counter you know like all the little pickles and aubergines and like little middle

classy things like i love all that shit you know so it's really annoying that olives are like you know they're the poster boy for that. And, you know, I couldn't get there. But, yeah, I know what you mean. I mean, I do. So, like I said, I like them now, but it's taken me so long. I'm like, what the fuck? What is it with you?

You know, and like kids like them now. Like when I was young, they were exclusively a grown up thing. Oh, yeah. They were like a past grown up thing oh yeah they were like a posh grown-up thing to in my eyes like yeah and i'm sure it was different in the middle you know in like mediterranean countries and stuff and everyone was just eating them all the time and now but here everyone does it and i don't know if it's just like seeped down somehow and like little two-year-olds are sitting there eating olives and yeah it's weird but um yeah anchovies i think are a weird fucking thing. Oh, yeah, they're just gross.

Like, there's this way of cooking a leg of lamb, right, that I was introduced to, and it involves, like, you know when you get a leg of lamb and you stud it with, like, garlic and rosemary? Right. And when you put the garlic and rosemary in, if you put a tiny little bit of anchovy in as well, it, like, acts as a seasoning.

And I hate, I love roast lamb and i hate anchovies so i'd never do anything that jeopardized the flavor of one with the flavor of the other yeah but it sort of works and you don't taste anything fishy and it just makes it really nice and but when i'm doing that and i have to get these little like hairy fucking things out of a jar and like they're so oily and i have to are they hairy i feel like they're maybe it's just like tiny it's probably tiny bones or something right but they're so oh just getting them at these little oily deeply fishy things i'm almost sort of like oh god this is disgusting but um but it works it does work but yeah i mean i'm probably going overboard it's probably like

i mean it wouldn't be fine if i didn't do that as well, you know. I mean, like I said, I love Caesar salad. And I've had Caesar salad before where in the dressing, there's a little bit of really finely, finely, finely, finely chopped up anchovies. And that's like, okay, I can handle it. When they're whole, when they're laid out, when you can see them, when you can properly taste them, it's sort of masked by the other flavors. No, I just can't do that and handling them is like my dad i went home and he was uh i went home and i was helping take care of him and the family and stuff recently and he loves them and he was

i was you know making him lunch he's like oh i could do some anchovies like no you're on your fucking own i literally don't care that's the line i can't i can't cross like i don't eat pork i don't eat ham or anything like that but i'll make him a ham sandwich that's fine line I can't I can't cross like I don't eat pork I don't eat ham or anything like that but I'll make him a ham sandwich that's fine I can handle it and like I you know I can handle it but I won't eat it myself but to even touch anchovies I'm like I will be sick I will be sick but again I feel like that's like a very immature mindset to have it feels like an immature palate do you know what I mean yeah i i hate being someone like picking things out or being fussy and obviously there are things we don't enjoy eating but

i hate it more and more like okay oh sorry i'm just gonna i'm just gonna pick this off like i hate seeing that in me so and i love kids who are into that like you were saying kids nowadays who are eating all those and stuff i do actually love seeing kids who are so adventurous for food i think that says a lot about the parents i'm like oh that's awesome when i see a little kid and they're like ordering sushi i'm like that's fucking cool i wish i could be like that as a kid but like yeah it just makes me feel even more immature actually when i pick stuff off well i think a lunch of kombucha and olives and anchovies is horrendous so i think it's it's a fair choice okay kate now fortunately you won't be without entertainment on the island the planes entertainment system continues to work

but just your luck it only has two working settings one is your least favorite film of all time and the other is your least favorite song what are they and why okay so least favorite film it was this film that i saw we saw it at the vancouver international film festival and everyone was losing their minds for it because they're like oh my god it won the palm door at cans like it's the most amazing film ever so we were like we have to go see this we have to go see this film and it was like line up to get in people were waiting for cancellations like the hype was real on this film we go there and there's a small group of us and one of the people is my friend's husband who's very much

more to just like let's go watch the fast and furious let's go watch marvel movies anything out of that he's not really into so this is already like an artsy film and he's already like i don't know you guys it's called uncle boon me who can recall his past lives have you ever heard of it it's a very it has 89 on rotten tomato so keep in mind by the most pretentious motherfuckers ever like it has to be because it is one of the worst movies i've ever seen about it probably was it's the worst one like it immediately stuck out as the worst one my friend's husband got up halfway he's like i i can't i'd rather stand outside i'll wait for you guys outside i'm just i can't do this anymore he got up and left multiple people left but we're like we have to see through this we have to see it through

and it's one of those movies that they're trying so hard to be artistic that like there was no joke, a shot that lasted for about 10 to 12 minutes. Because it's about a guy whose son dies and he comes back as like a gorilla. And it's all very artsy and it's supposed to be all existential and all these things, but it's like too symbolic. There's a scene where the gorilla is walking out of a long shot slowly through the wilderness for 10 minutes nothing happens but the gorilla walking away in the slowest and it just keeps panning out and out and out for 10 and we're like this is not still going on and we started laughing halfway through and people ran us like that's so rude like so disrespect because we're like a premiere at a film festival it was so bad and in one of the scenes there was a woman who goes swimming in a pond and she starts

talking to a catfish in there and the catfish is talking back to her and then it starts to go down on her right and she starts having an orgasm while the fish eats her out in a pond while the gorilla is walking in the background while the guy is crying what his dead son and you're like what in the act and it's not comedy this is just like people are like oh yeah i see it i see i'm like there's a catfish licking her pussy like what do you see here what is so fucking artistic they it was the most pretentious piece of shit i've ever seen in my life oh my god awful i mean i remember there was that phase where people were getting those fish pedicures, you know, in shopping centers. Oh, yeah. Yes, yes, yes.

There's like a step further than that. It's like, what if they just kept going? What if they kept going a little nibble up the leg and kept going higher and higher? What if the water was deeper and they could just go anywhere? Does that not sound like the worst fucking film of your life? Yeah, that sounds unbelievable really but i mean it's the sort of thing you're like oh i've got to see it to really take it in but yeah just one of those long things we go is it is this still happening like i watched at the start of lockdown i was like right i'm gonna i'm gonna watch uh

2001 space odyssey like i've never seen it i want to get really involved had all turned off all the lights had a big drink i was like great and like there's bits in that that just go on like way too long you know and you kind of start off you kind of don't realize you're like wait this is this is the second this didn't need to be five minutes look why are we still yeah still doing that and it's that weird thing of just sort of going is it me has this been on for ages i feel like this has been on for a really long time yeah when directors do that it's like through the whole process and the editor's going do you want me to trim like 75 of this shit out like no no no keeping it really because the film's gonna be really long and it doesn't have to be

no leave that in yeah the worst thing though about it is people it's like the kombucha thing all over again right pretentious people going no that's actually really good i'm like tell me why you needed to watch a gorilla sun boy thing walk out of the forest for 10 minutes tell me what was so impactful to you that could have been 90 seconds it had the same effect yeah 10 minutes 10 or it was like 10 or 12 minutes because we started timing and we were just like what is actually happening after the movie we were like laughing like and we were like crying we were laughing so hard because you're like what a piece of shit people were like bravo bro i were like

shut the fuck up because it's those kind of people that are like i don't watch movies i watch films and you're like oh my god like shut up like i'm somebody who i love really like artsy weird things i used to be an art dealer i like really artsy weird kind of off the cup quirky things too but they have to be fucking entertaining and good and i also like blockbuster shitty movies and rom-coms i like everything and i love action movies like heist movies i can watch anything and my thing is like i do not walk out of the theater and sometimes that has just been to my downfall that has been like i wasted my life i've wasted time in my life i'm not surprised that sounds really hard work because it's got uncle boone's it's called uncle boone me who can recall his past lives wow so even the title takes too long.

So highly recommend your audience not to watch this unless you don't want to lose two hours of your life. Sounds like a real stinker. Stinker. And what would your song choice be? My song choice would probably be Sandstorm. Oh, like Darude. Darude, like...

Because EDM music, i just cannot handle anyway i feel like it just makes me anxious like the slow build-up is like it's coming it like gives me anxiety and then that movie is just like this like or that song rather is like this iconic sort of edm and i used to be when i was like a like a shitty little teenager i used to sneak out and go to raves with my friends and then like do drugs in a corner and just like shake and throw up on myself and like so it just brings when i hear that it brings back those memories of just being in an awful place being like how do i get out of here because i was like i have to be a raver i was so not like that i was just trying to be cool i was trying to fit in i was trying to

and i just i hated the music i hated the dancing i hated watch everyone's walking around like fucked out of their minds like sucking on like pacifiers and like having glow sticks and stuff and like i just i hated everything so when i hear that song or other songs that are sort of in that genre it brings me right back to like sitting in a dark corner shaking and like throwing up of like what am i doing with my life fair enough yeah i mean i like electronic music but i would put that very separate from the sort of thing i like you know i mean it's like yeah sort of just paint it by numbers kind of yeah sort of saccharine stuff although in the summer i was at a fun fair near here with my kids and that came on what and

like in the middle of like a fairground when there's like the waltzes and everything whizzing around yeah i heard it and i was like this is like this is the most perfect music for this situation it's like it was designed you know it's not like it's it's like it wasn't even a separate song it was just designed for that ride you know yes yes yeah like you like you get a video game maybe if you buy a roller coaster it just comes with its own music oh my god but to imagine that it was in the charts you know when we were young and it's yeah i mean that's really weird that that it was a real thing someone sat there and they're like yeah we've got it this is the one nailed it like i just get and it's become this kind of joke with me and my friends so at our

friend's wedding when we were in bali while we were all getting all ready and it's become this kind of joke with me and my friends so at our friend's wedding when we were in bali while we were all getting all ready and there's like we're playing like fun music we're drinking champagne and we're getting all ready to you know before the wedding as a joke we put on the song but we put it on to be like this is awful but i guess we're still giving them downloads and plays or whatever so it doesn't really matter yeah i'm contributing to the i'm part of the problem not part of the solution i guess i think at this point that you know that the horse is bolted what are you gonna do you can't contain it anymore like just imagine that being the only song you've got on an island it's just it's perfect it's so good on repeat eating olives

anchovies kombucha with all these nagging awful people people. Oh my God. Like this is my worst nightmare. It would be quite fun. Like every time your friend tried to give you therapy, you just put it on really loud. No, what would happen is I would be watching the movie and the gorilla would be walking slowly out and she'd come sit beside me and be like, let me talk to you about what I think this means for you. Like you're sitting here watching this. That's true. That's true that's true all right well kate finally the island is overrun by the biggest dick of all the animals which animal is it and why i

have to go with pigeon i think they're out to get me one birds just like creep me out their little talony hands like it grosses me out and it's just it's i can't i can't handle the hands and i actually dated somebody so i dated somebody and i wanted to be really respectable to his family and his family took me to like a very traditional chinese food restaurant and i was like i can't be like we're talking about picky eating i'm gonna have to try everything and just like go with it i did try chicken feet and i know a lot of people like them because they eat the skin of the chicken feet but i have a particular issue with like bird feet and bird hands and i still did it to be respectful and i went home and i was just like oh what did i just

do like it was awful but i think pigeons and they also like i feel like they know who i am on the streets and they just like want to attack me like every time i'm walking they're not afraid of me and when i get near they fly in my face and i i like the person who always screaming on the street people are looking at me because i'm such a fucking idiot on the street like screaming like getting out of the way of the pigeons and i haven't been i've like stepped in and kind of sat in pigeon shit before by accident but i haven't been fully shit on yet oh my god knock on wood like i haven't that hasn't happened yet but i know it's just a matter of time they're just like they grossed me out and i was once at this outdoor market and we were sitting on these picnic tables

with my sister and Mike, I think our boyfriends at the time. And this woman was sitting across and she had breadcrumbs and was giving them to pigeons. But she was throwing the breadcrumbs at our feet. And we're like, if you want to feed them, fine, but throw it at your own fucking feet.

She's like, I can throw it wherever I want. So we're trying to eat our lunch and she's throwing breadcrumbs at our feet. So the pigeons are all surrounding our feet and that was like you know what she's probably just a new mother and she needed to do it so whatever yeah they're weird aren't they because it's like i heard they're apparently quite an intelligent bird but yeah they used to be trained like you used to and then gone out of control right but they seem quite dumb when you they're just they're like eating some vomit in the street after a Friday night or something.

You're like, you're supposed to be clever birds. Like, a crow is supposed to be clever. And they kind of have something about them. There's a bit of like... Yeah, crows are top tier. Yeah, they sort of carry themselves with a certain something. There's dignity there. Yeah, there's dignity.

But like, with the... Yeah, with a pigeon, I i don't know it just feels like they've just let it all go maybe they just sort of into bread too much i think that's it i think they used to be smart the breeding got out of control and now they're just everywhere and they multiplied by the bajillions and they're just dumb flying rodents who yeah they're eating puke on the streets i mean to be fair that is a british delicacy which i've learned over here that you guys love throwing up on the streets that's true that is like a favorite pastime of everyone who lives here but yeah the pigeons i just i can't get on board with

them and when i see them like they'll get into train stations i'm like what are you you're so why are you inside the station yeah like you can fly get out of here yeah like what are you doing like sometimes they're on the public transport and you're like and this is quite amusing but just what's he what's going for your thought well through your mind yeah it's unbelievable that an animal that can find its way home over hundreds of miles and has that level of sophisticated brain function can also just be so dumb sometimes but that's what they were literally weren't they that's why they were bred it's for like carrier pigeons right to send messages like that is what

they were there for so they're not dumb so the smart ones i guess can live if they're trained and in cages but like i just i i cannot they just to me they scream like i'm filled with diseases and i'm like a dirty rat who flies yeah i think also just any animal in bulk is kind of unnerving for some reason like yes and like like you're saying when someone's throwing crumbs and there's just they're everywhere it's like i don't know or like also i think with the pigeon because they're so they've kind of got to the point where like they're less scared of us than most animals would be oh yeah it's weird when they're kind of you know they will just jump on you and it just sort of feels like the boundaries are all wrong there you know so a thousand they're not scared of us i saw or there's a tweet that someone um put out and it

said like about it was about when you get the ick and like seeing a man run towards pigeons and they don't move that is the ultimate ick and i'm like yeah because pigeons don't give a fuck like they are not scared oh my god if i ever saw a man running towards pigeons to scare them immediately dry like immediately we're never having sex that's disgusting get off my island fair enough well look i think you have created a perfectly uh horrendous island for yourself and uh i can imagine already just from our chat how angry it's going to make you so uh so well done on on uh on that you aced it um now uh before we started recording we were talking about how busy you are because i was looking i

mean you have got a lot of dates uh and you're touring around doing loads of shows so uh well tell us more about that yeah so i i gig everywhere i'm doing a gig coming up in cypress actually that's called carry on comedy which you can it's part of like a resort there's like djs parties comedy shows it's gonna be really fun um and then i have loads of shows so you can always check those out on my website which is katebarron.ca or you can go to my instagram which is just underscore kate barron um and i'm i'm on tiktok because i have to be and so you can see see my stuff there check it out but i'm doing the specifically the one i love to promote and have people come to is my soho theater show

april 12th and 13th it's my solo hour it's called losing myself i took it up to fringe this year and it was a british comedy guide recommended show one of the top reviewed shows of fringe and i won the debut award from entertainment now and it is the story of how in the last few years i've lost 13 and a half stone after being very very overweight for the majority of my life so it's it's the story of that but i'm also just like a filthy club comedian so if you are easily offended as i'm sure if they've listened club comedian. So if you are easily offended, as I'm sure if they've listened to me this far, if you're easily offended, please don't fucking come. I don't want you there. Don't bring your children. This is not a children's friendly show. And then I also started a new podcast called You've Changed. So that one just came out and I'll be releasing it

every Tuesday. But yeah, lots going on. But if you find me online, I have loads and loads of things happening. Brilliant. Nice one. We should do all of that. And thanks again for coming on desert iron dicks today thank you so much for having me this has been fun There you go. That was that. And this is this. It's time to wrap up the podcast by telling you that Desert Island Dicks is a Sink Clap production. It was dreamt up and produced by James Deacon and produced and presented by me, Dan Benedictus, with unwavering additional support from John Deacon as well. So thank you to all of you who listened.

We really appreciate it we'll be back very soon with either another Desert Island Dicks or a Compact Dicks or maybe one of our Top of the Cox episodes where we do a little best of I don't know that's all in the future and it is as such unwritten for now but yes that's it for me and yeah bye