Desert Island Dicks - PETE DONALDSON

Episode Date: November 16, 2018

NEW DICKS! My guest for this week's podcast is podcaster and broadcaster, Pete Donaldson. Be sure to follow the podcast @dickspod Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Sierra, let's get moving. Hi, I'm James Deacon and welcome to Desert Island Dicks, the show that sees you marooned on a desert island after a plane crash with the worst people and worst things imaginable. Who they are and why they're a dick is up to you. And here to share their Desert island dicks with us today is podcaster and my friend Pete Donaldson. Check out my dicks, everyone. Every last one of them, they're like a big octopus jumping at your face where every arm is a dick.

You're like an octopus but with three dicks. Yes. Because you get three. That's why I'm so happy. Three choices. Okay. Pete. Yeah.

Let's dive in. Who's going to be your first person? Well, with the caveat, I am getting on in years a little bit. What do you mean? I'm getting on a bit. So I don't find people as objectionable as I used to. Okay. And I'm kind of pleased about that.

I'm kind of pleased that I'm getting to a point where I find it easier to think of people that I love rather than people that I hate. That is positive, yeah. And as you get older, I swear that's kind of a little bit of personal growth where you're just like, it is quite a lot of effort to get angry

and it's quite futile and juvenile to sort of feel such anger for people. So was there a point when you were younger... It's you, James. It's you. I felt like you were building towards this. Interesting. It would be the first time. Pete, so when you were younger,

did you find that you were more angry at people? Yeah, because I thought I was a bit punk rock and I thought that everything, oh, that's so mainstream and lame and I'm so out there. I've got tattoos. Look at me. Yeah, okay. But I think now you sort of sit back and you go,

oh, I do like things more than I used to. I'm not, weirdly, I'm more cynical about, I'm probably more cynical about younger people, but I am very much less cynical about everything else, I think. Okay, right, okay, I see what you mean. Do you think it's easier just to like people? Yeah. Just get on?

I sat down, I was like, what do I hate? And then I just got distracted thinking about Bob Mortimer or the animator Swatpaz or Eric Andre or Tim and Eric. Just lovely people that you like. Just people that genuinely, they just create people. They create things. Techmoan on YouTube. I really like Techmoan.

Are you familiar? No. He just goes through all 70s video tech and audio tech and basically goes, oh, this kind of storage of information never went anywhere. Like the Betamax and VHS kind of battle. There was a third party that never got anywhere. And I just quite like people who are into stuff.

I like watching people who are into things. So really, actually, it's my fault, isn't it, for creating this podcast of negativity? Well, people can get their teeth into it, but I also think it's a little juvenile of yourself. It is, I know. You are a younger man than me, Jim, so it's fine. It's absolutely fine.

But you will grow out of this podcast very quickly, and this will become Desert Island Dudes, where people that you think are absolute dudes. It'll just be Desert Island Dickhead, and it'll just be me on my own, half an hour every week of just me moaning um pete so to force your hand to pick your first least favorite person if we put it that way to be stuck on a desert island with who's it going to be um well again i started i started with music and i work backwards but

let's start with the purse i've only got two people written down, and then I've got a general. It doesn't need to be hate, it's just who, you know. You just look at them and go, why? Or you just think, why wouldn't you get... Why are you like that? I just know I wouldn't get on with you. Do you know what I mean?

It's Noel Edmonds. Noel Edmonds. Noel Edmonds. Okay. Again, I hate to go over the generation thing, but you probably remember him as just D'London deal man. No, Pete. A man who occasionally gets the odd fruit machine in a pub

as the D'London deal Noel Edmonds character. I remember Noel Edmonds and Mr Blobby. You remember Noel Edmonds? Was that Noel Edmonds house party? House party, yeah, that's it, yeah. Yeah, and before my time was him as a Radio 1 jock doing, like, prank calls and stuff like that. I don't know.

I didn't know anything about that. Yeah, he was a big swinging dick. I think he had drive time. Was he? Or maybe breakfast, I can't remember, but he was a big swinging dick at Radio 1 for a long time. Was he? I mean, he sort of came about at a time

where you didn't have to be... You didn't have to be attractive, personable, funny, or in any way nice to sort of get on. And he's in front of a camera. He's not good looking. He's not tall. He's not attractive. He doesn't have personality.

So I don't really understand how he's been able to kind of maintain a career for this long. But he's presumably like creative and driven yes and persuasive certainly but the things that i've seen him do yeah he did this big speech on nor's house party back in the day where he um he verbally basically um addressed and assaulted a tv reviewer talking about and it was just like and probably the inspiration for, Alan Partridge's Series 1 speech about a Telegraph reviewer calling him moribund. And he basically addresses that TV reviewer and says,

I looked up the word moribund, and it says this and this and this. Oh, interesting. Check it out on YouTube. Noel Edmonds is complaining about something. Oh, that's embarrassing, isn't it? About a TV reviewer that no one's ever heard of, really. Right. Or no one had ever heard of.

It was just really. Right. Or no one had ever heard of. It was just weird. Okay. And that was like, was that the first, people's first introductions to his potential weirdness? Because it's gotten weird, right? Well, he scribbles on his hands to,

look, you can have any kind of, no kink shaming here. You can scribble on your hands and think about, you know, wanting something and have that drive and think that, but it's when you start thinking that the universe like you deserve it you know i find that a little bit more difficult you know like i think a lot of the time the people i have problems with it are people who

like they they never knew their limits you know okay yeah right pushed it too far i think sometimes like it brings the worst out of people people like cliff richard yes people like genuinely thought he was elvis genuinely thought he was up there with elvis he genuinely thought um still does i think nick all of sort of nick norsey kind of like uh like ground force kind of characters and yeah i just i what are you saying you're a gardener mate it's a moment it's the moment when you start to think you're important is the time when you... Look, your potential is limitless. It genuinely is. Go for the fucking stars. You are a unique human being. You're wonderful, you're beautiful.

But no matter how you fly, how high you fly, just remember in the back of your head, there's that bug. You always have to have that bug in your head that you are stealing a living. You always have to have that thing in the back of your head that says, that bug. You always have to have that bug in your head that you are stealing a living. You always have to have that thing in the back of your head that says, no, Peter, you don't deserve this. And that's what keeps you grounded a little bit. That's what makes you happy. Yes, okay.

Because if you're always striving, if you're never satisfied and bearing in mind, you know, I know presenters, I know mainly presenters, and some of them have gone fucking mental. Yes. That they deserve it, and they get angry with support staff and producers, and I don't really understand.

Nobody on Absolute Radio, let's make that very clear, which is where I do all my radio, but there are certain people that you meet and you go, how have you become so strange? Yes. Why do you treat people so badly? That sense of entitlement and just like... But then also some of the best performers in the industry

and some of the best performers in the whole of the entertainment industry. I kind of like that. Noel Edmonds, you'd sort of put there and sort of go, well, look, he's achieved everything in the game and yet he still wants more. So that is the mark of an excellent TV presenter. But I fucking hate him, James. He's hard work.

I fucking hate him. That stupid dyed beard and that thatched hair. Oh, God. It is awful. He's just like a caricature of himself. And I really feel like when he was doing Deal or No Deal, for example, he felt like he was running some amazing,

incredible, life-changing thing. And I imagine if some people got a lot of money, then okay, fair enough, it would change their lives. But he was like the pastor or like the priest of that thing. Life healed you. Yes, exactly. It was like a weird, like an evangelical church of Deal or No Deal. It was very weird to watch.

He genuinely thinks that he's changing lives with 10 grand. I'm sure that does change a lot of lives, but that money would run out very quickly, I fear. Yeah, definitely. I mean, you wouldn't even be able to buy yourself a Vauxhall Corsa. It's a deposit on a house in very few parts of the country. Very few parts of the country. Yeah, or outright.

You could be better than most, but the time you think you start that you think you start thinking that you're brilliant is it's it's just the worst it's the worst um i've had him in the back of my mind since you said noel edmonds is that um brass eye cake sketch unbelievable and it'd be and no doubt he'd be furious about that no doubt every person but i think they picked celebrities who when they were sort of tricked, you go, ha, instead of, oh. Yes, yeah. There are very few people on that sort of list of people that they tricked

where you go, oh, that's a shame. Yeah. I fell for that. Never mind, you know. I know. He's meant to be going into the, not the Big Brother house. I'm a celebrity. Is he really?

He will. He's going to be the surprise person. He will fail. He's so unlikable. But I just feel like that he's just going to expose himself for everything that he is. It seems kind of risky and like, surely like his image rights from those fruit machines

on Dillon O'Dell must be worth a pretty penny. Oh my God, definitely. He's involved. He's got cash. He's got real cash. So why is he doing it? Push his agenda on space time continuum. His luxury item will be like a ballpoint pen.

Yes. So he can write on his hands, you know, positive thinking and all that. The danger is cameras on him 24 hours a day. Yeah. How is he going to dye his beard? I don't know. How is he going to dye his beard is the question. I can't think that I've ever noticed his dyed beard,

but I need to check this out. Well, you sort of look at him in the... Like, why is his beard hair so black? Okay, yeah. And his hair is so clearly white. Oh, it's unnecessary. Okay, Noel Edmonds. Anything else on Noel Edmonds before he goes on?

No, I'm done. I'm done. Let's move on. Pete, who's going to be your second choice? Again, quite hard. After I went both barrels on Noel Edmonds, it was quite hard to kind of think of anyone else because it's an expending of energy, isn't it? It is. It's tiring. Robbie Savage.

Robbie Savage. Robbie Savage. He says. Why Robbie Savage? Again, a man who doesn't know his limits, which is fine in the hands of anybody else, reach for the fucking stars. But it's always an underwhelming white bloke, isn't it?

It's always the underwhelming white man that realises, that thinks, yeah, I can fucking reach for the stars. Skies. Skies. And reach for sties. Chess a pig round a stie. And it's upsetting because he...

Again, having that kind of lack of self-awareness. I'm involved in a couple of projects where I know what I'm there for. I know I'm there to be the fucking idiot. I know I'm there to be the book of the joke. You come from sidekickery, so that's why I wanted to get into radio. I wanted to be a sidekick and I wanted to be a presenter. But there was no way of having a sidekick job. It's just not a thing.

It's not sustainable. You've got to pull yourself through to being an actual host. And so, like, when you sort of see people who have very little self-awareness, certainly, again, he's on radio, so I can kind of, I've done what he's done kind of. Yeah.

Obviously, he was a very good footballer. Yes. But now he's in my fucking school. Yeah, okay. and if he's not delivering I have a legitimate concern and a legitimate

reason for thinking he's a bit shit and also he personally me and a friend in a football thing that I do that you may or may not

be aware of guys me and a friend went on television, on a channel, BD Spot, and he tried to get us kicked off because we'd said some horrible things about him on a podcast or a show. Wow, but he knew about this?

He found out somehow that... I think he tweeted me once saying, Hey, Peter. Hey, Joe, I've got an impression of me. Yeah. I was like, uh-oh. That is solid. He's been told.

Because the thing about the internet is people are tell-tale tits and their tongue will split and their little doggies will have a bit and they tell-tale on people, don't they? Yeah. If you say something naughty about someone, they'll end up finding out about it.

Oh, Twitter's a poison place. Every single time. Yeah, big time. I remember sort of, um of Richard Herring did, not Richard Herring, the legitimate opposite, Stuart Lee did a set. And in one of the sets,

he did a gag about Lauren Verne, somebody I used to work with back in the day. I don't really speak to her anymore, but, you know, she's cool. And she, and he did a joke about her being, I think, part of the culture show and he did a gag basically saying she's the thinking man's crumpet.

No, wait. The normal thing we'd say would be the thinking man's crumpet. Right. Like someone on fucking Countdown or whatever. Yes. But he said the crumpet man's thinker, which I think is beautiful. Yeah. It's a beautiful gag, fine.

And I'm sure, left alone, she would have been fine with it. But the amount of people that would like be tweeting her I've just seen Stuart Lee and he said something about you a pathetic way

to live your life little telltale little grasses everywhere just enjoy the gag if you're going to laugh at it laugh at it if you don't want to laugh at it if you are personally

I remember I was quite young I produced Adam and Joe like two or three times over at the radio station XMN. Here he is. Here he is, hello. Name drop. And he...

I remember sort of... I was very green and I was reading out all of the texts so that they could write them down or whatever. I went, oh, there's one here saying he's rubbish. Oh. And Jor and Adam, who I didn't really sort of get on with back then, I think he was a very different man as well,

he sort of growled a little bit and Joe went, don't read out the bad texts, mate. I was like, oh, no. Have a bit of humility, come on. But then I've been in that situation where someone's done that to me and I'm a bit like, he's not a fucking point. I'll do the pointing out. I'm allowed to do that.

You're not allowed to do that. And I understand exactly where they were coming from. But I was in a position in my life where I was like, oh, I've just got to tell them all about all the techs. I think, oh, this is funny.

Aren't they dicks? Yes, yes. Needless, needless. Okay, no. I've been in exactly the same position in a similar role. Almost exactly the same role as what you're talking about,

and it's not nice when the presenter turns around and is like, oh, no, can I just see it? And they want to come round and read it and have a look at your screen. It's horrible for you. Yeah, but that's the thing that drives you. And I'm not... There are people who are in my position and people who do the exact same job as me

and people who are a lot longer in the tooth. And the longer you do it, the less you care about it. I truly believe that. Because it's like, for every nice comment, like, you read the nice comments and you go, oh, that's a nice comment, thanks for that. And that kind of connects. But then it will easily be outweighed by five awful comments.

It's so... I mean, the one bad comment is the one you go home with that night. Yeah, massively. But, like, you get older, you sort of go, oh, he fucking cares, yeah as long as like the boss isn't presenting you with a printout of them yes going why is steve said that you're shit you're on your last warning exactly yeah i mean they should do that because i am dreadful but so pete you've got no fear that robbie savage is going to hear about this? Probably. Okay. But I've said worse about him.

On other podcasts. But it was him. It was him. It was Harry Kuehl, who's an excellent footballer. Eni Aluko, who's wonderful and also an excellent footballer. I think she's at Juve now, isn't she? I don't know. That's cool, though.

And miserable Chris Sutton. Now, miserable Chris Sutton knows he's there to do a job. He knows he's there to be miserable. He knows his character. But Robbie Savage, if you hear him on, like, 606, and someone goes at him, someone has a pop at him, he drops everything and makes it all about him. And it's like, mate.

No, no, no. Like, you were a good footballer. You were an excellent, solid footballer. But, mate. Get in the debate, you know. Debate back and then just leave it. It's just... Like, righty, excellent footballer. People give him battles all the fucking time.

Call him a clown, call him this sort of thing. And he's come to the other side. And he just loves fucking life. And he works harder than anyone on fucking football television or radio. He grafts. I've sort of worked... Like, we both work with him at times. Oh, he pops up on everything. He grafts. I've sort of worked, like we both work with him at times. Oh, he pops up on everything.

He pops up on everything and he never stops and he can never not be righty. No. Now, you can never switch off when you're that man and I suppose Savage gets the same thing, but I bet he's way more fucking miserable with it.

I bet he's, if someone gives him barrels of the sweet, he's like, ah, fuck off. Yeah, definitely, yeah. But righty just laughs it off. Yeah, definitely, yeah. But Wright, he just laughs it off. He could not give less of a shit.

And that's why Wright is a prodigy in National Treasure status and Robbie Savage, I don't care for him. And that's why he's going on Mind Desert Island.

Okay, Pete. What about his punditry? What about if you switch on the football and he's just... Fine, look, look. He is a qualified, he has qualified qualified... Yeah.

He has qualified opinions about football. He's been a footballer. He knows what it is. He knows what it is to be a footballer. He knows, and I would take his opinion over someone who's never played the game like myself or my friends, but it's the manner. Yes, the manner. You can do it in a certain way, can't you?

Yes, that's it. Yeah. Okay. I dare ask, is there any more on Robbie Savage? But I imagine you've fulfilled... I've got nothing, really. Yeah, that's it. I've run out is there any more on Robbie Savage? I've got nothing really. I've run out of... Yeah. Okay.

No, that's perfect, Pete. Okay, so Robbie Savage is going to be your second choice. And, Pete, who's going to be your third choice? I'm not sure I have one. Is it going to be me? I was thinking that at the beginning, that it's going to be me. I couldn't think of anyone. And to be honest, Noel Edmonds and Robbie Savage, that's enough, isn't it, beginning that it's going to be me. I couldn't think of anyone. And to be honest,

Noel Edmonds and Robbie Savage, that's enough, isn't it really? That's enough for a day. But people on social media, can I just... Yeah, yeah. Go for it. I see this a lot.

People who tweet or Facebook message in reply to something that someone's created, someone's spent time crafting hours and days creating something, remixing something, breathing life into something that's never existed.

And they put it out there, they put their reputation on the line, they put their ego on the line and someone comes back with the words and I get this more than I don't. You got too much time

on your hands, mate. That makes me breathe fucking fire. You got too much time on your hands mate that makes me breathe fucking fire you've got too much time on your hands fuck you you haven't got enough you prick

are you thinking of AIDS you work in a fucking dead end job nine to five and you go home and you have a little cry fuck you you've got too much time

on your hands fuck off yeah what level are you on on FIFA you fucking idiot do you know what I mean what's your team like I have got too much time on my hands

but that's not why I made that thing people who genuinely spend their time because they're into something or they're excited by something and they create something yes and then some planet goes i've got a feeling i know what you're talking about here because i know that you're particularly good at fancy dress pete if anyone's not seen it go on his twitter he kills it at fancy dress yeah i mean that's that's the thing isn't it're particularly good at fancy dress. Pete, if anyone's not seen it, go on his Twitter. He kills it at fancy dress. Oh, yeah. I mean, that's the thing, isn't it? People who go to fancy dress parties and they don't make an effort. Yes.

Or they go, I'm too fucking big swinging D for this. I don't need this in my life. You don't need to see me in a stupid... Just put a fucking dress on. Yeah. Put a fucking... Put a costume on. Try something.

Stop being a prick. Yeah. Try something. Try something. Go to Tesco's and get one for £13. Flex your creative muscles a little bit. Oh, yeah, nice. As long as it's clever. I was on the front of the fucking Hartlepool Mill

dressed as the Dravaga woman. You were. And that was a wig, a blue shirt, and the word Amsterdam written on my top. That was all it needed. And that got me on the front page of the Hartlepool Mill. I mean, it's the first time. You went viral. It's the first time the Hartlepool Mail. I mean, it's the first time... You went viral.

You went viral. It's the first time the Hartlepool Mail has ever been interested in anything I've done. I mean, there's me, Canoe Man and Jeff Stelling. We're the main exports. I'm joking, of course. But that was the first time they've ever been interested in me being on national radio.

Suddenly that was front page news. Not particularly welcome, because it's just basically me dressed as a woman with lipstick on. With an Amsterdam search bar. Yeah. I think they even cropped that out. I just looked like somebody out of Iron Maiden. You did.

And not Yannick Gers, who is actually from Hartlepool. I just look terrible. There are so many crimes on Twitter that you see sort of every day. And it is Twitter mainly because they're so people who um tweet airlines trying to get free upgrades that's a big one yeah british airways

looking forward to getting on the at british airways flight 506 for my honeymoon blah blah blah looking forward to and you see that so much. If you ever search at British Airways or at Virgin Airways, you see so many people trying to catch free, trying to catch free flights.

I mean, you know, I love a chancer, but I mean, or people who sort of, when they get to the airport, they Instagram pictures of themselves drinking a glass of Carver

going, oh, don't mind if I do. Oh, today's office. A car your tuesday going that kind of thing um okay with no if you're doing it with no sense of irony no sense of irony yeah um people who um yeah don't mind like i really want to do one where like it starts with oh don't mind if i do and then i'm in eastern europe and i'm getting pushed up against the wall by police oh don't mind if i do and then i'm in eastern europe and i'm getting pushed up against the wall by police oh don't mind if i do and i'm getting hit and hit with a rubber horse my eyes are all bloodied and i'm getting the shit kicked out of me and i'm puking blood oh don't mind if i do hashtag don't mind if i do do you know i want a bit of that that's what i want do you know you've got too much time on you um are you getting though are you getting those comments like on when you

do a nice uh an amazing uh like halloween or a fancy dress outfit is people writing that kind of stuff when you're getting that you is it like a video or a podcast you usually get that you usually get that in person to be honest big show off yeah okay this is literally my i am a show off that's that's my entire job that's in. That's the reason why I get up in the morning, to be a fucking twat. Yeah. Oh, Pete, you're not a twat. But then I don't go on social media

and fucking post a picture of my loved one, the person who means the most to me in the world, and sort of dismiss them by going, oh, I'm a, like, you're in a restaurant or something with your wife or your girlfriend, and go, oh, out with this one. Oh, man. You could fucking die tomorrow.

And that's the last thing you fucking wrote about the person that means the most to you in the fucking world. I know, I know. That is painful. Or when there's a terrorist atrocity and they go on Twitter and they go, thoughts and prayers. Like you're the fucking president. No one gives a shit, mate.

I know, I know. Or like people who genuinely think tattoos and piercings are edgy oh yeah you need to look people look at me and they must think bad boy bad boy for life but i mean i got a softer side and uh and a sensitive side people sort of get followed around tesco because you know they're just young or whatever. Or they're just... Security guards just want to follow you around fucking Tesco. Yeah. It's because I've got tattoos, isn't it?

Because I'm a bad boy, they probably think I'm a shot lifter. Yeah. No, they're just bored, mate. They're just following you around because, you know... There's that one, yeah. Okay. Okay. Yeah, when people write on social media,

it's like, out with this one. Out with this one! Oh, God! That kills me. That does kill me. It absolutely does my nut in. Yeah. Say what you mean.

Yes. Express something. Having a lovely time with Pete. Express something in your heart that you feel. Don't say the things that you think people want to fucking hear. Yeah. I'm too cool to express my utter stomach-churning adoration for this other human being oh okay nice people on social media and it's mainly men yeah pete yo have you ever thought about coming off social

media or is it no no you know what no but then on the flip side it's people who sort of complain about social media i'm doing it i'm doing it but i complain about it to sort of say i'm coming off it and then they never do because you know for whatever reason like because they like it do you feel trapped because you have to do it for work um i think it's got its uses i'm mainly i'm mainly and i'm fairly willing to be proved wrong on this one on my twitter page i fairly i'm just a retweeter really yeah and it's you know if anything i'm just like a librarian i think librarian of like dog gifts yes if you're like i just mainly retweet to be honest if i've got i never have something particular there's a couple of people out that i know who go on and they and they give big fucking speeches about

how they think the world should work. And the problem is, it's unfettered and it's un-balderised and it's uncensored. So people who are a bit chippier than I do just go, fuck off. Yeah. Whoever you might be that I've got in my mind right now.

Could be you listening. It could be you. Could be you. It could be me. Me and Joe's got a lot of mutual friends, so there we go. I was going to say, a mutual friend of ours actually said on this podcast dave berry he said twitter is like screaming into a black hole and i think that is quite it is true it just is like if you're gonna do these big things does it really matter i've noticed that dave berry put in um

drunk dave berry he did i'd like to put him in as well as a design I'd like to put drunk Dave in as well because I've experienced him you know I'm joking he's a lovely drunk he is he does do a lot of

Bane impressions though that's something I've noticed I was born in the dark every time I'm born in the dark he's good at it though he is good well yeah is he

is he I think he knows he isn't one day he may listen to this. And Dave, please do tweet. Okay. All right. So we're going social people. Right.

Okay. All right. Anyone on social media. Everyone on social media. Brilliant. Thank you very much, Pete. You're a podcast listener. And this is a podcast ad.

Reach great listeners like yourself with podcast advertising from Lipson Ads. Choose from hundreds of top podcasts offering host endorsements or run a reproduced ad like this one across thousands of shows to reach your target audience with Lips and Ads. Go to Lipsandads.com now. That's L-I-B-S-Y-N-ads.com. Pete, now mercifully, among the wreckage of the plane, there was some food and drink left over. Unfortunately for you, it's your least favorite food and drink in the world what are they and why are they so bad you know what i just think the very concept of food is quite decadent i'm not that well traveled but you sort of if you're like i don't know i don't know like a

fucking syrian refugee or something and you're you're put in london or you're put in england or scotland or somewhere you can say UK television or any television in the West, you sit down and you watch telly. Right, yes. Everything's about fucking food.

Okay. And the decadence. Oh, I want to make this fucking brioche bun. It's nice. I don't watch these programmes so I don't really know what they're about.

But it's just basically the people gorging on food. Nom, nom, nom, nom. I should put some more cheese on this. Everyone likes cheese. Everyone likes food. Stop fucking talking about food. Mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, I should put some more cheese on this. Everyone likes cheese. Everyone likes food. Stop fucking talking about food.

Yes. It doesn't matter. It's for sustenance. And I know, I just think it's the last days of Rome, James. I think we're in big trouble. I think you're probably right. I mean, I have often sat there and like,

we don't watch it a lot, but if there's nothing else on, my girlfriend might put on, say, MasterChef, right? Or one of these cooking programmes and you think they're just cooking with all this really weird

expensive food that they're making and then these really gluttonous gammon people are chopping it up and tasting a bit and saying

oh you know you've undercooked that duck and it's just like there are starving people out there when was the last time sorry if you live in a fucking council house

in the middle of fucking nowhere, unless it's from fucking Iceland in a Peking duck little package or whatever, when was the last time you fucking cooked any duck? You know what I mean? Yeah, for sure. It's so unrepresentative of 99% of the people who live in this fucking country.

It does my fucking laughing. Yeah. Food television. Food television. The decadence of the West. Nom, nom, nom. Just people kind of masticating, rolling fucking food around there.

Big fat, as you said, gammon face. Nom, nom, nom. Oh, it's so... And then it's either feast or famine. It's either that or... Everyone's too fucking fat on the news. Everyone's too fat. We've got an obesity crisis

and then we've got shit like that on the television. Yes. People just spaffing duck fat into a pan and cooking it. But then there's the but then there's burgers we all talk about constant burgers i know everyone's got fucking burgers there's ramen what's new this year oh it's matcha oh now everything tastes like green leaves yeah yeah it's like the thing that is it's as well it's like you're fat you're fat everyone's eating too much you you should be more healthy. Joe Wicks, go and do a run, blah, blah, blah.

And then it's just like, oh, look, there's a new Five Guys open on this street. And it's just like, you can get a milkshake from this place that has 7,000 calories. No, because he can maintain the physique of that Joe Wicks chap. No. Without, like, you... Without being a fucking job. Do you know what I mean? It has to be your job.

Yeah, it has to be. It has to be. You cannot maintain that level of physique. Those abs. Just food in general. Pete, you're the first person to put all food. All food. We should eat dust and we should eat gruel.

Joyless gruel. Food, but for the reason of gluttony. A food that I sort of sort of recognised or rather experienced the first time in the last five years

congee it's just rice congee yeah boiled and boiled and boiled and boiled until it's like

wallpaper piss but the sensation a little bit of salt a little bit of pepper whatever but the sensation maybe a bit of chicken stock I've had it nice yeah yeah like chicken stuff but like these are very simple ingredients and the sensation of the heat of the actual water suspended in that starchy

goop is actually quite a refreshing sensation it has a mouthfeel all of its own, James. And, and, like, let's get back to the actual sensations of heat and light and, you know, instead of just putting butter in everything.

Fucking... Heat and light. Just everyone, all I'm fucking talking about is food. And then you take pictures of it and put it on Instagram. Blah, blah.

It's like bad stand-up this show, isn't it? And I'm the worst. I'm so sorry, everyone. I'm so sorry you've had so many people who are actually decent stand-ups. And you can tell they go into a bit. They've got a bit. They've got a bit they're working on. They've got the bit they've used in the stand-up and they go piling into it and you go, oh, here we go. They're professionals.

They do this all the time. I'm not a stand-up, so I've got nothing in the bank. So sorry, everyone. You've had to listen to this invective, this nonsense for the past ten minutes. People have come here for you when you're showing your true colours, Pete. No, I'm just flattered that it sounds like you may have even listened to an episode or two, which is very, very good. But I won't press you on which ones, just in case you haven't. Pete.

Well, I was supposed to do this a long time ago, so I think I listened to about five back then. Yeah. And then I listened to Last Weeks. Well, I'll save you the time. Eminem World. Eminem World. Not big fan of that fucking place, yeah.

Okay, yeah. That's good. You did listen. Holy shit. Completely agree with that. Pete listens, everyone. King of all... Man on all podcasts.

Literally all podcasts. Listen, I'm across everything. He's like only one tier down from Adam Buxton in the world of podcasts has listened. He's got too much time on his hands. He has got too much time on his hands. Yeah, he probably has. He only puts out one fucking podcast every couple months.

But you can tell that he's kind of comfortable with his, a little bit more comfortable with his legacy. Same with Richard Herring. Like two men who are probably worse off out of two duos, because obviously Richard Herring and Stuart Lee, Adam Buxton and Joe. Adam and Joe. What's Joe's second name?

Joe. Why can't I remember Joe's second name? William. Anyway, they probably came off worse when it comes to career-wise. But I think as they become older, they're clearly quite satisfied and quite happy and quite sated by their life, which, you know, as younger men, they probably weren't.

And I think that's lovely to see. And as I said, as you do get older, you do get less angry, even though I just proved what I said at the top of the show completely incorrect. So, Pete, let's do it again. What's going to be your drink choice? Regal Ale! Sorry, Regal Ale or Craft Ale.

I don't really know where one ends and the other one starts. Yes. But in the end of the day, you walk into a Craft Ale pub and there's colours and there's cans and there's chippy fucking messes on the side of them and men with neck beards have brought their girlfriends along and the girlfriends don't want to be there because it's just men farting and drinking really heavy, stouty beers

that taste like old fucking pennies and they just sit there and they write their fucking tasting notes in their little fucking book and then they go home. That's great. And just that's it, really. It's so true, though, isn't it?

Craft ale. There's one, right? Yellow belly. Yellow belly, what's that? Yellow belly. It's a craft ale. I had this running argument with this fucker on fucking Twitter. Yellow belly. It's a craft ale i had a running argument this fucker on fucking twitter um yellow

belly it is a craft ale uh i'm gonna give it a google it's craft ale it's craft ale that's got um it comes in a bottle and um i've whinged about this on twitter before um it's basically um a bottle that has a clan hood on it so it's all wrapped up, and it's got a clan hood with, like, two little eyes poking out. Okay. It's a Klu Klux Klan hood. What? And the back is, it's called Yellow Belly, and the back, basically, the commercial description is,

a person who is out, it says, Yellow Belly, a person who is without courage, fortitude on a nerve, a coward. To us, one of the most cowardly deeds is to act anonymously, hiding behind a group, a signifying trait of institutionalised racism. What? This beer is brewed to celebrate all things new,

open-minded and progressive. A peanut butter biscuit stout with no biscuits, butter or nuts. Taste, enjoy and don't be prejudiced. And... What? People are saying that's okay because a Swedish guy who was part of the creative team coming up with the beer is a black gentleman.

Now, I would feel the same way if a Jewish person came out with a Third Reich lager or a Third Reich craft ale. I find putting that on a fucking shelf, that image to members of ethnic minorities, insipid. I find, not even insipid i find not even grotesque it's obscene and we allow that on our fucking shells a klux klux klan hood on the show and i tweeted a picture of it i went fuck off and so many fucking neckbeard craft ale heads got got in touch, went, Pete, put your politics away, mate,

and enjoy it. It's a great beer. I was like, fuck off. And then I had a running argument with a guy who was like, no, you don't understand. The guy's black. It's protest.

It's, you know, making, rendering the whole image a nerd. It's not, mate. It's a fucking PR move to sell some fucking beer. Yeah, for sure. Sell some fucking units and to, you know,

make it look visibly different to everything else on the fucking shelf. It's grotesque. I almost can't believe it. I can't believe they're allowing it. It's just like, it just seems like, how did that get off the,

you know, how did someone, how did, obviously someone brought that idea up in a room and no one said, oh, that's a really fucking stupid idea, let's not do that. Scandinavian. Is it? Just blaming European racism. a room and no one said oh that's a really fucking stupid idea let's not do that scandinavian

the european racism um no yeah yeah it's a craft deal in general though i find quite objectionable so yes but you know it's fine i'll drink an ip it's fine but to get obsessed about it is just okay but again so that's me judging that's kink shaming someone else when people have kink shamed me and sort of said, you've got too much time on your own. Okay, okay. But you're mainly sort of talking about the card-carrying... Camera kind of. Well, not even camera, just like the new kind of...

The new age. The new age ones who were sort of like cutting bits off the beer and brewing the yeast off that. It's like Anthony Bourdain sort of summed it up in a way more kind of pithy and interesting way than I could, Bourdain sort of summed it up in a way more kind of pithy and interesting way that I could,

but he just sort of said, look, fucking pubs are there for people to drink, get drunk, and make bad choices. Like, and he found it

quite objectionable. So I was saying, I don't understand this kind of obsession with like, craft lager and artisanal nonsense. It's the same with fucking,

I ordered a coffee around the corner at a posh coffee shop earlier on and my God, it took ages. Did it? This little beard man was... And I'm little and I can't grow a beard so I'm really just jealous.

Fucking taking ages making this fucking... And they get annoyed if you put milk or sugar in it. Was it good? Yeah, it was excellent. It was delicious. Can't get enough of it. I'm going back. But I'll put my order in, walk around the block and then pick up my drink. Yeah, it was excellent. It was delicious. Can't get enough of it. I'm going back. But I'll put my order in,

walk around the block and then pick up my drink. That's it. Pick up your jar of cleaning. What's your drink of preference when you're going into a pub? I want the fizziest lager, Stella. Give me a fucking Stella.

It's five fucking, five percent. It's fizzy. After a long day and you only want a beer, Stella ticks the boxes for me. It's just like, it's fizzy, After a long day and you only want a beer, Stella ticks the boxes for me. It's just like, it's fizzy, it's aggressive. There is no, you're under no illusions

that there is beer in your mouth when you're drinking a Stella. Nice, cold, refreshing lager. Okay, the craft beer. Craft beer, sector craft beer. The craft beer movement. Yeah, movement. Yeah, and you do do some movements

after a night on the IPAs. You do. I'll tell you what. And you get a bad hangover you get even worse with Stella to be fair that's very clear yeah

okay crafty beers are going to be your drink thank you very much Pete fortunately for you you won't be without entertainment on the island the Plains Entertainment System continues to work

but just your luck it only has two working settings one is your least favourite film of all time and the other is your least favourite song what are they and the other is your least favourite song. What are they and why? Any comedy that I think is bad that everyone thinks is brilliant.

OK, go on. Par example. I'm trying to think now. You're talking like bad comedy. Sort of like, I find it very, like Anchorman 2 is a good example. OK. Those sort of ones that people get really wound up about, really excited about and very, like, Anchorman 2 is a good example. Okay. Like, those sort of ones that people get really wound up about, really excited about, and it's like,

I mean, there's one good gag in Anchorman 2, and it's where he's got, like, he puts the big van into auto-drive. It's auto-drive, what do they call it? Auto-pipe. What do you call it? I can't drive. Automatic.

Automatic. They can put it in automatic or whatever, or cruise control or whatever. Yeah. And it spills, and he's got, like like a deep fat fryer i think and a scorpion in a jar and it's just a really good fucking guy but like that kind of mania behind it i can't really get behind but like but then films that will get like ignored like all of like the lonely island stuff like the okay all that stuff that's the thing that i don't even know about that i

don't even know about that i know about the songs that they made. Yeah, well, like, it was, I'm trying to think of... I didn't even realise they brought out a film. Yeah, they brought Never Stopping, I think it was called. Okay. Which was like pop star. That rings a bell. Yeah.

Andy, whatever his name is in it, I'm terrible at this sort of thing. Never Stop, Never Stopping. Never Stop, Never Stopping. Okay. Andy Samberg. Andy Samberg. Andy Samberg. They got Akiva from the Lonely Island director, I believe. I think it was produced by Jude Apatow.

Ah, yeah. But they've made different films and stuff, and they've never really sort of pulled in a load of cash. But they've always been fucking excellent. And I just wish people liked those things instead of bad films. films that like that kind of crowd as well made like um the end of the world film and well that's the thing but they're bad comedies they're just right just poor kind of churned out nonsense i think a lot of uh i think a lot of uh what's his name's films are pretty dreadful to be quite frank judd apatow i think they're pretty they're pretty poor but you know

he made a couple that really kind of connected and then just went from there, really. Yeah. Hot Rod. Hot Rod's really good. Hot Rod's good, yes. Really good.

All those ones are kind of really, really good. They didn't really get the time that they needed, the respect. No, they should have. Bring back Hot Rod. More Hot Rod.

Okay, so stuff like that. So, basically, people should be watching that instead of the earlier Judd Apatow end of the world kind of films and I get really upset and I feel like it's a slight on me if everybody likes a comedy

that I really don't think connected do you think it's personal? I feel like I'm kind of really excluded it really makes me sad it really makes me sad when people really like films that I don't care for or films that I really like of really excluded it really makes me sad that's it it really makes me sad when people really like films that I don't care for or films that I really like

people really don't care New Blade Runner was fucking beautiful like it was I really liked it it was long and that's the thing that people talked about

oh it's long isn't it oh it's long you sit and watch a YouTube video for 20 minutes just clicking about yes it's true I realise that films

have gotten too long. Films have gotten too long. Gone with the wind, wasn't it? An hour and a half? All the classics are an hour and a half long. You can tell a story

in that time and they don't need to be that long. Superhero movies do not need to be longer than an hour and 20. They just don't need to. You save yourself

a bit of money, make yourself a mid-range blockbuster and have a bit of fun with it. Guardians of the Galaxy 1 Guardians of the Galaxy 2 both excellent films lot of fun

funny well done everyone there but when you get something like when you get something like Blade Runner people are like oh god it's too long isn't it it's beautiful though

it does look amazing it's beautiful I bought a 4K telly and a fucking Blu-ray HD player just so I could watch Blade Runner. I've not watched it. I watched it twice at the cinema.

So I'm going to wait a little while. But I'll never get out watching it because watching old films that I've seen before kind of winds me up a little bit because I thought, I'm never going to do that because I could be watching anything. It's so new. My mates obsessed,

I've got a few mates who are obsessed with The Prestige. The Prestige? Yeah. I think it's Christopher Nolan. Yeah, but is that Michael Caine? No, no, you're thinking... Who's the greatest showman? It's got David Bowie in it, playing Tesla.

Oh, yes. I know the one you mean. Yes, yes, yes. And it's a bit of a forgotten gem a little bit. Is it Christian Bale? Christian Bale. Yes, it, yeah. And the fella out of Wolverine

yes Hugh Jackman Hugh Jackman but yeah it's a beautiful beautiful film but yeah people kind of

have forgotten those and they celebrate bad films I will re-watch that re-watch it see I've turned something negative into something slightly positive

go watch The Last Blade Runner oh it's great it's beautiful Pete what's going gonna be your song choice uh with the caveat that i did interview this man uh a couple of weeks ago and i didn't have that great a time interviewing him i mean i did have a good time interviewing because i because

i like i like getting a bit back but he wasn't um he was on one in that i think he'd read a lot of reviews of his album on the morning and it wasn't the best time to interview him let's say I think I know who's coming here who's coming

is it Richard Ashcroft it is a Richard Ashcroft project yes yes okay the song I can't I saw him do his songs and genuinely

fucking hell of a voice I'd never realised how good that man's voice is amazing all respect to him fine but Lucky Man by The Verve fucking hell of a voice. I'd never realised how good that man's voice is. Amazing. All respect to him, fine. But Lucky Man by The Verve. But I'm a lucky man.

It's like if someone shot Champagne Supernova with a tranquiliser dart. Wow. It is dull. It's maudlin. It's got the worst of everything. It's maudlin.

It's listless. It doesn't go anywhere. It's five minutes long. It's got the worst of everything. It's maudlin. It's listless. It doesn't go anywhere. It's five minutes long. It just goes round and round and round. Yes. G, D, and then I think A, over and over again. G, D, A.

G, D, A. Or whatever chords it is. I'm fairly certain it's them from here. G, D, A, G, D, A. You get a bit of E minor. Yeah. And then back to G, D, A. Nice, okay.

Ding, ding, ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding. Here I am, used to be in a band. Ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding. Oh, fuckDA. You get a bit of E minor. Yeah. And then back to GDA. Nice, okay. Jing, jing, jing-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding. Here I am, used to be in a band. Jing-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding. Oh, fuck off. P. I never like that song. I've got many questions now. Question one.

Right. What happens if this comes on when you're on the radio? How do you deal with it? If I can cajole it until the end of the hour so that ads might eat it up. I don't generally play it as often as I do other music. Interesting. Let's say.

So, you know, if you are a fan of the 10pm Absolute Radio show, Monday through Thursday, Lucky Man by The Verbs is probably not going to get played as much as is scheduled. As much as you'd expect, I think. Okay, nice. Yeah, have you seen the video uh no go for it right it's richard ashcroft bootcut bootcut jeans playing a cheapy pawn shop guitar in an airbnb

on the thames it's basically that a really fancy house on the thames um the rest of the verve just sort of morph about about on Swedish furniture. One of them gets to play a tambourine at one point and that's it. Ashcroft is just wandering around playing the guitar going

in his bootcut. It's like it's classic 90s oversaturated underthought kind of look to it. Ashcroft almost looks healthy. Yes.

That's how oversaturated with colour it is. Okay. And they made a separate video for the US I believe in a I looked at the Wikipedia they made another video

for the US market which was him and the Verve playing in a New York loft apartment similar sort of video but for the US why?

I don't know that's weird yeah very strange but I think they had a bit of money back in the day maybe yeah he fancied a trip to America

well you know they had a bit of cash back in the day. Maybe, yeah, he fancied a trip to America. Well, you know, they had a bit of cash back in the day, but, yeah. So what about this interview, then? So his album had come out that day? Yeah. Well, the reviews had certainly come in because I was reading them because I wasn't originally slated to do the interview

and I think someone cancelled at the last minute, so I had, like, two hours, so I just put together a quick interview and stuff and he was very angry about something great talker really easy interview but he was like furious about um he sort of said that because other radio stations wouldn't play him um his oh yes kind of other radio stations would play him it was like in a it was like like an apartheid on older men or something like that

and I was thinking I gave the smallest bit back and they shut me down and I was like you know what if you're not going to have a conversation about it if you were just on set

and I said to be fair he's very erudite very interesting I like him he was lovely genuinely sweet to me and fucking

so lovely to the audience so lovely to his fans oh he got all the pictures of everyone he spent hours doing that it was fucking lovely and

I think you kind of get that from you kind of get that more with our acts from like the North West they're definitely

a lot less sort of standoffish they love their fans they genuinely have a real connection with them because you know they're just sort of different breed up there and I always respect the artists from the you know, they're just a different breed up there.

And I always respect the artists in the Northwest because they're always like that, pretty much. Apart from Morrissey. But yeah, you have to come to Morrissey if you want to get near him. Don't hit him in the face. You have to launch yourself towards the stage and risk life and death.

But yeah, again, launch yourself towards the stage and risk life and death but yeah again no nothing to do with Richard Ashcroft at all but I just thought it was important specifically that song

just that song I can't get with it at all can't get with it okay interesting did you see him on BBC Breakfast he was on

he was having a lovely time on every last he was having a lovely time he was having a lie down on the on the sofa he was running around the gaff He was having a lie down on the sofa. He was running around the gaff. He was on Soccer AM.

I mean, he mentioned that in my interview, and I was like, I don't want to get into it, mate. No, I didn't. There's literally no point in arguing. What? Did he mention Soccer AM? Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah.

What? He knows. He just embraced it. That's what people are talking about. Wow, okay. Give it a Google. I'm not going to go through it now, but give it a Google.

Do it in your own time. Do it in your own time. You've got too many salmoneons. You've got too many. You've got too much. That's coughed. Give it a Google. I'm not going to go through now, but give it a Google. Do it in your own time. Do it in your own time. You've got too many Samoyedans. You've got too many. Ashcroft. Pack it. Interesting. Ashcroft.

Ashcroft. Good that he's still got a good following of fans and people would like to go round and see him and that he's still doing it, isn't he? I'd happily go for a drink with him. I like him a lot. Yes, but that song just rattles round and round. It just doesn't go anywhere.

It doesn't go anywhere, mate. Tranquilised, Champagne Supernova. Is that right? Okay. The Verve, Lucky Man, goes on as your song choice. Actually, Tranquilised would indicate there was an impact at some point. It's too blessed out for that.

He's dropped a valium. That song, that lucky man song is taking champagne, supernova, giving it a couple of Valium and a beer and it's just dozed off to the other world and it's not coming back any time soon. And it doesn't aspire to do much more and or wake up.

It's sunken into its seat and it's just chilling the fuck out. And I have no time for that. Give me the hives any day. Give me the hives. Give me the fucking strokes, mate. Oh, that'd be good, yeah. I'm a child of the noughties.

One last question, actually, Pete. Right. It's just sprung to mind. Why do you fucking get off? Don't say you can't. This may be slightly too behind the curtain. Right. So if the interview goes like that,

how do you deal with that, putting it out, et cetera? What do you do? Well, they never go that wrong. No. They rarely go that wrong. I mean, a long time ago. Do you do well they never go that wrong and if no they they rarely go that wrong i mean but do you do the honest version do you have like that edited or does that get edited like i think generally generally interviews just go out you know what i mean and it's kind of like it's up

it's up to you to kind of manage it as best you can but i i have stinky interviews all the time you know if i got pressures about them like i wouldn't have any interviews on the time. You know, if I got pressures about them, like, I wouldn't have any interviews on the internet. You know what I mean? It's like... They'll never put you on the red carpet again. Exactly. And also, like, you'll never... I never understand why people sort of get...

Well, I've sort of seen sort of presenters sort of get a bit sad when people, like, comment on, like, their YouTube. Like, say your interview gets put on YouTube and the fan of that person has seen, oh, you're interviewing so-and-so, I really like so-and-so, I'll go and have a look.

And they're not happy with whatever question you've asked. You're never going to win. They're never going to say, nice interview, well done guys, because it's not about you. Yes. And I've seen, again,

I've seen like people that I know who think, I talk about myself quite a lot in interviews because I'm fascinating, James. And I can only come at things in a certain way. But they don't need to elicit a gag.

They don't need to do a little gag. It's not about I genuinely think I'm important, but genuinely people sort of go, why are people being horrible to me? And it's like, they're there to see that person. You're never going to win, you know what I mean? You're never going to win that particular battle between the person who's earned their right

to be better than you because they've created some amazing music on it. Yes. Or certainly amazing music to some. So, yeah, it must be nice to be a rock star. You can be a dick, you can be lovely in either way. You're either really interesting or really lovely. You can never be both at the same time, I think.

Okay. All right. Thank you very much, Pete. Lucky Man by The Verve is going to be your song choice. And finally, the island is overrun by the biggest dick of all the animals.

Which animal is it and why? Not a big fan of cats. Not a big fan of cats. Cats. Cats, Pete, honestly. I don't understand why you would domesticate them over, say, the gibbon.

Right, I'm going to go... Why wouldn't you? What would you rather in your house? A cat or a gibbon? I think a gibbon, but just because it's a gibbon, that it's going to be more interesting than a cat because we just know cats so well.

And they could give you love. And imagine hugging a gibbon every night. I don't know. They would just be so affectionate. I don't know what a gibbon... Why didn't we domesticate, when we could, gibbons? Why can't I have a gibbon? I'm allowed a cat.

I'm highly allergic to them. Are you? But I'm probably not allergic to gibbons. I'm certainly not allergic to horses, not that much. So you're really allergic to cats? Allergic to cats as well. So no cats growing up? No cats growing up, no dogs, no nothing.

Are you allergic to dogs as well? Yeah, but I love them. You do? But then I'm a recent convert to dogs as well. I was never a fan back in the day so it's a okay the animal kingdom is such a mystery to me

James we had gerbils growing up I'm not allergic to gerbils really I've got my house filled with gerbils I could be a gerbil boy or I'd quite like

if the rumours are true I'd quite like a big one of those big long creatures ferret snakes I'd like a a ferret is just those big long creatures, little ferrets. Snakes. A ferret is just a furry snake with legs, isn't it? Okay, yeah. When you think about it.

Pete, I need to go through the podcast and count them up, but cats and dogs come up a lot. Yeah, okay, well, all right. People tend to be one or the other. I think it's more just things that people are really interested in. Because gibbons are an ape, but they are the lesser ape, they're known as,

and they don't get as much love as gorillas or chimps or orangutans. Right. Orangutans. Yeah. Orangutans? Am I going mad?

Yeah, orangutans. Orangutan, yeah. Orangutan. And yeah, I think gibbons deserve way more respect because they are fucking brilliant yes big long arms longer than their body a nice lovely gibbon lovely squawking hooting gibbon in your house swinging around and then at night

you can have a big horlicks and they can have a little mini moccaccino or whatever. Whatever you give little kids in a coffee shop. A little moccaccino. I don't think if you domesticated a gibbon you could give it a little moccaccino. I'll tell you what it's called, a babyccino. Babyccino, that's what it is. My daughter loves a babyccino. Yeah, a little hot chocolate or something.

I'll tell you why she loves a babyccino, though, just because they fill it with marshmallows. Oh, is that why? Because she's off red for the rest of the day. Yes's your band now three oh the terrible threes that's what they call them that's what they call them terrible threes classic dad okay pete any other reasons why cats are going to be your least i want to put your daughter three years old she's the worst animal of all she's going in can i put her in? Your daughter, your baby daughter. My daughter.

Hey, if you told her she was a, hang on, my daughter, I'm writing that down so I remember what you said. She had to hang out

with a verve on an island for the rest of her time. If you told her she was a little baby girl, she would say, no, Pete. Oh.

I'm a big girl. Yes. Aren't we all? Aren't we all? Aren't we all? If you want to take that back, chat to the island. Well, Noel Edmonds is going to have to deal with it.

Not me. Robbie Savage. I don't want her to go there. The first time I'm doing this, that is disallowed. It's not happening. Outrageous. I've broken my pen.

Oh, no. Stabbing that in the... Oh, well, cats in. Put cats in. Fine. Pete, anything else on cats? Penguins are quite boring. People get, like...

Anything that people, like, go on about... What's wrong with a capybara? Armadillos are fun. Armadillo! They've got really heavy shells. Pete, you're so bloody left field. One of those big stupid...

An axolotl. Is it tapir? Name more stupid animals. Tapir. Tapir? Tapir. Tapir.

I never really... Tapir's one of those sort of words... Even though I sort of did a year in a zoo. We had a tapir. We had a couple of tapirs. What do you mean you

did a year in a zoo? Did a year in a zoo. After university, or between university, years, I did a year in a zoo. And that's where my love of gibbons began. What do you mean you did a year in a zoo? Did a year in a zoo. Did it after university or between university? Years. I did a year in a zoo and that's where my love of Gibbons began. What was that like?

I was there to make a CD-ROM but I didn't make it. What do you mean? I've apologised so many times on different podcasts to Twycross Zoo and their education centre. Imagine making one now.

Here's your CD-ROM. It's like, nobody has a CD drive anymore, Pete. Pete, I'm sorry, mate, but there's a podcast in you going back and making that CD-ROM. Making amends. And presenting it to them. In Macromedia Director.

Getting a really old 486 and making it in Macromedia Director. This is unusable. I'd love to see, I'd love a podcast of you learning JavaScript. Yeah, just so I can do it. Is that what you use? I don't know. Okay, cats are going to be animal choice. Pete, thank you so much for coming on the podcast.

No, thank you, James. And apologies to anyone who may be involved in any of the projects that I've mentioned, be it Craftdale, be it... No, I'm just going to go off on myself. For everyone else, apologies to the Verve. Love not hit. Pete, the reason people have listened to this

is probably not because they're fans of this podcast, because they already know you and what you do. All right, fair do, isn't it? But just quickly, just tell people what you're doing. Podcasts, all the podcasts. All podcasts. Absolute radio in the evening. Yeah.

All kinds of stuff. Football Ramble, Broad and Japan. What's the wrestling one? Wrestle podcasts. All podcasts. Absolute radio in the evening. Yeah. All kinds of stuff. Football Ramble. Bronze Japan. What's the wrestling one? Wrestle Me. Wrestle Me. We do that in the studio. That's less than on the Ramble, isn't it?

Less than on the Ramble a little bit, but even if you don't like wrestling, I mean, I don't like wrestling, but I'm experiencing it for the first time. Nice. Oh, there's a piece on Watchdog about real fur. Raccoon dogs. Apparently raccoon dogs,

they're skinning them and putting them on our high street and pretending that the hair is not real. What about a Luca Pichot? Luca Pichot,

it's a bit like this, where you just complain about stuff. Yeah, okay. Yeah. Put that in, put that on the island so no one can do it anymore.

Find that in your usual podcasting places. Pete, again, thank you so much for coming on. Cheers, buddy.