Desert Island Dicks - THANYIA MOORE

Episode Date: January 5, 2021

Comedian Thanyia Moore joins Dan to share who and what she'd hate to be stuck with on a desert island. Be sure to follow the podcast @dickspod Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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host endorsements or run a reproduced ad like this one across thousands of shows to reach your target audience with Lipson Ads. Go to LipsonAds.com now. That's L-I-B-S-Y-N-Ads.com. Hi, I'm Dan from Desert Island Dicks here to wish you a happy new year, as well as kind of the usual intro bit I do before the episode. This episode features comedian Tanya Moore and was recorded last year in 2020, the morning after the American election, when it still looked worryingly like there might be a draw or a close call. So it was a bit of an odd day. But despite that, we managed to put those cares aside and get stuck into picking some awful dicks for the island like a couple of professionals. If you're new to this podcast, then welcome.

We're happy to have you aboard the good ship Dicks. And may I please direct you to our back catalogue, where you'll find loads of other episodes with comedians, writers, critics, drag queens, even politicians. So it's worth a rummage if you're after some more if you're a returning listener then thanks for sticking by us and we really appreciate it and if you've ever listened and thought i'd like to tell the world about the people and things i hate then you can get in touch at dixpod.com contact or find us at dixpod on twitter and instagram and let us know there and we could feature yours in our weekly spin-off podcast, Compact Dicks, where the dicks are all up to you.

And finally, if you could give us a rating and subscribe to this podcast, it would make us very happy. So please do that. All right, that's enough from me. Here's Desert Island Dicks with Tanya Moore. Hi, I'm Dan Benedictus and welcome to Desert Island Dicks, the show that sees you marooned on a desert island after a plane crash with the worst people and worst things imaginable. Who they are and why they're a dick is up to our guest and here to share their desert island dicks with us today is comedian Tanya Moore. How you doing? Hey, how are you doing?

I'm good, I'm good. That was a nice intro, that was nice and quick and snappy. I like that. Good, good. I was just saying before we started recording, we were talking about how it's kind of very loud, loud cars out here. We were talking about how it's sort of the day after the election in America. So we're trying to sort of be upbeat and distract ourselves from it a little bit. As I said, it's a scary time. I just don't even know what to do anymore. You know, when you're just like, I don't know how to feel. So I'm just going to stand still in the middle of this storm and hopefully when i open my eyes it's over and everything's back to normal yeah i think that's about as much as you could hope to achieve at the minute i think if

you manage that then we're doing all right so nightmare yeah so i mean as i say we're trying to be positive but at the same time we are about to record a podcast where we talk about the worst people and things in the world so yeah but not politics so maybe we can lose ourselves in this for a little bit of time and then yeah how did you find the process of whittling down your choices for the island not hard at all actually I think I think about this more than I should. It was hard because there was a larger list than what I was allowed to present. Yeah. So, for example, you said the worst three people and my list of worst people probably has about 25 on it. So I had to pick the best three.

I think that was the struggle. Yeah, yeah. I mean, you know, I do this all the time and there's loads of times I'm thinking, God, that person's good. Yeah, he should have been on more, you know. So until we can build a better society for ourselves, then there's going to be... This is what we've got. It's going to be difficult whittling down our choices for a podcast. I mean, you know, that's the choice, you know. choice you know yeah um good okay well let's get straight into it then

who's going to be your first choice joining you on the island jedward for example fucking hell i think my hate for them is also spilled over to louis walsh because he made that a thing. But Jedward are the worst human beings. I can't even finish a sentence when I say I hate them. But I never will understand. I never got it on the day that they were formed. I never got it the day they walked in. I never understood why their parents even had sex. I'm just trying to figure out what the point of a Jedward is,

especially when a Jedward has stuff to say about politics. What? Yeah. That's like asking a baby to run the country, which, to be fair, that's currently what's happening right now. But that is the worst. I don't know what it is about them i don't know if it's the fact that their arms are way too small for their heads i don't know if it's that they talk in sync

but like even when they talk in sync no one manages to say anything that makes sense they even finish off the pointless sentences for each other it's the worst i hate them so much it might be a me thing i'm not sure i don't think it's a you thing edward are horrible horrible yeah because it's like the whole i mean if you just met any two people like that you know yeah it would be annoying and then when you meet twins you kind of think surely like as an identical twin you kind of want to be a bit individual you know when you see like grown-up i've seen grown-up twins dressed the same and it's yeah no and you're like what are you doing was this like just to freak people out or you know yeah but then to sort of be so into it that

they're just like they are just the same person like there's two of the same person and that's that's it and and coupled with that insanely hyperactive personality, at least if they were both like real stoners or something and they finished off each other's sentences really slowly or just kind of went, what was I going to say at the same time? That'd be all right. Coupled with like the fact that they're both really, really, really, really deep into the delusion about their talent, deep deep deep not one of them has stood back and went actually doesn't sound like we can sing none of them and then here comes louis walsh louis walsh is that drunk uncle at every party saying go on go in the middle and dance and this kid is petrified as shit can't even do a two-step and here's uncle louis pushing you in just so he can make some money that is literally the setup for louis and jedwin i just don't understand i don't get it they've warped young

children into thinking this is the future actually maybe we can blame britney spears for that don't get me wrong i love britney spears but auto-tune singing is insane yeah yeah definitely you have to use something to assist your voice maybe you you can't do it, babes. Do you know what I mean? Because that's the same as when you're a child and you get the stabilisers for the bikes. That's because you can't do it yet, right? But when you can do it, you take the stabilisers off.

They have never stopped using auto-tune. It means you can't sing. Yeah. Maybe I think about this too much, but I them well do you know what i had actually forgotten about them before you mentioned them but i mean the thing is about it's all that sort of thing it's like it starts off as a bit of a joke and then you're like okay guys guys go like we got it we got it you're finding it ironically funny okay and then like a couple of months goes past you're like seriously like it's it's not funny there's good music out there have you you know

have you seen other music because i'll show you some if you want and then it's still and then now you're like why why is it i mean i don't know do they still put out albums but i mean people still know they haven't been sort of forced into a cage and sort of forgotten about yet so there's still too much of them no the only reason why i remembered them is because they were speaking on the politics the other day and i just saw someone retweet one of their tweets and i just really was upset because i thought they were ushered into a cave and told to hide i thought maybe they had gone back to being regular people and working in a cafe somewhere in their local town i really was hoping that was the case but it's not there's still a thing they still got thousands of followers and there's still people that make them feel relevant and that is why we need brexit

get rid of these fuckers i think that sure that's not how it works i think the worst thing as well is like one of these people would be too much on an island. Like one one of them. Like I don't know what the other ones. I don't know. One's obviously called Edwards. The other one, John or James or Jim or something. Yeah.

One of them would be too much. I mean, half of one would be too much. But to have two of them on the island, I mean, like, you would, like, you would, you know, you would kill them far before the point at which you needed to kill someone to eat them. You know, before cannibalism set in, they'd be dead already. But you wouldn't, the shame would be you probably wouldn't be ready to eat them at that point. So you just kill them, watch them rot. And then when you're really hungry, you're like, fucking Jedward.

Could have, could have eaten you when it, you know, would it be, now you're really hungry you're like fucking jedward could have could have eaten you when it you know would it be now you're old and dead and moldy and then and then you've got to eat jedward and know that you've got a little bit of jedward inside you oh god wake up one morning and your hair's a bit of a quiff and you're like what's going on oh god wake up one morning and you're just talking in auto-tune that would be the word god i think they're like one step above crazy frog in the sort of pecking order of of let's say artists and huge inverted comments like you know they're like not much further above crazy frog but you know like that level of you know that end of the spectrum in that area yeah

definitely yeah okay it's a very good choice and who's going to join those two with you uh flavor slave um and the reason why i hate flavor slave is because he literally won't die sounds bad that man has been old from the beginning of his career and i don't understand how he's still alive and still wearing clocks. That's insane. Also, he is the definition of, oh, my God. Whenever you see him, you just don't want to be black anymore. Just for that moment, you just don't want to be the same as the fucking flavor. What the fuck is the flavor?

Who? Why? There was a whole show that had three seasons of young women trying to marry this old man. No way. God, I knew there was a show about him. I didn't know that was what the prize was. Oh, yeah. Yeah. The prize was being Flavor Flav's girlfriend. Or, I don't know, even better, one of. Wow. Bloody hell.

One of. He was trying to be like a black Hugh Hefner. Insane. I think it's disgusting. And he's got children. And there was a girl called New York, or who he named New York, her name's Tiffany Pollard. But she was crazy for him, like trying to fight other girls.

Their age gap was like 34 years. Who wants raisin dick? What happens in your lifestyle that you wake up and you don't want anything that's fresh with like pumping veins, just, you know, strong, protruding. You want this thing, this raisin type button that probably needs an assistant a heavy assistance from viagra and all of the things and this guy who's like five foot two and walks around with a fucking clock on his check it's just i think i hate things that don't make sense that's

what we're getting yeah yeah it doesn't make sense my whole list is a list of things that don't make sense. That's what we're getting to here. Yeah, yeah. It doesn't make sense. My whole list is a list of people who don't make sense. Jedwards, Flavor Flav, and a Karen. A Karen, I don't even know. I don't think I hate them. I think they just make me laugh because they just laugh.

They just get really wild and really scared about anything that's black. Like, I wonder if Karens hate the night time. Yeah, maybe, maybe. Like, do Karens hate going to funerals? thing that's black like i wonder if karen's hate the night time yeah maybe maybe like do karen's hate going to funerals do karen's bruise and suddenly hate part of their arm like what happens to a karen when she sees something black or just something that's happening that doesn't make her happy yeah well i mean i suppose the first thing is to wave your gun around a lot. And then, you know, that's that's usually the first first port of call, isn't it?

Yeah. Yeah. Or getting really angry and aggressive, getting in that person's face and saying, I'm really scared of you. That's that one really gets me. Yeah. Because if I'm scared of someone, I run away. You know, right. I mean, it's simple. It's not like i don't really get that at all all right so we've got a lot to unpack here right let's before we go let's let's let's i want to we've got more to say on flavor flavor i think because i think yeah he's always been a bit of a like obviously you know like the hype man in a band you're always a bit you have to make a lot of noise because that's your job and also you have to justify your position a lot. And when you're like the hype man to Chuck D, you know, like one of the greatest voices in hip hop.

Right. Like you have to do something quite special to sort of stand out, hence the clocks and the top hats and the gold teeth and everything. But at the same time, like you're in such an important group that has so much important stuff to say. It's like, do you know what I mean? It's like every time, I don't to say it's like do you know what i mean it's like every time i don't know it's like having the news on and then you've got bez next to the newsreader kind of going like shaking his fucking maracas because you know there's the same thing and you're

like chuck's trying to put out quite an important message here flave come on yeah and here you go yeah boy it's like we know you know what time it is. Like your clock is big enough. Of course you fuck it. Like if you couldn't read that thing and you still didn't know what time it was. Like, I don't know. I still think he doesn't know what time it is. Yeah, because this kid is stuck in the 70s. He won't move. Yeah. I wouldn't be surprised if he's actually was like that bit older than the rest of Public Enemy when it started as well. Because he's got that, you know, you mentioned like a Louis Walsh being a weird uncle.

He's got that vibe as well. You put him in any context other than the stage. You're a creepy guy. Like, what are you doing, Flav? The police are being called all the time. That's for sure. But I think that he i definitely think he's been old from birth you know some babies are born with like a granddad face

i think i'm gonna go ahead and say flavor flavors looked like a granddad from day one yeah he's got a daughter who looks just like him no way i just i love public enemy but i just he's so problematic and after a while it's just so boring you're like can i like i wonder if anyone's tried to do an edit yeah of like you know it's like an album but with no flavor flavor like deflavored you know deflavored i like that you know because i reckon there'd be there'd be some money if flavor flavor was a crisp what flavors you think he would be just like plain you know or like i think i think it wouldn't be ready sorted or would it be one of those like really niche packets like cheeseburger flavor yeah that's more likely actually i think pepperoni pizza flavor yeah it'd be something that's like

very niche no one asked for and it was more of a marketing game you know like at christmas when they have like christmas tree flavored crisps yeah no one asked for this no one and no one's buying it yeah but congratulations now you it worked and now little have like an article written about them because of like the most stupid pointless crap you can buy at christmas so yeah well done the pr stunt worked. You get a little clock. That's a packet. Fucking Flavor Flav. It's weird, isn't it? I don't know why. He'd almost work better in a glam rock band.

Picture him with Slade and there's Noddy Holder going, It's Christmas. They've both got top hats and they're all wearing mirrors and shit. And then Flavor Flav's like that and it sort of makes a lot more sense he's more glam rock you know do you think so or like something like Parliament Funkadelic something like that something a bit weird and like not like hard-edged political hip-hop you know I think I think you're making good points I think my brain won't allow me to go there because i just think he's a wrong and he deserves nothing um but definitely if there was going to be a band that he was in i would go

punk rock just add a little bit more makeup on the kids and he's ready to go otherwise i can't i just oh i don't know so one side of you got jedward talking bullshit incessantly like arguing over which color m&ms they like the best or some shit like that the other side you've got flavor flav constantly going yeah boy and like and shouting and just generally like hitting you with his clock and up to no good then we're bringing in the karen and um who's upset that the island isn't about her yeah yeah i mean as there's two jedwards i suppose that there is a slight racial balance in her favor so that'll probably make her fairly happy but i mean yeah um yeah i mean but they are irish though oh yeah true so they're more one of us in that way because it was it wasn't the blacks no irish no dogs so it's we're grouped together that's true

fortunately for jedward and us i feel like karen is just so emblematic of just like this huge sort of great gradual kind of when you thought you were maybe getting out of the woods with the world this huge big U-turn coming back and maybe it's not even a U-turn because it was just sort of always there but you're like is this allowed now, you've even got a name

is this okay it definitely for me boils down to it was always there it's just the conversations are a bit louder now because of social media because of you know all of those other things um but i think we've always experienced the karen it's just people you know of color weren't believed that karen existed until we finally got videos of the karen karen in and then there was evidence but that you just could not deny yeah do you know what I mean and the best bit about that video when you know the term Karen was made

from the lady in the in the park was that most people were upset about what she was doing to the dog yeah yeah not about the fact that she was literally about to send the black man to prison for no reason yeah yeah insane i know insane but it's just this idea that they're like just entitled obnoxious just uh you know self-centered greedy people who don't deserve to exist harsh well i don't know i think it's fair to say that racist people don't deserve to exist i mean you know like yeah i think probably the next step, when it gets problematic is when you actually start exterminating them

because then it's sort of like a grey area, you know. But I think until that point, you know, I think it's all right to say that racism... Because also it's one of those things, it's like, you know, when you kind of, like, when Trump goes on about anti-fascists and you're like, he's saying, like, they're anti-fascist, like, as in fascism is bad. That's, it's okay to be anti-fascist like yeah you know so yeah well i think that's a good choice and just i mean thinking

about your situation with flavor flay i mean because even if you do kind of go right we've all got to get along we're on this island we've got to make the best of it yeah you're gonna have to explain flavor flay for days to her you know and like because you're not going to calm him down you know like I think I'd make a video in 50 First Dates it you know that film 50 First Dates where uh the wife has uh every day she wakes up she forgets who she is and she forgets what happened and the husband spends all day reminding her about how, you know, what their life is. And then by the end, he just made a video of their wedding day and the son being born and things like that. So every morning when she wakes up, it's the first thing she watches.

I would do that for Karen every day because if I have to explain it physically every day, there'd be one less person on the island. That's for sure. And it wouldn't be Blaber. Fair enough. island that's for sure and it wouldn't be flavor fair enough i think yeah i think it's going to be a really messy environment so yeah could you imagine going to like an aa group with karen's oh man yeah just the thought of you know the idea they want to be better but there's a hundred reasons why they have to be in that room instead of just accepting that they just might be a little bit obnoxious.

Do you know what I mean? Yeah. I think everyone would be going, you know, I think I blame myself cause this is my path and blah, blah, blah. And she'd be going,

I blame you guys as well, but for my problems. Yes. Yes. Yes. I'm trying to think of like, there must be a joke in there and a room full of, like an AA room full of karen

call it kk or ka like karen anonymous yeah do you know what i mean and just have them in there but i'm really trying to figure out what that would look like and sometimes when i think about it too much it's actually quite scary yeah i think if they were more anonymous would it be better or worse i don't know i mean they quite like to broadcast themselves so i mean they do don't they oh the police would be called to every meeting yeah they're just waving guns at each other by the end of it get off my lawn i'm not on a lawn get off it anyway yeah oh god what can we do i know well i'm gonna distract you now because mercifully among the wreckage of the, there was some food and drink left over. Unfortunately for you, it's your least favourite food and drink in the world.

What are they and why are they so bad? So I was discussing this the other day because peppers are lovely. Love a bell pepper. I think it's the best thing. Do you eat green peppers, Daniel? No, I mean, if they're in stuff, I won't pick them out, but I'll never buy one. No, I mean, if they're in stuff, I won't pick them out, but I'll never buy one.

No, because they taste like acid. Yeah. I just don't understand how, you know, the red, the orange, and even like, what's the other one? There's red and then there's orange. Yellow. Even the yellow one has some flavour, has some taste, has something in it. But the green one literally just tastes like earth like it's

literally just come out of this fucking ground and just stayed there like not had a shower not sang happy birthday when washing his hands just literally just there with all the dirt still on it and then served in a salad insane yeah i don't get it and sometimes you sit on like pizzas and stuff and you're like there's so many things to put on a pizza like why are you wasting my time with this like people talk about pineapple on pizza that's not the conversation because they must i mean you still see them as much it's not like you go in the supermarket and there's one tray of red peppers and there's a very small tray of green peppers which makes me think they're being bought in the same quantity but i don't know who's doing it

because they don't you know like a red pepper adds like sweetness to something you know if you sort of cook it in a stew boil it down a bit green i don't know what you're adding maybe like bitterness it's just sort of like a twat turning up to your party it's like what why green pepper is probably what they use in schools because they probably sell at the cheapest cheapest rate and they get bought in bulk and that's why they still exist yeah i don't i can't see why green pepper must be what they take to i don't know camps when they're trying to torture people that might be part of why it's even made i can't see the point of a green pepper i mean i'm sure there are worse things to eat but i'd rather try and eat that than eat a green pepper i'd rather eat a jalapeno than eat a

fucking green pepper yeah but at least that's something interesting you've got some spice in it so it makes you feel something yeah green what is the point of a green it's so it's it's the iceland of all foods just so bland and pointless i don't get it yeah i agree and i think because you can get lots of stuff that's sort of red pepper flavored but nothing's green pepper flavored you never see that anywhere and that's always like a because everyone knows yeah yeah it's always a sign that this thing is shit yeah yeah it sucks you're a podcast listener and this is a podcast ad reach great listeners like yourself with podcast advertising from lips and ads choose from hundreds of top podcasts offering host endorsements or run a reproduced ad like this one across thousands of shows to reach your target audience with Lips and Ads. Go to lipsandads.com now. That's L-I-B-S-Y-N

ads.com. Okay. And what are you going to wash that down with then? What's your drink choice? At this point, if they're not on the island and this is the food, acid, because I want to die. That's literally where I live with it right now. Worst aloe vera is i think poison and i've been having it a little bit lately because you know trying to keep the shit away but uh uh i do think especially like so i've got it coming from a plant and they say that's the best way to have it but aloe vera literally tastes like all of the bad decisions you can make in one mouthful going down and it's thick so it like goes down really slowly it's like torturous as it goes down really slowly it just reminds you this is still happening fucking horrible and i tried to make it nice i tried to put like a little bit of honey in it or you know add a little bit of water just to like so it goes down a little bit faster

no still attacks you yeah it's still the worst thing on the fucking planet yeah it's not great i mean i think it's a very useful plant to have on the island in terms of like it's very good for your skin and stuff like that um yeah you know at least when i die my skin will be glowing exactly it'll take a while for it to rot yeah i'll be a pretty corpse but i mean because at some point jedward are going to get sunburned and you're going to need to shut them up stop complaining and it's very useful in that environment you know to just calm them down a little bit but um yeah yeah it's i mean so i love shopping in asian supermarkets and i love like finding all like the weird stuff that i can't get in other supermarkets

and just sort of like you know there's like a million different types of pickled chilies and stuff like that i love all that but then they have always have like the juice section and they're big in asia and aloe vera drinks and's like, it looks like frog spawn or something. And I'm like, and it's so thick. You can see the bits just suspended in it. And I'm like, who the fuck is drinking this? Like hot day. Oh, sweet aloe vera jelly.

Just chug that down. And it's like, and that's, oh God, something thick. Something that's actually more like a food than a drink when you're stuck on a hot island. Oh man. Exactly. And also, it's a good plant to have, as you said, to heal people. And so I would make sure that no one else could have any aloe vera. Just watch them slowly writhe in pain.

That would be awesome. I sound really mean mean but we are talking about the things that i really dislike yeah and so this is where we live no i think i think you know like why not i mean you're i mean you know this is all the talks have broken down you know you're there for the duration and it just gets down to survival you know who's who's going to go first and that's what it comes down to i think so yeah it's fair enough it's fair enough okay now fortunately you won't be without entertainment on the island the planes entertainment system continues to work but just your luck it only has two working settings one is your least favorite film of all time and the other is your least

favorite song what are they and why least favorite song fong song on repeat yes fucking hell oh man oh my god that or anything from nelly oh my god yeah same ballpark isn't it yeah yeah yeah just same kind of non on non-stop they say about seven words throughout the whole song on repeat he says thong song something like 36 times or something in that fucking song if not more so and i just don't see the point of it it doesn't make sense and he's five foot one nothing about this makes sense maybe that's why because maybe it's like the height of an ass so maybe that's why he's he's sort of thinking about it so much he's just closer to that area yes that's all he sees he doesn't see boobs yeah he just sees ass I've always hated thong song

and I remember when like so I grew up in Leicester and in the 90s I was really into hip-hop and in Leicester in the 90s like the only place you could hear hip-hop on the radio was Tim Westwood right so I used to listen to him a lot and Friday Saturday nights it was you know it was like an event you know and record loads of it and everything get good hip-hop that way and I remember lying in bed listening to it as I went to sleep and Thong Song had just come out and he played it three times in a row and I was like am i have i gone mad or something because like it's not even really hip-hop you know it's more sort of like a party r b tune and westwood did a triple rewind on the thing and i was like are you insane like when it came out everybody was like obsessed

with it then they started wearing dragons because cisco wore dragons and then it became a thing of like dyeing your hair blonde and just like constantly that the other guy's like no this is no yeah no i hated bongs for a long time as a result i just made a stand and just started wearing knickers i just think we should not be condoning or entertaining any part of this at all. That's the thing. Like, you know, I have obviously as a straight man, I have nothing against looking at ladies in thongs. But as soon as like I have like a jingle that goes with it, if I see a woman in a thong, you're spoiling it for me.

You know what I mean? It's like, oh, there's a woman in a thong. Oh, God's sake. It's like. It's ruined. I hate going to the beach as a result everyone's in a phone and that should be the most about that song is when it comes on i really feel like an alien because i'm literally the only person not getting excited by it oh man i'll join you you know what

we go out together and when it comes on we just hit the bar because i yeah and it was one of those songs like you say like everyone liked it except for it felt like i was the only one who didn't like it and you know when you feel so out of sync you know it's more annoying because it's like what is everyone seeing why don't they understand yeah i felt like that about black street no diggity as well okay oh i'll tell you what's interesting for some reason recently I looked that up and if you look on the cover of it they're all dressed like painted decorators because they've all got white dungarees it was that sort of era

white dungarees and they're all sort of like you know two of them are crouching two of them standing up and they just look like they've finished there's always the crouching someone has if it's not crouching is it even R&B yeah and it just looks like they've finished a hard day painting and decorating yeah um yeah i think song thong song jedward definitely would love thong song as well right they go hand in hand yeah jedward um even flavor slave because he'd be trying to get karen's

fucking run around in a thong that would be hilarious just watching Flavor Play trying to persuade Karen to do some dancing in a thong I mean for your sake I hope he's not successful yeah that would provide entertainment more than anything else and uh what would your film choice be anything that has Ali G in it okay yeah anything Ali G-esque I hate the character I hate the films I hate the spin-offs I hate people that enjoy it I hate people that walk up to you and just start quoting it I hate everything about it did you like Ali G when he was when he was out I think I remember it being quite funny at first in the way that most of those things when they kind of when they're making people say stupid shit you kind go, I can't believe he pranked that person. But it went a bit too far, a bit too quick.

When it started, there was a song and a film and everything, you know, I just like that sketch as part of the 11 o'clock show, wasn't it? And it kind of got a bit too big. And then, yeah, now I'm sort of revisiting that era now because like that new Borat film is out so i don't know if you include you grouping borat in the whole thing i really do okay you know they sent out i don't know if you know they sent out the borat pr people sent out an email to agents looking for comedians you would help with the promo to wear like a mankini so they'll send you a mankini and you take a neck down photo of you in a mankini and put it on your social media and help advertise the movie yeah i said they're not looking for comedians they're looking for clowns and it's highly fucking offensive that you would

even do that and then you go on instagram and you see some of your peers having done said fucking photo and helped promote this movie and you just wonder was that because of lockdown or are you just that hungry to be seen yeah yeah you know is that because you need the money or are you really just that hungry to be seen yeah it's a fair point yeah because i sort of i watched it the other night and i was like this hasn't it doesn't feel like it's aged well and i get the sort of now you know let's like take him into america and show up all the sort of prejudices and problems that we've got there and all that sort of thing it's like i don't you know i came away just thinking one i see all that you know

you see all that in the news all the time anyway it's not like it's new it's not like he's showing up kind of prejudices we didn't know were there so we're just seeing more of them and it's like i just feel more angry now because i'm just seeing these people and like like you know it's just another example of how the world's fucked you know i mean yeah yeah i'm at that point now where i'm barely watching the news because i just don't want to spend my day being angry i know it's shit out there yeah i still have to go out there so what you're doing is putting me in a position where i don't want to go out there and then when i can doing is putting me in a position where I don't want to go out there. And then when I can't pay my rent, you're not going to help me.

You're just going to look at me and say, well, why didn't you go out there into this wonderful, I mean, this horrible, scary world that we keep telling you not to go into. It's insane. It's actually insanity. It's insane. The news is supposed to, you know, give us information on what's happening in the country and around the world. But the news only scares us. Do you know what I mean information on what's happening in the country and around the world. But the news only scares us. Do you know what I mean?

Yeah, definitely. Definitely. All we learn is how to be angry by watching. Oh, hello, cat. Sorry, my cat's just decided to walk up the table. All we learn is how to be angry. I love that cats do that. It's always a cat as well.

It's never really a dog. It's always a cat. Normally, do you know what? I often sit on my bed and record this. And loads of people always pick cats as their worst animal, and he's always sleeping next to me as it happens. So, in fact, the reason I'm recording out here today is because he was asleep on the bed, and I hadn't made it yet,

and I was just like, I can't record here because you'll see what it looks like. So, anyway, some light relief, I suppose. He's interrupting us to sort of try and get us distracted i don't mind him interrupting us i'm not a cat hater i'm petrified of animals but i'm not a cat hater okay fair enough fair enough um so borat and ali so basically sort of the work of sasha baron cohen yeah i see yeah yeah anything yeah because i just thought because ali allergy was just like a piss take on my culture and, you know, things that happen in and around my culture

that society would deem anyway. So, yeah, I didn't really jump on it in the beginning and then it just became a whole thing. And the more it grew, the more my hatred grew for it as well. Do you know what I mean? And now anything attached to it, I'm just not here for. I think that makes total sense and um again like everything you say i keep coming back to jedward because i know they're gonna they'll be quoting it back at you a lot and doing the because even if like borat at one point i quite enjoyed but like what made it especially bad, I think, is like people doing Borat impressions is the most cringing, cringy thing.

That doing people doing bad Borat impressions just makes my skin crawl. And Jed would do that. Especially adult people. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So and I think they're going to get properly stuck in, I think so. I think I've definitely stuck all of the things that are really irritating bar maybe aloe vera

together this is what you're here for so you know you're doing really well so this is perfect okay if I could get off the island I'd then just throw a bomb on it yeah well that would that's fine I mean you know by that point I think people have stopped counting the corpses or whatever or whoever you've left there if you can swim out and get to the boat i think no one's going to be like checking they're going to trust you like is there anyone else there no no it's fine in fact it's overrun by um aliens you gotta fucking nuke it really like actually well it's a gaudy yeah yeah like you've got to bomb it and there was definitely no crew left alive no no no they're gone no aliens you see yeah fucking yeah i escaped um well look we're almost at the end but first um the island is overrun by the biggest dick of all the animals

which animal is it and why insects why the only reason why i put insects is because i feel like if we can hardly see you, what's the point? Do you know what I mean? Like, we have to see you in the thousands before you become a thing. If you won by yourself, it's hardly an issue. What's the point? Why were you made? What purpose do you serve?

Like, what real purpose do ants serve? Yeah, I don't know. I don't know what they... Do they, like they like help break stuff down that's what a lot of it is for isn't it it's just sort of breaking stuff down like decomposition but i don't really know if ants are they good for that i mean what's the point of them all they do is scare women spiders and bees and shit well some of us and some men and then you know half of the population kills them half of the population lets them live to scare again yeah what's the point because there's not many waste of all of my kitchen towel this point which is going to be scarce on the

island let's be honest yeah i mean i don't know we might have got a lockdown scare and gone tesco's and just bought all the fucking toilet roll yeah i haven't been't know we might have got a lockdown scare and gone tesco's and just bought all the fucking toilet roll yeah i haven't been to the supermarket yet since they announced the new lockdown god i hope people haven't gone mental again that was they have they started so when they when we were told that there was going to be an announcement they were they had already started setting up the queues outside tesco's and stuff so the day that the announcement was made the queues already started forming well look back to insects I think one of their problems is even if you don't have a big problem with insects is like none of them look that nice none of them look especially like nice enough to save like what have we got like a ladybird is nice looking a butterfly

a bee can look quite sort of, you know, they're kind of quite nice looking, you know, the big fat bees, they're kind of, they're nice looking. Oh my God,

they're the ones that I'd turn into you saying, oh, I'm off. I really, I was going to say, cause they're kind of big and fluffy and sort of lumber around a bit. I sort of, you know,

I mean, they're on the cuter scale of things. I think. Yeah. You can imagine the cartoon of them quite well, you know, but I mean, that's three and they're on the cuter scale of things, I think. Yeah. You can imagine a cartoon of them quite well, you know. But, I mean, that's three. And they're like, aren't they like, you know, one of the most numerous types of animal on the planet.

So, yeah, I think probably we could do without a lot of them. Yeah. There's no purpose to them. Somebody, if you're listening to this, tweet me. What is the purpose of a fucking ant what is the purpose why are they here and okay spiders i guess they're here to eat the ants i don't know what is the purpose well i guess spiders eat the flies and shit so i'm kind of with them on that but then they can also be quite scary as well can't they I mean

scary yeah you know especially the ones that can kill you so we don't want those so yeah I think spiders are like definitely like the prince edwards of the world they just sit in the corner and they don't sweat and they just stare at you and wait for the

opportune time to pounce usually when you're sleeping yeah i mean having an in the fucking corner yeah yeah being overrun by insects in the island is that's kind of the last you know like because everything you know like insects do this sort of thing of you know like when you have like a sibling or someone who's like touching you. What are you doing? I'm not touching you. It like keeps tapping your head.

Yeah. That's the insect's role. It's not me. Yeah. It's not me. It's not me. Stop hitting yourself. Why are you hitting yourself?

It's like that's what like flies basically do or like mosquitoes and stuff. So like you're basically adding that into the mix, that feeling of just kind of like, ah, stop it. So, yeah. Okay. Well, look look i think you've picked a brilliant uh island that's sure to drive you mad and that's the whole point of this whole exercise yeah so well done i was just thinking of all the things that irritate me and i tried not to think about it too much i just thought you know like when they do that game where they say i'm gonna say well i don't think about it first thing that comes to your mind yeah yeah so that's

what i did i was like fuck it just do it worst few people go fair enough i think you did a good job now um tanya as we speak it's the day before lockdown is about to start again so i imagine it's it's caused throwing a bit of a spanner into the works uh career wise and in terms of what you're doing and uh but you know where can people sort of keep up to date with with what you've been up to and that sort of thing? Well, I've I've been very lucky to have had some online gigs already and diaried in. So that stuff is still going ahead. Some of the live stuff that I was going to do, I've just been told, is now moving to online, which is all right. And I'm quite happy to do a Zoom gig here or there. I think it's definitely important for us to be able to still have something to look forward to and to, you know, get dressed for, even if it's just, you know, waist up.

So they can find me there. You can always go into my website, tanyamore.co.uk. You can find me on all of the social medias, you know, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, anything else. It doesn't even matter, does it? tanyamore.co.uk you can find me on all of the social medias you know facebook instagram twitter anything else doesn't even matter does it um i do have a linkedin but i don't know how to use it so feel free to add me but i don't do much over there but otherwise you will see me online and you'll see me popping up in different places hopefully i still get to record my episode of mock the week this month because it was always going to be a Zoomed audience anyway

and socially spaced. So I'm imagining we should still be able to do that. So, yeah, look out for Mock the Week. That should be fun. Nice. Otherwise, you can catch me at home for the foreseeable until Boris says otherwise. Nice one.

All right. Well, look, good luck with everything. And thank you very much for coming on desert island no thank you darling thank you