Desert Island Dicks - SINDHU VEE

Episode Date: November 30, 2020

Comedian Sindhu Vee joins Dan to discuss the worst people and things to be stuck on an island with. She's good at it, being both a comedian, and someone who's fond of being rude about people in a funny way, so it's a good match. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

At Sierra, discover top workout gear at incredible prices, which might lead to another discovery. Your headphones haven't been connected this whole time. Awkward. Discover top brands at unexpectedly low prices. Sierra, let's get moving. You're a podcast listener, and this is a podcast ad. Reach great listeners like yourself with podcast advertising from Lipson Ads. Choose from hundreds of top podcasts offering

host endorsements or run a reproduced ad like this one across thousands of shows to reach your target audience with Lipson Ads. Go to LipsonAds.com now. That's L-I-B-S-Y-N-Ads.com. Hi, I'm Dan from Desert Island Dicks. Today's episode features comedian Sindhu V. As well as being very funny, she comes out with a phrase in Hindi that I think may be the best proverb I've ever heard. So look out for that. And if you like this episode and want to see more of Sindhu, she's got a tour out next year at a time when hopefully the pandemic has chilled out a bit.

And she'll give you all of the details at the end of this podcast. If you're new to Desert Island Dicks, essentially every Monday we release an episode like this with a guest where they pick the worst people and things to be stuck on an island with and then every Friday we release Compact Dicks, which is a shorter episode with me and former host James Deacon where we read out submissions from you, the listeners. If you want to get involved with that,

then email us the people and things you hate at dickspod.com slash contact and we can include them in the podcast. It would also be lovely if you could subscribe and rate this podcast and then you'll never miss an episode and it also has a load of other benefits for us that I won't bore you with. Anyway, I've had a long day and was about to go to bed when I suddenly realised I hadn't recorded this bit or uploaded the episode to the internet, so I'm going to stop now and was about to go to bed when I suddenly realised I hadn't recorded this bit or uploaded the episode to the internet. So I'm going to stop now and leave you to listen to Desert Island Dicks with Sindhu V. Hi, I'm Dan Benedictus and welcome to Desert Island Dicks, the show that sees you marooned on a desert island after a plane crash

with the worst people and worst things imaginable. Who they are and why they're a dick is up to our guest. And here to share their Desert Island Dicks with us today is comedian Sindhu V. How are you doing? Hey, man, I'm doing good. I'm doing good. It's a nice day, you know? Yeah. So feeling positive?

You know, I was reading today about how there's six seasons, but there's two micro seasons, micro climates, and they're the ones inside you. And they're either happiness or sorrow. And I was like, that's deep. But that's why some people on a nice day, they're like, ah, everything's horrible because people on a nice day they're like ah everything's horrible because their microclimate that day is not very happy so my microclimate is happy today

and the outside climate is good today so we're like laughing okay good well I hope I'm not going to sort of ruin it all by getting you to talk about things and people that you hate for an hour or so I love to talk about things I don't like because I get to vent. Okay, good. So we're coming in with this with a positive attitude. This is nice. I like this. Yeah, yeah. Okay, well, I'm going to try and join you on a level of positivity as well as we wade through and fill this island with crap things and people. But let's get straight into it then. Who's going to be the first person joining you on the island today? Okay, so the first person I would hate to be stuck with is um snow white you know from the book because the thing with snow white is she's a moron okay the problem is like

she knows that she has a stepmother who's been trying to get her the whole time and she gets dumped in the forest and then this old crone shows up with a weird apple and she bites it. And then everyone, like the dwarves are sad. It's like, what are you, stupid? And I really think that if you are someone who, you have to take responsibility for what happens to you. Like you have to be aware of your surroundings, you know?

Like the other princesses, like Sleeping Beauty, she had chutzpah. She went up there and pricked her finger. She wasn't supposed to, but at least she had some kind of chutzpah, you know. What about Cinderella? She wore a dress and she like took that risk. I snuck out of the house to meet boys. You know, I took that risk. Snow White didn't even have the redeeming quality of being kind of naughty or fun.

She was just straight up stupid. Yeah. And I wouldn't want to hang out with her because i mean it's so dumb yeah also didn't she sort of most um the heroine of the story is kind of more of a sort of uh struggling you know you're kind of rooting for her was she just sort of started off in an all right position to start with didn't she and she was just a bit thick and i can't remember but sleeping beauty literally lived in a castle maybe i'm getting the two confused then okay maybe it's that one well i mean i don't i don't know that because she was struggling i would think she

wasn't stupid she was still stupid i mean whether you're struggling or not you don't eat an apple when you know someone's been out to get you that's true especially from a stranger then you take care of yourself you have to have your wits about you yeah yeah and so imagine how useless she would be on this island we should be no use we'd be saving her from stuff all the time because she wouldn't know oh that thing is dangerous you know and on a deserted island you need someone with their wits about them at the very least that's right yeah and i suppose she gets away with it more because she's got seven seven dwarves to help her out so they're kind of you know she's got an entourage basically stripped of that i mean she's she's you know one eighth as powerful or one eighth as useful not that the dwarves are that of that i mean she's she's you know one-eighth as powerful or one-eighth

as useful not that the dwarves are that useful but i mean oh dude they're pretty useful they're mining all day like on like on a desert island they could do stuff they're like in a mine shaft all day and then they come back and they're sort of nice and you know i just yeah it was she and like there was no redeeming quality in snow white she didn't have chutzpah she didn't have she wasn't like kind of crazy and fun. She was just boring and dumb. I hated that story, even as a little girl. I think also, I mean, she's fairly young, isn't she?

So you don't... I just think anywhere on an island, no matter how much of a dick these people are, you basically have to try and team together at some point and survive. And as soon as you've got someone who's a bit of a child, it just makes everything more complicated because you've got to kind of you've got an extra person to really look after but the others you're going to look after them maybe but if they die it's like well you know you've had a bit of a life whereas if snow white dies you're going to feel you're going to kind of feel a bit guilty or maybe you won't no no absolutely not no you're not I mean she's not four

you know she's a she's a young lady apparently and it's like listen I don't even think on a

on a desert island situation you need to look after anyone else but they need to actively not get into trouble yeah yeah right

at the very least take care of yourself she can't do that she literally cannot do that. Yeah, that makes sense. I have to ask you, this is, do all the people, well, I suppose you do have to think if these people will be helpful. Well, she won't.

That's fine. No, it's entirely up to you. I pick these people purely on the basis of me not liking them. That's perfect. That's exactly what we're after. I don't want to be stuck with them. Yeah. Good. Not like, oh, I have neutral feelings feelings about them but they would help me on

an island no i mean if anything we want people that are just going to actively mess your life up and make it worse i mean so you know they're on the right track this is this is great oh good yeah and also i mean okay because she's sort of so used to being around i just think she'll have lots of shit stories about like oh this one time when I was with Sneezy, this happened. And, you know, oh, come on, I don't care. So, you know, somebody who's got sort of like a really tight click and you just you can't be bothered with all the stories about if Dopey was here, he'd say this. You know, I don't care what Dopey would say. We're all dying.

Come on. Yeah. Did you read Snow White? Like were you how much of these princess stories did you get into when you were little I mean I was familiar with them uh but now I'm older I can't remember them and my son hasn't got into them yet so I've sort of that's why my memory is a bit patchy and I'm kind of bringing in all the no problem you know no problem I mean but the thing is i was very i've been was very invested as a young girl as a young child in these stories and it is my opinion that snow white wouldn't even have an interesting story because she's kind of just nice all the time you know and it's like

i think she would always tell stories about them that were sort of nice but if you're stuck on a desert island you want gossip at desert island, you want gossip. At the very least, you want gossip. Or you want something like with edge, you know, something that'll get your mind off. Just hearing nice things about Dopey and Sneezy, it's like, come on, shut up. She has no edge.

She has no edge. Yeah, just a bit saccharine and boring. It's not going to get you through. Yeah, blah. Not interested. All right, well, Snow White joins you. Who's going to be your next choice to join you through yeah blah not interested all right well snow white joins you who's going to be your next choice to join you russell brand russell brown okay right now uh i mean he's a very divisive character but what is it about him that you find particularly annoying

he's one of those people who thinks he knows a lot and doesn't stop to say do i just opens his mouth and it all comes out and at the moment he's on some eastern religion guru trip which as an Indian is you hear him talk and you think no we have a saying in Hindi which means after eating a hundred rats the cat decides to go on a pilgrimage and we have to hear about it you know what I mean so russell brand is like whatever you know you've done all these things you've never really talked about those things or you've never you're just such an attention-seeking person and now you've decided to i think it particularly annoys me because he's glommed on to eastern philosophy but he talks about it like he's discovered it like he is the buddha and i just think what level of hubris does it take? Plus, imagine being stuck on a desert island with him.

Yeah. And me having to listen to what Eastern philosophy is trying to teach us. I mean, I would drown myself. I would just start swimming into the sharks. Yeah. Yeah, it's weird because it's sort of like, at what point do you kind of, you hear Russell Brand make a few points about Eastern religion,

you kind of think, okay, that sounds interesting. And then at what point do you just sort of go rather than finding out about that for myself i'm going to continue listening to his take on it for ages surely you kind of if if any of it pricks your interest you kind of go okay i'll do some reading on my own i'm not going to continue for him i don't want him to be my guru it's like you know it's he's the wrong it's the wrong place to look yeah and i mean the amount of sanctimony you know and it's like you know it's he's the wrong it's the wrong place to look yeah and i mean the amount of sanctimony you know and it's like well everyone can talk the talk but are you walking the walk yeah yeah and also why are you why if you listen so obviously i've seen it because it's been on my twitter feed and then i've immediately fixed my twitter feed but so that i don't see it but if

if you are listening to rus Russell Brand questions a why and b if he starts talking about eastern philosophy and you think well that's interesting your first response should be this is not right let me turn this off and kind of rinse out my brain by reading some basic eastern philosophy do you know what I mean yeah yeah it doesn't make sense yeah and it's just very annoying I think as well well, it's sort of somewhat odd. Like, the idea of someone using a huge YouTube audience to sort of talk about, you know... Like, I don't know.

I haven't seen this recent sort of incarnation of him. So I don't know which bits of his Eastern philosophy he's picking up on. But it seems slightly odd with my understanding of certain elements of it to sort of be using it to like increase your level of fame that you know that seems a bit counterintuitive i mean yes that does but you know on a desert island i guess that would be that would be part of what you would know but

on the island if he started saying things like we're here but we shouldn't be in the ego and i'd be like shut up like I I don't need to hear this from you yeah yeah because I you know the idea that a lot of Eastern philosophy talks about going inward and keeping your mouth shut but it's not the bit he's interested in I don't think you know and he sort of come upon it like I have this great knowledge to impart and can you imagine how incredibly annoying that would be yeah definitely yeah it's kind of like let me tell you about this great journey I took so it's

not about that yeah exactly exactly and I mean I think I think if you want to talk about your journey that's fine but then let's hear about all of your journey yeah not just the bits you want to present I might have said this before in this podcast, but there was a time I was working at a radio station where he was being interviewed and I was in a separate room behind the glass and I was with all his kind of flunkies and his entourage. And in the interview, it was round about the time he was doing the kind of revolution sort of era,

you know, and he was like, we need a revolution, but still don't vote, but, you know, we need a revolution. Oh, yeah, yeah. And in the interview, he was coming across fine. we need a revolution but still don't vote but you know we need a revolution oh yeah yeah and like in the interview he was coming across fine like he didn't say anything that was particularly crazy either way i was just like okay you know it's all right he'd been through the mill a bit and he was being okay but i was in the room with all his hangers on and every time he made a point even though we're in a soundproof separate room they were going yeah yeah oh yeah yeah and it's like

like i know that you probably do this all the time to show that you get him more than the other person that you're working with like but he can't like just shut up for a minute and so i always wonder it's like are they still there i just imagine that maybe that's part of the problem like he needs a cull you know but he's been into this sort of persona for so long like these these sort of people are just going to be there forever and it's like you're not helping him you're making it worse exactly i don't i would really not be able to cope if those people came to my island as well by the way this is my island yeah yeah fair enough just being clear about that yeah i think also as well he has that sort of thing of like you know when he had a child

he's like oh it's the most extraordinary amazing wonder and you're like look you know like obviously i haven't given birth but i've been present at my wife's birth and a lot of it was fucking horrendous like she's pregnant again now and i'm not looking forward to the next bit you know and it's like of course it isn't an extraordinary thing but like many things in nature it's fucking brutal as well and it's like of course you had to feel it more than me it is and i mean you know why are you not understanding that why are you not understanding that and also why do you have to come upon everything as if why do you have to sort of preach just have your baby just become a buddhist why do what why do you have to talk about it like you know more or you've had you know why because i just think you know like okay it's great to be able to see the beauty and everything but at the same time it's not

really helpful kind of hearing how amazing and spiritual you found this birth what it makes me feel is worse that i didn't feel you know i was just panicked and scared the whole time you know and it's like and i think it's more useful to hear people being honest going well i felt like this but afterwards it was great you know because we've got this lovely baby. But, you know, it gets a bit rocky sometimes. Yeah. And also, you know, constantly showing the world this kind of beautiful, wonderful side and not all of the sides.

For anybody, you know, you want to see the whole picture. If you're going to talk about it, talk about the whole picture. I mean, I suppose you're free to talk about what you want. So that's maybe not so important. What's important is the whole vibe of like allow me to share with you it's like dude we already know you're literally the least knowledgeable person in my in my circle when it comes to any of this and as for childbirth I've had three pushed them out so you know what I mean

it's just weird he'd be very annoying very annoying I agree I absolutely agree okay and who's going to be the final person joining you then you see I'd love to say my sister but that's that would require a lot of backstory and possibly you know would upset other family members if they listen to this I won't say that but I could say that um I think it would be Maite Garcia she was Prince's wife the one with whom she had they they had a baby okay yeah yeah I don't dislike her I mean I do but it's not her as a person I don't know her but because I am a very ardent Prince fan and then you know she's given all these interviews since he passed away about you, really what he was like and what it was like. And I think if I was on an island with her, it would come up.

And then it would really piss me off because those are experiences I wanted to have. I wanted to go out with him. And then I have to hear her talk about it, knowing that there's no chance now for me because he's passed away. Yeah, yeah. It would aggravate. I guess what I'm saying is I'd be so full of envy that it would be bad for my health. And, you know, we all now know that your immune system is severely compromised by negative emotions. And I would say jealousy and envy are among the worst.

So that would compromise my immune system and my mitochondria, and then I'd be unwell. Yeah. Well, I think as well, because knowing that you were so close to someone who knew him so well, it's so conflicted, because you don't want to hear it, because you don't want to be jealous. But also, you really do want to hear it. I know. And then all of your mitochondria and your cells are inflamed with negative pulsation and vibration, and then your immune system is compromised. And you think, I don't need that. That would really bother me because I really, you know, you never know.

I could have dated Prince if he didn't pass away. And now I don't have that chance. So I don't want to hear from this bitch. Yeah, so because I'm a massive David Bowie fan. And I think because recently I got got i started listening to prince more because it was just around the election in america and i was thinking god this is so fucking annoying i need something to distract me and i had a bit of time on my hands and i thought you know what i've never really explored prince i've always wanted to but i've never kind of got past all the sort of classic hits i want to delve in a bit more this is a

good distraction so i'll get into prince and what i feel like the sort of classic hits. I want to delve in a bit more. This is a good distraction. So I'll get into Prince. And what I feel like the two of them have in common is like, there's this sort of real mystery about them. Like they're both a bit magic, you know, like they're sort of a bit ethereal and sort of beyond. They have a sense of kind of just being a bit more special and unapproachable. Yeah. And also they both cared about their music and they were weird and they didn't mind

yeah that you thought they were weird they were like take it or leave it yeah and they had this sort of mystique as artists and i just think like as much as i'd want to know someone who had amazing stories about both of them there's a part of me that i just sort of i want to keep them on this sort of magic pedestal where like i don't want you know like i don't really yeah like do we want to know what prince eats for breakfast i don't know you know like i don't really yeah like do we want to know what prince eats for breakfast i don't know you know i would just in my head i kind of want to imagine it's just something fucking bizarre like i don't even want to think it's just something that i but it was you know he didn't choose to eat for days right okay because he used to say that it helped

his creative energy no i would want to know but i don't want to know now and there's nothing i can do about it i was going to go go to Minneapolis. One time he was in concert here and my husband bought me tickets and he bought me front row tickets. Front row, imagine what a good husband. And Prince, it was a small venue and Prince came right to the edge of the stage. And I screamed so loudly all the things I felt about him to him. He was literally not even, he was probably six feet away. I kind of blacked out. I started screaming. He left that side of the stage and did not return to that side for the whole concert and i kind of don't remember what happened i sort of semi blacked out you know i mean i was there i would have if he'd said let's go to minneapolis and i looked at my

husband i'd said listen man i love you but this is not something i'm not gonna do so i'll see you when i see you but you know now i don't have that chance and I don't want to hear from her all the good things they did but I do want to hear but I don't want to hear it would be a conundrum and it would be bad for my health yeah bad for my health and also if she said just sort of really boring stuff like oh you know like the one thing he used to really get on my nerves was like he used to really hog the remote control it's like I don't want to hear everyday shit you know wow that's you daniel i do i do because i guess the thing is i know that like for you he was a mystique but for me he was a possible boyfriend okay yeah so obviously i want to know everything right fair enough yeah i think that i yeah i think you're sort of between a rock and a hard place though

i think it's a very good choice because, yeah, as you said, you're never going to win out of that. No, I wouldn't have minded having her on my island if he was still alive because I would have got all the, you know, inside gas and then known how to go about my plan. But there's no point now and I would hate it. Yeah, you make a good point. It's a fair choice.

Thank you. Okay, now, Sindhu, mercifully, amongst the wreckage of the plane, there was some food and drink left over unfortunately for you it's your least favorite food and drink in the world what are they and why are they so bad so the drink is pepsi anything any fucking pepsi i mean sorry any pepsi max pepsi because the thing is pepsi should not be allowed it's not it doesn't taste like the thing it's trying to taste like, which is Coke, which is a dark carbonated beverage that we all know is Coke.

And it's a ripoff and it's awful. But the problem is if you want an aerated drink, then you're going to want the Pepsi and then you're going to taste it and you're going to remember all the things that are bad in the world. Yeah. I hate Pepsi. We have Coke. Why are we drinking Pepsi?

Yeah. It does seem bizarre that there's something that's so close it's like i always say this about energy drinks like but it's not just so close daniel i have to cut you off it's close and bad it's close and wrong that's the problem it's pretending imagine daniel that you asked me to this podcast, yes? As you did. And then in front of you appeared a quite tall Indian-looking woman who said, Sindhu couldn't be here, I'm Mindu. And then just proceeded to be fucking unfunny, uninteresting, boring, rude, looked bad, smelt bad, was just horrific in every way. You think, why would I take Mindu when I can have Sindhu on my podcast? Similarly, the fuck would I drink Pepsi? I am

swearing too much. I apologize. But why would I drink bullshit, fake sugar, water, Pepsi when there's Coke? I think in the 80s, it felt like there was a real battle on between the two of them, as I recall, like a real sort of like marketing battle. And then at some point, Pepsi have just gone, fuck it, do you know what, we're spending millions, well, spending billions to be number two. Let's save, let's keep all that money and we'll still just be number two. And they kind of slunk off a little bit.

But at the same time, just think, just make a new drink it's okay you know just yeah and also it doesn't taste the same so when i was growing up in india we had a closed economy um and so we kicked out coke and pepsi because they wouldn't share the recipe in the 70s we were like get out and then we made two drinks one was with the same sea because we stole the recipe obviously we did before they left and we had the same two seas as coca-cola but we called it campacola and then we had something called thumbs up yeah they didn't taste like coke but there was no choice there was no also coke but i like so i've tried thumbs up and i like it because it's like a different slant on it exactly so it's like a new drink it's like here's a similar vibe but you've kind of you know you've like got its

own it's got an Indian twist to it thank you thank you the point is we didn't have a choice but when you have the choice of buying coke the hell are you doing with pepsi yeah so that would really upset me if that was the drink I had. Yeah, I think this is something that is, it's always like being just close, almost close enough to the thing that you want, but it's just a remote, it's more of a slap in the face than having nothing.

You could be stuck on there with nothing going, oh, I'd really like a Coke right now. But if you just had a Pepsi, you'd be like, fuck, like I don't have a Coke and I'm annoyed. Exactly. I don't have a Coke and I'm annoyed. Exactly. I don't have a Coke. And what I have instead is this non, very bad tasting sugar water that, again, reminds me of bad things. Yeah. Stupid things. And also, would I drink it?

I mean, you know, sometimes when you have an upset stomach, you need to drink an aerated drink. I might drink it. And then I would be, like, really upset upset yeah yeah but i wouldn't drink it i mean i mean i'm i'm assuming there'll be water but you know yeah i think we'll give you some we'll give you a water thank you that's only that's only thank you you're a podcast listener and this is a podcast ad reach great listeners like yourself with podcast advertising from lips and ads choose from hundreds of top podcasts offering host endorsements or run a reproduced ad like this one across thousands of shows to reach your target audience with lips and ads go to lips

and ads.com now that's l-i-b-s-y-n ads.com okay and what would your food choice be salad salad obviously i hate salad i'm vegetarian i hate salad. I'm vegetarian. I hate salad. Now, let's just, I just want to make it clear what I mean when I say salad. So salad, if it has large chunks of something cooked in it and like a honey mustard dressing, fine. But that's not then salad. That's another dish which has salad parts. Right. Okay. Right. And the good part of that dish as we all know is the other stuff whether it's the tofu or if you eat meat the you know the chicken and the dressing

the salad salad you know when when people say would you like a side salad and it's cold it's leaves it's like as if you know i'm reincarnated from a goat and that's all I still want to eat. Leaves, cold stuff put together. It's a bunch of vegetables, uncooked, cold. And then it's like you have this as a dish, as a meal. I don't ask you to go and start eating things from my garden if you come to visit. I don't say, well, have some flowers and leaves. I mean, it's ridiculous. So that kind of plain salad, you know, that like plain yeah no thank you no thank you not eating it

even if i get no roughage and i have all kinds of health problems rickets and scurvy it will take a lot for me to eat salad especially as a vegetarian because they stuff it down your throat all the time when you're vegetarian in the west well i think there's a lot of times where like like you say you can elevate a salad and make it interesting but there's a lot of times you think you've just got a fucking bin full of it's either it's garnish slash salad and if i'm having a burger it's garnish and if you order a salad it's the same bin that you just reach into but there's two handfuls instead of one you know and and that sort of thing i find really lazy and annoying but like you know if you

sort of yeah as you say if you tart it up a bit with a lot of interesting things but i mean you got to remember you're getting a salad from a plane so we know what kind of you know it's in one of those tiny little cube little boxes on your tray and it's just everything's too cold it's like yeah it's fucking freezing cold like ice cube tomato slices and things like that and also if i wanted to eat something raw and vegetably why won't i eat a fruit what the hell is possessing me i don't understand salad why am i eating a salad like they say you know you get roughage from fruit from green stuff eat a pear apple banana i mean there's so many fruit right why did you go eat a cold salad no one ever ever ever

ever listen I have a lot of friends who are very conscious of their figures and they eat a salad for lunch and it's tragic it's tragic you see what they're eating and you think goats yeah where's the you know they're skinny and they want to be skinny fine bye no thank you fair enough yeah i think especially an airplane side of everything as well is going to be particularly bleak and um yeah yeah yeah you make a lot of sense i think that's fair thank you now cindy fortunately you won't be without entertainment on the island the planes entertainment system continues to work but just your luck it only has two working settings one is your least favorite film of all time and the other is your least favorite song

what are they and why my least favorite film it's not one it's it's any french film any any pick one there was one called there was a trilogy red white blue or red green white something like this and i remember i was at university in mont, and it's, you know, francophone. And at university, I was doing political theory. So a lot of people I studied with were intellectual everyone's so deep no one's saying much it's all deep it's in french which is an issue if you don't know french but also even if like you didn't understand you were just watching no one's having a good time everyone's kind of like in an existential crisis and i think well i don't want to spend my time watching that. I want to go to a movie, you know? Movies, I mean, you put things into your eyeballs

like a movie. There's lots of things that go into my eyeballs that I can't help. Right? I can't help it. You know, my kid once puked on me while I was holding him up, literally into my eyeballs.

I couldn't help seeing that vomit because I couldn't, you know what I mean, when it came out it came out but how old's your kid oh he's three and a half yeah so you've been through that phase where they just literally just you know yeah yeah yeah projectile so but if you go to watch a movie you go by choice you pick something i don't want stuff going into my eyeballs that's kind of existential and everyone's deep and no one's having a good time and there's no real story everyone's wandering around looking at each other and they're confused and they're all depressed what yeah any of that no interest absolutely not well I would never watch it I would just let it off and just never go into it it's weird isn't it there's definitely like a type because i did french a level and i remember

my mum just sort of desperately trying to get me interested in in studying a bit and sort of instead of just sort of cruising towards the crap grades i got but she kept sort of coming home for the video shop was like look i've got a french film and it's like this is so fucking difficult it's not even like and boring yeah yeah they were really boring and like you know obviously like you know there's a film lahen which i think is brilliant but that's sort of you know so gritty in a city kind of like boys in the hood stuff and that's really good but there's definitely like a lot of sort of french films that are just you go what happened in that i'm not sure i don't know was it happy was happy? Was it sad? Was it... And someone had sex. Okay, fine.

But that's not that interesting. I mean, you know, people are copulating all the time. I can't be... You can't make up the whole movie. Yeah. Yeah. You know? And also, I think if you're having sex, it's great fun.

But watching two people who've otherwise been completely boring the whole time start banging, you're like, okay, what is this doing for me? Nothing. Yeah. I mean, remember, I'm a big fan of movies but not films it's a very very big distinction okay

and the French you know these so I mean a French film I just have no interest oh my god I would just never watch it I'd be like I have one

I have two sources of entertainment Dan told me on this island the audio and the video video I would never watch and hopefully Russell Brand will watch it because he's such a deep guy yeah but I think and hopefully russell brand will watch it because he's

such a deep guy yeah but i think he was and then he'll sit and explaining it to snow white and that's it the two of them can be there that's true yeah i mean he i think he wouldn't watch it unless there was someone around for him to explain it it's a bit like you know a tree falls in the wood doesn't make a sound it's like you know only if russell burns there to tell someone about it afterwards you know and God and we all know he will yeah yeah I end up like what so my mum has this awful habit with films where like she is always really interested in international films which is fine in its own right but she will elevate like she'll be flicking through the channels if you try and watch something it

takes 45 minutes to try and work out what to watch as soon as there's a foreign film she'll go oh let's watch this you're like it's been on for like 50 minutes like i think probably now is not the time she's like oh but it looks interesting like all you've seen is they're speaking a different language like it's got it could be about anything and you know like obviously let's be interested in different cultures nothing wrong with that but like you've just so i've seen a lot of like like foreign films just from a point like of no return where you're never going to get to grips with what's happening but just because my mom's going what about this one and like well i mean yeah no no i hear that i think your mom would be good to watch bollywood because all the movies pretty much have the same story across the last 150 years so no matter where you come in you're like oh i'm at that part in this general story well she has watched a lot of bollywood

films actually she's got a lot of indian friends who she watches with but um she's like oh this is the part where this is benedictus yeah yeah she's uh she's yeah so she's into all of that but you know so she's good if you want to stick on something interesting and have her over but she's not if you're at her house trying to find something to watch so you know it depends depends what side she's on she'll be a good guest but you know so yeah but you'd have to watch i mean and also you could just tell i'm coming over we can only watch bollywood because that's it at least bollywood everyone is beating and crying and killing and loving it should be fine some some some people are being reborn right then and

there broken up with a song now and again not now and then every every 10 minutes yeah fair enough okay and talking of songs what would your song choice be anything by marilyn manson anything okay yeah anything by that guy so with him i feel like i don't i mean obviously i know of him i don't know his work apart from the ones that kind of got in the charts and they're the ones that were you know he sort of went like a bit poppy for a while and did like um tainted love and stuff you mean he did songs that were not his that people liked and then yeah them and then people were like oh this i can tolerate so yeah yeah exactly so when marilyn monson tolerable, he's singing someone else's songs. Sure. I get that. But I don't know if it's because I don't have anything to compare it to. Like, I don't really know his back catalogue enough to know if, like, he was all right until that point.

But I think, like, him kind of ironically doing Tainted Love, I just find quite weird. And what is it about him particularly that pisses you off? I mean, is that sort of genre in general you hate? No, no, no, no. I think the problem I have with Marilyn Manson is if you strip away all the makeup and all the provocation and all the shock, you know, the name is made up of a sex symbol and a serial killer. What do you have? You have noise. You know, that stuff would not sell without all these trappings on the outside.

And all these trappings are not necessarily creative. They're shock and provocation. And, you know, I think one of the genres the kind of the kind of um props he brings to the game like david bowie dressed up a lot but that was creative and also his music if you'd never seen david bowie the music was great if you'd never seen marilyn manson you'd say what is this knock knock drum beat scream shout it bullshit. But then you see him and you think, oh, I see. So basically what you're saying is, you know, look at me, listen to me, because I'm so, like, I'm like something you've never seen. I'm going to shock you. I'm going to

say weird things. I'm going to have seven gold teeth. My issue with that is that a lot of these ways of provoking and shocking are underlied by someone who is a bit vacuous and has no real problems you know otherwise you would make good music sometimes from real problems or if you had real problems you'd be like maybe i should maybe i don't have the maybe it's a it's a it's a privilege that i'm not born dying of hunger or no one tried to arrange my marriage or no one you know what i mean yeah this is just this is this is some kind of you know it's a it's a it's a huge waste of resources huge waste of resources you know which i feel bad about because the world needs a equitable division of resources, distribution.

And this guy is sucking up so much and making shit sounds that are selling his music because he comes dressed up with all this rubbish. So when I hear that stuff, I think, and the lyrics, the lyrics are the lyrics of a spoiled, well-off, privileged brat. What if God knocks us down? Yeah, if you were born in Sudan, you wouldn't be singing this.

You'd get a real job. But of course, you can sit in Florida where you started and think about when everything dies and have videos of people taking pills and, you know, sex and all that stuff that is ultimately quite an indulgence. You know, but if at the end of all that, you had music, which minus all the pictures, you thought, oh, let me listen to this. But again, you said it yourself before I even started, you're like, I kind of liked him when he sang already existing good songs. Like, yeah, you know, he sang Personal Jesus, which was a depeche mode song which was already a great song yeah you know so it's like dude really yeah so that's what i think

i mean have i made my feelings clear do you think yeah no absolutely i think no he absolutely nailed it um yeah he's someone i think a bit like um russell brand where sometimes i think i'll read stuff about him or an interview with him or something and he seems okay but he it's very obvious he's also got a lot of hangers-on you know he's kind of a bit of he like quite likes that rock star stereotype of like you know having lots of people looking after him or like oh I don't get up until seven in the evening it's like you're not a vampire man it's cool like no and it's like I always think I bet you do when no one else is there it's like I keep my house really cold like a crypt and I

only get up at night I don't know is that ok yeah and I mean you didn't hear David Bowie say those things you didn't hear Prince say those things because they were too busy making great music but we have a saying in India empty vessels make the most noise so you're coming up with some

amazing Indian saying the one about the rats especially is amazing. I'm definitely going to write that down. Oh, the cat? The cat ate a hundred rats and then decided to go on pilgrimage? Sure, yeah. But that's the thing is, you know, you just think, that's music I would never listen to.

So basically I'd be on this island not watching, not listening to music. I would have to, I guess, you know, what I might do is I might, there should be coconuts. I'd learn to... I guess, you know, what I might do is I might... There should be coconuts. I'd learn how to thatch with coconut skin. You know, you can make roofs and stuff. Yeah, yeah. So you'll be busy. Okay.

I'd be busy. And I think Maite Garcia is a great dancer. So I might ask her to help me with some moves, you know. Just also to stay healthy. Yeah. It's good to exercise. That's good. That's something.

Okay. Well, look, finally, wolves you know it's also to stay healthy yeah it's good to exercise that's good that's something yeah okay well look finally the island is overrun by the biggest dick of all the animals which animal is it and why rats rats okay um rats because like for me for when i was growing up i was like rats are rats like you know then i watched a movie called ben oh that's the one that michael jackson did the song about, isn't it? I don't know. Did he? It was about a pet rat that literally becomes, it's like a demonic rat. And that's when you start to really recognize how awful rats can be. Because I know that rats can eat live babies.

They'll come out and get them. Maybe that was, Michael Jackson definitely did a song called ben that was about a pet rat or someone told me a very someone who was such a hyper fan of michael jackson it was kind of quite terrifying told me it was about a rat but then those things don't tally if it was about a weird mental rat so probably someone's going to write in so i've got this completely completely wrong but anyway let's let's ignore the michael jackson bit i don't like them and and they're aggressive and they often have rabies. So, you know, that's hard because I don't want to die of hydrophobia on my island. There's a lot of water around an island.

And if I get hydrophobia, I'm toast. They're dirty. It's not so much dirty. I don't mind dirty, you know, like in the sense of dogs get dirty. I just think that they're vicious. So I'm used to animals that don't like, so for me, when I was growing up in India, there were animals that could kill you, but they wouldn't come for you. Yeah. You know, only man eating tigers that are injured will really come for you.

Normal tigers will avoid people. Snakes, cobras, they avoid you. If you step on them, they bite you, you die. Scorpions are tricky. Scorpionsions are in dark wet places and they're not coming for you rats will come out for you i think because they're like quite an intelligent animal so that always ups the risk factor a bit it's like if you're close to monkeys you're like oh i don't know you're a bit too smart to be wild you know it's like yeah you know with like a wild dog or something usually you can just sort of shout at it and it will run off again you know or like shoo it away with a rat you're like uh you're figuring stuff out i don't know you know you're calculating yeah and also they they're they're vicious they'll come for i mean i suppose that's their job they you know they'll come out

and try and survive and they're and those tails you know they're really thick and then they get thinner oh that movie really really did it for me so i would not i couldn't sleep if there were rats on the island because i think they'd come for me be horrible oh and they have like they have like like horse hair but they're little rats oh that's why this movie ratatouille they were like oh it's so funny i had a a hard time. I had two little kids. I remember sitting through that movie like, God damn. Imagine having a rat in your hair. I had to really compartmentalize what I knew about rats and watch that movie. Because, I mean, that's the thing.

Occasionally I've seen one in London, but it's fairly small and innocuous and it sort of runs past a bin or something. Are you sure it's not a mouse? Well, like big you know like sort of like rat size but you know like because i don't know maybe it's like a adolescent or a female rat or something but then i've seen them like i've been in india and i've seen one the size of a rabbit and it was like that's not i'm not fucking around with that kind of thing like and i'm sure somewhere in a sewer in london there were these huge ones as well. But I haven't seen them above ground. But those big ones, I mean, I'm not messing around with those things.

I'm not messing around. So you have spent time in India because you've also drunk Thumbs Up. Yeah, I've been a few times. Yeah, yeah. Why? Just for fun? Yeah, yeah, I guess so. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yay. That makes me so happy. I hope we treated you well while you were there. Yeah, I loved it. I'll keep going beautiful beautiful but yeah I had one day in Kerala where I got attacked by every animal that I came across like I saw a snake my friend tripped over a cow there was this rat that was the biggest thing I've ever seen there was leeches in the jungle like it was just like this whole day where

like nature turned against us and uh or nature was just there and then you got in the middle yeah i mean that's probably a better less sort of colonial attitude to take i think because leeches for example they you really have to get where they are yeah i mean for them to lead you horrendous they're mad you've got to put so much salt and sit there i know i had no salt we were just trying to pull them out and trying to pull something no god don't pull them out i know you're not supposed to pull them out. I'm trying to pull something. No! God, don't pull them out. I know you're not supposed to pull them out. But like when you've got leeches all over your feet.

And it's either wait until you walk an hour home. And then find some salt. Or like try and get the fucking things out. And that's hard. Yeah, it was horrendous. But also, you were with your friend. Was it a light or not? No not no no we're all just oh there you go just annoying you don't really go into those wet places without salt well i was with

we were with a guide yeah but um the rest of us were just sort of naive naive uh young did you have open shoes yeah well i had i had i had the thing that was daniel this story is making me crazy no one told me about this before we went in. So basically, I had like these weird slip-on shoe things. They were like flip-flops, but with a closed toe, so they're worse because things could get in but not get out. And it was... So, yeah, it was a bad day of nature kicking my ass, basically.

But you still loved it and you went back to India. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, it's part of the fun. kick in my ass basically oh but but you still loved it and you went back to india exactly yeah it's part of the fun india is a place you can india gets can grab hold of you like no other place yeah and i think there's a lot of things where like at the time there's a lot of like retrospective fun yeah yeah like if you had that thing about type one and type two fun was like type one fun is when you're enjoying something at the time type two fun is like this isn't good now but i'll probably look back on it fondly you know that yes i totally understand and i think it's because and tell me if you agree with this there's something about the way you engage with india you have to which is very intense and intimate at the same

time because it's intense because there's sound and noise but people are speaking English you're not like that removed from you know you can go to places where no one speaks English so you feel like such a foreigner but you know there is an intimacy it draws you in because of the language but also people are like hey and there's a lot that you do recognize you know but there's a lot going on that you don't recognize. So it's very intense. And I think that combination of intensity and intimacy, in the moment, you're just coping. But then later, it becomes an experience that sticks with you. And you sort of are like, wow, that was fun. You

know what I mean? Yeah, like, like, it's like certain relationships I've had, which have been intense and intimate. And you've just thought my god like I'm so sad I'm so happy I'm so sad and often at the time I'm not having a great time then five years later I'm like oh I remember him god that was fun but it's because you have enough distance and you didn't die from it and by and large Indians are not unfriendly no no not at all i think it's like it always feels very safe you know so yeah yeah and i mean well it is and it isn't depends where you are it depends when you're going out and also depends areas of whatever city you're in i mean i think the problem

with india is if you're in an unsafe situation it's very unsafe there's not a lot of nuance there yeah somewhere you can definitely see like the best and worst of life in, like, within a day. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Within a family. You haven't met some of my family. You know, within a family, let alone within a day, you can see the best. But it's because India is very intense, you know.

But anyway. But big rats. But nice. Big rats. Big rats. Nice place. Great country. In summary. Yes. Yes. Yes. but big rats but nice big rats big rats nice place great country yes yes yes big rats great country yeah carry salt if you're walking in the jungle in the south what are you doing

absolutely oh good well look i think you've made a uh lovely hellish island for yourself to live in so uh thank you very much for for compiling your list of dicks today that was great it's a pleasure and it's been lovely having you on and where can people sort of see more from you at the moment what are you up to obviously you've got a podcast uh yes i have a podcast called child labor uh we've done the first series and it's out there in the world for you to listen to but if you want to do something in the future that I haven't yet done, but you want to come along when I do it, buy tickets to my tour. I'm starting May 2021, by which time everyone who hasn't got a vaccine hopefully will have one. And you can buy tickets through my website on Sindhuvi.com. You just go to the section that says live and you can buy tickets. So there's that.

If you don't want to buy tickets to a tour and you don't want to listen to a podcast but you think maybe she has better she has more rat material or something you can always follow me on instagram where i'm at sindhu v on twitter i'm sindhu v funny but it's not vee because i didn't think these things through when i started all these accounts just randomly started them and of course there's there's my website, Sindhubi.com. Yeah, yeah, actually, I'm feeling so good after doing this, Daniel. Thank you for asking me on because it really has made me connect with who I am because often you know who you are because of what you don't want to do.

And I don't want to do any, I don't want to be involved in any of this stuff that you helped me think of. So thank you. I'm glad because at the start, you seem so sort of sorted and grounded i was like i don't really want to mess with this nice person we've got now so uh i'm glad that you're out the other side and you feel cleansed and and whole and okay yeah do you know that i'm not that nice as you thought i might be that positive i mean i'm, but all this stuff here is... I think the two can exist very happily together. They can, of course they can.

Just being open with yourself about what you like and don't. I have to keep telling myself this the longer I host this podcast, so I've got to believe this. Absolutely. And, you know, it makes me grateful that I haven't had to do any of the things that could have happened on this island. All right, well, thanks again for have happened on this island. All right. Well, thanks again for joining us on Desert Island Dicks today.

Thanks so much. Bye.