Desert Island Dicks - SARAH CALLAGHAN

Episode Date: March 7, 2022

Comedian Sarah Callaghan joins Dan to discuss all that she believes to be frightful in the world. Well, not quite ALL that is frightful, but a few select people and things she'd hate to be stuck on an island with. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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host endorsements or run a reproduced ad like this one across thousands of shows to reach your target audience with Lipson Ads. Go to LipsonAds.com now. That's L-I-B-S-Y-N-Ads.com. Hi, I'm Dan from Desert Island Dicks. This episode features comedian and writer Sarah Callaghan, and we had a lovely chat about the things and people that she'd hate to be stuck on a desert island with. I mean, that much is obvious because that's the nature of the show. I mean, obviously, you know, what else would we be talking about? Sometimes the conversation crosses over into other areas, but mainly it's in the arena of talking about things and people she hates. So, you know, that's that.

Just my usual little request to ask if you could give us a review and a rating and subscribe. That would be great. And also subscribing obviously means that you never miss an episode. So that's very handy indeed. Okay, let's keep it short today. Here's the podcast with Sarah Callaghan

on Desert Island Dicks. Hi, I'm Dan Benedictus and welcome to Desert Island Dicks, the show that sees you marooned on a desert island after a plane crash with the worst people and worst things imaginable. Who they are and why they're a dick is up to our guest and here to share their Desert Island Dicks with us today is comedian and writer Sarah Callaghan. How are you doing? I'm good. I'm uh yeah I'm very well. I've just woken up but but I'm ready. I ready for this I guess your mood for this podcast might depend quite heavily on whether you're a morning person or not yeah well but well I mean it's a bit it's past morning now in it so I'm in that gray area oh yeah I mean technically it's mid-morning but I mean I just I guess I'm whatever time I wake up I'm just useless for about two hours

so I mean you know yeah I'm definitely a night owl for sure. So, I mean, how did you find it today choosing your dicks for the island? Quite easy. I hate quite a lot of stuff. So, yeah, pretty much all of them came to mind straight away. There was only like one or two that I had to think about. Okay. So maybe, because a lot of people sort of fall into either there's a camp of people find it really hard because they don't want to offend people or the other camp is there's so many people

it's difficult to sort of narrow it down but you seem like you're quite decisive then yeah yeah I am yeah okay cool do you do you enjoy a bit of a rant normally or are you more reserved? Yeah, I would say so, especially over the last two years. There's been quite a lot to rant about. Yeah, yeah, definitely. Cool, all right. Well, let's just get into it then. Who's going to be the first person joining you on the island?

Unfortunately, it's going to be Amanda Holden. Okay, Amanda Holden. And what's your beef with amanda i just find her really annoying i feel like she's like super fake she always tries to like be funny and she's not or like be a bit like like kooky and like out there and say something that's like shocking but it's just like i know it's not her you know i mean i just i just like she she'll be a bit of a I mean I've never met her personally but I get the vibe that she might be a bitch off camera you know yeah she reminds me of one of those old porcelain dolls do you know what I mean like she could smash quite easily and I don't know if it's because of like the way I don't know she's put together on telly or something does she looks quite brittle

you know what I mean and I feel like her personality would be similar. Yeah, I agree, totally. Because it's weird, isn't it? There's a lot of sort of TV presenters out there that sort of do a similar role. And I guess, you know, it's something I wouldn't be able to do. But like some of them sort of are more believable than others. I feel like with her, it's difficult to imagine her being

that sort of soft and fluffy off camera. Yeah, she seems very fake. But then I could be wrong, you know what I mean? Like there's so many times where you might judge someone like that and then it's difficult to imagine her being that sort of soft and fluffy off camera. Yeah, she seems very fake. But then I could be wrong. You know what I mean? Like, there's so many times where you might judge someone like that and then it's wrong. But I don't know, with her, I haven't really, I haven't really, like, read anything where she's been, like, really nice or done good things or, you know? So I'm like, if she was a good person, that would have come out at some stage, innit? Yeah, yeah.

I mean, I don't really know anything about her it just seems like but i mean to be honest i'm not sort of sort of person that would read anything that had her in it or like you know or watch anything with it so it's kind of you know my my lack of knowledge about her is is quite easy to keep up you know um is there anything to her like what's what's her deal just does tv and then that's it that's. It's like, what do you even do love? And, um, did you see that show that she did with, um, Keith Lemon? Where I saw a trailer for it where he's sort of,

he's dressed up as her grandmother. Yeah. That's so random. So now she's like getting into like acting and all that. And, um, I just want the whole show was shit. And I don't think he got the good reviews in that.

I just, I think she's really, um, clutching at straws, clutching at straws yeah yeah so that cv show for anyone who hasn't seen it Keith Lemon dresses up in like heavy prosthetics pretends to be her sort of awkward grandmother who's staying with her and then she invites someone famous around for dinner and then the grandmother says awful things and it's sort of like hidden camera, isn't it? Yeah, that's basically it, yeah.

But it's very, very weird. Well, the weirdest thing I thought about that, I mean, it's a very strange concept, but in the trailer I watched, there's a bit where she's eating sushi and she calls wasabi wasabi. And I thought, to me, that's the makings of a psychopath. Yep, she's a murderer. So, you know, on the practicalities of a desert island as well then, do you think she'd sort of – I can't imagine her getting stuck in.

No, I don't think she'd get stuck in. And then she'd – I reckon she'd be one of them ones that would just go on and on and on, like, about all these different stories, like trying to name drop and just get the vibe that she'd think she's better than you and that just do my like just yeah wouldn't get stuck in wouldn't come up with any helpful ideas yeah I think presenters are quite a weird bunch because it's something like you know if you're like globally famous like if you're a film star or something you're acting you're in these big

productions and you're sort of famous worldwide so I can sort of see why they kind of become a bit strange but when your presenters like it's such a local kind of specific sort of fame that only relates to the shows they're on you know I mean outside of that like big circus there's nothing really going on it's weird that they've become celebrities because I don't know when that started I mean the whole celebrity culture has grown over the years, but I'm sure back in the day, presenters weren't as big celebrities as they are today. You know what I mean? I think they've gone with the whole celebrity culture because really it is not a skill and it's not a talent as such.

It's not like they've spent years training and learning and singers or dancers or actors or anything like that you know I mean it's like yes people can be good and bad at presenting but ultimately it's just reading an autocue and being confident and good looking you know so yeah because in the past you think like to be a sort of a prime time be on prime time telly or like an interview program or like a entertainment show you had to be like you know a bit witty or kind of charming or but like I say she just sort of reminds me of like a robot or a mannequin or something you know it's like I get that you're doing all the things but there's nothing

sort of there's no sparkle in the eye you know it's kind of dead she's got no soul I am I don't know what um where she came from before though i what's her story i need to actually i should give her a google but i just can't bear to uh look at her face skew your algorithms and then you get lots of news about yeah exactly fair enough okay yeah i think she'd be hard work on a desert island and i think she's a good choice um it's going to be interesting to see the interplay between her and the other characters on the island. So let's see who's going to be joining her.

Right. Along with her, I think we're going to have Jacob Bruce-Mogg. Oh, yes, of course. Now, I mean, a lot of us can imagine why you'd picked him, but let's hear your workings out. So I actually do think that he is like some sort of like alien or like devil reincarnation in human form yeah because the way he speaks again very robotic very strange very odd like his skin tone and that um

and the fact he doesn't do anything for himself i feel like he would just like um what's the word like if he's a computer he's just like glitch if he tries to make his own cup of tea or put his own kids to bed and shit um so yeah i just i just think he's a weirdo and he should i think him i think him and amanda would get on though to be honest yeah well except i think he's gonna see her well he sees everyone as so below his level. I can imagine him going, well, you know, you just host silly, trivial, vulgar TV shows. But like some of them you think, okay, I don't like your politics,

but we could probably find some middle ground. We'll have a laugh, have a few drinks. Yeah, and after a while when society is just an irrelevance that we'll never get back to, then it's okay. But with Jacob Rees-Mogg, I just think you'd have to do something about him. But it's annoying, though, because I hate him so much, but obviously I couldn't kill him and eat him because there's not much of him. So I don't know what value he'd have for me on the island you

know i mean yeah i might have said this before on the podcast but i'm sort of obsessed with the shape of him because like he looks like a really skinny man right but if you see him he's got really like wide suits and i wonder if it's like he started off skinny, but because he's obviously never done any exercise and he just lives on like foie gras and like claret and stuff. You know what I mean? I bet it feels like underneath his head or underneath his neck is just like a really weird shape because he has these big shapeless suits on. Or like maybe he is like part alien, like you say.

And it's just, there's all kinds of like, you know, he's just covered in nipples or something just some bizarre fucking yeah like just some weird shit going on or like like he'd lift up his shirt and it's just like thatcher's head inside inside his stomach just controlling everything and go on say something mean you know what that wouldn't be the weirdest thing that's happened this year to find find that out, that would be mad. Yeah. He's the sort of person who says things about, like, come on, you've got to roll your sleeves up and get on with it

and we won the war and blah, blah, blah. But if it came down to a survival situation where you are, you know, and you said, come on then, let's grit our teeth and get on with it, he would just fall to pieces, I think. Oh, he'd be absolutely fucking useless. Can you imagine him digging a hole in those oversized suits like he's got no he's got no muscles and even if he sort of put aside his disdain for you as a person i bet his chat must be terrible you know because what you know what life experiences he got that would have in common

with you know 90 of the population you'd sort of go oh well of course you know the great roman poet uh described it as thus and you'd go what what is it stop coming out with quotes that i don't understand or you know and and it worked the same way you'd kind of go oh it's like that song and you just have no idea unless it was like some 14th century Gregorian chant or something. Yeah. And I feel like it's like diseased meat. Like if I ate it, then I would become something, you know? Yeah, or you'd eat him and then like after a while you'd start going,

well, I don't know, maybe they could privatise bits of the NHS, wouldn't be so bad. Oh, hang on, what's going on? Yeah. Well, that's another fine choice. Right, what's going on yeah well that's another another fine choice right who's going to round out the trio then now i don't know specific names because i cannot watch more than you know a minute of the show i find it so jarring but um anyone from made in chelsea okay yeah yeah yeah good literally and any of the people on it they're all equally tedious

and annoying yeah so i've never really watched it but it felt like made in essex came first and it was a bit sort of like haha let's laugh at these awful people and then someone went oh but there's awful posh people too then it looks like we're balanced do you know what i mean like and both things are really horrible ideas like the fact that tv is mostly kind of just going look at these pricks you know it's just such a such a horrible comment on society that these shows are so popular well it's like i i don't mind the only way is essex it's like yes it's trash it's trash. It's trash reality TV. But at least with them, when you get past the way they speak, they're actually quite intelligent people.

They all own businesses. They're entrepreneurs. They, you know, have come from nothing and they've made loads of money. And they're really hardworking, really into family, strong family values. So I kind of relate to them more and i respect them a lot more even if they are you know they do chat shit and whatever um have their lips done and whatever but the made in chelsea lot are scum in my eyes because all they do is expect handouts they're living off mummy and daddy and just because they've gone to a posh education had a posh education they're actually really thick they're not they're not intelligent at all they're not street smart very emotionally um retarded and like yeah i just i just find them the the worst humans on earth because they they don't benefit the earth in any way that it's just take take take take take

and they're fucking horrible to each other they like cheat on their partners they like mug off their best friends they don't give a shit about their families they're just like horrible people like you could be really common as muck or really poor just be a nice person and they got loads of money and they're just horrible horrible horrible people so yeah that's why i don't like them a lot yeah no i mean it's hard to argue against that viewpoint I mean like it's weird isn't it it's like also when you know that someone's started off really wealthy and then by being a twat on screen they get more money and fame is quite it's quite annoying so annoying yeah I don't know it just seems like a weird culture to be in

you know it's like how have you become like a weird culture to be in you know it's like how how have you become like this when you've had like you know you haven't had to struggle like you should just be really content be really glad that you can not work and just I don't know get strange beauty treatments all day well it's because they don't know the other side. So you can only experience, you know, gratitude and joy if you've had bad times, you know. It's like the dark and light. It's the opposites, isn't it? So because they've never had the contradicting emotions

of, you know, struggling and not having any money, of course they're not going to feel content because that's what they've always known. You know what I mean? So that's where the entitlement comes from and the continuous take-take behaviour and just treating people like shit because they've never known i mean it's um so that's where the entitlement comes from and the continuous take take behavior and just treating people like shit because they've never had to like ask someone for a favor or um you know work for shit wages and make sacrifices and all this sort

of stuff so they just they they just have no there's no depth there's they're just completely one-dimensional characters and it's like i feel like it's such a wasted life, to be honest. And I definitely feel like they shouldn't be put on TV. No, definitely. Not unless there's going to be some kind of televised trial or something, which seems like maybe the next logical step. But a few of them have tried to start doing stand-up, and that's really fucked me off as well.

Oh, I can imagine they wouldn't be popular. And it's so bad but again because they go through life just getting everything hand on a plate you know life for them is relatively easy um they uh i've gigged with a couple of them at gigs and um like at good gigs with good lineups and like they think that they can just the comedy is easy they can just write a set and go on stage and say it oh stand up comedy's just talking right i'm like um no it's not but yep go on go ahead and then they go on stage and i'm like the crowd would be like because like they've recognized them as celebrity and then they start doing the jokes and it's so bad and as they just start to just die so horrifically i'm like i can't

help it but stand at the sides and just be like enjoying the car I'm like not as easy as it looks mate you know you can't get your fame can't get you everywhere you know because I was thinking I just don't want them to have a leg up in that industry you know what I mean it's not fair well also yeah I mean it's a hard industry isn't it and and like you have to work really hard and do a lot of work all the time and work your way up and it's like yeah i mean i guess that must be a real baptism of fire though because like coming in at a sort of level where you haven't had to do all the small gigs as well must be sort of really eye-opening for them i think it's it's weird as well isn't it because you know like the way it works they sort

of get all these people and they say okay what what have you cunts been up to this week and they say well i had a fallout with whatever she's called and we did that and then they have to reenact it having a life where those things happen and then reenacting it for money it's just so weird it's weird it's very strange it's a it's a strange time that we live in and if you went back to like i don't know the fucking 1800s and told them that these are tv shows that not only are going to be made in the future but people are going to really enjoy and they're going to be very successful and win BAFTAs and shit um i don't think they believe us i mean even like 30 years ago yeah the other thing is actually i just thought like you've got reese mogg

and he's obviously posh and the maiden chelsea people are posh but they're posh in very different ways so i think they're gonna grate each other as well aren't they and then like amanda holden i can imagine sort of simultaneously thinking she's better than people but also wanting to be kind of close to them she'll try and be like one of the girls from made in chelsea and it's like she'll try and like pally up with them and they'll just be like what are you doing you old bitch get away from me i'm sort of wincing at the idea of these people together on an island with you so i mean this is this is a strong start but um we're gonna move on from people now because mercifully amongst the wreckage of the plane, there was some food and drink left over.

Unfortunately for you, it's your least favourite food and drink in the world. What are they and why are they so bad? OK, so the food is raw tomatoes. OK, what is it about raw tomatoes that does your head in well the taste for starters the skin inside it's all squishy and it's like if you put a raw tomato in a sandwich it turns everything wet and sloppy and like it just it completely overpowers anything else like if it's in a salad it's just disgusting literally the thought of it makes me gag i hate it so much and then i hate people oh yeah but you eat tomato ketchup i'm like it doesn't taste the same it's nothing it's nothing like raw tomato

tomato ketchup is nothing like raw tomato tomato ketchup is more like vinegary it's sort of like salt in there sugar in there other bits and bobs like it's yeah and cooked tomatoes fine but raw tomatoes no no no disgusting horrible because i'm completely the other way around because i i love all things tomatoey except for tomato sauce oh my god you know obviously i have to sort of critique a lot of stuff on this podcast and most of the things is you know i have to sort of slag off things i like but i do find it hard with tomatoes because i think i'm like they're one of my favorite things like if i'm hungover like i crave them like it's really weird like anything anything tomatoey like it like it's like my body needs it i don't know what it is that's in them well they're supposed

to be quite good for you i think though aren't they that's why it's controversial because and also it's just like it's such a common thing, like to have in sandwiches, to have in salads, to have as a starter, like to have with cheese on bruschetta. And like, it's, it's, I wish I liked it because it's, it makes, it's in a lot of food and a lot of people will automatically give it to you because they think that you wouldn't not like it. Same as cucumber. I hate cucumber as well. Disgusting. And like, so it's annoying. It does make my life hard. But I can't help it. So I had coronavirus in October 2020. I caught COVID. And the main symptom of that is your smell and taste goes. And I was like, I couldn't figure out whether it had gone or not and i was like i was getting really worried in that because i had no other symptoms i felt completely fine but i was just like oh fuck i'm a bit worried that i've caught this so just before i did a test i was i had this and my mum she gave me a tomato raw tomato and she was like see if you can eat this because usually i would gag there's no way i would ever be able to have it in my mouth yeah and I had this piece of tomato raw tomato

and I chewed chewed chewed it swallowed it and it was wow I couldn't taste it and she was like oh my god you've got COVID and that was it that was that was the decider and I couldn't believe it that's that's like sort of like a lateral flow for you isn't it it's like a sort of easy lateral flow without having to like jab stuff down your throat and your nose yeah i mean i tell you what like because i really like them that means i have a lower tolerance for bad versions of them so like if it was like shit tomato that you get in a shit sandwich you know like from a petrol station or something then that i would happily throw that away you know and it is just a wet mushy horrible stuff and given that

your plane has crashed they will be the sort of tomatoes that you get from a plane so they'll be really cold like almost you know really sort of mushy you know watery horrible thing so yeah in that respect you're gonna i mean they're gonna be bad tomatoes just chuck them at the other people on the island yeah and imagine just having to eat like just living off tomatoes would be quite hard like to be full from them i mean i love them but to eat enough to be full would be quite difficult actually i'm starting to feel a bit queasy that the thought of that is disgusting, oh my God. And also, like, rotting fruit and veg, like, stinks so bad.

Yeah. So that's another thing as well. They're going to be starting to go rotten and that. Ugh. Dirty. And what would your drink choice be? Again, another controversial thing because a lot of people love it. It's a British delicacy, but the drink would be tea. Tea, okay.

It tastes like fucking nothing. I don't understand why people are like, lovely cup of tea, so thirst quenching. First of all, it's just hot water and the taste of tea is just like like cardboard like i just what i would imagine like pissy cardboard to taste like bland shit even if you put loads of sugars in it i i don't understand why people love it so much and why people say it really quenches their thirst i don't know how a hot drink ever can and people will drink you know three or four cups of it a day i don't i just don't understand it i will never like it i don't know how a hot drink ever can and people will drink you know three or four cups of

it a day i don't i just don't understand it i will never like it i don't get it um but yeah people people seem to um really love it yeah i don't like i don't know about thirst quenching because it's sort of it's the you know you wouldn't want to neck it down quickly if you were thirsty but you don't give it to people when they're finishing a marathon do you yeah exactly down it at the finish line yeah here you go you've run 26 miles there's a lovely hot cup of tea blow on it i went on holiday once and there was this guy and like it was really hot it was you know like mid 30s and there was this guy on the beach who would always just sit there drinking tea and then someone it was a sort of place we're all there for like you know a while so everyone got to know each other a bit and then i heard one guy saying like how are you drinking tea and he was like

oh but you know it cools you down doesn't it because it raises like it helps you sweat and then it cools you down it's like if i give you this cold bottle of water i think you're going to be more cool than this fucking hot cup of tea it's bizarre and also it's like it's caffeine as well it's not good for you it's actually i actually don't think it's good for you i think it's all a trap apparently there's lots of antioxidants but i hear people talk about antioxidants all the time oh blueberries lots of antioxidants but that's like fruit teas but no one knows what they are like it's like what do they do then you're like well it's anti-oxidizing but like no one actually they

just get you read it on the label of something go haha antioxidants this is great this will help yeah but yeah i i think normal tea bags they wouldn't have that though it's like fair enough like fruit teas or you know like proper tea when they brew it and stuff. I can understand there being some really good benefits of that sort of tea, but most people are having Tetleys, isn't they? Or just having like a tea bag. You don't know what's in it. It could be anything.

Yeah, because if you open a tea bag, it's just like ground up dust, isn't it? Exactly. It's so disgusting. I just don't know why people love it fair choice okay you're a podcast listener and this is a podcast ad reach great listeners like yourself with podcast advertising from lips and ads choose from hundreds of top podcasts offering host endorsements or run a reproduced ad like this one across thousands of shows to reach your target audience with Lipson Ads. Go to lipsonads.com now. That's L-I-B-S-Y-N ads.com. Now, Sarah, fortunately, you won't be without entertainment on the island.

The Plains Entertainment System continues to work, but just your luck, it only has two working settings. One is your least favourite film of all time, and the other is your least favourite song what are they and why hey least favorite song it's not one song but it's just anything by abba okay yeah i don't understand why they were so famous and popular because um yeah the songs are just really jarring to me and and and um they're always played on the radio that's the thing like anywhere you go in the world like they're so like famous and that, and a lot of, they've got so many fans.

And to the point, the reason why I hate them so much is the fact that I know the lyrics to pretty much all of their songs. Yeah. Because they're played all the time. And I remember hearing it from, you know, young as well,

like always on the radio when you go to like holiday camp or, you know, fucking caravan holiday, like a disco, like they're always played it's it's even worse when you don't like someone but you're so familiar with the songs um and uh yeah so it just gets under my skin as soon as i hear an abitrack it just oh makes me cringe i hate it yeah because when you when you know the song like i worked at a radio station for years so

i'm very familiar with getting knowing the words to songs I don't like and and it means when they get stuck in your head they really get stuck in your head because you know all the words and if you're at a wedding sometimes you know you're all having a great time then that comes on and it's like it does remind me of being made to dance against my will a lot you know like like I love dancing I love music but I hate dancing to anything that I don't like you know like I can't sort of put it on I'll just go and sit down for a bit until something better comes on and ABBA's a real like because because it's sort of something like the aunties like as well and they'll be like come on come on drag you up and you're like oh god this is awful

it's cruel if someone does it on karaoke that's the worst yeah the the other day we're in the kitchen we had some like i don't know just whatever station we'd found and it was quite good like you know had some like upbeat tunes on and there was this like housey mix that was quite good and then the dj went into like a sort of house mix of um dancing queen and it was like what the fuck are you doing like this is this is, and it was so jarring. Well, that's the problem. It brings these tracks back round and makes them current again when they get remixed like that.

So you're hearing the old version, then you're hearing the remixed version, and then you've got kids. It's like, I mean, I actually really like the song, to be honest, but you've got that Boney M track that got remixed. Everyone loves it. Rasputin. And then now it's like my mum said to me, she finds it so funny that you've got young kids

singing Boney M songs in 2022. It's like, what the fuck? It is strange. Yeah, I didn't realise it was a remix and I heard it on some video. It was like some montage I saw on some program. And I was like, why are they using this? Yeah.

But when they do it with like ABBA songs, I'm just like, oh, my God, I cannot believe it. Because then, you know, they're not going to go away for a long time. No, they're not. I think they're there forever now, I think. Well, OK. So, well, I think we're going to have to give you like, you know, like a triple CD box set best of ABBA then or something. Or their complete back catalogue, I guess. Oh, God, well, I think we're going to have to give you, like, you know, like a triple CD box set, Best of ABBA then or something, or their complete back catalogue, I guess. Oh, God, please don't.

To make it fair. Because then at least you can sort of really appreciate why you hate them so much. And you can imagine Amanda Holder's going to be all over it. She's going to be there on the equivalent of your table, dancing away. Oh, she'll be loving it, won't she? Made in Chelsea crew, maybe. They won't know what's going on i don't think i think they won't even know who they are yeah fair enough what would your film choice be so i don't know if you see it it

was um the premise sounded good the advert looked really good that's why i went to see it it was called let it be and it was oh yeah it was about a guy who um wanted to be a singer like he was at college and stuff and like he was doing all these open mics he wanted to be a singer and then something happened like he got struck by lightning or banged his head and when he woke up the beatles didn't exist right so when he went to like an open mic and was doing like a cover of a Beatles song everyone's like oh my god this is amazing the lyrics are amazing this song is great and he's like yeah yeah it's the Beatles and they're like who and he ends up like you know obviously recording all these Beatles songs because he knows the music and the lyrics and

stuff and getting as big and as famous as the Beatles and he becomes this world like worldwide phenomenon and that it gets really famous and then he's like say no no like it's not me it's not me because he enjoys it for a little bit and then he's like you've got to understand like you know I feel like a fraud it's the Beatles and then I can't remember what happens and it was so shit the acting in it was so shit everything was so unbelievable all the little like cameo roles were just really embarrassing the script was so weak and at the end it was like the sort of ending that was like and he woke up and it was all a dream sort of like like totally fucking wrote off the entire film that you've just sat through and watched it was

so pathetic so it was it was the worst film i've ever seen in my life and i'm so passionate and fucked off about never getting those two hours back i cannot believe that i've wasted my life watching it it's it should have been one of the ones that went straight to dvd why was it at the cinema i don't understand but yeah that's and i like the beatles and i feel like it was very disrespectful to the beatles to be honest so much of the beatles was like you know how it's played how it's recorded you know like the way it's done you know the people in the band i don't think that if i just heard some guy doing the same songs i'd go oh my god this is amazing like as if you know i saw the beatles for the first time and knew nothing about them i'd probably go fuck these guys are really good but just hearing some guy at an open mic i don't think just the

lyrics and the melody and up would you know it's not it's not it's more than that isn't it especially in our day and age i mean the reason why the beatles were so massive is because they were doing something that was so new to that time and also it's like it like you said it's it's because it was them they had charisma and they play their instruments really well. And they had a good relationship on stage and whatever. But like just, yeah, just one guy with a guitar. It's just because actually if you think of the lyrics and the songs really in this day and age, they're quite basic. You know what I mean? I know sometimes simple is better, but like compared to the music that's being made today it's like it's quite so it's so unrealistic that he would play that on open mic and people would go crazy because it's

like it's really nothing it it's not the same at all at all yeah and but it's just annoying because they pull the best bits in the advert in it so I feel like I was really roped into that one it's almost like a sort of cynical marketing ploy for the Beatles like it's almost like someone thought wow we need to get a new audience for the Beatles like maybe this will drum up some some new younger listeners or something not that I think they need their help but I mean because you know it's just got that sort of heavy-handedness about it of like hey guys everyone knows the Beatles are great right but what if they didn't exist I don't know it's just a bit simple

terrible terrible idea I would be really intrigued to see how much it made at the box office because I don't think it would have made a lot to be honest and I don't think it got that good reviews so I know I'm not alone in thinking it was a shit film yeah it does sound shit and I think um I think it's going to appeal to the Made in Chelsea people Jacob Rees-Mogg is going to be non-plus because I think the Beatles still count as noisy pop music in his opinion. And I think he'd probably love being contrary about it and just go, oh, the Beatles

are nonsense. Yeah, he'll make out he hasn't even heard of them. Amanda Holden, I think she'd probably like it wouldn't she? It seems like a simple, upbeat romantic comedy sort of style film. Is it romantic comedy? It's got that sort of vibe about it it did yeah it did have a romantic element to it yeah she'd like it because she she's trash okay uh well finally the island is overrun by the biggest dick of all the animals which animal is it and why it is going to be the eel the eel

oh yeah they're weird aren't they yeah what what is it about the eel particularly slimy they bite you um they just look disgusting they're so scary i don't really know what point they like what's their point on this earth like i don't know where they are in the food chain like what what do they what do they do and um yeah they just make me cringe I hate them yeah they're like big like sea worms but they're fast aren't they and like and some of them look really vicious like because like some of them I think have got quite decent teeth on them haven't they they sort of't they? And you can get electric eels. Yeah, what the fuck is that all about? I mean, that's like...

Mutant fish. Have you ever encountered an eel in any way? I haven't actually. I've never seen one in real life. But when I see them on documentaries or if I see a picture of one, instantly I just think, oh, God, I would just not want to be near them. Even to watch them, there's some fish that I don't I wouldn't want to be near but like you can watch them you think oh they look nice they're pretty or whatever but eels are just they're so ugly aren't they

yeah I tell you what actually just thinking I was like where have I seen one and I was thinking about where I saw one I did see one in a pond somewhere and I realized it was in Sydney in this like botanical garden right there were these ponds and they had these big eels inside that you could see. And there was a little sign about the... You get in parks and stuff telling you about the flora and fauna. And it said about the eels, these eels weren't put here by us. They've just somehow populated the pond. So we think they might have crawled in from somewhere.

And the idea of a fucking eel crawling around on land is scarier than a snake, I think, somehow. Just because the wetness of it and the fact that it's not supposed to be doing that. What's your game? I think they've been around for a long time, like the dinosaur period. Probably.

Look, I've just googled it yeah they said the ills um arose 65.5 million years ago okay so yeah like because i was thinking well who's going to eat them it's not like they've got anyone above them that's going to eat them like at a huge rate and they kind of just keep themselves themselves they just they just do their own thing and obviously they're like slugs so if you believe in that we all came from like slugs and evolved and everything from there all these years ago it's like and if they live in water they're not going to be you know they're not going to be affected by the ice age or any sort of meteor hitting hitting the earth whatever um or any sort of weather conditions they could just get by in it so that and that's that's what

scares me the fact that eels will outlive everybody they'll be around forever and it's just like the things they've seen you know things they've seen yeah the tales of an eel okay well i think that's a a good sort of final addition to the island just to make it even more unpleasant i think you've done a great job here sarah because i mean all the things and people that you've picked are dicks i mean as i said i like tea and tomatoes so i'm going to argue with you slightly about that but i know for the feelings they they conjure up in you i think you know it's a solid choice as well so thank you for coming on desert island dicks and sharing those today thanks for having me um what are you up to at the minute where can people see more of you um so i'm gigging

all over the place um i've got i'm working on some previews because i'm i've got a new show coming up so i'm doing leicester comedy festival um next thursday so if you're around in leicester please come to that and also and then um i've got a london preview on thursday the 24th of february at the bill murray in angel which is um a really um cute venue um so yeah just sort of working on that really cool nice one well we'll all keep up to date with what's going on and uh sarah thank you once again for coming on desert island dicks today thank you so much for having me. Nice one. There you go. Sarah Callaghan there sharing the worst people and things that she could be stuck on an island with, as is the whole remit of this podcast. Now, just to say, we haven't brought back Compact Dicks yet, but we plan to at some point.

So you can always get in touch with us. And if you just want to get in touch about anything, then please do. You can go to Dickspod.com slash contact. Or you can get in touch with us on instagram or twitter at dixpod so it's always nice to hear from you doesn't have to be anything particularly related to the podcast you can just say hi if you want but those are the means by which you can contact us desert island dicks is a sync clap production it was created by james deacon produced and presented by me dan Dan Benedictus,

edited by Chris Attaway. Social media support comes from Jason Leitch and Chinsey Clinton. And as always, a special mention to Grandmampster Flash for statistics and John Deacon for just knowing everything about the podcast and just being a solid pillar of the DixPod crew. That's that.

I'm done now. And so are we. Until another time when we bring you another wonderful guest on Desert Island Dix. Bye.