Desert Island Dicks - LAURA LEXX

Episode Date: February 7, 2022

From the title of this podcast you've probably already guessed that this episode features comedian Laura Lexx, and if you hadn't yet worked that out, here's further confirmation that this episode features comedian Laura Lexx, choosing the people and things she'd hate to be stuck on a desert island with. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Choose from hundreds of top podcasts offering host endorsements, or run a reproduced ad like this one across thousands of shows to reach your target audience with Lipson Ads. Go to lipsonads.com now. That's L-I-B-S-Y-N ads.com. Hello, it's Dan from Desert Island Dicks here. Today's episode features the comedian Laura Lex, and I hope you enjoy it.

It's Monday morning when I'm recording this, so I don't really have a lot to say because i'm terrible in the mornings well i'd say until the afternoon really and even then i'm not great normally i record these bits in the evening and uh i'm more eloquent and able to speak properly so look i'm going to keep it simple laura lex is on the podcast today and all i'm going to ask you to do is um if you enjoy this podcast tell a friend, tell a friend that's easy isn't it, just you can text

them, you can retweet us on Twitter, that's sort of like telling a friend isn't it, it's also like telling people that aren't your friends, but you know just get the word out there about Desert Island Dicks, that would be lovely, just spread the word just keep it simple for the start of the week if you're listening to this at the end of the week

it's still fine. As I said, I'm sleepy and I can't think. So let's just listen to the podcast. It's Desert Island Dicks, the show that sees you marooned on a desert island after a plane crash with the worst people and worst things imaginable. Who they are and why they're a dick is up to our guest. And here to share their Desert Island Dicks with us today is comedian and writer Laura Lex.

How are you? Well, it's not been the best start to the year. My dog's been pretty ill. So I've been sort of mainly dealing with that, to be honest. So I'm sort of easing myself back into work and gigging and trying to stop the dog moving and opening up all her stitches. Yeah, that sounds like a challenging start to the year yeah it's not been great but hey let's um onwards and upwards and all that kind of stuff well let's cheer you up by thinking of the worst people and things you can imagine um is that something that you find easy to do are you prone to a rant are you more reserved

um no i'm quite cautious about upsetting people. So I think I might have even taken the wrong tack on this podcast with my decisions. But I don't really like upsetting people. So even the thought of slagging somebody off that was probably never going to seek out and listen to my appearance on this podcast made me feel quite uncomfortable um and also it wasn't the route that my brain went down when I was like oh who would be the worst person to be stuck on the island with I just didn't think about like horrible people I suppose I thought about like the worst situation so I'm really sorry if I've messed up the format that's okay well well um let's get into it and we can we can see how we get on who's going to be the first person joining you on the island

okay so we'll go for a straightforward one first of all um I would really hate to be stuck on an island with Bugs Bunny okay I I find him very annoying and annoying in that like assertive sort of, what's wrong with you? Nothing ever bothers me kind of a way. And I think that would get very tedious very quickly. Also, you'd be like, where are you getting these carrots from? Share the love. How have you always got a carrot?

Yeah, he always just sort of pulls it out of a pocket, but he doesn't have pockets. It's that weird cartoon thing. Like when you watch a cartoon with something that has hooves they still manage to pick up a cup or something yeah i don't have any fingers it really annoys me um yeah bugs bunny i mean i can imagine i've never thought of this before because normally i guess when you're watching it he's kind of like the he's a sort of bit of an anti-hero in a way because he's a bit you know sort of very laid back kind of sarcastic but i mean if you have you're dealing with that i think i'd find him incredibly smug yeah you can sort of imagine him speaking to an imaginary camera

quite a lot yeah and just like every time you know you're having a really rubbish wednesday where you're like look i'm stuck on an island it was meant to be my wedding anniversary today but instead i'm here on this island and he'd just be there like hey why is this even bothering you and you'd be like have you got emotions i just i'd find him a struggle yeah yeah yeah it's this sort of just as the the shelter that you spent a week building finally gives in and collapses it just sort of turn up what's up doc you know now bugs yeah and i don't think he'd be very helpful i think he like you'd be trying to build a shelter or build a fishing rod or do your stuff and he'd just kind of be stood there

watching you not assisting but having sarcastic comments on everything you did that went slightly wrong yes that is pretty much his sort of vibe isn't it i haven't watched bugs bunny in a long but having sarcastic comments on everything you did that went slightly wrong. Yes, that is pretty much his sort of vibe, isn't it? I haven't watched Bugs Bunny in a long time, but from what I remember, he's a sort of like a sarcastic voyeur. Yes, which just I think would be the worst possible addition to being stranded on a desert island. And you couldn't even eat him because he's a cartoon. So it's not like he's a real rabbit that you could possibly eat if you got desperate you know and i think like if cartoon

logic followed him you'd be frustrated because he'd turn up like with a book or something and you'd be like look if you know how to get this sort of stuff can you get some flares or a dinghy or like help us somehow and you'd all i think if you were stuck with a cartoon you'd always feel like they were capable of getting you rescued but weren't doing it for irritating reasons yes definitely yeah it's weird isn't it like quite a lot of cartoons if you watch them as a grown-up you just kind of think yeah you're just a bit of a dick like yeah dennis the menace was originally just just quite a nasty bully you know yeah um also you you couldn't kill him because you'd probably you know if it got to that point and you you just decided he had to die you know you'd just smack him around the head he'd be invincible he'd get some little stars

or tweety birds around his head you chop his head off and he just turns into like 50 other rabbits or something. Like, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I think that is a very good choice. Have you always hated Bugs Bunny? I mean, is this like a sort of, as an adult, you've kind of realised that he's a prick or is it? I don't think I've thought about him truthfully for a long time. I definitely never had warm, fuzzy feelings towards him as a child. And I think I do tend towards underdogs a bit more. But it was he was the first

thing that popped into my head when you said to think about the three worst people to be stuck on an island with. And then I sort of sat down for a bit longer and I did it all. And then I went back over all my thoughts again. And he was still there as as like and I thought about all the regulars you know I was going in my head like Piers Morgan and I was like do you know what though at least Piers Morgan is intelligent like maybe he uses his intelligence to go down a different route than I believe is is morally comfortable but you know you could have some good conversations um he knows he's he's well versed in the same world and universe that i understand so you could have debates about stuff whereas perks bunny is just a wind-up merchant like he's like the worst twitter troll i think of just like

wanting a reaction yeah the only time I think he'd really come in handy was if you were being hunted by anything. Then I think having a cartoon on your side would be really helpful. Yeah, because he could do that thing, if someone's trying to shoot you, he sticks his finger in the barrel and it explodes the other way and that sort of thing, which we can't do. Or the gun's been subbed out for one of those bang ones with the flag, you know?

Yeah. Like, yeah. Then I think he'd be really great. If you had some sort of like wild boar that you were always in a battle with but i don't know about that situation i think this is a really good start and uh i've never come at him from this angle but i'm never going to be able to look at him in the same way again so so well done um i'm interested to see how he's going to get on with the next two characters as well.

Who's going to join him on the island? So my second choice is Zac Efron. Okay. And this is for two reasons. One, I think he seems really lovely. And therefore, maybe three reasons. I would hate to see him stuck on a desert island. I think he'd really try hard to help out.

Two, he's a vegan. And I think I would really struggle to, he would have to choose to either sort of probably not be vegan if we were going to survive, which would be really horrible to watch somebody who's that committed to a lifestyle have to give it up. Or he would slowly die of malnutrition. And that would be awful to watch somebody who's that committed to a lifestyle have to give it up or he would slowly die of malnutrition and that would be awful to watch and three i would find him very tempting

not to kiss and i would like to stay faithful to my husband despite being on a desert island so for those three reasons um zach efron yeah because i mean of course he's someone who a lot of ladies like to see with his top off honestly you know yeah yeah and he seems so he's like handsome and a nice guy and cares about the planet yeah complete bastard um yeah he does seem like a quite a sweet guy doesn't he like yeah he did that travel series i don't know if you've watched it and i can't remember what it was called or what streaming service it was on so this is not helpful but he did something about like traveling the world to save it or something some sort of yeah i saw it pop up on netflix but i hadn't actually clicked on it he just he came across really well like not the world's sharpest guy and not the world's stupidest guy but really willing to learn and kind and interested and nice and i just thought like oh yeah i'd be so sad to have to

watch him be stuck i can sort of imagine him being a sweet guy and sitting there writing poems and you're going hey zach um you know how's it going on the firewood situation he's like oh well listen i decided instead to just like write my feelings down and you'd be like that's that's sweet zach but like it's been three weeks oh i think he might try and be helpful but i like when you've been a child star have you had to have much experience of looking after yourself i mean i don't know i'm supposing here but yeah i guess i'd find like maybe he has no idea how to do anything for himself yeah but i feel like he'd try i think and i and i think like also i think bugs would have a lot of material to sort of satirize zach and that would be quite painful to watch because i think zach would want to get along

with bugs and then bugs would be shooting him down all the time yeah he's like i love bugs bunny i love cartoons this is great yeah and then just sort of you know i don't see why bugs have to be so mean all the time yeah like he plays the dumb sidekick in films really well and and i feel like you know he'd naturally want like he'd understand the alchemy between him and bugs but i think you know oh it would be sad to watch yeah just withering away slowly i find i get really confused with zack effort in my head if i try and think of him it's like some you know you can't picture someone's face like a bit of him sometimes it's justin bieber sometimes it's like this guy who I think is maybe one of the Franco brothers

who's in 21 Jump Street. And I can't quite. So it's hard to have. He's so generic to me. It's hard to care enough. See, for me, I think because he was like high school musical when I was like a teenager. And then Baywatch and Greatest Showman have all like he's developed as I've developed

so I feel like the things he's been in have always been aimed at my age range or thereabouts so I've aged quite well with Zach's demographic well yeah I think seeing anyone that um also the other thing it could go the other way because i mean it's difficult seeing anyone that you care about or enjoy seeing just slowly withering the other thing is he could just be a massive dick we don't know that like there is a chance you know child star lots of money you know it might be as soon as the camera stopped rolling he's unbearable and then you have to be faced with that you know imagine if he was just a real spoiled brat and he was like oh this coconut water is trash i want the stuff from whole foods and you're like i mean it's from a coconut it's organic it's literally the best coconut water you

can get it's like oh no it doesn't taste right it tastes funny i want it in a carton that would be really sad that that would be gutting but then maybe that would make Bugs be an upside because Bugs could deal with that. Like, you know, he'd be quite good at countering the brattiness. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Well, it's interesting so far. I think I'll be curious to see how it turns out. Okay, who's going to be the third person that joins the three of you?

Well, there isn't a third person because the third person would be myself um i absolutely hate having too much time to think okay and i think being with my own thoughts and myself on a desert island for an extended period of time might just be my own idea of hell like just being stuck with myself like i'm the sort of person that is never in silence i always have a podcast on i don't even listen to music because i can think too much to music so i always have a podcast or an audiobook on and i think that much thinking time with me able to spiral oh i like oh i'd almost find it easier to be like lobotomized or slightly sedated just to slow down the amount of anxious thoughts that could run through my head so i'm the third person on my island okay and shall we say i mean we could go

the whole hog here and say it's like a clone of you so there is actually another you on my island okay and shall we say i mean we could go the whole hog here and say it's like a clone of you so there is actually another you on the island oh but yeah okay she'd have to be talking out loud constantly because that would be the thing it would be the constancy of thoughts with very little to shut them out that's what i'd find difficult like i think i'm quite a practical person and i can be quite optimistic and useful so I'm not like terrible in terms of island specificity it's just for my own sanity being stuck with my own thoughts that's like oh I don't know about this yeah yeah it'd be really difficult in this scenario because obviously in other desert island situations having company would be great but we're picking people you don't want to be with,

and then the only other option is you. So, you know, just when you think, oh, I need some time alone, shit, I can't because I'm going to drive myself mad, and you better go back to Bugs Bunny and Zac Efron. Yeah. I don't think I've ever thought the thought, I need some time alone. I don't think that's ever happened to me in the history of being with my own brain um my thought is always i need some time with several other people so that i can't hear myself

think anymore um so yeah so yeah so basically all you've got to sort of get you out of that is bugs bunny and uh and whatever whoever zach Efron turns out to be in real life. Exactly. Poor Zac Efron, who's very sad about having to eat whatever we can catch to stay alive and the shoddy coconut water. And then as soon as he's made his peace with drinking his slightly gritty coconut water,

Bugs turns up with a carton of it. And I'm sure Bugs Bunny would litter as well. I think that would annoy me and zach yeah because he's from a consequence-free environment pretty much his world is you know it doesn't matter like what happens um yeah and i guess if you know if you don't want to have your own thoughts you don't want silence all the time but you'd want bugs bunny to shut up so you're making a choice between him stopping talking or you carrying on talking in your mind exactly that's not a good situation to be in is it no do you want cartoon witticisms or like the

tortured thoughts of a very privileged middle-class comedian neither thank you neither okay uh laura now mercifully amongst the wreckage of the plane there was some food and drink left over unfortunately for you it's your least favorite food and drink in the world what are they and why are they so bad okay so food um i'm going brussels sprouts um i hate most green vegetables and i really wish i didn't because i'd love to be the sort of adult that was like oh green vegetables are so delicious i'm craving some fresh tasting green vegetables but i've never felt like that i think they all taste weird and sad and mean and brussels sprouts are the worst they are so intense and every time you try and voice this some idiot goes oh have you tried cooking them

with lots of butter and bacon and salt and you go i know butter and bacon and salt are delicious but if i wanted to eat something covered in butter and bacon and salt it would be bread i'm not gonna waste those delicious things with a nasty sprout in the middle if you're gonna eat something gross just eat it gross on its own don't like ruin good things by putting them with the gross thing so i think like sprouts would be the worst because you'd know you had to eat them too to keep the scurvy off it's weird isn't it because they're such a you know traditional food at christmas but you know when people are like oh yeah but you gotta have brussels sprouts and it's like but but maybe that was just what was on offer

at the time now there are so many other alternatives why do we have to keep eating something that no one likes that much and as you said you can dress it up as much as possible but you can get another green vegetable and dress it up a bit less and it'll still be nicer it's like exactly and it all and it like the sprouts take so long to get down as well like they're not like you know if you overcook a bit of broccoli you barely have to chew broccoli you can just mulch it a little bit and get it in you but sprouts take effort and you either have to cut them in half and then that's two mouthfuls or you have to have a whole mouth like literally a mouthful a sprout is mouth-sized and that's too much that's too much oh i feel really gross even thinking about them um i'm really sad

also what annoys me now is that like modern thing of sprouts coming on their little stick you know like you see they're like oh these are organic and so we're selling them still on the stick why you don't like what's happening there i don't need the stick you're just selling me a massive part of that i don't need that won't fit in the food recycling bin put them back in the bag yeah that's the equivalent of like when a kid really wants something from a shop that is just dressed up in a fancy wrapper and then they get them out and they go there's nothing this is this is shit this is the same thing i have normally this is just a biscuit or whatever

yeah i mean it is kind of a novelty like oh that's how they grow now we can move on yeah overrated massively overrated you're a podcast listener and this is a podcast ad reach great listeners like yourself with podcast advertising from lips and ads choose from hundreds of top podcasts offering host endorsements or run a reproduced ad like this one across thousands of shows to reach your target audience with lips and ads go to lipsandads.com now that's l-i-b-s-y-n-ads.com fair enough well what are you going to try and wash them down with what's your drink choice well i was really thinking about this and this was much harder because there aren't many drinks that i'm not into but i really did think the worst thing for me would be cheap banana milkshake okay yeah so not like a banana smoothie like i'm not talking fresh banana i'm talking like that banana flavoring syrup yazoo yeah yeah is that what it's called yazoo that yeah it is yazoo

isn't it in a in a sort of thick, because one, I don't like that fake fruit taste. Like I don't really like strawberry ice cream or banana ice cream or anything that's like artificial flavoring fruit flavor. And two, I think milkshake would be so unsatisfying on a desert island. Like each mouth was going to have a bit of sand in it you're basically washing down a sprout with like thick milk banana milk um so and obviously there's no caffeine in it so my caffeine headaches aren't going to go away yeah you do always just have a sticky mouth yeah some some fruit flavors like they never taste exactly like the thing, but banana flavouring is particularly different to what a banana tastes like. A banana isn't that strong a taste, but fake banana, like those foam bananas you get. Yeah, it's really strong, isn't it?

And like milkshakes as a grown-up are fine, but this thing about, yeah, a crap banana milk. I remember seeing a guy on the tube and he just had a bottle of that crap banana milkshake sticking out of his duffel coat pocket and i'm like grow up man come on like grow up it's it's not right i think fruit flavorings have come on a long way in my lifetime oh science they're certainly a lot better than they used to be because i remember as a kid i only ever wanted chocolate everything because anything fruit flavored would be a bit rubbish except raspberry ripple that was always good because raspberry's a bit tangier but I think like fruit flavorings always overdo the sweet

they never you can't quite replicate that like sharpness of natural sugar you know it it's always a bit too like gummy and like um and i do occasionally like a milkshake but i think you would so quickly just want a lovely glass of spring water yeah yeah i just it would get so um yeah sort of claggy and you know if you just leave it for a while it starts to separate and yeah yeah i went to peru and for some reason they are mad on milkshakes and like and like you know like drinking yogurt yeah you go to like any sort of 7-eleven and there's just like a whole wall of of it in the freezers it's so strange that's just a little aside there about my travels because i'm a wanker um you know just just to give you a colorful picture about about dairy drinks in

different countries i think also milkshakes traditionally drunk through a straw and i think drinking it just off the side of the cup would be really gross even worse feeling but if you were drinking it through a straw i can sort of imagine being sat on this desert island beach already sad drinking milkshake and then just like a turtle poking its head out of the water and seeing your straw and judging you and you just feel like the smallest piece of poo that ever lived i think as well because it'd been on a plane they'd be like in little bottles so if you were thirsty you couldn't even just chug them that quickly because you have to open open one, like about seven open. And it's going to be warm, isn't it?

Like it's not even going to be refrigerated. You'd have to bury it under the sand to keep it cool. And then you've got sand in your banana milkshake. Just the worst. Yeah, your teeth just like, you know, when you like rub your teeth together after you've been to the beach and you just hear like. OK, well, Laura, we're going to distract you slightly from the awful food and drink,

because fortunately you won't be without entertainment on the island. The plane's entertainment system continues to work. But just your luck, it only has two working settings. One is your least favourite film of all time and the other is your least favourite song. What are they and why? I chose the film The Pineapple Express, which I think to my memory is the saddest I've ever been in a cinema. And I chose it as a sort of representative

of a genre of films I don't really like very much. That I think also would be very annoying if you were in that situation of not having endless other entertainment. Because it's such a throwaway film. Like it's one of those like for people who haven't seen it. I think it's Seth Rogen and maybe Joseph Gordon-Levitt or one of the Francos or someone like that. Anyway, it's one of those like stoner-esque films. And it's basically just about some stoners getting into situations whilst tracking down some drugs.

And it's so far away from anything I'm interested in. I don't remember finding it very funny. And I think that that sort of quite thinly humorous comedy would be the most frustrating thing to be stuck with for all eternity just after my youngest son was born at the beginning of last year there was loads of times I had to just stay awake as long as possible into the night and so you know stuff like this was quite good fodder for me, you know. But it's very, and quite often I forget what I've seen and what I haven't, you know. And it's weird, like, I think you can put the same ingredients together

in a different film and they're okay. Yep. I'm sure it did well with who it was meant for and it wasn't meant for me. So it shouldn't have pleased me. But I think, think like just personally like when you're looking for comfort or some meaning in the human existence i think being stuck with something that cost millions of pounds to make and was just about a load of white men looking for some drugs would be so annoying so quickly. Yeah.

And, you know, like, I used to be quite a stoner when I was younger, but when it becomes, like, your whole identity, it's a bit like, it's like somebody who only talks about real ale. You're like, I don't care. Like, I really like drinking alcohol, but, like, I don't want to talk. I've got other things I'm interested in and I feel like that a bit like and maybe now that it's kind of legal in the states as well it's kind of even got even more sort of licensed to sort of go oh but now I'm like a weed connoisseur

it's like oh but you're grown up shut up don't care it's not that interesting yeah because I wouldn't want to talk to a sommelier for very long or, you know, somebody that really understood the difference between, I don't know, differently reared cattle kind of stuff. Like, I don't know, I'd find all of that really difficult and stuff. And so because I've never really been a stoner at all, so because, like, somebody being really into weed is like an extra step removed from something i'm even oh god boring boring boring and i think every time i sat down to watch that

film i'd just be thinking of all the other comedies that were adjacent to that like step brothers is i'd say probably in a really similar genre to pineapple express and i love it i think stepbrothers are so funny it just really tickles me i'd be so frustrated that i had this bro comedy rather than any of the other ones that i really like yeah yeah i think yeah anything where you didn't find it funny the first time then you know you're never gonna any sort of further nuance isn't going to, you know, improve it after watching it a million times. Yeah, agreed. Fair choice. And what would your song choice be?

So, I chose a song called Tonight I Celebrate My Love by Peebo Bryson and Roberta Flack. And again, it's a little bit representative but i dislike duets um i think they sound like novelty music and um they're twee and annoying and so i chose this one as a sort of ballady representation of that kind of oh god we get it you love each other and you're separated or you love each other and you're together or like oh i find it real saccharine and like woof well straight away it's a weird thing to say so you know looking at the lyrics here tonight i celebrate my love for you it seems the natural thing to do tonight no one's gonna find us we'll leave the world behind us when i make love to you tonight i celebrate my love for you and hope that deep inside you'll feel it too now imagine someone

saying that to you imagine like going to bed with your partner you're gonna have sex and before before anything happens i go tonight i celebrate my love for you and you just go yeah I think um I think I'm just gonna read actually it's too ick it's too ick and there's something about like a male and female voice like intertwining and singing that just makes it gives me the shivers it just makes me go like I don't like it I don't know maybe maybe I've just seen it in too many Disney films to take it seriously outside of that but like a whole new world is about the only place I want to hear a boy and a girl sing about love and and be I'm okay with it if I can't take it seriously and so it just it I don't know it makes me think of musical songs and i love musicals it's fine in that context but i can't cope with it as pop music it just makes me go no yakking up banana milkshake

all over my sprouts like there's the occasional good one like dilemma nelly and kelly oh i'd have that on my desert island sure crack on crack on. But this just makes, it's everything I dislike about music is this song. Sounds like something that like, I don't know, imagining like you lost your partner and they started going out with like someone who worked at the resort that you lost them at, like just some like really cheesy kind of barman.

And he was like, tonight I celebrate my love for you. It's too much. i don't know it's yeah you just hear the opening bars and just go and then maybe later you'd hear zach efron humming it to himself come on zach and he's so good at singing and you know maybe he'd want us you to uh come on do the other part it'll be fun it'll be fun do the other part laura come on just once it's not catchy enough that you kind of like the fact that it's stuck in your head but it's just dreary enough that it gets stuck in your head it's not for me that one yeah i've heard your argument i've seen the lyrics and case closed case closed okay finally, the island is overrun by the biggest dick of all the animals. Which animal is it and why? I've gone with a pig because I try very hard to be a vegetarian and pigs are delicious.

So I think the temptation of a pig being around would be really difficult also they're so clever they're also quite they can be quite violent and if we died pigs would eat us so there would be no chance of our families finding our bodies and having closure because we'd be pig fodder they're quite scary when there's a lot of them like a lot of pigs you're not gonna mess with them um so for all of those reasons i think i would find it very tempting to have pigs around but then probably just as i went oh do you know what what's the point of being vegetarian if i'm out in the wild um like a pig would do something real clever and then i'd feel horrendous about eating it and bugs would probably work out how to saddle one and ride it around.

That would be very irritating. And yeah, and he'd come out with a terrible wisecrack. Like, now that's what I call a piggyback. And you're like, we're all there. We all got there, bugs. We don't need you to say it. Yes, exactly. And you'd be like, where did you get that saddle from?

We could have put that on that turtle that was judging my milkshake straw earlier and we could have been free by now. And you probably, you'd just about get your hut built and then something would spook the pigs on the other side of the island and they'd come rampaging through and tear it apart, you know. Or you built your hut over the one truffle on the island and they snorkel it up. I just, yeah, I think pigs can cause chaos without meaning to but would just about have nice enough eyes and look friendly enough that i'd feel horrific about how much i

wanted to eat them you can't milk them either i don't think like pig milk i don't think they produce much milk no i mean i think sometimes their organs are compatible with ours but you know what you're going to do with that on a desert island? That's not useful. Yeah, bugs would be the only one capable of doing the surgery. Yeah, and God, you don't want to leave him in charge. Also, the point about you saying that they could eat you afterwards, it's just, imagine your parents hearing that,

like your child was eaten by pigs. Yeah. It's a bleak way to go well bugs bunny watched and zach efron sat in a tree that laura didn't have the upper body strength to climb and zach cried and bugs laughed and then they drank milkshake at her funeral pour a pour a sip onto the beach in memory as she would have done rather than drinking it herself because because it was a drink she hated oh yeah well i mean i don't think we can end on a better note than

laura was eaten by pigs so hey but at least she's not hanging out with herself anymore who was her least favorite there is some comfort in that she finally has peace from her inner thoughts very good um well thank you so much for coming on today laura where's the best place to keep up to what you're up to at the minute um you can find me my website is lauralex.co.uk i'm on twitter at lauralex instagram at lex laura um i think that's it really oh i've got a youtube channel that sort of thing you know how to use the internet though that's my name lauralex you'll find me i'm never offline there we go okay well

thank you again for coming on desert island Dicks today. Thanks for having me. There you go then that was Desert Island Dicks with Laura Lex. Desert Island Dicks it's a Sink Clap production it was created by James Deacon remember him he used to present the podcast too but now it's me and I also produce it my name is Dan it's edited by Chris he's a good man Chris Attaway he does the editing for us it really helps us a lot we get social media support

from Jason Leach and occasionally from Chinty Clinton as well that's not his real name though and a special mention as always to Grandmaster Flash who is our statistician and John Deacon our historian and all-round good man. So there you go. That's it. We're going to be back next week with more dickish fun. So please join us then. Don't forget to tell a friend. Thank you very much. We really appreciate you listening. Bye bye.