Desert Island Dicks - OLD DICKS: MELVIN ODOOM

Episode Date: November 22, 2024

Old Dicks! This week we're dusting off this excellent episode of the podcast with Melvin Odoom. He's currently surviving the jungle but listen to who he chose as the worst people to be stuck with when we put him on a desert island! We're now on Patreon and so if you want to listen to Desert Island Dicks completely ad-free, you can sign up here: https://www.patreon.com/c/user/membership?u=24332430 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello I'm Harriet Kemsley and welcome back to Desert Island Dicks. We've got an exciting thing happening today. We're bringing an old dick back to the present. We've got my personal king of the jungle Melvin O'Doom talking about his Desert Island Dicks. He's being interviewed by James Deacon a few years ago and we're very excited to play it for you again we've got so many episodes in the back catalogue but to save you the time we're bringing them out fresh for you here so have a listen to Mel welcome to Desert Island Dicks, the show that sees you marooned on a desert island after a plane crash with the worst people and worst things imaginable.

Who they are and why they're a dick is up to you. And here to share their Desert Island Dicks with us today is radio and TV presenter and my friend Melvin O'Doom. How you doing James? I'm fine, how are you? I'm quite nervous because I'm not used to being so liberated. Really? Yeah, I'm always very positive about everyone and everything so to come on a show and and talk about people who I think are dicks yeah is I mean obviously I talk about the dicks that I know of to my friends and family at home, but I've never done this on air. So this is quite liberating.

So like, yeah, I guess part of it is like, it's those unheard conversations, isn't it? Yes. So we're having this like backroom conversation. I know, I guess it would be weird for you. Although in saying that, when we had a little rundown of your things yesterday, I was just like, you've got a lot of suggestions.

Yeah, I had a few dicks of your things yesterday. I was just like, you've got a lot of suggestions. I had a few dicks in hand. Melvin, with a few dicks in hand, let's dive in. Who's going to be your first person? I'm going to do a category first. I'm going to talk about the dicks that I've dated. Oh.

So I've got a couple of stories about girls that I've dated who I found out were dicks later on in life. Oh, no. So the first person was I invited them out to lunch and I met them outside the restaurant. They pulled up in their car and I called them up and said, look, I'm going to meet you by the car. I walked over to the car. She got out of the driver's side and then opened the door behind her. And there was a baby

in the back seat that I'd never heard she never told me about she never even said she had children and she brought her child who was about one to this date so I was like oh because I love kids

if you've got kids it's cool but tell me about them this is a date so I can prepare so she was like yeah this is my son like all nonchalant didn't even care about it. And unfortunately, I picked the worst restaurant to go to. Do you know Vapiano?

Yeah, yeah. So with Vapiano, they've got like different sections. There's a section for like pasta, a section for pizza, and you have to queue up for your food. There's no wait or anything. So we got in there and I was like, they do the best pasta here. Let's take a seat and eat. And she's like, no like no no I want pizza okay so she queued up for the pizza and she got her food a lot faster than me

sat down she started eating with her son and then I got my pasta by the time I got my pasta and sat down she had finished her pizza and she just sat there staring at me watching while I was eating my pasta it was the most awkward day ever so that's that's dick number one. Wait, what's the kid doing while this happens? The kid's just sitting there. He's got no idea what's going on. Basically, I paid for their lunch. That's what happened. So that was dick number one.

Dick number two was, I met this girl outside Ministry of Sound and we exchanged phone numbers and I said, look, let me take you out to dinner. Beginning of the night or end of the night? End of the night. So we're both going home. I'll see her outside. And she calls me up And every time... Beginning of the night or end of the night? End of the night. End of the night. So we're both going home. I'll see her outside.

And she calls me up. And every time she speaks to me, she always used to call me baby. She always used to say, oh, hey, baby. Like, what's going on, baby? Hi, babe. And I was like, this girl likes me.

She just keeps calling me baby. She really likes me. So I got to the restaurant. And first of all, she was like, I don't like anything on this menu. Can you pick for me right i'm like okay cool i can do that okay so i've um i think i've picked up i've selected like the pad thai chicken noodles right and she had literally one bite and was like i don't like this

and then pushed it away and i was like okay cool what's my fault anyway i should have checked what you you don't what you did ask you to pick exactly yeah so she didn't eat so i thought okay let's go somewhere else for like a drink so as we i pay for the food then we leave the restaurant and then she goes to me what's your name again no she had no idea what my name was so then i go so hang on how come you didn't know my name? She goes, oh, I just, I forgot to ask you when we met. I said, so then why didn't you ask me when I first called you? And she's like, I thought it would be awkward then.

I was like, don't you think it's awkward now? It's awkward. We've eaten food. Yeah, after days of speaking on the phone and then having a full dinner, then at the end you decide to say, what's your name? Oh my God. Hang on a sec. Like she's talking to, you decide to say, what's your name? Oh, my God. Hang on a sec. Like, she's talking to you.

What's she got your number saved as? Probably baby. Baby? Yeah. So the dicks that I've dated, they're all in one category. So those are the first set of dicks. Can I just say one thing, right? Stop calling me baby if you're not playing games.

Isn't it? I was just like she has got many guys on the go she must she must be a player yeah must have been a player totally yeah oh my god melvin you got duped uh exactly um although what i will say right i know you're going on to your next one right but when you go on so many dates you're bound to get a few like that is it you've gone on a lot of dates man out of a hundred dates you know what that was the period in my life where um i enjoyed the the art of dating yeah yeah um and you know what i just enjoyed meeting new people to be fair yeah um especially beautiful young women like was this a time when you might have been like a financial

crisis you know what it was it was when i moved out of my mom's house i've come from a was this a time when you might have been in like a financial crisis well you know what it was when I moved out of my mum's house because I've come from a strict like African Ghanaian family

and like when I left university and came back home I obviously because I wasn't really interested in girls before university

then when I left uni I was like wow like girls are great this is good I lost my virginity in my first year of university then came back left junior I was like wow like girls are great this is good I lost my virginity in my first year of university nice then came back home and started dating and my mum didn't like it she was like look don't just stick to one nice girl right don't bring random girls classic mum she used to sometimes I'd go out for like a night out and then it would be like three

in the morning I'd sneak a girl into the house and then I'd be creeping up the steps and then just as I get to my bedroom my mum would jump out of the bathroom in her night

and be like who is this person what is your name and why are you here like she would just ask them questions and be like interrogating them

on the doorstep are you planning on staying here tonight exactly all of that so when I left my mum's house and got my own place,

I went crazy. You're free. I was like, I'm going to date as much as I can. So that was the period when I dated that person. That's so funny.

All right. Okay. Dating dicks. Yes. First one. First one. Nice one, Melvin. And Melvin,

who's going to be your second choice? My second choice is going to be, I think it's an obvious dick. Okay. It's Katie Hopkins. Katie Hopkins, right.

We've heard Katie Hopkins. Have you heard her before? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Now, my reason is because from my perspective, I got into presenting. You know how I work, right? I got into presenting because I like to make people smile. I like to share stories that make people laugh and spread positivity I'm very a very positive guy and I just feel like Katie she might be a nice person behind closed doors but I think she has built a career on spreading negativity yeah for sure yeah she's very very horrible and

negative about different people I think the first my first memory of her was when she was on This Morning, right? Oh, right, yeah, yeah. And she was talking about how she kind of judges kids based on their names, right? And I love children. They're the most important thing in this world. They're our next generation. So don't say anything bad about it.

They can't choose their own names. So don't say something. You've got on TV to say, I don't like people who are named after certain areas. Called Isabel or whatever. Or Chardonnay or stuff like that. Yes, that's it. And I was like, a child is a child.

They can't choose that. And actually, by you coming on TV and saying that, you're probably going to now feed into like a new variety of bullies who are going to say, oh, well, I saw this woman on TV saying your name's silly. Like that's a horrible thing to say about children. That's my first thing. The other thing is the way she goes on about the Muslim community.

Like, I think, look, I'm in the UK now. I think, you know, London's my favourite city in the whole wide world. But I think she's very negative about the Muslim community. And I think it's a very, very wrong thing to do. Yeah, for sure. Melvin, I've never heard you this deep. I know, I go it's a very, very wrong thing to do. Yeah, for sure. Melvin, I've never heard you this deep. I know, I go deep sometimes. But the thing that really upsets me about her

is when I agree with her. Yes. So this is what I wanted to get into the meat of, right? When you said this to me, I was like, hang on a minute. Well, every now and then, because I think generally she's an idiot. Generally she just says stuff for the sake of it. But every now and then, because I think generally she's an idiot. Generally she just says stuff for the sake of it.

But every now and then she says something and I'm like, actually, I agree with that. Can you say what? I can, I can. So a little while ago, do you know how sadly that guy passed away who was on Jeremy Carl's show? Yes, yeah, yeah. And now they're trying to say let's cancel his show um it's canceled it's already canceled it's no longer here anymore and so she made a post saying like jeremy carl's had about i think 16 seasons right and he's had like over a thousand episodes

and uh one person's passed away and they've canceled it However Love Island I think has had like 16 episodes and 4 seasons and they've had 2 people pass away from the show. Which is far far more with less episodes but yet a new series is being promoted as we speak now and she was like well that doesn't

kind of like add up and I was like I kind of agree with that as much as you're a dick like I kind of agree with that as much as you're a dick. Like I kind of agree with what you're saying. And I was so upset with her, although I agreed, I didn't retweet the tweet. If it was anyone else,

let's say if it was, I don't know, like, like someone who's like another DJ from radio one, I would have retweeted it happily. But because it was her, I didn't, but I screenshot it as like, to remember that as proof. So I knew that the factsed it happily. But because it was her, I didn't. But I screenshot it as proof so I knew the facts and the figures.

So I kind of agreed with her. I was so upset with her because I was like, damn it, you've come up with quite an interesting fact there. So that made me really, really upset with her and upset with myself at the same time. Oh my God. So yeah, she's my number two. You never would have thought that you would have been agreeing with Katie Hopkins.

Ever. Do you know what I mean? It's the worst feeling in the world. It feels like cheating on your family. Yeah, totally. On your morals. On all your values. Please don't tell the other values.

Yeah, so. Okay, all right. Katie Hopkins. I mean, that is a totally different reason than what we've had before. To dislike Katie Hopkins because you agreed with her. That is good, man. That is a totally different reason than what we've had before. To dislike Katie Hopkins because you agreed with her, that is good, man. That is really good. And that thing that you were talking about, the name thing,

that's when I remember her blowing up. Yeah, I think that's kind of how she made a name for herself. And I think she realised at that point, if I'm negative and I say something that's controversial, that's her thing, that's her angle. But I feel like sometimes you don't have to be nice you don't have to be horrible

to get by in life I think you can be nice yeah for sure man and so I've dragged you onto this hateful podcast yeah sorry Melvin okay and Melvin who's going to be your third choice my third one is

quite a deep one actually oh because it's very personal oh so like as you know I'm a very

happy person you are yeah but as a kid and as a kid I was very happy like my mum raised me and my sister and

I'm really close to my sister now we had a great childhood but there was one little blip when I got bullied by a kid at my secondary school. Wow. And I've always been tiny.

I've always been like the small one, you know, amongst my crew of friends and stuff like this. But there was one kid that used to always pick on me. And I remember one period in particular. I used to hide in the school theatre from this guy. Oh, man. Because he used to ask for dinner money and stuff like that. Oh, Melvin. But there was one moment where he got me, right?

And I was coming out of my class and he had like this gold watch. And he punched me with his wrist because his watch was on backwards. And he punched me in the chest. What? And as he punched me in the chest and as he punched me in the chest the watch broke and then he goes you broke my watch Melvin

and I was like what do you mean? He goes I said you've punched me so I was in pain and I've gone you've punched me and he goes

no no no like you've broken my watch and you've got to pay for it and I was like I've got no money he goes well every single day I'm going to collect

your dinner money right and I don't know how long he did it for I used to try and hide like when it got to lunchtime I used to try and run out of class and hide somewhere like in a theater it was like the worst thing ever right so I think was like it went on for months I used to literally just pay him my dinner money like every single day right and um obviously got over it. And when I started doing radio, I had a friend who worked for this charity, which was based around, it was a beautiful charity.

And they kind of tried to raise awareness about bullying in the community. And she was like, Melvin, I know you're bullied as a kid and you're doing great things. You've just started in radio now. How do you feel about coming on and speaking? We're going to film you and we'll put it online. And I was so shook still by that period in my life

that I didn't want to talk about it. And I really regretted talking about it. Really? Yeah, I regretted talking about it. Yeah, it really affected me. And I think years afterwards, I saw him again and he was being nice to me. Oh, no, no.

I felt really, really horrible. So, yeah, he would be the worst person to be on this island with now. Yes. And yeah, it just kind of motivated me to work really, really hard. Did it? Yeah, and if I see like a kid being bullied on the street

or sometimes I'll jump in, even if the kids are bigger than me, I just jump in and I'll be like, come on, just leave it. Yeah, and if I see a kid being bullied on the street, sometimes I'll jump in, even if the kids are bigger than me, I'll just jump in and I'll be like, come on, just leave it. Yeah, yeah. I just don't like it. No, man. Childhood bully. Childhood bully, that is a good choice.

He's the worst person. Melvin, I didn't know that about you, man. Yeah. That made me feel a bit emotional. It makes me feel emotional. When I first spoke about it with my mate who did that charity, it made me feel emotional because it reminded me of that time. And I'm so confident now.

Sometimes I'm overconfident. People are like, where do you get it from? And it just comes from kind of defeating that little, that sad period in my life. Killed that demon off. Yeah, man, definitely. And I think that's why it's important to talk about it. I think talking about stuff

is the best thing you can do in life you've got to do it when you're feeling upset or down so yeah I'm always open yes Melvin alright

way to turn a negative into a positive yeah man that's what we're here to do that's so good Melvin's bully you go on the island that is a true dick

isn't it nothing beats a bully nothing because you can get adult bullies now. Do you know what I mean? Yes. And they're really bad as well.

Social media. Social media bullies. Like my little, my, so, okay. So I've got, so going back to the bully thing, because I'm so against it. I've got a young family member who was bullied via social media. And I was like, I couldn't get my head around that whole social media thing. Because I was just like, if it's a problem,

you just take their phone away or you take them off. And her mum said to me, you can't do that because you're seen as an outcast if you're not on social media, even more so. So you kind of have to be on it and accept it. And I was like, this is mad, but obviously she knows what this person is going through. So I said, all right, when she leaves school, I'm going to turn up in my car. I'm going to drive up outside the gate, park my car up at the front.

And then I'm going to walk in. Because of we're doing at the time was like on the biggest breakfast show in the country. So I was like, I'm going to walk in and I'm just going to take pictures with like teachers, all the students. So I walked into the school with my cousin and went and gave my cousin a big hug.

I said, do you have a good day at school? She's like, yeah, cool. And then all the teachers were like, hey, Melvin, da, da, da. And all the kids were like, can we get a shout out? I said, if you want a shout out, you've got to ask my cousin. So I kind of made her like the cool person

and then left her to it type thing. She's not been troubled since then. That's amazing man. That's such a good thing to do. Yeah man that's what we're here to do. It's old school tactics. Yeah man.

Just actually go in and make it happen. Because some bullies don't even realise they're doing it. And so I think in some cases like especially when it's

a boy on a girl sometimes they just fancy the girl and they're trying to get their attention. Yeah yeah. So yeah so I try and squash it

well done man alright okay Melvin your third choice is your bully great choice thank you thank you very much alright Melvin

now mercifully among the wreckage of the plane there was some food and drink left over unfortunately for you it's your least favourite

food and drink in the world what are they and why are they so bad you're going to find this so weird go on I hate sushi man

do you i hate sushi and that's the that's the reaction i get from everyone when i say sushi because my mouth is wide open do you know why because it's lazy food it is lazy it's lazy food it's not cooked yeah i want my food to be cooked warm and nice my mom she cooks she prepares a meal jollof rice and chicken it's delicious it's beautiful that stuff's been seasoned it's been marinated it's been put in the fridge then brought out and then put in the oven and then she's cooked that shizzle it's delicious sushi you've killed the fish and put on a plate there's nothing to it you've put no effort to the food yeah yeah and so when people say sushi

i'm like that's lazy food i don't want to pay a man money and they haven't done nothing to it. So sushi is the laziest food that you can eat. It's the worst food you can eat. How many times have you had sushi? I've had it once because of my best friend, one of my best friends, Ricky. He loves sushi. And apparently I've heard it is healthy,

but I don't think it tastes that nice either. I don't think it's that delicious. I'll be honest with you, right? I do eat it a bit. And you know this probably. Everyone eats it. Yeah, because there's a place near where we work that after seven o'clock, all the sushi's half price.

See, that's a good reason to have it. So you're getting like £7.50 sushi for like £3 something. But I also don't like cold food. Yeah. Like I feel like a proper meal should be warm. I think a nice, like a lunch is okay to have like sandwiches cold but for like a proper meal don't give me

something cold please no I'm gonna be honest I don't think I've ever seen you eat a sandwich if I have to it's because I've got a fat belly so I try not to eat bread

but if I have to I'll have like a sandwich but sushi you'll never see me see me have that really yeah I go to like Japanese restaurants because they do like teriyaki ribs and chicken and stuff.

That's special though. That's nice. Yeah, that's good. Sushi, I've got no time for it. It's late and my mouth's watering. No business. And then... Oh, quickly though, sushi, right?

One last thing. I think you've got a point because the most eaten thing with sushi is soy sauce and wasabi, right? Right. Soy sauce is super salty and wasabi right right soy sauce is super salty and wasabi super super disgusting because without those two things the sushi has no flavor do you know i mean it has no flavor before you guys are being duped yeah sushi is like it's like the cool food to eat yeah like if you're if you're trendy then you gotta eat sushi you're not a cool person if you don't eat sushi so it for me, it's a bullshit food.

Yeah, go on then. I've got, actually, anything raw. So I don't even like, you know when people have steak and they have it, what do they call it? Blue. Yeah, disgusting. Again, lazy. Don't just call the animal and put it on my plate.

Cook that stuff up for me. And the drink, I've got a few drinks. Yeah. Which, again, you might find. A few. on yeah controversial um lager lager you're not doing a lager no mate never disgusting i'm sure i've seen you drink it no actually i love lager i love a lady's drink i love a cocktail yeah i love something that's sweet and tasty. I think lager is, people, again, they've been tricked into thinking it's a nice drink. The only time

I like a lager is if it's boiling and you've given me a cold, cold one. A crisp, cold, hot day. It's more just to do if it's refreshing and it's cold rather than the taste of it. It could be a refreshing, cold anything. Lager.

No interest. You're going into a pub, you're meeting someone for cold anything. Yeah. Yeah, okay. Lager. No interest. So you're going into a pub, you're meeting someone for a drink, you're never going for a lager. And if, I shouldn't say this, but if a girl orders a pint, it's a turn off for me.

You're just like, nah. I don't think that's sexy. No. No. I do get that in a way, yeah. I don't know if it might be wrong for me to say, it's just something that I'm not into. No, people are into different things.

Do you know what I mean? That's how I feel. You go on a date, man, with someone, or does the sushi in a pint of lager? It's over. Game over. Yeah, I'm out. I'm just going to pop to the bathroom real quick.

We're going house on this, yeah? And you're out. Basically. Lager. Do you know what? I like a lager, man. Yeah, I do like a lager. I'm quite weird with food and drink.

The other drink is... Wait, wait. Just quickly, though. In a pub, what are quite weird with food and drink the other drink is in a pub what are you ordering gin and tonic my favourite drink is like a cocktail or like a rum and coke or rum and ginger beer also very nice some fresh lime in there

I like exotic drinks take time with it don't just pop open the bottle and that's it. It's party time. With your food, you want it to be like prepped. I want everyone to make an effort in life. Make an effort and then I can enjoy it. That's so good.

Right, you've got another drink. Yeah, Dandelion and Burdock. No way. Yeah, yeah. Who invented that drink? They're just like, I don't understand why that exists. No, who made that drink? It's ridiculous.

It's disgusting. You know, I used to do a show called Dick and Dobby the Bungalow, right? Oh, yeah. And it was a kid's show and they used to do the Guinness Book of World Records, right? And they had to break different records. One day they'll be like, we've got to eat as many onions as possible, raw onions as possible, right? And then one particular day they had a challenge where they had to drink dandelion and burdock as much as possible because they know

how disgusting it is and I was thinking to myself who made this drink and who drinks this drink because you go to shops and it's there someone's obviously buying it but it's the most

disgusting drink I've ever encountered oh man yeah I mean it's horrible it's like who was walking through a field and thought

do you know what I'm going to squash loads of this up is it actually made of dandelion? apparently, yeah. What's a burdock? I have no idea, we need to Google that, we need to find out what a burdock is if you're listening to this right and you know

what a burdock is, tweet me at Dick's Pod, tweet me and let me know what a burdock is because I'm not Googling, great question I prefer people who have the knowledge of these kind of things yeah, let me know. Don't just send me a link. Okay, Dandelion and Burdock.

That is gross. I saw you did a thing with Dick and Dom the other day. What was that about? They do like a live comedy show. Oh, yeah. And it's actually a podcast. It's a podcast. Oh, cool.

But it's like a game show. And what happens is the audience pay like a fiver to come. Oh, amazing. And then I'm there as like a fiver to come. Oh amazing. And then I'm there as like a kind of like a referee and then they play games against the audience and if they lose the game they have to pay the audience. So potentially they could

all lose all the money that they've made from the show. It's a really funny concept actually. It's a good show. That's really good. And they do it at the backyard comedy house in like Shoreditch area. That sounds like fun though. Yeah it's a good show that's really good and they do it at the like backyard comedy house in like Shoreditch area that sounds like fun though yeah it's loads of fun

and you know what they're great guys as well yeah that's cool maybe I should get them on here you should they would love to do this that would be great and they'll have so many dicks

to talk about would they yeah definitely imagine if you got put on well one of them's called Dick yeah he's prime yeah

he's pro Dick imagine if he picks Dom he probably would bang out would know okay cool um lager lager i don't know i know you i know you no one will that's fine it's just me daniel iron and burdock okay thank you very much and also going back to lager i'm sorry it's not it's not great it's probably the worst thing you can drink if you want if you like alcohol because lager just sits on your stomach melvin it sits there that's what i'm saying the beer you're trying to work out don't drink lager also i don't i should not be drinking lager because i don't have a lot of time to go to the gym

and again another thing with lager once you drink a pint of lager you're in the toilet for the whole night you're just weeing you're constantly you don't need to we that much in your lifetime so yeah i have too many issues with lager. I'll tell you what, anything with pints though, it's like, you're not going to stand there

and drink like five pints of water. That would be weird. But you would with lager. Yeah, you would. Imagine how bloated you'd feel if you stood there drinking five pints of water.

And I think there's certain people that drink so much lager that they don't piss as much as they should do. Wow. I bet you. Yeah, probably. How much do you piss when you have a lager? Loads. Do you much as they should do. Wow. I bet you. Yeah, probably. How much do you piss

when you have a lager? Loads. Do you? Yeah. Okay, so you're alright. But there's someone out there that they've become immune to the piss

and it's just sitting in there. I bet you if we search outside there we'll find someone who's got loads of lager inside him. Just lager piss. Yeah, lager piss

just built inside. It sits in your tummy, mate. Thank you very much, Melvin. Thank you. Melvin, now fortunately you won't be about entertainment on the island. The Plains Entertainment System continues to work, but as is the podcast, just your luck, it only has two working settings. One is your least favourite film of all time,

and the other is your least favourite song. I'm sorry. Okay. What are they and why? Okay, so I'm going to be a little bit different today. All right. Because I'm selecting beatboxers. As your song choice?

As my song choice. So rather than a specific song or group, it's beatboxers. Now, I want to make clear, I'm not talking about beatboxers from back in the day or beatboxers who, you know, kind of like made a name for themselves, like in the UK and they're kind of like the pioneers so people like Killer Keller great

Scratch from the Roots band yes great yeah there's a few guys who are pioneers there's a level

there's a level but there's new beatboxers who I have no time for I have we've heard all the tricks we've heard you do Timberland and

Pharrell beats before we've heard it it's old school heard you do Timberland and Pharrell beats before we've heard it it's old school to me I actually had a birthday party a few years ago and I think it was organised by my sister a girl that I know

and she was adamant that she wanted a beatboxer at my birthday and I was like that's the worst thing you could book for me because I can't stand them and a beatboxer

you're not going to beat a band or like a dj yeah so go away like it's fine but back in the day it was fine but now this oh my god we've seen that trick already now when you walk into the tube right i said this to you when you walk into the tube and there's just like a beatboxer in the distance and you're approaching and you're just hearing and they do the same word oh mate yeah it does my head is it's ridiculous isn't it i hate it we are terrible beatboxers by the way i know do you like beatboxers no yeah no way man it's embarrassing i think i feel like beatboxers are the only people that like beatboxers i don't think anyone else cares about them anymore. No. I feel bad saying that, but that's how I feel.

I mean, it's just true. It's just true. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's justified. I'm sorry, beatboxers. You know, don't at me. Right, Melvin.

Do you get at it by people? Oh, sometimes. Oh, really? Great. But it's never gone that bad. Okay, cool. But we'll see. You never know.

Anyway, Melvin picked him I just really really agreed he's just here for the ride song choice beatboxers I like how you went left field with that thank you

film choice oh I hope I've got the right name I think it's called Balls of Fury Balls of Fury now you wouldn't have

heard of this film because it's shit now the reason why I watched it is because at my old workplace, you obviously have to do promotions for various films. And I think we had a massive competition where they paid loads of money to our workplace for us. I think we had to introduce it, and then we had competition winners.

Well, you had to go down to the... We had to go to a screening, it was like a really cool screening room. Right. And I don't think the cast members were there. Right. But you had to obviously be there to introduce it and then watch the film. So we sat and watched his film. And it's basically like a parody of like a martial arts film.

Right. But based around, I think, like ping pong. Okay. And the only big star is Christopher Walken. Right. Who's like massive Hollywood star one of my favourite actors but it's the worst storyline

it makes no sense I can't even remember what happens I couldn't tell you who the goodies were, the baddies were it was just the biggest waste of time and the thing about me is, when I'm watching a film I can't fall asleep, because I'm constantly going I'm just going to wait for it to get it will make sense

you're so optimistic and I, there'll be, it will make sense. It will get good. You're so optimistic. Yeah. And I sat there and went, that was a waste of two hours. Like, it's the worst, it's so bad.

You know when you watch a bad film and you're like, you want a friend to watch it so they feel your pain. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. That's how bad it is. You're coming away, have you seen this film? It's so bad.

Do you know what I mean? Yeah. In fact, if you're listening right now and you want to get to, like, you want to get at one of your friends, like, a prank, tell them,

I've seen this really, really good film and it's called Balls of Fury. Yeah, that's good. And that'll get them. Love it. That'll really piss them off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's that bad.

I think it's probably the worst film I've seen. Worst film? But, like, so there's a lot of bad films out there, right? But for it to have had like a proper like screening thing, where you've had to go and introduce it and there's like stuff going on. And the thing is you couldn't escape. Because if you watch a bad film at home, you can just turn it off, can't you?

Yeah. So you're in the room, you've got to sit and watch it. The production company are there. Like they've paid money for us to be there. So we couldn't leave. And I never watched that film again. Oh, my God. Ever again.

Melvin. I've never seen it, and part of me wants to watch it now. Just watch the trailer. I'm going to watch the trailer. Yeah, I'm going to put the trailer on. Oh, Melvin. Okay, Balls of Fury. And even more annoying, how involved you had to be.

You know what I mean? It wasn't even just like you could walk out of the cinema. You were being paid to be there yeah oh my god was it worth even getting paid i don't think it was getting paid that much we just started so ah so it's just like yeah the thing you've got to do we just had to do it yeah shit okay balls of fury thank you very much melvin and finally i apologize it's almost over and finally melvin don't apologize i'm having fun oh good I think I'm getting into bitching about people I might do this

all the time okay good I mean I don't want to change the person that you are because you're a very nice person thank you James and finally

the island is overrun by the biggest dick of all the animals Melvin which animal is it and why you know where it is bruv

you know where it is why foxes foxes can I swear yeah they're fucking bitches bruv foxes foxes can I swear yeah they're fucking bitches bro foxes have got no respect anymore

so I live in I live in London and in London foxes don't give a damn no they will look at you in the eye and be like bitch this is my road

they go on like they pay the rent they go on like they're paying council tax that's how hard they are when I moved to to the place that I'm in now like I had these little lights in my garden okay in council tax. That's how hard they are. When I moved to the place that I'm in now,

I had these little lights in my garden. Okay. And every week, these foxes would come and rip the lights out. I paid, I don't know, I paid like hundreds of pounds trying to replace the lights.

What? Were they inbuilt? They were inbuilt. So there was like wires going under the garden and then you could switch them on in the house so you could see all the garden in the evening. Wow, you started making some money now.

Yes, that's when I hit the big time. And so then these foxes would come and rip out the lights every single week, right? And I was paying hundreds of pounds fixing these lights. And then my mate was like, okay, cool, we're going to get some tubing and then wrap the wire. They used to dig up the tubing then i bought like this fox repellent which was basically like uh like these little like lion pellets that they don't like they didn't care about that then i used then my next door neighbor said the only thing to get rid of foxes is if you piss

around your garden so then i i started like she was like don't obviously go out and piss just maybe put some wee in like a bottle and then put in a watering can then so i was like having to put urine around my there's all these different yeah into like bottles so that did it work no the foxes didn't give a damn so in the end the only thing that worked is we had to get like an animal. What's his name? He's like an expert with like animals. I don't know what you call them. Oh, what's it called?

An exterminator? No. Not an exterminator, but he was like a specialist. Okay. And he basically would come and he would kind of like somehow put them in a safe trap and then take them over to like a forest and make sure they're set free into the wilderness because all of my neighbours are like animal lovers and stuff like that.

But again, we had to pay loads of money to get rid of them. Oh my God. Right, I've picked up on a few things from this. Firstly, everyone, that is the most swearing I've ever heard Melvin do you said the F word yeah I know I'm sorry you were annoyed

can you put a beep on it yeah I could do but I'm not but they yeah but yeah they really upset me and I think there was one time

because have you ever smelt fox poo before oh no bro fox poo is next level kind of poo it beats baby poo like so one time

what does it smell like it smells like evil It smells like evil. It smells like evil. It smells like hell. Demons. Demons. So one time I stepped in in Fox's poo

and got into a cab and I went to the cab driver your cab stinks mate and he's like no it doesn't. He goes I've had it cleaned and he goes

actually it's you and I was like no it's not me mate and then I walked into work and realised I'd stepped in this poo and it followed me around all the way to my house and it's the worst it actually makes you wretch that's how bad it is foxism there's no need you'll know if you smell it then yeah you would oh no okay disgusting that's gross other things i picked up on if you're getting little bottles of wee, right, and leaving them in your garden.

You don't leave them in the garden. Oh. So, like, you wee in the bottle in your house, and then you pour it into a watering can when you're ready to sprinkle around the garden. And spray it about. Yeah, and spray it about. How degrading.

Yeah, but apparently it's because of foxes, they smell that and they think another bigger animal has marked their territory. Nice to know a bigger animal, though, do you know what I mean? I know what you mean, though, with foxes, man. You're walking down the road and you think you're going to walk up to this fox and it'll go. No.

And it'll be like a foot away from you. And you're thinking, it could bite my leg or something. They don't give a damn, mate. Imagine what you'd get if you got bitten by a fox. Something. That's horrible. Yeah, cooties. That is such a good choice because they are little bastards.

Have you ever had foxes, by the way? No. Do you know what, right? No, on the show. On the podcast. Oh, man, I've done a lot of podcasts. You've done a lot. I remember.

Yeah. I've done like 70 or 80 of these things. 80? Yeah, we've done a lot. Like, maybe like 70 something. Someone out there will know. But yeah, like we might have had foxes before, but these 70-something. Someone out there will know. But yeah, like, we might have had foxes before, but these reasons are good.

Hey, do you know how to piss Melvin off? Hit him in the pocket. But as soon as it's starting to cost you new money, man. It's an issue. Because, yeah, obviously, the thing with me is, if you're not hurting me, then I'm not going to be upset. But it felt like these foxes had a vendetta against me. And when I started weeing

in a garden, one fox left a baby rat outside my front door. It's like we had a battle. Like a feud. And also, to what benefit are they pulling the little lights out? It's just fun and games. It makes no sense. It's just like, hello Melv, welcome to the neighbourhood. This is what we're going to do. This is another 200 quid.

Yeah. Melvin, this has been brilliant oh really thank you so much oh thank you man really good choices thank you for being on the podcast normally at this

well no at this point I say what are you up to at the minute tell the listeners what you're doing so they can find you somewhere else

well we're on Radio 1 with my good friends Ricky and Charlie Monday to Thursday 9 to 11pm. We play great music, we have fun, we have laughs. You've just got good producers, man.

We've got great producers. That's the main thing, actually. We'd be nothing without our producers. I think this, right? One day, let's just rock in with no plan. Let's see what happens. Oh my God, that might be a long show. Make sure I've got my day off when you do that. Yeah, yeah. Let's just rock in with no plan. Let's see what happens. Oh my God, that might be a long show. Do you know what I mean?

Make sure I've got my day off when you do that. Yeah, yeah. And very importantly, if people want to find you, what's your socials? At Melvin O'Doom on everything. Oh, that's good. O-D-O-O-M. So I'm on Twitter. I'm on Instagram.

I'm on Facebook. I'm on Snapchat. That's MeloDoom. Oh. And yeah, slide in my DMs. Live your life, ladies. I'll see you at the club. Thank you very much, Melvin.