Desert Island Dicks - SHIT-FACED SHAKESPEARE: DAVID ELLIS

Episode Date: August 11, 2019

David Ellis from Shit-faced Shakespeare comes in for a special Shakespeare themed episode of the podcast. Be sure to follow the podcast @dickspod Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You're a podcast listener, and this is a podcast ad. Reach great listeners like yourself with podcast advertising from Lips and Ads. Choose from hundreds of top podcasts offering host endorsements, or run a reproduced ad like this one across thousands of shows to reach your target audience with Lips and Ads. Go to Lipsandads.com now. That's L-I-B-S-Y-Nynads.com. Hi, I'm James Deacon and welcome to Desert Island Dicks, the show that sees you marooned on a desert island after a plane crash with the worst people and worst things imaginable. Who they are and why they're a dick is up to you.

And here to share their desert island dicks with us today is David Ellis from Shitface Shakespeare. Hello. How are you doing? I'm fine. How are you? Yeah, very good. Good. Well, welcome. Thank you very much for coming in. My pleasure. My pleasure. I'm glad to be here. So you're from a Shakespeare company called Shitface Shakespeare. Yes. So, yeah, the actual company is called Magnificent Bastards Company.

We've done a very clever thing of making sure that there's a swear word in both our company name and the name of the show to make it really hard for us to get any sort of marketing out there. Yeah,

you can't use it anywhere. Any sort of adverts on the tube, no, forget about it. Emails getting sent to the spam, yeah. Oh, really?

So, yeah, the email, sorry, the company is Magnificent Bastard Productions and we do a show called Shit-Faced Shakespeare. Okay. And the premise of it is that we do

an entirely serious Shakespeare play with an entirely shit-faced actor. And what that will be is that we do an abridged version of a Shakespeare play. We've got a few that we do on rotation. The one that we're going out on tour to at the end of the year is Midsummer Night's Dream and we're doing

Hamlet in Leicester Square at the moment and Macbeth up in Edinburgh. So we'll do a condensed version of those Shakespeare plays, normally with five or six actors in the cast and also a compere that kind of oversees events and kind of introduces the concept at the beginning of the show and then four hours

before the show, one member of the cast and one member alone will start drinking a drink of their choice. Just one person? One person, which is, I don't know, it's one of those things, I think when people first start, they're like, so I've got to be hammered and everyone around me is going to be completely sober.

But I kind of look forward to it now. Do you? I just get to have everyone look after me. It's great. Is that what happens? So sort of the more drunk you get, everyone else has to sort of pitch in to make yours. Oh yeah.

You're not just like left in the room with a bottle of spirits. Right. Sort yourself out. We'll see you at Kern Cup. We'll see you at Kern Up. How drunk are you getting? Are you getting like paralytic, like really,

really drunk? So we say that, you know, the point where you're at a house party and you feel like you're the life and soul of the party. We want to be. We want to get people just before that, just before we put them out on stage. Because there's also the adrenaline factor as well.

That's a huge factor. Oh, of course. We never actually do any drinking for our auditions. We do quite rigorous auditions where we interview people as well and go, what is this person going to be like? But we'll never know for sure until we put them out on stage. The adrenaline is such a massive factor in it. Oh, my God.

That's great. So we don't want people so hammered that they can't speak and can't walk. But we need them to be, like, feeling very naughty, mischievous. Their inhibition's gone. Yes. And just, you know, up for a good time. Ready to mess about a bit. Yeah.

Yeah, this is really good. And I think before we go into this, because the listeners are listening, being like, okay, I can't wait to hear who David has chosen. What's your drink of choice? Do you know what? I've drunk loads. I've drunk. I started on rum and then that was dangerous. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, more recently it's been tequila, but I'll get into that a bit later on. That might be one of my things. OK, OK. All right. All right. OK. OK.

We've got an idea. Quite often at the moment just vodka soda lime nice and light nice and refreshing not too heavy you know because i don't know whether that's true about the whole thing that the darker the drink the worse the hangover i think that well i would say there might be something in that yeah certainly like red wine and rum you can get pretty vicious yeah yeah for sure yeah and then beer is also quite. Yeah. It just depends on the person. I could never drink beer or wine before a show because it makes me too sleepy. But there are people that do it.

So on tour, I guess you've got to rotate. But like someone is always drunk and then someone's always hungover. Which they're kind of like, we joke that they're the unsung hero of the show. Because it never gets announced unless the drunk person decides to do so. But's never part of the show that we go and by the way that person was drunk last night so if they're a bit slow tonight yeah okay i'm with you put two and two together so yeah but it's that's a challenge in all by itself i should have left this to the end but like the one more question yeah um is because of the nature of the show so you're drinking in the show yes does that mean that you go out and drink more

after the shows no so we have a thing after the show's called water hour which is exactly what it sounds in that when you finish the show we all finish the show by being given a beer by the compare and doing a toast to the audience nice but the second we get backstage that gets grabbed out of the drinker's hand replaced by a bottle of water and they monitored and given water until and bought food oh so you have to be controlled because of the nature that's great and again at some point because it always happens someone'll be like oh can i have a drink am i off water hour yeah and we go yeah okay you're off water hour but you remember easy yeah remember how much you drank earlier and we've all done it because like

you wake up the next morning and the hangovers from those nights are horrific because you've you've effectively got drunk twice in a day. Yeah. You got drunk, sobered up, and then got drunk again. And honestly, I feel... It sounds great, though. It sounds really good. I can't wait to see it.

Yeah, yeah. It's amazing. I'm excited. I'm excited. Okay, we'll talk more about the tour at the end. Cool. David, let's dive in. Who's going to be your first choice?

So my first choice is going to be Hamlet. Hamlet? Hamlet. Yeah. So Hamlet is who I'm playing Hamlet. Hamlet? Yeah. So Hamlet is who I'm playing at the moment in the West End. And it's one of those weird parts that for actors, it's a really coveted part, isn't it? Yeah.

So this is the thing that I'm choosing Shakespeare characters for this. And you've had fictional characters on the show. Yeah, yeah. It's absolutely fine, yeah. Yeah, yeah. So definitely Hamlet. What have you discovered about Hamlet then by playing Hamlet? He's just miserable, isn't he?

So Hamlet is like the king of indecision. Like the whole play happens because you've got the whole to be or not to be. Like that is one of the most famous. If you ask people for a Shakespeare quote, nine times out of ten, I'd say, your average member of Joe Public, they're going to say, to be or not to be. And in fact, playing Hamlet at the moment in the West End, the amount of time...

I'll just say it and I know it's going to happen. So after I go to be or not to be, I just leave a little pause. And you get people, you'll get like a... Or you'll get a cheer. Oh, right, OK. People are so responsive with it but that is that is our boy hamlet in a nutshell really like to be or not to be like he's so caught up between like does he follow through with an action or does he not um that the whole play

how do you know hamlet not that well at. So the whole thing starts with him being visited by the ghost of his dad. His dad turns up and goes all the GCSE still coming back turns up and goes effectively your uncle has murdered me you must take revenge. He says it a bit better than that.

Somewhere in my head I know the lines for it. What does he go? Mark me, my hour has almost come when I to sulfurous and tormenting flames must render, I could go on. Yes, yeah, yeah. But in a nutshell, that's it. That's it.

So he turns up and he goes, your uncle's killed me. He killed me by dripping poison in my ear when I was sleeping in an orchard. You go and have your revenge, but don't do anything to your mum. I'll see you later. That's essentially what he says.

And that happens right at the start and Hamlet is Shakespeare's longest play and he literally at any point he could have gone okay yeah fair enough

I'll go and have a chat with Claudius I'll go and have a chat with my uncle I'll get to the bottom of this and he doesn't he doesn't

and he spends the whole play doing this thing he puts on this antic disposition he calls it where he goes I'm going to get to the bottom of this

I'm going to pretend to be mad and then I'm going to really find out what's what instead of just going like okay I'm going to get to the bottom of this I'm going to pretend to be mad and then I'm going to really find out what's what instead of just going like okay I'm going to sort this out

yeah yeah and even there's a point where he sees Claudius praying we because ours isn't a bridge version it's not in ours

but there's this moment where he sees Claudius praying and he could even end it there but he goes oh we better not do it while he's praying that's not I could kill him now because I'm pretty sure he does this whole thing of putting on a play

to see whether his uncle reacts in a certain way because he recreates his dad being murdered on stage. It goes through so much effort rather than just going straight to the... Exactly. And can you imagine being stuck in a desert island with this guy? Can you imagine? I think we need to build a raft now to try and escape Hamlet. Oh you imagine? Right, okay, I think we need to, I think we need to build a raft now to try and escape Hamlet. Oh, really? Right, okay, yeah.

To raft or not to raft. Yeah, yeah. Like, so, yeah. Should we try building a building first? Should we just, like, make a building? Or, you know, it's just like, yeah. Okay, okay.

I think he'd be a royal pain in the ass. Yeah, he would. I mean, he's a prince, so he would quite literally be a royal pain in the ass. Okay, yeah. So, what was Shakespeare thinking here? That's a lot of effort to go through. That is, so he would quite literally be a royal paladin. Okay, yeah. So what was Shakespeare thinking here? That's a lot of effort to go through.

That is. So I think I'm right in saying that Hamlet, I'm going to get told I'm wrong by someone when I say this, but Hamlet is actually, Shakespeare had a son who died called Hamnet. Ah. So, and that was, I think this play in a lot of ways is a sort of ode to his son who died. I think I'm right in saying that.

So that's maybe why he went back and forth so much, right? Yeah, and I think... The thing is, don't get me wrong, it's a reason why he is a revered figure for both actors to play and for people to watch. Yeah. Because he really straddles some of the big like you know life questions you know that you know the whole essence of and again to be or not to be tied into

this the essence of what it is even to live and sort of like he's someone who openly struggles on stage he's got the um um what has he got uh the oh that this two two solid flesh would melt speech was which is effectively Hamlet contemplating suicide. That's right at the top. And that, you know, obviously, even today, like suicide is quite, you know, a sensitive thing. And in Shakespeare's day, it was flat out, you know, you were going to hell if you committed suicide.

And hell was a very real thing. So, yeah, in that regard, you know, and a lot of the language is stunning. It is. And purely from a literary point of view, he's got another speech, which is the what a piece of work is man speech, where, again, he contemplates mortality and all the rest of it and it is without shadow of a doubt one of the most beautiful speeches I think ever written in the English language for a character

to say live on stage and to get, yeah. And that's why everyone wants to play him, that's why he's so revered. And that's why everyone wants to play him but again, being stuck in a desert island with this guy. Yes, would be hard work when you're going, right, I need someone practical right now, Hamlet, mate. I can't be dealing with all this existential stuff. We need practical solutions for practical problems.

Nice. Okay. All right. I mean, fantastic first choice. Not only are you making me want to come and see your guy's version of Hamlet, you're just making me want to pay more attention to Shakespeare. I think you're really promoting it. Yeah.

Okay. That's great. Yeah. Yeah. So Hamlet's going to be your first choice. Who's going to be your second choice? Romeo and Juliet. I'm going to take them as a pairing. Okay, yes. Again, it's revered as one of the greatest love stories of all time. So many people seem to forget that they both die at the end. They're both idiots.

They are meant to be, I think Juliet's meant to be 13 years old and Romeo's meant to be 17 maybe and like what are you doing? I get it they've got the two

warring houses they're in a difficult situation but like ultimately the play happens in a very short amount of time

the time that they actually spend together is relatively short. Yes, okay. And by the end, they've just gone, I love you so much. They are a bad example to children everywhere. They are, aren't they? I didn't realise they were so young. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Not a lot of people realise that. But yeah, Juliet's going to be like 13 or something mad like that. Crazy. Wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. So, um... Okay, so, so like was that

I mean when he because obviously he'd written them so young yeah like I don't know I don't know

if this is the right wording but is that normal in Shakespeare's day I think it would have been more normal certainly than we think of as it being now

because there's a whole thing that Juliet is being married off to Prince to the county Paris and that she's her father's property and he can sort of do... There's this whole speech he does. So that's not uncommon of the time that you'd hear about.

It would not have been that uncommon. I don't think sort of like arranged marriages would have been far more, you know. So literally like landowners making sure that their land's going off somewhere and all that kind of stuff. I think, you know, people were marrying their cousins left, right? Yes, of course. Yeah, right. Okay.

A bit more freedom there to do those kind of things. I don't know what else I was to say. Okay. Yeah, I guess you're right. You only ever think of it as a love story. Yeah. Right? Yeah.

But actually. You think of it as this big, you know, romantic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's quite harrowing. Totally, yeah. And also there's a lot of, in the actual play, there, romantic. But it's quite harrowing. Totally, yeah. And also, in the actual play, there's a lot of filth in there as well. Like, the opening scene, there's a chat between these two guards, and they're talking about beheading people,

they're talking about raping women, they're talking about venereal disease. It's really vulgar, some of the stuff they're going on about. Have you done Romeo and Juliet? We have done Romeo and Juliet, yeah. How does that play out? Do you know what? Romeo and Juliet we have done Romeo and Juliet yeah how does that how does that play out do you know what

Romeo and Juliet is one of our favourite ones because it's one of the ones that the ending is so well known that to subvert that if the drunk if the drunk person is Romeo

and he goes oh do you know what I kind of I think I'm going to fall in love with Juliet's dad this evening instead of Juliet and then we literally

we have to follow that to its rightful conclusion really or you've got characters refusing to die or the wrong character dying we've done it before Stacey who is meant

to be with me today she was drunk for a show we were doing a show out in Australia and I was getting changed so I was playing Mercutio and the Friar in that

because they're never in the same scene those characters so I was getting changed into my Friar's costume after Mercutio dying and Rich comes up to me backstage he goes um i've got a slight problem and i was like yeah he goes stacy's just

killed me and i was like right so i do do i come back as a ghost yeah i was like yes rich you don't just sit back here having a cup of tea while we're all out there fighting for our lives yes you're coming back as a ghost oh my god so yeah like we were doing it in Sydney and Stacey had literally got a random person. Oh God, I wish I could remember his name. Let's call him Clive. I can't remember. Ryan, that was his name. Cause there's a video, someone posted a video.

Someone filmed it. Right, right. And yeah, she literally got this kid, Ryan out of the audience. He must've been like 18 or something. Gives him whatever the weapon had been replaced with. Cause we have weapons in the shows, but when it's the drunk person,

they get like subbed in for for a floppy dagger or something. Right, right. So she gave it to him. And she just gave it to him, nodded it in Rich's direction. He was playing Romeo. And he went, OK, and just stabbed Rich. And Rich was like, oh, apparently I'm dead now. Oh, that shouldn't have happened.

That's amazing. What happens to all those lines? Literally, we just have to improvise around it. Wow, that's great. That is our job as a soap opera. And we know as much as humanly possible of the other actors' lines as well. We had one time, again, this was actually in Australia, when Juliet decided she was going to fall in love with Benvolio and Romeo.

And we had the same actor playing Benvolio as the nurse. And there's a scene as the nurse and there's a scene where the nurse comes in and interrupts them in bed and we were backstage going well who's gonna be the nurse like like all of us just there looking at this nurse costume we were like well someone's putting it on they're going out there and then you just go out there and go i made the mistake i'd put it on i went out there when i was like hello juliet i'm your new nurse and like she the drunk went oh that's funny funny because literally this entire scene is about how we've known each other for ages.

And I was like, well, she told me a lot about you. That's really good. That's great. Okay, so. So yeah, and they, yeah. Romeo in particular, Juliet's got a bit of feistiness about her, but they come as a pair, don't they? So you've got to take them as a pair.

But Romeo, he starts off the play in love with someone else he then goes and falls in love with Julia he kills her cousin along the he's a no no he's an idiot

he's an idiot okay okay so then you're they would be horrific on the island because also they're so young

yeah totally nearly completely useless they'd be millennials I wouldn't know what to talk to them about exactly yeah and they've got like not great decision makingmaking skills either.

Totally. They're not going to help. Yeah, they'd be. This is the thing. Because they hardly spend any time, you know, on, like, actually in each other's company. They just sort of pine after each other a lot. Yes.

And then, you know, what are they going to do when they, if they, you know, ultimately they're going to spend a bit of time together. I don't still have a crush on the girl that I had when I was 13. You know, that's all forgotten about. Literally, I give them a week. Yeah. And they'll be like, oh, I'm not really into them. And then you're stuck in this really awkward, you know, there's nothing worse than being

like a third wheel with a couple that's had a bit of a falling out, isn't there? Oh my God, that's awkward. Yeah. Awful. It's bringing back some horrible memories okay okay so

Romeo and Juliet as a pair are going to be your second choice yeah alright thank you very much David and who's going to

be your third choice so my third choice is going to be is going to be Lewis Ironside who is my boss wow okay

he is the head of shit face Shakespeare and yeah he is who is my boss. Wow. He is the head of shit face Shakespeare. And yeah, he is, as well as one of the best human beings I've ever met and also one of the absolute kindest human beings alive, is just an absolute nightmare of a human being. Is he?

Is this dangerous territory? I don't think so. I think he'd listen to this and be like, nope, fair play. Yep, I understand that completely. So go on, fill me in. Why? Oh, God. He is just the worst person to get hold of in any, he's that sort of person.

This all sounds very petty, but when you're trying to run a company that already relies on getting someone drunk, you need someone to be fairly on it. So on a small scale, just purely like admin duties, the man is appalling. Like literally, we've all just got to the point now where we're just having

to do stuff behind his back. And I'm very, again, very aware that he might listen to this. But like the breakdown, I think that he gave our set designer for Edinburgh this year was the most vaguest piece

of nonsense you've ever heard. And Beth, who was organising it, was just like, I'm just going to go. I'm just going to do my own thing here, guys. I'm just going to send. I'm just going to send. And he had the cheek afters when she sent through a picture. It's just been like,

that's not completely what I had in mind. It's like, oh, is it, Lewis? Because literally the set designer would never have managed to work it out from the vague piece of nonsense you sent through. Really? Wow. This is really personal. I'm really going in. I know. Oh, believe me.

Oh my God. He's very funny as well. He always, he has very grand ideas about things that can work during the show. So he wanted to set this thing up. He wanted, again, it's Romeo and Juliet, and there's a big fight between Romeo and Tybalt, and it's choreographed. They both

spin out at the end and we had this backlighting. So it was very sort of like Tarantino, Kill Bill X when they spin out. And of course, to go along with that, he wanted like this splatter of blood and we were like, right, okay. Okay, cool.

We're going to do this. And he was like, right, so you're going to, Dave, what's going to happen? It's from behind the curtain and from behind Tybalt, you're going to fire this. And he hands me like a makeshift air gun which he basically like got an air canister and like duct taped it to some tubing

and then inside the tubing he'd rammed it full of banana food colouring and washing detergent and so it's just this red gooey gunky mess obviously and I was just like

Lou I'm not entirely sure I feel comfortable using that like it looks like if I fire it it could take my hand like you've built this

it literally looks like it could explode in my hands at any second and he was like no no what are you talking about it'll be fine

it'll be fine and I just night after night I kept on refusing to use this thing he was like right no Dave come on tonight's the night we're going to do it'll be fine it'll be fine and I just night after night I kept on refusing to use this thing he was like right no Dave come on tonight's the night

we're going to do it tonight and I was like okay fine fine I'll do it tonight I'll do it once if only to prove to him that it doesn't work yeah

and so we had but we had this agreement beforehand that obviously it's going to fire from behind Tybalt and splatter all over Romeo who's the one who's cut Tybalt's neck

yeah and he's Rich who was playing cut Tybalt's neck yeah and he's Rich who was playing Romeo that night was wearing this jacket and we were like

the shirt can be cleaned the jacket cannot so you have to take the jacket off before the fight right I'm looking out through the curtain

I'm like Rich Rich hasn't taken the jacket off and I'm just I'm there with this like gun full of like

leaking red gunge and I'm just there and I'm just look at Lewis and I'm and I'm just looking at Lewis and I'm like, I'm just going to shoot Lewis with it. So I just shot him and he got absolutely covered in this stuff.

And not only that, it turned the stage into an ice rink. Like literally, it became, people were running on to deliver news of various characters being killed or whatever and people were just slipping over. Oh no.

Like mushed up banana and washing detergent wow we were skidding all over the place what have you done yeah you're making the thing yeah yeah although if you are listening look after your people please do please do there's there's there's a lot of stories like that okay i couldn't hey oh god there was a great one as well. When we went over to Australia and the woman behind the counter was like, are you bringing in any weapons? And he goes, just a couple of swords, a couple of fencing for us.

And she was like, sorry, sir. And he goes, just, no, swords, but they're very blunt and they're fencing. They're props for a show. They're props for a show. You're bringing swords in, sir. And a dagger. And a dagger.

Well, no, it's very blunt. At this point, he gets out the dagger of the bag in an airport. I mean, he's right. It is completely blunt. You couldn't have cut a carrot with it. But literally, it looks like it could do do the business and he's getting that out in an airport and then proceed he decides somewhere in his mind the best thing he can do is to demonstrate how blunt it is by using it on his own arms and neck in the middle of this airport

people were getting incredibly crazy man we nearly didn't get into Australia. That is unbelievable. They were not happy with us at all. At all. Wow. And yeah, like I said, that's just... It baffles me. I mean, sorry, Lewis. It baffles me how someone like this could run the show. He is, don't get me wrong, he is a genius.

Okay, yeah. But I begrudge him for that genius every day. Yeah, okay, okay. And I should also add that he is one of the kindest and generous and most lovely people that I know. It's nice to have a caveat there. Oh, yeah, isn't it? Isn't it just? Keep your job.

He's done all that to us, and I hate him. Retain your job. Retain your job. Retain your job. So, Lewis Ironside. Yes, you are not coming with me to that island. Okay, yeah, he'd be a liability, I think. All right.

You're a podcast listener, and this is a podcast ad. Reach great listeners like yourself with podcast advertising from Lips and Ads. Choose from hundreds of top podcasts offering host endorsements, or run a reproduced ad like this one across thousands of shows to reach your target audience with Lipson Ads. Go to lipsonads.com now. That's L-I-B-S-Y-N ads.com. David, now, mercifully, among the wreckage of the plane,

there was some food and drink left over. Unfortunately for you, it's your least favourite food and drink in the world. What are they and why are they so bad? So I think I'm going to, I sort of touched on this earlier, but I'm going to say tequila for the worst drink. Okay, I can see where this is going, but please tell us. Yeah, I think for anyone that's part of a show where you get drunk as part of your job

and someone brought up tequila, you would go, yeah, I can see where this is heading. I imagine this is going to end in you bringing up tequila. In a very more literal sense. Okay, yes, exactly, yeah. But for years and years and years, this was sort of like a no-go drink in the company. We've always said no shots. You can drink whatever you want.

You can drink spirits as long as it's with a mixer, but no shots. And obviously tequila, most known probably for having it as a shot. So, you know, not on the table and we had a guy a couple of years ago who he was really like do you know what tequila is really my thing it's my jam it's what I love

I drink it all the time and I just like a bit of lime and a bit of soda water great and he was so we were a bit hesitant at first he was sort of like drinking beer he was drinking gin but we were like we you know we want people to enjoy what they're drinking before the show and if they're sort of they're going like you know i was like you know what sod it let's let's go and get let's go and get jackson tequila so we did and then the next show

that i did next and and it was a great show he did he did an amazing job he actually that was it was in york and michael parkinson watched her and not michael park michael michael michael palin sorry a great show he did an amazing job he actually it was in York and Michael Parkinson watched not Michael Parkinson Michael Palin sorry Michael Palin was watching a soundcheck

and Jack was a huge huge Michael Palin fan and was just like oh my god and just like ran over and was like I love you

anyway it was a great show it was really exciting it sounds really good yeah it was great but I was like yeah do you know what?

I'm going to drink tequila for my next show. And I have been doing this show a long time now, and I've never, ever been sick during the show. But on the show where I drank tequila, I was two scenes away from the end, and I hurled my guts up backstage. Oh, no! And me we made tequila just not had the same relationship sense do you know what i mean she's really way yeah so what did you do did

you suck up and go yeah i did like so i i compared beth for that show was like oh uh yeah um she was like she was watching me go in the loo and i was going beth i'm gonna be sick this is real bad i'm gonna go be sick and she was like right don't lock the. And she was like, right, don't lock the door. And I was like, no, I'm not going to lock the door, but I'm going to shut the door. Don't want you to see me being sick. So anyway, she ran off and she told everyone just they were coming off for another scene.

She was like, guys, I'm not sure he's coming back out. And I was playing Hamlet and she was like, I don't know that he's coming back out. At that point, everyone all of a sudden just hears me on stage. It was like, oh no, he's out. And I just kind of like, I just battled on through it. Well done. Everyone after that was like, good effort.

Did someone tell the audience what happened? No, no, never. It's not a great look, is it? I mean, I'm telling you guys now. I'm trusting you and however many listeners you have. Everyone keep it between themselves. But yeah, it was, we don't have it very often we you know it's like we've got one of those boards with like days since the last accident we haven't we don't we haven't

had to reset that in a while really okay that's like oh my god if i'd not managed to make it out for those last two scenes and you've not managed to touch tequila since no uh no no i've not i've not quite had the no need yeah yeah okay wow i'm back on the vodka at the moment yeah so at some point i'm sure. We've got enough shows left in this run, so we'll see, maybe. While we're talking about the booze, do you find that on...

So say someone comes into the company, the first time that they do this, do they tend to overshoot the mark? That's the time that they're going to get the most drunk. So we monitor them really closely. And actually, we've got two girls who have just joined our show at the moment. We've got Maddie and Natalie. And they're both our sort of newbies.

And actually, it's the sort of thing where you might even have to have a little bit more than you think because the adrenaline... Right, okay. It depends from different person to different person. So if you want the drunk effect, you might have to have another drink. Yeah, totally. But normally, people are begging for one more drink before they go on stage because the adrenaline sobers them up and then they're like,

I feel completely sober. I've seen people like not able to walk, like stumbling going, I think I need another drink before I go on an us going, nah, you're good, you're good, you're fine. Is there a lot of like slurring there were? Oh yeah, big time. Forgetting and like having to paraphrase and then like

you'll have nights where the only lines you can remember are the other actors lines opposite you so then you know you've got all sorts of hijinks with that

oh that's great that's brilliant okay so tequila right yeah tequila would not be very happy if I found that no okay

and what would be your food choice so do you know what for food I'm going to say on behalf of Stacey who is meant to be here I know that. No, okay. And what would be your food choice? So do you know what? For food, I'm going to say on behalf of Stacey, who is meant to be here, I know that...

So they did a production of Taming of the Shrew earlier in the year. And there's a scene in that where one of the characters gets presented with a plate of food and then the plate of food is thrown away. And they used actual slices of ham and beef for that. When they started doing it in America,

because we run in America as well, they were using complete rotisserie chickens for it. Wow. And Laura, who's one of our producers over there, was like, we have to stop this because I really like rotisserie chicken and I will not like it if we carry on using it in this manner. And we're ending every show with chicken grease

and chicken skin and chicken smearing on the stage. So we didn't use whole rotisserie chickens over here, but we did use pre-cooked beef and ham slices. And literally, I saw one show where one of the girls, Bryony, had this big clump of beef spat there. I'm just thinking about it. Big clump of beef stuck in her hair and just trying to catch it as it was swinging about.

And I'm pretty sure, so I'm saying on behalf of the other cast there, but I'm pretty sure like any sort of like sliced cold meat products would conjure up some pretty horrible memories.

Yeah, they're not ready to go back there. Okay, yeah. And then you've just got on the island, it's hot and all you've got is like warm packet ham and tequila.

Have you ever done that where you've taken some for a picnic and you've like left it in your bag and you've forgotten it and it's gone all sweaty? It stinks of farts. Oh my God, this is horrible.

It's gross. Awful. Okay, so for your company members, like sliced packet ham and beef. Yeah, yeah. A gross choice, I think. Thank you very much, David. Now, fortunately, you won't be about entertainment on the island.

The plane's entertainment system continues to work, but just your luck, it only has two working settings. One is your least favourite film of all time, and the other is your least favourite song. I'm sorry, but what are they? So, okay, I'll go for the song first. Song first. The song is a good one.

So I'm going to say that it is Baggy Trousers. Baggy Trousers by Madness. By Madness. Yes. Okay, go on. Yeah. That's never come up on this before. Yeah.

So, and again, coming back to the show, because I'm bringing everything back to the show, but we did, I'd say, our worst show of all times at a Butlins at a festival that was being curated by Madness and that Madness were performing at. Okay. So they were performing at this Butlins at a festival that was being curated by madness and that madness were performing at okay so they were performing at this butlins this is great we got the we got the call and we were like shit face shakespeare at butlins oh okay okay and we were sort of going like oh it's madness it'll be a load of like 80s dad yeah i mean it'd be a load of like people who like that

was a thing and now they're sort of like old cuddly dads who like listening to baggy trousers and whatever we got there yeah and i i kid you not for some reason their fan base in wherever this butlin's what i forget which butlin's it was but literally it was like skinhead toothless no exaggeration they looked terrifying like wow and it wasn't just like oh someone's got a bit of a mean exterior but once you get to know them they're all a bit

no these guys were full on like aggressive scary people and they were everywhere so we went out

in Butlins on that night we went ooh we might have been misbooked this might have been like because we'd done

we'd done Bestival and someone who'd been in charge of booking it had seen Bestival and gone oh yeah these guys are great went oh we might have been misbooked this might have been like because we done we done best of all and someone who had been in charge of booking it had seen best of all and gone oh yeah these guys are great let's get them into do this but i can't tell you how different the vibe was like jesus so anyway it comes to the show the next day yeah and uh this was again this was in 2014 so this is just when i joined and this girl this girl Bryony who I joined with so me and her were sort of the newbies that year

and Bryony Bryony was drinking for the show and she got a little bit over excited and she we had to walk there and by the time

we got there she was like really she was really pissed like more more pissed than she should have been. And we started doing the sound check, of which there were problems with that as well, because it was very much geared towards stand-up comics.

It was people doing stand-up comedy. Not six Shakespeare actors. Yes. Or with radio mics. Oh, no. Because it was a really big room. We needed the radio mics. And they did not have a clue how to operate them.

They would, anyway. So, and we were all of a sudden like where's where's brianie gone and we went backstage and she'd fallen asleep and we woke her up and she woke up and she started panicking and then and then because she perhaps she got very upset and then she was sick and then she couldn't stop being sick and then she passed out and at this point we had 20 minutes to go until the show started. So what did you do? Well, so there was a discussion at that point. Stacey, who was meant to be here today, and Beth started. I don't know what they thought our act was because our green room,

it was so full of booze. It was so full of, like literally to the wall on two sides of the room. Is it just where they were storing the booze it was so full of like literally to the wall on two sides of the room is it just where they were storing the booze I don't know and they'd just gone oh yeah we'll stick

shit face Shakespeare in there yeah yeah but honestly it was like they'd gone oh yeah what's the rat I'll drink it in Shakespeare how many are there six

okay great like get like give 200 bottles of beer it was packed it was packed yeah and um so like

Beth just cracks open this bottle of whiskey and just goes well uh I'm the smallest so I think it'll probably be me drinking and then Stacey takes the bottle from her

and goes well I was drinking last night so I think I'll be able to top up again pretty pretty easily takes a swig they start having this debate about which one of them

is gonna be getting drunk for the show and they're just as they're doing it the other one is and I'm like one of you needs to stop because one of you needs to go out there sober.

And like, so we went out there, like a cast member down. We didn't, so we didn't have a comp, I said that we've got a comp pair normally sort of introduced it. We didn't have a comp pair for that show. We got about 20 minutes in and we were getting horrendous,

we were getting heckled. We were getting horrendous feedback from the microphones that weren't working. Beth was just, I think there was a bar in the room. Beth had run off to the bar to try and get a shot and just was like holding the microphone up to this old man and the audience going they hate us say something to my microphone they hate us like literally like it was a desire and then we all ran off to the dressing room and hid at the end well no we got 20 minutes through it and then lewis just walked out on stage and was like this

clearly isn't working thank you very much for your time we're going to stop the show there yeah yeah yeah yeah this is that bad yeah that bad and we've met I can't think of the last time I think that was the last time we've ever had to pull a show like halfway through and that was in very obviously exceptional circumstances we'd done like three really successful runs at

Edinburgh before then and like I said like all the festivals like Secret Garden Party and stuff but it just was like wrong time wrong place apparently it was packed but I have no memory I've blocked it out like everyone was like it was huge

and it was really full honestly I was just like so uncomfortable at that point I was just like I'm just gonna and yeah

I don't have any memory I remember before the show that's normally what happens when you drink you can't remember the show but honestly I can remember nothing about being on that stage. Oh my God.

Full on, like, trauma. I've blanked it out of my memory. Right. So take me to Baggy Trousers. So Baggy, yeah. Oh, is it just because of madness? It's because of the madness. Because it was the madness that commissioned it.

That was literally, yeah, yeah. So whenever I hear, you know, madness, and especially I think Baggy Trousers, I think that's, you know. Yeah, that sparks something. Oh yeah. It makes you sick to the pit of your stomach. Oh God, yeah.

Did you leave after that? Did you go home? Did you go out and drink? We hid in our dressing room and a stage manager came to the door and was like, is this part of the show? And we were like,

no, it's not. Sorry, we're just not going back out there. And Lewis had to go and sort of have a meeting with the organisers and stuff. But I think they sort of like, they got it. They knew that even if we going back out there. And Lewis had to go and sort of have a meeting with the organisers and stuff. But I think they sort of like... They got it. They knew that even if we'd gone out there and done, at the time, our best show, it would not have been...

It would not have gone down well. No, absolutely not. So for that reason, if I crashed and Baggy Trousers is on that entertainment system... Oh, no. See you later. Okay. No way. No way.

It makes perfect sense. Thank you very much, David. And what's going to be your film choice? I'm going to choose The Lion King. The Lion King? The Lion King. Leffield, right. Okay.

Yeah. No Shakespeare involved at all. Well, no, wait for it. Because The Lion King is the biggest rip-off of Hamlet. It's the biggest rip-off of Hamlet. Wow. It is the same. It's the same.

Apart from the story starts at a slightly different time. It's the same. It's about a prince whose father gets murdered by his uncle. Yes. And then he goes away for a little bit, and then he has a bit of time having a revenge mission. I can't say revenge. Revenge mission. Revenge mission, getting his kingdom back.

So that's, apart from the twist obviously being that, spoilers, I don't know if everyone dies at the end of Hamlet, and obviously that does not happen in The Lion King. But for that reason and that reason alone. I didn't realise that. Yeah, a lot of people do. It's very funny, though. I say that now at the start of the, when I do compare, because we all take turns doing stuff.

So when I compare at the start of doing Hamlet, I'm like, if there's anyone out there in the audience who's having a bit of a panic because they don't know Hamlet you know they don't know the story of Hamlet it's alright it's pretty much the Lion King but everyone dies at the end and I also go and also

if you don't know Hamlet and this is you coming to it for the first time what are you doing? like I was just like you've got some quality theatre going on in London you've seen it

seen us doing it pissed yeah nice that's great wow I didn't know that they just completely ripped off Hamlet. Yeah. I mean, what was the whole thing?

There's only a finite number of stories in the world anyway, but it's very close. Yeah, I mean, the chances that that's coincidence are very small, I think. You knew what you were up to, didn't you? Yeah, you know what you're doing. Yeah. Those bastards. Those bastards.

Okay, maybe I'll take that bastards bit out, but who knows. Maybe I'll leave it in okay so The Lion King yeah interesting I didn't know that I'm going to look into some oh yeah big time

there's loads there there's the whole like 10 things I hate about you being taming of the shrew there's I mean less subtle ones like Gnomeo and Juliet I think that's a pretty like

yeah there's loads of adaptations I didn't know that 10 things good storyteller okay great one of the best okay thank you very much David and finally Yeah, okay. There's loads of adaptations. I didn't know that 10 things... Good storyteller. Okay, great. One of the best. Okay, thank you very much, David. And finally, the island is overrun by the biggest dick of all the animals.

Which animal is it and why? Oh, man. Oh, I don't know this one. I'm going to say... I don't know. I might just say... Oh, this one's caught me by surprise. But I might veer off and just say there's a cat that lives on my street who's being a dick at the moment i'm really oh he's oh he's grinding my gears

something wrong well so we first moved in my girlfriend loves cats and i love cats as well to be fair but like this guy he was he's been really friendly really nice uh and ultimately it's just one of those stories that we just have found out you know we are being used for our for our food he's got it home he knows what he's doing he's playing everyone on the street everyone's feeding him yeah yeah cheeky bastard cheeky i know they do that don't they yeah i like cats as well but i feel like yeah i don't know if i could have one for that reason i need a bit of loyalty yeah i do yeah i think i'm a bit too needy it depends doesn? It so depends on what sort of a person you are. Because if you do want that, like, you know,

if you want that loyalty without question, if you want, if someone who, I suppose, needs that sort of, and I'm a bit like this as well, like, you go, dog, yeah, great. Yeah, but I'm not willing to pick up their shit. He's like, no animals. No, that's it. I'll have a goldfish, thank you.

We'll have our chat. That's it, yeah, exactly, yeah. I can feed it, but that's it. Yeah. David a goldfish, thank you. We'll have our chat. That's it. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. I can feed it, but that's it. Yeah. David, this has been great. Very insightful. I feel like I've learned a lot. Oh, good. And I'm looking forward to seeing your show.

Yeah. So please tell the listeners, where can they see Shitface Shakespeare? So at the moment, Shitface Shakespeare is running at the Leicester Square Theatre until the 14th of September. It is running at the moment up in Edinburgh until the 26th of September. It is running at the moment up in Edinburgh until the 26th of August. And it's also going to be out on tour. And I will tell you the tour dates momentarily, but we're pretty much through October and November. We are out on tour all over the UK

and we're doing a regional tour. So pretty much from the 1st of October to the 29th of November, we are all over the place. Amazing. I can read you out the whole list if you want. No, it's all right. Yeah, but I mean, people can go check it out.

We've got our website, www.shitfaceshakespeare.com. You can see all of our dates on there. Yeah. Yeah, and you should definitely come check us out. And the same for your social media, I guess. Yeah, absolutely. At Shitface Shake on Twitter and at Shitface Shakespeare on Instagram. So yeah, there we go. Okay. I urge everyone to check out. Thank you so much for coming in. Oh, absolutely. At Shitface Shake on Twitter and at Shitface Shakespeare on Instagram. So yeah, there we go.

Okay. I urge everyone to check out. Thank you so much for coming in. Nice one. Oh, my pleasure. Thank you, mate.