Desert Island Dicks - SAM PAMPHILON

Episode Date: September 20, 2018

My guest for this week's podcast is actor and podcaster, Sam Pamphilon. Be sure to follow the podcast @dickspod Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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prices, which might lead to another discovery. Your headphones haven't been connected this whole time. Awkward. Discover top brands at unexpectedly low prices. Sierra, let's get moving. Hi, I'm James Deacon and welcome to Desert Island Dicks, the show that sees you marooned on a desert island after a plane crash with the worst people and worst things imaginable. Who they are and why they're a dick is up to you. And here to share their desert island dicks with us today is host of the Desert Island Crisps podcast, Sam Pamphilon. Hello. Hi, how are you?

I'm fine, thanks. How are you? I'm good. Good, okay. I'm looking forward to publicly condemning needlessly some people. I feel really bad because that's, you know, that's the person that I've become, the facilitator of that. Yeah. But, you know.

The ringleader of the tormentors. I know, yeah. It does seem quite bad at points, but it depends where, I mean, I like to think it's the guest takes it to that. Yeah, that's what you're doing. You're definitely sort of passing off any responsibility onto the people that you're inviting in to cause it off any responsibility onto the people you're inviting in to cause it

like the guy in your school and there's a kid that comes from a broken home and he's very badly behaved and you're like yeah go on

do that it'll be funny yeah go do that it'll be funny and he throws a sweet at the teacher and gets in detention and you laugh

and then he realises that laughter ends and he's got detention meanwhile you're in no trouble whatsoever yeah Scott Freed I'm that guy yeah

okay congratulations Sam let's dive in who's going to be Meanwhile, you're in no trouble whatsoever. Yes, got free. I'm that guy. Okay. Congratulations. Sam, let's dive in. Who's going to be your first person? I've thought long and hard about this. And the people that I've chosen, I kind of want to explain why I chose them. But the first one is a guy called Martin Roberts. Yes.

And he is one of the co-presenters of Homes Under the Hammer. And I always found him intensely annoying. But he's a certain type of person. This is how I'll say that. He's the type of person that initially are loathe. Right. And think, oh, my God, you're so annoying. But then after a while, you see the pain in his eyes.

And then you start to feel sorry for him now there's this um there was a kid at school and you know because you can sort of tell martin roberts is someone that has been bullied do you know what i mean but and i i hate bullying i was bullied it's awful but do you remember when that kid was getting bullied and you're like just don't say anything don't make it worse there's a kid in my school called tom and he was getting bullied and they're literally bullying him for having no friends which is it's kind of a mean thing to don't say anything, don't make it worse. There was a kid in my school called Tom and he was getting bullied. And they're literally bullying him for having no friends, which is kind of a mean thing to bully someone about because you're kind of just reinforcing the point.

It's not, you know. And I said this on my podcast. He said, I don't need friends. Books are my friends. I'm like, mate, you've just given them material for the next six months. You know, some people don't help themselves. Oh, no.

So Martin Roberts, the things that annoy me about him, it's just the way, you know, he presents. And it's just his hair and the fact that he buttons it. He always wears a long coat, quite a nice coat. And he doesn't do the top button. He does the second button down. You know when someone wears a suit jacket, you button the bottom button?

Because sometimes when you've had a drink and your tummy's a bit bulgy that's an easier button to do up but it makes the coat kind of fan out in a way and it's just no one's told him or they've told him and he's not he's just done the wrong button up james and i can't forgive it i can't let it go it's so harsh but so true it's just no it's just so long on his hair yeah and and then he went and did um i'm a celebrity and he was exactly the person i thought he was he is someone that is in essence he's got a good heart and he probably really cares about stuff but his entire life is probably governed by this idea of trying to make people like him without ever realising the one reason people don't. And it's that his, I can't even put my finger on what it is.

He just says the wrong stuff. He's annoying. He interrupts at the wrong time. He destroys the flow of conversations. He'll say a crap joke. And then he'll be wounded by people. But he'll allow, oh, I thought that would have gone better. Oh, so you don't like my idea then.

You know, he's just one of those people that is. And what happens is with people like that, if you're kind of very aware and you see the pain in his eyes, you want to help them. And then that's almost the worst thing you can do because then Martin Roberts will latch on to you like, oh, you're my friend. You're my friend.

Oh, yes. And then he will give you so much. He'll just be on you so much and he'll be so annoying. After a while, you'll just go, piss off, Martin. Just piss off. And you'll end up siding with the bullies.

You won't want to, but... But you just have to through that. He's just so punchable. He's just so punchable. He's just so punchable. He is. Oh, my God. I mean, yes, I know all those things. The look, that sort of 80s kind of look

with the long coat, with the hair. And I just kind of think, every time I've seen that programme many times, every time I see it, I just think, like, what else do you do? Like, if you're doing this... And all the episodes are from about seven years, what else do you do? Like, if you're doing this, and all the episodes are from about seven years ago.

Well, I looked him up because I was doing this and I sat in the car with my wife going, who do I hate? And I think I was listening to other episodes

that you've done and people sort of saying, I can't really put people I genuinely hate who I've come in contact with because I might come in contact with them again and it would be,

you know, probably harmful to me to do so. So I can't say that I hate him, but he's actually he's like a he's a property developer he's an investor he has a net worth of 1.2 million pounds he's done fine wow he's done fine yeah so not that money and he's probably got a lovely wife and lovely kids and he's probably very happy and that's great. But at the same time, it's just like, oh, I'm a celebrity. He was just doing little things.

He just was lazy and wouldn't do stuff. And then people, otherwise nice people, will get driven to this point just going, God's sakes, Martin, you're useless! Wow! Like that. And then he would go off and have a cry, but just in sort of, you know, with people, Martin, you're useless! Wow. Like that. And then he would, like, go off and have a cry, but just in sort of, you know, with people,

Martin, you OK? And, no, it's OK. He says, you know, Danny really jumped on me and I don't know I've done anything wrong. So he's someone that will go through his entire life thinking he hasn't done anything wrong and in a way he hasn't. He is that specific type of person, isn't he?

And you can't put your finger on exactly what it is but it's like yeah he he doesn't mean to be annoying but then he's annoying and he doesn't mean to be lazy but he is really lazy yeah yeah okay like if he messaged you on facebook messenger you'd have to end that chat quick yeah because otherwise he'd be like you're next day back hey how are you you know like i'm, I can't do this with you. You could get the sense of it from the first line, but don't open it because then he'll know you've read it. Yeah.

Right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't give him that little blue tick. No. Because then you've got to reply. That's it, you're in. Yeah. Did you see my message?

Did you see my message, Sam? You're not getting my messages. Yeah, and you'd make up some crap lie like, I guess maybe I'm not getting the messages like there's some sort of algorithmic flaw with facebook all of a sudden i'm just not getting martin roberts messages all of a sudden yeah he's also the kind of person in my head because obviously like when you don't like someone you build up in the same way if you really fancy someone you can build up fantasies about them but with him like because you were you someone so annoying you just build up fantasies about them. But with him, because he's someone so annoying, you just build up little personality traits

that you don't know that they have, but you just suspect that they do. Yes. And I think he's someone at a party that would deliberately try and get into a conversation. Like, if you ever met these people, they kind of go, they would be next to you, and they would go,

phew, it's unbelievable, isn't it? And you go, what? And then they just start talking. Yeah, yeah. Because they can't just go, hi, it's me, Mike Robert from Homes Under the Hammer. And you'd be like, I can't then they just start talking. Yeah, yeah. Because they can't just go, hi, it's me, Martin Robert from Homes Under the Hammer. And you'd be like,

I can't talk to you, Martin. Yeah. You're the world's most annoying man. You need to do that button up. Do you remember what happened last time? Yeah, yeah. Don't, let's not do that again. God, God, it's funny, isn't it?

What's funny? No, I was just saying to a friend of mine, like, oh, I'm in, I'm in, I'm in, I'm in. Oh, no. I'll get you on Facebook, yeah, I'll send you a message at 10 o'clock. We'll have a good chat about it. The house prices in this area.

That's what would happen is you'd end up talking to him, and she'd be like, so, got any advice about buying houses and stuff like that? Yes. See, have you watched any of them recently? Well, yeah, but like you're saying, they're all from like, you don't know how old they are until like a Sierra Cosworth drives past in the background. Hang on, I think this was made when I was four.

Yeah, it'll give like the estimation on a house and it'll be like estimated 2011 and it's like, oh my God. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like, okay. He's paying £50,000 for this mansion and you're thinking, no he's not, what? Oh my God, this is old.

It's quite a weird dynamic on that programme now as well with Dion Dublin's on there. He's sort of the outlier on it, isn't he's not. What? Oh, God, this is old. There's quite a weird dynamic on that programme now as well, with Dion Dublin's on there. He's sort of the outlier on it, isn't he? Yeah. Martin's very annoying, and the lady whose name escapes me... Lucy Alexander. Well done. She's very smiley and annoying.

Then comes the Dion Dublin, who's not a presenter, but he seems to come off best, because I think the worst trait in a presenter is when you try to present. Yes. So, coming back from the news, I was presenter is when you try to present. Yes. So, coming back from the news, I was just saying, yeah, nice one.

It's going crazy in the studio. That kind of thing. You think, oh, God, shut up, I hate you. Yeah, that's perfect. It's exactly what it's like. And I feel like Martin Roberts and Lucy Alexander, they've got this thing where they've been playing with each other for so long, and they've almost moulded their presenting style from each other.

So it's this massive, playful, we're in this weird property. And then in the background, it's like, if it's like a greenhouse, they're playing green sleeves. Do you know what I mean? And there's always this kind of connection. But Dion Dublin's come in and he's, no one's taught him how to present.

So he just is just doing it quite naturally. Just talking and yeah, yeah. Apart from if they're all three of them together, he kind of matches to up his game his annoyance game yeah literally in his head he'll be thinking i think i need to be more of a prick because i'm gonna otherwise i'm gonna look bad otherwise that's it um otherwise people are going to be ignoring my messages at 10 at night on facebook messages i remember what you're saying about houses and then feel like i actually got a really good advice for you you know i don't want I don't want it. I don't want your advice, Martin. Yeah. I don't want it.

I'm sorry. Okay, Martin Roberts. Dare I say, is there anything more on Martin Roberts? No, that's it. Okay. Who's going to be your second person, Sam? So Martin Roberts is a type of person I don't like.

And for me, he is the best example of that type of person. Okay. There is another type of person that I don't like. And it is someone who could have been a Martin Roberts, but has been maybe blessed with enough talent to be successful and has good looks. But because of that, they've become a monster. Oh, okay. And they are just so sure of themselves. And it's Tom Hiddleston.

Tom Hiddleston. Wow. Okay. Tom Hiddleston. Yeah. Why Tom Hiddleston. Tom Hiddleston. Wow, okay. Tom Hiddleston? Yeah. Why Tom Hiddleston? I hate him. Okay. Well, I don't know him. No.

As is the case quite often on this programme. He's a very good actor. And he's very good at low-key. And one of the reasons he's very good at low- is because loki's a pompous self-aggrandizing twat and hiddleston can just phone that in he's because he sort of is yes and it started happening like this is what happens you don't realize these people are going to be such dicks until they get fed too much praise. And what happens is they just kind of slurp it up. They love it.

You know, I think the trick with people who get famous and get successful, you know, and get a lot of adulation is that to survive it, they sort of need to move back and kind of go, well, do you know what? This is not real. You know, this person screaming about me on Twitter. It's not a real thing. You know, you have to have a kind of a distance from it i think he just drinks it all up i think it's feeding this

ego so he started when he's doing interviews like graham norton or on american tv he's becoming quite well known for his impressions do you know what they're all right but they're not great but in his head now he just thinks he is like that's his part he is someone that has so many party tricks probably when he's putting his clothes on over his sort of perfectly svelte little body before he goes out he's probably planning in his head like i'll do that tonight it'll bring the house down right yeah no one else can exist in his orbit he will suck the oxygen out of the air I just think he's sort of loathsome in a way. Oh, wow.

But again, I'm projecting it. I don't know him. No, of course. But I suspect that I don't think he's a very nice person. And also, I don't want to be around someone like that because if you are extrovert in any way, you almost have a responsibility as an extrovert person not to completely consume the the conversation or be completely like this

you know clown all the time so other people can speak and enjoy stuff i don't think he would give two hoots about that i think he would just you know lay waste to it and just dominate and control every room the spoils for himself i And then feel absolutely wicked about it. Yes. Not come away and think, I probably talked a bit too much about myself tonight. Yeah, which I always... I go to a party, the next morning I'm like,

oh God, I was like banging on. I was banging on, wasn't I? That's what I do. I hate myself the next morning. I hate myself. He probably wakes up and just, you know, lies back and thinks about all the things he said and sort of gently massages himself.

God, that joke went down well. That impression went down so well. You make a little note of it, like, yeah, do that again. I'll do that again at the BAFTAs. What else is he in at the minute? I haven't seen him in... I'm not sure what else he's been in. He was in that thing, which, I mean, again, I can't watch things that he's in.

I mean, I do watch the Marvel things occasionally. Yeah. But he was in that series, The Night Manager. The Night Man. He's in some big stuff, isn't he? Yeah, he's huge. He's huge. He's huge.

He's done really, really well. But he can just phone in that low-key character, and that's him. Yeah. Tom Hiddleston. Wasn't he... He's going out with Taylor Swift. He's living some good life, wasn't he he's going out with taylor swift he's living some good life that was supposedly uh uh uh well it was rumored that was a relationship of convenience ah i don't know

what the convenience is i mean why why do you want to be you know what you're not getting roles i should go out with taylor swift yeah i've had a bad year yeah why won't taylor swift go out with me yeah exactly it would really help Tom Hiddleston okay I know that character as well and you're just like oh okay

and if there's a couple of you in the room and you think right you know you're also trying this you're also this type of person

you need to sort of give way sometimes and let the other one through but he just wouldn't he'd just be just relentless yeah

just like a sort of a sort of a sort of a mad Hiddleston whirling damn mad Hiddleston just you know

like the kind of person who would just eat all the shrimp from a buffet and just be like yeah I love shrimp so what yeah exactly

I'll have the shrimp yes what impressions have you seen him do so he does impressions of his cast members he does impressions of like Chris Evans

from the you know he plays Captain America and things like that and they're fine actually you can tend to do impressions of people Chris Evans from the you know he plays Captain America and they're fine actually you can tend to do impressions of people and I know I did

an impression of Martin Roberts but I mean it was a good impression I don't know if it is but I felt like I had his essence I thought it was good

but he so he does impressions of his cast members quite well because you're around people it's quite easy to pick up their things

but he's like I watched this thing he's like my favourite film is Heat and it's a great scene between Pacino and De Niro. I'm surprised he didn't call them Al and Bob. You know?

He can't wait to get to the Al and Bob stage. Me and Bob. Robert De Niro. You know Robert De Niro. Al, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob. And he does this impression of it, but his voice is too high. It's just rubbish.

Yeah. Just rubbish. OK. You know, just save it. Yes, it's no rubbish yeah just rubbish okay you know just save it yes it's no good stop just do the interview and have you seen this video god i'm banging on now of him on japanese television where they're like go go go sing and he gets on the stage and he does a rendition a serious rendition of michael jackson's man in Mirror. If you haven't seen it, watch it. I mean, it went viral, I believe.

So he gets up with the dance moves and all the hip, hee, hee, hee, and he does all that business. Now, I could see me doing something silly like that, but I'd hope that if I did that, you'd be looking at me going, oh, he doesn't mind making a fool of himself. Or if anyone did it, that's what you'd hope.

You'd hope that you'd were entertaining people by being silly you'd look at Hiddleston you'd just go oh he thinks he does a really good Michael Jackson and at the end they're going crazy and the adulation you see it you can see his powers growing

his eyes are glowing red you know yes I'm good at Michael Jackson I'll do that one at the Emmys okay yes yeah it's not like he thinks okay like no one's going to see this I'll do that one at the Emmys okay yes yeah it's not like he thinks okay like no one's going to see this I'll just do it

and you know he's really into it oh yeah he's practiced at home yeah yeah oh okay he's practiced it oh okay

he doesn't need to no no no but there will never be enough adulation I think I'm going to take this away with me and in the future call it doing a Hiddleston whenever I see anyone doing that

he's Hiddlestoning yeah he's absolutely Hiddlestoning. Whenever I see anyone doing that... He's Hiddlestoning. Yeah, he's absolutely Hiddlestoning. Holding court, but just too much. Are we giving him too much, though, by giving it that moniker? Do you know what I mean? Saying that, like, if other people are doing a Hiddleston, is he one? No, because that personality type that I've created in my head

and attributed to him may be unfairly. Criticism doesn't bounce off those people. Because if you take the adulation to heart, you also leave yourself open for taking the criticism to heart. So if he heard that, his exact reaction would be like, ha-ha, cool, Hiddleston-ing, that's funny. Yeah. And he would turn, the camera, he would turn away,

and then the imaginary camera in his mind would catch him going, bastards, like that. It would really hurt him. Yeah. any slight would hurt him okay he's the kind of person that in a post-apocalyptic world would become at first a benevolent dictator and then a malevolent dictator okay he would sink to levels we've not witnessed in over 2 000 years okay um normally i ask uh anything else on tom hiddleston i think that's probably i've accused him of war crimes that's the final line yeah okay tom hiddleston and sam who's going to be a third choice i agonized about this okay um it was amanda holden was really in the running okay um again because i sense there is a sort sort of dispassionate evil running through her.

Do you know what I mean? I think that she would walk over the bones of your family if it meant her getting a L'Oreal contract. She doesn't care. Again, I don't know her. This is just conjecture. But it's going to actually be someone who was for a short time a hero of mine. It's Gordon Ramsay.

Gordon Ramsay. Big hitter, Gordon Ramsay. Yeah. Okay. Please. So I used to be a chef. Oh, right. So when I was cooking, this Gordon Ramsay documentary came out.

It's called Boiling Point. Gordon Ramsay was pretty unknown outside of cooking circles at the time and he was going for his third miss him star his flagship restaurant in hospital road in chelsea and this documentary came up and it was amazing but it was basically him trying to open his restaurant and you had this sort of six foot one 17 stone man with these sort of pits in his face screaming at these people and And no one could believe that kitchens were like that, but I knew that they were. And I just, like, my parents were like, why would anyone work for him?

And I'd be like, because it's the army, Mum. You don't understand. It's like the army. You know, because your head chef becomes almost like your father figure, no matter how sort of psychotic they are. Or your mother figure, if it's a female chef. They don't tend to be as mentally as unwell. But you end up kind of having that kind of relationship with them where they will trounce you and push you and harangue you.

And at one point they'll say, that's perfect, well done. And you're like, yes! You know, like your dad. It's that kind of weird relationship where you're looking for the approval. So I totally got him. And he was anti-celebrity chef, and he was making beautiful food, and he was kind of, you know, really putting us on the map a bit more. And then he became this vain plastic surgery-having,

tight T-shirt-wearing bellend. Yes. And what he did is he took that kind of ferocious attitude, which is not necessary in a kitchen but is prevalent and anyone who works in kitchens will kind of understand it, why it sometimes happens. And he took it and he just started doing it to people completely unnecessarily as that was his thing.

Right, okay. So he ended up doing sort of kitchen nightmares where he'll go in and go, hey, we built this restaurant and people ain't coming in no more. And he'll go, huh? Yeah? That's a shithole, isn't it? No, you're an idiot. Look at this, that's rubbish. You're stupid, you're an idiot. And just this one woman trying to come in,

he was doing Hell's Kitchen, and a woman came up to complain at the pass. Like, you know, why is she complaining? She's eating food on a TV show. Just go away. But she's like, I've been waiting for my entree for 20 minutes. And he just went, get out of it, pig face. So awful.

Pig face, this old woman. And, you know, even then I was kind of like, me and my wife just laugh about Gordon Ramsay all the time. She thinks absolutely hilarious. Yeah, it's ridiculous. He's a man who works in the restaurant business. He can't say restaurant. Restaurant.

Restaurant. Restaurant. Restaurant. Restaurant. It's not a word you idiot so he started to really grate on me um and so yeah do you think part of this is because you looked up to him so much that now everything all of this fall from the person that you saw at the time adds to this person that he's... Because you looked up to him so much, the fact that he's changed so much, it hurts you even more. Well, I think it's more that the true colours have been revealed. Because there's a sense of honour at the beginning, that he was a chef, he was behind the stoves,

he was doing this stuff, he was cut and bloodied with the rest of them. He was the leader of the pirate ship, as it were. And he ruled them hard, but he ruled them fair kind of attitude. And now he's just tarting about on TV. He does this thing, he always wears tight T-shirts. And if you see him standing, he folds his arms like this and his left hand will go under his right bicep

when you cross your arms. And you see him when the camera goes on him he tenses he tenses so you can see that he's got arm muscles he is you know

so he is someone that has become a victim and his vanity and his bullying nature have become completely exposed by his new surroundings yes he's... He's just become this, like, reality TV parody of himself.

He's exactly what he said he didn't like. He's exactly that. And he doesn't care. And the reason why I wouldn't want to have him on the island is because he is someone, again, that would completely dominate, but he dominates in that way that... You know, like, you've got a family friend, and you see them

at a party and every time you see them they do something they come to go oh bought a few pounds mate and they do things like that because it's like it's banter yeah but your banter is just hurting people i don't understand what your banter is yes that is that what is that ban is that what this is is that fun is that fun is what you're doing fun yeah it's not i'll just walk up to you and go oh you've got lines in your face. That's weird. Yeah, exactly, yeah. You know, it's just stupid.

Why would you do that? So I just think he would be a monster on the island. Yes. And that's taken away from the fact he'd be able to cook. Yeah. Which would be really useful. It would be. But you're a chef, so you'd be able to cook.

I can't make fires. Someone's got to make a fire. I'm rubbish at fires. Yeah, I'm looking at this. Hiddleston thinks he can make a fire. Tom Hiddleston thinks he can do everything. Yeah, yeah. He's the first guy going, guys, I'll make a fire, I'll make a fire. Yeah, I'm looking at this, Tom Hiddleston thinks he can make a fire. Tom Hiddleston thinks he can do everything. Yeah, yeah.

He's the first guy going, guys, I'll make a fire, I'll make a fire. Yeah. When he fails, he'll blame someone else or he'll get in your ear like,

well, I think it's so-and-so brought me wet wood or... Yeah, okay, yes, yeah. Gordon Ramsay.

I do enjoy watching those programmes to a degree but mostly for just how ridiculous they are. Oh, yeah.

You just watch it and you just think, it's like watching a car a car crash you just can't you just can't look away it's if you start an episode maybe it's the way they cut them together but you just think they're horribly edited yeah it's vile and it's like you're just getting it's you see the end at the beginning and then you're like what's happening yeah it's just like an absolute it is an onslaught they're just chucking clips at you yeah and like hopefully're like what's happening it's like an onslaught isn't it yeah it's just like it is an onslaught they're just chucking clips at you and like hopefully

they'll be in some order that makes some kind of sense how do they find these restaurants that they go to oh god I don't know they've got to plant

people I think you watch the American Kitchen Nightmares what it's called at the end they say there are people who paid people here so the whole thing is very produced definitely there's definitely set pieces Nightmares, is what it's called. At the end, they say, like, you know, there are people who paid people here.

So the whole thing is very produced. Yes. Definitely. There's definitely set pieces that are planned. Like when he goes in to do this or that, you know,

there's definitely set pieces. Okay. And what I love is when people kick off at him, like he'll go, ah, fatso, your kitchen's a mess. Your restaurant's a mess.

Your restaurant is a mess. You fat idiot. Like that. And the guy'll go screw you man this is my place and he'll go you're coming at me

and he's all surprised what how dare you I'm just here to help you what's going on in your mind I know what is going on in your mind

that you think it's okay to talk to people like that so he's I feel like he's trying to turn his his image around a little bit because I saw an advert

recently on YouTube. I don't know whether I'd been looking for recipes or something, you know, just Google recipes, look on Jamie Oliver or whatever. And then next time I went on YouTube, there was an advert for Gordon Ramsay and it was a similar type of thing to what Jamie Oliver does.

And it's like Gordon Ramsay's like, now I'm at home, I'm in my kitchen. With my kids, i'm wheeling out to make me look good exactly in this in this lovely but like homely looking kitchen that isn't my kitchen it's probably a studio and it's just like wow you just that's it now because you you've seen a okay someone's marketed that towards you he's going for a softer side he's had his hair tinted he's had the botox done he's getting his kids hey come on jack come help me pickle this celery i've watched them.

And as a Gordon Ramsay aficionado, that is his kitchen. Oh, it is his kitchen? Yeah. And his kitchen units, his stoves and everything, I think his stove cost £100,000 or something ridiculous like that. Had to be airlifted in, like, helicoptered and craned in. Wow, okay.

But that's when I liked him. But yeah, yeah, he's definitely trying to soften his image because he's completely Hollywood. He's completely absorbed with himself with himself yes have you ever seen him in person no okay interesting no i'm just i'm just interested to know no i i i wouldn't like to meet him i think i'd find it very um quite scary yeah i think i don't think because of all the shouting i just think he's just he's quite an oppressed sound. I just think he's quite an oppressive... I sound like a Scientologist. He's quite an oppressive individual. He'd be, huh? He's constantly on you, isn't he?

Yes. You know, like ticking and, you know. Yes, yes. I think he's quite strange in real life. I think he's affected. I think it's all gone to him a bit. Okay, Gordon Ramsay. Anything else on Gordon Ramsay?

His food's a bit old hat now. Oh, okay. Is it? Is it? Yeah, he's lost it he makes burgers wrong really yeah he puts eggs and breadcrumbs in them and is that old is that old news that's how british people used to make burgers we don't do that anymore okay it's a disgrace what you're doing do we follow american methods now we do yes yeah we just use the beef unseasoned and we push it into a patty either on the grill or we don't touch it at all just the beef and season it as we cook it how long ago were you a chef

from the age of about 17 to the age of about 26 and then a little bit after like one in between jobs and why did you stop because it's awful and I hated it. Okay, fair play. No, I went to drama school. I was a chef at Stringfellow's. Oh, right. For a year and a half. Okay. So I had to cook dinner for lots of awful people. Simon Cowell a lot.

Really? Yeah, he would come in and he would sit in Peter's chair, the late Peter Stringfellow, and he would sit in Peter's chair chair which is a throne and he'd order girls to sit around the table and each girl being sat around the table is about 200 pounds an hour so he's spending thousands and thousands and they all sat and ate i don't think he was massively interested in them particularly but i don't think he liked the image of being seen at a table with girls okay yeah. Yeah. Interesting. Wow.

So the hours there were just, you know, you'd start at half six in the evening and you'd finish at half two. Yeah. Leave about three, four. Nah. And it drives you insane. Yeah, after a while, for sure.

Yeah. Yeah. It quite, I'm... During winter, because you sleep all day, you don't see daylight after a while. It's a bit like living in one of those sort of was it like a Nordic like living in Iceland

whatever that country is where the sun just doesn't appear for like six months or whatever yeah it does something to your that must have been

an odd place to work it was a very strange place to work was it? yeah a lot of characters? yeah a lot of characters yeah it's a very weird thing

it was a very strange period of my life okay not where I saw myself ending up no yeah but then I managed to get into drama school so I left when I was 26 okay but they were yeah

they were going to give me the you know the new Stringfellows on the newer one which I think they've lost now on Wardour Street they were going to ask if i want to be head chef for that one i'm really glad that that didn't happen because i might have in weakness kind of taken it and be there now i'll be there now yeah okay yeah okay i could still go back there's always time um being a chef is it i'm asking you a lot of questions but i'm very

interested now um do you, being a chef, do you find that you're maybe a bit more picky about what you eat at home and meals that you have? No. Chefs eat dreadful food. Really? Yeah, I remember working in restaurants and we would not eat any of the food in the restaurant.

And we'd clear up and we'd go to the kebab house next door. And that's just how it was? Yeah, we can appreciate finer things. And as a chef, there's virtually nothing I don't like or can't like. But, you know, I've got a decent palate. But at the same time, I like kebab meat and chips. Okay, nice. Fair play.

All right. It's really, really delicious. It's good, yeah. It's really good. Okay. All right, Sam. It's good, yeah. It's really good. Okay. All right, Sam. You're a podcast listener, and this is a podcast ad. Reach great listeners like yourself with podcast advertising from Lips and Ads.

Choose from hundreds of top podcasts offering host endorsements, or run a reproduced ad like this one across thousands of shows to reach your target audience with Lips and Ads. Go to Lipsandads.com now. That's L-I-B-S-Y-N ads.com. Now, mercifully, among the wreckage of the plane, there was some food and drink left over. Unfortunately for you, it's your least favorite food and drink in the world. What are they and why are they so bad? Again, I agonize over this. There's literally nothing I don't like.

Yes. Okay. There are some things that I'm not that keen on. I'monise over this, there's literally nothing I don't like. Yes, okay. There are some things that I'm not that keen on. I'm not, you know, caraway seeds, but, you know, that's not really a food. It's just a seed that tastes a bit minging, and that's about it. Is that it? But I figured out the food I don't like,

and again, it comes back to, you know, Martin's a type of person, Tom's a type of person,in's a type of person tom's a tom first names tom's a type of person yeah gordon's a type of person uh and this food is a food that tells me about a type of person nine times out of ten and it's a very well done steak very well done steak okay go on please because i don't understand what it is right um it to me it's like it fundamentally misunderstands the idea of what steak is i feel that people who eat well done and apologies if you do i feel like people who eat well done steak are eating steak because they feel they should be eating steak right okay eating well done steak is like having sex badly it's like i'm having sex i feel like i should be having sex but i'm going to make no effort to do it properly okay so so what are people missing with the steak well the the flavor

steak is uh is a tender cut so it doesn't need a lot of cooking to become tender. If you cook it to a certain point, it's going to get very tough because you're going to cook all the blood and juices out of it. So you're eating something that is naturally in it. You've cooked it to its worst possible state. It's, you know, it's tough. You've lost all the blood. You've lost all the flavour. I don't know why you're eating it.

I don't know why you're eating it. Okay. It doesn't make any sense. Yes. It's't know why you're eating it. I don't know why you're eating it. Okay. It doesn't make any sense. Yes. It's like kind of saying, it's like kind of going, oh, my favourite drink is, I don't know, Coca-Cola, and then boiling it into a syrup and then filling it full of salt and eating that, drinking that. I mean, it doesn't make any sense. Wow, okay.

It doesn't make any sense. It's wild on steak. So, is rare the only way to go? Not at all. No? Not at all. Okay. I think different cuts.

God, I'm turning into a bloody... I'm banging on about chefs now. Different cuts, I think, differently. I think if you have a fillet steak, I think you want that rare or even blue because it's so tender. There's no fat in it. Yeah.

Rib eye, you've got quite a lot of sinew and fat in there that kind of needs to feel a bit of heat. So medium, rare, medium for that. Rump, medium, rare. Yeah, okay. So long, medium, rare for meump medium rare yeah okay medium rare for me yeah yeah rare for so long maybe yeah but never never well okay never well it's just the worst it's not good no no no i'm with you it's just it's just so you wouldn't go into a restaurant

say oh god can i order that um but could you ruin it for me i think i'm like uh of any steak that i've eaten recently yeah i think i think I've gone rare, medium rare. But I think that that's, I just think I didn't used to, I would never say well done. But I think that I, being a sort of, I think I just always went medium, and I'd just say medium. And I wouldn't know what I was asking for. Medium, yeah, medium's fine,

because I think people tend to say medium or medium rare because they're scared of kind of getting something that's still you know you know my dad just say you just wipe its ass and bring it to the table yes but if you go i said if you if you order rare or medium rare in france you're probably going to get it rarer than you would here because chefs don't want you to send it back so medium rare here is probably a medium in France. Okay, I see. All right. I mean, I haven't been eating meat recently. Good on you. But, well,

I mean, it's not that. I'm not being self-righteous, but I do love a steak. And, like, I was out, actually, I kind of embarrassed myself. I was out with my girlfriend and some of her friends that she went to university with.

And we were in a restaurant and I wasn't really paying attention, out with my girlfriend and some of the her friends that she went to university with and then they we were in a restaurant and i wasn't really paying attention to attention too much attention to the quality of the restaurant and i think it was a fairly nice restaurant and um the two guys i was talking to they're ordering the steak and i thought oh that sounds really nice we'll order the steak and then uh they came they asked how we'd like our steak done. And they both said rare. And that really scared, like, I don't know why. It just put the fear in me. I just thought, I've never had rare.

So I ordered medium. And then they both said, you've done the wrong thing. It was like a Bavette steak. Oh, Bavette. Oh, no, you can't have Bavette medium. I did. I did. Yeah, because Bavette is a totally weird cut because it's only tender when it's really rare.

And as soon as you start to cut it, you could almost stew bavette because the grain is weird in it, the fat is strange in it, that you kind of... Really rare, it's tender and tasty and gorgeous. Still a bit chewy, but really lovely. I messed up. You only do that once. You only do it once. Yeah, okay.

All right. And, yeah. So who's ordering well-done steak? Have you served any well-done steak? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. At the club?

Yeah, so... Sean Wright Phillips. Sean Wright Phillips? No, not... Is it Sean... Yes, it was Sean Wright Phillips. Yes, Sean Wright Phillips, the footballer.

Yeah, yeah. The diminutive footballer, yeah. Yes. So he came into Stringfellows and they said oh uh sean wright phillips is in i'm like all right okay he said he wants a steak i said okay how you know the check came through said steak well done god all right so with well done i'd always cook it sort of just above medium i'm not going to ruin it just to see if like you know to

give them a chance and the waitress came in um and the waitresses there naturally did not look like waitresses at other establishments and she came and said she wants it very well done and your heart sings so there's a rule in the kitchen that if someone orders the well done steak you've got a big sir line that you're going to cut all the steaks off

the crappiest one, the end one or whatever the bit that's a bit wonky and doesn't look as good that's for people who order well done or whatever, the bit that's a bit wonky and doesn't look as good, that's for people who order well done. Or the older piece. That's what you're getting if you order well done. Right, yeah. The cut-off.

Okay. Because it's going to shrink so much, you're going to cook the life out of it, so it's never going to look good anyway. Yeah. So you cook it on the grill. And I cooked the life out of it, finished it in the oven. It was horrible, rubber, hard.

And he cracked the plate when I put it on there. And it went out. And it came back and he said, it's too rare for him. I was like, are you joking? And so this is completely unprofessional. I'm not a chef anymore. I don't think I'd work as a chef anymore if he heard this. But so we kicked it around the kitchen for a little bit.

Just to toughen it up. Chucked it in the fryer. Deep fried it. Not in back, just deep fried the meat for ages and ages and ages. I mean, this thing is like, it's just a carcinogen now. It's just charcoal. And sent it back out. Like, it was horrific.

It was like the tongue from a brogue. Oh, yeah. And it came back and said it was the best steak he'd ever had. That's horrible. Amazing, yeah. And he came back and said it was the best steak he'd ever had. That's horrible. Amazing, isn't it? That is amazing. It's just like a piece of... Absolutely loved it.

Just a piece of coal. Yeah, just horrible. Horrible. Yeah. Okay. That's something you'd pull out of a house fire. Yeah. Okay, well done, steak.

I mean, arguably, if you're on the island, any sustenance would see you through, but there's no excuse. In this society. Steak is expensive as well, so you're paying above the odds. If you want something horrible and overcooked, we'll do that for you for 10 quid.

Yeah, okay. You don't need to pay 30 quid for that. We'll do that for you cheap. Nice. We've got stuff in the kitchen we can ruin. Don't ruin a steak. Yeah, okay. Okay, well done, steak. And what's need to pay 30 quid for that. We'll do that for you cheap. Nice. We've got stuff in the kitchen we can ruin. Don't ruin a steak. Yeah, okay. Okay, well done, steak.

And what's going to be your drink choice? It's a toss-up between Foster's and Carling. Again, because anyone who orders those in a pub, when there is a choice, I can't forgive. I'm with you. I'm exactly the same. They're two of the lowest rung beers.

They're awful. They're horrible. Horrible, yeah.. They're awful. They're horrible. Horrible, yeah. And I'm not fancy. I'm not like a craft ale guy. I mean, one of my favourite beers out of the can is Budweiser. Doesn't taste of much, lovely and cold, happy days. But this stuff is just putrid. Yeah.

And what you said, I used to run a pub as well, so when I was not doing kitchen stuff. And this guy came in, and you've got the row of all the beers lined up, you know, all the pumps and everything. And this guy comes in, he's the only customer in there, and he walks up and down the row of beers, like, rubbing his chin, you know, like...

Normally when someone does that, they're going to pick a... They're going to pick quite a weird ale. Like a dark ale or something like that. He goes up and down, he looks at every single one, and he goes, I could have smacked him there and then. He looks at every single one. He goes, got any Fosters? I could have smacked him there and then. It's like,

not only have you been looking at all the beer pumps, which clearly tell you everything that we have, you've looked at all of that, you know, Star of Praman, Cobra on Draft,

lots of interesting things, Guinness, lovely ales, and you've said, have you got any Fosters? As if we're like, well, of course, we'll have them back soon when we keep all the magic drink. Yeah. He said, have you got any Fosters? As if we're like, well, of course, we'll have them back soon.

We keep all the magic drink. He said, no. He's like, oh, I didn't order anything, he left. Oh, what? So there's this weird thing, and you go to a bar and you hear it. I always listen out for it, like I'm tuned to listen out for it now.

People kind of go, got any Fosters? It's like, what are they putting in this stuff? It's like the McDonald's of lagers. I quite like McDonald's, but there's something about it that people really just want Fosters. Yeah. But it's like the mcdonald's of lago's i quite like mcdonald's but there's something about it that people like really just want fosters yeah but it's it's horrible i don't understand i mean i think um when i was a kid growing up my dad used to just have crates of fosters like in the fridge but i don't my dad's not much of a a beer drinker no so it's like that's the beer if you go and get to the supermarket like oh we've got some beers in for christmas like what did you get it's always

like well we got some stella or we got some fosters because that's the one if you go and get to the supermarket like oh we've got some beers in for Christmas like what did you get and it's always like well we've got some Stella or we've got some Fosters because that's the one they know and you're like and in that situation drink it fine I understand it

sure but growing up it was like when we were snaffling away the first beers like as teenagers and it would be like oh I'm going to nick some beers

from my dad's fridge or whatever and it would just have like some cans of John Smiths and some cans of Fosters that he never touched right almost gone out of date and so that's all I knew that's all I knew And it would just have like some cans of John Smith's and some cans of Foster's that you never touched, right? Almost gone out of date. And so that's all I knew.

That's all I knew what beer was. So like when I started going to Reading Festival, they had Carling. That was the beer they had on at Reading Festival. And so I was drinking that and you didn't know much else. I knew it wasn't good because it didn't taste great. But then you get opened up to this world of just other beers. And you think

how that aren't actively horrible yeah yeah that are just like a decent like nice beer because normally

there's a temperature that you can get anything to that it's going to become palatable so any beer that you don't like you think well if I get it cold enough yes that kind of numbs the yeah

things get less flavourful as they get colder so but there isn't a temperature that you can get Fosters to where it doesn't taste like Fosters. And it's, yeah. And no one in Australia drinks Fosters.

No. If you're speaking to an Australian about Fosters, they'll laugh in your face. Yeah. They don't drink it. Does it exist there? Yeah, but hardly. Right, okay, right, yeah, yeah.

It's just a mental marketing ploy, isn't it? Oh, yeah. Just to convince us that that's the... And they took over the Comedy Award in Edinburgh, so it became the Fosters Award. And so everything is plastered with Fosters. No one there drinks it. No, of course.

No one's drinking it. There's two beers at the festival that you can get in all the places that are festooned with all the advertising and everything. And it's Fosters and Heineken. Well, it's Fosters, but they also serve Heineken. I think it's the same DV brewery or whatever. Ah, yeah.

Everyone just drinks Heineken. Yeah. Heineken's not brilliant, but it's DV brewery or whatever. Ah, yeah. Just drink Heineken. Yeah. Heineken's not brilliant, but it's better. It's better. Yeah, definitely better. Even, like, I went to some football

at the weekend and it was at Wembley Stadium and they had Stella on in the Cups. Yeah. It was actually alright. I thought,

this is okay. Stella's a weird one, isn't she? Yeah, I thought this was alright, but I thought at the stadium it would be awful, but it was actually all right i thought this is all this is okay that's a weird one yeah i thought this is all right but i thought at stadium it would be awful but it was okay yeah cold again stellar cold yeah they i mean the thing about stellar is they add sugar to it like if you look at the ingredients on stella it's like malted barley wheat hops and um some glucose business right they pump sugar into it to make it even more... Oh, okay. That's bad.

Yeah, that is bad, yeah. I don't think they used to do it. So there you go. Okay. So it's going to be Fosters and Carling. Horrible. Just, yeah. Just foam.

Carling is just foamy as hell. Have you ever been at a house party when the beer has run out? They've nicked all your beers from the fridge. Yep, yep. You're like, you bastards. You go in there and there's and there's no beers someone there's some warm calling somewhere and it's that part of the party where you're like oh man do i have a drink problem because i i'm going to drink this yeah yeah and

then it's like four in the morning or something and you drink it you're like god even now yeah i could drink a vodka and coke now yeah i hate vodka yeah but carling even then people are going oh bad that is horrible that is horrible yeah that's nasty yeah how it still exists is crazy it's kind of it's the marketing thing isn't it i mean the fact that people would ask for it over but then that's the same person that's having a well-done steak yeah fosters and carling are going to be your drink choices thank you sam, Sam. Thank you. And fortunately for you, you won't be without entertainment on the island. The Plains Entertainment System continues to work, but just your luck. It only has two working settings. One is your least favourite film of all time, and the other is your least favourite song.

What are they and why? Well, I've got two kids. Okay. And I'm not putting them in. So I watch a lot of kids' TV. Yes. And there's an upside to that, is that we now have sort of bought through online,

have them on the telly, all the Pixar films and everything, they're amazing. Coco and Moana, which I probably wouldn't have gone out of my way to watch, but are some of the best films I've ever seen. They're amazing. And I love that the kids love them. But also kids get obsessed with some of the best films I've ever seen. They're amazing. And I love that the kids love them. But also kids get obsessed with some of the worst films.

And the other day, because I got two of them, and they're both kind of verbal. I'm like, what do you want to watch? And that's a stupid question. And then the little one goes, Spider-Man, Spider-Man. Not that Spider-Man, that Spider-Man. No, not that Spider-Man, that Spider-Man. No, not that Spider-Man, that Spider-Man. There's so much choice.

I'm like, oh, God, I'm going to choose. So I chose this film, and it's called Jack Frost. Okay. And it's a film in which Michael Keaton sullies that era of his career before his rebirth. Post-Batman, pre-Birdman. Yeah. And it's a film which he plays like a rock and roll

singer in like in a band that are about to get signed in a band that you can't imagine are about to get signed

like playing like hoary old middle of the road rock and in the band scenes like they've not even synced up the drums like there's a drum fill

and the drummer's not playing and you're like you've pushed me out of the realism of this film anyway. Yeah. Regardless of the fact that he turns into a snowman.

Yeah. So anyway, he dies in a car accident, which for a kid's film is already a bit like, he dies, okay. And there's a snowman at home and a year later, the kid builds a snowman and puts on his dead father's hat on the snowman and scarf. And for no reason whatsoever, the snowman becomes imbued with the soul of his dead dad.

Yep. Unfortunately, the way they've animated the snowman is they've given it a face that could only be described as evil. Like, the snowman looks evil. And if you're listening at home, please just quickly Google Jack Frost, Michael Keaton, and realise that that snowman on the cover is not a baddie. That's his dad.

There are set pieces, and I try not to watch it, because it's just on and the kid's watching it. And he comes back, and it's rubbish, and it's awful. Yeah, and it happens. But the reason I'm going to put it into my least favourite film is that my kids loved it

so I'm going to have to watch it again and again oh no daddy you need to watch that one where he turns into a snowman and my kid just like you know it's the beginning of the film

he's like is he a snowman yet I'm like no he's not a snowman yet daddy is he a snowman yet can you see a snowman is he a snowman no he's no snowman you'll know when he's a snowman

because he'll be a bloody snowman he's not a snowman? No, he's no snowman then. You'll know when he's a snowman because he'll be a bloody snowman. He's not a snowman. He's on stage with a band. That's Michael Keaton. Not a snowman. Do you, um, when did they watch this? So they watched this,

my wife was out, I think it was on a weekend. Okay, so fairly recently. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, am I right in saying it's a Christmas film? Is it? Yeah. Yeah.

Yes. It's too early for this. I mean, it's an old film. Ah, okay. It's an old film. Right.

Like, I think it's like late 90s, early 2000s. okay. But it is dirge. Yeah, that's bad.

It's the kind of film, you know, and because he's got a voice over all the bits, like he's got to record the voice over for the snowman, and you can see him in the recording studio wincing as he delivers this diarrhea into the microphone. You can just see him thinking, I was Batman.

I was Batman. I was Batman. I'm a really good actor. And the guy's character's name is Jack Frost. I mean, it's just... Yeah. Why? Yeah.

He might as well be called Bill Snowman. It's just stupid. I hate it. Jack Frost. Okay, what you've done is you've done me a massive favour. If we can take this away, you've done me a massive favour because when my kids say, Daddy, can we watch Jack Frost?

I'm going to say, actually, no, no, no. I think there's this other film on. Yeah. Well, firstly, they're never going to say, can we watch Jack Frost? I'm going to say, actually no, I think there's this other film on. Yeah, well firstly they're never going to say, can we watch Jack Frost? Because it will just be somewhere in the kids section on Amazon Prime. Right. Somewhere. Yeah. And also, they don't want to watch it because the snowman's face is the face of pure evil.

It's so badly put together. Animatronically it's just a disaster luckily they can't sit through a whole film as of yet but I know when they so my daughter

weirdly enough she knows all the songs from Frozen and Moana but she's never watched the whole thing really it's crazy yeah

I know all the songs from Frozen and Moana yeah yeah I've got them on my phone have you yeah I don't know how they got I think my phone

just put them on there I don't remember buying them but Apple Music just every now and then just plays me Moana okay and it's fine but at the same time

I'm like you're not telling everyone are you? don't tell the adults around me yeah I mean this is my favourite song

but so Jack Frost is going to be your film choice and what's going to be your song? She's So Loverly by Scouting for Girls

that is so good She's so loverly She's so loverly She's So Lovely by Scouting for Girls. That is so good. She's so lovely. She's so lovely. She's so lovely. She's so lovely. Oh, God. Oh, I feel a bit sick in my stomach.

Go on. She's So Lovely by Scouting for Girls. I don't think, if you're going to be the lead singer in a band and play the piano, you have to sit down. Okay. Okay. And that wasn't my original reason.

I just thought of that. So I'm thinking, John, you can sit down, you stand up, and you can kick the stool away. That's okay. Is it Jerry Lee Lewis did that a bit? And he climbed on the piano. That's okay. But essentially, it was sat down. Ben Folds sits at the piano, can stand up, jumps on the piano. Fine.

Billy Joel, whatever you want. This guy puts his keyboard, keyboard, his little keyboard, like he has it in his room, and he puts it there and he stands face on and he sings like a kid trying to impress you. Timmy's got a piano. They play the kind of songs that

when they're playing them they smile oh yeah and I just can't stand anyone smiling like oh isn't this upbeat

isn't this a happy song she's so lovely any of their songs can make it I just think and they kind of snuck in they were

they are the band equivalent of Martin from Homes Under the Hammer. Mm. And they snuck into the party via Britpop. Right. They were late

and no one was checking, there was that point where no one was checking tickets anymore. Yeah. And they just snuck in and got themselves a band or whatever.

That's good. And they are just like, the fact they're called Scouting for Girls, like, oh, working for girls, oh, we like girls.

They're all such dweebs but not in a good way, like, you know. And they're called Scouting for Girls. Like, oh, working for girls. Oh, we like girls. They're all such dweebs, but not in a good way. Like, you know, and also grinny and... Yeah. And I'm, you know, I don't ever wish the end of anyone's career. I don't ever do that because I think that's a harsh thing. But I'll be really glad when they're not making music anymore. Like, who... I think they still play live. They do festivals and stuff, right?

I think they've just Released a best of Who's going to that Just people who are on So much drugs No they're not People who are on So much drugs

And they're lost They're people that have Just ordered the fosters At the Do you know what Yeah they've just gone They've gone to a steak sandwich place They said make sure

You absolutely burn that I want it to go Rewind my fosters I'm going to watch A quick episode of Homes Under The Hammer Love Tom Hiddleston Got a tattoo of him On my arse And I'm going to watch a quick episode of Homes Under the Hammer. Love Tom Hiddleston.

Got a tattoo of him in my ass. And I'm going to watch Scank for Girls. The scene on She's So Lovely. That's a good chorus, isn't it? Yeah. That's a good chorus. It's a good chorus. Those words over and over again.

By the way, he says lovely. That's good, isn't it? He really breaks it up. Makes two syllables three. That's good, isn't it? It's clever. That's so good. Now it scans. Oh, it scans. it's cats well uh i

think all their songs sound the same oh they do there's someone like i am elvis i am elvis this one called i want to be james bond which probably goes yes i want to be james bond and then the bass player yeah yeah rocking out with his bass a little bit high, yeah. Having a great time. God, look at the singer standing up at his piano thinking, oh, I wish he didn't do that. Oh, that's great. Okay.

She's so lovely. Oh, that's great. Anything else by Scouting for Girls? Yeah, all of the Scouting for Girls songs. Every Scouting for Girls song ever. All of their B-sides. Can you imagine being forced to listen to the Scouting for Girls B-side? Oh, I remember a time. Oh, my God the Scouting for Girls B-side? I remember a time at, oh my God,

Scouting for Girls B-side. God forbid. Maybe the Scouting for Girls, you never hear them because they're just at really dark. Yeah. They let it out

on the other side. Yeah, it's dark side. I think maybe the worst combination would be something like Scouting for Girls Unplugged. Can you imagine that? Just him on his,

but he'd still be stood up, wouldn't he? Yeah. A little piano that was all tall and he'd stand up and the bass player on his... But he'd still be stood up, wouldn't he? Yeah. A little piano that was all tall. And he'd stand up and the bass player on his acoustic bass and the drummer playing with brushes. Oh, no.

That'd be awful. No, yeah, yeah. No good. Scouting for Girls She's So Lovely is going to be your song choice. And finally, the island is overrun by the biggest dick of all the animals. Which animal is it and why? I'm going to put anteaters in. Anteaters?

I don't like the way they look. They look... it and why i'm going to put anteaters in and teachers the way they look they look they look like like someone just hung some liberty fabric over uh uh over a banister was it did it was it you that i saw tweeted a video of an auntie yeah i couldn't tell if it was coming or going they're like they're like a vw beetle they look the same both ways yeah they're awful and they're just like they look like they've been they awful. They look like a central slice of another animal. It's just a cruel joke. They're mental.

They're noses. They just got long noses so they could eat ants. It's like, well, if they didn't eat ants, they wouldn't have long noses. Yeah. If they just ate something else, they wouldn't look that way. It's like someone's put a mirror in the...

In the middle of the... Yes. And it's just got the tail end and you can just see it twice. Yeah. Yeah, they're straight. And they just walk about. And I saw them at this place,

so my kids have this sort of zoo place. And they just walk about. And they're walking about but looking up. I'm like, pretty sure there's no ants up there, mate. Yeah. What are you doing? You're not looking. As an animal, what are you doing?

You're not looking for ants. What are you doing? What is the zoo doing, though? Are they putting ants in the ground for them to go for? I guess so. or do they just hope ants are going to turn up yeah I don't know maybe that's why

they're walking around they're like there's no god damn ants in this place yeah it's weird yeah they look so weird an island overrun

with those as well that's going to fuck with your head for a while it's awful yeah I mean at the end of the day if you're stuck on an island

you're probably going to make a sexual advance on the animal at some point yes rather it wasn't an anteater you know as you slowly go insane and marry one of the local animals,

because, you know, that's an inevitability. It's like a prison, you know. A sexual advance on an anteater. After a while, you're going to get desperate and you're probably going to... I can't get it out of my head. Just thinking about it. Anteater. Either side, because it's both the same.

I've got a very vivid imagination, Sam. It's horrible. I wish I hadn't said that. I can't look's both the same I've got a very vivid imagination Sam it's horrible I wish I hadn't said that I can't look at you the same actually I should I should urge people to go to your Twitter feed

and see that video of Anteaters yeah please do it's horrific yeah Sam thank you so much for coming in thank you for having me

it's been loads of fun yeah it's been loads of fun Sam tell us about the podcast tell me about Desert Island Crisps well yeah so part of the whole Desert Island thing yeah we started Well, yeah, so part of the whole Desert Island-y thing.

Yeah, we started doing it about six months ago. It's basically people come on. It's very similar. Obviously, it's similar to the Desert Island format. But, yeah, we've had some great guests on. And I think the best way to describe it is that when we were sort of pitching the idea around and talking about it, people were like, you're not going to be able to talk about crisps for an hour.

So are you just going to use it as a jumping off point for a chat? We said, no, we actually not gonna talk about crisps for an hour so are you just gonna use it as a jumping off point for a chat we said no we actually want to talk about crisps for an hour and they said um one of the guys who does the editing he said he was at a party and everyone's like that's not gonna work it's a terrible idea and he said he sat back and watched as the entire party talked about crisps for two hours and he's like see because there's you know everyone's got their relationship and their history with crisps yeah and so we're on acast now so if you get something on a cast or whatever your podcast people are yeah um at desert crisps on twitter okay cool and and and of course you're on go 8-bit go 8-bit yes can people watch it's also available on uk tv play which is all online okay that's cool uh yeah and if people haven't seen it to give people a

little roundup of of what go it'sians playing, fighting each other at video games, hosted by Dara O'Brien. Nice. Okay, very funny. It's a good show, it's good fun. Sam, if people want to find you, where can they find you? What's your Twitter? At Sam Pamphilon. Just type it in, you'll find me.

You won't be able to spell it first time or say it, but it's there. If you're interested, you'll find it. Much like me, at the beginning of this. Okay, thank you so much thanks