Desert Island Dicks - NICHI HODGSON

Episode Date: September 10, 2018

My guest for this week's podcast is journalist, writer and broadcaster, Nichi Hodgson. Be sure to follow the podcast @dickspod Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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or run a reproduced ad like this one across thousands of shows to reach your target audience with Lips and Ads. Go to lipsandads.com now. That's L-I-B-S-Y-N ads.com. Hi, I'm James Deacon and welcome to Desert Island Dicks, the show that sees you marooned on a desert island after a plane crash with the worst people and worst things imaginable. Who they are and why they're a dick is up to you.

And here to share their Desert Island Dicks with us today is author of The Curious History of Dating, Nikkiodgson hello hello how are you well i've got a bit of a sore throat so sorry to the listeners for that but um i don't feel poorly okay and i'm very excited to be here i know thanks because my boyfriend says i'm one of the unfunniest people that he knows okay so obviously i'm going to try and prove him wrong today. Well, some people find me funny, is what I always say back to him. But it's become a sort of competition in our relationship

where I'm like, did you laugh? Was that funny? Have you laughed yet? Is that good? Is that good? Has that got you? So you want him to listen back to it? Yeah, it's just this stupid game that we now have.

But it's completely worked because I'm extremely competitive. And if someone tells me I can't do something, I will hell for leather go for it. Well, the listeners will soon comment, I'm extremely competitive and if someone tells me I can't do something I will hell for leather go for it well the listeners will soon comment I'm sure well okay maybe if they tell me I'm not funny I'll give up after this but hey no no it's great um Nikki as always let's dive in who's going to be your first person okay I'm going to go for the big one he can handle it I'm sure my first desert island dick is Anthony Robbins. Anthony Robbins. Okay. So I had to do a little bit of research, but do you want to fill the

listeners in should they not know who Anthony Robbins is? Yes. If you haven't met the God that is Tony Robbins yet, I feel sorry for you because you're missing out and your life isn't anything like it could be without him in it. This man is basically the self-proclaimed messiah of self-help. He has been going for about 30 years, probably. He's a Californian, a Californian capitalist, which is fine, lots of Californians are. And I used to live in California.

I made money there, so I was too, I suppose, when I was there. But what he's really known for is being this kind of guy that didn't have a formal education not his fault um had a really tough upbringing and then devised this system of self-help which he claims can make you millions um find you the ultimate relationship give you the ultimate relationship, give you the ultimate creative power. And it's rubbish. It's absolutely mental. When you listen to it, so basically it's predicated on a sort of compilation

of lots of other people's advice and wisdom and philosophy. So there's kind of like very thin traces of Eastern philosophy in there about mastering your emotions, for example. But the idea of kind of being a master of your emotions is actually clinically really dangerous yes because we're all meant to be able to feel lots of different things in different situations actually our emotions are a sign of health um if you're having a kind of if you've got some trauma in your life or you've had a difficult experience when you're growing up you can have an excess of negative emotion attached

to something that's not dangerous later on in life. But the way to work through it isn't to kind of do these weird anchoring techniques that he does. It's to go see a therapist. And I think what's sad is that the reason he kind of came up with this stuff is because for millions of Americans, they can't afford therapy

and they can't afford proper healthcare. And if they have a proper psychiatric condition, they can't even afford medication. And so what they've got instead is Tony Robbins. And that's really dangerous and sad. but he obviously thinks that what he's doing is this great service uh you know while ever these other things don't exist i mean he doesn't he does give money to charity to be fair to him i mean he's got billions of pounds and dollars so you know he can afford to do it and he specifically works on homelessness so i can't really knock him for

giving money to people that are in need but you know it's only after he's made himself excessive riches out of other people's naivety, desperation I've done a lot of work around relationship coaching I've written a book on the history of dating I've been in a lot of therapy and I've done counselling for other people myself so I've got a kind of lot of experience of working on that element of helping people and he's really interesting because he has a kind of lot of experience of working on that element of helping people.

And he's really interesting because he has a kind of like really radical solution around love and relationships, which I just think is all rubbish. And it basically starts with you having to define whether your core energy is masculine or feminine. And when you go through the very basic survey to decide this, the questions are things like, do you like to be alone or in company? Or have you talked to three people today or none at all would you prefer that nobody bothered you would you like to win or to be loved and it's like and these if you just answer these questions and you get an either masculine or feminine reading at the end um one of them is you know again about multitasking i'm like mate we all know that actually none of us are very good at multitasking and it's been like a great patriarchal lie to persuade women that they're really good at doing multiple jobs just to get women to do more stuff in my belief from my feminist perspective

um which obviously tony robbins probably wouldn't like but the the thing about him is you can you can say well you know if he's giving people a bit of comfort a bit of help then maybe he's not as dangerous as you think but this year it got a bit more serious because after Me Too, there was a woman that came to one of his events called Nanine McCool and she'd been a victim of violence. Now, I think he was also abused as a child and he's really against being angry. And she sort of said, she thought a sort of collective movement

of people coming together to express anger and outrage and saying it's not good enough was a positive thing. And he just kind of poo-pooed her, talked over her and then he actually physically pushed her away. No. together to express anger and outrage and saying it's not good enough was a positive thing and he just kind of poo-pooed her talked over and then he actually physically pushed her away no um because that was about breaking down her ego and he was sort of saying um but if you're making somebody feel bad as a result of me too then you've got a problem what and and this video went viral and initially his campaign team obviously thought it was like great promo because it's really provocative.

And then very quickly it was pulled down. And Tony Robbins is apologising profusely saying, oh my God, no, solidarity with the sisters of Me Too and all this kind of stuff. And I just felt like it's very telling at these kind of messianic conferences that he puts on. If when he doesn't know, because even if you know,

because even if you know you're being videoed all the time, if you're on stage for a certain number of hours, you're going to lose the consciousness of having the camera on you. Yes. And definitely towards the end, something will often come out where you kind of get like a bubble of something that's never been said before that you kind of feel is like redolent in him and that he knows isn't the right thing to say,

but then it's kind of too late. And I think this is one of his core examples where you've got like a real kind of sliver of the slight misogyny of Tony Robbins. Okay. The messianic quality, the belief that everything you do is up to you. He says, life doesn't happen to you,

it happens for you. Oh my God, Tony Robbins, if we are on a desert island together and you are number one dick and you say to me me this has happened for you unbelievable I can't speak what I'll do it would be illegal

yeah you know like oh my lord when I was doing research yesterday that video you know there's top videos that video didn't come up interesting

because they've fixed all the the settings the ratings of it but hey interesting indeed so he's going in yeah he's going in so Yeah, he's going in. So he owns an island, right?

Oh my God. So this is what it would be, me crashing on his island with him on it, waiting, saying, Nicky, life is what happens for you. With his open arms and his hot coal trail. Hot coal trail, red carpet to get to him probably. Because this is one of his tricks.

He makes people walk over hot coals to prove to them they can do anything he's going in trouble because people have got serious burns yeah but then there's a really interesting story about that as well where um there was an episode apparently one of his conferences where there were multiple burns and uh you know medical staff were called but then it was reported in huffington post i think and then they had to redact it and And I couldn't help feeling like, yeah, he's probably got more money than you. Maybe that's why it's not true anymore. Yes, exactly.

Yeah, you can just make it go away. But the great thing is, Tony, if you're listening, you can speak to my accountant, but I don't have any assets. I've got no house. I own nothing. There's a bit of money in the bank, but I'm literally talking about a month's worth of money. No savings. So you're very welcome to sue me, you're gonna get 10p back a week

so go for it bring it on have you ever met him have you ever no i'd love no i wouldn't be able to handle him would i i just go i just be like a little dog like i just go mental on him immediately no i wouldn't i'd plan it i'd plan it meticulously you know like i would plan it like a psychopath like what i was gonna say to him okay and then i'd and i'd push plan it meticulously you know like I would plan it like a psychopath like what I was going to say to him okay and then I'd push all his buttons would you be worried that he'd try that he would be able to brainwash you around to his no no because I've already been semi-brainwashed or someone once tried to do it to me in California actually somebody I dated who was a follower of kind of like neurolinguistic programming so one of the things that neurolinguistic programming

teachers is that if you have a if you want someone to have a really good association with something you have to create an anchor for them so um and it's particularly good when they're having a bad feeling about something you don't want them to have and you want them to have a good feeling instead so say your boyfriend boyfriend this is hypothetical it didn't happen to me but this could be true well maybe he did say this i don't know anyway say someone says to you um i'd really like a threesome how do you feel about that and they go no i don't think i'd like that and then what you do is um you get like their favorite perfume or you get a favorite picture of theirs or something and the next time they're looking at it or spraying it on themselves you

say to them wouldn't be great to have a threesome and then like you wear them down by association with a positive thing. What? And it's so manipulative. And I had a guy do exactly this with me. It actually wasn't... I can't remember what it was about. It was about all manner of things. He was a very manipulative person.

The reason he was manipulative is that he didn't have very good empathy, but he also had an undiagnosed mental health problem. Okay. And he had relied on Tony Robbins to get him through suicidal times and then when I met him I was like why don't you go to a doctor which is obviously not something most Americans do because they don't have health insurance and he went and then he got put on medication and then his life turned around I was like oh look Tony it's what happens yeah medical intervention it's brilliant yeah you don't need this apart you know and like what does he charge

for people to go to seminars pay a doctor that fee and get a real diagnosis and some proper medical help that's been trialed and you know clinically approved in loads of countries i don't know he troubles me deeply yes when i when i say when i was watching some of the videos i was thinking this is a really it's a very interesting character and quite a scary character as well um there's some videos and it's like he he saves a marriage in eight minutes oh that one's hideous he um cures someone of their stammer 30 year stammer in eight minutes i don't know why they're all eight minutes they're all eight minutes i've seen that i mean and that troubles me it's like if you're trying to sell someone and this is kind of actually you you're actually you've hit the

nail on the head here about everything he does is about a short-term solution um he wouldn't call it short-term he calls it kind of like a quick you know like a kind of rapid solution or something like that but you can't change deeply ingrained problems quickly no you have to invest in time in therapy or um lots of you know meditation or self-help or yoga or whatever it's going to be to kind of like break through a pattern or something. Or if you can't stop smoking, you have to get the drug that helps you to stop. You know, it's like, this stuff doesn't work.

Oh, scary. It's really scary. Okay, Anthony Robbins. Anthony Robbins, Tony Robbins. Anthony Robbins, there you go. Okay, everyone, Tony Robbins. Quick one. There's a video and it's Business Insider goes,

have you seen this? No no i don't think so um it's like his tony's people invite business insider to go and see what he's really like on his island for four days and uh this is a young journalist goes he um gets the plane over he's so excited he gets this private jet oh it's quite exciting sees tony robbins like private jet and they arrive on this island and then he's the first thing tony's like do you want to see my uh do you want to do my morning routine and it's like this chanting and it's like he has to lay in a thing called the electric taco which is two big pads that you put on your front and back and you lay down and it beat this machine like beats you up yeah yeah it beats it beats the kind of life into you. That's the idea. And then he drinks a drink that's adrenal. I don't know what that is.

But yeah, I know. Anyway. No. He's basically a cult figure. This is the thing. This is what is dangerous about him. He's a cult figure, a preacher with tons of money. You can be as rich as me.

Actually, no, you can't because you could never be as rich as Tony Robbins. He'd never let you. No, yeah, of course. You know? Okay. Anyway, let's leave him there. Yes. Okay, Tony Robbins. He'd never let you. No, yeah, of course. You know? Okay, Tony Robbins. Anyway, let's leave him there. Yes.

Okay, Tony Robbins, who's going to be your second choice? So, my second choice is going to be my old chum, Mike Buchanan. Mike Buchanan. Again, I know who Mike Buchanan is because I've done my research. But if people don't know, then who is Mike Buchanan? Mike Buchanan is a party political leader of Justice for Men and Boys and the Women Who Love Them. I think he's the only member.

Is he? Well, I've never seen anybody else aligned with him. It's just, he's the most ridiculous... I don't understand how he exists. I don't understand it either. He's like the most ridiculous man. Well, I mean, to be fair to him, his campaign used to be called something like

Shut Up Feminists or End of Feminism. And now he's moved it to Justice for Men and Boys. So that's a bit more of a... I mean, that's actually a Tony Robbins trick, rebranding in a kind of positive way instead of using a negative. So maybe he's been listening to him. But no, actually, what's really interesting,

he definitely hasn't been listening to him because where Tony Robbins is all about, you know, know everything comes from you it's all about self-help mike buchanan is about the structural oppression of men and boys in the west particularly in britain the feminization of labor the feminization of education um men having to pay all the income tax oh yeah all that income tax they have to pay when they make money from work that they do yeah oh god i know that's just appalling yeah and then um male genital mutilation did you know that was a problem in britain i didn't think no i didn't i've never heard of that before this moment in time because it doesn't exist but if you go on a debate with him he'll start saying if you say female genital mutilation which affects 200 million women in the world he'll say well what about male genital mutilation which is legal in britain

and what he's actually referring to is male circumcision right which is a legal procedure and um doesn't inflict any kind of lasting harm or damage routinely yeah there's the odd case but the the circumstances of fgm versus malecision, they're just... How can he go around talking about that? You can't compare these things. Yeah. You can't compare these things. But the reason I'm putting him in is because he does still keep popping up in the media,

even though he's ridiculous. I took him on on Sky News and the video went viral. Probably my best time on telly ever. I think I'm allowed to be proud of it. It is good. People should go and have a look. It is very good. I think, I mean,

I'm not going to give away the punchline at the end either because that's that was like literally the best thing i ever said on tv and i'll never surpass myself did you have that in your back pocket i'll let people i didn't know i was gonna do it okay i it just happened no he just brought it into me but but actually what was interesting about the debate is um phyllis says it was a debate about gendered chores in in their in the home and it was after do you gendered chores in the home. And it was after, do you remember Theresa May said that her and Philip have girl jobs and boy jobs? And I know what she was doing. She's just trying to appeal to everyone

and make out they're the same as everyone else. I know what she was doing. But it's not very useful when you're sort of saying the bin is the boy job. Now in my house, I take the bin out all the time because I like to play the man sometimes. And I just also think it's fair to my boyfriend to mix it up a bit.

And he will do any chore and I will do any chore. It's like, what needs doing? Who's got time to do it? For sure. But yeah, but Mike, you kind of really took umbrage with this idea and was sort of like, but the real issue is that men do more work than women. I was like, what are you talking about?

Just so ill-informed. What is he talking about? And he didn't have any statistics to back up. And so I sort of was quoting, you know, Office of National Statistics things about women do 40% more housework even when they go to work during the day. We haven't got these kind of habits

and all this kind of stuff. And also I was talking about the majority of care work in this country, you know, of children and elderly parents and disabled people and all the rest being done by women. He didn't have any evidence to kind of counter it. And then he um you

know he just said but men work longer hours and i just went well where's your evidence mike where are your statistics and he's like this is surreal i was like no what's surreal is the fact you don't have any evidence yeah and he's like this is what i came on for what did you come on for me yeah this is the game mike play it or go home and And then, but what was very disappointing after our debate is that on his website, Justice for Men and Boys and the Women That Love Them, he has four categories of feminists that he kind of names and shames every month.

And they are lying feminists, toxic feminists, gormless feminists and whiny feminists. Wow. And I didn't make any of them. No? And I feel really disappointed. He called you something, didn't he? He called me whiny feminist in. Wow. And I didn't make any of them. No? And I feel really disappointed. He called you something, didn't he? He called me whiny feminist in the debate.

Right. So his first opening when I said, so this is what I think about, you know, gender division and blah. And then he said, well, this is what I think about whiny feminists like Nicky. Oh.

Whining away there, Mike. Yeah, I know. I was just like, and he obviously thought I was then going to go, mew, mew, mew, mew. But I didn't do it because I'm just like, that's the oldest trick in the book. Try and get me to shout and be annoyed at you.

I'm not going to do it, Mike. When you turn up with facts and figures and then he just turns to name calling, it just makes him look so stupid. But it was just so funny. And I remember just like kind of like half laughing all the way we're going through it. And it just got funnier and funnier.

And then at the end, it was just like the ultimate. But I mean, should I tell the listeners what happened? Sure, yeah, go for it. So as lots of people know, I used to be a dominatrix and had a lot of fun doing it. And lots of kind of men's rights activists like to pop this into debates or questions because they like to imply that basically I do fundamentally hate men. And that doesn't really understand what the game or role of domination is, or questions because they like to imply that basically i do fundamentally hate men um and that doesn't really understand what the game or role of domination is especially when i was a service

provider and people pay me to do this stuff they'd ask for like they didn't really get they don't really get that but okay we'll worry about that another time but no right at the end of the debate when um we kind of concluded that um okay maybe women did do some more of the chores and um men were working all the time. Kay Burley, who was the presenter, said, well, Mike, we've got these, if we do believe in girl jobs and boy jobs, the majority of single people in this country

that are kind of living by themselves are women, who helps them out. He said very sarcastically, well, obviously men should just go in and do all their chores for them. And then I said, well, you know what, Mike? I think that's a really good idea because when I was a dominatrix,

people used to pay me to clean my house. Boom! Mike, you've got nothing. Nothing. You couldn't see it coming. And then the next week, he did a little report of the conversation on his blog and he didn't know whether to call me a feminist or not,

because now he's really confused. This has really just discombobulated him. But then he did kind of, he did mention the dominatrix, but he couldn't really understand that. And then he said that Kay Burley was biased against him, which I don't know if that's true or not, actually. But then, yeah, he kind of just kind of left it hanging in the balance and then said, oh, and if anyone's got a pound,

a pound for the campaign, please. You know, it was like just this weird report of how he'd been treated poorly. He blamed the fact that he was on Skype and couldn't see me. Well, have you never been on radio, Mike? Yeah, exactly. Good practice. If Kay Burley's a right-thinking person,

then she's naturally going to sway towards the person that... She's going to question, she's going to interrogate him. She asked me for my figures, so where's yours, Mike? I mean, I don't know. But then I don't know if he's got any kind of more robust evidence to back up his claims since that. But he has been on TV again. He was only on the big questions on the BBC about two months ago.

I turned it on and it was the same one. I was like, hey, it's Mikey's back. What have you got this time, Mike? But this time he was on a panel of men talking about masculinity, so that would have been much more of his cup of tea. Oh, yeah, that's his thing, yeah. Get him amongst the boys, fine. Yeah, just what an odd character.

I mean, it's just so sad to think of him just sat there in his room on his own waving his little flag, my political party. Well, he basically is, because, I mean, he did something for the Conservative Party and it didn't work out, so then this is what he's kind of gone to. But he hasn't got any backers. And, mate, if you're only asking for a pound a month, you're not going to get there.

Now you do need to read some Tony Robbins, listen to Tony Robbins. He'll tell you how to make the money. That's it, yeah. OK, Mike Buchanan. Mike Buchanan goes on your island. Is there anything else on Mike before? Anything else on Mike? No.

No? That's plenty. Okay. And Nikki, who's going to be your third person? My third person is going to be my former dentist. Your former dentist? Now, this story isn't going to go where you think it's going to go. Okay.

So I know lots of people have a phobia of the dentist. And I've had lots of bad experiences. No, I love going to the dentist. Oh, go. Okay. So I know lots of people have a phobia of the dentist and have had lots of bad experiences. No, I love going to the dentist. Oh, nice. I love to sit back, relax, trust the medical professional to do a good job. When I was a child,

my mum had this, because she'd had a really negative experience with dentists when she was a little girl. She made a big kind of song and dance about woohoo, we're going to the dentist. And it worked really well with me and my brother because we both don't have any problems. We love going.

We just don't have any fear. So good job, mum. But I had got to this really difficult time where I had to have a root canal treatment and I kept going to this really bad dentist and he tried to do the root canal three times and each time he hadn't anaesthetised me enough so I could feel the drill.

And then, and I didn't have any phobia, but was like this isn't really working is it so we need to go somewhere else so i took a chance on the dentist uh that was somewhere else in town and i explained the problem and he kind of assessed it he was like really charming and really friendly and like you know had great teeth and i was like okay this you know okay we'll take a bet on this dentist and um he tried to do him he gave sort of an inspection of my mouth I realized that he couldn't do the work himself and then he said you know what I'm gonna do for you Nicola I'm gonna fly in my friend who's an under dentist from Cornwall and he's gonna make you better and that's what he did and he charged me a very minimal amount and uh the man did this amazing two-hour work for a like a third of what it would normally cost and i was healed okay and i was like i found the best dentist in

the country and then he said you must come back next week for a checkup right so i went back and in that gap he'd googled me and found out that i used to be a dominatrix and i'd written a book about my sex life okay and then when i was in the dentist's chair and i couldn't say a word he started to talk to me and ask me all kinds of questions about what I used to get up to. No. But what's even worse is he has a self-help book that he's written that he wants to get published. And whenever I'd be in the chair and I'm like, can't speak, he's like, so I'm going to tell you about chapter two. Oh, no. Oh, no.

Actually, you can't make it up. You can't make it up. That's unbelievable. I mean, you're seeing a common thread here, aren't you? Men telling me what to do, basically, and I don't like it. I've never respected male authority. That is true. Our house was definitely matriarchal.

It was a ginocracy. I adored my dad, unless he's not alive anymore, but he had no power or control over me. So, sorry, guys. It was his fault. So he's written a self-help book? Well, he has, but he hasn't got it published. So when I'm basically cornered and I can't say anything,

he tries to ask me about if I can give it to my publisher and all this kind of stuff. I mean, look, you do expect, when you've written a book for people to ask, would you help me? And if someone does it in a respectful way and they've got something good, then I don't have a problem putting it forward

because I can't get them published. It's still up to the commissioners at the publishing houses, you know? But if someone waits until you're that vulnerable to ask you, it's really manipulative. And he'll also do things like, he'll say, I was reading the article that you wrote about, blah. You know, I was really thinking, you know, I think there's a lot to be said for differences between men and women you know

it's i don't like it when we're going down this path he's doing a respectful way it's okay we're just disagreeing he's like you know women like yourself with a sort of hourglass figure curvaceous i'm like mate is he saying these things to you yeah he's actually saying this to me he only ever says it or he's never done it when the nurse is out of the room. Oh my God. And so, this was like the last conversation we had, and I was in a real quandary, because I was like,

this is the best dentist that I've ever met. I'm really afraid that if I need dental care in future, I won't be able to find anyone as good, but I've left. But yeah, there won't be the catch. Oh my God. I just had to leave.

Yeah. But it took him a long time. It was a slow creep and he had me when I was so vulnerable. Then he did White Night and then he became the sexual predator when I'm in his dentist's chair. It was just so weird.

But there's this weird sort of line where he's like the sexual predator but also trying to use you to get his book published. What's the dynamic? It's very... Well, it's a kind of manipulation again, isn't it? And he's like a very charming man. He's obviously a sociopath.

I mean, that's fine. I'm probably a bit of a sociopath too. No, I'm not. I'm not actually. I'm a narcissist, but I'm not a sociopath. Okay. There's a difference. And everybody I've talked about today is also a narcissist.

So obviously narcissists hate narcissists normally. Right. So I'll fully hold my hand up to that, but I'm not a sociopath. Okay. But the dentist is. Okay, but the dentist is. But you don't go there anymore?

I don't go there anymore. How many times did you go back? At least five. Did you? Did you just persist? Because it was so cheap. Yes. He was amazing.

I knew he was a really skilled dentist, but I just, and it was just that thing of him, like making out that he's always doing you a favour. I think he gave me cut price because he did think that I would get his book published for him at some point. Okay.

So you kind of like, I don't know, you get a station life, it's like, you scratch my back, I scratch yours, okay? But then when you start to get weird and sexual and I'm in your dentist's chair, we're just not going there. And only when the nurse is out the room. We're not going there.

Okay, nice. Interesting. Did you find it interesting at least to go back? Every time you turn up, you must have thought, what's going to happen today? Of course, and it became this game in my head um interested was it did you find it interesting at least to go back every time you turn up you must have thought what's gonna happen of course and i it was like it became this game in my head because i was like he's not gonna do anything mental no he wasn't there's like loads of people in the practice i never thought i never felt unsafe right okay it was just this you know

he's just going he's just putting his foot over the line again and again former dentist really weird what's your dentist like now? I don't have one. You don't have one? Okay. I'm going next week to a female dentist. Right. I feel horrible that I have to say that. I don't have to say that.

There's loads of good male dentists. Men, I don't hate you. Don't think that. I don't think you're all sleazebags. But, you know, I just... But love you. I'll try my luck with a woman this time. And I'm bisexual, so it could go wrong again.

Who cares? But I just can't face it. Okay. Okay. All right. Well, I'm glad you've got go wrong again who cares but I just can't face it okay okay alright well I'm glad you've got a new dentist that's great and so former dentist

when was your last appointment at your former dentist at least a year ago oh so it was quite a while it was a long time ago okay we're clear he's not going to be listening

okay fine no it's alright it's fine maybe it'll help him get his book published okay and so former dentist goes on the island okay Nicky anything else No, it's all right. It's fine. Maybe it'll help him get his book published. Okay. And so former dentist goes on the island. Okay, Nicky.

Anything else on former dentist before we leave him there? Oh, the other thing that he always used to say is, you know, I'm in a long distance relationship and it's always worked for me. And I just would, does not, I'm not going here. What? I know what, I what I know you know in a second it could have escalated if I'd have gone yeah let's go for it okay right now in the

chair yeah like I think he would have done it but mate okay if you plant the seed Tony Robbins style yeah wow okay yes so Tony Robbins square the circle I mean Tony Robbins has got a lot to answer for okay poor Tony Robbins is now responsible for all these idiot men in my life, which obviously can't be true, but the dentists have definitely read Tony Robbins and watched Tony Robbins. But you can see character,

because you can see characteristics. It's this deep belief that their version of the truth is bigger and better than anybody else's. Because the dentist would talk to me about his book in relation to my book. Do you get what I mean? Like, it couldn't just be like,

oh, you wrote a really good book. Now, he had to say, then now listen to me about my book. Right, okay, yes. So, yeah. Okay, former dentist goes on the island. You're a podcast listener, and this is a podcast ad. Reach great listeners like yourself with podcast advertising from Lipson Ads.

Choose from hundreds of top podcasts offering host endorsements or run a reproduced ad like this one across thousands of shows to reach your target audience with Lips and Ads. Go to lipsandads.com now. That's L-I-B-S-Y-N ads.com. Vicky, now mercifully among the wreckage of the plane, there was some food and drink left over. Unfortunately for you, it's your least favorite food and drink left over. Unfortunately for you, it's your least favourite food and drink in the world. What are they and why are they so bad? It would be tree nuts,

which I have a severe anaphylactic shock-related allergy to. That's a pretty good reason. I mean, mate, I can't be a spy. Obviously, I'm not a discreet person, for one. Yeah. But I have a massive Achilles heel, which is this nut allergy. And I do sometimes think, if I ever get into major trouble

my enemies will just poison me with nuts that's how I'll die because then you've murdered me and it looks like an accident so when you say tree nuts is that any nuts? pecan nuts walnuts

why am I telling my enemies what to kill me with? okay I'm going to do it I'm going to risk it walnuts pecans Brazil nuts macadamia nuts which my mum has in Australia, she lives

in Austin, that's a problem. Hazelnuts. They're the beasts. Really? Yeah. How did you learn about this? When I was a child and had a crazy reaction. And that's it? And then more recently, when I went on my fourth date with my now boyfriend who took me to a naked restaurant. I mean, I thought that was bold. I was like, go on, I'm up for it then. You don't see anybody else. It's all like beautifully lit and it's called the Bunyadi.

I don't know if it's operational at the minute, but it's very cool. Yeah, like the waiting staff are kind of naked but for a fig leaf around their little bits. It's all very sensual. It's not sexual. It's not sleazy. And you're in these kind of private booths. You leaf around their little bits it's all very sensual it's not sexual it's not sleazy and you're in

these kind of private booths you know that other people are in the restaurant but you can't see anyone else so we had this

lovely dinner and we were naked and we hadn't had sex yet so I thought it was quite a cool thing to do

together and yeah it was loads of fun and then when dessert came it had hazelnuts in it. And I, in the nakedness,

had forgotten about my nut allergy because I just was so distracted, obviously. And so I forgot to tell them I had this nut allergy. And then within seconds, I know that I'm going to have a reaction. So I excuse myself, went to the bathroom. I'm like sweating, getting puffy, like horribly red. It's like exactly what you want on a date, not. Fre thinking i haven't got my epi pen on me i haven't

got any medication i mean what am i gonna do i was like okay you just gotta go back in and tell him the truth date's ruined he's never gonna call you again life's over never mind but life will be over if you don't say something so i went back and said um so i've got a problem he's like what's wrong and then too late. I was sick three times over my shoulder, naked in front of the man that I was on a date with. But he was so amazing. He got me some medication, just said, we'll get out of here.

To this day, I don't know what the staff think happened. We just basically fled, paid the bill and ran away wow it was dark so they couldn't see that i'd been sick on the floor and then tell anyone no no we didn't tell anyone because we just had to leave because i was gonna erupt yeah and then we got me some medication antihistamines and then i was fine and then i was like this man's a keeper he's a good yeah so it's a really long segue about why I don't want nuts on the island but yeah nuts is game over so

yeah if you landed on the island I'll have to eat my own arm or Tony Robbins maybe he'll let me actually thinking about it

maybe it's the best thing if it's all nuts if you landed with these three because you can just do yourself see you later oh but it's such

a painful death okay James it's horrid it's not even like you can't just take a nut in your sleep and be gone it's suffering for three hours's not even like, you can't just take a nut in your sleep and be gone. It's suffering for three hours.

I think I'd rather throw myself into shark-infested waters. It'd be over quicker. It must be a tough life having to check everything, everywhere you go, all the time. The thing that makes it tough is the fact that everything says may contain nuts, may contain traces of nuts. And we just have such a poor labelling system in this country.

And I'm actually thinking of starting a campaign about it because I would like genuine labelling because you have to play Russian roulette every time you eat something. Yes. And I've had an attack on a Malaysia Airlines flight where nobody would, like, touch me and handle me and they had to do a call-out for a doctor. And I was like, oh, my God, I'm going to die on this shit airline.

And, you know, you just have all these moments of like near death you know and they're always horrid because you're like I look disgusting please give my corpse some antihistamines at least I look pleasant in the coffin I mean you can tell I'm a narcissist but you know these are thoughts that go through your head I'm going to die hideously

painfully alone and look ugly when they find me what would be your preferred airline to dial well qatar i mean qatar airlines emirates i have a good experience with no no not malaysia um nikki what's going to be your drink choice the drink that i can't stand this is going to be very controversial okay a bloody A Bloody Mary. A Bloody Mary? So my boyfriend is a bar owner. Okay. Trust me, I've drunk every alcohol that exists on this earth at some point

and regularly taste new concoctions of them. What is this bar? Am I allowed to name it? Yeah. So he owns Disrepute in Soho. Okay. Which is a lovely little sexy 60s cocktail bar. Just around the corner from here, actually, James.

You can easily pop across for a little beverage after you finish I think I might yeah and then he owns Barrio as well which is the Latin party bar and there's four of them in London

nice okay so yeah and they've got all these delicious drinks they've got all these delicious drinks I do the cocktail descriptions which I have loads of fun with

I make them as rude as possible okay we have to fight about how rude it's allowed to be okay but yeah a Bloody Mary. I just can't.

I don't have any problem with tomatoes or vodka or celery. But when you combine them or Tabasco, I just can't. I want to throw up. Okay. But I suppose on the island, the vodka, I don't know. The vodka might make it bearable. After the first two, you could probably drink the third one way more easily. So the idea of the worst drink then

would have to be a Virgin Bloody Mary. Okay, and then you just have... A Bloody Virgin Mary? Which way round is it? I don't even know. I don't know either. Either sounds terrible. Yeah, it does, doesn't it?

Tomato juice. First off, that's disgusting. Tabasco and celery. Okay, I'm just going to put this out there. I don't think I've ever had a Bloody Mary. But just because it never appeals to me. But that's how I felt. And then everyone's like, oh, you've got to have one.

It's brilliant. We're going to go on an all day. You've got to start with a Bloody Mary. I'm like, bloody, never give me that drink again. I'd rather start with a gin and tonic. Thank you very much. Yeah, it's like, champagne's fine, thank you. Yeah, yeah.

Bloody Mary, no way. I've been there, I've been in those situations and there's options for what to have with your breakfast. There's a Bloody Mary as an option. It just looks vile in that jug or that glass with a piece of celery stuck at the top. And sometimes there's shrimp on top. No, come on.

Yeah, that's just off the scale though. And on an island, there'd be lots of shrimp. So I imagine Tony Robbins would put me a massive shrimp on top. No, come on. Yeah, that's just off the scale, though. And on an island, there'd be lots of shrimp, so I imagine Tony Robbins would put me a massive shrimp on top as well. Yeah. Surely that's just a recipe for disaster, though, putting a shrimp on top. Yeah, because where am I going to stick it when he gives it to me? But, yeah, I mean...

Okay. Anyway. Nikki. Anyway, I'm getting too much into this, I think. No, it's all right. into this i think this demonic fantasy is beginning to take shape for me james i'm gonna blame you if i have nightmares about it okay i'm sorry people often say that about me just um use this as an opportunity to get all of this out and then when you leave here for free yeah um nikki fortunately for you you won't be about entertainment on the island the planes entertainment system continues to work,

but just your luck, it only has two working settings. One has your least favourite film of all time and the other is your least favourite song. What are they and why? Well, the film is definitely going to be a Tony Robbins motivational video. Oh, okay. Because they do have them on airlines.

No way. It's really common. I don't know which one's Virgin, maybe. What? Sorry, I don't want to libel you richard branson if you're listening i don't know if it is virgin but you definitely get tony robbins videos on airlines because if you're going to if you're business traveling or whatever you've got to get yourself in the right zone right yes it's that idea so i reckon it would just be his program

and he's like well you can listen to me or you can listen to me loads of little eight minute videos i think it'd be that yes okay Tony Robbins motivational film jeez he pops up in other films as well

I saw that right he's in like Shallow How and some other films you see he does cameos he does cameos I know he does cameos

like on maybe on the Simpsons and like other stuff as well oh my god can he take the mick out of himself that's interesting

it also said that he's got like really badly reviewed in his cameos so not very good. Okay. I'm going to the next time I want

to torture myself I'm going to go down a YouTube hole and Google Tony Robbins cameos. Don't tell me you haven't done that already. No, of course I haven't.

What are you talking about? I hate this man. I'm not that stupid to subject myself to it routinely. Sorry, sorry. Okay. Nikkiki what's going to be your son choice um just anything by coldplay anything by coldplay literally anything why do you why don't you like coldplay this is gonna sound insane okay so i'm gonna say it um when I was a teenager, just about to start my university course, I read that Chris Martin had a first class degree from a London university.

UCL is it? I think so. I don't know. And I remember thinking, if Chris Martin can get a first, I've got to be able to get a first. And I did get a first, but I do think a large chunk of it was i couldn't bear to not get one if chris martin could get one because i despise the music that he produced and what he'd used all his learning for okay yeah if this is what you studied for chris

putting this build out into the universe torturing me then i don't think you should have done any reading of any books so it's totally irrational totally ridiculous so you but it's not but it's actually the music i just hate the you know the dad drama of it that's the way i would describe it okay yes it is a bit dad drama when he kisses the stage when he comes on at glastonbury oh my god please it's just so embarrassing yes that kind of so embarrassing oh my god it is embarrassing i never thought of that before um so you've kind of put yourself in direct competition with him throughout your university career. I just remember, you know, sometimes when you're young

and you just read something, for some reason, it's obviously an anxiety that you're having and it really resonates with you. But at this point, I thought, oh my God, if Chris Martin can do it, I've got to do it. So Chris, I'm really grateful to you if you're listening because that verse has stood me in really good stead. I wouldn't be the publisher if I am today without you.

Yes. Actually, I've got to say thank you to the man. Yeah. But just not their music. But just not your music. OK. Any song in particular? Yellow.

Yellow. Yellow is going to be the one. OK. And it was all yellow. You don't get more beige than yellow, really. Do you know what I mean? You don't get more beige than yellow. There you go.

OK, Coldplay, Yellow. Do you know what I mean? You don't get more beige than yellow. Yellow, there you go. Okay, Coldplay, yellow. Nicky, and finally, the island is overrun by the biggest dick of all the animals. Which animal is it and why? A crayfish. A crayfish? Why a crayfish? Because, James, I just have a thing about antennae. Ah, okay.

I can't, I don't know what it is. It's the movement. It's weird because spiders don't bother me. Snakes, I mean, not a fan, but... Take them or leave them, yeah. You know, not greatly upset. Can go and look at one. Don't get kind of like the heebie-jeebies when I look at it.

But anything with tentacles, oh, my goodness. Really? Well, I mean, somebody once tried to tell me that it's because it's a kind of phallocentric thing and it reminds me of two penises coming towards me. What? It's rubbish. Doesn't sound that bad. What? Who said that?

It's nothing to do with that. Not everything's about you and your penis, you understand? Some stupid man tried to tell me it was like, oh it's just the fear of double penis intrusion. What? That is ridiculous. I just don't like the motion. man trying to tell me it was like oh it's just the fear of double penis intrusion what that is ridiculous i just don't like the motion no i just don't like the motion they've got too many legs scuttlers don't even taste that nice you're rubbish crayfish i don't want you on the island

but you'll be there they will be there most likely it's almost like it's probably like the most likely thing to be around the most likely thing So you'll have to try and find a way to make them taste good. Yeah, okay. Yeah. Okay, crayfish is going to be your animal choice. Nikki, thank you so much for coming in. Thank you for having me. Nikki, please tell me about your book.

Okay, my amazing, tremendous book. Yes. It's called The Curious History of Dating from Jane Austen to Tinder. It is a 300-year history of dating. Oh my God, that sounds so boring. I promise you it's not. It's really fun. It's full of filth.

Insane statistics about people washing out condoms in the 1860s to reuse them with carbolic soap. Parliament having a debate about these two couples that went on a swinging holiday in caravans and one petrol bombed the other and whether they should make a law about petrol bombing swingers in caravans in the 70s. Really? And just the most crazy stuff you've never read in,

yeah, parliamentary records or in the news. That's amazing. And it was so much fun to write. It's just like a rollick, a rollick through 300 years of rude history. It's not really about dating. It's about sex. It's about marriage.

It's about, you know, what kinds of freedoms people have to love who they want to love.'s a lot about lgbt dating um and it's loads of fun and and if you can't be able to read it you can just uh get the audible version and it's me narrating so if you've enjoyed my voice today and my preposterous way of speaking you'll enjoy the book if you haven't stay away okay buy the book instead and read it yourself um okay that's amazing thank you so much so people can get that now on audible yeah it's available right now and stay away okay buy the book instead and read it yourself okay that's amazing thank you so much Nikki so people can get that

now on Audible yep it's available right now and if people want to find you can they find you on Twitter please find me I love abuse on Twitter it's great

I live for it no please do find me I honestly genuinely enjoy a good old debate I'm on at Nikki Hodgson my website

www.nikkihodgson.com follow me on Instagram that's also quite rude lots of pig and dog pictures though okay have you got pigs and dogs no that's why I put

pictures of them up to inspire me okay it's like my vision board in the language of Tony Robbins no thank you so much Nikki

thank you Bye.