Desert Island Dicks - TONY JAMESON, LIVE! IN THIRSK

Episode Date: November 29, 2019

The Podcast Social Club in Thirsk welcomed us to host the very first Desert Island Dicks, Live! With my guest for the evening, comedian Tony Jameson. It was an excellent event, be sure to check them out @podcastsocials and follow the podcast @dickspod Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Reach great listeners like yourself with podcast advertising from Lipson Ads. Choose from hundreds of top podcasts offering host endorsements. Or run a reproduced ad like this one across thousands of shows to reach your target audience with Lipson ads. Go to lipsonads.com now. That's L-I-B-S-Y-N ads.com. Hi, this is James. Just to let you know that there's still tickets available for Desert Island Dicks live at Comedia in Brighton next week on the 4th of December with my guest, William Stone. I'm really looking forward to seeing some of you there, if you can make it. In the meantime, enjoy this very first live episode on the podcast social club in Thirsk with my guest Tony Jameson.

It was a lot of fun. I hope you enjoy it. Bye. Hi, I'm James Deacon and we're here at the podcast Social Club in Thirsk. Welcome to the very first Desert Island Dicks Live. This is the show that sees you marooned on a desert island after a plane crash with the worst people and worst things imaginable. Who they are and why they're a dick is up to you. And here to share their desert island dicks with us today is comedian Tony Jameson.

Evening. Hello. Hey. That's very kind. I wasn't expecting applause, to be honest. I know. It's lovely. Obviously, that's the sound effect for the podcast, so.

Yeah. Thanks for coming, Tony. did you have a long journey to get here mate horrific 30 minutes okay yeah it's great

it's so nice to see so many smiling faces in Thirsk to be honest it's very rare I can get to do a show where I can park in a Tesco's and still get out

before the air come round and clamp me yeah are you going to buy something on the way out to make the double chance? Although, fair play, this Tesco's closed at midnight. Ours closed at ten, so big up Thirsk.

Yeah, nice. You crazy party animals. So, obviously, Tony, you know the premise of the podcast. And how did you find choosing your people for your desert island? To be honest, I struggled to limit some of them. OK. We'll obviously debate as we go along. Yeah.

Some were contentious, at least. And some were wildly criticised by my wife at the start, going, you can't, no, you can't, no, you can't. And I was like, right, fine, we're not going to. Oh, really? Okay. Yeah, because that's how compromise works. Yes. I feel like the podcast has really moved up in the world.

Like, we're sitting here with cans of water on the table. You know what, right? You can probably tell from my accent. I'm not from Thirst, right? I'm from up the North East. This shit, right? I'm not having it, right? Like, you know what?

Fine, right? It's saving the planet, but it's bullshit, right? Tins of water, man. Oh, no, yeah. I feel kind of classy. We're in a plane crash, right? And we've got water that might explode. What's the point?

Yeah. Okay, so as always, let's dive in. Who's going to be your first choice for your desert island? For people, right, okay. First person to be marooned. I should point out, sorry, we discussed this before the show started. The idea of a plane crash for most people would be a bad thing. But for me, at the minute,

a welcome distraction. Because the reality is, about three weeks ago, me and my wife gave birth to our second son. Yeah, seven... I mean, not we collectively, obviously. I had very little to do with it. I sort of took her there, and he arrived.

But seven weeks premature as well. So to be quite honest, yeah, being stranded on a desert island would be a joy. Yeah, right now, okay. Absolutely joy. She was going to be one of the people I wouldn't want to be on the desert island with, to be honest, right now.

She doesn't fly. She doesn't like flying. So if we'd have crashed, we'd have spent the entire time on the desert island going, this is why I don't fly. I told't like flying, so if we'd have crashed, we'd have spent the entire time on the desert island going, this is why I don't fly, I told you, I don't like it. Yeah. OK, but she hasn't made it on the island. She hasn't made it on the island,

but all the cast of The Apprentice have. Oh, so that's going to be your first choice? First choice. Anyone who has ever appeared on The Apprentice, the bunch of self-entitled bellends that they are. Sorry, I've had two mouthfuls of beer. I know, yeah. So are you watching this season of The Apprentice?

Yeah, just to get angry. It's amazing. These are apparently the smartest business minds in the country, yet none of them have ever run anything remotely successful ever. You look at them, and the thing remotely successful ever like you look at them and like the thing i don't like about them is that they're all interchangeable every single season it's the same people yes they've got slightly different names but it's the same person effectively yeah yeah and they all rock up and clearly none of them have ever watched the show

before because you wouldn't do it yeah because they're all they're all business business and that's their thing like yeah some people just business people i work in business that's their thing they wake up and they've got the hair and the suit and all that sort of stuff right but sometimes you just need to remember that if you're dealing business you just deal with normal people okay yeah talk to them in a normal way right yeah like because there's always an episode where they've got to go to some sort of east london butcher yes yeah something and it's like open at three in the morning and they're all rocking up in their really expensive suits going oh i'll do a deal and they're all going you can fuck off me like just yeah oh how much how much are your uh how much your burgers

are there uh they're three pounds i will give you seven pence no you won't no you won't you'll give me three pounds you'll give me eight pound now actually yeah i know yeah it is a painful program to watch i mean i do it it is car crash tv i felt like it kind of used to have a bit of uh kudos it used to it used to feel like people that went on there were actually sort of qualified to be on the apprentice now i feel like they just pick the people that are going to cause the most controversy. Yeah, I think so. And also, I think if we're on the desert island, they'd spend most of their time picking a team name.

So it's true. Yes. And they're always awful. Awful, awful. They always come with like, you know, like Aphrodite or a pun. No one ever comes up with a pun. No, yes.

Or something fun. Yeah, exactly. But they're all sitting there going, oh, I want to be team leader because I've watched Lost before. I mean, the justification. Have you seen recently there was a Twitter spat between one of the contestants and Lord Sugar? Oh, really?

Have you seen about this? Okay, so Lord Sugar apparently said that one of the contestants' tattoos were ugly or vile or similar, and they've had a little bit of a spat, but the program is obviously still on but it was filmed ages ago yeah but you i'm kind of getting the sense that he's not going to win the competition now it's kind of like that's null and void he's got a very successful cage fighting career now i believe yes yeah because that must be pretty weird though like

you say if that's been recorded months ago for yeah lord sugar to sort of remember to be like i need to tweet that guy and call him a knobhead yeah yeah that long afterwards you've already fired him presumably you know spoiler alert for those people who said he's fired he might get fired right so he's sat there he's already had to go through the indignity of it all and then months later he's got sugar on his case again going yeah yeah your tattoos are shit yeah yeah okay also as well they've got like you know that claude yes fella who just always just loiters in the background like a creepy uncle at a wedding he does yeah kind of on someone's shoulder he used to be my favorite though like back in the good old days with apprentice he was like the scariest one you know when they go around the different rooms

and they're like pitching their idea and he was the most intimidating? Now he's really ruined that by becoming like Lord Sugar's right-hand man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because the interview, when they do the interview, they used to have Margaret, didn't they? Yes, Margaret was good.

And then Claude was sitting there with his fine-tooth comb going through the CVs going, oh, it says here you invented the internet. And they're like, yeah. And it's like, you're it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they're like, yeah. And it's like, you're eight. You haven't. Stop lying. Yeah, yeah.

And they've always got some awful motto, some life motto. Yeah. It's embarrassing. I can't think of one. I don't know why they don't just go in and go, right, why do you want to be on The Apprentice? Just money.

Yeah. Okay, anything else about the cast of The Apprentice before we put them on the island? I suppose the one nice thing is they'd all be really well turned out. They do look good. And I am always really jealous because I definitely have more time than them

to get ready in the morning, and I always look like shit. Whereas they get woken up at like half four and they're like, oh yeah, you need to be like at Billingsgate Fish Market across town in 20 minutes. And they always look amazing. Yeah, exactly. And again, they all know they get look amazing. Yeah, exactly, yeah.

And again, they all know they get woken up early. Yeah, yeah. And they're like, oh, yeah, you've got to be like 75 miles away in 20 minutes. Yes. And they all get into, as I say, these pristine, you know, wonderful suits and dresses and their hairs are immaculate. Coiffed and amazing, yeah. And I'm just sat there thinking, like,

I would love to wear a suit on stage. As a comedian, I think there's a thing, an authority thing you wear a suit on stage. Who's stopping you? there's a thing an authority thing, you'd wear a suit on stage I tell you what stops me I, unlike Prince Andrew, sweat a lot Oh, okay I feel that's going to get in there now I mean, it's gold though

This is why I'm wearing a t-shirt right now It's great, it's not the best thing So on a desert island island they'd all be you know looking amazing in their suits and i'd just be i'm i look how pasty i am like i'd be sad be burning and just melting in the corner amazing yeah the plane would crash and they'd be like oh you've got 20 minutes to get ready for the rescuers they'd all look fantastic and i'd be sat with this bloody bullshit tins of water so yeah i love that bit when they're getting ready in the morning.

There's always one person that's obviously overdone it slightly the night before. There's the one hungover one that's like trying to get their clothes on. Don't video me. I'm trying to have a shower. And there's always a point where there's two girls, like one sat on the floor and one stood up doing their hair in the same mirror. You've been doing this show for fucking ages. You know how many people are going to be there. Get a few more mirrors.

Okay, the entire class of The Apprentice is going to be there. Get a few more mirrors. Okay. The entire class of The Apprentice is going to be a first choice. Not just the entire class. Everyone who's ever been on it. Okay. Everyone. Great. It's going to be a busy island.

Thank you very much, Tony. And who's going to be your second choice? Second choice. Second choice is David Walliams. David Walliams. He's Jack Whitehall, but worse, isn't he? Okay. So you've just put down but worse, isn't he? Okay. So you've just put down another person.

Just one fell swoop. He was off filming something else, so he didn't get on the plane. So he couldn't, yeah. But yeah, Walliams, he's one of those guys, right, who he just makes everything about himself. Literally everything. And within seconds, that plane crash would be all about him. David, chill your boots, man. Okay, yeah. You know, we don't need you him. David, chill your boots, man. OK, yeah.

You know, we don't need you in there being, like, over the top and it's just... He stands for everything that I am not. Which is? He's clearly a Tory, isn't he? OK! Again, I'm aware about where I am, right? You do know where you are.

I've also told you where I'm parked, so I'm also... I know, yeah. But, I mean, like, he's good at what he does, which I know is that sort of backhanded insult that you give to people going, oh, he's very good at what he does. OK, well, that's a compliment, I guess. Yeah, but, yeah, I just think, I just find him a bit...

I find him a bit overbearing. OK, David Walliams is going to be your second choice, and who's going to be your third choice, Tony? Third choice, because so far I've already alienated The Apprentice and David Walliams is going to be your second choice. And who's going to be your third choice, Tony? Third choice, because so far I've already alienated The Apprentice and David Walliams. Yes. Third choice is the TV character Bing. Bing!

Okay. Should the audience not be aware of who Bing is, please? I don't know. I'm looking at the vast majority of them should well be aware of who Bing is. Okay. There's quite a few young people, even yourselves down the front here,

going, what on earth's he on about Bing? What it is, it's not like the crap version of Google. Right? This is like... I forgot about that. Yeah. That exists.

It's a rabbit. It's a kid's TV programme. Right? It's a rabbit who looks also like a bat. Yes. At the same time, right? He does. And he's, I presume, a toddler.

Yeah. And he's the most annoying thing that's ever been designed. Yes. He walks around, right? And every episode is always like, it's got like one title. So today was like, goodbyes. And it's always, that's a Bing thing. As if he's the only person that ever says goodbye.

Okay, yeah, yeah. At the end of each episode, they round up and say, goodbyes, it's a Bing thing. As if he's the only person that ever says goodbye. Okay, yeah, yeah. At the end of each episode, they round up and say, goodbyes, it's a Bing thing. No, that's an everyone thing. Eating, it's a Bing thing. No, everyone has to. Yeah, yeah. Stepping in poo, it's a Bing thing.

No, we've all fucking stepped in poo, it's awful, yeah. Bing, so I've got two small children, which I've talked about quite a lot on the podcast. But yeah, what I really don't like about Bing is the way that Bing talks. Yeah. Like, the way that he talks is just insane. It makes no sense. If my kids end up talking like Bing talks, I'm going to sue the BBC.

It's like, it makes no sense whatsoever. Yeah, he refers to rainbows. Yeah, and it's just like... Instead of rainbows. It's so annoying. And also, he refers to rainbows. Yeah, and it's just like... Instead of rainbows. It's so annoying. And also, he lives with... What is Flop? Okay, so explain to the audience what Flop is.

So Flop is Bing's presumably patriarchal figure slash carer, foster parent. I was going to say it's his boss, but it's not his boss. I think it's like his childminder. Pimp. But you never see it's like his childminder. Pimp. But you never see Bing's parents. No, no. And you never see Flop's partner.

This is interesting. So something's happened. Some bad, something dark has happened, right? Okay, yeah. It doesn't have to be dark, but we've made it dark, right? Yeah. You made it dark. I made it dark, right?

So Bing is looked after by this sock puppet. Yeah. And what kind of animal is it meant to be? Like a Hessian... Sack? Sack. He's basically looked after by a bag. An orange bag.

I don't know what it is. You know the beanbags you used to get at school? Yeah. Two of them with eyes. Yeah. That's essentially... Imagine the saddest beanbag at school. Yeah. It looks like with eyes. Yeah. That's essentially he looks after this. Imagine like the saddest beanbag at school.

Yeah. It looks like, you remember Sad Sack? Yes. Sad Sack after he'd done the Atkins diet. Yeah. Yeah.

So he looks after Bing and clearly this is why Bing is in a bad way, right? And Flop clearly drinks heavily. Yes. Clearly drinks heavily. He hates his life.

Yeah, yeah. Every single day, Bing's walking around talking nonsense. I'd hate my life if I lived with Bing. Talking badly, you know. And he's got this little toy

and he throws it around. And of course, it's like that thing where you throw it in the sink and Flop's like, for God's sake, you're throwing the bloody sink in there. Muttering.

It's the only TV show I think where muttering is actually on. Yes. Which I quite like about it. But then, so he's there and there's Bing's

mate Zula who's an elephant, obviously, because rabbits and elephants get on swimmingly. And then she's looked after by Amma who's another

beanbag. Beanbag. Like an elephant beanbag. Yeah. A blue elephant beanbag, obviously. Who the fuck came up with this

the more you explain it I've never thought about it like this before and then just when you think that's not weird enough there's a panda in it

called Pando that really went to town on his name he's the worst one who just takes his pants off all the time yeah he does and no one questions it

what are they teaching children like he just walks around pants off and he continues. Just with his T-shirt on. Yeah. He's Donald Ducking. Yeah, and everyone's just going,

you can't do that anymore, Pando. I know, yeah. Who looks after Pando? Pando looks after himself. He's basically the modern Mowgli. He's the most incapable modern Mowgli. He's the most incapable out of all of them. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Which, again, says something after seeing Bing. Yes. There's a Facebook group as well. I'm not the only person who hates Bing.

There's a Facebook group where a lot of parents appear to really dislike Bing. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they're really angry. He's very frustrating, Bing. Yeah, especially like...

He's such a whiny little prick as well. Yeah. Just, oh, I hurt my foot. Man up, man. You kicked it. He's such a whiny little prick as well. Yeah. Just, oh, I hurt my foot. Man up, man. You kicked it. He's just incapable of actually being able to do anything.

Yeah. Bing is an excellent choice. Anything else about Bing before we put Bing on the island? Yeah, he's just too much of a whinger. And like, if anything, he'd probably be the reason the plane crashed. Yeah. Crashing planes, it's a Bing thing. Yes, there you go.

Trying to be the pilot, it's a Bing thing. Yes, there you go. Trying to be the pilot, it's a Bing thing. Yes, okay. Pressing the red button you're not supposed to press, it's a Bing thing. Okay, I'm there. Bing, an excellent choice for your desert island. Thank you very much, Tony. Not that I was going to ever stop you.

Seeing as this is a live episode of the podcast, I will ask you to do some of your workings out. Was there anyone else you considered for the island? Who uh my mom your own mom yeah you wouldn't want to be stuck on the island with your own mom no no not at all like because i couldn't think of anyone better go on please no no because like she'd just complain all the time like she'd be like whinging on that i've not tidied my side of the island or something yeah yeah looking around at other people who were doing better than me and, you know, just be like,

oh, you should be like him over there. He's, you know, done well for himself. It's like, we're all stranded. Like, we're all equals now. Yeah. What is he doing over there? Making a fire or something? Yeah, probably.

Yeah, yeah. Doing something useful. Your own mum. Yeah. Is it likely that she's going to listen to this? Unlikely. Great. Okay, fine.

I mean, if she discovers podcasts, the world is going to end. That's how the world ends. It's because you picked her on other podcasts, or no? Tony, those are excellent. Thank you very much. Now, mercifully, among the wreckage of the plane, there was some food and drink left over.

Unfortunately for you, it's your least favourite food and drink in the world. What are they and why are they so bad? Afternoon tea. Afternoon tea? Like, all in, food and drink? No, no, no, drink is going to be separate. Drink is going to be cocktails.

Oh, no, no. OK, drink is going to be cocktails, so hit me with the food. Afternoon tea. Afternoon tea is, let's face it, not much better than lunch provided by work. OK! Wow! think about it it's just it's you're boring crappy sandwiches right like oh this is so hard she's so harsh god tuna meal yeah a tiny bit of

cucumber yeah egg meal yes a lot of meal based yeah stuff goes on in afternoon teas yes plain ham yeah yeah egg and tomato yes how many afternoon teas. Plain ham. Egg and tomato. How many afternoon teas have you been to? None. I've seen them on the internet. Is that true? I've been to one. And that was what it was.

It was very standard sandwiches. And then, yes, your fancy little cakes. Your macarons. Scummy mummies. Scummy mummies, yes. They macarons which are nice your scummy mummies scummy mummies did yes they had those which are lovely

and then your little fondant fancies which again as a northerner are the poshest things that are ever going to be made yeah and then an eclair and you kind of go

fine but it's not a lunch it's not a thing okay yeah and then there's a little pot of tea and again I'm a coffee drinker so tea's not really for me yes okay

and it's always that thing oh let's go for an afternoon tea and it's a big day of tea and they're going to have a coffee drink. So tea's not really for me. Yes. And it's always that thing of, oh, let's go for an afternoon tea. And it's a big day out. How often is this happening to you? Because this never happens to me. I mean, it doesn't happen based on my views on it. People have stopped inviting me. Okay.

Because you've told people this before. Yeah. I see. Yeah. Yeah. And just as I say, it's a lot of expense and lavishness for what is essentially very small and not really that great. OK.

And to counterbalance that... All right. Myself and another comedian, we try to do a man's afternoon tea. And what's that? We're not doing it a gender thing. Is that a Rustler's burger and a can of Relentless? Well, the thing is, because people have done that.

They've done, like, sliders and... Oh, OK. And I hated that more than the, like, sliders and... Oh, OK. And I hated that more than the actual idea of an afternoon tea. OK, yeah. So I was like, stop making that a thing. Yes. But we just had a bigger version of an afternoon tea. So instead of one little triangle of sandwich,

we'd have four sandwiches. OK, yeah. And four cakes. Right, OK, yeah. And four cheesecakes. It was a lot of sugar, really quickly. Yeah, OK. So anything, I'm basing it on the fact that I had a lot of sugar, really quickly. So if anything, I'm basing it on the fact that I had a bit of a sugar come down one day.

So no afternoon tea. I live in York, so the prime afternoon tea place is Betty's, which people will queue up for. Legendary. Legendary. And I've been eating in Betty's, and it's lovely. Don't get me wrong, it's lovely. But you're queuing up for small sandwiches and tea.

Okay, yeah, yeah. Think about that. Like, would you do it anyway? You wouldn't queue up for a Tesco meal deal. No. Essentially all it is. Yeah, yeah. I'll get you a tuna and cucumber sandwich from the car park, right?

We'll cut that into half. Yeah. I'll get you a box of Mr Kipling's fond and fancies. When you said that we should go for a meal after this, I didn't think this is what you meant. I was thinking we should at least go to that fish and chip shop across the road, because that smells fantastic. And then we'll get a little bottle of Prosecco,

which is the working-class champagne. You're not trying to sleep with me, are you? I am trying, mate. With a lot of witnesses. A tiny bottle of Prosecco. Okay, food is going to be afternoon tea. An afternoon tea on the island probably would be quite nice, though. Yeah, in hindsight.

Yeah, in hindsight, yeah. Me and Iz was nearly going to go in. You know, it's a very thin facade, this whole thing. I just want you to moan about stuff that you hate. Okay, food is going to be afternoon tea. And what's going to be your drink choice? Drink choice is cocktails. Oh, yes, cocktails.

Cocktails. Okay. Again, a contentious one, I'm aware. Don't worry, I'm aware it's a contentious one. But most cocktails are just ice. Yeah, okay. Think about it like that. You're waiting 25 minutes.

It takes a long time, yeah. A long time to get two glasses of ice, because it's always two for one as well. Yes, well, yeah. Always two for one. Let's go for cocktails. Why? Because it's two for one.

Yes. Which means let's get two glasses of ice that taste a little bit like strawberry. Okay, yeah. And only a little bit alcoholic. Yeah, exactly, yeah. Yeah. And the way I think about it is that if your alcohol is that bad

that it needs to taste of something else, then don't drink that thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, I'll drink a cocktail. I'll drink a cocktail. Don't get me wrong. I will drink a cocktail, right? I like an old-fashioned.

Oh, nice. But, you know, you're not going to get those in a two-for-one, are you? Yeah, no, no. And, again, that'll take you 20 minutes to make, which is a rubbish... It's a ridiculous time to wait for a drink in the first place. You know, you're in a crowded bar, like I'll drink Guinness, and you'll get people looking at you going,

I just ordered a pint of Guinness. That takes three minutes, maybe, on a pump. Or actually, the cans of Guinness were almost going to go on, those cans on the little platform thing. Nah, not having that. No, yeah, yeah. That's just a can of Guinness. Everyone knows that. So that takes long enough in a pub.

But to then go, I want four strawberry daiquiris. Oh, fuck, yeah. They're going to be like three quid each. Yeah, yeah. And they've got some bloke who they've just brought in to wear braces. Yeah, yeah.

I wear braces. Do you do cocktails, Brian? That makes you qualified. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've got the braces and the headband, so I'm a cocktail guy. And then, yeah, it's just a waste of time. Again, I'm not a thing.

It's like that thing of let's go for afternoon tea, let's go for cocktails. To make it this big experience, at least make it something good. Yeah, yeah. What I don't like about, if you're at a bar and someone before you is ordering a round, they've ordered like, yeah, I'll have two...

Oh, right, you boys... Yeah, yeah. I'll have two Cronenberg, please. Yeah, cool. And I'll have an Aspels. And then I'll have a Guinness. And they order the Guinness last! Yeah. You bastard! I'll be honest, I'm guilty of doing that as well.

And I know it's the worst thing to do. It is an ultimate sacrifice to get that ordered first. Because if you think about the bar staff in that situation, they've got to get that done first, and then you're saying the rest of the order. That's the same with the cocktails. If you're sat there and you're making four cocktails and you can see the queue getting progressively deeper and deeper and deeper,

look in a cocktail bartender's eye. At one point there will be a look that just goes just die yeah there's like deep inner sadness yeah yeah don't need another porn star martini just yeah you're in a you're in a vodka revolutions man just yeah all bar one yeah um yes this is going to be contrary like, I've had best part of 100 people come on this podcast and call a load of people dicks, and this might be the thing that I get sued for. Right?

I think that the whole pour half the Guinness and leave it thing is bullshit. I reckon, right? Has anyone, any bar just filled it up to the top and left it? I imagine it tastes exactly the same. I think it's got to be employed by Guinness to say, like, right, you pour half it and you leave it there.

So everyone at the bar looks at that. And then they're like, ah, maybe I want one of those. Do you know what I mean? I think it's like, you have to do more with it. So, I don't know. I just reckon it's bullshit. And they have a whole thing at Guinness

that teaches you how to pour half a drink and then pour the rest of it. I like the thinking behind it, to be honest, because it's a little bit like sort of going, right, there you go. As you say, it's that thing, very, very visual of, ooh, that's on its way. But at the same time, they always then go, ooh, but it tastes different in Dublin. Yeah. Does it? Well, you convince yourself that it does.

Yeah, you convince yourself. It definitely does taste different. It tastes of seven quid is what it tastes of. Yeah. It tastes more expensive, so you're going to have to go, yeah, seven quid is what it tastes more expensive so you're gonna have to go it's definitely better

you're like fucking hell it's expensive isn't it I remember going with my girlfriend when I was quite I was fairly young and and like ordering two pints

I was like 14 euros hang on a minute yeah that was when the cinema yeah I yeah I remember going to the Guinness factory and then there's a lot of tourists

and they go in and they're doing the experience because that's the thing that you do in Dublin. And they go into the Guinness factory and you learn how to pour a Guinness and then a lot of these tourists give it a sip and they're like, that is disgusting and leave it on the side. So there's just loads of things.

And I saw these two young lads walking around, mind-sweeping, just picking up all these half Guinnesses that everyone was leaving behind, getting wasted. And I was like, fair play. We did a very similar thing in Edinburgh on the Whiskey Trail. Now, I'm a whisky drinker. My wife does not drink whisky at all.

And after this experience, we'll never touch whisky again, presumably. Went round, she didn't... So they give you, like, a single malt and a blend at the end and see if you can taste the difference. Granted, she got the difference, she understood. yn y pen, yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y pen yn y obviously, to spend in the shop to sort of make your day memorable. I was like, right, I quite fancy this. And she's going, oh. And then I hear this voice from across the way. Tony, Tony, there's tasters here. These are like 21-year-olds. Oh, God, right.

She comes charging in with these two tasters. Have that. I'm like, that's very lovely. Oh, yeah, that's my third. I'm like, oh, no, this is going badly. Again, like like fair play she's going for the good stuff quickly

I was like right you're missing out on a lot of rubbish here that's fine and then we went out to the shop and then we went to another little whiskey shop

there was like a little teeny tiny one oh we'll go in here we'll go do you do tasters and they go don't do it she's like oh you're

a shit shop oh no yeah yeah came out and then as I came out She then turned around

And went I'll fight you As he's scrapping Yeah Oh my god It's the reason I can't drink Guinness No

The reason I can't drink whiskey As it turns me into an animal Yeah Like an aggressive I just like It's magical isn't it Is that why you like it Wow

We're all inside of you there Also on a desert island, a cocktail would take far too long to organise. Yes, okay, yeah. So you're all properly pissed off that the plane's crashed. Yeah. And it's like, oh, let's do, you know, three Long Island iced teas.

And you're going, that's 20 minutes. I mean, you've got all the time in the world, to be fair. To get picked up, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're a bit sort of stressed. Your only mix is going to be coconut water, surely. Oh, it'll be quite nice. Yeah, it Your only mix is going to be coconut water, surely. That would be quite nice. Yeah, it would be all right, to be fair. Yeah, that is awkward.

When you see that there's two bar people on, going back to cocktails, you see two bar people on and someone comes up and they're ordering cocktails and they've got to make the whole fucking thing. And also, I don't want bits in my drink. I don't want a straw and then there's fucking things

just flying up in my mouth all the time. Also, I think as well, as you say, where there's two cocktail staff on and they come with the little stirrer. Oh, yeah. You know you've got a longer wait because they've got to move some bits. Shit around, yeah, yeah. And they just look at you and just go, we're going to be here ages. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Get comfortable. Go home and have your tea. Come back. You're going to be here just stirring this around. This is a really good choice. Thanks, man. Yeah, it's great. I really appreciate it.

Okay, anything else about cocktails before we put cocktails onto your island? Again, I just think it's a lot of effort for what is essentially not really much. No, true. With a beer, for example, you have so many different brands and types of beer, and cocktails, I find that it's just fruity or with Coke.

Okay, yeah, yeah. And again, maybe it's a little bit too much of when you're younger and you just have sort of jugs of cocktails in a student bar. Yeah, it's just a pre-mix thing. Maybe it's that that puts me off. Yeah, yeah. But yeah, I just think it's not a thing that I've ever...

Yeah, yeah. I don't know. I just don't think I can get into it. Okay, cool. Well, thank you very much. Cocktails are going to be your drink to us. You're a podcast listener, and this is a podcast ad. Reach great listeners like yourself with podcast advertising from Lips and Ads.

Choose from hundreds of top podcasts offering host endorsements, or run a reproduced ad like this one across thousands of shows to reach your target audience with Lips and Ads. Go to lipsandads.com now. That's L-I-B-S-Y-N ads.com. Tony, now fortunately,

you won't be without entertainment on the island. The Plains Entertainment System continues to work, but just your luck, it only has two working settings. One is your least favorite film of all time, and the other is your least favourite song.

What are they and why? Least favourite film of all time is... Film first, OK. Again, it's going to be a collection. Now, the reason it's a collection is because they're all interchangeable. I feel like this is going to be controversial. I feel like I'm going to lose quite a lot of people.

I get a sense, I can feel it, yeah. If you were upset at the idea of all the cast of The Apprentice and David Walliams being there, strap yourselves in because James Bond

is bullshit. This is bold. It's nonsense is what it is. You've told these people where you've parked. Exactly. Yeah.

It's just so crap. Yeah. I used to so crap. Yeah. I used to do, before I was a comedian, I was a film and TV production lecturer. So I'm coming at this from a standpoint of...

You know your shit. Yeah, okay. James Bond is nonsense. It's... It is the same film. Every single film is the same film. It's just a bloke

who's clearly an aftershave model, drives a car in Russia, and then it ends. And then every Christmas, a dad gets another box set. Yeah, yeah, yeah. With one more disc. Yeah. My dad listens to this podcast.

I'm so reluctant to say anything because he loves James Bond and he's my biggest fan. Of course he does. He's a dad. Yeah. He's got the Golden Eye box set. Oh, yeah. He's got Top Gear on Sky Plus.

Seriously. Yeah. He's got Caravan Monthly subscription. Have you met him? Yeah, he's got a bottle of famous grouse whiskey. Have you been to his house? And he's got his favourite slippers. Yeah, I mean,

you know him well. These are the people that watch James Bond films. Yes. Again, I'm casting wild aspersions here, so. When was the last time you watched a James Bond film?

Er, 1980. No, probably about 2001-ish. And I can't even remember as to which one it was. It was maybe GoldenEye, and that's only because of the fact that it was on the N64. It was amazing on the N64. And the N64 game was as to which one it was. It was maybe GoldenEye, and that's only because of the fact that it was on the N64.

It was amazing on the N64. And the N64 game was so much better than the film. It was so good. Yeah, at no point was there four-player rocket launchers in the toilets. Yeah, yeah. I think I lost an entire year to that game. It was amazing, yeah. And I think that the film didn't replicate the video game as well.

Pierce Brosnan's James Bond is embarrassing, though. If you put that on now, it has not stood the test of time. But also, as well, I don't like the fact that people argue about who should be the James Bond. OK, yeah, yeah. It doesn't matter. Right, OK, yeah. It doesn't matter who is James Bond.

It's a film. Does it not matter? It's not real. No, yeah. It's not like you're arguing over the Prime Minister. They're going, oh, I couldn't trust him as a James Bond. Right, OK, yeah. He's not going to get Parastroika done. Yes, yeah It's not like you're arguing over the Prime Minister They're going, oh, I couldn't trust him as a James Bond Right, okay He's not going to get Parastroika done

Yes, yeah What is annoying is like Daniel Craig doesn't want to be James Bond anymore apparently But they keep just ploughing him with cash to make him come back, right? Just let someone else do it that actually wants to do it Yeah, exactly Is he that good? He's being forced to sort of uh he's contracted like a sort of like a premiership footballer

that wants away yes okay you go at noddy you signed a five-year deal you're staying right if not you're going to be in the reserves which is the fast and the furious so yeah yeah and that's just vin diesel on the rock driving around nine times oh Oh, Fast and the Furious 7 was on TV the other day. That is, just nothing happens. It's just like cars driving fast and then that's all they need. Yeah. Yeah, it's just, it's insane.

At one point, am I going to tell you this? Yeah, at one point they're driving a car that is like only half a car backwards at like 150 miles per hour. And then they put some turbo speed charge into it and it like blows and he wins the race. I'm like this is, how the fuck does they get away with this?

It's insane. All they need is a red tortoise shell to take him out and it's Mario Kart. It is, yeah it's pretty much there. Fast and the Furious is all the, is basically James Bond with the clever bits taken out. Yes, okay yeah I think you're right. And again I just don't think that there's enough in James Bond with the clever bits taken out. Yes, OK. Yeah, I think you're right. And again, I just don't think that there's enough

in James Bond personally, from an entertainment point of view, that would entice me in. As a... I don't want to put you on the spot here. Have they... So, I guess they've run out of books. Like, they're not based on the books anymore, right? I thought you meant they've run out of books to make films of. No, yeah. Every single book has been out of books like they're not based on the books anymore right i thought you meant like they've run out of books to make films of no yeah every single book has been made well you

might as well you might think that in some of the way they make the um sequels but the dictionary that's amazing have you um uh have they run out of books to make james bond films out i think so okay so they're just making these up now to To be honest, I thought they were making them up after about film seven. Okay. Oh, fair. Because it just seemed like they went, right, okay,

battle Russia, battle Russia, battle Russia, battle with former Russia. Okay, right. Okay. Battle Russia, battle Russia,

battle Russia. It's always, yeah. Yeah. And then just, as you say, just constantly just changing the main character. No one,

and he's meant to be this, you know, famous man. And nobody seems to bat an eyelid that he looks different in every film. Yes, yeah. Name's Bond. No, it's not, mate. No.

Bond's another fella. Yeah, yeah. You know, and people getting angry that he's changing, you know, to someone else. Oh, it can't be a Lady Bond. Well, no, because James isn't a lady's name. Yes. Sorry, you could have someone play the role

of James Bond absolutely and again people getting pissed off at that that's part of the reason that James Bond films are on there

okay doing it for you sisters yeah did you consider any other films for your film choice I actually considered

Grease 2 which the scummy mummies did oh they chose that last week this is going to mean nothing to these people no no I didn't even realise that was a film yes okay Grease 2, which the scummy mummies did. Oh, they chose that last week. This is going to mean nothing to these people.

No, no, I'm joking. I didn't even realise that was a film. Yes, okay, yeah. Apart from one night, I picked my wife up. She was on a night out. You were watching on your own. Don't lie. Oh, go on, go on.

And she proceeded to sing the entire soundtrack in the car. And then told me as she got out, she went, that's Grease 2. Brilliant. Great. She was singing it without you knowing okay without being asked okay that's great

yeah please do go back and listen it's brilliant they absolutely tear that film anew that was great

that was a great episode there's something about pooing in the Livian Newton yes okay anyway you go back

and listen for yourself James Bond films was my obvious choice Fast and the Furious was another one yes Olivia Newton-Johnson yes okay anyway you go back and listen for yourself um yeah James Bond films was my obvious choice Fast and the Furious was another one um

yes I'm not see the thing is again because of like sort of former job and that I'm not massive you've probably already

picked up I'm not massive on mainstream Hollywood or whatever right okay so my sort of tastes are a bit more sort of world cinema

European or whatever so watching stuff it's just I find it all a bit too much like there's too much going on like everything's like bang bang bang bang bang and explosions and this yes okay right what's happened i watched guardians of the galaxy yeah and i know a lot of people love it and fair play to you i watched it for about an hour couldn't tell you which gardens of the galaxy i watched it was on netflix and i watched it for about an hour and i don't

really know what happened. No, yeah, okay. At one point I saw the Hulk get punched into a building and that's all I really remember. Right, okay, yeah. So I'm like, I don't really think this is for me. Yeah, yeah. I don't know if I've ever seen it.

Like, I've got small children. It's so hard to watch a film without falling asleep. Yeah, that's a good one. Toy Story 3 nearly went on the list, actually. Did it? Yeah, and that's only a good one. Toy Story 3 nearly went on the list, actually. Did it? Yeah, and that's only, and that's only, and I love Toy Story, right?

Toy Story 1, Toy Story 2, possibly two of the best films ever made. Yeah. Toy Story 3, I wasn't emotionally prepared for when I watched it. I know, yeah. On Christmas Day,

at my in-laws. Oh, no! I was sat there, we'd had a lovely day, we're all a bit full of turkey and mincemeat and stuff, we've had a couple of glasses of lovely wine,

we're having a fantastic time. Oh, Toy Story 3's on the telly, let's watch that. And I'm sitting there and I'm going, oh, this is brilliant, Toy Story 3, love Toy Story.

And then The Bit, and you all know The Bit, I'm talking about. And I'm just sat there going, I'm not okay! Yeah, yeah. I'm not okay. I'm not crying

out of a room full of people right now. I'm looking around as good as everyone else crying, or is it just me? I know. So, yes, so that nearly went on because I didn't want to get upset. And what's going to be your song choice? Song choice, again, potentially a contentious one. Go on. Come on, Eileen.

Come on, Eileen. Come on, Eileen. Oh, you're getting a round of applause from the room. I'm getting applause. Okay. Come on, Eileen is the worst you're getting a round of applause from the room. I'm getting applause. OK. Come on, Eileen is the worst song ever. Ever? Of all songs?

Of all songs. We had... And I'll tell you how bad this is. We had, when we got married, we had a list of songs for the DJ that we would like him to play at some point during the proceedings and a list of songs that should not be played under any circumstances whatsoever. Oh, yeah. And that was number one on the list what's it can i ask what else was on the list uh she didn't want uh i would walk 500 miles by the proclaimers fair okay yeah take that yeah i've

got a lot of scottish family so that was that was happening anyway yeah um uh i thought anything by um robbie williams but she's a big Tear That fan, so that sort of snuck in. What else did we have that was on there? Bohemian Rhapsody. You just didn't want it? Not having it. No, no.

It's the same as Common Eileen. It goes on for too long for no reason. Okay, so why is Common Eileen the top of that list? Because there's too many different points. Everyone knows each different point of Common Eileen, and you always, whenever it's on, you enter at roughly the same point. Yes.

You can hear it from the start, but for some reason you've only ever heard it from the middle. Right. Like, you can walk into a room and it'll be playing. You go, oh, Come On, Eileen. And it gets a, come on. And it's like, oh, fuck off. Yeah.

And it just creates everybody, like, always played at weddings, always played at funerals, functions. Is it? I don't know if I've ever been at a funeral, but it's like, come on, Eileen. Maybe the woman was called Eileen. I don't know.

Eileen, yeah. Actually, I'll tell you what else. I Did It My Way. That's another song. Oh, okay, yeah. Yeah, okay. So you what else. I Did It My Way. That's another song. Oh, okay, yeah. Yeah, okay. So, yeah, so it's always that point. Like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You can just see people just losing their shit. Yeah, right. Really, like, sort of, like, mild-mannered, like, sort of family relatives who've never even tapped a foot in their life. Going, oh, oh, oh. And they're going, don't you make a scene of yourself, Gordon, sit back down. Yeah.

Come on, Eileen, I need to put my tyre on my head and run. Yeah. It does that to people. You look round, there's just 40 blokes with the tyres round. Yeah, exactly, 40 blokes with tyres. It just looks like a stag do. Like, at every wedding, there's a stag do turns up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just for, come on, Eileen. Lads, 40 blocks. It just looks like a stag do. Like at every wedding, there's a stag do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just for Come On Eileen.

Lads, lads. They've all got pints swilling. Yeah. No cocktails ever being swung around Come On Eileen. No, no. No. And again, everyone seems to think it's lovely and really uplifting and stuff.

And I just find it annoying. Personally. I used to DJ a bit after bands, right? And by far, the most requested song was Come On Eileen. Yeah. Interestingly enough. Yeah, but that's the thing, because everybody loves it. Yeah.

It's one of the most loved songs in the world, which I think is part of the reason I don't like it, because it's a lot of things that people like, which you sort of go, there's so many more songs in the it's not like there's only four songs it's only more better songs yeah and you've went right out of the four songs that i've got i've got come on eileen mr brightside by the killers yeah yeah white christmas by bing crosby yeah and. And Let's Get Ready to Rumble. Yeah.

Right, fine, come on, Eileen's in the top four. Right? Yeah, yeah. There's so many more songs. But everyone, like, we could play it right now, and as I say, I guess I reckon 99% of the audience would be like... Yeah. And then even me and the person who applauded at the back

just going, just, nah, nah, I'm going to press the button. Well, interesting for you, I'm going to press the button. Well, interesting for you. I'm going to play it for you in full right now. Let's see what happened. No, I wouldn't do that to anyone. Plus, I can't do it for rights reasons. Of course you can. OK, Come On Eileen is going to be your song choice.

Anything else about Come On Eileen before it goes on the island? They're here to get you for Pick The Come On Eileen. Dexys Midnight Runners They had other good stuff Oh Gino The thing The actual back catalogue Is really good Yeah

But that's the song They're remembered for Yes And it's almost Undoing everything And I feel bad for them In that sense So I almost want to hate

Dexys Midnight Runners Yeah Just because of that one song Right It's unfair But No yeah Them because of that one song it's unfair but no yeah them's the breaks okay it's your island and you've picked common ireland as your song choice plus imagine all the all of the apprentice dancing around yes because they will have ties in abundance to put around their heads yeah nice i love this top button undone

yeah oh it's the even now top button undone rolling their trouser legs up as well yeah casual look yes nice thank you very much Tony and finally the island is overrun by the biggest dick

of all the animals which animal is it and why you're all gonna hate me I'm dreading this you're all gonna hate me you know where we are go on

dogs I don't care there's a room full of dog people read in this. You're all going to hate me. You know where we are. Go on. Dogs. I don't care. Just a room full of dog people. Yeah, I know. A room full of dog-loving Dexys Midnight Runner. I've said it before. Cocktail drinking, afternoon tea going, apprentice watching, James Bond loving.

Bing worshipping. My mum loving. I've already said this. You told these people where you've parked. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Dogs.

Yeah. Why dogs? Why not? People fucking love dogs. Yeah, I know. But people love... Come on, Eileen. It's true.

People are wrong. Okay. Why dogs? Dogs. I'm sorry. I'm sure most of you have got dogs. And you'll all do the same dog thing, going, oh, you can't hate all dogs.

Yes. You almost barked that out. It's an irony. And then they'll be, oh, but my dog's lovely. I don't care if your dog's lovely. In the same way that people go, I'm not going to go, oh, come and have a nôl yn hyfryd. Dwi ddim yn bwysig os yw'ch nôl yn hyfryd. Yn yr un ffordd mae pobl yn mynd, dwi ddim yn mynd i ddweud, o, cwm a chael edrych ar fy nôl.

Mae'n dda. Oherwydd dwi'n gwybod nad yw pobl yn hoffi blant. Ond dwi'n dweud, ie, chi ddim yn hoffi blant. Ni oes problem arall. Dwi ddim yn mynd, o, ond nid fy nôl. Oherwydd, yn debyg, mae fy nôl yn rhaid i chi ddim yn hoffi blant. Ie, iawn. Ac mae'r nôl ddim sydd â fwriadau.

Maen nhw'n dod, maen nhw'n snyffio. Dwi ddim yn cael fy snyffio. Yeah, I guess, yeah. And the dogs have got no boundaries. They come, they sniff. I'm not allowed to sniff. That's weird. What do you mean? You want to sniff other people's crotches and stuff. Not necessarily just crotches, anything at all. Dogs go straight for the crotch. Exactly, but it was just weird in itself. It's weird, yeah.

And everyone just goes, that's perfectly fine. Yeah, yeah. Dogs do that. Just getting to know you. Yeah, exactly. You know, it's not a formal introduction. I'm going to put,

I'm a 31-year-old man and I'm just going to put this out there and I'll never say this. I'm still a little bit afraid of dogs. Is that embarrassing? No, no, it's not.

If a big dog runs up to me, I'm a bit like, oh, fuck, what do I do? I'm 39 and I'll tell you the reason why I'm afraid of dogs and this will,

you guys will judge me now if you've not judged me already. Yeah, you're not welcome back in first. Yeah, I'm never coming back. There's going to be an effigy of me being burnt, isn't there? Yeah. A wicker man of you. Yeah, they're going to go,

oh, during that time we had that comedian and we burnt him. In the car park of a Tesco. We've got a good harvest that year. Yeah. This is why I'm scared of dogs and i'll caveat it with now when it sounds nonsense all right say it out loud but i was young right i was maybe about eight seven eight or something my family had dogs at the time as well just as a thing right now they had uh golden retrievers so normal sized dogs not little yappy things that need to be kicked over rainbows right um

if you can put a dog in a handbag that's not a dog that's yeah that's a set of keys so we had golden retrievers right and i was about eight or nine or something. And I had a dream, more of a nightmare, of an episode of John Craven's Newsround that had a report, a special report, about floating Labradors that set fire to old people while they slept. What is that? What is this?

Have we got any sort of psychologists in here uh who can interpret this dream for me because they're floated right they're floated across the room uh and then and even at the time when i was young i thought this was weird they would set fire with lighters to blankets and i knew they didn't have opposable thumbs yeah yeah yeah didn't understand how it happened but there there was little edith getting set alight. John Craven has to do a terrible report about it. This is at five o'clock. This is like during kids' tea time.

What? Traumatise them. And this is why you hate dogs. One of the reasons. It's definitely the major reason. I'm having this really weird moment. Is this happening in my life right now? I'm sat on a stage of you telling me that story.

Anyway, that is bizarre. Yeah, is that a good enough reason for why I hate dogs? Yes. Yeah, okay, take it. John Craven at the back. Thirst agrees. Okay, I'm going to be... People aren't going to like me here,

but dogs are awfully needy, aren't they? Yeah, yeah. Dogs, because the thing as well, right, is you're walking something out. You're taking it for walks. Fine, I get that. But then you've also got to go and pick its poo up. Yes. And you've

physically, it's bad enough changing a child's nappy. Yes. And you go, I created that. Fine. That's my problem now. You've probably bought that dog. Yeah. So you've paid to do that you've probably bought that dog yeah so you've paid to pick its shit up yeah

you're never welcome back here again and we've got and when we change babies we whip them straight in a little bag the bin tends to be here

yeah we don't have to carry a nappy full of shit with us for like a mile just swinging it around nonchalantly. Yeah. A mate of mine said what he really likes in the winter

when he takes his dog for a walk is he scoops up the poo and it's really cold and the poo's nice and warm and he carries it in his hand, keeps his hand warm. I know, I know. But hey, I'm sure that's a few people in this room as well. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. James Bond fan.

No. James Bond likes dogs there. And anything else about dogs before we put dogs on the island? Again, as you say, they are needy. They are needy. And also, you've said before about the idea that you can't have crossbreeding in animals. Yet in dogs, it's practically encouraged. Yes.

And it's not seen as odd. Taking a dog like that and a dog like that and go right you used to have a great time which i suppose now i say out loud probably makes sense you have a great time yeah go on go on have a great time a contractual agreement yeah do we have to do right i've paid that man there for this to happen you two do this which is really sinister innit like you just go like you're basically

finding a dog pimp to go can my dog have a go on your dog it's always a bloke on a farm yeah just with nothing

but miles around yeah he's stood in the middle of the field in his wellies just going here they come yeah

we've got a good one two blokes standing there while two dogs have sex do this often? Yeah. Okay. And how do you know you've got a good dog for breeding?

Yes. Well, someone tells you or something. I don't know. It's your job. Tony, I think there's other fantastic podcasts on here. And so I think I've got to wrap this up. Thank you so much for doing this you've been fantastic

can we get a round of applause for Tony hasn't he been brilliant oh that's a lovely round of applause isn't it fantastic you're brilliant after talking about everything they hate these people are going to go and watch some other brilliant

the killer rabbit podcast or another great podcast that's on here before they do that if people want to find you on social media and stuff after this, where can they find you? So it's at Tony Jameson

on Twitter and it's at Tony Jameson on Instagram, although that's mainly CrossFit. Just you doing CrossFit? Me doing CrossFit, yeah. Wouldn't you want to watch a video of this guy

doing CrossFit? A lot of videos of me lifting weights. And people can find out about if you're doing any stand-up gigs and stuff, they can find out on there. Yeah, stand- up stuff's all

tonyjameson.co.uk we should be putting a tour together for next year in the coming weeks or months so have a check on that for all the dates and stuff

and there's a little mailing list and the Football Manager Room by Life DVD is available through there as well so if you want to go and have a look at that pick that up

and I'll ping you a copy out in the post that's great and if you've enjoyed the podcast tonight maybe it's the first time that you's great. And if you've enjoyed the podcast tonight, maybe it's the first time that you've seen it, or if you've listened before, please do listen to the other episodes and subscribe online.

You can find it on Acast or iTunes and Spotify. And we're at Dick's Pod on Twitter. Thank you very much. You've been fantastic. Thank you. Cheers. Thank you very much. Cheers.

Thank you, man. It was lovely. Thank you, man. It was lovely. Thank you.