Desert Island Dicks - TIM RENKOW

Episode Date: July 17, 2020

Actor, writer and comedian Tim Renkow joins Dan to share whoa dn what he'd hate to be stuck with on a desert island. Be sure to follow the podcast @dickspod Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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host endorsements or run a reproduced ad like this one across thousands of shows to reach your target audience with Lipson Ads. Go to LipsonAds.com now. That's L-I-B-S-Y-N-Ads.com. Hi, I'm Dan from Desert Island Dicks. Today we've got comedian, writer and actor Tim Renko in an episode we recorded a little while ago, but that makes very little difference to anything except that we mention it being June a couple of times. But I reckon that with a bit of imagination, you can overlook this and just enjoy it like it was recorded yesterday. Tim wrote and starred in the comedy series Jerk and there's supposed to be a second series on the way, but this sodding pandemic has

delayed it but you can enjoy him being very funny in this podcast instead in the meantime and i think that jerk is probably on iplayer i should have checked this before i started recording this if you like this podcast remember there are loads of other episodes to listen to and some even feature other podcasts like when we had on the guys from Help I Sexted My Boss or the women from Drunk Women Solving Crime. They're both good and so are all the others so fill your podcast boots. Finally if you like this and haven't subscribed then please do because you'll never miss an episode and that's nice to know. One less thing to do eh? Right that's enough from me. Here's more of me but this time speaking to Tim Ranko on Desert Island Dicks.

Hi, I'm Dan Benedictus and welcome to Desert Island Dicks, the show that sees you marooned on a desert island after a plane crash with the worst people and worst things imaginable. Who they are and why they're a dick is up to our guest and here to share their Desert Island Dicks with us today is actor, writer and comedian Tim Renko. How you doing? Hello, I'm good. Thanks for having me. Anything to get away from the boredom that is quarantine is great. Yeah, I always think that perhaps for our guests on here, it's a constructive way of spending your time, even if it is spending a bit of time channeling your hate and rage. Yeah, well, before we started, you said we can get going so I can let you go. And I just thought to myself, yeah, but where do you think I need to be?

I can do this all day. I've got nothing else going on. Fair enough. Yeah, that's a good point. It's weird. Yeah, I find myself kind of getting impatient i'll be with my son out and about and i'm like come on hurry up and i'm thinking why am i telling you to hurry up there's nothing else to do you know yeah and how did you find the

process of uh making your choices for for the island i mean i'm a hateful, little, sad human being, so it was too easy. The only thing I minded was the limitation. Yeah. Cool. Okay, well, let's get straight into it. Who's going to be your first choice today? So, my first choice is very specific specific and i don't know his name but he's the guy that sold my cousin his pug okay so the breeder who sold your cousin his pug and i'm gonna get a lot of hate for this. I'm super against breeding pugs. Right, okay.

Because you're breeding something with health problems just because you think it's cute, which is a fucked up thing to do. Yeah, yeah. It's like I saw one in the park the other day and this person had a collection of I think there was two pugs and some other maybe a bulldog they obviously really enjoyed animals with like respiratory problems

and it was just sort of puffing and panting and wheezing and it's like just it's normal breath just sounded like it was about to die they just sound so painful yeah they make life so hard look so that's that's already strike one right and then strike two and three was it was like midwinter and his wife was waiting in the car. And he refused to get his wife out of the car. Well, they were selling the bugs and it took like two hours.

Right. Quite weird. Yeah, he was just a weird dude and like he like he kept he kept lying about whether or not the pug was purebred which like my my everyone in my family is a veterinarian. So, like, it was just, we were going to buy the dog anyway. So, like, why lie about it? Like, it was just a weird lie. And I, I don't want to be stuck on a desert island with anyone that willing to lie about something that obvious yeah and and i feel like being on a desert island with someone like this like you're gonna be going oh where's that

guy gone i need help with this firewood or something and he's just there trying to think of a new type of monkey that doesn't work quite as well. He can breed while he's there. What happens if we breed a monkey with an octopus? I mean, something terrifying, but I mean, you know, part of me is curious to see that, if I'm honest. Yeah, now I

absolutely want to see that. The only plus side would be he might bring pugs and they would be good food yeah yeah exactly yeah and easy to hunt down as well they can't go very fast yeah and you're kind of doing them a favor it's funny isn't it just the whole world of i always think if you watch crufts or something like that it's a real sort of lesson in what happens over thousands of years of men just getting bored, you know.

Yeah. Both the best and the worst things have come out of men being bored. Exactly. It's weird because some of the dogs, you think, OK, well, I get that because it looks relatively healthy. It's bigger and stronger than, you know, other breeds. So it can cope with adverse weather and it can sort of be strong. And then you get like the really crazy ones, like the pugs and things.

You're like, why did you want it this shape? There is no point. The craziest one is the French Bulldog because they can't even give birth by themselves. Oh, I've heard of this as well. I think Chihuahuas have it as well because they're too small to get a puppy out. And it seems like the first one you make, you find out it can't

give birth and you'd be like, oh, I fucked that up. I might as well try again. But they just stuck to their guns. Yeah. Is there anything I need to know about this dog? Well, yeah, if it gets pregnant,

you're going to have to give it a caesarean, but don't worry about that. They're all like that. But look how cute it is. It's so bizarre, isn't it? Yeah. That's why I think one of my favourite films is Best in Show. You know, it's like the sort of spinal tap about dog shows.

I love Best in Show. And it's just such a sort of a world that's just so ripe for just having the piss taken. Yeah. It's like the type of people that breed dogs are the type of people that make me not want to be an anarchist. Because the only thing stopping them from doing that to humans is society. Yeah. Yeah. I wonder what if I just tweaked that a little.

They must be just be looking around going, yeah, that person's all right. I wonder if I could just dial up this aspect of them a little bit. Could he just look a little more like a pug? Yeah, it's a freaky thing, isn't it? And also, I feel like there's an inherent contradiction, isn't it? Like you said, they obviously love animals because they want to be surrounded by them all the time. But then they're sort of fucking them up as well. It's like this really weird, like, I love you so much.

I can never let you go. You know, it's like one of those weird people who loves you, but they're killing you slowly by not letting you leave the house, isn't it? It's like Lenny from My Son, Man. Yeah. Just hugging the bunny. Yeah, it's such a bizarre world. And how is, I mean, is your brother happy with the pug? He hasn't had to sort of have any more dealings with this guy.

Yeah, my cousin loves the pug, so it's all good. I mean, it's kind of good. The pug keeps almost popping out its eyeball. Wow. Do you know they do that? No. They're so infrared that sometimes their eyeballs just pop out. Wow.

Oh, my God. How do you even pop it back in? You just go... It's like jelly. Yeah. Yeah. So I think the thing, because the little guy keeps running into walls and, like, really hurting his eye.

Oh, man, it's so cruel. And somebody looked at it and went worth it it's such a bizarre idea i mean it was anyway but now i'm really examining the idea it's just more and more bizarre okay well that person is joining you on the island i mean that's a you've made a very fair case for that um who's going to be your next choice so my next choice is super petty and probably too specific because it's of this internet world where we all get targeted at but it's anyone that has done an ad for um squarespace yeah just because they are to a man the most useless people i can think of it's such a ubiquitous thing isn't it almost like the only good thing about the amount of Squarespace ads

is that my brain doesn't register them anymore. It's like sort of pylons in the field. I don't notice them. There's so many. Oh, you're so lucky. Because the latest batch, which is the batch I'm talking about, is these people talking about how much Squarespace helped their business, which is fine, except their businesses are all, like,

custom flower arrangers that they call themselves flower artists. Which is like, you're not that. You put flowers in a pot. Yeah. And also, it's the idea that having a website wouldn't be one of the first things you thought about in 2020 when you started a business.

I was running a business, but now I've got a website. It's not like 1996. Yeah. So I feel like the other people would do one thing, like collect one piece of firewood and then brag about how much work they did yeah yeah exactly i think i mean i should be careful because there might even be a squarespace advert popping up on this podcast i don't know i haven't listened back um yeah it's it's there's a particular sort of podcast.

I mean, because they're basically like radio ads, aren't they? Which are the worst type of advertising. I'm specifically talking about the YouTube ads. The ones I don't like. I don't mind the ones where their podcast just goes, Use Christmas. Like, that's fine, but the YouTube ads,

they're just so proud of being so pointless. Yeah. I think it's a weird thing, the YouTube advert, because they're sort of, it feels like they're even less well put together than the tv

adverts like there's one for the other one i always get to get squarespace i get grammerly a lot do you get one for oh yeah and they always go if you write all day and every day if that's your job you need grammarly to help you check it so if you write all day you should probably be okay without a big piece of software checking all your answers yeah i i saw a grimly one that where the lady was like i'm a writer and i use grimly and it's like maybe you shouldn't be a writer then yeah it's like surely you should get this by now it's like somebody be like i'm a basketball player that's why I use a robot is that right?

no it's always quite niche annoying sorts of businesses though you're right it's kind of like someone with a pretentious pop up coffee bar on a cart sort of thing isn't it? have you read Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy?

yeah you know the part where that one planet puts all of the useless jobs on a spaceship yeah and they're all sort of telephone sanitizers yeah that's what it always reminds me of also the sort of jobs they advertise on squarespace the sort of people that are saying oh you know i'm like he's a floral artist or like whatever they're always the sort of people that probably started off as graphic designers and uh advertisers and then got sick of it so they oh you know what i'd really like to be a florist instead so i'm gonna quit my job and do that and be do something a bit more interesting so they probably know how to do a website already. Yeah, I know. Yeah, because it's like, there's nothing wrong

with being a florist. But there is something wrong with calling yourself a floral artist. Yeah, yeah. And I don't really know what the difference is, but I know there's a difference. Well, I think there's still,

you know, like, if I paint the walls of my flat, I'm not an artist, I'm painting, you know, and it's like with flowers, unless you're sort of creating art from the flowers, which they're not, they are just making bouquets for, you know, weddings and funerals and things. You are still a florist and there's nothing wrong with that. But you're inviting us to rip you to pieces,

if you call yourself something like that. I think that's a good choice so all the sort of people that appear on the squarespace ads i feel like they'd mesh quite well with the pug breeder yeah it's a similar niche kind of thing isn't it yeah yeah i definitely have a type and then they're yeah they're together on the island i imagine they'd be very bad at focusing on the bigger picture like survival and firewood and things like that yeah i think it's a very good choice as well um and who will be joining them who's rounding out the group the third choice so don't get mad at me but because i i was thinking about the premise of the show, which is dicks. And, like, who's the biggest dick?

And I thought, like, okay, so... The biggest dick is anyone that condemns somebody to die on a desert island just because they're annoying. That is fair. So it's anyone that's been on this podcast. Including me. Well, yeah.

I mean, I can't sit here every week slinging mug at people and not expect any comebacks. I think it's fair. I do believe that we're doing society a favour by getting rid of these people, but it doesn't mean we're not dicks. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I suppose as a vague caveat for my actions,

I would say we're saying who would be bad if you if you crashed with people, who would be the worst people to be stuck from? I mean, it's not like quite an Alcatraz. I mean, it'll end up like Alcatraz. Yeah, because I know a lot of people say like Piers Morgan. Yeah. And I always feel like Piers Morgan is breaking the rules a little. Because, like, if you take somebody that bad away, you're doing the world a favor. So it kind of shouldn't count.

Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah. I mean, I suppose that's why this podcast does okay because you know the world's so willing to sort of hate and give opinions and people we don't like so you know it's a super fun podcast i listen to it like every week yeah yeah i mean there is a flaw i think you know we i have talked with james who originally started the podcast about trying to do a spin-off of like a sort of a positive version but we never really get that far with it because no one wants to hear about nice people being nice yeah yeah it would be i mean i guess that's just a fanzine or something really or a fan club you know yeah yeah the thing is that means it's going to be a

very busy island so we're going to have basically everyone on it but i think it's going to be i mean there'll be fewer people than episodes just because the pierce morgan has been on it a lot so you know you will probably have several versions of him how often has pierce morgan been on the island i don't know it's multiple times though and does he know no i'm so worried that one day someone's going to tell him and then we're going to get embroiled in some back and forth twitter thing you should get smorgasbord on yeah maybe maybe it was probably just come down to me being a bit scared of it all but he'd love it i think he's someone who i genuinely think would find it a compliment if you told him that he's the most picked oh great i've been antagonizing people yeah i i think he

knows he's still feeling and he's okay with it yeah so i'm sort of slightly on the back foot now i'm thinking what what else can i say about uh all of us being on the island i mean i suppose eventually it could work out all right, but, I mean, there's a lot of particular types of people on there, so I think it's going to be a bit of a car crash, or a plane crash, rather. How big is this island? I don't know.

I mean, I'm going for this sort of traditional image of a desert island. Like, if you walked around, you could probably circle it in, like, let's say, 20 minutes, half an hour, that kind of... So we're, like, cheek to cheek. Yeah. So, I mean, I feel like cannibalism is going to happen quickly.

Yeah. I mean, Tony Law the other week put on Stalin and Himmler, so there's some heavyweights in there. I was thinking of Stalin, but then... I don't know. I'd be too afraid. He does sound terrifying. I mean, anyone who's sort of presided over the murder of millions is, you know, a fairly scary figure. But I think he seems like other dictators feel like

they wouldn't actually say it to your face, whereas he seems like he would be happy punching you in the face and then sending all your family to a camp because like like dictators like they always look like they need an army he doesn't look like he needs an army yeah yeah he's a solid guy just Just, yeah. Well, I mean, you're welcome to ask him because we're all going to be on the island together now. Yeah. And how do you think you'd find that? I mean, do you reckon it'd be easier

having loads of people on the island than just a few? I mean, I'm actually super... I hate crowds. So it would be awful. And they always say, hell is other people. Yeah, yeah. Fair enough. Uh, I hate crowds, so it would be awful. And they always say, hell is other people. Yeah, yeah. Fair enough.

You're a podcast listener, and this is a podcast ad. Reach great listeners like yourself with podcast advertising from Lips and Ads. Choose from hundreds of top podcasts offering host endorsements, or run a reproduced ad like this one across thousands of shows to reach your target audience with Lips and Ads. Go to lipsandads.com now. That's L-I-B-S-Y-N ads.com. Now, Tim, mercifully amongst the wreckage of the plane, there was some food and drink left over. Unfortunately for you, it's your least favourite food and drink in the world. What are they and why are they so bad so the first one is my least favorite food is

avocado okay well my actual least favorite food is fish but i figured there'll be fish on the island anyway yeah we're throwing them in for you. Yeah, avocado because have you seen the Peter Jackson movie Bad Taste? No, I haven't. So he started in like B-horror movies. They were great. They were really good and fun. So this one is about like aliens that attack

Earth. And there's a scene where they all vomit into a bowl and then make somebody eat it. I watched it as I also watched my sister eating avocado next to me.

And they looked the same and ever since then i cannot do avocado well you've got you've got like a whole uh backstory for it i think it's yeah it's fair i thought it was going to be just the you know the hipster appropriation of avocados. No, no, no. It looks like alien vomit. Fair enough. That would make it unpalatable. I mean, I feel like it's... Avocado, I do enjoy it. I like...

I'm pretty middle class like that, you know, I like all those kind of things. But it feels such a socially loaded food now, doesn't it? Yeah, and I don't feel like it deserves that much social loading. No. Like, it's a perfectly innocent food. It's not, it's fought assholes like it, you know? It's sort of, even though it is just a vegetable or maybe a fruit even i don't know

it's like people seem so proud of themselves with it it's like you'll see people on instagram and it's a picture of avocado on toast and you're like it's you've just put something on bread what the fuck it's literally the easiest thing to make yeah it's like you've scooped it out and you've put it on toast and what i don't or like even sometimes i've seen people posting pictures of avocado on toast in a cafe and it's like see someone else even scooped it out and put it on bread for you like what the fuck is wrong with you and you know it's one of those things where i enjoy them but increasingly i hate myself when I see my... I'm putting them in the trolley going,

oh, God, I'm unbearable. Well, maybe you should just eat it wearing a blindfold. Yeah. Maybe I should eat it wearing a blindfold. Yeah, maybe that's the thing. The thing is, you couldn't really sneak it into someone's food because it's so obvious, you know, it's so bright green. You know it's there because it's so obvious you know it's so bright green you know you know it's there that's the thing it's like it's pretty i get it you know i get why people

like it it just looks like alien vomit also they're a pain in the ass because they're quite expensive for what they are but also they're one of those things like pears where they've got such a finite window of operation. You know, they'll be too hard for ages. If you open one when it's too hard, you can't eat it because it's not very nice. And then you can't leave it to go softer because it just goes all brown. It's like there's this real like fine line with them. So you can just buy them and you most of the time you end up wasting half of them yeah maybe that's why people are taking pictures

of them all the time you're like i fucking did it i got it right yeah i got the window it does seem like you you know how in victorian england they used to put put bananas on the windowsill to show off. They bought a banana. That's what avocado feels like now. Yes, you're absolutely right. Yeah, it's a status thing, isn't it? Yeah. I think a few years ago in LA was having those big droughts.

Also, California was having the big droughts. And was it Tom Selleck got in trouble because he'd been using too much water because he's got an avocado farm? That's just at the top of the privilege pyramid, isn't it? That is the most privileged sentence. Getting in trouble for using everyone's water on your avocado farm that you don't need because you're already a millionaire, but it's just an affectation.

Yeah, that's so good. That's so good. So, avocados, your food, what would you wash it down with? What's your drink choice? So, this is gross. Like, I was thinking semen. Yep, that would be a bad drink. Because I was trying to think of a drink that was salty.

Yeah. And that's the only liquid that was salty I could think of. I mean, yeah. I suppose, I mean, we're going to have to put drink in inverted commas for this one. I mean, you would get your protein. That'd be good. Oh, God. I think already, without checking,

I can tell you that this is the worst drink suggestion we've ever had on the podcast. I'm sure you haven't had it before. I think someone suggested it, but maybe gone back on it afterwards. I'd have to check, but I don't had it before. I think someone suggested it, but maybe gone back on it afterwards. I'd have to check, but I don't know. Certainly my tenure of doing this podcast, I don't think I've had it. My decision was purely based on salt content on a desert island.

I mean, it still works as the worst drink you could possibly have on a desert island. I mean, it's ticking that box as well as being very salty yeah i don't know maybe the plane was like carrying semen to a um clinic or something i think also i mean if you're stuck on a desert island with all these awful people probably having a wank is one of your last few pleasures. But if it then comes loaded with all the other associations of having to do it to survive and also having to drink it afterwards, then you're not even going to enjoy having a wank, are you? You know, at least you'll be recycling. Like, isn't that the ultimate, recycling?

Yeah, yeah, just a horrible vicious cycle i'm running out of things to say on it because it's painting such a picture yeah i mean it's one of those that just doesn't need to be explained i think we can all draw our own pictures of it okay well i'll move on fortunately you won't be without entertainment on the island the planes entertainment system continues to work but just your luck it only has two working settings one is your least favorite film of all time and the other is your least favorite song what are they and why so i didn't because i i love film i have films i hate but i can re-watch and then films that i like but i never want to watch again and so i chose the new and i didn't finish this the film i would at least want to be stuck with forever would be the new jeffrey f scene documentary okay is it on netflix yeah and it's just

awful yeah i think i saw that pop up and it was one of those where you go, oh, this would be interesting, but I'm not in the mood for that. Yeah, no. It's just a bunch of victimised people talking about something horrible that was done to them for like six hours.

Oh, man. And you're like, I don't want to be stuck on it as well. No, because even the worst films, you know, like oh man and you're like I don't want to be stuck on it it's really bad no no because even the worst films you know like I don't know

whether you say whatever like Love Actually or something like that at least you know there is a storyline and there is

something that you could vaguely or you could sort of get angry about it and have a laugh yeah or you could like just listen

to the music yeah or something with the Jeffrey Ep to the music yeah something with the jeffrey epstein documentary you can't sort of take the piss out of anyone because they've all been through something awful you can't go oh that one's a bit but oh no sorry fair enough fair enough and also because there's so many objectionable dicks on the island with you already there's bound to be someone who sticks up for him or defends him or something you're gonna get in a row with them yeah yeah it's weird things like that because i love documentaries but occasionally even though you really want to sort of find you know like the michael jackson documentary or there's ones oh what other there's one about uh bickram hot hot yoga i wanted to see because

apparently the guy who started that is a real douchebag yeah but um I think we're just in a culture where there's so many bad stories all the time to then sort of invite it into your home of your you know at the end of the day when you finished watching the news you're like oh just I need something stupid because I yeah because I was when you asked the question i was thinking about the that documentary and i was like i'm very glad it's getting made i don't want to watch it yeah yeah because yeah i suppose part of the the nice thing about these things getting made well not the nice thing but the good thing about these things getting made is more people learn about the story and the truth. But yeah, you have to be... It's hard because it's a fucking hard watch.

Yeah. I made it halfway through one episode and I was like, nah. Yeah, that's the thing. And they're two-parters now, aren't they? Like that and like the Michael Jackson one. You think, whoa, like this is heavy. I was mad because my fiance made me watch

Michael Jackson one and I always thought he was guilty because innocent people don't dance on cars. So I was like, I don't want to watch this. I know.

You don't have to convince me oh fair enough yeah yeah it's that's gonna be a very tough watch and actually as well i suppose what you really want to know is the sort of you know around his death and what happened there and that's the sort of bit you're never really going to find out about that's the bit that's kind of the really juicy stuff yeah yeah yeah no that's why i started watching it because that's what i wanted to know about fair play and uh what would you what's the worst song oh how old's your kid oh he's three you might know this song is a song called johnny johnny yes papa, yeah, I do, yeah. I think it's more of an American nursery rhyme because I think it's generally on the more American cartoons it features.

Yeah, I guess so. I had never heard it before. But when I was filming my TV series, Joke, the sharing that Ruth was obsessed with the Baby Shark song. Yeah. So I was like, I'll look it up. And I got into this YouTube

haul of, like, little kid songs, because they are the most insane thing you've ever watched and then Johnny Johnny Yes Papa just does not stop

yeah it's dreadful it's so bad it's um yeah because how does it go it says something like Johnny Johnny Yes Papa eating sweets no papa telling lies

and then it says something like show me your mouth Eating sweets? No, Papa. Telling lies? No, Papa. And then it says something like... Show me your mouth. Yeah, and they just go, ha, ha, ha. Oh, so you were like... Also, that's just not the correct response to dealing with your child life. You know, you don't just laugh it off. You go, well, you do have sweets in your mouth, don't you?

I told you, not now, before dinner. So I just think from a parenting sort of point of view yeah it's not good no it's such a bad song that i i have a friend in new york that for some reason we just got obsessed with it because it kept getting stuck in our heads. And I called him up like last... Like, we got into something like two years ago and I called him up last week for the first time in a year. And the first thing he said to me was,

Fuck you, Tim, you made me think of the song. They do, they just you know you always get the shit song stuck in your head it's like our body's own self-destruct thing isn't it so like I'll always get adverts stuck in my head or or like these songs that my son likes and what's bad is if it gets rooted in your head all day and then you're doing something really stressful or like you're having a sort of he's kicking off and you're trying to calm him down you're just having a really shit day and you've got this weird little like childish song in your head and it really makes you feel like you're losing it yeah if i go on a murder spree that's the rhythm i'm gonna do it too yeah yeah or it'll be like your catchphrase you know

sometimes like villains will kind of pick up a catchphrase from like an old kid's thing the cop will have you cornered and be like johnny and you'll turn around with your mask on yes papa yeah it's i feel it's so conflicting as well because sometimes you know there's certain things that he loves to watch with a song in and i'll just try everything i can to make him forget about it and suggest other things but then at the end of the day like that's his music you know that's what he likes whereas like you know there's probably some music i play that he's not into and you know you always sort of go now share you know now there's probably some music I play that he's not into. And, you know, you always sort of go, now Cher,

now it's your turn to do this, now it's my turn to do that. And you're like, oh, God, yeah, it's your tunes, isn't it? I mean, that's what you're into. He just loves them. What's his favourite? He's a big Wheels on the Bus fan. But there's this one recently, he's, for some reason, even though we're in, you know, it's June as we're recording this. Yeah.

He's got really interested in Halloween songs. And there's this awful, like, hour-long video on YouTube of these skeletons dancing. But it's the same song over and over and over again for an hour. And it just varies, varies slightly. And he can watch that for the full hour if we don't stop him and intervene. And that really gets stuck in your head. It's like, oh God, I can't remember it now. And I don't want to because that's me for the rest of the day if I do.

But I think there's a lot of studios somewhere just knocking out these really long videos on YouTube with these variations on awful songs. Yeah, because I heard, because i got pretty interested in it and what i found is it's actually like a lot of the kids stuff is just a self-run animation program that has like has songs in it and then it just makes a random cartoon. Yeah. There's some really surreal stuff on there and it's the sort of thing like if you're not paying attention

because I'm always aware people keep telling me like oh you've got to be really careful on YouTube because some of these videos are really dodgy. There's videos that are made by some dodgy bastards who like they look like a kid's video and then something really dark happens in the middle. And sometimes I'll come back I'll be in the kitchen i'm just sorting something out and i come in the room he's watching something that's so bizarre i'm like wait this isn't one of those

videos where suddenly everyone's covered in syringes or something and then and then i realize it's just fucking weird a weird video that is safe but but just strange. I like it. I think it's good to introduce your kids to strange. Yeah, well, they've got... Their brain just kind of soaks it all up, really. We're sitting there, me and my wife are just going, what the f... What is this? And he's just lapping it up, like, it's not strange.

Yeah. I guess their grip on reality is so strange anyway, so sort of flimsy that they can deal with it i've often thought about like how crazy it must be not do you know what's real yeah he was convinced this morning he was really annoyed that he didn't have a specific soft toy in his bed because he said he slept with it all night and it wasn't there in the morning i just realized he just dreamt that and he was and it took quite a long time to persuade him yeah great you don't really know the boundaries yet it's freaky that is so cute it's quite with no

he was being pretty accusatory about it he was like you've taken this i mean i don't it it's in the living room yeah that's i mean the human mind is a crazy thing yeah definitely okay so um johnny johnny yes papa is your song yeah i think it's an excellent choice just because it will just absolutely like we said absolutely yeah it's that mad tinge to the island i think it pairs well with semen. And finally, Tim, the island is overrun by the biggest dick of all the animals. Which animal is it and why? So, I love animals. This one was super hard.

It was like humans. And then I thought there was a carve- a cop out so i went with pandas they don't even want to be like they don't need they can't even be bothered to keep their own species going it's a weird situation we've got with pandas isn't it it's like because i don't know it's hard to sort of see them as malevolent because they look so cuddly but they're sort of they just don't give a fuck yeah i don't think they're malevolent i think they're just lazy yeah like i i don't know if you know this but i heard they're not actually designed to eat bamboo i've heard this aren't they supposed to be carnivorous yeah and they just decided to eat

bamboo it's strange isn't it because you think if a species dies out you think what's the cause of that like dinosaurs meteorite humans, all manner of potential things. But, you know, it's usually like with pandas, it would just be like, just couldn't be arsed. They just didn't want to be here. Like there's no great disease like killing them off. There's not like, I don't think it's about habitat or anything even, is it? It's just they can't be bothered they can't be up which i mean it's their choice and i'll back them up but i don't want to be stuck on the discipline with one no i mean i kind of admire them in a way

because you know they're just like yeah whatever it's like the kid at school who was really good at sport but just wasn't interested you know they're just like oh no i'm just happy it's fine just whatever it's impressive yeah yeah it's like the closest thing to a species reaching nirvana yeah yeah maybe that's it it's like they're all gonna die out and just be on some higher plane but like so i don't mind them but i feel like if you were on a desert island you don't want to be stuck with anything that that's that is that cool yeah you know yeah i think as well like with other animals you might get stuck with, you could maybe form a bond.

There'd still be a part of you that's like, I feel like I can't just let it die. I need to sort of intervene. And with a panda, it's so difficult and so specific than everything that you have to do. Yeah. I don't, I mean, are they, because they're supposed to eat meat, can they be dangerous, do you think, if you're too close to them?

I mean, I'm sure they could be. They're huge. But I think they just don't care. I am going to Google panda attacks as soon as this is over. Yeah, I think they'd be quite dangerous because if you saw someone being attacked by a panda, you'd just think it was one of their mates in a costume messing around so you'd never try and save them yeah that's the trouble they look too cuddly they're so cuddly and sometimes you can see those videos of like if you i tried to look up pandas recently for my son and uh there's lots

of videos of zookeepers in china just sort of messing around with them and like they do just seem quite fun. But in between all the fun, they're not putting in the hard work. No, they don't. Keeping the species going. They don't. Yeah. If you're not going to work hard, you're not allowed to play hard.

I saw a thing that said it was about panda captivity. And apparently every panda is owned by the Chinese government. But if you see a panda in a zoo outside of China, they're leased. They have to pay like 30 grand a year or something. Or no, more, I think, because they're so valuable in terms of attracting visitors. That's so interesting. So they're all just leased out. And so if you were on the island with a panda you're probably going to be racking up a lot of debt at the same time if you ever were rescued and

that's a good point so yeah you finally get off the island and there's just some chinese guy coming give me my money now yeah yeah exactly you just marched away with a huge bill yeah cool well good choice um tim thank you very much for for coming on and doing all your choices today um now obviously as we record this is the beginning of june we don't really know what's happening with lockdown but where can people sort of hear or see more from you? I'm on Twitter and Facebook and Instagram at Tim Rinker Comedy. Ah, what else? All my exciting stuff has kind of been postponed.

Because you had a second series in the works, is that right? Yeah, and so it was supposed to be filmed in May. But that did not happen. So that's been pushed back. Okay. Well, watch this space. Yeah, just follow me on stuff. Cool.

Well, Tim, thank you again very much for coming on today it's been a pleasure thanks for having me