Desert Island Dicks - MARCUS BRIGSTOCKE

Episode Date: September 29, 2020

Actor and comedian Marcus Brigstocke joins Dan to talk about the worst people and things to be stuck on an island with. Subscribe to never miss an episode, and follow us on social media @dickspod. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This episode is brought to you by United Airlines. When you want to make the most of your vacation, book with United. They're an airline that cares about your travels as much as you do. United is transforming the flying experience with Bluetooth connectivity, screens, power at every seat, and bigger overhead bins to help fit everyone's bag. And with their app, you can skip the bag check line, get live updates, and more. Change the way you fly. Book your next trip today at United.com. At Sierra, discover joyous deals on great gifts

for everyone on your list, like cozy slippers, ski gear, fishing poles, bikes, large kayaks, even larger canoes, which might lead to another discovery. Robbing gifts is the only sport you need to stay fit this season. Tis the season to discover great gifts at unexpectedly low prices. Sierra, let's get moving. Hi, I'm Dan from Desert Island Dicks. Our guest today is Marcus Brigstock. And spoiler alert, he's bloody great. Before we get stuck in though I wanted to tell you about a new companion podcast to this

that we're starting where you can get involved and tell us about the worst people and things you could be stuck on an island with. It's called Compact Dicks and I'll be doing it with James Deacon who started this podcast and hosted it before me. And we want to hear from you. In fact, that was him just texting me now about it. Anyway, all we need you to do is go to dixpod.com slash contact and tell us about who or what you'd hate to be stuck on an island with and why. That's dixpod.com slash contact. You don't have to give us your full list, just whatever or whoever comes to mind, and we'll read the best ones on Compact Dicks that week.

And you can keep up to date with everything by subscribing to this podcast and following us on social media at Dickspod. Right, end of message. welcome to Desert Island Dicks, the show that sees you marooned on a desert island after a plane crash with the worst people and worst things imaginable. Who they are and why they're a dick is up to our guest and here to share their desert island dicks with us today is comedian Marcus Brigstock. How are you doing? Hello, how's it going? Good thank you, how are you? Yeah not too bad, you know, fighting off the constant terror of the global pandemic but I mean I don't feel that

makes me unique. No, no no yeah it's weird isn't it the waves of kind of feeling totally fine and then just going oh yeah I forgot about that yeah yeah oh that was weird it's weird too I think it's easy to forget that each of us as individuals is processing a global pandemic the national response to that, your family and friends, your immediate loved ones and yourself as an individual all at once and trying to work out like what's the reasonable thing to do. No wonder some people have gone mad and gone on marches with David Icke and whoever else. I mean, I'd like to make it clear, I haven't.

I haven't, but I'm not surprised that some people have just gone, yeah, no, that's's too much I'll just go mad instead it's more comforting I had a neighbor at one point this is a couple of months into it and she when when the infection rate was going down she was like you know I mean if it doesn't go back up again once things go go normal you know it's all a hoax wasn't it and I was like I why did you have to say that because we'd gotten really well before that and now and now they've moved out now so it's fine but now forever i will think you're a dangerous person to communicate with yeah yeah you know i would have been happy

for you to do some babysitting before but now no no way under these circumstances you too cray so um thank you for coming on. How have you found the process of choosing your dicks for the island today? It's tricky, actually. I don't know if it's more difficult than choosing people you would like to be marooned with. But, you know, there's this sort of like, well, who would I hate straight away? Who would I want to have a fight with as soon as I got there and kill and possibly eat them and you sort of have Nigel Farage and Donald Trump and Dominic Cummings or

something you know and then I thought well no because what if I ended up getting on with them over time and then coming back going do you know what I've heard what they have to say and in the end, I actually think they've got a point. So I couldn't bear that idea. So I did find it quite tricky. I think I probably found the food thing the most difficult because I like everything. Yeah, I'm similarly not that fussy. But well, we'll crack on and we'll see how we get on. So who's going to be your first choice for the island? Bear Grylls.

Bear Grylls, yes. I'd hate to be on a desert island with Bear Grylls. Because as I say, there's two ways I'd like it to go. And one is I'd like to die straight away. I'd like to starve or fall off a thing and just die really quickly so that I don't have to suffer. Yeah. I've always,

we're never friends or my kids or whatever have gone. So in a zombie apocalypse, how would you survive? I wouldn't, I'd go out deliberately and get bitten straight away. Yeah. Go with the flow. You know,

why fight and watch every, everything you've loved fall apart and get chewed up. So there's a part of me thinks, Oh, come on. This is too awful being on a desert island just let me die and bear grills wouldn't let that happen would he no no he'd have a solution to everything but do you know if you suck sand for long enough you can get all the tiny bits of dead fish out of it and you'd be amazed you can actually suck nearly four calories an hour out of sand and you see that tree over there if you lie with your mouth wrapped around you can absorb the same

amount of moisture that the tree would absorb and i'd hate all that but you know the other part of me and i think the greater part is like no i'd want to survive i'd want to make my way on this island and build a shelter and find water and find food and make a success of it and stay sane and and when i got off the island say yes you know there was no lord of the flies happened here i kept up my end and i was a decent guy and the thing with bear is straight away he'd be like yeah you can do it like that but actually if you put a basic supporting structure using wood from this side of the island which is already dried out you'll find that it stays up for a lot and you'd be like all right yeah yeah yeah your way's better yeah I think like he'd just it'd be like, all right. Yeah. Yeah. Your way's better.

Yeah, I think, like, he'd just, it'd be impossible not to just have him as, like, the sort of default leader or you'd just have to go, Bear, am I doing this right? I mean, is there a better way of doing it? And it would just be impossible. You know, when you're trying to have

a sort of egalitarian social structure, he'd naturally kind of, you'd just have to turn to him all the time because, you know. Which would be, in a way, would be fine. I'd be like, I never mind deferring structure he'd naturally kind of you'd just have to turn to him all the time because yeah yeah you know which would be in a way would be fine i'd be like i never mind deferring to greater expertise but then that would play into some of my worst instincts which would be oh look bear will knock us up a hut bear will kill us a toad that we can eat. We'll be all right. You do it. And I'd just get fat and lie in the sand, getting sunburned. So I think on every level, don't get me wrong,

I think he's probably quite a nice bloke, I think. I have no evidence for that at all. But I think he'd be very hard to be around, especially if he was really nice about it. And if you went, oh, Bear, look, I've managed to catch this fish. And he'd know that that fish is completely poisonous and he'd be supportive, which would be awful. And he'd go, oh, that's so brilliant.

What a brilliant thing you've done there, catching that fish. And that's, you know, as a practice fish for one that we can eat that's such a good fish and i i think that's super i really do should i catch this one we can eat it'd be so nice about it and you'd be like oh fuck off yeah i just i'd rather eat the poison fish and i think all the uh all the times when he's kind of telling you what you have to do to survive, like all the things, like you said, you know, he's saying, eat this disgusting thing or put yourself through this horrendous ordeal. And if you get to that point where you have to do that to survive,

it's not going to keep you alive that much longer. So I'd almost rather die without having to sort of lick the bottom of a rock or sort of, you know, find some maggots. Yeah, it's like, well, if it's going gonna buy me a day i mean fuck it i'll just die with some dignity exactly or no dignity you know like i don't i don't care but just get it done but with better breath yeah with better breath just get the dying done so that so that when i am found, people don't go, yeah, and his last drink was his own piss. That's how desperate he was. And as that went on, the piss got thicker and thicker.

And what we thought when we first found him was a Werther's original wasn't. It was the last pellet of piss that he'd made. We're like, Oh, come on. Oh, man. Come on, just let me die. Yeah. Also, I think he's the leader of the scout movement.

Yeah, I think that's true. And I think that's great, but, like, I'm simply too old for a woggle. Yeah, I think that also the other thing I feel with Bear Grylls is the sort of constant need to keep up morale. Every programme, he's always talking about the need to keep up morale because he's going to be the one chivvying you along and he's probably like oh do you know this old scout song

and you're going to have to learn it and in a way you're going to be doing it for him because if you don't keep him happy then he's going to snap and go crazy and because he's been bottling up his morale for so long that's going to snap and go crazy and because he's been bottling up his morale for so long that's going to be really unpleasant imagine being responsible for Bear Grylls shrugging his shoulders and going do you know what fuck it I'd rather die imagine imagine having that burden

where you're like yeah I talked Bear Grylls out of surviving actually I didn't mean to but I don't know I just sort of brought him down and in the end he went nah let's stave each other's heads in with a big big rock you'd fit what an awful way to go yeah I wonder if that could be like a new uh technique though after you made off the island if you persuaded Bear Grylls not to survive you could be sent into hostage negotiations things that they couldn't break the deadlock and you just sort of go in talk to them for a bit persuade them to just give up you know persuade the hostage that that the best thing for them to do is to kill themselves so that they can't be used as a bargaining chip yeah yeah it's like a new way of doing yeah i'd like i'd like to think i have a use now that in lockdown and in the pandemic, being a comedian has got so much more difficult.

And I'd like to think it's a sort of end of days hostage negotiator where I say to the kidnappers, look, you've made your point. Just kill them. And they'll be like, oh, are you the bloke who talked Bear Grylls out of surviving? Yeah, mate. Yeah. Yeah, that was me. And they're like, you let him just,

you let that guy come along and talk all the hostages into killing themselves. He's like, yeah, I was going to argue, but I was just worried about what he was going to do to me, you know, if I put up any resistance. Yeah, exactly. I felt the situation could turn at any minute, and I thought, no, it's best that we all die straight away.

Yeah, just let him get on with it. Would you want to survive on an island like do you have that in have you got that fight in you i feel like i have like i don't know go on i mean you know i live in london i work in the media i'm so rarely tested in any way i have very soft you know i have no idea like how I'd do I mean you know like I struggle to choose between different kinds of bread in the supermarket you know or like when there's too much choice so in a way maybe the lack of choice would help me a bit but I am completely soft as you say so I mean would you have that thing in you that's like that deep down goes I think I'd know what to do no I think i'd be all right

at this sort of like whittling and building bit i think i'd be okay with that but the actual like useful stuff it it's funny isn't it that it it is soft people like us that imagine that whittling would have any role at all yeah yeah it's really an ornamental thing that, and it's, it's for wasting time. And I don't, I don't know that it would have a use because I think like with I'm a celebrity, get me out of here. I've looked at that a few times and they asked me to go on it a couple of times years ago. And I was like, yeah, but all the challenges are all manufactured and they're all kind of like,

you know, I, I felt felt i really felt like yeah i'd like to actually go and stay in the outback and see how long i could make it last before i died that'd be interesting yeah um so i do i've got but it's a it's a private school thing isn't it it's that arrogance that says i'd probably be fine you know a chap adapts doesn't he which i think is what Bear's got. I imagine he's a private school lad. Yeah, I mean, he's sort of Duke of Edinburgh award scheme. Yeah, good lad.

That kind of chap. Yeah, yeah. Nice bloke. It'd be fun to get to know him. Well, it's true, though, isn't it? There's that sort of thing of going, you've become a survival expert, but, you know, you've never had to try and survive. So because you've had it so good, you've had to put yourself in these difficult circumstances yeah i mean so it's like oh i'm gonna rough it a bit before i go back to my comfortable life

it's like i don't know do you get working class survivalists i mean it seems to be quite sort of like well i i think you do but i think it's their life. Yeah. You can't make a programme out of it. No, it's not. Yeah. I think lots of people's lives are like miraculously difficult day to day. It's a very fair point. EastEnders, you know, I mean, how do they go on? Who knows?

Who knows? you know i mean how do they go on who knows who knows but i imagine you know i do imagine that bear he might spoon you at night if you asked him to yeah you know i mean there's the warmth thing that he he'd be aware of but if you said actually part of getting through this is looking after my mental health bit of self-care and i'm gonna need you to spoon me i think he probably would. And then I think in that way, I think that might be quite confusing as well. He looks like he's got a hell of a grip on him. Yeah, I bet he does, yeah.

Stuck to you like a big, posh limpet. Yeah, lovely. You'd just feel his woggle pressing into your back, wouldn't you? Yeah. That is your woggle, isn't it? It's just it's very high up. Yeah, there's two of them. Is that... Have you double woggled?

OK, so Bear's going to join you on the island and who's going to be your next choice? Morrissey. Morrissey, yes, OK. Morrissey off and out of the Smiths. Yeah. And I think we all know why. Because, you know, if you'd asked me,

if I'd done this podcast before there were podcasts in the late 80s, possibly early 90s, I'd have been hard pressed to choose between Robert Smith and Morrissey for good company. You know, obviously I wouldn't inflict hot, sunny beach weather on Robert Smith. Not fair. Not fair. Don't put a goth in the sunshine. But Morrissey and, you know, like his his lyrics and his whole way of being really spoke to me as a, you know, as the right kind of teenager, which is a sort of slightly insular, insecure one, considering life, the universe and everything. And some of the anger in his lyrics really spoke to me and the softness and the consideration and all of that.

And now he's Morrissey and I think I think what I wanted in finding like the worst person to be on there with is someone who still looks a bit like a person that I used to love and it's the disappointment as well as anything else yeah yeah you, I think with Morrissey, even if tempered by Johnny Marr or by youth and whatever else made him seem so much more reasonable. He's a Donald Trump level narcissist. And I think a narcissist on an island would be difficult. I think he'd struggle with Bear Grylls. I think in that respect,

I would get some pleasure out of him being there yeah yeah listening to him go up the end of the island and and struggle with you know how plausible Bear Grylls is and how attractive but at the same time how how hateful it'd be fun though Bear trying to get Morrissey to sing some song it's's like, let's build, you know, let's have a campfire sing song tonight. Go on, Morrissey, you know, you're a singer. Sing one of your songs. But there's... Ging gang gooly, gooly gooly, watch out, ging gang go.

And Bear going, you've taken all of the zing out of it, Morrissey. It's too bleak, isn't it? Yeah, really bleak. It'd be too bleak. too bleak isn't it yeah really too bleak too bleak but I think I think the idea of Morrissey suggesting that the island was better before the invaders came yeah be like of course of course it was Mozza yeah there was literally nobody here what's your point where are you going with this what's what sort of purity are you after and you're going to be you're trying to survive you're eating fish or whatever you can find morrissey's staunchly remaining vegan and

you know even in a survival thing he's going to be yeah come on his dying breath is going to be a sigh of disgust at you sort of trying to survive by eating an animal, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, exactly. Exactly, as you chow down on another slightly poisonous fish and he just looks at you with a weak, thin, sunburnt face and says, It's murder. Eating fish is murder. You'll be like, oh, Morrissey, for heaven's sake. Yeah.

Just have a tiny bit of fish, come on. Yeah, just suck on a fin, do something. Just, yeah, have heaven's sake. Yeah. Just have a tiny bit of fish. Come on. Yeah, just suck on a fin. Do something. Just, yeah, have a little fin. I tell you what, we'll try and keep the fish alive and you just lick some of the slime off it. You know? I don't know.

I mean, look, we probably all get a bit more right wing as we get older. And by right wing in this context, I mean more, I mean less able to cope with change. I see that in my own life. You know, I'm like, it takes me that bit longer to go, all right, that's shifted. Okay. Yeah.

All right. I'm not immediately like, yeah, good. It's new. It's new, you squares. I'm like, oh, how many pronouns? Yeah. Oh, it's kind of all right yeah yeah yeah you know i'll get there it's fine but it just takes that bit longer so with morrissey i'm like yeah all

right you know okay and he kind of he's one of those who dresses it all up in you know the concern for the working class this is england left You're like, yes, there are genuine concerns there, but that's not how you're expressing yourself, is it? You've taken the cheap, shitty, easy route. So I don't know how he'd cope on a desert island as well. I think he'd moan more than me, and in that way, maybe I'd find that comforting. I'm sure I heard his desert island discs once,

and for his luxury item he wanted something i think originally he wanted something like enough medicine to be able to kill himself so and that's the sort of approach he'd be going in with i think reluctantly he said saying like oh i'll take a pillow then if i'm not allowed like you know lethal volume of antidepressants or whatever a pillow yeah i mean for for a lyricist who's managed such extraordinary heights that's not hugely imaginative is it i think i was wondering the other day have we do you think we've reached the point where because it's quite difficult to listen to morrissey these days but we haven't quite reached the point of like a michael jackson like

well you're not allowed to play that at a wedding anymore. You know what I mean? Not that there's much of the sort of Morrissey's back catalogue you play. I'm a weirdo where all this is concerned in that I'm of the view that the totalitarian position on this is absolutely unsustainable. So if you, if you, if you go back and say you can't listen to any Michael Jackson, any Jackson 5 or any samples that have come from that stuff,

I'm like, yeah, all right. I mean, all right, if you're sure that's what you need to do. Don't go and look at a Van Gogh. Don't listen to any of the classical composers, don't listen to any James Brown or Bowie or Beatles. You're like, before you know it, there's nothing left. I wrote a whole thing about it, actually, about how do you separate the art from the artist?

And I think ultimately you do have to. But maybe that's why Morrissey's got to be on my worst people on a desert island, because, and I think that, I hope this is a compliment to the man because I mean it to be. He is his art, you know, like that. There's not much separation between Morrissey and his art, which is why it's so painful to see what I consider to be a deterioration into a sort of not even that it's right wing or anything but a lazy way of thinking just a lazy like oh yeah this is a short solution get rid you know i'm like so fucking lazy so i think morrissey is his art but generally i take the view if you still like michael jackson's

music i don't know and you need a way to get there bear in mind the sort of childhood he had yeah yeah you know also i mean given that he was a child star you've got i think it's fair to listen to everything pre-pubescent of michael jackson sure until listen while he was suffering and others were making money off him yeah exactly and then i think it's fair, you know, and then you can still have a good dance at a wedding and it's okay. No one was harmed except for the, you know, and artists are allowed to be harmed and make great music that's enjoyed by people. That's how it works, you know, traditionally.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's the deal. So that's sort of my deal if we have to rid the world, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's annoying, isn't it, when like good music, you just think, oh, if that was just like i don't know uh like uh keen or something and you found out they'd been up to no good you're like that's all right we can easily okay that's fine we'll be okay with that bye keen see you later keen oh well you know um oh keen yeah yeah bye even the lily allen version on that

john lewis i'd be, 13, doesn't matter. James Brown, for me, like, that would be a really big one. Like, James Brown was an awful man. Yeah, yeah. Awful, awful man. And, you know, listen to the JBs without James Brown. I mean, they're superb. You can get there, definitely.

No problems. But it's still better with James Brown. And he was terrible. But yeah, there is that thing with Morrissey specifically where you're like, oh, no. Oh, not you. And then if you go back, and I'm never sure how helpful this is, but if you go back and listen to earlier stuff,

then you're like, oh, hello. Maybe the warnings were there. But then people have done that with J.K. Rowling and gone, oh, well, actually, if you go back to the very first Harry Potter, what you'll see actually is rampant transphobia in the very beginning. Why Dudley?

Why is Dudley just a boy who's a boy in a boy's skin? Ah, and Cho Chang. oh, well, there's a very Chinese name. It's like, look, your revisionist version of the Harry Potter novels to try and prove your point is for the birds. You know, it's bollocks. I do feel, though, and maybe I'm being

a massive hypocrite here, that with Morrissey, you're like, England is mine. Oh, gosh gosh I saw uh once it was in some music magazine and I think he was originally when he was young he was he was the president of a fan club I think it's for maybe the New York Dolls or someone and yeah someone had found a load of letters that he'd written to like it was like back and forth between Morrissey and Melody Maker or NME or something right and like even then before he was a famous person when he was just the the head of a fan club in Manchester like even then the bile and vitriol and you know he'd write

back going blah blah blah maybe after you've considered all my points above you'll dare to question me on this subject again and it was like wow you were just like that's how you came out the mold like that you were born yeah yeah yeah and and also you know that's i don't doubt part of what made him a great and defiant lyricist and a brilliant performer with the smiths just amazing to watch you know yeah except for now if you want to watch him you have to watch a half an hour video about factory farming first i think is the thing isn't it yeah sure sure sure sure sure so i think yeah just a very difficult person to be on the island with and him against bear

grills as well and you're always gonna it doesn't matter what you're you're never going to win against morrissey like if you're trying to keep the peace between the two, you're always going to come off badly. It'd be miserable. You're looking at division there. The culture war. An excellent choice. Great. Well, who will be the third person to join them on the island? Well, I must apologise for the vagueness of this because it isn't one specific person, but it's literally, take your pick, of any friend of mine who's written a book that i

haven't read because i'll have had a copy of their book sent to me and i'll have possibly taken a selfie with the book to help sell it and put it on social media and probably written to them and said great book what an achievement well done made up for you, absolutely sensational. On more than one occasion, I've also provided a cover quote for the book. And what I feel would happen over time on the island, because time would be your friend, time would be your constant companion rather is that my friend would after say a very innocent question no probing at all it would begin to come clear that i haven't read their book that's what would happen yeah bit by bit and it would start with like oh god this reminds me of um of clevedon in uh reminds me of clevedon in the book and i'd go hey what yeah clevedon the the main protagonist oh god yeah

and then a week later they they dwell on it and they go go, you know, chapter six, and they'd see the colour drain from my face. And eventually there'd be a moment and they'd go, did you read my book? Did you? Did you read my book? And I'd be sitting there in silence while Morrissey went, oh, I've got an idea for a song. And Bear would go,

Now, a book is an excellent way to start a fire. You know, and I'd have to, eventually I'd have to look, my dear friends who've done, like writing a book is no small thing. That's huge. Yeah. And reading a book is a pleasure and easy. Easy. None of the books my friends have written are particularly difficult to read and i'd have to just look them in the eye and go i didn't really sorry it's such a hard one though isn't it that sort of thing i mean i don't i i know a

couple of people who've written books but i know a lot of people who've kind of you know various they've put things out into the world you know be it books or podcasts or radio shows and things and i'm yeah i'm the same i'm terrible and also a lot of the time you don't know all the details about it and you just there's only so many times you can go oh yeah yeah of course i was thinking about the other thing you did or oh yeah no yeah yeah of course you did that but yeah just they're going to be haunting you all the time i think to make this island particularly uh bad i think we should probably put a like a group of these people on the island with you so that there's a number of instances of this happening rather than just one you know so there's a sort of again and again so that like they tangled web

they come basically they stay as long on the island as it takes for them to realize i haven't read their book and then they're replaced with a new one i think so yeah sometimes you know you can have several on the go at once i think yeah yeah that'd be really good so that they all they talk to each other about it and there's like a group confrontation yeah that's what i think i just think with these sort of things it's so hard because I always reckon the best way to sort of tell if something you're putting out is good is if someone who you don't know gives you a nice bit of feedback. Because otherwise it's a bit like showing your mum a drawing that you've done. You know, it's kind of when I was younger and I used to DJ a bit, I knew I wasn't doing that well if it was only my friends dancing. You know, then you're like, oh, this oh this feels awful you know they're being supportive so I kind of think it's on the onus is on the person who's

written the book to be like I don't give a fuck if you read it or not it's fine I want yeah all the people that buy it to read it you know but it doesn't work like that no one gives you that sort of carte blanche and you do just feel terrible when you're discovered. Yeah, absolutely. It's the worst thing. And I do like, I'm very sincere about it always. I get the new book. I have a good look at it. And I go, oh, they're so great. God almighty, what a thing.

And it goes on my bedside table. And I'll usually say to them, if they'll say, you know, did you have a chance to? And I'll go, mate, I'll be honest with you. As you know, so many of our mates have written books. It's on my bedside table. I can't wait to get to it. I'm literally like the moment I finished Robin Ince's book, I'll be straight on.

Well, actually, once I've finished Robin Ince's book, I'm going to read Mark Billingham's book. And then Sarah Millican's written a biography and she's just, she's so, she's so funny. And Sarah Pascoe's done a sequel to Animals, which I don't know if you've read it. Anyway, you know, I'll definitely get to it. It's fucking exhausting. I literally, like, if we're not careful,

like, I will only read books that my friends have written between now and when I die on the island when they stone me to death for not having read their book. Yeah, fair enough. I think it's such a difficult situation. And it's not that you're not willing, but it's almost harder to read it when it's your friend's output because you're used to interacting them as a mate you know so it's weird to then kind of hear this different voice from them I think it's just easier to just be mates

with someone and just say look I'm not going to read it probably but yeah I think it's great that you've even got that I haven't written a book yeah but it's never you can't do that to people yeah yeah yeah well I have written a book and I don't expect any of my friends to have read it. So that's fine. That's just fine. So that's okay. But yeah, I think it's going to be a horrible atmosphere as well. It's constantly tense.

And with me, like that fear just gnawing away at you and probably going off alone on the island and practising a speech in which I say, look, just I want things to be cool and so I'm going to tell you something now and I am sorry about it, but also I hope you'll understand how important it is for me to let you know

I haven't read your book. I said I had at the time because I knew I would get round to it and I wanted you to know that i thought it was great that you'd done it but i haven't read it and then i go no you can't say that you can't say that it'd be awful and i'd rewrite it a million times in my head or they'll tell you that it's fine it's like don't marcus don't worry we're on a fucking desert island anyway don't worry about it but then one day it would come up you know like you'd be having an

argument about something like who ate the last mango or something and then you just hear them mutter like at least i read your book and you're like what did you say oh no nothing did you say you'd read my book is that what you said because this isn't even about that this is about the last mango yeah it's it's neat it's not your fault and it's not my fault that the title of your book was The Last Mango no one could have known that yeah I feel like those three I think Bear Grylls Morrissey and any friend who's written a book felt like a spicy a spicy terrible stew I think you're absolutely right I think that makes for a shit party. So bad.

So bad. Yeah. You're a podcast listener, and this is a podcast ad. Reach great listeners like yourself with podcast advertising from Lips and Ads. Choose from hundreds of top podcasts offering host endorsements, or run a reproduced ad like this one across thousands of shows to reach your target audience with Lips and Ads. Go to lipsandads.com now. That's L-I-B-S-Y-N ads.com. Okay, Marcus. Now, mercifully amongst the wreckage of the plane, there was some food and drink leftover. Yes. Yes. Fortunately for you, it's your least favorite food and drink in the world. Oh, hell's bells. What are they and why

are they so bad? Well, what should we do first food yep sure yeah let's do food all right it's cheap shit cheese slices okay so we're talking like this of burger cheese plastic yeah so i am and this is true a level one a qualified level one cheese master right i've done a course. I'm qualified. I was a judge at the World Cheese Awards last year. Wow. Yeah. So bad cheese is one of the saddest things in the world for me.

It just, because I love cheese so much. It has so many variations in flavour and texture. And a lot of cheeses like fine wines have stories attached to them. And the stories, to me, are fascinating. Yeah, they're not huge, but they're fascinating and nuanced. And even with a few cheeses that I don't particularly like, I'm still like, OK, okay well i know why i dislike that whereas with shit low quality mass-produced plastic burger cheese it would have cheese written on the packet and that would remind me of cheese but it wouldn't ever feel or taste like cheese and i'd keep trying to do things with it to make it more acceptable and they would all fail because i have tried

and i you know like even on a burger crap plastic cheese makes me feel sad i'm like you could have put you could have put gorgonzola on this you could have put some quicks vintage cheddar on this you know it's it's one of those weird things that when when you're not always sure if it's unwrapped or not, because it's still so shiny when you take it out of the packet. That's such a good description. Then you've got a problem. Yes, exactly.

I can't find that you've unwrapped it already. Ah, I see. It's indistinguishable with its own packaging. Yeah, there you go. That's such a good description of why it's shit yeah yeah yeah is that have you taken the plastic off these no no no doesn't matter doesn't matter does it doesn't matter just leave it it's just like some paste it's just a thin layer of paste on your tongue um it's a weird thing isn't it it's like because i'm sure if you sort of i don't know if you found an

a native of somewhere who'd never tried cheese maybe it didn't exist in their in their cuisine and you gave them a piece of cheddar or any other sort of fairly average cheese and then you gave them a cheese slice it wouldn't be surprising if they didn't realize they were the same food group yes you know i mean because they're so they bear so little resemblance to each other yeah you go okay which is the odd one out yeah well i don't know what's this this isn't i don't know what this is i mean i i assume that people who want that sort of cheese on their burger they don't want cheese what they want is a layer of goo and i get that like a layer of goo is it can be very nice why not I've had some lovely evenings

with just a layer of goo um so they don't want they don't want cheese not not really but for me like as I'm a real foodie I'm passionate about food and any meal that is like just low rent and matter of fact and fuel which is a lot of you know my wife likes likes fuel sometimes just likes fuel nothing too tasty just i'm like what a waste what a waste we could have had we could have had something exquisite there and now one of the meals before we die has passed and it contained what nothing just. I find food so delicious. But there's literally nothing I don't like. I really struggled with this because I don't like fennel very much.

Okay. Yeah. But, you know, with an orange dressing in a salad, it can be exquisite. Used to cook fish on, the flavour of the fennel rises up when you roast it, goes into the fish and works weirdly well with it. And fennel is one of my least favourite things on earth and I'm still like, that has value. The stuff I think has no value is shit cheese

because I'm like, ugh. Yeah, you're right. Why? Because it only works on the worst kind of burgers. You know, like if you go to McDonald's or whatever, but as soon as you elevate any part of that, it's wrong. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely.

Absolutely. And I'm like, I don't, I agree with Scroobius Pip. Don't be a snob about your music. You know, there's a lot of pop music that I absolutely love, but there's also loads of like, at the moment, it's predominantly R&B music that's just literally is a cheese slice. Hey girl, you're a girl, girl. You got a girl, girl with your girl going on.

Girl, I'm going to touch you, girl, girl, on you, girl. Fuck off. What is this? Nothing nothing you made nothing you could have filled that song with anything and you just went girl it's a cheese slice of a record and i'm proud to say neither of my kids like that kind of music thank god i had a moment um years ago. I left my daughter with a babysitter and I came back and found a Jimi Hendrix record on my record player and I was really pissed off. I was like, the babysitter should not be fucking with my vinyl.

And then in the morning, my nine-year-old daughter came downstairs and said, oh, dad, I hope you don't mind. The babysitter said she'd never heard any Hendrix, so I played Ladyland for her. Oh, wow. And I was like, oh, free pass. You can have a tattoo and a piercing. You know, like just that's so cool.

And actually with food, they're reasonably curious with food for kids, you know. I would like them to go go a new thing to try what is it and no one's like that yeah i know when you can sort of persuade them when you go when they sort of turn their nose up at something and you go oh yeah but just try it on the odd occasions when they do and then they like it you're like yes that's so yeah exactly so good but the trouble for my kids is i wait that with so much expectation i watch the mouthful going in and then i well well then they're like they're predisposed to go

sorry dad i think it's disgusting you make a good point now i think yeah it is a good sort of analogy for everything that's just bland and useless and you know just yeah could be a bit more and even in a shit mcdonald's burger nice cheddar would still work better than those cheese slices it would yeah it would be something you know and it's not that difficult to do and you know and not that i'm morrissey but the arguments against eating meat and dairy are ones that I have great sympathy with and no ability to enact in my own life but I do I am of of the view that like eat less meat of a higher quality yeah and also eat the entire animal I think bear grills would like this about me that I eat every part of a creature that's died for my pleasure like people who are like oh gross they sprayed all the all the extra bits off the chicken carcass in

order to make nuggets i'm like yeah good yeah good and then boil what's left and make make broth like eat eat every every part of what's there but but there's no excuse for like shit mass mass-produced meat and shit mass-produced cheese because you don't need it to be cheese anyway it could be anything it's just paste yeah i agree i agree and on the island as well i mean you know a load of those slices sweating in the sun i mean it's yeah it's just a horrendous thought isn't it yes whereas i know lots of cheeses that do very well for being out of a fridge for a good while before you eat them. They improve, you know, and some Roquefort kept literally under a rock.

Oh, oh. Okay. Sensational. What will your worst drink be then? Lager. Lager. I don't drink alcohol i'm a recovering alcoholic and i've been sober for very nearly 30 years if you can believe it um uh my entire adult

life in fact i stopped drinking when i was 17 years old and um i've never minded being around drink i like it in fact i like it when mates get pissed um provided i'm there to begin with like i don't like showing up and everybody's already pissed then you feel like oh this is awful and i've nothing it's not a snob thing i've nothing against lager you know as a you know the places where lager gets drunk and da da da but it just seemed to me to be emblematic of a of a type of drinking that i feel excluded from right without being too sentimental about it that it's like right come on lads there's who's getting the beers in let's get some beers in and it's usually lager it's usually just sort of fizzy pissyy, golden lager. And also I have envy stuff going on.

So I very rarely crave alcohol. It's like a couple of times a year. And one of the times is at Christmas when I see people drinking red wine and it's cold outside and maybe there's a fire lit. And I can see like the colour, the depth, the texture of the red wine makes me go, oh, I'd love some of that. And then the other time is at the start of the summer when you first see people drinking a beer outside. Yeah. And it's got condensation on the outside of the glass and the sun shining through it and it's like rolled gold and i do i look at it oh oh god oh i'd love a i'd love a mug

off beer um so i think i'd have both the sort of the slightly snobby dismay i feel when people drink lager and think oh fuck off and also the jealousy yeah yeah also that like yeah that's a nice long fizzy drink for the for the sunshine for the beach yeah i think i'd like some of that and then they don't then they get all beery and pissy i think as well we just fetishize it so much as a country like i wonder if you know if you'd grown up in a different country maybe you wouldn't you know you wouldn't even have those jealous points because for us it's just we've put it on such a pedestal you know and I've spoken on this podcast before where people have not been keen on beer and they've said that like the disdain of people like who you know if you go

oh I don't like beer and they'll go you what you know it's not the sort of oh fair enough well I do but you don't it's like you're not allowed not to and but I think yeah it's it's just such a sort of it should be on our flag you know yeah yeah yeah yeah and I don't think I think there are plenty of people who would argue that as a serious yeah serious point yeah so the Queen holding a pint you know yeah take the blue bit out Scotland can go Lager St George

and whatever the Welsh bit is yeah no you're right you're right and it's such a it gets spilt all the time as well yeah whenever you

like the sticky floor thing or some wanker turning round from the bar imagining they can All the time as well. Yeah. Whenever you, like the sticky floor thing or some wanker turning round from the bar, imagining they can carry six beers in their two little sweaty hands. And they never can. They just, everyone gets beer all over them. I'm just like, oh, just.

Also, I mean, look, I think that most people's first drink, whatever it is, they don't really like. Yeah. But I think particularly beer. It's like, come on, no one's liking that. Yeah. Not really.

Let's do an experiment. Give more beer to kids to see what... Oh, I'll wait till my son's home from nursery later and I'll start today. Yeah. In the name of investigation. Get some beer in his sippy cup and see what he makes of it. Yeah. And if you're on the island, you know,

obviously you're not a drinker. There's lager everywhere and it's going to look tempting in the sun. And then when you do get it, if you finally relent and you just think, fuck it, I'm going to die soon. Morrissey's doing a head in. I've had to listen to Morrissey go on and on and on. Yeah. He's just found out I haven't read his book either, you know.

But all the beers then warm as well. So it's like you've gone this long and then when you finally break, it's going to be shit as well, isn't it? It's totally indistinguishable from Bear Grylls' yeasty piss. Yeah. Yeah. No, it'd just be too bleak.

Yeah. Too bleak, too grim. And if I was going to, because I probably would, I'd probably sack off staying sober on the island. There are literally a list of about 1,000 drinks I would have before a pint of lager. I'd like it to be something really really magnificent something that I remember from when I was drinking a really high quality drink like say southern

comfort the cheese slice of of pre-dinner uh aperitifs yeah my memory of southern comfort by the way is that it is genuinely one of the most exquisite things on the entire planet. Whereas I am assured by people I know who actually drink. No such thing. No, it's the answer to the question. What if booze was sweeter? Yeah. Yeah, I think that's what I remember. It's like starter whiskey, isn't it? You know, my first booze. Fair enough. Okay, well, to distract you from the worst food and drinks,

fortunately, you won't be without entertainment on the island. The plane's entertainment system continues to work, but just your luck, it only has two working settings. One is your least favourite film of all time, and the other is your least favourite song. What are they and why? ABBA are the most brilliant songwriters possibly ever like from a technical point of view I can listen to any ABBA song and go yep yep yep tick that's hitting all the marks it's really great it's so well produced it's so well written

and it's not true to say that i hate abba but i do fucking hate dancing queen i hate it so much not least because the title is so misleading have you ever tried to dance to dancing queen or see people do it yeah it's not a great one is it it's kind of it's because it's quite slow isn't it so slow it's not quite slow enough to be a slow dance, but it's not fast enough to dance to. Let's Dance is like that as well. Let's Dance by David Bowie. That's much slower than you think.

I agree. At least it's pointy. Yeah. You know, and it goes, let's dance, so you can, like, throw yourself a bit. Dancing Queen doesn't. It chugs. Dancing Queen. yourself a bit dancing queen doesn't it chugs dancing queen all i've ever really seen people

do is cry and point yeah during dancing queen you know even in priscilla queen of the desert which i love they they have dancing queen in that. And even then, you're like, this is the least good bit of this. I hate it. I hate it. And it gets played all the time. I very nearly put Love Shack by the B-52s, which is a mistong. Yeah, it's a mistong.

A mistaken song. It's a song that people are mistaken in thinking is good. It's not. That's true yeah I think um yeah Dancing Queen like I feel the same about ABBA I think basically you know it's taken me quite a while to sort of come around to them when I was young I thought oh it's a bit cheesy and then as I get older I'm like no this is really good but Dancing Queen it's there's almost like an inherent sadness about it it's sort of like the song that like, it makes me think of sort of someone crying outside a wedding and then someone

going, come on, it's all right. Yeah. Have a drink, pick yourself up. Let's go back inside. And then Dancing Queen.

Dancing Queen's on. Yeah. And they're sort of smiling through the tears and someone's like, are you all right? It's like, she's fine. Leave her, leave her.

She's fine. Yeah, exactly. Leave her. She's young and sweet. She's only 17. Yeah's fine. Leave her, leave her. She's fine. Yeah, exactly. Leave her. She's young and sweet. She's only 17. Yeah. Yeah.

And then, and then it's quite an emotional cuddle at the end. Go, you'll always be my dancing queen. You always will. Oh, I fucking hate it. I think it's so bad.

And it's a real, it's a grabber of a song as well. Isn't it? That like when it does fire up at a wedding, you get grabbed by someone going oh it's dancing free come on yay everybody and i don't get i've never understood this people that can dance to anything you know when people do that i don't like this song i'm gonna sit down or i'm not gonna dance to it and

people go come on don't be such a stick in the mud you're like no actually makes me feel quite sad dancing to music that i hate you know and people are like oh come on and it's one of those isn't it it's like it's two slices again for me it's like there's so much great music so much and from them as well from abba yes exactly exactly so you know it's easy to yeah it's it's easy to sort of join in and try and jolly yourself along. But I can't do it for the duration of a whole song. No, I think it's a nice image, though. It's like a good song to go mad to on the island. Like if you sort of imagine you guys washed up on the island and just dancing Queen over the background. I mean, it's one of those songs that you can just imagine you all just falling into insanity too, I think.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Rocking backwards and forwards. Morrissey particularly, I think he'd really struggle. And maybe a close friend saying, I mentioned ABBA in the third chapter of my book, actually. And I'd go, yeah, I remember remember and then they'd go i didn't and we'd have to start all over again bear grills i reckon would like it he'd be like come on yeah probably come on let's have a lager and i've i've wrapped the cheese slice around this inedible root and let's have a dance to dancing queen oh man what an image what an image and what would your film choice be revenge of the sith i love star wars so much that i've gone back and watched the three prequel ones several times because i can't believe i got it wrong i've gone back through them and gone,

no, no, no, no, there's worth in these. And I'd say there is worth in the, what was the first one? Phantom Menace. Phantom Menace. There's a lot of worth in that. The pod race is superb. I think very young Anakin's cute enough. I think he's fine.

I think Queen Armadala is great. I think for all that Jar Jar Binks is annoying, Boss Nass is kind of a curious and more Star Wars-y character than people gave it credit for. But by the time you get to Revenge of the Sith, I just, I was like, is it Hayden Christensen?

I think it is who plays Anakin becoming Darth Vader. I feel really bad for the guy because basically anyone who cares about Star Wars does so because that transformation from this young, curiously powerful Jedi into the most powerful Sith Lord in the galaxy. There's no way any actor could play that better than we all have a million times in our imagination. So I felt bad for him.

That said, he was shit. Yeah. He was shit in that role. He was badly directed and he played it badly. Yeah. I just remember watching it and the second, the second one and the third one get merged into one in my mind. Cause I think it was like i just remember watching it and the second the second one and the third one get

merged into one in my mind because i think it was like just i couldn't not go and see him at cinema but i was just kind of going oh for fuck's sake you know and and i get it when you've had like a child actor say this isn't a comment on daniel radcliffe but say if you pick a child star for like harry potter and then the films go on and they age with the film and it might be that they turn out to not be a very good grown-up actor you know because you can be you can get away with being a bit shitter as a child I think yeah but with him it's like you picked him it's not like you had the same actor all the way through and it's you know as roles go being Darth Vader quite a big one but yeah huge didn't anyone spot that he was shit i mean it's yeah it's not i mean someone must have seen this i mean in my day job i i make

adverts for radio and the ones that i have to do for film are always the hardest because there are so many layers of sign off and people go oh no can you change that word to this? And everyone's so... So I can't believe that an actor that bad for a role that big slipped through that many layers of sign-off processes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. Funnily enough, my son is doing a media studies A-level and we were talking at the weekend about the fact that... I think particularly with film and telly,

because it involves so many people, if you've ever seen a truly great film, you've seen something miraculous because it takes so many people and so many elements all in the same moment to come together. The costume's got to be right. The cinematography's got to be right.

The lighting's got to be right. The sound's got to be right. The editing's got to be right. The actor's got to be right the lighting's got to be right the sound's got to be right the editing's got to be right the actor's got to be right for the role and the script's got to be right in that moment and not and the director's got to be right like for all of those to come together in a single moment and be brilliant like the odds against that are huge so average films should still be celebrated but revenge of the sith is almost entirely without merit yeah sadly and it's a sadness for me because i i'm 47 so you know the original star wars a new hope was it's absolutely what i grew up on and i loved it so much and the very fact that it came up at the beginning it said Star Wars

and you hope episode four I was like what what what no one stopped where are the other three and that's that's literally been since I was five years old. Like, what are the other three? Will we ever see the other three are coming? And then, no, they're not. And then, yes, they are. This is happening. Who's doing it? George Lucas, the original.

Yes. Oh, my God. It's happening. And then Phantom Menace happened. And you're like, oh, you say people are going to die? Oh, okay, alright. But on the other hand, what's his name?

Red and Black got chopped in half. Darth Maul? Such a waste. Darth Maul! Oh, so great, so great. You should never have killed him in the first one. And then the second one, you're like, okay, the first one was problematic, but I'm here. I'm here for the ride.

I'm here for it. I'm here for it. Second one was terrible. I remember people openly laughing in the cinema at that point. Yeah. But then you're like, the third one, you're like, all right, here we go. This will tie it up. This will tie it up.

And then you're like, oh, God almighty. Man This will tie it up. This will tie it up. And then you, oh God almighty. Man, yeah, it's so painful. I think that's when the most recent trilogy came out. And, you know, they've been sort of, they've had some slightly mixed reviews, but I think I'd say in general positive reviews. I think that, yeah, yeah. But for me, I just, when people are slagging them off,

I'm like, I'm just so relieved they're not those, you know, they're not of that standard. So when the first of the new batch came out, I remember watching it and just going, oh, it's such a relief that it's good, and Rogue One and things like that. Yeah, they're great, man. I mean, the relief is better than the film being good.

You know, that gave it such a glow for me. Yes, absolutely. Absolutely, yeah, that's how I feel about it. It's kind of like Revenge of the Sith is sort of like Blair's Labour in that I'd waited a really long time. I'd only known a Conservative government and Labour came into power when I was at university,

which is the right age and if you're at university and you're a conservative voter there's something wrong with you yeah later in life if you decide that's for you fine or you or earlier in life before you're allowed to vote and your parents do it you've not had to think about it fine if you're at university and you're a conservative fuck off what are you doing what are doing? So Labour came into power for the first time in my life and I was like, oh my God, this is so incredible. Things are going to change. And then, you know,

one of the greatest political disappointments of my life, and it's awful to describe it as a disappointment and refer to my life when you consider what the ramifications were, but when Blair's Labour Party went with Bush into Iraq and then you look at what happened, it was such a painful betrayal. And as bleak as it is to compare the two,

I'm going to say that Revenge of the Sith felt like that for me. It was like, you can't do that. I've waited so long for this, for this to be a good thing. And now look, now look what you've done. And people will never forgive you, by the way, quite rightly. Yeah, and because, you know, other bits in the canon as well, there's been, you know, strong films, but that, I mean, everything that happens that should

be the the best film given you know on paper like that's when dark vader happens you know and that's the bit we can never watch again yeah and that should be that like you should be able on the desert island to go all right listen i haven't read your book okay and i'm sorry about that but here's what we're going to do we both know revenge of the sith is not a great movie but let's just watch that like that five minute sequence that's so great let's watch that and there isn't one there's not even a five minute even the rolling credits at the beginning no and it's just going to remind you

of all the good ones that you've enjoyed you're never going to watch again that was yeah that's exactly it it's like it would be a reminder of you know Star Wars A New Hope God knows how many times I watched it as a kid certainly every Christmas day and every Easter day from the age of about five up to maybe 15 you know it was what was on you're like yes this is on again um so yeah I'd be reminded of some of my happiest film watching experiences while struggling through that and being a mug being a Star Wars mug I would go back and put it on again as well I'd be like like, I don't know, let's give it another go. Yeah. Marcus, stop torturing yourself. Come on, have some cheese.

We're having a little dance over here. Oh, God almighty. Morrissey finally relenting and eating the Kraft cheese whilst dancing to Dancing Queen. Yeah. While Bear Grylls goes, I fashioned a speaker out of this whale skull that I found. You've just made Dancing queen louder mate uh well look you're making you're doing such a good job of making a horrendous island i'm actually feeling a bit uncomfortable but before before we finish finally the island is overrun

by the biggest dick of all the animals what animal is it and why it's a dairy cow and it's there's nothing wrong with the dairy cow per se it's me and dairy cows because i'd be very i'd be very torn firstly so i am and i do want to say this again a qualified level one cheese master who judged at the 2019 world cheese Awards in Bergamo, Italy. I love my cheese. The arguments against dairy are strong. And one of the issues on the island would be that a dairy cow would plough through our resources incredibly quickly. Any vegetation that we could be eating, the cow would eat. Now, there are parts of vegetation that the cow could eat

that we couldn could eat, that we couldn't eat, and we could get the nutritional value out of its milk. But there are several things going on. One, as I milked the cow, I worry that I would develop a relationship with it. Not sexual, but a close affection. And that one one day instinct would get the better of me and i would kill it and eat its meat yeah i worry about that i worry about the emotional impact of finally having to admit there are not enough there's not enough vegetation on the island to sustain this dairy cow the only sensible thing to do with this is kill it and eat it yeah i'm emotionally attached to it also morrissey would literally come for me with his union jack hatchet that he's fashioned out of coconuts bear grills would be horrified that i had allowed the cow to live as long as it

had and you know and then he'd then he'd be all full of instructions about how to slaughter it and what to have. And the friend whose book I hadn't read wouldn't be talking to me then anyway. So on every level, it's a really problematic animal to have. Really problematic. You'd also have the potential to make cheese, but none of the kit as well so that

could be quite painful that's true although i do think i would succeed in making cheese on the island i mean given your level one status i mean i suppose if anyone's going to do it on the island i don't think i would manage to make you know a particularly exquisite, I don't know, like a camembert or a rockfall. But I do think I could succeed in making a blue. You know, all the blue cheeses were found by mistake. I'd need a damp, dark cave. And then we'd see what would happen. I would brine wash some of the cheese with seawater.

See what happens happens you know yeah i'd like to think that within six months i could present a very palatable five cheese board i like to think that too i mean it's yeah it's given me some comfort after imagining the the hellscape of the island that yeah yeah yeah that is a comforting idea yeah you emerging triumphant from the cave with a few cheeses. And I do think this as well is that, you know, I believe in nose to tail eating because I think it's a waste to kill something and not eat all of it. But the time constraints of meat on a hot desert island would mean I would have to try and eat nose to tail that beast in a couple of days tops. And that is a lot. Morrissey wouldn't have any.

My friend would be sulking because I haven't read his book. Bear would take down his share. Yeah. But even still, a whole cow is a lot for a person to eat. Oh, it's an insane amount. Yeah. No, I was thinking that. It's not going to be easy.

So, yeah, it's a bad island you've got there, Marcus. It's a terrible island. It's really bleak, really bleak. I don't want to go. I'll be honest with you, I don't even want to go. Well, we can take some comfort in the fact that hopefully your torment has provided entertainment for a lot of people listening because it has been a pleasure having you on.

So thank you very much for coming on. And where can we hear and see more of you at the minute? Well, my wife, Rachel Paris, and I are doing a Tuesday night live Zoom show through Always Be Comedy. And we sort of went, yeah, let's try this and see what it's like. And it turns out it's some of the most fun both of us have ever had. So we're doing that every Tuesday night on Zoom through Always Be Comedy.

And I definitely recommend people come along to that. It's totally different every week and we have a right old laugh. Good, lovely. Well, Marcus, thanks again for coming on to Desert Island Dicks. No problems, man. Thanks for having me. Cheers.