Desert Island Dicks - SARA BARRON

Episode Date: January 3, 2018

It's our first podcast of 2018! And joining me to share their Desert Island Dicks this week is writer and (aspiring) comedian, Sara Barron. Follow us on twitter and facebook @dickspod Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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or run a reproduced ad like this one across thousands of shows to reach your target audience with Lipson Ads. Go to lipsonads.com now. That's L-I-B-S-Y-N ads.com. Hi, I'm James Deacon and welcome to Desert Island Dicks, the show that sees you marooned on a desert island after a plane crash with the worst people and the worst things imaginable. Who they are and why they're a dick is up to you.

And here to share their Desert Island Dicks with us today is writer and comedian Sarah Barron. Hello. Hi, Sarah. How are you? I'm absolutely fine, thanks. How are you? Good. I thought that was a really good intro of yourself. I really appreciate that. Thanks. Should we dive in?

Let's dive in. Who's going to be first person? Okay, so I thought I would... So you've asked me for three, and I was trying to divvy that up between like, you know, celebrities, basically, versus like just personal things. And I, so one is going to be a game time decision, if that's all right. But the one that I'll start with is the most psychotic celebrity I've ever encountered. Wow, Okay. And I waited, most of my celeb encounters have been because I was a waiter in New York

City. Okay. On and off for 10 years. And half of that was spent at like sort of a cool hip restaurant. So the worst person I ever met was Sean Lennon. Wow. He was so horrible that it felt like, like it almost felt like you were on a candid camera waiting to see, because you're like, no one would behave this way. And I mean, this was years ago. But what happened was, I didn't know who he was.

Right. And then in person, it was like three-dimensional moles, which is neither here nor there, but sort of interesting detail. So I was sort of back and forth to this table without having any clue who this guy was. And I had said to a friend of mine, like, oh, my God, the guy on table 19 is a fucking nightmare. And basically, it started with me going over and saying, like, you know, hi, do you guys have any questions on the menu? And he was like, I don't have any questions on the menu and he was like i don't have any questions on the menu but can i ask you to change the music and i was like oh unfortunately you know and i'd worked there for a while so it's like you know unfortunately we can't as much as we would like to cater to everyone's individual tastes we can't and this is you know this is sort of what what our management has chosen is what will be what we'll be playing for the duration of your meal can it whatever i would have said he's like here's the thing this

is a direct quote he said to me he was like here's the thing i know music and this is bad music and then i get like a manager over to explain to him like that we weren't going to take his iphone and use his iphone like it started there and it went downhill yeah it was really really crazy because i always thought there would be like most celebrities were a bit weird the way that you would like how do you stay normal through that experience but but most of them also have some semblance of wanting to perform right okay normalcy or decency and then whether or not you can kind of catch them out being like you're a dick but you're trying to perform otherwise and this is just like this real naked it's just like out and out yeah yeah so he's person number one does he feel like everyone

knows who he is i think he i think he must have done because i i i who he is, but I'm pretty sure that if I was stood next to him on the tube, I don't know if I... You don't think you'd know him? I don't know. I wonder if that's different. I was in New York and I wonder, like he's like a New York guy actually. It's a thing with him.

Yes, yes. I can picture him, but I'm just like, where does he get off just going around, just being like, I can just throw him away. Don't you feel like if you picture him, but I'm just like, where does he get off just going around, just being like, I can just throw him away. Don't you feel like if you were him, a word you'd never say is music? Yeah, for sure.

That would just be like a thing you didn't talk about. I know music. And then he was talking about he wanted some kind of dessert wine or something, like a grappa. And I was saying, oh, well, we don't, because we're this kind of restaurant, we don't serve grappas, but I can bring like a somma and i was saying oh well we don't because we're this kind of restaurant we don't serve grappas but i can bring like a sommelier over who could recommend and he was just like that i remember being like it's crazy that you don't serve that oh being like okay just the absolute do you think he's doing that everywhere he goes do you know what i remember reading in the newspaper like there's like this gossip columnist at the time.

And I remember seeing in the newspaper, like a couple of years later that he had like, he was trying to find a girlfriend in the newspaper or something. And you're like, Oh, like this was a guy on the edge of a nervous breakdown. Right. Okay.

Sort of getting there. But yeah, I think that like, like, don't, don't take that out on. Yeah. But people, I also think that they really Don't take that out on... Yeah, but people...

I also think that they really... Like there just is stuff... If there's a celebrity that comes into your restaurant, like there's a way that gets catered to and there's like insurance policies in place so that if a certain kind of person walks in and you're on a two-hour wait, that person is not going to have to wait.

Sure. And you just think if you kind of move through life that way... He's getting that treatment all the time. Yeah course he's gonna yeah you'd have to be very very decent of heart to be able to like make it through that without being horrendous sure hmm sean lennon yeah okay yeah yeah anything else on sean lennon i don't think so but. No. But I was trying to think, like, who are the, I was trying to think of, like, what my worst celebrity story was. Yeah. And I think, I'm not saying it's that kind of story,

but I think Sean Lennon being like, I'm going to ask you to change the music of this restaurant that seats 200 people because I know music was the most. Oh, my God. That is horrible. You felt like that's not someone you want to have to be yeah ruined with absolutely yeah it'd be awful um Sarah who's gonna be your second choice okay my second choice is gonna be this woman who I was introduced to a few years ago in that way

that is always a kiss of death her name's beth that is her real name and we were introduced at this sort of a friend of mine was having a birthday party and this beth and i had never met before and she was like oh my god you and beth are like the same person you will love each other you You're both hilarious. You have to meet. That was sort of how we met. And it wasn't like she she just sort of seemed

like relative. There was definitely zero chemistry there, but she didn't strike me one way or the other. And then we would sort of, at this one friend, our mutual friend was named Aaron, and a couple times a year we would see each other at Aaron's different events. You know, there'd be a birthday party or a Christmas party or whatever.

And she, you know, those people who are like, so I, I imagine that what goes on in their head is, is what they tell themselves about themselves. It's like, I'm someone who tells it like it is. Oh okay like i'm just like like i'm just really honest

i'm an honest person i say what i'm thinking and you're like fucking grow up like talk about me behind my back like a grown-up yeah and be nice to me to my face oh and like there was this one so she's she's a writer which can mean mean a million things. Right. Like being a writer can mean that like you're an actual genius and you've won the Man Booker Prize. Like that could be what it means. It could also mean that you review beauty products online for Cosm she does. Okay. Now, I'm not knocking that. If you got a job, you're making your own money. There's value in that. I don't judge jobs. But I do judge them. If what you do is talk about what lip gloss is hot that month. Yeah.

And then show up to social events. And I'm like, well, it's really interesting because I'm a writer. And as a writer. And a mutual friend of ours have played a drinking game whenever she shows up shows up called as a writer oh that's good she says as a writer or i'm a writer so often that to make it palatable that's amazing you have to have a drinking game around it so every time beth says i'm a writer or as a writer references her career as a writer you have to try and get yourself drunk anyway so she um the worst thing she did to me once is we were i had just finished watching the Sopranos,

which I watched like a decade later than everybody else. And I came to this party, like admittedly about five years too late, like really wanting to talk about The Sopranos. And I had read all this stuff and I had analyzed the last, have you seen the last episode of The Sopranos? I haven't seen any of them. I know. Well, the world can't wait for you anymore, can it? But you know that the last episode of The Sopranos? I haven't seen any of them. I know. Well, the world can't wait for you anymore, can it?

But you know that the last episode of The Sopranos, it's because you're younger than I. I think your generation, you're like proper millennial, right? I actually, yeah. So I think proper millennials probably don't, like they don't, The Sopranos isn't in them the way it's in us older folk. Okay, yeah.

But the last episode of The Sopranos was a thing. Yeah. And everyone was very unsatisfied by it and very confused by it okay and so i had done all this reading up and i was like gagging to talk about it and i was like okay everyone here's the thing listen to me this is what i think happened what do you guys think happened blah blah you know i'm sort of i'm sure i was being a bit annoying trying to manufacture this conversation about the last episode. And I was like, everyone, listen,

this is the thing, right? I read like five hours on this shit last night, blah, blah, blah. And Beth went, hello, five hours? Pathetic, anyone? Oh my God. To my face. And I was like-

I can't believe that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was one of like sort of socially the more aggressive things that, you know, you're just like hanging out at a party and make an awful small, you know, small talk, just kind of wanting to die, but trying to keep the conversational ball in the air. Hello, pathetic anyone?

So I think she's one of the worst people. And between that and always being like, she's one of the most grating people I've ever met. Right, okay, yeah. So she'd be my number two. So she, like, you've got to be completely,

you've got to have no self-awareness to do that. Right. I think she's like socially, like a level of social incompetence. That's very dramatic. To keep repeating that. I'm a writer. I'm a writer and not realize that you're just going on about it all the time.

Right. Yeah. Yeah. I just think you, you always downplay. You have to downplay. Yeah. What it is that you do just going on about it all the time. Right. Yeah. Yeah, I just think you always downplay. You have to downplay what it is that you do. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, be cool.

Like you described me as a comic, which is very gracious of you. In fact, I'm an aspiring comic, right? So that's not how I make my money. It's how I'd like, oh, that's how I make some money. It's how I'd like to make more. But these people I knock around with

who like maybe, maybe they're making 200 pounds a month sure maybe yeah yeah and you go on their twitter bio and it's like comic blah blah and you're like no no no no no no no no no it's what you want to be now what you are downplay yes that's it downplay it As a writer reviewing your lip gloss. Oh my God. Beth. We all know Beth. Everyone knows Beth. Well, the thing is, I know many Beths and the other ones are all very lovely and dear to me, but this one is quite evil.

Amazing. Well, hi Beth. That's my number two. Hi Beth. All, you know, said with all love and respect to the podcast, I feel that there's not going to be an intersection between Desert Island. She wouldn't know Desert Island Discs

yeah it's very safe for me as an American so yeah so I think I'm telling myself I'm safe touch wood

yeah that's great and who's gonna be your third choice so now I'm just I'm trying to decide between another person I know who I

who personally I hate versus another celebrity who I hate should I go? I feel like let's bend the rules. Do you know what I mean? If you want to talk about both, you can probably talk about both.

I'll just say it quickly. My feeling is that James Corden is one of the worst people that's ever been born. I think that you're not. And I think I'm not the only one. And I think the tides are turning on him and it brings me unbelievable joy okay yeah so like I'd heard really awful things about him I then listened to his desert island

discs and I felt and it you know it was around the time that um the psychopath test by John Ronson was like in everyone's hands riding riding the tube, that kind of thing. So everyone was like, psychopath, psychopath, psychopath. But I did listen to him and be like, he's performing being a human. Yes, for sure. Like he's not a human. He's performing. This is what people say. And she was asking him, I mean, you know,

I'm sort of was late to the James Corden party because I'm not from here. But, and this was before he became a name in the states but he you know he was talking about his rise to fame and misbehaving and sort of trying to justify all that and I mean it sounded like a press release like I was like this guy has no empathy yeah he has no sympathy he's talking about his wife and his kids like you would talk about how you love a wife and kids okay yeah i fucking like one of the things in life that makes me the most upset and this says something negative about me which is fine is the popularity of carpool karaoke yeah for sure it's the dumbest

lowest common denominator like anything that is about let's look at a famous person, do a thing. And that is like the lowest common denominator of comedy. It's the lowest of the low. Yes. I'm not saying that it can't be fun, but that he got Michelle Obama on there just is like the most upsetting thing. And, you know, then he told like those really off color Harvey Weinstein jokes. Oh, yeah, that's dope. And I just, I feel that, like, you know, he's now this late-night American talk show host, and there's this divide between those talk show hosts

of, like, good, smart, like, smart stuff and crappy stuff. Sure. So, like, Jimmy Fallon is crappy, but he's a really good dude. Mm. And James Corden is crappy, but he's a bad dude. So you can't sell to middle America in the same way. I'm rambling at this point.

No, you're fine. I think he's the other worst person that I've ever met and I would least like to be around. Oh, wow. Okay. I think he's horrible. And if his end, like, wouldn't it just, it would just be great if he lost if he couldn't work anymore i think because i think he's not a good person and he's not talented and i'm nobody so can't i say this you can yeah for sure so from being from here i see and hear a lot about him and that show

right in america is that show that popular yeah i think it's that popular and i think it's it's the reason is is because of that carpool karaoke shit i haven't watched many of them i know what it is and i've seen a couple for sure but um in it it's weird because when the video starts right the car door opens and a celebrity gets in and everyone cheers but everyone knows what celebrity is going to be in there right yeah but that's so american all that kind of someone got in a car okay right okay can i say one more thing about him sure and then i think i've gone on about this long enough i think well this will be my three but um so there's a a radio show american radio show called fresh air that i don't listen to quite as religiously as i used to but the woman who hosted his woman named terry gross she's like as big in radio in the US as you can get.

And she's really well thought of as an interviewer. And I really like her. And part of what I like is that I think you can really hear in her voice what she thinks of her guests. Okay, that's cool. There's nothing cold about her. She's warm. She's interested.

It's what makes her a good interviewer. But you can also tell when you're like, oh, Terry Gross did not whatever. So she had James C I'm not kidding when I say to you, he was talking about his path, his journey, as though he had found the cure for cancer. Oh, man. Like, the level of what it meant that he was so over the top and so, like, everything that any British person would make fun of an American for being. Like, that kind of self-serious earnest it was and you could tell it made her uncomfortable

because she was like you you are talking about yourself you know that you're talking about yourself and hosting the the tonys which is is cool but like you didn't it's not yeah or it wasn't it's not even someone like lin-manuel miranda like the guy who wrote hamilton or something you know not that that's curing cancer but here's some guy who's now thought of as sort of the genius of this like it was like he was talking like that and it was it was really quite something so i like to the thing about james corden is is i do like to hate listen to him because i feel like he really delivers with his ridiculousness. It gives you an insight into his ridiculousness.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that's fine. Okay, cool. James Corden. You're a podcast listener, and this is a podcast ad. Reach great listeners like yourself with podcast advertising from Lips and Ads. Choose from hundreds of top podcasts offering host endorsements or run a reproduced ad like this one across thousands of shows to reach your target audience with Lips and Ads. Go to lipsandads.com now. That's L-I-B-S-Y-N

ads.com. Sarah, now mercifully among the wreckage of the plane, there was some food and drink left over. Unfortunately for you, it's your least favorite food and drink in the world what are they and why are they so bad okay so worst food my husband makes himself a sandwich that involves smearing on marmite which is fine yeah and it like melts together with butter. Okay. And it makes me feel physically ill when I look at it. And then like the disgusting knife just like frigging hangs out in the kitchen all day with its schmear, like its gag schmear on it. It's disgusting. Do you hate Marmite?

No, do you know what? I don't. i just don't know marmite okay yeah but i'm also strangely as someone who i i wish i didn't love dairy as much as i do but ice cream you know uh cheese all of it i love but i don't like anything too like buttered or mayonnaise okay so the idea of anything like that already i'm like and then wrap that up with some like melted like it actually makes me feel it actually makes me feel like i'm on a gag um so i think that's my worst i mean there's a lot of foods i find absolutely nauseating and that's up there so no marmite in america or no or equivalent no anyone who did

would be like an anglophile who's like i went to britain one time you know but no no marmite nothing it is quite an odd thing it's like really weird salty the thing is is i've heard it's very it's like very it's yeast yeah and it's very umami okay and i do like myself some umams so i think i'd probably be into it if i could just give it a go but i i associate it with my husband doing disgusting shit in my kitchen yeah so i like can't quite i can't quite embrace it is it just with butter like just no he's mixed it's like any mixing of any like peanut butter and jelly, which, you know, in the States is the thing, makes me feel like I'm going to die.

And as a child, there'd be these disgusting containers that would be swirls of peanut butter with jelly. And it would like, I would, as a child, I would have to like cover my eyes as I went down that part of the aisle at the supermarket. Really? It was so disgusting. So any mixing of, mixing of spreads is a real problem for me really oh what is it

about the mixing this is a disgusting thing for people to talk about like foods that you find yeah like i feel vomitous it's so gross you want me to move off it no no what is it about the combining of the it's just uh i don't know okay it's just this repulsive oh it's so gross i'm just trying to think of like i am not gonna vomit but i really thinking about it can really make me feel okay i'm just gonna put throw something out there you're having a curry right you're having like a saucy curry and you might put some like yogurt on it. Fine. That's fine. Totally different.

This is not apples and oranges. Yeah. Yeah. So it specifically spreads. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. All right.

Okay. I see where you are. I think it's fine. And sometimes like a little snack that I'll make sure I have with me in my bags at all times. My bags. My bags. My bags. My various bags.

I will mix. This is very posh, but if the shoe fits. Dried cherries. Yep. With like a raw cashew. Oh, right. Yeah, that's good. And that's fantastic.

And I could give it to you right now and you'd be like, Sarah, that's really special. And I would say, James, I know. I think I've had it. Yeah, it's really good. Yeah, maybe I've given it to you because I've always got it with me. And that is a combination of a fruit and a nut. Yes. Why is that different from peanut butter and jelly?

Blended. Yeah, but I will take, you know, I will take two nuts to one cherry pop them in and it's so it's something to do with that's so specific like sometimes my husband will put like jam and butter on a piece of toast and i'll feel that i'm going what are you gonna have on toast what would you have i would have um nut butter alone on toast butter alone mostly if i had a piece of toast my ideal would be to dip that into a very expensive olive oil that i'd sprinkled some salt

into yeah and not just some bullshit salt some friggin like pink himalayan rock salt i'm a little snot but the only redeeming factor is that I know that I am. Yeah, that's fine. It's great. That's so good. And just try that the next time you're like, look at this nice hunk of bread. What should I do? Olive oil, rock salt. You should have some of that shit in your house because it's really not that expensive.

It's the price of a pint. Yeah. And you will feel that you're living your best life when you're like, let me get my pink rock salt out of my cupboard. I'm going to go shopping on the way home today and I'm going to get myself some. Oh. I'll treat myself. That's what, when's your birthday? It's not until September.

Shit. Yeah. When is your, when is your partner's birthday? June. No birthday soon. No birthday soon. All right. I'm going to get you some, I'm going to get you some nice shit.

All right. Okay. You know, every day can be a birthday. Every day. Of course. I don't need an occasion. What's going can be a birthday. Every day, of course. I don't need an occasion. What's going to be your drink choice? I struggled with this.

I mean, basically, my entire life, I have hated all sodas. Just like... From the time I was... It's not a health thing. It's not like, oh, it's bad for you to drink a bunch of cola. Like as a kid, it was so fun. You know, it's what people did to be like oh mom can i have a coke baba coca-cola root beers any soda anything is it's disgusting to me can't get it down don't

know why sugar is it sugary yeah but i like sugar yeah i mean i don't i've never had a major sweet tooth i don't like anything you know but but i don't think it's that it's like you know the the the flavor of coca-cola is like the biggest greatest mystery in the world right other than like the perfect ketchup so it's a strange thing like why don't i like it and i don't know that would be orange juice apple juice flat like flat drinks like that it's never my go-to. No, yeah. You know, I mean, what I genuinely love, and I have, if I may say, my relationship to food is not the most, I mean, it's fine, but I feel like most people are weird with food.

You're a lucky person if you're just like a totally functional eater. But I have a very functional relationship with alcohol. Yeah, okay. I mean, I love a drink, and I very rarely get that drunk. But I love straight liquor. Okay. All right. I will never mix my liquor with anything.

I don't want ice in there. I just want a straight shot of something. I love the taste of pure alcohol. Isn't that weird? Yeah. No, it's great. I mean, I never get very drunk and I don't drink that much. But I just even like if I take nail polish off my nails, the smell of like nail polish remover, the alcohol.

So there's something about that potency that really works for me. And I feel like on some scale, like on a flavor scale is is something about like sweet sodas, the other side. Yeah. But orange juice, like when I see with a beautiful glass of champagne cut with... Orange juice. Orange juice, I'm like, come on. Yeah. No, don't spoil it.

Yeah. Tonic and gin? No, just the gin. Have you always been like that? Yeah. I mean, no, it took me a while to figure it out. Okay. And I would say it's the own... like my husband the other night was like,

oh, because it's like a Christmas present for myself. I bought myself a bottle of, like a small bottle of rum. Nice. I was like, I'm just going to drink that rum straight when I want it, like between Christmas and New Year's. Great. Pour myself a shot of rum. And my husband was like, oh, do you remember when we were first together,

like you'd always, like I would order like bourbon, neat. Yeah. And I just like throw back scotch. And it really doesn't fit with my personality. Yeah. Like that's cool, right? If I may say that's a cool thing. Yeah, it's cool.

Yeah, it's nice. But it really, no other aspect of me is cool in that way. But I can hold my scotch. It's so strange. Yeah. It's so. But you enjoy it as well oh god right i'm not doing it as an affect yeah like i'm the woman who always packs a lunch i always have food on me it's very uncool i'm always taking tupperware out yeah with food

that is not the woman who orders a neat scotch no yeah And yet it is. Yeah. Anyway, so soda is my non-drink. Soda, yeah, okay. All right. Fizzy drinks. No fizzy drinks. All right. Was there like a time in your childhood where you were denied a soda? Well, my mother was very weird.

My mother was Miss Health Food. So you didn't have them in the house? No, never. But there were other things. We could never have sugary cereals. We could never, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But I can remember, like, then I would get to go to a friend's house to play and I would get to have, like, Honey Nut Cheerios or Cookie Crisp

or, you know, these different, like, really sugary cereals and I would live and die for them. And I would want to want a Coke. Yeah. Because then you would think, like, because you denied it at home, you might go the other way and you'd go around someone else's house and you'd be like, this is my opportunity. Let me hit this. Yeah. Because then you would think, like, because you denied it at home, you might go the other way and you'd go around someone else's house and you'd be like,

this is my opportunity. Let me hit this. Yeah. Never. Okay. All right. Fizzy drinks. Fizzy drinks.

And straight scotch. And straight scotch. Yeah. I'm so cool. Yeah, I know. Sarah, fortunately for you, you won't be without entertainment on the island. The Plains Entertainment System continues to work,

but just your luck, it only has two working working settings one is your least favorite film of all time and one is your least favorite song oh right what are they and why okay so i i i i played the movie thing as least least favorite of recent years and i really took issue with Baby Driver. Yes. Okay. I haven't seen it, but I've heard. Okay. I'll let you do it. So when I went to see it, it was like, you know, and it's always a problem when you're suffering under the weight of high expectations. And it was like, oh, students will be studying this.

It is the millennial answer to Pulp Fiction. And you know, Pulp Fiction is one of my favorite films of like, you know, like everybody else, whatever, but in my opinion, an incredible film. And I found the representation of women was so insane that if it had come up,

even in a less woke period in history. So it's like, hold on, I'm going to watch a young 25-year-old listen to music and drive around. And the message about women is sometimes women are tough. Okay. Other times women are really sweet. Okay. Like it was so offensive to me.

Yeah. That even if it hadn't been spoken about in this brilliant young director, like, I couldn't believe it got away with what it got away with and was heralded as brilliant cinema. Wow. I'll watch some shit from the male gaze, no problem. Yeah. But I'd like it to be good.

Okay, yeah, sure. And this was just, like, I really, really hated Baby Driver. That's all. Okay, Baby Driver. Baby Driver, two thumbs down from me. You're going to have to deal with that for the rest of your life. And what's going to be your song choice?

Well, this is the song that makes my skin crawl because it evokes such a painful personal memory for me, which is, it's a song called Extraordinary. It's from the early noughties. It's by Liz Phair. And I don't even know if she was a thing over here because I felt like that was sort of the 90s were when Britain and the States really went in different directions with their music. And I can't remember whether we'd converged again by like 2002 or three but so there's this this song and the lyrics go and i'm gonna sing it and we're gonna make eye contact and it's okay uncomfortable okay but she

goes i am extraordinary if you'd only get to know me and that's like part of the song you can keep eye contact either did i not oh i got too too, I was like, this is too uncomfortable. So I used to, when I was in New York in my 20s, early 20s, and I was waiting tables and I had this debilitating crush on this guy who worked in the kitchen. Like the kind of crush, you know, it's like, it's the highs are so high and the lows are so low and you're like 22 and it's all great and so miserable and that song was popular and i would ride my bike

home from this job at like midnight because restaurants are open so late there which they are in london now too so it's fine anyway and they're the bridges in new york that connect manhattan to queens and bro and Brooklyn are these huge epic things. Right, yeah. Long and short of it, too late, I'm riding my bike up and down the Queensborough Bridge, which is the big, epic, long, it's the most famous looking one other than the Brooklyn Bridge. Okay. And it's midnight on a Tuesday and there's no one around.

And I'm thinking about this guy and I'm singing to myself about myself I am extraordinary if you'd only get to know me and someone else whizzed by me on his bike and went

I can hear you and it was like one of the most humiliating things that's ever happened that's horrible i am extraordinary if you'd only get to know me that's sad yeah anyway he's a loser he's dead yeah he i they always are but this is the thing they always are but he got together several years later. Anyway, I won in the end, James. That's all you have to know.

That's the short version. Mama won in the end. I'll leave it there. No, that's great. Love it. Sarah, finally, the island is overrun by the biggest dick of all the animals. Which animal is it? Sort of a cop-out answer, but basically I feel that it's dogs yes so dogs are wonderful right man's best friend so dogs are great but dogs owned by dicks okay dicks that's good yeah

that's really good so a dog it's like children right like i've got like kids are you i've just recently met your daughter she's such a sweetie pie thank like i've got like kids are you i've just recently met your daughter she's such a sweetie pie thank you very much but some kids are fucking dicks they are like you meet a two-year-old and you're like you're a little dick i don't feel warmly towards you and so so many dogs are just the sweetest dogs of all time but then you meet these owners who like somehow think their dog is more special than other dogs. And you're like your dog, like as a consequence of you thinking your dog is that special,

your dog's a dick. Yeah. And because dogs are kind of so human-y in their ways, they can be the shittiest animals. So a dog owned by a dick raised by a person who thinks their dog is the specialist dog. You do, you get people like that,

but also people that are dicks and they make their dogs dicks because they're dicks right yeah people are like get the status dogs and that kind of stuff no more someone who's it's and i mean i think it's the same thing with children yeah it's like if your kid probably you probably think it's about your kid i probably think about my kid like i believe that the sun shines out of my son's asshole yeah sure right so there's some part of me as i'm walking down the shines out of my son's asshole yeah sure right so there's some part of me as i'm walking down the street with him that everyone's looking at me being like i can't believe she got the greatest kid oh my god she's the luckiest but intellectually i understand

on every possible level my kid is unspecial if anything he's a bit remedial it seems to me your daughter is like speaking in full sentences. She's like barely even two. My kid can't do anything special. She's a little bit older. No, no, no. But I know kids her age. And she's verbally quite advanced, it seems. Anyway, so these people who do seem to think their kids are special.

And it's like, they're not. They're just another kid. No one gives a shit. Yeah. No one gives a fuck about your child. Really? Not really. And it's the same thing with a dog.

Yeah, for sure. So these people who are like, I know, he's just always been so... Nope. Nobody cares. We're happy that it's a companion, but no one cares in a real way. Can you think of an occasion like anyone that you know? Well, obviously this comes from a place of trauma james when i was 12 i was in a rollerblading phase so i've gone like a morning rollerblade and i was going down a hill on my rollerblades and this woman with an airdale was

like get out of his way he hates people on rollerblades and so i i didn't know how to stop so i got onto the um grass the passive patch of grass and the dog jumped up and bit me in my stomach like i can show you a scar and she said so just imagine that your dog has bitten a 12 year old like that that's happened to you as a person and she went i told you he doesn't like rollerblades. And I was a child and it was a grownup yelling at me. Anyway, my father sort of, and you know, my husband is like Mr. Animals. My father is not Mr. Animal. When my father found out about this and my dad just like paint a picture, he's five foot four. He's a tiny man. He's very, he's like very beta male. And my father went knocking door to door around like

a town of a hundred thousand people until he found the fucking i got the dog taken away from the owner which you could argue is like a little too aggressive but this shouldn't be you have a kid yeah for sure yeah yeah so to that dog and that woman okay they're the worst dog owner and dog that i've ever encountered but now looking back on it i just hate the woman the dog is just raised by a bitch yeah no pun intended not quite a pun but you know what i mean so uh people that just love their dogs too much and that's it and yeah any dog raised by a person who thinks their dog is special excellent thank you so much pleasure sarah um if people want to find you where can they find you? Well they can find me on Twitter

at Sarah spelled Sarah S-A-R-A Baron B-A-R-R-O-N but the truth is I don't really tweet If I do a gig and someone says can you retweet it I retweet a gig I'm doing but I think the honest answer is that I'm not worth following

I know but let's be honest but that's where you can find me But is there anywhere anyone can see you, Rick and Lee? Well, if they want to check out my gigs, they can look at my Twitter. But I only retweet my gigs sporadically, but doesn't really, you know. Amazing. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you very much. Pleasure. Bye.