Desert Island Dicks - STEPHEN K AMOS - DESERT ISLAND DICKS LIVE

Episode Date: February 13, 2022

It's Desert Island Dicks, but live, with people and everything. Stephen K Amos joined us at the start of December at 21 Soho, and he didn't disappoint - this was a great night and Stephen absolutely nailed it. If, after listening to this, you fancy coming along to see the show live, then join us on the 4th of February at 2 Northdown for Desert Island Dicks with Lou Sanders, tickets on sale now. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

At Sierra, discover joyous deals on great gifts for everyone on your list. Like cozy slippers, ski gear, fishing poles, bikes, large kayaks, even larger canoes. Which might lead to another discovery. Robbing gifts is the only sport you need to stay fit this season. Tis the season to discover great gifts at unexpectedly low prices. Sierra, let's get moving. You're a podcast listener, and this is a podcast ad. Reach great listeners like yourself with podcast advertising from Lipson Ads.

Choose from hundreds of top podcasts offering host endorsements, or run a reproduced ad like this one across thousands of shows to reach your target audience with Lipson Ads. Go to lipsonads.com now. That's L-I-B-S-Y-N ads.com. Hi, it's Dan from Desert Island Dicks. This episode is Stephen K. Amos from Desert Island Dicks live at the start of December. It was a great night. We had a lot of fun. And as you will hear, Stephen was a brilliant guest. He was maybe one of my favourite guests we've ever had on this. And I hope you enjoy this as much as I did

hosting it as well. Now, if you listen to this and think, God, that sounds like a lot of fun. I wish I was there. Well, you can be at the next one. The next one we've got is on Friday, the 4th of February atary at two north down it's with lou sanders and she's going to be amazing i'm sure so get your tickets now there's a link in the

description of this podcast so you can get your tickets from that link or you can go to our socials at dixpod on twitter and instagram and there is a link there as well tickets are just 11 pounds each so buy one for yourself, buy one for your friend, or just get your friend to buy their own. Or you buy one, your friend buys one, and then, you know, you can go halves on one for someone else. I don't know. Look, I don't make the rules, but I would love to see you there. It's been really fun meeting some of you in person, and I hope to continue that trend. Now, on with the podcast. This is Stephen K. Amos live from 21 Soho.

I'm Dan Benedictus, and to Desert Island Dicks Live! Thank you. This is the show that sees you marooned on a desert island after a plane crash with the worst people and worst things imaginable. Who they are and why they're a dick is up to our guest. And here to share their Desert Island Dicks with us today is comedian Stephen K. Amos. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello.

Hello. Pretending we haven't just met already. Yes, we have. How are you doing? Thank you for coming. Fucking hell, the lights on? Jesus.

Oh, that's better. They're bright enough that I can see the veins at the back of your eye, you know, like when you go to an optician. Yes, yes, I'm aware. This feels quite dangerous, but it feels quite nice as well. Yeah. I like this. I've not been here before. It's great. Good, good.

Well, we've got a lovely, edgy, warm tension here before it's great good good well we've got a lovely edgy warm tension so you know it's a good way to start um steven yes are you a ranty man do you find it easy to compile lists of people that you hate i'm not a ranty man by nature but i you know particularly the lockdown we've had a lot of things begin to piss me right off and i don't mind writing lists and telling people from the rooftops. Okay, great. Yeah, because I spent too many years being so English, you know, when you're in the car

and someone cuts you up and in your car you're just going, shouting at that person who can't hear you. That kind of madness. But now I wind the window down, I let them know. Yeah. Nice.

So was it difficult sort of whittling it down to like a small list oh god yeah of course yeah yeah we all people are dickheads really aren't they yeah people are twats yeah yeah i think we're spoiled for choice in a cynical world you know like there's there's there's so much choice these days there is i you i did normally look to try and find the goodness in people because i've got a very positive disposition anyway. But, you know, as I said, the last 18 months, two years, has given all of us the time to reflect about not just people in our lives, but the philosophical question about the meaning of life anyway.

Deep, yeah? Deep. I like to think of it because, you know, I can find myself going, I just put hate out into the world by doing this podcast regularly. I to sort of think that you know it's a cathartic experience we're cleansing each other you know cleansing our our souls and we're better people afterward it's not the case but let's you know we can kid ourselves like that but um let's just get straight into it and uh who's going to be your first person joining you on the island or joining on the island do you have any idea what kind of island it is, where we're stranded? Does that matter? I mean, we can tweak it if you want,

but I'm going to go for the stereotypical, you know, sunshine, palm trees kind of, you know, desert island. Yeah, yeah. Because that is my, first of all, my idea of hell. You know, a holiday, a beach type holiday. Fuck that shit.

Do you know what I mean? I don't need to be sitting in the sun, sunbathing. I don't need any more tanning. I'm quite happy with my hue. But yeah, in terms of being stranded, if it was a shipwreck or a plane crash, the person who's at the top of my list, who would be the worst person to be stranded with,

I'll be honest, guys, it's my 82-year-old father. Oh, your dad, okay. I'm not going to lie. There is no way to sugarcoat this shit he's a cunt i had no i'm really sorry but i had no idea i had no after all these years right i'm not even kidding right he stayed with me during the first lockdown for three weeks he rang me up right and i had no idea what an arsehole he is. Really, honestly. He treated me in my own house like an entrapped slave. In my own house.

So, I mean, on a desert island, that's not really going to help at all, is it? I know. All I can think of me becoming is literally his man Friday. You know what I mean? Every morning he'd demand, cheers on toast!

He's Nigerian, by the way. I don't know why I'm just shouting out an accent yeah he's very proud Nigerian man very proud of my heritage but oh my goodness I saw it first hand

cheese on toast for breakfast every morning yeah we all know that's supper right for a start yeah

my son does the same thing maybe he'd get on with your dad I don't know that's his current thing how old is your son he's four and a half oh my he would get on with your dad. I don't know. That's his current thing. How old is your son? He's four and a half. Oh my, he would not go with my dad. No, okay. No, my dad would probably

kill him. That's a horrible thing to say. Edit that out. He won't kill anybody. No, no, he's just one of these people that, and I should cut him some slack maybe because he's of that age, that he's had a life, he did work very, very hard and he's set in his ways. I mean, I'm set in my ways as well but

this man is stubborn this man is so stubborn and just doesn't make any logical sense in my world right um i'll give example i've got into watching murder documentaries yeah like real life murder documentaries like not like not csi not the bill right but real life ones they normally have them from america where they have reenactments, and at the end they have the final scene where the murder is being sentenced in a court in America. And I was getting what I'd given to one of these, and at that last scene, my dad just goes,

oh, look, they appear to have got the wrong man. I said, what? We didn't see him earlier. I said, there were actors earlier. Of course it's not the same man. We don't walk around with a film crew with us. What's wrong with you? He would not have it. It was like miscarriage of justice.

When I came back, right, I bought cheese on toast. I remember. I live in southwest London. You're southeast, aren't you? Southeast, yeah. Yeah, I've got money. Basically, I came back from my local Waitrose because... And it was during lockdown.

Do you know what Waitrose is, by the way? And it was in the middle of the first lockdown, but there was no queues whatsoever. Brilliant, yeah. No toilet roll in abundance, yeah. So I bought myself a selection of cheeses, and I also, for the hell of it, bought flour. Fuck it, I could, and I did.

And so I walked past Lidl, right, and I just threw the flour in people's faces. It was hilarious. It was like manna from heaven. They're like, uh. So yeah, I got back to my house, and my dad's in my house. I open the door, and get this, right, it was hilarious it was like manna from heaven they're like so yeah I got back to my house and my dad's in my house

I open the door and get this right the heating in my house I had no idea could be set to fucking lava I mean boiling

I'm like why is it so hot in here dad and he just went I don't pay the bill that's what he said I don't pay the bill. That's what he said. I don't pay. Logical, right?

But bloody hell. Yeah. Wow. Okay. So, yeah, it's going to be interesting in a desert island scenario. I mean, like, we always revert to type when we're with our parents. Doesn't matter how old we get.

And so, obviously, he's not going to be mucking in with the hard work on the desert island. He's going to get you to build the shelter and do all the hard work, I imagine. Yeah, of course. Yeah, of course he's going to do all that kind of shit. And I can't say no, because I come from an era where, you know, parents could beat their children.

Remember those days? Remember those days? Anyone else? Where your parents could beat you. And even if my dad or mum gave me a funny look, that's enough. I would know not to do shit or to backchat. That's why for me, this conversation is very cathartic. And I think I will live long.

That's what my dad says. If I call my dad up, right, this is him. He just goes, ah, I was just talking about you. So clearly, you are not a bastard. How am I supposed to make me feel good? What? I mean I suppose now he's 82 taking a beating

from him is more of a sort of like it's not that hard now. More of a sort of just a show. Well I reckon I could take him to be fair. Yeah. I reckon I could sell him. He'll drop with one punch I reckon maybe that's what's going to happen later on

is that normal? can you punch the elderly? I think you can if they're your dad I think it's allowed oh my god do you know what the weird thing is when he was younger his nickname was

Smiler because he was a bit of a joker. And people used to say that I took after him, you know. But, oh, my God, he complains. I don't know if it's an age thing. He just moans all the fucking time. I don't think I've ever heard him say a nice word about anybody. We're watching a programme, right? And there's a film, and there's a guy on the screen with a beard,

quite a big beard. And my dad just went, oh, God, look at that hairy face. Why? Dad, this has got nothing to do with the fucking film. What's wrong with you? Why is he doing that? Oh, fucking hell. Do you know what?

Maybe, in a way, I'm trying to find reasons to get my parents back, because when we were kids, I mean, I've come from quite a large family. There's six of us, right? How many siblings have you got? I've got two. Two, so quite small. You know, quite a small family. You know, quite sensible, some would say.

Quite English, white English, some would say. But, yeah, we've got a whole fucking tribe. Oh, my God. I remember saying to my parents, what are you trying to do, get yourselves a football team? And my dad was like, no, we're hedging our bets in case of our future organ failure. So maybe it's payback time,

because we were never ever allowed to go trick-or-treating, right? Or anything like that, Halloween. And so what we used to do, me and my sister, we used to sneak out of the house. And obviously we couldn't dress up, so we had to go trick-or-treating wearing normal clothes. So we'd knock on people's doors, and they'd go, hello, young boy, what have you come as?

And I'd go, a werewolf. And they'd go, but you're just wearing regular clothes. And I'd go, there's no fucking full moon, is there? Give me money! Yeah, my parents were quite tough. And you know what? To give it some balance, it was because they wanted the best for us.

They were very scared, very protective, so we weren't allowed to go anywhere. In fact, I said, Dad, Dad, can I go and join the Scouts? All my mates at school, they joined the Scouts. You can learn stuff. And I was like, oh, like what? I was like, orienteering, map reading. And my dad literally school, they joined the scout. You can learn stuff. And I was like, oh, like what? I was like, orienteering, map reading. And my dad literally went, okay, I will drive you to the middle of the field.

I will leave you there. You find your way home. What are you talking about? You've got the save. Yeah, I don't want to be a homing pigeon. Oh, God. Okay, well, I think you've built up a beautiful picture of why it would be an absolute nightmare to be stuck on an island with your father.

Do you know what, Dan? I think it would be an absolute nightmare for me, but I guarantee some of your listeners and maybe some of the people in this audience here this evening, you'd probably enjoy it. You'd probably find it really entertaining. Yeah, give it six months. You'll commit a murder on the island.

Okay, well, who's going to be joining the two of you? Who's the next dick? My next dick, as far as I'm concerned, and I wouldn't normally do this. I think you have given a license with this podcast for people to be mean. That's what I think, people to be mean. But I think this dick deserved to be called after being a dick.

Jeremy Clarkson. Okay, yeah. Well, the crowd is against you. Let's see if you can win them over. Why do you dislike Jeremy Clarkson? Oh my God. This man is the epitome of fucking entitlement, isn't he?

And this man has done so many things wrong publicly and still gets away with it and gets a job. How the fuck does that work? This is the same man. Sorry, Dan, I'm finished ranting. This is the same man who has finally let go from Top Gear because he punched a producer.

Remember that? Yeah. And two months later he's got another gig with fucking Amazon Prime. What the fuck's going on? Is this man going to be punished? And then the next month

he's hosting the new version of Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? What the fuck? What does he have to do? Kill my dad on an island? Always getting away with it. That's not fair.

Is it? No, no, it's not. I mean, I was just going to say, we have Boris Johnson as the Prime Minister, so it's kind of the way things are going, isn't it? What's the subtext there, then? I don't know. Like, a lot of...

Stupid rich white men getting away with a lot of stuff. Well, he is Clarkson, isn't he part of the, what do they call it, the sect, that area that he lives in? Chipping Norton. Yeah, that's right. Because I've done a gig in Chipping Norton. Oh, my God. It really, it's a different world, swear to God.

Honestly, I mean, it's beautiful. And people have those long drives or whatever. And the pubs, they look to me like I just arrived from the moon. They're like, New Year's? Yeah, so there's all that sect there, because that's where Chequers is, that's near there, you know, the Prime Minister's official country residence, and that's where former Prime Ministers live in that area.

Clark's has got an estate around there as well. Fuck, you know. And there's a whole clique of them clique of them it's not right it's not normal it's pretty sinister if you ask me he's doing something now where he's got a farm he's got a show about him being a farmer and it's like what the fuck is going on with that like stop giving the man tv shows he can do what he wants. I bet if you move his head up a little bit, 666 under there. It's under the airline.

And he's just got this air of arrogance. Do you know what I mean? To give you more context, I used to do a lot of TV warm-up. And to give you an idea of what that is, it's when you go and watch a TV show being recorded, maybe a sitcom or a TV show, there's normally a comedian who goes on and entertains the live audience in the studio

up and down while they're doing the shots. Jeremy Clarkson had a series, a chat show pilot, that I did the warm-up for all those years ago, probably about 20 years ago now, and he's one of the only people I've worked on a show with in that context who didn't even say a fucking word to me yeah yeah where is he now shipping Norton yeah and I'm in so yeah it's just arrogant. And also, to add insult to injury,

he's got a column in the sun. Oh! Oh! Oh! That's a newspaper, by the way. It's terrible, isn't it? Yeah. Practically, on an island,

he's going to just be a lot of hard work. I mean, apart from the fact he's going to be hard work because he's a pain in the arse also just he's not you know we have seen from his exploits on television he's not very practical

and he's just going to sort of fuck everything up a lot and then you know probably quite revel in that because that's his thing that he does is get in the way and fuck things up

so that's going to be quite annoying yeah him and your dad I don't know how they're going to get along well I'm hoping my dad will get one up

over on him I'm not quite sure how they're going to get along Well I'm hoping my dad will get one up Over on him I'm not quite sure how that's going to work Because I know Clarkson's into his cars You know the extension of the penis That stuff I was going to say That's really inappropriate But I stopped myself

No No I can't control him I'm sorry I don't know but I stopped myself. No, no, no. I can't control him. I'm sorry. I don't know. No. No, no, no.

So Clarkson, he'd be, you know, trying to boss things around as usual. And I found it quite interesting. I don't know if you know this, Dan, but him and Piers Morgan don't get along. Did you know that? Did you know that? Did you know that? They're hilarious.

But they're basically the same person. Exactly. I mean, that's probably why. They're like, you can only be one of me. Yeah. Surely nobody can be a tit like that. Oh, yes, you can. Not looking in the fucking mirror, Bellends.

Sorry. I don't normally hate on people. But what? You can fuck off. It's catharsis. It's fine. It's a very healing process. Connie.

I mean, does anyone here got anything good to say about Jeremy Clarkson? Anything good? Oh, thank you. He's getting old so, you know, his days are numbered.

It's a positive. I'm saying it's a positive. Oh, it's all fine. Oh, like, come here and watch a podcast where we hate people. Oh, no, don't hate people. Fuck you, people. But thanks for coming. Oh, yeah, I don't like him.

Smug twat. Yeah. He's got that face, doesn't he? I'm not advocating violence. You want to slap it, don't you? Yeah, with a fish. A rotting fish yeah

yeah well I mean you'll have the opportunity on the island so that's one thing I think I wouldn't waste the fish I'd shit on his face I mean I was going to say

have we got anything more on Jeremy Cotsen but I think I'm quite curious to see who's going to round out this trio of dicks, who's the final person the final person Dan I've got to say

it's not the actual person I think I kind of like this person but it's more of what they kind of represent and for me it is the Pope controversial controversial I forgot a lot of the it is the Pope. Yeah, okay. Controversial!

Controversial! I forgot a lot of the people here, we gave free tickets to the Catholic Church down the road. And they do a great job. Yeah. Right, the Pope. Yes, and I'll give you context as well, Daniel, because as a gay man I've never felt accepted in a church. In a priest's private quarters, absolutely.

But not in the church itself. That was a slow burner. That's what the priest said. I just don't like the hypocrisy of certain elements of the Catholic Church or organized religion. I think if you're going to practice a doctrine of love, that it should be unconditional, shouldn't have conditions. So I'm using the Pope as the figurehead. And I could have used another type of figurehead, but I don't want to have death threats. If you get my drift.

Yeah, I think the comedian Simon Ansell was saying the problem with the Pope is you couldn't even kill him because they'll just replace him with another one. He just sort of regenerates. So it's like, you know, you kind of think, oh, right, this one's dead. Oh, mate, oh, no, there's another one.

Fuck. Do you know what? When he came in, he was actually lauded, mind the pun, as kind of one of the most progressive popes in recent modern times. And I did a program a couple of years ago called The Pilgrimage, where we retraced a genuine Roman Catholic pilgrimage from the bottom of the Swiss Alps into the Vatican. And on the last day of filming,

they said we had a private half-hour audience with the Pope. That's right. A bit of respect. Has anyone here met the Pope? I didn't think so. So originally I said no, because I don't want to meet the Pope. And then I thought, actually, you know what? What a great opportunity to ask questions.

So I did say to the producers can we ask questions and they said what kind of questions I gave them a list and they said this may spark some sort of incident and word came back that from the Vatican that the Pope would answer any question I was brilliant so I did I did it we were there for 45 minutes and it was very it was cathartic. And he didn't come back with stock answers to the questions that I asked, which was brilliant.

That's why I kind of liked him. Yeah. But not the institution. Yeah, I mean, because a couple of popes ago, so there was the one before this one and then one before that one. I think he was called John.

He's been made a saint in death. So after he died, he's been made a saint. And I looked it up and it's because apparently after he died, two miracles happened. And these were the two people who were very ill, prayed to him and I don't know why you start praying to the Pope and not God. I don't know why you sort of take a circuitous route.

Anyway, they prayed to him and then they got better. So they went, great, we're gonna make you a saint because he saved these two people. And it's like, but you could have saved like tens of millions by letting people use condoms, you know, and like splinting this. Do you know what I mean? It's like, but like two old ladies stopped being ill in a country somewhere and they were like, he's definitely a fucking saint.

It's like two people. And it's also like, well, after you died, what were you doing? Like I met a guy once who? Is like a modern shaman and he was saying how shamanism can cure cancer. I'm like why are you at this barbecue? because like Do you know I mean like you know like obviously you know we all got to eat But like I think you get fucking come on and it's that same kind of thing isn't it? Yes, absolutely fucking come on and it's that same kind of thing isn't it yes absolutely that's fucking hilarious right oh my god yeah yeah yeah because yes like for example i i understand people you know wanting some sort of faith or wanting to find answers and whatever

but that's the beauty of this world we don don't necessarily know the answers. We don't know why. We can always question. We don't know. Like, for example, there's a very famous place in Ireland, a place called Knock. I don't know if people here, do they know why it's famous, anyone? Madam, yes? It's the statue of Our Lady.

Did you hear that? Yes. Because apparently a statue of Our Lady, right, Mary, was seen to cry. And now knock, right, is a religious shrine. People flock to knock. Yeah? But the day the statue was seen to cry, it was also raining heavily.

And I think people, yeah, because people want to believe these things. People want to, don't they? They're like, look, it's raining! It's fucking raining, you knobheads! But no one's going, she's wet herself as well. Do you know what I mean? It's like, come on!

There's a lot of things going on with that statue. I know, right? Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I think that having the Pope on an island, it's going to be frustrating where you're going to say, look, we need to eat, we need to do that, and you've got someone who says, god will provide you're like maybe he will or maybe he already has we need to fucking climb the tree and get the coconuts come on yeah

yeah and also climbing the tree and all those robes is going to be a nightmare right yeah i'll be telling get that dress off we'll make it a hammock we need to sleep you know because we'll be there on the island giving all that blah blah, blah, blah, blah, God, God, God, fucking, he's like, mate, we're abandoned, we're shipwrecked on this island because of something God did, eh? How about that? What are you praying for? Fucking pull your

finger out. I'm just thinking, like, the night time discussions around the campfire of Clarkson and the Pope. Yeah, and that's one of the reasons why I chose these three people, you see, to entertain me. The nighttime discussions around the campfire of Clarkson and the Pope. Yeah. And that's one of the reasons why I chose these three people, you see, to entertain me.

Do you know, I just watched them. I just, like, leave it in the center of your device. Put them three in the middle and just sit back and relax. Go on, watch it kick off. Because, you know, the Pope, he's got to be said, he is the spokesman for the man upstairs. And incidentally, by the way, the spokesman, the words the spokesman is an anagram of Stephen K. Amos.

Isn't that weird? The spokesman. That's true. And I'm not saying I'm a spokesman myself, but there are very many similarities between myself and the Lord. Oh, yes, there are. Jesus wore robes and sandals. I, too, wear robes and sandals.

Jesus was often persecuted. I've often been prosecuted. And on the odd occasion, Jesus was stoned. Do you see? Do you see, Dan? Oh, great. Well, I think we're off to a fine start because you've got a lovely selection of characters and the interplay

between them is just beautiful. It's going to be beautiful Dan. It's going to be wonderful. I mean in a hateful kind of way. When I'm at the Popey Popey, it might be still on iPlayer. You should try and watch it if you can. It's quite moving. At the end of the meeting with the Pope, the Pope turned to me and asked

me to pray for him to make him a better Pope. And at that point I was like fuck off poppy if there are any extra prayers to be chucked out to forge some career prospects fucking chuck them this way because you have reached the top of your fucking career ladder there's no extra poppy poppy way to go for you is there okay now steven mercifully amongst the wreckage of the plane there was some food and drink left over unfortunately for you it's your least favorite food and drink in the world what are they and why what are they and why i will have to say i'm a man of a certain age

i as i said to you earlier i come come from a very large family, so money was not tight, but we had to budget. So I remember as a child, not forced to eat, made to eat, things I would just put in the whole term of any kind of awful.

Mmm. Liver, heart, kidneys why? tripe are we at war? my mum used to make tripe and call it meat

what the fuck I know it's from an animal tripe, it's the lining of the stomach of a cow, madam. The stomach of a cow. Not the foot. Not the back. Not the rump. The lining of the fucking stomach.

That nobody should eat. Not even the fucking cows eat it. I can't even stand in a room and smell... Have you smelled tripe? It's like a rotting corpse. You know why? Because it's inside. It's not meant to be...

Oh, kidney. Straightened kidney pie. Why fucking ruin a steak pie? Kidney? Have you had kidney? Oh, it's so bad. And they look disgusting as well. Oh, God, no.

Awful. Fuck off. I like that as a slogan. Just like, you know, you have marketing campaigns for things like that, and it could be the anti, just an awful fuck off. It's a good T-shirt. And I'm sorry if there are any vegetarians or vegan types here tonight, but, you know, I'll be honest, and listeners,

I like a good bit of meat. Who doesn't, Dan? Like a good bit. You're a podcast listener, and this is a podcast ad. Reach great listeners like yourself with podcast advertising from Lipson Ads. Choose from hundreds of top podcasts

offering host endorsements or run a reproduced ad like this one across thousands of shows to reach your target audience with Lips and Ads. Go to lipsandads.com now. That's L-I-B-S-Y-N-ads.com. Do you know what I mean? I like my meat. Don't have a go. Don't come for me. But I'm at the stage now in my life that I can afford a nice cut of meat, yeah? I'm not going to... Even bits of bacon. I don't do bacon anymore. What the fuck is bacon?

Oh, fuck. Nice bit of meat. Yes. Awful. Yeah, I think it's just... It feels like, like you said, you're not at war, so what's the point? And they're all like the functional bits of the animal.

It's like, what does the liver do? It filters out all the bad shit. So, oh, let's eat that. It's like, oh, the kidneys, well, they're filtering the piss. You're like, well, let's eat something that all of the piss from this animal's entire life has been through. Or just like a nice cut from the back that's just sat there being the back. That's okay.

But it's like, piss filters? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Piss filters. Yeah. The tripe, oh my god. I even googled tripe yesterday just to remind myself what my parents put us through. If you haven't seen it, honestly, go online. If you want to be sick, if you want to be sick, watch this.

When you get the tripe out of the beast, it's kind of a greyish, filthy colour and it stinks. They have to boil it. They have to boil it within an inch of its other life, right? And then they have to dye it so it's palatable to see. How disgusting is that? Tripe.

Oh! It's mad looking as well. It's sort of like hexagonal. Yes. And it's like weird little shapes, isn't it? It's fucking mad. Yeah, my mum used to buy it from the butchers. The butchers would bring it home.

We used to help her make it. What? Why do you do that to a child? I was a child. Today we're having tripe. No! So my father-in-law is Chinese and they have a very holistic approach to eating animals.

He told me there's a Chinese phrase which is, you can eat anything with four legs except for the table and the chair. And that's like a genuine thing. And in a way, I admire it because, you know, there's no waste and everything but sometimes it's a bit hard work. You know, and we were at a restaurant with a family and it's like, you know, these big

round tables and this sort of lazy Susan in the middle and you spin it around and all these delicious things like roast duck and roast pork. And time it spun around i got sat next to this bowl and all all it just contained tubes i don't know what they were they were just bits of tubes and i called it pandora's bowl because i couldn't and every time because they're very hospitable people and they'll be like dan come on eat up eat up and i'm like okay and and when you're chewing it it's just all I could think about is

the function of this fucking tube I'm like it's gristly because all it did was push things through it you know and then the thing would spin round and it was like a sliding door so now I'd be like oh there's the roast pork and someone would and I swear it was just a big prank they just kept

like oh fuck tubes again and it's just a big prank they just kept like oh fuck tubes again it's just all the things on this table like there's so many nice things why are we still

eating this shit I wonder what they could might have been a delicacy that you're unaware of maybe Dan it's a bad delicacy

well you don't know about Dan maybe you are just an uncultured English white man I am but I was trying and you can't

appreciate fallopian tubes. Or whatever it was. I don't know. This is your choice for the island. You don't like them either. I am an uncultured white man, but come on, Steve. These are bad tubes.

Do you know... Well, yes, I'm not... Yeah, well, I'm one of these... I would consider one of these anal people but no, I'm a top. No, um... Yeah, if I've got...

If I've got, um... Like, if there's a weird thing or a tube or a kind of vein on a bit of meat, I take it off. I'm one of those kind of weird ones.

You know what I mean? Someone's nodding there. You just go, ooh. I just can't have it in my mouth. I can have lots of things in my mouth, but I just can't have that. Have you eaten anus before? I haven't eaten, well, not knowingly. Calamari's not anus, is it? Yeah, it's anus.

You look it up. Calamari. Calamari's not anus, is it? Yeah, pig's anus. No, it's a squid. You look it up. I have heard, in fact, we had a guest on this podcast that said that sometimes it's used as a replacement for cheap imitation calamari that you get in buffets. Sometimes they use it because it has a similar texture. No. So I think there might be something in it as like a...

I don't know. We'll have to go on Wikipedia this afterwards. I don't know. Oh, my God. Is that a thing they do in South East London? Is it? Maybe. The Badlands.

Yeah, I don't know. Right, okay. So offal... Yeah, no offal. No, can't do that. So you're going to have like a full buffet. And also, it's going to be offal from a plane. So it's going to be particularly bad offal.

So plain offal. Maybe you can have like a little tray with also, it's going to be offal from a plane, so it's going to be particularly bad offal. So plain offal. Maybe you can have a little tray with compartments of different offals. But what are you going to wash it down with? What's your drink choice going to be? What's my drink choice? Oh, now, I've got quite a selection. I've got one that is a memory of first attempt at alcohol and not succeeding.

And it was something called White Diamond Cider. Do you ever remember that? Yeah. And I think for a litre it was about two pence. And, oh my God, so we could afford that as a kid. Back in the days before there was any health and safety business,

you can go into a corner shop, they'd give you five litres and get change off a pound note and you'd sit in the park, before people called you a tramp, and get hammered. And this thing was like 27% or whatever. And it was disgusting.

It tasted like white spirit, but oh my God, it fucking knocked you out. Yeah, they're like the bottle of cider that always have 50% extra free. It's like, when you're just going to admit that's the size of the bottle, it's not extra free. It's just the permanent size of the bottle. Yeah. I think there's something about cider and parks go hand in hand, don't they?

Yeah. Yeah. That's my, yeah, that's, and I can't now as an adult human man, the smell of cider, I can't bear it anymore. Because I did chunder spectacularly. What a good word. Nobody says chundering after they... That's a good...

Chunder. I chundered for Jesus. I chundered so much, right, that this is the first time I ever heard of the word bile. Right? Because I hadn't eaten that. I had about two litres to myself, and my friends had their own, right? And I was throwing up like there's no tomorrow,

so much so that I just had convulsions like that. But there was nothing to throw up, nothing. And then this green slime and stuff. Yes! This green. It was hilarious. Because it was like, it was hilarious because it was like, I'd imagine that that's like

when ladies know they're having, about to give birth, you know, when they have the contractions because it was involuntary. I was like, and I couldn't do anything. I couldn't do anything to stop it

and there was nothing coming. Oh my, the next day, nothing coming. Oh, my. The next day, the pain. Fuck it all. Yeah. I remember my brother telling me once, he was like, oh, yeah, I've started drinking. And he was like, oh, yeah, I drink this stuff called Diamond White. And then my mum was in the supermarket with me. And she was like, oh, your brother, what beers does he like?

I was like, oh, I think he likes Diamond White, mum. Because he just told me. And I just didn't understand why my brother was so awkward when my mum was like, I've brought you some of that cider that you like, darling. And I was like, why is there a weird vibe? But then years later, I was like, ah, okay, right, that's inappropriate. Yeah.

What's your drink of choice? Choice? Well, when I was young. Yeah, what made you... Yeah, same. Like, yeah, the Diamond White and the Park. Really? I think it was called Turbo White. Turbo? Yeah. choice choice well when i was young yeah what what made you same like yeah the diamond white and the really i think it was called turbo white turbo yeah it's like southeast london see diamond well this turbo thing is you look at the the labels on these things it's like pictures

of apple trees and orchards you're like this is not the reality they just have like a fucking park bench and like a broken basketball net or something. Like a swing that's kind of tangled up. That would be a more accurate picture of how it's consumed. They should also have a link as to the process they use to make that fucking cider. Because I want to know where to get

those apples from because that ain't normal. What was that? It's made of onions. Shut up. Wait, calamari is six arse and cider is onions. No. Can someone Google that now? I have to find out.

Are you serious? Onions. Who's got a phone? Can you... Onions. Have you made that up? I wish it's true. That'd be fucking hilarious.

Oh my God. Don't they just sort of like get a vat of vodka and like toss an apple in and like sort of i think they like put some apple ties in and that's sort of it there you go no it's gonna be worse than that i like onions onions yeah yeah come on drink your onion cider it's so bleak isn't it like you've you've hardly touched your tripe. If you don't line your stomach with stomach lining. Maybe that's what you do. Maybe when they boil the tripe,

they boiled water from the tripe, they put an apple in it, and that's your fucking cider. Nice. Yeah. Well, if someone can look up, if you find out about the onion cider, then feel free to interrupt.

I feel like there's a few screens lit up. It's like a dictionary corner. There's no signal in here. Oh, there's no signal in here. Okay. Thanks for trying, though, sir. Okay, so your choice is that one. Yeah, that'll be that one. And then I would say the other choice that I was going to mention

would be a cocktail, a pina colada. Okay. Because when I was growing up, I thought, you know, because when I was growing up, cocktails weren't a thing. And then I hit about 19, everyone was talking about cocktails, and one of the big famous ones was pina colada, right? And if you've had pina colada, you know that's just shit. It's just sugar.

It's shit. It's coloured water. It's fucking rubbish. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And also on a desert island as well, and it's all going to be warm. You think, oh, this is a nice tropical drink, but yeah. Exactly.

Warm and curdley. Yeah, no ice. Okay, good choice, good choices. Okay, now, Steve, fortunately you won't be without entertainment on the island. The plane's entertainment system continues to work, but just your luck, it only has two working settings. One is your least favourite film of all time,

and the other is your least favourite song. What are they, and why are they so bad? Okay, well, I couldn't pick a worst film of all time, but I picked a genre, because I have never, I don't know why, it's just me and my family as well, I've not ever got into sci-fi

at all, or horror. So, and stand back, this is hot news, I've never seen any Star Wars film. I've never seen Star Trek. Honestly, these things just don't rock my world. You know, I'm not a Trekkie or Wanker, as I call them.

Or, you know, I can't tell you what Luke Skywalker's dad is, whatever. So all those cultural references have passed me by. Sci-fi just does nothing for me. For me, I prefer a real story. I don't want to go inside somebody else's imagination. That's probably because I'm a comedian. I think I can do better than that, but I haven't. So well done, George Lucas.

Is that the right one? Yeah. Oh, and the Lord of the Rings. Who's that? Fuck off. What? Sci-fi? Lord of the what?

Fuck off. I've not seen Harry Potter. Not seen Lord of the Rings. Not seen any of those bullshit things. Only for children, anyway. I feel weird going to watch a Harry Potter film as a grown-ass man, wouldn't you? Yeah, I think it's... In the cinema.

But you know, Harry Potter as well, they have the separate book covers. They have the normal covers for kids, and then they have the adult covers. I don't know. Why would I know that? Well, they do. So if someone's on the train, you're like, well, I like Harry Potter, but I don't want to look like I'm reading Harry Well, they do. So it's like, if someone's on the train, you're like, well, I like Harry Potter, but I don't want to look like I'm reading Harry Potter.

So they've got a slightly more grown-up cover, and you're like, we're just admitting that you think it's a children's book. Like, have the coverage of your convictions

if you're reading the kid's book about the wizard. Well, yes. And anyone who does that, who gets the different version cover, is a cunt.

That's got to be... No, come on. Yeah, you're right. Read what you want. It's not, I admire the people who go on the tube or the bus and they watch Pornhub. Yeah, you're right. Read what you want. It's not, I admire the people who go on the tube or the bus

and they watch Pornhub. I admire those honest people. I admire you for your bravery and your honesty. Just go one step further, get your cock out and wank. That's what they should do.

But, if you're going to read another book, pretend it's not there. Fuck off. Grow up. And they're all so long these days as well. They're such long films.

Not Pornhub. Pornhub. I don't know. I've heard there's a range of options on there. There are. But the sci-fi films, they're like three and a half hours long or something. I don't have the patience or the inclination to get involved or engrossed in somebody else's world.

You know, J.K. Rowling. Wonderful. Lovely. Love her. She's made billions. Fuck off! And from what you said about your dad watching a crime drama with him, trying to you know J.K. Rowling wonderful lovely love her she's made billions fuck off and from what you said about your dad watching a crime drama with him trying to like

talk him through a long sci-fi film and what's going on that's going to be challenging he was like why have they not found the ring yet

where is the ring okay so sci-fi films yeah I'm not yeah there's no and horror films as well i don't know why people put themselves through that why why would you do that life is scary and shit enough as it is why do you want to see a horror film to make you shit yourself i know it's so horrible i don't get it like i watch a trailer and i think, this is just fucking brutal. This is my own time now. I'm really tired.

I can't watch this shit. It's horrible. Gruel and horribleness. Do you have any horror fans here? Yeah. What is it about horror you like? Just fun. Just fun?

That's not the word I would use, madam. Fun? Fun? She said fun. I know, know that's slightly worrying isn't it but what's do you like the feeling of being scared but feeling safe in your house is that it

is it something to do with that or adrenaline adrenaline oh are you the sort of person who stands on a train platform and leans across till the last

minute. Okay. Well, there we go. There we go. That's fucking dangerous. Okay, what would your song choice be as a distraction to the film? A distraction to the film would have to be a song that really captured the

imagination of the world, I think it was. At first, I kind of admired it for its ballsiness and tenacity, but then I got sick to death of it. It is, of course, Gangnam Style. Yes, yeah. By, what's his name, Twat, I think it was. Yeah, I think Twat, yeah.

Yeah, what the fuck was going on with that? What happened to us? Is that when the world went to shit? Is that when we all went a bit mad? Because this thing, and people were doing the dance as well. Grown men and women were filming themselves online

doing the fucking dance. And that song, I think, is the third most streamed or whatever it is, song in the world ever. What's wrong with us? People, beings from another planet

are looking at us going, what the fuck are those? We're not going there. Look at that. But you've got to hand it to that guy from Korea, I think he is. Yeah, Korea. And now K-pop is a thing?

K-pop. I'd rather be in a K-hole. Gangnam Style feels like they're those moments where everyone goes insane, like you say, but it gets to the point where you're watching Newsnight and it's like, and to play us out, and watching newsreaders do the dance from Gangnam Style.

Sickening. Oh, come on. Oh, look at all of us. We're all culturally aware. Fuck off. There's so many pop songs. Buy this one now. Has anyone got ears what the fuck is happening it burnt it burnt my soul watching that but i said i did go to him i got props to you because you know you're if you're gonna have a one-hit

wonder right make it that fucking big surely right you can retire for life but that you can't can you play in that in 20 years' time? Oh, young kids, you don't know the musical, the Moot Today shit. Here's what we played when I was young. Ngah, ngah, ngah, ngah.

What the... You look like a bit of a tit, aren't you? But it's not just annoying, it's kind of like abrasively annoying. It's not like a twee annoying thing.

It's like, it's like, it's loud and aggressively annoying. It grating it's grating i've got to be honest very grating i mean the idea of how angry it's going to make jeremy clarkson and the pope is is quite i mean that's quite a nice image but i mean you're there as well so it's the thing is i thought about this i've made sure all of these things connect, right? Because there's my dad, who, when he's a younger man, he could cook, right? And he's very used to cooking awful, right? And you've got, you know, Jezza, you know, in his middle class, hoity-toity. He won't want to eat fucking tripe.

My dad's going to make spicy tripe for him in a very good Nigerian spicy way. Oh, my God. Jeremy's ass is going to be like the flag holder of Japan. Do you know what I mean? Just big and bulging. And then of course, the Pope would just be banging on that religion all the time. Bang. And they would get Jeremy pissed on cider. Fucking hell.

Chundering. What a great image. You've made me angry, Daniel. But think how good you'll feel afterwards, maybe. I've got no comeback. I've just made you angry. I'm sorry. I'm part of the problem.

Hey, look, let's move on to another category. Okay, there's more. Because finally, the island is overrun by the biggest dick of all the animals. Which animal is it and why? Oh, right. Now, okay. This I found very hard to do because I am a fond person of animals. What kind of a sentence is that?

I like animals, is what I've tried to say. But I like the cute type of animals. You know, if I wasn't touring so much, I'd have a dog, a big dog. But the animal that I would like to see on said island, bear in mind it's an island with sand, yeah, surrounded by water, it'd have to be a camel.

Okay. Because that is one ugly motherfucker. It's not the cutest beast in the world, is it? And I haven't decided one hump or two. Fuck it, I don't know yet. But a camel. An animal that's got one eye there and one eye there, but then can look there.

Fuck off. It's not meant to be on this planet. And it's got a hump that it stores shit in. What the fuck? How cool is that? It's got a hump. They're very bad tempered, aren't they, as well? And they spit.

Have you seen a camel spit? Oh, dear. Oh. Yeah. Have you seen a camel chew? It's like they dislocate the whole jaw. It's not a pretty sight. No?

I went on holiday once when I was little. With a camel? Yeah, I know. It's a very exotic family. We were in Tunisia, and we were riding camels, because, you know, it's like a holiday. You've got to try these things. And our camel was trying to mate with the other camels,

and to do, to attract it, they have this thing where they inflate their tongue, and so they sort of just blow this huge weird, and their tongue's kind of bluish, so they look over at the other camel, and they make this noise, it kind of goes, like that, and like this fucking, it looks like, I don't know,

it looks like bubble gumum made of meat. It's just horrendous. And then the other camel's going... It's so bizarre. And then I'm like five years old. Why is it doing that? Well, he wants to have sex with that other camel. It's like, our camel's going to have sex with the other one.

It's terrifying. Oh, bless. I love your parents. They told you the truth. My parents would have gone, shut up, why are you looking at them? It's a different world, different world. You're talking to your parents.

They're communicating about sex, Daniel. Stop staring at the camera. The camera wants private time. What are you looking at? Stupid boy. That's what you're going to hear, though, with your dad and all the camels now. I know.

We're going to get one camel, though. Can't make it itself. We're going to be saying the island's overrun. Oh, is it overrun? Overrun by the biggest dick. Oh, fuck that. Yeah. Oh, no, that's too many.

A camel stampede. Oh, no. Oh, can I change it then? Oh, no, I can't have too many camels. Oh, no. It's a awesome broth. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, can I change it then? Oh, no. I can't have too many camels. Oh, no. Oh, yeah. Oh, because I was in, I did a gig in Dubai, and they have got those massive sand dune things.

Not everyone's been to Dubai. Not a pretty place. Inquestible human rights. Anyway, and we're on this sand dune thing, and there were camels. And that is the first and only time I have sat on the back of a camel. And I will never do it again.

It was very unsatisfying, I can tell you that. Yes. Very uncomfortable. It was very uncomfortable. My buttocks needed massaging. And that's probably hard to get done in Dubai, I imagine. It was surprisingly very easy to get done in Dubai, I imagine. Surprisingly very easy to get done in Dubai, if you're willing to pay.

Yes, but any animal that can last for days without food and water, fuck that, it's going to outlive us. Can you imagine? If the island was overrun with camels, we'd be eaten. What are our chances of survival not looking good steven good let's get rid of the but i mean it's testament to the fact that you've picked an amazing selection of horrendous people and things for your island so you have done an amazing job today on desert island x so thank you so much for your choices it's been an absolute pleasure. And I'm thinking...

Well, I'm just thinking we have just enough time to maybe get a few submissions from the audience on some of their desert island dicks for us to critique. Now that you're an old hand at this. I am an old hand, yes. And we've been handed something by a man. Thanks, that man. I'm going to start this off. I've just got...

The person's just written dog's cock. Who wrote dog's cock? Is this like your worst food or like your worst person? You're quiet now when you don't have a card in front of you. Let's not workshop that one, shall we? We won't workshop. Okay, what have you got? I've got who? Both my current flatmates. The reason?

They don't know how to use the toilets. That's not embarrassing. Is that yours? That's yours? Oh, bless you. Are your flatmates here? Do they have a... No, I'm talking to him. I'm not boss-eyed. I'm looking at him. You wrote these, yeah? Where do

you live? In Flinsbury Park. Oh, that's not bad. And do they boys or girls? Both boys. Both boys. And they're just a bit piggish, are they? Do they have a litter tray?

They don't know how to use the toilet. They don't know how to use the toilet brush. And they don't check to see whether the toilet's blocked after they flush the toilet. And if you come into the toilet in the morning and the toilet had blocked, it's quite a shock to open the lid. And they're growing men. They're growing men. I'm just surprised they put the lid down, though. I mean, that's quite surprising. I'm surprised they made it to the toilet, to be fair. Have you thought about moving?

Yes. Yeah. I've got leaf blowers written here. Leaf blowers. I mean, are there people who use the leaf blowers as well? I mean, on an island, it's going to be both annoying and pointless as well. It's like moving them around the island. It's like, oh, they come around the other side again with their leaves.

Yeah, no. I like a leaf blower myself. Do you? Yeah. Because my council is Merton, Wimbledon. And they have my local park up the road. They have a man who blows. They have a man.

It's a job, full time. The thing, it's a big thing blows. They have a man. It's a job, full time. He, uh, he, he, this thing, it's a big thing. Not just one leaf blower thing. It's a massive thing. And he comes every morning. And by the time he's left in the evening, there's like 30 bags of leaves. I've asked him to come into my garden. Okay, so. For dinner.

Well, leaf blowers are acceptable on your island then. Um, what do you... Richard Branson. Oh, yeah. Yeah. He did try to sue the NHS. Yeah, but worse than that, he tried to charge people to go to the fucking moon. What a twat.

The moon's for everybody, right? Am I right? Am I right? Do you remember when he launched Virgin Cola? Remember that? He tried to beat Coca-Cola, and they went, fuck off. Taught him a lesson. Now him and Elon Musk are trying to get to the front.

Dickheads. You know when people have got too much money? You don't wish ill on people. You want to go, mm, mm. Do you know what I mean? When you've got too much, you go, mm. Something should have happened on the way back, isn't it? I'm with you.

I'm not wishing ill on people, but fuck off. I tried to sue the NHS, but you got my interview to go to the fucking moon. What a twat. Anyway, angry. That goes for Amazon as well, by the way. Yeah. Pay your right taxes.

Stephen, do you know what I think it's been such a should we fit in one no no no let's do them all come to the point hand me a load of cards that fucking rushed me

Peppa Pig Peppa Pig she's too full of her own self importance yeah that's quite funny you ever wrote that oh that's

Katie Price Boris Johnson Katie Price's Katie Price, Boris Johnson, Katie Price. Leave Katie Price out of it. What's she ever done for you? She's a great mother, by the way. Jeremy Corbyn? Fucking leave him alone. No, I'm having that.

I like Jezza. He tried his best. Didn't win. Abba? Yeah, they can fuck off. I've got 300 pounds for a virtual show. Fuck off. Pop songs at 70 years of age. Fuck off. Pop-up pirate.

I think it's a game. No. Bing, the kid's cartoon. Yeah, Bing. Bing, the kid's cartoon. Do you know what? Bing, of all the people who have been picked in Desert Island Dicks, he's ranked third most picked, Bing the bunny. What is it?

It's an incredibly annoying little rabbit, a cartoon rabbit that children watch. It's for toddlers. It's for children? Yeah, and it's unbelievably annoying. So who's picked this? I don't know. No, no, so you said it's for the top three, but why?

It's not for you, it's for children, right? Yes, but if you're a parent, you have to watch it quite a lot. You don't have to. Put the kid in front of the box and fuck off. Yeah, I know, but you are, and then it depends. No, no, no, you're not parenting properly. Put the fucker in a chair, strap it in, get him distracted. What are you doing?

Bing is for distracting the fucking little chair aways. I know, but that's the point, but you don't want you to watch it with them. You don't have to watch it with them. I don't have a separate wing in my house in South East London. But you've got handcuffs, haven't you? You've got duct tape. Strap the baby down, put the TV on,

fuck off and do some work. What are you doing? What are you doing, mate? Bing, fuck, leave Bing alone. He's not, mate? I can't answer that. Fuck, leave Bing alone. It's not for you. You haven't seen Bing. I want to see Bing.

No, no one does. That's the point. It's not the Toddlers do. It's not for you. Is it? It's for the kids. I've not seen Peppa Pig. It's for the kids.

You know what I mean? I'm not going to pick something the kids enjoy. It doesn't make no sense. It's not for you. Bing is designed for the kids. And we all know kids are stupid. They're just a ball of mess. Put them down, watch them, and you get work done. Bing. Leave it alone. This hasn't been a cathartic experience, has it, Stephen? I'm sorry. I lied to you to get you here. I'm sorry.

But it's been such a pleasure. Thank you so much. Stephen, after this... Thank you so much. After this, I'm sure that everybody here wants to see more of you. Where can we see you? Things at tours? What have you got going on at the minute? Oh, my God.

Well, follow me on socials. That's all I can say, because a lot of things are happening all the time. I'm on all of them. Yeah, the Instas. I didn't realize Instagram was going to be this big thing. I only started it like five years ago, and I really called myself Moistballs as a joke.

As a joke with me and my friends. And they were like, you've got to change this now. Fuck, who knew? Yeah, so, yeah, everything's on Facebook and all that, Twitter and stuff like that, you know. Where the fuck did that come from? We've gone past catharsis and ended up in Cornwall. Stephen, thank you again.

It's been an absolute pleasure to be your guest on Dixit. Oh, thank you. Thank you for having me. Thank you. So there you go. Stephen K. Amos, a legend in the game and a very very funny man indeed we had so much fun doing that and uh yeah a really nice guy as well as i said it would be lovely to see you at the next desert island dicks live it's on february the 4th with lou sanders at two north down go and

get some tickets and we'll see you there in the meantime i'd like to thank you all for listening over the past year uh it means a lot to us if you have a bit of time over the festive season why not leave us a review and a rating on uh the whatever outlet you get your podcast from because it's a massive help for us i'm not going to go into all the algorithms and stuff like that but if you leave us a review and a rating and subscribe it makes a big difference so if you could do that that would be a lovely christmas present for us and in exchange we promise to keep pumping out the dicks for you um so that you can have fun things to listen to we've got loads of good ones in the works and still to be edited so i promise you there are some brilliant ones coming and we're

booking great names all the time so uh yeah if you subscribe you will hear them well whenever you listen to them but you'll never miss one that's the important thing all that remains to be said is that desert island dicks is a sync clap production we'll be back with more episodes very shortly so don't go anywhere i know that doesn't really make sense in the context of podcasts but anyway we'll be back