Desert Island Dicks - SLIM

Episode Date: January 25, 2021

Dan is joined by the comedian Slim, to share who and what he would hate to be stuck with on a desert island. It's our traditional formula, so why change it eh? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Marc Jacobs perfume gift sets include everything she needs to feel special. From her favorite fragrance plus the matching travel spray, holiday gifts don't get much more perfect than this. So if you're looking for a gift inspiration these holidays, gift theable with Mark Jacobs. Hello, my name is Dan and I'm one of the men talking on Desert Island Dicks. The other man you'll hear today is the comedian Slim. He's had a 20-year career, sold out the Hackney Empire numerous times, supported Kevin Hart on tour, and you might have recently seen him on Russell Howard's show as well. Anyway, we had a lovely chat about all the usual things, you know, who and what he finds to be complete dicks, so it was a lot of fun. Remember, if you agree or disagree or just want to have your say on who and what you think is a dick,

then you can get in touch with us at dickspod.com slash contact or message us on Twitter and Instagram at dickspod and we might feature yours on Compact Dix, which is our weekly sister podcast where you get to have a little rant about awful people and things. We've just done our 150th episode, which is really exciting, and the upshot is that you've now got even more episodes to trawl through, which might just distract you from the utter bleakness that is January during the plague. Anyway, we really do appreciate all your support. So thank you for listening. And what would be really great is if you could take a moment to subscribe and leave us a rating and a nice review. I know when you listen to

podcasts, you're always being asked to do this sort of thing. And in fact, I'm always asking you to do this sort of thing. But maybe you can make today the day that you go, fuck it, I am actually going to do it. It won't take long and it will make a humble podcaster very happy. Right, that's enough from me. Here's Desert Island Dicks, the show that sees you marooned on a desert island after a plane crash with the worst people and worst things imaginable. Who they are and why they're a dick is up to our guest.

And here to share their Desert Island Dicks with us today is comedian Slim. How are you doing? Hey comedian slim how you doing hey how you doing daniel i'm all right how's how's things with you i cannot complain i cannot complain you've actually saved me from a lot of uh house chores i was doing the house up actually doing the dishes and the hoovering and uh i need a i need a cleaner i think i think i've got a dip in my pocket and get a cleaner. Do you know what? A lot of people are sort of going, oh, you know, after lockdown ends,

you know, I can't wait to do this or that. I'll go out for a drink or see my friends, go clubbing. I'm like, same. I'm thinking, I'm going to get a cleaner. All that money I've saved, I'm going out. That's what I'd really like. Spend the money wisely. Yeah.

Yeah. I was like, I'm about to have a second child so i was like yeah fuck it i'm not going out for my lockdowns for the next six months anyways might as well might as well clean house i'm not too bad with the dishes the rest of the house are you can imagine the dishes i don't mind doing the rest of the house hoovering and all that i have no interest in yeah yeah i find stuff like with dishes it's okay because you can see a noticeable difference quite quickly whereas like when it's just like sorting and like you've got to tidy up general stuff that's the thing i really hate yeah and um how did you find the process of like choosing your dicks for today

was it was it difficult you were sort of able to to rant quite easily or was it a bit of a challenge? It was actually a challenge. I've realised I'm not a bad guy. I actually don't hate people. I haven't got that much people I've got that, oh, he's a dick against. But I managed to find three. But yeah, it was a little task, I will say.

Okay, good. Well, I mean, at least you've discovered something good about yourself as well. So that's always a good place to start. It's true. Okay, well, let's go straight into it then. Who's going to be your first choice joining you on the island? It's got to be Donald Trump. Yeah, and I mean, timely.

Now we can finally say former President of the United States, Donald Trump, which feels good, I think. The former. And I think the whole of America is glad with that word as well. The former. Yeah. Well, he's a narcissist. I mean, I think that's it.

Politics, I don't really get heavily involved in. Obviously, it's nice to know what's going on. But the fact that as a person, he was just a horrible person. He seems like a terrible, terrible dick. That's the right word. We can use that on the show. I don't know. Everything's me, me, me, self-centered.

I done this. i done that yeah i think i think a lot of people glad to see the back of him tell you on his truth yeah no definitely i think it's uh i mean i've probably said this before in this podcast but it was like finding out that when he'd finally you know lost the election and it was definitely not going to be him anymore it's like i didn't realize how much it affected me for the last four years i felt lighter you know i mean i could have like weighed myself and i'm sure i would have been lighter than before it's like and it's like god i mean he's not even my president but just like having that weight on you for four years it's like it's such a relief you're forced to see a dick every day can you imagine for four years that's basically what's happened you know what i mean so

now i mean good riddance i'll tell you on this truth i know there's gonna be trump supporters out there but yeah he's an arsehole man someone has to be a nice person that foundation or at least have qualities of a leader empathy certain certain you leadership qualities. And he had none of them, man. So, yeah, he's my number one dick right now. Yeah. And I think being stuck with him as well, it's like you'd never find, I mean, apart from the fact that he's racist, that's obviously going to be quite problematic.

Yeah. But, you know, just finding any kind of common ground with him is going to be important because it's all about him. And he just seems like quite a boring man who can't even speak in proper sentences as well. Oh, yeah. You know what? You can really tell what kind of person he is

by the way how his wife, Melania, reacts to him all the time. She never wants to hold his hand. He's like the dad she's ashamed of really do you know me really she's her face is always serious i don't i don't know if the woman has teeth i never see her smiling she might be smiling now yeah yeah yeah i think she's uh waiting in the wings for everything to settle down, dust to settle down, and then out come the divorce lawyers. Yeah, definitely. Yeah, I mean, I think that's the sort of thing. I'm torn between...

So part of me really wants to see everyone just wade in and get the lawyers out and see his proper downfall. But the other half of me, it's like, I spent so long kind of seeing him in the newspapers or online, and it it's like it'd be quite nice if he just vanished without a trace but i'd quite like him to vanish without a trace but also with lots of like jail time you know i'd like him to vanish without a trace in prison yeah yeah he's not going away quietly he doesn't look like the person that just finishes the jobs and you know slides away slides away quietly. Yeah, yeah. I think we'll be seeing a bit more of Mr Donald Trump in the future, I'm sure of it.

I saw that even when he was kind of departing on his jet and sort of doing his last little speech, even then he couldn't say anything nice. He was like, oh, you know, we did great work against COVID. It's like, you've got like 400,000 people are dead. It's like, that's what I find so funny when you've got like so many supporters so many supporters of him like you know the people who believe in q and all that stuff and you're like i know that you think i know that you're mad because you believe in this mad conspiracy theory but like at any point haven't you just

thought yeah but he's thick you know i mean it it's like even if he is on your side like listen to him he can't speak properly the man is dumb well most of them you see most of the supporters the redneck ones anyway so he's he's in good company oh they they're in good company with him i should say yeah for real yeah so he's been he's going to be on the island he's going to try and build a wall. Obviously, I can imagine to keep the rest of you out, but obviously he's very lazy. So I imagine he's going to try to co-opt some of you to build the wall that he wants to keep you out as well. It's just going to be a nightmare, I think. Let them build it. He did say that, didn't he? He says we're going to let them pay for it and we're going to let them build it.

I'm sure that was his words. So his words so yeah yeah that's that's a half finished wall now biden don't seem to be finished uh looking to finish that no no and you as yourself as a person do you think you're the sort of temperament that like you could try and overcome everything you know about him to try and start again on your island and just make peace just to make it an easy place or would you just sort of hope that he vanishes into the sea one day and you don't have to worry about him i most probably be the one to pull him into the sea and i use the wig as a washcloth after that can be my new washcloth once he's gone do you know i mean use it as a wash rag yeah i most probably will push him into the sea donald looks like it takes i don't think it takes

somebody a full week to actually decide i'm gonna put hands on this man do you see what i mean so yeah yeah i don't think i i don't think i'd be able to get around um just getting on with him yeah i think that's the thing with someone like that though because it's like as a good person it really challenges you because you're like you know i don't want to wish anyone dead but i wouldn't mind if he did and i know a lot of people be better off if he was dead and like you know you kind of think i want to sort of raise my my kids to sort of know that like you know you shouldn't wish ill on people and you should sort of be good because otherwise you don't get you know good rewards whereas like he's done everything wrong and you know did pretty well out of that you know so it's got ethically such a like difficult proposition no no absolutely but as i

said i think everybody would agree in his behavior i mean to say we've done this for the economy done that for the economy fair enough it's nice that he's done one or two good things but i think that you're judged by the majority of behavior and the majority of his behavior was appalling to tell you the truth he acted like a spoilt statesman shall we say yeah and also just behavior that was really easy to get away with not doing it's like i think you're racist unless you said this and it would sort of maybe calm it down i probably still think you were racist but at least you're sort of making the right noises and you can't even do that and you're like well you're even worse than i thought yeah yeah yeah good good riddance man he thought he was getting another four years he must probably get four years in jail hopefully at least at least

okay so donald trump joins you who's going to be next to join you on the island um this is going to be a strange one my dentist any dentist to tell you the truth okay yeah yeah and i don't want to call dentist dicks it's more that i'm calling them dicks out of the fear a lot of us have for them they just remind me of like trainee tort trainee torturers. Yeah. You know, you sit down in the dentist's chair, and they, you know, they take out all the tools and equipment, and especially the one where they, I don't know if you've ever seen it, where they roll the thing open. It's got knives, pliers.

It looks like a trainee torture kit. You know what I mean? So I've always kind of had a fear at the dentist you know um i've recently went and had my teeth done last year um and that that was a challenge in itself because i had to have numerous injections a bit of bone graft blah blah blah so it's just vanity why i went for it to tell you the honest truth because i'm absolutely hating i do yeah i went to the dentist actually earlier this week so i'm absolutely with you on this i never used to have a thing but i think as you get older you know like when you're young and

you go to the dentist you're like oh this is okay you know like get a little sticker or something and you go oh yeah i don't know what the fuss is and as you get older and starts getting a bit more real doesn't it and like i came back on uh tuesday after going to the dentist and i felt like white as a sheet i was just like i walked in the house my wife's like are you okay what happened in there you know and i was like shit i've just been through the ringer you Yeah, you do. He wanted to break down in tears, didn't he? He hurt me. Yeah. And at least with torture, you think they'll strap you down.

But it's the weird thing with dentists, you're like, I know I can get up, but I shouldn't. I've got to let them finish. They absolutely freak me out. Them and radiologists, the ones in the hospital that take your x-ray. I don't like them neither as well. They strap you down. Are you comfortable?

And you think, yeah. And then they turn around and run off behind some screen. That makes you feel that now you've got some kind of explosive device strapped to you. Don't you ever get that? That lonely, abandoned feeling when you go for an x-ray. got some kind of explosive device strapped to you don't you ever get that with that lonely abandoned feeling when you go for x-ray when they make you all comfortable and then they sort of stay there stay still please as they squeeze a button you think you're gonna explode while they take the x-ray i hate them as well yeah it's one of those things where you kind of think like i'm

a grown-up now so this is supposed to be all right, but I still kind of want my mum. You know what I mean? I want someone telling me it's all all right, you know, or, like, tell me I'm being a brave boy, but no one bothers when you're a grown-up. It's the truth, you know? You don't want to seem like a pussy to the missus or you have a half, so you tend to just, you know, suck it up.

But I think all of us want our mums at certain points even now has grown false yeah we're gonna get assassinated we just let out a real big men's man secret right there daniel we have we want our mummies as big men in certain situations but i think it happens more and more as you get older you're kind of like i don't know even like something happens with my son and i've got to clean up the mess and i'm just like what i'm back in my head i'm like well i'm gonna call the adult to do when who made this happen like i'm not responsible why am i mopping up this crap it's true it's true we don't have

to be responsible when she's around i think that's what it is with boys we could just rely on her we don't have to burden our responsibility mom mom will take it all so yeah with a dentist on the island because i mean at some point it's you know it's going to be good having some kind of medical profession on the island i mean your teeth are going to take a battering, you know, after a while of sort of desert island living. But then they're there and they're a dentist now, but they've only got rudimentary sort of homemade tools. So it's going to get pretty, pretty bad. And no anaesthetic. Yeah.

No injections, no nothing. So they'll just be putting my teeth. Coconut to the head. You know, that's your ana anesthetic is like a coconut to the head you know that's your anesthetic you'll have to knock me out yeah you're right fair enough so yeah dentist i mean they're one of those people like if you meet a doctor you're kind of like oh you're a doctor that's interesting like dentists i think because so much of their trade involves pain whereas with a doctor like mostly it's just like here's a prescription take this medicine and you know that's something that does get easier when you're growing up is like taking a bit of medicine it's not as much of as a scary thing as when you're little yeah because i think dentists go the other way around so i think with a dentist you meet one

and you're just like why what why'd you do that that's like a really hard but difficult unpleasant job for everyone it's like i guess because it can't be nice for them either no no because most people that don't like them you imagine you're in a profession where you're trying to help people they actually don't like you kids most probably don't like them adults i didn't like them as a kid neither as a kid or as a i needed to get a fill in i think that's what it is when i was about nine i mean you know born in the 70s going the 80s sweets was abundant then so going out playing sweets every minute chocolates yeah so i needed a filling um and that we used to have like a a mobile dentist that used to come around to the primary

school like you know at least once a year and set up for a couple of weeks check all the kids and then move on but from then when they put the filling in i've always had a fear fear of them so yeah it is a childhood fear so i don't think there's nothing i can do to calm that. I actually tell them, you know, in the friendliest way, I don't like you. Please be as gentle as you can because I really don't like none of you. I think that might have something to do with why they're causing you pain, Slim. Do you reckon?

Maybe just say you're scared of them rather than you don't like them. What do you think is all in the wording they're like oh don't worry i'll be gentle you fucking listen i'm gonna try that next time dan i will i'll try it i'll try and word it different yeah let me know how it goes on okay so uh who's gonna be your third choice then joining donald trump and the dentist third choice to tell you the truth any of the k Kardashians, to tell you the truth. Okay, good. I've got to put that one out there.

Any of the Kardashians. Yeah, okay. Now, I've got my own feelings on these guys, but what is it specifically about them that does your head in? I feel that, number one, they're no good for black men. Black men across the world are slowly frightened of the kardashians they seem to uh uh chew them up and spit them out in certain ways most black men that leave the kardashians don't leave in good mental health let's let's put it that way

so there's a fear of the kardashians you know i mean i'd rather do uh um yeah I'd rather date anyone else be around anyone I just find them too much I do I find uh they're famous for nothing that's it isn't it it's like I don't really get it and I sort of thought that naively that everyone kind of just watched them as like a sort of spectator sport but then i think that they're sort of also like i i meet people who are do sort of want to look like them and be like them and sort of idolize them and i was like i thought it was just one of those things that people watch because it's like trashy or like they kind of think yeah you know it's funny or whatever but it's like but now they're sort of icons to lots of women and it's like that seems quite weird to me you know their lifestyle i think it's their lifestyle

obviously they live a very glamorous lifestyle so i think that's what the attraction is for women you know men no one wants to be a kardashian dude we don't sit down thinking i'd really like to be robert kardashian you know i wish i had these lifestyle so yeah it's usually women that are are big champions for the kardashians and i'm sure there's one or two guys out there as well undercover that don't uh speak yeah i've seen uh i've seen like you know you watch something like first dates and they'll say to a guy what's your ideal woman and sometimes they say oh i like the kardashians and stuff and i'm always like really because i don't know they always kind of look at like i just it just looks like a nightmare it looks like so much time and effort spent on themselves and i just think when you're

going to get a look in or like you're just going to spend a lot of time waiting all the time and they come out and it's like you look sort of flammable somehow, you know, because of all the products. Can't smoke around them or nothing. I like that. You're true. They look flammable. I've heard them call a lot of things, Dan. Never flammable.

But also, it's like, you know, I don't begrudge anyone like a luxury lifestyle or whatever. I mean, slightly less if I feel like they've actually earned it whereas i don't feel like the kardashians have but you know that it's like the sort of to to continue their brand you know it's always having to like take pictures of everything and show everyone like look what i've got all the time and it's i just think it's weird for sort of normal people to sort of hear that all the time and still kind of idolize them i'm just like can't you just be rich and shut up? It's like, I know you're rich, but I need to see everything you have all the time. That's what I mean.

That's what I mean. I just think that over the years, I've seen too much of them. I've got a lot of females in my family. And if you go to visit or if they're around, they want to switch the telly over to this. And yeah, I just think I'm fed up. They feel like part of my family the

amount of times i've seen them in my living room i'm just fed up of them you know what i mean yeah i think didn't actually kim kardashian once go and visit donald trump with kanye she did i think she did yeah so they're probably gonna form an alliance of some kind on the island you know so then that's gonna that's gonna be a bit of trouble because they've got, you know, previous. So you don't know what they're plotting? Yeah, don't worry, I've got an animal for them. I've got an animal for them. Okay, okay.

I just think as well, like, having someone like a Kardashian, they're not helping you out on the island. You know, like, Donald Trump's not helping you out. The dentist, you know, dentists could be useful. You know, they're going to have an idea about technical stuff. You know, they might be quite good with their hands. So that might be useful, you know, ifists could be useful. You know, they're going to have an idea about technical stuff. You know, they might be quite good with their hands. So that might be useful, you know, if they're not operating on you. But yeah, Donald Trump's going to be whining about whatever shit he's upset about that day.

Any of the Kardashians, they're not doing anything to lift a finger. You know, they're going to break a nail or get muddy or something. So it's basically you and the dentist teaming up as you to survive i think yeah i think that is the only way to actually for me to survive especially they'll have me uh yeah they're most probably after a while be trying to make me their uh personal like uh a servant i don't know he named me benson or jeffrey or something like that where's jeffrey have you seen him you see what i mean so yeah i'll have to go out with the debbie's if we can get rid of him again in the sea you're a podcast listener

and this is a podcast ad reach great listeners like yourself with podcast advertising from lips and ads choose from hundreds of top podcasts offering host endorsements or run a reproduced ad like this one across thousands of shows to reach your target audience with Lipson ads. Go to lipsonads.com now. That's L-I-B-S-Y-N ads.com. Fair enough. Okay. Now, Slim, mercifully amongst the wreckage of the plane, there was some food and drink left over. Unfortunately for you, it's your least favorite food and drink in the world. What you is your least favorite food and drink in the world what are they and why are they so bad oh my least favorite food in the world has got to be

rhubarb rhubarb okay yeah i hate any kind of it's more than dessert it's food isn't it but it's a more dessertish kind of thing i hate it i don't know why people decided, out of anything you could pull out of the ground, boil and eat, that rhubarb was the one. I just don't see the point. Rhubarb crumble, rhubarb this. That and celery. They're both from the same family, I believe, but they're horrible.

Yeah, it's weird, isn't it? Because it's something like, I can sort of see weird rhubarb in this country you know it's something that grows easily in this country so you're like okay a long time ago you know make it work add loads of sugar do what you can with what you've got but but now it's 2021 do we still need it we've got other things you know we don't need it that rhubarb is for grandmas that's what you give grandma yeah rhubarb pie rhubarb crumble i don't know who some of these things out on sale i don't know who makes them turkish delights another thing i've never seen anyone

actually eating one while walking down the street but these things are going as strong as when I was at primary school. Yeah, I think with rhubarb, I mean, just having to add that much sugar to make something okay. It's like, I mean, it's sort of telling you, it's like, don't eat me. Don't eat me. You know, it's like, you know, like the Japanese fish that's poisonous and you have to like take out every vein so you can eat it.

It's like, how many more signs do you want that it's not for you you know it's like that's for something else to eat it's not for humans and your mum's always tried to trick you when they're trying to feed you it saying oh it's good for you it's bitter mum oh the bitter is good for you well it can't be good for me yeah give me some sugar i'll call social services woman do you understand that's a granny's food you know i mean that's how i see it rhubarb for grannies murray mints are for grannies as well there's certain things are for grannies and rhubarb is that yeah definitely i wonder if it's going to eventually die out then as that generation leaves us you know like maybe rhubarb isn't long for this world but i mean it's still it's still two thousand you know it's still 2021 and it's

still here so it's done all right to survive given the amount of effort it is you know it's true i think it'll die out i i can't even picture in my head ever seeing um a young person picking up like a rhubarb crumble do you know i mean you know like you're going to freeze the section your apple crumble i've never i've never seen any kids with what you eating there rhubarb mate i've never i've never i just you just don't hear young people saying that oh i love i want a bit of rhubarb, don't I? That'll go down the tree. You just don't hear it.

Yeah. I wonder if it could go completely the other way and become like a sign of kind of toughness, you know? And it's like when you're young and you start drinking and they're like the first person who can drink spirits neat, you're like, oh yeah, you're the big man. Yeah. Okay.

It's like someone like chewing on a rhubarb. You're like, whoa, look at that. There's like a status thing. It's like whoa look at that there's like a status thing it's like wow that guy's tough like oh you know someone sort of comes up to you in the street looking a bit dodgy you just pull out a stick of rhubarb and bite it and they're like okay i'm not messing with him he means business seriously rhubarb is high up there on that i think a lot of people's list as disgusting. That's all I can say. Sorry if there's rhubarb eaters out there listening. Sorry.

It's just rhubarb's rubbish. It really is. It's pants. Quite a lot of effort to deal with on the island as well. And I think, I mean, it probably doesn't seem like something that's going to give you much nutrition. No. Especially once you've put all the sugar in. And also, you're going to have the dentist going,

don't put so much sugar on your rhubarb there, it's really bad for you. Yeah, yeah. Rhubarb. Bat and celery. Get rid of them. Okay. And to sort of wash them down and get the taste out of your mouth, what are you going to drink?

I would drink, because I'm on an island, I need something strong. I'm marooned, I'm on an island, I don't want water. I'm surrounded by that. So I think I would have to have something strong, like special brew, orchestral. You know them, what is it? Park bench bums drink

that kind of stuff seriously because that they look like they have no concept of time when we see them isn't it so yeah when you're stranded that's what you want if you're marooned somewhere you don't really want to be aware of every minute that's passing so i think the kestrel and the special brew and all that would do that for me yeah i think it's probably one of those drinks you start off going this is disgusting and then you know you're in trouble you know it's time to seek help when you start going actually it's all right you know you know that's probably like that's that's when you need to check yourself in somewhere it's cheap and cheap when you was younger everybody either drank cider or strong beer because what it is

you didn't have money for the spirits then you're 16, 17 down the park with your mates so you get a strong lager get that, you're sorted one pound, sorted I think lagers then was about like when I was like 16, 17 i think a can of lager

like 69 70 pence so but it was premium you paid the one pound it was premium but it got the job done i'm saying to you so i think that's why i would bring uh those strong drinks on the island if i was marooned. I think you're the only person to use the word premium and special brew in the same sort of context. They're premier lager. Well, what I mean is in strength, isn't it? That's what

I mean. In strength. It's very premium. So, yeah, I just think there's something about being stuck on the island where the only thing you can drink is a bit too strong. You know what I mean? You can't sort of meter out because you want, like, a nice beer. Even if you can find some way of making it cold in the sea or whatever,

or, like, you know, burying it in the ground until it's cool or something, like, you're still going to drink it and be like, oh, it's just too much. This isn't enjoyable, you know. I'll drink some water. I'll dilute it up with some of the seawater i think donald trump famously doesn't drink so he's not going to get sort of drunk and crazy on it which is quite lucky but i just being around donald trump and being drunk is a very

dangerous game i think i think you know for you to i mean as we say it doesn't really matter if you kill him you know especially on an island but know, if you've got any sort of designs of, like, not killing him straight away, then you're going to have to not touch the special brew. It's true. It's true. But, I mean, as I said, anybody I see on special brew, you see it in the parks.

They're having a whale all the time. They really are. And they're not aware of anything that's going on in the real world so that is why I would choose that drink just to get past time normally you walk past a load of people drinking on the street

in the morning and I never feel that envious but I did walk past a group on my way to work before the pandemic I remember there was a group of guys and I was about half eight in the morning on my way to work before the pandemic i remember there's like a group of guys and i was about like half eight in the morning on my way to work and in the square near where i work they all had a bottle of wine each and they looked like they're having an absolute whale of a time just for once i was like do you know what i think they're having more fun than i am i've got to say yeah yeah yeah

they said forget the system man get a bottle get a glass, that's it. So that's what I'm saying. Something strong, hey, time will fly, fly past. Okay, fair enough. Now, Slim, fortunately, you won't be without entertainment on the island. The plane's entertainment system continues to work, but just your luck, it only has two working settings. One is your least favourite film of all time and the other is your least favourite song what are they and why oh my least favorite film any musical i i've never liked them

from young musicals are just especially the old school ones the western and the oh it's terrible you can't have a cowboy on a horse riding along looking macho and then all of a sudden he breaks that into song no stop it it's not right do you know what i mean i do believe that musicals to a man not all men to most men are just annoying i don't think any man sees the point oh let me put on a musical you've never been around your mates all the bloke, your friends they say you know what, we've got a couple of beers let's put on a musical mate

I'm saying to you it's something that yeah, men don't seem interested in yeah it's a weird thing because I think it's like you know, I like films I like music but then it's like, I think it's a weird thing because i think it's like you know i like films i like music but then it's like i think it's just i can't never get i can never get over the bit where

it's just a normal setting and then suddenly like everyone in the street is dancing and it's like i think it requires too much brain power for me like i remember like years ago when i was young so doing a bit of work in the summers and sort of working in loads of factories around the southeast and i always remember thinking how funny because i was like this is the sort of place they're set isn't it you've got all these like gruff men and then suddenly they're like dancing down the stairs and like throwing boxes to each other while they're singing and i was like if this happened now if everyone just burst into song this would be the funniest thing i've ever seen but but it's the least likely thing to ever happen but yeah when you when you're watching them, it's just so cheesy.

I don't think there's ever been a non-cheesy musical. This is what I'm saying. They've all got a bit of cheese to them, mate. I'm telling you. I don't like them. Bollywood films are quite big on them as well, ain't they? Yeah, I think they're almost exclusively musicals. Do you see what I mean?

So yeah, that would be a hated film to have any musical you know go on the plane look around and find just musicals nothing else yeah that would be uh that and right so the next one's what what food uh what song song oh right oh jesus that that's a really really good question the song there's so much annoying songs in the world i mean in a way you've already got some in the musical so you're already going to have some annoying songs stuck in your head from the musical but i mean as well as that you've got to choose so so you're going to have like you know twice the amount of awful songs there anything from any pop artist that uses auto-tune. Oh, I like my singers to be singers, man. Do you know what I mean? I don't want you to be fake singing.

I want the proper singing. So, yeah, auto-tune. Anybody that sings with auto-tune. If you can't sing, don't try and make money off doing it. That's what I say. It's weird, isn't it? Because it's one of those things that i keep thinking like this must be the end of it now like it must and then like a new load of pop artists will come

through and they're doing it as well and like and in like urban music as well it happens still a lot and it's like how come share was doing this how why are you following share like how did that normally that would be the end of something, you know, like if, if like, you know, the young artists do it and then Cher has a go and then they go, time we moved on,

but it's gone the other way around. She's done it and they're following suit. It's weird, isn't it? Yeah. It's, it's what I think. I just think it's what,

um, we allow them to get away with, man. As I said, if you're born in the seventies, sixties, seventies, eighties, you actually grew up with good music you know you did and then along comes the lights off jedward and holy papa uh nontical musical

stars so yeah we had real music lionel Richie, do you know what I mean? Diana Ross, Michael Jackson. We had some proper, proper stars that actually sang, sang. Live singing. But now, yeah, everybody does. You only realise they're shit when you pay money to go to their concert. Yeah. And some of the equipment ain't working,

so they haven't got the auto-tune ready. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, some of them can't hit a fucking note, I'll tell you that. It does feel like it matters less because of the production and stuff like that. I think I'm really aware of it with my son, because at the minute, you know, he's like three and a half, so, you know, when they're, like, really young, they've got the broadest music taste in the world,

so they'll like something good, like, you know, like like three and a half so you know when they're like really young they've got the broadest music taste in the world so they'll like something good like you know like a classic artist you could play like Aretha Franklin or some soul or David Bowie whatever and they'll like it and they'll also like nursery rhymes and the theme tune to whatever crap they're watching on the telly they like everything you know but I'm really aware there's going to be a point where I lose my grip on the stereo and like I'm going to have to listen to some proper shit. And I'm like, I'm just enjoying it now. I'm like,

Oh, you want to listen to that? Yeah, cool. Let's stick it on, you know? And it comes also, it's a bit like what you said about musicals.

Cause a lot of this stuff, you stick on a Disney film and some of them are fine. Like Disney Pixar films. Yeah. And then you put on one and you're like, Oh, it's one of the musical ones. Fuck. Yeah. They then you put on one and you're like, oh, it's one of the musical ones. Fuck.

Yeah, they want you to sing along. Most parents do know the song to one at least cartoon musical. I don't care what you say. I know you know some of the words to Frozen. Yeah, you can't help it. It's just like,

you know what I mean? Because it's never, never good songs get stuck in your head, is it? You know, it's like the bad ones. Yeah. Going to work work singing about a prince. Yeah, that don't really go down. It's like, what was you dreaming about last night, mate?

It's like the kids. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's true. And I mean, this is what's going to happen to you on the island as well. So they're going to be properly lodged in your head. You know, it's like these annoying songs fair enough okay now uh slim finally the island is overrun by the biggest dick of all the animals

which animal is it and why the biggest dick out of all animals now i wouldn't like i don't know. I think a cat. The reason why they're resourceful, but they're very self-centred. So they're only resourceful for themselves. Does that make sense? You're supposed to be, help me hunt, if anything.

Go and get some fish. Cats ain't doing nothing for you, man. Cats are all about themselves. I think that's what it is. Go and blah, blah. Cats ain't doing nothing for you, man. Cats are all about themselves. I think that's what it is. I'd rather the dog. You get marooned with a dog, the dog's going to try and help you in some way, man. Even if it's to call for help.

Cats aren't doing fuck all. It's cats sitting down doing subtle. They're the most useless animals I know. They absolutely do nothing nothing they live rent free and do absolutely nothing not even tricks for you can you imagine sit down roll over it's like back off that's that's cat's attitude so yeah yeah i think that'd be the worst animal to have with me fair enough i mean i've got a cat but he woke me up in the middle of the night by being sick on the bathroom floor so i'm not that happy with him today because that's how i'd start

my day so cleaning up my cat's sick so yeah um and you know he hasn't even looked grateful about it you know he's just he doesn't even care he's lying on the bed next to me as i record this and he couldn't give a fuck yeah you're there to serve him i've got a cat as well don't think i haven't got a little cat here as well and yeah he thinks he's my master you know they're very demanding you know come in meow meow meow open the cupboards get me something out there you bastards that's the attitude you feed them then they give you no attention after that. Yeah, they're very usey animals, they are. So, yeah, I don't think I'd be wanting to be stranded with my cat. Yeah, I think there's not many animals have an easier life in the world than a domestic cat.

It's like, you don't even have to have any interaction with anyone. You get fed, you get a very comfortable place to live. And you've got all these tools to protect yourself but you don't even need them you know you're just like whatever fuck it they're living life daniel they are absolutely living life do you know what i mean nothing they do nothing every so often they catch a mice or they might catch an animal and bring back to you and a lot of us think that is a present. But how do you know that is a present?

How do you know that he doesn't like your cooking and he's actually bringing something for you that he thinks would taste better if you was to fry up for him? Yeah, do you know what I mean? Sling that in the frying pan, man. Put a little bit of garlic, little bit of tomato puree on it. It'll be wicked.

You don't know. Everyone thinks that is a present. Oh, he's bought me a present. It's no your food's shit please cop this bird instead so yeah they're very um yeah they're very usey definitely they are yeah fair enough yeah and an island overrun with them as well they're going to be fighting all the time and just keeping you up just having having a row with each other so that's going to keep you up and that's going to be annoying as well yeah they'll be getting high on catnip i'm sure there'll be catnip on the island they'll source it out somewhere yeah fair play well look slim i think you've put together a

really good uh selection of awful people and things to make your life an absolute nightmare on the island so uh thank you for doing that today and taking the time to to share your desert island dicks with us and obviously you know we're still in lockdown it's you know really hard time for comedians at the minute like where's a good place for people to kind of see more of your stuff or sort of hear hear where you're doing things and that sort of thing everybody can find me on all social networking sites as Slim Comedian. That's it, Slim Comedian. On Twitter, Instagram, Facebook.

I'm not on Snap and I'm not on TikTok yet. But on the main three, Slim Comedian. Nice one. So we can catch up with all your stuff there. Brilliant. All right, Slim. Well, thank you very much for joining us again. It's been a pleasure, mate.

Daniel, thank you for having me on the show, mate. Thank you.