Desert Island Dicks - TOM KERRIDGE

Episode Date: May 23, 2021

Dan is joined by the wonderful chef Tom Kerridge to discuss the worst people and things to be stuck with on a desert island, as well as insightful conversational morsels such as what parts of him a polar bear would most like to enjoy eating, and much more besides. So stop reading this and get stuck right in. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hi, I'm Dan from Desert Island Dicks. This episode features the wonderful Tom Kerridge. He's got a book out this week called Outdoor Cooking, the Ultimate Modern Barbecue Bible, and he was an absolute joy to speak to. Also, I'm fairly certain he's the first guest we've had that's been on both Desert Island Dicks and also Desert Island Discs, so he's a member of a pretty exclusive club. We recorded this back in April and at the time I was a bit ill which is why my voice sounds a bit croaky and pubescent at times but you know I'm fine now so thanks for asking. Regular listeners will have noticed that things have been a bit quiet at Camp Dicks recently and there haven't been the usual regular episodes of Desert Island

Dicks and Compact Dicks thrown at you every week and that's basically because things have just been a bit crazy here. I mentioned before in the podcast that earlier this year our son was born six weeks early which is all a bit crazy though fortunately he's fine now but almost as soon as we got him home my mum went into hospital and she's been there for the last couple of months with various things wrong with her so that's been pretty stressful. Also me and James who I host this with are both moving house in the next couple of months all things being well so that's another thing to deal with now the reason i'm going into all of this is that after this episode we're going to take a little pause for a bit and then we're

going to come back with a new series because although we love doing this weekly and getting loads of episodes out for you all regularly we think this will be a bit more manageable and we'll have more time to find some shit hot guests to amuse you in the future but we are going to be back as soon as we can and make sure the wait is worth your while and in the meantime there are loads of episodes in our back catalogue for you to enjoy so please do dip your arm in have a rummage amongst the dicks and pull yourself out a corker and do feel free to go and leave us a nice rating and a review if only out of pity and make sure you're subscribed to the podcast and then you'll be the first to know when we're back again okay enough from me here's desert island dicks with tom carriage and we'll be back in a bit. Hi I'm Dan Benedictus and welcome to Desert

Island Dicks the show that sees you marooned on a desert island after a plane crash with the worst people and worst things imaginable. Who they are and why they're a dick is up to our guest. And here to share their desert island dicks with us today is chef, restaurateur, and he's also got a new book out, Tom Kerridge. How are you doing? I'm very well, thank you, my friend. I'm looking forward to being marooned on an island. Or maybe I'm not. I'm not quite sure which one. Well, I mean, I guess how bad it is sort of depends on your choices

that we're going to find out. So yeah, it's up to you, I guess. But it might be quite ropey then, it may be quite ropey. Yeah, yeah, exactly. What sort of mood are you in today? How do we find you today? I'm good.

I've got to be honest, I'm normally pretty, I'm normally, it doesn't fluctuate too much. It's fairly, it's fairly standardly, I would say pretty much sits around 85% positivity. Okay. Yeah. Cause I mean, obviously we've not met before. There's sort of the vibe we get from you, you know, I've seen you on telly and things like that. You seem a very upbeat person. So was it difficult choosing a list of people and things that you hate no quite simply no I mean I'm always quite good at being up um yeah I have I genuinely wake up in

normally a good space pretty much every day um but yeah no I don't really dislike too many people I like people but that I have there are certain people that that or there are certain traits about people that's more like where i was looking with this is traits about people that i'm not always biggest fans of so that's it so it's and then you've got to find someone that fits into that and that was that was some of them were easier than others okay well i'm very interested to hear uh what we going to get. So let's get straight into it. Who's going to be the first person joining you on the island today? Well, to be honest, it was politicians, right?

And it's not that they're not important and it's not that politics aren't important. I just get so fed up of talking and listening to sentences that go round and round in circles that have never answered a question. And it drives me absolutely nuts. And this isn't a political statement. It could be from any party and it could be because they're all guilty of it. However, the one that I think is probably the worst, and it was a toss up between Matt Hancock and Gavin Williamson. But I'm going to go with Gavin Williamson because he's just, I just, I mean, it's almost toe cringingly, curlingly, embarrassingly, the way that politicians behave or talk on.

And it's been quite a weird thing during this pandemic, the whole, because all of our lives, comed chefs restauranteurs musicians actors and like just like everybody's life has suddenly become run by politicians so all of a sudden people whose jobs were kind of existing to how you run your life and how you make your life but you're still making those decisions you get on with. And the decisions that politicians might make kind of half affect your life when they do and you vote for a particular reason in a particular way.

But then all of a sudden this pandemic has put politicians at the forefront of everybody's decision-making about everybody's life. And it's kind of exposed them for how, I mean, how ultra-pathetic a load of them are, how not straight-talking, how not honest they are, how all over the place they are,

and why they won't ever answer a straight question drives me absolutely nuts. Yeah, because I guess, as you say, in a lot of life, when things are just ticking along, there's always some kind of crisis, but not on this scale. So it's quite easy to generally bluff your way through stuff a lot of the time and it's like well that'll just you know get it'll get sorted out later whereas now it's like you haven't got answers and and this is unprecedented and you know now you do need to give a concrete answer and not just sit on the fence about stuff

100 you know it's like in a war or something. Well, that's it, exactly. And I think politicians would be just massively exposed because quite often you could go with, you know, we are looking for answers and honesty and we're looking for straight-talking decision-making and quite often it never happens. And I do get, I don't envy any of them. Like, you know, I don't envy this government in any way in terms of what they've had to face this year, like, you know, in terms of their decision making.

But you hear it said so many times. Yeah. But, you know, you know, it's been very, very difficult for this government. Yeah. But that still doesn't excuse them being rubbish at their job, does it? I mean, you could still be I know it's a really difficult thing but if you're rubbish at your job but now we've just found rubbish people in charge of things where we need really good people we need solid decision makers and you know to oversee and i've picked on gavin williamson just solely because you know the way that i think the education system has been dealt with it it's it's not the health thing because you could always pick on that and matt hancock has had a very difficult he's talking about people's lives you know we're talking about you know health we're talking about life and death right and decision making he's making gavin williamson is talking

about he's having to deal with um students gcses he's talking about you know kids educations and he and it just seems that he's got so much of it wrong and then there's never been a straight talking answer to getting it right or admitting that they've got so much of it wrong. And then there's never been a straight talking answer to getting it right or admitting that they've got it wrong. Those are the things that drive me absolutely nuts. So it could be a generalisation of any politician that doesn't answer questions in a straight and honest manner. Or I've just,

I've just picked on Gavin Williams because I just find him. I think he's probably the worst. Yeah. I mean, as you say stiff competition um yeah it's a weird thing with politicians isn't it because most things it's like right you want to do this job you need to do training for it like you know you want to work in a restaurant you know whether front of house or cooking or whatever you know you need to do the appropriate training so you have the skills whereas being a politician it's like you sort of want to be a politician and then they'll put you in charge of something massive that you've got no expertise in it's like all right uh gavin well now you're going to be in charge of education i know it was something else before but this year you're going

to be in charge of this huge thing with massive consequences that you've got no idea about you're like and why should you because you were doing something else last year and you never trained for this. It's just such a crazy way of living, isn't it? It's absolutely bizarre, isn't it? I find the whole thing ludicrous and ridiculous. I know we then rely on the civil service to get it all right and for them to direct the politicians in the correct manner,

in the right way, and helping them with their decision-making. But it does sound, like you say, it's absolutely ridiculous. Gavin Williamson has not been a headteacher or a university lecturer or principal, but all of a sudden he's found himself in charge of them all. It is absolutely bonkers. It's like saying to me,

you're now in charge of Heathrow Airport this year. It's like, what? I mean, how would that ever happen? But it does. Yeah. Well, I mean, the food quality has obviously gone up, but the planes are very late. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. They're taking off in the wrong direction. No one knows where they're going. But everyone's having a lovely meal. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, I mean, you know know you said you're quite an upbeat person how would you feel about being stuck on an island then with gavin williamson i mean do you think would you are

you the sort of person that would snap when he's just going around in circles or sort of bigging himself up for things that he didn't really achieve yeah there would come a point where i go look mate you just got you just have to be on it the one do you know what the one thing and this is what makes hospitality such a beautiful industry to work in. And it's brilliant because you can't blag your way. You can't pretend, you know, you're either, you learn your trade and you get better at it. And the same as, you know, customers and guests that come in the restaurant, they're now educated. They understand food. People know what they want. They watch cookery programs. They read magazines. They do whatever. They cook themselves loads at at home so people have an understanding of how to get to a process and people like good

service and you can't pretend to be something else and there's no excuse there's nowhere to hide and there's no you know so you've got the one thing about the hospitality industry it's always full of like really straight talking honest um doers people that get things done. And so in the end, if you weren't honest and straight, and this is the biggest thing, right? I don't think many people in this country would mind if politicians went, yeah, I proper got this wrong here. Like, I'm really sorry. This is what we've learned from this

and we're going to move on from it. Do you know what I mean? But they don't. They never admit they're wrong. What they constantly do is just try and swerve it and try and blame something else or do something. But that doesn't wash anymore, I don't think, with us. We like honesty.

We like direct. We like a direct. Because you can always forgive somebody if they go, do you know what? I really got this wrong. We learned from it. And next time we're going to do this or we're going to move on. And that's where I think the difference between hospitality industry and politicians are.

Maybe that's the difference between not just everybody and politicians. Yeah, I mean, it definitely seems to be quite a standout trait. And I suppose, yeah, obviously it isn't an easy job, but I think if you just suspected that they cared a bit either way, you know, and just went, you know, yeah, I dropped the ball, I'm really sorry, but just sort of going, oh, no, I don't agree at all that it was a failure, you know. And it's like, well, you know, I know the media spin things a bit,

but we've got a rough idea of how this went down, you know. Yeah, yeah, we can see it with our own eyes i mean yeah you may not be calling it a vaccine passport changing the word passport to certificate still we can see through this we're not that stupid yeah exactly exactly fair enough okay so that's uh that's one person you're stuck with on the island and uh who who's going to be the next person joining you all right so i'm not so i've always but i i went to a school where it was full of like naughty boys and i liked hanging around with the naughty boys and it was a good laugh and i like people that are a little bit extreme um and don't really live by the rules and just do kind of what they want their

their moral compass is in the correct place but don't always conform to society and get they get on doing their doing their own route going going their own way dressing how they want saying what they want doing what they want as long as it's not harming anybody else or being you know so i like people to break the rules and stretch the boundaries and do stuff i like hanging around with that so somebody who's the complete opposite of that if i could i couldn't think of anybody worse to spend time with than um so you're probably you might be able to you know he-man like the car so like prince adam before he's he-man has to be the dullest most square most boring person to spend any time with there that man is a fun sponge. Like everything about him is,

I couldn't think of anything more dull than hanging out with Prince Adam from He-Man. That's definitely the first time he's been chosen on here. So I think that's a very good choice. Yeah, I can't even really remember him that much. And I loved him when I was young. I love watching He-Man and stuff, but he is just a kind of a very normal

do-goody prince isn't he oh mate he's just so dull he's just the most like you know stay between the lines do the right thing always be nice never like you know never have a cigarette never

have a drink never do like never do anything that's any fun ever, and you'll never, ever get told off. And it's just like, I mean, it's so mind-numbingly, like the idea of spending, like, you know, all right, two minutes with him and you walk away going, yeah, he's a really lovely, pleasant bloke. I wouldn't want to be stuck on an island with him.

And that's the first thing that would be in my head. So now I'm stuck on an island with him how and that's the first thing that'd be in my head so now i'm stuck on an island with him like prince adam from him before he's now he man would be a different thing maybe maybe if we could create chaos and mayhem somewhere that he'd have to turn into he man like i don't know if you follow um grumpy skeletor on twitter right if you don't you should because it's see grumpy skeletor i would Twitter, right? Oh, yeah. If you don't, you should, because, see, grumpy Skeletor, I would want to spend time with, and he is the complete opposite of He-Man. So maybe if you created something,

like Chaos and Mayhem, He-Man turned up, then it might be a little bit better. But when he goes back to being Prince Adam, not for me. Dull, dull, dull, dull. Fair enough, yeah. And I guess it's the same with his cat as well,

because Battle Cat before is Cranger who's like a sort of cowering tiger and everything so it's like that's a weird thing as well and it's not like I mean I suppose how does he he gets the power of Greyskull doesn't he so I suppose he has a sort of spell

that transforms him so I suppose that's the kind of because I was like how can you suddenly be so different you know but I guess it's just witchcraft isn't it i was thinking actually like the other day that um because i remember and i think they maybe did this on a couple of cartoons back in the 80s but i remember on he-man at the end there was always like a separate little bit that was like give you a little lesson yeah like a little moralistic story yeah and remember kids yeah yeah do you remember when she was running without looking where she

was going she tripped over that rock and almost fell into the jaws of that giant spider well remember look when you're running and it's like i'm four yeah of course i'm not gonna look when i'm running exactly that see i would not want to spend the whole, however long I'm trapped on this island with someone constantly moralistically pointing out to me that I should have been looking which way I was going before I was running. And be very careful when I'm setting fire

to something of the campfire. I mean, honestly, it would just be so dull. Like I'm already having a little bit of cold sweats about the thought of hanging out with gavin williamson and adam from hema it's like that for me is it's it's it's it's pretty poor it's bad it's bad it's a bad that's a bad that's a bad couple of people yeah because at least with he-man he'd be going now listen tom remember be careful when you're gathering uh coconuts over there because you know if they fall i remember once i had to do this and he was like oh yeah tell me the story about how something bad happened then you saved everyone whereas you're only getting the first part of that story yeah

it's just the vanilla version of everything yeah and if he man was there like at least you could like mess around with his massive like his great big sword smashing up stuff cutting things down doing stuff you could have a ride on battle cat you could do you know all of it you could have a bit more fun but if you were with prince adam and cringy like this dull cat that was just asleep by the fire and some bloke telling you some really uninteresting story about how to look left and right before you cross the road i mean it's just not that's it that's it there's that's not a space i'd want to be i try swimming i'm fairly certain i i would i would just leave swim and keep going and then i

get into trouble and then he man would come and rescue me yeah but i wonder if maybe he couldn't i mean because i guess does he have to be at grayskull to get the power of grayskull can he just get it anywhere or does he have to be sort of in the right sort of area yeah he needs me in the right postcode yeah or it doesn't quite work yeah it has to be like in zones one and two in london otherwise it doesn't reach that far yeah yeah like a bad wi-fi signal or something yeah yeah because i think often on this podcast like what i find is quite often it's like things that could sometimes be the worst thing as something that's very close to being brilliant but just not quite there you know and and that's a perfect example of that i think yeah yeah i think yeah i mean because like i don't

i don't necessarily i don't think gavin williamson is a bad person and i don't think prince adam definitely not a bad person. Just dull. Yeah. Just dull. Yeah. Yeah, definitely. I think in the setting of a desert island, you know, you could forgive a lot of people's past lives just to sort of concentrate

on the here and now. But they've got to come with some chat, you know. Yeah, they've got to have a bit of banter, haven't they? They've got to have some form of personality. Yeah. I think that's a really good choice. And who's going to be the third person rounding off your selection for the island? So last one is a character, Annie Wilkes.

I don't know if that rings a bell or not. So Annie Wilkes is a character played by Kathy Bates in Misery. Have you ever seen Misery? So Misery is the movie where there's an author, a very famous author who has a car crash in the snow and is really badly injured in the middle of nowhere. And then he wakes up and he's been rescued by this woman and wakes up in her house. And it's and he's very grateful for rescuing him. But he finds that he's badly injured and he's beginning to heal but she's actually like a mentally crazed super fan that is hugely obsessed that would have a massive amount

of restraining orders out on him and all sorts and so she then is obsessed by him and the books that he writes and does not let him escape or leave the room or the house that they're in to the point where there's a bit where she puts a big block between his legs and snaps his ankles with a mallet where he tries again like it's properly like full-on psycho lunacy and so someone who's um a slightly obsessive or massively over obsessive crazed super fan that would be prepared to smash your ankles with with with sledgehammers is someone who I would not want to be trapped on an island with. Unless, of course, she was a massive super fan of Prince Adam. That's a very wise choice. Yeah, you know what?

I'd forgotten that was the character's name, but as soon as you said misery, I was like hobbling. The word hobbling, when she does the thing to the ankles, it's just, I think, I can't remember much of the film, but that bit will stay with me forever. Yeah, I mean, to be honest, not much else happens in the film. Or like the bloke tries to escape and he not he's not allowed to leave she doesn't let him leave and he knocks

uh she's got all these like weird little trinkets in the house and he knocks i think it's like a little porcelain penguin figure over and then he picks it up and he puts it back but his face in the wrong way so then you go oh no she's gonna know that he's facing the wrong way. So then you go, oh no, she's going to know that he's facing the other way. And then he gets back in his room and you know that's the point that you think, she knows. And that's the point where she goes to smash his legs so that she knows he can't escape. She just doesn't want him to escape or leave ever.

And apart from that, I don't really know. I can't think what else happens in the movie apart from it's quite psychologically full on, like pretty horrible, fan obsessive. And it's quite psychologically full-on like pretty horrible fan obsessive and it's a bit yeah so that's it yeah but you do think of the hobbling bit it's horrible it's horrible movie but i think as someone like that with that kind of personality on the island i mean obviously that's not a good person to have on the island but i think they'd really lull you into a false sense of security as well because it's start off and you'll be like do you know

what she's all right maybe she's got better like i think you know she seems quite kind actually and then one day she'll be like now tom don't go over to that side of the island again because uh and she'll give you a reason you're like okay and then the next day she's like where'd you get that coconut i think i told you not to go over to that site and you're like oh no you know so it's kind of built you know at least if she was just crazy from the and you're like, oh, no. You know, so it's kind of, you know, at least if she was just crazy from the beginning, you're like, right, I know what I'm dealing with now. But you'd kind of be lulled into that sort of sense of like,

oh, maybe it's OK. I don't know. Yeah. Do you know what the worst thing about it is? I don't think we'd ever be able to escape either. That'd be the problem because she's obviously a super fan. She's a super fan obsessive of Prince Adam, Gavin Williamson and myself, right? That's all a super fan. She's a super fan obsessive of Prince Adam, Gavin Williamson and myself, right? That's all three of us. She's a super fan of all three of us.

But then when you see the ship that's coming, that's perhaps coming to rescue us, she would make it go away. She would say, no, no, no, we're all fine. We're all just staying here because it would ruin her plan of us being able to escape and get on with our normal real lives. So yeah, I think if she was on there,

I don't think there would ever be any escape ever. Yeah. I just like the idea of like someone with that, that personality and then someone like Gavin Williamson having a conversation. It's just such a odd combination of people. I think it's brilliant. Yeah, and then Prince Adam explaining to her that smashing people's ankles in with sledgehammers

is moralistically unjust. And, you know, the moral of the story is you must always let people make their own decisions and walk away if they want to, or something really boring. Yeah, and then even when she gets bad, he can't help you because he's not He-Man. You know, he's almost He-Man and he can't be.

Yeah, he's just a pathetic shell of He-Man, a husk of He-Man. Oh, that's a really good trio of people. I think that's a very good, awkward choice for the island. OK, well, Tom, mercifully, amongst the wreckage of the plane, there was some food and drink left over. Unfortunately for you, it's your least favourite food and drink in the world. What are they and why are they so bad? Well, it's going to be, I mean, it's going to be two things that probably people really love.

And first, it's going to be lobster. So obviously there's loads of people who will be loving that and think it's the best thing ever. How could you not have a lobster on it? I mean,'s amazing it's it's almost like the king of the sea it's this crustacea that's been around for years and years and years and it lives for such a long time and it cooks beautifully you could cook it on open fires you can poach it you can do all sorts of it it takes on wonderful flavors it's an amazing thing except i've got a shellfish allergy so i would have to spend the whole time obviously being the chef cooking it so I would be smelling this lobster

cooking the lobster obviously for Gavin uh Prince Adam and and uh Annie Wilkes uh but never ever being able to eat it so it would be it would be it would be yeah lobster is the food that i would is is my yeah my worst nightmare for her to have there because i mean as a chef for you even though you know it's basically poison for you is it also still impossible for you to see people cook it badly would you have to step in and go look come on you can't treat that ingredient like that i've got let me do it exactly even if you hated these people yeah exactly that i can't bear watching other people cook things badly like you know you're around at friends houses or or the in-laws or my mum's house or something you know and they go to cook lunch or something you got i've just got to do it because it's just it's less fuss it's a lot

easier it's what i do i know i know i'm doing it's going to be the end result's going to be better i just can't bear to sit back and watch somebody else do it even if it's something that i can't eat so i i would i would spend my days constantly cooking lobster for free people that i don't want to be with it sounds like this is the this is this is turning into the worst nightmare ever yeah watching people you hate eat incredible food that you you have cooked and can't eat yeah exactly that yeah so lobster would be there and then the drink would be something that is incredibly trendy and everybody well i don't know everybody kind of kind of i think they pretend they like it or that they want to drink it because it's healthy and it's trendy and it's great. It's kombucha.

So for me, I am not a kombucha fan. Like something that's fermented and bubbly that is supposed to be good for your stomach. I think it just gives you wind or the shits. It's just not. I am not. I am not a kombucha fan. I've got to be honest. It's just it's not diatonic or see, i am not a kombucha fan i gotta be honest it's just it's i i it's it's not

diatonic or see i haven't i'm not a drinker i'm a non-drinker now i haven't drunk for nearly um nearly eight years so it's kind of like you know it's it's not canistella either is it if you want something that's got bubbles and fermented a little bit why aren't you drinking lager yeah it's a weird thing isn't it because it Because it's like, if I want something, I'd rather just have an overall healthy diet than have to add that into my diet. Do you know what I mean? I think there's other things that are good for my gut health

that I can enjoy, you know, like kimchi or something. But having these sort of drinks, I'm like, can I not just be healthy in other ways? Do you know what mean because if i want like a if i'm going to go to the shop and buy a drink it feels annoying to then not have something nice come out of that you know it's like people go oh like these berries like goji berries are really good for you they're like better than like this many of an equivalent fruit and you're like i'd rather have more of the other fruit that tastes nicer. Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

I mean, I do get the power of superfoods and I do get how it helps and boosts and all this sort of stuff. But do you know what I mean? Can't we just have extra orange juice in the morning? You know, what can't we? You know, what about just some yogurt? What about some, you know, things that it's just not for me. So kombucha and lobster is not.

However, I'm pretty certain that Prince Adam lives off that. Do you know what I mean? I'm fairly certain. Like, I mean, he's a fine specimen of human being. I mean, he's got shoulders like Adam Peaty, the swimmer, and a six pack like you wouldn't believe. Like, I mean, he's super fit, isn't he? So he's definitely all about gut health.

He's definitely drinking loads and loads of kombucha. And, you know, he's a prince. So he's got to be caning lobster breakfast, lunch and dinner. So, you know, I would end up just being Prince Adam's personal food and beverage manager by the looks of it. I love the idea of Prince Adam's all about gut health. That's a great quote. That's a really good quote but yeah i mean i just like that i just think it's so cruel to have to cook something delicious that you can't eat for people that you hate i just

think it's such a perfectly nightmarish scenario i think i think you nailed that tom so fair enough yeah this desert island is getting worse by the minute the more we talk about it it's getting it's horrible okay well i'm going to distract you but again uh with something unpleasant because fortunately you won't be without entertainment on the island the planes entertainment system continues to work but just your luck it only has two working settings one is your least favorite film of all time and the other is your least favorite song what are they and why um it's got to be and there's so many songs right you could have picked like barbie girl you could have picked i

mean there's just so many like rubber anything by mr blobby anything by jive bunny and like all these like awful awful however i i gotta pick mustang sally like i i just cannot bear it so i was born in the 70s and grew up in the 80s in the early 90s was probably the point of going out out proper for the first time like being and that's kind of when karaoke was kind of becoming quite a thing and it's also when the commitments the movie now the commitments movie is all right like in terms of the kind of movie it's all right like it's an all right film yeah about musicians and it's quite so it's quite a little it tries to be edgy but it's not that edgy but it's not but the mustang sally bit that people just sing like pub singers like blokes that

think they're really good singers. That whole, I mean, what's even about Mustang Sally? I mean, what are we talking about here? I mean, we're in Northern Europe. Why are we singing about American car? I just cannot bear that track at all. In fact, just everything about it makes me curl. Like, I can't i can't but i just imagine really poor bad karaoke from the 90s with people singing mustang sally and that's

that i couldn't i mean i it would drive me more i'd rather eat the lobster and die than listen to mustang sally more than twice on repeat you make a good case for it definitely i think yeah it's that sort of thing like as you say like someone at a karaoke doing it badly and you know outside they've got like a bit of a ropey muscle car that they've imported and they won't stop going on about even though they live somewhere with really small roads and it doesn't make any sense yeah you go back and they probably still live at their mum's yeah but in their bedroom they've got like some like, you know, cow horns hung up or something. Yeah, and CB radio.

Yeah, yeah. A nice call sign. Oh, you know, call me Tex. No. Yeah, yeah. Call Jonathan. Yeah. Exactly that.

Yeah, exactly that. That kind of, that false pretend heard of it all. I can't bear it. And it's just that, that track is just, I just find it, I can't bear it. I just can't bear it.

Because there's some other good songs in that sort of soundtrack, aren't there? Like, it's quite sort of, you know, it's good, like some good soul and stuff like that. But yeah, that really sort of snuck in there, didn't it? It did. Yeah, no, there is some brilliant kind of soul music. It's like, it is not a bad film with some good tracks,

there's just something about that track, everything about it, I just cannot, I can't, I can't bear it, I can't bear it. I think it's in the same

sort of camp as like, that Black Betty song, you know, the Ram Jam. exactly the same, yeah. And people do that at karaoke as well,

it's like, what is this song, why are we playing this? Yeah, it's so. And people do that at karaoke as well. It's like, what is this song? Why are we playing this? Yeah, it's so bad, isn't it? And there's a lot of them that sit in that camp, that karaoke. Everyone kind of half knows the words. They want to be involved in it. It makes them all of a sudden feel that they're really cool musicians

and they're singers because they know a few of the words. It's just, I hate it. I can't bear it at all. I think this might be the one that I've seen you like get the most angry about i think so yeah it drives me nuts that yeah i definitely it definitely conjures up a certain kind of person who i think in their own right could just be on the island as an annoying person so yeah do you know what would be the worst about it is if it was gavin william if it was Gavin Williamson's favourite song and he loves to sing it at karaoke.

You could imagine that, though. He's the sort of person that you're like, oh, look, people might think I'm this straight-laced politician, but I've actually got a collection of over five pairs of cowboy boots at home. You know, that's his thing. Yeah, well, that is a vision that I'm not sure i'd want to see i've got to be honest and and i do a really mean mustang sally sing-along right yeah now this is getting this is getting a lot worse this is getting this is getting a lot worse okay what would your

film choice be then it's a a genre, right? Okay. So, I mean, you could pick any one of them, and it's musicals. I mean, now I get movies, and I love them. I love watching films. They're brilliant. And I quite like going to the theatre. I never quite 100% get into it.

Weirdly, I find theatre just a little bit, everything's a bit overacted. It's's a bit over because you've got to reach the back of the auditorium and you've got to get like i get it but i like being in theaters i like going to watch stand-up comedy or like going to watch live music and i love all of that sort of stuff but i don't like um i'm a huge supporter of the arts and but musicals i just don't get right because there is that bit between you're telling a story, right? So act the story, tell the story, be the film, do what. Why are you singing me a story? Like I'm 47.

I don't need a lullaby. I just, why are you singing this? I don't, I just don't get it. So the movie could be, it could be greece it could be les mis this isn't my world this isn't one that i i appreciate that these guys have trained very hard they're incredible singers it's amazing but you're singing me a story i'm out sorry i'm out yeah because it's sort of theater for people who don't like theater and music for people who probably don't like music that much i don't know is because it's like there's a real style of musical singing that is different to it's like

technically i get that you're you've got a strong voice and you're in tune but there's something about it i can't put my finger on it's really like it's you could sing any song in that style and it's just like oh i just i just don't like it's like a bit too loud and a bit too sort of something a bit brash about it and yeah it's just like any song that i love in sung by somebody who does musical theater it's just like oh it's weird isn't it see you could say that when you see things like not that i'm his biggest fan or anything but i have seen a few times things like the voice or um britain's got talent or whatever it's when someone sings a song and they're really good like the voice is a prime example you've got people that sing songs and they're great and then you have someone from musical theater who comes on there and sings what is essentially a well-known rock or pop song or

something like that and it suddenly takes it into this weird space doesn't it it makes it become a performance and we yeah i thought it doesn't feel real anymore. I think that's what it is. I like realness. And the moment you're singing me a story, you're now out of character. You're not the actor or something. You're now, no one in real life,

I don't sing to my friends that I'm going to the petrol station to fill my car up. And whilst I'm there, I'll buy some pork scratchings. Do you know what I mean? Like no one sings that in their life, they so you come out of character and you become this something else and that yeah so i don't i don't i'm not really into musical theater yeah i tell you what it's

funny like because see like opera is you know like the sort of high end of these things and i i've been to a couple of operas like uh like it went with my mum on her birthday once and what I thought was funny is because it's all sort of generally in like a foreign language they get away with loads but then like you know they have like the subtitles sometimes they have like a little screen above and like there's this man just belting out this incredible voice and it's really powerful

but there's loads of stuff that you don't realise until you like read it that is just setting the scene and he's like belting out and he's like here in the square it's a lovely day woman selling flowers over there there's the baker hello to everyone and it's just like mundane shit but it's delivered in this like incredible huge voice and you're like oh right it's just he's just talking about it's a nice day and it's not even got to the bit about like there is the woman who I love and I must you know must defy all others for her heart and all this is essentially reading a child's book in a foreign language

but singing it that's essentially what's happening it's like a child's reading book being sung at the best as he can in Italian I mean what is that about I think it's a very good summary of it yeah definitely yeah that that's my heathen example of what opera is. Yeah, my understanding of opera is that someone essentially sings a child's reading book in a foreign language as loud as they can. Fair enough. Nice.

Okay, so musicals are going on with you then. Fair play. Now, Tom, finally, the island is overrun by the biggest dick of all the animals. Which animal is it and why? Yeah, I think it's probably got to be, I mean, of all the ones that you don't want to be on an island with.

Now, I'm not normally into animals, but I've got a five-year-old son who absolutely is mad about him. He loves him. So I'm learning more about animals than ever. Like I ever paid any interest in when I was at school. However, he's mad into anything.

Carnivores. He's mad into anything that kills and eats. He's just all over it. He loves them. He loves watching, not like cartoons of it, like the real stuff, like on YouTube,

like animals eating. I'm like, okay, all right. What is it? I mean, it's real life, is it? But of them all, the one that's like the most crate a hungry polar bear i mean that is someone who you do not want to spend time with that is like that is somebody who's i mean irrespective i mean they are they just you know your time on that island is not going to be there very long if you are sharing it with a hungry polar bear so i'm going for the animal that i really don't want to spend any time with uh is a hungry polar

bear fair enough yeah and uh i mean i do you know what i think bears are one of those things that they sort of can look quite cuddly and nice but then also terrifying and especially like the thing about the proportions of a polar bear they they sort of look a bit less scary than like a grizzly bear you know because their head's slightly smaller or something's a bit proportionally there's something a bit more cuddly about them well they're also the sort of thing that kids toys they're white and they're fluffy and they sit and they're lovely and people associate them with winter and they're on christmas cards and they're all of those sort of things you go oh polar bears they're amazing but they're like twice the size of

a grizzly bear and they're the biggest bears or something like that and then if you actually watch like proper wildlife programs with polar bears in them they're not actually white most of them are a little bit gray and then when they've eaten something they are red they're covered in dripping blood and bits of animals that there is nothing cuddly or christmasy about them they're like they're like vicious animals predators that will tear you limb from limb yeah and i heard this thing about i don't know if it's all bears but i heard this thing about bears that like most animals like a tiger or something will kill you and then eat you a bear doesn't bother it just starts eating see that makes it even worse like yeah they just go okay i mean they'll just stand on you and then just keep eating and that's like i don't know if it's all bears as i say in case you know in case

any sort of in case you offend a koala yeah i don't yeah i don't want someone to write and go you got that wrong about bears i mean i would say our audience is fairly tolerant about me just mouthing off about all kinds of shit but yeah that is like just such a chilling thing to know about them so yeah that makes it loads worse that you you could be pinned watching him eat your arm like i mean you could you could have at least have the respect of like chewing through my throat first so that i died and then eat my arm but no you're like you know what what happens if he likes feet first what happens if he looks like what happens if he likes feet first what happens if he likes like what happens if he likes white trainers and toes first and then like you're proper done

and you're eating from the bottom up i mean that's even where you take ages well i suppose maybe because you know people like the dark meat or the white meat on chicken there's no reason that polar bear doesn't have the same thing yeah i gotta be honest though of all the delicacies that you're gonna eat off my my feet and the but they're not my strongest point i gotta be honest if you were gonna eat anything first i'd have gone for the arse that's the one with the most meat on it and also plenty of fat and padding so if i if you're any polar bears out there that's gonna get stuck on an island with me and you want to eat me just eat me from the earth first because that's that that would be that's the best meat well tom i think that's that with that that's probably a fitting place to draw this to a close i think yeah uh that's great thank you so much for coming on

desert island dicks today now um what have you got going on at the minute because obviously it's been like a tough sort of a tough period for for chefs and um people in hospitality but um what's what's going on with you at the minute so we got the new book coming out which is great it's all about outdoor cookery which would probably work brilliantly uh on a uh on a desert island so you know it's not just barbecues it's all sorts of bits and bobs for cooking outside uh and it kind of features loads of recipes and dishes from around the world. So that comes out very soon. And it's got loads of lovely flavours in it. And it's most definitely the sort of thing that you should pack with you to take to your desert island.

It also is quite thick. So you could use it, if you had enough copies of them, you could build them together as a life raft and use it to escape from Gavin Williamson, Prince Adam and Annie Wilkes. Perfect brilliant well like if we didn't need any more encouragement to buy it that's a you've sold it beautifully. That's great well thank you once again for coming on Desert Odin Dicks it's been an absolute pleasure mate thank you. Dan it's a pleasure chief thank you very much mate