Desert Island Dicks - LUCY FORD

Episode Date: November 14, 2017

NEW DICKS! For this week's episode we are joined by Entertainment Reporter, Podcaster and Social Media Influencer, Lucy Ford. Find us on facebook and twitter @dickspod Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

At Sierra, discover top workout gear at incredible prices, which might lead to another discovery. Your headphones haven't been connected this whole time. Awkward. Discover top brands at unexpectedly low prices. Sierra, let's get moving. You're a podcast listener, and this is a podcast ad. Reach great listeners like yourself with podcast advertising from Lipson Ads. Choose from hundreds of top podcasts offering host endorsements

or run a reproduced ad like this one across thousands of shows to reach your target audience with Lips and Ads. Go to lipsandads.com now. That's L-I-B-S-Y-N ads.com. Hello and welcome to Desert Island Dicks, the show that sees you marooned on a desert island after a plane crash with the worst people and the worst things imaginable.

Who they are and why they are a dick is up to you. And here to share their Desert Island Dicks with us today is entertainment reporter, podcaster, and social media influencer, Lucy Ford. Hi, Lucy. Hi. How are you? I'm fine. How are you?

I'm absolutely fine, thank you. Shall we dive in? Who's going to be the first person? Tom Cruise. Okay, Tom Cruise. Yes. Because I figure, if you're on a desert island, there's, what, four of us, right?

He has endless opportunities to talk to you about Scientology, and you have no way to get out of it. Okay. You can't be like, oh, sorry, I've got plans. Yeah, this is really good. Like, you're just stuck there. So where has this come from? Do you have a specific gripe with Scientology? No, I just think that he, I'm quite scared talking about Scientology. Just in case they're listening. I did actually tell my sister and she was like, please don't

talk about Scientology. Really? You don't want to dive too deep into the Scientology element? Yeah, but I'm a thrill seeker. Okay. All right. Yeah. No. So I think with Tom Cruise, I never really got the Tom Cruise thing anyway. I guess I think his like heartthrob status was like before my time. Yeah. yeah yeah so I've just always seen him as like the kind of crazy guy who sometimes jumps out of buildings right yeah too wild and he's so intense have you ever seen an interview with him yeah and you'll notice even like Graham Norton can't ask him anything like off topic right and his answer's always like yeah it's amazing it's good it's great I love it yeah right and he his answer's always like, yeah, it's amazing. It's good.

It's great. I love it. Right. And he's just so intense. Yeah. Do you think he's sort of like a, he's super, super trained or do you think he's careful not to give away too much?

I think that Scientology has trained him from what I know about Scientology. Okay, yeah. Because he's like their cash cow, isn't he? Oh, he's like top of the pyramid, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And like as much as they've helped him, he's like their cash cow, isn't he? Oh, he's like top of the pyramid, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And as much as they've helped him, he's helped them. So it's like a mutual thing.

And also, so yeah, if you're stuck with him, he would obviously, it would come up, wouldn't it? Because it's like his thing. And I'd be like, oh, not really into it. But then also, have you ever seen when someone's asked him about it? No, no. And he's like, oh my gosh, it's really scary. He's like, he always has a smile on his face.

And then his smile will fade for like 0.2 seconds. And you just see this like intense serial killer kind of glare come out. And then it goes back to normal. So I feel like in the stress of the island, the dehydration, I'm assuming it's a hot island. Yeah, it'll be hot, yeah. Irritable. Like, I think it's dangerous having Tom Cruise there. It's scary that idea that he just sort of like disappears for a moment into this like who he maybe really is.

And then puts her face back on. Yeah, and he's like, it's awesome. It's great. It's terrifying. It's really scary. Have you ever interviewed him? No. Do you know anyone that ever has?

Yes, but yeah, I do. And it's always the same. You just can't go off topic. You can only talk about the film he's promoting. I imagine it's super tight, so you're given like a tiny window to interview him. Yeah, so I do know that a company live asked him about Trump and asked him about Scientology on the red carpet once.

And he did that like, he was like, I'm only here to talk about the film. And then like all of his team just surrounded them and then dragged them away. And he's not done a live interview since. Oh, wow. Yeah. Do you think they deleted the audio and all that?

They made sure it was all? I think because it was their own camera, it was all right. But if it had been like a situation, because sometimes if you do an interview, an external place will film it for you. They would have taken it away for sure. Oh my God. Scary, isn't it?

So I think he could be quite dangerous. Okay. I feel like that's very, very valid. You don't want to be there with dangerous Tom Cruise no you mentioned his smile have you ever noticed

that his smile is like one tooth round yes someone told me this the other day and you can't see it any differently now it's scary isn't it

yeah yeah it's very odd he's an have you also seen that picture of him that was in a Scientology promotional video where it's him like

laughing maniacally and someone's done one of those like there's a bigger Tom Cruise in the front and then like in the corner there's like another Tom Cruise laughing those pictures where it's like layered like an old school photo and someone at uni once just like plastered my room in that one picture it's really scary yeah yeah okay all right I think valid reasons. Yeah, Tom Cruise, first one in. And who's going to be your second choice? Jessie J. Jessie J? Yeah. Jessie J's likeable.

No, she's not. Okay. I don't actually, so I feel like I was quite thought out with Tom Cruise. I don't really have a reason with Jessie J, I just think she's a dick. So, has nothing happened to you to make make this choice no have you ever interviewed jesse j no and i'm sure i'm sure she would be really nice i'm sure she would be fine

i'm just gonna pick out a few things okay the music is that why music's fine it's very screamy i'm not a fan of screamy music like you know what I mean Wobbly Yeah and have you ever seen that video of her just saying no over and over again No

It's like no no no no no no no no no no It's so bad That was really good though Thank you That was quite a good impression Thank you

Anything else that irks you about Jessie J I think that so one of my pet peeves is like pop stars that take themselves way too seriously. Okay. So she was like this anyway, but recently she's had a comeback

and she released a four-minute video on YouTube called Rose. That was a four-minute confessional, basically, because she's had some time away. I've written down some of the quotes from it. Please, indulge us. Because she took some time away because I think she found the music industry quite hard, whatever, blah, blah, blah, blah.

And she's like walking through this field and she's like whispering into a microphone like, oh, the pain woke me up. The pain of not making music. And she goes, I don't do this because I want to I do it because I have to it's a blessing and a curse no you don't have to and also you make pop music like you're not it's not that serious like you ever heard her song she did with like Nicki Minaj and Ariana Grande no it's not that big like it's not that serious yeah okay yeah right so I just

sometimes think like why don't you just chill out for a second? And it's like, I get that art is like, if you're a creative person, you're like, oh, it fuels you. But I'm just like, also, like, have some perspective. Yeah. Like, oh, like a nude art. I know, woe is me. So annoying. Yeah, okay.

Is it just like, is it a song or is it just like a spoken word thing? It's four minutes of spoken word. That's tough, isn't it? It's tough. It's four minutes of spoken word. That's tough, isn't it? It's tough. It's horrible. What's the reaction been like? Do a lot of people like it? So I don't know anyone that likes

Jessie Jo. No, I don't. In my personal friendship circle. No, neither do I. It has got a million views though. And like, she does have some fans. Because I have a friend whose favourite thing on earth to do is just drag her online. And he gets quite a lot of hate from it. Oh my god.

And that's just what he does? Yeah, he's just a bit bitchy. He does it with a fair few celebs. Okay. But yeah. Wow, I'm really interested about this person. We'll have a chat about that after. Okay, Jessie J.

Jessie J's there on the island who's going to be your third choice Beyonce Beyonce yeah kindly lovely Beyonce

yeah so I do want to preface this with like I think her music's fine yep really big fan of Destiny's Child seen them in concert

great work love it okay but I think that the hype around Beyonce is the most ridiculous thing on the planet. Okay. All right. Okay.

What about the hype? So, like, she has her beehive. And, like, any time she does anything, the internet just explodes. And everyone's like, Queen Bee! Ah! And her pregnancy photos were like the most extra thing i've ever seen oh yeah that was ridiculous ridiculous right that was ridiculous and the internet exploded and they were like oh my gosh as if no one's ever had a child before yeah it's

true it's very true and then it's almost the thing of like she did that photo shoot thinking that people would care wow and they obviously did care so but it's just so weird it's weird isn't it because it's a joke but it's she it's not a joke though no but to look at it you think this must be a joke yeah but then it's not it's not she put serious effort into that she like hired i don't know that that photographer must have cost a lot of money yeah and all all of the work that went into that. Yeah. And then it was like, oh, we're on twin watch.

I was like, I don't give a shit. She's having babies. Who cares? Yeah. So I have thought, because I think I'm being hard on Beyonce. Actually, what I will say about Beyonce is I've talked before about the fact that I don't like Beyonce. And I almost feel like me having no

opinion on her which is actually kind of the the line I fall down like I don't think she's great or terrible I think she's just like fine okay people get more angry that I have no opinion on her than have a opinion on her I'm with you okay do you know what I mean because it's almost like how dare you have no opinion on our queen because she's meant to be you know and if i had an opinion they could like be like oh okay fine she's already thought about this but i find that me being like i think she's okay it's just it's worse to people yeah like it like melts their brain i've had people yell at me how could you not have an opinion on beyonce yeah be it bad or good yeah what what would What would Beyonce be like on a desert island? So I've thought about this, all right.

Okay. Because of all the hype around her. Like, if you ever watch her, like, HBO documentary that she did, like, that's got to do something to your psychology, right? She's like, she knows that everyone loves her. I didn't see it. Give me a little synopsis. Oh, she's just, like, very, like, fake humble in it.

Okay. Is the best way I can describe it. Like, it's very earnest, but, like, she knows that she's Beyonce. Okay. It's the best way I can describe it. Like it's very earnest, but like she knows that she's Beyonce. Okay. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. So I feel like if it was just me, Beyonce, Jessie J and Tom Cruise, like she would expect the same kind of treatment that she's been getting forever.

Like falling at her feet and it's not going to happen. But then I feel like I wouldn't be able to snap at Beyonce if I was hungry or tired, because then Jessie J would have a go at me for snapping at the Queen. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I just also think that her and Jessie J would sing a lot. Yes, okay.

And I don't want any part of that. No, no. You would get the exclusive, though. What, of being stuck on an island with her? Of their... Of their new track their Of their new track Of their new track, yeah First listen

Yeah, first listen, yeah When I'm eventually off the island I can give my piece on it When you eventually leave If you don't all kill each other Yeah Yeah I have a really bad feeling

About anything that has loads of hype Like I just think Everyone needs to have some perspective sometimes Like she could just like eat a piece of chicken And everyone would be like Oh my god Oh wow, she's eaten some chicken Yeah

Do you think people sort of jump on the hype train to be part of something do you know what I mean it doesn't need that much substance yeah probably and I think like she's great she's a good singer her songs are very catchy I listen to them in the gym it's good

drop in guys witness the fitness hit me up on twitter or instagram I don't know I'm not really Drop in, go to the gym. Witness the fitness. Hit me up on Twitter. Or Instagram, I don't know. I'm not really... But, like, yeah, I just don't know. I think there's just... When did she become Queen Bee?

Because I remember when she was in, like, the Pink Panther movies and Austin Powers and it was kind of a joke. Yeah, that is, yeah. And she had a couple albums that you were like, okay, who's this, like, person who was in a girl band who's trying to go solo? And then all of a sudden... Did you call them blalblums?

No. I thought that was like a Beyonce term for album. Or was it just albums? Albums. Oh, I'm sorry. I could be wrong. I thought you said she has her blalblums. I thought that was like a Beyonce album.

No, I'm just... The rage is seeping out of me now and my words are like moulding into one. That's absolutely fine. Isn't she meant to be just not really nice? Okay, yeah, I think she's probably really nice. I reckon we'd be best friends.

I think your points are valid. Thank you. I'm only here to play devil's advocate. Sometimes. Yeah. I feel like you're the Beyonce fan in this room

are you getting angry now that i have no opinion i'm gonna tell you i'm gonna tell you a little story i was once uh not at glastonbury festival but just sat in a bedroom in the dark on a laptop watching beyonce's glastonbury performance say no more i saw Destiny's Child in concert you did at the Houston Rodeo which is like not a very glamorous thing what is that

so I used to live in Texas when I was younger which is Beyonce's hometown casual Houston and the rodeo is like this big show where they

like lasso a cow and it's like cowboy Olympics yeah and they performed at the Houston Rodeo,

like at halftime. So like, this is like mini Super Bowl level. And they didn't have enough songs. They just played Survivor three times in a row. Oh, it's great, isn't it? I loved it. I bet you did. What age were you at the time?

I was about 10 or 11. Who did you go with? My parents. Okay. And my dad thinks he's hilarious because he thought Survivor was bus driver and he'll just go around the house singing I'm a bus driver

and he thinks he's hilarious. That is quite good though. Is that because you're a dad now and you understand dad jokes? Yeah, I understand dad jokes. Well, I think they're three excellent Desireland dicks. Thank you. Now, mercifully, amongst the excellent Desireland dicks. Thank you.

Now, mercifully, amongst the wreckage of the plane, there was some food and drink left over. Unfortunately for you, it's your least favourite food and drink in the world. What are they and why are they so bad? What would you like to start with? Food? Let's start with food. Okay, so the food is a drumstick lolly.

Okay. Yeah. This makes no sense whatsoever. Why? Because they're delicious. Okay. Yeah. This makes no sense whatsoever. Why? Because they're delicious. Okay. Okay, go for it. So I'm not a fan of gummy or chewy sweets in general.

Okay. So like any of them would probably not be preferable. Right. But something about a drumstick I think is disgusting. Really? Like they look disgusting. Have you ever been talking to someone when they've been chewing a drumstick and it's just like so gross? No, I'm with you that is horrible. Isn't it? It's like they're

not appealing to look at and then you're like talking to someone and they're like waving it around and you can see their like saliva on it. That is gross as well. It's minging isn't it? It turns into this weird sort of like shiny thing. Yeah. Also it's such an unnatural colour. Yeah and it's just like a block of goo

and then the like breath that comes along with it. Oh my god I feel quite sick talking about it. Also, it's such an unnatural colour. Yeah, and it's just like a block of goo. And then the like breath that comes along with it. Oh my God, I feel quite sick talking about it. Okay, but they're sweet. Yeah, but then everyone would be having like drumstick lolly breath all the time. Do they cause a certain type of breath? Just like very sweet, because it's what, like raspberry flavoured, isn't it? Raspberry and vanilla. So sweet. Yeah, because it's what, like raspberry flavoured, isn't it? Raspberry and vanilla. So sweet.

Yeah, that is sweet. Again, I'm not a huge fan of like any kind of like gummy sweets. So there's like, they all kind of fall in that category. But something about it really weirds me out. Can you think of a specific occasion that you've had a drumstick lolly? I don't think I've ever had one. You've never had one? No. I don't think I've ever had one. You've never had one? Mm-mm. Because I was just thinking, did you have an experience as a kid

where someone, like, nicked your drumstick lolly off you and now, you know, you've put it against them? No. I don't think I've ever had one. Or if I have, I've blocked it out of my memory. Really? Yeah. I'll tell you what is disgusting about a drumstick lolly.

If you finish your drumstick lolly and you're still eating it, the stick of a drumstick lolly is made out of paper. It just goes all mushy and weird. And sometimes if you're eating a drumstick lolly, you can get involved in the paper. Do you haven't realised you're eating drumstick lolly paper? That is foul. Also foul, yeah.

It's disgusting. I feel quite ill. Okay, I'm sorry. I'm sorry to have bothered you. But you brought drumstick lollies to the party. Yeah, I did bring it up, to be fair. And what's going to be your drink choice? Sambuca.

Sambuca! It's disgusting. You said that so fondly. No, no, okay. No one likes Sambuca. Really? Do some people like it, do you think? Well, no, no. Okay. No one likes Sambuca. Really? Do some people like it, do you think? Well, because I think, so you know when you get a shot at a bar, it's like tequila or

Sambuca. True. And I genuinely really like tequila. Me too. Like I could drink it, fine. I don't get that like horrible, like back, like taste of it. I love it. And there's good tequila.

Yeah. You can get good tequila. you can get good tequila like george clooney's he's like a billionaire because of his amazing tequila really i didn't know this nice entertainment reporter don't worry about it um i didn't know that i didn't know that about george clooney but like there's nice tequila yeah you can go on a course and have delicious tequila and then you drink it you don't even need the lime or lemon. Lime and salt. Yeah, and salt.

You don't need it because it's nice. Yeah. But there's no good Sambuca. You're right. There's no Sambuca tasting, is there? It's always harsh. It's disgusting. And it's so, like, syrupy.

Yeah. Do you know what I mean? And, like, I've worked in bars before where someone will ask for a shot of Sambuca. And, like, even if you pour it well, you still get it all over your hands. And it's, like, syrup on your hands. And it smells like licorice. Yes. And just the smell of it now reminds me of, like, working, like, a gross pub job that I hated.

Oh, no, yeah. And people would, like, like, kind of gross guys would, like, buy you a shot, even though they'd, like, order two shots of sambuca and they'd be like, one's for you. And I'd be like, well, I can't have it because i'm working yeah i'd rather have the cash please yeah yeah but also like don't want it no it's so gross did you ever drink them no no no you just left it well i couldn't drink it anyway because i was working yeah so they drank them i imagine yeah well they'd get really offended it's just a real mess of the situation sometimes you get like weird like coffee tequila and stuff.

Tequila. Coffee Sambuca and stuff, don't you? It's like coffee and liquor. Yeah, it's disgusting. Whoa. You're bringing up memories of times where, I'm thinking of a specific time fairly recently that I went to a gig with a friend

and we got there really late. And so both of us were like, we want to try and play catch up. So we got a few drinks and we got sambucas and it was quite busy at the bar and i turned to give him the sambucas and spilt most of it on my hands and then the band started and so we're like right we're gonna go watch it and then i just sort of watched the band with sambuca hands oh sambuca hands it's disgusting it's a good name for a band it It is, actually. Are you writing that down?

That's gross, though, because it's so sticky, and the smell is just like, it feels like it's under your nose. So what about this? You're on the island. Yeah. You're stuck there with Tom Cruise, Beyonce, and Jessie J, and you're having a stressful, horrible time. You can power through the tequila taste and just get pissed.

Yeah, I think, actually, that would be quite a fun party wouldn't it like tom cruise beyonce jesse j some drumstick lollies and some sambuca you could i'll pass on the drumstick lolly you could stick the drumstick lollies in the sambuca and then they dissolve and then it turns into like a sweet thing that sounds sounds disgusting doesn't it sounds horrible yeah that's gross we. Yeah. You're a podcast listener, and this is a podcast ad. Reach great listeners like yourself with podcast advertising from Lipson Ads. Choose from hundreds of top podcasts offering host endorsements, or run a reproduced ad like this one across thousands of shows to reach your target audience with Lipson Ads.

Go to LipsonAds.com now. That's L-I-B-S-Y-N-ads.com. Okay. Fortunately, you won't be without entertainment on the island. The plane's entertainment system continues to work. But just your luck. It only has two working settings. One is your least favourite film of all time

and the other your least favourite song. What are they and why? Should I start with film? Please do. Frozen. Okay. Okay. Go on. Okay, no, I did wrestle between two options for this.

And I had to make a... Can I give you both? Yes. Okay, they're very different reasons. I won't go into detail on the other one. You've got three working settings. Other people might ask for this. Okay, go on.

Okay, no. Okay. So, okay. Mother, the most recent film with Jennifer Lawrence. Oh, right, okay. I've never had such a visceral hatred for anything in my entire life. Wow. I don't really tend to, this was actually quite a tricky one for me

because I almost feel like I don't hate films very often. Or if I do, I just don't think about them ever again. Okay. But Mother, I hated. And I can't even go into the reasons why I hated it. I couldn't spoil it if I tried. It just was bullshit. Wow.

It made no sense. It's just come out, right? It's only just come out. Yes, I don't want to spoil it for people, just in case my glowing review is going to turn people to it. Without any spoilers, okay, what can you say about it? I cannot spoil it if I tried.

I don't understand what happens in it. For the first two acts of it, I guess, I was like, okay, I know what's going on. It's all right. Third act, no clue. It takes a turn into crazy town. Really? And everyone in the screening that I went with

went from covering their eyes to literally like, what the fuck am I watching? Really? Yeah. So that would be horrible to watch all the time. But actually I feel like maybe I could work it out if I had a lot of time to watch it. Do you know what I mean? Like if I was forced to watch it, I could work it out.

Second watch. Yeah, I'd be like, oh, this is what it's about. All right, let's park my car there. Okay, sorry. Should we shift gears into something very different? Let's go to your film choice. Yeah. Frozen.

Why Frozen? I think, again, it's like the Beyonce thing. The hype around Frozen was just insane. Yeah. Like, I don't get it. So I came to Frozen a bit late. So I came to it when it already, I got it online, so it was already, I guess, on DVD.

Okay. And all I knew was that everyone loved it. It's the best Disney film in years. Watched it and I was like, this is fine. This is, I let it go, I guess, as an alright song. I don't... I feel like

you could upset a lot of people. I know. I'm being quite controversial. No, no, it's fine. No, it's what it's all about, but you just have to be honest with yourself. You just don't like that film. I don't like the film, and I think what upsets me is that loads of people were like, this is the feminist film that Disney needed.

It's like, have you guys seen Mulan? The best Disney film of all time where a woman saved all of China. Yeah. And Donny Osmond sang How Can I Make a Man Out of You, the best Disney song of all time. Yeah. Like, I just don't think it's comparable.

No, okay. And also, I feel like in the wake of Frozen, people forgot about Tangled, which was another great Disney film that no one cared about. And it's so much better than Frozen. Are you saying it's better because it's cooler, like, not to like Frozen or? No, I'm like very in touch with like loving lame things.

Okay, yeah. I like unashamedly love boy bands. I know this about you. That's the first thing I said to you. I know. Also, I did, I had the most ridiculous story about Frozen was that, like, I saw this online where a mum went into Walmart and was, like, talking to one of the staff there. And Let It Go came on, the Walmart speakers, and she burst out crying because she was like, I have had to listen to Frozen so much. Everything is Frozen.

My daughters love Frozen. It's tearing families apart because of Let It Go. I didn't think you were going to go down that route. Oh, one thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I would just watch it all the time. I just assumed that everyone loved it as much as me. Like, my parents did not love Annie as much as I did. Yeah. But, like, so my parents just had to sit through Annie.

And it's so annoying. And they know it word for word just because you hammered it home. Yeah. But, like, now you can have frozen birthday parties. birthday parties and you can have Elsa coming to your house. You can go to cinemas and have sing-alongs of Frozen. And now they're doing a Frozen 2. Are they? And it just never ends.

Of course they're doing a Frozen 2. But how will they ever get a song as big as that? I don't know. It just won't be as big, will it? I know, it's going to be like sequel-itis, isn't it? It's not going to be as good. It's never going to get as big as that. It is insane.

Yeah. So my daughter has never seen Frozen, but she knows who Elsa and Anna are from talking to other kids, and she will want to buy, if we're in a shop, she'll want me to buy her Frozen related things because of all the hype. And she's never seen the film. Why hasn't she seen it? She's too young. Oh, okay.

She's only two. But like, do you think it's not appropriate? She can only sit through like five minutes of TV before she has to run around. My partner has tried her with Frozen. Okay. And she just won't watch it. So you have the power here, though, because you can mould your daughter's mind.

You can just make her sit in front of Mulan or Hercules, also another option for best Disney film. Okay. And that can be the Disney thing she's obsessed with. I remember Hercules having an amazing soundtrack. The gospel soundtrack. Yeah. Zero to hero.

Oh, so good. It is good. My film like that, when I was a a kid so yours was annie right i had oh no actually gone um i had i had a few in rotation so like weirdly depressing annie and oliver oliver's very sad wow i know like someone dies in that and i was like um uh joseph in a set inicam Dreamcoat with Donny Osmond. Apparently Donny Osmond was a huge part of my childhood. Wow, you loved Donny Osmond. Have you ever met Donny Osmond?

No. Would you like to? I think I would. He's so formative in my life. Yeah. What was yours? So what I will point out, though, is all three of yours were musical. Yeah, I do love musicals.

Yeah. But I think that's why I have, like, I just feel like we gave too much credit to frozen can you name any other song in frozen um no exactly um i can which one um do you want to build a snowman yeah okay there's like there's like 15 other songs in it no yeah no that's so that song did blow up, though. Yeah. That was crazy. I wonder how many people had written that song. What? Let It Go? Let It Go. Ooh, I bet loads. There's normally a team of loads, isn't it?

Yeah. For stuff like that. My film was a Disney Christmas sing-along film, where it had different Disney songs on, Disney Christmas songs sung by Disney characters, and it had the words come up across the bottom. I know this film.

And a little like snowflake or something bounces around the letters. Wasn't 12 Days of Christmas and it was like five onion rings. Oh, I don't know. Was it onion rings?

I don't remember that. It was like Goofy singing it. I can't remember but maybe, maybe that was part of it. We had it on VHS tape and I watched it I think for

like as my parents say like two years straight and we were watching it in july and it's christmas yeah so there you go yeah that is that will psychologically break you as a person painful isn't it um well i feel like you've put up a pretty good argument for frozen um anything else you would like to say about frozen i just would really like to urge people to watch Mulan in all honesty because it's just such a fantastic film Okay, yeah So one other thing I will say about these

is I haven't seen Frozen and I haven't seen Mulan since I was a kid but I've made a conscious effort knowing that one day I was going to have kids not to watch these films. So at least the first time that I see them, it's new to me. That's a good idea. Right.

Yeah. And so I haven't seen Frozen, but just because I know that one day I'm going to see it with my daughter. Yeah. And at least the first time I'll have that like, however long it is, hour and a half of just, ah. This is a new experience. And then, you know, by the 500th time I'll be crying in Sainsbury's or whatever. You'll be like that mum in Walmart. Exactly, yeah.

I tried to think of an equivalent. Asda. Asda. Other supermarkets are available. What have you got as your song choice? The Macarena. Oh. Why the Macarena?

Because, can you imagine that being the only song you could listen to? You would go insane. Yeah. Immediately. Oh, just the repetition is just horrific. You also don't know the words and also have you ever been happy when the Macarena's

come on in a club ever I don't remember the last time I was in a club and the Macarena came on I remember children's parties and the Macarena being on

and it being one of those awkward things where it's like I have to join in with this thing and you're like weird if you don't join in with it yeah you're like a party pooper if you don't join in and everyone's doing this thing in a line and it's like, I have to join in with this thing. And you're like weird if you don't join in with it. Yeah, you're like a party pooper if you don't join in.

And everyone's doing this thing in a line. And it's like this really basic dance. Yeah. So I hate dancing generally, like in public. I'm just not a comfortable mover. So any kind of forced participation with dancing is just my hell anyway. But like, so I guess the clubs I frequent do play the Macarena at like two o'clock in the morning.

And it's like fine for like 30 seconds and then it goes on for another two and a half minutes and you're just like, play something else. Yeah. Please segue into like Justin Bieber's Sorry. Please. Anything. But like it would send you insane. Sorry's a good song. Yeah, no, Bieber's Sorry. Please. Anything. But I can't, it would send you insane. Sorry's a good song.

Yeah, no, Sorry's amazing. That's what I mean. Right, right. Play something better. Like there are countless songs that are better than the Macarena that they could play. Okay. Yeah.

I think it is terrible. And actually, if you listen to it, the production is probably really bad. It's like probably like some weird synthesizer thing. It's just so terrible. And I was just wondering, was there a specific occasion as a child where you got bullied for not dancing to the Macarena?

No, because I just always was forced into dancing. Yeah. And I'm not, you know, when I was a kid, I wasn't like standing out from the crowd. Just did what everyone else did. So I always danced the Macarena and I always hated every second of it. Oh, okay.

You know, especially when we've got things like the cha-cha slide, which is like way better. Yeah, okay. Do you know what I mean? Bring back the cha-cha slide. Yeah, that's fine. I could have that on the island. But there's also a weird hysterical laugh in the middle of, what's my phone? No, it's fine.

Weird hysterical laugh in the middle of it that's like weird hysterical laugh in the middle of it that's like yeah like that would haunt your dreams yeah okay if you were like tired and dehydrated and hungry or whatever I don't remember that maybe I'll put it in here yeah yeah it is that is horrific yeah yeah um the Macarena I think that is an excellent song choice. Thank you. Because it's like, imagine you've listened to it, you know, thousands of times, and then it just starts up that one more time. Because also I feel like there's not, I haven't listened to it recently,

but there's no natural end point, I don't think. So I feel like, you know, like in the 90s, songs just used to fade out. They don't really do that as much anymore. But I feel like it would just go into the playing again over and over. Oh, no, yeah. You wouldn't even have like the second of peace. It just wouldn't end. It just wouldn't end.

No, that's horrific. Yeah, yeah. That's horrible. Yeah. Okay, the Macarena. I really thought that was going to be an occasion where you were at a school disco and someone like... Where I'd wet myself or something on the dance floor. Or someone dumped their Coca-Cola over your head

during the Macarena. OK, and finally, the island is overrun by the biggest dick of all the animals. Which animal is it going to be? Hamsters. Great. That is such a good one. They're fucking shit.

They are pointless, aren't they? They are pointless, yeah. They're a pointless animal. Great. That is such a good one. They're fucking shit. They are pointless, aren't they? They are pointless, yeah. They're a pointless animal. Yeah. So they're cute. I'll give them that. Anything fluffy is cute. But they're basically rats without tails, right?

Yeah. And, like, I don't get when people have hamsters as pets. No. Why? They stink. Just don't have a pet. You get the same amount of love from not having a pet. That is so true.

My best friend has had hamsters consistently since I've known her. Wow. And they're so boring. They are. You try and hold it and it hates being held. Then you're just playing catch up with this hamster that doesn't want to be anywhere near you. But then you don't want to lose it because it's tiny.

And it bites you. Oh you oh yeah they do bite and then they're also nocturnal so can you imagine if you're trying to sleep on this island and it was overrun by like loud hamsters oh they're just shit yeah they are shit they don't do anything they wouldn't bring you great sustenance if you killed them exactly yeah that's that was one of my points was it sorry no but no that's good i'm glad we're on the same page that like even if it one died couldn't really snack on it no yeah it's just a morsel yeah um you wouldn't be able to live in its fur yeah you'd have to kill so many hamsters to get like a glove yeah to get a little glove and then you've only got i suppose you know it would be cold at night i I guess, right? It's warm in the day, but it's cold at night.

And then, like, you just have so many hamsters. And, like, they're so small. Well, they can be quite big, can't they? But I'm thinking of the small ones. Yeah, I don't think they're that big. I'm thinking of the guinea pigs. Oh, my God. I hate guinea pigs as well.

Yeah. So much. They're just more scary hamsters. They're just enlarged hamsters. I don't really like anything that looks like it's been enlarged. So, don't like huge cockroaches oh no do you know what i mean because it looks like it's like in honey i shrunk the kids where like yeah he makes everything big yeah that's what it looks like yeah um hamsters i've not had a great um i've not had great experiences with hamsters so i'm one of four so at one or another, one of us has wanted a hamster,

right? And I'll tell you of two occasions that terrible things have happened to hamsters in my house. Once we had two hamsters, and they were named after children's TV characters, and I can't remember what now. We all gave up on them really quickly, right? So it's my mum basically keeping these hamsters alive. Us not caring about these hamsters at all my mum once went to clean them it was like the middle of summer she was like cleaning out their cage and she took them outside put their cage on top of the rabbit hutch the rabbit that was also not getting a lot of love after a little while at our house she forgot about the cage left them out there in the sun and and they died in the heat.

That's awful. How bad's that? The same thing happened to my best friend's hamster. It, like, boiled alive, basically. Oh, my. Like, heat stroke killed it. That's horrific. Because she left it in a sunbeam.

They're so fragile. There's something really poetic, though, about, like, I left my hamster in a sunbeam and it died it's a song by the sambuca hands i don't i'm not gonna write that down i was gonna write that down um that's awful i'll tell you another story one other story it's horrific as well okay okay we had another hamster another time i don't know why i don't remember the hamster's name but for some reason i remember it was a russian dwarf hamster they're tiny aren't they they are cute when we bought when we bought it

I just remember it being a Russian dwarf hamster and I remember it being seven pounds but for some reason in weight or cost in cost okay it might have been seven nine nine I think it was seven pounds um it was it wasn't very well you could tell it wasn't very well it was a bit moping around and stuff and my dad noticed that there was something like hanging from its bum basically and my dad was like oh it's got this poo maybe it's like constipated so my dad went to pull it to help it out and it turns out it wasn't a poo it was like part of its insides and it instantly died did he have a prolapsed anus yeah oh my god and it instantly died instantly died my dad pulled it and it was just like dead it was just like that i know oh my god i've heard of that happening to a fair few

people like why how have hamsters evolved i I thought you meant they were prolapsing. To hamsters? Yeah. Yeah, I know. I don't know. I had an under, like, you know when, like, things are going endangered?

Yeah. Like, how have hamsters just parred the course? I don't know. And hamsters always seem depressed. Do you know what I mean? They're just, like, always hiding in that.

Because they're pointless. They have no meaning in life. Hiding in that, like, stinky, pissy, like, cotton wool that you put in there. Yeah. Why does your friend still have hamsters? I don't know, because she's had awful luck with them.

Because she's now got a dog, and I'm like, yeah, that's an animal that you should have. Her hamster, so she was the one that died in a sunbeam, but then her other hamster, so she thought that it was hiding food in its cheeks, but it turned out it had a huge face tumour. Oh, no. Oh. food in its cheeks um but it turned out i had a huge face tumor oh no oh imagine her being like oh it's really cute and it's like it looked so cute because they had like the fattest cheeks and then like he looked quite sleepy and he went to the vets and he was like oh no chips got a huge tumor chips oh itips. Oh, his massive face tumour. And then he died fairly soon after that. Oh no, that's horrible.

Oh, poor hamsters. I know. We're sympathising with them too much now. No, okay, yeah. They're awful. They are rubbish. And look, they're just dying all over the place. They wouldn't survive in the heat anyway.

Yeah. So there'd be dead hamsters everywhere. It would stink. It would stink of dead hamsters. One other thing about hamsters, I know I've just taken this on too far of a hamster tangent, but what I do hate about hamsters is going to someone's house

and having to pretend that you're interested in this hamster. Yeah. Because you just don't give a shit about it and you just think, this is rubbish, but they're so into their hamster that you have to be like, oh, let me like play with it and then it's just like got this weird little paw claws on your hand they're so scratchy yeah and they bite you yeah i know exactly what you mean like i don't give a shit about your hamster can we go watch telly or something hamsters are

shit thank you well thank you for coming in lucy no worries this was fun i like venting no yeah no it's good it's really good If people want to hear you elsewhere, where can people hear you? I have my own podcast Called Pop Vultures With my friend Sarah Where we talk about all the best and worst things in pop culture Excellent

And I'm also on the radio sometimes But eh When can people hear you on the radio? I do a showbiz bulletin every morning on Heat Radio at half eleven. Nice. Where I mainly just shade people like Ed Sheeran and Beyonce. Nice. Okay.

And where can people get your podcast? iTunes. iTunes. Yeah. Okay, Pop Vultures. Yeah, and I'm going to be competing with you. Yeah. For listeners.

Soon. Thank you for coming in, Lucy. Cheers.