Desert Island Dicks - NJAMBI MCGRATH

Episode Date: July 7, 2023

Dan is joined by comedian Njambi McGrath! Njambi shares who and what she'd hate to be stuck with on a desert island. Be sure to follow the podcast @dickspodLearn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hi, I'm Dan from Desert Island Dicks and today's episode features Jambi McGrath. She's a comedian, author and political commentator and she does a fair bit of political commentating in this episode, sharing her opinions on topics such as immigration, race, colonialism and the abuse of power. It was really interesting, she's brilliantly eloquent and passionate and yeah, I think it makes for an interesting listen. And you know, it's nice to have a bit of balance between the silly nonsense we often come out with. And, you know, it's nice to put out some well thought through viewpoints. Obviously, it's just Jambi's viewpoints, which are well thought out. Mine were just the usual averagely thought out viewpoints. But yeah, I hope you enjoyed this episode uh what else have we got on the horizon well we

are once again part of the cheerful earful podcast festival that's coming up in november which is still a fair way away but uh we were hoping to announce our guest for that very soon but you can buy tickets already they're only eight pounds i think which is a bargain for an evening of entertainment and there's some other really good podcasts on that night as well so you might as well go and watch all three you can find out more at cheerfulearful.co.uk or just google

cheerful earful podcast festival on the google as ever thank you to everyone who's downloaded this and who is listening and yeah if you subscribe and leave us a rating then even better but we love you even if you subscribe and leave us a rating then even better but we love you even if you don't just tell your friends instead and uh spread the word that way the old-fashioned way i am i'm babbling a little bit so i'm just gonna stop and let's get

into this episode it's jamby mcgrath on Desert Island Dicks. Hi, I'm Dan Benedictus and welcome to Desert Island Dicks, the show that sees you marooned on a desert island after a plane crash with the worst people and worst things imaginable. Who they are and why they're a dick is up to our guest and here to share their desert island dicks with us today is comedian, writer and political commentator Jambi McGrath. How are you doing? Good, how are you? Good, thank you. Good. I know you said earlier that you've been travelling a lot and very busy so I hope you're not too frazzled from all of that. No, I'm calm and collected. Well maybe talking about the people and things you'd hate to be stuck on an island with I don't

know if that'll help de-stress you or make you more stressed only time will tell I mean are you somebody who finds it quite easy to kind of rant about things that annoy you? Yeah so easy oh man I like talking about things that annoy me. Yeah, so easy. Oh man, I like talking about things that annoy me. So I mean, we'll be here all day. Okay, well, this sounds perfect. I mean, because the thing is, it's a lovely sunny day. I feel like it's quite an optimistic kind of feeling day. So you know, sometimes it can be a challenge, but I'm up for it. So let's get stuck into it. Your plane has crashed. Who's going to be the first person joining you on the desert island? Anne Widdicombe.

Yeah, Anne Widdicombe. I'd sort of forgotten about her for a while. I mean, she's obviously still around. What's your particular beef with Anne Widdicombe? I mean, well, pick any. There's lots to choose from. Years ago, she held a position in government and basically she had women um in prison prisoners uh who were pregnant chained to the bed whilst they were

giving birth and uh and obviously that that is the most horrific thing a woman can do to another woman you know when when a woman is at her most vulnerable position and for another woman to oversee something so horrific as that. But I feel that she, I don't know, there's just something about her that is anti-feminist. And what is interesting is that years and years and years later, I got a phone call from my daughter's school and they said, your daughter has just walked out of school. And I was like, whoa, why? That's so unlike her. So I called her and she said, I've walked out of school because Anne Widdicombe is coming to school to give a lecture on feminism. And I was like, good girl. Well done. I'm proud of you. Yeah, definitely. Definitely. It's's so mad isn't it i mean apart from just being like an incredibly cruel thing to do it's like okay so and let's say that these

are the most dangerous people in the world and they're in prison and they're pregnant if they're ever going to try and break out of jail it's not going to be then like you know let's just say they managed to get out of the cell and whilst in labor i think you're going to be able to catch them again yeah it's just so incredible and you you get women like this and and i know we are only supposed to say one but uh seriously we've seen several other women start to come through because like we wait for diversity for so long and then it comes along in the form of the worst kind of advocate for women and even ethnic minorities so you see swilla bretherman she's coming to government and she uses her power not to empower women not to empower diversity not to empower but to distract to enable the destructive side of patriarchy and enforce racist ideologies.

So I would say, like, if I was stuck on an island with either of them, I'm, yeah, I would jump off the cliff. Yeah, I mean, you can pick Sorella Braverman if you want her to be one of your choices. I don't know. Or have you got a couple others in the bag that you want to save spaces for i i think let's yeah i've got a couple of others but i think currently swela braverman is easily the worst kind of human being um she fled her family fled kenya in the 1960s or whatever because there was a huge upheaval i don't know if you know about the history of the asians in kenya so the asians were a part of the british colonial project they were brought to kenya to be artisans because the british did not want africans to do anything that would enrich

their lives so the british saw africans as subhuman machines for labor. That's how the British saw my people. And they brought the Asians. And when they brought the Asians, what they did to them is they coached them on how to treat Africans. They said, you cannot treat Africans with any degree of humanity because they're not human and this is how you treat humans so basically the British were the best people and then the Asians were the next good thing and then the Africans were just the horrific vomit at the bottom so as a

child growing up I saw Asians really mistreat Africans. And because of the history of Kenya, when the British left Kenya, the Asians were like, oopsie, now this guy is who we have like really mistreated and caned and whipped and vomited all over them. I'm not going to be in charge. And the British saw the problem they were like okay guys if you want to flee you can apply for british passports because if you feel unsafe great apply for a british passport and that's how they left because they they felt unsafe because of the horrors they had unleashed on kenyans unfortunately some of them took that with them. And you can actually see it manifested in the attitude that we are seeing towards, particularly the black people, towards

immigrants. So Ella Bradman said that her dream, her future aspirations, the thing that will make her the happiest person on earth is to see distraught, tortured, quashed, broken human beings being deported to Rwanda. That's basically her dream. So I dream of having, I don't know, one of a comedy special in Hollywood or something like that. Her dream is to see a Syrian refugee who has been traumatized by watching his whole entire family butchered to death. Her dream is to watch this Syrian boy being deported to Rwanda. Yeah, it's unbelievable, isn't it?

And just the way that she's just sort of coming out with this and there isn't even more outcry about it. You know, like I just, I saw the other day a load of people protesting about the ultra low emissions charge on the road and they're all like round and round about with signs being like, we don't want the ULEs around here. Like, I want to keep driving my car. And I was like, is this the best use of your weekend right now like you know i'm all for sort of like

mobilization and and protest but like have you read the fucking newspapers recently do you know you don't even have rights anymore you will never be able to protest anymore you will not be able to use nhs anymore they have destroyed the country. But it's useless. It's mad, isn't it? It's so strange. Yeah, I think Sowella Braveman, because I was saying on this podcast the other day, we used to get, Priti Patel,

we used to get chosen quite a lot for obvious reasons. And now she seems like, oh God, replace her, you know, put her back in again. And it's so strange with the government how often that happens where you kind of go oh god imagine david cameron back again i hate him like seems like oh man like remember those days those were the good old days the good old days where we just had like the equality gap widening and like you know people getting poorer but you know at least we kind of hid the racist ideologies a tiny bit, you know.

But now they've got someone brown to basically enforce the whole thing. And there is no way a white person will be able to implement what she has implemented. No way. I wonder sometimes if it's like being a person of colour in the Conservative Party, I wonder if they sort of, I wonder if she sort of feels like she has to go even further to kind of go like, but it's alright, I'm still one of you. Oh, watch me, guys. I am so nasty. Watch me do even more nastier things.

And this is it, because the only way it seems that a black person can ascend anywhere, or a person of colour can ascend anywhere, is by towing the fascist the right wing line it seems to be but that's not diversity at all because diversity isn't recognizing that other people have you know are humans you know they have value but so so she has come there

to further their agenda of racism. Okay. We started off talking about Anne Widdicombe, and obviously she definitely has a place there. Now, I think we've made such a good case, well, you've made such a good case for Suella Braveman going on the island. Do you think we're going to put them both on, do you think, and get rid of one of the others?

Or I'm just thinking maybe we could have a bit of a loophole here and have suella braveman but ann widdicombe as a sort of um you know like how a vampire has a familiar yeah like a sort of little mascot for her yeah um so i'll allow that as a loophole okay i think i think uh ann widdicombe will be overshadowed and therefore she will be the the mascot for osweiler braverman okay all right well you know i'm going to make an exception because they're such great choices and i hate them both um who's the second person going to be on the island it has to be pierce morgan great yeah okay i mean it has to be pierce morgan he's a big screaming baby yeah you know and and it's interesting though because like pierce has had it all you know a white man who basically has a voice he has everything that anyone could ask for you know

career in america career in britain and he chooses his voice to be the assassin of a black mother who was struggling with post-natal depression he has persecuted megan marco and harry prince harry and i never cared about the royals at all never you know i didn't care about the royals you know none of that bothered me i didn't you know didn't care but i always sympathize with the underdog and I actually bought I felt the need to support Prince Harry I don't know why but I felt the need to support him and Megan and so I bought his hardcover book and I also bought the audio and I can say he is just a traumatized young boy who basically had to walk behind his mother's coffin and left with no one to give him a cuddle. Left with no one to be there for him, really.

And then he finds someone who is that person. That person that gives him a nice cuddle. And these have become the objects of hate for Piers Morgan. Piers Morgan gets off on mentioning Meghan Markle. What could she have done to warrant such hate? I don't understand. Okay, there are people that you could hate, okay? You could hate Hitler.

You could hate King Leopold II because he butchered 10 million Africans. And I would go on every single day about King Leopold because in Belgium, they celebrate him. They've got big statues of King Leopold, the guy that butchered 10 million Africans and chopped off the hands of little children okay he hung little black boys and girls in front of their parents so that he can basically make their parents work harder for him okay now that's an object of hate because he's justified what has Meghan Markle done to warrant the hate that she gets from pierce morgan because on the one hand we've all got people that we hate and it can be sort of you could hate a powerful organization like the government or like even the royal family as a

whole and you know the monarchy what it stands for or you know like on a trivial level we've all watched telly and gone oh god it's this guy i hate this guy you know but when it's sort of hate on a sort of meaningful level of a of a societal problem well okay well like this system is hurting people and it's keeping people in this sort of state and it could be better that's this feels like there's a positive energy to that but when it's like oh god i hate this bloody keep fit person on the telly it's like okay it's kind of a waste of your time you know people annoy you but change the channel if you're spending that much time writing articles and banging on about it it's like fucking hell if

you don't like it it's so easy to not not engage with that person and the thing is that it's just and this is where his racism comes through. Again, because these things are driven by racism. You know, you saw what he did. He interviewed that young prankster. He's an 18-year-old kid, okay? There was a time when you saw a young prankster like Mizzi, up to no good, and someone would just clip him on the ear and say,

go home and, you know, help your mother or something. Yeah. But P.S. Morgan chooses him, this young kid, again, to manifest his racism, to portray black people as the same as Mizzi. And Mizzi is a kid. The thing is, a white boy will turn up to school with a submachine gun and shoot the entire class, including the teacher. OK, and they will arrest him and they will say, oh, he's a very troubled young man. He had a hard life at the age of five. His mother had a cold. His dad, you know, lost his job in finance. So they will have so much sympathy and they will almost explain the rationale behind this boy's horrific actions.

Mizzi is a young black boy. He's a prankster. Who thinks it's funny to actually walk into somebody's home because he doesn't see the danger because he's a prankster. Now, the first thing that I saw when I saw Mizzi going into somebody's home is, holy cow, they're going to call the police on you and you'll be shot dead. It's not a prank, Mizzi.

This is dangerous shit, okay? You know, this is it. He's a kid. But Piers Morgan chooses him to put him on a platform so that he can desecrate the image of black people. Okay. So his racism cannot hide itself. He's there again and again looking for easy targets.

Like how bad is Piers Morgan's career going for him to spend all his time looking for people like Mizzi? You know, Mizzi is just a kid who is a prankster yeah and it's also just the sort of going well well I've seen this person I'm gonna I'm gonna give him a bloody good telling off in front of lots of people and you think but you're a meaningless person like why why do you have any weight at all it's like there's no point and then and then just loads of people tuning in so they can watch him giving them a bloody good telling off, like I would do as well.

And you think, what is this fucking cycle of, like, you know, there's so much to be angry about. And, you know, to the point where I often just have to kind of opt out of things for a bit and sort of reset. And I think when you get to that point, it's like on Twitter or something. Sometimes, you know, if there's someone you hate and then there's a pile on you go haha they've been found out and then I'm like what am I what am I looking at here you know it's like

watching a fight or something but I just think that Piers Morgan audience I don't know what you get out of it because it only makes you more angry I just don't have time for that kind of thing anymore I mean not that I ever had time for Piers Maubin, but you know, that kind of circle of just anger, it's such a waste of time. But the thing is, I mean, he has been, I think the editor of the Daily Mirror, he has had a show in America. He has had, so this is what I don't understand.

What is lacking in your life, Piers, that would just make you concentrate on hate rather than just, you're a successful person. I can understand people using hate, you know, people like, you know, Katie Hopkins, who've got nothing going for them. So hate is the only thing that they can give. Yeah, but Piers Morgan,

what is it that could have put you in a place that now you're only ever going to be remembered because of the hate that you give? I don't get it. Yeah, well, it's important for him to continue having a platform so he can say that it's impossible to say anything and have no platform. I know, this is it. He has a platform. He's like, oh, my God, white men have got no platform anymore. Are you sure?

Are you sure? I don't know. I would say as a white man, it's pretty easy. Okay. Well, we've got two, well, two, two and a half very good choices so far. So who's going to be the final person joining you on the island? I think it has to be Jeffrey Epstein. Okay.

Okay. So we'll reanimate him for you. So he's alive and well. Alive and well. Yeah. Is he dead already? Well, the thing is, it's funny how these people magically die. You know, I'm convinced he's not dead.

I'm convinced he's in some island somewhere, you know. Well, he is the worst kind of human, really. The worst kind of human that has destroyed people when they were children, you know, for his own personal gain, because he used it as leverage. The Jeffrey Epstein case is really interesting. Because, yes, we know he had an island. And in this island, he had clients to come and abuse and molest his children. So he was quite a horrific person. But no one else has gone down for it. No one else.

Just Jeffrey Epstein. Jeffrey Epstein and obviously Ghislaine Maxwell. So these are the people that did that but no one is interested in the other abusers which is so weird but what you have to understand is they were very rich so it's fine well this is it because when you commit a crime if you're poor you're going down

if you're an immigrant you're getting deported if you're white you get a statue I wonder how long it will be white you get a statue i wonder how long it will be before they have a statue of epstein oh man so he i mean he's quite a horrendous person he was quite a horrendous person he may still be alive they said well i don't believe that he's dead and i know that sounds like a conspiracy theory but it's just so convenient how these people suddenly just die and that's it the story dies it's also quite annoying when it happens and like you can't do the whole process of the law against them either it's like ah and it's how people on twitter said i wonder how long

he'll be before he dies so on twitter and then oops see he's dead yes i would say he's quite a vile person because these are people who exist purely to exploit others. They're like ticks, you know. A tick basically only survives, a parasite only survives by feeding off you. You know, so he's feeding off the worst, in the worst possible way, ruining people's lives. And, you know, these people will never be normal again. You know, once someone has done that to you, you can never, ever find a place of normality because you're scarred, you know? Yeah, yeah, definitely.

And part of me just thinks that Piers Morgan's going to have a whale of a time with Jeffrey Epstein, just in terms of like, because he'll see the power and wealth, and it won't matter what else he's done. He's just going to be attracted to that, you know? Oh, yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. Well, you have done a superb job so far of picking the worst people for the island we're gonna we're

gonna change tack slightly uh because jambi mercifully amongst the wreckage of the plane there was some food and drink left over unfortunately for you is your least favorite food and drink in the world what are they and why are they so bad? Oh, man. You know what? Like anything that is slimy. Like when I was a child, my brothers and sisters, to make each other feel sick, we used to, when somebody was eating,

you used to just like ruin their enjoyment of food by telling them, can you imagine eating a snail and you're chewing it and it's slimy all over your mouth and it's falling out of your mouth? And I've never been able to get that image out of my head. So for me, the worst food would be a snail or a slug. And I know like some countries, like they think the French eat snails and there are some places in west africa people even the thought of it makes me feel absolutely sick so anything that would contain snails for me would be it yeah yeah fair enough yeah i think in morocco as well they have like soup with snails in and stuff and um i've tried it it's not that like i would say they're not too slimy at that point but um just yeah Oh, you tried them?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I gave it a go. And it's quite nice. What do they taste like? You know what? I think it's one of those things. I reckon most of these things probably come about that people are desperate and then they cook something nice to go.

Like, so the French snails, you know, it's such a strong garlicky sauce. It's almost like you've got no idea what you're eating. You know, it's like you might as well be having mussels or anything, you know, because I think the thing itself doesn't have much flavour really, it's just the sauce is really good. And the Moroccan one I tried is like a really rich sort of soup with like cinnamon and things like that and then you've just got these little things in it.

So it's not, neither of them are like, whoa, this is a punchy flavour, you know. But now and again you kind of look at what you're eating and be like, fucking hell. Yeah, yeah. So something like that for me eating and be like, fucking hell. Yeah, yeah. So something like that for me would be like, no, no. Yeah. It's funny how these things become sort of delicacies. I don't think anyone was going, wow, look, we've got this lovely lamb over there that

we could slow cook with lots of herbs and spices and some potatoes and stuff. Or like, you know what, though? I'm just going to go for those snails under the rock. So I guess the cooking has to be good around it because you've got to make that thing palatable. But yeah, if you're just trying to exist on snails, I can see that might be a tricky one. And what would you try and wash it down with?

Oh, God. I remember a long time ago, going to see my friend and I was a bit late. I can't remember where I was. And they were already drunk. And you know, like how you want to catch up with the drunkness of everybody else. And I think it was cider and black or something like that.

And I drank it too quickly. And oh my God. Oh man, that just like hit me in the bad spot. Like I had hangover for days and days and days. And I remember waking up the following morning just wanting to die from, yeah, just, oh man. A cider hangover is a powerful thing. Seriously, you wake up in the morning and you think, God, I can't wait for tonight because by tonight I hope I'll be feeling better. And, oh, it's grotesque.

Yeah. So awful. I remember going to a bar in Bristol once. It was a cider bar and all the cider was incredibly, this sort of flat, strong, opaque cider you know and I remember it being really good but just so quickly getting out of control with it and like just one of those where you're you know you're lying on the floor but holding on it's just oh yeah sometimes you just like I seriously I just want to die now and this is is... Yeah, yeah. I think because it's, like, quite acidic as well,

that obviously adds something to it, you know, because it's sort of, you can just feel it and you let that acidic feeling from the night before as well. Oh, it's so gruesome. Oh, my God. I mean, because otherwise cider could be quite a nice thing on a hot island if it was nice and cold. But, I mean, yeah, just like a warm cider and black.

Oh, seriously? Yeah, that memory is just still there i can even almost feel it at the back of my throat you know and how long ago was it when this happened oh years ago years ago so it's one of those things that and i've never drunk it again but it's just one of this i don't know is the combination i don't know maybe i hadn't even eaten or whatever, but that was a very, very bad feeling. You just wake up in the morning and you think, what the hell did I drink? Oh, that was nasty.

It's weird because so many kids in this country start off their drinking careers with cider as well. Yeah, I know. It means their first hangovers are cider hangovers, but I guess it sort of bounces off you a bit more when you're really young but also you're not allowed to show it either so you'd be really hungover but you're not allowed to have been drunk so you can't sort of roll up to your house and go oh god I was really hammered last night and also because it's really cheap and you get a large bottle of it yeah I guess the good thing is if you're a teenager then no one no one

notices if you're just sat in a dark room watching telly all day. Yeah, oh man, yeah. That's like, I've had bad hangovers in my time, but that was just like grotesque. So hideous. Fair enough, fair enough. Okay, now, fortunately, you won't be without entertainment on the island.

The plane's entertainment system continues to work, but just your luck, it only has two working settings. One is your least favourite film of all time and the other is your least favourite song. What are they and why? Okay. I found these two actually really hard but

I had to do a research project and one of the people suggested that I go and watch this French film. It was two hours, indulgent, just boring. And I had to stay awake and watch the whole of it because it was for, I don't know if I can, I can't even remember the name of the film, but it was just horrific.

And I had to sit there for two hours and then afterwards I had to chat to the director and pretend that it was great it was so creative man that was just I was like that's two hours I'll never get back you know two hours of my life that I will never get back so you know like when a film is so indulgent that it just goes on and on and just like show us some action you know i i don't know i don't know a great deal about filmmaking but sometimes if something feels too indulgent um it just is so off-putting and uh it just felt like uh torture just sitting there and just have to watch this horrific film. I mean, nothing even happens. It was just like some indulgent BS that I could not even figure out

what was going on. Yeah, it was insane. It's funny. When I was doing my A-level, I did French A-level, and I remember my mum, because i was really unenthusiastic about it and i just wasn't studying very hard my mum was trying to get me interested and she kept getting films out from the video shop like in french and i don't know what it was like because obviously there are good french films there's loads of really funny ones like one of my favorite films

is a french film but i don't know if it was just the selection at the time where we lived it was like oh the sort of people who get french films out of this tiny little blockbuster video they like the pretentious ones so all of them would just be size sort of like yeah like you say like nothing would happen they'd be really kind of self-indulgent and I was like 17 this is not encouraging me you know later on you're like all right here's all the good normal French cinema that's just like a normal film but in French that I could watch but it the good normal French cinema that's just like a normal film, but in French that I could watch. But I think the selection was just like for the arty people of Leicester

where I lived, you know. And the thing is that it's all the people afterwards are like, oh, delightful film. It's like, was it really? Or do you just have to say that? Oh, man, yeah, that was just too much. That was cringe. Yeah.

Yeah, I hate the feeling of being, like when you see a film that you find kind of a bit pretentious and annoying and everyone else is really going on about how great it is and it's like, I don't know if you really do or if you just feel you have to, but also like you kind of feel like you're the stupid one because or you feel like they are thinking you're the idiot who didn't get it it's like oh was it too complicated for you or was it too deep or something like no i just thought it

was shit and the thing is you know is when they they take something and they labor on about that thing it was about this woman who got some cancer or something and she decided to go and die in um in the mountains somewhere and it's just hard just you know just going on and on and it's just so indulgent and like just tell us the freaking story you know just tell us the story oh you know oh man that was painful and it just feels like why why did we have to wait for two hours just for you to tell us that yes you know she died you know i also think things like that it's like i don't know the backstory obviously so i could be very very wrong like i've known lots of people who've had cancer and it's never been a beautiful experience i'm sure that all of

us kind of think oh if i was to get this diagnosis I want to live my life like this and blah blah but when it happens it's grueling and it's brutal and it's often slow and it's not fun and you know for anyone involved and I don't think anyone is just going do you know what I'm going to skip off to the mountains and do something meaningful it's like you're like I'm trying to get through my normal daily life whilst taking a million pills and feeling like shit and being scared. It's just so pretentious. And, yeah, I just found, like, why am I here? Seriously?

Like, you would not pay me to go back there again. Yeah, yeah, fair enough. Seriously. Okay. And what would your song choice be then? Oh, my goodness. This was another hard one because i i just like i've got antennas they just kind of tune into the music that i like um but i guess i have never

really i don't like like graphic dirty songs okay you know what there are some songs that you just listen to them and you think that's quite disgusting you know especially when they're talking about bodily fluids or just stuff like that i'm like do you mind you know like that stuff that belongs to toilet or wherever it belongs i don't want to hear it in a song you know i just don't want to hear it in a song so i i yeah i know i sound very picky but but so i i don't like overly filthy um songs yeah just just because i think i don't really want to be listening to because like music is very personal you know it's in your brain so like when you're walking around listening to a song and you know i don't know just you know it

kind of creates all these images based on the song and what i don't want to imagine is all these people with their genitalia and all of that stuff you know I also think that even if it's a song that you like that's very explicitly sexual or something it would be a really weird thing to be trapped with on a desert island like oh yeah put on the one about you know about whatever sexual act or something if that was like even if you like it would just be a weird thing to be stuck with. Yeah. You know what?

Like, it's not even the sexual, because sexual can be so romantic. It can, it can be so, you know, and you can listen to that and think, oh my God,

that, you know, plays your heartstrings, you know? But some of it is like, ew, I don't want that in my head. It's weird when you're in like a communal area,

like a bar or something, and it's just so, it's a real sign of like, of me getting older, but I notice it so much more. I think it would have just washed over me in the past, and now I'm a little bit more like, that's on the radio.

Yeah, I think this is why people get grumpy as they get older. Because sometimes I'm thinking, how would you sit down and write a song about dripping pussy? You know, just horrendous. Of all the things I want to be hearing about, that's not one thing I want to be hearing about, you know? Yeah.

Where did you get inspiration for this song? Tell us a bit more about how you came up with it. So where did you see this? And I thought, hmm, this could be the content of my song. Okay. And I imagine, I mean, God, imagine putting that on and you've got Jeffrey Epstein hovering around in the background. Horrendous, horrendous.

Okay. Well, look, you're doing such a great job of putting together a really horrific island and and mercifully for you we're almost at the end but before we are the island is overrun by the biggest dick of all the animals which animal is it and why hyena hyena hyena yeah well hyena is scary because you know, now I'll tell you this. I'm from a tribe in Kenya called the Gikoyo. And before we were colonized, we only buried very specific people when they died. So royalty, so only royalty would be buried in a fetal position. But everybody else, so if you were on the verge of death, they built you a little house in the forest,

and then you had a fire. And the sick person kept the fire going. And once they died, obviously, the fire would go out. And that's when the Highness knew to come and eat them. So a hyena will eat a human being and not even a sign left that there was a human being. So I don't know. I have something a bit, you they will they will just chew you through your whole entire body and eat everything over you so i don't know i'm not a great fan of

hyenas they don't look i've seen i've seen hyenas and as i was a child when i was a child when um my mother used to tell us how to walk you mustn't swing your hands because when you're swinging your hands, a hyena might think you're carrying meat and bite your hand off. I don't know. There's something about hyenas I don't like. Yeah. Yeah, I think lots of animals that can kill you are also quite sort of, you know, like if you think of like the big cats or even a shark or something,

there's something quite, you know, powerful, enormous, majestic about them. You know, like I don't even like sharks. They freak me out. But they're sort of purposeful and kind of, you know, there's a determined look about them. Whereas a hyena, there's something like they're just quite creepy. You know, like they're nobody's favorite animal. I know. Even the way they walk, they look a bit lame the way they walk.

And the way that they laugh, you know, their mouths are big. I don't know. And they have that sort of hunched back, that neck thing. You know, it's almost like, do you know what I mean? It's not like a sort of normal dog shape. It's kind of they've got that weird back, like neck thing. It's almost like the sort of horse-shaped neck. I don't know.

It's so strange. And, like, they're just really scary. And the fact that they're scavengers. I don't know. It's so strange. Yeah. They're just really scary. And the fact that they're scavengers. I don't like scavengers, you know? Yeah. But if I met one in the wild, I'd rather meet one in the wild than, say, a lion. But they're also kind of a bit freakier. You could imagine kind of getting along with a lion.

They look nice. They look like nice creatures. I just think hyenas are just like, oh like they look nice they look like nice creatures i just think hyenas it's like yeah oh man creepy yeah they they are evil okay so yeah well hopefully on your island they'll take out the others first and you know it'll give you something to watch they take out um swiller brother man and jeffrey epstein yeah well look you've done a superb job i mean i just the idea of being on this island gives me the creeps yes it's such a horrific place so you have absolutely nailed it on on this podcast today and um you know obviously we said at the beginning you're a very busy person you're up to lots of things so tell tell people what you're up to at

the minute and where they can see more of your stuff. So this weekend, I am recording my second series of my Radio 4 show. So that will be available in a couple of months. Then I'm going to Edinburgh. I'm going to be in Edinburgh for the festival for the whole month. I'll be there. So also people can watch my comedy specials. I've got several comedy specials on many platforms. So my comedy specials are on NextUp.

They are on Just for Laughs. They are on Amazon Prime. They are on YouTube movies. So you can get them on YouTube movies. I mean, you can get them across platforms. And I have a new book coming out on the 5th of October. I have a new book. It's my debut fiction coming out in October. So up to a lot of things, really. Yeah, very busy and lots for people to check out, which I'm sure they will after this superb performance on Desert Island Dicks today.

Thank you so much for joining us. It's been a real pleasure. Well, thank you so much and take care. So there you have it another episode done and we will be back next week with a brilliant episode featuring the one and only ed gamble yeah i'm telling you now for as a reward for those of you who made it through and actually bother listening to this bit at the end because i don't know how many of you do but if you are listening there's a little treat for you a preview and um yeah it's a great episode ed was on great

form and uh yeah i'm looking forward to seeing what you think about it talking about uh your opinions if you've ever listened to this episode and you've thought i wish i could tell people who and what i would hate to be stuck with and on island you can just email us dixpod.com slash contact and when we finally get around to putting out another episode of Compact Dix your ideas and feelings could be a part of it so yeah give that a go and as ever if you want to just get in touch and see what we're up to give us a shout on instagram or twitter at dixpod and i think that's it desert island dicks has been a sync clap production it was dreamt up and produced by james deacon it was also produced and presented by me dan benedictus occasional editing support comes from the wonderful chris

attaway and just general emotional support comes from the the legend John Deacon, not the bass player from Queen. He is conspicuous by his absence. Not like our John Deacon, though. He is always there, and that's it. All right, yeah, I'm done now. So we'll be back with Ed Gamble next week. Listen out, and... Bye-bye.