Desert Island Dicks - PAUL SINHA

Episode Date: November 15, 2021

In this episode, Dan is joined by the wonderful Paul Sinha, who argues brilliantly for the inclusion of some prime dicks on the island. If you enjoy this podcast, come and see us for Desert Island Dicks Live, on the first and second of December - Link in the description of this episode, and also on our socials @dickspod. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

At Sierra, discover top workout gear at incredible prices, which might lead to another discovery. Your headphones haven't been connected this whole time. Awkward. Discover top brands at unexpectedly low prices. Sierra, let's get moving. This is the sound of your ride home with dad after he caught you vaping. Awkward, isn't it? Most vapes contain seriously addictive levels of nicotine and disappointment. Know the real cost of vapes. Brought to you by the FDA. you just get answers and choices that are so eloquently and well argued that you know it's

hard to fault them really and he certainly fits that bill he does that perfectly so uh yeah i think you're in for a good listen before we crack on though just a reminder that we're doing two live shows in real life you can come and see the podcast being recorded on the 1st and 2nd of december at 21 soho in central london so it's going to be a lot of fun on the 1st and 2nd of December at 21 Soho in central London. So it's going to be a lot of fun. On the 1st of December, we've got Fern Brady, who's going to be amazing. On the 2nd of December, we've got the legendary Stephen K. Amos. And you know what? He's going to be excellent too.

You know why? Because he's a very funny man, and he's been being funny for a very long time. So basically, either one is going to be a really good night. So get tickets to either or even both. You can get tickets from the link in the description of this podcast. Or you can go to our socials on Instagram and Twitter at Dickspod. And the link is also there as well. Or you can just go direct to the 21 Soho website and buy them from there as well.

You know, it's the 1st and 2nd of December. As soon as it gets to December, you've got every excuse to go out as much as you want in the middle of the week as well. So, you know, round up your mates. It's a Christmas party excuse. It's from 7.30, so, you know, you can just get some food, go and see the live show, and then it's still only going to be like, I don't know, like 9 o'clock or something when it's finished, and you've just plenty of time to go out even more.

Or if you think, oh no, it's a weeknight, I better be well behaved, you can still be well behaved, you'll still get home early. So basically, there's every reason to go. There are still some tickets left, so snap them up while they're still there. As I say, go to the link in the description

of this podcast, or on our socials at dixpod at twitter and instagram or just search 21 soho and buy them from there okay on with the podcast it's desert island dicks with paul sinner Hi, I'm Dan Benedictus and welcome to Desert Island Dicks, the show that sees you marooned on a desert island after a plane crash with the worst people and worst things imaginable. Who they are and why they're a dick is up to our guest. And here to share their Desert Island Dicks with us today is comedian,

quizzer, doctor and broadcaster. It's thener Man, Paul Sinner. How are you doing? Not too bad actually, thank you very much, yes. Nice to be doing something slightly different. Good, thank you for joining us today. Are you in a sort of mood where you feel like it'll be easy for you to rant and get stuff off your chest? I mean you seem like quite a mild-mannered kind of guy. I am a mild-mannered kind of guy, am a mild-mannered kind of guy i'm also a social media kind of guy and your entire day is spent reading the views of idiots and things that make you angry and upset and in equal measure and so yeah i'm always kind of in a mood to get things off my chest well i hope that together you know we can find some

catharsis and this could be an improvement to your day. I mean, only time will tell. I don't want to be too bold, but let's see. How did you find it curating your list of dicks for today? Was it a struggle or did they come to mind really easily? I'm very much a fan of food and a fan of drink. Therefore, I found that the hardest to choose. As regards people you wouldn't want to be marooned on a desert island with,

I can't just list a whole load of right-wing political commentators i had to uh vary it vary it up a bit and i think that was tricky i'm also a big fan of music as well there's far more films that i hate than songs that i hate uh and therefore i found the music quite quite... It was hard to pick something that other people hadn't picked many, many times because I don't think there are songs that I hate that other people don't hate, whereas I think there are films that I hate that other people don't hate. Okay, right. Well, I'm curious to see your selection. So let's get stuck in. Who's going to be the first person joining you on the island?

The least famous of my three choices is a professional comedian called rudy liquid um it's unless you've been particularly observant over the years you won't necessarily know who he is but he's the only person i've ever worked with who's definitively stolen my material and he hasn't just definitively stolen my material um he stole one of my best known jokes i've been doing for quite a while and when confronted with it at a comedian's party he actually said oh is that your joke as if to entirely ghost the number of weekends we'd spent together at jonglers comedy clubs around the country where he'd compared me and i'd opened with that joke uh so it's not just the insult to the intelligence

of trying to deny that he didn't know it was my joke. It was the half-hearted apology and the promise that he would not tell my joke again. And I have it on good authority that he continued to tell my joke again in every gig that he ever did since. So the reason I wouldn't want to be stuck on a desert island with him

is that I wouldn't be able to trust that any of my stuff, any of my personal belongings, one of the few things that I might be clutching onto after an imaginary fictional plane crash on a desert island, I may have some stuff of my own that survived the crash. I wouldn't trust him to not take it. It's as simple as that.

Well, I mean, that's like rule number one in the comedian's code if there is such a thing you know it's like gotta have original jokes and not steal from others but and what's more he's a very good comedian he doesn't need to do it and that that's that's the uh that's the thing that really but it was more the oh is that your joke thing trying to pass it off as a genuine mistake when not only other spent spent many weekends with him doing genre skits around the country, but we'd dine and, you know, you'd spend time, you'd hang out, you'd have a lunch on a Saturday afternoon

where we'd discuss the world and the world of comedy. And for him to claim ignorance was the biggest insult of the lot. Also, to sort of say, oh, is that your joke? As if like, oh, I could have stolen that from you. But it's like such a tacit admission. You'd stolen it from somewhere, but I couldn't remember. You'd think he'd sort of say, oh, is that your joke? As if like, oh, I could have stolen that from you. But it's like such a tacit admission. You'd stolen it from somewhere, but I couldn't remember.

You'd think you'd sort of go, oh, really? Oh, I don't know. Oh, it must have just been an accident. Or maybe it just came in subconsciously or something. Rather than just going, oh, is that yours? It's like, I definitely did steal it. And, you know, without going into details of the actual jokes, that's not how I tell jokes.

It's very easy for two comedians to come up with the same joke. And you know that. You know that every so often you'll hear a comedian do a joke and you go, I thought I wrote that. And then you realise the joke's so straightforward that anybody could have written that and it's not worth getting too much in a huff over trying to claim possession of the joke.

However, there are some where the writing has taken some time to get it just right and to be very much your joke. And when the writing has been imitated word for word, that's when you know that the number's up. And so, I mean, obviously, I have to stress stress if i found myself marooned on a desert island um after a plane crash my assumption would be that i was going to die on that desert island i don't have the skill set or the talent set to do anything about my scenario as the tv show taskmaster proved quite convincingly um and therefore i'm assuming here that I'm going to die.

And so the last thing I want is somebody who would rob me of my dignity and possessions at the drop of a hat. I mean, especially if you're sitting around the campfire and he's just sort of telling anecdotes that you've just told a couple of days. I mean, because it's only us here, mate. Like, you must have heard it. It was two days ago. I might be wrong about his own particular skill set,

but I doubt whether we've got a campfire between us. The ability to make a campfire may be beyond us. I mean, I'll be honest with you, if he could make a campfire, I'd probably forgive him for the joke theft. It's such a weird thing when you're sort of confronted by someone kind of, if you've ever had a friend who sort of tells an anecdote that was your anecdote back at you, you weren't even there.

I told you that. And you have to kind of think, do I make a big deal about this now in front of our other friends or do I just kind of go, yeah, that is funny. One of the things I find happens quite frequently is you have your own anecdote about a death on stage because everybody's got self-deprecating anecdotes about deaths on stage. And somebody who self-deprecating anecdotes about deaths on

stage and somebody who was there denies that you died and it's like well i'm i was the one living it just because just because you might have been laughing at the scenario either through shard and freuder or actually getting the jokes that the audience didn't get didn't stop me this is this is definitely my lived experience and please don't take away from me the fact that i came off stage knowing that i died i've had people being i think it's people being kind but i know when i've died okay well he joins you on the island who's going to be your next choice who's joining the two of you well we live in an age of narcissistic self-regarding idiotic socio-political commentators and i always describe the people who are just way beyond the worst or way beyond the best as the bradman of

you know the gap between one and and the rest of them is so large and i think the bradman of idiotic right-wing social commentators is lawrence fox who, as far as I can tell, and I've been watching him for a while, doesn't have a single correct opinion about anything. And, in fact, his opinions are so bad that he's apologised so many times for things he said, saying, sorry, I got that wrong, and yet still expects his explosions of drivel to be respected and agreed upon.

And I suppose when I'm talking about Lawrence Fox or any of these commentators, what I'm really doing is subtweeting friends of mine who have liked or retweeted things that they've said. So I think that's what really breaks my heart. But I think the one thing that Lawrence Fox has that I think I'd find absolutely impossible to live with on a desert island is the belief that he's an alpha male,

that he's a player, that he's a lad, he's a bloke. And he's an actor. He's a thespian. His main claim to fame is being in an ITV, TV, cop drama. He's not who he thinks he is. I mean, it's one thing to have idiotic opinions that virtually are all incorrect. It's another thing to have delusions of importance

found in your own political party as though anyone's going to go, oh, we're definitely going to vote for the guy from lewis or endeavor whichever show whichever show he's in uh but it's thirdly to have delusions about who you are in the in the overall scheme of things i you you you introduced me as a comedian a quizzer a doctor i've been all those things. I don't think any of them gives me importance in the world that people should listen to my opinions or indeed form philosophies around my opinions or political movements around my opinions.

I'm just a bloke with some opinions. And that's all Lawrence Fox says. And he's managed to enlarge this into some sort of feeling that he's important and that somehow he's been cancelled the one tv show that he was in got cancelled because it had ran out of steam he had nothing to do with his political views he hasn't been cancelled he's on tv more now than he ever was before yeah and they're letting on the jeremy vine show last week they let him sing one of his god-awful songs so rather than being cancelled his music has been promoted way beyond any importance of him as a

creative musician or entertainer he the the worst his views are the more he gets in the media but i'm really picking him as one out of many um I would equally say that Giles Corran could have occupied this place on a desert island quite happily, in my thoughts. For me, there's no conceptual difference between them. They're both people that believe that they, on a minimal amount of talent, that they have been treated badly by the media and have never got a clean break. But at least Lawrence Fox has the benefit of being a good actor,

whereas Giles Corrin could never in a million years be described as a good journalist or a good writer. So perhaps I've got the wrong person. Perhaps Giles Corrin is actually worse. At least Lawrence Fox was good at the one thing that he was meant to be good at. I think what's really frustrating is that, you know, he sort of goes on, because it sort of blew up

after he went on Question Time that time, didn't it, with Lawrence Fox. And it's that someone probably went up to him afterwards and was like, do you know what? I agree with you. And we are sick to death of this phony liberal snowflake yada yada yada and then sort of helped him become like you know this amplified voice and of bile and it's just it's so depressing there's people out there going yes come on i'll help you up let's do this well just because i'm

on the left doesn't mean i'm not allowed to admit that there are people on the right who are intelligent and argue their points cogently and coherently he's absolutely not one of them he's a million miles away from being that person and therefore i don't understand what people who are right-wing see in him is like surely you'd want your opinion your your viewpoint expressed in a less idiotic way than he does it's it's weird isn't it it's almost like oh that person has the same opinion of me i don't care that they're an idiot saying it because i'd get embarrassed if someone who was representing my politics was clearly just a proper idiot yeah yeah yeah um but he as i said he's one of many and i've just picked him just on on the grounds that he genuinely does it from what he

thinks is an alpha male perspective and has seemingly no concept of who he is. Yeah. Or you could imagine him kind of killing himself quite quickly, you know, just sort of falling off a... Fighting a shark. Yeah, just doing something stupid or like going, oh, don't worry, I'm great at catching fish and then picking a poisonous one and that sort of thing, you know,

just very easily sort of thing. Just very easily taking himself out of the game. So you never know. It could be okay. Who's going to be joining? Who's going to be rounding off the trio of dicks with you? Well, this guy's not a dick at all. He's one of my heroes. It's double Olympic gold medal winning gymnast

Max Whitlock. He's not just a great sportsman and a double Olympic winner. Well, actually triple Olympic winner. He's not just a great sportsman and a double Olympic winner and his win, well actually triple Olympic win, he's won three golds to two Olympic Games. But he's also by some margin significantly the most beautiful man I've ever seen

in my life. And so the reason I wouldn't want to spend any time with him on a desert island is simply because I don't want to find out the answer to the question if it was just me and you on a desert island would you knowing full well that the answer would be no um i i think it would break my heart and and and to know that even on a desert island with just the two of us he wouldn't touch me with a barge pole and so it it it's it's max whitlock i mean it's but it's bad enough having bad people on the

island but having people that are so brilliant at everything that they do that you're just too scared of of saying anything but telling them anything and then fundamentally being rejected i don't think i could cope with the stress of Max Whitlock on a desert island. I've thought about this quite a lot, and actually what you really don't want to have on a desert island is people who are good, because it's like a thin maroon on a desert island. I mean, he'd be good in the sense that, you know, he'd be very strong and fit and, you know, it's...

And he would punch... He would be able to kill a shark, I suspect. Yeah, or at least climb things easily, or kind of, you know, we can push a tree over and you can balance along it or something. You know, he'd just be quite handy. He'd make you feel quite inadequate in comparison. Your self-esteem would take such a blow.

Yeah, definitely. When I had no fame whatsoever, I was very celeb hungry in the sense that if I was at a party and famous people were there, I would always go and chat to them and talk to them and say hello and give them praise now there's a certain level of celebrity where I'm terrified of going to talk to them

because if I find out they have literally no idea who I am or any interest in who I am it would actually break me and I was recently at an awards ceremony where Stephen Fry was sat at the next table and I was like don't go and talk to him, don't go and talk to him.

Do not go and talk to him. Don't say anything. Don't say hello. Don't acknowledge him. He might be a hero to you. But if he then goes, the chase, no, I don't think I've heard of it. That'll be your evening finished. And so there is an element of you not wanting to meet your heroes

and find out they have no interest in you whatsoever. Yeah. You know, a lot of people would just try and make it work. After a while, you're like, okay, politics and sort of prejudices aside, can we see if we can just make this work and just get along with each other? So it would be awful if you saw Max Whitlock getting on with the other two. Oh, good Lord.

That's a thought worse than death. The idea of Max Whitlock getting on with the other two. Oh, good lord, that's a thought worse than death. The idea of Max Whitlock saying to me, you should be funny like Rudy. You should try and be more funny. Rudy's got some great jokes. It's like, yeah, they're mine. I hadn't really thought about that aspect of it, but yeah, you're quite right. I just, I was

very keen on picking three people who I didn't want to be on for completely different reasons, rather than because they're dicks. Well well i think what's nice about this is like you know the interplay between the three of them and how that's separately gonna combine to make your life a bit of a nightmare on the island so uh yeah i think you've done a fine job there paul okay well we're gonna move along because mercifully amongst the wreckage of the plane there was some food and drink left over unfortunately for you it's your least favourite food and drink in the world. What are they and why are they so bad?

Right, so first of all, I don't actually hate any food and I don't hate any drink. I'm a big fan of both. However, I don't see the point of baked beans. I never have seen the point of baked beans. I never have seen the point of baked beans. They don't particularly taste of anything. And it just feels like food there for the sake of food rather than for the sake of any taste sensation.

It's the one thing that I regularly miss out of a build-your-own-breakfast. It's non-existent. In my long history of building my own breakfast and while while hung over in cafes around the country or indeed hotel breakfast it's there's never any baked beans on my plate i don't get it it gets in the way but it does it's not that it tastes bad it's just it doesn't taste of anything in particular the sort of sort of second-rate tomato sauce is doing all the work and baked beans is just something where you where you can say at the end well at least i'm full i don't hate them i just never ever ever have them under any circumstances well there are no

circumstances where which i would actually physically ask for baked beans yeah i've always found them shit like i remember being little and there was sort of almost like it's supposed to be like a treat food like oh kids beans on toast it's like no this is this is shit like what is this toast is magnificent toast is doing all the work in beans on toast the thing is you can get the same type of bean and put it in a different tomato sauce and you can have quite a nice meal, you know, if you cook it yourself. But the tins of baked beans, I find them disgusting. Disgusting is a bit strong. I find them pointless voices. I think the only reason I'd ever actually voluntarily eat baked beans is if I was on a crash diet and needed to get myself filled up with a minimum of calories. I think then I think they serve a purpose.

But in terms of flavour and what they add to the genuine pleasure that one gets from eating food, the answer is nothing. It's just there. I don't like the way they take over the rest of the plate as well. They sort of mix and everything tastes of the beans then. Yeah, sausage and bacon are doing a lot of hard work themselves without being smothered by mediocre tomato sauce with beans. I think it's particularly at breakfast that I feel this very strongly,

that it's the first thing to go. The number of times I've said, can I have the big breakfast, number 14, but no beans, please? And also I doubt whether I've got a can open on a desert island is it it'll be something of a miracle if of all the stuff that survived someone's someone's can opener had managed to survive yeah imagine that having to like use all that precious energy smashing open a can with a rock only to eat something that you're really indifferent to afterwards no good okay and what would your drink choice be again i really like drink but red wine over all drinks is the

drink that i've never truly understood virtually all drinks that bring pleasure to us are served hot or cold the one that people pay enormous amount of money to be served tepid to us is red wine. Now, red wine has a rival, white wine. White wine, for me, has everything. It has flavour, it has a refreshing temperature, and also the hangovers you get in the morning aren't crippling. The hangovers I get from red wine are crippling.

They start at the top of the top of my head and they work my way down they work my way down and i've always known the next morning whether i've drunk red wine i don't get any pleasure from red wine because the flavors this is just a personal thing my palate doesn't really match the pleasures that you get from red wine but i think what i hate about red wine more than anything else is when I've been at meals with other people and we're going to be sharing the bill and whoever wants to order an expensive bottle of wine always picks red over white

because, oh, it kind of goes with lamb. And I don't care if it goes with lamb. If you're going to spend 60 quid on a bottle of wine, make it white because at least it's refreshing, it's cold, and all of us like white wine. I think red wine, for me, is associated with the snobbery of people that think it's okay to spend a fortune on a bottle of something that's served tepid, just because it happens to suit the meat or fish that's being served.

I don't have enough knowledge of the wine industry to give a damn. If somebody is going to spend a fortune on a bottle of wine, I'm in, but I want it to be one that I actually like. I resent the concept of spending a lot of money for a drink that I don't particularly like yeah you're talking about you know the next day i find that if i have a few glasses of red wine like i can have a few glasses and not be drunk but still the next day i'm so tired in the morning absolutely yeah having small kids and drinking red wine is a real struggle drink is meant to be refreshing. I can't think of any drink at all

whose optimal temperature is not refreshing. I either drink something because it's hot, like a cup of tea, or hot chocolate. I love hot chocolate. Or I drink something because it peps you up because it's cold. But tepid? Seriously, what is the point?

And of course, you know, desert island scenario, I'm going to assume that it's a warm, sunny desert island wine just terrible in the summer it's not going to refresh you is it no and you're not going to have the facilities to turn it into sangria or anything so and you get a really sort of dry mouth from it which is awful 80 to 90 of the people that i know who love wine prefer red wine to white wine. So I know that it's partly me. I know that this is my issue. This is not the fault of red wine. This is the fault of me.

My palate doesn't agree with it, but more than anything else, I just don't see the point of actually choosing something tepid. Fair enough. Okay, well, I think it would be a terrible drink for a desert island, particularly coupled with baked beans. So I think they're solid choices for a crappy meal feeding the color red and orange being done injustices today you're a podcast listener and this is a podcast ad reach great listeners like yourself with podcast advertising from lips

and ads choose from hundreds of top podcasts offering host endorsements or run a reproduced ad like this one across thousands of shows to reach your target audience with lips and ads go to lipsandads.com now that's l-i-b-s-y-n ads.com okay now fortunately you won't be without entertainment on the island the planes entertainment system continues to work but just your luck it only has two working settings. One is your least favourite film of all time and the other is your least favourite song. What are they and why? There are times when I feel afraid to be British

and you should never feel ashamed of a nationality where you were born and brought up and you've imbibed the culture. When Sandy Tom reached number one in the charts, I thought to myself, what on earth is going on? one line of the song everything's gone the whole credibility of the act her entire career this song everything's gone i wish i was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair that's it you're done it it's you're basically saying

i literally know nothing about the context of the cultural references with which I'm about to try and claim my identity. It's not a good song, but it's not the worst melodic song to get to number one, but it's utter drivel from start to finish. And I didn't have to, you know, at the end of the day, it was Between This and Galway Girl by Ed Sheeran.

And what they both have is an utter, wanton misrepresentation of cultural references. They just don't care. It's just a weapon by which to get to number one in the charts. And luckily, she's a one-hit wonder. And so this is the only song that she'll only ever be known for. And I have a fondness for one-hit wonders. A lot of them I really like.

And the fact that a non-famous person could get to number one is often a testament to how good the song was in the first place. But Sandy Tom is the absolute antithesis of this. It's just lies and drivel. There's no stage that she ever thought to herself, oh, I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair. It's just never happened. It's just cultural appropriation of white-on-white cultural appropriation

in the same way that Sheeran's Galway Girl is. And it's just lies. No one should... The song should be boycotted as far as I'm concerned. And the dates don't work. Doesn't she say something like in 78 and 79,

Revolution was in the air? It was in Iran, but not many other places. And I don't think they were driven by the punk and hippie revolutions. We're talking about four minutes, so it's hard to overanalyse it. But when people say to me, if someone says, what are your three worst songs?

I would have That and Galway Girl and Westlife's cover of Seasons in the Sun, where they've taken a really sad and quite sweet song about impending death and turned it into a big, cheery sing-along. And what all three of them have done is removed context from everything. They've decided that pop music shouldn't be about the words. It should just be about the music.

I think it's funny, though you sort of hear stories about the record industry like how you know how manufactured things are how planned everything is and it's like oh no we won't release that now we'll release that then because then that won't drive sales away from this thing we've got and like a and r's and sort of thinking oh we need to it captures the mood or the zeitgeist like there's so much that goes into it and yet nobody thought to say punks don't wear flowers in their hair at no point in the signing off of that did someone go you know what i like your song sandy but for it to work i think for it to really cut through it needs to not be a complete load of bullshit most songs i understand why they got to number one this one is i don't know who's

going to the shop and buying it who's looking at the songs that are available on a particular week and going, oh, this is the one that really captures my own personal zeitgeist. I just, I don't get it. I don't understand anything about it. But I do actively hate it as well. I hate it with, and that's nothing as compared to the film that I'm about to come up with.

But I do actively hate the song. There are things in life that are so bad, they're good, and I won't come to that when it comes to films. And there are things that are so bad that they make you feel depressed at the state of the world that anyone could actually go, this is what represents my musical tastes at this particular point. Yeah. Your brain will never let you forget just the ridiculousness of the lyrics in it.

You know, you'll never kind of be able to hear it and not get angry at those things. So I think it's a very good choice. And what would your film choice be? Well, films are interesting in that some films I've watched are so bad that they form a form of entertainment. For instance, the film Boat Trip,

starring Cuba Gooding Jr. And Roger Moore about two guys who pretend to be gay on a cruise in order to attract women is so absolutely awful that you'd sit there giggling through the whole thing. I am aware of what you chose when you were a guest of the film Love Actually and if I hadn't spoken at length about Love Actually over a number of years it would have been my automatic choice

but the thing about Love Actually is there are people who hate Love Actually there are people who hate it with a passion and so there are people who understand the counter argument the film that I've seen that I hate with a passion that I can't get anyone to match my passion for, I don't know anyone else who hates it, is A Time to Kill.

In fact, I know lots of people who really like A Time to Kill. The baddies and the goodies are set up clearly, and yet I found it the most offensive nonsense I've seen on the screen it starts with the premise that capital punishment is okay because Samuel L Jackson has his daughter raped and he

as a result he murders the people who commit the crime so we started with an assumption that we have a film where liberal people go to the cinema and come out thinking that capital punishment is okay. But that's not why I find it offensive about the film. It's based on the wrong premise.

It's based on a book that was written in order to create a film. It's the first time I've ever seen this. But John Grisham's form with the Pelican Brief and the firm, many started writing novels purely in the knowledge that they were going to be turned into films. The net result being there are so many supporting characters of no narrative importance or worth, other than they can get charismatic actors and actresses

to boost the ratings of the film by fitting into these roles. But the thing that I find most offensive of all is that apart from Samuel L. Jackson, there are no black characters of any significance. This is a film about racism, about what to do about racism, about the long history of American racism, and all the problems are solved by cool, charismatic, white liberal actors and actresses. And as far as I'm concerned, that's not how you tell difficult stories.

You don't consign Samuel L. Jackson's friends and family to the background of the story. And it's a particular hatred I have in films where the stories of black and Asian people are being told by white characters fundamentally. And I didn't know until I'd seen the film again and again and again that one of my favourite films as a kid, Gandhi, does exactly the same.

Richard Attenborough packs the film with as many well-known faces from television, stage and screen, who are white, because he's telling Mahatma Gandhi's story through a white person's perspective. And Time to Kill does this the worst. The introduction of Sandra Bullock as a quirky law student who's helping on the case

is one of the most cynical things I've ever seen in a film. In what way would a quirky law student be fundamental to processing a case as big and socially significant as this? It just wouldn't happen. It was their opportunity to get a good, talented, popular, female actress on the screen. And everything is driven by the... You've got one of the great actors of his generation, Samuel L. Jackson,

without a shadow of a doubt, one of the greatest stars of the cinema screen, and you've just surrounded him with well-meaning... His role is flooded by the contributions of well-meaning white liberals, white saviours, who will get him out of jail. And I find it incredibly, incredibly cynical as a way of storytelling. And I think cinema is moving. I don't think the film will be made now.

I think with the number of black directors and black writers and black screen stars, I don't think this film would be made. But every time I watch it, I just get angry at why no one else can see what I'm saying. I just know so many people go, oh, it's a really touching film about... Touching?

What is touching about a film where a man murders two people because they brutally raped his daughter? Oh, yes, put that one on at Christmas. What is touching about this film? If you're going to do a film where your message is racism is bad, then you need to be true to that by giving larger roles to black actors and actresses in the film. Yeah, fair enough.

I mean, I think you've argued that beautifully and I can't disagree with any of that. I'm just thinking about how, you know, you're going to have that on the island and then you're going to have to try and explain your point of view to Lawrence Fox. Yeah, I was just thinking that, yeah. But I think Rudy would definitely be on board,

but I don't think Lawrence Fox would. But no, it's a reflection of that thing where in life, if you hold a strong opinion and nobody else gives a damn about your strong opinion, then they just go, I don't know what you're getting het up about. I decided I was going to use this as a platform to explain my point of view because my point of view on love actually is every i imagine is every bit as strong as yours but i feel that uh that's now been plowed

by a lot of people yeah i think i think the the campaign against the uh normalization of love actually is is well it is well in well in full swing whereas i would like to campaign against the normalization of this particular film. It's just this... I think John Grisham is a skilled writer and I think most John Grisham film adaptations are good. This one, for me, was... And incidentally, when I was researching the film for this,

France feel the same way as me. They hate it. The nation of France have had a massive conversation about the film, but they didn't take to it at all for all the reasons that are listed. And also, I had read the book before I saw the film, which is often a weird way to do things. And there's a big grandstanding speech

by Matthew McConaughey in the film, that ends the film, that John Grisham had given to a support character of no importance whatsoever in the book. And I felt that John Grisham's technique was much more effective. I don't like the films

where everything is driven through the same character in the same way that I don't, I'll never forgive Titanic for giving Kate Winslet the line, do you think there's enough lifeboats? As though the one doubt was going to be magically the strongest female character in the cast.

Because there's nearly 2,000 people on that boat. Statistically, it's unlikely to be her that was the one that brought up the lack of lifeboats on the ship. That sort of thing where everything unlikely to be her that was the one that brought up the lack of lifeboats on the ship. That sort of thing, where everything has to be driven through the main characters, I don't like either. But that's not enough to hate a film. What's enough to hate a film is that it's a racist film,

in that it plays down the importance of black characters in the film. Well, I think you made the point beautifully. And, you know, if this can be the starting ground for some kind of backlash against the film then i'm very pleased to be a part of it i mean love actually is worse but the lover as i said the love actually campaign has begun yeah so as you say having lawrence fox's voice in the background just complaining about the wokeness of it all is not the way to watch the film either yeah Yeah. Okay. We'll move on then. And finally,

the island is overrun by the biggest dick of all the animals. Which animal is it and why? This is easy. I feel a bit, I feel a bit funny going from something as weighty as our previous conversation, just an entweeter. All right, Paul,

let's talk about what animals don't you like? This is easy. Wasps. Please go away. Wasps. I hate you. I hate you with a passion um it's not just that all my life i've been laughed at by the entire world for how much

wasps scare me it's the fact that we're from in the same facility as a wasp if i was at the smithsonian institute in the washington and i was told there was a wasp in the building i would not be able to enjoy my visits to the smithsonian institute washington because i'd always be looking out for the wasp. The thing about the wasp is you never know when it's going to come your way. You never know what it's planning. And when it stings, it really hurts. If you have a crocodile on the island or a lion on the island

or a poisonous snake or whatever, at least you might have some chance of spotting it before it spots you. With a waspp there's just no chance at all and i just wouldn't be able to sleep on a desert island knowing that that wasp could still be somewhere um and i was stung by a wasp on a bus in leeds about five years ago and i was in genuine agony for about three and a half days it was in genuine agony for about three and a half days and all i wanted to say to her was this is why i'm scared of wasps why don't anybody understand why wouldn't it be normal to be scared of something that delivers a sting that leaves

you in agony for three and a half days yeah they sort of look evil as well like other things you know we know bees can sting you and stuff but they sort of they're not scary looking as you look at a wasp up close and it looks like it's designed in a comic book or something it's so sort of looks so purposefully these have got good pr in that there's various diseases out there and environmental changes that are bad for bees and so they've got good pr wasps are invincible wasps will survive anything and if there's a wasp on a desert island i know that it will just ignore me until I go to sleep when I go to sleep I'll just be able to hear

this buzz buzz buzz and Lawrence Fox will attempt to kill the wasp while laughing at my cowardice and making me feel like a lesser man and he'd build some sort of elaborate man trap that would cleverly catch the wasp and it wouldn't work.

Nothing could kill a wasp. Absolutely nothing other than old age and just a feeling of, well, I've had my fun, is going to kill a wasp. They're awful. And I really resent the fact that I've been a laughingstock amongst all my friends for a long time for having not what I'd call a phobia, but a perfectly understandable anxiety slash fear reaction to an animal that could genuinely harm me.

The sheer size of it means I'd rather have a larger creature on the desert island that I could watch out for, or indeed, who knows, eat, than a wasp. Perhaps that's the worst thing about the wasps, is there's no nutritional value whatsoever, should you ever conquer it. And over spiders, more people have spider phobias, yet nearly all spiders are utterly harmless.

A wasp can ruin three days of your life. Yeah, tiny bastards. It's a fine choice paul and to be honest all of your choices have been very strong and also very well argued which is you know obviously what i'd come to what i'd expect from you i'm very i'll say this now quite long standing in the case of the wasp it's it's been a it's been a feud that's gone on for several decades now. Yeah, fair enough. It's understandable. Paul, thank you so much for coming on. Now, if people want to see or hear more from you,

where's the best place to find you at the minute? What are you up to? Probably best on Twitter. There will be updates. Twitter is where the updates happen. I do have a website, www.paulsitter.com, that's not updated quite as frequently as Twitter. I do have a website, www.paulsteadhaw.com, that's not updated quite as frequently as Twitter. And you have a tour?

Coming towards what seems to be the end of a tour. I'm in Hexham at the end of November and Leeds in January, and then we'll see what happens. Good. Well, we'll keep up to date with you on Twitter then. And Paul, thank you very much again for coming on today. It's been a real pleasure.

Pleasure's all mine. Thank you. So there you go. That was Desert Island Dicks with Paul Sinner. I hope you enjoyed it. And this is me just telling you now that Desert Island Dicks is a Sync Clap production created by James Deacon, produced and presented by me, Dan Benedictus.

Our editor is Chris Attaway. Social media support comes from Jason Leitch and Chinsey Clinton. That's a pseudonym. That's not his real name. And a special mention to GrandMamster Flash, our statistician, and John Deacon, who's like our sommelier, our historian of classic Dicks episodes. And you can hear his choices every week on Compact Dicks.

Now, yeah, just a reminder, if you listened at the beginning and you thought you liked the idea of a live show, but you didn't bother to sort of pay that much attention, the live shows are at 21 Soho on the 1st and 2nd of December. Fern Brady is our guest on the 1st. Stephen K. Amos is our guest on the 2nd of December. So come along. I would love to see your faces in real life.

And, you know, we'll just have a drink and a nice time. And you'll get to hear the podcast before it's released because it will be live. And that's never happened before. I don't know what i'm doing but i think i'm going to enjoy it because i do enjoy doing this podcast and i enjoy the fact that you listen so put those two things together in real life it can't fail to be a good night okay we'll be back again uh midweek with compact dicks if you want to get submissions to me uh for that you can email us dickspod.com contact until then though i'm just

gonna go and i will be back at some point so thank you for listening bye