Desert Island Dicks - MELVIN ODOOM

Episode Date: May 27, 2019

Radio and TV presenter Melvin Odoom joins me to choose the worst people and things he could be stuck with on a desert island. Be sure to follow the podcast @dickspod Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hi, I'm James Deacon and welcome to Desert Island Dicks, the show that sees you marooned on a desert island after a plane crash with the worst people and worst things imaginable. Who they are and why they're a dick is up to you. And here to share their Desert island dicks with us today is radio and TV presenter and my friend Melvin O'Doom. Hey there James. I'm fine, how are you? I'm quite nervous because I'm not used to being so liberated. Really? Yeah, I'm always very positive about everyone and everything. So to come on a show and talk about people who I think are dicks is,. Is, I mean, obviously I talk about the dicks that I know of to my friends and family at home, but I've never done this on air. So this is quite liberating.

So like, yeah, I guess part of it is like, it's those unheard conversations, isn't it? Yes. So we're having this like backroom conversation. I know, I guess it would be weird for you. Although in saying that, when we had a little rundown of your things yesterday, I was like, you've got a lot of of suggestions i had a few dicks in hand um melvin with a few dicks in hand let's dive in who's going to be your first person i'm going to do a category first i'm going to talk about the the dicks that i've dated oh all right so i've got I've got a couple of stories about girls that I've dated

who I found out were dicks later on in life. Oh no. So the first person was, I invited them out to lunch and I met them outside the restaurant. They pulled up in their car and I called them up and said,

look, I'm going to meet you by the car. I walked over to the car. She got out of the driver's side and then opened the door behind her and there was a baby in the back seat that I'd never heard. She never told me about. She never even said she had children. And she brought her child who was about one to this date. So I was like, oh, because I love kids. If you've got kids, it's cool. But tell me about them. This is a date so I can prepare. So she's like, like yeah this is my son

like all nonchalant didn't even care about it and unfortunately I picked the worst restaurant to go to do you know Vapiano? yeah yeah so with Vapiano

they've got like different sections there's a section for like pasta a section for pizza and you have to queue up for your food there's no wait or anything so we got in there

and I was like they do the best pasta here let's take a seat and eat and she's like no no no I want pizza so she queued up for the pizza

and she got her food a lot faster than me sat down she started eating with her son and then I got my pasta by the time I got my pasta and sat down

she had finished her pizza and she just sat there staring at me watching while I was eating my pasta it was the most awkward day ever so that's dick number one wait what's the kid doing while this happens the kid's just sat there staring at me, watching while I was eating my pasta. It was the most awkward day ever. So that's dick number one.

Wait, what's the kid doing while this is happening? The kid's just sitting there. He's got no idea what's going on. Basically, I paid for their lunch. That's what happened. So that was dick number one. Dick number two was, I met this girl outside Ministry of Sound. And we exchanged phone numbers.

And I said, look, let me take you out to dinner. Beginning of the night or end of the night out to dinner and every time beginning of the night or end of the night end of the night so we're both going home I'll see her outside and she calls me up and every time she speaks to me

she always she always used to call me baby she always used to say oh hey baby like what's going on baby hi babe and I was like this girl likes me

she just keeps calling me baby she really likes me so I got to the restaurant and first of all she was like I don't like anything on this menu can you pick for me right I got to the restaurant and first of all she was like I don't like anything on this menu can you pick for me

right I'm like okay cool I can do that so I've I think I've picked I've selected like the pad thai chicken

noodles right and she had literally one bite and was like I don't like this and then pushed it away and I was like

okay cool it's my fault anyway I should have checked what you don't what you don't like this and then pushed it away and i was like okay cool what's my fault anyway i should have checked what you you don't what you did ask you to pick exactly yeah so she didn't eat so i thought okay let's go somewhere else for like a drink so as we i pay for the food then we leave the restaurant and then she goes to me what's your name again no she had no idea what my name was so then i go so hang on how come you didn't know my name she goes oh i just i forgot to ask you when we met i said so then why didn't you ask me when i first called you and she's like i thought it'd be awkward then i was like don't you think it's

awkward now like we've eaten food after days of speaking on the phone and then having a full dinner then at the end you decide to to say, what's your name? Oh, my God. Hang on a sec. Like, she's talking to you. What's she got your number saved as? Probably baby. Baby?

Yeah. So the dicks that I've dated, they're all in one category. So those are the first set of dicks. Can I just say one thing, right? Stop calling me baby if you're not playing games. Isn't it? I was just like, she has got many guys on the go. She must have been a player.

Yeah, must have been a player. Totally. Oh my God, Melvin, you got duped. Exactly. Although what I will say, right, I know you're going on to your next one, but when you go on so many dates, you're bound to get a few like that, isn't it?

You're going on a lot of dates you're bound to get a few like that is it you know what that was the period in my life where um i enjoyed the the art of dating yeah yeah um and you know what i just enjoyed meeting new people to be fair yeah um especially beautiful like was this a time when you might have been in like a financial crisis? You know what? It was when I moved out of my mum's house. I've come from a strict, like, African Ghanaian family. And like, when I left university and came back home, I obviously, because I wasn't really interested in girls

before university. Then when I left uni, I was like, wow, like, girls are great. This is good. I lost my virginity in my in girls before university. Then when I left uni, I was like, wow, girls are great. This is good. I lost my virginity in my first year of university. Then came back home and started dating. And my mum didn't like it. She was like, look, don't just stick to one nice girl.

Don't bring random girls to the house. Classic mum though, isn't it? Classic mum. Sometimes I'd go out for like a night out. And then it would be like three in the morning. I'd sneak a girl into the house and then I'll be creeping up the steps. And then just as I get to my bedroom, my mum would jump out the bathroom in her night

and be like, who is this person? What is your name? And why are you here? She would just ask them questions and be like interrogating them on the doorstep. Are you planning on staying here tonight? Exactly, all of that. So when I left my mom's house and got my own place i went crazy free i was like i'm gonna date as much as i can so that's that was the period yeah okay yeah that's so funny all

right okay dating dicks yes first one first one nice one melvin and Melvin who's going to be your second choice my second choice is going to be I think it's an obvious dick okay it's Katie Hopkins Katie Hopkins right we've heard Katie Hopkins

have you heard her before yeah yeah yeah now my reason is because from my perspective I got into presenting you know how I work I got into presenting because

I like to make people smile I like to share stories that make people laugh and spread positivity. I'm a very positive guy. And I just feel like Katie, she might be a nice person behind closed doors, but I think she has built a career on spreading negativity. Yeah, for sure. She's very, very horrible and negative about different people.

I think my first memory of her was when she was on This Morning right oh right yeah yeah and she was talking about how she kind of judges kids

based on their names right and I'm like I love children like they're they're the most important thing in this world like they're our next generation

so don't say anything bad about they can't choose their own name so don't say something you've got on TV to say I don't like anything bad about it. They can't choose their own name so don't say something. You've got on TV to say I don't like people who are named after certain areas

called Isabel or whatever. Or Chardonnay or stuff like that. Yes, that's it. And I was like, a child is a child. They can't choose that and actually by you coming on TV and saying that

you're probably going to now feed into like a new variety of bullies who are going to say oh well I saw this woman on TV saying your name's silly. Like that's a horrible thing to say about children that's my first thing the other thing is the way she goes on about the muslim community like i think look i'm in the uk now i think you know london's my my favorite city in the whole wide world but i think she's very negative about the muslim and I think it's a very very

wrong thing to do. Yeah for sure Melvin I've never heard you this deep I know I go deep sometimes but the thing that really upsets me about her is when I agree with her. Yes so this is what I wanted to get into the meat of right when you said this to me

I was like hang on a minute. Well every now and then because I think generally she's an idiot. Generally she just says stuff for the sake of it. But every now and then she says something and I'm like, actually, I agree with that. Can you say what? I can, I can. So a little while ago, do you know how sadly that guy passed away who was on Jeremy Carl's show? Yes, yeah, yeah.

And now they're trying to say, let's cancel his show. It's cancelled, isn't it? It's already cancelled. It's no longer here anymore. And so she made a post saying, like, Jeremy Carl's had about, I think, 16 seasons, right? And he's had like over a thousand episodes. And one person's passed away and they've cancelled it. However, Love Island I think has had like 16 episodes

and four seasons and they've had two people pass away from the show. Which is far, yeah, yeah. Far more with less episodes but yet a

new series is being promoted as we speak now. And she was like, well that doesn't kind of like add up. And I was like, I kind of agree with that as much like add up and i was like i kind of agree with that as much as you're a dick like i kind of agree with what you're saying and i was so upset with

her although i agreed i didn't retweet the tweet if it was anyone else let's say if it was um i don't know like uh like someone who's like another dj from radio 1 I would have retweeted it happily but because it was her I didn't but I screenshot it as like to remember that as proof so I knew the facts and the figures so I kind of agreed with her I was so upset with her because I was like dammit you've come up with quite an interesting

fact there so that made me really really upset with her and upset with myself at the same time oh my god she's my number two you never would have thought that you would have been agreeing with katie hopkins ever it's the worst feeling in the world it feels like cheating on on your family yeah totally on your morals on all your values yeah please don't tell the other values um yes so okay all right katie hopkins i mean that is a totally different reason than what we've had before.

To dislike Katie Hopkins because you agreed with her, that is good, man. That is really good. And that thing that you were talking about, the name thing, that's when I remember her blowing up. Yeah, I think that's kind of how she made a name for herself. And I think she realised at that point, if I'm negative and I make, I say something that's controversial, that's her thing, that's her angle. But I feel like sometimes you don't have to be nice.

You don't have to be horrible to get by in life, I think. You can be nice. Yeah, for sure, man. Okay. And so I've dragged you onto this hateful podcast. Yeah, yeah. Screaming to do this. Yeah, basically.

Sorry, Melv. Okay, and Melvin, who's going to be your third choice? My third one is quite a deep one, actually. Oh, okay. Because it's very personal. Oh, wow. Okay. So, like, as you know, I'm a very happy person.

You are, yeah. But as a kid, and as a kid I was very happy. Like, my mum raised me and my sister, and I'm really close to my sister now. Yeah. We had a great childhood but there was one little blip when I got bullied by a kid at my secondary school and

I've always been tiny I've always been like the small one you know amongst my crew of friends and stuff like this but there was one kid that used to always pick on me and I remember one period in particular I used to hide in the school theatre from this guy because if that used to always pick on me. And I remember one period in particular, I used to hide in the school theatre from this guy. Oh, man.

Because if he used to ask for dinner money and stuff like that. Oh, man. But there was one moment where he got me, right? And I was coming out of my class and he had like this gold watch and he punched me with his kind of like his wrist because his watch was on backwards. And he punched me in the chest. And as he punched me in the kind of like his wrist because his watch was on backwards and he punched me in the chest and as he punched me in the chest the watch broke and then he goes you broke my

watch melvin and i was like what do you mean he goes i said you've punched me so i was in pain and i've gone you've you've punched me and he goes no no no like you you've broken my watch and you've got to pay for it what and i was like i've got no money he goes well every single day i'm gonna collect your dinner money right and i don't know how long he did it for i used to try and hide like when it got to lunchtime i used to try and run out of class and hide somewhere like in a theater it was like the worst thing ever right so i think it was like it went on for months i used to literally just pay him my dinner money oh my every single day right and um obviously got over it and when i started doing radio i had a friend who worked for this charity which was based around it was a beautiful charity and they kind of tried tried to raise awareness about bullying in the

community and she was like melvin i know i know you're bullied as a kid and uh you're doing great things you've just started in radio now. How do you feel about coming on and speaking? We're going to film you and we'll put it online. And I was so shook still by that period in my life that I didn't want to talk about it. Yeah. And I really regretted talking about it. Really? Yeah.

I regretted talking about it. Yeah. It really affected me. And I think years afterwards, I saw him again. And he was being nice to me. Oh, no. I felt really, really horrible. So, yeah, he would be the worst person to be on this island with now. Yes.

And, yeah, it just kind of motivated me to work really, really hard. Did it? Yeah. And if I see, like, a kid being bullied on the street, sometimes I'll jump in, even if the kids are bigger than me, I'll just jump in and I'll be like, come on, just leave it. Yeah, yeah. I just don't like it.

No, man. Childhood bully. Childhood bully, that is a good choice. He's the worst person. Melvin, I didn't know that about you, man. Yeah. That made me feel a bit emotional. It makes me feel emotional.

When I first spoke about it with my mate who did that charity, it made me feel emotional because it reminded me of that time. And I'm so confident now. Sometimes I'm overconfident. People are like, where do you get it from? And it just comes from kind of defeating that little, that sad period in my life. Killed that demon off.

Yeah, man, definitely. And I think that's why it's important to talk about it. I think talking about stuff is the best thing you can do in life when you're feeling upset or down. So yeah, I'm always open. Yes, Melvin. All right. Way to turn a negative into a positive.

Yeah, man, that's what we're here to do. That's so good. Melvin's bully, you go on the island. That is a true dick, isn't it? Nothing beats a bully. Because you can get adult bullies now. Do you know what I mean? Yes.

And they're really bad as well. Social media. Social media bullies. Like my little, my, so, okay. So I've got, so going back to the bully thing, because I'm so against it. I've got a young family member who was bullied via social media. And I was like, I couldn't get my head around that whole social media thing

because I was just like, if it's a problem, you just take their phone away or you take them off. And her mum said to me, you can't do that because you're seen as an outcast if you're not on social media, even more so. So you kind of have to be on it and accept it. And I was like, it's mad, but obviously she knows what this person's going through. So I said, all right,

when she leaves school, I'm going to turn up in my car. I'm going to drive up outside the gate, park my car up at the front. And then I'm going to walk in. Cause if we're doing at the time was like on the biggest breakfast show in the country. So I was like, I'm going to walk in and I'm just going to take pictures with like teachers,

all the students. So I walked into the school with my cousin and went and gave my cousin a big hug I said do you have a good day at school she's like yeah cool and then

and then all the teachers were like hey Melvin da da da and all the kids were like can we get a shout out I said if you want a shout out you've got to ask my cousin so I kind of made her

like the cool person yeah yeah and then left her to it type thing she's not been troubled since then that's amazing man that's such a good thing to do yeah man that's what we're here to do it's old school tactics yeah man i mean just actually go in and make it happen because because some bullies don't even realize they're doing it and so i think in some cases like especially when it's a boy on a girl, sometimes they just fancy the girl and they try to get their attention. Yeah, yeah.

So, yeah, I try and squash it. Well done, man. All right, okay, Melvin, your third choice is your bully. Great choice. Thank you. Thank you very much. All right, Melvin, now, mercifully, among the wreckage of the plane, there was some food and drink left over.

Unfortunately for you, it's your least favourite food and drink in the world. What are they and why are they so bad? You're going to find this so weird. Go on. I hate sushi, man. Do you? I hate sushi. And that's the reaction I get from everyone when I say sushi. My mouth is wide open. Do you know why? Yeah. Because

it's lazy food. It is lazy food. It's lazy food. It's not cooked. I want my food to be cooked. Warm and nice. My mum, she prepares a meal, jollof rice and chicken. It's so nice. It's delicious. It's beautiful.

That stuff's been seasoned. It's been marinated. It's been put in the fridge, then brought out, then put in the oven, and then she's cooked that shizzle. It's delicious. Sushi, you've killed the fish and put on a plate. It's true. There's nothing to it.

You've put no effort to the food. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So when people say sushi, I'm like, that's lazy food. I don't want to pay a man money, and they haven't done nothing to it. Yes, yeah, yeah. And so when people say sushi, I'm like, that's lazy food. I don't want to pay a man money and they haven't done nothing to it. Yes, it's true. So sushi is the laziest food that you can eat.

It's the worst food you can eat. How many times have you had sushi? I've had it once because of my best friend, one of my best friends, Ricky. He loves sushi and apparently I've heard it is healthy, but I don't think it tastes that nice either.

Yeah, okay. I don't think it's that delicious. I'll be honest with you, right? I do eat it a bit. And you know this probably. Everyone eats it. Yeah. Because there's a place near where we work that after seven o'clock, all the sushi is

half price. See, that's a good reason to have it. So you're getting like £7.50 sushi for like £3 something. But I also don't like cold food. Yeah. Like I feel like a proper meal should be warm. I think a nice, like a lunch is okay to have like sandwiches yeah like i feel like a a proper meal should be warm i think a nice like a lunch is okay to have like sandwiches cold but for like a proper meal don't give me

something cold please no i'm gonna be honest i don't think i've ever seen you eat a sandwich if i have to it's because i've got a fat belly so i try not to eat bread but if i have to i'll have like a sandwich but sushi you'll never see me see me have that really yeah i go to like japanese restaurants because they do like teriyaki ribs and okay that's special though that's nice yeah that's good sushi i've got no time for it it's late in my mouth watering no business uh and then oh quickly though sushi right one last thing i think you've got a point because the most eaten thing with sushi is soy sauce and wasabi, right? Soy sauce is super salty

and wasabi is super spicy because without those two things, the sushi has no flavour. Do you know what I mean? It has no flavour before. You guys are being duped. Sushi is like the cool food to eat. If you're trendy,

then you've got to eat sushi. You're not a cool person if you don't eat sushi. So for me, it's a bullshit food. Yeah. Go on then. I've got, actually, anything raw. So I don't even like, you know when people have steak and they have it, Oh, like,

What do they call it? Blue. Yeah. Disgusting. Again, lazy. Don't just call the animal and put it on my plate. Cook that stuff up for me. And the drink, I've got a few drinks.

Which, again, you might find... A few? Yeah. Go on, yeah. Controversial. Lager. Lager? You're not doing a lager?

Nah, mate. Never? Disgusting. I'm sure I've seen you drink it. No, actually, I didn't see you drink lager. I love a ladies drink. I love a cocktail. Yeah.

I love something that's sweet and tasty. Yeah. Like, I don't want... I think lager is... People, again, they've been tricked into thinking it's a nice drink. The only time I like a lager is if it's boiling and you've given me a cold, cold one. If it's, like, crisp, cold on a hot day. And I think, again, it's more just to do if it's refreshing and it's cold rather than the taste of it.

It could be a refreshing, cold anything. Yeah. Yeah, okay. Lager. No interest. So you're going into a pub, you're meeting someone for a drink, you're never going for a lager. And if, I shouldn't say this, but if a girl orders a pint, it's a turn off for me. You're just like, nah.

I don't think that's sexy. No. No. I do get that in a way, yeah. I don't know if it might be wrong for me to say, it's just something that I'm not into. No, people are into different things, do you know what I mean? That's how I feel. You go on a date mouthing in someone,

or does the sushi in a pint of lager? It's over. Game over. Yeah, I'm out. I'm just going to pop to the bathroom real quick. We're going halves on this, yeah, and you're out. Basically. Lager.

Do you know what, I like a lager, man. Yeah, I do like a lager. I'm quite weird With food and drink The other drink is Wait wait Just quickly though In a pub

What are you ordering Gin and tonic Get a gin and tea My favourite drink Is like a cocktail Or like a rum And coke with I love a rum

Or rum and ginger beer Also very nice With some fresh Lime in there I like exotic drinks Like take time with it. Don't just pop open the bottle and that's it. It's party time.

With your food, you want it to be prepped. I want everyone to make an effort in life. Make an effort and then I can enjoy it. That's so good. Right, you've got another drink. Yeah, Dandelion and Burdock. No way. Who invented that drink?

I don't understand why that exists. Who made that drink? It's ridiculous. It's disgusting't understand why that exists. No, who made that drink? It's ridiculous. It's disgusting. You know, I used to do a show called Dick and Dobby the Bungalow, right? Oh yeah.

And it was a kid's show and they used to do the Guinness book of world records, right? And they had to break different records. Yes. One day there'll be like, we've got to eat as many onions as possible, raw onions as possible, right?

And then one particular day they had a challenge where they had to drink dandelion and burdock as much as possible because they know how disgusting it is and i was thinking to myself who made this drink yeah and who drinks this drink because you go to shops and it's there someone's obviously buying it but it's the most disgusting drink i've ever encountered oh man yeah i mean it's horrible it's like who, who was walking through a field and thought, do you know what, I'm going to squash loads of this up. Is it actually made of dandelion? Apparently, yeah. What's a burdock?

I have no idea. We need to Google that. We need to find out what a burdock is. Yeah, if you're listening to this, right, and you know what a burdock is, tweet me. At Dick's Pod, tweet me and let me know what a burdock is. Because I'm not Googling. Yeah, great question. Yeah, I prefer people who have the knowledge of these kind of things. Yeah, let me know. a burdock is because I'm not googling yeah great question

yeah I prefer people who have the knowledge of these kind of things yeah let me know don't just send me a link okay Dan Lyon and burdock that is gross I saw you did a thing

with Dick and Dom the other day what was that about they do like a live comedy show oh yeah and it's actually a podcast it's a podcast oh cool

but it's like a game show and what happens is the audience pay like I think like a fiver to come oh amazing and then I'm there as like a game show and what happens is the audience pay like I think like a fiver to come oh amazing and then

I'm there as like a kind of like a referee right and then they play games against the audience and if they lose the game they have to pay the audience

so potentially they could they could all lose all the money all the money that they've made from the show it's a really funny concept

actually it's a good show that's really good and they do it at the, like, backyard comedy house. Oh, amazing. Like, Shoreditch area. That sounds like fun, though.

Yeah, it's loads of fun. And you know what? They're great guys as well. Yeah, that's cool. Maybe I should get them on here. You should. They would love to do this. That would be great.

And they'll have so many dicks to talk about. Would they? Yeah, definitely. Imagine if you got put on. Well, one of them's called Dick. Yeah, yeah. He's prime. Yeah, he's prime yeah

he's pro Dick imagine if he picks Dom he probably would bang out of order okay cool Lager Lager I don't agree with that one

I know you don't I know you don't no one will that's fine it's just me Dandelion and Burdock okay thank you very much

and also going back to Lager I'm sorry it's not it's not great it's probably the worst thing you can drink if you like alcohol because Lager just sits on your stomach Melvin it sits there see what I'm sorry it's not great it's probably the worst thing you can drink if you like alcohol

because lager just sits on your stomach Melvin look at this it sits there see what I'm saying so if you're trying to work out don't drink lager

also I don't I should not be drinking lager because I don't have a lot of time to go to the gym and again another thing with lager

once you drink a pint of lager you're in the toilet for the whole night you're just weeing you're weeing constantly you don't need to ween that much in your lifetime it's true yeah so yeah I have too many issues with lager you're in the toilet for the whole night you're just weeing you're weeing constantly you don't need to wean that much

in your lifetime it's true yeah so yeah I have too many issues with lager I tell you what anything with pints though it's like

you're not going to stand there and drink like five pints of water that would be weird but you would with lager yeah you would imagine how bloated

you'd feel if you stood there drinking five pints of water and I think there's certain people that drink so much lager that they don't piss

as much as they should do wow I bet you yeah probably how much do you piss when you have a lager loads do you

yeah okay so you're alright but there's someone out there that they've become immune to the piss and it's just sitting in there I bet you if we search outside there

we'll find someone who's got loads of lager inside him just lager piss yeah lager piss just built inside it sits in your tummy mate thank you very much Melvin thank you Melvin now fortunately you won't be about Someone who's got loads of lager inside him. It's lager piss. Yeah, lager piss just built inside. It sits in your tummy, mate.

Thank you very much, Melvin. Thank you. Melvin, now fortunately, you won't be about entertainment on the island. The Plains Entertainment System continues to work, but as is the podcast, just your luck, it only has two working settings. One is your least favourite film of all time,

and the other is your least favourite song. I'm sorry. Okay. What are they and why? Okay, so I'm going to be a little bit different today. All right. Because I'm selecting beatboxers. As your song choice? As my song choice.

So rather than a specific song or group, it's beatboxers. Now, I want to make clear, I'm not talking about beatboxers from back in the day or beatboxers who, you know, kind of like made a name for themselves, like in the UK, and they're kind of like the pioneers. So people like Killer Keller, great. Scratch from the Roots band, great. There's a few guys who are pioneers. There's a level. There's a level.

But there's new beatboxers who I have no time for. We've heard all the tricks. We've heard you do Timberland and Pharrell beats before. We've heard it. It's old school to me. I actually had a birthday party a few years ago. And I think it was organised by my sister, a girl that I know.

And she was adamant that she wanted a beatboxer at my birthday. And I was like, that's the worst thing you could book for me. I can't stand them like you're in a beatboxer you can't you're not gonna beat a band or like a DJ so go away like it's fine but back in the day it was fine but now this oh my god we've seen that trick already now when you walk into the tube right I said this to you when you walk into the tube and

there's just like a beatboxer in the distance and you're approaching and you're just hearing... And they do the same one. Oh, mate. It does my head in. It's ridiculous, isn't it? I hate it. We are terrible beatboxers, by the way. I know, I know.

Do you like beatboxers? No. No way, Matt. It's embarrassing. I feel like beatboxers are the only people that like beatboxers I don't think anyone else cares about them anymore no I feel bad saying that but that's how I feel I mean it's just true it's just true I'm sorry I'm sorry it's justified I'm sorry beatboxers you know don't at me right Melvin do you get hit by people oh sometimes yeah. It's never gone that bad. But we'll see.

You never know. Anyway, Melvin picked him. I just really, really agreed. He's just here for the ride. Song choice beatboxers. I like how you went left field with that. Thank you. Film choice. Oh, I hope I've got the right name. I think it's called Balls of Fury.

Balls of Fury. Now, you wouldn't have heard of this film because it's shit. Now, the reason why I watched it's called Balls of Fury Balls of Fury? Now you wouldn't have heard of this film because it's shit now the reason why I watched it is because at my old workplace you obviously have to do promotions for various films and I think we had like a massive competition where they paid loads

of money to our workplace for us I think we had to introduce it and then we had competition winners well you had to go down to like the... We had to go to like a screening so it was like a really cool screening room. Right.

And I don't think the cast members were there. Right. But you had to, you had to obviously be there to introduce it and then watch the film. So we sat and watched this film

and it's basically like a parody of like a martial arts film. Right. But based around, I think like ping pong. Okay. And the only big star is Christopher Walken

who's like massive Hollywood star one of my favourite actors but it's the worst storyline it makes no sense I can't even remember what happens I couldn't tell you

who the goodies were the baddies were it was just the biggest waste of time and the thing about me is when I'm watching a film I can't fall asleep because I'm constantly going

I'm just going to wait for it to get there'll be it will make sense at one point you're so optimistic yeah and I sat there and went that was a waste of two hours like it's the worst it's so bad you know when you watch a bad film and you're like you want a friend to watch it so they feel your pain

that's how bad it is you're coming away have you seen this film it's so bad do you know what I mean? Yeah. In fact, if you're listening right now and you want to get to, like, you want to get out one of your friends, like, a prank,

tell them, I've seen this really, really good film. Yeah, yeah. And it's called Balls of Fury. Yeah, that's good. And that'll get them. Love it. That'll really piss them off.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's that bad. I think it's probably the worst film I've seen. Worst film. But, like, so there's a lot of bad films out there, right? But for it to have had like a proper like screening thing where you've had to go and introduce it

and there's like stuff going on. And the thing is you couldn't escape because if you watch a bad film at home, you can just turn it off, can't you? Yeah. So you're in the room, you've got to sit and watch it. The production company are there. Like they've paid money for us to be there.

So we couldn't leave. And I never watched that film again. Oh my God. Ever again. Melvin. I've never seen it, and part of me wants to watch it now. Just watch the trailer.

I'm going to watch the trailer. Yeah, I'm going to put the trailer on. Oh, Melvin. Okay, Balls of Fury. And even more annoying, how involved you had to be. You know what I mean? It wasn't even just like

you could walk out of the cinema you were being paid to be there to be there yeah oh my god was it worth even getting paid

I don't think we were getting paid that much we'd just started so it's just like this is the thing you've got to do we just had to do it

shit okay balls of fury thank you very much Melvin and finally I apologise it's almost over and finally Melvin don't apologise,

I'm having fun. Oh, good. I think I'm getting into bitching about people. I might do this all the time. I mean, I don't want to change

the person that you are because you're a very nice person. Oh, thank you, James. And finally, the island is overrun by the biggest dick of all the animals. Melvin,

which animal is it and why? You know where it is, bruv. You know where it is. Why? Foxes. Foxes! Can I swear? Yeah. They know where it is bruv you know where it is why foxes foxes can i swear yeah they're fucking bitches bro foxes have got no respect anymore so i live in i live in london and in london foxes don't give a damn no they will look at you in the eye and be like bitch this is

my road yeah they go on like they pay the rent they go like they're paying council tax that's how hard they are. When I moved to the place that I'm in now, I had these little lights in my garden. Okay. And every week, these foxes would come and rip the lights out. I paid, I don't know, I paid like hundreds of pounds trying to replace the lights. What, were they inbuilt?

They were inbuilt. So there was like wires going under the garden and then you could switch them on in the house so you could see all the garden in the evening wow you started

making some money that's when you hit the big time so then these foxes would come and rip out the lights every single

week and I was paying hundreds of pounds fixing these lights and then my mate was like okay cool we're going to get some tubing and then wrap the wire.

They used to dig up the tubing. Then I bought like this fox repellent, which was basically like these little like lion pellets that they don't like. They didn't care about that. Then my next door neighbor said, the only thing to get rid of foxes is if you piss around your garden. So then I i started like she was like don't obviously go out and piss just maybe put some wee in like a bottle and then put

in a watering can then so i was like having to put urine around my there's all these different yeah into like bottles so that did it work no the foxes didn't give a damn. So in the end, the only thing that worked is we had to get like an animal. What's his name? He's like an expert with like animals. I don't know what you call them. Oh, what's it called? An exterminator? No, not an exterminator, but he was like a specialist.

Okay. And he basically would come and he had kind of like somehow put them in a safe trap and then take them over to like a forest and make sure they're set free into the wilderness. Because all of my neighbours are like animal lovers and stuff like that. But again, we had to pay loads of money to get rid of them. Oh, my God. Right. I've picked up on a few things from this. Right.

Firstly, everyone, that is the most swearing I've ever heard Melvin do. You said the F word. Yeah, I know. You were annoyed. Can you put a beep on it? Yeah, I could do, but I'm not. But they really upset me. And I think there was one time,

because have you ever smelled fox poo before? Oh, no. Bro, fox poo is next level kind of poo. It beats baby poo like so one time what's it smell like it smells like evil it smells like evil

like it smells like hell demons and one time demons so one time I stepped in in fox's poo and got into a cab

oh no and I went to the cab driver your cab stinks mate and he's like no it doesn't he goes I've had it cleaned and he goes

actually it's you and I was like no it's not me mate and then I walked into work and realized i'd stepped in this poo and it followed me around all the way to my house and it's the worst it actually makes you wretch that's how fox is there's no need you'll know if you smell it then yeah you would oh no okay disgusting that's gross other things i picked up on if you're getting little bottles of wee right

and leaving them in your garden you don't leave them in the garden oh so like you wee in the bottle in your house and then you

you pour it into a watering can when you're ready to sprinkle around the garden and spray it about yeah and spray it about how degrading yeah but apparently

it's because of foxes they smell that and they think another bigger animal has marked their territory nice to know a bigger animal I know what you mean though of foxes, they smell that and they think another bigger animal has marked their territory. Nice to know we're a bigger animal though, do you know what I mean? I know what you mean though with foxes, man. You're walking down the road and you think you're going to walk up to this fox and it'll go.

No. And it'll be like a foot away from you. And you're thinking it could bite my leg or something. They don't give a damn, mate. Imagine what you'd get if you got bitten by a fox. Something. Something horrible. Yeah, cooties.

That is such a good choice because they are little bastards. Have you ever had foxes, by the way? No. Do you know what, right? No, on the show. On the podcast. Oh, man, I've done a lot of podcasts. You've done a lot, haven't you?

Yeah. I've done like 70 or 80 of these things. 80? Yeah, we've done a lot. Like, maybe like 70-something. Someone out there will know but yeah like we might have had foxes before

but these reasons are good hey do you know how to piss Melvin off hit him in the pocket but as soon as it's done it costs you new money man yeah it's an issue

because yeah obviously the thing is with me is if you're not hurting me then I'm not going to be upset yeah it felt like these foxes had a vendetta against me and when I started weeing in a garden, one fox left

a baby rat outside my front door. It's like we had a battle. Like a feud. And also to what benefit are they pulling the little lights out? It's just fun and games. It makes no sense. It's just like, hello Melv, welcome to the neighbourhood. This is what we're going to do. This is another 200 quid.

Melvin, this has been brilliant. This is what we're going to do. Here's another 200 quid. Melvyn, this has been brilliant. Oh, really? Thank you so much. Oh, thank you, man. Really good choices. Thank you for being on the podcast. Normally at this point, well, no, at this point, I say what you're up to at the minute,

tell the listeners what you're doing so they can find you somewhere else. Well, we're on Radio 1 with my good friends, Ricky and Charlie, Monday to Thursday, 9 to 11pm. We play great music, we have fun, we have laughs. You've just got good producers, man. We've got great producers.

That's the main thing, actually. We'd be nothing without our producers. I think this, one day, let's just rock in with no plan. Oh my God, that might be a long show. Make sure I've got one day let's just rock in with no plan and see what happens oh my god that might be a long show do you know what I mean make sure I've got my day off when you do that

yeah and very importantly if people want to find you what's your socials at Melvin O'Doom on everything oh that's good O-D-O-O-M

so I'm on Twitter I'm on Instagram I'm on Facebook I'm on Snapchat that's MeloDoom oh all one word and yeah slide in my DMs live your life ladies I'm on Instagram I'm on Facebook I'm on Snapchat that's Melodom oh one word and yeah

slide in my DMs live your life ladies I'll see you at the club thank you very much Melvin