Desert Island Dicks - STEVE BUGEJA

Episode Date: March 20, 2023

Comedian, actor, writer - Steve Bugeja does it all! And this week he joins Dan to share who and what he'd hate to be stuck with on a desert island. Be sure to follow the podcast @dickspod Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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host endorsements or run a reproduced ad like this one across thousands of shows to reach your target audience with Lipson Ads. Go to LipsonAds.com now. That's L-I-B-S-Y-N-Ads.com. Hi, I'm Dan from Desert Island Dicks and I was about to say welcome to Desert Island Dicks, but I mean, it's kind of obvious what's going on. So I don't need to say that bit. Today's episode features comedian and writer Steve Bugea. He wrote and co-created the ITV sitcom Buffering, which has got its second series out now and is available to watch on their app. So go and check it out. He's a very funny guy as you're going to find out from listening to this episode so it was nice to chat to him um and i think that's about it you know i'm

feeling in a very kind of it's sunday evening kind of mood so let's keep it short and just get to the sweet sweet content shall we so we're just going to crack on and i'll be back at the end for some more talking for those of you who are committed enough to listen all the way. So here we go. Here's Desert Island Dicks with Steve Bugea. Hi, I'm Dan Benedictus and welcome to Desert Island Dicks, the show that sees you marooned on a desert island after a plane crash with the worst people and worst things imaginable. Who they are and why they're a dick is up to our guest.

And here to share their Desert Island Dicks with us today is comedian and writer and star of new show Buffering, it's Steve Bugea. How are you doing? Hey, Dan. I'm great, thanks. How are you? Good. Having a long surname starting with b myself you can relate yeah i can relate yeah it's you you nailed it bugea i've had um i've had some pretty bad ones down the years i've had uh budgerigar strong uh bugger joe oh uh biggie joe like just yeah and people just don't i don't know why people don't ask if they're not if they don't know you know it's just some people just have a guess yeah but you you got it right good right

yeah well as i say it's important to me i'm in the same boat as you so uh steve uh i think you're having quite a busy time talking about uh your new show buffering so you're probably in the midst of all that press and everything are you ready to rant and get some stuff off your chest can this be a cathartic experience for you today do you think oh i think so yeah yeah i think i've got a lot of anger a lot of pent-up anger inside me um and i think now it's time to get it out this is perfect this is music to my ears steve so uh let's start then you're marooned on an island uh there's three people who's the first one joining you the the worst person to join me yeah uh brooklyn beckham is the is the first person okay who i would hate to be marooned on an island with because i find him

to be not only the most boring and uh least interesting person on the planet he's also the most privileged and entitled and that combination i find it virating like you can be boring and in industry that's fine like most of us are but he has this level of privilege that means he thinks he can just do anything like i don't know if you followed brooklyn beckham one of my passions to follow them on instagram and uh i feel a bit sorry for him he's just desperately trying to find a purpose in life other than being David Beckham's son. And he's taken up different careers. So he was a chef for a bit and he couldn't do that.

He was a photographer and he was really bad at that. The other day I saw him doing a video about fashion. He was giving someone fashion advice. And it was just this woman who was clearly much more fashionable than him and knew exactly what she was doing. And he was just offering his opinion. And it was like a nothing opinion. He was oh this is a crop top you know it was like so unbelievably bland and uninteresting i just i just sort of wish i could sit him down not on

the island this is to sit down and be like look brooklyn you don't have to be famous like you can just you can just go and do some charity work or something don't do something purposeful with your life you don't need to be an influencer or whatever because i feel like he's just not cut out for it and he's lived such a privileged life that he's really you can't be interesting if you've had such privilege yeah it's hard isn't it it feels like someone should just go up to him go brooklyn wait until you you're the finished article before saying you're the thing. Yeah. I remember the photos that he used to do and they were just bad photos. It's not like, I know not everything has to be framed properly

and completely in focus for it to be artistically good, but these weren't framed properly and they were blurry and they were just bad. They were just bad photos. And I think sometimes, like, you like you know i think is it just because cynical people around them go oh do you like photos do you want to do a book yeah we can sell that yeah you should yeah they're really good do a book and then you know it's just like shooting fish in a barrel and you're guaranteed a certain amount of money back but yeah i do think the more

self-aware people would go oh no not this is just something for fun i don't think these are actually you know i've looked at other professional photographers and i'm not there yet but you know one day yeah let's talk but he's just going yeah fuck it some of the photos weren't even good enough for a facebook album you know they were like really bad photos and i don't understand why no one in that that publication process at some point when okay we've all had a laugh but this isn't good enough we need to either get some better photos or not not publish him as a as a photographer because you know it wouldn't it'd be so easy to use that sort of nepotism to get him chats with some world famous photographers to maybe hone his skills and maybe that did happen and maybe he just

went yeah yeah yeah no i get it um i'm just kind of doing my own thing with this ranking actually so like yeah yeah like i know i know you're really famous but actually this is me so thanks but no thanks yeah like i know you talk about being in focus and stuff i'm gonna go a different direction and be out of focus and uh and actually i'm gonna leave the lens on. That's a new thing I'm trying. And stuff like being a chef as well. You know, so many people work so hard. The top chefs you speak to or whatever, they've busted their arses to get where they were.

And it's hard and it's hot and it's difficult, you know, and they put everything into it. Just suddenly just go, so I'm a chef now. Here's how to do a salad. It's just so insulting. It's so insulting. And I don't know if you saw the videos he did a series on youtube i think um where he was like shadowing like really successful chefs and like he just had nothing to say like he just stood next to these chefs and they were cooking these wonderful meals and he was there like oh i can do macaroni cheese like he just he was he's just not

oh gosh i'm so sorry for him i want him to i just want him to rest yeah yeah and i think being second island with him it's just that lack of self-awareness would just be so difficult and sort of unfounded self-belief as well i think is what is what really winds me up about him yeah well that's what privilege gives you isn't it this this unbelievable confidence i'm really jealous actually of people who have you know that sort of delusional level of confidence and i know i'm a comedian so i have a certain level of confidence but that kind of level of confidence where just no self-doubt and they just publicize themselves really confidently and actually it's kind of nice

i don't begrudge it but I'm just jealous of them that they can talk about how successful they are and all the cool things they've done and not feel completely mortified that they're being arrogant. Like, I can't really boast about myself because without my inside brain voice going, Steve, everyone thinks you're a dickhead. You are a knob stop it stop talking

stop talking but i i just think with anything any uh offspring of a very famous person okay obviously they've had advantages but if you're actually good at something then it's all right you know stella mccartney that's fine you know and obviously she had advantages and famously had like kate moss and naomi campbell at her her final show at school you know modeling her designs which is a bit dickish but she's still kind of decent as a designer or you get um i don't know like david bowie's son made a film moon which i really like and you think all right you've had advantages but the product is solid so i just think if there should be even more pressure on them to get it right rather than just turning out some

mediocre shit and just going i'm famous it's um there's a lot of talk at the moment about nepo babies and i've read an article in stem vice about the uk sort of contingent of nepo babies and uh it's infuriating now you're. Some of them are very talented and it's fine. But it's just so unfair that they get this massive leg up. But that's just society, isn't it? My parents are like, my mum was a school receptionist. She gave me nothing, no advice or so ever. Unless I wanted to be a school receptionist, actually, which would have been good. I was going to say, do you think it happens?

It's like, he's only got this. He's only at the front desk because of his mum. Prick. Yeah. I wonder if it does happen in sort of, it must happen in like, you know, there's a little factory somewhere and someone's working there and it's just because of their dad, but they're not very good at like turning aluminium screws or whatever it is, you know, so. Yeah, that's just Colin's son.

Yeah, yeah, exactly. He can't even drive a bus, it's just his granddad did it. Exactly, yeah. Okay, well, that's your first choice and i think it's a very solid one who's going to be joining him who's your next person for the island you know what i actually found this difficult to think about because i don't despite the vitriol i just pause on brooklyn beckham i don't actually hate anyone like i feel uh i find it hard to slide people off because uh i worry that people say worse about me so um i actually struggle to get free the next person isn't someone i actually hate it's just someone i don't want to be on the island with because the opposite i

actually love them too much uh and it would be difficult so the person is harry styles um i love harry styles on a deep level um i sort of am amazed by his talent and that he could just turn his hand to seemingly anything and he does it well and he's just so effortlessly cool and i don't want that on the island that's the reason so you know i love him but i don't want to be an item of him because he'd just be like walking around the beach like wearing just like a grass skirt looking incredible and that would it would knock my self-esteem it would make me feel you know less less of a human and that's why i don't want him on the island brooklyn beckham would be because of i don't want to spend time with him but harry like i do want to spend time with him i'd love to be

harry styles his friend yeah but ultimately i think it would damage my self-esteem yeah i i get I don't want to spend time with him. But Harry, I do want to spend time with him. I'd love to be Harry Styles' friend. Yeah. But ultimately, I think it would damage my self-esteem. Yeah, I get that totally. So with Harry Styles, a weird thing has happened to me because I'm 40 now. And so I've never, you know, I've never listened to any One Direction. I couldn't name any of their songs.

I don't even know what Harry Styles' singing voice sounds like. I probably, I'm sure I've heard it, but I don't know what it is. But then suddenly I became aware of him being amazingly cool. I was reading magazines and they kept showing pictures of him. I was like, that guy's cool. Oh, that's Harry Styles. Fucking hell, what a look.

And I'm just obsessed by how good he looks. I love that sort of dapper, slightly sleazy look that he's got. I would say sleazy. I would say just outright sexy. That's what is he's he's he's sex on the legs but there's a i don't know i think it's just about those sort of kind of slightly 70s suits or something you know like yeah that's like you know i really like them but yeah i just think if i was with him on a desert island it would be so clear that i couldn't always pull off everything you know like when you buy something you think he looks good in that and then you buy something you think

i've seen him wearing that he looks quite cool and then you wear it yeah hmm it's not quite and you have to have a bit of a sobering moment don't you and i just think well it's like every time i shop on asos and you you look at the the jackets or whatever and you see the model with the jacket and they look amazing and you go that is what i'm gonna look like and then you put the jacket on and it looks like you're wearing a bin bag like it like and you realize oh it's not the jacket's fault because the jacket on the fit person look good it is me it is me so harry would bring out all those insecurities in me yeah um i guess what i'm saying is i would probably ideally want to be surrounded

by people less good looking than me with less charisma and less popular yeah that would make me feel better i think that's that's wise i mean the problem is as well harry styles with brooklyn beckham on the island brooklyn's going to see him um himself as an equal and that just just seeing that happen is going to be horrendous you're going to shut up brooklyn and just the sort of imbalance of it brooklyn would one morning just wake up and be like oh i'm a singer now i i'm an actor actually harry i do some acting yeah and you just absorb our jobs a friend of mine had this exact experience of you know uh the sort of comparing yourself to

someone you've seen and um and having that sort of forced back onto you in real life so my friend worked with one direction briefly and he was in a studio it's like years ago because it was one direction and harry stars had sort of shaggy hair and my friend also had not similar but you know a bit of shaggy hair my friend left the studio to go and have a cigarette outside and he sort of walked out with his head down lighting the cigarette and all of the hundreds of girls who were camped outside the studio from a hundred meters away just went it's harry styles and he heard in in like within five seconds the sound of 200 screaming girls turn into 200 disappointed girls just go go oh wow oh like that he was like sorry oh god what a responsibility yeah yeah and um yeah i just think it would be like having that

on a feedback loop the whole time so yeah i can see what your choice would be good but that's a good point actually even though the island is deserted you feel like harry style fans harry styles fans are dedicated enough to track him down and actually we'd get we'd get mobbed on the desert island yeah or you know they'd maybe sail all the way there they'd make it you go yes we've got a raft and then they'd just sink it so that they could be trapped with him forever and you're we're still stuck yeah damn it yeah they'll be like harry we've got a lock of your hair from 2010 you know oh man okay well who's gonna be the third person you say it's a tricky choice can we can we fit a third person in on the island we can now this isn't a specific person this is a genre of person um it's any of my friends' boyfriends. Okay. So I've got a lot of female friends and I've learned about myself

that I generally find it hard to get on with their boyfriends because I don't know what it is. They're probably really nice people, but in my head, every time I meet them, I'm just like, well, you're not good enough.

You're not good enough. You don't deserve them. And they're always the worst kind of you know like in my head i'm like you surely you could do better and then my friend will show me the dating apps and i could see the sort of the sort of benchmark of men that they're having to deal with and i'm like oh no actually probably that is that probably is the best one but they're they're just you know they're just like working recruitment and talk about going cycling and you know just say boring things and i just in my head i'm like i mean you deserve better player but i'm also aware i am that person you know when i eventually get a girlfriend one day uh i will be that person to somebody else you know and they'll look at me and be like oh you're you're a prick you don't deserve my best friend you know yeah

it's a weird thing isn't it when you've got a friend who you care about so much and then you kind of go oh you're settling with this person now and especially as you get older and you think oh right you might actually stay with this person now because yeah like oh right this is oh you're pregnant now oh this is it is it yeah okay oh you're pregnant and i don't want the kid to you know not have two parents in the same house you know i don't want you to split up but i don't like this person that much but you think is it because we overestimate our friends you know i might over valuing the my female friends so therefore basically undervaluing their partners you know like i'm i'm overestimating how good they

are because i know them and i love them and then i meet their partners and like you're not good enough but actually if i had a more objective opinion i might be like oh no you're about you're about the same maybe i don't know i just think a lot of relationships are sort of unseen isn't it it's like an iceberg a lot of it is you know you only see the tip of it and you don't know what's going on or maybe they have just settled sometimes you know maybe you're right sometimes they've just settled and it's okay to say that yeah they've just gone you know what i am sick of going on bad bumble dates i'm just gonna go with this guy because he brushes his teeth and he doesn't play playstation for four hours a day like that's the benchmark and

i was with my friend the other day and she said that she just wanted a guy who had a job and i was like that surely you've got to raise your standards a little bit like that's how bad men are that she had been through so many bad partners that all she wanted was someone who had gainful employment like that is men we need to up our game because like that is and she's a lovely woman and deserves at least someone with not only employment but maybe a house yeah wow that i mean that's a that's a sad indictment of the scene these days, isn't it? Oh, wow. Just a job. But as a single man, it does give me confidence as well, though, because it makes me think, well, actually, I don't really have to be trying that hard. I just need to show my pay slip. Yeah.

I just need to show that I can pay tax. You've just written a TV show. I reckon that's pretty impressive. I mean, that's got to knock you up a few rungs on the ladder, I would have thought. Well, compared to the other idiots, yeah. Yeah, exactly. I mean, you know, I don't know what the state of things is out there, but I mean, yeah, fuck it. Yeah, I think the danger is if you're stuck with someone like that on the island,

you know, that's the thing you have in common is your friend. And so you're going to sort of talk about them, but, you know, it would be like, oh, I'm really, you know, he'll go, oh, I'm really missing whoever. And you're gonna sort of talk about them but you know it'll be like oh i'm really you know he'll go i'm really missing whoever and you're like you're missing them i've had loads more good times with them than you have you've been around like what a year fuck you man i you know what that i think you've hit the nail on the head that is exactly the thing that i'm jealous of it's like i've known this person for 20 years and now you've come along you know the six months and you've got all these little in jokes and you're making them laugh and you've got stories and i'm like you don't know what you when she was 21 she like was sick at a bit us or at a nightclub you don't

know that story i know that story you know yeah but ultimately they prefer they prefer the boyfriend it turns out yeah yeah i think it's going to be awkward it's also sort of that feeling of like trying to make them like you because you feel you should because it's like the responsible nice thing to do as a friend but also you're you know you might be at a night out and there's all your other actual friends that you want to speak to fuck this you know yeah i want to go and hang out with my actual friends i don't want to get to know about recruitment gotta get past the basics you've got to get some to know get to know him on like a you. You've got to get past the basics. You've got to get to know him. You've got to find out his favourite colour or whatever.

I don't know what you talk about. Maybe that's the problem. Maybe it's your questions. Yeah, you know what? Actually, it might be me. I'm asking all my friends' boyfriends what their favourite colour is. you're a podcast listener and this is a podcast ad reach great listeners like yourself with podcast advertising from lips and ads choose from hundreds of top podcasts offering host endorsements or run a reproduced ad like this one across thousands of shows to reach your target audience with lips and

ads go to lips and ads.com now that's l-i-b-s-y-n ads.com okay well look we're going to move on from people now because i think you've got a fine selection of dicks to to spend your time with but mercifully amongst the wreckage of the play now was some food and drink left over unfortunately for you it's your least favorite food and drink in the world what are they and why are they so bad so a food one is, again, quite general. It's anything with milk in it because I am quite severely lactose intolerant. So that would be my worst case scenario, being on a desert island with, you know. Just a hamper of dairy products. A hamper of dairy, but just loads of cheese and um some some pastries like that would be the worst case scenario for me because um you know i'll be there just shitting myself in front of harry styles and that is not

what i want our friendship to be based on yeah i mean that's difficult i've in recent years i'm a lot more sensitive to what i eat and i found that yeah milk i have to be a bit more careful with than i used to and you know it doesn't it's not a big thing but if I had like a bowl of cereal or porridge or something then that would definitely fuck me up for the rest of the day like cheese and bits are okay but even just having to plan my diet that much is annoying so having to having like a severe case like you is is must be really difficult well have you across, this is just a dietary tip. Have you come across lactase pills?

Because you can buy lactase pills in like Holland and Barrett and they digest the lactose that stops you getting ill. So I highly recommend it. So if you do want to eat some cheese, you take a lactase pill and then it helps you digest it. But for me, it doesn't work. I could do some cheese maybe because it's lower lactose but if i try to have like a milkshake or something no amount of lactose

can deal with that it's like an avalanche oh yeah yeah i mean that on the island as well also i kind of think like i i don't know much about brooklyn beckham's intellect but i imagine the conversation going something like no no thanks brooklyn because as i've said repeatedly i can't drink anything with milk products it's like you had all that coconut milk you're like yeah right yeah let me explain again it's a different thing and also brooklyn would insist on being the chef of the island and i just don't trust him to adhere to the strict dietary requirements that i would need you know he'd be just pouring butter into our curry you know like no brooklyn not again oh no yeah so i was going to ask about your drink choice but would that presumably just be milk as well well yeah that

would be bad just a tub a carton of milk would be the worst case scenario any kind of milk drink but i actually would also like to add to the list list this isn't a dietary requirement this is just i don't like it uh sambuca oh yes i think we all have a like alcohol that we are scarred by and it usually relates to sort of a youthful drunken memory and it's the one you're sick on and you can sort of feel it in your back of your throat mine is sambuca and that kind of licoricey taste i detest because i think i don't remember exactly when it was but i think in my teenage years i must have got drunk on sambuca and spent the next day uh tasting that again in in in on the toilet uh bowl so uh that it would be my worst case scenario yeah yeah and it just hangs around

your mouth for such a long it's that they're coating this sort of like plasticky like oily coating it gives your mouth like it's it takes a few drinks to get rid of it yeah i think one of the nicest things about getting older is just having the confidence to go no thanks i don't like that and i feel fine about refusing it yes when you're young you're like drink this you're like uh you gotta drink it okay oh this is horrible now i feel sick as well another one okay you know just growing up you're like yeah i know it's my birthday and you've bought me a shot i'm really sorry i'm not gonna fucking i'm just not gonna have that yeah i know it's a special occasion but it's my special occasion and i don't

like that you're right actually that's a really good uh moment of of development in as you get older when not just drinks actually just the ability to say no that you don't want to do something and not really feel guilty about it like i only worked out a few years ago that i don't have to go my friend's stag do's like i just don't have to do it and if i just say no i don't have to go on my friend's stag days. Like, I just don't have to do it. And if I just say no, I don't want to go on your stag day to Budapest. No offence, I like you, but I don't want to be forced to drink some vodka out of a shoe. And then you just don't have to go.

And no one minds. It's absolutely fine. And that's something I didn't have the power to do until quite recently. Yeah. I mean, fortunately as well, I think you do just get offered sambuca less as you get older but i i think last time was on a stag do abroad when someone was talking about it and they were i remember them saying come on let's go and get some bookers i was like don't call it a booker like

what it what i don't know how that makes it so much worse but oh yeah me and you was on the bookers last, this is awful. Or Sammy B's. I've heard it, Sammy B's, before. Oh, that's terrible. That is bad, isn't it? Yeah. It's like platy jubes.

Yeah, that's bad. That's bad. So, yeah, we've got a big crate of lactose-rich products and some Sambuca to wash it down. So, yeah, horrendous. You're doing brilliantly here okay now fortunately you won't be without entertainment on the island the planes entertainment system continues to work but just your luck it only has two working settings

one is your least favorite film of all time and your other is your least favorite song what are they and why so again quite general the song is it's a genre uh it's jazz i don't i can't get on board with jazz i've tried i just it has no purpose it doesn't seem to have an ending it doesn't seem to have the structure that i crave uh it just goes on and on and it's too um i guess i i i'm i'm the i'm the man who likes his rules and his boundaries and jazz is breaking too many of those and it's it's not it's just not structured enough for me you know i can't deal with it mentally uh and i have memories of when i was younger my dad would make me listen to jazz fm in the car and they would they were terrible car journeys so that would be my worst nightmare fair enough i think jazz is such a strange genre because at one end you've got something that's

so difficult and complicated as to be sort of almost unlistenable where it's you know different time signatures and rhythms all happening at the same time and it's a bit of a mess and then the other could be something that's so twee and saccharine and and sort of elevator music-y you know and it's like this is the same genre and one's you know there's not many genres that can pull that off like i suppose certain kinds of electronic music can be sort of very like twee and ambient and dull and then like aggressive and and horrendous at the other end but i mean it's quite interesting that jazz can be so broad like that yeah this is the problem with jazz it doesn't really have an identity it's just it's like an amalgamation of loads of people playing different uh notes and they all

just call it jazz because jazz hasn't got any rules so you just anything can be jazz my wife's quite into jazz i have to say oh i'm sorry it's okay it's all right she she keeps it to herself it's not it's not inflicted on us too much but um recently there's been a sort of uh resurgence in it all these sort of young hip bands coming out and it's like a new sort of youthful movement who have been kind of shaking up a little bit and i still just don't really like it you don't read about it go oh this sounds interesting and you hear it and you go yeah it still sort of sounds a bit awkward and and just odd and difficult and i don't you know it doesn't really do it for me and i know it's like part of the skill but it does just sound like they're making it up and i don't i don't want that to be making up like if i'm paying to see something i want to know that you've rehearsed

it and you've practiced it and you know where it's going and it's got an ending you know i don't want like i don't like improv for the same reason you know i don't want people just sort of winging it you know i want i need i need a plan yeah maybe it says more about me i think you know you're going to be sitting there with your lactose intolerance and harry styles is going to be going i think i'm going to start writing some some songs based on this and you think no harry not you because you know you love him. And then Brooklyn chimes in like, oh, I've got some great ideas. And you hear him doing some scatting and it's just a horrible mess.

Oh, God, that'd be awful. I mean, I'd be in the bushes being ill from the Sambuca, so I wouldn't actually hear it. Yeah, fair enough. That's the thing, you would have to end up drinking the horrible drink just to get through it, I think. Stuffing my with croissants yeah uh what would your film choice be uh this one is the lord of the rings trilogy yeah um now i have to say at this point i've not seen the lord of the rings trilogy but the reason i don't want it there is because i'm sick of having

to tell people i've not seen the lord of the Rings trilogy and deal with their reaction when I tell them I've not seen it and don't want to see it, really. Because it blows people's minds. People sort of act as if I've blasphemed. People cannot understand how I haven't watched Lord of the Rings. And it's not like I haven't had a chance to do it. I have had a chance to do it. I've chosen not to do it. And I'm not a big fantasy guy.

It's too long. And also, I'm sure it's great, but I don't like how much everyone loved it. You know, back in the day, where it was all the best things that ever happened. I don't, I resent that. So I don't want to get on board with it and become one of those people accidentally.

So I wouldn't want the film there just in case either. I love it so much that i become a lord of the rings fan or i have to explain to someone that i've never seen it before imagine i did imagine harry stars is there going what you've never seen lord of the rings no i haven't seen lord of the rings and then brooklyn beckham's like oh i i've started to become a hobbit you know yeah it's weird that people kind of have so much trouble believing that you haven't seen it because it's like if you went to a horror convention and said what you haven't seen miss congeniality these people aren't into that like it's fine to just there's so many

different types of film some aren't for everyone it's like i know lots of people like this film but i'm just not into those kind of films. So I don't give a shit. It's fine. Exactly. Exactly. I'm really into train documentaries, right? And I watch train things on YouTube. But I don't say to someone,

what, you haven't seen the documentary about them tunnelling under London for Crossrail? Oh, what have you been doing with your life? I just accept that some people aren't into watching train videos on YouTube. Yeah, exactly. And there's loads of, like,

classic films I've never seen. I'm just not a huge... I like films, but I'm not that fussed either way, you know. And, yeah, it's just... I almost don't... I just pretend to go along

with it sometimes now because I can't be bothered with people's just astonishment that I haven't seen Mary Poppins or something you know it's like I don't care like and I'm 40 obviously it's like oh you should see it though like I don't think I need to it's okay

and also going back to that point you made about being able to say no to things there was a time in my 20s where I would have lied and said I have seen Lord of the Rings because I'd be embarrassed and then I'd be caught in an awful sort of trap you know where they'd be like oh you know i don't i didn't like how they did this thing in this particular scene i've been like oh yeah that was really bad that and then they trapped me and be like well that didn't really happen you're a liar uh and now i have

the confidence to just be like you know what i haven't seen it i don't want to continue with this conversation yeah stand your ground it's fine and you know you said that by now you have had time to watch them I don't know if you have because they're so long I mean having to like put aside time as a grown-up to watch all of those yeah I remember at uni people going oh we're really hung over come over tomorrow we're going to watch the whole trilogy and think you just said you're hung over why would you give yourself that much work to do it's like we could watch something funny you know you don't have to do that but that is the thing at university you do have this kind of emptiness like lack of purpose that means you can just give up a

day to watch uh lord of the rings whereas now i don't know that means i've got a tax return to do you know yeah fair enough still not done it well i think lord of the rings for many people is very much like doing a tax return so uh you know there's a lot of complicated stuff that you don't quite understand and it's not quite joining together in the order that you thought so yeah yeah all right well um let's move on from the film and song choices because now finally the island is overrun by the biggest dick of all the animals. Which animal is it and why? I don't think this answer is going to be very popular.

Okay. Some of my other answers might not have been popular. I do not like cats. I don't want cats to be there. I know a lot of people love cats. You often get asked the question are you a cat person or a dog person for me it's not even a fair question it's actually it's an insane question it's you know it's like do you like warm hugs or do you like being punched in the face like if they're not even comparable to me like cats are are awful creatures i think

they're arrogant i also think they're all tories um i think they could vote they'd all vote tory i i just don't trust cats um and look i've stroked a cat before you know they're soft i get it right they're kind of cute i get it but actually when you dig into their personality it is absolutely vile um the way they just take food off you and then go wander off in other people's gardens and also that we're just supposed to accept that other people's cats can just walk around our garden but that is i don't get why that's allowed and whereas dogs are just wonderful and loving and excited to see you every day whereas cats almost look at you with disdain and look at you like oh you're back are you why what are you doing here? So I actually met a cat recently. I met the most, probably the most famous cat in the country.

I met Larry the cat from Number 10 Downing Street fame. Yeah, my friend works at Number 10 and he gave me a tour of the property. It was amazing. I'm a big politics nerd, so I sort of geeked out going around the cabinet room and the state rooms. Anyway, we were about to leave

and I said to the security guard, oh, where's Larry? And he pulled back this curtain and on the window ledge was sat Larry the cat. And I was like, well, okay, I don't like cats, but this is a very famous cat.

I'll go stroke Larry the cat. So I stroked him twice. He was sort of receptive to the strokes. And then he fucking went for me like he bit me like like and he knew exactly what he was doing he accepted the strokes and then he like punished me for it and that just sums up cats for me yeah i mean i'm a cat owner uh but i can't really disagree i'm so sorry i've just ranted about cats because it's true like i can't really disagree i'm so sorry i've just ranted about cats because it's true like i

can't really disagree with much that you've said you know my cat does the same thing you know i'll be stroking him and he's all curled up and i think he's looking really cute and i'll be stroking him and he's like oh this is great and then something happens and he'll go for me and he doesn't do it to the others so much like i think he's luckily he's never gone for my kids. My youngest is two and he's like, oh, he just wants to grab the cat. And it's hard to, you know, I don't want him to be scared of animals, but also like, don't grab that cat, son,

because he's about as heavy as you and he's not to be trusted. And I think he sort of is aware vaguely that they are children, but not quite as aware as i'd like him to be like a dog we'll go oh my god you've brought this new precious thing into the house i need to protect it at all costs this cat's like well i'll go easy on him for a bit but don't you fuck with me yeah i'm like not fucking with the cat i don't know where the boundary is because you know i was you

were purring on my lap and now you've gone for me that's it you don't know where you stand yeah as people there'd be psychopaths i mean you said they. Yeah. As people, they'd be psychopaths. I mean, you said they'd vote Tory. I think they'd be much more far right than that. Because they basically don't even like their own kind. You know, it's like the easiest way to piss off a cat is show it another cat. And it's like, I've got to destroy it. You know?

Yeah. I mean, that's mad. It's like they're the national front, but they also hate all their own kind as it. You know, I mean, that's mad. It's like they're the national front, but they also hate all their own kind as well. You know, it's just, it's mad. They'd for sure be the sort of right wing end of the Tory party. You know, they would be the hard Brexiteers.

I think they're almost just nihilists. They just want to destroy it. They just want to watch the world burn, but sit next to it so it can keep them warm. Yeah, I think the thing is about being on an island full of cats you're gonna need the sort of emotional support from something because you're not getting it from the people that you're with and the cat they are so fickle and mercurial that you know you're not even guaranteed that so you kind of think that like maybe you've had a shit day you see a cat and it wanders up to you rubs

against your leg and you think oh this is nice you go down to stroke it and it bites you and you just go fuck off then just fuck off fuck all of you yeah but oh this is the last thing i need harry styles has been in best friends of brooklyn beckham and i've just eaten milky cereal and uh now i've got this cat bite in my leg it It's a terrible place to be. Yeah, yeah. There's a good cherry on the cake of dicks there for you there. So you've got a nice island full of things that you don't want to be with. You've done a great job, Steve. So well done.

Thanks, Dad. Can I just say, doing this podcast, I'm not really an angry person, but it's actually made me quite angry. I've sort of built up anger. And now you're just going to set me off into the rest of the day with this kind of energy yeah i'm sorry have you got any more interviews to do today yeah i'm trying to promote buffering to loads of next interview i'll be like fucking watch buffering i hate cats god i'm gonna watch every interview you do now and just see if

i can tell the sequence that they were done yeah so i think some people say it's very cathartic and they feel better and some people just it's very cathartic and they feel better and some people just get angry and and i'm sorry i don't know which way it's going to go for you but um i put let's talk about buffering then so you've written it and you're in it yes and it's on uh on the itv app yes itvx the uk's freshest streaming service uh yeah buffering is the second series um of uh the sitcom i've co-created it with ian sterling the voice of love island and it's about a bunch of people in their late 20s played by people in the early to mid 30s um and they are kind of at that stage where they're trying to be adults you know

some of their friends are having babies getting married all that stuff and they are stuck living in a house here in london sort of hung over from the night before like they're at that stage of delayed adulthood which i very much find myself in um and they're just trying to grow up but they they make a big failure of it and uh it's a lot of fun it's just a funny sitcom it's very uplifting and we've got some great co-stars emily atak from uh the in-betweeners fame uh is on is in the first ep laura whitmore who's ian's real life wife uh features in two episodes i'm melvin o'doom from radio ones in it we just got it's a lot of fun uh and i'm very proud of it it's all by it's my dream to have a sitcom so it's yeah it feels a

bit mad to have it on tv amazing well congratulations it all, and I hope it continues to go well. And sorry if I've ruined the media tour at all. I think, you know, just a cup of tea, five minutes, and I think it will all wash away, and hopefully you can be back on track again. Hey, it's not me you need to apologise to. It's the poor girl from OK Magazine

who's going to get an upright earful next. Well, I do apologise, but for me it's been an absolute pleasure. So thank you for joining me today on Desert island dicks mate thank you dad appreciate it there you go steve bugeier there on Desert Island Dicks. I hope you enjoyed that. And we will be back with more content very soon, whether it's a compact dicks where it's listener submissions

or an old dicks, which is where we dig up an old episode from our archives and publish it so you get the chance to listen to it again. Speaking of which, we've got over 200 episodes in our back catalogue there's some big brilliant names in there so i recommend you uh shove your hand in and pull out a dick and just just enjoy feast upon the dicks and then talking of compact dicks earlier well that's as i said that's when you get the chance to suggest who and what you would stick on a desert island so we love having your submissions all you need to do to give them to us is to email us by going to dixpod.com slash contact or you can get in touch with us on twitter or instagram at dixpod it's all very

simple desert island dix was a sync clap production it was created and produced by james deacon it was presented and produced by me, Dan Benedictus, with additional support from John Deacon. And I think that's about all we've got to say for this week. So yeah, we'll be back soon with all kinds of episodes, all of which I've talked about so far. So thanks for listening. Bye bye.