Desert Island Dicks - MO OMAR

Episode Date: September 21, 2020

Comedian Mo Omar joins Dan to share who and what he'd hate to be stuck with on a desert island. Be sure to follow the podcast @dickspod Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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host endorsements or run a reproduced ad like this one across thousands of shows to reach your target audience with Lipson Ads. Go to LipsonAds.com now. That's L-I-B-S-Y-N-Ads.com. Hi, I'm Dan from Desert Island Dick standing in my kitchen talking to you. Maybe you can hear my fridge in the background. That's not important. What have we got for you today? Well, we've got comedian Mo Omar, who's very funny, which I guess is a given, really, seeing as he's a comedian. Sort of goes with the territory. I'll be honest, I've been doing bits of DIY all day, and now my son is in bed, and I'm trying to remember where I left the entertaining part of my brain to say something interesting here.

But it's not really happening. So apologies. But let's not worry about it. Let's just focus on the fact that if you like this podcast, there are loads more in our back catalogue to listen to with loads of brilliant people. Off the top of my head, the one that my predecessor James did with Jake Yap is one of my favourites. And if you've not heard the Bobby Friction episode yet, then you need to check that one out because he was brilliant. Thanks to everyone who's subscribed or followed this podcast and anyone who's left a review. If you've not done any of these things, I'm not mad, but why not do it now? Hey, we'd really appreciate it. Okay, on with the show. Here's Desert Island Dicks with Mo Omar. Hi, I'm Dan Benedictus and welcome to Desert Island Dicks,

the show that sees you marooned on a desert island after a plane crash with the worst people and worst things imaginable who they are and why they're a dick is up to our guest and here to share their desert island dicks with us today is comedian mo omar how are you doing i'm good thank you thank you uh a good bit of spiel there you're right it was uh very professional thank you yeah it all descends from here on out you know just the false sense of security at the beginning. How are you doing today? I'm good, mate. I'm just, I'm like, I've started retaking vitamin Bs to help with the lethargy. Because I had a nice busy week last week.

And then, do you know that end of that busy week, your body just kind of collapses. Because it hasn't been doing anything for months. And then when it's moving again the moment it doesn't need anything I just slept for a couple of days and yeah no, vitamin B is really good

I should shout it out it's B complex just take one of them a day they stink but they're really good for you how are you? Stinky vitamins I'm okay, I'm okay i'm okay i've got my my supplement of the week is uh acidophilus which i have here which i keep forgetting to take which is uh friendly bacteria what does it do it's supposed to be good for your

guts as i get older you know these things matter and uh and apparently each of these capsules has 20 billion friendly bacteria in which seems more than anyone could possibly need yeah that sounds like an immigration problem waiting to happen that's it also says ultra maximum on the bottle which feels like it's not proper english so it feels like that kind of makes me a bit more suspicious they go oh but they're ultra maximum you know that's that's too much just what that's not that's not how we speak what does it cost like where did you buy it holland and barrett okay i don't like i went to boots and i buy their most basic basic stuff it's like if if they cost if they cost more like how do you know how Neurofen is actually just normal painkillers you can buy from Tesco's?

Oh, yeah, and it's, like, 16p. Yeah, precisely. So maybe if you find other components, then you can find a better version. Because whenever they, like, oversell it, like, ultra high, maximum, and then the reality is that you can find, like, you just have to find the chemical name and then go to the roots.

Well, maybe I just need 10 billion friendly bacteria instead of 20, and that would be like half price, and it's still just as good. Yeah, half the pill. Intravenous. Then you'll win. Well, supplements aside, I'm glad we've got that little sponsored bit out of our system. Yeah, yeah.

So how did you find the process of choosing your your dicks for the island today oh mate um hard because you want like i'm on twitter so it's very hard to choose one that matters more than so i tried to go like i tried to think about it like a pyramid scheme because the person who's annoying you is is is like it's he's influenced by someone who's influenced by someone and I tried to go up the grapevine because the people who are annoying me normally their names on Twitter are just numbers and then flags so I can't I can't define them as human beings but we know whose people are they're real they're real bots um yeah it was it was it was pretty hard at first but then i just cast my mind back and i looked through the highlights

of when i was most annoyed and you know then then the things came easily very easily good all right well let's get on with the uh the job in hand then who's going to be your first choice so my my first choice is a popular uh hate lauded but also hated figure is jordan peterson um so so he's he's the writer professor uh the man with a very soft voice uh and um he's always he's always seen as like this sort of like self-help guru um and as someone who uh shunned self-improvement i resent his existence because it gives idiots the idea that they that that they know better than you just by the purpose of having spent that money on a book and um we've all we've all met those people uh yeah they're normally they're normally like they're only just like 20 something guys uh they wear v-necks and they spout like pseudo intellectual stuff but in the end of the

day what the real reason why i dislike him is because i was listening to a podcast with him in it and him just describing what he eats in his diet okay what's he what's he going he only eats meat oh for god's sake so him on an island with me it would just be so annoying because he'd be like he wouldn't i'll be like you we've got some fish and we've got some veg if we everyone splits it he's like well i only eat i only eat me so i guess i should have some more than everyone else he's like no jordan you're gonna get what you're given uh and it's're given. And it's such a hard-line attitude. And recently, he's in, well, this isn't a funny thing, but he is in a coma, and it kind of shows he wasn't right about his diet.

Like, he was, and the reason why he's in it is because of, like, an imbalance in his body. Holy crap. Yeah, so, and it's just like his high voice um how he would turn everyone against me in the group like he would he would obviously like he would obviously he's a very much a leader of men when there's no other men around uh and he would become yeah yeah i feel like yeah i just don't i don't like that he thinks he's smarter than me it's a chip on my shoulder uh the reasons fluctuate but yeah no it sounds like there's a lot to unpack there i mean the meat only diet is such like those sort of things really piss me off because it's sort of oh but

actually if you go back a million years then that's uh you know like 100 000 years that's what we're all eating and you're like yeah but it doesn't mean they were healthy then it's like just because you say that our guts aren't built to process as much processed food as they are today doesn't mean that only eating meat is you know it doesn't mean that we can just survive like a wolf you know yeah i just think it's dumb like he like um like he doesn't like yeah i just don't think any everything and every too much of everything is always bad for you that's always been the idea but recently all these fad diets where people are like oh what i will do i only have a a piece of nutmeg every day and uh every seventh day i'll

have an i'll have some ostrich nail and i'm gonna lose weight because they're yes you will because you're dying that's what's happening you're not giving your body the right nutrients um and also it's just him being with him on an island man just think about it like yeah yeah just an asshole see the thing is i feel a bit unqualified to speak about him not that that's going to stop me of course um but i sort of see his name flying around a lot and sort of see people getting angry about it. And I'm kind of, despite doing this podcast where I invite hate on people,

I sort of try and live more peacefully these days. So I try and watch the news a lot less, maybe only check it once a day. If everyone's getting angry about something, I just think, well, I'll just just swerve that so a lot of the time i see his name popping up in arguments i just think ah well i don't need to watch the clip i know he's a divisive character you know yeah uh it's what you're describing yourself as is a hypocrite uh yeah yeah yeah which we all are but he seems to he would would not let you just be okay with that. He would say, what you have to do, Daniel,

is you have to fix the problem. And shut up, you don't know, man. You just eat meat, go back to your steak. And just think about how boring your meals are and how long he must have spent on the toilet. Yeah, exactly. It can't be good for you. No, like, no fiber um no exactly and i just

sort of imagine like does it i can't imagine he'd have very good breath from that just you know smelling just his gut screaming out to to everyone he's speaking to uh do you remember that bit in alan partridge where uh the new season where he finds when he tries to eat vegetables for a week? Yeah. And he reconnects with his daughter. It's a very Partridge thing to do, isn't it? Yeah. To just choose meat.

Very confident man. Also, you never hear women sort of saying, oh, I'm on a diet now, I only eat meat. It's such a, like, crap alpha male thing to do, i only eat meat it's such a like crap alpha male thing to do isn't it it's such a like i'm in touch with my caveman it's like you wouldn't last five fucking minutes none of us would let's stop pretending put the telly on have a salad it's fine yeah a hundred percent like yeah this whole idea of like back to basics and it's like bro you don't know what basic is you you like you're

you're typing this out uh you had a coffee this morning everything like they don't seem to understand that the base the most basic parts of their lives are themselves very complex and took hundreds of years to even get to um and and and he's he's he's influenced so many assholes to be in pub smoking areas. And I'm scared because I'm a weak personality. I don't know about you. But soon enough, I'd start agreeing. Just out of fatigue, I'd be like, you know what?

Yeah, we should kill the other guys and eat them. Because meat is better than companionship. But yeah. Yeah. I think also there's always that sort of thing of I mean obviously I want free speech but you know I also recognise that we shouldn't just say any old mad shit we want all the time

you know and it's like this sort of thing of going no no no don't you cancel me I want free speech and you're like yeah but like you're offending loads of people you know at some point can't you see that there's a balance? Again, like, not just eating meat all the time. Much like your diet, there should be a balance. A bit of everything, a bit of kindness,

and not just saying whatever mad shit comes into your head. Yeah, just some self-awareness. Like, just put a bit of veg in, a bit of fibre. Just, like, just think about it. Be a bit more self-aware. Like, if he... Imagine his breath stinking and you're like, bro, can you just eat a pop of gum or something? He's like, no, you can't control me.

I have freedom of eat. And you're like, no, you can't. There's a balance. But yeah, that's my first person. And it's a very big, divisive figure. But I'm glad I'm picking him for the most petty reason. Yeah, absolutely. That's what I prefer.

Yeah, I think that's a very good choice. And I think, well, we'll see who else you pick. But, I mean, it's just, even if you didn't have anyone else, he's going to love the sound of his own voice. He's just going to be there giving you long lectures. He's always going to be right. There'll be no nuance or subtlety in the argument. Yeah, and the worst is if we get get found he'll write a book about it and then that's it that's it

he's off again he's like i didn't manage to survive and he's like he cried every day and no one will believe me because um i don't know yeah because he's got the book deal yeah because he's got the book deal cool okay and who's going be joining you both on the island so uh my my second person is um elon musk good choice yeah another another big big big big personality um he i jump around with him because sometimes i think he's the coolest guy ever like when i was was younger, he was a hero of mine. Like when he looked all nerdy and stuff. But then I recently saw a picture of him the day after his partner had just given birth. And he was in Joe Rogan's studio with a samurai sword.

And getting a picture taken, I was like, this is the day after the birth of your child. And by the way, that's not his first child. He has several children. This man has from several families. And he's enjoying doing his summer stuff. And then just like little dickhead movements. Like when she wrote her name, when she wrote the baby's name, which we all know is like a very complicated, all-letter stuff.

And then he corrected her. And then she commented underneath it's going i'm sorry i just gave birth a few hours ago so i guess i guess pardon me for my mistake yeah and also we've named our child after saying it looks like a fucking mathematical equation like you're gonna sometimes get the decimal point in the wrong place when you're feeling tired i mean but i i heard a story about him which kind of sounds very similar to that which i don't know if this is made up or apocryphal or whatever but there's a story that someone saw him at his wedding when he was getting married to one of his wives previous to grimes and in their first dance he said he whispered in her ear someone sort of read his lips said something like um I'm the boss in this relationship like during their first dance

and as I say that could be complete bollocks but it absolutely sort of ties in with what you're saying there like darling uh you've spelt a ridiculous child's name wrong and also it's it's you know it should say something about how people see you that if even if you didn't say that even if they like the fact that they might believe it you should change you should become a bit nicer um and also like every like he he was pictured with kanye west uh and in the in the mirror the person who's taking the picture is his much more attractive partner. So he's just like,

honey, can you take this for us? I'm sure they have staff. They definitely have staff. But he insisted she take the picture. Also, he just talks a lot of shit. I just don't think he knows as much as he says he does. I mean, he is a billionaire, but I have the right to dislike him.

I need to think he's not as smart as he thinks he is because he can't be smart and rich. I think that's unfair. Well, I used to work for a guy who is also very wealthy and has lots of mad ideas. And some of them were you know like genuinely sort of innovative interesting ideas and you know were like really forward thinking doing things that other people weren't and that was great but for every one of them there was about 14 just batshit crazy mad

things that you'd have to ignore and i think there's something about people like this it's like the one good idea pushes things forward to an extent that everyone goes yes he's a visionary and everyone ignores all the mad crap that they do as well or just kind of takes it on as part of the genius you know where often you're going to go yeah but you did also say that and that was a really stupid idea and we just ignored it knowing that you're so so like full of ideas you'll forget about it eventually i i it's not that i don't believe like i think i think if someone's that's that's smart they should be allowed a lot more leeway they can be weird because it's like you can't be so you can't be expecting to be a normal functioning human and then like suddenly come up with a madcap thing but it's how quickly we allow

him to just like flip-flop like remember the thai thai when the kids in thailand were stuck under the cave in the middle like it and um a british soldier who went under tried to save them and then died and he basically called the guy a pussy uh and he was like i'll come up with a pedo a pedo was it it was worse i i must have like i was just like first of all i've never known pedophiles to be that hard working that they would go they would go deep diving to find the children but they're normally very lazy people they normally just drive around but to to call it that and then like to claim that he was going to fix the problem which he didn't in the end

yeah and then we've just allowed him to walk away from that. It's like, no, no. Like, there's that kid in school who used to be weird. We used to give him a lot more leeway. But sometimes that kid just did some really weird stuff. Like, so you just have to catch the... And he's a 40, 50-year-old man calling someone who's dead a pedo. Like, that's... He must be such an egomaniac that no one stopped him saying

that yeah and i just sort of feel like with all these kind of rich white billionaires it's like what's the next thing you can do space like okay that's fine you know when bobby friction was on this podcast he made a really impassioned argument as to why space exploration is a necessary human endeavor and you know and i respect that but also like you know fix some fucking problems like you know make sure everyone has a good working wage you know like make sure there aren't loads of preventable diseases around the world like and and do the space thing as well you know like do both don't just sort of it's so weird and you know like electric cars that cars, that's great.

That's going to help, hopefully. But it just sort of feels like it all comes down to power and nothing else. It's like, right, I'm going to conquer space. Like, fucking hell, rein it in, just like... Rein it in. Just feed a load of people. Just give loads of people food. That's better.

Yeah, and also it's the fact that like his way of um doing something better is like i've sold all my houses and now i'm just renting and it's like why didn't you give your houses away you just made money like it's we're not impressed anymore by these fake uh uh what's the word for it? Gestures. Philanthropic endeavors that actually are just money-making events or endeavors. I don't know what the word is. I'm not a billionaire. But yeah, 100%.

I think I used to, when I was younger, I used to be obsessed with space. But I think he's useless, Elon Musk, as a person. He himself does not have the qualification. He keeps telling people he's an you know he's

he's an auto dick tat you know he's like people keep describing he's the da vinci of our time but it's a bit like steve jobs it's like he's a great visionary because he's rich and it's nice to have someone who with a bit of vision who also has money most rich people don't have like the vision but if you're on an island with him to come back to the, to try and make this podcast less about me, just bitching about people more successful than me, I think he would be like, the first day he'd be like, okay, who can do what? And then we would sort out the most baseline thing.

And then he would immediately start going, okay, we need to start leaving the island. And we're like, no, we've just established a baseline. Let's try and like maintain it for a while let's consolidate and he would just get us all drowned like he would go he would go fight it like i don't know how big how big is this island by the way have we ever just i don't know i mean we can make it your own i'd say you know small enough that you could walk around it comfortably in you know in an hour or something you know are there any creatures uh yes um i mean we can we're going to come to your least favorite animal later so it's going

to be overrun by one specific animal but i mean we're going to say just general animals are going to be there all right okay i just feel like you know would be the kind of person who'd bring a scorpion back and be like look what i find we can we can we can train it to go and you're like no you've just invited us you've just told all the scorpions where we are um and get us killed uh also i don't like his voice either it's very it's the same as john and peterson i think the two of them together as well it's such a sort of alpha maley kind of opinionated kind of thing you know it's you've got one guy just eating his meat elon's probably got some mad diet as well you know yes or elon's i wouldn't surprise me if he just survives on pills as well you know you know like people who kind of go

there's that drink huel you know and it's like yeah it goes oh you know it's got everything the body needs you're like yeah but it's got nothing that the soul needs in it you know there's no like joy there you just want to get it out the way as quickly as possible because you want to be a machine i know this i knew this i've just decided that anyone i meet who drinks fuel is an asshole and i should stay clear of them because i've i'm the last person i met who drank fuel was that a type personality but fake i i just i no longer believe that atype personality means a good thing. A-type is just someone who is very like... Who's the guy who flew too close to the sun?

Oh, Icarus. Yeah, it's a very Icarus personality. That should be a better name for it. They're going to get you all screwed. They're not doing better than you. They've just been lucky up to this point, and they will fall. They haven't experienced a third act of their life yet. Because, yeah, B-type personalities all the way.

Much more convivial, much more fun to be around. And I bet you if you had a B-type personality around you, you'd sort out all the baseline stuff, and then suddenly when the people on the boats found you, they'd be like, wow, you guys have got something good around here and then you'd start an Airbnb. Suddenly, you'd have like a business going, you'd come back and forth from the island,

you owned the island, it's fun. I don't know, man, yeah. No, I think that's better. It's like you might not escape the island but you're more likely to survive and get along with each other rather than Elon Musk's sort of vision would be do something kind of mad that maybe works but maybe kills you.

But if it killed you, you'd be like, yeah, but he showed us what was possible. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, but he's dead. He's, like, he's floating over there somewhere, you know. Yeah, 100%. Yeah. I feel like there's a real cult around Elon Musk.

Like, I saw this meme yesterday and it was sort of saying bill gates says let's make more vaccines and everyone goes you're trying to turn us autistic or whatever and then bill um and then elon musk says i want to put this microchip in people's brains and it's like yeah good idea and why is it okay for him to say all the mad stuff no yeah precisely i don't want his corporation in charge of my brain. I don't want to sign up for that. Because he created the money system. So what became PayPal, he was one of the originators.

And so, like, I just feel like first he was in our pockets, now he's trying to get in our brains. And then soon enough he'll be in our butts. And I just don't believe that guy has any line in how crazy he's willing to go but yeah that's my second person

Elon, fair enough, good choice is that a good reason? yeah I think so definitely and I think as you say the mix of those two on the island with you obviously we don't know each other well, the vibe I'm getting off you is it's not going to go smoothly with these two. So let's see who your third guest is going to be. Guest? Well, guest on the island, who's your third dick?

My third guest? Go number three, please. So the third one is Ali Mohan Nawazish. Okay. And for people who aren't familiar with him so tell us a little bit about him so Ali Moen Nawazish was um when he was when he when he was finishing his a levels um he'd come out as having he's only if he's only like 30 now he's only like five years old um and so when he finished his a levels he, it turned out he had done 23 A-levels, 21 or 22 of which were all A-stars. So the whole roster of A-levels, yeah.

And then he went to Cambridge and did a degree there in, I don't know, computer science, but then he dropped out of that and changed to PPS. But then on top of that, then goes, and there's another thing in America, another like, like a really posh university, one of the Ivy Leagues. And then goes back to Pakistan, where he's originally from,

and starts an art, he's like a, he's like a campaigning journalist. And I first heard about him when, like any kid would hear about someone that successful. My mom sent me an email with all his achievements, saying to me, why haven't you done this and keep in mind he's five years older than me so i must have been in like year eight and i'm

like well i don't have the chance mom uh he literally has the time on me but then he's haunted me every time because i follow him on all the social media platforms and he's a good person so and he has hobbies he plays guitar he does all this stuff and i just don't want sorry i just i got really i hit my own mic but i just don't want someone making me feel that bad when we're lost on an island i just i don't need that bad i'm a bad it would make me feel such a bad person and then i would suddenly become jordan or elon's uh like mate instead because i'm like, I can't meet up to this guy so let's all go and kill ourselves but yeah

that's who he is it's a bad it's one of those chip on your shoulder hates but I think that's fair I mean, I looked him up and I was like, you've got over 20 A-levels and it's one of those things you're like it's

impressive it's simultaneously impressive but completely pointless as well you know it's like you could have been I don't know it just seems like it's a really weird kind of it is showing off you know I don't care what anyone says like there's no reason to do that many like you can be interested in that many things and it is an incredible achievement you know whatever age you are even if you're sort of an adult and you're and you've got no job and you just set yourself that task it's impressive but you're just showing off and that's the only reason it's like people who join Mensa it's like you don't you can just be clever you don't need to sort of have a badge yeah like-hmm, yeah. Like, I wish... Like, he reminds me of... There was a girl in our school who...

So they picked a bunch of kids to do the Mensa exam, which was amazing for everyone else's morale. And then this girl was... We all just accepted. We're like, we're all dumbos. But this one girl complained to her... Went home crying to her mum went home crying to her mom, complained to her mom, and her mom came in the next day angry.

And she forced the teachers to let her do the Mensa exam. And then she got in, fair dues, she got in. Imagine how embarrassing it would have been if she hadn't got in. But it doesn't change anything because now she just has a normal job. It's not like back then i guess you're always looking for something to tell you you're special but he didn't even get that good of it i mean he got it's it's okay but he got two one so yeah it's not like he came out first class and i just feel like he'd be one of those people who'd be like if you if you cast your mind back to uh 2000 and uh

2011 i was actually blah blah blah and it was yeah, you're living in your former glory. He's not like that at all. He's a good person. And I resent him. Yeah, no, it's hard not to, though. I mean, I remember doing my GCSE maths, and I think I didn't even do, like, the higher maths. You know, I did the one down where the maximum you could get

was a C or something, because I was so bad at maths. And there was a kid who I think was 11 and he was doing it alongside us. And it was just so demoralising where you're already doing the less impressive maths exam and then there's a 10-year-old alongside you, 11-year-old alongside you, doing the GCSE as well. And I remember everyone was so curious about him you know because it's like this little kid next to you just doing his exam and he had two calculators and I remember going why have you got two calculators and he was like oh in case one

fails this is the backup one I was like just imagine him typing so fast on the calculator the smoke was pouring out of it but if you were alongside someone who's doing 30 or 20 odd a levels i mean it's just i just feel like a prick first of all with that kid i feel i've met those kids in later in life and it does not life levels out like yeah i knew a kid in our in our college who was one of those kids and was already doing his second year of university where we're all doing A-levels in maths as well. And he knew karate. He was like a black belt in karate. And he was a nice kid, but I was like,

people always talk to you because you're impressive. It'll never be a normal conversation. But I can't talk. I'm fucking weird, and i haven't got i haven't got any good results so at least he's impressive in one arena um yeah i just don't think like i just don't think that kind of thing it always just matches up like soon enough there's a glass ceiling they'll hurt like sheldon cooper wasn't happy either so i'd rather be leonard than shanna sheldon like i just think you're putting

yourself in in this situation on the island where there's going to be campfire stories and everyone's going to go well of course i remember um you know jordan says i remember when i was speaking to all these people at this prestigious university that had asked me to talk and then i came home and i found that my gofundme page had increased and now I was getting $80,000 a month. And Elon Musk is going to go, yeah, it's a bit like when I launched this rocket and then the other one's going to go about his A-levels and you're going to go,

I did this podcast the other day. Yeah, yeah, yeah, just before I lost everything. You probably don't have time to listen to podcasts and they'll go, no, we think it's a waste of time. You're like, yeah. Yeah, but do you know what I'll have that they don't have time to listen to podcasts and they'll go, no, we think it's a waste of time. You're like, yeah. Yeah, but you know what I'll have that they don't? I'll be so used to having nothing. Like they are all such high achievers.

They can't just sit there. Well, I can do it. Well, I can't sit there. I can't sit still. But I can do nothing for a much longer time than they can. So that's what I'll bring to the table. While they're all slowly going mad, I can literally watch paint dry. And do you know what?

At the end of the day, when they find those three skeletons and me waving to the ship going past, and they're like, what happened to them? I'll go, overachievers, I guess. Burnt out, I told you, they always burn out. and pass and they're like what happened to them i'll go overachievers i guess burnt out i told you they always burn out i love the idea of you like having to sort of coach them in sort of setting their sights a bit lower yeah because i'd be the same i'd be like look you gotta spread it out like okay here's the game for today we're gonna throw rocks into this hole and like okay

and what next there is no next yeah rocks in the hole rocks in the hole. And they're like, okay, and what next? There is no next. Rocks in the hole. Rocks in the hole. And just sort of having to level them down a bit. It would just be interesting. Because they'd be like, okay, so we need to do this, this, this, this. And I'd be like, cool, we're going to do this thing. And then we'd do it.

And they'd be like, okay, so onto this. I'd go, no, you just don't understand. We spread it out. This is the thing that defines, you know, what we're going to do is we're going to go sleep. Because sleep is like time travel, boys. All right? We're going to go back to bed,

and then we're going to wake back up, and we're going to make sure our bodies work at such low energy that we won't be able to last for that long before we go back to sleep. And so it's like the bears. Like bears, I'm going to re-body, I don't know if we can do it, but I would re-condition our bodies the bears like bears can i'm gonna i'm gonna re-body i don't know if we can do it but i would recondition our recondition our bodies to sleep like bears so that we could survive much longer on much less um and and that's what i would bring to the table but i wouldn't want to teach them because they would be so braggadocious the first day they'll be you know what yeah i'm gonna watch you all die out of insanity and and i'll enjoy every second of it

and then i'll maybe chew on one of your legs just because you know what i'll go a bit mad as well yeah and if no one finds me you know and you're just right they'll find you and it's just you but with one of their sharpened bones you're just scratched into a rock slow and steady wins the race over and over again yeah that's right just everywhere every tree on the island just as slow and steady wins the race that's it uh but yeah that's my that's my third guy ali mohan oasis that's a very good choice very good choice yeah i like the interplay between the characters you've got here i think it's wonderful you're a podcast listener and this is a podcast ad reach great listeners like yourself with podcast advertising from lips and ads choose from hundreds of top podcasts offering host Now, Mo, mercifully, amongst the wreckage of the plane, there was some food and drink left over.

Unfortunately for you, it's your least favourite food and drink in the world. What are they and why are they so bad? So the first one, the food is honey. I don't know if you consider honey food, but I do. Yeah, it's a food. And I hate it because when I was younger... So a spoonful of honey is good for you. It's just like, it's healthy for a baby.

And I remember when I was younger. Well, I don't remember, but I've been told. My mom gave me a little teaspoon of honey just to make my cough a bit better. And then when I left the room, my sisters came in and they were like, oh, well, if one teaspoon helps a bit. Well, if we just keep giving it to him, he'll feel much better. And I have six sisters, so they're all taking turns and they're all giving me a lot of honey. And my mom comes back in and I have six sisters so they're all taking turns and they're all giving me a lot of honey and my mum comes back in and I'm being sick

and so in my head I don't remember the memory but I remember that I hate honey and so it makes me gag the smell, the acrid and it's yeah I could never I don't like going near honey I don't like people who like honey I think it's a disgusting's, it's, yeah, I could never, I don't like going near honey. I don't like people who like honey.

I think it's a disgusting, I think it's cruel. That would be the only reason I become vegan is to have a moral superiority over people who eat honey. It would be no other thing. You can murder a chicken, you can choke a fish in front of me. But you touch a honey, you touch the honey of a bee. Oh, you're an evil man. And my worst drink would be the nourishment chocolate. Okay.

Yeah. So those sort of cans of milkshake that you get. Yeah, yeah. So they're very high in different vitamins, and they have sugar, and there's high in protein, and you normally take them after exercise. And I just think it's like a protein high in protein and you also normally take them after exercise and i just think not it's usually a vanilla flavor that's the normal one but i just hate this idea that you have to put chocolate in everything to make it better and it doesn't

i feel like they were the first sort of protein shake before protein shakes were a thing and you'd see people in the gym with these huge vats of powder yeah i feel like they've always been around in the newsagent haven't they they're sort of yeah i know when they drink them for protein you do them to line your stomach the next day after having a drink uh and like it's it's it's a more of a cure rather than anything else but i just think i hate the chocolate fight by the way the chocolatification of everything i'm gonna write a paper on it uh uh and yeah that's my drink and i just i feel like they're neither of them are solids either so yeah you'd be very sick so yeah both of them i mean they're both quite sweet and i mean i suppose you could mix honey into your drink that might but you don't like it anyway so it doesn't work there's something quite

weird we're sort of so used to honey but isn't it weird it's like a food that insects made for us it's sort of well not for us for them it's like i mean that's such a it's like if you saw anything that looked like a lobster living on land you wouldn't touch it you know the some but some things have become normal over time you're like imagine like eating another sort of product of insects just like well i mean so weird we we we eat much worse than that we like like coffee the way it was found was goats were in ethiopia were like just chewing on this thing and they were just like jumping around and so the farmers like pushed the goats aside and they they picked up the beans they were eating, and that's how coffee used to be chewed by herders.

Right. And, like, the most expensive coffee is actually the poop of a bug that consumes the bean. Oh, yes, I've heard about it. There's civet. I have no idea what it is. It's somewhere in something like Malaysia or somewhere, isn't it? There's, like, an animal that eats these coffee beans and shits it out

and then they make it into coffee or something. Yeah, and it's like, come on, dude, you need to go that far? Like, it's the same as like foie gras. And none of this stuff keeps well. No. My favourite food is like tinned food. And that's why I like nourishment vanilla. That's my favourite one.

So my worst food... And the reason why it'd be my worst drink to find would be like it was so close to what I liked and it wasn't what I liked. It'd be like, ah, it's like when your parents bring something home and you're just like, no, I asked for this. And they're like, well, we bought this and you should be appreciative. And you're like, no, it's worse.

You didn't even get it that wrong. If you had just turned your head 20 degrees, you'd be in. And you're like, no, it's worse. You didn't even get it that wrong. If you had just turned your head 20 degrees, you'd be in the right place. Yeah, and it's a warm nourishment drink as well on the island as well. Oh, ta-da. The tank. You'd just have to really shake it

to make sure it didn't separate and stuff to just knock it back. And it's in tin, so it gets really hot. It's like, oh, you'd have to have warm nourishment, like hot nourishment chocolate every day also you know that's kind of i bet it's got a lot of sugar in honey obviously is very sticky and sweet you're going to attract the insects as well so you're just going to be sitting there like flies around you having to like blow the flies off the tin so that you can gulp down the warm nourishment and um yeah and then just honey just sticky all the time as well from the honey from the insects and uh

swatting away the other flies that come for that yeah it's a good choice um i don't know you've made such a good argument i can't really add much more to it i think as well like if that's i've watched um i was just thinking if like honey was your only food but i watched it do you know bruce parry who does those programs tribe and he goes and lives with the tribe for a while no no it's the traveling ones right yeah and you'll stay with them for a couple of months and sort of get get stuck in and there was one tribe where basically you know like many tribes that their hunting had diminished a bit because of you know different land uh issues and you know people sort of deforestation and things like that and so if they couldn't find something to eat basically

mostly they lived on honey all the time and like you just see him just like chowing down on honey you know they'd get like huge lumps of it. And that was their whole... And I just imagine like if your base level... You know, it's all right if it's just like all you can grow is like something starchy, like a potato or some kind of root or a rice or something. But if like your base level is just like that sweet and intense... Do they have good teeth?

I can't... I mean, they were like quite a sort of undeveloped tribe. So, I mean, I think none of they have good teeth? I mean, they were quite a sort of undeveloped tribe, so I mean, I think none of them had great teeth. Yeah, but those guys always have really good teeth, don't they? Like, when you go to those undiscovered tribes and it's this guy with rings all over his face and then he smiles at you and it's like a Hollywood smile.

And you're like, have you got veneers? Where did you get those teeth from? He's one of the production crew. They've just shipped him in. Yeah. But yeah, I think, so that's a very good choice. Cool. Now, fortunately, you won't be without entertainment on the island.

The plane's entertainment system continues to work, but just your luck, it only has two working settings. One is your least favourite film of all time time and the other is your least favourite song. What are they and why? So my worst film is Star Wars. Okay, so that's quite a controversial one. I just, I don't, I don't get it. I don't get why. I've never made it past the title sequence

because it's too long. It's long, it's boring. There's so much story before the story starts yeah it's always seemed like a bit of a cop-out to just write the beginning go right let me bring you up to speed i think that's what they should say instead of saying a long time ago in a galaxy far far away it should be like hey give us a minute i'll bring you up to speed i'm about to give you you a cheat sheet at the beginning when everyone's walking into the cinema with just, like, bullet points.

All right, here's the thing. Or maybe start the story at the beginning before, like, you shouldn't do, like, several films and then go, by the way, this summer, we're going to bring out the prequels now. Start all stories at the beginning. But also, it's like everyone has such a big opinion on them. I just don't want to deal with

like all the other islanders going oh I've I think actually da da da I like empty comedies I like like give me a good laugh track

so I can be told when to laugh because you know I'm stressed I'm on an island I don't want to think let alone like you know be emotionally involved in a film.

Also, is it the whole of the Star Wars franchise? I mean, we're trying to make the island as unlikable as possible, and if you hate the films, then I probably should give you all of them, shouldn't I? Oh yeah, that would be way worse. Especially the prequels, which everyone hates those. I mean, not even Star Wars worse. Oh, yeah, that would be way worse. Especially the prequels, which everyone hates those. I mean, not even Star Wars fans like those, do they?

I just, yeah, I've never understood. I'm really into sci-fi as well, so it offends me that I don't like it. And people who are not at all sci-fi, interested in sci-fi, are usually the ones who are like, oh, I love it because I'm such a nerd and you're like oh shut up you

I'm going to drown myself in the water yeah I think there's sort of there's also a lot of pressure on those films like I enjoy the

Star Wars films but you always kind of go in there thinking oh is it going to be alright and then afterwards whatever you thought of it you have to have a huge

dissection of the film with everyone that you saw it with and then sometimes people whatever you thought of it, you have to have a huge dissection of the film with everyone that you saw it with. And then sometimes people are, you know, it's almost... I don't know, people really want to dislike it, and you're like, oh, but, you know, I just... It's just escapism. I've got a young child. It's just nice being in a darkened room on my own

for a couple of hours, you know, like, let's not tear it apart. But there's a lot of expectation and kind of... that sort of thing that goes with it. Like like it's like the game of thrones thing i can never get into that because so many people were so emotionally involved in it like that famous uh scene where the contrast was too low uh and i was you know that part when they're fighting riding have you watched game of thrones i haven't actually seen this is really famous because it angered so many people it's really famous when they're all flying into the city and it cost millions and millions hundreds of millions to film and it was just the contrast was too low because they were coming in at night or like at dusk

and people kept trying to brighten the screen but you couldn't do it because the actual show itself had darkened everything so people were like what you've spent hundreds of millions on this and we can't see what's going on so there's this huge epic battle sequence and no one can see what's going on and i was in a i was in a pub eating with my friends eating some pizza and we're like it's like do you know those communal things where everyone just comes in to watch the weekly episode and the rage the the the indignation the the people walking out i'm like guys it really doesn't matter they'll fix it everyone will complain and it'll go back to the studio they'll fix it and they're like but i waited all week for this

it's just not fair and uh oh yeah it was was insane. I just couldn't deal with that level of emotion stuck on an island on my own. Yeah, I think with Star Wars, I think I enjoy them for what they are on the surface level. I don't get too deep into them. But I think the more you watch them and the more you kind of analyse them and sort of get drawn into it all

and sort of work out the problems or the flaws. And some of them also, some of them are very much more family oriented orientated some of them are a bit more bit darker so there's not even that much consistency you know and sometimes you'd get stuck with one of the ones where it's got like you know some of them have more child-friendly characters like the Ewoks or Jar Jar Binks and stuff which kind of you know it doesn't make it accessible but it's pretty annoying and you're gonna get that stuck in your head and you know elon musk is going to be walking past whistling the theme tune all the time and it's going to be another reason he's going to start banging on about space

exploration yeah yeah he's like guys we still need to do it how about we cut all the trees down and all the things and we just try and you know maybe we burn something and we just rise up into the air and you're like do you know the guy who made the film isn't a scientist, Elon? Like you, he's not a scientist and has no background in this. Yeah, I would hate to keep watching that repeatedly. Fair enough. Because that's all you have to do. Also, you'd miss all that tech.

Fair play. And what would your song choice be? My song choice would be Oliver oliver twist by d banj um i don't know if you've heard it uh it's i'm i'm vaguely familiar with it but for those who want take us take us through uh your feelings about it so this happened this song came out around year 11 year 12 for me and it was a banger in my school because it was i it was it was one of those songs that were ironically funny. So it was played at every opportunity.

And it's basically this Nigerian musician who is produced by Kanye West. And it's a very repetitive, like any pop song, it's just a repetition of, Oh, Liva, oh, Liva, twist. And it's just him. And so it just annoyed me that all my friends in my predominantly white school found it okay to keep singing the song. And because they weren't saying anything, they were just saying the word Oliver Twist, they could use the accent.

And they'd found this loophole in the song. And it was every day I'd hear the same song, and they'd all start singing and go, I hate all of you. I know why you're doing this and I'd go, what, we just like the song we just, come on guys, we just like the and I just know if I'm stuck on an island with, I'm sorry to say

majority Caucasians and there's a song with any sort of, like Toto by Africa, it's basically my generation's Toto by Africa it'd just be repetition. Everyone's like, oh, come on, Mo. Come on, Johnny.

I'm like, no, no. And I have to try and explain appropriation that I'm a small sport. That's the only song we have. Yeah. Yeah. It brought up a lot of feelings for me. I remember in a rugby club, we were all hanging out. And someone started playing.

Oh, hey. And I'm like, I'm leaving the room. I'm sick of this. Oh, yeah. Fair yeah fair enough no that makes a lot of sense i was i was looking up the lyrics to this and my issue with it is is it's about oliver twist right look at the video and they've even got a sort of proto kind of oliver twist character sort of peeking in at the window because they're kind of dancing in a warehouse kind of area and there's this oliver twist guy peeking in but he's like 22 or something right he's not like the little handkerchief stealing urchin off the streets of london right so it's like they kind of went all right oliver twist is about this so we've got to have this little guy but he's too old

because that's all they could get so but even though they're kind of acknowledging that he's oliver twist it's got nothing to do with that it's not like i'm gonna it's not like i'm gonna steal your heart like oliver twist steals a handkerchief or something it just it goes um i i want to have them all i know it's wrong but the truth is that i'm just an oliver oliver oliver twist just an oliver oliver and it's like i know sometimes in like hip-hop and r&b or pop music sometimes they just coin their own terms and they say oh no that means like a lothario you know i'm saying but it doesn't relate back in any way to the thing if you're going to repeat the name of the character

that many times like you've got to have some link you could like pick a different character that many times. You've got to have some link. Pick a different character that was a bit of a womaniser or something. And also his voice is so seedy. He's just whispering in your ear. He's very ASMR, the way he's singing. And I just don't think he's good for the world. I don't think he was good for the world at the beginning. And when your world is, I don't know he was good for the world at the beginning and uh when your world is like i don't know like 10 square feet or whatever and you're stuck with a bunch of people

who are already annoying you to give them another weapon uh which was and they would learn the words you're right and this then the lyrics would start breaking down because it's all just cd i want to have them all so we know what he's talking about. And he's just ruined a good childhood show by doing that. I mean, Oliver Twist wasn't that good of a show. It was very depressing. Yeah, but it's just so weird that it's like, I kind of almost think if you just go with it and have no reference to Oliver Twist in it,

apart from in the lyrics, then I kind of think, well, that's one thing. But you've sort of like... You've dressed up. Yeah, why is this? sort of like dressed up yeah why is this why have you dressed up like the 22 year old runner on the production team because oh yeah he'll do you're like he's 25 to banj or is it d banj so he's 25 just ah bring him in it's cool he looks right just put him in a flat cap you know that's the level of thought he would have

as well i just don't he's like he yeah i just hate the he's a pop singer that's the level of thought he would have as well. I just don't... He's like... Yeah, I just hate the... He's a pop singer. That's all he is. Yeah. Like, Katy Perry didn't really care. I kissed a girl and I liked her. It was just a funny line. So I bet he didn't put that much thought into it.

But it's like he's dressed in very tight clothing. I'm not going to deconstruct the video. Because it's unfair on him. This was in 2010. know we were all young you know we don't know any better uh he was he was he was like 30 um but yeah that's my song well i think these things aren't aren't designed to be overanalyzed but you know the position you're going to find yourself on the island you are going to be forced to overanalyze it because that's all you're going to hear and also you're going to have to explain i bet elon musk hasn't heard this song before jordan peterson you know

dancing yeah and you're gonna have yeah and you're gonna have to explain it all to them like so right so what about oliver twist then there's uh and you're gonna have to explain it and then they're not going to get it because there's no logic to it so that's going to annoy them a little bit as well yeah and then they'd be blaming me for it yeah and then ali would somehow bring up that he he would somehow bring up that one of his a levels was in music theory so he should really understand and he'd make up some explanation and be like no ali first of your problem you're all your problems are you're too smart. I know where my glass ceiling is, so I'm willing to appreciate something and see it as dumb. Now, Mo, finally, the island is overrun by the biggest dick of all the animals.

Which animal is it and why? Okay, for this one, I tried to be sneaky because I'm like, I also thought like, oh, if it's the worst one, I'm going to low-key eat it. So the worst animal is a pigeon. Okay. Like, just a pigeon constantly because first of all they're like rats so i would say it would have to be loads of pigeons just infesting the place because they shit everywhere um they they'd have they'd have no like well they're quite smart animals um but yeah i just i just have you ever tried to walk through

a group i hate those people okay so this is the story in italy do you know those people in like those squares yeah people would stand out and pigeons would go all over them i i hated those people because i was like you know how many diseases those things carry and you're just letting them go all over you this is why the black death was in europe um like you're you're just letting them go all over you. This is why the Black Death was in Europe. You're all playing with it. Also, it would hopefully kill Elon and Jordan because Jordan would eat it and it would poison him. That's how I would know not to eat it.

Elon would try and make it fly to the moon with him. I don't know. Ali would try and teach it something so he could get it to A-level. Write a paper on him or something. Yeah. I don't know ali would try and teach it something so he could get into the a level write a paper on them or something yeah yeah i don't know if it's the worst one but i just don't like pigeons yeah i think yeah there's something weird about any group of animal en masse that isn't that scared of you you know when it's like on its own it's quite innocuous there's nothing that wrong with it but there's a lot of them and and they don't sort of you know you you walk near them and they just move out just the the least amount they

can move away so that you don't stand on them and then they move back and it's like it's kind of like this sort of weird tide of them isn't it and they're missing a leg sometimes and they just make you sad yeah and they have those weird bobbly bits instead of a proper foot it's just like looks like sort of chewed up bubble gum or something oh i'm sorry man you just made me i just they make me yeah they just make

i just be like oh man i'm depressed already stuck here with all these guys and now there's a there's a paraplegic pigeon yeah and and and jordan's

trying to eat it jordan has no jordan's like you know i'm a man i should eat uh alpha male. And I don't know. Yeah, that's my worst animal is a pigeon. And I think as well, like, you know that they're capable of, you know,

homing pigeons. You can send messages with them, like, carry a pigeon. And you know they're capable of a lot, but you wouldn't know how to train them. So you feel like, I've got this thing that could be useful, and I don't know, I haven't got the fucking instructions. I don't know how to train them. So you feel like, I've got this thing that could be useful and I haven't got the fucking instructions. I don't know how it works. And it would just be another nail in your confidence coffin.

I didn't even think about that. That would be such torture to be so close yet so far away from freedom. That's terrible, yeah. Oh my God, that would be a horrible, horrible event. But yeah, my pigeon is my worst one. But they do walk. Oh no, that's my pigeon is my worst one. But they do walk. Oh no, that's bees. Apparently you could train bees to

walk with music. Oh really? Yeah, they dance. Anyway, to communicate. Well, to ensure that you have enough honey to keep you going I'm going to give you a couple of hives as well so maybe you can you can you can enjoy enjoy training the bees or something and that'll give you some respite from the horrors of the island cutting them down and throwing them into the sea

that's a hundred percent what i would do because i don't want i remember when i used to like sneak honey into my stuff to try and like me like make me like it so i have to i developed this bad habit of sniffing all my food before i would eat it and if i sniffed anything so milk can taste can smell like honey when it's warm just because of the sweetness of the smell so i couldn't drink milk anymore because i couldn't trust you wasn't gonna sneak anything into it and so like it's just it's a very it harbors a lot of bad memories. Just that comb. It's the comb of my childhood. But yeah.

Good. I like this thing so sweet and innocuous has such a deadly edge for you. Yeah. I'd be so angry. Come to me. Cool. Well, look, thank you so much for coming on today. Mo, where can we sort of hear

and see more from you at the moment uh first of all thank you for having me i hope it was fun i hope the stuff i brought was uh was it was it was good absolutely uh so you can find me on all the socials it's at mo k ultra which is like you know the project mk ultra in america yeah i tried to do that it's been four years it's never been caught on but I'm keeping it you can find all my stuff on YouTube just write in Mo Omar I still haven't built a website I'm scared to build a website

because I feel like once I build a website I'll I'll like I'll start caring so much I feel like a website to me is the ultimate like look how good I am

and I haven't got that yet but you can find you can find some of my stuff on BBC Sounds. My Radio World show is coming out soon. It's a half hour. And you can watch my new set on BBC iPlayer. It's coming out on the... Let me just check today.

Tomorrow? Oh, shit. Tomorrow, better. Okay. Well, I think this is going to come out after that, but, I mean, it will still be on iPlayer, so go and check that out anyway so check me out nice one mo thank you again for coming on it's been an absolute pleasure to have you on desert island x yeah thank you so much have a good one Bye.